Leaving an Unsafe Home ft. Kelsey Pummel

CONTENT WARNING: Domestic Abuse

Lisa has a fan-girl moment! She’s joined by Kelsey Pumel, TikTok star who rose to fame after surviving domestic abuse and getting loud about it. Kelsey shares why she stayed, how she got the courage to leave, and her journey to finding self-love. PLUS- why TikTok banned her, and ALSO changed her life romantically, financially, and professionally in just a year. 

 

Follow Kelsey on Instagram: @perfectlykelsey

Follow Kelsey on Tik Tok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMexP4uAA/

 

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Host @Lisahayim

 

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Edited by Houston Tilley

Intro Jingle by Alyssa Chase aka @findyoursails

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the truth Isa's Life. It's your host,
Lisa Hame. The Truth Is Life is technically on a
seasoned break while I'm sitting back, relaxing, recharging so I
can come back with fresh new content mid September. But
while we're on this break, we're not done serving you
up some good, juicy content. I went back and selected
some of my favorite episodes from the past year that
I think we could all really use a second listen to.

(00:23):
Maybe it's our first time listening to it. These episodes
remind us that we're never alone, that we can get
through life's hardest moments, and that all we need to
do to be our truthia selves is feel all those deep,
juicy emotions that were too afraid to feel. I'll see
you back here in mid September with fresh new content.
Sit back and enjoy today's episode. I no feel even

(00:48):
when times Guthart and fuck you're in the dun Cusye,
just so beautiful laugh can be When you spin your heart,
you can find start to fire to see life. Welcome

(01:15):
back to the Truthiest Life. Everybody, what's up. It's Lisa Haim.
I hope you're all having a great end of your week.
This week's episode, I'm having my first fan girl moment.
Literally never had to say that phrase before, but it's
truly what it is for me. A few months ago,
I found my way onto TikTok, and I didn't really
understand it, and then I did. I found this woman, Kelsey,

(01:35):
and I was completely captivated by her story, her humor,
the way she empowered other women, and the way she
shared her story about domestic violence, surviving it, getting out
of that relationship, and all the pain and trauma that
carried with her into the present day. That's who our
guest is today. Kelsey does talk about her experience, so
a little content warning, we do talk about domestic violence

(01:58):
and physical abuse. Being said, Kelsey is so much more
than just serious. She's light, She's introspective. She truly embodies
what it means to live your truth fous life. She
also shares with us, which was interesting to me how
TikTok works. This is a woman whose life has done
a complete one eight in the past year thanks to
this one social media platform. Her income has completely changed,

(02:20):
her career has changed. She went from a behavior analyst
working with kids with autism to a stay at home mom,
and full time creator, supporting her daughter Kobe, and she
has a new relationship. She's in a new romantic relationship,
she's changed states where she lived, and it's really amazing
to see what can happen when you try something new,

(02:41):
I guess, And what I really love about TikTok is
that it really does allow people who have important things
to say to say them. I know it gets a
bad reputation. We think that it's stupid that all it
does is promote young kids just repeating the same dances
over and over again. But there's a lot more to
this app when you find your way a little bit
more through it, and Kelsey is empowering so many women

(03:02):
to fight for their emotional freedom and physical safety. So
I personally learned a lot from this episode and I
get empowered by Kelsey every day, and I hope you
do too. Kelsey's computer kept digging with notifications. We could
not figure out how to turn it off, so it's
a little distracting and you might think that it's your phone.
It did my best to edit them out, but I
just want to let you know that there's a few

(03:22):
in there. It's not your phone, it's Kelsey's as usual,
I just want to say thank you so much for
supporting this podcast. The best way to support it is
by leaving a review on iTunes and giving it a
rating as well, and also sharing it on your social media.
If this episode or any past episode resonates with you,
please share, tag me, tag the Truth EUSt Life, tag
Kelsey if it's this episode, so we can repost and

(03:45):
know that you're really enjoying it. Also share with your
family and friends of social media sharing isn't your thing.
I want to thank you all from the bottom of
my heart for your support every single week, for allowing
me to have these conversations that I otherwise wouldn't be
having or I wouldn't get to record at least, and
making this dream a reality for me. I hope you
all have a great week and I'll see you here
next week. Welcome back to the Truthius Life Today. I'm

(04:08):
really excited for all of you to get to know
somebody who I don't think you're familiar with, or maybe
a few of you are. And it's somebody who I've
gotten to know, although she hasn't gotten to know me,
but I've gotten to know her these last few months.
So welcome, Kelsey. So, Kelsey, you're actually I think one
of the first guests that I've had on that I

(04:31):
don't have like a real personal relationship with. And you
also didn't like come through some sort of a connection.
So I am experiencing my first like fan girl moment.
I guess you know, um, because I found Kelsey on
TikTok a couple of months ago, maybe November December, and

(04:51):
I have no clue how I found you, but once
I found you, I was hooked on you. Everyone else
on TikTok, you know, I'm like swiping like, okay, next, next,
this is interesting, funny, but once I got to your page,
I was like drawn in, dropped in, going back trying
to figure out what was going on. So you're magnetic
and very charismatic. Thank you. It's definitely been a roller

(05:14):
coaster his last year of wildness. Yeah, so that's kind
of what I want to start on. I guess there's
so much that I want to get on today because
you provide so much depth to your audience, and that's
really what the truth is life is about. There's obviously
not obvious to listeners, but there happens to be a
lot of drama that's around Kelsey and TikTok, and maybe

(05:36):
we'll touch on that, but that's like, you know, I'm
not here to really get into that. I'm here to
get into who you are, what you've endured. Because what
you've endured many women, maybe even men, have also endured,
and you're really helping to give a voice to I
think a lot of people who are sitting in silence.
But before we get to all that good stuff, I
found your page. I was sucked in, and then drama

(05:59):
star to to unfold, but I was kind of new,
so I was like, why do all these people have
issues with Kelsey? Like I'm confused. Everything's going on so perfectly.
Kelsey was your account almost two million followers. I think, ye,
you just hit two yeah. And I was band by TikTok. Yes?
And is that for a good reason or I don't

(06:20):
think so, but they might. So I was paid by
a company to make a post like an an advertisement.
It's supposed to be more on the sex education but
for female Okay, but it's supposed to be for women,
And I was like, mom about women empowerment likely and
I'm comfortable talking about sex and I'm comfortable talking about

(06:41):
any of those type of issues. So I was like, yeah, absolutely,
and it was a significant amount of money, so I
was like, sure, I'll post an out and I just
pretty much talked about the company. I was fully closed
as always, this is probably my office. I was wearing sweatshirt, sweatpans,
but it basically it got taken down for nudity and
sexual activity and and then within two days my entire

(07:01):
account was banned for nudity and sexual activity. That is
actually ridiculous and a really big problem. Actually, I think
so too, because the fact that we can't even speak
about just sex doesn't have to be that big of
a deal, Like you can't even speak about it. I
think that there's sex and then there's like, you know,
a lot of my audience comes from the wellness world.

