January 28, 2025 • 49 mins
Daniel straps on his pointe shoes for a conversation with ballet dancer Brianna Abruzzo about intense training, growing up in NYC, and broken toenails.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Did you ever like a black swan I have to
rip your own toenails off? No, thank god, you've never
done that.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
No, but they have fallen off while on point. I
heard it.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Crack mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Yeah, Cosh shaw, cosh shush show show.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Welcome to the Hodown. I'm your host, Daniel Tosh. Let's
get it going. If you think your sister fine, grabber,
wear the Sundo Giant.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
If you figure because it's sweet, then you can you
lit your feet.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Oh man, it's good to be back ed. How are you.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
I'm good?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
How are you good? Man? I'm doing great. Before I
start the show, Eddie, I want to say congratulations to
the Michigan Wolverines for kicking the dog shit out of
the national champion Ohio State buck Eyes.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
That's got to feel good, right, You win the national
championship and then Michigan has to be like, yeah, well
we beat you badly. Who do you hear that we
were an answer on Jeopardy?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I did hear this?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
No, man, it was a a just ask Spindly comedian
Daniel A load of I guess it was a load
of Tosh. By the way, Spindley, that's not a compliment.
But you're allowed to You're allowed to throw those adjectives
around when it's a thin person. You think you think
(01:35):
had I been tipping the scales the other direction, they
would have been like, just ask this fat fuck portly.
That would have been better than Yeah, they probably wouldn't
have put fat fox. They probably would have went portly,
but you get it inappropriate. Nah whatever. You know, we're
in trying times here in so Cal. I'm gonna start
(01:58):
saying so Cal at all times. Yeah, everybody's getting back
to their new normal. You know, every time I leave
to go somewhere, whether it's a store or work, I
always I always sneak out of the house. You know,
I don't say goodbye, slipping out. Well you say goodbye.
(02:21):
People always say what if? What if that was the
last time you saw your family? And that's that would
make me want to give a more genuine goodbye. But
the reality is if I actually say goodbye to my children,
then for the next fifteen to thirty minutes, they're whining, crying,
(02:45):
holding on to me, trying don't leave, blah blah blah,
and it's like I can't get anything done. So what
do I do? Instead of saying goodbye to my loved ones.
I always just quietly disappears how I leave my house
every day. It's just not worth it any other way.
By the way, let me speaking of my family. You know,
(03:08):
I have conversations with my son every day, and you
know he he's getting older and his vocabulary is getting better.
But for some reason, the other side of the family,
my in laws, they can't wrap their head around the
fact that I'm talking to him, Like like my father
in law. I'll ask my son like, uh, oh, what
(03:32):
are you watching? And then my father in law time me, oh,
we're watching, you know, this Seabeast movie. I'm like, I'm
I'm not talking to you. The other day he like
they had his lego toy and uh it was like
a little Formula one car, and I said to myself,
I go, where does the driver sit? And immediately Greg,
my father in law, goes, oh, they sit right there.
(03:54):
And I just looked at him like, what you don't
think I fucking you don't think I don't know where
the driver sits in the car. I'm just trying to
have a conversation with a five year old. They just
get so excited that they know the answer to something.
They just immediately chime in, do what you do today, buddy,
we went to the park. Okay, you went to the park, thanks,
(04:18):
seventy year old. You gotta start to say your son's
name before you ask the questions. Maybe, okay, Eddie, you're right.
So when I start teasing them about constantly answering the
questions that were meant for a child, he says, my
son says to me, well, Dad, you should say my
name first. That way they know not to answer. He's like,
(04:40):
he's already got it. So that's what I'm gonna do. Unbelievable.
I'll tell you what I wish I could trade in
laws with today's guest. They're good people, but you guys
are in for a treat today because today's guest this
is a world that I've always been fascinated by to
(05:01):
a creepy level. Enjoy Casha, my guest today, is more
flexible and there's better balance than anyone we've ever had
on the show. If you love singing and dancing in
production so long there is an intermission, then you will
love her jazz hands. Everybody as we welcome to the
(05:22):
show actor, singer, dancer, but first and foremost Hey, Ballerina Rihanna. Hello,
did you like that intro?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I loved it? Thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
How'd you sleep last night?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I slept so well?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
You serious?
