April 9, 2025 • 47 mins
In this episode, Curly and Maya dive into the chaos that is modern dating in 2025. They share their personal horror stories, laugh through the endless swiping fatigue, and ask the big question—has dating always been this hard, or is the algorithm out to get us?
Maya Murillo and Curly Velásquez are the hosts of the Super Secret Bestie Club with production support by Karina Riveroll of Sonoro Media in partnership with iHeart Radio's My Cultura Podcast network. If you want to support the podcast, please rate and review our show!
Follow Maya Murillo on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok @mayainthemoment
Follow Curly Velásquez on Instagram and TikTok @thecurlyvshow and on Twitter @CurlyVee
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Whoa, I can't believe we got lost in our own clubhouse.
What's the store?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
What does it say the dating world?
Speaker 3 (00:08):
You'll never touch me?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
A live colors, but daddy, I love him?
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Good doctor?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Your school?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
My?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Okay, Oh what about this one?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It says our love lives.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Let's close this one?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Yeah, what about this one?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
We found it.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
My name is Curly and I'm Maya and welcome to
the Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. A super secret club
where we talk about super secret things.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Get in here.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Welcome to another episode of the Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. Carlitos.
How are you? How's your spirit?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
My spirit is really good. I am well fed right now.
I have a friend visiting from al Paso, Texas, and
so you know, I'm doing the whole like the noodles I.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Made, like avocado toes, I made a sandwich. I get like.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
One thing about me is that I like get very
shy to like host and cook. Like I just feel
like I'm never good enough, Like when I made the avocado.
I was like, maybe there's not enough salt in it,
like movie there's not enough lime. And then when I
like made him the sandwich, it was my mustard. Both
my mustard and my mail did the like the Oh.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Sorry, I actually I'm really good.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Are you excited by this?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
I'm really good at shaking things before the water comes out.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh yeah, I hear that, world, I've got it together?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
What about you? Has your spirit?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
It's good. I'm currently in Phoenix visiting my family for
my birthday week. I will it's not really my birthday week.
By the time you hear this, it'll be past my birthday.
But today we're recording this on March twentieth, which is
the first day of.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
God to God. But it's really not that. It's like,
but it is.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Let us be that. You know, what would be the
greatest gift if you just agreed with every single Aris
ever this season? Just say yes, you're so right about that. Yeah,
you're so true.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
You're so true. Don't you think that aries? Do you
think aries tend to be right a lot?
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Like do Ariesely?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I have I have grown up knowing that I was
right my entire life in every single situation every single time,
and if I wasn't right, then it's wrong. So but
I feel good. I'm here in my parents' house. I
have packed. My social calendar is packed. Okay, We've got
(03:10):
a lot of birthday extravaganzas. I have a cousin birthday
dinner tomorrow with like seven cousin yes, and then Saturday,
I have a big family party, and then Sunday is
my parents thirty fifth wedding anniversary, and then my birthday's
on the twenty fifth on Tuesday. So I'm just gonna
be chilling, you know, with dedicated family time with like
(03:36):
my nephews and my parents. And as you get older,
you just feel like, I don't know, I just feel
like I want to spend more time with them, you know,
as you're seeing them age and you age. So that's
really where I'm at, is like I just want very potent,
like just me you time, you know. So that's what
That's how my spirit's going. It's really good. I'm really excited.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Well, happy birthday to you and all the areas across
the land.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
And it's Spring equinox too, so this is the first
actual we'll get into it later. This is like the
first New Year's of the astrolog astrologically low calendar is equinox.
This is when things are really going to pop off.
So if you feel like you haven't gotten it together
when January first came around, this is this is a
(04:31):
time that this episode is get it Together Dating World. Yeah,
because I know we talk about this a lot. We
talk about are the woes of the dating world, which
is evergreen, universal, right, there's not a time when dating
is like you know, like it's a it's a great topic,
(04:53):
but it's just we just have some things to say.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Yeah, it kind of came up because we were like brainstorming,
like what are we going to talk abo?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
And I was like I kind of want to talk
about something this like just get it to gether?
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Like for me, this episode is welcome to get it
to get get.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
It together dating apps, And we're just gonna go down
the line of some of the stuffs stuffs, some of
the stuff we have been annoyed about, and of course
the first one is dating apps.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Can I tell you what inspired this idea though? To
be honest, yes, So I was supposed to meet up
with this guy. We metch on Tinder and he was
like and it's fine, it's really fine. And if you're listening,
it's fine. If you're listening, it's fine, don't worry. But
we were very open about like where we were at
in terms of light, where what we want right And
(05:46):
I was like, well, I want to me. I'm in
a space where I feel I'm feeling more and more like, no,
I'm actually a really chill guy to date, like I
feel really good, but I'm not sure that I want
to move into boyfriend hood. I also am not like
somebody sleep around right away. But I just I just
I want to vibe, like I want to be like
what are you doing? I don't know what are you doing?
Let's hang Okay, let's go to the beach. Okay, fuck it,
(06:07):
let's go do this, like it doesn't have to be anything.
And he was very open about having been at a
relationship recently and I'm like that's okay, like no rush,
no nothing. And so the day we were supposed to hang out,
he hit me up and he was like I can't,
Like he basically the day of the day of yeah,
and like was saying like some personal stuff about like
why he couldn't and I, you know, me I'm very like,
(06:30):
I'm very like, Okay. First of all, I hit him
up and I was like, I replied, and I said,
one hundred percent take care of you.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I get it, like whatever, whatever.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
And then I was like, also too, if you need
someone to process with, like, I'm also like available for
that too, like we can talk about it, and he uh,
we didn't talk after that. So I'm like, come on, lord,
come on everybody, before you get back on the apps,
before you press done or save on that profile on
(06:58):
your apps, I need you to get it together to
sell capacity. So that's so, yes, So to your point,
step one is the dating apps.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
So yeah, and I think that's a really great point
because I think we blame the dating apps a lot,
which yeah, and I want to get into. But you're
also right, you also need to be ready to for
the responsibility and the expectations of dating within yourself and
if you're just going in recklessly like maybe, I mean
(07:28):
there it feels like there's kind of like no rules,
but there is an unspoken rule to like show up, correct,
I've swiped right on you, Like we have the intentions
of talking, communicating in some way, let's.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Get it pop in.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
But how can you do that? Also, when dating apps
have turned into a gambling system allegedly, you know they'll
assue me on.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
That emotions as gambling does.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yes, there was like that article and I feel like
there's so many paywalls to not only have access to
being very specific on the height, right, which is is
That's the thing that I feel like some people have
opinions on. Some people are just like whatever, but you know,
(08:13):
or like the age being specific on like what age
you want or whatever you have to pay for that, Yeah,
which is annoying because they are hiding your one you
led behind a paywall. Y.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I wonder if they're hiding me. I'm always like, are
you hiding me?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Because I don't think you are getting too many, Like
I like googled this way.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I googled one.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
It's like if you get like a score, and it
was like, yes, you do get a score, and everybody
kind of gets a score and they try to match
up people who are similar in that score. But I
don't know if they still do that anymore, because I
think it.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Was like, yeah, it was something with Tinder, did they
have a score on Tinder or hinge? Like of how
many people liked you and how attractive those people were.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yeah, So like when I was on on Tinder, I
feel like I don't really like the other one so
much right now because I like, they don't really let
you well I don't know, Like Hinge doesn't let you
block people like you until you see them, until you
see them and you say not interested in the profile.
It doesn't let you just sign in and be like
I want to block any profile that's connected to this number. Right,
(09:22):
So like I you know, I say blocking people left
in right, I am a blocker.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
My ex has blocked me because I'm like, I never
see them.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
We probably did, I mean you would probably see them
on Hinge.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I don't know. Well, I'm bumble. They definitely they do
that where you can block your contacts. Same thing with Tinder. Yeah,
I haven't seen that on Hinge unless you Yeah, that's
interesting you could.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I think if you look at it right now, I
don't have Hinge, but if you look at it and
you tap on the top, it'll say like not interested
or something or at the bottom.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Yeah, And there was like I did not go on
Hinge a long time to specifically date girls because I
knew a lot of my ex friends were on there,
and I just did not want to see them until
I was like.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Girl, you're doing yourself a disservice, Like just switch to
the girls and if you happen to see someone you
don't like, you can block them or you can whatever.
But I specifically did not go on Hinge because I
was like, I know these certain girls are on HNE, yeah,
and I don't want to see Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
That's the other thing too, is I feel like in
the app world, like you see the same people and
I'm like, oh my god, what's wrong with all these people?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
I've seen you for sixteen years.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
At this point, it is a block you can have
a block list now, oh wow. Yeah, it's on the
safety contacts. You can sink contacts and add contacts manually.
That's what I wanted to do it when they added that,
so I think, yeah, I think it's fairly new.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Okay, we'll go ahead, go off Hinge. But like for me,
I'm like, oh my god, it's the same people on here.
