July 28, 2022 • 60 mins
Ron's brother BILLY BURGUNDY stops by the show. Yeah you guessed it, he needs money. Then Ron tries Hot Ones with Sean Evans.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
He's a sexy sexy man, sexy sexy plan because he
ain't no stuck us looking so flighty. You could try
like a trucker, clean like a plank, just solim yunger
fool wheel try so we never gets to play so far,
ticking up a lot of band winds. And he's a guy.
Ye he ain't no stand and he doesn't have cheese
(00:26):
on a nighttime sandwich because everybody knows he's the Fergens.
He bandit the Ron Burgundy podcast Largo and how they
want Tafarta put your han stick out of the Ron
burgo right here. Thank you so much. That is that
(01:07):
is lovely. That is nice to hear. I'm joined by Carolina,
of course, my wonderful co host. And let me guess,
were you applauding for me or for her? Give me both.
I think it was predominantly me, though I'm just teasing.
(01:34):
Oh that felt good, though Daddy needed that. I was
changing a tire on the four oh five in the
suppu to pass less than fifteen minutes ago, and I'm like,
I'm not going to make the show, and the car
collapsed on me, but luckily Oh bushed it off me
(01:59):
and got here and then you gave me that wonderful ovation,
So thank you, thank you so much. We also just
want to tell you, guys that all the proceeds to
tonight's ticket sales are going to the International Medical Corps,
which is a great charity that's helping families in the
Ukraine right now. And thank you to Larger and thank
you to Largo for evening to Largo because Flanny here,
(02:22):
he's not getting his grubby paws on it. So it's
going to charity and it goes all to charity, right.
I don't get like a little nothing, just a sweet little,
a little morsel. Do you want me to ask for
that five maybe? Oh no, no, no, no, I don't
(02:43):
get none, nothing, nothing nothing. I thought we've been just
saying that. No, No, I feel like you're upset. Can
I have twenty bucks? Look what I found next stage?
And abba Zaba, you guys remember Abbasaba's. It's a delicious
(03:06):
little treat and I think I'm gonna gonna pop one
in my mouth. We just want to stand by everyone.
For those listening at home, I'm opening is Abazaba Rapper
right now. M hm m hmm. Is it going to
(03:27):
be a little bit of a second. Yeah, it's in
the toffee family of confession, injected with a peanut butter, right,
really dragging me back. You need a second, not swallow
(03:48):
bal yet not all right? There she goes right into
the cup. That is a terrible piece of candy. The Appasaba.
And I hope the Abbasaba company listens to this podcast
and they know how I feel. We're not scared. Abba
zabbas can suck it, Okay, I hope they don't steal
that as a like a slogan. Oh that is that
(04:09):
a good slogan. Aba you can suck it, can suck it,
meaning us are candy. It's too long, we'll figure it out. Hollywood, California.
Where's everyone from Chicago? Hello? Oklahoma City? Out of car
(04:35):
Cot car Not that many people. No, Oh Santedro a
thriving Greek community in San Pedro from what I remember.
(04:56):
H Mexico. Oh do you wanna Okay, you don't have
to be so cocky about it, jeez, do you wanna Australia, Well,
don't struga well boom England. The English are blue arts,
(05:26):
they really are. I hate the British. I just do no.
I do. I don't hate the strong word, but I
hate the British. We have stop what's going on? I
don't know, it's just what you're feeling. This is the
way I'm feeling. So but those of you in Hollywood
(05:50):
probably we have to address the elephant in the room.
I mean Sunday night, Oh boy got dying? Oh what
did I? Oh murder? Say what? That was the craziest
(06:23):
thing I've ever seen. Which and I and You've seen
a lot of crazy. I've seen crazy. I've seen you
take an elevator. Yes, I just saw you spent that
Abbasaba and crystal glass. You've seen me throw a housecat
off a bridge in San Pedro. That was um, I
(06:47):
can't believe. I just yea strike that from the record,
but I hate house cats, ate the British. Yeah, we're
just gonna tell it like it is. But I mean
that we all witnessed. Most of us slept yard. But
I have a bit of good news that's slightly related.
(07:10):
I think I'm hosting the Oscars next year. I don't know,
I said, I think who told you that you're hosting that? Well,
they've reached out to my people. I'm your people. I
know have they reached out to. Okay, but they too,
(07:33):
I'm hoping they're going to reach out to. They start
with a shortlist and I'm figured I'm probably on it
and they have to whittle it down and it might happen. Um,
but I'm just gonna prepare and hope and pray every
night that I get it. Uh, but I want to
be prepared when I get that phone call. Uh. So
(07:54):
I've been working on some stand up um for the Oscars,
and if you'll indulge me, I'd love to try it
out on you, if that's all right, I want to yeah, okay, Um,
and keep in mind this is a work in progress.
I'm not a professional stand up comedian. Uh but uh
(08:18):
but anyway, you gotta jump in the pool, right. Um.
So let's see here. Get my cheaters out, Oh, wear
contacts during the Oscars, don't worry, and I'm not gonna
belied looking like this, Just so you know, I'll probably
be in a golden maid jumpsuit. Okay. Uh alright, So
(08:53):
please welcome Ron Burgundy. Huh, thank you, thank you. It's
it's a pleasure to be here hosting the h I
don't know what you're do they'll they'll tell me it's
(09:16):
a pleasure to be here. We got a lot. How's
how's everyone doing tonight at the Oscars? Pretty good? Yeah? Uh,
I see there's a category for for best hair and
makeup and the winner is not g I Jane two. No,
(09:38):
it's okay, it's okay. No one's good, No one's here.
It's okay, it's okay. No one's gonna fight you, it's okay,
it's all right. In fact, there wasn't any hair and
(09:59):
make up. Everyone had shaved heads. Okay. It reminds me.
I went to my barber and I say, take a
little off the top, Pete. And he says how much?
And I say, not as much as g I Jane too?
(10:21):
Know what? Okay, it's okay, it's okay. No, no, it's here.
You're shadow boxing. It's fine, No, I kid. G I
Jane two is a great movie. Everyone loves it, unless
you happen to be headlines because there's no hair I
(10:50):
got we got and they need an environment to thrive
in and has to be like feast and yeah, m okay,
what else do I got here? M hmmm, um hey uh.
(11:11):
For our viewers at home, there here in California. There's
a place called the Central Valley. Great, why do they
call it Sacramento? Do they make sacred mentos there? You
(11:36):
guys remember mentos? Right? Those old commercials they were weird.
What about kid Cat bars? Huh? Do you remember kitcat bars? Yeah?
What if Bob Dylan did the kid Cat Bar song?
It would go something like this, give me a break,
(12:00):
give me a break, bring me up a piece. Then
it get bad. So circle that one. That's applause break
on that one. You'll remember if I forget right for
(12:23):
next year's Oscar, will you be able to be on
stage with me? Oh? Because you're quite a security blanket.
What else? What else? What's in the news. Have you
heard about these self driving cars? Yeah? Do you think
they've not heard about him? Okay, okay, um, they have
(12:46):
these cars now that drive around without a driver. What
if you're Adam driver and you're in the backseat of
a driverless car and a cop pulls you over he says,
are you the drive? Ever? How confusing would that be? Okay?
(13:14):
That was that was like a seven Governor rhn de
Santis is at it again. Yea yeah, oh that would
be great if they react that way. That guy is
so weird they should call him Ron Dementos, right, I
(13:38):
called back Sacramento. Yeah, anyway, he doesn't want teachers to
say the word gay in the classroom, like it's a
dirty word. The only word dirt in the only the
only word, the one hold on, the only flirty dirt in.
(14:00):
God damn it fulls together on. He looked like a ass.
Right now, you've come this far, you're almost at the
top of the mountain. Bring it home, you coward with
(14:23):
nothing but a coward and a quarter a jacket and
look like a You got your ass blowing in the wind.
Just pull it together. The only dirty word in the
state of Florida is the santis. Thank you. On with
(14:45):
the rest of the show. Um, here's John Travolta and
uh uh uh Grrie Mulligan. I don't know, I know,
I'm a big carry Amelegan fan. Well, very great, that
(15:06):
was great. That was very valuable. I feel like the
message we wanted to give after the Oscars on Sunday,
And if you guys are so inclined, you can stay
it with me. Hug it out, hug it out, say
it sincerely, though, like, hey, hug it out one to
(15:26):
three huge out. That feels good. Well, do you want
to turn to your neighbor and just tug them quickly?
It's COVID. Oh that's nice. People are doing it, doing
it for the listeners at home. There's four people. People
are now, people are really getting into it. Shirt answer,
(15:49):
keep your shirt disgusting. Well, uh, we should get on
with our show. Um, you said that you were guessed.
All you said was personal and I didn't want it,
so I didn't want to ask because I didn't want
to like overset my Well, someone is in town, a
(16:11):
relative of mine, and he asked to come on the show. Yeah, Um,
are you okay? I'm okay, Yes, I'm fine. In fact,
it's good. We haven't seen each other a while. Um,
it looks bad, but no, it's he's fine. You know what,
Let's just get him out here. Would you please welcome
(16:31):
my brother Billy Burgundy? Hi? Yeah, right, Billy, wonder you
have a seat all right? Yeah? Yeah, I don't know.
