November 14, 2024 • 41 mins
Solo travelling is something that we romanticise a lot in our 20s and is a big thing on many of our bucket lists. It can be such a transformative experience, it allows you to listen to your intuition better, explore the places you've always dreamed about without waiting for others and builds a unique kind of confidence. In today's episode, we break down the psychology of solo travelling, including:
- What personality traits make a good solo traveller
- Why are we so drawn to solo travelling
- The 4 major psychological benefits of solo travelling in our 20s
- The most common challenges we face when solo travelling
- How to overcome those challenges
- The post solo travelling hangover and much more
Listen now!
PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here.
Back for another episode as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. What is a more glamorous
in like a uniquely non glamorous way. What is a
(00:23):
more quintessential, chaotic but wonderful twenty something experience than solo
traveling packing everything up for a few weeks, maybe a
few months a year and just exploring the world by yourself,
backpacking across Europe, going to Bali for a month to
do yoga, catching like a last minute train to the
(00:44):
other side of the country, or a flight to the
other side of the world, to find yourself, to find memories,
to test yourself. Solo traveling just feels like this really
important thing that we need to do in our twenties,
almost like a rite of passage. I would say I
will make it some of the most incredible, independent, self
assured twenty something year olds, and I can just tell
(01:07):
they have solo traveled. I can just tell that they
know exactly who they are more than most of us
because they have had this very unique important experience of
having to truly trust themselves, of knowing that there is
no one else in that moment who can make a
decision for them, who can be their constant company, who
(01:27):
can help them in certain situations. It is this like
entirely self directed and at times scary situation that is
also equally magnificent. And I've heard from so many of
you are wonderful listeners who basically credit solo traveling with
transforming their identity and their personality during this decade, especially
(01:51):
at very pivotal points, you know, post breakup, post graduation
between jobs. A lot more of us are using travel
and doing it on our own to really be this
experience that brings us into a new chapter of our lives.
And it's just absolutely remarkable. I'm such a big advocate
(02:12):
for doing this. You know, when I was twenty, I
solo traveled to Europe from Australia and just spent hours
walking around to different sites and churches and getting lost.
I actually remember back then, I had like an iPhone
ten or like an iPhone eleven, and I didn't want
to pay for a data plan, so when I was
(02:32):
at my hostel with Wi Fi, I would literally point
my phone in the direction that I would want to go,
and I kid you not, I would be like, okay,
where is the sun right now? Is the sun behind me?
Like when I'm pointing in this direction, is the sun
to my left, to my right? As long as the
sun remains in that position, I can just keep walking
in that like in that way, and I'll find myself
(02:54):
getting there. And of course, you know, I would get lost.
I would never really know where I was going to
be completely honest, until I stumbled into a McDonald's with
Wi Fi. But it was just such a beautiful experience
and I really learned to be confident and self directed.
I watched the sunrise in Amsterdam, I had dinner with strangers.
(03:16):
I got a tattoo, and then I got another one.
And those are the kinds of memories that you tell
your children or you tell your friends in the nursing home.
They are the ones that form the foundation for our life.
One big misconception that I really want to address is
that solo traveling does have to be this huge, multi week,
multi month, multilocation expensive trip. And I don't think it
(03:40):
has to be. It can be as simple as a
weekend away by yourself, or a camping trip just to
you know, two hours away. That is something that I
also have loved doing, you know, packing up my tent
in my car and just spending three days alone by
myself to clear my mind. My cousin was recently texting me,
like a couple of days ago actually about a solo
(04:02):
camping trip that she did only two hours away from
home for only like forty eight hours, and even in
that short span of time, she was like, this is amazing.
I feel so liberated. I feel so free. I just
think there are so many other ways to experience the
joy and the gift that solo traveling has without breaking
the bank, without feeling you know, really really out of
(04:25):
your comfort zone to begin with. It's definitely something that
needs to be I think talked about more. Instead of
this glamorous, luxurious, often expensive ride of passage, you can
literally do it in your own neighborhood. And I think people,
because of that, but also just because of the wider
accessibility of travel, are really picking it up, especially post
(04:48):
COVID as well. I think a lot of us are
not so keen to wait until someone else is ready
to do the things we want to do. A lot
of us are. I have realized that if you wait
and you wait, and you wait until the time is right,
until you have company, you know, a pandemic could begin.
Things can get in the way, and you're going to
miss the opportunity. There was actually a forty two percent
(05:10):
increase in people taking solo trips over the past two years,
and you know now solo travelers according to this really
amazing research done by Solo Travel Statistics, Because of course
there are people who are measuring this, solo travelers make
up eleven percent of the overall total market, and eighty
(05:31):
four percent of those solo travelers are women. So it's
likely that if you go out looking for adventure in
a foreign country or you know, just up the coast,
you will find other people similar to you, doing the
same thing, looking for something, wanting it to be self directed,
no longer wanting to wait until someone else will raise
(05:51):
their hand and say, yeah, okay, I'll come with you.
So today I want to talk about this increasingly common experience,
the psychology of solo traveling, and how uniquely beneficial it
can be to us during our twenties. There will definitely
be hard times, there will be lonely times, but we
also get to experience this freedom, We get to experience
(06:14):
this unique sense of I don't know what the right
word is, liberation, transformation. I think it's only when you're
in those moments and you're experiencing it that you almost
become addicted to the sensation, and it seems like a
lot of us are. I also want to talk about
some of the unique challenges that you might encounter, but psychologically,
(06:36):
how to overcome them, and what happens when we return home,
what happens when the solo traveler is called back off
the road. There is so much to discuss in this
topic is so much deeper than you can imagine. So
without further ado, let us get into the psychology of
(06:57):
solo traveling. A lot of us feel deeply drawn to
solo travels, specifically, I think because of how sacred it feels,
and that's how I would describe it. There is, as
I said before, almost a rite of passage feeling that
is attached to this equally scary but ultimately rewarding experience.
(07:22):
How often in our lives do we actually ever get
the opportunity to be truly alone, to be truly dependent
on ourselves for everything. You know, how often are we
actually able to call most of the shots in our life?
Most of us, myself included, I would say we are
constantly surrounded by friends, family, loved ones, colleagues, and we
(07:46):
also are in a very comfortable environment that is familiar
and that is really easy to navigate. But solo travel
really throws all of that up in the air. Firstly,
you're in a place that you don't necessarily know when
you solo travel, then you remove your support network. Then
you might add in you know, a language that you
(08:06):
don't speak. But also with that there is an excitement.
There is this unlimited possibility of what's tomorrow going to bring?
What am I going to choose to do? It's novel,
it's scary, and when was the last time that you
actually felt that way in your current routine? So what
is it about solo traveling that is so alluring other
(08:27):
than what I have just described. Well, there was a
twenty fifteen report from the International Journal for Tourism Research
that looked into this. It wanted to know why people
suddenly so drawn to this experience, and what it found
was that the majority of solo travelers are motivated by
one of the following things. They are motivated by the
(08:49):
need for a feeling of freedom, by a desire to escape,
or a desire to find themselves. So feelings of freedom,
a desire to escape, or a desire to find out ourselves,
which honestly all sound like pretty much the same thing
wrapped into one. There was another study from twenty twenty
one that found something very very similar. When this researcher
(09:11):
interviewed a number of people who were solo travelers who
had solo traveled in the past year or two, what
they said motivated them was very similar. But besides those
previous inspirational motivational actions, besides those previous intentions, they also
said that it was the flexibility. It was the promise
(09:34):
of a transformative experience and this anticipated self discovery that
was really really motivating. So maybe you can relate to
that with your own solo travel ambitions. We are seeking
out the promise of knowing ourselves better. And this is
particularly influential after you've just been through something really tough
(09:57):
or life changing, like a breakup for example, or you've
just been made redundant, or you've graduated, you are i
think particularly poised for growth at that moment, and travel
really really brings that out. I think that it's actually
really important to do after one of those moments. You
(10:18):
can't just go back to, you know, living in everyday life.
