“I’M STRANDED ON A BOAT”

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello, Hi, how's life?

Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's good?

Speaker 3 (00:05):
Oh my god, I'm so happy I got through. I
wanted to talk so bad.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
What's your name?

Speaker 3 (00:10):
My name's Claire, Claire.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Yes, what like the store Claire's.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
Yes, like the store Claire. I actually love that store
growing up.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
What's up, Claire? How's life?

Speaker 2 (00:23):
How?

Speaker 1 (00:24):
How can I be be on the phone with you today?

Speaker 3 (00:30):
Well, I would love to talk about what I'm going
through right now, and you are streaming and I'm currently
kind of instill a whole bunch of stuff. Sorry if
I'm a little bit shaky, I'm really excited to talk,
but I I So, I'm on a sailing journey right now,
my first sailing journey. I'm kind of I've been refitting
my boat for like two and a half years, and

(00:52):
it was finally good enough to like go in the
middle of winter, like like two months ago, and so
I decided to just go and do it and figure
shit out as I go along. So I've been figuring
shit out as I go along and teaching myself to
sail and learning a whole bunch and it's actually been
really nice and like beautiful, and like there's been dolphins
and seashells, and it's me and my dog and I've

(01:14):
been having a great time. But like two nights ago,
I sunk. I half spunk my boat. I was I
was on a sand bar and my boat was completely
tilted to the side, and I woke up to like
water streaming in my windows and half my boat was

(01:37):
full of water and it was really scary and I
got out of that situation and I kind of got
to safety, but my boat literally like it was fucking
like filled with water. It was half flooded, and and

(02:00):
now I'm trying to figure out how to get out
of this. I've been trying for two days to get
my engine fixed, and I've gotten it fixed a little
bit and then it cuts out. And I'm currently fucking
like my engine cut out at like midnight last night,
and I drifted. I threw my anchor out real quick,
so luckily I didn't ground again. But I'm kind of

(02:25):
just stranded in the water trying to troubleshoot shit, and
I've I've kind of got to the end of my
particular knowledge on things, and I'm trying to google and
get myself out of this situation. But it's crazy because
it's like it's like only me who can get myself

(02:46):
out of this situation. And it's kind of terrified because
like I don't know if I could do it or not.
But I'm trying.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Okay, I'm I'm struggling to understand a few things. Where
where are physically are you? Right now?

Speaker 3 (03:01):
I'm in North Carolina?

Speaker 1 (03:03):
Okay, you're in North Carolina? And are you?

Speaker 4 (03:06):
Like?

Speaker 1 (03:06):
Are you? Where are you?

Speaker 5 (03:13):
So?

Speaker 3 (03:13):
I was traveling on the Inner Coastal Waterway, which is
kind of like it's close to the ocean, but it's
like in the coast a little bit, and it goes
down pretty much from Norfolk, Virginia all the way to Florida.
And that's where I've just been kind of traveling down
the Inner Coastal and that's where I grounded. On this

(03:38):
particular leg that I'm own right now, there's just no
anchor spots. It will be like twenty feet deep on
like a channel that's carved out, but on either side
of the channel is like like three four five feet,
which is which is why I grounded. So right now,

(04:00):
I drifted a little bit out of the channel and
I've like anchored myself just in the middle of the water,
like I can see there's land not too far from me,
but I can't really get to it.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah, so you are on a boat right now.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
Yeah, I'm on my boat.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
But you said the boat. The boat doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
Yeah, my boat the engine my engine cut out and
I don't My engine has been broken, and I'm not
quite sure what's going on.

Speaker 5 (04:41):
It's kind of weird.

Speaker 3 (04:42):
So, yeah, I'm stranded. I've been stranded for like a
couple of days. And yeah, every I don't have food.
Everything's wet. All my tools are wet, my bed is wet.
Everything is like molding and rusting.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
As we speak.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Okay, so what's your name?

Speaker 3 (05:01):
Claire?

Speaker 1 (05:02):
Claire? So you are on but do you do you
see any land around you?

Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yeah, there's land around me, there's I see houses. So
in case of emergency, I could like get to land.
I have a dingy, which is a small boat, but
I only have paddles and there's high winds right now,
and I just I can't really paddle very well, and
my dingy takes on water. So if the winds died down,

(05:34):
I could get to land and go through people's houses
and try to get somewhere. But it doesn't really solve
the fact that my boat is still here and still broken.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
Okay, but you you are not like in immediate danger
right now, are you of like being like no, lot,
I've been like like like drowning it in the middle
of the ocean.

Speaker 3 (05:58):
No, I'm not taking on water and I'm not an
immediate danger. I threw my anchor out, and there's land
just over here. If I have to get to it,
I can call somebody to pick me up. It's fifteen
hundred dollars, which I don't have, so I could call people.
There's also people who drive their boats cross across the

(06:20):
inner coastal, so if I need to, I can also
flag people down to get a ride into land. So
I'm not in like any immediate danger. I'm just kind
of trying to figure out how to get myself out
of the situation. But I'm pretty stable.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
Okay. Uh, why don't you call somebody for help.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
Because I have I have a boat tow USA thing,
which is like free towing, but because I grounded and
took on water, they don't cover free toes anymore, and
so help would be at the very minimum fifteen dollars,
they told me, and it can go up as much

(07:04):
as like ten grand, depending on what I need and
where I need to get to.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
So so, okay, you are in a boat, how do
you charge your phone? And shit?

Speaker 3 (07:20):
I have solar panels which charge my batteries and it
charges my phone and like puts life to all my boats.
So I do have I have like my phone, and
I have lights, and I have batteries and stuff and
they didn't get too damaged in the water.

Speaker 1 (07:35):
I'm trying to I'm just trying to get like a
picture of your surroundings right now, Like how far away,
Like could you swim to where the land is?

Speaker 5 (07:46):
Is it just some land?

Speaker 3 (07:48):
Yeah, I guess swim It's not super closed, but like
it's there's people's backyards. Maybe I don't know how to
gauge distances, but like I can see the stripes on
their American flag.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Okay, I'm curious again how you got into this situation.
How long have you been at sea for?

Speaker 3 (08:15):
I've been traveling down the Inner coastal for two months now,
and I like, I'm not like.

Speaker 5 (08:24):
I'm not.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
Fairly proficient, not super super proficient, but I refit. I
bought this sailboat like two and a half years ago
and I've done a total refit. So I know, I
know a singer two about a singer singer two. But yeah,
I guess I got into it because I've been traveling

(08:50):
and then I grounded, and when tide went out, that's
when the water came in, and that's kind of what
started this whole thing.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
Hmmm, Well, how has it been traveling for the past
two months? Have you been, like, is it been lonely
at your You're literally alone at sea. That's like the
most uh isolating thing you could do.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
Yeah, I've been going. I've actually I've had a really
nice time. I was really scared because I bought my
boat two and a half years ago, and I bought
it thinking I would just go off into the grade unknown,
go to the Caribbean or whatever, and I kind of
accidentally have put two and a half years of my
life into this thing because shit just keeps breaking and

(09:39):
I just keep having to fix it. So I was
really scared when I started this journey that I would
get on the boat after spending two and a half
years of my life on this and hate it. But
I kind of too, It's twofold. I've been having a really,
really nice time I have my dog with me, and

(10:00):
I've just been like, I have to bring him to
shore all the time, so I like I get to
explore beaches, and I've been meeting lots of really nice people.
I've been having a lot of really cool experiences. I
will say that I was kind of hoping to meet
more people my own age and like party a little
bit and like have that sort of vibe. And most

(10:20):
of the people I've been meeting have been like older
or like not quite my vibe, so I haven't really
found my people yet. But it's been really nice spending
time with myself and being happy with myself, because like
in everyday life, I really distract myself and I look
at my phone all the time and I listen to
podcasts and I don't give myself like a spare minute

(10:43):
to think or be or exist. And it has unexpectedly
been really nice getting to know myself and relying on
myself and knowing that I'm the only person who can
get myself out of a situation. I've liked that.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
How old are you?