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
She slept in the airstream, guys, luxury. Your last name
a Bruiso. That's Italian, right, Yes? You grew up in
New York, I did. Did you say I'm walking here?
Speaker 2 (05:47):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
You never screamed I'm walking here. My son says it now.
It makes me laugh. That's amazing, I'm walking here.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
But I do have a good New York accent?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
You do? And do you only turn it on just
whenever you're there?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Whenever I want?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
That's so bad. It really is a horrible accent.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Terrible.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I used to think at school accent your dad. Yeah,
but I'll get in your father later, find it well.
I've always found him fascinating. You know. It was a
man that you know it was it was it all stocks?
Is that all? Yeah? And just insider trading. Tons and
tons of illegal stuff went on? I hope not no, no,
(06:25):
but he like just figured the market out. He was
a mathematician. I don't think I knew that he has.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
A brilliant math mind.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, yeah, what he guys, if you want to hate
your life, Like just made a ton, got to forty
and said I'm done. I'm not gonna work ever again.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Retired at forty two.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, well I'm forty nine. I'm still working, as you
can tell. But who has more money? Me or your father?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
You do?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I are you sure?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I'm pretty sure?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Oh? Thank god, I can quit. Do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
No, you don't?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I do?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Do you really? Yeah? God? Your ding bet? Do you
have proof?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I just believe they're real? Okay, yeah, but why why
wouldn't they be real?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Oh god, I don't think it's It's on you to
prove that they are real, not me, to prove that
something that doesn't.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Exist does energy cannot be destroyed once it's created.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I like, this cannot be destroyed? That is that is
a load of tosh if I've ever heard it? Right there?
You know the joke I used to always pretend, way
before I was ever married, way before I even was
dating my wife, that I would tell people that I
had a ballerina wife. That was my joke. I have
always had a fascination with ballet. Okay, okay, I don't know.
(07:42):
I don't know where it came from the thing is
I've never been to the ballet. Is that weird too? Okay,
hold on, I've never been to the ballet. I also
think it's one of these things that if I go,
I'm going to have like an emotional reaction, like I'm
gonna sob, like it's gonna affect me. But if it doesn't,
then I'm gonna be like, well, that was fucking stupid.
I shouldn't have gone.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I think you should go to Paris or Russia and
see the ballet.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
There and not going to Russia, and then you will SOB.
You're kidding me. I've already I've made jokes about Putin.
There's no chance I ever get on a planet. Have
you been to Russia? No, No, don't go to Russia.
I'll go to a ballet in Paris. That's a great idea. Yeah.
Do you like Paris?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I do?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I do too. Yeah, I don't know. There's just some
there's something so I think the mystique of ballet, so
you know, it's sad and depressing and.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Some little pain goes into it, and it's just.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
I mean, I don't even know what. Yes, I guess
maybe my perspective from watching movies and the portrayal of
what you guys go through that I just I'm fascinated
by it. Thanks, just so I'm aware. Are the Nutcracker
and Swan Lake the only ballets? No, I've never heard
of any others. You heard of any others?
Speaker 2 (08:53):
My favorite is Seranad Serenad. Yeah, you have to see it.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I'm gonna see. Have you seen Sarahad Eddie?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
No?
Speaker 1 (08:59):
I never heard of it. Okay, how does ballet work? Like?
How do I know what's going on? Is there dialogue?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
No dialogue? But there's pantomime.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Are you good at that?
Speaker 2 (09:09):
It's not like a set language that you can be
good at.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Well do they teach you?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, it's choreography that you learn.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
But every pantomime and every different ballet is different.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Are you amazing at charades? Pretty good? I mean you
sing too? Have you sang your whole life? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I have? Actually?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Okay? Yeah, like because you can sing some of these
answers if you'd like, Just so I get like a
sampling of how musical theater works. Okay, when did you
start ballet?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
When I was three? But I hated it?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
You hated it?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah? My teacher is really mean, very strict.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Why would you have a mean teacher at three? It
seems so counterproductive to the sport Russian. Did your mother
let you quit or did she force you to continue?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I had to finish out the year.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yeah, it's weird how parents have that. My wife tried
to do that with my son because he wanted to
playing t ball and he's like, I don't I don't
want to play. I just want to get the trophy.