(16:54):
I'll sit down right now. He's a little too high,
if I'm honest, right out of the gate, I feel
like I'm still kind of standing. Honestly, it's a regular.
It's just a club chair. It's a regular chair cheer
kind of playing a prank on me, like, ha, you
thought you sat down, but you're just squatting and your
(17:16):
thighs are doing a lot of the work. I don't
know if you can really, I don't think you can
smoke up right now, I'm doing it. I'm doing. Just
sit back in the sit back in the chair, please, Yeah,
a little baby brother, Roddy hot shot? Hot shot? Can
(17:39):
we curse? It's too late now I'm saying, I'll change
my tone, like I'll I'll like, I won't curse. I
don't want to have to call the fire marshal if
you're call them, call the you know the number of
the firemark every people say that all the time. I
all want to call fire my call him? What do
(18:01):
you got his number in your phone? Oh? I don't
having you, but I have you. I would get it
quickly and Carolina would call you it doesn't have it,
I have it. Tell me what it is and I'll
tell you. You better tell him. You better tell him
right now? Your fire don't embarrassing? Okay, what's his number?
(18:25):
How do we know that your number is the accurate number?
I got it from a bunny mind. My buddy is
a fire. Marshal alright, Oh I almost dropped my cigarettes.
You can't imagine what would have happened. Fire, Probably a fire.
I'm sorry. There's a huge gap between your two sensibilities.
(18:51):
This is what we're like, oil and water. We're different. Ronnie,
you know, Ronnie went off and became you know, a
little shot? Is that me? Am I doing that? I
think that's yours? Is is that me? Yeah? That's your everybody?
(19:12):
You go the way? Now you go? Alright, my turn.
It does seem like they was always very good in
audio visual class. Didn't work. It's okay, you gotta relax, Billy.
(19:33):
It's just a microphone to talk it to go. I know,
you gott if you're gonna stay here, you gotta take
it down or not. She just brought you a night.
She's you're like a hair trigger. You've always been that way.
I didn't know what it was. I was freaked me.
The didn't look like you that. She's like, you take
(19:54):
this dough. She did all day dil though, and she
wanted me helper do. She didn't say a word, I know,
but it just felt this looks like a dildo to
you people, it's a microphone vote. We vote on it. No,
we don't vote. We all right vote that, we don't
vote on it. Fine, fine, But to me, I felt
(20:17):
in that situation a lady was running to me, go
and hide this dildo. I stole it. That's the story
I concocted within sec darn it, gosh, darn it. Come
to think of it, last Easter, you did give me
a microphone shape dildo. Got the wireless microphone shaped dildo.
(20:43):
They exist. That's a fun word, dildo. Right. We haven't
laughed like that in a long time. I got a
(21:09):
big question for you, billy. What what What are you
doing here? You mean when I'm doing do the What
do you want? Do you think? Do you want money?
Do you want money? Do you want a place to stay? What?
What's I mean? I'm not here to Do you have money?
Do you have some cash? Got probably some cash on me.
(21:29):
I'll take some money. That's not why I'm here. But
if you're saying you throw the money around, they'll take
some money. I'm here to be interviewed. Isn't that what
you do? You really want to be interviewed by me? Yes,
that's why I'm holding this still though, so I can
forget the interviewed. I came out of here. You know,
you got all these people here, Ronnie the hot shot,
(21:51):
hot shot Ronnie Burgundy that nobody gives it about his
big brother, Billy Burgundy. So I'm out here to be interviewed.
Let these people know. Maybe I influenced you in some way,
all right, fair enough, but you never expressed an interest
in my life this way. So what would you say?
(22:15):
This is what you do in a podcast? What is
a podcast? By the way, Like, what is this actually? Like?
What do you do with it? I still couldn't tell you.
I don't understand it. From a technical standpoint. I initially
thought we recorded on a bunch of cassette tapes. We
had to drive him to everyone's house, kind of like
(22:38):
the old Netflix model. That's what I thought, and you
pop them into a cassette and you listen to him,
and you you just hope, you pray to God that
enough people have boom boxes at home. Still, that's what
I thought a podcast was. I get it. The fact
that this doesn't have a wire, I can't even knowing.
I don't trust it. I'll never use a chordless that's
why I go, I go wire, I go, uh do
(23:03):
that as well? This feels better. For some reason, this
just feels better. I don't know, like I'm plugged into
a system. Billy, let me. I'll start by asking you this.
We we both we grew up in Iowa. Why do
you have a Brooklyn accent? Why? Why? And why is
(23:34):
the question? Look like we're from Brooks We're from Brooklyn, Iowa.
All Brooklyn's of Brooklyn. It doesn't matter which the state.
It's in Brooklyn, Iowa's Brooklyn. You look. You look like
the Fons. I love the Funds. I've always worshiped the Fons.
Every time I would watch Happy Days, I was like,
that's who I'm gonna be when I grow up. And
(23:56):
I don't care. I don't care if the settings and
out of disappropriate. Don't care if it costs you employment.
I don't care. Care if you can't. I don't care
if the settings and the people change around me. I'm
gonna be the Fauns when I grow People feel awkward
around you constantly. Yeah, this makes a statement. When I
walk into a room, people are like, even when I
(24:18):
walked out here, people are like, this guy's got something
to say, look at it, Look at this guy. This
guy gets it? Is that what people is that what
you think people are thinking? Did anybody did anybody here
think that? When I walked out, some people clapped how
one guy, that young woman clapped the gates and then
(24:42):
the distinct voice was just a definite declarative no, no, no, no.
Doing of the audience says no, ye, some people did clap,
not as many numbers as I was hoping, maybe three,
maybe three people possibly three one distinct No. I probably
(25:06):
hate cigarettes. That's your thing. You're like, well, I'm against
you because most people hate cigarettes. They do. It's when
since thirty years ago, twenty years ago. I don't. I
don't know. You can't smoke anywhere. I do it all
the time. I know that walking about what he says anything,
They just let it happen. They're like, I don't know.
This guy looks like he knows something. No, No, this
(25:33):
is fun. I like this is fun. You like do this?
This is cool. This is a cool got gig? You know?
Is that what it's called a gig. It's called a podcast.
And we're you know, we're just we're lucky enough to
be doing it in front of a live audience, and
that's what's happenings, and this is kind of this is
one of the things I do in my life. Well,
(25:53):
I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know because you don't call.
You know, right, let us in high school. When you
left town and you didn't talk to anyone in the
family for twenty years, what happened? That's your question. I
come out here and you say, why did I leave home?
I was eleven when I left home. I was eleven, Ronnie,
(26:16):
I was I was four. I was eleven, and I
was in high school. Was an accelerated class. You were
an accelerated student. I didn't understand anything, but I already
had a mustache, so they pushed me through, and I
was You think it's easy to be around them when
people will look at you only eleven, and look at
(26:38):
your brother's holding four and he's got a man's mustache
and he's in these he's in these accelerated classes. Don't
take me back there, because all I would do was
squigger with crayons, and they loved They kept moving, loved me.
I kept moving. They were like this guy's like a
(27:00):
passa RANI was in college by ten years old it was.
I left at eleven. I'm the youngest kid to ever
leave his house at the youngest age. I looked it up.
You looked it up where the library. I went to
the library. And I went to the library, and there's
a book. There's a book that chronicles how early children
(27:24):
leave their houses. Yes, in the youngest before me was twelve.
I left it eleven. So I got that. So you
broke the record. I broke the record after all, for
Billy Burgundy. What kind of smokes are those? By the way,
(27:44):
That's okay. I'd rather do that than get it on
these nice chairs to make you stand up when you
don't want to. Yeah, I left home at eleven. I
lived on trains. I lived on a bunch of trains trains. Yeah,
you know what I did with fellow hoboes. Yeah. And
I had a stick with a sack on the end
(28:05):
of the kerchief. And I gotta tell you can't put
a lot of clothes in there. You can maybe put
a half of sandwich. You can put half of sandwich in,
half of pair of jeans, one leg of a g
It's not like you can put a wardrobe in the
little chrischief. That's a kerchief. You know. It signals everyone
that you hoped trains. Yeah, I have trains and I'm eleven.
(28:26):
People like that. Kids shouldn't be hopping trains. Trains for
how long? And twenty years? Hopped trains for twenty years
until you were thirty one? Yeah, I just kept doing it.
You know, once you're caught up in the game of
hopping trains, it's not a game. You can't just get out.
You can't get out. You could get out anytime you want.
How was that a comfortable life? It wasn't. I was.
(28:49):
I'm a grizzled man because of it. Mcgrizzled Brooklyn Knight
go uh go hu Husky Huskies. Who are the corn Huskers?
What is it? How? Guys? That's what I said. Guys, Yes,
Iowa hack guys. In Brooklyn we were the New Jersey
(29:09):
Nets hot guys. Remember that high school where the New
Jersey Nets. We were the Brooklyn Nets guys. That's right,
that was our high school. And remember our fight song.
Of course, I do breathe music Net eyes Nets. We're
(29:34):
coming from your throats out and what you bleed on
the floor. It is our dest today to prevail New
Jersey nets nets. Of course I remember it pretty again.
(30:00):
Of course I remember I fight song. I sing it
every night on those trains. Taught all the hoboes. I said,
listen to this and I get to the pot about
ripping out the throats and the blood on the floor,
and they loved it. I'm still confused. Who's they? My
hobo friends, Charlie, mostly just me and Charlie. Look, here's
(30:24):
the reason I'm here. You wanted to do the truth.