Speaker 3 (11:03):
I'm twenty seven And when you.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
Say most people, well, I guess a few questions. How
are you exactly meeting these people and what is it
about them that makes you say that they're not your vibe.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Well, it's not that they're my vibe. I've actually had,
like I've had a lot of really genuine relationships with
people who are kind of outside of people I would
normally hang out with, because, like I mean, I would
normally hang out with like just young creative people, like
artsy kids and like like hippie circles and stuff is

(11:40):
my normal friend groups. And the people I meet a
lot of old dudes, which is like good and bad.
Some people are really freaking creepy, especially to like a
young woman doing this by herself. I've had a love
like creeps, but I've also like made really genuine friendships
with just people worlds away from me that I would

(12:03):
never have the chance, Like I met, I pulled into
this marina one time to like outweigh there was a
storm coming, so I pulled into this marina and it
was in the middle of nowhere, like I thought it
was abandoned, and there just happened to be this retired
New York taxi driver who had like the thickest New

(12:24):
York accent ever, and he like just bought that Marina
and recently divorced, and just he was telling these crazy
stories about being a midnight taxi driver in New York,
and I'm like, I would have no other reason to
talk to this man at the grocery store, but because
I'm in need and trying to down this storm, I've

(12:46):
met this man in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, North Carolina,
and it was just such a giguine interaction that I
never would have had otherwise.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
Yet building, you know, I think that a very rich
life is filled with a lot of those moments where
you're in a weird situation meeting a person that you
just never would have come across in your daily life.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
No, definitely, and this this lifestyle has been really good
for that because like it's like I feel like I'm
in a constant stage of like kind of vacation mode
where I'm just like ready for like any like weird
thing to come my way. But I'm also like in
need a lot, Like I'm in need of a run

(13:40):
to the grocery store, or I'm in need of like
safety from a storm, or I'm in need of help
with a repair, And that kind of motivates me to
like ask around and like create these connections that I
normally wouldn't have, and it's just brought like a lot
of really cool things into my life that way. I'm like,
I'm kind of shy normally. I guess like it's I'm talkative,

(14:04):
but it's hard for me to like just create connections
like in the wild. But I've been happy that I've
been able to do that because of the circumstances. But
I'm own on this boat.

Speaker 1 (14:16):
It's interesting, Uh what So I was wondering, how are
you meeting all these people because you're on a boat?
Is it like where are you normally docking this thing?

Speaker 3 (14:28):
There's like so the inner coastal, there's like there's kind
of like hubs. It goes all the way down the coast,
you know, from Virginia or maybe even before Virginia, all
the way down to Florida, and there's kind of like hubs,
like I think Savannah, Georgia is a hub, and like
like Saint Augustine is a hub. And there's different cities
along this way, and the cities are kind of built

(14:50):
around the fact that they're owned the inner coastal. So
there's tons of merry time and there's there's lots of
boat people, so I've made I met these people. Whenever
I anchor or like pull in, I'll pull into a
free dock occasionally, or I'll anchor out and then I'll
go into the city and I meet these people because

(15:12):
both people are really friendly and usually they would have
seen like either like what happened with the marina with
Joe the New York bus driver, Like I was directly
pulled up at his place and needed help from him,
so I went and like started that conversation. But I've
met people at like other places because I've like anchored

(15:32):
and then come in and needed something, needed help, needed groceries,
needed to find resources, or they've seen me pull up
in my boat and they just come up to me
and like start and I have a dog and stuff,
and so like people will just come up to me
and be like, hey, I just saw you anchor there,
Like what's your deal? Like are you by yourself or

(15:54):
what you're doing right now? So people have like people
have kind of come up to me more so than not.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
What kind of dog do you have with you?

Speaker 3 (16:05):
I have a boykned spaniel. His name is du Radley.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
He's super cute, And how do you like, do you
have money? How do you like afford food and dog
stuff and all that.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
Well, I I left right after I got my tax return,
so I got like fourteen hundred dollars that I've been
living off of, and I'm almost out of money, actually,
which is why I can't really call for helpering. I
got like three hundred dollars left, so I've kind of
been living off my tax return. But it's lasted a while.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Because I have I got food.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
I got in food stamps before I left, so I
haven't had to pay for food, and I make my
own electricity, I get water for free. I'm pretty self
reliant apart from a couple of beers when I come
into shore and parts and stuff. So it's been all right.

Speaker 1 (16:59):
How long had you planned on sailing for.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
When I left. I've never really had much of a plan.
I've just I like quit my job, and I know
that I want to make it to like the Caribbean
at some point, and like, honestly, like someday i'd like
to go like really really far. But I knew that
this is going to be like a learning experience.

Speaker 4 (17:24):
I knew that.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
I wasn't sure if I'd make it to the Caribbean,
or if I would just make it a couple miles away.
I wasn't really sure what would happen, so I didn't
have much of a plan going into it other than
just go south and see what happens. With everything that's
happened now, I live in the Outer Banks and I

(17:48):
have a lot of like, I have people that I
know that I can call for help there. So I
think my plan now is to try to get my
boat going and then try to get back to the
Outer Banks and fix a lot of stuff has been broken.
I've lost all my tools and my fridge and a

(18:10):
lot of stuff is broken right now, so I need
to go fix stuff again.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
What are you going to do about this engine thing?

Speaker 3 (18:25):
I'm not exactly sure because I actually I just kind
of got to before you called. I have been I've
been working all day on it, and I just got
to kind of the end of my own personal knowledge
of how things work. So my next steps I'm I'm

(18:49):
gonna go on sailing forums. There's a lot of really
good information in sailing sailing forums, and I'm gonna look
at my manual and I'm gonna see if there's more
trouble shooting things that I could do that I haven't yet.
It could be it could be like a million things
going on right now with the salt water.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Hmm, what's to deal with? Like your friends and family,
are they like concerned about you being out at sea?
Do you like? What do you what did you leave behind?

Speaker 3 (19:27):
I was living with my parents.

Speaker 4 (19:28):
I moved.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
I moved from Nashville, where I had a whole bunch
of friends and big friend group and stuff. And I
moved from Nashville.

Speaker 2 (19:35):
I bought this boat.

Speaker 3 (19:36):
Kind of I had like a little bit of like
a mid twenties crisis sort of thing, or I didn't
know what I was doing with my life. So I
just bought this boat, and I was like, fuck it,
I'll do this for a while. So I've been living
with my parents while I've been refitting this boat for
two years now, and they generally have a lot of anxiety.

(20:00):
And actually I when I first, like when I first
learned what sailing was, I was kind of like being
like a hippie and just doing like traveling stuff. And
I had ended up on boats in Florida and I
was lost at sea for or kind of quote unquote
lost at sea for a couple of days. My parents

(20:22):
thought I was lost at sea, and like the coast
guard was like looking for me, and it was just
a really scary incident. And so my parents when I
decided to do this again except by myself, they have
a lot of anxiety about it, and I feel bad
about that. And and my dad's grandfather was a merchant

(20:45):
mariner and he was lost at sea when my dad
was like twelve, so my dad knows what it's like
to have a close family member be lost at sea.
And I do feel a lot of guilt about doing
that to them, But at the same time, like I
want to do this because I just want to know

(21:06):
what's out there and what this lifestyle has to offer.
And I wish that they took it better, but I
can't really hold myself back for that. And then my
friends are pretty supportive.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yeah, you know, that's a tough thing to kind of like,
especially if you're like lucky enough to have a good
relationship with your parents, like kind of the line between,
you know, I want to be around my folks and
I don't want to worry them, but you also have
to go and live your life.

Speaker 3 (21:45):
Yeah, and yeah, and it sucks because it's like this
is more so than like they're just really like sweet
conservative Christians, like wholesome family, and I feel I feel bad.
It's like I got tattoos and it made them like upset,
but it was kind of like, fuck, it is my body.
I can get tattoos, but this one does make me

(22:07):
feel a lot of guilt because it's like it really
is a life or death sort of thing. Like if
the silver lining to what happened when I sank was
my windows leaked, and a sailboat supposed to be a
completely enclosed vessel, I should be able to go upside
down underwater and be able to like right myself. And

(22:30):
I learned when I ground it, and luckily I was
on the ground, so I wasn't gonna lose my whole boat.
But what I learned was that my windows leaked to
the point where it filled my boat completely, and my
bilge pumps, which pumped the water out of my boat,
my bilge pumps would not keep up. So if this happened.
Even even if this happened, like if I was in

(22:51):
ten feet of water, I would lose my boat. If
this happened in twenty feet of water. If I didn't
have land access, like it could be deadly. So it's
it's very real shit out here, even though I'm not
in the ocean right now, it's very real shit that
I'm dealing with.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Are you staying safe?

Speaker 4 (23:13):
Yep?

Speaker 3 (23:14):
I mean I'm.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Staying staying safe.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
And that's that's why I'm on the inner coastal and
not like in the ocean, because I didn't know how
to sail like going into this, and so the inner coastal,
you're always in sight of land, like sometimes it can
be farther than others, but I'm always going to be
inside of land at any given moment. So this is

(23:37):
kind of like a step towards just getting to where
I'm like more comfortable. And these things do happen, unfortunately
no matter how hard you try to be safe. But
I have been. I have been like pretty safe throughout
my journey, and I have like a garment and many

(24:00):
reach that can like syntext even from Antarctica, and me
and the dog we always have our life jackets own
even if there's no wind. So I try to do
my best, and I feel kind of stupid for what
happened I'm trying to beat myself up too much about it,
but there it was. Yeah, it I It maybe could

(24:24):
have been prevented if I had just done a couple
of things. But I'm I'm trying my best to stay
safe and do it, do it the right way.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
I'm gonna take some questions from the chat the twitch
chat if you if you want to take some questions
for from the twitch chat, sure.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
Also can I say, well, never mind, no, keep going.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
No, no, what were you gonna what were you gonna say?
Go ahead? Go ahead.

