September 5, 2019 • 36 mins
Ron meets with a childcare expert to discuss the trials of parenthood. Jon Brion joins the studio for a children’s sing-a-long special.
Credits:
Ron Burgundy: Host, Writer, Executive Producer
Carolina Barlow: Co-Host, Writer, and Producer.
Producers: Whitney Hodack, Jack O'Brien, Miles Gray, and Nick StumpfExecutive Producer: Mike FarahConsulting Producer: Andrew SteeleCoordinating Producer: Colin MacDougallAssociate Producers: Anna Hossnieh and Sophie LichtermanWriter: Jake FogelnestProduction Coordinator: Hannah Jacobson This episode was Engineered, Mixed and Edited by: Nick StumpfMusic Clearance by Suzanne Coffman
Guest Expert: Liz
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Rom bargenpo podcast It's fun. But how pay podcast it's
him and now Prombag podcast It's hot. Oh yeah. Oh,
by the way, one other thing that was another one
(00:22):
of our fabulous theme songs from the band Dawes. They
are just a great group of guys that I met
at the Olympic Auditorium during Mexican Wrestling night. H Those
guys are a hoot and they know their stuff. They
really know how to play instruments, which is important when
you want to start a band. Welcome back to our show.
(00:43):
Anyone listening knows that a while back, I used to
be a doulah. Yes, for a few months or so,
I worked in a small Polish village and I helped
deliver the babes no education or training. It was just
very intuitive and very knowledge jible. And if you're ever
in Poland and you find yourself in a beautiful small
(01:03):
town called Malburg, pop into their local elementary school. You'll
find a whole classroom of children I delivered. They're doing great.
One kid still has his unbilical cord. Actually, Alexander, he's
like four, Um, Where's what's going on? Where's this story going? Oh? Yeah,
Today's episode is on childcare. To the parents out there,
(01:27):
you made a human. Now what you rinse them off?
You wrap them in a towel, then you you put
them down somewhere. And what do you do between meals?
Just sit there, read a book? How do you fill
the time with these strange creatures? That's your Is this
your childcare advice? Yes it is. But before we get
to all of that, let's read some of our online comments.
(01:47):
Right Welcome to our online comments segment today. I actually
showed Ron our podcast page on Apple Music, and there's
a whole section where people can write in and tell
me how much they like me. Well, they can leave reviews,
so that's it. Okay, they just leave reviews great, good,
So a whole host of reviews, and we have the
(02:08):
page pulled up right here. So what I wanted to
say is that some of them might be not so nice.
I mean, people actually tend to avoid reading their reviews
online because with every nice one, there's always a few
really mean ones, you know, So just something to keep
in mind. Run, are you listening, I'm reading? Okay, Oh look,
(02:31):
this guy gave our podcast a star. He gave us
one star. He wrote garbage, terrible, trash podcast. See, this
is what I was trying to say. I'm confused. What
does he mean? Um? I think he's just saying that
our podcast isn't really his cup of tea. He's being confusing.
(02:52):
I mean that comment is random, random alert. It seems
like he's out of his mind or on a bender
or something. You know. Let's just look at another one. Okay, Oh,
here we actually have another star another one star review. Okay.
It starts by saying stupid poop. Okay, well that's funny.
(03:14):
And he also said this is a poop podcast, worthless, shameful. Oh,
who do you think he's talking about? Here? You for me?
I feel like I don't know. Well, it's about our show.
It's not about me. Well, it's not about me. I'm
not stupid poop. Okay. I mean, can you for absolute
(03:35):
certain say that he's not talking about you specifically. I
think he just doesn't like our show. Okay, Carolina, Sure,
it's about our show. Sure, Okay, one more. Let's look
at this one. Oh, this one gave us like eight
million stars stars, a constellation of stars. All right, this
guy says, Ron is du man, dude, Wow, Ron's demand dude,
(04:03):
Ron is demand. Are you just rereading it? Oh? My god?
Are you getting emotional? What can I say? He's a
good writer who said the art of criticism was dead.
My god. The reviews are in and I'm the man.
(04:23):
It's official, Carolina, We've got to do this more often.
I mean, it says it says it right here. I'm
the man, and I think this was really helpful feedback.
Do yeah, let's take a commercial break, Carolina and I
are going to toast some champagne over these reviews. Stay tuned,
(04:44):
will be back with a childcare expert. Carolina, We did it.
Welcome back to the childcare episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
(05:05):
Many people have been writing me asking for my experience
as a doulah and asking me how to take care
of their little ones. But what we decided to do
is to speak with another expert beside myself about some
of the most important questions of your life as it
pertains to children. So joining us here in studio is Liz,
(05:27):
our childcare expert. Liz. Thank you for coming on the
podcast today, Thanks for having me. Thank you. Yes, and so, Liz,
what exactly is your title? How should I address you?
You can address me as Liz, Okay, I can tell
you some of the things that I do every case. Yes, um, So,
(05:47):
I run a developmental center for young children ages two
to five, and so we get to really be partners
with families um in their children's development and it's pretty wonderful.
And we get to know the kids really well and
get to see them grow and develop over years. So
you know your stuff, I hope so. Yes. Um, Well,
(06:09):
I'm a doula, so we're kind of cut from the
same close. What conversation topics do you broach with a baby?
You know, I don't know what they know or or
what they like. Hell, I don't even know anything about them.
Great thing about talking to babies is every moment that
you're in relation with a baby, that you're connected with
(06:32):
the baby. They're learning how to exist in the world.
So you can talk to a baby that proven. We
don't know that. We know that for sure. Babies they're
very smart. Okay, I think we'll agree to disagree on
that one. Have you seen a baby fly helicopter? That's
(06:52):
a good point. Yes, thank you, I appreciate that feedback. Yeah. Um,
what's the best trap to get a baby to stop crying?
There are no tricks to get babies to stop crying.
