45. Soulmates and twin flames

Are soulmates real? And how do we know if we’ve met the one? This week we discuss the idea of twin flames and soul mates and alternative explanations for the deep connection and chemistry we feel with some people and whether we are destined to meet.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everyone, welcome back to a
new week on the podcast. It's so great to have

(00:25):
you here. Thanks for tuning in, Thanks for listening to
this latest episode. Today we are talking about a really
really interesting topic, one that was actually suggested to me
on Instagram. I put out a little pole the other
day asking people, you know, kind of what they wanted
to hear this week, and this response really jumped out

(00:49):
at me because I think it is a topic that
isn't really spoken about in psychology that much. It's a
really spiritual topic, I find, but it has a lot
of connections to ideas that we often talk about when
we talk about social psychology and biological psychology, in particular
ideas of love and attraction and partnership and connection. So

(01:13):
I thought it would be a really interesting deep dive,
and I was right. The research and all the things
I found out about this topic was just really magnificent
and really interesting to look into. So today we are
talking about the idea of a twin flame, or the
idea of a soulmate really truly interesting. And regardless of

(01:35):
whether you think that soulmates are really out there, whether
you have one, whether they exist, I think some of
the implications that a belief in soulmates has for our
psychology and the well being about romantic and non romantic
relationships is something that everyone should kind of know about
and a really interesting thing to think about when you

(01:58):
approach perhaps your quest for love, or how you connect
with people and how you meet people. So, as we
always do, let's have a little intro. Let's talk a
little bit about some of the background information to do
with this topic. So psychology can make a lot of
sense of soulmates and the term soulmates, it kind of

(02:19):
implies this deep connection, a special affinity, or an understanding,
this really intense, powerful bond that exists between yourself and
another person. Historically, there have been a lot of deep
beliefs and ideas, very esoteric ideas about what soulmates are,

(02:43):
and ancient esoteric philosophy often calls soulmates our twin flames,
also called our twin souls, and they believe that they
are literally the other half of our soul, your soulmate,
and you were once one entity, one being, one soul,
and we have been separated from each other, and they've

(03:03):
been split into and we've gone our separate ways, and
we are being incarnated and brought back to life over
and over again to gather human experiences before coming back together.
And in some of those ancient kind of philosophical and
spiritual ideas, there was this idea that you know, we
have multiple lives, we live multiple lives, we are reincarnated,

(03:23):
and that person, that soulmate shows up in each one
of them, and in that way we're tied together. And
in many ways, some connections do really feel destined to be.
It's almost like meeting this person was written in the
stars and kind of heavens a line to make it happen.
And I don't know if you've felt that way. I
don't even know if I've felt that way. When I

(03:44):
was researching this, I was like, dang, like this sounds brilliant.
I want this. But these powerful unions in this life
are kind of what we imagine to be soulmates. And
a soulmate is someone that we that if we feel
that they get us, like we're cut from the same
energetic cloth almost. And although I think the traditional notion

(04:05):
of a soulmate, or maybe your conception of a soulmate
is that of a romantic partnership, as we'll talk about,
they can appear in many forms, and they kind of
rest upon a deep, special, spiritual relationship with another person
that doesn't have to be an intimate relationship. And a
lot of people believe that our soulmate relationships are here

(04:26):
to teach us something important. They hold up a mirror
for us to go deeper within ourselves and to expand
and evolve, and to achieve that that purpose. You don't
necessarily have to be romantically involved with that person. It
could be a friend, it could be a teacher. We
will talk all about those different theories later on. But
is the idea of a soulmate or a twin flame

(04:49):
something that can be backed up by science? I think
you know the answer. It's most likely a know. But
there is this wealth of kind background information and background
research that explains why we might have that feeling that
someone in our lives was someone we were meant to meet.

