April 23, 2025 • 67 mins
On this episode, Seb Webber recounts his tumultuous journey through the music industry, battling severe addiction, and his path to recovery. He shares raw stories of his experiences with substance abuse, the impact on his personal and professional life, and his transformative stay at Beit T'Shuvah.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It was like the first time I really saw that
had a problem. I love cocaine, man. I had like
a gold cocaine two in box and like it was
my thing, and it was kind of classy, and you
knew what you were getting into if you were coming
to hang out. And then I'm with a porn star
in the valley and she goes try this and I
smoke myth and I never thought cocaine ever again. And
(00:23):
so I really was one of those guys that wanted
the company as well as the sex and the drugs.
It was kind of company drugs sex. I was just
fucking lonely and he pulls me over on the freeway
and gets me out and I'm naked and I have
a neon pink cockering where wrapped around my cock and
bulls and it's just vibrating on the back of the buck.
(00:46):
And it like it said on my intake sheet, it
said inmate Weber arrived with nothing but a neon pink cock.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Today's guests, Oh my god, I love him as one
of the craziest resumes and life stories you'll ever hear.
Seb Weber helped launch adell Am. I works hide by
side with jay Z at title and built massive campaign
stars like Coldplay in the Weekend. But beyond the career
Flexus Sebs and Sober Brother, Who's Here's a real estate?
(01:23):
Has been through ups and downs. I mean, how about
this Forbes thirty under thirty one year and crashing on
couches the next year. All right, we get into the
music industry madness, his road to recovery. A few stories
that will blow your mind. Let's get into it with
the one and only seb Weber.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Thank you for having me, dude, Thank you?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Whoa? How about how about this?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Is this crazy? They know it is crazy?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Why is it crazy?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Because I never thought I'd be seeing here?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Ever right?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Why though?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Because it just took it. I was a real hopeless
case for a long time, and I knew this place
was a safe space, so I would come here, right,
I would come here because I knew it was a
safe space. But I've been on this couch many times,
but for completely other reasons. But I just thank you
for having me on your show. I mean, I've seen
(02:22):
you from episode one, and I was so happy when
you started doing this because this, to me has always
been the natural evolution for you. It always was. I
would have called this eight years ago, you know what
I mean? It just this is what you have to do. Yeah,
but you could. You're touching so many people doing this.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I appreciate that. Well, we're gonna touch a lot more today.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
You know why this is so special for me A
lot of reasons, because there's many times when I've talked
to Bobby the guys, I hope Seb's alive today.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I start crying already, dude.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah, have you heard from SEB today? Anybody got a beat? No,
we don't know where the fuck he's at. No, Okay,
let's go back England's little backstory.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Where are you from from England? I grew up in
a little town outside of London, Well, a little village
called Hinksworth, and it had five hundred people in it,
and it was between We spent time in London and
time on a asparagus farm. We lived on asparagus farm.
My mom had me when she was super young. She
was seventeen. My dad was twenty one. Well, I don't
(03:24):
know my biological father, but I had a dad, right,
you know, I don't have that, Like, you know, there's
things I have to work. There's things I feel around it.
But like, I grew up in a happy family. We
didn't have much because they were so young, right, just
because they were young, and as I got older, we
got more. And but yeah, I grew up. I love music.
(03:45):
I was.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Would you say you're a mischievous child?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh from the gate? I think in the gate, right, yeah,
well from the gate.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Fun fact, I'm the youngest person ever to be banned
from Goldman Sachs. So my dad worked at Golden Sacks.
He worked in it, and we would go in on
the weekends. Dude, I had such great, happy memories of
running through the trading floor as a kid, and I
would make my first entrepreneur We'll get to the we'll
get to why I was. I was banned in the second.
But my first entrepreneurial endeavor was I used to sell
(04:20):
pen holders that I made out of toilet paper rolls
to the traders, and everyone on their desk had them.
I sell them for fifty p and it was you'd
go in Golden Sacks, You'd see these things on the
desk and it was it was really cool. My dad
really told you then I was eight or nine, but
I was banned when I was nine. So when I
was nine, my dad took me. I didn't know this
at the time, but it was a server room, right,
(04:41):
So you have these big trading floors. My dad designs
trading floors, and so you go in these big server rooms.
And my dad said to me, he goes, listen, whatever
you do, do not press that red button. And this
red button wasn't like a like a accidental press. This
was behind a plastic case and it was a twist
and pull, right, and I did that and the alarms
(05:02):
went off and the shock on my dad's face and
I was maybe nine ten, and he threw me in
a cab by myself. This is how angry he was, right,
and sent me home. And what I had done is
i'd actually turned off the trading floor and it was
and it was a Saturday. Had that have happened during
the week, a lot of people would have lost a
(05:24):
lot of money. And so my parents, I think my
mom still has the letter they got sent a formal
letter saying that I wasn't allowed to come back except
for the Christmas party. They would do a big Christian
party and then every year I would go back. Whoever
the CEO was would would say, oh, and we have
(05:45):
mister Webber's son here, who would have made us go
bankrupt if this had happened on a weekday, And that
really laid out the path for.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
The first of Many's, right many.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
And I just I wasn't I was. I was just curious.
I wanted to know how things worked. I wanted to know. Yeah,
I was mischievous. I wasn't like a bad kid though,
you know what I mean, Like I was scared of
my mom, but like left to myself, yeah, you know
what I mean, I left to myself. I would think
(06:20):
about things and maybe do questionable things, but I would
present well in school. Right. So I wasn't like a
bad kid at school, but I was definitely.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So where did you get your extraordinary design, asthetic your
sense of artistry? I mean it's really keen, man, Where
did that come from? How did that happen?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
I mean, I I owed a lot, So I was
not I wasn't a smart kid. And I wasn't like
a football kid in school or any of that stuff.
I was an art kid. And you know, I always
wanting to be in a gang. And the only gang,
I said, the only gang I was ever in was
called the lunchbox crews for the boys that mums made
(07:07):
their lunches for them. But I would I had a
really beautiful art teacher called Miss Stokes. She looked like
Laura Croft the tomb Raider. Oh yeah, and so but
she was the first teacher that ever kind of paid
attention to me and like, would you know, let me
go and color at lunchtime? And yeah, you know, I've
not thought of her for a very long time. And
(07:29):
I just loved art books. I loved I would look
at colors forever and and and and think about what
these colors mean and where to apply them. And then
I was like, I would love to go to Ikea
as a kid. I would think I was the only
like thirteen year old that would get so buzzed at
like decorating his room, you know. And I would go
(07:51):
through the catalog for months and I'd pick out and
I'd do any odd jobs I could around the farm
and go paint the fence just so I could get
like this piece of furniture I wanted. Yeah, and I
just cared about that stuff. I just cared about things
looking good.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, beautiful, And we're gonna get more of that. Walk
me through this. When was it?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
What was the band?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
The first band you heard that? Like, Oh this is
I want to be a part of this.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Well, this is crazy because I was thinking about this
the other day and it has something to do with
brother Victor, who's a mutual friend of ours. I remember
distinctly sitting in my bedroom at about fourteen fifteen years
old and listening to Science by Incubus on a CD,
flicking through the case, and I remember making a definitive
(08:40):
decision there that I don't know what this is, but
I want to work in this knowing how the music
industry works or anything like that, And which is crazy
because our mutual friends signed that bad yeah you know.
And I really remember shout out to brother Victory. Yeah,
I mean an Evanescence and like just got the Drowning
Pool and these bands that just I listened to us
an angsty teenager. But I just remember being like, and
(09:03):
this was in this small village, and like I think
of it now that now I live in LA and
you know what I mean, And now I know the
person that put these records out. But I just distinctly
listened to Incubus and a lot of that kind of
MTV two era of alternative rock, and I love going
to bands like I love going out Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
So let me let's let's go a little fast for it. Mean,
how does how does a kid from the UK end
up discovering Adele and mi Ia and landing in the
heart of the US music scene. How the fuck did
that happen?
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Yeah? Well, so I was just part of the team that. Yeah,
I was. I was the I was the junior. I
was like twenty, So I got an intern Well, okay,
let me back up. So I didn't want to go
to college, but my mum made me go to college.
I was the first kid in my family that was
going to go to college, and so I picked the
(09:58):
most mickey mouse subject I could find, which called commercial music,
which was about the music business. And what happened was
within my first week of my first year at college,
I got offered this internship at a small label called
XL Recordings. And that internship quickly turned into a job,
and so I actually didn't do my second and third
(10:18):
yeth of college. I paid this girl called Hazel to
pretend to be me. I had the foresight to pick
a course that had no exams, so I don't do
my thirtieth thesis because in England you go to school
for three years, not four. I'd be doing my and
they'd be like, who are you? We don't know who
you are because I paid this chick to do all
my work for me. But I knew that that was
(10:39):
a huge value. I knew that going to pack records
in a record label or setting out mail, I mean
I was in the mail room. I knew that that
was worth ten years of schooling.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Wow. Right.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
And it was a small, little independent record label. And
my first job was for Jack war and the White
Stripes and Ian Montonue, their manager who's a good friend
of mine in LA. He kind of like bullieved them
into giving me a job. I think they weren't happy
with whoever there person was at the time, and I
ended up being like Jack White's guy at like whoa
(11:14):
twenty wow. And then that had you know that, you know,
I was fortunate enough to be at the label and
was on the you know, first on the Adele TEAMMA
radiohead when they left EMI. And at twenty three, I
have this roster of Adele Mi I A The White Stripes,
(11:39):
Jack White, the Prodigy, basement Jacks, and I kind of
worked with a vampire, like it was insane, and I
was just like the taste guy. I was just like
the guy we would license. So the way it worked
in America is this label signed these artists for the world,
and then we would license these records to other labels,
(12:01):
like bigger labels in America. But so much was going
on here they needed somebody here on the ground, and
so at twenty three, twenty four, I was plunked out
here by myself, no friends. The only person I knew
was my attorney who now runs Capital, Michelle Gubileer. And
I knew no one, and I got a little apartment
(12:22):
and it was on. I had you know, I.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Hadn't really excited to beer or even nervous.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
No, I was excited. I was dead excited, and my
ego was out of control, like in already already Yeah,
I mean the first Grammys I went to, like we
walked away with fifteen that like doesn't happen? Wow, you
know what I mean? And look, I mean they would
have been successful with or without me, right, I'm not
(12:50):
never going to take credit for that, but it was
such a blessing, but it was also a complete warp.
I mean, I had the career at twenty four that
people in the industry they want to have a roster
like that when they're fifty and so I would be
going in these meetings and like Jimmy ive E would
be in the meeting and he'd be like looking at
me and be like, who's this kid, And I'd be like,
I'm the kid that like brought this artist to your label,
(13:11):
you know. And yeah, I've always been in an emotional
RG disguise to the confident person, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I think play it well.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
I played well, And it's the music business. It's all
lay it on bullshit anyway. It's kind of the It
was the perfect role for perfect right.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Can we just go back one time because you told
me it just reminds me. Can you tell me about
when you heard Adele the first time in the club?
Oh yeah, So this was because that's an important lesson
I think for a fox.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah. I mean, so we had got her demo. It
came through a kid called Tick Shout Out to Tick,
and it was on MySpace and we were listening to
it and she had one song. She had a song
called Hometown Glory that was on her first album, but
she had played on the guitar and it was on
MySpace and we listened to it and we were like, yeah,
we need to go check this girl out, right, And
(13:57):
so we go to this so like a Tuesday at
like six pm in like in a bar in East London.
So it's city boys as traders. It's upstairs in this
little room and we get there. I get there, are
like five point thirty or something, and we get all
(14:18):
the other people from the label and it's loud. Man,
it's loud. It's obnoxious. Everyone's shouting on their black breathes
and in walks this. She couldn't even been allowed legally
in the bar at the time. She must have been
sixteen's maybe seventeen. She walks in, she's dumpy, and you
(14:38):
know when you like feel you're about to witness a
car crash, you know. And I was like, Oh, this
is going to go down real bad. And we're all
looking at each other like this is not going to
be good. And she sat on the store and she
opened her mouth and I've never seen a room get
so quiet. Do you have these obnoxious city boys? They
(15:01):
all put their phones in their pockets. And they turn
around and they watched this girl sing her heart out,
and I think the deal was done two days later. Wow,
and for like a modest amount. You know, it wasn't
like she wasn't like the she wasn't she was on
everyone's radar, but it wasn't like there wasn't like a
(15:21):
wharf for like a traditional label bidding war like. It
was like, you know, Excel decided to give her a
shot on it, and it really paid out. But it
was amazing. It was amazing to look around and to
see these people shut up right, real fast, real fast,
real fast, real fast.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
All right, that's beautiful, man, that's the that's a moving moment, right. Yeah,
twenty three in La, Are you partying? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Kind of not much, right, not much though. My real
partying started maybe three years later, but I was still
doing coke probably every opportunity I could get socially.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, And what's your life like? Now, what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (15:59):
What do you got right now?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
No? No, no, Back then you're twenty three, did the
Grammys doing well?
Speaker 1 (16:07):
And I'm managing a bunch of DJs right before the
DJ boom as well, right, right, So I had this
kind of huge Roster and dubstep happened right, and my
guy Rusco, it happened overnight. I started seeing in America,
and I remember a couple of other cats and promoters.