I don't care. And to be honest, because it's so
messy out here, I've been more and more like, oh god,
I don't care, Like it's fine. You know what, Lord,
I'd take it all back. Lord in Heaven, if you
can hear me, keep all the men, take them, take
them up to space with you, start again.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
They need to be redesigned.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, we're talking about messaging cadence too, Like I was
gonna say dating apps, like the dating apps are I
feel like each Do you feel like each dating app
has its own messaging cadence? Like is it more casual
on Tinder than it is on Hinge?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I kind of feel like people take things differently, right,
Like people really take the dating apps really seriously, and
I don't. I'm very much like, to me, you're kind
of like an AI person on the dating app until
you're texting me, and then to me you're just somebody
that's texting me until you're in front of me, Like
you're not really Like I don't feel like I owe
(12:03):
you a lot of things, And I think I said
to you, like sometimes guys expect me to say good morning,
good night, and I'm like, I don't do that. I'm
not going to fucking sign on to this app like
first thing in the morning and be like good morning,
the first thing at night, good night, Like I just
won't do that, and so I get in trouble with
guys who are like, well are you interested or not?
Or like where are you? Are you into this? Like
(12:24):
oh that was fast, you lost attention. I get that
all the time, and I'm kind of like, it's not
what I'm it.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Is it, like like not only the good morning texts
and stuff like what like give me an example, because
I feel like I've had it some on the opposite
side where I've been like, Okay, I guess this is it.
I guess you are done.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
But I think that also goes back. That goes back
to like attachment styles. I think right like, I tend
to be secure avoidant. So the minute I'm like okay,
like a show, text me whenever, like I don't care.
I'm busy anyways, and then like when you do, and
if you text too much, I'm like, yikes, aren't you busy?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
So they're texting too much?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah I did where people text too much, you know,
and then it because people don't text me enough.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
I'm very okay.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
With being like okay, next, Like, so for me, the
messaging cadence, I'm like, can we all agree on, like
what do you feel like do you feel like you
get too little or too much or what happens with you.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
I feel like there's there's like you're talking about, there's
some level of a healthy detachment you need to have
on these apps where you are not you don't have
to talk all day long with somebody to get to
know them. I think it's like I really like talking
for a couple of days, maybe two or three days,
and then going on a date. You know, I don't.
(13:45):
I'm not somebody who like can go on a date
that night or that next day, like I need, you know,
anything more than a week. Absolutely not anything like within
a week. I don't know about that, but like, I'm
really like, let's go at the flow. Let's see how
this is. I was messaging somebody on Bumble and it
was going pretty good, but I noticed he only messaged
(14:09):
me at night, like late at night, like midnight to
one to three am, and I was like, and I
would message too, because I was just like, kind of
my sleep schedule was bad. And then I got it
back on track and he was like, oh, we have
the same sleep schedule. That's bad, and I'm like, and
then I started messaging during the day and he did
(14:31):
not message for probably a couple of days until like
one am, and I'm like, I can't do that, and
I didn't feel like asking, like, you know, I'm trying.
I'm really working into being my divine feminine, so I
don't not chasing you. I'm not asking you shit like
like I'm not asking like why aren't you texting me?
Or can we text during the day? Okay. I deleted
(14:53):
Bumble because I'm like, even though now girls, guys can
also answer or start the conversation, whereas before it was
only girls could start the conversation with guys, I deleted
(15:22):
it completely because I was like, I don't like the
expectation that I'm supposed to answer first or message first,
which I'm fine to do, but I'm just kind of like,
it just goes against what I'm trying to like work
through right now, and so I deleted it. Yeah, I
deleted it and then started, you know, looking into women
(15:44):
and WHOA, life's great. Hey, life's good.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
That's good. I mean, do you want to.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Really?
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Not really, I'll just say that, I'll just say that
it's just like men are terrible.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I think it was because I had this dinner with
Jasmine who used to work with us at BuzzFeed, and
and Joyce and Megan, and Megan was just like, I
just know there would be a gay girl out there
or a gay person out there who's gonna love you down.
And I'm like, you know what, I received that and
(16:23):
I feel that, and I feel like this is really
the year to lean into all that and I am
and it's it's great. Yeah, And the message in Cadence
is completely different. It's like you're not worrying about that.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I just had this vision of you like completely transforming
like once you like you know, I just like see it.
I feel like it's going to open you up in
so many different ways because you'll be able to express
yourself in a way that is like safer, Like you know.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
You know, it's still unfortunate. I still am attracted to men.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Too, so it's I feel like, you know, sexualities. I
love her like, it's still unfortunate.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I don't want to be like that. I don't want
to be like that because I know there are a
lot of great men out there. But I'm like, when
you have spent right, when you have spent your entire
life like being more comfortable and being more socially acceptable
in your certain spaces dating only men. It's and then
when you keep rutting into a door, I feel like
(17:19):
I keep running to a wall, and I'm just like, hey,
there's a cute door that you haven't even really explored that,
you know, you like like go check it out. Yeah no,
and it's it's just different. But you said that you
take forever to answer.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, well you take forever to answer to it. I
have to take prever to answer anybody in my life.
Like my sister literally is like whenever any of your
little like now you're in your little boyfriends or anybody
gets mad at me, She's like, tell them that. Even
your own sister complains about that. Like tell them that,
like even your own family complains about Like you're really
bad at texting. And it's like I have this thing
(17:54):
that you know, like I read it and then I
forget to reply. Or if I get five text messages
at once, I get over to the meat and I'm
like I'll read them later, and I don't read them later,
like and then I'm like, oh shit, I remember to
answer a night. So like that kind of happens with everybody,
right and I feel like if you're new to my thing,
to my world and you're expecting me to answer like im,
I take forever to answer, Like I think the only
(18:16):
time that I'm really on top.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Of like.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Answering right away is if you're my boyfriend, and then
as my boyfriend you tell me hey, I like when
you text me, you know, with a in a timely manner.
And then even then it's kind of really hard for me.
Like I've literally gotten into arguments with people that I've
been with because they're like, why would you post on
Instagram before you text me back?
Speaker 3 (18:40):
And I'm like, oh.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
My bad, And that to me like I gotta get
my stuff together too, right, Like I don't mean anything
by it. But you know the other thing too, is
I feel like before my other thing that I wrote
here is like get get a therapist, right, Like I
need this all everybody to get out your your piece.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Of paper and you're inepence, So I just a thinking
caps on.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Oh that's that's perfect, slap it on the piece of paper.
I want everybody to think about their emotions, think about
what they mean, what do they feel like when you
feel it? Because a big part of it, too is
like a lot of people don't even know when they're mad.
A lot of people don't even know when they're jealous.
A lot of people don't even know when they're sad.
(19:24):
They don't know how to vocalize it. It's easier to
be like I feel an easy and then they put
it away right So, like I can meet people right away,
and I can tell I can see their trauma, Like
right away, I can see like like in the way
that they flirt, like if they flirt too hard with me,
not too hard, but if.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
They go like like for.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Me, nice sweater, bluey, like you look like you look
like Papa Smurf.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
I'm likely you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
You know, I feel like, oh, okay, I see the way
that they flirt. I see what that's rooted in. It's fine,
it's not bad. But like I don't feel it like that,
Like I I'm more like you look really good. Like
I'm more like, you know, I want the person to
feel good and nice about themselves, and I want to
feel nice about myself too, And so I feel like
sometimes I wish that more.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
People would have a therapists.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I wish that more people would talk to their friends
about reflect with your friends that you can so that
you can like show up even.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Better on the dating app. But talk to chat GBT here.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Look, go to your computer, go to your phone, type in, hey, CHATGBT,
be nice to her because when they take over, you
want her to remember you be nice to her and
be like, hey girl, talk to me like a licensed
family marriage therapist.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
There's also an engine that has a yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Well, there's so many different engines, right, But even if
you're just like whatever, like, just talk to me. Talk
to me like a teenage therapist. Talk to me like
a therapist who believes in boduheada. Yeah, talk to me
like whatever you wanted to talk to you in and
just type in all your shit. This is how I feel.
This is what I'm going through when I tell you
that chat GBT is literally like.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Yes, he is trash, Like it's the best based off.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
My calculations searched through all of the internet's goodness. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
I just put in a text message the VideA that
somebody sent me and I said is it me or
is this too much? And it was like this absolutely
is too much?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Right right, Oh, I think that's yeah, very important, Like
it I think people get scared with therapy, just like, oh,
you need to see a therapist or you need to
see I notice people are starting to say counseling. My
family's starting to say counseling, And I'm like, that's therapy.
(21:38):
I don't need therapy.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I'm not crazy, Like, oh, it's not gay if you're
not the one sucking that.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
And I think like at this day and age, you
need to come with some sort of accountability, responsibility for
what you're putting into the world in the dating world,
but also yeah, there needs to be a level of
being detached and knowing you don't owe anyone anything. But
also yeah, just be kind and nice, Like I know,
we don't owe anybody anything, but like just know that
(22:15):
how as a collective are we supposed to heal for
you don't at least practice some sort of grace with
each other?
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
And I feel like when it comes to like dating
expectations and like the timeline, Like I feel like we've
talked about this so much of like where do you
Where do you go from talking to somebody online to
then a date to then being in a relationship? What
about you? Where's your timeline? Where does it start.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
That's a thing. I'm throwing out the timeline. I'm throwing
it out like I don't care anymore.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
It's just like a free game.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
I just like, honestly, like I've been in I've dated
people who are like, we're dating intentionally, and that's wonderful.
You're dating with intention where you're just focusing on each
other and you just are working towards becoming boyfriends or
girlfriends or they thems is whatever you want, right, But
I'm kind of like, even that feels so rigid to me, right,
Or I'm dating people who are like, I don't know,
(23:11):
we're just going with the flow, and I'm like, even
that feels a little too much for me, Like it's like, no,
I need to know that we're maybe working towards something. Yeah,
Like I don't know that I want to go with
the flow, But what I do know is that if
I'm like, let's just see how we feel like on
our first hangout, and then do you want to hang
out again?
