October 3, 2024 • 35 mins
At some stage in our 20s we'll have to make a life changing decision where the right choice is not at all clear: stay or leave my job, the country, my relationships? We can become paralysed in that moment, unable to take a step forward, not realising that doing nothing is, in itself, a decision. In today's episode we break down:
- Why we struggle to make hard decisions
- The paradox of choice
- Indecisiveness and a lack of self trust
- The 'Wisest Self' thought exercise
- The 10/10/10 rule for making hard decisions
- The role of regret and fear
Listen now if you're struggling with some hard choices in your 20s!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:27):
Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever
you are in the world, it is so great to
have you here. Back for another episode as we of
course break down the psychology of our twenties. It feels
like there are a trillion little decisions that we need
(00:48):
to make in our twenties. Some of them are nothing
short of life changing, and yet when we find ourselves
contemplating what path to take where we possibly want to
end up, it feels like we just simply have no idea.
We have no idea what career path to take, who
we want to be, where we want to live, who
(01:10):
we want to be with, what we want to change
in the next six months, let alone the next five years. Instead,
we get stuck in the space between where we are
and making a choice, mulling over all of our options
again and again and again until quite frankly, none of
them feel like the right fit. There is also this
(01:30):
big emphasis in our twenties on taking risks, making big,
big changes. But if you don't really know what you want,
how can you even possibly choose what direction to take
a risk in. I think a lot of us do
have a problem with having the courage to take a
chance on ourselves and to make those really really huge
(01:51):
decisions that are going to be life changing. That is
a problem of perhaps motivation, self doubt, courage. But what
if you kind of even choose in the first place.
What if it is almost impossible you have two equally
good options or equally bad options, or there's just really
no direction that seems to be calling you. Well, That
(02:13):
is what I want to talk about today. What do
we do when we are ready for a change, but
we just don't know how to get ourselves to the
place of making a choice. I'm feeling this very strong
pool towards a big life decision myself. I'm feeling a
big pool towards moving to evolving, to starting something new.
(02:36):
But the hardest thing for me to get over it,
at least, is just deciding making a choice between two, three,
four options that all contain a different path, a different life.
Those other kinds of hard decisions that I want us
to really discuss today the kinds of decisions where there
(02:57):
is not one clear answer, when we are seriously utterly
paralyzed with possibility. How is it that we move past
this phase of indecision? How do we tap into what
our subconscious is telling us that we really want. Because
I do believe that deep down we all know what
(03:19):
we want when we're faced with a hard decision. We
all know what is right to do, despite conflicting interest,
despite external factors, despite self doubt. I want to talk
about three exercises that we can use to really get
to the bottom of a dilemma when it comes to
hard decisions, and what role you know, fear and regret
(03:42):
plays in this situation. So, if you have been struggling
to make a big life changing choice in your twenties,
right now, I think you have come to the right place.
I'm very excited for this episode. I know it's something
that a lot of us encounter. I want to make
a change, I want to have I want to transform,
but how exactly do I do that? How do I
(04:04):
make a choice as to what direction to move in?
That is exactly what we are going to be addressing today.
So without further Ado, let us discuss the psychology and
some of the secrets around how to make hard decisions.
(04:24):
Each of us, at some stage in our twenties is
going to come to a fork in the road where
each road looks just as promising or just as difficult,
and we don't really know what to choose. The answer
is not immediately obvious or even obvious upon a second
or a third look, and for lack of a better word,
(04:46):
we just feel really, really stuck. We've asked everyone for advice,
everyone's telling us different things. Now it is time to
trust ourselves. But instead of trusting ourselves and going with
our gut, we don't make a decision at all. If
we're using the path analogy of two forks in the road,
we just stop walking altogether. We're unable to take a
(05:08):
step forward. What we don't always realize is that in
that moment delaying our decision, not making a choice at all,
that is actually a decision in itself, and it is
a much worse decision than actually choosing. The worst decision
is no decision. But we get really really caught up
in the minute, small details and possibilities of what could
(05:32):
come next. This is really what makes hard decisions differ
in my mind to our everyday or our medium or
our less significant decisions. They differ because of a few factors.
First of all, the stakes are naturally, really, really high.
There are so many seemingly formative decisions to make during
this period, during this decade of our lives, and it
(05:54):
feels like each one really sets us on a course
that we can't turn back from. Some big ones are
like what do I want to do as my career?
Where do I want to invest my time? Do I
want to invest in experiences? In education, in memories, in work.
Same goes for finances, Where do I want to put
my money? Where do I want to put my love?
(06:17):
All of these big dilemmas are really core to who
we are and the future that we imagine for ourselves,
So deciding on one option or between a bunch of
equally good options feels paralyzing because again, the stakes are
so high. Secondly, hard decisions usually have two or more
(06:38):
equally appealing outcomes, or two or more outcomes that kind
of weigh up the same in your mind. That means,
as we said before, it's not like the right choice
immediately stands out. It does require more careful consideration, and
that is exactly where we tend to get stuck in
the weeds. Finally, a hard decision contains a whole.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Lot of fear attached to it. Specifically, I think a
core fear of making the wrong choice, but with that
also a lot of secondary fears, like our fear of failure,
our fear of regret, our fear of disappointing others, our
fear of being judged, and our fear, wait for it,
(07:25):
of an unhappy life. What is a bigger fear than that? Really,
a fear of an unhappy life is at the root
of so many of our decisions and our dilemmas because
a we obviously don't want that to happen. But I
also feel like that in our twenties, we don't a lot,
you know, we place a lot of care and a
(07:47):
lot of our hope on some big, major decisions, and
we haven't really had the life experience yet to know
that it probably will and could go wrong but will
be okay anyways. Right, We haven't had those instances of
massive things collapsing and falling apart and realizing that we
still have time to undo them. So stripping it back
(08:10):
to the psychology. Besides some of the reasons given above,
why exactly is it that you and me both find
it very hard to make hard choices in our life? Well,
of course, the first idea we need to explore is
choice overload. You're probably familiar with this concept if you
listen to the show a Lot, but for a refresher,
(08:32):
choice overload is a psychological phenomenon where having too many
options can lead to feelings of anxiety, indecision, and eventually
it dissatisfaction with the choice that we make. So this
concept is also known as the paradox of choice. Love
that paradox of choice, and it suggests that we often
(08:53):
think that having more choices will make us happier and
lead to a better outcome because we have more freedom
to use, But actually too many options overwhelm us and
it makes it harder to make a decision or feel
content with the one that we eventually choose, because they
are like there was just so many what ifs. There
(09:14):
are so many more kind of places where our imagination
can take us as to what our life could have
been like. Think about choosing a grad job or any job,
even choosing a career path insert your own here. Nowadays,
so many of us, including myself, are so lucky that
(09:36):
we don't have to just simply do whatever our parents
did before us, as was the case with basically every
generation that's come before. We have a lot more freedom.