(05:09):
It might come from biology, it might come from attraction
and from compatibility, but there are certain reactions that come
from our interactions with others that make us more in
tune with someone else. And that's something I really want
to discuss. And there are also some dark to some
darker sides to believing that we have one person out
there for us. So a lot of really interesting things

(05:32):
we're talking about today. Let's dive right in. Okay, So
perhaps the first thing we should talk about is how
do we know if we've maybe met a soulmate. Maybe
you have someone in your life right now who you

(05:52):
think is your twin flame, you think they are your
other half, your better half, and how are we able
to discern that that person is really kind of divinely
meant to be with us, or whether we just have
a strong alignment with them. How do we know that,
you know, maybe if someone we've met might be one
of our soulmates, might be one of those deep, meaningful

(06:13):
connections we hold with us for our entire life. Well,
here are some of those indicators or characteristics of a
relationship that might indicate that the person they're connecting to
might be someone who you could connect to deeper or
who is potentially a soulmate, so you might feel a
connection with them almost instantly and on an intuitive level.

(06:35):
Intuition is not just kind of a mystical spiritual idea.
It's a legitimate scientific concept that has a lot of
evidence supporting its legitimacy and its existence. In psychology, the
idea of intuition, it's defined as kind of the productive
influence of unconscious emotional information. So intuition is kind of

(06:57):
like a brain process that gives us the ability to
make decisions without the use of analytical reasoning. Almost it's
almost the activity of the old brain, of this unconscious
thought process that is constantly going on in our minds
that allows us to make decisions without needing to think
about them every single second. And it applies when we

(07:20):
meet someone and we are unconsciously able to recognize something
unique about that person that somehow aligns with us, even
if that thought is not happening on a conscious, higher
up level. We're going to talk about personality compatibility later
on in this episode, but intuition and recognizing something similar
in someone else almost instantly is a core part of

(07:42):
why you might feel a deep connection with someone. But
there are some other indicators as well that you may
have met a soulmate or someone you are destined to meet.
You might feel a really strong chemistry upon meeting them,
an intense energy and intense connection. You feel understood because
of this strength of the bond that you have between
that person and yourself. And isn't that just an amazing feeling,

(08:05):
Feeling understood, feeling seen. Critically, You accept them at their
best and their worst, and they do the same for you.
I want to talk about that a little bit later on.
I think I have the saying that love is forgiveness,
and I think that idea of accepting people for their
flaws is really indicative that you've met someone you have
a really deep connection with you might recognize them. So

(08:30):
this sounds really wishy washy, maybe a little bit bizarre,
but I'm trying to put everything on the table. When
I say recognize them, I mean like you might physically
be like that person seems familiar. And some people might
say that you knew them in a past life and
therefore recognize them, and that there is some form of
bond that traverses space and time. In terms of scientific

(08:53):
evidence for this, there isn't much, but I do think
we've perhaps all maybe felt that way about someone else,
So even anecdotally. We may read something into the fact
that we can sometimes recognize people that we see as
soulmates and they feel familiar to us, like we've known
them before. You also have deep empathy towards one another.

(09:14):
Empathy is a crucial factor in most really close relationship,
so it makes sense that it turns up when we're
discussing twin flames. This was a really interesting one. I
saw this on a website and I really related to this.
You don't always need to speak to be able to connect.
I don't know if you've had that experience where you're
sitting in silence with someone and it feels comfortable, even enjoyable,

(09:39):
and you don't feel the need to feel that silence constantly.
You can still connect and communicate without talking or communicating verbally,
But when you do choose to communicate, it's honest, it's vulnerable,
and your values align Underneath that deep twin flame passionate
connection are deeper values that connect you to someone. I

(10:00):
think this makes a lot of sense. It's really difficult
to have a really deep relationship with someone who fundamentally
you don't agree on the same things. Fundamentally you have
different values and attitudes, towards respect for others, towards what
a good life means, about what you want out of life,
what's important. Another indicator you may have met your twin

(10:24):
flame or your soulmate is that you can let your
guard down and things feel easy. It's not strained, or
it's not difficult. My friend Kate always says this love
should be easy, and you can be vulnerable with that
person without fear, without feeling like there's judgment, that you're
saying the wrong things, that you're not able to speak
your truth, and this person supports your growth. Soulmates don't