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Like yeah, and then like.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
We can have conversations like yeah, I can see myself
and your boyfriend are like yeah, I can see myself. Like,
but being okay with that and being open to it,
But I also just don't want that to happen so quickly,
because I feel like it does happen to me, like
really fast, like people will be like, which is great,
and I love that people want to lock it down
and I'm honored, but I'm also like, you haven't seen
(23:54):
me upset, you haven't seen me deal with Like, you
haven't seen me frustrated. You haven't seen me emotional yet,
or like or like anything, So like, how do you
know that you want to be my boyfriend? How do
you know that you want to do all this with
me when you.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Haven't seen it? You don't know me. You have an.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Idea of who I am? Let me Yeah, let me
show you, you know, and then you can decide and
then we can be like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Let me let me be a little bratdy, let me
be a little moody around you. Let me see how
we can navigate that. I feel like I've seen go
with the flow so much on a lot of guys
dating profiles, and I'm like, oh, you actually mean going
with the flow versus us when we say go with
the flow, we mean flowing, like floating with whatever is happening,
(24:42):
you know, and literally going with the flow and not
going against it, and these guys mean it in the
way of like, yeah, we'll just see what happens, like
no responsibilities, let's just see where this goes. It's like, well,
you have to have some sort of direction. Our definitions
are different, Like you mean the old school go with
(25:03):
the flow, as in you have no responsibility to anything,
which yes, true, But I think dating intentional is great also,
but it's also like what do you mean with that?
I think we need to get more specific on like
what do you actually mean, like we were talking about
by emotional intelligence, like what is your definition of it? Yeah,
what is my definition of it? And with the dating timelines, yeah,
(25:27):
I think that's a great place to be where you're
just kind of like all right. I think it gets
in my brain when I hear people online being like
you guys have been dating for four months and you
guys haven't like made it official yet, that I'm like, oh, oh,
is something wrong? And then maybe something is wrong or
maybe something isn't wrong, or like you guys have been
(25:49):
dating a year and you guys aren't or been you know,
official for a year, and you guys aren't getting married yet.
It's those things that are like sometimes maybe truthful, but
then other times you're in your own flow, and I
think that's where I get jumbled, you know, that's where
I get cloudy in my brain, where I'm like, what
(26:10):
is the right way? Yeah, I'm in a process now
of like deconstructing that.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah, Like you're the right way.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
You could be with somebody, For I keep saying, like
one of my greatest lessons now is like you could
be with somebody for a decade, You could be with
somebody for three months.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
You can be with somebody.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
It was a successful it was a successful relationship. Like
you did it, You got what you both needed to
get out of it. You had an amazing time, and
you move on. Like for me, I'm like, if I
were to pop off tomorrow having never gotten married, I
think I very I.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
Think I'd be okay with that. I think I'd be
like I have the privilege of.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Loving and being loved so hard by a lot of people.
And by the way, not to blow smoke up my
own ass in any way, but when people have loved me,
they have loved me, and I have truly been so
honored by it, Like wow, Like thank you think you
think you thank you for loving me that hard and
(27:06):
for like really giving that to me, and it's not
lost on me, you know, And so I I feel like, yeah,
i'd be okay with that. Actually, I think I'm okay
with not meeting the one. So I feel like my
profile is going to be like, let's just see if
we like hanging out with each other. Hell bring.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
What do you find?
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Are?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Like, you're do you have expectations? Like do you think
that's where like you.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Well, That's what I was saying before, is like I'm
I'm really working on deconstructing what is actually in my
coding and what has what has been given to me
as propaganda throughout you know, misogynistic what.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Sorry my allergies, That's okay.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
We're both like I feel like I didn't blow my
nose before, and I was like, anyway, let's talk about it.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
That's how I feel.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
And I was wearing my mouth tape last night, woke
up it was gone. I don't know, but I noticed
I was only breathing out of one nostril, so I
was probably like I breathe dying in my sleep sleep
apnea alert. Anyway, Yeah, I feel like I'm really trying
to deconstruct expectations of dating because I'm like a lot
(28:26):
of these are I have. I've subscribed to misogynistic, capitalistic,
just like full on doling your shine to be noticed
by someone, you know. And I'm like really working on
showing up my authentic self and having strict, strong boundaries
(28:47):
that are going to keep my purpose in line. And
if I meet somebody you know along the way, cool
and not strict as in like nobody can get in
strict for myself, like I'm not allowing any to make
me feel any type of way, or like I'm I'm
protecting myself in every single sense of the word, in
(29:08):
every single area of my life. And I'm protecting that
little girl who was made to believe that I had
to dull myself to, you know, for somebody else. You know.
I literally had a conversation yesterday with this beautiful girl,
so talented, and she was dating a content creator who
wanted to do couple content with them with her, and
she was like no, and he's like, well, are you
(29:30):
just going to be doing like that creative thing that
you're doing your entire life. She's like, yeah, that's why
I went to school for it, and he's like, well,
you don't want to, like you don't want me to
take care of you. She's like, no, like I'm passionate
about this, you know, and she felt bad about sharing
her passions with this guy. When I'm like, if somebody share,
(29:50):
if you're dating someone, you should be turned the fuck on.
If somebody is like, this is what I'm doing, this
is what I'm working on, and you should not feel intimidated.
You should feel excited, you feel abs Oh my gosh,
that's so cool you're doing That's that's really That's what
tickles my pickle is when I see somebody in their
flow working on their ship, I'm like, damn, how can
(30:13):
I be around not to like be around that, to
like absorb it, but how can I also be like
that flame where we're just hovering around each other and
being like, hey, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Do you want to make out? You see each other
in the hallways?
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I love that, like get it together because I'm getting
it together, like do you?
Speaker 3 (30:48):
And then we can meet in the.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Middle because I'm getting it together.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Exactly Like I think that for me, like I have
released a lot of my expectations to be honest and
it's not so much that I don't have standards. It's
not that it's just that I'm like, show me, just
show me who you are, straight up, and I'll decide
if I want to stay or not. Just show me
straight up. This is cool, this isn't cool. I'm out
like I don't like, I don't know. I'm like, it's
(31:14):
not that serious. I keep telling people, like anyone who
will listen to me right now, I'm like, it's not
that serious.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
It's just not like we all.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Die, Like I don't know if you know this or not,
but we all die, you know, like there's no escaping that.
And so I'm like, girl, I'm not gonna chip about that,
like go do you go do whatever you want to?
Flake on me, flake on me. You don't want to
answer a message, don't answer a message. Because here's the
other thing too, I know.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
That I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I just keep going back to like, no, I know.
I'm like, I know, I'm fun, todate like i know.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I'm a fun you know, like hold on to that,
you know, because you know you know, and when you know,
because you know you know, because you know.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
You know, yeah exactly, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
What are some ways because I kind of want to
like flip it on its head, because there was something
I saw from anwar White who is a dating coach
for specifically like black and brown women and and queer
and like, you know, everyone, and he was saying, like,
you like one video on TikTok that's about relationships and
(32:17):
dating where somebody's sharing a dating a story, and uh,
that went wrong, and you're fed with a bunch of
those videos and then you start getting discouraged, jaded, and
the little flame in you starts getting you know less
and less and less. And so I what are some
ways that we are staying hopeful for love and hopeful
(32:39):
for dating and not just kind of harping on the
woes of it, cause that's that's inevitable, you know. I
think for me, I'm like I have to separate myself
and practice detachment and being like, this is not my reality.
This is what's going on for other people, and this
is what's going on for you know, Uh it's since
(33:00):
the beginning of time. But I am able to reconstruct
my definitions and my expectations and lead with my heart
and lead with my authenticity. And I think having a
statement like that to hold on to yourself, to hold
on while you date, because you're like, what, it's like
(33:20):
a freaking roller coaster.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, it is, it really is, And it's like it's messy.
It's really messy, Like you know, I think when you
date sometimes too, like it's inevitable, Like, but that's the
whole point of love, right, Like I get hurt, You're
gonna get hurt.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
I'm gonna get ghosted, You're gonna get ghosted.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
We're going to go in the first date, I'm going
to be so in love you're not, and vice versa.
Like it's and it's fine, Like that's really like love.
And then once you get into the relationship, like it
might last for three months, it might last for two decades,
and then it's over. Like it's kind of just like
it really is a thing of like going with the flow.
But I think that you have to ask yourself, is
(34:02):
their flow your flow?
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Ooh? Yeah? And sometimes it's not.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Sometimes sometimes and more oftentimes than that, it isn't. But
I would say, like, you know, I'm hopeful in that
I you go first, because I think I'm going to
say the same thing, you go first.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Well, I was also saying, you know, say me too,
and me also, and I also will have that and
I also instead of it's a habit everyone. If you
listen to the last episode where it was like my
solo episode, I really talked about like having these thoughts
that come in and it's a habit to push them
away and to challenge them and say, actually, that's not. No,
(34:41):
that doesn't match up with my own internal coding that
I made up, Like that doesn't that's not I'm not having,
not giving that access to my safety bubble. And there
those thoughts and those things are just clouds and they
can disperse and just you know, be wafted away. And
these thoughts are kind of like, oh why do you
why are they you know, how did they get into
(35:02):
a relationship? Or how it's cute to be petty sometimes.