And I'm like, buddy, I say we quit and we
show up for the last game and we get the trophy.
I had no issue with his plan. And then I
was scolded for bad parenting. So your mother made you
finish out the year? And then when did you get
(10:17):
back into it?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
When I was nine?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Oh? Is that late? Is it actually eight? Is that late?
Speaker 2 (10:22):
No, it's not late.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
But I've taken seriously big gap.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
And my sister actually went to the School of American Ballet.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Was she a good dancer? But you were so much
better than your right? Were you immediately better than her?
She's fine, she's got a great sense of humor.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Well, she stopped after two years.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Because because the writing was on the wall that she
was cumbersome, she.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Just she pursued figure skating. Actually, oh that's right, which
I can't do.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
So, yeah, you went to a fancy high school. Your
mother ripped you, ripped you from regular school and said
you are going to go to this fancy school in
New York City. But what were the wanted to go there? Oh?
Of course you did. It probably cost a fortune, probably,
and you didn't have to take any tests and you
could miss school constantly. We had to take tests you did. Yeah,
(11:16):
do you know simple mass?
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Barely?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
What's seven times seven forty nine? Is it? Yeah? Yep?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
What's the square root of one hundred and forty four?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Uh, let's see nine twelve? Oh and far off? By
the way, how was this high school? Bullshit?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
It was great. It was actually like the only way
I could go get a real education while training for ballet.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
How horrible is training for ballet?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
It's really intense?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
How many hours a day? As like, when you're in
your your what are you? Is this okay? To say
are you past your peak.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
For ballet? I would say I'm past my okay?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Yeah, okay, Well I don't want to I don't want
to insult you, like you know.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I'm also not trying to be a prima valeria right now, right?
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Okay, So when you were in your peak, how much
training is involved in hours a day?
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Yeah? So like your last few years of high school.
You have class at ten thirty and then another one
at two thirty, and then you have rehearsals in the
afternoon and potentially a performance of some sort.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Well, how many hours a day are you doing dance
or related things?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Three to five or six.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Three to fives, three to five or six. It doesn't
seem that hard, I mean, if you love it. Yeah,
I want to surf three to six hours a day
when I was in high school. Nobody's nobody's freaking out
over my work ethic. Yeah, no, I'm not impressed.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
But then when you're working, you're dancing.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Seven days a week six Yeah. What's the average career
length of a professional ballet dancer?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
From about eighteen to thirty five?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Oh, it seems pretty good. I can't really complain. Why
you guys always complaining How often did you have to
buy shoes?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Point? Shoes depends how much you dance, but a lot
of dancers use one a week or one a show.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Okay, Yeah, what do they cost? A good pair of
Points shoes one hundred and twenty five and they're not
provided by the company.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
They're provided by the company.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, what age do you start on point?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
At my school, we start at twelve, okay, and we
do like one year of just like simple relevase at
the bar, like a whole year just to gain ankle strength.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Were you strong on point?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
By the way, are your feet all messed up like
everyone this year?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It's not that bad.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
You got a bad toe? I do like a grandpa
kind of you know, it's like, oh, I got one toe?
Is it because of ballet or just just a fungus
that you haven't taken care of.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
No, it's not a fungus. It just I squeezed my
feet into point shoes for so many years that one
of them is just like stuck.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Did you ever like a black swan I have to
rip your own toenails off? No, thank god, you've never
done that.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
No, but they have fallen off while on point. I
heard it.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Crack mm hmm, yeah, disgusting. I know. Do you never
complain about high heels because of your life?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
I hate high heels?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Oh you don't like high now? Are you good in them?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Or no, Yeah, I'm good in them, but they're really
uncomfortable on my toes because, like I said, my toe
is jammed forever.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Well, I don't know, but is it jammed in the
right way or the wrong way.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
For high end? Yeah, it's actually my foot is better
on point than it is in a heel.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
You're kind of like a knuckle dragger toes.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Well, your toa should be straight on point.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Okay, yeah, I thought you're like going like.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
This, Yeah, you know, like kind of more straight.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
You're just on top of them.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah, but your arch is so strongly it sticks out.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
How hard is it to stay in ballets shape?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
It's really hard because you have to keep doing it
to maintain. Basically, if you're not going to class every day,
then you're losing your ability.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Can you do the splits at any time?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Like that? That's not uncomfortable for you?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
You don't know?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Okay? Am I wrong? Or is it right? That? Right now?