After you graduate, you know that normalcy is gone. After
your breakup, after you've been made redundant, everything about your
current everyday reality has shifted. And I think giving yourself
time to go and solo travel through that allows you
to kind of jump into the next chapter of whatever
(10:40):
life is going to bring you, being more confident, being
more self assured, genuinely just knowing what you want and
knowing how to speak about that, knowing how to say that.
Some of us do have more of a propensity for
solo travel than others, and it's actually influenced by this
personality trait called an openness to experience. I don't think
(11:02):
that's a surprise, but you might be familiar with this trait.
It's one of the big five personality traits. And if
you are someone who measures high on this characteristic, on
this openness to experience, you are typically more curious, You
are more independent, adaptable, willing to try new ideas, new values,
new emotions, new experiences, and you are more adventurous. So
(11:27):
this openness to experience combined with something that we call
high self efficacy, which basically refers to our belief in
our ability to influence our reality and to influence the
outcomes that we would like. Those two things essentially allow
us to really trust in our agency, but also to
feel quite passionate about having these experiences, and it makes
(11:51):
for the ideal solo traveler. I will say the final
big reason I personally like solo traveling that isn't related
to find yourself, That isn't related to an openness to experience,
And it might sound selfish, but it's basically just that
you don't have to consider other people in your plans.
And if you are someone who is very hyper independent,
(12:12):
maybe even impatient, like I am at times, that can
be such a big factor in what is influencing us
to solo travel. I am already someone who finds travel
to be kind of anxiety inducing. You know. I have fun,
I love it once I get there, but I do
find like I do need to go at my own pace,
(12:33):
my own speed. I want to see things that other
people might not, and sometimes I like to go back
to the same places I'm a very particular kind of traveler,
and I appreciate that I'm also quite indulgent, and that
might be like indulgent with my time, like I want
to go slow. I want to just really bask and
the experiences. And that's probably annoying for people to travel with,
(12:56):
but it also means that people who travel differently to me.
I find it kind of frustrating sometimes having to compromise
for something that is so uniquely like traveling is a
selfish experience. It is a self driven experience. You know,
you've already spent all this money to get somewhere at
least coming from Australia. If I want to go to
Europe or Africa or North America, it's going to take
(13:18):
me at least fifteen or twenty four hours, and it's
going to cost me a lot of money. So once
I get there, it's kind of like, I don't want
to have to consult a group of friends or every
single member of my family anytime I want to eat
or book accommodation or spontaneously change my plans. And I
(13:39):
think that's really sometimes another really valuable thing to consider,
like this, if this is such a personal and I
don't know. I know, I said selfish, but personal experience
sometimes you don't want to share it with someone else.
This actually brings up a memory I have not even
a memory. Basically, when I was fifteen, I went to
New York with my family for Christmas because my mum
(14:02):
is American and we were kind of visiting some of
her family as well. And I was a very avid
journaler at the time. I had I wrote a journal
entry every single night. And recently I was looking back
through my old journals from that time because I was
just doing some reminiscing with my book being announced, and
I found an entry from that time and it said,
(14:23):
in all caps quote, you do not like traveling with
other people. Do not do this again when you become
an adult. Do not travel with other people. And I
just had to laugh about it. I was like, that
is so funny that fifteen year old Gemma already kind
of knew what was up. I showed it to my
boyfriend and he was like, yeah, absolutely, Like even when
(14:44):
we traveled together, I need my days to just go
and do my own thing. Same with when I travel
with my friends. It's not like I don't like doing it,
but I definitely need that solo space within that And
this really brings me to my first major point as
to why solo traveling is so valuable to do during
your twenties, and it's that it makes you confident in
(15:05):
your own choices and it really ensures that you get
to prioritize the experiences that you want to have. If
you are someone who is, for example, you know, maybe
a people pleaser, that experience of getting to prioritize what
you want to do can be so liberating. Sometimes it's
like one of the first times that we've ever been
(15:26):
allowed to just and we have ever given ourselves permission,
I guess, to just do what best suits us without
having to carry the burden of thinking about other people's preferences.
It can almost bring you to tears sometimes, you know,
getting to eat lunch when you want, watching the sunset
on a random day because you want to. It's like
(15:48):
the weight of always considering what would make other people
happy and having to juggle all of their contradictory preferences
is gone. The burden is really lifted, and I think
you'll be surprised to see how much your relationship with
yourself improves as a result. Of this. Suddenly you really
(16:09):
learned to listen to yourself. You know what it feels
like to just have it your way, and that feels
really fucking good. I think that is why women especially
find a lot of freedom and solo travel, especially if
you were an eldest daughter, or came from a large family,
or felt a lot of expectations from your parents when
you were younger. Solo traveling is this unique space where
(16:32):
you are actually rewarded for knowing what you want and
doing it. And isn't that so contradictory to the childhood
environments and the teenage environments that we were raised in.
In fact, you know, to bring another psychology study into
the mix, because we can never have too many. There
was a paper from twenty twenty three so last year
(16:53):
that found that traveling alone means you actually experience the
sensations and the moments of your trip more deeply because
you are less distracted by a second person. You actually
have the chance to meet new people, chat to new people,
pay attention to the small things you know as you
(17:15):
walk the streets. You are naturally more aware, both from
a safety perspective, but I think that with that awareness,
it brings more moments of noticing, and that in itself
the necessity of being more aware of your surroundings. It
really promotes being present, which is really fantastic for the
(17:36):
emotional and mental experience that we get from traveling. We
also know that this experience really allows you to prove
to yourself that you can do hard things, things that
you never really imagined yourself doing. Let me tell you
a story about how I had this very experience, this
very realization that I was a lot tougher and smarter
(17:59):
than I thought I was because of solo traveling. So
one UNI break, I was traveling somewhere and I can't
even remember specifically where I was traveling too, because I
was coming back. I was returning home to Australia, and
I had booked, of course, you know, the cheapest flight possible.
I remember it was like eight hundred dollars return I
(18:21):
think to Amsterdam. Actually I was going through Amsterdam to
Europe and some other places, so eight hundred dollars return
from Sydney to Amsterdam and then back. And you have
to remember this is firstly Australian dollars, so a lot
cheaper than like the US dollar or like pounds or
euros or whatever, very very cheap at the time for
(18:42):
a twenty four hour trip, Like that's how long the
flight took. Anyways, the catch of this cheap flight was
that I had to spend fifteen hours in Taiwan overnight,
and at this point I had completely run out of
money on my international card. I only had one fifty
dollars a Maria can bill in my shoe, like a
(19:02):
fifty dollar American note that my mom was like, always
keep this in the bottom of your shoe just in case.
Thank you, Mom for reminding me to do that. Well,
so I'd stayed in this I was staying in this
small three room hotel. I couldn't stay in the airport
for whatever reason, I had to leave the airport. So
I was staying in this three room hotel motel thing,
(19:25):
and I'd paid for it before at the start of
my trip. Did not think about the fact that I
would need to get a taxi to the airport and
that I would need to eat dinner. You know, this
was a fifteen hour layover and I didn't have any money.
So I remember like sneaking into there was a wedding banquet,
like someone was getting married. There were so many people
(19:46):
there and they had this huge array of food, and
I was like, Okay, I'm just going to sneak in,
and you know, they're just going to think, like this
random white girl is here, like who invited her? But
no one's gonna question it. I'm just going to eat
some food and sneak out, And luckily that worked. I
honestly think that they kind of knew and they probably
just felt really sorry for me. And then came the
(20:08):
moment when I needed to get a taxi. I had
to get a taxi to the airport, and I was
kind of panicking, and I'd gotten the front desk to
call me a local taxi, had no idea how much
it was going to be. Had this fifty dollar note.