(16:29):
They were starting to book this thing. And this kid, Russco,
went from making five hundred bucks a night djaying and
it literally happened and his offers were like seventy five
thousand dollars a night.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
And we went from making pocket money and I have
my other job as well at the same time we
were making pocket money to oh shit, this is real.
And then we toured across America and you know, we
were these rooms were like six thousand capacity people seven people,
(17:01):
you know, really like and I'm a young still a
young kid, and we have no fucking idea what we're doing.
We're like making records and he was like producing, and
I got him to produce for Britney Spears and like
we're just it was mad, like the gates opened. And
it was a really interesting time in the music business though,
because the music business had just kind of fallen a
shit maybe like six years before, so nobody had any
(17:23):
good ideas. Everyone was equal, and I think that's why
I did so good it's because I would go in
these rooms and these rooms with these big executives and
they had no fucking better ideas than me, you know
what I mean. And so the music industry was leveled.
So everyone was just fighting. And I had a ticketing
company and that did really well. And you know, in
(17:46):
the music business, you're always wearing like twelve different hats,
and I just rode the wave. And trust me, I
rode the coattails too, you know. I made it work
for me, to my detriment, you know what I mean.
But yeah, it was. It was an amazing It was
an amazing experience. It was. It was the Adele thing. Also,
(18:08):
to be clear, that was a phenomenon that doesn't happen.
It's a rarely that it was a cooler part of
it was from the gate and it and it couldn't
have happened to a more authentic, nicer person, you know
what I mean. There's always it's always nice when that
happens to like somebody who really deserves it, Like she
came from fucking nothing. I got a great Adele story,
can I tell This's great?
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Of course, so so she so she so we were
making her record and she so the way it was
is records and is publishing, right. So the record deal
was a modest record deal. It was enough to make
(18:49):
the record. Nobody got rich on it, Like it hadn't
come out yet. It was still you know, to see,
we'll make a record. We'll make a record. And then
she got her publishing deal, and the publishing deal I
think was for like this is all pretty well documented.
The publishing deal was like for a million pounds. And
there was like this emergency meeting at the label being like, hey,
this eighteen year old is about to get who comes
(19:09):
from nothing is about to get a million pounds? What
are we gonna do? And I remember the head of
the label, who is the most amazing person of one
of the most amazing poll I've ever worked with. He
was like, just trust her, she'll make the right decision.
And people were freaking out about it, and they kind
of had the reason to because we hadn't put out
the record yet, so we didn't know it was gonna work.
(19:30):
And you know what she did. She bought the fucking
house next to the record label, so she at eighteen,
so she could come in and make tea and like
she would come hang out at the record label.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Like, that's some vision she had, she was locked in.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
She's why right at that young and you'd come from
nothing and you'd get this big check and she buys
the house next door.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
What a fucking move, right, And that really sums up
to why she's so successful, just so authentic. Right.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
What was it like working with Coldplay?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Well?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
What makes himself fucking good?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
I mean, Chris is the just one of the greatest
songwriters in the world. And he doesn't care about being cool,
you know, he doesn't really, he's not. He's past that.
He just wants to make hits. And I think every
artist gets to a point in their career where they're like,
you can go down two roads. Right, Let's say you
have a bit of success and you can go down
(20:30):
road one, and that's like I can start doing what
I want to do now, all right, or you can
start playing into the audience you've built and go, Okay,
I'm going to do this for them now, I'm going
to make belters. I'm going to make real like just
songs that resonate forever. And a lot of artists try
to do this side and it doesn't work. And if
(20:51):
you think about music as a whole. Very few bands
can go left and get bigger. Probably only one band
in existence that's done well. Two bands Radiohead, and you
could argue you two kind of you know what I mean.
Very few bands can do this. And so when you
lean into this side of like, all right, we're just
(21:12):
going to make smashes now, the consistency of how good
they have to be is an immense amount of work.
And also you also have to also put your I
think it's you can also you also going to put
your ego aside because you're a band. You have this
thing now that people want, and a lot of artists go, well,
I don't really care about that. I want to do
what I want. And I actually think that when you're
an artist like that, you have a responsibility. And I
(21:36):
just think Coldplayer the best at doing it. They're so
good at making those just and I'm sure they want
to make their weird left field album in the desert,
you know, and like and I'm sure you want to,
you know, yeah, and cool, right, but like, when you've
sold like ten million records, you've got to start thinking
how you're going to sell the other ten And I
(21:57):
just think they just know who they are really good
and I had a lot of creative freeway and shout
out to Dave who was their manager and probably one
of my best friends. And he always believed in me,
you know. When I went to my first rehab, he
had a job waiting for me on the words, you know,
with them, and you know, my job for them was
(22:20):
really simple. It was to try and keep them. I
would work with their labels to try and just make
sure everything was like creatively on board and the marketing
wasn't too cheesy. And a lot of the job was
just having my eyes on stuff, you know, and just
reporting back to management, you know. But yeah, some of
(22:41):
those guys and that team were some of the best
people I worked with.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
What did you learn from j Zo?
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Now that was a job that was one.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
He's let the folks know what you're doing there.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Yeah, So I I I have to tell the jay
Z story. So I'm sitting at my desk in Hollywood
and I work for a company at Red Light at
this point, and I'm a and I'm a I don't
know what I am. One am my senior manager of talent.
I'm some sort of talent manager. And I get this
call from it from a block number, and it keeps ringing,
(23:21):
hang up on it, keeps ringing, hang up on it,
And eventually I pick up and he goes, hey, this
is jay And I'm like, no, it's not like. I'm like,
this guy's going to be jay Z and I fucking
hang up on it. That's my first thing.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
We never never pick up a block number. It could
be a lot of interesting people.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Especially for me. It's like, definitely it could be it
could be jay Z, or it could be a hook
or asking why I haven't paid it yet. You know,
it's it's it's a it's you know. And so and
then and he tells me, hey, I'm starting this thing
called Title, and so I have to go. You know,
when jay Z calls you, you pick up, or you
don't pick up, but you you pick up. And so again,
(23:58):
I was the Title was a originally a streaming company
out of Norway, and he bought it and he wanted
me to change the programming, to make the programming more
for our new audience we were going to get with
all the artists that we signed. So it was very
kind of a snooty, a lot of written content. It
(24:20):
was more like a Pitchfork than it was a Spotify,
and my job was to make it more like a Spotify.
And he gave me like total free rein. You know.
I just I'd just go meet with him and I'd
come up with these ideas and he'd be like, yeah,
like that, and and we just we made a bunch
of content and we licensed a bunch of cool stuff,
and you know, it's crazy. He'd be like he'd do
(24:43):
shit like I got this idea for a commercial with
Kevin Hart and Aziz Ansari and then like he'd pass
through his phone and like Kevin Hart would be on
the other end of the phone, you know, and it
was amazing again. And he also he also paid me
while I was still in rehab and actually sent me
(25:04):
the nicest email after I got out of rehab for
my first little wow. I think it was like that
I thought about this a lot. I think it was
because he obviously used to be a drug and weirdly
he understood me checking into rehab my first time, or
you know, the rumors going around that Sev's not showing
up or and I'd been arrested with an escort, you know,
(25:25):
and like the one person I was really worried about
finding out. Was like he was like, YO, take as
much time as you need and gave me like the
biggest hug when I saw him again in New York,
Like he he really got it, like to the point
of where I'm like, is he in recovery or is
he like does he know something? You know those those
people that know, Yeah, he knows, Yeah, he knows right,
(25:48):
And I just felt supported by him, and I actually
just stopped working for him because I just wasn't It
was the only job I haven't been fired from. I
think that I quit because my head wasn't in the game.
And I think that was the first time I seriously
tried to get sober. Was my head was just screwed
up and I had to so when did some Coldplay stuff,
(26:11):
and then he asked me to do this commercial for
the Beatles, and I remember like we were on a
cool with Scott Roger, who manages Put McCartney and Put
McCartney was on the cool and I just I just
I just flunk, dude, And I was sober and I
was flunked. I just didn't have it. I would have happened.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
You just just beat up, fucked up. Yeah, last year.
Is this where you started losing your confidence a little bit?
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
So what year are we at now?
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Twenty fifteen, two thousand and six, So how old are
you then? I'm like thirty one.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
So you've been in la over ten yure Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Yeah, yeah, and I've got a kid on the way right.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
So now it's getting a little murky now things now
there's effect in your work.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, And I'm not hiding it so good.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
You know.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
You know, your boss never wants to receive a call that, hey,
Seb's been arrested. Do you have a good attorney recommendation?
You know what I mean? Or like my assistant at
the time found out I was in jail, just I
think after being missing for three days, she put two
and two together, you know.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Just just this what was a drug of choice back then?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Then? If I'd switched to meth at that point, At
that point, meth was on, you know, I was a
I tell the story a lot because it really shows
for me. It was like the first time I really
saw that had a problem. I love cocaine, man. I
had like a gold cocaine tooting box and like it
was my thing, and it was kind of classy and
you knew what you were getting into if you were
coming to hang out. And then I'm with a porn
(27:42):
star in the valley and she goes try this and
I smoke meth and I never thought of cocaine ever again.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah, it was on.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
It was like oh fuck, oh oh fuck, oh fuck. Yeah,
Like I've been in a kiddies pool for like and
at that point, I was just just just started smoking
meth and it wasn't a full time thing for me.
I would kind of keep it together. I remember being like,
I'm not going to smoke meth in LA. I'm just
(28:13):
going to do it when I'm out of LA. And
I remember looking at my calendar the next day and
I'm like out of town for the next three weeks.
You know, just the easy stories. You're right, right, and
like me, you.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Know you you know, you like your drugs and our
girls and our girls yeah absolutely yeah, and our trans friends, yes,
and yeah, the combo platter things that interesting.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I put a lot of trans girls through medical school
or whatever, you know. I you know, like yeah, And
it started out, you know, high end escorts and you know,
porn stars, and it very quickly became figure oa, you know,
(29:02):
and I just wanted it to get darker, like I
invited the darkness.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, what's that about, buddy, because I, you know, I
kind of met you when it was the seventy nine
dollars a day hotel room kind of places.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
You know, I don't.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
What's the attraction about fucking cruising fig picking up fucking
hookers one of the most dangerous streets in Los Angeles,
which I know if I've cruised that street, I've been
on that street. I picked up hookers on that street.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Had someone tell me this once, and I think it
made sense that And I'm talking about trans escorts in particular,
because I don't identify as gay. I don't care what
you are. You know, if I'm loaded, everything's game on, right.
But somebody once told me that you're attracted to them
because there's no one more uncomfortable than somebody that thinks
(29:58):
they're in the wrong body. M hmmm, right. And I
just remember relating to that, like I felt so little
on myself, and I felt so sick and stuck that
I needed to be around somebody that maybe felt the
same as me. And for me, I found that in
those people. And unfortunately a lot of those escorts. I'm
not generalizing, but a lot of those escorts smoke meth
(30:19):
in my experience, and so I really was one of
those guys that wanted the company as well as the
sex drug. It was kind of company drugs sex. I
was just fucking lonely, you know what I mean. I
just wanted someone to see me. And there's also, like
I think about this a lot, there's also like an
innocence and like the most honest I've ever been in
(30:42):
my life before getting sober, is when I'm butt naked
with an escort smoking meth, and I'm like, I see
you and you see me, and we see we're doing drugs.
We see each other in our most intimate we're naked,
we don't have and we smoked. It's like we both
see each other's devils and we're fine with hanging out. Yeah,
and I needed that, yeah big time. And you know, really,
(31:04):
now I get it, bro, I get it.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
But when did you When was the famous Las Vegas.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Arrest twenty nineteen?
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Oh fuck, that was twenty eighteen. Yeah, would you be
so kind of like herz?
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
So I I was going to Vegas a lot. I
was working. I created a show for Apple Music and
and it's like whatever show. It was whatever, and we
and I had to go to Vegas a couple of
times to shoot artists. And I think I'd just done
(31:38):
that Korean band BTS. The week before. I have an
ex in Vegas that happens to be a professional escort
and I'm with my kid's mum at at her house
and I make up that I'm going, like I look
and see who's in Vegas and I'm like, oh, babe,
(31:58):
I got to fly to Vegas tonight to shoot Shawn Mendes,
Like totally lie, dude, And I get on this. I
get on this fucking flight out straight away, like I
booked this all like forty minutes right, just wanted to
go use and I was texting the girl whatever. And
I get there and I go to her house and
(32:20):
this is a girl I know, I know really well,
and and i'd been sober maybe a month, maybe thirty days.
I was in the shuffle, right, and she goes open
your mouth, and I'm like all right, and she goes one, two, three,
four five, and then she says the words that nobody
(32:40):
wants to hear after they think they've just taken acid,
which is oh no, oh no, oh no, And I'm like,
what the fuck do you mean? Oh no, and she goes,
I just took it from the concentrated bottle.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Oh fuck.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
And so I said, I'm not doing this myself. One two, three,
four five, And so we both took fifty he hits
of acid.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Oh my man, Oh fuck. I'm hih just thinking about that.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
So I met God, Yeah, I bet you right, And
then it got bad, and so I don't know. We're arguing, right,
So I'm rolling around in her front lawn at seven am, naked, right,
sprinkler systems on, and we're having this fight. So this
(33:28):
cop comes pick picks me up, right, and I remember
she was like and I was coming out of it
at this point. It must have been high for like eight
hours or whatever, kind of not coming out of it,
but like it took me like two weeks to come
out of it. But I was kind of getting some clarity, right,
So I kind of remember this pretty vividly, and she's
begging the cops not to take me, and they're like, well,
you can't get him inside, We've got to take him.