But babies are absolutely perfectly wired to be responsive to
soothing by a parent or a caregiver. So a baby
(07:16):
who stops crying as a baby who isn't hungry or
isn't hurting, or isn't exhausted, and so so they're trying
to express themselves and the only way they know how to,
because they're not that smart, is to cry. Yes, so
like a bottle full of rum and coke, that's not
that's an old wives that's helped you. Yes, well, that's
(07:39):
what my mother used to do to me, right, and
you do sometimes still and tears. Have a sip of
rum and coke out of a baby's bottle that will
call me? That makes it feel more special? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you feel and you feel really big when you're holding
it because it's small for a baby's hand. I didn't
realize that that's what was happening. From a psychological psychological
psych psychological psychological got it. And here's a question that
(08:04):
comes up a lot. I'm sure, how do you teach
your kids that farting is embarrassing. It's a really hard
thing to do because so much of our work with
little kids focuses on not pouring our shame and despair
at being humidating them. So there is a little moment
that you have to switch into, and it really is
(08:26):
how big they are, because it's how gross their farts are. Huh,
So little fartstars are shame free. And then it's right
around that six year old birthday they get when it
gets nasty because it's individual for every chime. I mean,
even as an adult, you know, farting is funny, but
it's not. We've had to talk to Ron about how
(08:48):
farting is. Ron parting is embarrassing, but it's got it funny. Now,
how do you teach children leash manners? You know? Because
mine tugs at his when I take him to Disneyland.
I put him on a leash and he just tugs away.
How do you teach them don't pull on the leash
so much? The kids on leash is something that I
(09:10):
never understood until I actually started working with young children,
and then I thought, wow, someone had a very smart idea,
because how can you possibly keep them safe? So, like
teaching anything to a young child, you repeat, you model,
you provide consistent support. So any treats. Do you give
them food treats? It depends. People may find this controversial,
(09:33):
but I trained my child by giving walter kibble. Yeah
was it kibble? Or no? It was real kibble. Yes,
you took a hated it. He didn't respond well, So
I turned kibble into milk duds, and then he learned
not to pull on the leash. By the way, has
(09:55):
anyone seen my kibble? Is my bag of kibble still
there in the studio? Someone took it. I snack on
kibble occasionally, But that's that's nothing to do with what
we're talking about. Um, what do you say when your
kids shows you a picture they drew and I don't
know how to phrase this and it's a piece of
s Do you tell them you like it? You know,
(10:19):
I'll probably ask questions about it, just let's face it.
Sometimes the letters are backwards and you know, you can't
even figure out what they're drawing, and that sort of thing.
I'll find something in it that really grabs my attention
that I really like and start the conversation that way.
I probably wouldn't lead with it's not meeting our quality standards.
(10:42):
I told my son once when he was in third grade.
And I meant this with nothing but affection. But watch it, dummy,
Ron sent you a picture of Run that Run found unflattering.
I'm not raising a mon net, that's for sure. Continue.
Here's an interesting question. Well, my dad used to kick
(11:02):
me out of the car and have me walk home
when I was being a real sass mouth. Um, can
I have him arrested for child abuse today? You probably
can't have him arrested for child abuse today. But I'm
really sorry that happened to you. That must have been
really hard. Yeah, I mean, in hindsight, I kind of appreciate.
I mean, he wasn't equipped emotionally with the tools to
(11:23):
kind of help me along. Um so, but it was Yeah,
I was weird. Yeah, that sounds like that was really
really hard for you. Because this is before navigation or anything.
How did you find your way home? Well? I didn't
for like a month. One year you lived with That
was when you said that that was your wolves year,
(11:44):
that was my wolves, my coyote year. Yep. Um. But
speaking of my father, I mean, could I could I
literally send police to his nursing home right now like
a swat team? No? Okay, okay, I was joking. By
the way, I would never do that unless you said yes.
(12:04):
That's why I was really careful to say a firm no.
I didn't want you to think that you could negotiate
with that. I wanted to be really strong so you
could feel really safe and secure with the answer that
I was giving you, which is no. Ron, what parting
is embarrassing, but it's funny, Liz, what's a trick or
(12:27):
um on terms of how to talk to children that
more you see most people do wrong? Is that too
broad of a question. Oh no, that's pretty top of
mind for me. Um. So adults parents are blowing it constantly.
There are two things that when I see parents doing
that I know is really well meaning, I get really
excited about how to gently adjust them out of the habits.
(12:49):
And the first is when parents say, use your words
when their child is having a tantrum or struggling. The
parent is trying to say, hey, we can talk this out.
I'm here, I can listen to you. But what they're
actually saying is, you know that hardest thing for you
to do, the most difficult way that you have to communicate,
(13:09):
use that right now while you're in a panic and
you're crying and you're struggling. Um, So instead of saying
use your words, all advise parents to offer their kids
what they know their kids are trying to say in
that moment. This is helping me so much because Ron
was having a tantrum earlier today and I did, I was,
I was, I said your words, and he was having
(13:32):
it was there was he was trying to formulate the words,
but they weren't coming. Now I see that was me.
Let's walk through that. Let's do a do over on
Ron's tantrum and walk through what maybe you could do
the next time to help you guys stay connected in
that really hard moment. Is that okay? Yeah? Sure. So
Ron's crying, I'm just gonna let him go. So what
(13:57):
I would say right there is, Ron, I see you
looking for your bag of a kibble and you seem
really frustrated that you can't find it. Would you like
some help so we can look for your kidble together.
It's I Ron, I still see that you're looking at
your kibble. I'd like to help you, but it's up
(14:19):
on a high shelf. You hm, partying is embarrassing by
your face. Sorry, that is sort of usually where it ends.
I usually lash out and I always apologize. That's my
(14:40):
rule is seven days. I have to apologize within seven days.
And I wait. I waited out, and sometimes it doesn't come,
but sometimes it does, and sometimes it comes at the
eleventh hour, end of day six exactly exactly do children, um,
have you ever been bitten by a child? I was
bitten by a child about thirty seconds before I left.
(15:03):
Their teeth marks? Can you show I can't show you
the teeth marks, but there are teeth marks. There usually are,
so they this this child really clamped on wow, and
it was great. It was one of my favorite moves,
which is the sneak attack, which is it's a pretend
leg hug and then I go, I fall for the hug.