Speaker 3 (24:52):
I was just gonna mention the fact that you mentioned
the rattlesnake dude from earlier. I actually know him. He's
like a friend of my brothers, and he helped me
when I was like lost at sea. He helped find me.
It was like I was I was, I was with
somebody who I didn't say that I was with, which

(25:14):
is why I was thought to be lost. But like
my brother knew this guy in a completely different state
who knew the guy that I was with, and like
was able to find me. So I just thought it
was funny that you mentioned the rattlesnake dude who got
bit in the helicopter I thought it was funny that
you mentioned that earlier, because that's interesting. That's my dude.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
Let's see here. Oh well, somebody asked, do you have
any pets on the boat? She says she had a dog.

Speaker 5 (25:42):
I have a dog.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
He pees on the boat.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
Someone said, what is your financial plan moving forward?

Speaker 3 (25:50):
My financial plan if this didn't happen, I kept going south.
My financial plan was to stop at port cities and
see if I could get work at boat yards doing
like painting and like or like fiberglass repair, or like
just doing like little jobs for like a week and
getting a chunk of money and then keep going with

(26:11):
that money. But my plan now that all this stuff
is broken and I definitely need to do some repairs,
I'm gonna go back to the outer Banks and I
have a job waiting for me there that I can
get again, and I'm gonna make a big chunk of change,
and then I'm gonna after hurricane season in the fall,
I'm gonna try to go to the Caribbean again, I think.

(26:32):
But big chunks of change is how I plan to
make my money.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Let's see here, what have you been doing for food
since being stranded? Like, have you're not eaten for two days.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
I I have a couple like snacks I have like pistachios,
and like canned soup. I've eaten those a little bit,
but honestly, like I haven't out of prescription, I've been
eating adderall to try to solve my problems and get
all this stuff done because I've been doing boat repair
for two days and like, food is the least of

(27:08):
my concerns right now.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
Ye yeah, yeah, no, adderall will curb your appetite for sure.

Speaker 3 (27:17):
Yeah, I'm good. Also, I picked up after I sink.
The first time I went got a pack of cigarettes,
which was like my first pack in a year and
a half. But I've been like adderall and chainsmoking cigarettes
and that has fueled me. I'm good.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
Let's see here. Do you ever take the dog for
a walk?

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (27:41):
Actually I was taking He wasn't peeing on the boat
for like the past two months. He wasn't.

Speaker 5 (27:49):
Dogs are on sailboat.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
Dogs are supposed to pee like on the boat on
the top, and bou Radley was not teeing up on
top like he was supposed to, and it's been freaking
me out. I usually get close enough to land that
I can just take my little dinghy onto the beach
and I take him for like a really long fetch
walk once or twice a day, depending on.

Speaker 4 (28:12):
Where I'm at.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
So that's how he's been going. And when this first happened,
I was freaking out because he was whining and having
so much anxiety, and like I knew he had to
go potty and I couldn't get to land, and I
was freaking out. But then he went on deck and
peed for the first time, and I lost my shit.
I was so excited. And now he peees on deck
and it's like it's it's just such a blessing through

(28:35):
this whole thing.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
Someone asked if you ever gone fishing on the boat.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
Yeah, I have a fishing line that I troll from it.
I haven't. I caught something on the line a couple
days ago, but I forgot to stop. I forgot to
stop my motor when I was reeling it in. My
dad said it was probably a trout because they're like
soft mouth, but it pulled off my line. I was

(29:00):
so pissed. But I really I haven't caught a fish yet,
but I try and I really want to.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
So you're keeping in touch with your parents on the
phone while you're doing all this ship.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
Yeah, I've been calling them like constantly.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
Okay, good, good, good good. Let's let's see here. Well, Claire,
this will certainly being a fascinating phone call. Are you
gonna be okay? I feel like I'm leaving you stranded
on a boat. I mean, I can't really do anything

(29:35):
to help you. I guess con veil the boat with me.
Where's the boats in North Carolina?

Speaker 3 (29:42):
North Carolina? I catch a fly.

Speaker 4 (29:44):
Where you live?

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Uh, I'm I'm around, I'm in, I'm in. Uh, I'm
in places.

Speaker 3 (29:52):
Yeah, No, you're You're good. I I have figured out.
I have been confronted by many a proper in my
past two and a half years of refitting my boat,
and this one's different because I am fairly stranded and isolated.
But in two and a half years, I've been the
only person to solve my problems, and I have solved
every problem. And I have full confidence that whatever is

(30:15):
going on, I will solve this problem and get out
of it. And if for some reason I can't, I'm
gonna hail down these people. I'm on the inner coastal
and there's fishing boats that go past me. So if
at all, if I can't, then I'm gonna hail down
a ship until they bring me to safety. So regardless
of what happens, I will be safe and the dog.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Can I ask you one more question? Yeah, why do
you say on like that?

Speaker 3 (30:42):
Because my mom's from My mom's from Alabama, but like
we were raised in Virginia, so I have like a
I kind of have like a like Virginian or like
people tell me I saw like Valley Girl or something,
but I have I don't have this Southern accent, but
my mom has a Southern accent, so I've picked up
like suits certain words of Southern accent. But I don't

(31:04):
say everything like that. I don't know why you like
I own something.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah yeah, okay, Well stay stay safe, don't don't do
any crazy stuff. Thanks for sharing your story. Is there
anything else you want to say to the people of
the computer before we go?

Speaker 3 (31:28):
Is there a way I've been documenting my like journey
on like Instagram and TikTok? Can I can I share
my platform?

Speaker 4 (31:36):
Is that? Alright?

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (31:37):
Sure?

Speaker 4 (31:37):
Where?

Speaker 1 (31:38):
What's uh? What's up?

Speaker 3 (31:41):
It's okay, thank you, It's Salt Water Fairy, but it's
spelled like f A E R I E, like in
like a fairy tell fairy sort of way.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
Oh okay, salt water fay re f.

Speaker 3 (31:57):
A yeah, r I E. Yeah, just saltwater fairy, but
like spelled a little bit different.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
But no, no, that's great.

Speaker 3 (32:07):
But I've just been like trying to document shit.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
No under periods or sixty nine's or x'es or anything.

Speaker 3 (32:14):
No, pretty straightforward.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
Rock and roll. Claire the saltwater Fairy. Yeah, it's me
cool man. Well, thanks for calling and Sharon and good.
I hope you don't die at sea.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
I hope so to.

Speaker 3 (32:31):
Thank you so much for talking. This was awesome. I'm
so glad I got in touch.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
Have a good day you too, You too, Claire. Bye, bye,
okay bye. Should I be concerned? I feel like that
was that was I can't tell if she's fine or
if that was concerning. I mean, I guess I don't
know what I can do. I can't. I'm not the
guy to call. I'm not I'm one of the worst

(32:56):
people on the planet to call. If you're in a
sailboat and your engine doesn't work, I'm I'm towards the
bottom of the list of calls to make in that situation.
So I hope she finds someone to help to get

(33:21):
to get the boat to work. But that was a
good call. Thank you for sharing. Claire.

Speaker 4 (33:33):
Hi, Hello, what's up?

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Not a whole lot. I'm a gecko and I'm talking
to people on the phone, and I saw that you
wanted to talk on the phone, so I figured maybe
we could talk on the phone.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
Yeah. Something that I was thinking about because I'm here
at work is the fact that I used to have
crippling agoraphobia and now I have a job and kind
of have a house and I have pets and life
isn't as shitty.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
That's great. I love stories of life not being as shitty.
Those are my favorites.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:17):
Yeah, So how does how does one kind of have
a house? What does that look like? Well?

Speaker 2 (34:24):
I live in a trailer and it's my boyfriend's mom's trailer,
and she lived there with a really shitty dude and
then she broke up with him, and then she's like,
I want to get out of here. I don't want
to live in this place anymore. Give it to my boyfriend.
And then a couple of years later, I met my
boyfriend and I just kind of moved in one day.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
Okay, pretty cool. Do you do you do you pay rent?
Do you and your boyfriend like, uh, kind of split it?
Or is he just let you crash?

Speaker 2 (34:52):
So we don't pay rent, but we pay a lot rent.
So like since his mom owns the house, we don't
have to pay off the house. But trailer parks are
a scam. So as long as you have a house
in the trailer park, then you have to pay for
the land it's on even if you own the house.

(35:12):
So we pay for the renting of the land.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
Basically that makes sense. I will it isn't that kind
of what you're always doing. I guess when you have
like a house or some shit, what's a can I
ask you what what's the cost for land with a trailer? Like,
what's what's the payment.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
In Metro Detroit, Michigan. It's like seven hundred dollars a month, which, yeah,
it's not terrible. It's like a unit apartment if you
think about it, and it has three bedrooms and two baths,
and but the thing is what sucks is is if
something happens, then we kind of have to take care

(35:52):
of it because you know, it's not like we have
a landlord. So our roof was like, yeah, hold on you.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
Your your trailer is three bedrooms? Yeah, how big is this?
It's a.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
It's a double wide whatever that means.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
What does that mean? A double?

Speaker 2 (36:13):
Like?

Speaker 1 (36:13):
So there, so there are three How big are these bedrooms?