There's another question I have for you because our brother Lonnie,
I saw you in a pornographic movie. Talk about that.
Talk about that. That's not I mean, what was what
was that period of your life? What was going on? Okay,
it's one thing that maybe I was or was not
(30:44):
in a pornographic film. It's another thing that Lonnie's watching
stuff like that. What was he doing watching the thing? That?
I was a fair question Back then, it was still old.
Real to real, it was real to real. You had
to you had to get a sixteen metal made a
projector you had to want it. You had to want it,
but you had to want it. You had to get it.
(31:05):
Didn't get it, didn't know pop up. It was like
I bought a ticket to see it loop it through. Yeah, yeah,
that I need. I needed some money and there was
no sound. There was no sound of corn A Kolani.
I didn't see it. So you needed some money. I
(31:25):
needed some money and I did a little porn ated
by any chance. Yeah, that's how I got discovered. Remember
how Edward Furlong got discovered for Terminator two. That's what
happened to me. But it was for a pornographic film.
I don't have that, that's the analogy. I don't have
some sort of play on the title Terminator too. I
(31:47):
just know that that's how I got discovered. Someone said
you have a camera, and I said, hey, I live
on trains. That was enough. That was enough to get
me in the door. So there was a young enterp
rising pornographic film maker scouting for his next actor in
a train yard. Yeah, okay, you've been surprised. A lot
(32:11):
of actors come from train yards in every in every genre.
It's true. I know Gene Hackman came from a train yard.
I know he also did a stretch of time at
Joliet Prison. What was that for? Why do you got
to tell people about that? We're doing an interview you
wanted me to ask you about your lives in Joliet,
Joliet prison, because I had I had signed up for
(32:32):
a kid's birthday party to do like clowns, and I
was doing the balloon animals type stuff and I didn't
know how to do it and the dad. I I
got into a little scuffle with the dad. I was
drinking and think a lot of the kids are crying
at kids party. They were like eight, and I thought
these kids are too whole for him clown and one
(32:54):
of the kids like just made me a bluon animal.
I shoved, shoved the kid. Uh, you can never it
was the dad's kid. It was the dad's kid, which
I guess is always it's always the dad's kids, and
whatever scenario, whoever the kid is, it's always gonna be
the dad's Still, it's still a fairly low stake setting
(33:15):
to end up with Juliet. So continue. Well, So I
shoved the kid. I shoved the kid. He pulls, he
pulls what I thought was a switch blade. It was
one of those crazy straws. I thought it was a
switch blade. So I pulled my switch blade. Now we're dancing,
you know what I mean. He's got a crazy straight
(33:37):
yell out in another kid. I go, tie our arms together, right,
tie our arms together? And the kid did it, and
another kid did it. Yeah. The dad looks over. I'm
trying to knife fight his kid. He's got a crazy straw.
I gotta switch blade I had made for giraffes. I
don't know how to do the balloon animal bullet and
(33:59):
I cut the kids. Billy what it was a sanctioned fight?
He agree with that? Sanctioned by who? Me and the
kid who had the wire? Why he had used the wire? Yeah,
he had a crazy shot. But the other kid had
a wire to tie our wrist together so that he
couldn't escape the fight. We don't fight as much as
(34:22):
you know. So this is all I do it all
the time, so still to this day, to this day,
I'll go I'll go to a bar. I don't even.
I used to go to a bar and drunk and
did insurable Yeah no, no, no, Connie, look at me,
look at me. Is the fons insurable? Obviously not unless
(34:43):
you go to a Geico. Maybe. I don't know. I've
never had insurance. I don't know what it takes. I
wish and I don't know what it is. Look, it's
not all it's cracked up to be. I've never been
insured fine all these years. Right, they just rolled of dice.
That's what I do. I rolled the dice. I see
(35:04):
where it end where I end up. And so I
got the town tonight, and I said, I'm gonna go
down to Ronnie's things up and awkwardly stare this crowd down.
That's exactly right. Are you thinking about that? No from
section whatever? That section him alone, Leave him alone. You
(35:28):
have a fight anybody, No from theies, because I assure
you it's not like fighting now, buddy, don't dignify him,
sir with a response. You know him, You know the
guy that's saying that's saying it in general. Okay, I'm
protecting our audience member from getting in a fifties style
(35:50):
gangster fight with you. Let it be known. I have
a switchblade. Let it be known. And not the cool
kind where like you hit the button and a comb
comes No, no, like a real knife, A real knife
comes out. One time I thought it was a comb.
I started cutting my hair accidentally. True story, yea, I
(36:19):
that one I believe, right, Why are you really here?
Why do you why don't you tell everybody what you did?
I don't know what you're talking about. Eleven years old.
Before I left home, he's and I left. Why did
I leave? Ronnie? Why did I leave? Why did I leave?
(36:40):
I honestly don't know what you're I was sports swings,
sports swing. I don't remember two homeworks that I had out.
I had to write an essay on Jane Eyre. I
think you know what you did with the porch swing.
Dad came out of the porch swing. The porch swing
was broken? And what did you say? As a four
(37:03):
year old kid, what'd you say? What do you say? Ronnie?
What'd you tell Dad? What'd you tell Papa? I said,
bi wee? Did it? Bai boked the porch swing? Did I?
Did I break it? Or did you break it? No?
(37:25):
That's right? And then Dad said, Billy, did you break
this porch swing? And I said, no, Ronnie broke this
porch swing? And he said, Billy, you're a liar. Yes,
all you e a gonn amount to is a guy
who hops trains. Why don't you get started on it? Now?
(37:53):
So I did. I'm so sorry. I just panicked. I
oh is looked up to you? What I did. I
didn't want to. I knew you'd take the heat for me.
And but you really mean now you really look from you?
You really don't you mean when you say you take
(38:13):
as much time as you take us to tell me,
do you mean that when you say used to look
up to me, that you you didn't used to look
up to me. You didn't look up to me. You
you were my son, you were my moon, you were
(38:34):
my Saturn, my Jupiter, my venus, my mercury. You're gonna
make me smoke this whole pack of cigaretos. Oh I
ever wanted. I was just known as Billy burg and
his younger brother, and then you were God. And I
didn't know what to tell people. I didn't know where
you went, and no idea you were hopping trains, those
(38:58):
hopping trains. Hug out, hug out, hug it out, hug
it out, hu hug it out. I don't think we
could do this. We're Burgundies. Don't ever make hug it out.
(39:23):
Hug How do you want to do? You go high?
I feel like we're both going high. Oh, thank you,
you heard me, Ronnie, Ronnie Hugny trying to hurt your
(39:47):
huck I'm stuck into your house. Wait what, I'm stuck
(40:13):
in the hoss before I stuck in the house years ago,
and I jacked off in all your socks. Well, I
never told you, Okay, I guess that could happen. I
don't hold it against you, at least, is that the
only thing you ever did to me? No, So I
(40:37):
jacked off in so many different types of clothes than
you have. Okay, okay, but it happened a long time
ago though, right, it wasn't recently. The socks were alonged
like two years ago, and then that shirt was earlier today.
I'm sorry, Brian, I thought I never thought we would
(40:58):
hug like that. That's okay, it's actually good for the shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Rayon fibers respond to bodily. Yeah. I think I read
that somewhere. Also. Discharge is good for them every now
(41:19):
and then, any sort of discharge, human or otherwise. All right,
I'm gonna thanks for coming by wait for me after
the show. Of course, somewhere will get that money you
were talking about my brother, Billy Burgundy. Everyone, thank you,
(41:44):
Billy Burgundy. Everyone. That was a lot to take in.
I did not expect to go there tonight. Honestly, I
feel like a lot of the situation I blame on
your dad, Yes, thank you. The Portswing thing, like he
shouldn't have kicked Billy out of the house at eleven
(42:07):
for that, and he was so specific with his plan. Yeah,
for Billy, it feels like that was It's like it
was premeditated, like I want to get this loser out
of my house and on a train, trying to get
him to train hop for the rest of his life. Well,
(42:40):
this was such an amazing show, and oh well, we're
not done yet because I planned something pretty special. I
didn't tell you about this because you're going to love it.
I don't know you people, but I love spicy food.
I just love it. Um. Oh good moving some things
(43:06):
on stage to create a little area. And this guy
is I mean, he has created a special genre genre
that is uh, very unique and super exciting. Um And
I've been wanting to do an interview with this guy
(43:29):
for a long long time. Please welcome Mr Sean Evans
with Nott once ha a good Sean, Thank you so much.
Oh my god, this is gonna be fun. Sean Everts, everyone,
(43:53):
thank you, thank you. Should we move this a little closer,
we say just a little there we go, Hey, Chicago,
is that you're from Chicago? From Chicago? I just didn't
know if randomly yelling that out, because I sometimes I'll
do that, just shot out Chicago. No, no, just any city.
(44:16):
I'll just walk into a place and go Houston. It works,
it works, no one. I'll get my bagel and go.
You know, Um, this is pretty fun. So is everyone
familiar with hot ones? For? For our our audience and
(44:38):
our listeners kind of described your the premise here. Sure.
So the show, what we do is we interview celebrities.
But the little twist in there is that we have
them eat increasingly spicy chicken wings over the course of
the interview. So typically on the show will do a
ten wing lineup right today, sort of a miniature version wings.