(07:22):
Like sex and sensuality, especially as a woman, owning it
even in the absence of a man and having needs
is a conversation that needs to be had. So it
sounds like a big misunderstanding that is, you know, impacting
your life and what became your career. Although you've bounced
back remarkably, but yeah, so you you get blocked and

(07:44):
then you come back and you're really funny about it.
Your account of two million, you know, gets taken from you.
It's obvious you have a loyal fan base and you're
you know, regrowing your new account, which is currently called
canceled with Kelsey with a k. Well link everything below
so everyone can find to do on all the social platforms.
But I mean that is a huge deal when it

(08:05):
sounds like, you know, you have a four year old
and your income is has become reliant on TikTok, right
because and and they took money to for me. So
I had it was only like the beginning of the
month and I had already got about two thousand dollars
in my creator fun So that month I was looking
to make close to five thousand, if not more, and
they took that two thousand, didn't pay me not. So

(08:27):
my audience I think is more familiar with Instagram. And
can you tell us about what the creator fund is
just to kind of understand that works. Yeah, so you
can get into their creator fund. I think you just
have to have like ten thousand followers, ten thousand views
across your videos. It's been so many days, um, and
you have to be over eighteen and then once you
get in it. You're paid based on the amount of

(08:47):
views your videos get, so if you get a lot
of views, you get more money, but it's basically based
on just views. So then they pay you every month,
or you can take money from your creator fund every month,
but you have wait thirty days to take that money.
So then if your ac countkids band, you don't get
that money. So that was like money that I was
income that I was expecting to receive that I didn't

(09:10):
and then building my new page, I really didn't start
building up those view amount I still haven't. I've actually
my page gets quite a lot of use still, So
that was what we kind of laughed about a little
bit because I was like, you know, I thought I
was gonna start from scratch. Luckily I do have such
a loyal following and so many great people who do
specifically go to my page daily just to watch my videos.

(09:32):
That I was making close to sixty already, almost right
out the gate of what I will, So that was
it was like, I mean, there's still gonna be that
gap where I don't get that income because they took
that money, and then there was that gap where I
wasn't getting any views but then so far it's built
back up and then it's kind of it goes like this.
So like I've learned one big lesson is this is

(09:53):
not reliable income. It's to just be my hopefully I
get it extra spending money. So I've had to really
work my life around figuring out my new income because
none of it's stable. Nothing on my social media is
stable income, right, And I've been on social media for
I'm a registered dietitian, but I've been on social media
for like five or six years, and I kind of

(10:15):
accidentally ended up as an influencer. But I've never personally
been fully reliant on that income. But I have many
friends who have, and yes, it certainly has that that instability.
But most people listening now probably think that, you know,
you've always been just an influencer, So yeah, what was
life a year a year and a half ago for you.

(10:36):
So I own a facility for kids with autism and
it's called ACE Autism Center for Enrichment. And I started
that about five years ago when I was pregnant, because
the moment I got pregnant, I was like, I gotta
figure this out because I knew her father was beat
in that sense, in the sense of didn't have a
real job, still lived with his mom type it. So
I was like, I gotta get it together. So I

(10:57):
actually started this company. Things kind of fell per fickly
into place for me. The company I was working for
was shutting down. One of the co workers I had
was ready to dive in with me and start this
company because there was one client in particular who no
place in the nation would take her. She was considered
that aggressive and that on that scale of difficulty that
no place in the nation. We had tried to get

(11:18):
her into impatient hospitals to like, unless she was going
to be in a psych ward out of state, nobody
was taking her. And we weren't prepared to go jump
to a psych ward by that point because we knew
what we were doing and we were great with her.
So I was like, we have started her own company,
otherwise what's gonna happen are So we just dove in
basically feet first, started a company, immediately got a network

(11:39):
with this client. Insurance provider started the rest, took all
of the clients from the last place when they closed,
and so I had a client based starting out super lucky.
So I'm a board certified behavior analysts. So that's like
my educational background is applied behavior analysis and autism. So
your day today was going to a center working with

(12:00):
UM individuals with autism children, yes, and taking the therapists
how to do everything I needed them to do, and
then que TikTok what happened? So quarantine happened. We had
to shut down for a month when all of that
was going on last year at the end of March,
so I was in quarantine, but I was still working
from my home. So I still had a few clients

(12:21):
that I've had since they were like three and they're
like nine ten now, UM and their parents just sent
them to my house and so I was basically doing
their online homeschooling with my four year old in the house.
I had a couple a couple of therapists that were
comfortable coming through my house and helping, and so we
kind of just opened my house as a small little
therapy place. But then so they were there and I
would do my consults. When my consults are done, people

(12:43):
kept telling me over and over, you would be great
on TikTok. You just have a TikTok personality, And I
was like, I don't know how to TikTok. I'm a
grown woman getting this child's ad like I was refusing
for so long, and finally I was bored in Quarantine
one night, so I downloaded it and I did one
and it like real, it got like hundred maybe views
like super fast or no, it got it got like

(13:05):
twelve thousand total, I think. But then I got followers
like that, and I was like, oh, okay, I let
to make another one. So I made another one, and
I made another one, and then I had one where
I was like doing that I don't know, dancing the
baby shark, but it like dropped that beat and I
was like when a mom here, like whatever, and I
was cleaning up toys and they got like thirty thousand views,
and then all of a sudden, my followers are going up,

(13:25):
and so I was like, okay, maybe I am good
at this. So I just kept doing voiceovers for a
while or silly things, and they kept getting views and
kept you views and followers. And then I did some
voiceover about Obama and Trump, and honestly, I could have
cared less. I just thought the voiceover was funny, but
it caused so much controversy. So it's like all these
people gave we were like either loving it or hating it.