Speaker 2 (36:21):
Well, our bedroom is probably the size of like a
small unit apartment. It's pretty big, and it has like
a bathroom attached to it with like a bathtub that
has jets in it in a shower, and then the
other two bedrooms are just like normal size bedrooms. I
can't really think of dimensions, but yeah, I mean it's

(36:43):
not bad at all.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Sounds that sounds fucking sick. I can't even I'm literally
trying to like picture what this looks like. And this
is something you can like like does it move, Like,
can you drive it?

Speaker 2 (36:55):
No, it's it's called a mobile home because they put
them on the back of the trailers and then take
it and put it somewhere. So it's like a manufactured
home that can be moved. So if we wanted to move,
like if we bought a plot of land, we could
pick up the house and move it there. But we
can't just like drive off of the property, if that
makes any sense.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
And what do you do with the other two bedrooms?

Speaker 2 (37:23):
One of them is what we call the gamer room,
so we have like a projector in there that we
watch movies and I'll play like Stardoo Valley on. And
then the other room I keep my two pet rats
in there, so they have their own bedroom.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Bro, you have a room for your rats. Yes, what's
the rat room look like? Do they have like rat
furniture and a rat bed?

Speaker 2 (37:47):
No, I would love to do that, though. I did
build them like a little castle out of cardboard boxes,
but it doesn't look like a castle. It just kind
of looks like cardboard boxes. And they have a four
leveled cage in the corner the room, and I made
them like a little ball pit using pom poms, and
I put treats in them, and they like go on
the ball pit and I look for treats. They like

(38:08):
to shit everywhere and like crawl on the floor and
then they go back in their little cage and like
eat stuff.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Dude, this trailer sounds sick. Do you guys have like
a kitchen and living room and everything? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (38:20):
Kitchen yep, has a gas stove which is pretty nice
in a pretty decently sized living room. There's a lot
of windows, which is nice because I have a lot
of plants because my job involves plants, so I'm always
taking plants home so they don't die because of the windows.
So that's pretty cool, dude, Hell.

Speaker 1 (38:41):
Yeah, what so? Okay, so you used to be a
gore phoback and where where were you living before you
went into this trailer.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
I was living with my mom and I lived there
until I was twenty one. I tried to go to college,
but I dropped out because I had a panic attack
and I was like, I can't do this anymore, went
back to my mom's house, never left my bedroom. Really,
I didn't really like to interact with people or anything

(39:13):
like that. So it wasn't until I turned twenty one
that I actually got a job and was like I
can do it because all of the other jobs I had,
I had a panic attack and I quit suddenly. So
I was like, okay, well, I'm just kind of fucked
for now, but then I was unfucked.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
How did you become unfucked? Like, what do you think
it was that got you to a place where you
weren't having panic attacks? Anymore.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
I had a really nice therapist, God bless her soul.
She was great. And then my boyfriend. I started going
to his house all the time because like aguoraphobia, it's
not exactly like you're afraid to leave your house for everybody.

(40:06):
For me, it was I don't want to do anything
outside of my bedroom. I don't have to because the
idea of having a panic attack in public is like debilitating.
But I would go to his house and he was
working on a worm farm and I needed someone to help,
like staple cups with mesh in them to put the
worms in. And it was like every Sunday, and I

(40:27):
was like, okay, I can do that. Can you draw
me a map of what the place looks like so
I know what to expect before we go in there.
So he drew me a map and I was like, okay,
what's everybody's name? Okay, when do you go on lunch?
So like having a set plan, knowing what I was
going to do, and like the predictability of it is

(40:47):
what kind of made me realize like, oh I can
do that. That's not too terrible. So I stapled cups
at a worm farm.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
Pretty good? Pretty good? What did you What did your
therapists tell you that like help you out.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
She's had a lot of shit, but the one that, like,
the one thing that stuck with me the most is
feel the fear and do it anyways, because you know,
you can't really do anything in life if you're afraid
to do anything in life. So if anything was like
really scary, I was like, Okay, well I'm going to

(41:27):
have to do it anyways at some point, so might
as well.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
How old do you know?

Speaker 2 (41:34):
I'm twenty four?

Speaker 1 (41:36):
And what now that you've like conquered some fears in
your life already, what what fears do you have next
that you want to conquer?

Speaker 3 (41:50):
Well?

Speaker 2 (41:51):
One that I conquered recently was the last job I had.
The company got like repoded by the bank. So we
were told the month in advance, which is like a
good amount of time but still a month in advance,
that we wouldn't have our jobs anymore. And I was like,
that was the first real job that I got by myself.

(42:15):
So I was like terrified that I wouldn't be able
to find another job with people that I like and
anything like that. But then I ended up finding a
company in Michigan that did exactly what I used to do,
which is like a really niche job, and now I'm here,
and yeah, I'm just kind of taking it one thing

(42:37):
at a time. So the idea of being here is
still a little bit scary, but I'm doing it, you know,
pretty good?

Speaker 1 (42:43):
Pretty good? And how's your relationship with your boyfriend going?

Speaker 2 (42:49):
Can you say that again? I'm sorry?

Speaker 1 (42:50):
Oh, how's your relationship with your boyfriend going?

Speaker 2 (42:53):
Good? We met when I was nineteen, so we've been
together for five years. We've had a lot of problems
in the road. He struggled with addiction and now he's

(43:16):
working on it and our relationship couldn't be any stronger.
I think he meant proposed to me this year too,
which is pretty cool.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
Oh and his like addiction problems better, Yes, very much.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
So he struggled a lot with porn addiction, which is
really common but not really talked about. And yeah, I
don't really necessarily know like what's so different for him, honestly,
but he's been doing a lot better.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
That's so funny because when you said addiction, I thought
it was like pills or something like that.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
Yeah, yeah, that's that's definitely the first thought. Yeah, it
was porn, and I struggled with addiction too, but it
was you know, it was like xanax and stuff. So yeah,
not exactly the first thought that comes to people's mind.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
Porn addiction is definitely funnier than pill addiction.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
Yeah, Now that like I look back on it, I'm like,
I definitely was like screaming and crying for nothing because
I don't know, it's just like when you look back
on stuff, it just doesn't hit the same as it did.
But when I first found out about everything, I felt
like the world was gonna end and that I was
gonna die.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
Well, I'm curious when you I mean, I guess this
is your boyfriend's stuff, so but fucking like, like, what
is porn addiction? Right? Like? What how much porn until
we're addicted?

Speaker 2 (44:48):
For him, it was okay. Well, the way I found
out is one night we were laying in bed and
I always show him like funny Instagram videos that I
would say throughout the day, and he would show me
his YouTube reel and he was showing me some of
his YouTube reels and then he got a notification saying
like your only Fans subscription has ended, and I was like, hey,

(45:08):
that's not cool. We promised that we wouldn't be like
paying for that kind of content and anything that we
were doing, we would be open to each other about And
then I started crying, and then he kind of started
freaking out because I started to have a panic attack,
and then he just dumped everything onto me. He said
that he had been like paying for only fans and

(45:33):
like messaging people online through Reddit and stuff like that,
and then at one point I blocked all those things
so he couldn't get access to them anymore, and then
he found a way around it. He used his iPad
to like download Tinder and Bumble, and he used those

(45:54):
apps to talk to women and like exchange nudes. And
then I found out about that because he got an
email about like a dating service, and I was like, heyo,
I thought we weren't going to do that. But since
that second time, he's been like really transparent, Like we
I came up with this thing like after if you

(46:15):
do anything, you have seventy two hours to tell me
what you did before I'm like, okay, we got to
do something about this, so if anything ever did come up,
he would tell me within three days. And that transparency
made things a lot easier.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
So this wasn't this isn't just like watching porn hub
for five hours a day. It was like, uh, spend
a lot of money and shit and like, I mean
the tender bumble thing is interesting, and then and then
like how did you kind of get get past that?

(46:55):
I guess that's a lot to get past.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
I definitely still struggle with the idea of everything that happened.
But the way that I get through it now is
I have a really awesome therapist and we did some
couples therapy and stuff like that, and my therapist would
invite him in on the sessions that we would have together.

(47:28):
And I did a work book two for like people
that had gone through sexual like devanc or like sexual
you know, like I can't think of the word right now,
but doing work books and working with my therapist has
definitely helped. And this all happened, I think it's been

(47:51):
almost two years now, so I've definitely had a lot
of time to you know, sit with the feeling and
kind of get used to that was like, get used
to the feeling that was something that happened and it
can't really be changed. And I know that he loves me,
and he shows that he loves me, so I know
that this is a person that I love and that

(48:14):
they don't intentionally want to hurt me, and I think
that kind of helped me get over that feeling.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
What was involved in these like work books, I'm very curious.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
So they were things like there was pages with activities
that would say things like what are things that you
think of when you think of porn addiction? And then
you would fill it out like little bullet points and
then be a little paragraph that you'd read kind of

(48:47):
explaining the brain chemistry of porn addiction and stuff like that.
And then another one is like what would you like
to hear your partner say to like consolidate you. And
then he had the other version of the book, which
is like for the person who did had the addiction
hurt the other person. So they were like the activities
would kind of line up, so then we were kind

(49:08):
of working on things at the same time. I don't
know what his book entailed, because I you know, I
didn't want to get in his business, but it was
mostly like activities of expressing how you feel, like the
typical therapy stuff.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
You know, interesting, do you guys still go to the
couple's therapists.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
No, she ended up not being a very good match.
And then when he decided that he didn't want to
see her anymore, also because she didn't take our insurance,
which is kind of fucked up. But he started doing
like online group therapies. There's like a lot of online
groups that you can meet with every week to do

(49:56):
like insurance free like group meetings for I think it's
like twenty dollars or something. So I had him do
that every week, like as an assurance, because one of
the promises I made was like, if we're gonna be together,
I need you to be having some type of care
so I know that you're taking care of yourself. So
he's doing that for a while, and then when that

(50:16):
became repetitive and I didn't feel like it was helping him,
I was like, Okay, well you need to get a therapist.
And he is now gonna have a therapy appointment at
the end of the month. Yeah, I forgot where I
was going with that, but.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
Yeah, so he's in. So he's starting therapy.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
Yeah, he's gonna start one on one again with a
different therapist.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
Cool, and are you are you still seeing the lady
who was good.