(44:59):
That's the good news. The bad news though, Ron, very
steep ramp up. It's going to eleven right out of
the game, right out of the gate. You know, I'll
start off in a comfortable place, but it'll get very hot,
very quickly. Okay, were you ready to start? Yes? Alright,
let's make some and so we'll start with the classic
(45:27):
and this is very important, Ron, You're gonna want to
start at the handle over there. Start at the handle.
Start at the handle. Boy, I wish I had a
nickel for every time I've heard that. And then we'll
dive right in. Have you ever been over to sin
right across the street, Right across the street they have
(45:48):
start at the handle tuesdays. Okay, says we dive in in.
Mm hmmm mm hmmmm. And my my first question for you, Ron,
Oh good god, Okay, oh my god. Oh already it's
(46:17):
the first wing. No way, I'm not doing that, Carolina.
You gotta do it. You have to do it. You
gotta do it, or I'm fired. You're fired. I'm already fired.
But you got God, that is awful. Well, I did
have questions for for you, great Carolina. She's a smart cookie.
(46:40):
She can handle it. She can handle it. You gotta
answer the questions. Okay, okay, okay, but you didn't just
take a bite out of that wing. But I'll uh continue. Okay,
this is all right, Carolina, thank you, alright, alright, alright,
(47:02):
I can. I'm sure I can answer your questions, so
I'll ask. I did have questions prepared for you, Ron,
So you're outsourcing not only the wing eating, but also
the answering of your own questions. I mean, I think
this will be one of the one and one and
a kind of experience, you know, very different. She can
handle it. She's she who. Okay, all right, let's start.
(47:25):
We're doing it. It's happening. My mouth is on fire.
That is like, I am okay, I am doing this
for the salary right now. That is what I'm gonna
tell you, which is cauldron in my belly right now.
I'm awake to start things off. I'm curious, Uh, why
did you decide to step out of retirement and start
(47:45):
a podcast? Go ahead, I'm podcasting is fun. I have
a mustache. I like the news. That's a dumb answer.
I am so sorry. This is crazy. Okay, okay, I
can do the next. I'll be more sophisticated answers, I promise.
(48:09):
All right, let's let's pivot a little bit. What would
you say, is the biggest news story that you've ever covered? Oh,
this is easy. You know this one. You know this one.
Yell sprecka se Deutsche Hell. Okay, okay, okay, I think
(48:43):
that was good. That was good. Okay. And then let's
let's shift to something maybe a little more topical. You know,
I'm curious your thoughts on the current media landscape, Like
when you watch Anchorman on the cable news channels, Fox News, CNN,
what do you think of them? What do you think
them on news channels? Are there for clickbait headlines? And
I delivered real heartfelt news. That's pretty good. Yes, yes,
(49:10):
do I do? I go the next wing. Yeah, that's
that's to move on to the next wing. So this
next one is Lose Calientes. Typically in their lineup, it'll
be the fifth Sauce, but today going steeping step towards
the peak of Mount Scoville onto the fifth sauce, the
(49:30):
Turning Sauce, the Turning Sauce. It's the Turning Poor all right,
that's another featured night. It's in turn Sauce. Hello, okay, okay, yeah,
we are here at a party. Oh my goodness. That
(49:51):
is um uh opening everything up. I'm feeling that one. Huh. Okay,
I'm so glad I got out of this. What's your
question for Ron? Sure? Sure? Um? Do you have an
all time favorite celebrity interview? Why do you know this? God,
(50:15):
you're blowing it so hard right now? Uh, I can't
think I want Russian, Russian head of state, the Russian
head of state in what year? I don't know why
I asked that. I don't know what Russian head of state.
Oh my gosh, whoo whoo, whoo whoo. I really want
(50:41):
that milk. Okay, um, same same first name as the
current British Prime Minister, Boris. It's my most favorite interview,
even though I didn't have a translator that day. It's
not just winging it with the Russian Okay, Oh my god,
(51:11):
y just race the tiniest blossom milk I poured for myself.
It just started making me think how delicious cold ice
cold milk tastes. Buttery ice cold milk. There's it's so
incredibly thirst quitch it hits, especially after those spicy wings
(51:31):
ron I can only imagine. Okay, one more, um, I'll
take this one. There is that enough? It was perfect,
Thank you so much. Okay, Okay, I'm doing good. I'm alive.
I'm here. You were going good. Your question okay, okay,
(51:54):
if you could host a dinner party from any time
in history, who would you invite? Uh uh the the
Pam Greer. No, no, no, Pam greer. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Um.
I'm going to think of the name and try to
(52:14):
transfer it into your brain. Evil kin evil good two
for two. Um. Who oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god. The person you like that your next
door neighbor who has all those birds? Glenn? Probably not Glenn. Okay,
(52:35):
let's go what's the last wing? Let's let's let's gas
pedal this. This is the last ab. We call it
the last Ab Carolina because it's tradition around here to
put a little extra on the last wing. You don't
have to, though, if you don't want to do it.
I wanted that Christmas bonus, Christmas. Do it, do it,
do it, last wing, last wing. This is gonna curl
(53:00):
your eyelashes. Young lady, that's gonna pop your wig right
off your head. Guy, it's the craziest sauce I've ever had.
Oh where are you feel it? In the cockles? That's
all in the cockles. Okay, what's the question? Okay, by
(53:20):
the way, you know, this spring is gonna be a
horrible allergy season, one of the worst on records. Let's
get to the question. It's a little, it's a little
is there tech on on hand? And it's a little
awkward as I as I wrote the interview for Ron,
but I'll ask the question. I know that you're a
(53:43):
very particular Carolina. I know that you're a very particular man.
How do you romance a woman? You are nice, You're honest,
you'd take a nice places. Say here the movies, but
firs and jewels. First jewel. You're nice, story dad, You're
(54:04):
nice to your mom. Play a little jazz flute. You
play jazz flute. I just went to a dark place,
all right, Mac, Mike drop, let's make some noise. You're
(54:24):
to get it. Wow, you are definitely getting a Christmas
bonus this year. I love you. Guys who staying with me.
You're gonna have a little that milk too. Wow. And
you know that's Yak's milk, so everyone knows we did
(54:46):
not harm a cow. It's pure Yak's milk, which is
the best kind of milk. Sean. We can't thank you
enough for coming out here. Ever, everyone you did awesome.
You did awesome, Thank you, sir, Ron, valiant efforts, purgeous.
(55:09):
Look it was not my thing, ultimately, Carolina, great John.
I thought you were gonna lay a tart on that one,
but you didn't. Don't forget backstage. We're gonna have some
(55:32):
of my special for Alarm Chili. Save room for that, folks.
We're at the end of our show. Um, but I
have one final segment I'd like to call my take,
So if you indulge me, this is run Burgundy with
(55:53):
my take. So should I just get out of here? Yah?
Yesterday I asked Carolina if she had ever seen the
movie Gone with the Wind. She shook her head and
looked confused, and then said, what's a movie? It got
(56:19):
me thinking our movies dead. I remember the first movie
I ever saw. It was called Hot Boobs. But I'm
not going to talk about that movie. It wouldn't be appropriate. However,
the second movie I saw was called How the West
(56:39):
Was One. Kevin Costner had referenced watching How the West
Was Won and as a child, he said, how transformative
it was. Well, the same thing happened to me. Sitting
there in the dark. I was introduced to a whole
new world, a world of wondrous make believe. And right
next to me as I looked over at the seat
(57:03):
was an old prospector named Gus Chickens. He was a
folksy old fellow who had brought his mule into the theater,
and during the intermission he had turned to me and said,
I'm gush chickens. That's the way he talked. He said,
(57:24):
I sure do love a Western. It beats beans for breakfast,
if you know what I mean. I didn't, so I
asked him why he talks in that funny way, and
he said, I grew up in Compton, California, where Kevin
(57:44):
Costner came from. I spent my whole life around them
rascally movie folk. Me and my mule went to shin
digs up there in them Hollywood Hills. I ate at
them there, fancy restaurants, chewing on meal and wet in
my whistle on bottles of wide. I said that that
(58:06):
didn't make sense. If he grew up in southern California
around sophisticated Hollywood people, why did he talk in such
a folksy, down home way. He looked at me and said, ah,
finnel sticks, And just like that, he grabbed his mule
and left. Carolina sits around watching TikTok toes and YouTube's
(58:32):
on her phone like a lot of simpletons these days.
Maybe movies are dead, or maybe like the cultural around us,
they're just changing into something new, and it's scares a
lot of people. I'm not afraid of change. I'm afraid
of Jello and wild boars and Canadians, but not change.
(58:59):
These days, there are a lot of old men invoking
the past, mainly on Fox News. The past was really
good for me. I I drank a bottle of scotch
every day and woke up naked in more city parks
than I can remember. But the past wasn't great for everyone.
Once again, our movie is dead. I don't think so,
(59:23):
but maybe we can make them better. I'm Ron Burgundy
and that's my take. Thank you everyone right, thanks for
every getting got right, he says, because he gets no
stuck up to be so light. He tried like a suck,
seemed like a plank. We solid younger will try so
(59:45):
we never getting the guy brank so to get up
a lot of band winds and he's a god. He
ain't no stand and he doesn't have He's on a
night sized stand, which because everybody knows he's banded. Ron
Burgundy Podcast Best
He's a sexy sexy man, sexy sexy plan because he
ain't no stuck us looking so flighty. You could try
like a trucker, clean like a plank, just solim yunger
fool wheel try so we never gets to play so far,
ticking up a lot of band winds. And he's a guy.