He drops me off at the airport and I just
give him the fifty dollars American note, no idea if
(20:29):
it's more less right on, you know, if he's even
going to accept it, And he kind of just looked
at me and he just was like okay, and just
took the note, and I got my bag out of
the back and he drove off, and it was just
the biggest sense of like relief and accomplishment that was like, okay,
like I did that hard thing. I also didn't have
(20:50):
any internet, I had no money, I just had myself.
I couldn't call anyone. I didn't know anyone in Taiwan.
It was equally scary but also the most powering thing
to just realize that, oh wow, I'm an adult in
this situation and I figured it out, and I've never
felt so alone but also so self sufficient, and that
(21:11):
it's that it's those experiences that we are all bound
to have when solo traveling that are going to give
you lifelong skills such as problem solving, such as decision making.
I often think a lot of us get worried about
solo traveling, that we're going to have this gap in
our resume. If I was an employer and I saw
that someone in their twenties had done this huge solo
(21:33):
traveling trip or took time off to go and explore
by themselves, they are honestly going to be at the
top of my list to hire. Because there's just so
many skills that you cannot teach that a workplace won't teach,
that a university won't teach. And I think life is
(21:53):
more about just having professional experiences and also about having
life experience. Those are the people who are the best
to work with, the most interesting, often the most driven.
So if you ever worry like I've taken all this
time off to solo travel, everyone else is further ahead
than me. Everyone else, those people you're comparing yourself to
(22:15):
are most likely looking at you and being like, wow,
I wish that I'd actually taken time to explore and
to know myself. This is why I also think that
solo traveling continues to be important even when you are
in a relationship, even when you have a long term
monogamous partner. Of course, you know you want to have
(22:36):
those moments and experiences and memories with them, you want
to travel with them. But if you are in your
twenties and you really want to go somewhere, there is
a place on your bucket list that you've always wanted
to visit, you have the means, you have, the time,
you have the opportunity. You shouldn't feel like you need
to wait until someone else is ready to go with you.
(22:57):
You can go alone. You can do it alone. You
are not suddenly a paired item with this person. No
matter what, especially like not to be a cynic, but
that relationship could not work. Something could happen tomorrow. You
guys could break up next month or in the next two, three,
(23:19):
five years, and when you two are no longer together
and the opportunity to travel has passed, there is going
to be this what if sensation, this what if surrounding
the memories you could have made, the skills you could
have built, the things you could have you could have seen.
And I think that, you know, a relationship is important,
(23:40):
and we do care about someone, it doesn't mean that
we need to give up all of our solo experiences
and only do it with them. So hopefully I've made
an argument for continuing to do this, you know, maintaining
your independence through solo traveling when you're in a relationship,
it really ensures that your self concept this like overall
watching fundamental idea of who you are, that that remains very,
(24:04):
very strong. So this is a really glamorous idea of
solo traveling that we've painted so far, one of adventure,
of self discovery, of once in a lifetime moments, but
there are also hard moments, moments of doubt and loneliness,
and I think that's worth discussing. I think it would
be remiss of me to just paint this picture of
sunshine and rainbows and self discovery. There will be hard
(24:27):
times that we inevitably encounter, but we also have a
lot of really deeply seated psychological tools to help us
get through them. So we're going to talk about that
and so much more, along with what happens when we
return home. What is post solo travel shock, all of
that after this short break. Doing anything alone can be tough,
(24:55):
even when it has its perks. You know, people who
solo travel a lot in their twenties, they will most
likely tell you how rewarding it is. But if you
dig a little deeper, some of the other things they
may tell you to essentially be prepared for is the loneliness,
the decision fatigue, the exhaustion, the fear of the unknown,
maybe safety concerns, wanting to come home early, and also
(25:19):
I think the pressure for personal growth. You feel like,
if you're solo traveling, you can't just have a normal trip.
There has to be some greater personal development goal that
you are striving towards, some epiphany that needs to be
had before you return home so that you can come
home a changed person. So doesn't sound like a challenge,
(25:42):
but I think it kind of is because it influences
the mindset that we bring into the trip. Let's walk
through some of these challenges and how to feel more
confident addressing them. Something that has always been comforting to
me is that there have been thousands of people before
me in this exact experience who have experienced the same sensations,
(26:06):
the same anxieties and worries, and they've pushed through They've
always come back with more good stories than bad. And also,
you know, the best place to grow is right when
you start feeling a little bit uncomfortable. You don't need
to be so insanely uncomfortable that you want to leave,
but a bit of discomfort that's really stretching you as
(26:27):
a person, and with that stretch you grow. You know,
without tension, without friction, nothing will ever challenge you. So
I think the biggest thing that we are going to
confront that will challenge us is loneliness. Without the companionship
of friends or family. I think we feel quite isolated,
especially in an unfamiliar environment, when we don't even have
(26:48):
those kind of small creature comforts. There are definitely many
times when you think it would be really nice to
share this with someone, or you go to sleep at
the end of the day and you realize, like, huh,
I haven't actually said a word to anyone else this
entire day, and it feels definitely very odd. But the
loneliness can also be a really sacred and special element
(27:11):
of this experience. For one, it's definitely the price you
pay for more freedom. But additionally, you know, you get
to really zone in on your inner world. There was
a study done that assessed the importance of having this
kind of alone time, not just when traveling but in
your everyday life. And it assessed a sample of one
hundred and fifty people, and what it did was it
(27:34):
asked them to prioritize spending an hour alone for three weeks,
only three weeks, an hour every day. So those who
did this, those who went through with it, they felt
so much more introspective. They actually had more social energy,
They felt more in touch with themselves. Some people are
never going to get that, you know, the noises and
(27:56):
the voices they hear in their head, they will never
just be their own like imagine that, Imagine spending your
whole life never knowing what you would think or do,
or see or believe if no one else was there.
And if you solo travel, you will never have to
wonder that you will never have to wonder. Also, just
(28:16):
because you solo travel doesn't mean you need to solitary
travel like. There's a big distinction here between being completely
solitary and isolated and just going into the trip alone.
So book a group tour for a day, stay in
a social hostel, even if you have your own room
or you're in a smaller bunk space. You could travel
(28:37):
with someone that you meet for a few days and
then leave them at your next destination. So don't fall
into the trap of believing that the purpose of this
trip is to be isolated. It's definitely not. It's just
to be self directed. I also find that people who
start travel instagrams love that love that for them. I
love seeing people's like photodumps of where they are. And
(28:58):
when you're a solo traveler means that you do still
feel connected to people back home. You don't feel like
people are forgetting about you, you don't feel as lonely.
You can still have that kind of ongoing communication with
people about what you are experiencing what you are learning.
Another big thing that we face that I don't actually
hear talked about a lot is decision fatigue. Making every
(29:22):
single choice for yourself every single day, from you know,
what am I going to eat? What sites am I
going to see? Where am I going to stay? How
am I going to get there? That can be exhausting,
and solo travelers often face more decisions, not just logistical decisions,
but also spontaneous decisions day in and day out, So
(29:43):
our cognitive capacity for making decisions is actually rather limited.
Each choice you are going to make, no matter how small,
it does deplete your mental energy. And what's more is
that you know everyday environment. You know, when you're at home,
you make basically the same choices. Ever, every day you
take the same route home from work, you have the
same routine, you go to the same gym, the same cafes.
(30:07):
Everything is typically familiar. And so when you are traveling
by yourself, things that we typically wouldn't have to think about,
like how do I catch the train, how do I
pay for the train, what's on the menu? You know,
suddenly we have to think a little bit harder about
those things, and that is going to contribute to your
cognitive overload. This can definitely make us more tired, a
(30:29):
little bit irritable at times, anxious. But the worst thing,
the worst consequence of this, I believe at least, is
that it can lead to indecision and avoidance. I don't
know if you've ever found yourself in this situation before
at home, but you know, when you just have so
many options of what you could do in a day.