(15:24):
Every time that a misguided show of affection or was
it out of anger? In this case, it was a
child who just had too much kids inside the little
body at that moment, So it wasn't. This is a
child I have a great relationship with, We have a
good rapport which each other. He wasn't trying to hurt
(15:46):
people exactly, and he just got so fired up, too
much person in a little body, and I've got to
bite someone, so he chommed me right as I walked out.
There is a famous football player, well soccer, Louise Suarez,
and he's bitten players at opposing teams a couple of times.
(16:09):
What does that say about how was he raised as
a child? Do we do the tool of you just
bit me? I think you would say the truth of
what happened, you would label it, you would offer help,
you would offer a boundary, and in that moment you
would have to say, I can't let you bite me.
I can't let you bite me, Louise Sorez exactly, And
so it illustrates that it's and if you do it again,
(16:32):
there'll be consequences exactly. Yeah. Gotta be funny if if
you ever had a chance to meet Louise Sourez in person,
just bite him right away on the cheek, preemptively two
show that I was dominant for no, just like I
know your tricks. I'm gonna bite you before you can
bite me. I don't know if I would encourage that
(16:53):
strategy with adults or with kids. I see that sometimes
play out with very little hold on Liz. Sometimes you
are backed into a order in a certain situation and
you've exhausted all other ways of negotiation, and the only
way to get out of it is to bite someone
shark your way right out. We've all been there. They
messed up my order at Starbucks like three times one day,
(17:16):
and finally I just reached across the counter and I
bit the young lady in the hand. I guess what
happened next time I came in They had my order right.
So I'm just saying it's hard to I'm not I'm
not in support of it, but there are just sometimes
when it's the only option. Yeah, No, it's true. And
(17:41):
on occasion when I'm on a transcontinental flight and I'm
just bored, No it's a it's a red eye, we'll
just randomly bite someone on the foot and then scurry
back to my seat so they can't see that it
was you. Well, just to get it, just because I'm
bored up, all scurry like a little like a little
field now us back to my seat, giggling like a
(18:03):
school girl. Oh that's so. I wish you hadn't told
me that. There is nothing more pleasurable than hearing someone
up in first classgowing someone just bit me and knowing
it was you. But yeah, I've got my technics shots.
So what's good at least well is we cannot thank
(18:25):
you enough. Thank you so much visiting us here. You
are providing a service that is invaluable to the youth
of America and to our relationship, and you helped us out.
Yes exactly. Thanks again, thank you. And now for our
(18:55):
nursery rhyme segment with composer and musician John Ryan. Welcome
to the podcast, John, how are you today. I'm very well,
nice to be here. What do you say we we
kick it off with a little row row row your boat. Um.
This is one I have fond memories of singing this
nursery rhyme with my mother as a little boy. She
(19:15):
used to sing it to me to entice me into
the tub when it was bathtime. And oh man, did
I hate bathtime as a kid. I just loved being
covered in dirt and sand and motor oil. You know
how kids today play with that slime stuff. When I
was a child, we didn't have slime, So I used
to play with a can of Pen's oil motor oil.
(19:37):
I just poured all over myself, even into my mouth,
and laugh like an idiot. If I could If I
could have it my way, I would have stayed covered
in motor oil all day long. But Mom wouldn't have it.
You just don't want a child covered in motor oil
rolling all over your white couch. Anyway, we would just
sing this during bathtime when my mom would help scrub
(19:59):
the motor oil off my tiny body. John, quick question
before we start. Did you play with motor oil as
a as a baby? Exclusively? That's what I thought, Carolina.
How about yourself? Oh no, not come on, I just
not once, not ever. That might cause brain damage. I
think every child has had a fond memory of playing
(20:20):
with motor oil. John, why don't we start here? Road, road, Road,
your boot gently down the stream, merely, merely, merely, merely
(20:43):
life is but it's lovely, just the way I remember it. Wow,
that was beautiful, short and sweet. Next up, hot cross Buns.
This nursery rhyme is one I think we're all familiar with,
and it's called hot cross Buns. I've always been interested
(21:07):
in the origin of nursery rhymes and these little songs.
They seem to have existed forever in some shape or form,
usually a simple melody with simple lyrics dating back to
the nineteenth century. So I was curious about the history
behind hot cross Buns, so I looked it up on
the computer last night. This song was originally written ages
(21:27):
ago by a couple of guys you actually might be
familiar with. John Lennon and Paul McCartney recorded over two
sessions on July THIRTI, nineteen sixty two, one in the
morning and one in the afternoon. The final version of
hot Cross Buns were all familiar with is actually a
combination of the seventeenth and twenty first take of the song,
(21:51):
produced by George Martin and appearing on the Beatles second
UK album With the Beatles. It's just such specifically wrong
information with a little bit of Beatlemania. Children and adults
have been singing hot cross Buns ever since, So let's
give it a dry hot cross buns, Hot cross buns.
(22:16):
One A penny to a penny, Hot cross buns. I
have no daughters, Give them to your sons, A penny
to a penny, hot cross bun. I'd like that you
(22:37):
did the version from the earlier take. Yeah, the Bootlegs, Yes,
thank you. Of course John Brian would know it's from
the Bootlegs. Carolina you had no idea. I guess I
need to be I don't know educated more on the
history of the Beatles. You just have to collect all
the imports. That's That's what it comes down to, collecting
the imports. Okay, this next one, this is personally one
(23:02):
of my favorite nursery rhymes. I was. I was an
extremely colic a three year old, so my mother had
to sing this to me every night to fall asleep,
and boy did it work. Um John, I think you're
familiar with this tune as well. It's it's an it's
an old, old nursery rhyme. I believe it's an old
Dutch classic. It is, and it's called play in the Well.
(23:29):
No one knows what time it is. Everyone knows what
time it is. Time for a nap, no time for
a treat, no time to read a book. No, what's
that you say, Let's go play in the well. It's
(23:50):
a cold art of mourn, So let's play in the well.
We play in the well until the cold wind blows.
We play in the well, and the old lady knows. Joseph, Maria, Gertrude,
and Paul they never came back. They never came back.
(24:14):
At all, what's that you say, Let's go play in
the well. It's a cold autumn morn, so let's play
in the well. The old lady screams in the middle
of the night, she lost her hand from the wolves.