But having so many opportunities and being able to see
all these different lives that others are living online on
LinkedIn in, I don't know the paper, No one really
reads the paper anymore, magazines, maybe TikTok. Being able to
(09:59):
see all those different options does something to our brain,
and it overloads it because now there is just so
many more comparisons, so many more pros and cons cost
benefit analyzes that our brain has to do, and because
of that potential contained in each option, it feels like
(10:21):
none of them is ever going to leave us completely satisfied,
and we are haunted by the what ifs or the
what could have beens. So they did a study on
this specifically in twenty something year olds recently, or what
they called at the time emerging adults, and it found
that although this period of our life is characterized by
(10:42):
abundance and liberty and freedom and choice, more of us
are unhappy now with the path. Specifically, the career path
that we've chosen compared to previous generations, primarily because of
how many other better future is we are able to
imagine for ourselves nowadays. It's ironic, right, you know. Shouldn't
(11:06):
it make for a happier life? Isn't this what everyone
was working towards? Letting people have choice, letting people have freedom,
letting people have opportunity. Actually no, because that's not how
our brain works. Our brain actually has this natural instinct
called a loss aversion, whereby we tend to think over
(11:26):
and obsess on all our possibility for loss rather than
our gains. So in this example, we spend a lot
more time ruminating over the life that we could have had,
rather than being grateful for the one that did eventuate.
There is an amazing book that talks about this in
(11:47):
such a comforting and beautiful and gentle way, and it's
called The Midnight Library. This is a fiction book, so
it's not the usual self help or nonfiction that I recommend,
but it follows this war who gets the opportunity to
basically live out all her possible lives. She is someone
(12:08):
who is very overwhelmed by regret for where she is,
where she's at in her life currently, and she gets
to go back and see how life would have turned
out if at some point she'd chosen differently, if she
had become a professional swimmer, a scientist, a performing artist.
And what's so beautiful about this book is that it
(12:29):
basically shows that we spend so much time sometimes fantasizing
about what could have been, not realizing that nothing ever
turns out the way that we plan. It's an amazing read,
especially if you're someone who deals with a lot of
analysis paralysis. I think I just loaned it to my
(12:52):
friend Kate because it was so good, so I would
highly recommend. But you know, the paradox of choice is
why you find it hard to make decision. We also
tend to catastrophize more than we should, especially if you're
someone with an anxious mind. You're an overthinker, you're an overachiever,
you're a perfectionist. And what that means is that you know,
(13:14):
when we have to make a choice, when we have
to do something that's hard, we imagine that it's going
to turn out way way worse than it does. One
of the best mindset shifts that I've ever adopted ever,
is that When my brain is catastrophizing, it is doing
so to protect me, not to scare me, not to
(13:37):
make me fearful. It's not logical, it's just a suggestion.
It's just my brain trying to worry for me so
that I won't eventually come across the situation I'm not
prepared for. How I see it is that this instinct,
this mental experience, is testing me to see if I'm capable,
(14:00):
and just by acknowledging the potential worst case scenario but
choosing to proceed anyway, I am proving that I am
capable because I've acknowledged it and I've accepted it that
that is something that could happen. But I'm going to
go forward anyways. The other thing that I realize is that,
and this is something that's important. If you catastrophize a lot,
If you're faced with a bunch of decisions and you're like, well,
(14:22):
I fit choose this one, it's going to turn out
terribly if I you know what I mean, If you catastrophize,
I want you to remember, not all of your worst
case scenarios can possibly come true. It's so interesting. Our
brain often gives us like a million different situations that
could happen a million different equally terrible hypotheticals. They can't
(14:44):
all come true, and yet we're feeling the fear of
them all. You really have to be able to distinguish
in those moments between a fear based hypothetical and a
practical assumption that will help you. It's interesting because res
published in the Harvard Business Review I think last year
suggests that we tend to catastrophize because it is a
(15:07):
way to regain control in an uncertain world or in
an uncertain time by trying to predict as best as
we can what might come next. So you know, if
you're at a crossroads in your life, that is a
very uncertain time for you, but by catastrophizing kind of
makes it feel like you have a bit more control
than you do. But these doomsday scenarios in which we
(15:31):
lose everything, we fail miserably, we end up alone, we
ruin our life. It's really just our brain's limbic system
trying to alert us to any and all potential dangers,
including those that are literally never going to happen, because
you know, our brain is like, but what if they do?
(15:52):
What if the zero points zero zero zero, zero, zero
one percent occurs, well, at least I'll know I'll be
mentally prepared, or at least I'll think that I'm mentally prepared.
Our choice to catastrophize when it comes to hard decisions
it also isn't random, right, It's a learned behavior that
has its roots in anxiety and also in past trauma,
(16:15):
in perfectionist tendencies and our need for control. People who
have this tendency to catastrophize, we often put a lot
of pressure in ourselves to achieve an outcome that is
perfect or that is going to reflect very favorably on us,
and unconsciously, actually, it's not that we want the best outcome.
(16:38):
It's that we're terrified of an imperfect outcome. We're terrified
with how we're going to be able to cope at
some stage. What we've learnt as well is that thinking
about a decision and a problem repetitively without actually doing
anything is quite self soothing, because we feel like we're
doing something about a problem or situation by over analyzing
(17:02):
it without actually having to do anything. And that is
the real tricky thing to remember. You think you're doing something,
you think that you're helping yourself by doing all your
pros and cons list, you're actually not. It's become part
of our emotional toolkit. If we are feeling stressed or
overwhelmed by a decision, if we think about it for
(17:23):
as long as possible, when we come up with every alternative, well,
then of course there's no way that we're going to
get it wrong. It's interesting to me to consider this
as a offshoot of anxiety because we know that the
opposite of anxiety is actually trust. When we trust ourselves
enough to know that whatever happens we will be okay,
(17:43):
we can make those hard decisions quicker. We know that
we can trust ourselves that if we lose that relationship,
we're going to be okay. If that job is not
what we really wanted, we trust ourselves to be able
to find something better. If that does decision turns out
absolutely horrifically, terribly wrong, we trust ourselves that we will
(18:07):
make it work, and that is what gives us the
courage to really go after what we truly want. So
if you are struggling with making hard decisions, it's probably
because at some point that self trust was injured or damaged.