(33:50):
And she's screaming with his cops and anyway, this cop
was like twenty two, like straight out of fucking cops school.
He's like, never met a motherfucker like me, right, And
so we're drive. We start driving o' clock County and
then he goes, what the fuck is that? And he
pulls me over on the freeway and gets me out,
and I'm naked, and I have a neon pink cockering
and wrapped around my cock and bulls and it's just
(34:12):
vibrating on the back of the and it like it
said on my intake sheet, it said, inmate, Weber arrived
with nothing but a neon pink cock or sex toy,
and I got hospital scrubs and.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Oh fuck man.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
So they all got got it all. You know. Eventually
it got around that I wasn't on a trip, and
I think my kids, my kid's mum reached out to
my boss. He was like, he's not on a trip.
And again, I always found myself in jail coming down,
and my relationship with my kids mum was definitely over
at that point, and you know, I really really hurt
(34:52):
her and h no one fucked with me. I think
my bail was like three hundred bucks, you know, it
was like I was arrested, you know what I mean,
And I'm in Clark County and I'm a white British duke,
like there's not many gangs for me to join, right,
and I'm kind of coming down. And I was in
there for maybe eight nine days or whatever, and yeah,
(35:18):
and the eventually it was Dave from Coldplays manager or
old manager, who was like, fuck it, I'm gonna go
get him, and he came out and got me and
I was picked up in hospital scrubs and still wasn't enough.
You know. I went to my friend's detox because I've
been kicked out of my kids mum's house rightly so,
(35:40):
and kind of from there on it's just been a
fucking blur. I didn't get it right. That wasn't enough,
not even near enough, right, not even close. I keep falling.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
That's probably a good place to talk about the progression
of your illness, losing your daughter, losing the relationship, getting sober,
trying to build a back, losing it again, maybe walk
through that relationship, and then of course you know where
you guys are at now, is you.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Know, Yeah, I mean I didn't so I was very
close to losing her, and thankfully my kid's mom would
still let me see her, you know, but I definitely
got serve papers rightly, so we worked out a customer.
It was she's my kid's mom has been like she's
(36:38):
put up with so much, right and she has given
me chance and chance and chance again. And like it's
so incestuous, like how we hurt the people we genuinely
love the most. Like I love this woman, I will
always love this woman, And I love my daughter like
you know me, like I love my daughter more than anything,
and I love her more than anything. Not a romantic
(37:00):
but like there's not you know, if either one of
them was behind a wall, there's no wall I couldn't
get through if I didn't get to them, you know
what I mean. But that's the thing that that's so
fucked up about the shit you keep hurting the people
you care about, you know, kind of consciously, that's the
fucked up bit of this. And I just I was
(37:22):
in this spiral and and for me, I just didn't
have I had to be a real low bottom, like
I had to have nothing to get it. But those
years were the worst years of my life. You know,
it'd be get an apartment, lose the apartment, have some money,
then not have any money. I remember, like especially during
the pandemic when we all had to work from home,
(37:45):
Like that fucked me up. Man, Like I had, I
wasn't around. I was around nobody other than if I
saw my daughter, and I wouldn't get high around my daughter,
but like I was desperate to pawn her off to
her mum, like when it was too much and go
get high. I mean, I was the type of piece
shit that would be texting the hooker to come over
while waiting for my kid to be picked up.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yeah, it's real, like for real, it.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Kills me to this day thinking about that shit. And
like I was there, but I wasn't there. You know,
I was there, mm hmmm, but I wasn't there, you know, dude,
I harb was so much guilt about that.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Yeah, I mean, let's talk about that. Also. I know, buddy,
because you know you were so deep in your addiction,
you would have some of these pros come over with
no money.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Yeah, oh regularly, and and a couple of times got
a little violin.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
People wanted their money, and yeah, write some people, interesting folks,
you want to share any of those yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
I mean I've been robbed at gunpoint, and then this
other girl I ripped off and like the Arian Brothers
came to my apartment building and set fire to the
lobby dude. I remember just being like with the sex
and the meth. I remember getting I'd get a check
for something. I'd go do some sort of whatever creative
(39:01):
work for something I didn't care about, and maybe get
like a couple of days work and I'd get like
a three grand check or whatever, and I'd be like,
oh God, I cannot spend this on her because I
cannot call this person. I cannot like I would not,
and I just remember it would hit and and I'd
call them and I'd be like not wanting to do this,
(39:23):
and yet I was so desperate to do it, like
dying inside if I didn't get high and hang out
with the hookah. And yeah, I put myself in a
ton of dame situations and I fucking hurt a lot
of people. And I've actually really got to figure out
how I figure out those amen's because I owe a
lot of money to people I don't really ever want
to meet again. Even yesterday, yesterday, my kid's mom was
(39:48):
hit up by an old escort who I owe money to,
asking how I was like, I'm still dealing with this,
and luckily my kid's mum is she. I think she
sees enough chain into me now where she calls me,
she goes, hey, this happened. You know, we talked. She's
not gonna reply, and she likes to laugh at me
about it. But like, dude, like to talk about demoralizing,
(40:12):
you know what I mean, Like these people are trying
to find out who my family are because I owe
them money because I wanted a blowjob or a hand job,
and like the fuck like putting my family or the
people I care about in kind of danger?
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Yeah, because you know, because we're worrying it. We just
don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
The greatest thing she said in that message, though, which
I thought about this morning, is that I've not heard
from him in a long time. That's great, which I'm like,
I couldn't go a paycheck without seeing a pro Well.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
That's the progression if I got this Roy. But I
think let's just call it the last three years four
years of life, barely holding onto work, getting a job,
losing it, losing it.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
Sober living, detox, subliving, de talks Sober Living detox.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Extorted this craziness on the run.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Right, lost everything I own? Right everything, literally everything, like
all the awards and shit that said I was a someone.
I got none of that shit anymore.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Right, nothing, and you're just stuck with you.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Kind of the best thing that ever happened to me, though,
even though I still feel like I'm like, oh, my
book collection. I don't know if you remember, I had
the most an art book collection. Yeah, and like all gone, huh,
all gone? Yeah, Yeah, it's a consequence of my actions.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Let's go to what I hope was your final sick
and tired and being second tired moment, because let's get
into your recovery and what you've done, which is fucking amazing.
And you've done a couple of interesting things I want
to point out to the audience that I think are
relevant to a guy who's a chronic relapser. Yeah, so
let's talk to probably I guess Bobby getting you.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Yeah, Bobby, So I did the So Bobby got me
into cry help. I went for three months and like
I do rehab really well, like I can say the
right things, get out, I get high again, and then
I do the West Side sober living shuffle. When I
go from like Robbie's place to John O'Brien's place to
(42:07):
fucking Mike's place, Terren's place, all these guys give me
a chance. They're like, hey, we're going to scholarship. You
get back on your feet. Boom. Three weeks later, I'm
like using fake pee or whatever, some bullshit, some bullshit, right,
and I'm like taking pete other people's peet out of
the toilet and holding it on me in case I
get spot cher, Like just just horrible. And so, yeah, dude,
(42:31):
and I Mike and thereh and they kicked me out
of their place rightly. So, and I detox in the
dumpster behind their place, and I sleeping outside for a
few days. And I wake up on the canals right
(42:52):
and I hit my six in the morning and I
hit my vape and I got a ship, dude, I
got a shit like now, and there ain't nothing open
at six are and so I go under a bridge
and I ship in the canal and it dawns on
me like I'm on the same kind of canal where
(43:12):
my kids. Mum's family have a house which we lived
in for a little bit and I remember how happy
I was at that time, you know how I wasn't
so deep at that time. And now five years later,
I'm shitting in the canal.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Homeless, homeless, nowhere to go, broke.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
Nowhere to go, broke, nobody's taking my calls, you know,
and I just go like if and I planned to
walk into the ocean and never walk out, that was
my plan. I'm just going to go out there, let
the rip current take me and just be done with it.
I'm done. And then I got an email saying, hey,
we're going to we'd like you to come to bait
Shuba and shout out to Damien and shout out to
(43:52):
Donald Passman, who like got me in there real quick.
Wow yeah, Donald Passman.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Oh wow, you know, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
So Donald Pasman's like the biggest music industry attorney, by
the way, I've like know him via emails. But I
was so bad. He found out from someone else how
bad over state I was in. And he's on the
board at bait Shuva and he just like, I don't
know when this guy is gonna come. I don't know
if this guy is gonna cool, but if he does cool,
(44:21):
you need to get him him right now, and they
like got hold of me via Damien, a brother who's
out there right now. And I got a message to
me and they were like, come on in. And then
I you know, I still took me a day. Still
took me a fucking day of wandering around Venice.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yeah maybe I'm not sure, you know, do I hear?
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Right? Just like so insidious? And I had to and
I think my phone died at that point. So I
had to go to the sober living that I was
kicked out from, and I knock on the door and
I asked the sober believing manager to drive me to rehab.
And I've got nothing, no, nothing, No, I didn't have
(45:01):
a driving license, like you know what I mean. And
here's the god in this, because I think about this
a lot, if I'm being honest with you. When I
was going to treatment again this last time, I didn't
(45:24):
feel any worse than I felt before, right, I didn't
feel any more shame than I felt before. Trust me,
I felt depressed and I had shame and guilt and everything,
but I didn't feel any lower. I was like, oh,
here we go again, and so I have to think
that and I have to go. I have to believe
(45:46):
in a god because I haven't really had the compulsion.
I've had moments of being triggered, but I haven't had
that life or death. I've got to use or see
a pro since I walked through those doors. So I
have to believe that the high how I was looking
out for me mm hmm, there was no like resolution.
It's going to be different this time and for me,
I made this conscious decision. I think I talked to
(46:06):
you about it, but like and it actually I did
talk to you about it, and it came from stuff
that you talked to me about, which was like, I'm
not this time round. After getting a couple of good
meals in where I was at and like started going
to meetings again and maybe I got like thirty days,
I decided to like not tell people how good I
was doing. I decided that like it was going to
(46:27):
be action based because I've been fooling everyone for not
even falling in. But I've been spewing bullshit for so
long that it is only going to come from my actions,
and I'm making the constration. I'm not going to tell
you what step I'm on. I'm not going to tell
you about all the great things I'm doing, how I'm
breaking through in rehab. I'm just gonna sit down, shut up,
do the work. I'm not gonna make any decisions myself.
I mean, I was so broken when I went in there.
(46:49):
Even deciding what shoes to wear, I had to run
by someone else. I really had no no ideas. And
that's also why I love my sponsor. I have a
really great sponsor called Chris, who I kind of hate.
There's nowhere in the book they say you have to
like a sponsor because he assumed still now that the
first thing I tell him is a lie, you know,
(47:12):
and he tells me all the things. You know. It's
like the Seeno sniper shot, you know, telling people what
they need to hear from fucking three miles away. You know,
it doesn't matter how fucking uncomfortable it is. And I
have to believe that God decided that my struggling was
over because I didn't have a white light experience and
(47:33):
I just slowly started figuring out who the fuck are
I've been using for so long. I had no idea
who I am? I none. I had no idea if
I liked art or if I even liked music. I mean,
for really the first six months, I couldn't even listen
to music. It was too painful. And God forbid, I'd
be somewhere and a fucking song of something I've worked
(47:56):
on came on. It would destroy me. I'd start crying mmm,
because I was like thinking about what I could have
been and that, you know, I just I just had
to sit down, shut up, and deal what I was told.
And that's fucking uncomfortable for the kid that pulled the
fire alarm at Golden Sacks.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Right, yeah, big time, Yeah, straight up, brother, Tell folks
what Big Sue was all about in the history there,
extraordinary community.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Fuck to that place, Like, you know, I've done the footwork,
so I don't want to be like bait Shoears saved
my life, but it's a place where I learned to
actually like myself again. You know. It is a long
term treatment center in Culver City, and it was set
(48:51):
up thirty years ago by this woman called Harriet and
this gentleman called Rabbi Mark Uh. Harriet used to get
Jewish people out of jails, and Rabbi Mark was a
con man. And it's a place that offers all the
(49:11):
traditional things that maybe a rehab offers, but it's an
individual program and they really meet you where you're at.