What a fight? Joseph, Maria, Gertrude and Paul. They never
(24:41):
came back. They never came back. They never came back.
Oh oh, it brings back such joy, really does. A
personal favorite of mine. It's so dark. It's dark, as
(25:06):
in like a cozy little bedroom, dark like Grandma's quilt. Yes,
it is dark. There's some blade runner um, I don't
think so. And then it's about four missing children. Actually
that one is actually based on a true story. Yes,
so sure, all right. This next one is probably the
(25:29):
most famous nursery rhyme I can think of. It's so famous.
I think if you went up to someone on the
street right now and pulled out a switchblade and held
it to their neck and screamed, name a nursery rhyde,
this is the one they would think of. Even in
the state of panic and tear of being randomly accosted
by someone with the switch blade, The first thing that
(25:52):
would probably pop into their head would be Twinkle Twinkle,
Little Star. A fun fact about this song. It's it's
lyrics come from an English poem written by Jane Taylor. Wait,
that wasn't really a fun fact. Caroline asked you to
gather some fun facts about some of these nursery rhymes.
(26:12):
What's what's fun about that? It's hard to find a
fun fact. But the lyrics come from an old poem.
Some lady named Jane wrote, that's a fact. Who cares?
I don't know. It's not a fun fact. Try to
find something. We need to have a sidebar conversation about
what constitutes fun facts, because you could have just said
(26:33):
I couldn't find any fun facts. It's just a basic fact.
Because it set my expectation. You were exciting. I was
so excited for the fun fact, and it's just a
basic fact, all right, John, First of all, I apologize
for all that back and forth. John, Twin Twinkle little Star,
(26:54):
How I wonder what you above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky, whin the blazing sun
is gone, when he nothing shines upon. Then you show
(27:16):
your little light, twinkle twinkle all the night in the
traveler in the dark. Thanks you for your tiny spark.
How could he see where to go if you did
(27:38):
not twinkle? So the dark blue sky you keep often
through my curtain's peep for you never shut your eye
till the sun is in the sky as you or
(28:00):
bright and tiny spark lights the traveler in the Dokh,
I no not what you are. Twinkle Twinkle to star,
(28:23):
Twinkle twinkle. That's gorgeous, John Bryan, everyone that was epic. Yeah,
it might be hard to fall asleep to that for
like little kids. No, that's gonna love them to sleep
into a deep rem state off the first note. Okay,
(28:49):
we're gonna now sing Bob a black Sheet. I mean, musically,
it's very similar to another nursery rhyme, Twinkle Twinkle little stir.
In fact, if you think about it, both Boba Black
Sheep and Tweet Gold Twinkle Little Star, or T T
L S as I like to refer to it, are
also very similar to the Alphabet song, which I'd like
to refer to as T A S. The Alphabet song.
(29:11):
It's it's almost like a lot of these nursery rhymes
just used the same tune over and over again. Do
you find that John a little bit? You know, they're
written by three year olds. What do you expect? Or
it's extremely lazy adults who have no creativity whatsoever. Look,
there's a lot of people who just want to make
money from writing, and they populate many buildings about this time.
(29:34):
I mean, you can't write the same melody over and
over again, can you? I mean I've watched you work.
You work your tail off, right, I try you bring
your lunch pail. I mean, perhaps you've heard some of
my work I wrote up. Oh that's gorgeous the way
you dropped it down there, Say what? I was really
(30:07):
one of my finest. That was a little macabre twinkle
twinkle scooby doola, Yes, Edgar Allan Poe esque. That's what
it sounds like when ar Allen Poe wakes up from
(30:27):
a nap. That's his snooze on his alarm clock. I'm
so excited about this next nursery rhyme. It's the one
I sang to my son Walter all the time, and
he he loved it. So many fond memories of singing
this nursery rhyme with my my little guy when he
was a tyke. It's a simple little tune that's been
a huge part of our lives, always has, always will be.
(30:51):
There's not a child anywhere in the world that hasn't
sung this song. I think you should start this one. Okay,
let me start it with it. M little something. Life's
(31:24):
like a road that you travel along wind. There's one
day here and the next day's gone. Sometimes you've been,
sometimes you stand, Sometimes you turn your back to the wind.
There's a world outside every darken door, where the blues
won't aren't you anymore, where the braver free and the
lover's soul come. Ride with me to the distan shore.
We will hesitate, break down that garden gate. There's not
(31:48):
much left to day light the highway. I won't ride
it all night. If you're going in my way, I
want to drive it all night long. Forget the words.
(32:10):
I'm just gonna do it this way. I'll keep jumping
up the part again, Live the high Way. I won't
(32:44):
ride it all night long. This is for you, Walter.
I love you so much. If you're going in my way,
I will drive it night long. M hm oh my God.
(33:18):
Classic nursery rhyme is that Life as a Highway by
Tom Cochrane. Thank you for listening. Everyone. This was nursery
rhymes with John Brian. Thank you John for joining us.
What a pleasure here. We'll be right back with the
Ron Burgundy Podcast after these messages. Welcome back to the
(33:48):
Ron Burgundy Podcast. We're all babies, we've just gotten older. Wow,
that was really deep. I'm gonna fox some people up
with that one. When I was a doulah, I once
helped a Polish woman eager give birth to three Polish babies.
It's called triplets. It happens once in a while. I
(34:12):
pressed a damp washcloth up to the mother's forehead and
brought her three little babies up to her face so
she could meet them for the first time. They were
just covered in this red and blue muck. Was just disgusting,
all of it, and they were loud anyway. That was
my last day on the job after those triplets. Well,
(34:35):
three's a crowd. I'm in retirement. But don't worry now.
My podcast listeners are my real babies, and just like
my actual child, I'll pay attention to you for another
two years. We'll be back next Thursday on the Ron
Burgundy Podcast. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
(35:01):
for listening. That was great. The Ron Burgundy Podcast is
a production of I Heart Radio and Funnier Die. I'm
Ron Burgundy. The host, writer and executive producer, Carolina Barlow
(35:23):
is my co host, writer and producer. Our producers are
Jack O'Brien, Nick Stump, Miles Gray, and Whitney Odeck. Our
executive producer is Mike Faerman. Our consulting producer is Andrew Steele.