But you know, when it's starting to become a habit,
when you start feeling yourself be like dating just sucks
and dating is this in that and dating h and
forcing yourself to change and be like, okay, I know
every time I think negatively about these certain things, I
(35:22):
never feel good. It always pushes me back into the
corner of like crossing my arms and being like, well,
everybody's terrible and everybody's bad, and then what's the point
and being like that's actually not true because I'm a
great person. I have a lot of amazing friends who
are great people, who are in successful relationships, and I
(35:43):
know that it will happen one day for me, and
that's just it. And the more I learn about myself,
the more I trust myself, the more I will get
there and the more that love will be so worth
it because I worked on myself so much, And you
can date also as you're working on yourself. Of course, absolutely,
I think that's very important. But I think you have
(36:04):
to keep some sort of optimism. You have to. It's
gonna feel weird, it's gonna feel jinky, it's gonna feel
fake at first, but you have to talk to yourself
and make those habits and change them into something more positive.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Yeah, I feel like what makes me hopeful is like
I'm alive, right. I know, I'll keep trying till I die,
you know, I'll keep trying till I'm old and then
in the dirt. But like I guess, for what are
some ways to stay hopeful? I keep saying, work on yourself,
Like I was talking to a friend of mine. I
was talking to Cindy actually, and we were talking about
(36:42):
how she's gonna color.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Her hair, and I'm like, I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
I love when people want to change the thing about
themselves or they fantasize in their head about oh, how
am I gonna look like with my hair and what
if I can look And I'm like, I think that's
why people are like getting stuff in the mail, right,
you go like, oh and those when that shirt gets here, Yeah,
I'm be that girl when those parts get here, I'm
gonna be that boy.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Like when this bal cap gets here, I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
And so I feel like, continue to be inspired in
your head, like don't give up, Like there is somebody.
They're not gonna be perfect, but there is gonna be
somebody who you have enough fun with that you're like, I, look,
you're not perfect, but I like you and you're pretty dope.
The other thing too, that I do do sidebar. It's
pretty petty. But when I see people, specifically gay men,
who are dating each other and I'm like, man, how
(37:26):
did that pull get a boyfriend? I always ask myself
if I would date either one of them, and if
the answer is no, I keep swirling.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I'm like, curly, would you have dated either one of
these men? No?
Speaker 1 (37:38):
So keep it moving, like shut up, Like it's like
it almost feels like where I'm making excuses for myself,
like why do they?
Speaker 3 (37:44):
But yeah, it's just natural.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
It's not something that is like you know, it comes
from a place of I don't want to say like
sadness or her, but of the little kid in you.
That's like they're worthy of being loved and so am I.
So why isn't it here? Why hasn't it manifested? So
it's I think that's perfectly normal and okay to have
(38:08):
those those kind of thoughts. And you know, how you
choose to get through it is is your own way.
It's your own like coding and stuff.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
But you know they do say, and it has said
this before that medium people find median people easier anyways, podcast, Yeah,
your little mediums enjoy being a medium medium.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I've never heard of the like mid do which signs
have you found are good in the dating world? Like
which signs are consistently dating?
Speaker 3 (38:50):
Which signs have got it together today? On? Then and
then then then okay, I gotta throw up. Wait, do
your fruit up? Do yours? Do yours?
Speaker 2 (39:07):
But I like my new one is or fruit up.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Oh my god, it's so funny.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Okay, wait, I was trying to entertain a five year
old the other day and I was like, oh, I
can't do my Then then then then think because mine
is vulgar. Right, So I barred yours killed.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Pot humor every single time, friendly, every single time.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Absolutely, I can't do that. You do it? Yeah, you're
just cute. Do it again.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
I'm not you to this un true to this girl.
I remember one time at BuzzFeed. AGI would be like,
I just don't like when she does potty humor part jokes,
and I'm like, i gotta change it. I love I
love her. I'm like, you're You're right, girl, I'll change I.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Think I pushed back on that one.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
I think we almost had a little thing because I
was like like half and half.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
You know, it's the lowest form, not the lowest, but
it's the most accessible, you know, form of like comedy
that you can just be like far in poop jokes.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
I mean, we all do it.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Ever not funny.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
You literally hear somebody part in the library and you're
like ort a book store or whatever, and you're like, yeah, anyways.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
Which signs where I think have it together?
Speaker 1 (40:26):
And I think that virgos, I said.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
That's my virgo impression is huh, I hope they have
it together. I really do love you guys.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
I'm so dead.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
Yeah, because like every time I've been on a date
with a virgo's always been really sweet. It's always been
really nice. Like I dated this one Virgo and he
was like, he brought snacks to my place, He brought
snacks from my dogs. He was so sweet and so
gentle and so kind. And Virgos are just very like
no you after you, no, no, no police after you. We're
very like we want where we're a sign that serves
(41:12):
you know, so like Principio are very like yes anything.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
And then after that, I'm like, make there's a time limit.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
There's a time limit, there's yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean
some of the best dates I've had have been with
virgos and Aquariuses.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Are so fun.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
They know how to take you on for a little
ride and and you know, make you a little make
you giggle a little bit.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
Ye.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
One time this Aquarius put his head on my shoulder
and I freaked out.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
And I haven't dated one yet.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
And then I was like, don't who has it together? Yeah,
I said, like the Earth signs, I feel like they
they can lock in. I feel like Capricorns and Taurists,
they can really lock in and be like all right
when they like someone, When they really like someone, they
will show up one hundred percent. But dating and aries,
(42:05):
let me tell you, let me tell you. Ladies and
gentlemen and thays and thems we bring. I'm just kidding.
I don't know what we bring. I feel like we
bring a little, a little sauce, a little mystery. Like
I remember a couple of dates I've been on with
different people have been like on our first date, I
didn't know if you liked me or not because you
(42:28):
were like not giving me anything. I'm like why, And
the entire time I'm like this, Yeah, I was born
in a hospital in nineteen eighty three, March twenty fifth.
That's all the information I can relate to you at
this time.
Speaker 3 (42:42):
I feel like you flirt. That's not true. You're like this,
You're like.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
I know, I don't tell me like that. I know.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
I'm very much like, hey, what, oh my god?
Speaker 2 (42:55):
What I'm like leaning over the table. You ain't kid
now or what.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
I don't think I've ever dated, Like I think I
dated one aries recently and I think we talked about it.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
I don't remember they had your there were march Aries.
Do you remember anyways? Done with the wind.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Mentioned mentioned march As mentioned.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
I feel like for me, I think fire signs are
fun to date because there's a little bit of like sauce.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
They have a little bit of that hot sauce.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
And then air signs love me, arisigns fucking love me.
I think it's because they can feel my avoidant energy
and they're.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Like perfect Agnes are like, you're too much. I'm like,
what do you mean, what are you talking about? They're like,
it's just too much. It's I love you, but it's
a lot. But then like friendship wise, I love a Gemini,
love a Geminia, love Geminis.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
I love Libras Aquarius. But yeah, like and then Earth signs, oh,
water signs. Kabat said, yeah, yeah, Geminis, I feel like.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
Water signs.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
I just got real. I just got tea. You probably
already know I kind of got award. Someone just sends
me sent me some cheese me right.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
Now, I'm probably I'm a little bored because I'm like.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
Water signs.
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Yeah, I'm like it was boring, let's keep going.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
I think the Water Signs, I feel like they're gonna
give you romance, but they're gonna be shy. I feel
like they're shy romantics about it, but they're gonna let
you make the first move.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
There's a song by Marina the Diamonds called I'm a
Ruin and I feel like that's me in a water
sign relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Well, guys, and that concludes the astrology portion.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Well, maya, here we are our second to last episode. Uh,
next week will be our last episode of the season,
so I guess we'll see you then. Like, what would
you say about today's episode?
Speaker 3 (45:04):
How do you plead? Well?
Speaker 2 (45:06):
I I think it's important to address, you know, some
of the just woes in the real life, negative horrible
things that are happening within the dating world. But we
don't have to attach to it, you know, we don't
have to like subscribe to it or you know, it's
(45:29):
not our we we can it's not our reality. It's happening,
but like this is when we have to be like
if we're going on a run, if it's the if
it's the minute mile or whatever, what is it? The
how many minutes was it for the mile that you
had to make it.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
Through eight miles? That's an eminem movie.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
No remember in high school and you would have to
like mile eight minutes, it would be eight minutes. Hey,
if it's if it's uh your I don't know. I
just got triggered by. Just keep going, is what I'm saying.
Keep going, stay hopeful, cling on to people and things
who are making you feel hopeful and happy and celebratory,
(46:11):
and who are really really in that vibration. Because I
don't know. I'm done when staying down in the dumps
because I am the dump, Oh dumb truck.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Oh hey, hey, I keep thinking it's nothing serious. It's
not that cibys and as the late pop group Eden's
Crush from the WB's show in the early two thousands
called upstars, get over yourself, good bye, goodbye, and let's
be hoppying you.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Yeah, look, meet in the eye. It's not serious.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Just get out there, meet some people, make out with them,
call it a day, go back home.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
It's fine. Keep your money to yourself, don't sign a
fucking prenup. Just have fun. It's not that serious. Have fun.
Delete the app match again. Who cares?
Speaker 1 (46:54):
Show you show a nip, show up phoon, show up
a testicle, show your butthole.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
I'm some fun.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. Make sure to check
us out on our social media's which what's your social media? Curly?
Speaker 1 (47:10):
My social media is at the Curly v Show on Instagram,
TikTok and but no which I never post anymore, but
TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
What about you? Maya?