Speaker 2 (50:46):
Yes, I'm still seeing her. She's actually she owns her
practice that she does, and she just hired this new
dude and I was like, hey, my boyfriend needs a therapist.
You have any recommendations, and she's like, well, I just
interviewed this dude, and I think it would be a
perfect match. So we're gonna be going through the same practice,
which is nice because I trust her in her opinions.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
So yeah, interesting. What's your name again?

Speaker 2 (51:14):
My name has never been said?

Speaker 1 (51:16):
Oh shit, what I mean? You don't have to give
me your real name. You can give me just something
to call you.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Crocodile.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
Crocodile. Oh I like that. Well, how'd you come up
with crocodile?

Speaker 2 (51:29):
I don't know. I was looking at a sticker of
a skull, and skulls made me think of crocodile's eating animals.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
Well, let's see here, crocodile. Thanks for sharing your story,
do you? Yeah, I'm trying to think, do you? Is
there any other kind of aspect of this that you like,
or just about life in general that you want to
get into or talk about, Not.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
That I can think of. I've just been having like
somewhat of a tough time with accepting the mundaneness of life.
So I've been listening to the podcast a lot, just
trying to get other people's perspective on how they deal
with the mundaneness of life. And I'm still trying to

(52:20):
figure out what I'm doing there.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
Yeah. Yeah, the mundaneness of life, like your routine and
how to get out.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
Of it, yeah, or just getting so used to routine
that everything just kind of seems blair, especially with having
a new job. Like I used to have three days
off and now I only have two days off, so
my weekends, I'm just kind of like, oh, well, tomorrow

(52:51):
is going to be my last day off, so like
what does it really matter? You know, it's very negative,
yeah all around.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, dealing with the mundaneess of life. I
don't know. I don't fucking know, man, I don't know. Man.
So you said, I mean, okay, let me ask you this.
You said you've been listening to the podcast to get
other people's like kind of perspectives on this. Have you
Is there anything you picked up where you're like, oh, okay,
maybe that could be something.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
I know this like might sound terrible, but hearing other
people's situations being worse than mine kind of makes me
think that like, hey, at least you have a job
and you have people around you that care.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
You know. Yeah, no, there's nothing. There's a word for that.
It's called shaden freua I think. Okay, yeah, no, that's
I've actually had. You know what's funny is a lot
of people tell me they're like a lot of people
have told me I like listening to your podcast because
it makes me feel better about my own life. Yeah, exactly,

(53:54):
which is kind of funny. Yeah, yeah, I used to Actually,
this is kind of all right, I'm gonna say it's
kind of sad, but whatever. I used to browse like
r slash. I used to like go on Reddit looking
at like relationship advice or like depression or whatever, like

(54:15):
all these like subreddits, and I would try to find
people whose lives are worse than mine on Reddit so
I could feel better. But the worst is when you
is if you ever have a time in your life
where you do that and you're like, oh no, I identify
with this Reddit post, you know.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
I mean, if you think about it, that's what like
group therapy is, you have this therapy for like people
that go through specific things so that you can relate
with them with how terrible your situation is. You know, it's.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Funny the idea of like there being like a loser
of group therapy, like somebody who's bottom ranked, like they're
they're just there to give their horrible, horrible experience so
that everyone else in the group feels good. Atter, somebody
in group therapy always has to be the one to
take the take it for the team and be like

(55:06):
here's how off. Like it becomes like a dick measuring contest,
except you're trying to see whose dick is the smallest.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
I mean, yeah, yeah, I did group therapy when I
was a gooraphobic because it was a way to get
out of the house and I could like talk to
people about how miserable my life was. And there was
one girl that every single week she just kind of
be like, yeah, that like really sucks, but like this
is what happened to me this week, and like had
to outdo everyone on how terrible her life was, so

(55:38):
she took on that role with a great passion. I'd say, you.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
Know, it's funny, Well, I guess two things. It's funny
because like normally like you would think that's like insensitive,
like when you share something and someone goes, oh, well,
my thing is worse, but actually it's it's kind of nice,
you know, it's like, oh shit, your thing actually is worse. Okay,
I feel better now?

Speaker 2 (56:00):
Yeah, no, I agree.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
And I don't know if it look if she if
she feels pride and that I guess that that.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
Works more power to her, I.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
Guess more powered sr. But I don't know. I don't know. Man.

Speaker 2 (56:14):
I wonder if anybody in that group heard me talk
about my stuff and thought that about me. Now that
I think about it, that's.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
That's an interesting That is an interesting thing. Like how
like in group therapy, like do you ever talk and
you're like, oh, people are like at least I'm not
that person, you know.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Yeah, I definitely feel like there must have been one
person in there that looked at me and was like, oh,
she's kind of fucked up.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
He think he's the thing. The answer that is the
answer is probably like no matter here's like, no matter
who you are your life, no matter who you are,
there's a there's infinite people. I mean not literally infinite,
but no matter who you are, there's so many people
who you could take and go, oh, my life is

(57:02):
horrible compared to this person's life. Even if you have
like an object you have like an objectively good life,
and there will always be people who you can be like, oh,
their life is way better than they would look at
me and go like, ough, god, imagine being that. You know, Like, whoever,
whoever you are, somebody, somebody can look at your life

(57:22):
and go that looks like it would be awful to
be in right.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
And then yeah, But.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
Conversely, whoever you are, there's tons of people who would
look at your life and be like, oh my god,
could you imagine living having a three bedroom apartment and
rats and a job and arms and legs and being
twenty four and you know everywhere they's told me so
many people, you know, So it's it I got every

(57:53):
day is like do you want to be the person
going oh I could never be that, or the and
being like, oh my god, imagine being mad. That would
be awesome. I think it's that I think when people
say that like happiness is a choice, I know that's
a controversial statement, and I'm not going to necessarily say

(58:13):
that I agree with it, because I have complicated feelings
about that idea that happiness is a choice. But I
but I do. But when you think about that whole
thing of you can depending on who you're comparing your
life to, your life could either be sick or it
could be awful. There is a bit of a choice

(58:36):
in terms of which of those perspectives you want to
take on, you know.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
H Yeah, I think that's what I've been thinking about
a lot. Like I listened to one of the podcast
episodes today about this girl named Angie, and she did
she had like an ice cream truck and she's like
so petty and optimistic. Yeah, And I was like, I
wish I could do that, Like I could take it

(59:01):
until I make it, but I can't right right, But
I can try to be content with what I have
and how I am right now, which is what I'm
trying to do, which is hard, but I'm trying, you know.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
No, I loved that. I loved talking to that lady.
For those of you who remember that lady, she drove
an ice cream truck and was talking about how much
she loved driving the ice cream truck. There are a lot, undeniably,
there are so many people who would be like driving
an ice cream truck sounds like it would suck, you know, Yeah,
And then you have her who's like, oh, driving an

(59:34):
ice cream truck is fucking sweet and awesome.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
Yeah, And I'm hyped to do it every day, and
I'm hyped.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
To do it every day. And in a way, I
actually I look at her life and it's and I
look less about her her external life, and more about
her brain. And I'm like, Oh, even if I don't
wish I had that life, I wish I had that
brain because if I had that brain, I could have
any life and I'd be fine because I'd have something
in the wiring of my brain would be able to

(01:00:03):
just enjoy whatever is going on with me. I suppose.

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
That's definitely a deep way to think about it, because
I look at myself and it's like, I dread the
idea of going to bed because I know that I'm
gonna have to get up and go to my nine
to five. But the idea of going to bed because
you're like, I can't wait to get to bed because
I'm excited to deliver ice cream to small children with

(01:00:34):
their sticky hands just seems like that's a good brain
to have.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
Crocodile. Yeah, I enjoyed talking to you, Crocodile. I hope
this was. Uh, this was I hope you enjoyed having
this conversation.

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
I definitely needed this. I called in before when I
was unmedicated and the call lasted like five minutes. I
was really upset with myself. So it's nice to have
some redemption for that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:03):
Oh did we did? What? What was your previous call?

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
My name was slug. You gave me a T shirt
in Detroit?