Ye he ain't no stand and he doesn't have cheese
(00:26):
on a nighttime sandwich because everybody knows he's the Fergens.
He bandit the Ron Burgundy podcast Largo and how they
want Tafarta put your han stick out of the Ron
burgo right here. Thank you so much. That is that
(01:07):
is lovely. That is nice to hear. I'm joined by Carolina,
of course, my wonderful co host. And let me guess,
were you applauding for me or for her? Give me both.
I think it was predominantly me, though I'm just teasing.
(01:34):
Oh that felt good, though Daddy needed that. I was
changing a tire on the four oh five in the
suppu to pass less than fifteen minutes ago, and I'm like,
I'm not going to make the show, and the car
collapsed on me, but luckily Oh bushed it off me
(01:59):
and got here and then you gave me that wonderful ovation,
So thank you, thank you so much. We also just
want to tell you, guys that all the proceeds to
tonight's ticket sales are going to the International Medical Corps,
which is a great charity that's helping families in the
Ukraine right now. And thank you to Larger and thank
you to Largo for evening to Largo because Flanny here,
(02:22):
he's not getting his grubby paws on it. So it's
going to charity and it goes all to charity, right.
I don't get like a little nothing, just a sweet little,
a little morsel. Do you want me to ask for
that five maybe? Oh no, no, no, no, I don't
(02:43):
get none, nothing, nothing nothing. I thought we've been just
saying that. No, No, I feel like you're upset. Can
I have twenty bucks? Look what I found next stage?
And abba Zaba, you guys remember Abbasaba's. It's a delicious
(03:06):
little treat and I think I'm gonna gonna pop one
in my mouth. We just want to stand by everyone.
For those listening at home, I'm opening is Abazaba Rapper
right now. M hm m hmm. Is it going to
(03:27):
be a little bit of a second. Yeah, it's in
the toffee family of confession, injected with a peanut butter, right,
really dragging me back. You need a second, not swallow
(03:48):
bal yet not all right? There she goes right into
the cup. That is a terrible piece of candy. The Appasaba.
And I hope the Abbasaba company listens to this podcast
and they know how I feel. We're not scared. Abba
zabbas can suck it, Okay, I hope they don't steal
that as a like a slogan. Oh that is that
(04:09):
a good slogan. Aba you can suck it, can suck it,
meaning us are candy. It's too long, we'll figure it out. Hollywood, California.
Where's everyone from Chicago? Hello? Oklahoma City? Out of car
(04:35):
Cot car Not that many people. No, Oh Santedro a
thriving Greek community in San Pedro from what I remember.
(04:56):
H Mexico. Oh do you wanna Okay, you don't have
to be so cocky about it, jeez, do you wanna Australia, Well,
don't struga well boom England. The English are blue arts,
(05:26):
they really are. I hate the British. I just do no.
I do. I don't hate the strong word, but I
hate the British. We have stop what's going on? I
don't know, it's just what you're feeling. This is the
way I'm feeling. So but those of you in Hollywood
(05:50):
probably we have to address the elephant in the room.
I mean Sunday night, Oh boy got dying? Oh what
did I? Oh murder? Say what? That was the craziest
(06:23):
thing I've ever seen. Which and I and You've seen
a lot of crazy. I've seen crazy. I've seen you
take an elevator. Yes, I just saw you spent that
Abbasaba and crystal glass. You've seen me throw a housecat
off a bridge in San Pedro. That was um, I
(06:47):
can't believe. I just yea strike that from the record,
but I hate house cats, ate the British. Yeah, we're
just gonna tell it like it is. But I mean
that we all witnessed. Most of us slept yard. But
I have a bit of good news that's slightly related.
(07:10):
I think I'm hosting the Oscars next year. I don't know,
I said, I think who told you that you're hosting that? Well,
they've reached out to my people. I'm your people. I
know have they reached out to. Okay, but they too,
(07:33):
I'm hoping they're going to reach out to. They start
with a shortlist and I'm figured I'm probably on it
and they have to whittle it down and it might happen. Um,
but I'm just gonna prepare and hope and pray every
night that I get it. Uh, but I want to
be prepared when I get that phone call. Uh. So
(07:54):
I've been working on some stand up um for the Oscars,
and if you'll indulge me, I'd love to try it
out on you, if that's all right, I want to yeah, okay, Um,
and keep in mind this is a work in progress.
I'm not a professional stand up comedian. Uh but uh
(08:18):
but anyway, you gotta jump in the pool, right. Um.
So let's see here. Get my cheaters out, Oh, wear
contacts during the Oscars, don't worry, and I'm not gonna
belied looking like this, Just so you know, I'll probably
be in a golden maid jumpsuit. Okay. Uh alright, So
(08:53):
please welcome Ron Burgundy. Huh, thank you, thank you. It's
it's a pleasure to be here hosting the h I
don't know what you're do they'll they'll tell me it's
(09:16):
a pleasure to be here. We got a lot. How's
how's everyone doing tonight at the Oscars? Pretty good? Yeah? Uh,
I see there's a category for for best hair and
makeup and the winner is not g I Jane two. No,
(09:38):
it's okay, it's okay. No one's good, No one's here.
It's okay, it's okay. No one's gonna fight you, it's okay,
it's all right. In fact, there wasn't any hair and
(09:59):
make up. Everyone had shaved heads. Okay. It reminds me.
I went to my barber and I say, take a
little off the top, Pete. And he says how much?
And I say, not as much as g I Jane too?
(10:21):
Know what? Okay, it's okay, it's okay. No, no, it's here.
You're shadow boxing. It's fine, No, I kid. G I
Jane two is a great movie. Everyone loves it, unless
you happen to be headlines because there's no hair I
(10:50):
got we got and they need an environment to thrive
in and has to be like feast and yeah, m okay,
what else do I got here? M hmmm, um hey uh.
(11:11):
For our viewers at home, there here in California. There's
a place called the Central Valley. Great, why do they
call it Sacramento? Do they make sacred mentos there? You
(11:36):
guys remember mentos? Right? Those old commercials they were weird.
What about kid Cat bars? Huh? Do you remember kitcat bars? Yeah?
What if Bob Dylan did the kid Cat Bar song?
It would go something like this, give me a break,
(12:00):
give me a break, bring me up a piece. Then
it get bad. So circle that one. That's applause break
on that one. You'll remember if I forget right for
(12:23):
next year's Oscar, will you be able to be on
stage with me? Oh? Because you're quite a security blanket.
What else? What else? What's in the news. Have you
heard about these self driving cars? Yeah? Do you think
they've not heard about him? Okay, okay, um, they have
(12:46):
these cars now that drive around without a driver. What
if you're Adam driver and you're in the backseat of
a driverless car and a cop pulls you over he says,
are you the drive? Ever? How confusing would that be? Okay?
(13:14):
That was that was like a seven Governor rhn de
Santis is at it again. Yea yeah, oh that would
be great if they react that way. That guy is
so weird they should call him Ron Dementos, right, I
(13:38):
called back Sacramento. Yeah, anyway, he doesn't want teachers to
say the word gay in the classroom, like it's a
dirty word. The only word dirt in the only the
only word, the one hold on, the only flirty dirt in.
(14:00):
God damn it fulls together on. He looked like a ass.
Right now, you've come this far, you're almost at the
top of the mountain. Bring it home, you coward with
(14:23):
nothing but a coward and a quarter a jacket and
look like a You got your ass blowing in the wind.
Just pull it together. The only dirty word in the
state of Florida is the santis. Thank you. On with
(14:45):
the rest of the show. Um, here's John Travolta and
uh uh uh Grrie Mulligan. I don't know, I know,
I'm a big carry Amelegan fan. Well, very great, that
(15:06):
was great. That was very valuable. I feel like the
message we wanted to give after the Oscars on Sunday,
And if you guys are so inclined, you can stay
it with me. Hug it out, hug it out, say
it sincerely, though, like, hey, hug it out one to
(15:26):
three huge out. That feels good. Well, do you want
to turn to your neighbor and just tug them quickly?
It's COVID. Oh that's nice. People are doing it, doing
it for the listeners at home. There's four people. People
are now, people are really getting into it. Shirt answer,
(15:49):
keep your shirt disgusting. Well, uh, we should get on
with our show. Um, you said that you were guessed.
All you said was personal and I didn't want it,
so I didn't want to ask because I didn't want
to like overset my Well, someone is in town, a
(16:11):
relative of mine, and he asked to come on the show. Yeah, Um,
are you okay? I'm okay, Yes, I'm fine. In fact,
it's good. We haven't seen each other a while. Um,
it looks bad, but no, it's he's fine. You know what,
Let's just get him out here. Would you please welcome
(16:31):
my brother Billy Burgundy? Hi? Yeah, right, Billy, wonder you
have a seat all right? Yeah? Yeah, I don't know.
(16:54):
I'll sit down right now. He's a little too high,
if I'm honest, right out of the gate, I feel
like I'm still kind of standing. Honestly, it's a regular.