With my daughter who is just a year and a half,
that I'm starting to push or splits farther and farther
every day. Should I not be doing that?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I think you should.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I got to get her there, stretch her feet too. Stretch.
What do I have to do to the thief?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Stretch them so that they touched the ground.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Even if she's crying.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Whenever you see a tear, then you can stop.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh god, the reality of that that you know that exists,
Oh my goodness, that's terrifying. Talk about a dancer's typical diet.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Everyone's really different. It just depends on their body and
their metabolism.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
What are people having to get on the scale like.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
In front of No, they don't do that anymore, but
I was definitely.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
When did they do that years ago? In your lifetime
of ballet?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Now?
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Okay before you, before me? So you weren't pre Brie.
Okay pre Bri. I don't even like to think of
a world pre Brie.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
But I was definitely called in to have the fat talk.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Okay, let's talk about the fat talk. First of all,
you're a tiny person, so okay, that's off the table.
But you think, or maybe I'm wrong, but that you
were kick out of the Miami City Ballet at one
point because of being too heavy.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, that's correct.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
But do you know it to be true or it's
just a hunch you have. I know it to be true,
which is weird because Miami we like them thick. It
is weird, honestly, first of all, can we because you're
never supposed to ask these questions, but I feel like
I need to. What was your weight back then? Or five? Five?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Okay? And what would be what would they say on
your weight should be?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
I got hired when I weighed one to ten.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
It's that goddamn food run.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
The ran the company was a woman, so that kind
of hurt even deeper. But she called my mother and
told my mother that I gained twenty pounds.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Twenty pounds yeah when it was only five.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
But in fairness, like freshman five in ballet is equivalent.
I don't know, I'm trying to justify it.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
I mean, I think in a leotard everything does show
a lot more than in like street clothes.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
But did it affect your dance? Did five pounds affect
your day?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
No, it didn't affect my dance. But I was also
diagnosed with PCOS at that time, so that was like
something I was dealing with that was affecting my weight.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Polycystical variant syndrome. Oh yeah, it's just like a hormone disruptor.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Does that cause a five pound weight gain?
Speaker 2 (17:24):
It can, because insulin resistance can be a part of
it too. That like makes your body retain water and
like retain weight.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Do you hold a grudge?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
No, I am happy that I ended up leaving the
company and pursued other things, But I was not proud
of the way that she handled the situation and the
way that she treated other people.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
You saw eating disorders. Oh yeah, that's probably huge.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Right, yeah, Well, especially when you have a director who
wants the dancers really really thin.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
And that's the thing. You're like, oh, no, so and
so is directing this, We're all in trouble.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Well, she was just the creative director of the whole company.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
At what weight is going on? Point? Not advised? You know,
because now there's plus sized models. Has that infiltrated the
ballet world where there's now plus sized dancers?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
No, there aren't plus sized dancers, But I would say
more and more every year, it's becoming like more acceptable
to be a healthy weight. But that depends, like company
to company. Every company is different.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Do they want the guys this then, or do they
not care?
Speaker 2 (18:29):
No, they bring them cupcakes? Man?
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Is it It really is a man's world. We get cupcakes,
they're over there purgein. Do you jump on a scale? Now?
Yeah you do? Do you care?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I make my wife get on the scale every Thursday.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Do you measure her as well?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Her height? Oh? No, you just met all the parts?
Did they do that?
Speaker 2 (18:56):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Did they ever measure you? Yes they did.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Did you measure your he They measured us for costumes?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
You ever had diarrhea on stage?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Thankfully not.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Do you know anybody that's ever had such an accident?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
No? I've had like wardrobe malfunctions.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
What does that mean? Just your crotches out, your costume
like falls off while you're dancing?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Ah, was it the best show of your life?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's pretty fun.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
By the way, I just learned this, and tell me
if I'm wrong. But a female dancer was a ballerina.
A male dancer is a danceeer, a male dancer or
a male ballet dancer.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Male ballet dancer.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah, my research has also a dance tour. But if
you don't know that, then it's not true that all right? Whatever,
we think a better than ballerinos, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I think so too.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Ballerinos, Yeah, are all dancers sleeping with each other?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Uh? The men?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yeah? Oh? Just the gayness? Yeah? Are they all gay?