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
Oh I remember you? Yeah, yes, yes, I remember which
Detroit show were you at.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
It was at the Harpo Theater. I saw some dude
peeing in the street while I was waiting in line
to get in. That was cool.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Yeah, the Harpo Theater. That one was. That was interesting.
Wait a minute, did you know it? Go ahead?

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
I was just going to say. When my boyfriend and
I were leaving, we saw you like hitting your vape outside,
and we mentioned that moment a lot, just because we
resonated with how you looked like you were feeling. You're
just kind of like standing there like today was long
and I felt that very hard.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
I'm I'm sure I looked like like a guy with
like his Mickey mouse head off smoking a cigarette in the.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
Exactly that's the energy we were getting, and we felt
that very hard. We quote that a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
That's very funny. Yeah, did I look? Was I alone? Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
You were alone. You were like looking at your phone
and hitting your vape just like with the door cracked open.
There's like flashing lights to the side of you and
you're just kind of like looking down.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
Interesting, what a crazy life? Yeah, well wait, it'slug. Did
you like DM me or something being like my call
sucked and I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
I made a post to Reddit being like I funk. Yeah,
and then you ended up messaging me, which was very nice.
I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Yes, okay, I fully remember you. I fully remember you. Okay,
hell yeah, yeah, hellya. Wall right. I'm glad we got
to talk. I'm glad you're doing better. And is there
anything else you want to say to the people of
the computer before we go.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
If your life feels shitty and you're sad, just think
about how it could be shittier, and that it's not shittier.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
You know what that is that remains for eternity, a
full proof method. Yep, take care slot, I mean crocodile
or whichever one. O.

Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
Bye, okay bye.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
I don't know why, but I'm I'm like, now I'm
thinking about, yes, standing outside of standing outside of Harpo's
Concert Hall after my Detroit show, just wearing green paint
and smoking a vape and just being like, oh man,
I am a gecko. There's something romantic. I'm I'm I

(01:03:36):
don't remember that moment. I'm sure that happens. I'm just
happened multiple times. But I'm thinking about that, and it
feels actually romantic to know I got to I got
to be in that at some point in my life.

Speaker 4 (01:03:53):
From Benadryl adic.

Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
Hello.

Speaker 5 (01:03:57):
Hi, Sorry, I was expecting to get through.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
Hi. What's your name?

Speaker 5 (01:04:03):
Let's call me Fern.

Speaker 1 (01:04:05):
Fern. What's up for? Have we spoken before? If I've
talked to a Fern?

Speaker 4 (01:04:11):
No, we haven't.

Speaker 5 (01:04:12):
I've been trying to call in for like a couple
of weeks, but I haven't gotten through until now.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Fern. What's going on? How's uh? How's life?

Speaker 5 (01:04:20):
I'm doing actually super super well right now, but.

Speaker 4 (01:04:25):
I spent the past.

Speaker 5 (01:04:29):
Four years being like really deeply addicted to taking benadryl,
and I have a lot of funny stories from that.
Even though it was not a good time, it definitely
led to some interesting experiences.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Sure, is there one in particular that you want to
talk about?

Speaker 5 (01:04:52):
Yeah, well, okay, So I have to preface this by
saying that this all started because I was I have
a personality disorder, and this was kind of my way
with of like coping with everything that I was dealing with.

(01:05:14):
So uh, at one point, like this was happening maybe
twice a week, three times a week that I would take,
like I mean enough that a drill that you probably
like some people, if they weighed less than me, probably
would have died. But the one time I took, like

(01:05:39):
I don't I don't know how much I took, and
I don't want to encourage anybody, but the week that
I did this, I was playing a lot of Tears
of the Kingdom, like a lot.

Speaker 4 (01:05:48):
And so then when.

Speaker 5 (01:05:50):
I like took all of this penet drill and I
was like really really out of it, and the like,
there's like a bunch of emergencies services that showed up
at my house to help me out afterwards, because this,
like I said, this related to my mental health issues,
and the like fire men were like trying to get
information out of me, and all I kept saying was

(01:06:13):
that I needed to find the master source and I
needed to like get back to work like on like
the side quest that I was working on. And yeah,
I don't know, I always think about that. I wonder
if those like paramedics ever think about me, like really
drugged up talking about the Master's sorce and like not

(01:06:35):
knowing what I was talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:06:39):
So this is four years of taking.

Speaker 5 (01:06:42):
Benadru and shit, yeah it was not good. But I
have to say, like I'm almost one year sober now.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
So I'm curious, what was it that was making you
want to take so much BENDRL? Just life?

Speaker 4 (01:06:57):
Yeah, just life.

Speaker 5 (01:06:58):
I mean I have underline personality disorder, so like.

Speaker 4 (01:07:04):
A lot of that.

Speaker 5 (01:07:06):
It just kind of comes with the territory. You know,
you do a lot of like stupid shit to like
cope with the intensity of what you're going through. So
I kind of liked that it like shut off my
brain and it like made me not have to like
deal with what was going on. But of course ultimately
in the end it made it worse.

Speaker 1 (01:07:25):
So what was it that inspired you and helped you
to get sober?

Speaker 3 (01:07:34):
Well?

Speaker 5 (01:07:35):
I honestly straight up, I like hit rock bottom in
my life. Like I was mainly overdosing on benadryl, but
I was overdosing on other things, like as a form
of self harming. And one time, like mid twenty twenty three,
I won't go into too many details, but I was
like I got very, very very sick, and I was

(01:07:56):
in the ICU for a few days, and then I
was in inpatient psychiatry for like two weeks after that,
and that experience was like scary enough that I was like,
I don't want to keep doing this, you know, it's
ruining my life. And also I didn't really appreciate at
the time, like how horrible it was my family too
to have to deal with that. And so after going

(01:08:21):
through all that and seeing the toll that it took,
especially in my mom, I was like, Okay, I can't
keep doing this, you know. And every month that goes
by with being sober, I just see, like, you know,
everything that life has to offer and how good things
can be. I mean, like literally last night, I like
went out and like bought like some snacks and drove

(01:08:41):
out to like a trailhead and I was looking at
the stars and I like almost started crying because I
was just like, Wow, I'm like so grateful that I
get to be alive and just experience like simple things
like eating Reese's peanut buttercups in my car while listening
to music and looking at the stars. You know, hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
Tell me more about like the things that you've You've
come to realize that life has to offer that make
you not want to uh not want to overdose on benadryl.

Speaker 2 (01:09:13):
Bless you.

Speaker 5 (01:09:16):
I mean like literally literally everything, Like you know, I
I went through like years and years and years of
therapy to get to get to this point too. And
I think that another big realization was that, like you know,
like suffering in life is a choice. Pain is inevitable,

(01:09:38):
but you only suffer if you don't like choose to
accept the fact that you will feel pain. And so
just accepting that even, like you know, like accepting the
fact that I'm grateful that I get to feel anxious
because you know, I almost because I almost died. Now
now I just appreciate everything, Like I'm grateful that I'm

(01:09:58):
able to have like shitty tinder dates, you know, I'm
grateful that I'm able to have like a mid sandwich
from Tim Horton's you know all these like small things,
you know, just I'm just I'm just grateful to exist.
You know, existing is pretty great. Mm.

Speaker 1 (01:10:17):
Yeah, I've I've I've had those feelings before where you know,
when I'm in, when I'm in like the throes of uh,
like true gratefulness. I feel everything you've beat you almost
you start to become like grateful for your pain too,
in a weird way. You go like, oh, I'm so

(01:10:38):
grateful for everything, including like the gruesome stuff and the
bad shit, and you loop it in and you're almost like,
uh like like when I I was wright, I wrote, uh,
I was on my notes app, and I was like
writing my life resume down of all the things that
has you know, this is my entire fucking life, like

(01:10:59):
everything to be grateful for. And in it, I wrote,
I wrote all the I wrote a bunch of horrible
stuff too. I wrote, like, you know, bad things that
have happened to me in bad feelings and like you know,
ways in which I've felt, you know, suffering. And it
was like oh this and that, you you know, like

(01:11:20):
looking at it and then looking at all the good
stuff too. It felt very beautiful to have it all
laid out, and I was almost weirdly like, when I'm
in the middle of the suffering, I'm like, this is
fucking awful and I like this and I want to die,
and it's like, but when you're in the grateful mood

(01:11:41):
and like your past, everything's kind of like, you know,
nothing's ever truly in the rear view mirror, it's something.

Speaker 3 (01:11:45):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:11:45):
Pain is kind of as you're saying, like it's part
of life. But when you get into your right kind
of headspace, you're like grateful for you're the sum total
of all your life's experiences, you know, because they're yours,
you know, and you don't, Yeah, you're not sitting here like, oh,

(01:12:08):
it'd be great to be Pete Davidson, so I could
have sex with Kim Kardashian and have you know, eighty
billion dollars. You're like, no, I want to be me,
even if I even I want to be me in
this chair right now talking to you with all the
fucking bad brain stuff, because it's mine. You know, it's

(01:12:28):
my duty to exist in my own life, even if
even if like there's pain involved.