(13:48):
And then it was on Twitter and people are like,
you're blowing up on Twitter, and I'm like, I'll even
have a Twitter. Who are you talking about? I know
anything worked, but it was my first real viral video.
I looked a hot mess, that know, makeup on I
was quite tipsy. My forehead looked like a mile long.
And I'm like that that when viral is in this app,
I can't stand it. She can't stand it. But I

(14:10):
started having fun with it, and then I had a
couple more go viral. I started that the first time
I told one piece of my story. So one of
my viral videos is everyone's reactions when I got pregnant,
and I made it funny. I made it silly, like
my baby daddy leaving to go cheat. I like played
his part. And then I played like my sister happy
because she I was the disappointment my mom. I think

(14:31):
I had her drinking wine, just happy that I knewho
the father was because she she always had a judgments. Uh,
Like I made it funny, um, and that one kind
of went blew up a little bit, but that's like
where that was over the summer, and it just kept going.
But I was, I think trying to highlight in what
I thought was that your life, lifestyle, what your brain
does on a day today, as well as your finances

(14:53):
changed drastically. Yes, So then yeah, the creator fun opened
in August, and that's when my kind of paths switched
because I was then making money by just making the
videos I was already making. That was which more time
doing that seem easy for you? Or is there a
lot more like those? Into it was easy? But then
it started getting there started like there was a point

(15:13):
where there was a lot of pressure. I felt like
like like I have to come up all these ideas.
I've never done this before. This is not what I do.
I was just being weird. And then I started losing
myself here and there trying to figure out all these things,
and I was like, I'm just people followed me because
of just me just being me. Once I realized that
it was me and my personality, not these different ideas

(15:36):
that all these other people had, I began to slowly
like suppress all that, make that go away and just
start being myself again. And then things kind of started
happening on their own, but the money start coming in
grand deals, but again huge for somebody like you with
a four year old, a soul provider of your family.
And I really love what you said that you kind

(15:58):
of got lost a little bit and then came back.
I mean, my I'm doing it all the time too,
and like I feel like that's we don't hear people
talk about that a lot, and I think coming from you,
especially once my audience heads over to your page, it's
even more like, Wow, this this woman with the strength
and the confidence also has her moments of like just
getting lost a little bit, pivoting a little bit, and

(16:19):
then coming back. And it's really about the coming back.
And I'm just curious if you could provide any insight
as to what felt or how did you know that
it felt in genuine when you were, you know, doing
it for the likes or the or because other people
were doing it or because what was trendy versus just
showing up as Kelsey. So for me, I I'm really

(16:39):
in tune with my body at this point in my mind.
I've done a lot of yoga, a lot of meditation,
I do a lot of spiritual work. So I'm very
trusting in the universe, and I pick up on what
I call signs easier, but my body gives them a lot.
So like that pressure feeling, when I started feeling like
heaviness in my chest or like I started getting anxious
a lot, overthinking everything again, and I would have to

(17:00):
revisit all of my practice to kind of work through
those constantly. That's to me, the universe saying this isn't
the right path, and I would start to like I
would have to do medica. I do meditation, so like
I would do meditation and try to rEFInd myself each time.
But then like one of the times I lost myself,
I had stopped doing yoga, like recently stopped doing yoga,

(17:20):
stop meditating, and those signs all would come where heavy
chest or I'd have I get like knots in my throat,
and I realized, this just isn't for me, this isn't
what I want. And then drama. So again, yes, for
some reason drama follows me. I don't like it, but
there were points where I was like, like one month
I made a significant amount of money on TikTok because

(17:42):
of how January, because how much drama I was in
and people can't seem to get enough with drama for
some reason, and so a part of me was like,
screw it. I'll do it whatever I got do for
the views because I'm getting paid and money is I
need this, I want that. And then it's so overwhelming though,
so eventually it all catches up and you're like, no,

(18:03):
I don't want to live this type of Lisa. This
isn't who I am. I'll figure out how to make
money another way because this is too stressful. And I
started like my hair got really thin, like my face
was breaking out like crazy, like the stress took over
my body. I started like seeing it like physically appear,
you know what I mean. I handle stress at this

(18:23):
point really well mentally, so then I don't notice it
until it's literally taking my body down. We're the same,
but I think a lot of people in my experience again,
like I'm a healthcare provider, so I deal with a
lot of people who come with the struggling of the symptoms.
The last place they look oftentimes is within. So it's like, Okay,
why is my throat closing? Why do I have this

(18:44):
heaviness in my chest? Let me call a doctor. This
doctor doesn't knowle me to go the next doctor. And
it's not to say that there's not sometimes something serious
going on, but you know, for everyone listening just to
know that, like when you tap into that stillness, something
comes up and that answer is usually what you resisting,
which is like, you know, don't look towards the drama,
even though it's all the money and it's not worth

(19:06):
it for your happiness, for your health and your health
like to be like with self love and all these
things that I constantly preach, your health and what you
put in your body and what you do with your
body and your mind should be your start and your
finish like that. If you're not worried about yourself and
what you're doing with yourself, mind, body, spirit, all of it,

(19:27):
you'll lose yourself. And I've done that so many times,
like I'm not I refuse to lose myself for a
break for anyone ever again. And then I realized, I'm
doing it to myself. It's not anyone else doing it
to me. I'm choosing this, and that's a big thing
that I think people forget. It's like I've never gone
on there and been like I don't want drama, leave
me out. I was like, I know what I was doing.

(19:47):
I said, I'm here for the money, guys. But then
I was like, what am I doing? Because I really
don't want to use my platform in that way. It
started out I wanted to tell my story. I wanted
to help people, and then I got lost in all
this madness and I want to find a boyfriend and
I wanted to find this and it's just been all
over and then I was like, I need to bring
it back to what it was originally meant for. And
I think so far I've done a really good job

(20:08):
at doing that. Like I used to be called the
clapback Queen. I spent a lot of time putting people
in their place. I was like why, And somebody said
something to me once. It was on one I think
we were in Tennessee for a charity event, and she said,
why do you continue to do this? Why do you
continue to do clapbacks? Why do you feel you need to?
And I laughed and I was like, it's made my

(20:29):
whole platform, That's why I do it. I think it's funny.
And then I sat there for a while and I
was like, she's right. Why that's really not a good
reason because of how much, because we're talking about how
much it takes from me, how much energy it is,
how consuming it is. And I was like, it's being
funny worth losing myself or worth putting out this image
that I'm this tough, hard exterior. I know everything and

(20:53):
I'll put you in your plate whatever the case may be,
that people are perceiving when I just think I'm trying
to be funny, is that really worth my mental health
and my physical health and my spiritual health. And eventually
it was a big no. Obviously, Curtis has helped me
see a lot of this, Like he's brought so much
calm to my life and has helped me find my
my grounding again per se. And so it's been I've

(21:15):
been able to reflect on a lot of things because
it's like he brought some stillness to me that I
was missing again because I got lost. And I think
that you know, what I want to do on the
show is a lot to do with your story and Curtis,
And before we get there, just want to share with
you that you know, I feel like I too. In
in the beginning of my Instagram career, I was very

(21:36):
Instagram was kind of my platform. I was very clapped
back e I would see what other people were doing,
call them out on you know, deety type mindset that
I don't agree with. And I did it in a
way that was like sarcastic and and all those ways,
and it no longer fits me. And it can feel
scary in moment to walk away from that, because that's

(21:57):
what gets you, you Google and the you are the
likes and the fallows. But at the same time, like
you said, like it didn't feel genuine. That being said again,
I've been in this for a long time. I have
found myself over the last few years becoming too soft
to appease every single person. And I found you, and
then I found you know all of your people, and