But the love there, oh dude, when you come in
and you hate yourself as much as I did, there's
just really clever things they do there. Where there's rules,
(49:33):
obviously everyone has rules, but they do three your team
there is really great. I had a counselor and I
had a therapist, normal rehab things, and then I had
a spiritual advisor. And I got the most out of
my spiritual advisor because I I didn't have a relationship
(49:54):
with God. I didn't know how to do that.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
What are that? Persons teachu.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Well, so I'm Jewish, but I never embraced my Jewish
side as a kid, you know, my great grandparents. All
I ever heard about was like the Holocaust, the Nazi
is like, it wasn't like a buzzword. It was like,
I'm like, why the fuck are we Jewish? And I
got to get in touch with that side of me,
(50:25):
and I got to start creating a dialogue with something
that clearly was you know, twenty days became thirty days
became forty days became fifty days, and I didn't want
to jump out my skin as frequently, and so I
knew something was working. And my spiritual advisor taught me
how to have a relationship with God. And there's a
(50:47):
couple of other things they do really well, which is
it's kind of daft, but I talk about this. I
still go there every day. I spend a little time
with the new guys. It's really bit honestly, the most
important thing of my life outside my daughter. And so
that you have these I've talked abized before, but you
(51:07):
have these house chores, like everyone gets a chore, and
like it's one hundred people doing chores right, and there's
an hour of the day dedicated to the chores. And
it hit me about two months in. This has nothing
to do with cleaning the place. They have enough money
to go get the place clean. It's because when I'm
wiping down the coffee bar and someone goes, hey, man,
(51:28):
you did a great job on that. I'm cleaning out
the UA bathrooms and one of the staff goes, hey,
the bathrooms look great. When your self esteem is so
fucked up as much as mine, just that positive I
haven't heard a positive comment in six months, and just
somebody telling me that would carry me to the next
week and carry me to the next week, and that
(51:52):
place is the most special place, Like mm, yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:59):
Well you did something that is really important that I
think why you're here now because your history has been
sober living treatment thirty six ninety days. I got it.
I'm good. You go out on your own. Yeah, you're
you made the decision to stay there for a year, right, yeah, right,
which is right? And I can talk about yeah and
(52:19):
talk about why that's important, talk about chronic relapsers. Why
for you that was kind of, in so many ways
the magic clue that you needed more insurance, you need
to do something you've never done before.
Speaker 1 (52:30):
I just I think when you've been doing it your
way for so long, as much as I had for me,
a month wasn't gonna do it. Like I didn't even
start to know what I was feeling until maybe month
six or seven. I needed like a full fucking reset
from the ground up. And I also went in because
(52:54):
not everyone's guaranteed a year, right or you know, however
long the program is, it's really individual based. And I
just said, I'm going to do everything they fucking tell
me to do, like I genuinely didn't. I broke one
rule once but like, I didn't break any rules. You know,
you don't have to necessarily contribute a lot, but you
(53:16):
do have to show up when you're told. And for me,
that was the first action of getting better was making
sure I was up at six, making sure I was
eating at seven, having just the little discipline of saying,
I'm going to be somewhere when I fucking say I'm
gonna be there, getting a routine down, getting a routine structure, structure.
And I went to these groups and I would show
up at lunch to help clean or whatever, and I
(53:37):
would just keep you don't have to enlighten the group.
You don't have to say something profound, but you do
just have to fucking show up. And I think that
was like the first sign that I was starting to
get better, was I was showing up and I was
showing up for myself, and it really healed me.
Speaker 2 (53:58):
Mm hm, it.
Speaker 1 (53:59):
Really healed me.
Speaker 2 (54:01):
So when you look in the mirror, what do you
see now, brother.
Speaker 1 (54:04):
I did a lot of work on that too. My ry. Yeah,
my counselor holy shit, I did not want to believe
this would work, dude, And she would make me put
post it notes up on my mirror, and they were
like I'm being the best dad I can be today,
or you know, my heart is full today. And they
(54:24):
were just like little sayings that we would switch out
every week, and I'd have five on my mirror, and
it took me about two weeks to read them, and
then it would take me maybe another three. This is
why for me, long term treatment work, because it took
them three weeks to maybe read them and then look
in the mirror, and then the fourth week, I'm looking
in the mirror, and then the five fifth week, I
(54:45):
can actually stand back from the mirror and look in
the mirror like I hadn't seen my reflection for fucking
ten years.
Speaker 2 (54:52):
Yeah for real, Yeah too scary.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
I couldn't even look at myself and brushing my teeth.
I was feeling with so much shame, and so I
would read these notes out loud and fuck me, it worked.
Mm hmmm, it worked. And it's so daft when you
when you look at it on the mirror, You're like,
how is this going to fix me? But it's a
fucking simple program for complicated people. And it took a minute,
(55:17):
but eventually I would read them and then I'd like,
look at myself and be like, hey, you're not so bad,
you know. And it healed me. It fucking healed me.
And the other thing I did is I told them
everything that was going on, the good, the bad, and
the ugly, which I hadn't really done before. Every time
I checked into a treatment or a sober living it
was all about the end date, when was I getting out. Well,
(55:39):
because I didn't know when I was getting out, I
could just focus on being in and that that was
a big step for me.
Speaker 2 (55:49):
I think toobody, we talk about this, you know, shells
full of this. At some point you have to realize
there are no shortcuts. There's no fucking hustle, there's no grip,
there's nobody to pay, there's no special privileges. It's just
you got to be in all the day and shut
the fuck up and do the work. That's the only
move there is.
Speaker 1 (56:09):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (56:10):
You've been telling me that for years, I know, for years.
Speaker 2 (56:13):
Yeah, a worker among workers, I wish there were something.
There's just nothing.
Speaker 1 (56:16):
There isn't anything. You're right, it's sit down and to
take everything a minute at the time. If you have
to put there are no shortcuts, right, No shortcuts.
Speaker 2 (56:26):
And you learn the benefit of washing the toilets, you
learn the benefit of making your bed, you learn the
benefit of being on time for a records, the benefit
of helping all that shit, and it builds up, and
it builds up because you've been sober how long?
Speaker 1 (56:36):
Now coming up on thirteen months, which you know, I've
got a year sober, and I mean I've been trying
to do this thirteen years, thirteen years, nineteen nine sobriety dates,
eleven sponsors, three have two jails, and probably like a million.
Speaker 2 (56:51):
Bugs, right yeah, and here we are, here we are. Yeah,
and a lot of the guys here that you know
have a propensity gambling or betting that you're to make
it this.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
Time, just fucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (57:03):
Yeah yeah, yeah. Why do you think they're doing that now, brother?
Speaker 1 (57:10):
Because they see the change. I hope they see the change,
you know. Yeah, I hear the other things I have
changed I have. I'm not the same person.
Speaker 2 (57:20):
I claim that, brother, Yeah, I claim.
Speaker 1 (57:22):
That I'm not fixed. I'm not some spiritual guru, but
I am not the same motherfucker that walks up those
three steps.
Speaker 2 (57:27):
Yeah, right on, yeah, exactly, you know that's right, you know,
like the guy that ran the com or cold plays
manager those people. The one thing is, there's something about
you made such impact on people really love you because
no matter how fucked up you are, there's always a
kindness to you, you know. And I one of the
(57:49):
things I've loved about you is even in your worst
fucking moments, when you were fucking broke on a run,
you and I both knew you fucking were gonna go
meet some fucking tranny McDonald's because that's how well I
can't afford a hotel. Yeah, schools and e B T. Yeah, exactly, yeah,
exactly done it. Yeah, I done ship. Right. You would
say how's Dylan doing? Yeah, or like I saw something
(58:13):
you did, or like, fuck, dude, that's a cool It's
just and I've always loved that about you. Tell the
folks what you're doing. Now you're doing a lot of
cool ship.
Speaker 1 (58:21):
Yeah, I uh car yeah, yeah, done it.
Speaker 2 (58:27):
Yeah, he's gonna find early guys who know how to
fucking use a group on for a fucking prostitute.
Speaker 1 (58:37):
Look, I'm just getting back in uh and feeling creative again.
Took me a minute, Now I am. You know, I've
come back to being a creative directed by trade and
I went for a tech company that and it's you know,
I'm a it's a job. Yeah, so so you know,
(59:00):
work crom uths, work a cog in the machine. And
I love what these guys do. And I love the
guys that set up the business. And it's we we
do big times square kind of campaigns to things in
Coachella the next week to you know, just we're working
with artists and brands and household names and helping them
translate their messaging on the street. And it's it's great
(59:21):
and I get to feel of use again. And at
some point I'll go back to working in music. Help it,
drop it when it's right, when it's right, but right now,
like And also, these guys know my story, which is great,
so I don't have to hide anything from them. They
know I'm newly sober.
Speaker 2 (59:36):
Yeah. And the other thing too, is yet what I
love is you don't hide behind your resume. No one
gives a fuck, No one gives a fun because it
doesn't give a fuck because here you are now, yeah,
and you're just trying to make the team and be
a worker, right yeah. And that's a big deal and
I want them to win that's right, not about you anymore.
It's not about me, because you know, if you keep
doing this, something beyond your imagination's gonna drop. Yeah, true, true,
(59:57):
and it's gonna be amazing. And you know what, als great.
You won't fuck it up time because it'll mean something
more to you. Yeah, and you'll leave doing an even
better job. It'll be more satisfactory to you. And that's
the get down, man, that well, you got your own
fucking podcast. I do tell fox out and fucking and
what's up with that?
Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
So look, I had this idea when I was a
bait shuva. They have a studio that wasn't being used
and they, you know, for a rehab, to say hey,
you can start a podcast was kind of fucking great.
And I tell you, man, that shit healed me. Obviously,
I can't talk to clients, but I talked to staff
and our brothers from the groups that we go to,
and I just it was just a way of me
(01:00:36):
talking to people. It's called sicker than others. It's everywhere
you get podcasts, and it was just a way of
me talking to other people like me and and honestly,
I do it because of what I get out of it. Yeah,
of course, Like if people listen to it, great, brilliant.
Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
Right, But you're making all right, you're helping, that's fine,
and you're healing, yeah, and you're doing your thing. Man,
I don't need to do any fucking a great show.
Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
And after this, I'm going to go pick up my
daughter and go play golf with her. You know, like
this is the best I know. I don't This is
the best my life has ever been. And it might
not have the glitz and the Grammys and that shit,
but like, genuinely, this is the best I have ever been,
you know, not chasing someone to think I'm cool, or
(01:01:22):
hustling someone to get this thing, or like caring about
like if this thing I worked on made an impact
and like what the industry thinks of me, and that
shit would keep me awake for days.
Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
And high and high and so high and fucking high. Man.
Yeah right, yeah, what has Shelle meant to you?
Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
Holy shit? Dude?
Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
M hm.
Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
So I used to shell is like it's it's kind
of amazing. It's called shell, right, because when I came
here for me, it wasn't about coming out of my shell.
For me, it was like I needed a shell to
protect me. You know, I needed a place to like
(01:02:09):
be safe, and you know this. But when I would
get high, I would get too high and I would
come sit outside at four in the morning because I
knew this place was safe, like for real and d like,
you've stuck with me. You said something to me once,
which is you told me that you'd never leave me
(01:02:30):
right at a hmm, Yeah, You've never left me, never
have yeah, m hmm. It's so important this place, like
(01:02:56):
it like if I could bottle this up, shell up
and sell it, if I could botle up and give
it away, holy shit. But you've gotta want to change, right, right,
you gotta You've got to come in here and want something.
And I didn't know what I wanted for so long,
(01:03:20):
but I knew that I could just stop coming and it. Dude,
I can tell you nothing. There is no worse feeling
in the world than having to stand up in this
room and tell people've.
Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
Relapsed, right right, yeah for real?
Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
Right?
Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
What's the sign on the door?
Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Say no shame aloud?
Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
You made the sign, that's right. You came up with
that idea, what right?
Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
And why is that so important?
Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
Because when you've been when you've relapsed. There's so many
times that I have, and you know, going at other
meetings and other places and getting known as the relapser
(01:04:09):
and whatever. If Shell didn't exist, I think I would
have fucking it would be over.
Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
For me, because.
Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
It's no fucking way I'd set into those rooms like this,
you know. Just I always came here as much as
I could, whether I was hile, sober, right, and everyone
knew it. You knew it, but like that was the
starting blocks of me getting better. And uh, we hear,
(01:04:39):
don't shoot are wounded you We hear.
Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
That a lot.
Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
But the reality is, as it fucking happens, and just this,
these these guys here, It only works if you can
come in and be fucking honest, right right right.
Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
Tell the truth is the easiest thing. Remember, Tell the truth.
It's the easiest thing to remember.
Speaker 1 (01:04:58):
It took me a long time, right right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
Okay, final thoughts to our brothers and sisters out there
who are struggling. Who are you know? Yeah, we want
to say to brother, what's your message?
Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
Just give up? M right? You just just just the
bad news is you lost the fucking war. The good
news is you lost the war.
Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Mhm.
Speaker 1 (01:05:40):
My ego kept me going for so long, dude, so long.
I just that moment of clarity and that you know,
my window of when I when I went to treatment
this time, I knew that window was going to get
smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. Like
I hope you have that moment and you can get
(01:06:00):
your ass somewhere. You can just get to a meeting
and you can just give up. Dude, just give it up,
Just give it up.
Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (01:06:13):
Yeah. It's not the hardest thing to do is to
let go of everything you think you are, but it's
the greatest thing you can ever do, the best, the best.
Speaker 2 (01:06:25):
Enjoy your daughter today.
Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
Enjoy your daughter. She's safe in the world today because
of you, brother, because that's what we do here. We
can make our tim feel safe. Yeah, it's unacceptable for
them not to feel safe in this world. Copy copy, Coffy.
I love you, Matt, I love you too. How fucking
fun was this hot? Best?
Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
All right? The Sino Show is a production of iHeart
Podcasts hosted by me Cina McFarlane, produced by pod People
in twenty eighth. Av Our lead producer is Keith carlak Our.