It's just a club chair. It's a regular chair cheer
kind of playing a prank on me, like, ha, you
thought you sat down, but you're just squatting and your
(17:16):
thighs are doing a lot of the work. I don't
know if you can really, I don't think you can
smoke up right now, I'm doing it. I'm doing. Just
sit back in the sit back in the chair, please, Yeah,
a little baby brother, Roddy hot shot? Hot shot? Can
(17:39):
we curse? It's too late now I'm saying, I'll change
my tone, like I'll I'll like, I won't curse. I
don't want to have to call the fire marshal if
you're call them, call the you know the number of
the firemark every people say that all the time. I
all want to call fire my call him? What do
(18:01):
you got his number in your phone? Oh? I don't
having you, but I have you. I would get it
quickly and Carolina would call you it doesn't have it,
I have it. Tell me what it is and I'll
tell you. You better tell him. You better tell him
right now? Your fire don't embarrassing? Okay, what's his number?
(18:25):
How do we know that your number is the accurate number?
I got it from a bunny mind. My buddy is
a fire. Marshal alright, Oh I almost dropped my cigarettes.
You can't imagine what would have happened. Fire, Probably a fire.
I'm sorry. There's a huge gap between your two sensibilities.
(18:51):
This is what we're like, oil and water. We're different. Ronnie,
you know, Ronnie went off and became you know, a
little shot? Is that me? Am I doing that? I
think that's yours? Is is that me? Yeah? That's your everybody?
(19:12):
You go the way? Now you go? Alright, my turn.
It does seem like they was always very good in
audio visual class. Didn't work. It's okay, you gotta relax, Billy.
(19:33):
It's just a microphone to talk it to go. I know,
you gott if you're gonna stay here, you gotta take
it down or not. She just brought you a night.
She's you're like a hair trigger. You've always been that way.
I didn't know what it was. I was freaked me.
The didn't look like you that. She's like, you take
(19:54):
this dough. She did all day dil though, and she
wanted me helper do. She didn't say a word, I know,
but it just felt this looks like a dildo to
you people, it's a microphone vote. We vote on it. No,
we don't vote. We all right vote that, we don't
vote on it. Fine, fine, But to me, I felt
(20:17):
in that situation a lady was running to me, go
and hide this dildo. I stole it. That's the story
I concocted within sec darn it, gosh, darn it. Come
to think of it, last Easter, you did give me
a microphone shape dildo. Got the wireless microphone shaped dildo.
(20:43):
They exist. That's a fun word, dildo. Right. We haven't
laughed like that in a long time. I got a
(21:09):
big question for you, billy. What what What are you
doing here? You mean when I'm doing do the What
do you want? Do you think? Do you want money?
Do you want money? Do you want a place to stay? What?
What's I mean? I'm not here to Do you have money?
Do you have some cash? Got probably some cash on me.
(21:29):
I'll take some money. That's not why I'm here. But
if you're saying you throw the money around, they'll take
some money. I'm here to be interviewed. Isn't that what
you do? You really want to be interviewed by me? Yes,
that's why I'm holding this still though, so I can
forget the interviewed. I came out of here. You know,
you got all these people here, Ronnie the hot shot,
(21:51):
hot shot Ronnie Burgundy that nobody gives it about his
big brother, Billy Burgundy. So I'm out here to be interviewed.
Let these people know. Maybe I influenced you in some way,
all right, fair enough, but you never expressed an interest
in my life this way. So what would you say?
(22:15):
This is what you do in a podcast? What is
a podcast? By the way, Like, what is this actually? Like?
What do you do with it? I still couldn't tell you.
I don't understand it. From a technical standpoint. I initially
thought we recorded on a bunch of cassette tapes. We
had to drive him to everyone's house, kind of like
(22:38):
the old Netflix model. That's what I thought, and you
pop them into a cassette and you listen to him,
and you you just hope, you pray to God that
enough people have boom boxes at home. Still, that's what
I thought a podcast was. I get it. The fact
that this doesn't have a wire, I can't even knowing.
I don't trust it. I'll never use a chordless that's
why I go, I go wire, I go, uh do
(23:03):
that as well? This feels better. For some reason, this
just feels better. I don't know, like I'm plugged into
a system. Billy, let me. I'll start by asking you this.
We we both we grew up in Iowa. Why do
you have a Brooklyn accent? Why? Why? And why is
(23:34):
the question? Look like we're from Brooks We're from Brooklyn, Iowa.
All Brooklyn's of Brooklyn. It doesn't matter which the state.
It's in Brooklyn, Iowa's Brooklyn. You look. You look like
the Fons. I love the Funds. I've always worshiped the Fons.
Every time I would watch Happy Days, I was like,
that's who I'm gonna be when I grow up. And
(23:56):
I don't care. I don't care if the settings and
out of disappropriate. Don't care if it costs you employment.
I don't care. Care if you can't. I don't care
if the settings and the people change around me. I'm
gonna be the Fauns when I grow People feel awkward
around you constantly. Yeah, this makes a statement. When I
walk into a room, people are like, even when I
(24:18):
walked out here, people are like, this guy's got something
to say, look at it, Look at this guy. This
guy gets it? Is that what people is that what
you think people are thinking? Did anybody did anybody here
think that? When I walked out, some people clapped how
one guy, that young woman clapped the gates and then
(24:42):
the distinct voice was just a definite declarative no, no, no, no.
Doing of the audience says no, ye, some people did clap,
not as many numbers as I was hoping, maybe three,
maybe three people possibly three one distinct No. I probably
(25:06):
hate cigarettes. That's your thing. You're like, well, I'm against
you because most people hate cigarettes. They do. It's when
since thirty years ago, twenty years ago. I don't. I
don't know. You can't smoke anywhere. I do it all
the time. I know that walking about what he says anything,
They just let it happen. They're like, I don't know.
This guy looks like he knows something. No, No, this
(25:33):
is fun. I like this is fun. You like do this?
This is cool. This is a cool got gig? You know?
Is that what it's called a gig. It's called a podcast.
And we're you know, we're just we're lucky enough to
be doing it in front of a live audience, and
that's what's happenings, and this is kind of this is
one of the things I do in my life. Well,
(25:53):
I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know because you don't call.
You know, right, let us in high school. When you
left town and you didn't talk to anyone in the
family for twenty years, what happened? That's your question. I
come out here and you say, why did I leave home?
I was eleven when I left home. I was eleven, Ronnie,
(26:16):
I was I was four. I was eleven, and I
was in high school. Was an accelerated class. You were
an accelerated student. I didn't understand anything, but I already
had a mustache, so they pushed me through, and I
was You think it's easy to be around them when
people will look at you only eleven, and look at
(26:38):
your brother's holding four and he's got a man's mustache
and he's in these he's in these accelerated classes. Don't
take me back there, because all I would do was
squigger with crayons, and they loved They kept moving, loved me.
I kept moving. They were like this guy's like a
(27:00):
passa RANI was in college by ten years old it was.
I left at eleven. I'm the youngest kid to ever
leave his house at the youngest age. I looked it up.
You looked it up where the library. I went to
the library. And I went to the library, and there's
a book. There's a book that chronicles how early children
(27:24):
leave their houses. Yes, in the youngest before me was twelve.
I left it eleven. So I got that. So you
broke the record. I broke the record after all, for
Billy Burgundy. What kind of smokes are those? By the way,
(27:44):
That's okay. I'd rather do that than get it on
these nice chairs to make you stand up when you
don't want to. Yeah, I left home at eleven. I
lived on trains. I lived on a bunch of trains trains. Yeah,
you know what I did with fellow hoboes. Yeah. And
I had a stick with a sack on the end
(28:05):
of the kerchief. And I gotta tell you can't put
a lot of clothes in there. You can maybe put
a half of sandwich. You can put half of sandwich in,
half of pair of jeans, one leg of a g
It's not like you can put a wardrobe in the
little chrischief. That's a kerchief. You know. It signals everyone
that you hoped trains. Yeah, I have trains and I'm eleven.
(28:26):
People like that. Kids shouldn't be hopping trains. Trains for
how long? And twenty years? Hopped trains for twenty years
until you were thirty one? Yeah, I just kept doing it.
You know, once you're caught up in the game of
hopping trains, it's not a game. You can't just get out.
You can't get out. You could get out anytime you want.
How was that a comfortable life? It wasn't. I was.
(28:49):
I'm a grizzled man because of it. Mcgrizzled Brooklyn Knight
go uh go hu Husky Huskies. Who are the corn Huskers?
What is it? How? Guys? That's what I said. Guys, Yes,
Iowa hack guys. In Brooklyn we were the New Jersey
(29:09):
Nets hot guys. Remember that high school where the New
Jersey Nets. We were the Brooklyn Nets guys. That's right,
that was our high school. And remember our fight song.
Of course, I do breathe music Net eyes Nets. We're
(29:34):
coming from your throats out and what you bleed on
the floor. It is our dest today to prevail New
Jersey nets nets. Of course I remember it pretty again.
(30:00):
Of course I remember I fight song. I sing it
every night on those trains. Taught all the hoboes. I said,
listen to this and I get to the pot about
ripping out the throats and the blood on the floor,
and they loved it. I'm still confused. Who's they? My
hobo friends, Charlie, mostly just me and Charlie. Look, here's
(30:24):
the reason I'm here. You wanted to do the truth.