What percentage of the male it's just your your ballpark
in it here, ninety percent of them are gay? Yeah,
I would say you think it's an it's which came first,
chicken of the egg. Does ballet make you gay?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Or do gay men? They're just drawn to ballet. I'm
drawn to ballet, but I guess I don't. I just
like it and to watch I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I mean there are straight ballet dancers.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Too, But are they not as good?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
No, they're good. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
They're always trying to hit on the girl the ballet Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Yeah, they get all the girls.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Oh, they do get them all.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Have you ever dated? Have you ever dated a ballerino? No?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Never wanted to.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
What about an instructor, a teacher?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Never, never. No lines are blurred ever. Do you look
at their hogs when they're wearing those outfits?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
I try not to.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
But you see them all day, aren't you? Guys just
always naked backstage, just all of you at all times in.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
The dressing room.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, I would be.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
So is it different than any sport?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
I wouldn't know. I never did that, Like I was
the kid that like changed real secretively in the corner rest. No,
it depends. I mean, that's the beauty of being a
woman on some level. Nobody's ever like, oh my goodness,
look at how shorts your vagina is, right, you know,
it's it's it's a different anxiety as a man. I
(21:13):
dread it to this day. To this day, I still
have a note signed by my mother that excused me
from showering in the lockers after pe class.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yeah, I have had this debate for so long with
anybody that listens, and nobody cares. Why is ballet not
in the.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Olympics Because it's an art?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Okay, they have like every type of dance, like gymnastics,
they have that dancing, not just the gymnastics, but the
dancing whatever. All of it is dumb figure skating just
a dumb, dumber form of ballet. It's it's crazy that
(21:54):
ballet is all about Like there are tons of experts
that are like, that was precise, that was not but
and that's all that's all gymnastics is judging. Why are
you on the fucking wrong side of this one? How
are you going to tell me that breakdancing. Breakdancing got
into the Olympics before ballet.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
I don't think break dancing should be an Olympics.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
It shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
But here's the issue though, if you make it a sport,
then it's going to take out all of the artistry
because people are just going to be focused on completing
a technicalities than like showing there you're wrong. Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Too many sports in the Olympics are based purely off
judging diving. All of that is is how your body
is turning, how it enters.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
So that's so artistry is so subjective.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I know you're going to have people that are going
to be upset, but are there not the best ballerinas
in the world that you're like, she's the best, they're
the top. Yeah, right, so there's a reason that you
know that person is better than the other person.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
So there are definitely judges that could say this person
on this particular dance was better than this person on
that particular dance. And yes, it's subjective, but it still
should be people dancing for their country. Oh I stand
by this, okay. And you're surfings in the Olympics. That's
purely judged, and that's artistry in the water. I can't
(23:22):
believe you so mad at you do dancers suffer long
term injuries from all the impacts?
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Well why are you laughing?
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Emotional? Physical?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
No? But I mean I mean, like like a football player.
When you see a football player in their fifties, it's
kind of sad. You're like, oh, the knees, the joints.
Do dancers have that same problem later in life or
not as much?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Some and some dance forever and they're in great shape.
Like one of my ballet teachers was seventy two and
she had more energy than me and went out tango
dancing at night.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
And is there steroids in the ballet? People do it?
I bet I know it. I think they do. I mean,
you don't get tested as a ballerina right now, so
you're allowed to use steroids since it's art. I guess
this is where you're probably, this is where you have
so many holes in your argument. You should you should
be all jacked up on steroids.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
But then you would be too swol.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
No, No, we'll moderate it. I will figure it out.
Your jumps will get a little higher. Blah blah bla.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I mean my cancers used to take a lot of coke.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Coke. Yeah, back in the time, you done cocaine. Never never,
never look at me. Never. If I put cocaine on
the table right now, I don't even know what to do.
Would you take some of it? Wouldn't even know what
to do with it? You would know what to do
with it? What is that? If I gave you just
I'm not saying a lot of cocaine, just a little
bit of cocaine right now, you're gonna do some cocaine.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I don't even take caffeine.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
You don't mean either, like Mormons? Did you like living
in Miami?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Not particularly?