Executive producer is Lindsay Hoffman, Marketing lead is Ashley Weaver.
Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you next week.
It was like the first time I really saw that
had a problem. I love cocaine, man. I had like
a gold cocaine two in box and like it was
my thing, and it was kind of classy, and you
knew what you were getting into if you were coming
to hang out. And then I'm with a porn star
in the valley and she goes try this and I
smoke myth and I never thought cocaine ever again. And
(00:23):
so I really was one of those guys that wanted
the company as well as the sex and the drugs.
It was kind of company drugs sex. I was just
fucking lonely and he pulls me over on the freeway
and gets me out and I'm naked and I have
a neon pink cockering where wrapped around my cock and
bulls and it's just vibrating on the back of the buck.
(00:46):
And it like it said on my intake sheet, it
said inmate Weber arrived with nothing but a neon pink cock.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Today's guests, Oh my god, I love him as one
of the craziest resumes and life stories you'll ever hear.
Seb Weber helped launch adell Am. I works hide by
side with jay Z at title and built massive campaign
stars like Coldplay in the Weekend. But beyond the career
Flexus Sebs and Sober Brother, Who's Here's a real estate?
(01:23):
Has been through ups and downs. I mean, how about
this Forbes thirty under thirty one year and crashing on
couches the next year. All right, we get into the
music industry madness, his road to recovery. A few stories
that will blow your mind. Let's get into it with
the one and only seb Weber.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Thank you for having me, dude, Thank you?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Whoa? How about how about this?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Is this crazy? They know it is crazy?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Why is it crazy?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Because I never thought I'd be seeing here?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Ever right?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Why though?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Because it just took it. I was a real hopeless
case for a long time, and I knew this place
was a safe space, so I would come here, right,
I would come here because I knew it was a
safe space. But I've been on this couch many times,
but for completely other reasons. But I just thank you
for having me on your show. I mean, I've seen
(02:22):
you from episode one, and I was so happy when
you started doing this because this, to me has always
been the natural evolution for you. It always was. I
would have called this eight years ago, you know what
I mean? It just this is what you have to do. Yeah,
but you could. You're touching so many people doing this.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I appreciate that. Well, we're gonna touch a lot more today.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
You know why this is so special for me A
lot of reasons, because there's many times when I've talked
to Bobby the guys, I hope Seb's alive today.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I start crying already, dude.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah, have you heard from SEB today? Anybody got a beat? No,
we don't know where the fuck he's at. No, Okay,
let's go back England's little backstory.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Where are you from from England? I grew up in
a little town outside of London, Well, a little village
called Hinksworth, and it had five hundred people in it,
and it was between We spent time in London and
time on a asparagus farm. We lived on asparagus farm.
My mom had me when she was super young. She
was seventeen. My dad was twenty one. Well, I don't
(03:24):
know my biological father, but I had a dad, right,
you know, I don't have that, Like, you know, there's
things I have to work. There's things I feel around it.
But like, I grew up in a happy family. We
didn't have much because they were so young, right, just
because they were young, and as I got older, we
got more. And but yeah, I grew up. I love music.
(03:45):
I was.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Would you say you're a mischievous child?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh from the gate? I think in the gate, right, yeah,
well from the gate.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Fun fact, I'm the youngest person ever to be banned
from Goldman Sachs. So my dad worked at Golden Sacks.
He worked in it, and we would go in on
the weekends. Dude, I had such great, happy memories of
running through the trading floor as a kid, and I
would make my first entrepreneur We'll get to the we'll
get to why I was. I was banned in the second.
But my first entrepreneurial endeavor was I used to sell
(04:20):
pen holders that I made out of toilet paper rolls
to the traders, and everyone on their desk had them.
I sell them for fifty p and it was you'd
go in Golden Sacks, You'd see these things on the
desk and it was it was really cool. My dad
really told you then I was eight or nine, but
I was banned when I was nine. So when I
was nine, my dad took me. I didn't know this
at the time, but it was a server room, right,
(04:41):
So you have these big trading floors. My dad designs
trading floors, and so you go in these big server rooms.
And my dad said to me, he goes, listen, whatever
you do, do not press that red button. And this
red button wasn't like a like a accidental press. This
was behind a plastic case and it was a twist
and pull, right, and I did that and the alarms
(05:02):
went off and the shock on my dad's face and
I was maybe nine ten, and he threw me in
a cab by myself. This is how angry he was, right,
and sent me home. And what I had done is
i'd actually turned off the trading floor and it was
and it was a Saturday. Had that have happened during
the week, a lot of people would have lost a
(05:24):
lot of money. And so my parents, I think my
mom still has the letter they got sent a formal
letter saying that I wasn't allowed to come back except
for the Christmas party. They would do a big Christian
party and then every year I would go back. Whoever
the CEO was would would say, oh, and we have
(05:45):
mister Webber's son here, who would have made us go
bankrupt if this had happened on a weekday, And that
really laid out the path for.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
The first of Many's, right many.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
And I just I wasn't I was. I was just curious.
I wanted to know how things worked. I wanted to know. Yeah,
I was mischievous. I wasn't like a bad kid though,
you know what I mean, Like I was scared of
my mom, but like left to myself, yeah, you know
what I mean, I left to myself. I would think
(06:20):
about things and maybe do questionable things, but I would
present well in school. Right. So I wasn't like a
bad kid at school, but I was definitely.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So where did you get your extraordinary design, asthetic your
sense of artistry? I mean it's really keen, man, Where
did that come from? How did that happen?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
I mean, I I owed a lot, So I was
not I wasn't a smart kid. And I wasn't like
a football kid in school or any of that stuff.
I was an art kid. And you know, I always
wanting to be in a gang. And the only gang,
I said, the only gang I was ever in was
called the lunchbox crews for the boys that mums made
(07:07):
their lunches for them. But I would I had a
really beautiful art teacher called Miss Stokes. She looked like
Laura Croft the tomb Raider. Oh yeah, and so but
she was the first teacher that ever kind of paid
attention to me and like, would you know, let me
go and color at lunchtime? And yeah, you know, I've
not thought of her for a very long time. And
(07:29):
I just loved art books. I loved I would look
at colors forever and and and and think about what
these colors mean and where to apply them. And then
I was like, I would love to go to Ikea
as a kid. I would think I was the only
like thirteen year old that would get so buzzed at
like decorating his room, you know. And I would go
(07:51):
through the catalog for months and I'd pick out and
I'd do any odd jobs I could around the farm
and go paint the fence just so I could get
like this piece of furniture I wanted. Yeah, and I
just cared about that stuff. I just cared about things
looking good.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, beautiful, And we're gonna get more of that. Walk
me through this. When was it?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
What was the band?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
The first band you heard that? Like, Oh this is
I want to be a part of this.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Well, this is crazy because I was thinking about this
the other day and it has something to do with
brother Victor, who's a mutual friend of ours. I remember
distinctly sitting in my bedroom at about fourteen fifteen years
old and listening to Science by Incubus on a CD,
flicking through the case, and I remember making a definitive
(08:40):
decision there that I don't know what this is, but
I want to work in this knowing how the music
industry works or anything like that, And which is crazy
because our mutual friends signed that bad yeah you know.
And I really remember shout out to brother Victory. Yeah,
I mean an Evanescence and like just got the Drowning
Pool and these bands that just I listened to us
an angsty teenager. But I just remember being like, and
(09:03):
this was in this small village, and like I think
of it now that now I live in LA and
you know what I mean, And now I know the
person that put these records out. But I just distinctly
listened to Incubus and a lot of that kind of
MTV two era of alternative rock, and I love going
to bands like I love going out Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
So let me let's let's go a little fast for it. Mean,
how does how does a kid from the UK end
up discovering Adele and mi Ia and landing in the
heart of the US music scene. How the fuck did
that happen?
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Yeah? Well, so I was just part of the team that. Yeah,
I was. I was the I was the junior. I
was like twenty, So I got an intern Well, okay,
let me back up. So I didn't want to go
to college, but my mum made me go to college.
I was the first kid in my family that was
going to go to college, and so I picked the
(09:58):
most mickey mouse subject I could find, which called commercial music,
which was about the music business. And what happened was
within my first week of my first year at college,
I got offered this internship at a small label called
XL Recordings. And that internship quickly turned into a job,
and so I actually didn't do my second and third
(10:18):
yeth of college. I paid this girl called Hazel to
pretend to be me. I had the foresight to pick
a course that had no exams, so I don't do
my thirtieth thesis because in England you go to school
for three years, not four. I'd be doing my and
they'd be like, who are you? We don't know who
you are because I paid this chick to do all
my work for me. But I knew that that was
(10:39):
a huge value. I knew that going to pack records
in a record label or setting out mail, I mean
I was in the mail room. I knew that that
was worth ten years of schooling.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Wow. Right.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
And it was a small, little independent record label. And
my first job was for Jack war and the White
Stripes and Ian Montonue, their manager who's a good friend
of mine in LA. He kind of like bullieved them
into giving me a job. I think they weren't happy
with whoever there person was at the time, and I
ended up being like Jack White's guy at like whoa
(11:14):
twenty wow. And then that had you know that, you know,
I was fortunate enough to be at the label and
was on the you know, first on the Adele TEAMMA
radiohead when they left EMI. And at twenty three, I
have this roster of Adele Mi I A The White Stripes,
(11:39):
Jack White, the Prodigy, basement Jacks, and I kind of
worked with a vampire, like it was insane, and I
was just like the taste guy. I was just like
the guy we would license. So the way it worked
in America is this label signed these artists for the world,
and then we would license these records to other labels,
(12:01):
like bigger labels in America. But so much was going
on here they needed somebody here on the ground, and
so at twenty three, twenty four, I was plunked out
here by myself, no friends. The only person I knew
was my attorney who now runs Capital, Michelle Gubileer. And
I knew no one, and I got a little apartment
(12:22):
and it was on. I had you know, I.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Hadn't really excited to beer or even nervous.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
No, I was excited. I was dead excited, and my
ego was out of control, like in already already Yeah,
I mean the first Grammys I went to, like we
walked away with fifteen that like doesn't happen? Wow, you
know what I mean? And look, I mean they would
have been successful with or without me, right, I'm not
(12:50):
never going to take credit for that, but it was
such a blessing, but it was also a complete warp.
I mean, I had the career at twenty four that
people in the industry they want to have a roster
like that when they're fifty and so I would be
going in these meetings and like Jimmy ive E would
be in the meeting and he'd be like looking at
me and be like, who's this kid, And I'd be like,
I'm the kid that like brought this artist to your label,
(13:11):
you know. And yeah, I've always been in an emotional
RG disguise to the confident person, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I think play it well.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
I played well, And it's the music business. It's all
lay it on bullshit anyway. It's kind of the It
was the perfect role for perfect right.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Can we just go back one time because you told
me it just reminds me. Can you tell me about
when you heard Adele the first time in the club?
Oh yeah, So this was because that's an important lesson
I think for a fox.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah. I mean, so we had got her demo. It
came through a kid called Tick Shout Out to Tick,
and it was on MySpace and we were listening to
it and she had one song. She had a song
called Hometown Glory that was on her first album, but
she had played on the guitar and it was on
MySpace and we listened to it and we were like, yeah,
we need to go check this girl out, right, And
(13:57):
so we go to this so like a Tuesday at
like six pm in like in a bar in East London.
So it's city boys as traders. It's upstairs in this
little room and we get there. I get there, are
like five point thirty or something, and we get all
(14:18):
the other people from the label and it's loud. Man,
it's loud. It's obnoxious. Everyone's shouting on their black breathes
and in walks this. She couldn't even been allowed legally
in the bar at the time. She must have been
sixteen's maybe seventeen. She walks in, she's dumpy, and you
(14:38):
know when you like feel you're about to witness a
car crash, you know. And I was like, Oh, this
is going to go down real bad. And we're all
looking at each other like this is not going to
be good. And she sat on the store and she
opened her mouth and I've never seen a room get
so quiet. Do you have these obnoxious city boys? They
(15:01):
all put their phones in their pockets. And they turn
around and they watched this girl sing her heart out,
and I think the deal was done two days later. Wow,
and for like a modest amount. You know, it wasn't
like she wasn't like the she wasn't she was on
everyone's radar, but it wasn't like there wasn't like a
(15:21):
wharf for like a traditional label bidding war like. It
was like, you know, Excel decided to give her a
shot on it, and it really paid out. But it
was amazing. It was amazing to look around and to
see these people shut up right, real fast, real fast,
real fast, real fast.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
All right, that's beautiful, man, that's the that's a moving moment, right. Yeah,
twenty three in La, Are you partying? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Kind of not much, right, not much though. My real
partying started maybe three years later, but I was still
doing coke probably every opportunity I could get socially.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, And what's your life like? Now, what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (15:59):
What do you got right now?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
No? No, no, Back then you're twenty three, did the
Grammys doing well?
Speaker 1 (16:07):
And I'm managing a bunch of DJs right before the
DJ boom as well, right, right, So I had this
kind of huge Roster and dubstep happened right, and my
guy Rusco, it happened overnight. I started seeing in America,
and I remember a couple of other cats and promoters.