For me, I remember when my self trust was basically
you know, blown to smithereens. It was this one big
(18:31):
failure that I had when I was younger, and I
felt so judged and I could see that I'd done
something wrong, and it just made me feel like, you know,
I could never trust myself again because in that moment,
I believed that I was doing the right thing and
that wasn't true. You know, for others, your self trust
(18:53):
may be injured by excessive criticism or having a really
overbearing parent, boss, friend who corrects everything that you do.
And basically that external criticism is taken on board by
our inner critic and it's spoken back to us in
our own voice becomes self imposed trauma and betrayal as well.
(19:17):
That is something that really leaves you doubting your own
ability and capability. It also has this secondary influence on
self esteem as well. There's a really fascinating study that
was conducted in twenty eighteen and they got over one
hundred individuals to complete a self esteem and a self
(19:38):
trust scale basically saying how do you feel about yourself
and do you trust yourself? And then they got them
to basically participate in this experimental would you rather situation
where they were asked to choose between three scenarios, one
which was really really risky. You think the payoff although
(19:58):
the likelihood of the good option happening was twenty percent,
one which was somewhat risky that was around fifty percent,
and one that was completely it just wasn't a risk
at all. It was a certain outcome. The people who
had reported that they had poorer self esteem and that
they trusted themselves less, they would choose the sure option
(20:23):
almost every single time they were They literally would never
even consider taking the risk because they didn't trust themselves.
They didn't trust themselves that if the risky decision outcome
did happen, that they would be able to go on.
Even in the situations and the circumstances where the risky decision,
(20:49):
the one with the twenty thirty percent and the fifty
percent likelihood were going to provide them with much bigger payoffs,
they wouldn't do it. I think that that really applies
to real life as well, to everyday situations where you're
going to really struggle making a hard choice in your life,
and a hard decision if you don't trust that no
(21:13):
matter what happens, no matter the unknowns, You're still going
to be okay. One final reason that I found from
experience that we struggle making hard decisions during this decade
is because of a conflict or attention as well, between
passion and practicality. Feels like this generation is divided into
people who take career progression really seriously, who are very
(21:36):
financially stable and cautious and happy working their nine to
five and want that security, versus this other group of
people who are very committed to seeing there's seven wonders
of the modern world, to starting businesses and brands and
changing jobs and careers when they feel like it, putting
everything into their dream taking their time. Neither is better
(21:57):
or worse than the other. And some might say it's personality,
but I actually think, you know, each of us has
it in us to pursue the risky path and to
do and to make the decision to you know, not
necessarily follow our dreams, but to put everything on the line.
But there is this tension and a personal battle we
all face between what we're really passionate about and what
(22:22):
we know is practically necessary to have a successful life.
Who do we want to be, Which path do we
want to choose. That is the other reason that it's
hard to make big life choices are the going to
dictate where you're going to end up, because there are
these like two really big desires within us for two
very different different lives. So what I want to discuss
(22:45):
next is how to cut through the noise and really
tell what you want, really be able to determine what
path is right for you, and have the courage to
follow through whatever it may be. All of that and
more after this short break. When it comes to making
(23:06):
hard decisions, there are a couple of strategies that people
will kind of always throw your way, like, let me
think the classic ones are make a pro cons list,
talk to people you trust, do a cost benefit analysis.
These are very very useful, and I do think they'll
get you closer to a decision. But sometimes these decisions
(23:27):
aren't something that we can really be rational about. There's
something that we can't hear other people's opinions about. We
need to trust ourselves. Well, it is my belief that
deep down we all kind of know what we want
our desired outcome choice, dream life, dream choice. It's already
in us. It's just that it's shrouded in these clouds
(23:50):
in this mist of self doubt, of fear, of expectation,
of what's safe, what we think we should be doing.
Think about the decision to break up with a long
term partner. That's a very hard decision some of us face.
On the surface, you might think, you know, they are
such a good person, all of my friends like them.
(24:13):
It would be so hard to start dating again. I'm
scared I'll ever find anyone. But when you wigdhe through
all these fear based thoughts at your care, you know
what you want. You know what you want. That's why
you're trying to give yourself excuses, because you know that
once you decide, it's going to be really, really difficult.
(24:33):
In fact, I think if you're asking the question, some
part of you already has the answer. If you're asking yourself,
should I move overseas, you know I have the opportunity.
Should I do it? You already know the answer. Should
I quit my job and take this new opportunity, even
if it's a bit scary, you already know the answer.
In psychology, we often conceptualize this part of us as
(24:57):
the subconscious. It's the part of us that holds out
well purest emotions are purest desires needs. It's the most unadulterated, real,
true version of us. The subconscious knows, and that means
that you know, deep down you do. So how do
we tap into that? Well, the first exercise I want
(25:19):
you to try is what I call the wisest self scenario.
It's as it sounds. Imagine yourself in the future, ten
twenty thirty years down the line as the wisest version
of you and who you could become. Picture yourself having
lived through challenges, learn from mistakes, and gain just invaluable experience.
(25:43):
That future self has clarity, they have patience, they have
a deep understanding. You trust them, Remember you trust them. Now,
ask this version of you, what would you have me
do right now? What choice should I make? What's your advice?
By consulting your wisest self, you tap into a perspective
(26:05):
that really transcends the current emotions or pressures that are
clouding your decision making. This exercise allows you to kind
of step out of the present day stress and connect
with the version of you who you know doesn't have
anything to do with that right now, who doesn't really care.
A version of you who has lived through it. Knows
you'll survive and who can kind of come back and
(26:30):
tell you what you really need to do. And this
method works because of something called psychological distancing. You put
space between your emotions and the decision so that you
can identify what you really want. Another reason is that
you know. The reason it helps us make not only
a decision, but the right decision comes down to this
(26:50):
concept called future self continuity, and this basically says that
people who feel more connected to their future selves are
more likely to make decisions that benefit in long term wellbeing.