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I lived in South Peach for a while. You didn't
I once I no longer lived there, right, it was
like I was like, oh that was fun. But I
mean when I was there, like.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
The weird place to live. Yeah, yeah, that's for sure,
because everyone's partying and you're going to work.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
When I think about I used to go shoot, you know,
I had this interview show at nightclubs, like we wouldn't
leave to go to some nightclubs till two in the morning.
And I'm just when I wrap my head around that now,
I'm like, couldn't be me?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I went to one club once for about ten minutes,
and I was like, never again.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Was your family more proud when you landed a gig
as a dancer at the Miami City Ballet or when
your sister was hired as a post production assistant on
Tosh point zero because both organizations are prestigious in their field. Sorry, Lauren,
they were more proud of the Miami City Ballet.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I think, so okay, But they also put a lot
of money into my training, so maybe that was what.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Do you ever have a dollar figure on how much
they've spent on you?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
No?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Do you want to know if I said they spent
three hundred thousand on your ballet career from birth till now,
would you be like, Oh, that sounds low or.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
That sounds high?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
That sounds high? Yeah, I'm just ballparking it. I don't know.
It's not a sport that a lot of poor people
can get in.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
It's not an art form that a lot of poor
people can get into.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
No, but there are scholarships.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
But to get good to get a scholarship takes a
lot of sacrifice that a lot of poor people might
not be able to have.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Yeah, the only time I've ever seen a poor person
in ballet is in a movie where like, look at
this poor person that's doing ballet, and she's a little
different and edgier. It's a dumb bag story. Always she's
trying to incorporate hip hop into ballet. It's never going
to work. What's your favorite ballet movie?
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Center Stage?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Oh? Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Did you ever see the show Tiny Pretty Things?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Okay, I watched Tiny Pretty Things.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Auditioned for it.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
You auditioned for it? Yeah, I would have loved for
you to have been in that show. Now talk about
gay porn. Oh yeah, there were just dudes on dudes
the whole way through that thing. I don't really understand
the show. They pushed somebody off like an eight story
building and she lived. Yeah, she was in a coma
the whole time. Now, the show is weird. I watched it, though,
it wasn't meant for me.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Definitely not the demographic.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
No, I'm some forty year old dude watching this young
ballet show. Did you guys watch it? No? You remember
bun Heads. Yeah, A group of the writers on Tosh
point zero all would watch it together and then they
would live tweet during the show just about bun heads
and things that were going on, and they thought it
(27:47):
was the greatest thing. Will you always be a bunhead?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Is the ballet world really like the movie Black Swan?
Also off topic me, lacunis, do you think she and
her rape apologists husband get wrapped up in this Diddy disaster?
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Part one? Yes and no okay and part two no comment.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Aw, they're in there, that's gonna happen. By the way,
your sister worked for me. Your sister originally when she
first came into my life, she was an assistant for
the clip clearance guy. This guy is just like he
would clear the videos that were on the show. I
also threw up on your sister on camera, that was
(28:36):
her first appearance. That was nice. But then she worked
under my stylus, Carrie, and she clothed me for many years. Lauren.
I'll say something to your sister anytime we ever have
large groups of people visit, before people leave, I let
them know who was the best guest and who was
(28:59):
the worst guest. And she was always the best guest.
She just knows how to be a guest. You know
this is we're not talking about. This is like when
a large group of people are staying together for an
extended period of time. I don't know. He didn't have
to worry about her. She coulways take care of everybody else.
She was considered, like, hey, I got food for everybody. Yeah,
(29:22):
and now I'll be honest. It's not without complaint. Okay,
nobody sheds more than her, This is true. God, damn
the money. One time I bought her a plug that
she could use in my drains for when she would visit,
because the amount of hair that would come out of
her head. Now you have the same problem.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
No, you don't know quite as much hair as too
much hair.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I just remember that your age gap is a little
you're seven eight years apart.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yeah, I'm going to save the marriage.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Baby, how'd that work?
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Not great?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
It didn't save the Did you cause your parents to separate?
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Maybe?
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Were you ever competitive with your sisters or with a
gap so big that it didn't know?
Speaker 2 (30:04):
And she was always so supportive?