(16:29):
They were starting to book this thing. And this kid, Russco,
went from making five hundred bucks a night djaying and
it literally happened and his offers were like seventy five
thousand dollars a night.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
And we went from making pocket money and I have
my other job as well at the same time we
were making pocket money to oh shit, this is real.
And then we toured across America and you know, we
were these rooms were like six thousand capacity people seven people,
(17:01):
you know, really like and I'm a young still a
young kid, and we have no fucking idea what we're doing.
We're like making records and he was like producing, and
I got him to produce for Britney Spears and like
we're just it was mad, like the gates opened. And
it was a really interesting time in the music business though,
because the music business had just kind of fallen a
shit maybe like six years before, so nobody had any
(17:23):
good ideas. Everyone was equal, and I think that's why
I did so good it's because I would go in
these rooms and these rooms with these big executives and
they had no fucking better ideas than me, you know
what I mean. And so the music industry was leveled.
So everyone was just fighting. And I had a ticketing
company and that did really well. And you know, in
(17:46):
the music business, you're always wearing like twelve different hats,
and I just rode the wave. And trust me, I
rode the coattails too, you know. I made it work
for me, to my detriment, you know what I mean.
But yeah, it was. It was an amazing It was
an amazing experience. It was. It was the Adele thing. Also,
(18:08):
to be clear, that was a phenomenon that doesn't happen.
It's a rarely that it was a cooler part of
it was from the gate and it and it couldn't
have happened to a more authentic, nicer person, you know
what I mean. There's always it's always nice when that
happens to like somebody who really deserves it, Like she
came from fucking nothing. I got a great Adele story,
can I tell This's great?
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Of course, so so she so she so we were
making her record and she so the way it was
is records and is publishing, right. So the record deal
was a modest record deal. It was enough to make
(18:49):
the record. Nobody got rich on it, Like it hadn't
come out yet. It was still you know, to see,
we'll make a record. We'll make a record. And then
she got her publishing deal, and the publishing deal I
think was for like this is all pretty well documented.
The publishing deal was like for a million pounds. And
there was like this emergency meeting at the label being like, hey,
this eighteen year old is about to get who comes
(19:09):
from nothing is about to get a million pounds? What
are we gonna do? And I remember the head of
the label, who is the most amazing person of one
of the most amazing poll I've ever worked with. He
was like, just trust her, she'll make the right decision.
And people were freaking out about it, and they kind
of had the reason to because we hadn't put out
the record yet, so we didn't know it was gonna work.
(19:30):
And you know what she did. She bought the fucking
house next to the record label, so she at eighteen,
so she could come in and make tea and like
she would come hang out at the record label.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Like, that's some vision she had, she was locked in.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
She's why right at that young and you'd come from
nothing and you'd get this big check and she buys
the house next door.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
What a fucking move, right, And that really sums up
to why she's so successful, just so authentic. Right.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
What was it like working with Coldplay?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Well?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
What makes himself fucking good?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
I mean, Chris is the just one of the greatest
songwriters in the world. And he doesn't care about being cool,
you know, he doesn't really, he's not. He's past that.
He just wants to make hits. And I think every
artist gets to a point in their career where they're like,
you can go down two roads. Right, Let's say you
have a bit of success and you can go down
(20:30):
road one, and that's like I can start doing what
I want to do now, all right, or you can
start playing into the audience you've built and go, Okay,
I'm going to do this for them now, I'm going
to make belters. I'm going to make real like just
songs that resonate forever. And a lot of artists try
to do this side and it doesn't work. And if
(20:51):
you think about music as a whole. Very few bands
can go left and get bigger. Probably only one band
in existence that's done well. Two bands Radiohead, and you
could argue you two kind of you know what I mean.
Very few bands can do this. And so when you
lean into this side of like, all right, we're just
(21:12):
going to make smashes now, the consistency of how good
they have to be is an immense amount of work.
And also you also have to also put your I
think it's you can also you also going to put
your ego aside because you're a band. You have this
thing now that people want, and a lot of artists go, well,
I don't really care about that. I want to do
what I want. And I actually think that when you're
an artist like that, you have a responsibility. And I
(21:36):
just think Coldplayer the best at doing it. They're so
good at making those just and I'm sure they want
to make their weird left field album in the desert,
you know, and like and I'm sure you want to,
you know, yeah, and cool, right, but like, when you've
sold like ten million records, you've got to start thinking
how you're going to sell the other ten And I
(21:57):
just think they just know who they are really good
and I had a lot of creative freeway and shout
out to Dave who was their manager and probably one
of my best friends. And he always believed in me,
you know. When I went to my first rehab, he
had a job waiting for me on the words, you know,
with them, and you know, my job for them was
(22:20):
really simple. It was to try and keep them. I
would work with their labels to try and just make
sure everything was like creatively on board and the marketing
wasn't too cheesy. And a lot of the job was
just having my eyes on stuff, you know, and just
reporting back to management, you know. But yeah, some of
(22:41):
those guys and that team were some of the best
people I worked with.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
What did you learn from j Zo?
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Now that was a job that was one.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
He's let the folks know what you're doing there.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Yeah, So I I I have to tell the jay
Z story. So I'm sitting at my desk in Hollywood
and I work for a company at Red Light at
this point, and I'm a and I'm a I don't
know what I am. One am my senior manager of talent.
I'm some sort of talent manager. And I get this
call from it from a block number, and it keeps ringing,
(23:21):
hang up on it, keeps ringing, hang up on it,
And eventually I pick up and he goes, hey, this
is jay And I'm like, no, it's not like. I'm like,
this guy's going to be jay Z and I fucking
hang up on it. That's my first thing.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
We never never pick up a block number. It could
be a lot of interesting people.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Especially for me. It's like, definitely it could be it
could be jay Z, or it could be a hook
or asking why I haven't paid it yet. You know,
it's it's it's a it's you know. And so and
then and he tells me, hey, I'm starting this thing
called Title, and so I have to go. You know,
when jay Z calls you, you pick up, or you
don't pick up, but you you pick up. And so again,
(23:58):
I was the Title was a originally a streaming company
out of Norway, and he bought it and he wanted
me to change the programming, to make the programming more
for our new audience we were going to get with
all the artists that we signed. So it was very
kind of a snooty, a lot of written content. It
(24:20):
was more like a Pitchfork than it was a Spotify,
and my job was to make it more like a Spotify.
And he gave me like total free rein. You know.
I just I'd just go meet with him and I'd
come up with these ideas and he'd be like, yeah,
like that, and and we just we made a bunch
of content and we licensed a bunch of cool stuff,
and you know, it's crazy. He'd be like he'd do
(24:43):
shit like I got this idea for a commercial with
Kevin Hart and Aziz Ansari and then like he'd pass
through his phone and like Kevin Hart would be on
the other end of the phone, you know, and it
was amazing again. And he also he also paid me
while I was still in rehab and actually sent me
(25:04):
the nicest email after I got out of rehab for
my first little wow. I think it was like that
I thought about this a lot. I think it was
because he obviously used to be a drug and weirdly
he understood me checking into rehab my first time, or
you know, the rumors going around that Sev's not showing
up or and I'd been arrested with an escort, you know,
(25:25):
and like the one person I was really worried about
finding out. Was like he was like, YO, take as
much time as you need and gave me like the
biggest hug when I saw him again in New York,
Like he he really got it, like to the point
of where I'm like, is he in recovery or is
he like does he know something? You know those those
people that know, Yeah, he knows, Yeah, he knows right,
(25:48):
And I just felt supported by him, and I actually
just stopped working for him because I just wasn't It
was the only job I haven't been fired from. I
think that I quit because my head wasn't in the game.
And I think that was the first time I seriously
tried to get sober. Was my head was just screwed
up and I had to so when did some Coldplay stuff,
(26:11):
and then he asked me to do this commercial for
the Beatles, and I remember like we were on a
cool with Scott Roger, who manages Put McCartney and Put
McCartney was on the cool and I just I just
I just flunk, dude, And I was sober and I
was flunked. I just didn't have it. I would have happened.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
You just just beat up, fucked up. Yeah, last year.
Is this where you started losing your confidence a little bit?
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
So what year are we at now?
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Twenty fifteen, two thousand and six, So how old are
you then? I'm like thirty one.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
So you've been in la over ten yure Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Yeah, yeah, and I've got a kid on the way right.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
So now it's getting a little murky now things now
there's effect in your work.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, And I'm not hiding it so good.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
You know.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
You know, your boss never wants to receive a call that, hey,
Seb's been arrested. Do you have a good attorney recommendation?
You know what I mean? Or like my assistant at
the time found out I was in jail, just I
think after being missing for three days, she put two
and two together, you know.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Just just this what was a drug of choice back then?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Then? If I'd switched to meth at that point, At
that point, meth was on, you know, I was a
I tell the story a lot because it really shows
for me. It was like the first time I really
saw that had a problem. I love cocaine, man. I
had like a gold cocaine tooting box and like it
was my thing, and it was kind of classy and
you knew what you were getting into if you were
coming to hang out. And then I'm with a porn
(27:42):
star in the valley and she goes try this and
I smoke meth and I never thought of cocaine ever again.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah, it was on.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
It was like oh fuck, oh oh fuck, oh fuck. Yeah,
Like I've been in a kiddies pool for like and
at that point, I was just just just started smoking
meth and it wasn't a full time thing for me.
I would kind of keep it together. I remember being like,
I'm not going to smoke meth in LA. I'm just
(28:13):
going to do it when I'm out of LA. And
I remember looking at my calendar the next day and
I'm like out of town for the next three weeks.
You know, just the easy stories. You're right, right, and
like me, you.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Know you you know, you like your drugs and our
girls and our girls yeah absolutely yeah, and our trans friends, yes,
and yeah, the combo platter things that interesting.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I put a lot of trans girls through medical school
or whatever, you know. I you know, like yeah, And
it started out, you know, high end escorts and you know,
porn stars, and it very quickly became figure oa, you know,
(29:02):
and I just wanted it to get darker, like I
invited the darkness.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, what's that about, buddy, because I, you know, I
kind of met you when it was the seventy nine
dollars a day hotel room kind of places.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
You know, I don't.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
What's the attraction about fucking cruising fig picking up fucking
hookers one of the most dangerous streets in Los Angeles,
which I know if I've cruised that street, I've been
on that street. I picked up hookers on that street.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Had someone tell me this once, and I think it
made sense that And I'm talking about trans escorts in particular,
because I don't identify as gay. I don't care what
you are. You know, if I'm loaded, everything's game on, right.
But somebody once told me that you're attracted to them
because there's no one more uncomfortable than somebody that thinks
(29:58):
they're in the wrong body. M hmmm, right. And I
just remember relating to that, like I felt so little
on myself, and I felt so sick and stuck that
I needed to be around somebody that maybe felt the
same as me. And for me, I found that in
those people. And unfortunately a lot of those escorts. I'm
not generalizing, but a lot of those escorts smoke meth
(30:19):
in my experience, and so I really was one of
those guys that wanted the company as well as the
sex drug. It was kind of company drugs sex. I
was just fucking lonely, you know what I mean. I
just wanted someone to see me. And there's also, like
I think about this a lot, there's also like an
innocence and like the most honest I've ever been in
(30:42):
my life before getting sober, is when I'm butt naked
with an escort smoking meth, and I'm like, I see
you and you see me, and we see we're doing drugs.
We see each other in our most intimate we're naked,
we don't have and we smoked. It's like we both
see each other's devils and we're fine with hanging out. Yeah,
and I needed that, yeah big time. And you know, really,
(31:04):
now I get it, bro, I get it.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
But when did you When was the famous Las Vegas.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Arrest twenty nineteen?
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Oh fuck, that was twenty eighteen. Yeah, would you be
so kind of like herz?
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
So I I was going to Vegas a lot. I
was working. I created a show for Apple Music and
and it's like whatever show. It was whatever, and we
and I had to go to Vegas a couple of
times to shoot artists. And I think I'd just done
(31:38):
that Korean band BTS. The week before. I have an
ex in Vegas that happens to be a professional escort
and I'm with my kid's mum at at her house
and I make up that I'm going, like I look
and see who's in Vegas and I'm like, oh, babe,
(31:58):
I got to fly to Vegas tonight to shoot Shawn Mendes,
Like totally lie, dude, And I get on this. I
get on this fucking flight out straight away, like I
booked this all like forty minutes right, just wanted to
go use and I was texting the girl whatever. And
I get there and I go to her house and
(32:20):
this is a girl I know, I know really well,
and and i'd been sober maybe a month, maybe thirty days.
I was in the shuffle, right, and she goes open
your mouth, and I'm like all right, and she goes one, two, three,
four five, and then she says the words that nobody
(32:40):
wants to hear after they think they've just taken acid,
which is oh no, oh no, oh no, And I'm like,
what the fuck do you mean? Oh no, and she goes,
I just took it from the concentrated bottle.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Oh fuck.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
And so I said, I'm not doing this myself. One two, three,
four five, And so we both took fifty he hits
of acid.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Oh my man, Oh fuck. I'm hih just thinking about that.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
So I met God, Yeah, I bet you right, And
then it got bad, and so I don't know. We're arguing, right,
So I'm rolling around in her front lawn at seven am, naked, right,
sprinkler systems on, and we're having this fight. So this
(33:28):
cop comes pick picks me up, right, and I remember
she was like and I was coming out of it
at this point. It must have been high for like eight
hours or whatever, kind of not coming out of it,
but like it took me like two weeks to come
out of it. But I was kind of getting some clarity, right,
So I kind of remember this pretty vividly, and she's
begging the cops not to take me, and they're like, well,
you can't get him inside, We've got to take him.