(10:49):
enter our lives just to bring excitement and fun and
love and good times. This kind of soul contract is
some people call it is ultimately about deeper things. That
means your soulmate, in whatever form they arrive, will actively
support your growth and development as a person. They will
encourage you, they lift you up, They offer you practical

(11:12):
help so you can reach your goals. But sometimes this
can include hard truths. Like we've previously mentioned twin flames
or soulmates, they might just be there to really hold
up a mirror so you can observe yourself and in
that reflection you might not only see good things. You
might see some of those elements of yourself that you
want to work towards and improve. And I think that

(11:35):
is part of this greater idea of soulmates. It doesn't
need to be unconditional. But this love that you might
have for this other person and them for you is
about growing, and it's about learning lessons and building a
deeper understanding of yourself and your values. We're going to
talk about different types of soulmates now, as I'm sure
you've kind of gathered. I don't think that they're purely romantic.

(11:58):
And I do believe in the eye idea of soulmates
or twin flames, and I'm really stressing that plural form there.
I don't see our soulmate as being one person like
that traditional religious version of the idea is you know
that you were once one entity and now now you're two,
very Adam and Eve kind of mythology there. My belief

(12:21):
is that there are many people that we are meant
to meet and that we are meant to connect to,
and they don't always have to be in our life forever,
and they don't always have to be romantic. I have
friends who are soulmates to me? Who are people that,
like I said, would you kind of tick those boxes
across all of those indicators of supporting my growth, of
holding me accountable, being able to sit in silence. And

(12:45):
sometimes they're not even people that you know for longer
than a moment. But the idea of a soulmate is
someone that you feel divinely connected to, who comes into
your life and teaches you something and who feels familiar.
So romantic soulmates obviously what we think of when we
hear the term twin flame. Often you might hear people

(13:06):
call their partner their soulmate. There's someone who brings them passionate, intellectual, emotional,
and spiritual physical experiences and that sounds amazing, right, that
sounds fantastic. And if you've met someone you connect with
like that, the magic of these sensations can make us
feel like the love we share with that person was

(13:29):
meant to be, that it has divine purpose, divine timing.
And interestingly, this idea of a soulmate, it does appear
in a lot of cultures. So the Yiddish word for
soulmate is bash red, and it's the belief that before birth,
God decided your spouse and they are a matchmate in heaven.

(13:50):
Then the eye to the idea is that even before
you were born, God kind of decided who would be
your partner, and they're the person that you ultimately in
your life. I don't know how much I believe that,
but it's interesting that it's shown up throughout history, and
it's also perhaps kind of found in other parts of
the world and in other time frames, although it might
have some different names. So this is a theory, well

(14:14):
not really a theory but almost folklore, and it comes
out of East Asia and I was obsessed with this
when I was younger. I believed in this wholeheartedly. And
it's called the red Thread of fate and originally originated
from Chinese mythology, but it's also found throughout, like I said,
a lot of East Asian cultures, such as Japanese culture.

(14:37):
And the kind of myth or the legend is that
it's kind of thought as that there is an invisible
red chord around the finger of those who are destined
to meet another in any in their lifetime. And it's
the idea of true love that this red string, this
red thread connects you and according to Chinese ledge, and

(15:00):
the deity in charge of the red thread is believed
to be this person called U Law and they are
the old lunar matchmaker God who was in charge of marriages.
So these two people connected by this red thread are
destined lovers, regardless of place, time, circumstances, this magical chord,
the idea goes, It might stretch, it might tangle, but

(15:22):
it never breaks. And this myth is a very similar
to this Western concept of a soulmate or a destined partner.
And these kind of notions or folk stories and ideas
of a soulmate are beautiful and maybe you have imagined
what it would be like to love and connect with
someone that deeply. But when we analyze the idea of

(15:44):
a soulmate in the romantic sense from a psychological rather
than a spiritual perspective, it can become complicated and it
has a lot less to do with this mystical, worldly,
divine intervention. So research has highlighted a potentially darker side
to believing in soulmates when we aren't able to learn