You know, you could do chores, you could see a friend,
(30:50):
you could go to the gym, go out for dinner,
and because you have so many options, you're just like,
I just don't want to do any of them. You know,
it's not possible to decide which one would be best,
so I'm just not going to make a decision at all.
That can happen when you're traveling, and the consequence of
decision fatigue in this environment is that actually you feel
(31:10):
quite let down. You feel like you should be seeing more.
The easiest way to counteract this is to actually do
the counterintuitive thing and give yourself less choice. I know
we speak about, you know, solo traveling and talk about
how it's all about freedom, but imposing some restrictions on
yourself may actually make you get more out of it.
(31:33):
You know, eating breakfast at the same place as every day,
or having that breakfast spot. That's really smart because that's
one decision that isn't going to overload you cognitively, and
you can use that mental energy, those resources to make
a better decision. The other thing that I do is
that I make a list of ten things. When I
go on a trip, say the trip is two weeks long,
(31:55):
I make a list of ten things that I really
want to do, and I make a rough itinerary. That
still leaves me like three to four days of having
nothing scheduled, But during those days, I know kind of
what I'm gonna do. I have a loose plan, and
I make sure that things are in the same area,
so once I'm out of the house, there is kind
(32:15):
of a continuity between where I'm going and my experiences.
I also think it's really important here when you're facing
decision fatigue, often that comes from a sensation or a
deep feeling that you need to make the perfect decision right.
This is such a sacred experience. You're solo traveling, You're
in this new country. There's so much to do. I
(32:36):
don't want to miss out. I want to make sure
that I come back with a good story. I want
to make sure that I see everything, do everything. What
do I do first? Don't aim for perfection. Even people
who live in their cities their whole lives never see
half the things that you want to see. So just
know that actually some of the best experiences do come
(32:58):
from being quite spontaneous. They do come from just getting
out of the house with no plan, or just choosing
one thing to really focus on for the day. This
is not an assignment, this is not a piece of work.
This is not anything that needs to be perfect for
someone else to judge or for someone else to see.
(33:18):
It's actually really fascinating. We talk about decision fatigue and
how it can be really hard for solo travelers, but
actually when solo travelers return home, they report how difficult
it is to adjust to having to consider other people
because you're so used to being self directed in these environments.
You come back and your family's like, let's go out
(33:40):
for breakfast, and you're like, great, we're going to go here,
and suddenly it's like, no, no, I want to go here.
I want to go there, And it can actually be
quite frustrating for solo travelers. It's often this sense of
like a shock of returning to a system, or returning
to a situation or an environment in which you do
actually now have to consider other people again. My final
difficulty I think we face when contemplating solo exploring. It's
(34:04):
a deeply human one and it's a fear of the unknown,
and with that can come a heavy dose of catastrophizing. Right,
this is the biggest thing that I think people bring
up when you say you should solo travel. Solo travel
is so worthwhile. It's what if I'm kidnapped? What if
I get lost? What if I get robbed? What if
something terrible happens? What if no one knows where I am.
(34:26):
Our brain takes the unknown and it likes to make
a mess of It likes to make it its little
fantasy playground of all the worst things possible that our
brain can conjure up. That is anxiety. That is a
survival mechanism. It is not the truth I want you
to remember, though. It is a very valid concern. Safety
is a valid concern. But everything in life is a risk.
(34:47):
There is fear embedded in everything that we do, even
getting out of bed, even walking out of our front door.
You though, you were not put on this earth to
play it safe, and you were not put on this
earth to only go where it's comfortable, because that would
mean that you really never grow, you never move from
where you are now. Things can go wrong, they do
(35:10):
grow wrong. But when you have your wits about you,
when you do the common sense things, you still are
a lot more capable than you know. And the very
nature of solo traveling is to show you that you
know what you're doing, that you are capable, strong, independent,
You have that mental toughness, you have that adaptability, that flexibility.
(35:34):
So those experiences and the thought of those experiences can
be scary, but firstly, you're very unlikely to encounter them. Secondly,
when you do, you will realize that you are a
lot more capable. In that moment, it's not as scary
as you thought it would be. And I think finally,
when you have common sense, when you just do basic
(35:56):
safety things like having an anti pickpocket back, registering with
your embassy, telling people where you're going, a lot of
that risk is definitely minimized. So I want to finish
up with just some general advice, some fast rapid fire
tips from me to you, but also from some of
the audience. Some of the listeners who are solo traveler
(36:20):
pros this piece of advice. I believe in one hundred percent.
It's to set intentions, not expectations. When you have really
high expectations for something, you are always going to be disappointed,
not because the experiences are better or worse, but because
your expectations tint your perspective. They tint how you see things.
(36:41):
So focus on what you're hoping to learn, what you're
hoping to experience, what you're hoping to get out of
it emotionally and psychologically, rather than rigidly planning every detail
and being like, you know, if you're in Paris, like
I have to go to the Eiffel Tower and I
have to see it lit up because that's on my
bucket list and it's going to beautiful and magical and
everything needs to be perfect. Your expectations are too high.
(37:04):
Set them low, be like I just want to have
a nice time. I want to have a nice meal,
I want to meet some new people, I want to
walk around, I want to see a sunset, more general
ideas of what the trip could be. So don't plan everything.
Remember that you have freedom. So if you're not enjoying
(37:25):
where you are, if you're not enjoying your accommodation, you're
not enjoying the country, the city, the suburb, the neighborhood
that you're in, move on. You don't have to ask
anyone for permission. That's the beauty of this. If you're
not having fun, just leave. And I always say this.
You know it can be hard when you've already paid
for a hotel, you've paid for an experience. This is
(37:46):
what I always say. You can either waste your money
and do something else, or you can waste your money
and your time. And that is a double whammy. You
can waste your money. Why you know, you're still doing
an experience, You're still staying somewhere you don't enjoy. You've
already spent the money on the thing. But then you're
also wasting your time because you could have been using
(38:06):
those hours, those days to be somewhere else, somewhere better,
somewhere that you may have enjoyed more. Rest. Please take
a break. I did an episode I think at the
start of the year on travel burnout for people who
solo travel a lot it's a real thing. You know.
You put a lot of pressure on yourself to be go,
go go. You've spent all this money. You want to
(38:27):
see everything, do everything, taste everything. It sounds strange. Rest
will make those experiences better if you My general rule
is that for every four days that you are doing something,
take one day to do nothing. To take one day or
even a half day to just walk around, take it easy,
have a nice meal, have a sleep in. It will
(38:49):
really mean that you get more out of the trip.
And finally, bring a journal along and try and do
an entry every night or every morning reflecting on the
previous experiences. This is a really great way to see
how you're growing, to remember the realizations that you're having
when you get home. It's also just a great historical
(39:11):
document to have the older you get. I think about
this all the time, you know, my kids being able
to read what I've written, a museum getting a hold
of it, maybe some future human finding it tucked into
a drawer of some antique piece of furniture that's probably
from my gear, but they don't know that. Like, I
really like that idea of the memories that I've had
(39:32):
taking on some permanence, so I would really encourage you
get a really nice journal and use it. I hope
that you've enjoyed this episode. I hope that I've made
a compelling argument for solo traveling in your twenties and
also given you a bit of a pep talk if
you are someone who solo travels on what to do
on those hard days, why it's all worth it at
the end, how to elevate the experience. It genuinely is
(39:56):
something that I deeply believe that we should all do,
even if it's just going on a camping trip two
hours away from home. It's accessible and available to everyone,
hopefully in some capacity. As always, if you enjoyed this episode,
make sure that you leave a comment. You leave a review,
hopefully a five star review if you would be so kind.
(40:17):
I do read everything that you guys say. It makes
my day. I spend like a couple of minutes or
like twenty minutes every day just reading through the new reviews,
reading through the comments you guys are leaving on Spotify.