Speaker 2 (47:18):
You can find me Maya in the Moment, m Aya
in the Moment anywhere where you scroll and check us
out next week for our last episode of season three,
Bye bye. Make sure to hit that subscribe button to
hear more episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie
Club Podcast is a production of Sonodo in partnership with
(47:40):
iHeartRadio's Michael Tha podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Whoa, I can't believe we got lost in our own clubhouse.
What's the store?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
What does it say the dating world?
Speaker 3 (00:08):
You'll never touch me?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
A live colors, but daddy, I love him?
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Good doctor?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Your school?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
My?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Okay, Oh what about this one?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It says our love lives.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Let's close this one?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Yeah, what about this one?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
We found it.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
My name is Curly and I'm Maya and welcome to
the Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. A super secret club
where we talk about super secret things.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Get in here.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Welcome to another episode of the Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. Carlitos.
How are you? How's your spirit?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
My spirit is really good. I am well fed right now.
I have a friend visiting from al Paso, Texas, and
so you know, I'm doing the whole like the noodles I.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Made, like avocado toes, I made a sandwich. I get like.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
One thing about me is that I like get very
shy to like host and cook. Like I just feel
like I'm never good enough, Like when I made the avocado.
I was like, maybe there's not enough salt in it,
like movie there's not enough lime. And then when I
like made him the sandwich, it was my mustard. Both
my mustard and my mail did the like the Oh.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Sorry, I actually I'm really good.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Are you excited by this?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
I'm really good at shaking things before the water comes out.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh yeah, I hear that, world, I've got it together?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
What about you? Has your spirit?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
It's good. I'm currently in Phoenix visiting my family for
my birthday week. I will it's not really my birthday week.
By the time you hear this, it'll be past my birthday.
But today we're recording this on March twentieth, which is
the first day of.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
God to God. But it's really not that. It's like,
but it is.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Let us be that. You know, what would be the
greatest gift if you just agreed with every single Aris
ever this season? Just say yes, you're so right about that. Yeah,
you're so true.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
You're so true. Don't you think that aries? Do you
think aries tend to be right a lot?
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Like do Ariesely?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I have I have grown up knowing that I was
right my entire life in every single situation every single time,
and if I wasn't right, then it's wrong. So but
I feel good. I'm here in my parents' house. I
have packed. My social calendar is packed. Okay, We've got
(03:10):
a lot of birthday extravaganzas. I have a cousin birthday
dinner tomorrow with like seven cousin yes, and then Saturday,
I have a big family party, and then Sunday is
my parents thirty fifth wedding anniversary, and then my birthday's
on the twenty fifth on Tuesday. So I'm just gonna
be chilling, you know, with dedicated family time with like
(03:36):
my nephews and my parents. And as you get older,
you just feel like, I don't know, I just feel
like I want to spend more time with them, you know,
as you're seeing them age and you age. So that's
really where I'm at, is like I just want very potent,
like just me you time, you know. So that's what
That's how my spirit's going. It's really good. I'm really excited.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Well, happy birthday to you and all the areas across
the land.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
And it's Spring equinox too, so this is the first
actual we'll get into it later. This is like the
first New Year's of the astrolog astrologically low calendar is equinox.
This is when things are really going to pop off.
So if you feel like you haven't gotten it together
when January first came around, this is this is a
(04:31):
time that this episode is get it Together Dating World. Yeah,
because I know we talk about this a lot. We
talk about are the woes of the dating world, which
is evergreen, universal, right, there's not a time when dating
is like you know, like it's a it's a great topic,
(04:53):
but it's just we just have some things to say.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Yeah, it kind of came up because we were like brainstorming,
like what are we going to talk abo?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
And I was like I kind of want to talk
about something this like just get it to gether?
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Like for me, this episode is welcome to get it
to get get.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
It together dating apps, And we're just gonna go down
the line of some of the stuffs stuffs, some of
the stuff we have been annoyed about, and of course
the first one is dating apps.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Can I tell you what inspired this idea though? To
be honest, yes, So I was supposed to meet up
with this guy. We metch on Tinder and he was
like and it's fine, it's really fine. And if you're listening,
it's fine. If you're listening, it's fine, don't worry. But
we were very open about like where we were at
in terms of light, where what we want right And
(05:46):
I was like, well, I want to me. I'm in
a space where I feel I'm feeling more and more like, no,
I'm actually a really chill guy to date, like I
feel really good, but I'm not sure that I want
to move into boyfriend hood. I also am not like
somebody sleep around right away. But I just I just
I want to vibe, like I want to be like
what are you doing? I don't know what are you doing?
Let's hang Okay, let's go to the beach. Okay, fuck it,
(06:07):
let's go do this, like it doesn't have to be anything.
And he was very open about having been at a
relationship recently and I'm like that's okay, like no rush,
no nothing. And so the day we were supposed to hang out,
he hit me up and he was like I can't,
Like he basically the day of the day of yeah,
and like was saying like some personal stuff about like
why he couldn't and I, you know, me I'm very like,
(06:30):
I'm very like, Okay. First of all, I hit him
up and I was like, I replied, and I said,
one hundred percent take care of you.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I get it, like whatever, whatever.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
And then I was like, also too, if you need
someone to process with, like, I'm also like available for
that too, like we can talk about it, and he uh,
we didn't talk after that. So I'm like, come on, lord,
come on everybody, before you get back on the apps,
before you press done or save on that profile on
(06:58):
your apps, I need you to get it together to
sell capacity. So that's so, yes, So to your point,
step one is the dating apps.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
So yeah, and I think that's a really great point
because I think we blame the dating apps a lot,
which yeah, and I want to get into. But you're
also right, you also need to be ready to for
the responsibility and the expectations of dating within yourself and
if you're just going in recklessly like maybe, I mean
(07:28):
there it feels like there's kind of like no rules,
but there is an unspoken rule to like show up, correct,
I've swiped right on you, Like we have the intentions
of talking, communicating in some way, let's.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Get it pop in.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
But how can you do that? Also, when dating apps
have turned into a gambling system allegedly, you know they'll
assue me on.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
That emotions as gambling does.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yes, there was like that article and I feel like
there's so many paywalls to not only have access to
being very specific on the height, right, which is is
That's the thing that I feel like some people have
opinions on. Some people are just like whatever, but you know,
(08:13):
or like the age being specific on like what age
you want or whatever you have to pay for that, Yeah,
which is annoying because they are hiding your one you
led behind a paywall. Y.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I wonder if they're hiding me. I'm always like, are
you hiding me?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Because I don't think you are getting too many, Like
I like googled this way.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I googled one.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
It's like if you get like a score, and it
was like, yes, you do get a score, and everybody
kind of gets a score and they try to match
up people who are similar in that score. But I
don't know if they still do that anymore, because I
think it.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Was like, yeah, it was something with Tinder, did they
have a score on Tinder or hinge? Like of how
many people liked you and how attractive those people were.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yeah, So like when I was on on Tinder, I
feel like I don't really like the other one so
much right now because I like, they don't really let
you well I don't know, Like Hinge doesn't let you
block people like you until you see them, until you
see them and you say not interested in the profile.
It doesn't let you just sign in and be like
I want to block any profile that's connected to this number. Right,
(09:22):
So like I you know, I say blocking people left
in right, I am a blocker.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
My ex has blocked me because I'm like, I never
see them.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
We probably did, I mean you would probably see them
on Hinge.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I don't know. Well, I'm bumble. They definitely they do
that where you can block your contacts. Same thing with Tinder. Yeah,
I haven't seen that on Hinge unless you Yeah, that's
interesting you could.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I think if you look at it right now, I
don't have Hinge, but if you look at it and
you tap on the top, it'll say like not interested
or something or at the bottom.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Yeah, And there was like I did not go on
Hinge a long time to specifically date girls because I
knew a lot of my ex friends were on there,
and I just did not want to see them until
I was like.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Girl, you're doing yourself a disservice, Like just switch to
the girls and if you happen to see someone you
don't like, you can block them or you can whatever.
But I specifically did not go on Hinge because I
was like, I know these certain girls are on HNE, yeah,
and I don't want to see Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
That's the other thing too, is I feel like in
the app world, like you see the same people and
I'm like, oh my god, what's wrong with all these people?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
I've seen you for sixteen years.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
At this point, it is a block you can have
a block list now, oh wow. Yeah, it's on the
safety contacts. You can sink contacts and add contacts manually.
That's what I wanted to do it when they added that,
so I think, yeah, I think it's fairly new.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Okay, we'll go ahead, go off Hinge. But like for me,
I'm like, oh my god, it's the same people on here.
I don't care. And to be honest, because it's so
messy out here, I've been more and more like, oh god,
I don't care, Like it's fine. You know what, Lord,
I'd take it all back. Lord in Heaven, if you
can hear me, keep all the men, take them, take
them up to space with you, start again.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
They need to be redesigned.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, we're talking about messaging cadence too, Like I was
gonna say dating apps, like the dating apps are I
feel like each Do you feel like each dating app
has its own messaging cadence? Like is it more casual
on Tinder than it is on Hinge?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I kind of feel like people take things differently, right,
Like people really take the dating apps really seriously, and
I don't. I'm very much like, to me, you're kind
of like an AI person on the dating app until
you're texting me, and then to me you're just somebody
that's texting me until you're in front of me, Like
you're not really Like I don't feel like I owe
(12:03):
you a lot of things, And I think I said
to you, like sometimes guys expect me to say good morning,
good night, and I'm like, I don't do that. I'm
not going to fucking sign on to this app like
first thing in the morning and be like good morning,
the first thing at night, good night, Like I just
won't do that, and so I get in trouble with
guys who are like, well are you interested or not?