There's another question I have for you because our brother Lonnie,
I saw you in a pornographic movie. Talk about that.
Talk about that. That's not I mean, what was what
was that period of your life? What was going on? Okay,
it's one thing that maybe I was or was not
(30:44):
in a pornographic film. It's another thing that Lonnie's watching
stuff like that. What was he doing watching the thing? That?
I was a fair question Back then, it was still old.
Real to real, it was real to real. You had
to you had to get a sixteen metal made a
projector you had to want it. You had to want it,
but you had to want it. You had to get it.
(31:05):
Didn't get it, didn't know pop up. It was like
I bought a ticket to see it loop it through. Yeah, yeah,
that I need. I needed some money and there was
no sound. There was no sound of corn A Kolani.
I didn't see it. So you needed some money. I
(31:25):
needed some money and I did a little porn ated
by any chance. Yeah, that's how I got discovered. Remember
how Edward Furlong got discovered for Terminator two. That's what
happened to me. But it was for a pornographic film.
I don't have that, that's the analogy. I don't have
some sort of play on the title Terminator too. I
(31:47):
just know that that's how I got discovered. Someone said
you have a camera, and I said, hey, I live
on trains. That was enough. That was enough to get
me in the door. So there was a young enterp
rising pornographic film maker scouting for his next actor in
a train yard. Yeah, okay, you've been surprised. A lot
(32:11):
of actors come from train yards in every in every genre.
It's true. I know Gene Hackman came from a train yard.
I know he also did a stretch of time at
Joliet Prison. What was that for? Why do you got
to tell people about that? We're doing an interview you
wanted me to ask you about your lives in Joliet,
Joliet prison, because I had I had signed up for
(32:32):
a kid's birthday party to do like clowns, and I
was doing the balloon animals type stuff and I didn't
know how to do it and the dad. I I
got into a little scuffle with the dad. I was
drinking and think a lot of the kids are crying
at kids party. They were like eight, and I thought
these kids are too whole for him clown and one
(32:54):
of the kids like just made me a bluon animal.
I shoved, shoved the kid. Uh, you can never it
was the dad's kid. It was the dad's kid, which
I guess is always it's always the dad's kids, and
whatever scenario, whoever the kid is, it's always gonna be
the dad's Still, it's still a fairly low stake setting
(33:15):
to end up with Juliet. So continue. Well, So I
shoved the kid. I shoved the kid. He pulls, he
pulls what I thought was a switch blade. It was
one of those crazy straws. I thought it was a
switch blade. So I pulled my switch blade. Now we're dancing,
you know what I mean. He's got a crazy straight
(33:37):
yell out in another kid. I go, tie our arms together, right,
tie our arms together? And the kid did it, and
another kid did it. Yeah. The dad looks over. I'm
trying to knife fight his kid. He's got a crazy straw.
I gotta switch blade I had made for giraffes. I
don't know how to do the balloon animal bullet and
(33:59):
I cut the kids. Billy what it was a sanctioned fight?
He agree with that? Sanctioned by who? Me and the
kid who had the wire? Why he had used the wire? Yeah,
he had a crazy shot. But the other kid had
a wire to tie our wrist together so that he
couldn't escape the fight. We don't fight as much as
(34:22):
you know. So this is all I do it all
the time, so still to this day, to this day,
I'll go I'll go to a bar. I don't even.
I used to go to a bar and drunk and
did insurable Yeah no, no, no, Connie, look at me,
look at me. Is the fons insurable? Obviously not unless
(34:43):
you go to a Geico. Maybe. I don't know. I've
never had insurance. I don't know what it takes. I
wish and I don't know what it is. Look, it's
not all it's cracked up to be. I've never been
insured fine all these years. Right, they just rolled of dice.
That's what I do. I rolled the dice. I see
(35:04):
where it end where I end up. And so I
got the town tonight, and I said, I'm gonna go
down to Ronnie's things up and awkwardly stare this crowd down.
That's exactly right. Are you thinking about that? No from
section whatever? That section him alone, Leave him alone. You
(35:28):
have a fight anybody, No from theies, because I assure
you it's not like fighting now, buddy, don't dignify him,
sir with a response. You know him, You know the
guy that's saying that's saying it in general. Okay, I'm
protecting our audience member from getting in a fifties style
(35:50):
gangster fight with you. Let it be known. I have
a switchblade. Let it be known. And not the cool
kind where like you hit the button and a comb
comes No, no, like a real knife, A real knife
comes out. One time I thought it was a comb.
I started cutting my hair accidentally. True story, yea, I
(36:19):
that one I believe, right, Why are you really here?
Why do you why don't you tell everybody what you did?
I don't know what you're talking about. Eleven years old.
Before I left home, he's and I left. Why did
I leave? Ronnie? Why did I leave? Why did I leave?
(36:40):
I honestly don't know what you're I was sports swings,
sports swing. I don't remember two homeworks that I had out.
I had to write an essay on Jane Eyre. I
think you know what you did with the porch swing.
Dad came out of the porch swing. The porch swing
was broken? And what did you say? As a four
(37:03):
year old kid, what'd you say? What do you say? Ronnie?
What'd you tell Dad? What'd you tell Papa? I said,
bi wee? Did it? Bai boked the porch swing? Did I?
Did I break it? Or did you break it? No?
(37:25):
That's right? And then Dad said, Billy, did you break
this porch swing? And I said, no, Ronnie broke this
porch swing? And he said, Billy, you're a liar. Yes,
all you e a gonn amount to is a guy
who hops trains. Why don't you get started on it? Now?
(37:53):
So I did. I'm so sorry. I just panicked. I
oh is looked up to you? What I did. I
didn't want to. I knew you'd take the heat for me.
And but you really mean now you really look from you?
You really don't you mean when you say you take
(38:13):
as much time as you take us to tell me,
do you mean that when you say used to look
up to me, that you you didn't used to look
up to me. You didn't look up to me. You
you were my son, you were my moon, you were
(38:34):
my Saturn, my Jupiter, my venus, my mercury. You're gonna
make me smoke this whole pack of cigaretos. Oh I
ever wanted. I was just known as Billy burg and
his younger brother, and then you were God. And I
didn't know what to tell people. I didn't know where
you went, and no idea you were hopping trains, those
(38:58):
hopping trains. Hug out, hug out, hug it out, hug
it out, hu hug it out. I don't think we
could do this. We're Burgundies. Don't ever make hug it out.
(39:23):
Hug How do you want to do? You go high?
I feel like we're both going high. Oh, thank you,
you heard me, Ronnie, Ronnie Hugny trying to hurt your
(39:47):
huck I'm stuck into your house. Wait what, I'm stuck
(40:13):
in the hoss before I stuck in the house years ago,
and I jacked off in all your socks. Well, I
never told you, Okay, I guess that could happen. I
don't hold it against you, at least, is that the
only thing you ever did to me? No, So I
(40:37):
jacked off in so many different types of clothes than
you have. Okay, okay, but it happened a long time
ago though, right, it wasn't recently. The socks were alonged
like two years ago, and then that shirt was earlier today.
I'm sorry, Brian, I thought I never thought we would
(40:58):
hug like that. That's okay, it's actually good for the shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Rayon fibers respond to bodily. Yeah. I think I read
that somewhere. Also. Discharge is good for them every now
(41:19):
and then, any sort of discharge, human or otherwise. All right,
I'm gonna thanks for coming by wait for me after
the show. Of course, somewhere will get that money you
were talking about my brother, Billy Burgundy. Everyone, thank you,
(41:44):
Billy Burgundy. Everyone. That was a lot to take in.
I did not expect to go there tonight. Honestly, I
feel like a lot of the situation I blame on
your dad, Yes, thank you. The Portswing thing, like he
shouldn't have kicked Billy out of the house at eleven
(42:07):
for that, and he was so specific with his plan. Yeah,
for Billy, it feels like that was It's like it
was premeditated, like I want to get this loser out
of my house and on a train, trying to get
him to train hop for the rest of his life. Well,
(42:40):
this was such an amazing show, and oh well, we're
not done yet because I planned something pretty special. I
didn't tell you about this because you're going to love it.
I don't know you people, but I love spicy food.
I just love it. Um. Oh good moving some things
(43:06):
on stage to create a little area. And this guy
is I mean, he has created a special genre genre
that is uh, very unique and super exciting. Um And
I've been wanting to do an interview with this guy
(43:29):
for a long long time. Please welcome Mr Sean Evans
with Nott once ha a good Sean, Thank you so much.
Oh my god, this is gonna be fun. Sean Everts, everyone,
(43:53):
thank you, thank you. Should we move this a little closer,
we say just a little there we go, Hey, Chicago,
is that you're from Chicago? From Chicago? I just didn't
know if randomly yelling that out, because I sometimes I'll
do that, just shot out Chicago. No, no, just any city.
(44:16):
I'll just walk into a place and go Houston. It works,
it works, no one. I'll get my bagel and go.
You know, Um, this is pretty fun. So is everyone
familiar with hot ones? For? For our our audience and
(44:38):
our listeners kind of described your the premise here. Sure.
So the show, what we do is we interview celebrities.
But the little twist in there is that we have
them eat increasingly spicy chicken wings over the course of
the interview. So typically on the show will do a
ten wing lineup right today, sort of a miniature version wings.