So thank you to all of you who are giving
feedback telling us what you think. Make sure you are
also following us on Instagram at that Psychology podcast. You
(40:39):
can learn more about the topics that we talk about
on the show. We go more in depth, we talk
about some of the studies and I give you the
options to choose new episodes, to give your input to
talk about your experiences. So we would love to see
you over there, and until next time, stay safe, stay kind,
and please be gentle to yourself. Would talk very very soon, Yeah,
(41:06):
Im
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here.
Back for another episode as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. What is a more glamorous
in like a uniquely non glamorous way. What is a
(00:23):
more quintessential, chaotic but wonderful twenty something experience than solo
traveling packing everything up for a few weeks, maybe a
few months a year and just exploring the world by yourself,
backpacking across Europe, going to Bali for a month to
do yoga, catching like a last minute train to the
(00:44):
other side of the country, or a flight to the
other side of the world, to find yourself, to find memories,
to test yourself. Solo traveling just feels like this really
important thing that we need to do in our twenties,
almost like a rite of passage. I would say I
will make it some of the most incredible, independent, self
assured twenty something year olds, and I can just tell
(01:07):
they have solo traveled. I can just tell that they
know exactly who they are more than most of us
because they have had this very unique important experience of
having to truly trust themselves, of knowing that there is
no one else in that moment who can make a
decision for them, who can be their constant company, who
(01:27):
can help them in certain situations. It is this like
entirely self directed and at times scary situation that is
also equally magnificent. And I've heard from so many of
you are wonderful listeners who basically credit solo traveling with
transforming their identity and their personality during this decade, especially
(01:51):
at very pivotal points, you know, post breakup, post graduation
between jobs. A lot more of us are using travel
and doing it on our own to really be this
experience that brings us into a new chapter of our lives.
And it's just absolutely remarkable. I'm such a big advocate
(02:12):
for doing this. You know, when I was twenty, I
solo traveled to Europe from Australia and just spent hours
walking around to different sites and churches and getting lost.
I actually remember back then, I had like an iPhone
ten or like an iPhone eleven, and I didn't want
to pay for a data plan, so when I was
(02:32):
at my hostel with Wi Fi, I would literally point
my phone in the direction that I would want to go,
and I kid you not, I would be like, okay,
where is the sun right now? Is the sun behind me?
Like when I'm pointing in this direction, is the sun
to my left, to my right? As long as the
sun remains in that position, I can just keep walking
in that like in that way, and I'll find myself
(02:54):
getting there. And of course, you know, I would get lost.
I would never really know where I was going to
be completely honest, until I stumbled into a McDonald's with
Wi Fi. But it was just such a beautiful experience
and I really learned to be confident and self directed.
I watched the sunrise in Amsterdam, I had dinner with strangers.
(03:16):
I got a tattoo, and then I got another one.
And those are the kinds of memories that you tell
your children or you tell your friends in the nursing home.
They are the ones that form the foundation for our life.
One big misconception that I really want to address is
that solo traveling does have to be this huge, multi week,
multi month, multilocation expensive trip. And I don't think it
(03:40):
has to be. It can be as simple as a
weekend away by yourself, or a camping trip just to
you know, two hours away. That is something that I
also have loved doing, you know, packing up my tent
in my car and just spending three days alone by
myself to clear my mind. My cousin was recently texting me,
like a couple of days ago actually about a solo
(04:02):
camping trip that she did only two hours away from
home for only like forty eight hours, and even in
that short span of time, she was like, this is amazing.
I feel so liberated. I feel so free. I just
think there are so many other ways to experience the
joy and the gift that solo traveling has without breaking
the bank, without feeling you know, really really out of
(04:25):
your comfort zone to begin with. It's definitely something that
needs to be I think talked about more. Instead of
this glamorous, luxurious, often expensive ride of passage, you can
literally do it in your own neighborhood. And I think people,
because of that, but also just because of the wider
accessibility of travel, are really picking it up, especially post
(04:48):
COVID as well. I think a lot of us are
not so keen to wait until someone else is ready
to do the things we want to do. A lot
of us are. I have realized that if you wait
and you wait, and you wait until the time is right,
until you have company, you know, a pandemic could begin.
Things can get in the way, and you're going to
miss the opportunity. There was actually a forty two percent
(05:10):
increase in people taking solo trips over the past two years,
and you know now solo travelers according to this really
amazing research done by Solo Travel Statistics, Because of course
there are people who are measuring this, solo travelers make
up eleven percent of the overall total market, and eighty
(05:31):
four percent of those solo travelers are women. So it's
likely that if you go out looking for adventure in
a foreign country or you know, just up the coast,
you will find other people similar to you, doing the
same thing, looking for something, wanting it to be self directed,
no longer wanting to wait until someone else will raise
(05:51):
their hand and say, yeah, okay, I'll come with you.
So today I want to talk about this increasingly common experience,
the psychology of solo traveling, and how uniquely beneficial it
can be to us during our twenties. There will definitely
be hard times, there will be lonely times, but we
also get to experience this freedom, We get to experience
(06:14):
this unique sense of I don't know what the right
word is, liberation, transformation. I think it's only when you're
in those moments and you're experiencing it that you almost
become addicted to the sensation, and it seems like a
lot of us are. I also want to talk about
some of the unique challenges that you might encounter, but psychologically,
(06:36):
how to overcome them, and what happens when we return home,
what happens when the solo traveler is called back off
the road. There is so much to discuss in this
topic is so much deeper than you can imagine. So
without further ado, let us get into the psychology of
(06:57):
solo traveling. A lot of us feel deeply drawn to
solo travels, specifically, I think because of how sacred it feels,
and that's how I would describe it. There is, as
I said before, almost a rite of passage feeling that
is attached to this equally scary but ultimately rewarding experience.
(07:22):
How often in our lives do we actually ever get
the opportunity to be truly alone, to be truly dependent
on ourselves for everything. You know, how often are we
actually able to call most of the shots in our life?
Most of us, myself included, I would say we are
constantly surrounded by friends, family, loved ones, colleagues, and we
(07:46):
also are in a very comfortable environment that is familiar
and that is really easy to navigate. But solo travel
really throws all of that up in the air. Firstly,
you're in a place that you don't necessarily know when
you solo travel, then you remove your support network. Then
you might add in you know, a language that you
(08:06):
don't speak. But also with that there is an excitement.
There is this unlimited possibility of what's tomorrow going to bring?
What am I going to choose to do? It's novel,
it's scary, and when was the last time that you
actually felt that way in your current routine? So what
is it about solo traveling that is so alluring other
(08:27):
than what I have just described. Well, there was a
twenty fifteen report from the International Journal for Tourism Research
that looked into this. It wanted to know why people
suddenly so drawn to this experience, and what it found
was that the majority of solo travelers are motivated by
one of the following things. They are motivated by the
(08:49):
need for a feeling of freedom, by a desire to escape,
or a desire to find themselves. So feelings of freedom,
a desire to escape, or a desire to find out ourselves,
which honestly all sound like pretty much the same thing
wrapped into one. There was another study from twenty twenty
one that found something very very similar. When this researcher
(09:11):
interviewed a number of people who were solo travelers who
had solo traveled in the past year or two, what
they said motivated them was very similar. But besides those
previous inspirational motivational actions, besides those previous intentions, they also
said that it was the flexibility. It was the promise
(09:34):
of a transformative experience and this anticipated self discovery that
was really really motivating. So maybe you can relate to
that with your own solo travel ambitions. We are seeking
out the promise of knowing ourselves better. And this is
particularly influential after you've just been through something really tough
(09:57):
or life changing, like a breakup for example, or you've
just been made redundant, or you've graduated, you are i
think particularly poised for growth at that moment, and travel
really really brings that out. I think that it's actually
really important to do after one of those moments. You
(10:18):
can't just go back to, you know, living in everyday life.
After you graduate, you know that normalcy is gone. After
your breakup, after you've been made redundant, everything about your
current everyday reality has shifted. And I think giving yourself
time to go and solo travel through that allows you
to kind of jump into the next chapter of whatever
(10:40):
life is going to bring you, being more confident, being
more self assured, genuinely just knowing what you want and
knowing how to speak about that, knowing how to say that.