Or like where are you? Are you into this? Like
(12:24):
oh that was fast, you lost attention. I get that
all the time, and I'm kind of like, it's not
what I'm it.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Is it, like like not only the good morning texts
and stuff like what like give me an example, because
I feel like I've had it some on the opposite
side where I've been like, Okay, I guess this is it.
I guess you are done.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
But I think that also goes back. That goes back
to like attachment styles. I think right like, I tend
to be secure avoidant. So the minute I'm like okay,
like a show, text me whenever, like I don't care.
I'm busy anyways, and then like when you do, and
if you text too much, I'm like, yikes, aren't you busy?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
So they're texting too much?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah I did where people text too much, you know,
and then it because people don't text me enough.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
I'm very okay.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
With being like okay, next, Like, so for me, the
messaging cadence, I'm like, can we all agree on, like
what do you feel like do you feel like you
get too little or too much or what happens with you.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
I feel like there's there's like you're talking about, there's
some level of a healthy detachment you need to have
on these apps where you are not you don't have
to talk all day long with somebody to get to
know them. I think it's like I really like talking
for a couple of days, maybe two or three days,
and then going on a date. You know, I don't.
(13:45):
I'm not somebody who like can go on a date
that night or that next day, like I need, you know,
anything more than a week. Absolutely not anything like within
a week. I don't know about that, but like, I'm
really like, let's go at the flow. Let's see how
this is. I was messaging somebody on Bumble and it
was going pretty good, but I noticed he only messaged
(14:09):
me at night, like late at night, like midnight to
one to three am, and I was like, and I
would message too, because I was just like, kind of
my sleep schedule was bad. And then I got it
back on track and he was like, oh, we have
the same sleep schedule. That's bad, and I'm like, and
then I started messaging during the day and he did
(14:31):
not message for probably a couple of days until like
one am, and I'm like, I can't do that, and
I didn't feel like asking, like, you know, I'm trying.
I'm really working into being my divine feminine, so I
don't not chasing you. I'm not asking you shit like
like I'm not asking like why aren't you texting me?
Or can we text during the day? Okay. I deleted
(14:53):
Bumble because I'm like, even though now girls, guys can
also answer or start the conversation, whereas before it was
only girls could start the conversation with guys, I deleted
(15:22):
it completely because I was like, I don't like the
expectation that I'm supposed to answer first or message first,
which I'm fine to do, but I'm just kind of like,
it just goes against what I'm trying to like work
through right now, and so I deleted it. Yeah, I
deleted it and then started, you know, looking into women
(15:44):
and WHOA, life's great. Hey, life's good.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
That's good. I mean, do you want to.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Really?
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Not really, I'll just say that, I'll just say that
it's just like men are terrible.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I think it was because I had this dinner with
Jasmine who used to work with us at BuzzFeed, and
and Joyce and Megan, and Megan was just like, I
just know there would be a gay girl out there
or a gay person out there who's gonna love you down.
And I'm like, you know what, I received that and
(16:23):
I feel that, and I feel like this is really
the year to lean into all that and I am
and it's it's great. Yeah, And the message in Cadence
is completely different. It's like you're not worrying about that.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I just had this vision of you like completely transforming
like once you like you know, I just like see it.
I feel like it's going to open you up in
so many different ways because you'll be able to express
yourself in a way that is like safer, Like you know.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
You know, it's still unfortunate. I still am attracted to men.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Too, so it's I feel like, you know, sexualities. I
love her like, it's still unfortunate.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I don't want to be like that. I don't want
to be like that because I know there are a
lot of great men out there. But I'm like, when
you have spent right, when you have spent your entire
life like being more comfortable and being more socially acceptable
in your certain spaces dating only men. It's and then
when you keep rutting into a door, I feel like
(17:19):
I keep running to a wall, and I'm just like, hey,
there's a cute door that you haven't even really explored that,
you know, you like like go check it out. Yeah no,
and it's it's just different. But you said that you
take forever to answer.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, well you take forever to answer to it. I
have to take prever to answer anybody in my life.
Like my sister literally is like whenever any of your
little like now you're in your little boyfriends or anybody
gets mad at me, She's like, tell them that. Even
your own sister complains about that. Like tell them that,
like even your own family complains about Like you're really
bad at texting. And it's like I have this thing
(17:54):
that you know, like I read it and then I
forget to reply. Or if I get five text messages
at once, I get over to the meat and I'm
like I'll read them later, and I don't read them later,
like and then I'm like, oh shit, I remember to
answer a night. So like that kind of happens with everybody,
right and I feel like if you're new to my thing,
to my world and you're expecting me to answer like im,
I take forever to answer, Like I think the only
(18:16):
time that I'm really on top.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Of like.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Answering right away is if you're my boyfriend, and then
as my boyfriend you tell me hey, I like when
you text me, you know, with a in a timely manner.
And then even then it's kind of really hard for me.
Like I've literally gotten into arguments with people that I've
been with because they're like, why would you post on
Instagram before you text me back?
Speaker 3 (18:40):
And I'm like, oh.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
My bad, And that to me like I gotta get
my stuff together too, right, Like I don't mean anything
by it. But you know the other thing too, is
I feel like before my other thing that I wrote
here is like get get a therapist, right, Like I
need this all everybody to get out your your piece.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Of paper and you're inepence, So I just a thinking
caps on.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Oh that's that's perfect, slap it on the piece of paper.
I want everybody to think about their emotions, think about
what they mean, what do they feel like when you
feel it? Because a big part of it, too is
like a lot of people don't even know when they're mad.
A lot of people don't even know when they're jealous.
A lot of people don't even know when they're sad.
(19:24):
They don't know how to vocalize it. It's easier to
be like I feel an easy and then they put
it away right So, like I can meet people right away,
and I can tell I can see their trauma, Like
right away, I can see like like in the way
that they flirt, like if they flirt too hard with me,
not too hard, but if.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
They go like like for.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Me, nice sweater, bluey, like you look like you look
like Papa Smurf.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
I'm likely you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
You know, I feel like, oh, okay, I see the way
that they flirt. I see what that's rooted in. It's fine,
it's not bad. But like I don't feel it like that,
Like I I'm more like you look really good. Like
I'm more like, you know, I want the person to
feel good and nice about themselves, and I want to
feel nice about myself too, And so I feel like
sometimes I wish that more.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
People would have a therapists.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I wish that more people would talk to their friends
about reflect with your friends that you can so that
you can like show up even.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Better on the dating app. But talk to chat GBT here.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Look, go to your computer, go to your phone, type in, hey, CHATGBT,
be nice to her because when they take over, you
want her to remember you be nice to her and
be like, hey girl, talk to me like a licensed
family marriage therapist.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
There's also an engine that has a yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Well, there's so many different engines, right, But even if
you're just like whatever, like, just talk to me. Talk
to me like a teenage therapist. Talk to me like
a therapist who believes in boduheada. Yeah, talk to me
like whatever you wanted to talk to you in and
just type in all your shit. This is how I feel.
This is what I'm going through when I tell you
that chat GBT is literally like.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Yes, he is trash, Like it's the best based off.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
My calculations searched through all of the internet's goodness. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
I just put in a text message the VideA that
somebody sent me and I said is it me or
is this too much? And it was like this absolutely
is too much?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Right right, Oh, I think that's yeah, very important, Like
it I think people get scared with therapy, just like, oh,
you need to see a therapist or you need to
see I notice people are starting to say counseling. My
family's starting to say counseling, And I'm like, that's therapy.
(21:38):
I don't need therapy.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I'm not crazy, Like, oh, it's not gay if you're
not the one sucking that.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
And I think like at this day and age, you
need to come with some sort of accountability, responsibility for
what you're putting into the world in the dating world,
but also yeah, there needs to be a level of
being detached and knowing you don't owe anyone anything. But
also yeah, just be kind and nice, Like I know,
we don't owe anybody anything, but like just know that
(22:15):
how as a collective are we supposed to heal for
you don't at least practice some sort of grace with
each other?
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
And I feel like when it comes to like dating
expectations and like the timeline, Like I feel like we've
talked about this so much of like where do you
Where do you go from talking to somebody online to
then a date to then being in a relationship? What
about you? Where's your timeline? Where does it start.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
That's a thing. I'm throwing out the timeline. I'm throwing
it out like I don't care anymore.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
It's just like a free game.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
I just like, honestly, like I've been in I've dated
people who are like, we're dating intentionally, and that's wonderful.
You're dating with intention where you're just focusing on each
other and you just are working towards becoming boyfriends or
girlfriends or they thems is whatever you want, right, But
I'm kind of like, even that feels so rigid to me, right,
Or I'm dating people who are like, I don't know,
(23:11):
we're just going with the flow, and I'm like, even
that feels a little too much for me, Like it's like, no,
I need to know that we're maybe working towards something. Yeah,
Like I don't know that I want to go with
the flow, But what I do know is that if
I'm like, let's just see how we feel like on
our first hangout, and then do you want to hang
out again?