(16:06):
or manage our expectations. So even a matchmate in heaven
will always experience conflict. And according to this really interesting
study done by this author called League Believing that a
soulmate relationship is somehow a finished product, something that you
find and that requires no work, is really detrimental. This

(16:28):
author did a bit of further research on this. He
says that there are two perspectives we can take when
it comes to romantic relationships and the idea that out
there exists our twin flame. Researchers into this belief and
to this kind of divine love identify two types of

(16:49):
thinkers when it comes to soulmates. We can call them
nonbelievers and believers, but they call them destiny believers and
growth believers. So a destiny believer they have these passionate, intense, fiery,
short term relationships, and they often think of love as
something that comes to you and something that is meant

(17:11):
to be, something that is effortless and easy and beautiful
and fully constructed upon arrival. Whereas growth believers they might
take a little bit longer to commit. They kind of
believe that love is something that requires work an effort,
that there might not be one perfect person out there

(17:31):
for you, but many people who you could find yourself
being really happy with. Growth believers within a relationship often
lead to more successful long term partnerships compared to so
called destiny believers, because they believe that issues and problems
and incompatibilities which will always emerge can be fixed and

(17:52):
work through. So essentially this research are found that those
people who believe in soulmates really deeply more likely to
break up, give up, or have difficult relationships if their
beliefs create a fixed attitude within that partnership. So an
unhealthy idea that soulmate union should be perfect perfect may

(18:13):
lead us to have, like I said, these passionate and
intense short term relationships, disillusionment and frustration over challenges. You
might impose deal breakers or unfair demands on your partner
because you have this specific idea of who your soulmate is.
You might also believe that love should be instant, that

(18:33):
all love is founded on instantaneous attraction and energy, when
in reality it might actually take time to build, and
like I said before, it might result in you moving
on rather than trying to fix your relationship problems if
you're of the belief that there is one person, one
perfect person, who is out there for you. On the

(18:53):
other hand, people who have a growth attitude towards relationships,
tend to take longer to commit, they stay longer, and
they look to find solutions and compromises in their relationship,
and believe that relationships take effort, and you grow to
fit each other, you grow to fit together, and they
believe that love is built. So regardless of whether there

(19:17):
is actually a perfect person out there for us, and
obviously that's up for debate, it is the very belief
in the idea of a soulmate that actually might be
most influential on whether we find love and the types
of connections we build with some people, and whether that
initial energy and chemistry we reveal with someone can be

(19:39):
built into something that is trusting and stable and long term.
Those are some of those some of the ideas around
romantic soulmates how we traditionally think of our twin flame.
But like I mentioned, I don't think that they always
have to do with intimacy, that these people we are
meant to meet are always going to be lovers or

(19:59):
people we connect with on a physical level. Friendship soulmates
are just as valid. Friends are an essential part of
our journey, and these types of soulmates are those that
help us laugh when we're in pain, they nurture us.
They flow with us when we're writing high. They challenge
us to be real and to be vulnerable and to

(20:21):
speak our truth. And they love us to spy our
problems and our flaws, and we love them for that
as well. These people are not those that were necessarily
attracted to or have a sexual relationship with, but they
are so critical for our well being and our sense
of belonging and love. And I think with traditional notions
of partnership, when you have your partner, when you've met

(20:43):
your match, if you're a monogamous person, you really only
have room for one. But the idea of friendship soulmates
means that you have opportunities to have multiple of these people.
And I feel very blessed to have been able to
meet some of the people like this in my life,
and they continue to be in my life. I specifically
remember meeting my best friend Zoe, and when I think

(21:06):
about those characteristics or indicators when you've met a soulmate,
they all seem to apply. It was our first day
of high school and I saw this girl sitting out
the front of our school and she was crying her hope.
She doesn't mind me saying this, but she was really
upset and I saw her and I was like, I
don't know what it was, but I was like, I'm
going to be friends with that person. I recognize her.
There's something about her that instant chemistry, and I went