(22:19):
like we come from very different worlds, and like I,
it would would be amazing to meet in real life.
But like all of your your mom talk friends and everybody,
and that woman Bunny that you recently posted with and
went down a rabbit hole, it might not be my
style to do that like at any point, like you know,
all the time, but it has reminded me not to
take ship from every single person to the point where

(22:41):
your water down and nothing's left of you. So you
guys have like given me back, not that snazzyness, not
that sarcastic nous, but a little bit of like, wait
a minute, why why am I so scared now to
show up? Because every time I did show up, somebody
said something and then I changed and and so I
do want to thank you. And again I'm just trying
to really let my audience know, like what I get

(23:04):
out of your page and why it has been so
impactful to me as a woman moving into your story,
which is you know, I was most shocked, I think,
to learn that what you have endured. Uh, so many

(23:26):
people have endured or are enduring. Can you tell us
a little bit about that part of your story. Yeah,
So I was in a domestic violence relationship for about
eight years and I met him when I was twenty one. Um,
I didn't love myself at all when I met him.
I it's a very broken type of human in a
sense that I had childhood trauma. I was young. I

(23:48):
never learned how to love myself. I had never seen
real love except for like my grandparents and I just
I didn't know what a healthy love was. So I
got in this relationship. It was extremely manipulative right off
the at, a lot of mental and emotional abuse for
the first several years. Um it didn't get physical till
about year four. But when it did, I was already

(24:09):
so low with who I was as a person. It
was it felt like I deserved it in a sense.
So these things would happen, and I condoned them because
you stay with the love you think you deserve. And
I didn't love myself at all, and I had hated
myself to a sense of I allowed this person to
treat me this way because I felt I deserved it
in some sense wherever that came from. But so when

(24:31):
I got physical, there were so many different emotions. I mean,
I was ashamed, I was embarrassed. I didn't want to
tell anybody because I had talked to how great he
was of a person. I was constantly saying all these things.
But then it's this monster behind the scenes. But I
wouldn't let them see that, because if I got through
those bad times, they do it like a roller coaster.
You got your highs that then the lows are extremely low.

(24:52):
So I got very physical, to a point where I've
had a broken elbow I've had black guys. I've had
busted lips. I've had my ti or thigh black and blue,
mainly black. It took a while to turn blue and
then purple like it was very deep, terrifying bruises. I've
quit jobs because I couldn't show up because of how
miserable I was, and I've gone to therapists through it

(25:14):
multiple I went multiple times. That was all just my
domestic violent one. UM. I people asked me when I left,
and it was when I had my kids. So I
got pregnant in two thousands, sixteen. Um, he cheated my
whole pregnancy. I found out about probably some of them.
I'm sure there's way more. I was informed of at
least four different occasions from when I was six weeks pregnant,

(25:36):
five months pregnant, seven months pregnant, and then nine months pregnant.
He choked me when I was eight months pregnant while
I was driving. So I'm like, and I mean, I
talked about this earlier to someone else that when he
was choking me, all I could think was just stay
still in quiet. That's how you protect your baby. I
have to stay still in quiet, and I did, and
he eventually stopped um, and I was fine in that situation,

(25:59):
but then when she was born, he hated having to work.
He had to work to pay me five hundred bucks
a month, that's not even half of the rent, but
he had to work a nine to five to do that,
and he felt he was better than a nine to
five and shouldn't have to work. So he was often
come home with cash and throw it at me in
my face, and this is what I'm holding my baby.

(26:19):
So she's only weeks old. He's expecting me to be
backfit and in shape. There's all kinds of stuff, so
I'm like mental, verbal, emotional, physical, All the abuse was happening.
I was called fat at like three or four weeks pregnant,
a lazy fat whale because I should be back fit,
all kinds of things that I was shamed for or
just told other women have to do it. So I

(26:39):
don't see why you can't different, just demeaning the grading.
I'm the only one taking care of the kid, you like,
she wasn't making care of her at all or helping
in any way. So and she was a cluster feeder,
so she was feeding every fifteen minutes for about three
months the first three months. I'm pregnant right now, so
that you're it's kind of close reviewer, because that was

(27:00):
wild and I wasn't producing enough. I mean, when I
say she was tiny, like to put I want to
put it into perspective when I get into the story
where he hit me with her. She was in PREMI closed,
so helped she wasn't She was just a week early,
but she was only five pounds, like she's very very little. Um. Yes,
but she was in PREMI closed for two months because

(27:21):
I just wasn't producing enough. So finally I think at
two months we started supplementing. That's what me and my
doctor talked about, and she got her way back on.
But it was at two months. She was eight weeks
old when he first put his hands on me with her.
At this point the first time I got violent after
that one in the pregnancy. So we're both sleeping. I
woke up to feed her, but I fed her laying down, um,
and then she went back to sleep, and so I

(27:42):
was trying to back to sleep. As about seven am,
he decides to get up start blaring music in our bedroom. There.
I had a four bedroom house, a whole workout room
could have gone anywhere. Um in our bedroom, he wanted
to work out because there was a mirror. So he's
blaring music at seven am, and I'm like, can you
please pick any other room? Trying to sleep, and he
basically got mad that I would asked him to leave
or remove I'm not sure, threw my fan across the

(28:04):
room and shattered it on the wall. So I'm just
laying there and I'm like, you're being ridiculous. Go somewhere else,
and he was like, you take her somewhere else, go
sleep on the couch. And of course I'm I used
to be a big smartass, so I was like, well,
recent studies show that's how kids die, so let's not
do that. Like and of course that triggered him, and
he started screaming at me all these mean, horrible things,

(28:24):
all these terrible names. I was told to shut the
f up. I don't know how many times, so finally
I did. I was like fine. So I was just
laying there and I just locked I was just staring
at Coke. I was gonna say locked eyes, but she
was asleep, just staring keeping my focus on her. He's screaming,
carrying on, and I'm just not responding, but not responding
then turned into I'm ignoring him. Here, you ignore me.
Oh you think you're being funny. Okay, we'll see how

(28:46):
funny this is. And he came over and he punched
me in the face, and then he began choking me.
While I'm still holding her and choking me and lifting
me up off of the bed. I'm still clinging to her.
I finally get away from him, and I scratches all
down my arm and my neck and I'll cross my bag.
But I get away to the other side of the bed,
trying to not let him touch her. Um. He comes

(29:06):
over and he rips her from my arms. Like the
memory is still like I can smell my bedroom, I
can smell I can see how I know the cloor
of the sheets, I can feel them. When I think
about this memory, because it's so ingreat but her head
fell backwards the worst memory I think I have. But
it scared me for the first time for her life,
so it was no longer my life that was in danger.