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Like yeah, and then like.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
We can have conversations like yeah, I can see myself
and your boyfriend are like yeah, I can see myself. Like,
but being okay with that and being open to it,
But I also just don't want that to happen so quickly,
because I feel like it does happen to me, like
really fast, like people will be like, which is great,
and I love that people want to lock it down
and I'm honored, but I'm also like, you haven't seen
(23:54):
me upset, you haven't seen me deal with Like, you
haven't seen me frustrated. You haven't seen me emotional yet,
or like or like anything, So like, how do you
know that you want to be my boyfriend? How do
you know that you want to do all this with
me when you.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Haven't seen it? You don't know me. You have an.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Idea of who I am? Let me Yeah, let me
show you, you know, and then you can decide and
then we can be like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Let me let me be a little bratdy, let me
be a little moody around you. Let me see how
we can navigate that. I feel like I've seen go
with the flow so much on a lot of guys
dating profiles, and I'm like, oh, you actually mean going
with the flow versus us when we say go with
the flow, we mean flowing, like floating with whatever is happening,
(24:42):
you know, and literally going with the flow and not
going against it, and these guys mean it in the
way of like, yeah, we'll just see what happens, like
no responsibilities, let's just see where this goes. It's like, well,
you have to have some sort of direction. Our definitions
are different, Like you mean the old school go with
(25:03):
the flow, as in you have no responsibility to anything,
which yes, true, But I think dating intentional is great also,
but it's also like what do you mean with that?
I think we need to get more specific on like
what do you actually mean, like we were talking about
by emotional intelligence, like what is your definition of it? Yeah,
what is my definition of it? And with the dating timelines, yeah,
(25:27):
I think that's a great place to be where you're
just kind of like all right. I think it gets
in my brain when I hear people online being like
you guys have been dating for four months and you
guys haven't like made it official yet, that I'm like, oh, oh,
is something wrong? And then maybe something is wrong or
maybe something isn't wrong, or like you guys have been
(25:49):
dating a year and you guys aren't or been you know,
official for a year, and you guys aren't getting married yet.
It's those things that are like sometimes maybe truthful, but
then other times you're in your own flow, and I
think that's where I get jumbled, you know, that's where
I get cloudy in my brain, where I'm like, what
(26:10):
is the right way? Yeah, I'm in a process now
of like deconstructing that.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah, Like you're the right way.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
You could be with somebody, For I keep saying, like
one of my greatest lessons now is like you could
be with somebody for a decade, You could be with
somebody for three months.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
You can be with somebody.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
It was a successful it was a successful relationship. Like
you did it, You got what you both needed to
get out of it. You had an amazing time, and
you move on. Like for me, I'm like, if I
were to pop off tomorrow having never gotten married, I
think I very I.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
Think I'd be okay with that. I think I'd be
like I have the privilege of.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Loving and being loved so hard by a lot of people.
And by the way, not to blow smoke up my
own ass in any way, but when people have loved me,
they have loved me, and I have truly been so
honored by it, Like wow, Like thank you think you
think you thank you for loving me that hard and
(27:06):
for like really giving that to me, and it's not
lost on me, you know, And so I I feel like, yeah,
i'd be okay with that. Actually, I think I'm okay
with not meeting the one. So I feel like my
profile is going to be like, let's just see if
we like hanging out with each other. Hell bring.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
What do you find?
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Are?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Like, you're do you have expectations? Like do you think
that's where like you.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Well, That's what I was saying before, is like I'm
I'm really working on deconstructing what is actually in my
coding and what has what has been given to me
as propaganda throughout you know, misogynistic what.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Sorry my allergies, That's okay.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
We're both like I feel like I didn't blow my
nose before, and I was like, anyway, let's talk about it.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
That's how I feel.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
And I was wearing my mouth tape last night, woke
up it was gone. I don't know, but I noticed
I was only breathing out of one nostril, so I
was probably like I breathe dying in my sleep sleep
apnea alert. Anyway, Yeah, I feel like I'm really trying
to deconstruct expectations of dating because I'm like a lot
(28:26):
of these are I have. I've subscribed to misogynistic, capitalistic,
just like full on doling your shine to be noticed
by someone, you know. And I'm like really working on
showing up my authentic self and having strict, strong boundaries
(28:47):
that are going to keep my purpose in line. And
if I meet somebody you know along the way, cool
and not strict as in like nobody can get in
strict for myself, like I'm not allowing any to make
me feel any type of way, or like I'm I'm
protecting myself in every single sense of the word, in
(29:08):
every single area of my life. And I'm protecting that
little girl who was made to believe that I had
to dull myself to, you know, for somebody else. You know.
I literally had a conversation yesterday with this beautiful girl,
so talented, and she was dating a content creator who
wanted to do couple content with them with her, and
she was like no, and he's like, well, are you
(29:30):
just going to be doing like that creative thing that
you're doing your entire life. She's like, yeah, that's why
I went to school for it, and he's like, well,
you don't want to, like you don't want me to
take care of you. She's like, no, like I'm passionate
about this, you know, and she felt bad about sharing
her passions with this guy. When I'm like, if somebody share,
(29:50):
if you're dating someone, you should be turned the fuck on.
If somebody is like, this is what I'm doing, this
is what I'm working on, and you should not feel intimidated.
You should feel excited, you feel abs Oh my gosh,
that's so cool you're doing That's that's really That's what
tickles my pickle is when I see somebody in their
flow working on their ship, I'm like, damn, how can
(30:13):
I be around not to like be around that, to
like absorb it, but how can I also be like
that flame where we're just hovering around each other and
being like, hey, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Do you want to make out? You see each other
in the hallways?
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I love that, like get it together because I'm getting
it together, like do you?
Speaker 3 (30:48):
And then we can meet in the.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Middle because I'm getting it together.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Exactly Like I think that for me, like I have
released a lot of my expectations to be honest and
it's not so much that I don't have standards. It's
not that it's just that I'm like, show me, just
show me who you are, straight up, and I'll decide
if I want to stay or not. Just show me
straight up. This is cool, this isn't cool. I'm out
like I don't like, I don't know. I'm like, it's
(31:14):
not that serious. I keep telling people, like anyone who
will listen to me right now, I'm like, it's not
that serious.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
It's just not like we all.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Die, Like I don't know if you know this or not,
but we all die, you know, like there's no escaping that.
And so I'm like, girl, I'm not gonna chip about that,
like go do you go do whatever you want to?
Flake on me, flake on me. You don't want to
answer a message, don't answer a message. Because here's the
other thing too, I know.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
That I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I just keep going back to like, no, I know.
I'm like, I know, I'm fun, todate like i know.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I'm a fun you know, like hold on to that,
you know, because you know you know, and when you know,
because you know you know, because you know.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
You know, yeah exactly, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
What are some ways because I kind of want to
like flip it on its head, because there was something
I saw from anwar White who is a dating coach
for specifically like black and brown women and and queer
and like, you know, everyone, and he was saying, like,
you like one video on TikTok that's about relationships and
(32:17):
dating where somebody's sharing a dating a story, and uh,
that went wrong, and you're fed with a bunch of
those videos and then you start getting discouraged, jaded, and
the little flame in you starts getting you know less
and less and less. And so I what are some
ways that we are staying hopeful for love and hopeful
(32:39):
for dating and not just kind of harping on the
woes of it, cause that's that's inevitable, you know. I
think for me, I'm like I have to separate myself
and practice detachment and being like, this is not my reality.
This is what's going on for other people, and this
is what's going on for you know, Uh it's since
(33:00):
the beginning of time. But I am able to reconstruct
my definitions and my expectations and lead with my heart
and lead with my authenticity. And I think having a
statement like that to hold on to yourself, to hold
on while you date, because you're like, what, it's like
(33:20):
a freaking roller coaster.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, it is, it really is, And it's like it's messy.
It's really messy, Like you know, I think when you
date sometimes too, like it's inevitable, Like, but that's the
whole point of love, right, Like I get hurt, You're
gonna get hurt.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
I'm gonna get ghosted, You're gonna get ghosted.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
We're going to go in the first date, I'm going
to be so in love you're not, and vice versa.
Like it's and it's fine, Like that's really like love.
And then once you get into the relationship, like it
might last for three months, it might last for two decades,
and then it's over. Like it's kind of just like
it really is a thing of like going with the flow.
But I think that you have to ask yourself, is
(34:02):
their flow your flow?
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Ooh? Yeah? And sometimes it's not.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Sometimes sometimes and more oftentimes than that, it isn't. But
I would say, like, you know, I'm hopeful in that
I you go first, because I think I'm going to
say the same thing, you go first.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Well, I was also saying, you know, say me too,
and me also, and I also will have that and
I also instead of it's a habit everyone. If you
listen to the last episode where it was like my
solo episode, I really talked about like having these thoughts
that come in and it's a habit to push them
away and to challenge them and say, actually, that's not. No,
(34:41):
that doesn't match up with my own internal coding that
I made up, Like that doesn't that's not I'm not having,
not giving that access to my safety bubble. And there
those thoughts and those things are just clouds and they
can disperse and just you know, be wafted away. And
these thoughts are kind of like, oh why do you
why are they you know, how did they get into
(35:02):
a relationship? Or how it's cute to be petty sometimes.