(21:29):
up to her and I started talking to her, and
ever since then we have been so close, thick as thieves.
It's like she knows me better than I know myself,
and it doesn't necessarily mean that her love is unconditional.
I think the reason why I see her as a
soulmate and why we are so close, and I've said
this to her so many times, is that she also

(21:51):
sees and knows my bad qualities. She knows the worst
things about me and still loves me and can look
past them, and has this idea of me that is
not delusional and is forgiving and acknowledges me for who
I truly am on a deep level. And I hope
that I do the same for her. So I hope
that emphasizes the importance of friendships as soulmates and friends

(22:15):
as twin flames, because sometimes that's who they are. There
are a couple other ideas. I think, maybe The traditional
way to go about this would be to talk about
friends and to talk about romance. But I found this
concept that I thought was really interesting. Two concepts actually. Firstly,
it's the idea that we have teacher soulmates in life,
not just romantic and friends, and not just romantic soulmates

(22:38):
and friendship soulmates, but teacher soulmates. And to a certain extent,
we learn from all people in one way or another,
but especially with our teacher twin flames. They might be
a valued mentor or healer in your life who you
meet with divine timing. They could be an inspirational professor
from school who encourages you to pursue something new, thinking

(23:02):
about the dead poet society, I don't know why, and
you know. They could even be a total stranger who
has really wise words for you. They could be a grandparent,
someone who whose role in your life is to teach
you and change the course of your life forever. And
there's the idea of lifelong soulmates. These people might not

(23:22):
necessarily be your partner, You might not necessarily be friends,
but they're people that you know your entire life, who
support you like no other. Lifelong Soulmates are those strong
partnerships that stay with us throughout our lives. They might
include business partners or family members, sisters, siblings, brothers. Some

(23:43):
people are just meant to be there and meant to
be by your side, but some people aren't. I don't
think that we should be confusing soulmates with this notion
of forever, although that might be what traditional ideas tell us.
There's a saying maybe you know it, I do really
love it, and the saying is a reason a season

(24:04):
or a lifetime. People aren't meant to be in your
life forever. Just because you form a strong bond with
someone doesn't mean you need to hang onto them for
your whole life. Different types of soulmate relationships may last
for different amounts of times, maybe days, some years, and
some a lifetime. But people sometimes are just passing through

(24:27):
and you're in each other's lives to teat each other
something an important lesson. And I think the word soulmate
does signifies does signify kind of a deep and intense bond,
but that doesn't mean it means to be forever or
it needs to be perfect. And just because it doesn't
last for your lifetime doesn't mean it hasn't been valuable

(24:47):
or it's not a true soulmate connection. Okay, so there
is a lot to make of this and this notion
of destiny and soulmates. Many of the explanations we've kind
of slightly touched on so far have all rested on
ideas of a higher power or a deep spiritual path,

(25:11):
some form of deity that leads us to our person
And although I love this idea and it might feel true,
there are some other explanations for why we may have
that immediate connection with some people but not others, and
why this might lead us to confuse someone we've met
as being a soulmate, either romantically or otherwise. This is

(25:32):
a psychology podcast, so let's talk about some ideas of
biology and personality and compatibility that might provide a better
explanation for the idea and existence of soulmates rather than
a spiritual perspective. So, there have been a lot of
theories that certain personality types are more compatible for decades.

(25:53):
Decades and decades, experts have kind of tried to classify
the possible different types of personalities in kind of an
attempt to understand why everyone is different yet similar and
why some people get along better than others. I'm sure
you might have a coworker or a friend who, for
some reason, they just grind your gears. There's something about them.

(26:14):
You can't put your finger on it, but you just
don't get along, Whereas there are other people who it's
like they could do no harm. They nothing they do
pisses you off. They are like perfectly suited to you.
So I don't know if you've heard about this, but
this is called the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, and it's
one of those tools we were just talking about that's
been developed to identify personality types and to identify compatibility.