Our coordinating producer is Colin McDougald. Our associate producers are
Anna Hosnier and Sophie Lichterman. Our writer is Jake Foglist.
(35:45):
Our production coordinator is Hannah Jacobson. This episode was engineered, mixed,
and edited by Nick Stuff. Until next time, this is
Ron Burgundy. Mm hmm
Rom bargenpo podcast It's fun. But how pay podcast it's
him and now Prombag podcast It's hot. Oh yeah. Oh,
by the way, one other thing that was another one
(00:22):
of our fabulous theme songs from the band Dawes. They
are just a great group of guys that I met
at the Olympic Auditorium during Mexican Wrestling night. H Those
guys are a hoot and they know their stuff. They
really know how to play instruments, which is important when
you want to start a band. Welcome back to our show.
(00:43):
Anyone listening knows that a while back, I used to
be a doulah. Yes, for a few months or so,
I worked in a small Polish village and I helped
deliver the babes no education or training. It was just
very intuitive and very knowledge jible. And if you're ever
in Poland and you find yourself in a beautiful small
(01:03):
town called Malburg, pop into their local elementary school. You'll
find a whole classroom of children I delivered. They're doing great.
One kid still has his unbilical cord. Actually, Alexander, he's
like four, Um, Where's what's going on? Where's this story going? Oh? Yeah,
Today's episode is on childcare. To the parents out there,
(01:27):
you made a human. Now what you rinse them off?
You wrap them in a towel, then you you put
them down somewhere. And what do you do between meals?
Just sit there, read a book? How do you fill
the time with these strange creatures? That's your Is this
your childcare advice? Yes it is. But before we get
to all of that, let's read some of our online comments.
(01:47):
Right Welcome to our online comments segment today. I actually
showed Ron our podcast page on Apple Music, and there's
a whole section where people can write in and tell
me how much they like me. Well, they can leave reviews,
so that's it. Okay, they just leave reviews great, good,
So a whole host of reviews, and we have the
(02:08):
page pulled up right here. So what I wanted to
say is that some of them might be not so nice.
I mean, people actually tend to avoid reading their reviews
online because with every nice one, there's always a few
really mean ones, you know, So just something to keep
in mind. Run, are you listening, I'm reading? Okay, Oh look,
(02:31):
this guy gave our podcast a star. He gave us
one star. He wrote garbage, terrible, trash podcast. See, this
is what I was trying to say. I'm confused. What
does he mean? Um? I think he's just saying that
our podcast isn't really his cup of tea. He's being confusing.
(02:52):
I mean that comment is random, random alert. It seems
like he's out of his mind or on a bender
or something. You know. Let's just look at another one. Okay, Oh,
here we actually have another star another one star review. Okay.
It starts by saying stupid poop. Okay, well that's funny.
(03:14):
And he also said this is a poop podcast, worthless, shameful. Oh,
who do you think he's talking about? Here? You for me?
I feel like I don't know. Well, it's about our show.
It's not about me. Well, it's not about me. I'm
not stupid poop. Okay. I mean, can you for absolute
(03:35):
certain say that he's not talking about you specifically. I
think he just doesn't like our show. Okay, Carolina, Sure,
it's about our show. Sure, Okay, one more. Let's look
at this one. Oh, this one gave us like eight
million stars stars, a constellation of stars. All right, this
guy says, Ron is du man, dude, Wow, Ron's demand dude,
(04:03):
Ron is demand. Are you just rereading it? Oh? My god?
Are you getting emotional? What can I say? He's a
good writer who said the art of criticism was dead.
My god. The reviews are in and I'm the man.
(04:23):
It's official, Carolina, We've got to do this more often.
I mean, it says it says it right here. I'm
the man, and I think this was really helpful feedback.
Do yeah, let's take a commercial break, Carolina and I
are going to toast some champagne over these reviews. Stay tuned,
(04:44):
will be back with a childcare expert. Carolina, We did it.
Welcome back to the childcare episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
(05:05):
Many people have been writing me asking for my experience
as a doulah and asking me how to take care
of their little ones. But what we decided to do
is to speak with another expert beside myself about some
of the most important questions of your life as it
pertains to children. So joining us here in studio is Liz,
(05:27):
our childcare expert. Liz. Thank you for coming on the
podcast today, Thanks for having me. Thank you. Yes, and so, Liz,
what exactly is your title? How should I address you?
You can address me as Liz, Okay, I can tell
you some of the things that I do every case. Yes, um, So,
(05:47):
I run a developmental center for young children ages two
to five, and so we get to really be partners
with families um in their children's development and it's pretty wonderful.
And we get to know the kids really well and
get to see them grow and develop over years. So
you know your stuff, I hope so. Yes. Um, Well,
(06:09):
I'm a doula, so we're kind of cut from the
same close. What conversation topics do you broach with a baby?
You know, I don't know what they know or or
what they like. Hell, I don't even know anything about them.
Great thing about talking to babies is every moment that
you're in relation with a baby, that you're connected with
(06:32):
the baby. They're learning how to exist in the world.
So you can talk to a baby that proven. We
don't know that. We know that for sure. Babies they're
very smart. Okay, I think we'll agree to disagree on
that one. Have you seen a baby fly helicopter? That's
(06:52):
a good point. Yes, thank you, I appreciate that feedback. Yeah. Um,
what's the best trap to get a baby to stop crying?
There are no tricks to get babies to stop crying.