Some of us do have more of a propensity for
solo travel than others, and it's actually influenced by this
personality trait called an openness to experience. I don't think
(11:02):
that's a surprise, but you might be familiar with this trait.
It's one of the big five personality traits. And if
you are someone who measures high on this characteristic, on
this openness to experience, you are typically more curious, You
are more independent, adaptable, willing to try new ideas, new values,
new emotions, new experiences, and you are more adventurous. So
(11:27):
this openness to experience combined with something that we call
high self efficacy, which basically refers to our belief in
our ability to influence our reality and to influence the
outcomes that we would like. Those two things essentially allow
us to really trust in our agency, but also to
feel quite passionate about having these experiences, and it makes
(11:51):
for the ideal solo traveler. I will say the final
big reason I personally like solo traveling that isn't related
to find yourself, That isn't related to an openness to experience,
And it might sound selfish, but it's basically just that
you don't have to consider other people in your plans.
And if you are someone who is very hyper independent,
(12:12):
maybe even impatient, like I am at times, that can
be such a big factor in what is influencing us
to solo travel. I am already someone who finds travel
to be kind of anxiety inducing. You know. I have fun,
I love it once I get there, but I do
find like I do need to go at my own pace,
(12:33):
my own speed. I want to see things that other
people might not, and sometimes I like to go back
to the same places I'm a very particular kind of traveler,
and I appreciate that I'm also quite indulgent, and that
might be like indulgent with my time, like I want
to go slow. I want to just really bask and
the experiences. And that's probably annoying for people to travel with,
(12:56):
but it also means that people who travel differently to me.
I find it kind of frustrating sometimes having to compromise
for something that is so uniquely like traveling is a
selfish experience. It is a self driven experience. You know,
you've already spent all this money to get somewhere at
least coming from Australia. If I want to go to
Europe or Africa or North America, it's going to take
(13:18):
me at least fifteen or twenty four hours, and it's
going to cost me a lot of money. So once
I get there, it's kind of like, I don't want
to have to consult a group of friends or every
single member of my family anytime I want to eat
or book accommodation or spontaneously change my plans. And I
(13:39):
think that's really sometimes another really valuable thing to consider,
like this, if this is such a personal and I
don't know. I know, I said selfish, but personal experience
sometimes you don't want to share it with someone else.
This actually brings up a memory I have not even
a memory. Basically, when I was fifteen, I went to
New York with my family for Christmas because my mum
(14:02):
is American and we were kind of visiting some of
her family as well. And I was a very avid
journaler at the time. I had I wrote a journal
entry every single night. And recently I was looking back
through my old journals from that time because I was
just doing some reminiscing with my book being announced, and
I found an entry from that time and it said,
(14:23):
in all caps quote, you do not like traveling with
other people. Do not do this again when you become
an adult. Do not travel with other people. And I
just had to laugh about it. I was like, that
is so funny that fifteen year old Gemma already kind
of knew what was up. I showed it to my
boyfriend and he was like, yeah, absolutely, Like even when
(14:44):
we traveled together, I need my days to just go
and do my own thing. Same with when I travel
with my friends. It's not like I don't like doing it,
but I definitely need that solo space within that And
this really brings me to my first major point as
to why solo traveling is so valuable to do during
your twenties, and it's that it makes you confident in
(15:05):
your own choices and it really ensures that you get
to prioritize the experiences that you want to have. If
you are someone who is, for example, you know, maybe
a people pleaser, that experience of getting to prioritize what
you want to do can be so liberating. Sometimes it's
like one of the first times that we've ever been
(15:26):
allowed to just and we have ever given ourselves permission,
I guess, to just do what best suits us without
having to carry the burden of thinking about other people's preferences.
It can almost bring you to tears sometimes, you know,
getting to eat lunch when you want, watching the sunset
on a random day because you want to. It's like
(15:48):
the weight of always considering what would make other people
happy and having to juggle all of their contradictory preferences
is gone. The burden is really lifted, and I think
you'll be surprised to see how much your relationship with
yourself improves as a result. Of this. Suddenly you really
(16:09):
learned to listen to yourself. You know what it feels
like to just have it your way, and that feels
really fucking good. I think that is why women especially
find a lot of freedom and solo travel, especially if
you were an eldest daughter, or came from a large family,
or felt a lot of expectations from your parents when
you were younger. Solo traveling is this unique space where
(16:32):
you are actually rewarded for knowing what you want and
doing it. And isn't that so contradictory to the childhood
environments and the teenage environments that we were raised in.
In fact, you know, to bring another psychology study into
the mix, because we can never have too many. There
was a paper from twenty twenty three so last year
(16:53):
that found that traveling alone means you actually experience the
sensations and the moments of your trip more deeply because
you are less distracted by a second person. You actually
have the chance to meet new people, chat to new people,
pay attention to the small things you know as you
(17:15):
walk the streets. You are naturally more aware, both from
a safety perspective, but I think that with that awareness,
it brings more moments of noticing, and that in itself
the necessity of being more aware of your surroundings. It
really promotes being present, which is really fantastic for the
(17:36):
emotional and mental experience that we get from traveling. We
also know that this experience really allows you to prove
to yourself that you can do hard things, things that
you never really imagined yourself doing. Let me tell you
a story about how I had this very experience, this
very realization that I was a lot tougher and smarter
(17:59):
than I thought I was because of solo traveling. So
one UNI break, I was traveling somewhere and I can't
even remember specifically where I was traveling too, because I
was coming back. I was returning home to Australia, and
I had booked, of course, you know, the cheapest flight possible.
I remember it was like eight hundred dollars return I
(18:21):
think to Amsterdam. Actually I was going through Amsterdam to
Europe and some other places, so eight hundred dollars return
from Sydney to Amsterdam and then back. And you have
to remember this is firstly Australian dollars, so a lot
cheaper than like the US dollar or like pounds or
euros or whatever, very very cheap at the time for
(18:42):
a twenty four hour trip, Like that's how long the
flight took. Anyways, the catch of this cheap flight was
that I had to spend fifteen hours in Taiwan overnight,
and at this point I had completely run out of
money on my international card. I only had one fifty
dollars a Maria can bill in my shoe, like a
(19:02):
fifty dollar American note that my mom was like, always
keep this in the bottom of your shoe just in case.
Thank you, Mom for reminding me to do that. Well,
so I'd stayed in this I was staying in this
small three room hotel. I couldn't stay in the airport
for whatever reason, I had to leave the airport. So
I was staying in this three room hotel motel thing,
(19:25):
and I'd paid for it before at the start of
my trip. Did not think about the fact that I
would need to get a taxi to the airport and
that I would need to eat dinner. You know, this
was a fifteen hour layover and I didn't have any money.
So I remember like sneaking into there was a wedding banquet,
like someone was getting married. There were so many people
(19:46):
there and they had this huge array of food, and
I was like, Okay, I'm just going to sneak in,
and you know, they're just going to think, like this
random white girl is here, like who invited her? But
no one's gonna question it. I'm just going to eat
some food and sneak out, And luckily that worked. I
honestly think that they kind of knew and they probably
just felt really sorry for me. And then came the
(20:08):
moment when I needed to get a taxi. I had
to get a taxi to the airport, and I was
kind of panicking, and I'd gotten the front desk to
call me a local taxi, had no idea how much
it was going to be. Had this fifty dollar note.
He drops me off at the airport and I just
give him the fifty dollars American note, no idea if
(20:29):
it's more less right on, you know, if he's even
going to accept it, And he kind of just looked
at me and he just was like okay, and just
took the note, and I got my bag out of
the back and he drove off, and it was just
the biggest sense of like relief and accomplishment that was like, okay,
like I did that hard thing. I also didn't have
(20:50):
any internet, I had no money, I just had myself.