(26:39):
I'm going to put this out here. I know a
lot of people do their MBTI or their personality type,
but it's not particularly evidence based, and its validity is
often kind of question. But it's a really really interesting
kind of experiment to really think about the traits that
define you. And if you have heard of Myers Briggs,

(26:59):
it's essentially kind of gives you an idea of where
you stand on a spectrum of traits. So there's four
main kind of letters or comparisons within this personality type.
So are you extroverted or are you introverted? Do you
sense or do you intuit? Are you thinking or are
you a feeling person? And do you judge or do
you simply perceive? And if you want to do it,

(27:22):
it's free, it's online. It's very interesting, and it's based
on these personality theories of Carl Jung, and he kind
of proposed this system of personality types based on your
attitudes around these four kind of equations and how you
feel in these situations, whether whether you are in a
situation and you judge what people are doing or you

(27:42):
simply perceive it, whether you react with your heart or
your brain. These kind of attitudes and these reactions, they
are the basis of your personality, which is a distinctive
kind of combination of thoughts, emotions, and experiences that make
you who you are. It's unique and complex. It does
change and adapt to circumstances. But there are some people

(28:04):
who possess a similar personality or compatible traits, and it
means that you're better able to connect and share beliefs
and attitudes with them and you see the world the
same way. Compatibility of obviously falls across a spectrum, and
it may be that those we share a lot in
common with on a personality and trait level. Are people

(28:26):
we come to see as soulmates, not because of some
divine connection, but because of something a lot simpler, which
is that we are similar. We are similar, our personalities
gel really well. They might also be feeling. They might
also be very intuitive, they might also be extroverted. And
because you see the world similarly, you're able to connect

(28:47):
and you're able to discuss and be vulnerable with each other,
particularly romantic compatibility. It depends on a lot of factors
and circumstances, and this is just one of many ways
to look at it. But I also think that compatible
ability doesn't just hinge on this inventory of personality traits.
It's not something that you just have. You can also
work to be more compatible. It's a process. And obviously

(29:10):
our personality changes over the course of our lifetime, as
things happen, as events happen to us, as we grow,
as we mature. So I think that compatibility it's a disposition,
and it's an attitude, and it can be worked on,
and you can come to see things the way others
see it, and you can come to share a similar outlook. Okay,

(29:31):
we've talked about personality and compatibility as an explanation for
White for this idea of soulmates. But what about physical reactions.
I think biology, as simple as it sounds, can really
explain this deep sensation of having met your twin flame.
So another explanation for that unconscious pull and energy we

(29:54):
might feel towards someone who we might perceive as a soulmate.
It comes from activity in our nervous system and within
our hormones and within our brain. Sometimes it's difficult to
distinguish what is lost and what is love, particularly when
we're talking about someone who we feel a soul connection to.

(30:17):
There are just some people we find really attractive and
more alluring and the resulting reactions in our body. They
are often controlled by instinctual patterns such as our libido.
That explains why we feel deep chemistry with someone. It
might just come from attraction. So a likely cause behind

(30:37):
this kind of intense soulmate reaction or this infatuation the
chemical reactions that take place in your brain when you're
aroused and when you see something that you like. So
when you see someone you're attracted to, there are a
couple of things that happen in your brain So firstly,
this is a hormone. It's called pea or phenolatin. It's

(30:57):
a natural hormone that's emitted by your body and it
speeds up the communication between your nerve cells and triggers
the release of dopamine, our favorite happy hormone. Dopamine is
the hormone and the neurotransmitter behind feelings of bliss and
joy and ecstasy. At the same time, when we are

(31:18):
attracted to someone, our body releases nor openehrin, which is
an arousal or stress hormone that consequently stimulates the production
of adrenaline. So combined these three chemicals, they act almost
as an amphetamine, and they elevate our energy levels and
our mood and the effects of these chemicals usually it
can last up to six months to three years if

(31:43):
we're continuing to stay on that high, and of course
if you're not around them all the time, those hormones
are released every time you see them, so you kind
of are chasing this high. And it might be that
the people we consider our soulmates, especially on a romantic level,
are really in our life because of the physical and
biological reactions that their physical appearance or their way of

(32:06):
making us feel creates in our bodies. There are some
other theories. I want to talk to one that's really popular,
and I'm sure we see a lot in the media.
If you're on TikTok, you might see this a lot.
It's become a bit of psycho bubble. It's called love bombing.
Love Bombing is a pretty known, almost narcissistic, controlling action

(32:29):
that partners often use to cause us to fall deeply
in love with them or to be deeply attracted and
infatuated with them. Love Bombing involves the repeated and consistent
giving of gifts, giving of attention, giving of love and
of services for a brief period of time until we're
hooked on another person and then reality kind of hits.