(29:29):
And it also made me realize how much I didn't
love myself because I continued to put my life in
danger for this person who clearly didn't love me or
care about me, and so in that moment, it was
like this huge revelation because and I say this all
the time, victims of abuse they stay because leaving is
typically scarier than staying, and they don't leave until staying

(29:49):
becomes scarier than leaving. And that usually does happen with
physical abuse. I tell people all the time. The mental
and emotional that's the long term damage, and it's probably
the worst because you don't have that fear for your life,
so you don't leave and you're stuck, or you think
you're stuck for that matter. But the physical is what
wakes you up because you have to decide do you
want to live or do you want to die? And

(30:11):
it makes me sad to think about because of how
many times I was like, I guess I'll just die,
like and I was okay with that being the possible
outcome until she came. And when she came, honestly, it
was not okay with her being that possible outcome. And
it was that moment in my life that I chose us,
we got to get out because it could be her
one of us isn't going to make it out alive

(30:33):
or both. People often ask how I got out and
I did have I do have an amazing support system
and I still do. And even when it would go
up and down with them, like because I would stay,
they would just distance themselves that they would never leave.
So if I called, no matter how many times I called,
they would always show up. So I was very, very
lucky to have that safety net, which so many women don't.
The safety levels are so different across all these situations,

(30:55):
and I'm like I would it would break my heart
if I told someone what to do and it ended
up in a day, like, I don't know how I
would be able to live with that. So I have
a really hard time trying to find that balance of
sharing my story, giving advice, and then letting people know
at the end of the day, you have to make
sure you're safe. Yeah, And it's I mean, a very
responsible kind of disclaimer that you're putting on after coming
off of your own roller coaster of just sharing this

(31:18):
was my ticket to freedom. But it sounds like, you know,
Kobe really was your freedom and it's saving grace and
it's amazing that it was only four years ago. Like
the amount of self work, it sounds that you've done
those building blocks in the last four years alone, is
just four years? Is nothing? Right? Well, that's the I
tell people like I began the work in it when

(31:39):
I was five months. I remember him being on the phone.
I found out he cheated, and he was calling me
all these terrible names. It was all my fault somehow
that he cheated. But remember him saying these terrible things
about how he couldn't wait till his daughter grew up
so he could tell her how much of a cunt
her mother was and how much of a or whatever.

(32:00):
He was so excited to teach her that I was
the bad person. And that was one of my defining
moments because I realized in that moment that I didn't
like him anymore. I still loved him, but I didn't
like him. And I knew in that moment like the
universe is trying to prepare me to leave, And so
I started doing a lot of that spiritual work during
and working on But I also they say with pregnancy

(32:21):
sometimes at naxia sincentia, so like prior to pregnancy, I
was a little unbalanced, my chemical balance. So I had
a really bad anxiety, had depression, I had all of
those things going on. But I was like sane pregnant.
It was like, for the first time in my life,
I felt sane. And so I was reading research and
it said like pregnancy can fix chemical abdance. That's not

(32:44):
the word, but change change them, and yeah, you needed
the de altering. Yeah, so I I felt sad. Like
we just make jokes about it. Everyone was like, oh,
she's she's no longer crazy. Wait till Kobe comes out,
We'll see if she's crazy again. Like it was a
big jokes. I was like, why do I feel normal?
So that helped me because it helped me to see
things from a whole different perspective, right, different brain, different

(33:06):
different brain. Yeah, and I was like, this is unacceptable.
So I really started doing that self work in it,
which led me to have just a little bit more
power when it was time to go, and then I
began really going full force into my self love journey.
Is that it's great to also just think about it
like in these more bite sized pieces, rather than like
I need to show up tomorrow and love myself and

(33:27):
have the courage to make these great changes and change
my life and change my career and change like it's
just like it starts with a little kinder, like a
little spark within you, and you gotta run with that.
So obviously, you know this is hard stuff to talk about,

(33:49):
and I thank you for sharing a bit of it
with us. You know, you shared on your TikTok really
powerful video with audio that was about does that mean
that in percent of people experienced domestic abuse? That one's
actually about sexual actual harassment of women have been sexually harassed.

(34:10):
I was raped when I was nineteen by him or
it was a random guy in college. I tell that
story on there, but that was yeah, I was nineteen then,
But again that that's one of the things that led
to me not loving myself, me not having any self worth,
any self respect. Which then when you bring in a
narcissist at twenty one, with somebody who has no self worth,

(34:32):
no love for herself, no self respect, I'm an easy target,
especially when the highs are so high, the loads are
so low, and then you're back to the highs are
so high. Like, you have such a intense personality. I
don't mean intense bad, I just mean you have a
like you bring such intensity so when somebody is going
to love you hard in those highs, I feel like

(34:54):
it's easy from what I'm witnessing. I'm an internet stranger,
keep in mind, but I feel like it's really easy
for you to jump fully back in and forget everything else,
and I would. And I'm a very forgiving person too,
Like typically I don't hold a lot of grudges. Like
you say sorry, I'm like, okay, cool. I might not
put myself back in the situation anymore, but I've learned that.
But I'm a very forgiving person. If you say you're sorry,

(35:15):
or I think you're sorry, like I'll forgive you and
I'll move on like it never happened. And I'm using
I'm one of those people like I trust your right
off the bat. You don't have to prove it. I
just do it. I trust you. I just feel like
everyone should be dressed it. And then I usually get
hurt and I'm working on a lot of that, but
I still feel like in this moment, now I can
still say I still jump in full throw. It's it
literally is my personality. I jump in ready to go,

(35:39):
and that describes my relationship. Now. I was gonna say,
we are we are watching that and I came in
at the jumping off point, so this has been really interesting.
Before we get to Curtis, I just want to ask you,
and I'm sure this is a work in progress for
you perhaps, but when it comes to sharing such a
vulnerable stuff, you're clearly sharing really important things that are

(36:01):
changing everyone out there lives who feel really alone and stuck.
That being said, it's a hard story for you to tell,
to think about, to ruminate in, especially when you're now
kind of shifting your life into a really beautiful what
appears to be a really beautiful relationship and family. Do
you have boundaries to sharing your story or answering questions

(36:24):
related to this when it comes to the public So
I have very specific boundaries when if we're discussing things
like the mother of Curtis's children, I refuse to have
those conversations publicly. Right now, we're good, but I don't
think it's appropriate to share our relationship or anything about
their relationship, or anything about the like their business is
their business, so I usually don't speak about that. I

(36:46):
just started speaking about my rate. That was the first
time I made that, but before I didn't, that was
my first time really opening about that. One were talking
about the domestic stuff. No, I love sharing it all
at this point. Now, if I'm like having a day
where I'm feeling over whelmed, I might not be as
open to it um and it might take me a
second longer. Like I had. Somebody asked me about a
month ago, can you please share your story again? It's

(37:07):
been a long time, and I will go long times
without talking about it, and it's more like re energizing,
of course, fueling to get back to that point. And
I told her, I was like, you know, give me,
give me a couple or a month, or a couple
of weeks or a month, and I'll try to come
up with something. Because also figuring out how to share
it is important to me. That's my biggest boundaries because
I have to be very responsible with how I share it.