Visualizing yourself is a wiser version. It also promotes empathy
and kindness and love towards your current self, who's really
(27:12):
gone through it, who has really got a lot of
wild thoughts going on, And that enhances your self trust
because you kind of if you trust this future version
of yourself, you have to trust that right now you
you know, you are the foundation of that future wise
version of you. You're the one who's going to become them,
and so they cannot be wise without you making choices. Right,
(27:36):
Does that kind of make sense? Like they cannot be
they could not be as wise as they are if
you didn't trust yourself, right, now, and if you weren't
capable of getting to that point, if this isn't your
cup of tea, I totally get it. Another version of
this that I love, in which my own incredible therapist
introduced to me few years back, is the ten ten
ten rule. It's pretty simple. Say you have two three
(27:59):
decisions your content plating. Should I move to a new
city even though I don't know anyone, or should I
stay here where I'm comfortable. H I don't really know
what to do. Do I stay safe or do I
stretch out my comfort zone? I want you to ask yourself,
how are you going to feel about either decision in
ten days, in ten months, and ten years from now.
(28:21):
In ten days, when the initial anxiety has passed, What
do you think you'll feel in ten months? How much
do you think you will have grown in either environment?
In ten years? Could either of these decisions become a
regret for you? Will it be a turning point for you?
Will it be something that you look back on and say, Gosh,
(28:43):
I just wish that I gone with my gut and
done the hard thing and done the scary thing. Regret
like this kind of regret factors into decision making more
than we realize because we are kind of haunted by
this understanding that we can't go back. We can't go
back and change the decisions from our past. There is
(29:03):
no time machine, and that works both ways. We can't
go back and tell ourselves what we know now and
prevent a bad choice, but we also can't go back
and change our trajectory to a better course. How I
like to frame this is what is the risk of
trying compared to the risk of doing nothing. I'm just
going to say it one more time. What is the
(29:24):
risk of trying versus the risk of doing nothing? Often
we get stuck indecision out of fear of making the
wrong choice, But in reality, there is often a much
greater risk contained in staying stagnant and staying the same.
The risk of doing nothing can lead to missed opportunities,
(29:46):
can lead to regret and a lack of growth. The
risk of trying, even if it leads to failure, we'll
still bring about learning experiences, the possibility of success. When
we frame decisions this way, becomes clear that taking action,
no matter how uncertain, often outweighs the regret of never
(30:07):
knowing what could have been if you have a decision
that is bugging you, that is weighing heavily on your
mind and your heart. Please prioritize action over inaction every time,
as the saying goes, you want to feel the fear
and do it anyways. And I reflect on so many
examples of this in my own life and in my
own timeline. You know, the time I moved away from
(30:28):
university at seventeen, the time I quit my full time
job to do the podcast full time. The time I
moved to Sydney fresh out of a relationship, more lonely
than I've ever been, and I had so many doubts
and I was so terrified, and I did it anyways.
And you know what, things did go wrong. Things did
(30:49):
go wrong, and I was lonely, and I did struggle
and it was really, really hard. But there is not
a single day in any of those scenarios that I
would go back and tell myself. I tell my past self, no,
just sit tight, don't do anything here. This isn't your
time to make a change, because every single time, I'm
so glad that I did it. I'm so glad that
I chose action over inaction. On that note, I also
(31:11):
think we can benefit from reflecting on previous times where
you felt paralyzed and you've made a decision. Anyway, think
really hard about a decision that you've previously made and
all the catastrophes that your brain cooked up beforehand. You know,
when I moved to Sydney, I can distinctly remember worrying about,
Oh my god, what if I have to move back?
(31:34):
What if I never meet anyone? What if I run
out of money? That spiraled into you know, what if
I lose touch with all my friends? What if I
end up alone? And the ball just kept rolling and
rolling and rolling, and none of those things came true.
Our own experiences are our best teacher because we lived
(31:54):
through it. We have the evidence right there. And this
brings about such a crucial perspective to your choices. If
it's fear that is holding you back, remember that fear
is natural and a protective response, but it's also inaccurate.
And you have seen many times before the ways in
which fear may have kept you small, or fear was
(32:15):
trying to lie to you. Finally, and I promise I'll
wrap it up soon, but just I love talking about this,
and this is my final piece of advice. For the day,
I promise, And it might sound very counterintuitive to everything
that we've discussed so far, but I just want to say,
don't worry too much about the big decisions. Don't let
them get any bigger than they deserve. There are very
(32:38):
very few choices we can make in a single day
or on the spot that is irreparably going to alter
our life. You know, maybe like drunk driving, or like
doing something dangerous or criminal, that's one of them. But
you know, other huge, ginormous decisions. A lot of those
choices can be undone. We can find our way back,
we can always course correct. What's more valuable actually is
(33:02):
the small, everyday decisions that build our life kind of
stone by stone, brick by brick, our daily habits, our
small moments where it became it becomes easier, and where
we push ourselves and where we just stay curious to
what is possible. Our life is really made in the
small choices, and yet we spend so much time worrying
(33:24):
about the big things, often not focusing on the small
ways in which we have, you know, chosen to stay stagnant,
the small decisions that, on the other hand, completely alter
our life. So don't get too caught up in the
big things. Don't rush them either, But don't you know,
(33:45):
be spending weeks and months considering, because by the time
you might be ready, the opportunity could have passed. Remember
action over inaction. Remember to be able to identify when
you were catastrophizing and when it is a fear based
thought while rather than a practical thought. And above or else,
please trust yourself. Trust yourself. The root of indecision is
(34:10):
a lack of self trust, and you can counter that
by allowing yourself to make mistakes and allowing yourself to
just go with your gut instinct and affirming time and
time again, no matter what happens, I am going to
be okay, because that is the truth. I want to
thank you all for listening to today's episode. I know
(34:32):
that these decisions can feel excruciatingly large, but the fact
that you care enough about your future to be thinking
about it at all, it's a good sign that you're
going to be totally fine. You're going to make the
right choice, You're gonna be able to figure it out
whatever happens. If there is someone in your life who
you think needs to hear this episode, please send them
a link, make sure that you are following along for
(34:55):
future episodes, and if you would like to leave a
five star review, if you feel called to do so,
it would be greatly greatly appreciated. We read every single
one and it's just so amazing the community that we
are building. If you have a future suggestion, you can
send that to me on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast
(35:15):
just slide into the DMS. We do take a lot
of inspiration from you guys to listeners, so we would
love to hear from you and make sure that you
are following us over there. Until next time, Stay safe,
stay kind, be gentle to yourself. Make that hard decision.