(32:50):
It could be that if you feel you've met your soulmate,
maybe sit back and think about whether you're being love
bombed and the reactions that's creating that excitement and that
attention is really why you feel a deep connection and
why you feel deep passion and deep energy. There's also
models of addiction that explain ideas of twin flames and soulmates.

(33:11):
Like I said, when we are attracted to someone the
way that that feeling kind of reacts and is created
in our body is through the release of dopamine. Dopamine
is also associated with a lot of addictive practices like
gambling and drug addiction and alcohol addiction. It could be
that the release and the varied release of dopamine by

(33:31):
this person is causing you to become addicted to them
because they are a source of real joy and pleasure
and bliss. I think also it's worth considering alternative models.
Not everyone believes in soulmates, and that's completely valid. It
does have a lot of spiritual connos connotations, you know,
the idea of a soul and of a twin flame

(33:54):
of someone that you're divinely and you're meant to meet
them and they're meant to be in your life. But
there are some other perspectives. I have friends who I
really admire and I really agree with them when they
tell me that relationships aren't meant to be divine spiritual things.
They aren't meant to be easy. They might not meant
to be instant, but they take effort and they require work.

(34:16):
And the person who you love the most might not
necessarily be the best partner for you. The person who
you believe is your twin flame, and who you connect
with on that really deep level maybe isn't who you
should end up with. It's the person who matches you
the best, who suits your personality the best, who wants
to shares the similar values as you do, who would

(34:39):
be a good partner because you know that you're going
to work well together even after that initial spark may
have faded. Well, everyone, I hope you enjoyed this brief
synthesis around some of the psychology behind twin flames and
the idea that we might have a soulmate. I think

(35:01):
regardless of what you believe, it does feel amazing when
you connect with someone really deeply, whether they are someone
you're romantically interested in, or a friend, or you know,
even a sibling or a parent, someone who you feel
this deep, intuitive relationship with. So if that's what you're after,

(35:22):
go for it. I think some of the other theories
that we discussed are really interesting about where that could
lead us. If we believe that there is one love
that is destined to be ours, it might result in
you're giving up on something that could be really great
before you've really tried it out because you have these
deal breakers because you have this notion and belief in love.
I'm not telling you to settle, but it is I

(35:44):
think some research to kind of take in and to
apply to your own perspective and attitude towards love. It's
also worth considering some of those other theories, those biological theories,
love bombing, addiction, the right time, putting work into relationships.
All in all of an incredibly interesting topic and one

(36:05):
that I had a lot of fun researching. Like I
always say when I end these episodes, if this resonated
with you, if you enjoy this content, and if you
feel cooled to do so, please feel free to leave
a five star review on Apple or Spotify. It really
helps the podcast grow and we have so many new

(36:26):
listeners at the moment. Hello to you all, and to
all of you who've reached out to me. It is
just insane to me. I really, I just can't fathom
how many people want to listen to my voice. I
don't even know it's yeah, I'm kind of stumbling over
my words a little bit, but I feel really, really grateful,

(36:48):
so thank you for all of your support. It really
is just insane. It blows my mind and I really
appreciate it. Follow us on Instagram. It's where I get
a lot of my topic ideas from. So if you
have something that we haven't talked about before that you
think would be a really good match with some of
these psychological explanations, shoot it. Shoot it to me, send
it to me. I will read it, and I will

(37:10):
let you know what I think, and hopefully we'll be
able to integrate it into a future episode. But thank
you so much for listening. Enjoy your lovely, beautiful weeks,
your weekends wherever you are in the world, and I
will see you next week for another episode.