(37:29):
I have a daughter who's gonna grow up and she's
gonna know this story, and it's gonna be public information
at this point, so she's going to hear the story.
Probably even before I get to have my time to
talk to her about her she'll come ask me about
it because of how public it is. So I want
to be very responsible out of respect for her. Um.
She does have relationship with her father, so so I

(37:49):
want to make sure that I'm not coming on in
a bashing way or out of any type of emotional
but just strictly, this is my story, and I'm allowed
to tell it, and I'm going to tell it, and
no one's going to stop me from telling it. This
is how it went, this is what happened, and try
to keep it as clean cut as possible. Do you
have full custody or no? Yes, so I have full

(38:10):
soul custody and full physical custody. He beat up someone
else in September, so he was he's facing big boy,
big boy charges. Now I did tell his attorney I
wouldn't speak on whatever agreement they come to. So that's
one thing that I have been told I need to
be censored on or asked to be, and I said sure.
Now you can look it up online. So it's public

(38:31):
information that they were felling me three charges, so that
I can say. So he's working, he's doing whatever he's
supposed to be doing for that. He's in court for
it right now. Whatever he ends up getting, I'm not
sure exactly what they don't want me to talking about.
That's a public record. But so she was getting supervised
visitation like two hours a week for a couple of months.
It took him a long time to do that, because

(38:53):
he did call me when he first got out, because
we had just started co parenting, just barely started, finally
started communicating, usually communicate through his parents. She just said,
started back to jail, called me to ask for my support. Sir,
you got her. Hope I don't get called in to
support the other woman because I also up to testify.
Don't ever call me to support you after beating up

(39:15):
a woman. It's never gonna happen. I don't know what
storyline he thought was happening there, but I basically gave
him a huge lecture. I was absolutely not. But you
still are the father to my child, and you have
came in her life once again and built a relationship
once again, all for you to once again not be present.
And I was like, and that's not fair to her,
and so out of like for her, you need to

(39:38):
show up. And by show up, he wasn't allowed to
see her. So I was like, she has an iPad, facetimer,
you can call her as many times as you want,
maintain that relationship while you're going through this. She deserves that.
She doesn't deserve this back and forth crap. She didn't
do anything, so I tried very hard to get him
to keep his relationship with her. He did not call,
didn't call, didn't set up his time because he was
mad at me because I wouldn't support him. So we

(39:58):
didn't call her and show up. Then set up his
supervision time because in our agreement he was allowed to
have supervised visitation if this happened again. So then I
ended up threatening his mom. Not like his mom, but
I said, I have a million followers. I'll air all
this out with his government name if he doesn't show
up for his dart Because she kept asking, and it
was so hard as a mom to have her coming up,

(40:20):
where's my dad? Why don't I get to see him anymore?
What did he do? Now? And she's three and she
can talk and ask those questions that I'm saying, like,
I don't know how to answer this stuff because I
want to say he said he beats women, he's a
bad person, but I can't say that to her. I
tried very not to speak bad about him at all
in front of her because I know one day she'll

(40:41):
need to tell her own story and she'll learn it
all and come up with it on her own. And
I don't want her to think I ever kept her
from making her own decisions. And it's very hard she's
so young and safety is on the table. But so
it's it's a constant balancing act here. But basically, yeah,
he didn't. But then so his mom set up this
of revision time and so then he started getting him.

(41:02):
He starts showing up to him because they were keeping
record if he did so, then he showed up. But yeah,
so now we just finalized our newest custody group because
I moved, so it's long distance now. Um, so there's
long distance parenting, but obviously it's different in our case
because you can't necessarily do supervise agency since I'm gone,
but he can't necessarily be unsupervised. So we did come

(41:22):
up with agreement that he sees it. He'll see here
about seven weeks out of the year, and he has
to be supervised the entire duration with his parents for
the next two years. So Klobe will go with him
for one year period one week periods at a time. Yeah,
there are two that will be two weeks long, like
in the summer, okay long, and that's the longest that
they'll have is two weeks, because it's usually six weeks

(41:42):
straight in the summer. No, no, no, no, yeah, that's
a long We're not there yet. We gotta build some
some trust and stuff. So if he can make it
two years, finish out whatever sentencing he gets in whatever
it all has to be completely closed. The case basically
has to be completely close. They're saying it will take
two years. So you just mentioned that you moved, and

(42:03):
this is kind of going back to a little bit
more exciting love like stuff. No, it's important, it's important stuff.
But it has been really kind of fun. I'm like,
I think I'm like a decently intuitive person. But you
have a new boyfriend, Curtis. You just moved in with
him and his kids to a different state. This is

(42:24):
you know, like you said, you dive in and people
listening are probably like, well, this sounds like a really
bad idea. You know that don't have context, but you
show a lot of it on the internet. And I
love Curtis, I really do. I have to say, like,
he just he feels safe and you feel safe with him.
It feels like time I felt safe since I was

(42:45):
a child. So it's huge for me. Well, it's also
just again really amazing just to pat you on the
back of Like, I grew up in some chaos, two
different types, but my nervous system became really shattered and frazzled,
and I thought that was just who I was. And
my husband as well has been really critical in helping
me figure that out. But I mean, it's really amazing

(43:06):
that you're in the last four years alone, like establishing
a new relationship to your nervous system with yoga and
meditation and that body awareness that you talked about in
the beginning. So it's it's just amazing to think, like, Okay,
we grew up this way. We have side effects. I
don't know if that's the right word I want to
go for, but some of them can be kind of
rectifiable with the right environment and work and the right thinking.

(43:30):
So a big thing that I learned is you can
rewire your brain. And so like your brain has ruts
and certain situations, your brain immediately goes into whatever right
it's been doing for so long, and you can rewire
those I call ruts. I don't know. I look at
it like a road, a path. You can rewire that
by the moment your brain starts to put you into

(43:52):
that rut, stop it. Like I'd have to be like this,
that's not what's happening. Remind yourself, Like a lot of
times that I have to remind myself I'm safe. That's
one of my things. No, I'm safe. The universe is
protecting me. I'm okay. I don't have to go down
that path and worry. I know I'm safe. And then
I'll say, like three whatever the whatever I was thinking,
whatever negative thought happened, I'll switch it and say three

(44:13):
positive things in that moment. Or I'll take myself into
a mirror and I'll look at myself and you stop
it right now. But I'm trying to alter my way
of thinking. And so instead of looking like with when
I started breaking out from all the stress I've been
going through, instead of looking in the mirror, just on
like some self love and being like, wow, you look terrible.
Your your acne is terrible, it's messing whatever, okay, I