But babies are absolutely perfectly wired to be responsive to
soothing by a parent or a caregiver. So a baby
(07:16):
who stops crying as a baby who isn't hungry or
isn't hurting, or isn't exhausted, and so so they're trying
to express themselves and the only way they know how to,
because they're not that smart, is to cry. Yes, so
like a bottle full of rum and coke, that's not
that's an old wives that's helped you. Yes, well, that's
(07:39):
what my mother used to do to me, right, and
you do sometimes still and tears. Have a sip of
rum and coke out of a baby's bottle that will
call me? That makes it feel more special? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you feel and you feel really big when you're holding
it because it's small for a baby's hand. I didn't
realize that that's what was happening. From a psychological psychological
psych psychological psychological got it. And here's a question that
(08:04):
comes up a lot. I'm sure, how do you teach
your kids that farting is embarrassing. It's a really hard
thing to do because so much of our work with
little kids focuses on not pouring our shame and despair
at being humidating them. So there is a little moment
that you have to switch into, and it really is
(08:26):
how big they are, because it's how gross their farts are. Huh,
So little fartstars are shame free. And then it's right
around that six year old birthday they get when it
gets nasty because it's individual for every chime. I mean,
even as an adult, you know, farting is funny, but
it's not. We've had to talk to Ron about how
(08:48):
farting is. Ron parting is embarrassing, but it's got it funny. Now,
how do you teach children leash manners? You know? Because
mine tugs at his when I take him to Disneyland.
I put him on a leash and he just tugs away.
How do you teach them don't pull on the leash
so much? The kids on leash is something that I
(09:10):
never understood until I actually started working with young children,
and then I thought, wow, someone had a very smart idea,
because how can you possibly keep them safe? So, like
teaching anything to a young child, you repeat, you model,
you provide consistent support. So any treats. Do you give
them food treats? It depends. People may find this controversial,
(09:33):
but I trained my child by giving walter kibble. Yeah
was it kibble? Or no? It was real kibble. Yes,
you took a hated it. He didn't respond well, So
I turned kibble into milk duds, and then he learned
not to pull on the leash. By the way, has
(09:55):
anyone seen my kibble? Is my bag of kibble still
there in the studio? Someone took it. I snack on
kibble occasionally, But that's that's nothing to do with what
we're talking about. Um, what do you say when your
kids shows you a picture they drew and I don't
know how to phrase this and it's a piece of
s Do you tell them you like it? You know,
(10:19):
I'll probably ask questions about it, just let's face it.
Sometimes the letters are backwards and you know, you can't
even figure out what they're drawing, and that sort of thing.
I'll find something in it that really grabs my attention
that I really like and start the conversation that way.
I probably wouldn't lead with it's not meeting our quality standards.
(10:42):
I told my son once when he was in third grade.
And I meant this with nothing but affection. But watch it, dummy,
Ron sent you a picture of Run that Run found unflattering.
I'm not raising a mon net, that's for sure. Continue.
Here's an interesting question. Well, my dad used to kick
(11:02):
me out of the car and have me walk home
when I was being a real sass mouth. Um, can
I have him arrested for child abuse today? You probably
can't have him arrested for child abuse today. But I'm
really sorry that happened to you. That must have been
really hard. Yeah, I mean, in hindsight, I kind of appreciate.
I mean, he wasn't equipped emotionally with the tools to
(11:23):
kind of help me along. Um so, but it was Yeah,
I was weird. Yeah, that sounds like that was really
really hard for you. Because this is before navigation or anything.
How did you find your way home? Well? I didn't
for like a month. One year you lived with That
was when you said that that was your wolves year,
(11:44):
that was my wolves, my coyote year. Yep. Um. But
speaking of my father, I mean, could I could I
literally send police to his nursing home right now like
a swat team? No? Okay, okay, I was joking. By
the way, I would never do that unless you said yes.
(12:04):
That's why I was really careful to say a firm no.
I didn't want you to think that you could negotiate
with that. I wanted to be really strong so you
could feel really safe and secure with the answer that
I was giving you, which is no. Ron, what parting
is embarrassing, but it's funny, Liz, what's a trick or
(12:27):
um on terms of how to talk to children that
more you see most people do wrong? Is that too
broad of a question. Oh no, that's pretty top of
mind for me. Um. So adults parents are blowing it constantly.
There are two things that when I see parents doing
that I know is really well meaning, I get really
excited about how to gently adjust them out of the habits.
(12:49):
And the first is when parents say, use your words
when their child is having a tantrum or struggling. The
parent is trying to say, hey, we can talk this out.
I'm here, I can listen to you. But what they're
actually saying is, you know that hardest thing for you
to do, the most difficult way that you have to communicate,
(13:09):
use that right now while you're in a panic and
you're crying and you're struggling. Um, So instead of saying
use your words, all advise parents to offer their kids
what they know their kids are trying to say in
that moment. This is helping me so much because Ron
was having a tantrum earlier today and I did, I was,
I was, I said your words, and he was having
(13:32):
it was there was he was trying to formulate the words,
but they weren't coming. Now I see that was me.
Let's walk through that. Let's do a do over on
Ron's tantrum and walk through what maybe you could do
the next time to help you guys stay connected in
that really hard moment. Is that okay? Yeah? Sure. So
Ron's crying, I'm just gonna let him go. So what
(13:57):
I would say right there is, Ron, I see you
looking for your bag of a kibble and you seem
really frustrated that you can't find it. Would you like
some help so we can look for your kidble together.
It's I Ron, I still see that you're looking at
your kibble. I'd like to help you, but it's up
(14:19):
on a high shelf. You hm, partying is embarrassing by
your face. Sorry, that is sort of usually where it ends.
I usually lash out and I always apologize. That's my
(14:40):
rule is seven days. I have to apologize within seven days.
And I wait. I waited out, and sometimes it doesn't come,
but sometimes it does, and sometimes it comes at the
eleventh hour, end of day six exactly exactly do children, um,
have you ever been bitten by a child? I was
bitten by a child about thirty seconds before I left.
(15:03):
Their teeth marks? Can you show I can't show you
the teeth marks, but there are teeth marks. There usually are,
so they this this child really clamped on wow, and
it was great. It was one of my favorite moves,
which is the sneak attack, which is it's a pretend
leg hug and then I go, I fall for the hug.
(15:24):
Every time that a misguided show of affection or was
it out of anger? In this case, it was a
child who just had too much kids inside the little
body at that moment, So it wasn't. This is a
child I have a great relationship with, We have a
good rapport which each other. He wasn't trying to hurt
(15:46):
people exactly, and he just got so fired up, too
much person in a little body, and I've got to
bite someone, so he chommed me right as I walked out.
There is a famous football player, well soccer, Louise Suarez,
and he's bitten players at opposing teams a couple of times.