But you know, when it's starting to become a habit,
when you start feeling yourself be like dating just sucks
and dating is this in that and dating h and
forcing yourself to change and be like, okay, I know
every time I think negatively about these certain things, I
(35:22):
never feel good. It always pushes me back into the
corner of like crossing my arms and being like, well,
everybody's terrible and everybody's bad, and then what's the point
and being like that's actually not true because I'm a
great person. I have a lot of amazing friends who
are great people, who are in successful relationships, and I
(35:43):
know that it will happen one day for me, and
that's just it. And the more I learn about myself,
the more I trust myself, the more I will get
there and the more that love will be so worth
it because I worked on myself so much, And you
can date also as you're working on yourself. Of course, absolutely,
I think that's very important. But I think you have
(36:04):
to keep some sort of optimism. You have to. It's
gonna feel weird, it's gonna feel jinky, it's gonna feel
fake at first, but you have to talk to yourself
and make those habits and change them into something more positive.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Yeah, I feel like what makes me hopeful is like
I'm alive, right. I know, I'll keep trying till I die,
you know, I'll keep trying till I'm old and then
in the dirt. But like I guess, for what are
some ways to stay hopeful? I keep saying, work on yourself,
Like I was talking to a friend of mine. I
was talking to Cindy actually, and we were talking about
(36:42):
how she's gonna color.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Her hair, and I'm like, I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
I love when people want to change the thing about
themselves or they fantasize in their head about oh, how
am I gonna look like with my hair and what
if I can look And I'm like, I think that's
why people are like getting stuff in the mail, right,
you go like, oh and those when that shirt gets here, Yeah,
I'm be that girl when those parts get here, I'm
gonna be that boy.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Like when this bal cap gets here, I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
And so I feel like, continue to be inspired in
your head, like don't give up, Like there is somebody.
They're not gonna be perfect, but there is gonna be
somebody who you have enough fun with that you're like, I, look,
you're not perfect, but I like you and you're pretty dope.
The other thing too, that I do do sidebar. It's
pretty petty. But when I see people, specifically gay men,
who are dating each other and I'm like, man, how
(37:26):
did that pull get a boyfriend? I always ask myself
if I would date either one of them, and if
the answer is no, I keep swirling.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I'm like, curly, would you have dated either one of
these men? No?
Speaker 1 (37:38):
So keep it moving, like shut up, Like it's like
it almost feels like where I'm making excuses for myself,
like why do they?
Speaker 3 (37:44):
But yeah, it's just natural.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
It's not something that is like you know, it comes
from a place of I don't want to say like
sadness or her, but of the little kid in you.
That's like they're worthy of being loved and so am I.
So why isn't it here? Why hasn't it manifested? So
it's I think that's perfectly normal and okay to have
(38:08):
those those kind of thoughts. And you know, how you
choose to get through it is is your own way.
It's your own like coding and stuff.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
But you know they do say, and it has said
this before that medium people find median people easier anyways, podcast, Yeah,
your little mediums enjoy being a medium medium.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I've never heard of the like mid do which signs
have you found are good in the dating world? Like
which signs are consistently dating?
Speaker 3 (38:50):
Which signs have got it together today? On? Then and
then then then okay, I gotta throw up. Wait, do
your fruit up? Do yours? Do yours?
Speaker 2 (39:07):
But I like my new one is or fruit up.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Oh my god, it's so funny.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Okay, wait, I was trying to entertain a five year
old the other day and I was like, oh, I
can't do my Then then then then think because mine
is vulgar. Right, So I barred yours killed.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Pot humor every single time, friendly, every single time.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Absolutely, I can't do that. You do it? Yeah, you're
just cute. Do it again.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
I'm not you to this un true to this girl.
I remember one time at BuzzFeed. AGI would be like,
I just don't like when she does potty humor part jokes,
and I'm like, i gotta change it. I love I
love her. I'm like, you're You're right, girl, I'll change I.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Think I pushed back on that one.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
I think we almost had a little thing because I
was like like half and half.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
You know, it's the lowest form, not the lowest, but
it's the most accessible, you know, form of like comedy
that you can just be like far in poop jokes.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
I mean, we all do it.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Ever not funny.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
You literally hear somebody part in the library and you're
like ort a book store or whatever, and you're like, yeah, anyways.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
Which signs where I think have it together?
Speaker 1 (40:26):
And I think that virgos, I said.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
That's my virgo impression is huh, I hope they have
it together. I really do love you guys.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
I'm so dead.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
Yeah, because like every time I've been on a date
with a virgo's always been really sweet. It's always been
really nice. Like I dated this one Virgo and he
was like, he brought snacks to my place, He brought
snacks from my dogs. He was so sweet and so
gentle and so kind. And Virgos are just very like
no you after you, no, no, no police after you. We're
very like we want where we're a sign that serves
(41:12):
you know, so like Principio are very like yes anything.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
And then after that, I'm like, make there's a time limit.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
There's a time limit, there's yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean
some of the best dates I've had have been with
virgos and Aquariuses.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Are so fun.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
They know how to take you on for a little
ride and and you know, make you a little make
you giggle a little bit.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
Ye.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
One time this Aquarius put his head on my shoulder
and I freaked out.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
And I haven't dated one yet.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
And then I was like, don't who has it together? Yeah,
I said, like the Earth signs, I feel like they
they can lock in. I feel like Capricorns and Taurists,
they can really lock in and be like all right
when they like someone, When they really like someone, they
will show up one hundred percent. But dating and aries,
(42:05):
let me tell you, let me tell you. Ladies and
gentlemen and thays and thems we bring. I'm just kidding.
I don't know what we bring. I feel like we
bring a little, a little sauce, a little mystery. Like
I remember a couple of dates I've been on with
different people have been like on our first date, I
didn't know if you liked me or not because you
(42:28):
were like not giving me anything. I'm like why, And
the entire time I'm like this, Yeah, I was born
in a hospital in nineteen eighty three, March twenty fifth.
That's all the information I can relate to you at
this time.
Speaker 3 (42:42):
I feel like you flirt. That's not true. You're like this,
You're like.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
I know, I don't tell me like that. I know.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
I'm very much like, hey, what, oh my god?
Speaker 2 (42:55):
What I'm like leaning over the table. You ain't kid
now or what.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
I don't think I've ever dated, Like I think I
dated one aries recently and I think we talked about it.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
I don't remember they had your there were march Aries.
Do you remember anyways? Done with the wind.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Mentioned mentioned march As mentioned.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
I feel like for me, I think fire signs are
fun to date because there's a little bit of like sauce.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
They have a little bit of that hot sauce.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
And then air signs love me, arisigns fucking love me.
I think it's because they can feel my avoidant energy
and they're.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Like perfect Agnes are like, you're too much. I'm like,
what do you mean, what are you talking about? They're like,
it's just too much. It's I love you, but it's
a lot. But then like friendship wise, I love a Gemini,
love a Geminia, love Geminis.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
I love Libras Aquarius. But yeah, like and then Earth signs, oh,
water signs. Kabat said, yeah, yeah, Geminis, I feel like.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
Water signs.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
I just got real. I just got tea. You probably
already know I kind of got award. Someone just sends
me sent me some cheese me right.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
Now, I'm probably I'm a little bored because I'm like.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
Water signs.
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Yeah, I'm like it was boring, let's keep going.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
I think the Water Signs, I feel like they're gonna
give you romance, but they're gonna be shy. I feel
like they're shy romantics about it, but they're gonna let
you make the first move.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
There's a song by Marina the Diamonds called I'm a
Ruin and I feel like that's me in a water
sign relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Well, guys, and that concludes the astrology portion.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Well, maya, here we are our second to last episode. Uh,
next week will be our last episode of the season,
so I guess we'll see you then. Like, what would
you say about today's episode?
Speaker 3 (45:04):
How do you plead? Well?
Speaker 2 (45:06):
I I think it's important to address, you know, some
of the just woes in the real life, negative horrible
things that are happening within the dating world. But we
don't have to attach to it, you know, we don't
have to like subscribe to it or you know, it's
(45:29):
not our we we can it's not our reality. It's happening,
but like this is when we have to be like
if we're going on a run, if it's the if
it's the minute mile or whatever, what is it? The
how many minutes was it for the mile that you
had to make it.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
Through eight miles? That's an eminem movie.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
No remember in high school and you would have to
like mile eight minutes, it would be eight minutes. Hey,
if it's if it's uh your I don't know. I
just got triggered by. Just keep going, is what I'm saying.
Keep going, stay hopeful, cling on to people and things
who are making you feel hopeful and happy and celebratory,
(46:11):
and who are really really in that vibration. Because I
don't know. I'm done when staying down in the dumps
because I am the dump, Oh dumb truck.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Oh hey, hey, I keep thinking it's nothing serious. It's
not that cibys and as the late pop group Eden's
Crush from the WB's show in the early two thousands
called upstars, get over yourself, good bye, goodbye, and let's
be hoppying you.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Yeah, look, meet in the eye. It's not serious.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Just get out there, meet some people, make out with them,
call it a day, go back home.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
It's fine. Keep your money to yourself, don't sign a
fucking prenup. Just have fun. It's not that serious. Have fun.
Delete the app match again. Who cares?
Speaker 1 (46:54):
Show you show a nip, show up phoon, show up
a testicle, show your butthole.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
I'm some fun.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. Make sure to check
us out on our social media's which what's your social media? Curly?
Speaker 1 (47:10):
My social media is at the Curly v Show on Instagram,
TikTok and but no which I never post anymore, but
TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
What about you? Maya?
Speaker 2 (47:18):
You can find me Maya in the Moment, m Aya
in the Moment anywhere where you scroll and check us
out next week for our last episode of season three,
Bye bye. Make sure to hit that subscribe button to
hear more episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie
Club Podcast is a production of Sonodo in partnership with
(47:40):
iHeartRadio's Michael Tha podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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