Speaker 5 (01:12:38):
Absolutely I totally agree. I mean, like just you know,
being able to appreciate the breadth of human experience that
is available to you, even if it's painful and it's
not fun at times, like you know, because you know,
if we were happy all the time, you know, you
wouldn't you wouldn't appreciate the happiness that you have. Having

(01:13:00):
that balance in your life is really what I think
makes life valuable. And so I'm I'm grateful to be
able to experience those moments of difficulty because it makes
the the high point so much sweeter and it makes me,
you know, feel like really appreciave for what I have
right because today is not guaranteed.

Speaker 1 (01:13:20):
Yeah, by the way, there's probably someone listening to this
who's really annoyed at all this like hippie shit, And
I get why, and I understand. And I'm not saying
that like suffering and pain is good. I'm not saying anything.
I'm only talking about my own personal experience. I'm not
talking about like if you're if you're listening to this
and you're offended because you don't lie, I'm not. I'm

(01:13:44):
only talking I don't know your life. I'm only I'm
talking just talking about mine. And that's how I feel
when I think about, you know, things, because I mean, yeah,
most I don't think it when you're in the middle
of like suffering through something, you know, you're not gonna
go like, oh, it's kumbaya, right. But I'm just talking

(01:14:04):
about I've had. I've just I'm just reporting on my
own personal experience as a human being having had and
you as well, having had these kumbaya moments where you're
kind of like in harmony with your own fucking bullshit.
I I don't. I was talking to my friend about
this the other day. People, I I think if you've
never gone insane, you're missing something in the human experience.

(01:14:29):
You know. Those people are like I'm on like I've
been on a dating app and I'll see, like, you know,
this is what I'm about to say is like incredibly
judgmental and probably not true at all, but it's it
is gut reactions that I've had. Like I'll see like
a lady holding a drink with her friends and she
works in marketing, and I'm like, has this lady ever

(01:14:49):
gone insane? You know, like, how what's happening here? You know,
maybe she had maybe she has I don't know her.
I don't know, I shouldn't judgment judge about that, but
you know, I'm you know, I'm.

Speaker 5 (01:15:01):
Trying to say, no, I understand, but you know what,
it's funny that you mentioned that because I really think
that having had so many like crazy experiences in the
psychord and like crazy like you know, moments of like
like literally like going insane, like you know, I was
one of those people who had to be like handcuffed
by the police and involuntarily brought to the hospital at.

Speaker 4 (01:15:22):
One point, and having gone.

Speaker 5 (01:15:25):
Through that, I feel so much more empathy and understanding
for other people who are like going through it. You know,
I think that I would be a lot more judgmental
of like homeless people are people who have like drug
addictions or anything like that, you know, if if I
hadn't had that same experience of being there, because I
really think, you know, if I had less support in

(01:15:46):
my life, I could have been, you know, one of
those people that everyone judges. So it definitely gives you
like a totally different experience on just on just what
it means to be alive when you've had that, you know,
you've had that happened to you before.

Speaker 1 (01:16:00):
Mm hmm, What did you say your name was against
Fern Fern. Yes, okay, So how are you doing now
that you're not addicted to benadryl? What's your life look like?

Speaker 4 (01:16:12):
So much better?

Speaker 5 (01:16:13):
But I do have to say, you know, I know
a few years ago there were people who there's like
this whole benadryll challenge on TikTok. Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 (01:16:23):
No, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Speaker 5 (01:16:25):
Go ahead, I can't be the only person that knows
about this. There was like a like challenge of like
people intentionally overroosing on benadryl on TikTok. Like this is
a few years ago now, this is not super recent,
but I just have to say that, like, you know,
if you if you were one of the people at

(01:16:45):
the time that engaged in something like that, then you
know you're probably experiencing what I'm experiencing now, which is
that your memory is like totally fucked, like really fucked,
like for several years. You know, my her memory was
really really bad. I mean it was never good to
start with, but it definitely the benadryl did not help.

Speaker 4 (01:17:06):
And then only just now.

Speaker 5 (01:17:08):
That I've stopped, it's like, you know, actually starting to
like I'm starting to see improvement, that's starting to get better,
and it also like it messed up a lot of
things in my body in general. I mean, like my
mental health is a lot better now, and you know,
I'm I'm that definitely is also helped by not not

(01:17:29):
overdosing on benadrol all the time. But like even stuff
like my like my like muscles were like messed up
and stuff like that, and it's it's taken time for
that sort of thing to heal.

Speaker 4 (01:17:40):
So and I don't think I really.

Speaker 5 (01:17:42):
Appreciated the like physical toll that it was gonna take
on me, and also the traumas in my family as well.
But you know now that as time increases between like
the the you know, my last time overdosing and now
it I just see you know, progressive improvement and I'm
actually able to like live my life now, because that's

(01:18:03):
really what it felt like. I mean, I felt like
my life was like ruined, like it was ruining my life,
and now I'm actually able to like, you know, do
normal things. I mean like I didn't I didn't date
at all for like like my entire life until this
point because.

Speaker 4 (01:18:18):
Of what I was going through.

Speaker 5 (01:18:19):
So only just now am I able to like actually
start experiencing like relationships and stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:18:25):
Like that too.

Speaker 1 (01:18:26):
How is that going?

Speaker 5 (01:18:29):
It's going. I like, I'm I'm fie so like before now,
I'd only ever had relationships with like women or non
binary people, and men are kind of interesting, especially men
that are my age.

Speaker 1 (01:18:48):
I'm gonna I'm gonna, by the way, I'm gonna say this,
for all the hippie ship we just talked about about
like being grateful for like everything or whatever. I've never
been on Tinder and been like, oh, I'm so grateful
I'm alive so I can be on Tinder. I think
I exclude that from the hippie conversation we just had.

Speaker 5 (01:19:10):
I think that maybe the first time I went on Tender,
I was like, wow, I'm grateful that I get to
experience this, But then I had like some some kind
of homophobic things said to me from somebody, and now
I'm like, Okay, you know, it's just kind of like
it's just what I've got to do, you know, to
like meet people. Unfortunately, but I mean it's it's going well.

(01:19:35):
I mean, I may not be grateful for Tinder, but
I'm grateful that I get to experience romantic relationships.

Speaker 1 (01:19:40):
Yeah, totally, by the way, I'm I'm mainly just bullshitting
my act, like like deep down my thoughts about like
dating apps, so that they're good. You know, they they
open well, they're they're I mean not that they're like
blanket good. They're they're a double edged sword because you know,
on like the negative end, they you know, make people
feel the pressed and compare themselves to other people, and

(01:20:02):
you know, it makes your steam god down. But you know,
I don't even have to say, there's a bunch of
negative things. But on the positive, it's like it opens
up new opportunities to meet people you never would have
met before, and I think that that's like a huge positive.
So I actually do think that overall dating apps are good.
It used to be that, like you just got married

(01:20:24):
to whoever lived next to you, whether you were a
good fit or not, but you ended up being a
good fit no matter what, because you both had the
exact same life experience, so it all worked out. I
guess we live in a more complicated world now, but
we we live in a more complicated world now, but
but we have our archaic wiring still. That's the that's

(01:20:46):
the reality show Fun Part Twist of Humanity in twenty
twenty five.

Speaker 5 (01:20:53):
Yeah, I mean, you know, my sister met her fiance
on Tinder, so like, I know that it can work
out for for people, but you know, it's kind of
a flog together, especially in my area, like being a
like member of the LGBTQ community and living somewhere that's
like kind of conservative. It's you know, I'm always like

(01:21:13):
a little bit hesitant meeting people, especially meeting like straight
white men my age, you know, about whether or not
they're going to be weird or not.

Speaker 1 (01:21:23):
So how old are you?

Speaker 5 (01:21:26):
I'm twenty two.

Speaker 1 (01:21:27):
Okay, damn, so you were So you started doing the
Benagol thing when you were like eighteen.

Speaker 5 (01:21:34):
Yeah, So what happened was that I had like mental
health issues in high school and then but I was
living with my family at that point, right, so like
I wasn't acting out, But then I moved to go
to I'm Canadian, so I moved to go to university
in twenty twenty. After I graduated, and then living in

(01:21:57):
like a dorm for the first time by myself, I
didn't have other people around me that I felt sad about, like,
you know, doing this around. So then that's when it started,
and it and it continued for right, yeah, and then
it continued like for many years. You know, I hadn't
exchange to France in twenty twenty three and actually got
kicked out of the country because of all of those

(01:22:18):
two So yeah, so that that was a that was
a big deal as well. So and then that's you know,
after I got back from France, that's when I ended
up in the ICU. And then after that that's when I,
you know, started to actually work on getting sober.

Speaker 1 (01:22:35):
Is benedrux illegal in France?