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Yeah she really is.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
I mean I knew about your career long before I
ever met you, just because of how much she talked
about you. I was like, shut up, no one gives
a shit about this. Ballerina. Do more people call you
bri or Brianna.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
My closest friends call me bri Your closest friends Cammy Brie.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Am I your closest friend? No, no, I'm not. I'll
stick to Brianna. I think Brianna's fancy. And it's like
it's almost all the same letters as Ballerina. Do you
ever notice that, speaking of letters, you're engaged. Congratulations to
a tiny fellow. Uh, everyone in her family he was
in munchkin Land. He's not. He's a normal person, but
(30:48):
everyone in their family they always just refer to Brianna
and her fiancee a j as as. Oh, there's just
so cute and tiny, which I always is very average. Yeah,
you're fine. Five. My wife was talking to you like
you were like the tiniest little thing, and I'm like,
she's three inches taller than you. You're in musical theater
and your fiance is a singer songwriter. What's it like
(31:11):
to live on negative four hundred dollars per months?
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Super fun?
Speaker 1 (31:17):
You live in New York City. Then you moved right
at the pandemic or before the pandemic August, so smack
dab in the pandemic Okay, to Nashville, a city that
exploded during the pandemic. A lot of people talk about, like, oh,
the mass exodus out of California or into Texas and Florida.
(31:37):
When people talk about Nashville how it exploded, I'm like,
I saw it from my own eyes. I'd go there.
I'm like, good God, this has changed.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
The housing market has like tripled.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Did you guys buy when you were there? No, you
didn't even score nothing. But did you enjoy living in Nashville?
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Why did you? A New York ballerina, Broadway singer, all
of that, Why would you go to Nashville?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Well, during the pandemic, my whole career was just shut down. Okay,
the whole business. So I went to Nashville for AJ's
music career, and there's just so much of that. There's
a lot of art. There's like something for everyone.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
It's very there's nothing for ballerinas.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Nothing really for ballerinas. But it's a very like just small,
manageable town. It's a lot easier. Just everything's easier. You
can get in your car and get your groceries.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
What are you happy to be gone? Would you? Are
you glad that you're left Nashville behind me.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Bittersweet for sure, but I'm happy to be back more
in my business. In the scene where.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Yeah, it was like, it was like, listen, fiance, we've
been living for your dream long enough. Let's go back
to the bread and butter.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Sort of guid and sense.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Now, if you had your your druthers here, would you
rather your fiance make it huge? Okay? Or you make
it pretty well off? Like not not to the absolute top,
but wow, what a career the first Yeah, you're a liar,
(33:14):
can't believe it. You're just like a Hallmark movie. Give
everything away for somebody else. It's just knows. You gotta
be selfish, no one listen.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
If you's to make it all the way, then that's
gonna help me, of course.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
But that's not what you want. You guys want to
have a family and that kind of stuff. Yeah, Are
you going to torture your children into the to the
art form that you loved so much at one point?
Speaker 2 (33:37):
No, if they want to, I will encourage them and
stretch their feet, but I will hope that they are
good at other things.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
You and age, you just sit around all day and
just sing to each other. I hear you do not
all day.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
I hear you guys do sometimes like you guys like it,
Like I mean he's a musician. He might sit at
the piano and play a song.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Yeah, but even when other people are like come over
for like wine, and you guys just sing that it's
really cute. That is the silliest thing. I would never
have so wholesome. Oh, it's so it's so weird.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
No coke or anything.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Age you had a hit Billy Joel. Does he force
you into all of his music videos or do you
force yourself into his music videos because you're like Shakira,
didn't she used to date like like a mentally abusive
(34:28):
soccer player. Am I wrong on all of this? I
could be making it up, not ringing any else. And
he wouldn't allow her for like a decade when you
didn't hear from Shakira, they wouldn't allow her to be
in any music video with another man. Then they just
recently got divorced, and now you're you're seeing Shakira all
over the place.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Yeah, she's back. It's not like that. No, we just
co collaborate and I helped produce his music videos.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
By the way, does he sing country music. Why did
I thought he didn't. I thought he's saying pop.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
He does pop? Yeah, but he right? Whatever?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Did he write any country hits out there?
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Nah. I used to dabble with a girl that wrote
country music. She also sang, but she but every day
she'd have to she was like in a deal, she'd
have to deliver twelve songs a day, a day some
something some year. No no, no, no, no, Like it
was just churning out ding dumb shit after dumb shit. Yeah.