You've got it. I know you can do it, and
we will talk very very soon.
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:27):
Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever
you are in the world, it is so great to
have you here. Back for another episode as we of
course break down the psychology of our twenties. It feels
like there are a trillion little decisions that we need
(00:48):
to make in our twenties. Some of them are nothing
short of life changing, and yet when we find ourselves
contemplating what path to take where we possibly want to
end up, it feels like we just simply have no idea.
We have no idea what career path to take, who
we want to be, where we want to live, who
(01:10):
we want to be with, what we want to change
in the next six months, let alone the next five years. Instead,
we get stuck in the space between where we are
and making a choice, mulling over all of our options
again and again and again until quite frankly, none of
them feel like the right fit. There is also this
(01:30):
big emphasis in our twenties on taking risks, making big,
big changes. But if you don't really know what you want,
how can you even possibly choose what direction to take
a risk in. I think a lot of us do
have a problem with having the courage to take a
chance on ourselves and to make those really really huge
(01:51):
decisions that are going to be life changing. That is
a problem of perhaps motivation, self doubt, courage. But what
if you kind of even choose in the first place.
What if it is almost impossible you have two equally
good options or equally bad options, or there's just really
no direction that seems to be calling you. Well, That
(02:13):
is what I want to talk about today. What do
we do when we are ready for a change, but
we just don't know how to get ourselves to the
place of making a choice. I'm feeling this very strong
pool towards a big life decision myself. I'm feeling a
big pool towards moving to evolving, to starting something new.
(02:36):
But the hardest thing for me to get over it,
at least, is just deciding making a choice between two, three,
four options that all contain a different path, a different life.
Those other kinds of hard decisions that I want us
to really discuss today the kinds of decisions where there
(02:57):
is not one clear answer, when we are seriously utterly
paralyzed with possibility. How is it that we move past
this phase of indecision? How do we tap into what
our subconscious is telling us that we really want. Because
I do believe that deep down we all know what
(03:19):
we want when we're faced with a hard decision. We
all know what is right to do, despite conflicting interest,
despite external factors, despite self doubt. I want to talk
about three exercises that we can use to really get
to the bottom of a dilemma when it comes to
hard decisions, and what role you know, fear and regret
(03:42):
plays in this situation. So, if you have been struggling
to make a big life changing choice in your twenties,
right now, I think you have come to the right place.
I'm very excited for this episode. I know it's something
that a lot of us encounter. I want to make
a change, I want to have I want to transform,
but how exactly do I do that? How do I
(04:04):
make a choice as to what direction to move in?
That is exactly what we are going to be addressing today.
So without further Ado, let us discuss the psychology and
some of the secrets around how to make hard decisions.
(04:24):
Each of us, at some stage in our twenties is
going to come to a fork in the road where
each road looks just as promising or just as difficult,
and we don't really know what to choose. The answer
is not immediately obvious or even obvious upon a second
or a third look, and for lack of a better word,
(04:46):
we just feel really, really stuck. We've asked everyone for advice,
everyone's telling us different things. Now it is time to
trust ourselves. But instead of trusting ourselves and going with
our gut, we don't make a decision at all. If
we're using the path analogy of two forks in the road,
we just stop walking altogether. We're unable to take a
(05:08):
step forward. What we don't always realize is that in
that moment delaying our decision, not making a choice at all,
that is actually a decision in itself, and it is
a much worse decision than actually choosing. The worst decision
is no decision. But we get really really caught up
in the minute, small details and possibilities of what could
(05:32):
come next. This is really what makes hard decisions differ
in my mind to our everyday or our medium or
our less significant decisions. They differ because of a few factors.
First of all, the stakes are naturally, really, really high.
There are so many seemingly formative decisions to make during
this period, during this decade of our lives, and it
(05:54):
feels like each one really sets us on a course
that we can't turn back from. Some big ones are
like what do I want to do as my career?
Where do I want to invest my time? Do I
want to invest in experiences? In education, in memories, in work.
Same goes for finances, Where do I want to put
my money? Where do I want to put my love?
(06:17):
All of these big dilemmas are really core to who
we are and the future that we imagine for ourselves,
So deciding on one option or between a bunch of
equally good options feels paralyzing because again, the stakes are
so high. Secondly, hard decisions usually have two or more
(06:38):
equally appealing outcomes, or two or more outcomes that kind
of weigh up the same in your mind. That means,
as we said before, it's not like the right choice
immediately stands out. It does require more careful consideration, and
that is exactly where we tend to get stuck in
the weeds. Finally, a hard decision contains a whole.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Lot of fear attached to it. Specifically, I think a
core fear of making the wrong choice, but with that
also a lot of secondary fears, like our fear of failure,
our fear of regret, our fear of disappointing others, our
fear of being judged, and our fear, wait for it,
(07:25):
of an unhappy life. What is a bigger fear than that? Really,
a fear of an unhappy life is at the root
of so many of our decisions and our dilemmas because
a we obviously don't want that to happen. But I
also feel like that in our twenties, we don't a lot,
you know, we place a lot of care and a
(07:47):
lot of our hope on some big, major decisions, and
we haven't really had the life experience yet to know
that it probably will and could go wrong but will
be okay anyways. Right, We haven't had those instances of
massive things collapsing and falling apart and realizing that we
still have time to undo them. So stripping it back
(08:10):
to the psychology. Besides some of the reasons given above,
why exactly is it that you and me both find
it very hard to make hard choices in our life? Well,
of course, the first idea we need to explore is
choice overload. You're probably familiar with this concept if you
listen to the show a Lot, but for a refresher,
(08:32):
choice overload is a psychological phenomenon where having too many
options can lead to feelings of anxiety, indecision, and eventually
it dissatisfaction with the choice that we make. So this
concept is also known as the paradox of choice. Love
that paradox of choice, and it suggests that we often
(08:53):
think that having more choices will make us happier and
lead to a better outcome because we have more freedom
to use, But actually too many options overwhelm us and
it makes it harder to make a decision or feel
content with the one that we eventually choose, because they
are like there was just so many what ifs. There
(09:14):
are so many more kind of places where our imagination
can take us as to what our life could have
been like. Think about choosing a grad job or any job,
even choosing a career path insert your own here. Nowadays,
so many of us, including myself, are so lucky that
(09:36):
we don't have to just simply do whatever our parents
did before us, as was the case with basically every
generation that's come before. We have a lot more freedom.