(33:50):
And she's screaming with his cops and anyway, this cop
was like twenty two, like straight out of fucking cops school.
He's like, never met a motherfucker like me, right, And
so we're drive. We start driving o' clock County and
then he goes, what the fuck is that? And he
pulls me over on the freeway and gets me out,
and I'm naked, and I have a neon pink cockering
and wrapped around my cock and bulls and it's just
(34:12):
vibrating on the back of the and it like it
said on my intake sheet, it said, inmate, Weber arrived
with nothing but a neon pink cock or sex toy,
and I got hospital scrubs and.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Oh fuck man.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
So they all got got it all. You know. Eventually
it got around that I wasn't on a trip, and
I think my kids, my kid's mum reached out to
my boss. He was like, he's not on a trip.
And again, I always found myself in jail coming down,
and my relationship with my kids mum was definitely over
at that point, and you know, I really really hurt
(34:52):
her and h no one fucked with me. I think
my bail was like three hundred bucks, you know, it
was like I was arrested, you know what I mean,
And I'm in Clark County and I'm a white British duke,
like there's not many gangs for me to join, right,
and I'm kind of coming down. And I was in
there for maybe eight nine days or whatever, and yeah,
(35:18):
and the eventually it was Dave from Coldplays manager or
old manager, who was like, fuck it, I'm gonna go
get him, and he came out and got me and
I was picked up in hospital scrubs and still wasn't enough.
You know. I went to my friend's detox because I've
been kicked out of my kids mum's house rightly so,
(35:40):
and kind of from there on it's just been a
fucking blur. I didn't get it right. That wasn't enough,
not even near enough, right, not even close. I keep falling.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
That's probably a good place to talk about the progression
of your illness, losing your daughter, losing the relationship, getting sober,
trying to build a back, losing it again, maybe walk
through that relationship, and then of course you know where
you guys are at now, is you.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Know, Yeah, I mean I didn't so I was very
close to losing her, and thankfully my kid's mom would
still let me see her, you know, but I definitely
got serve papers rightly, so we worked out a customer.
It was she's my kid's mom has been like she's
(36:38):
put up with so much, right and she has given
me chance and chance and chance again. And like it's
so incestuous, like how we hurt the people we genuinely
love the most. Like I love this woman, I will
always love this woman, And I love my daughter like
you know me, like I love my daughter more than anything,
and I love her more than anything. Not a romantic
(37:00):
but like there's not you know, if either one of
them was behind a wall, there's no wall I couldn't
get through if I didn't get to them, you know
what I mean. But that's the thing that that's so
fucked up about the shit you keep hurting the people
you care about, you know, kind of consciously, that's the
fucked up bit of this. And I just I was
(37:22):
in this spiral and and for me, I just didn't
have I had to be a real low bottom, like
I had to have nothing to get it. But those
years were the worst years of my life. You know,
it'd be get an apartment, lose the apartment, have some money,
then not have any money. I remember, like especially during
the pandemic when we all had to work from home,
(37:45):
Like that fucked me up. Man, Like I had, I
wasn't around. I was around nobody other than if I
saw my daughter, and I wouldn't get high around my daughter,
but like I was desperate to pawn her off to
her mum, like when it was too much and go
get high. I mean, I was the type of piece
shit that would be texting the hooker to come over
while waiting for my kid to be picked up.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yeah, it's real, like for real, it.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Kills me to this day thinking about that shit. And
like I was there, but I wasn't there. You know,
I was there, mm hmmm, but I wasn't there, you know, dude,
I harb was so much guilt about that.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Yeah, I mean, let's talk about that. Also. I know, buddy,
because you know you were so deep in your addiction,
you would have some of these pros come over with
no money.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Yeah, oh regularly, and and a couple of times got
a little violin.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
People wanted their money, and yeah, write some people, interesting folks,
you want to share any of those yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
I mean I've been robbed at gunpoint, and then this
other girl I ripped off and like the Arian Brothers
came to my apartment building and set fire to the
lobby dude. I remember just being like with the sex
and the meth. I remember getting I'd get a check
for something. I'd go do some sort of whatever creative
(39:01):
work for something I didn't care about, and maybe get
like a couple of days work and I'd get like
a three grand check or whatever, and I'd be like,
oh God, I cannot spend this on her because I
cannot call this person. I cannot like I would not,
and I just remember it would hit and and I'd
call them and I'd be like not wanting to do this,
(39:23):
and yet I was so desperate to do it, like
dying inside if I didn't get high and hang out
with the hookah. And yeah, I put myself in a
ton of dame situations and I fucking hurt a lot
of people. And I've actually really got to figure out
how I figure out those amen's because I owe a
lot of money to people I don't really ever want
to meet again. Even yesterday, yesterday, my kid's mom was
(39:48):
hit up by an old escort who I owe money to,
asking how I was like, I'm still dealing with this,
and luckily my kid's mum is she. I think she
sees enough chain into me now where she calls me,
she goes, hey, this happened. You know, we talked. She's
not gonna reply, and she likes to laugh at me
about it. But like, dude, like to talk about demoralizing,
(40:12):
you know what I mean, Like these people are trying
to find out who my family are because I owe
them money because I wanted a blowjob or a hand job,
and like the fuck like putting my family or the
people I care about in kind of danger?
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Yeah, because you know, because we're worrying it. We just
don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
The greatest thing she said in that message, though, which
I thought about this morning, is that I've not heard
from him in a long time. That's great, which I'm like,
I couldn't go a paycheck without seeing a pro Well.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
That's the progression if I got this Roy. But I
think let's just call it the last three years four
years of life, barely holding onto work, getting a job,
losing it, losing it.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
Sober living, detox, subliving, de talks Sober Living detox.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Extorted this craziness on the run.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Right, lost everything I own? Right everything, literally everything, like
all the awards and shit that said I was a someone.
I got none of that shit anymore.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Right, nothing, and you're just stuck with you.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Kind of the best thing that ever happened to me, though,
even though I still feel like I'm like, oh, my
book collection. I don't know if you remember, I had
the most an art book collection. Yeah, and like all gone, huh,
all gone? Yeah, Yeah, it's a consequence of my actions.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Let's go to what I hope was your final sick
and tired and being second tired moment, because let's get
into your recovery and what you've done, which is fucking amazing.
And you've done a couple of interesting things I want
to point out to the audience that I think are
relevant to a guy who's a chronic relapser. Yeah, so
let's talk to probably I guess Bobby getting you.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Yeah, Bobby, So I did the So Bobby got me
into cry help. I went for three months and like
I do rehab really well, like I can say the
right things, get out, I get high again, and then
I do the West Side sober living shuffle. When I
go from like Robbie's place to John O'Brien's place to
(42:07):
fucking Mike's place, Terren's place, all these guys give me
a chance. They're like, hey, we're going to scholarship. You
get back on your feet. Boom. Three weeks later, I'm
like using fake pee or whatever, some bullshit, some bullshit, right,
and I'm like taking pete other people's peet out of
the toilet and holding it on me in case I
get spot cher, Like just just horrible. And so, yeah, dude,
(42:31):
and I Mike and thereh and they kicked me out
of their place rightly. So, and I detox in the
dumpster behind their place, and I sleeping outside for a
few days. And I wake up on the canals right
(42:52):
and I hit my six in the morning and I
hit my vape and I got a ship, dude, I
got a shit like now, and there ain't nothing open
at six are and so I go under a bridge
and I ship in the canal and it dawns on
me like I'm on the same kind of canal where
(43:12):
my kids. Mum's family have a house which we lived
in for a little bit and I remember how happy
I was at that time, you know how I wasn't
so deep at that time. And now five years later,
I'm shitting in the canal.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Homeless, homeless, nowhere to go, broke.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
Nowhere to go, broke, nobody's taking my calls, you know,
and I just go like if and I planned to
walk into the ocean and never walk out, that was
my plan. I'm just going to go out there, let
the rip current take me and just be done with it.
I'm done. And then I got an email saying, hey,
we're going to we'd like you to come to bait
Shuba and shout out to Damien and shout out to
(43:52):
Donald Passman, who like got me in there real quick.
Wow yeah, Donald Passman.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Oh wow, you know, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
So Donald Pasman's like the biggest music industry attorney, by
the way, I've like know him via emails. But I
was so bad. He found out from someone else how
bad over state I was in. And he's on the
board at bait Shuva and he just like, I don't
know when this guy is gonna come. I don't know
if this guy is gonna cool, but if he does cool,
(44:21):
you need to get him him right now, and they
like got hold of me via Damien, a brother who's
out there right now. And I got a message to
me and they were like, come on in. And then
I you know, I still took me a day. Still
took me a fucking day of wandering around Venice.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yeah maybe I'm not sure, you know, do I hear?
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Right? Just like so insidious? And I had to and
I think my phone died at that point. So I
had to go to the sober living that I was
kicked out from, and I knock on the door and
I asked the sober believing manager to drive me to rehab.
And I've got nothing, no, nothing, No, I didn't have
(45:01):
a driving license, like you know what I mean. And
here's the god in this, because I think about this
a lot, if I'm being honest with you. When I
was going to treatment again this last time, I didn't
(45:24):
feel any worse than I felt before, right, I didn't
feel any more shame than I felt before. Trust me,
I felt depressed and I had shame and guilt and everything,
but I didn't feel any lower. I was like, oh,
here we go again, and so I have to think
that and I have to go. I have to believe
(45:46):
in a god because I haven't really had the compulsion.
I've had moments of being triggered, but I haven't had
that life or death. I've got to use or see
a pro since I walked through those doors. So I
have to believe that the high how I was looking
out for me mm hmm, there was no like resolution.
It's going to be different this time and for me,
I made this conscious decision. I think I talked to
(46:06):
you about it, but like and it actually I did
talk to you about it, and it came from stuff
that you talked to me about, which was like, I'm
not this time round. After getting a couple of good
meals in where I was at and like started going
to meetings again and maybe I got like thirty days,
I decided to like not tell people how good I
was doing. I decided that like it was going to
(46:27):
be action based because I've been fooling everyone for not
even falling in. But I've been spewing bullshit for so
long that it is only going to come from my actions,
and I'm making the constration. I'm not going to tell
you what step I'm on. I'm not going to tell
you about all the great things I'm doing, how I'm
breaking through in rehab. I'm just gonna sit down, shut up,
do the work. I'm not gonna make any decisions myself.
I mean, I was so broken when I went in there.
(46:49):
Even deciding what shoes to wear, I had to run
by someone else. I really had no no ideas. And
that's also why I love my sponsor. I have a
really great sponsor called Chris, who I kind of hate.
There's nowhere in the book they say you have to
like a sponsor because he assumed still now that the
first thing I tell him is a lie, you know,
(47:12):
and he tells me all the things. You know. It's
like the Seeno sniper shot, you know, telling people what
they need to hear from fucking three miles away. You know,
it doesn't matter how fucking uncomfortable it is. And I
have to believe that God decided that my struggling was
over because I didn't have a white light experience and
(47:33):
I just slowly started figuring out who the fuck are
I've been using for so long. I had no idea
who I am? I none. I had no idea if
I liked art or if I even liked music. I mean,
for really the first six months, I couldn't even listen
to music. It was too painful. And God forbid, I'd
be somewhere and a fucking song of something I've worked
(47:56):
on came on. It would destroy me. I'd start crying mmm,
because I was like thinking about what I could have
been and that, you know, I just I just had
to sit down, shut up, and deal what I was told.
And that's fucking uncomfortable for the kid that pulled the
fire alarm at Golden Sacks.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Right, yeah, big time, Yeah, straight up, brother, Tell folks
what Big Sue was all about in the history there,
extraordinary community.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Fuck to that place, Like, you know, I've done the footwork,
so I don't want to be like bait Shoears saved
my life, but it's a place where I learned to
actually like myself again. You know. It is a long
term treatment center in Culver City, and it was set
(48:51):
up thirty years ago by this woman called Harriet and
this gentleman called Rabbi Mark Uh. Harriet used to get
Jewish people out of jails, and Rabbi Mark was a
con man. And it's a place that offers all the
(49:11):
traditional things that maybe a rehab offers, but it's an
individual program and they really meet you where you're at.