I couldn't call anyone. I didn't know anyone in Taiwan.
It was equally scary but also the most powering thing
to just realize that, oh wow, I'm an adult in
this situation and I figured it out, and I've never
felt so alone but also so self sufficient, and that
(21:11):
it's that it's those experiences that we are all bound
to have when solo traveling that are going to give
you lifelong skills such as problem solving, such as decision making.
I often think a lot of us get worried about
solo traveling, that we're going to have this gap in
our resume. If I was an employer and I saw
that someone in their twenties had done this huge solo
(21:33):
traveling trip or took time off to go and explore
by themselves, they are honestly going to be at the
top of my list to hire. Because there's just so
many skills that you cannot teach that a workplace won't teach,
that a university won't teach. And I think life is
(21:53):
more about just having professional experiences and also about having
life experience. Those are the people who are the best
to work with, the most interesting, often the most driven.
So if you ever worry like I've taken all this
time off to solo travel, everyone else is further ahead
than me. Everyone else, those people you're comparing yourself to
(22:15):
are most likely looking at you and being like, wow,
I wish that I'd actually taken time to explore and
to know myself. This is why I also think that
solo traveling continues to be important even when you are
in a relationship, even when you have a long term
monogamous partner. Of course, you know you want to have
(22:36):
those moments and experiences and memories with them, you want
to travel with them. But if you are in your
twenties and you really want to go somewhere, there is
a place on your bucket list that you've always wanted
to visit, you have the means, you have, the time,
you have the opportunity. You shouldn't feel like you need
to wait until someone else is ready to go with you.
(22:57):
You can go alone. You can do it alone. You
are not suddenly a paired item with this person. No
matter what, especially like not to be a cynic, but
that relationship could not work. Something could happen tomorrow. You
guys could break up next month or in the next two, three,
(23:19):
five years, and when you two are no longer together
and the opportunity to travel has passed, there is going
to be this what if sensation, this what if surrounding
the memories you could have made, the skills you could
have built, the things you could have you could have seen.
And I think that, you know, a relationship is important,
(23:40):
and we do care about someone, it doesn't mean that
we need to give up all of our solo experiences
and only do it with them. So hopefully I've made
an argument for continuing to do this, you know, maintaining
your independence through solo traveling when you're in a relationship,
it really ensures that your self concept this like overall
watching fundamental idea of who you are, that that remains very,
(24:04):
very strong. So this is a really glamorous idea of
solo traveling that we've painted so far, one of adventure,
of self discovery, of once in a lifetime moments, but
there are also hard moments, moments of doubt and loneliness,
and I think that's worth discussing. I think it would
be remiss of me to just paint this picture of
sunshine and rainbows and self discovery. There will be hard
(24:27):
times that we inevitably encounter, but we also have a
lot of really deeply seated psychological tools to help us
get through them. So we're going to talk about that
and so much more, along with what happens when we
return home. What is post solo travel shock, all of
that after this short break. Doing anything alone can be tough,
(24:55):
even when it has its perks. You know, people who
solo travel a lot in their twenties, they will most
likely tell you how rewarding it is. But if you
dig a little deeper, some of the other things they
may tell you to essentially be prepared for is the loneliness,
the decision fatigue, the exhaustion, the fear of the unknown,
maybe safety concerns, wanting to come home early, and also
(25:19):
I think the pressure for personal growth. You feel like,
if you're solo traveling, you can't just have a normal trip.
There has to be some greater personal development goal that
you are striving towards, some epiphany that needs to be
had before you return home so that you can come
home a changed person. So doesn't sound like a challenge,
(25:42):
but I think it kind of is because it influences
the mindset that we bring into the trip. Let's walk
through some of these challenges and how to feel more
confident addressing them. Something that has always been comforting to
me is that there have been thousands of people before
me in this exact experience who have experienced the same sensations,
(26:06):
the same anxieties and worries, and they've pushed through They've
always come back with more good stories than bad. And also,
you know, the best place to grow is right when
you start feeling a little bit uncomfortable. You don't need
to be so insanely uncomfortable that you want to leave,
but a bit of discomfort that's really stretching you as
(26:27):
a person, and with that stretch you grow. You know,
without tension, without friction, nothing will ever challenge you. So
I think the biggest thing that we are going to
confront that will challenge us is loneliness. Without the companionship
of friends or family. I think we feel quite isolated,
especially in an unfamiliar environment, when we don't even have
(26:48):
those kind of small creature comforts. There are definitely many
times when you think it would be really nice to
share this with someone, or you go to sleep at
the end of the day and you realize, like, huh,
I haven't actually said a word to anyone else this
entire day, and it feels definitely very odd. But the
loneliness can also be a really sacred and special element
(27:11):
of this experience. For one, it's definitely the price you
pay for more freedom. But additionally, you know, you get
to really zone in on your inner world. There was
a study done that assessed the importance of having this
kind of alone time, not just when traveling but in
your everyday life. And it assessed a sample of one
hundred and fifty people, and what it did was it
(27:34):
asked them to prioritize spending an hour alone for three weeks,
only three weeks, an hour every day. So those who
did this, those who went through with it, they felt
so much more introspective. They actually had more social energy,
They felt more in touch with themselves. Some people are
never going to get that, you know, the noises and
(27:56):
the voices they hear in their head, they will never
just be their own like imagine that, Imagine spending your
whole life never knowing what you would think or do,
or see or believe if no one else was there.
And if you solo travel, you will never have to
wonder that you will never have to wonder. Also, just
(28:16):
because you solo travel doesn't mean you need to solitary
travel like. There's a big distinction here between being completely
solitary and isolated and just going into the trip alone.
So book a group tour for a day, stay in
a social hostel, even if you have your own room
or you're in a smaller bunk space. You could travel
(28:37):
with someone that you meet for a few days and
then leave them at your next destination. So don't fall
into the trap of believing that the purpose of this
trip is to be isolated. It's definitely not. It's just
to be self directed. I also find that people who
start travel instagrams love that love that for them. I
love seeing people's like photodumps of where they are. And
(28:58):
when you're a solo traveler means that you do still
feel connected to people back home. You don't feel like
people are forgetting about you, you don't feel as lonely.
You can still have that kind of ongoing communication with
people about what you are experiencing what you are learning.
Another big thing that we face that I don't actually
hear talked about a lot is decision fatigue. Making every
(29:22):
single choice for yourself every single day, from you know,
what am I going to eat? What sites am I
going to see? Where am I going to stay? How
am I going to get there? That can be exhausting,
and solo travelers often face more decisions, not just logistical decisions,
but also spontaneous decisions day in and day out, So
(29:43):
our cognitive capacity for making decisions is actually rather limited.
Each choice you are going to make, no matter how small,
it does deplete your mental energy. And what's more is
that you know everyday environment. You know, when you're at home,
you make basically the same choices. Ever, every day you
take the same route home from work, you have the
same routine, you go to the same gym, the same cafes.
(30:07):
Everything is typically familiar. And so when you are traveling
by yourself, things that we typically wouldn't have to think about,
like how do I catch the train, how do I
pay for the train, what's on the menu? You know,
suddenly we have to think a little bit harder about
those things, and that is going to contribute to your
cognitive overload. This can definitely make us more tired, a
(30:29):
little bit irritable at times, anxious. But the worst thing,
the worst consequence of this, I believe at least, is
that it can lead to indecision and avoidance. I don't
know if you've ever found yourself in this situation before
at home, but you know, when you just have so
many options of what you could do in a day.
You know, you could do chores, you could see a friend,
(30:50):
you could go to the gym, go out for dinner,
and because you have so many options, you're just like,
I just don't want to do any of them. You know,
it's not possible to decide which one would be best,
so I'm just not going to make a decision at all.
That can happen when you're traveling, and the consequence of
decision fatigue in this environment is that actually you feel
(31:10):
quite let down. You feel like you should be seeing more.