But having so many opportunities and being able to see
all these different lives that others are living online on
LinkedIn in, I don't know the paper, No one really
reads the paper anymore, magazines, maybe TikTok. Being able to
(09:59):
see all those different options does something to our brain,
and it overloads it because now there is just so
many more comparisons, so many more pros and cons cost
benefit analyzes that our brain has to do, and because
of that potential contained in each option, it feels like
(10:21):
none of them is ever going to leave us completely satisfied,
and we are haunted by the what ifs or the
what could have beens. So they did a study on
this specifically in twenty something year olds recently, or what
they called at the time emerging adults, and it found
that although this period of our life is characterized by
(10:42):
abundance and liberty and freedom and choice, more of us
are unhappy now with the path. Specifically, the career path
that we've chosen compared to previous generations, primarily because of
how many other better future is we are able to
imagine for ourselves nowadays. It's ironic, right, you know. Shouldn't
(11:06):
it make for a happier life? Isn't this what everyone
was working towards? Letting people have choice, letting people have freedom,
letting people have opportunity. Actually no, because that's not how
our brain works. Our brain actually has this natural instinct
called a loss aversion, whereby we tend to think over
(11:26):
and obsess on all our possibility for loss rather than
our gains. So in this example, we spend a lot
more time ruminating over the life that we could have had,
rather than being grateful for the one that did eventuate.
There is an amazing book that talks about this in
(11:47):
such a comforting and beautiful and gentle way, and it's
called The Midnight Library. This is a fiction book, so
it's not the usual self help or nonfiction that I recommend,
but it follows this war who gets the opportunity to
basically live out all her possible lives. She is someone
(12:08):
who is very overwhelmed by regret for where she is,
where she's at in her life currently, and she gets
to go back and see how life would have turned
out if at some point she'd chosen differently, if she
had become a professional swimmer, a scientist, a performing artist.
And what's so beautiful about this book is that it
(12:29):
basically shows that we spend so much time sometimes fantasizing
about what could have been, not realizing that nothing ever
turns out the way that we plan. It's an amazing read,
especially if you're someone who deals with a lot of
analysis paralysis. I think I just loaned it to my
(12:52):
friend Kate because it was so good, so I would
highly recommend. But you know, the paradox of choice is
why you find it hard to make decision. We also
tend to catastrophize more than we should, especially if you're
someone with an anxious mind. You're an overthinker, you're an overachiever,
you're a perfectionist. And what that means is that you know,
(13:14):
when we have to make a choice, when we have
to do something that's hard, we imagine that it's going
to turn out way way worse than it does. One
of the best mindset shifts that I've ever adopted ever,
is that When my brain is catastrophizing, it is doing
so to protect me, not to scare me, not to
(13:37):
make me fearful. It's not logical, it's just a suggestion.
It's just my brain trying to worry for me so
that I won't eventually come across the situation I'm not
prepared for. How I see it is that this instinct,
this mental experience, is testing me to see if I'm capable,
(14:00):
and just by acknowledging the potential worst case scenario but
choosing to proceed anyway, I am proving that I am
capable because I've acknowledged it and I've accepted it that
that is something that could happen. But I'm going to
go forward anyways. The other thing that I realize is that,
and this is something that's important. If you catastrophize a lot,
If you're faced with a bunch of decisions and you're like, well,
(14:22):
I fit choose this one, it's going to turn out
terribly if I you know what I mean, If you catastrophize,
I want you to remember, not all of your worst
case scenarios can possibly come true. It's so interesting. Our
brain often gives us like a million different situations that
could happen a million different equally terrible hypotheticals. They can't
(14:44):
all come true, and yet we're feeling the fear of
them all. You really have to be able to distinguish
in those moments between a fear based hypothetical and a
practical assumption that will help you. It's interesting because res
published in the Harvard Business Review I think last year
suggests that we tend to catastrophize because it is a
(15:07):
way to regain control in an uncertain world or in
an uncertain time by trying to predict as best as
we can what might come next. So you know, if
you're at a crossroads in your life, that is a
very uncertain time for you, but by catastrophizing kind of
makes it feel like you have a bit more control
than you do. But these doomsday scenarios in which we
(15:31):
lose everything, we fail miserably, we end up alone, we
ruin our life. It's really just our brain's limbic system
trying to alert us to any and all potential dangers,
including those that are literally never going to happen, because
you know, our brain is like, but what if they do?
(15:52):
What if the zero points zero zero zero, zero, zero
one percent occurs, well, at least I'll know I'll be
mentally prepared, or at least I'll think that I'm mentally prepared.
Our choice to catastrophize when it comes to hard decisions
it also isn't random, right, It's a learned behavior that
has its roots in anxiety and also in past trauma,
(16:15):
in perfectionist tendencies and our need for control. People who
have this tendency to catastrophize, we often put a lot
of pressure in ourselves to achieve an outcome that is
perfect or that is going to reflect very favorably on us,
and unconsciously, actually, it's not that we want the best outcome.
(16:38):
It's that we're terrified of an imperfect outcome. We're terrified
with how we're going to be able to cope at
some stage. What we've learnt as well is that thinking
about a decision and a problem repetitively without actually doing
anything is quite self soothing, because we feel like we're
doing something about a problem or situation by over analyzing
(17:02):
it without actually having to do anything. And that is
the real tricky thing to remember. You think you're doing something,
you think that you're helping yourself by doing all your
pros and cons list, you're actually not. It's become part
of our emotional toolkit. If we are feeling stressed or
overwhelmed by a decision, if we think about it for
(17:23):
as long as possible, when we come up with every alternative, well,
then of course there's no way that we're going to
get it wrong. It's interesting to me to consider this
as a offshoot of anxiety because we know that the
opposite of anxiety is actually trust. When we trust ourselves
enough to know that whatever happens we will be okay,
(17:43):
we can make those hard decisions quicker. We know that
we can trust ourselves that if we lose that relationship,
we're going to be okay. If that job is not
what we really wanted, we trust ourselves to be able
to find something better. If that does decision turns out
absolutely horrifically, terribly wrong, we trust ourselves that we will
(18:07):
make it work, and that is what gives us the
courage to really go after what we truly want. So
if you are struggling with making hard decisions, it's probably
because at some point that self trust was injured or damaged.