(44:34):
would I would start going in on myself and be like, no,
you are so gorgeous. You have act mee because you
are dealing with life and it is difficult, and you
are showing it and it's okay because you're conquering it.
And I had to constantly and yeah, instead of being
hypercritical and tearing myself down the moment I start, I
stop it, and I switch it, and I start to

(44:54):
talk to myself different. And the way you talk to
yourself and the way you talk period, it vibrations. It's
putting something out there. And that's the universe. Law of
attraction and law of libration, all of those universal laws
I live by at this point, because I noticed when
I started speaking the life I wanted, it became. I
literally spoke my reality into existence by just continuing to

(45:17):
manifest what I deserved and what I wanted for myself.
And I started feeling each day like I already got it.
I started appreciating all the little things I love. When
I stopped worrying about finding the love of a man
and started realizing the love I have of Kobe, how
much the child loves me. I was so content with
it just being her and I forever, just because that

(45:37):
love is so powerful and it's the love I want,
Like it's just real and it's honest and it's true,
and we are in this right or die for each other,
no matter what, and we just have that relationship. And
I was so fine with that being the rest of
my life. And I started appreciating what I had. And
when I started appreciated the abundance I was living in,
I only kept getting more. I think that people don't realize,

(45:57):
like you have so much every day, even when you
don't have a time, you have something to be grateful for.
And when you start focusing on that good, that good
gets so much better. And I'm a living example of it,
truly and again in just a year or the way
your life has transformed. Just to break that down you
you know, we're a behavior analyst. That's the right term, right,

(46:18):
behavior analysts. You own your own center. Pandemic hit TikTok
starts exploding, you're getting extra income. I think I'm missing
a good portion because I came in late. But a
man enters your life. I think by way of TikTok
is curt Did you meet Tick Curtis on TikTok? Yeah,
that's awesome. So it's funny with Curtis Is. Actually I
actually dated someone before him off of TikTok. I got
a wind of that, but it was like a big

(46:41):
super fast again like super intense right away and then
super crush and burn right away, like oh, like it
happens super fast, and old me would have sat in that.
Oh I'm heartbroke. Oh, no one's gonna love me. Oh,
and I would have sat in it. I gave myself
one day. I said, you have one day to feel
sorry for yourself. You have one day to feel sad,
and then you get your us back up. I gave

(47:01):
myself that day, and then I started making sure I
got up, I showered, I did my makeup, I did
my hair, I put on nice clothes, I made funny TikTok's.
I just kept doing thing. I went to the clinic.
I hadn't been. I've been off and on at the
clinic because of TikTok. So I made sure to go
there because those kids always made me happy, go do
my nails. I made sure to take care of myself,
and I set time aside to make sure that I

(47:23):
was doing that. And then all of a sudden, I
was fine and I was able to do like. I
also practiced non attachment and the art of letting go,
and so I was able to so easily let it
go because I was like that one wasn't for me
and one wasn't for me because something better is coming.
But it's hard with the internet. Is watching it the
tough part? Yeah, Like it was intense, like so many
people watched it, and so many people watched the crash,

(47:45):
and you have all these people who come in they're like, yeah,
I told you he was going to leave you because
you're this and you're that, and all these people like
it's like oh my god. And you sit there you're like, well,
are you right, and like, no, you sound crazy. You
only have a profile picture. I don't even have a
profile pictures user one two nights explored to one. I'm like, yeah,
it's not gonna happen today. Not today. I would be like,

(48:06):
you know, I refused to listen to those people, but
that was that took a lot of work too, to
make sure I don't because every now and then they
would drag me in. I was like, what am I doing?
I don't even know people. I want to care what
they think of me, But that took a lot of
work to make sure that I wasn't caring about what
all these randoms thought about me, and knowing that their
opinion doesn't define me. Their opinion isn't my business. They
can have it and stay over there, or they can

(48:27):
come to my page and have it. It brings more views.
But either way, I'm not gonna let my energy have
any space with that. But that came crashing down, but
I so easily let it go. I was like, Okay,
I'll let it go. I'm gonna move on and I'm
not going to restrict myself. That was a big thing
I wanted to work on in that. Not saying well,
now I'm not gonna love it hurt me and I
was like, no, I'm I'm ready to be in love.

(48:49):
I know I'm ready. He wasn't. I am, and I'm
gonna keep loving just as hard as before. I put
myself out there again. I was like, I want to date.
I want to do this. And the next thing, you know,
TikTok maybe like TikTok's bachelorette for a second, and they
were rowing guys at me left and right. I was
loving it. Oh my gosh, that is the best. And
this was one that was thrown at me. They're like,

(49:10):
you should check him out. It's funny because I wasn't
alive and somebody dropped his name, and I was like,
how old is he? And somebody said forty three, and
I said that it's too old for me. He was
thirty nine at the time, and I was like, it's
too old for me, dismissed it, moved on. Wasn't even
going to think about it. Old are you? I'm thirty two.
I'm about turning three three, so there's about seven year difference.
But so I was like no. Somebody was like, he's

(49:30):
in his life, saying how beautiful you are. I was like, oh,
that's really sweet. So I followed him back a little guy.
I mean, he really like he's not shy with sharing
what he thinks, and everyone kind of has to go
learn that on on their own, like and find the
video where they go to Mexico and he gets drinks
with Randy. I just want to recommend that video because

(49:52):
it gives me a really good That's when I was like, oh, Curtis,
So Curtis. He's such a people person. He can talk
to anybody. He's very charismatic. It's weird because he's like
an extrovertant introvert. At the same time, what's your birthday?
You said? Coming up? My husband's eleven so you're a tourists. Yeah,
and then what scared us and aries? What is birthday?

(50:14):
It just marchy got it. So we have a very
strong areas household. My moon's and aries got a lot
of fire in this household. It's give a busy household.
So like everybody around me, But I love like my mood,
so that's my emotions. So like your moon signs, your emotions,
your mood, all that internal stuff is an air minds

(50:35):
and aries. Like I'm very attracted to his like outward personality,
which is your your sun signs your personality. Very attracted that.
It's very calming to me because it understands me too,
So like he understood me faster than anyone has ever.
Like I was so scared talking to them at him
at the beginning because he was asking me really deep questions.
What happened with that relationship? It's intense, sir. You just

(50:56):
started texting me a day ago because I want to
know everything. So then I'm like sending book paragraphs. I
feel like I have to explain myself and be like okay,
and I'd be like, is it We're good? I don't.
I'm like that too, though, I just I like to
just know a lot of things about people and just
like understand you fully so that I know how to

(51:17):
communicate with you and all those things. And that's why
a podcast is a good format versus me my natural
form of interrogation when I meet people, which you know,
can be off putting. So this, I think it was
this morning. It might have been last night. I saw it.
This morning, you posted a pretty vulnerable video. I think
about how Curtis called you. He's in Japan right now.
You're you just moved in your the stay at home