The easiest way to counteract this is to actually do
the counterintuitive thing and give yourself less choice. I know
we speak about, you know, solo traveling and talk about
how it's all about freedom, but imposing some restrictions on
yourself may actually make you get more out of it.
(31:33):
You know, eating breakfast at the same place as every day,
or having that breakfast spot. That's really smart because that's
one decision that isn't going to overload you cognitively, and
you can use that mental energy, those resources to make
a better decision. The other thing that I do is
that I make a list of ten things. When I
go on a trip, say the trip is two weeks long,
(31:55):
I make a list of ten things that I really
want to do, and I make a rough itinerary. That
still leaves me like three to four days of having
nothing scheduled, But during those days, I know kind of
what I'm gonna do. I have a loose plan, and
I make sure that things are in the same area,
so once I'm out of the house, there is kind
(32:15):
of a continuity between where I'm going and my experiences.
I also think it's really important here when you're facing
decision fatigue, often that comes from a sensation or a
deep feeling that you need to make the perfect decision right.
This is such a sacred experience. You're solo traveling, You're
in this new country. There's so much to do. I
(32:36):
don't want to miss out. I want to make sure
that I come back with a good story. I want
to make sure that I see everything, do everything. What
do I do first? Don't aim for perfection. Even people
who live in their cities their whole lives never see
half the things that you want to see. So just
know that actually some of the best experiences do come
(32:58):
from being quite spontaneous. They do come from just getting
out of the house with no plan, or just choosing
one thing to really focus on for the day. This
is not an assignment, this is not a piece of work.
This is not anything that needs to be perfect for
someone else to judge or for someone else to see.
(33:18):
It's actually really fascinating. We talk about decision fatigue and
how it can be really hard for solo travelers, but
actually when solo travelers return home, they report how difficult
it is to adjust to having to consider other people
because you're so used to being self directed in these environments.
You come back and your family's like, let's go out
(33:40):
for breakfast, and you're like, great, we're going to go here,
and suddenly it's like, no, no, I want to go here.
I want to go there, And it can actually be
quite frustrating for solo travelers. It's often this sense of
like a shock of returning to a system, or returning
to a situation or an environment in which you do
actually now have to consider other people again. My final
difficulty I think we face when contemplating solo exploring. It's
(34:04):
a deeply human one and it's a fear of the unknown,
and with that can come a heavy dose of catastrophizing. Right,
this is the biggest thing that I think people bring
up when you say you should solo travel. Solo travel
is so worthwhile. It's what if I'm kidnapped? What if
I get lost? What if I get robbed? What if
something terrible happens? What if no one knows where I am.
(34:26):
Our brain takes the unknown and it likes to make
a mess of It likes to make it its little
fantasy playground of all the worst things possible that our
brain can conjure up. That is anxiety. That is a
survival mechanism. It is not the truth I want you
to remember, though. It is a very valid concern. Safety
is a valid concern. But everything in life is a risk.
(34:47):
There is fear embedded in everything that we do, even
getting out of bed, even walking out of our front door.
You though, you were not put on this earth to
play it safe, and you were not put on this
earth to only go where it's comfortable, because that would
mean that you really never grow, you never move from
where you are now. Things can go wrong, they do
(35:10):
grow wrong. But when you have your wits about you,
when you do the common sense things, you still are
a lot more capable than you know. And the very
nature of solo traveling is to show you that you
know what you're doing, that you are capable, strong, independent,
You have that mental toughness, you have that adaptability, that flexibility.
(35:34):
So those experiences and the thought of those experiences can
be scary, but firstly, you're very unlikely to encounter them. Secondly,
when you do, you will realize that you are a
lot more capable. In that moment, it's not as scary
as you thought it would be. And I think finally,
when you have common sense, when you just do basic
(35:56):
safety things like having an anti pickpocket back, registering with
your embassy, telling people where you're going, a lot of
that risk is definitely minimized. So I want to finish
up with just some general advice, some fast rapid fire
tips from me to you, but also from some of
the audience. Some of the listeners who are solo traveler
(36:20):
pros this piece of advice. I believe in one hundred percent.
It's to set intentions, not expectations. When you have really
high expectations for something, you are always going to be disappointed,
not because the experiences are better or worse, but because
your expectations tint your perspective. They tint how you see things.
(36:41):
So focus on what you're hoping to learn, what you're
hoping to experience, what you're hoping to get out of
it emotionally and psychologically, rather than rigidly planning every detail
and being like, you know, if you're in Paris, like
I have to go to the Eiffel Tower and I
have to see it lit up because that's on my
bucket list and it's going to beautiful and magical and
everything needs to be perfect. Your expectations are too high.
(37:04):
Set them low, be like I just want to have
a nice time. I want to have a nice meal,
I want to meet some new people, I want to
walk around, I want to see a sunset, more general
ideas of what the trip could be. So don't plan everything.
Remember that you have freedom. So if you're not enjoying
(37:25):
where you are, if you're not enjoying your accommodation, you're
not enjoying the country, the city, the suburb, the neighborhood
that you're in, move on. You don't have to ask
anyone for permission. That's the beauty of this. If you're
not having fun, just leave. And I always say this.
You know it can be hard when you've already paid
for a hotel, you've paid for an experience. This is
(37:46):
what I always say. You can either waste your money
and do something else, or you can waste your money
and your time. And that is a double whammy. You
can waste your money. Why you know, you're still doing
an experience, You're still staying somewhere you don't enjoy. You've
already spent the money on the thing. But then you're
also wasting your time because you could have been using
(38:06):
those hours, those days to be somewhere else, somewhere better,
somewhere that you may have enjoyed more. Rest. Please take
a break. I did an episode I think at the
start of the year on travel burnout for people who
solo travel a lot it's a real thing. You know.
You put a lot of pressure on yourself to be go,
go go. You've spent all this money. You want to
(38:27):
see everything, do everything, taste everything. It sounds strange. Rest
will make those experiences better if you My general rule
is that for every four days that you are doing something,
take one day to do nothing. To take one day or
even a half day to just walk around, take it easy,
have a nice meal, have a sleep in. It will
(38:49):
really mean that you get more out of the trip.
And finally, bring a journal along and try and do
an entry every night or every morning reflecting on the
previous experiences. This is a really great way to see
how you're growing, to remember the realizations that you're having
when you get home. It's also just a great historical
(39:11):
document to have the older you get. I think about
this all the time, you know, my kids being able
to read what I've written, a museum getting a hold
of it, maybe some future human finding it tucked into
a drawer of some antique piece of furniture that's probably
from my gear, but they don't know that. Like, I
really like that idea of the memories that I've had
(39:32):
taking on some permanence, so I would really encourage you
get a really nice journal and use it. I hope
that you've enjoyed this episode. I hope that I've made
a compelling argument for solo traveling in your twenties and
also given you a bit of a pep talk if
you are someone who solo travels on what to do
on those hard days, why it's all worth it at
the end, how to elevate the experience. It genuinely is
(39:56):
something that I deeply believe that we should all do,
even if it's just going on a camping trip two
hours away from home. It's accessible and available to everyone,
hopefully in some capacity. As always, if you enjoyed this episode,
make sure that you leave a comment. You leave a review,
hopefully a five star review if you would be so kind.
(40:17):
I do read everything that you guys say. It makes
my day. I spend like a couple of minutes or
like twenty minutes every day just reading through the new reviews,
reading through the comments you guys are leaving on Spotify.
So thank you to all of you who are giving
feedback telling us what you think. Make sure you are
also following us on Instagram at that Psychology podcast. You
(40:39):
can learn more about the topics that we talk about
on the show. We go more in depth, we talk
about some of the studies and I give you the
options to choose new episodes, to give your input to
talk about your experiences. So we would love to see
you over there, and until next time, stay safe, stay kind,
and please be gentle to yourself. Would talk very very soon, Yeah,
(41:06):
Im
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.