For me, I remember when my self trust was basically
you know, blown to smithereens. It was this one big
(18:31):
failure that I had when I was younger, and I
felt so judged and I could see that I'd done
something wrong, and it just made me feel like, you know,
I could never trust myself again because in that moment,
I believed that I was doing the right thing and
that wasn't true. You know, for others, your self trust
(18:53):
may be injured by excessive criticism or having a really
overbearing parent, boss, friend who corrects everything that you do.
And basically that external criticism is taken on board by
our inner critic and it's spoken back to us in
our own voice becomes self imposed trauma and betrayal as well.
(19:17):
That is something that really leaves you doubting your own
ability and capability. It also has this secondary influence on
self esteem as well. There's a really fascinating study that
was conducted in twenty eighteen and they got over one
hundred individuals to complete a self esteem and a self
(19:38):
trust scale basically saying how do you feel about yourself
and do you trust yourself? And then they got them
to basically participate in this experimental would you rather situation
where they were asked to choose between three scenarios, one
which was really really risky. You think the payoff although
(19:58):
the likelihood of the good option happening was twenty percent,
one which was somewhat risky that was around fifty percent,
and one that was completely it just wasn't a risk
at all. It was a certain outcome. The people who
had reported that they had poorer self esteem and that
they trusted themselves less, they would choose the sure option
(20:23):
almost every single time they were They literally would never
even consider taking the risk because they didn't trust themselves.
They didn't trust themselves that if the risky decision outcome
did happen, that they would be able to go on.
Even in the situations and the circumstances where the risky decision,
(20:49):
the one with the twenty thirty percent and the fifty
percent likelihood were going to provide them with much bigger payoffs,
they wouldn't do it. I think that that really applies
to real life as well, to everyday situations where you're
going to really struggle making a hard choice in your life,
and a hard decision if you don't trust that no
(21:13):
matter what happens, no matter the unknowns, You're still going
to be okay. One final reason that I found from
experience that we struggle making hard decisions during this decade
is because of a conflict or attention as well, between
passion and practicality. Feels like this generation is divided into
people who take career progression really seriously, who are very
(21:36):
financially stable and cautious and happy working their nine to
five and want that security, versus this other group of
people who are very committed to seeing there's seven wonders
of the modern world, to starting businesses and brands and
changing jobs and careers when they feel like it, putting
everything into their dream taking their time. Neither is better
(21:57):
or worse than the other. And some might say it's personality,
but I actually think, you know, each of us has
it in us to pursue the risky path and to
do and to make the decision to you know, not
necessarily follow our dreams, but to put everything on the line.
But there is this tension and a personal battle we
all face between what we're really passionate about and what
(22:22):
we know is practically necessary to have a successful life.
Who do we want to be, Which path do we
want to choose. That is the other reason that it's
hard to make big life choices are the going to
dictate where you're going to end up, because there are
these like two really big desires within us for two
very different different lives. So what I want to discuss
(22:45):
next is how to cut through the noise and really
tell what you want, really be able to determine what
path is right for you, and have the courage to
follow through whatever it may be. All of that and
more after this short break. When it comes to making
(23:06):
hard decisions, there are a couple of strategies that people
will kind of always throw your way, like, let me
think the classic ones are make a pro cons list,
talk to people you trust, do a cost benefit analysis.
These are very very useful, and I do think they'll
get you closer to a decision. But sometimes these decisions
(23:27):
aren't something that we can really be rational about. There's
something that we can't hear other people's opinions about. We
need to trust ourselves. Well, it is my belief that
deep down we all kind of know what we want
our desired outcome choice, dream life, dream choice. It's already
in us. It's just that it's shrouded in these clouds
(23:50):
in this mist of self doubt, of fear, of expectation,
of what's safe, what we think we should be doing.
Think about the decision to break up with a long
term partner. That's a very hard decision some of us face.
On the surface, you might think, you know, they are
such a good person, all of my friends like them.
(24:13):
It would be so hard to start dating again. I'm
scared I'll ever find anyone. But when you wigdhe through
all these fear based thoughts at your care, you know
what you want. You know what you want. That's why
you're trying to give yourself excuses, because you know that
once you decide, it's going to be really, really difficult.
(24:33):
In fact, I think if you're asking the question, some
part of you already has the answer. If you're asking yourself,
should I move overseas, you know I have the opportunity.
Should I do it? You already know the answer. Should
I quit my job and take this new opportunity, even
if it's a bit scary, you already know the answer.
In psychology, we often conceptualize this part of us as
(24:57):
the subconscious. It's the part of us that holds out
well purest emotions are purest desires needs. It's the most unadulterated, real,
true version of us. The subconscious knows, and that means
that you know, deep down you do. So how do
we tap into that? Well, the first exercise I want
(25:19):
you to try is what I call the wisest self scenario.
It's as it sounds. Imagine yourself in the future, ten
twenty thirty years down the line as the wisest version
of you and who you could become. Picture yourself having
lived through challenges, learn from mistakes, and gain just invaluable experience.
(25:43):
That future self has clarity, they have patience, they have
a deep understanding. You trust them, Remember you trust them. Now,
ask this version of you, what would you have me
do right now? What choice should I make? What's your advice?
By consulting your wisest self, you tap into a perspective
(26:05):
that really transcends the current emotions or pressures that are
clouding your decision making. This exercise allows you to kind
of step out of the present day stress and connect
with the version of you who you know doesn't have
anything to do with that right now, who doesn't really care.
A version of you who has lived through it. Knows
you'll survive and who can kind of come back and
(26:30):
tell you what you really need to do. And this
method works because of something called psychological distancing. You put
space between your emotions and the decision so that you
can identify what you really want. Another reason is that
you know. The reason it helps us make not only
a decision, but the right decision comes down to this
(26:50):
concept called future self continuity, and this basically says that
people who feel more connected to their future selves are
more likely to make decisions that benefit in long term wellbeing.