(16:09):
What does that say about how was he raised as
a child? Do we do the tool of you just
bit me? I think you would say the truth of
what happened, you would label it, you would offer help,
you would offer a boundary, and in that moment you
would have to say, I can't let you bite me.
I can't let you bite me, Louise Sorez exactly, And
so it illustrates that it's and if you do it again,
(16:32):
there'll be consequences exactly. Yeah. Gotta be funny if if
you ever had a chance to meet Louise Sourez in person,
just bite him right away on the cheek, preemptively two
show that I was dominant for no, just like I
know your tricks. I'm gonna bite you before you can
bite me. I don't know if I would encourage that
(16:53):
strategy with adults or with kids. I see that sometimes
play out with very little hold on Liz. Sometimes you
are backed into a order in a certain situation and
you've exhausted all other ways of negotiation, and the only
way to get out of it is to bite someone
shark your way right out. We've all been there. They
messed up my order at Starbucks like three times one day,
(17:16):
and finally I just reached across the counter and I
bit the young lady in the hand. I guess what
happened next time I came in They had my order right.
So I'm just saying it's hard to I'm not I'm
not in support of it, but there are just sometimes
when it's the only option. Yeah, No, it's true. And
(17:41):
on occasion when I'm on a transcontinental flight and I'm
just bored, No it's a it's a red eye, we'll
just randomly bite someone on the foot and then scurry
back to my seat so they can't see that it
was you. Well, just to get it, just because I'm
bored up, all scurry like a little like a little
field now us back to my seat, giggling like a
(18:03):
school girl. Oh that's so. I wish you hadn't told
me that. There is nothing more pleasurable than hearing someone
up in first classgowing someone just bit me and knowing
it was you. But yeah, I've got my technics shots.
So what's good at least well is we cannot thank
(18:25):
you enough. Thank you so much visiting us here. You
are providing a service that is invaluable to the youth
of America and to our relationship, and you helped us out.
Yes exactly. Thanks again, thank you. And now for our
(18:55):
nursery rhyme segment with composer and musician John Ryan. Welcome
to the podcast, John, how are you today. I'm very well,
nice to be here. What do you say we we
kick it off with a little row row row your boat. Um.
This is one I have fond memories of singing this
nursery rhyme with my mother as a little boy. She
(19:15):
used to sing it to me to entice me into
the tub when it was bathtime. And oh man, did
I hate bathtime as a kid. I just loved being
covered in dirt and sand and motor oil. You know
how kids today play with that slime stuff. When I
was a child, we didn't have slime, So I used
to play with a can of Pen's oil motor oil.
(19:37):
I just poured all over myself, even into my mouth,
and laugh like an idiot. If I could If I
could have it my way, I would have stayed covered
in motor oil all day long. But Mom wouldn't have it.
You just don't want a child covered in motor oil
rolling all over your white couch. Anyway, we would just
sing this during bathtime when my mom would help scrub
(19:59):
the motor oil off my tiny body. John, quick question
before we start. Did you play with motor oil as
a as a baby? Exclusively? That's what I thought, Carolina.
How about yourself? Oh no, not come on, I just
not once, not ever. That might cause brain damage. I
think every child has had a fond memory of playing
(20:20):
with motor oil. John, why don't we start here? Road, road, Road,
your boot gently down the stream, merely, merely, merely, merely
(20:43):
life is but it's lovely, just the way I remember it. Wow,
that was beautiful, short and sweet. Next up, hot cross Buns.
This nursery rhyme is one I think we're all familiar with,
and it's called hot cross Buns. I've always been interested
(21:07):
in the origin of nursery rhymes and these little songs.
They seem to have existed forever in some shape or form,
usually a simple melody with simple lyrics dating back to
the nineteenth century. So I was curious about the history
behind hot cross Buns, so I looked it up on
the computer last night. This song was originally written ages
(21:27):
ago by a couple of guys you actually might be
familiar with. John Lennon and Paul McCartney recorded over two
sessions on July THIRTI, nineteen sixty two, one in the
morning and one in the afternoon. The final version of
hot Cross Buns were all familiar with is actually a
combination of the seventeenth and twenty first take of the song,
(21:51):
produced by George Martin and appearing on the Beatles second
UK album With the Beatles. It's just such specifically wrong
information with a little bit of Beatlemania. Children and adults
have been singing hot cross Buns ever since, So let's
give it a dry hot cross buns, Hot cross buns.
(22:16):
One A penny to a penny, Hot cross buns. I
have no daughters, Give them to your sons, A penny
to a penny, hot cross bun. I'd like that you
(22:37):
did the version from the earlier take. Yeah, the Bootlegs, Yes,
thank you. Of course John Brian would know it's from
the Bootlegs. Carolina you had no idea. I guess I
need to be I don't know educated more on the
history of the Beatles. You just have to collect all
the imports. That's That's what it comes down to, collecting
the imports. Okay, this next one, this is personally one
(23:02):
of my favorite nursery rhymes. I was. I was an
extremely colic a three year old, so my mother had
to sing this to me every night to fall asleep,
and boy did it work. Um John, I think you're
familiar with this tune as well. It's it's an it's
an old, old nursery rhyme. I believe it's an old
Dutch classic. It is, and it's called play in the Well.
(23:29):
No one knows what time it is. Everyone knows what
time it is. Time for a nap, no time for
a treat, no time to read a book. No, what's
that you say, Let's go play in the well. It's
(23:50):
a cold art of mourn, So let's play in the well.
We play in the well until the cold wind blows.
We play in the well, and the old lady knows. Joseph, Maria, Gertrude,
and Paul they never came back. They never came back.
(24:14):
At all, what's that you say, Let's go play in
the well. It's a cold autumn morn, so let's play
in the well. The old lady screams in the middle
of the night, she lost her hand from the wolves.
What a fight? Joseph, Maria, Gertrude and Paul. They never
(24:41):
came back. They never came back. They never came back.
Oh oh, it brings back such joy, really does. A
personal favorite of mine. It's so dark. It's dark, as
(25:06):
in like a cozy little bedroom, dark like Grandma's quilt. Yes,
it is dark. There's some blade runner um, I don't
think so. And then it's about four missing children. Actually
that one is actually based on a true story. Yes,
so sure, all right. This next one is probably the
(25:29):
most famous nursery rhyme I can think of. It's so famous.