But the love there, oh dude, when you come in
and you hate yourself as much as I did, there's
just really clever things they do there. Where there's rules,
(49:33):
obviously everyone has rules, but they do three your team
there is really great. I had a counselor and I
had a therapist, normal rehab things, and then I had
a spiritual advisor. And I got the most out of
my spiritual advisor because I I didn't have a relationship
(49:54):
with God. I didn't know how to do that.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
What are that? Persons teachu.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Well, so I'm Jewish, but I never embraced my Jewish
side as a kid, you know, my great grandparents. All
I ever heard about was like the Holocaust, the Nazi
is like, it wasn't like a buzzword. It was like,
I'm like, why the fuck are we Jewish? And I
got to get in touch with that side of me,
(50:25):
and I got to start creating a dialogue with something
that clearly was you know, twenty days became thirty days
became forty days became fifty days, and I didn't want
to jump out my skin as frequently, and so I
knew something was working. And my spiritual advisor taught me
how to have a relationship with God. And there's a
(50:47):
couple of other things they do really well, which is
it's kind of daft, but I talk about this. I
still go there every day. I spend a little time
with the new guys. It's really bit honestly, the most
important thing of my life outside my daughter. And so
that you have these I've talked abized before, but you
(51:07):
have these house chores, like everyone gets a chore, and
like it's one hundred people doing chores right, and there's
an hour of the day dedicated to the chores. And
it hit me about two months in. This has nothing
to do with cleaning the place. They have enough money
to go get the place clean. It's because when I'm
wiping down the coffee bar and someone goes, hey, man,
(51:28):
you did a great job on that. I'm cleaning out
the UA bathrooms and one of the staff goes, hey,
the bathrooms look great. When your self esteem is so
fucked up as much as mine, just that positive I
haven't heard a positive comment in six months, and just
somebody telling me that would carry me to the next
week and carry me to the next week, and that
(51:52):
place is the most special place, Like mm, yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:59):
Well you did something that is really important that I
think why you're here now because your history has been
sober living treatment thirty six ninety days. I got it.
I'm good. You go out on your own. Yeah, you're
you made the decision to stay there for a year, right, yeah, right,
which is right? And I can talk about yeah and
(52:19):
talk about why that's important, talk about chronic relapsers. Why
for you that was kind of, in so many ways
the magic clue that you needed more insurance, you need
to do something you've never done before.
Speaker 1 (52:30):
I just I think when you've been doing it your
way for so long, as much as I had for me,
a month wasn't gonna do it. Like I didn't even
start to know what I was feeling until maybe month
six or seven. I needed like a full fucking reset
from the ground up. And I also went in because
(52:54):
not everyone's guaranteed a year, right or you know, however
long the program is, it's really individual based. And I
just said, I'm going to do everything they fucking tell
me to do, like I genuinely didn't. I broke one
rule once but like, I didn't break any rules. You know,
you don't have to necessarily contribute a lot, but you
(53:16):
do have to show up when you're told. And for me,
that was the first action of getting better was making
sure I was up at six, making sure I was
eating at seven, having just the little discipline of saying,
I'm going to be somewhere when I fucking say I'm
gonna be there, getting a routine down, getting a routine structure, structure.
And I went to these groups and I would show
up at lunch to help clean or whatever, and I
(53:37):
would just keep you don't have to enlighten the group.
You don't have to say something profound, but you do
just have to fucking show up. And I think that
was like the first sign that I was starting to
get better, was I was showing up and I was
showing up for myself, and it really healed me.
Speaker 2 (53:58):
Mm hm, it.
Speaker 1 (53:59):
Really healed me.
Speaker 2 (54:01):
So when you look in the mirror, what do you
see now, brother.
Speaker 1 (54:04):
I did a lot of work on that too. My ry. Yeah,
my counselor holy shit, I did not want to believe
this would work, dude, And she would make me put
post it notes up on my mirror, and they were
like I'm being the best dad I can be today,
or you know, my heart is full today. And they
(54:24):
were just like little sayings that we would switch out
every week, and I'd have five on my mirror, and
it took me about two weeks to read them, and
then it would take me maybe another three. This is
why for me, long term treatment work, because it took
them three weeks to maybe read them and then look
in the mirror, and then the fourth week, I'm looking
in the mirror, and then the five fifth week, I
(54:45):
can actually stand back from the mirror and look in
the mirror like I hadn't seen my reflection for fucking
ten years.
Speaker 2 (54:52):
Yeah for real, Yeah too scary.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
I couldn't even look at myself and brushing my teeth.
I was feeling with so much shame, and so I
would read these notes out loud and fuck me, it worked.
Mm hmmm, it worked. And it's so daft when you
when you look at it on the mirror, You're like,
how is this going to fix me? But it's a
fucking simple program for complicated people. And it took a minute,
(55:17):
but eventually I would read them and then I'd like,
look at myself and be like, hey, you're not so bad,
you know. And it healed me. It fucking healed me.
And the other thing I did is I told them
everything that was going on, the good, the bad, and
the ugly, which I hadn't really done before. Every time
I checked into a treatment or a sober living it
was all about the end date, when was I getting out. Well,
(55:39):
because I didn't know when I was getting out, I
could just focus on being in and that that was
a big step for me.
Speaker 2 (55:49):
I think toobody, we talk about this, you know, shells
full of this. At some point you have to realize
there are no shortcuts. There's no fucking hustle, there's no grip,
there's nobody to pay, there's no special privileges. It's just
you got to be in all the day and shut
the fuck up and do the work. That's the only
move there is.
Speaker 1 (56:09):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (56:10):
You've been telling me that for years, I know, for years.
Speaker 2 (56:13):
Yeah, a worker among workers, I wish there were something.
There's just nothing.
Speaker 1 (56:16):
There isn't anything. You're right, it's sit down and to
take everything a minute at the time. If you have
to put there are no shortcuts, right, No shortcuts.
Speaker 2 (56:26):
And you learn the benefit of washing the toilets, you
learn the benefit of making your bed, you learn the
benefit of being on time for a records, the benefit
of helping all that shit, and it builds up, and
it builds up because you've been sober how long?
Speaker 1 (56:36):
Now coming up on thirteen months, which you know, I've
got a year sober, and I mean I've been trying
to do this thirteen years, thirteen years, nineteen nine sobriety dates,
eleven sponsors, three have two jails, and probably like a million.
Speaker 2 (56:51):
Bugs, right yeah, and here we are, here we are. Yeah,
and a lot of the guys here that you know
have a propensity gambling or betting that you're to make
it this.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
Time, just fucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (57:03):
Yeah yeah, yeah. Why do you think they're doing that now, brother?
Speaker 1 (57:10):
Because they see the change. I hope they see the change,
you know. Yeah, I hear the other things I have
changed I have. I'm not the same person.
Speaker 2 (57:20):
I claim that, brother, Yeah, I claim.
Speaker 1 (57:22):
That I'm not fixed. I'm not some spiritual guru, but
I am not the same motherfucker that walks up those
three steps.
Speaker 2 (57:27):
Yeah, right on, yeah, exactly, you know that's right, you know,
like the guy that ran the com or cold plays
manager those people. The one thing is, there's something about
you made such impact on people really love you because
no matter how fucked up you are, there's always a
kindness to you, you know. And I one of the
(57:49):
things I've loved about you is even in your worst
fucking moments, when you were fucking broke on a run,
you and I both knew you fucking were gonna go
meet some fucking tranny McDonald's because that's how well I
can't afford a hotel. Yeah, schools and e B T. Yeah, exactly, yeah,
exactly done it. Yeah, I done ship. Right. You would
say how's Dylan doing? Yeah, or like I saw something
(58:13):
you did, or like, fuck, dude, that's a cool It's
just and I've always loved that about you. Tell the
folks what you're doing. Now you're doing a lot of
cool ship.
Speaker 1 (58:21):
Yeah, I uh car yeah, yeah, done it.
Speaker 2 (58:27):
Yeah, he's gonna find early guys who know how to
fucking use a group on for a fucking prostitute.
Speaker 1 (58:37):
Look, I'm just getting back in uh and feeling creative again.
Took me a minute, Now I am. You know, I've
come back to being a creative directed by trade and
I went for a tech company that and it's you know,
I'm a it's a job. Yeah, so so you know,
(59:00):
work crom uths, work a cog in the machine. And
I love what these guys do. And I love the
guys that set up the business. And it's we we
do big times square kind of campaigns to things in
Coachella the next week to you know, just we're working
with artists and brands and household names and helping them
translate their messaging on the street. And it's it's great
(59:21):
and I get to feel of use again. And at
some point I'll go back to working in music. Help it,
drop it when it's right, when it's right, but right now,
like And also, these guys know my story, which is great,
so I don't have to hide anything from them. They
know I'm newly sober.
Speaker 2 (59:36):
Yeah. And the other thing too, is yet what I
love is you don't hide behind your resume. No one
gives a fuck, No one gives a fun because it
doesn't give a fuck because here you are now, yeah,
and you're just trying to make the team and be
a worker, right yeah. And that's a big deal and
I want them to win that's right, not about you anymore.
It's not about me, because you know, if you keep
doing this, something beyond your imagination's gonna drop. Yeah, true, true,
(59:57):
and it's gonna be amazing. And you know what, als great.
You won't fuck it up time because it'll mean something
more to you. Yeah, and you'll leave doing an even
better job. It'll be more satisfactory to you. And that's
the get down, man, that well, you got your own
fucking podcast. I do tell fox out and fucking and
what's up with that?
Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
So look, I had this idea when I was a
bait shuva. They have a studio that wasn't being used
and they, you know, for a rehab, to say hey,
you can start a podcast was kind of fucking great.
And I tell you, man, that shit healed me. Obviously,
I can't talk to clients, but I talked to staff
and our brothers from the groups that we go to,
and I just it was just a way of me
(01:00:36):
talking to people. It's called sicker than others. It's everywhere
you get podcasts, and it was just a way of
me talking to other people like me and and honestly,
I do it because of what I get out of it. Yeah,
of course, Like if people listen to it, great, brilliant.
Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
Right, But you're making all right, you're helping, that's fine,
and you're healing, yeah, and you're doing your thing. Man,
I don't need to do any fucking a great show.
Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
And after this, I'm going to go pick up my
daughter and go play golf with her. You know, like
this is the best I know. I don't This is
the best my life has ever been. And it might
not have the glitz and the Grammys and that shit,
but like, genuinely, this is the best I have ever been,
you know, not chasing someone to think I'm cool, or
(01:01:22):
hustling someone to get this thing, or like caring about
like if this thing I worked on made an impact
and like what the industry thinks of me, and that
shit would keep me awake for days.
Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
And high and high and so high and fucking high. Man.
Yeah right, yeah, what has Shelle meant to you?
Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
Holy shit? Dude?
Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
M hm.
Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
So I used to shell is like it's it's kind
of amazing. It's called shell, right, because when I came
here for me, it wasn't about coming out of my shell.
For me, it was like I needed a shell to
protect me. You know, I needed a place to like
(01:02:09):
be safe, and you know this. But when I would
get high, I would get too high and I would
come sit outside at four in the morning because I
knew this place was safe, like for real and d like,
you've stuck with me. You said something to me once,
which is you told me that you'd never leave me
(01:02:30):
right at a hmm, Yeah, You've never left me, never
have yeah, m hmm. It's so important this place, like
(01:02:56):
it like if I could bottle this up, shell up
and sell it, if I could botle up and give
it away, holy shit. But you've gotta want to change, right, right,
you gotta You've got to come in here and want something.
And I didn't know what I wanted for so long,
(01:03:20):
but I knew that I could just stop coming and it. Dude,
I can tell you nothing. There is no worse feeling
in the world than having to stand up in this
room and tell people've.
Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
Relapsed, right right, yeah for real?
Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
Right?
Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
What's the sign on the door?
Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Say no shame aloud?
Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
You made the sign, that's right. You came up with
that idea, what right?
Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
And why is that so important?
Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
Because when you've been when you've relapsed. There's so many
times that I have, and you know, going at other
meetings and other places and getting known as the relapser
(01:04:09):
and whatever. If Shell didn't exist, I think I would
have fucking it would be over.
Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
For me, because.
Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
It's no fucking way I'd set into those rooms like this,
you know. Just I always came here as much as
I could, whether I was hile, sober, right, and everyone
knew it. You knew it, but like that was the
starting blocks of me getting better. And uh, we hear,
(01:04:39):
don't shoot are wounded you We hear.
Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
That a lot.
Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
But the reality is, as it fucking happens, and just this,
these these guys here, It only works if you can
come in and be fucking honest, right right right.
Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
Tell the truth is the easiest thing. Remember, Tell the truth.
It's the easiest thing to remember.
Speaker 1 (01:04:58):
It took me a long time, right right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
Okay, final thoughts to our brothers and sisters out there
who are struggling. Who are you know? Yeah, we want
to say to brother, what's your message?
Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
Just give up? M right? You just just just the
bad news is you lost the fucking war. The good
news is you lost the war.
Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Mhm.
Speaker 1 (01:05:40):
My ego kept me going for so long, dude, so long.
I just that moment of clarity and that you know,
my window of when I when I went to treatment
this time, I knew that window was going to get
smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. Like
I hope you have that moment and you can get
(01:06:00):
your ass somewhere. You can just get to a meeting
and you can just give up. Dude, just give it up,
Just give it up.
Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (01:06:13):
Yeah. It's not the hardest thing to do is to
let go of everything you think you are, but it's
the greatest thing you can ever do, the best, the best.
Speaker 2 (01:06:25):
Enjoy your daughter today.
Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
Enjoy your daughter. She's safe in the world today because
of you, brother, because that's what we do here. We
can make our tim feel safe. Yeah, it's unacceptable for
them not to feel safe in this world. Copy copy, Coffy.
I love you, Matt, I love you too. How fucking
fun was this hot? Best?
Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
All right? The Sino Show is a production of iHeart
Podcasts hosted by me Cina McFarlane, produced by pod People
in twenty eighth. Av Our lead producer is Keith carlak Our.
Executive producer is Lindsay Hoffman, Marketing lead is Ashley Weaver.
Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you next week.
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