Visualizing yourself is a wiser version. It also promotes empathy
and kindness and love towards your current self, who's really
(27:12):
gone through it, who has really got a lot of
wild thoughts going on, And that enhances your self trust
because you kind of if you trust this future version
of yourself, you have to trust that right now you
you know, you are the foundation of that future wise
version of you. You're the one who's going to become them,
and so they cannot be wise without you making choices. Right,
(27:36):
Does that kind of make sense? Like they cannot be
they could not be as wise as they are if
you didn't trust yourself, right, now, and if you weren't
capable of getting to that point, if this isn't your
cup of tea, I totally get it. Another version of
this that I love, in which my own incredible therapist
introduced to me few years back, is the ten ten
ten rule. It's pretty simple. Say you have two three
(27:59):
decisions your content plating. Should I move to a new
city even though I don't know anyone, or should I
stay here where I'm comfortable. H I don't really know
what to do. Do I stay safe or do I
stretch out my comfort zone? I want you to ask yourself,
how are you going to feel about either decision in
ten days, in ten months, and ten years from now.
(28:21):
In ten days, when the initial anxiety has passed, What
do you think you'll feel in ten months? How much
do you think you will have grown in either environment?
In ten years? Could either of these decisions become a
regret for you? Will it be a turning point for you?
Will it be something that you look back on and say, Gosh,
(28:43):
I just wish that I gone with my gut and
done the hard thing and done the scary thing. Regret
like this kind of regret factors into decision making more
than we realize because we are kind of haunted by
this understanding that we can't go back. We can't go
back and change the decisions from our past. There is
(29:03):
no time machine, and that works both ways. We can't
go back and tell ourselves what we know now and
prevent a bad choice, but we also can't go back
and change our trajectory to a better course. How I
like to frame this is what is the risk of
trying compared to the risk of doing nothing. I'm just
going to say it one more time. What is the
(29:24):
risk of trying versus the risk of doing nothing? Often
we get stuck indecision out of fear of making the
wrong choice, But in reality, there is often a much
greater risk contained in staying stagnant and staying the same.
The risk of doing nothing can lead to missed opportunities,
(29:46):
can lead to regret and a lack of growth. The
risk of trying, even if it leads to failure, we'll
still bring about learning experiences, the possibility of success. When
we frame decisions this way, becomes clear that taking action,
no matter how uncertain, often outweighs the regret of never
(30:07):
knowing what could have been if you have a decision
that is bugging you, that is weighing heavily on your
mind and your heart. Please prioritize action over inaction every time,
as the saying goes, you want to feel the fear
and do it anyways. And I reflect on so many
examples of this in my own life and in my
own timeline. You know, the time I moved away from
(30:28):
university at seventeen, the time I quit my full time
job to do the podcast full time. The time I
moved to Sydney fresh out of a relationship, more lonely
than I've ever been, and I had so many doubts
and I was so terrified, and I did it anyways.
And you know what, things did go wrong. Things did
(30:49):
go wrong, and I was lonely, and I did struggle
and it was really, really hard. But there is not
a single day in any of those scenarios that I
would go back and tell myself. I tell my past self, no,
just sit tight, don't do anything here. This isn't your
time to make a change, because every single time, I'm
so glad that I did it. I'm so glad that
I chose action over inaction. On that note, I also
(31:11):
think we can benefit from reflecting on previous times where
you felt paralyzed and you've made a decision. Anyway, think
really hard about a decision that you've previously made and
all the catastrophes that your brain cooked up beforehand. You know,
when I moved to Sydney, I can distinctly remember worrying about,
Oh my god, what if I have to move back?
(31:34):
What if I never meet anyone? What if I run
out of money? That spiraled into you know, what if
I lose touch with all my friends? What if I
end up alone? And the ball just kept rolling and
rolling and rolling, and none of those things came true.
Our own experiences are our best teacher because we lived
(31:54):
through it. We have the evidence right there. And this
brings about such a crucial perspective to your choices. If
it's fear that is holding you back, remember that fear
is natural and a protective response, but it's also inaccurate.
And you have seen many times before the ways in
which fear may have kept you small, or fear was
(32:15):
trying to lie to you. Finally, and I promise I'll
wrap it up soon, but just I love talking about this,
and this is my final piece of advice. For the day,
I promise, And it might sound very counterintuitive to everything
that we've discussed so far, but I just want to say,
don't worry too much about the big decisions. Don't let
them get any bigger than they deserve. There are very
(32:38):
very few choices we can make in a single day
or on the spot that is irreparably going to alter
our life. You know, maybe like drunk driving, or like
doing something dangerous or criminal, that's one of them. But
you know, other huge, ginormous decisions. A lot of those
choices can be undone. We can find our way back,
we can always course correct. What's more valuable actually is
(33:02):
the small, everyday decisions that build our life kind of
stone by stone, brick by brick, our daily habits, our
small moments where it became it becomes easier, and where
we push ourselves and where we just stay curious to
what is possible. Our life is really made in the
small choices, and yet we spend so much time worrying
(33:24):
about the big things, often not focusing on the small
ways in which we have, you know, chosen to stay stagnant,
the small decisions that, on the other hand, completely alter
our life. So don't get too caught up in the
big things. Don't rush them either, But don't you know,
(33:45):
be spending weeks and months considering, because by the time
you might be ready, the opportunity could have passed. Remember
action over inaction. Remember to be able to identify when
you were catastrophizing and when it is a fear based
thought while rather than a practical thought. And above or else,
please trust yourself. Trust yourself. The root of indecision is
(34:10):
a lack of self trust, and you can counter that
by allowing yourself to make mistakes and allowing yourself to
just go with your gut instinct and affirming time and
time again, no matter what happens, I am going to
be okay, because that is the truth. I want to
thank you all for listening to today's episode. I know
(34:32):
that these decisions can feel excruciatingly large, but the fact
that you care enough about your future to be thinking
about it at all, it's a good sign that you're
going to be totally fine. You're going to make the
right choice, You're gonna be able to figure it out
whatever happens. If there is someone in your life who
you think needs to hear this episode, please send them
a link, make sure that you are following along for
(34:55):
future episodes, and if you would like to leave a
five star review, if you feel called to do so,
it would be greatly greatly appreciated. We read every single
one and it's just so amazing the community that we
are building. If you have a future suggestion, you can
send that to me on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast
(35:15):
just slide into the DMS. We do take a lot
of inspiration from you guys to listeners, so we would
love to hear from you and make sure that you
are following us over there. Until next time, Stay safe,
stay kind, be gentle to yourself. Make that hard decision.
You've got it. I know you can do it, and
we will talk very very soon.
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
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