(51:38):
mom out of the blue and anyway, so he called
you and can you tell us about that post this morning?
Called and before we started, I was like hey, He
was like hey, so first of all, let me just
start by telling. And so it was that that was
the trigger, I think, because I was like, first of all,
what's gonna come next? Because like, first of all, I
just want to tell you I love you so much.
I miss you. You are the best girlfriend ever. You're

(51:59):
one of the most amazing women. Like just kept going.
He was like, I just really needed you to know
how much I love you. And he always tells me
I'm beautiful every day. He tells me, I'm beautiful. So
then he said that too. I said, is that it?
He was like, did I not say enough? Like he
was like, what are you talking about? I was like,
usually there's a butt and he was like, there's no.
But I just wanted to tell you I appreciate you
and I really like I love you, and I'm it's

(52:20):
because like I'm here and I'm watching his kids on
his week and I'm picking up everything for him, and
I don't think he's had anyone ever do that for him,
and so I think he's falling more in love while
he's away from me. But like he had this intense
moment where he was just trying to tell me he
loved me. But I had a trigger, and I all
of a sudden was waiting for him to tell me
I did something wrong, like I love you first of all,

(52:42):
you'd be great, but don't do this anymore or I
don't want me to do there's something that I did wrong,
and so I was just waiting for it, and he
was like, no, like this is all that. I just
wanted to tell you that, And I was like, oh
my god, I love that story because your trauma response
was to wait for the shoe to drop to have
the high love and then also you're a piece of

(53:02):
ship for lack of a better word. And that juxtaposition
of how your brain went there and then how he
brought it back to safety for you, and then you
allowed him to bring it back to safety like you
could have also lingered in that trauma response. It just
it spoke to me a lot. And I think a
lot of women are scared to open up after abuse, physical, mental, emotional,

(53:25):
all of it. I'm just wondering, how do you deal
with things that you've picked up out of fear along
the way so to protect yourself. You know, it's just
knowing your triggers really helpful. So I've done a lot
of self reflection and I'm still working on understanding what
is a trauma response versus what is a gut feeling

(53:46):
and the relationship. Before this, I was getting a lot
of gut feelings and I kept denying them. I was like, no,
it's a trauma response. No, this is a trauma response. No,
it's just because I have trauma. And I kept trying
to blame that, But it was a gut feeling and
I had it, and I know the feeling it's very real.
It's very physical for me at this point. Like I said,
I'm very into my body. I know it. I get
that heavy chest and that burning it goes like right

(54:08):
up here and it's like a not in my throat.
I know something is wrong when those things happen, and
it's not just a quick like usually my trauma response,
or like a quick more less physical, more just reaction,
when it's a gut feeling like the universe is giving
me some sort of sign. I can feel it in
my body and I'm learning the difference in the feelings

(54:31):
and so that's helped a lot. So with that when
I learned it and now with him, like we had
one in Mexico, it wasn't him. It was a trauma
response because but I I started to make myself think something.
But instead of that heavy chest, I did have the
ball in my throat because I wanted to say something.
So usually I get that if I want to say something,
but I feel like I can't close up so fast,

(54:53):
and that that is one of my trauma responses, that
part because in past I couldn't communicate my feelings without
getting in trouble fear and it'll immediately lock up. The
burning is my my gut feeling, my just that burning
is that gut feeling I get. But I had that
my palms were sweaty. He has told me some of
his and it's like walking away in the middle of
a conversation. He does not like that, and we've spoke

(55:15):
about it. So I tried very hard to make sure
that I let him finish whatever, even if, like we
don't need to be fighting, but if he's trying to
tell me something, even then, like he doesn't like if
I just walk away, which I'm a h D or
a d D. So I do it a lot, and
he'll make sure to be like, hey, remember I don't
like that, Like oh god, yes, okay, I'm sorry. Finished first,
and then I'll do that. Like, but we like communicate,

(55:37):
we're able to openly be like no, that's one of them.
I didn't like that. And it's the same thing. So
in Mexico I did that on accident. Way. He was
trying to film a TikTok for me, but he was
messing up, and so I was like, you know what,
never mind, and I walked away. Yeah. So then he
got in his and he just gets quiet all the
things that you're talking about in a relationship. I've been
with my husband for six years, and we really have

(56:00):
just you know, we've come so far together, but like
the two of you have explored these difficulties that normally
I may have been together for what's four or five months,
Like that's still the honeymoon phase for most people, where
you're like just sweeping things under the rug, or you're
getting into a fight and then you're scared it's not
going to work out, like instead of you know, the
blow up fights, you're coming back together. Okay, what I

(56:20):
do wrong? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have walked away and
gotten frustrated that the TikTok wasn't going. While I know
it's silly, but I mean I relate to that sort
of a no. And that's what we did. Like he
walked away and then he came back and he's really quiet,
and that's when I started, like my throat started getting folks.
I was like, we're gonna have to talk about this
because I don't like you're quiet. Quiet. Quiet makes me
nervous when people quiet. So then he walked away and

(56:40):
he's on the phone for a little bit with one
of his coworkers or no. I think it was his
best friend Gorman he's on the phone with and then
he was just sitting over far away from me. So
I was like, no, we're not gonna do this. So
I got up and I walked over there, and I
was like, what's going on. I was like, I'm going
to communicate my feelings with you because I can't leave
them right here, and so I did. I was like,
I don't like when you get quiet and makes me
you're uncomfortable. It makes me like overcritical of what I've

(57:01):
done and I start to fall back into that spiral
and I can't do that. So you asked for help, Yeah,
and so and then when he realized it was meaning
quiet and he so, that's what I do, but I'm
going to work on it. And he apologized, I would
never want you to feel like it was anything between
uh like, and we just and we both dang near
cried and hugged and we were good. I've been saying

(57:25):
lately that when you're in a healthy relationship, fighting is normal,
but I have found recently with my husband because our
fights have become so healthy, like there whatever, that they
are more reparative than they are damaging like that come
together after when you make up, because like you said sorry,
you said sorry, and I'm like, I love you, Like

(57:47):
this is great. I'm so glad we dug deeper and
came up re emerged. So it's just I mean, the
fact that you guys are doing this in four or
five months, I think just really speaks to I don't
I don't necessarily think longevity of a relationship ever matters,
but really the quality of the relationship that you're in currently,
which is the important thing, Like that's what it's about.
So I'm so happy for you to be in this

(58:09):
part of your journey and continue to watch you sore.
I don't want to take a minute more of your time,
but thank you for being here. My final question is
do you think everything happens for a reason than keep
it at that? Thank you, Kelsey. We'll put all your
info below. I know all of my humans are going
to love your queen energy that you put out. And
thank you for unknowingly hyping me up these last few months.

(58:32):
And I'm rooting for you. I'm in your corner forever.
I appreciate you. Thank you so much for having me