I think if you went up to someone on the
street right now and pulled out a switchblade and held
it to their neck and screamed, name a nursery rhyde,
this is the one they would think of. Even in
the state of panic and tear of being randomly accosted
by someone with the switch blade, The first thing that
(25:52):
would probably pop into their head would be Twinkle Twinkle,
Little Star. A fun fact about this song. It's it's
lyrics come from an English poem written by Jane Taylor. Wait,
that wasn't really a fun fact. Caroline asked you to
gather some fun facts about some of these nursery rhymes.
(26:12):
What's what's fun about that? It's hard to find a
fun fact. But the lyrics come from an old poem.
Some lady named Jane wrote, that's a fact. Who cares?
I don't know. It's not a fun fact. Try to
find something. We need to have a sidebar conversation about
what constitutes fun facts, because you could have just said
(26:33):
I couldn't find any fun facts. It's just a basic fact.
Because it set my expectation. You were exciting. I was
so excited for the fun fact, and it's just a
basic fact, all right, John, First of all, I apologize
for all that back and forth. John, Twin Twinkle little Star,
(26:54):
How I wonder what you above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky, whin the blazing sun
is gone, when he nothing shines upon. Then you show
(27:16):
your little light, twinkle twinkle all the night in the
traveler in the dark. Thanks you for your tiny spark.
How could he see where to go if you did
(27:38):
not twinkle? So the dark blue sky you keep often
through my curtain's peep for you never shut your eye
till the sun is in the sky as you or
(28:00):
bright and tiny spark lights the traveler in the Dokh,
I no not what you are. Twinkle Twinkle to star,
(28:23):
Twinkle twinkle. That's gorgeous, John Bryan, everyone that was epic. Yeah,
it might be hard to fall asleep to that for
like little kids. No, that's gonna love them to sleep
into a deep rem state off the first note. Okay,
(28:49):
we're gonna now sing Bob a black Sheet. I mean, musically,
it's very similar to another nursery rhyme, Twinkle Twinkle little stir.
In fact, if you think about it, both Boba Black
Sheep and Tweet Gold Twinkle Little Star, or T T
L S as I like to refer to it, are
also very similar to the Alphabet song, which I'd like
to refer to as T A S. The Alphabet song.
(29:11):
It's it's almost like a lot of these nursery rhymes
just used the same tune over and over again. Do
you find that John a little bit? You know, they're
written by three year olds. What do you expect? Or
it's extremely lazy adults who have no creativity whatsoever. Look,
there's a lot of people who just want to make
money from writing, and they populate many buildings about this time.
(29:34):
I mean, you can't write the same melody over and
over again, can you? I mean I've watched you work.
You work your tail off, right, I try you bring
your lunch pail. I mean, perhaps you've heard some of
my work I wrote up. Oh that's gorgeous the way
you dropped it down there, Say what? I was really
(30:07):
one of my finest. That was a little macabre twinkle
twinkle scooby doola, Yes, Edgar Allan Poe esque. That's what
it sounds like when ar Allen Poe wakes up from
(30:27):
a nap. That's his snooze on his alarm clock. I'm
so excited about this next nursery rhyme. It's the one
I sang to my son Walter all the time, and
he he loved it. So many fond memories of singing
this nursery rhyme with my my little guy when he
was a tyke. It's a simple little tune that's been
a huge part of our lives, always has, always will be.
(30:51):
There's not a child anywhere in the world that hasn't
sung this song. I think you should start this one. Okay,
let me start it with it. M little something. Life's
(31:24):
like a road that you travel along wind. There's one
day here and the next day's gone. Sometimes you've been,
sometimes you stand, Sometimes you turn your back to the wind.
There's a world outside every darken door, where the blues
won't aren't you anymore, where the braver free and the
lover's soul come. Ride with me to the distan shore.
We will hesitate, break down that garden gate. There's not
(31:48):
much left to day light the highway. I won't ride
it all night. If you're going in my way, I
want to drive it all night long. Forget the words.
(32:10):
I'm just gonna do it this way. I'll keep jumping
up the part again, Live the high Way. I won't
(32:44):
ride it all night long. This is for you, Walter.
I love you so much. If you're going in my way,
I will drive it night long. M hm oh my God.
(33:18):
Classic nursery rhyme is that Life as a Highway by
Tom Cochrane. Thank you for listening. Everyone. This was nursery
rhymes with John Brian. Thank you John for joining us.
What a pleasure here. We'll be right back with the
Ron Burgundy Podcast after these messages. Welcome back to the
(33:48):
Ron Burgundy Podcast. We're all babies, we've just gotten older. Wow,
that was really deep. I'm gonna fox some people up
with that one. When I was a doulah, I once
helped a Polish woman eager give birth to three Polish babies.
It's called triplets. It happens once in a while. I
(34:12):
pressed a damp washcloth up to the mother's forehead and
brought her three little babies up to her face so
she could meet them for the first time. They were
just covered in this red and blue muck. Was just disgusting,
all of it, and they were loud anyway. That was
my last day on the job after those triplets. Well,
(34:35):
three's a crowd. I'm in retirement. But don't worry now.
My podcast listeners are my real babies, and just like
my actual child, I'll pay attention to you for another
two years. We'll be back next Thursday on the Ron
Burgundy Podcast. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
(35:01):
for listening. That was great. The Ron Burgundy Podcast is
a production of I Heart Radio and Funnier Die. I'm
Ron Burgundy. The host, writer and executive producer, Carolina Barlow
(35:23):
is my co host, writer and producer. Our producers are
Jack O'Brien, Nick Stump, Miles Gray, and Whitney Odeck. Our
executive producer is Mike Faerman. Our consulting producer is Andrew Steele.
Our coordinating producer is Colin McDougald. Our associate producers are
Anna Hosnier and Sophie Lichterman. Our writer is Jake Foglist.
(35:45):
Our production coordinator is Hannah Jacobson. This episode was engineered, mixed,
and edited by Nick Stuff. Until next time, this is
Ron Burgundy. Mm hmm
Host
Will Ferrell
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.