Speaker 5 (01:22:39):
Well yes, but they have another drugs in the same class.
See this is I was so I was so fucking
methodical about all of this, you don't even understand. I like,
before I went to France, I was like googling, like
what like drugs that they have at the pharmacy there
that is analogous to benadrl that I could like keep

(01:23:01):
doing the same thing when I got there. But then
also I had like I was taking a prescription mood
stabilizer at that point, and like a few I think
I was also on antidepressants and my doctor in Canada
gave me like a big fat like bottle to take
with me to France because I didn't know if I
could get it prescribed there, and so then I was

(01:23:21):
also overdosing on that if I couldn't get my hands
on the like benadrill analogous thing that they have. I
don't even remember the drug now, but I used to
buy it online at the pharmacy and then they would
ship it to my dorm.

Speaker 1 (01:23:36):
Wow, and how did that get How did that get?
You kicked out?

Speaker 5 (01:23:40):
So it was because I was on an exchange, like
I said, so my like Canadian University had agreement through
a third party with the university in France, and uh,
part of the contract that I signed was that if
you're like a danger to yourself or to other people,

(01:24:01):
you can't stay on the exchange. And so I but
when I went on the exchange, I thought that I
had disclosed that I had this problem, but they were
not happy about it. And so what ended up happening
was that I I was admitted to the hospital in

(01:24:21):
France after one of these instances, which was I mean
crazy in and of itself, like I have so many
stories from that.

Speaker 1 (01:24:27):
But like.

Speaker 5 (01:24:29):
When they admitted me, they took away my phone and
so my phone was turned off for like a couple
of days and I couldn't contact anybody, and my mom
can't get a hold of me. None of the exchange
people could get a hold of me, No one at
my university.

Speaker 4 (01:24:43):
Could get a hold of me.

Speaker 5 (01:24:44):
So they actually declared me missing to the like French police,
and then it took like a bit until after I
was able to get my phone back and I could
call them, and I was like.

Speaker 4 (01:24:57):
Like I'm alive.

Speaker 5 (01:24:59):
And then but because you know, they reported me missing,
then my exchange company was alerted to what was going on,
and it was kind of a thread that like unraveled everything,
and the French psychiatrist said, you have to go home.
Actually they wanted to have They wanted to like sedate
me and restrain me and put me on a plane

(01:25:20):
with a nurse to find me back to Canada, like
I mean like like like straight jacket style almost. But
my mom intervened and she said that she would come
get me. So that's why I was able to be released.
My mom hadn't come, they would have like you know,
like packaged me up like that and like drugged me
up and sent me back to Canada like that, well.

Speaker 1 (01:25:41):
Your mom had to come to France to get you.

Speaker 4 (01:25:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:25:45):
Yeah, my mom and my aunt flew to France to
get me out of the psych ward, and then we
went through Belgium and then we flew out of Belgium
to get back to Canada.

Speaker 1 (01:25:56):
WHOA, yeah, are you? Are you like French Canadian speak French?

Speaker 4 (01:26:01):
I do speak French.

Speaker 5 (01:26:02):
I'm not French Canadian though, but I went to French immersion,
so I'm like, I'm like proficient, I'm like conversational in French,
which definitely helped when I was in France, especially in
the hospital, because they don't speak English at all.

Speaker 1 (01:26:17):
So yeah, that would be that would be kind of
that sounds psychedelic as fuck, being in like the psych
ward of a country whose language you don't speak.

Speaker 5 (01:26:32):
Yeah, I'm really glad that I at least mostly understood them.
I mean, there was like some things that I, like,
I understand French better than I can actually speak it,
so I could understand what they were saying to me
a lot of the time, but I struggled to answer
and it was tough because you know, also in France
and the psych word, they have a very much like

(01:26:52):
a the doctor is right sort of attitude, right, so
like like you don't argue with them. I tried to
argue with them once. It didn't end well for me.
So it's definitely very, very different than the experiences I've
had in patient in Canada.

Speaker 1 (01:27:09):
So, Fern, I guess before we go, what's next for you?
See you've graduated school, I assume what's the future of
Fern look like?

Speaker 5 (01:27:23):
Well, I'm actually going into my last master right now,
cool of university.

Speaker 4 (01:27:29):
But I want to.

Speaker 5 (01:27:33):
I'm a public relations major, believe it or not, and
I want to see if I can potentially work as
like an intern at the legislature here in my province.
And if not, then I want to go back and
see my family and live live on the West Coast

(01:27:58):
for a bit with them and try and get a
job and just like live a normal ass life and
not have this chaos around me anymore. Actually, long term,
I hope to move back to France at some point.

Speaker 4 (01:28:09):
But that's that's a a whole thing that I'll have
to work on.

Speaker 1 (01:28:17):
That would be pretty sweet, That would be pretty sweet. Yeah,
what would you do in France? Just hang out?

Speaker 5 (01:28:23):
Well, I want to get my master's degree, So in France.
Basically the standard of education is you have to get
your masters, like under like just your bachelor's is not
enough to get a good job. So I want to
go back and I can get my masters. And because
Canada has an agreement with France, I can apply for
citizenship after like two years or something, so then I

(01:28:46):
can be an U citizen and I can work. But
hopefully as my long term goal is to do like
communications and public relations for like NGO's, like Human Rights
Watch or something like that. That's my goal. But we'll see.
I mean, it's kind of a lot of goal, but
you know, it would be fun, It'll be nice. I'm
like I say, I'm just I'm just glad to be

(01:29:07):
alive and I'm looking forward to everything that life has
to offer.

Speaker 1 (01:29:10):
You know, Verne, I'm glad you didn't overdose on benadryla
and die.

Speaker 5 (01:29:15):
I'm very glad that I didn't either. I mean, it's
it's not a fun way to die. Like, I really
don't recommend it. Not that anyone here is considering that,
but I recommend against it. It's not enjoyable.

Speaker 1 (01:29:28):
This has been an interesting three conversations to have. I
feel like, did everyone in this did everyone I talked
to on this podcast almost die today. It was I
talked to the boat Yeah, the boat girl. I talked
to the trailer living lady with the rats. She was cool.

(01:29:50):
She didn't just die. I don't think.

Speaker 5 (01:29:53):
I'm I'm real worried about boat girl, though. I hope
she calls the Coastguard.

Speaker 1 (01:29:57):
I'm also worried about boat girl. I hope she I
don't know why she. I mean, I'm glad we got
to talk. It was a great conversation, but I don't
know why she called. Well, she she seems pretty confident
that she'll figure it out, and I actually I hope
she does. I hope I'm not getting called. I hope
I don't get like a phone call or something where

(01:30:18):
they're like, hey, you have the last transcription of her.
I don't even know why I'm putting that out in
the universe. It's fucked up. She'll be fine. Everyone's gonna
be fine. You're gonna be fine, I'm gonna be fine.
Everything's gonna be fine. Thanks. Thanks for sharing your story
with us. I'm always happy to hear a story of
a lot of stories today of people moving on with

(01:30:42):
their lives and doing good stuff. So thanks for being
a part of that, Fern, Is there is there anything
else you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go?

Speaker 5 (01:30:55):
Really, if you can all at all possibly do it,
avoid getting involved in like any sort of addiction, like
you know, drinking or smoking weed or like you know,
in my case, self harm.

Speaker 4 (01:31:09):
Like it's such a.

Speaker 5 (01:31:10):
Deep, deep, deep, deep deep hole that you get yourself
into and it takes years and years and years and
years and a lot of pain and hard work to
dig yourself out of it. It's just never worth it.
It's not worth it. And if you're really struggling, you should,
you know, if it's all possible, reach out to people
around you so that you don't feel like you have
to resort to that because it just makes things worse.

Speaker 1 (01:31:32):
Fern, thanks for calling, and good luck with the rest
of your life.

Speaker 4 (01:31:38):
Yeah, thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 (01:31:39):
It's been great chatting great talking to you too, and
I'll see you around the universe.

Speaker 4 (01:31:44):
Yeah, I have a good one. But bye.

Speaker 1 (01:31:46):
That was great. What a great appisode. That was a
really fun episode. That was great. I loved I loved
to today's episode. That was really fun, lots of juicy stories.
I feel I'm very grateful in this moment. It's as
I'm recording this, it's April twenty second, twenty twenty five.

(01:32:07):
This summer will be five years of the of the
therapy Get Go, and we're still getting interesting stories and
having great phone calls and learning things and soaking up
the lived experiences of others and it's cool. So thanks

(01:32:27):
for calling, everyone who called, Thanks for listening, everyone who listened.
I know we're putting a lot of ads in the
podcast lately, so I'm trying to make the show longer
so that the ads to podcast ratio is good. So thanks,

(01:32:51):
thanks for bearing with me on this journey. Get bless.
This has been fun. I don't know why I am.
I don't know if I have anything else to say
except that this. I've enjoyed doing this podcast today, three
really great calls. Okay, anything else? Uh? I guess Well,

(01:33:17):
this is the end of the podcast, so I can
just trail off. And it's not like there's nothing past this.
There's nothing past me trailing off, So this I can
just I'm me trailing off is not blocking further content
that would be to come, because it's the end. But

(01:33:39):
maybe you can maybe I can say something random here. Okay,
my brain doesn't work. I'm we did it. We did
the episode, all right, thanks for listening, everyone, see you again.
Soon goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.
Everything goes to teaching you the interview line that he's

(01:34:00):
not really an expert.

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Lyle Drescher

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