(44:59):
That's the good news. The bad news though, Ron, very
steep ramp up. It's going to eleven right out of
the game, right out of the gate. You know, I'll
start off in a comfortable place, but it'll get very hot,
very quickly. Okay, were you ready to start? Yes? Alright,
let's make some and so we'll start with the classic
(45:27):
and this is very important, Ron, You're gonna want to
start at the handle over there. Start at the handle.
Start at the handle. Boy, I wish I had a
nickel for every time I've heard that. And then we'll
dive right in. Have you ever been over to sin
right across the street, Right across the street they have
(45:48):
start at the handle tuesdays. Okay, says we dive in in.
Mm hmmm mm hmmmm. And my my first question for you, Ron,
Oh good god, Okay, oh my god. Oh already it's
(46:17):
the first wing. No way, I'm not doing that, Carolina.
You gotta do it. You have to do it. You
gotta do it, or I'm fired. You're fired. I'm already fired.
But you got God, that is awful. Well, I did
have questions for for you, great Carolina. She's a smart cookie.
(46:40):
She can handle it. She can handle it. You gotta
answer the questions. Okay, okay, okay, but you didn't just
take a bite out of that wing. But I'll uh continue. Okay,
this is all right, Carolina, thank you, alright, alright, alright,
(47:02):
I can. I'm sure I can answer your questions, so
I'll ask. I did have questions prepared for you, Ron,
So you're outsourcing not only the wing eating, but also
the answering of your own questions. I mean, I think
this will be one of the one and one and
a kind of experience, you know, very different. She can
handle it. She's she who. Okay, all right, let's start.
(47:25):
We're doing it. It's happening. My mouth is on fire.
That is like, I am okay, I am doing this
for the salary right now. That is what I'm gonna
tell you, which is cauldron in my belly right now.
I'm awake to start things off. I'm curious, Uh, why
did you decide to step out of retirement and start
(47:45):
a podcast? Go ahead, I'm podcasting is fun. I have
a mustache. I like the news. That's a dumb answer.
I am so sorry. This is crazy. Okay, okay, I
can do the next. I'll be more sophisticated answers, I promise.
(48:09):
All right, let's let's pivot a little bit. What would
you say, is the biggest news story that you've ever covered? Oh,
this is easy. You know this one. You know this one.
Yell sprecka se Deutsche Hell. Okay, okay, okay, I think
(48:43):
that was good. That was good. Okay. And then let's
let's shift to something maybe a little more topical. You know,
I'm curious your thoughts on the current media landscape, Like
when you watch Anchorman on the cable news channels, Fox News, CNN,
what do you think of them? What do you think
them on news channels? Are there for clickbait headlines? And
I delivered real heartfelt news. That's pretty good. Yes, yes,
(49:10):
do I do? I go the next wing. Yeah, that's
that's to move on to the next wing. So this
next one is Lose Calientes. Typically in their lineup, it'll
be the fifth Sauce, but today going steeping step towards
the peak of Mount Scoville onto the fifth sauce, the
(49:30):
Turning Sauce, the Turning Sauce. It's the Turning Poor all right,
that's another featured night. It's in turn Sauce. Hello, okay, okay, yeah,
we are here at a party. Oh my goodness. That
(49:51):
is um uh opening everything up. I'm feeling that one. Huh. Okay,
I'm so glad I got out of this. What's your
question for Ron? Sure? Sure? Um? Do you have an
all time favorite celebrity interview? Why do you know this? God,
(50:15):
you're blowing it so hard right now? Uh, I can't
think I want Russian, Russian head of state, the Russian
head of state in what year? I don't know why
I asked that. I don't know what Russian head of state.
Oh my gosh, whoo whoo, whoo whoo. I really want
(50:41):
that milk. Okay, um, same same first name as the
current British Prime Minister, Boris. It's my most favorite interview,
even though I didn't have a translator that day. It's
not just winging it with the Russian Okay, Oh my god,
(51:11):
y just race the tiniest blossom milk I poured for myself.
It just started making me think how delicious cold ice
cold milk tastes. Buttery ice cold milk. There's it's so
incredibly thirst quitch it hits, especially after those spicy wings
(51:31):
ron I can only imagine. Okay, one more, um, I'll
take this one. There is that enough? It was perfect,
Thank you so much. Okay, Okay, I'm doing good. I'm alive.
I'm here. You were going good. Your question okay, okay,
(51:54):
if you could host a dinner party from any time
in history, who would you invite? Uh uh the the
Pam Greer. No, no, no, Pam greer. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Um.
I'm going to think of the name and try to
(52:14):
transfer it into your brain. Evil kin evil good two
for two. Um. Who oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god. The person you like that your next
door neighbor who has all those birds? Glenn? Probably not Glenn. Okay,
(52:35):
let's go what's the last wing? Let's let's let's gas
pedal this. This is the last ab. We call it
the last Ab Carolina because it's tradition around here to
put a little extra on the last wing. You don't
have to, though, if you don't want to do it.
I wanted that Christmas bonus, Christmas. Do it, do it,
do it, last wing, last wing. This is gonna curl
(53:00):
your eyelashes. Young lady, that's gonna pop your wig right
off your head. Guy, it's the craziest sauce I've ever had.
Oh where are you feel it? In the cockles? That's
all in the cockles. Okay, what's the question? Okay, by
(53:20):
the way, you know, this spring is gonna be a
horrible allergy season, one of the worst on records. Let's
get to the question. It's a little, it's a little
is there tech on on hand? And it's a little
awkward as I as I wrote the interview for Ron,
but I'll ask the question. I know that you're a
(53:43):
very particular Carolina. I know that you're a very particular man.
How do you romance a woman? You are nice, You're honest,
you'd take a nice places. Say here the movies, but
firs and jewels. First jewel. You're nice, story dad, You're
(54:04):
nice to your mom. Play a little jazz flute. You
play jazz flute. I just went to a dark place,
all right, Mac, Mike drop, let's make some noise. You're
(54:24):
to get it. Wow, you are definitely getting a Christmas
bonus this year. I love you. Guys who staying with me.
You're gonna have a little that milk too. Wow. And
you know that's Yak's milk, so everyone knows we did
(54:46):
not harm a cow. It's pure Yak's milk, which is
the best kind of milk. Sean. We can't thank you
enough for coming out here. Ever, everyone you did awesome.
You did awesome, Thank you, sir, Ron, valiant efforts, purgeous.
(55:09):
Look it was not my thing, ultimately, Carolina, great John.
I thought you were gonna lay a tart on that one,
but you didn't. Don't forget backstage. We're gonna have some
(55:32):
of my special for Alarm Chili. Save room for that, folks.
We're at the end of our show. Um, but I
have one final segment I'd like to call my take,
So if you indulge me, this is run Burgundy with
(55:53):
my take. So should I just get out of here? Yah?
Yesterday I asked Carolina if she had ever seen the
movie Gone with the Wind. She shook her head and
looked confused, and then said, what's a movie? It got
(56:19):
me thinking our movies dead. I remember the first movie
I ever saw. It was called Hot Boobs. But I'm
not going to talk about that movie. It wouldn't be appropriate. However,
the second movie I saw was called How the West
(56:39):
Was One. Kevin Costner had referenced watching How the West
Was Won and as a child, he said, how transformative
it was. Well, the same thing happened to me. Sitting
there in the dark. I was introduced to a whole
new world, a world of wondrous make believe. And right
next to me as I looked over at the seat
(57:03):
was an old prospector named Gus Chickens. He was a
folksy old fellow who had brought his mule into the theater,
and during the intermission he had turned to me and said,
I'm gush chickens. That's the way he talked. He said,
(57:24):
I sure do love a Western. It beats beans for breakfast,
if you know what I mean. I didn't, so I
asked him why he talks in that funny way, and
he said, I grew up in Compton, California, where Kevin
(57:44):
Costner came from. I spent my whole life around them
rascally movie folk. Me and my mule went to shin
digs up there in them Hollywood Hills. I ate at
them there, fancy restaurants, chewing on meal and wet in
my whistle on bottles of wide. I said that that
(58:06):
didn't make sense. If he grew up in southern California
around sophisticated Hollywood people, why did he talk in such
a folksy, down home way. He looked at me and said, ah,
finnel sticks, And just like that, he grabbed his mule
and left. Carolina sits around watching TikTok toes and YouTube's
(58:32):
on her phone like a lot of simpletons these days.
Maybe movies are dead, or maybe like the cultural around us,
they're just changing into something new, and it's scares a
lot of people. I'm not afraid of change. I'm afraid
of Jello and wild boars and Canadians, but not change.
(58:59):
These days, there are a lot of old men invoking
the past, mainly on Fox News. The past was really
good for me. I I drank a bottle of scotch
every day and woke up naked in more city parks
than I can remember. But the past wasn't great for everyone.
Once again, our movie is dead. I don't think so,
(59:23):
but maybe we can make them better. I'm Ron Burgundy
and that's my take. Thank you everyone right, thanks for
every getting got right, he says, because he gets no
stuck up to be so light. He tried like a suck,
seemed like a plank. We solid younger will try so
(59:45):
we never getting the guy brank so to get up
a lot of band winds and he's a god. He
ain't no stand and he doesn't have He's on a
night sized stand, which because everybody knows he's banded. Ron
Burgundy Podcast Best
Host
Will Ferrell
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