(35:26):
Let me tell you something else about this girl. What
She was the first person I remember we were sitting
in a hotel bed. Don't tell my wife about this,
and she was the first person to go. She was
like looking at me and going, oh, you're going bald
And I was like, oh, I was like like twenty
eight or twenty nine, and she goes, I don't care,
don't worry about it, and I'm like, bitch, I care,
(35:46):
Like you're not going to be the last person I'm
with anyway, that's that shouldn't But she wrote a song
about me.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
I feels it about your baldness.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Shut up. Everybody that's on the show gets gifts. It's
just stuff in the house. You're not gonna like, well,
you might like some of it. These are some of
these who are like leading up to your wedding, you
have to like do different like parties and things, but
you have to wear white, so there's different like white dresses.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Oh my god, there'll be.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Some fun things in there. I don't know what they are.
You'll you'll you'll like them. And you're cooler than Some
of this stuff has tags. I go, I go, honey,
why why are you giving this? Uh to brown? And
she she's cooler, she's gonna. I can't wear these things.
I'm not cool.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
This is great.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
There's a lot, there's a lot here. Look, you're gonna
you're gonna love all this stuff. What do we got here?
I don't know what this is. Oh, I can't wait
to see you in this number. Look at that's extra small.
Huh what is this? I don't know if this is?
Oh man, that's a that's a slinky little number. Now
(36:54):
it's gonna be on A J's wife. Are you taking
his name?
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Not legally? But I will be known as missus.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
I've seen I've seen my wife and this one he's
the one that one before, Oh, this one, Oh, this
will be You'll like this dress's.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Great for wicked? Are you going to I've already seen
it twice.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Look at this horrible thing like a haunted doll wore
that I can't wait for you to wear. That was awful. Okay,
now here, get that off my desk, put it, put
it back into the bag that it came over there.
Four here, Then I got you. These are I took
(37:38):
these from my kids because you and your everybody refers
to you as little gingerbread, you and your fiance, so
that that that can be a j and that can
be you and then you guys when eventually, when you
guys go to therapy, you can use these to point
at where you're feeling the pain. I don't know. Oh
my god, little therapy.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
You'll be fine with those. Get it off the desk.
You played Sorilla in West Side Story. Was that a
dream gig for you? Yeah? By the way, Steven sewel Ward,
what was he like as a choreographer. He's not Did
he stay away from that?
Speaker 2 (38:14):
He stayed away from the choreography, but he was definitely
there every day.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Do you really believe that when you're a jet, you're
a jet all the way yep, from your first cigarette
to your last dying day?
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Correct?
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Was being on that set You're heaven? Yeah? It was.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
It was amazing.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah, well that's great. Yeah. I had to watch. I
had to sit through that turn just to be like, ah,
there's Bren.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Did you recognize me?
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Yeah? Sure, it was like you were in a gymnasium
or something. I remember all that. Yeah. Was your West
Side Story character in a gang for the whites of
the Puerto Ricans the Italians? Was it? No? Isn't it?
Wasn't it just whites' versus Puerto Ricans and that Which
were you? Were you Puerto Rican or white?
Speaker 2 (38:52):
In the movie very very white?
Speaker 1 (38:54):
You were white? Ah, you could pass this Porto Rican? Really,
don't you think? Okay, I'm always around you don't think
she can know? You say? No, way, No, I think
she could pass the Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Great agent.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Do her makeup a little different, throwing some cute, big
old hoops, do an appropriated accent? It's Puerto Rican, it's
not allowed. What what's some auditions of that? You didn't
get that? Of projects? You're like, oh, I wish I
would have gotten that.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
The marvelous Missus masl I auditioned for twelve different roles.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Twelve different roles, the marvelous Missus Mazel Yeah, and they
said no, they said no, they said.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
You're I'm old for a couple. But I didn't get it.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
And each roll out of the twelve they said, this
person is five pounds too heavy. One of the odds.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
I think I was actually too thin for some of
the rules.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
So you never, it's a different era, it's a different error.
Do you have any issue when just to sing at
the drop of a hat.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
I'd prefer to have notice.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
I'm not asking you sing right now, but I mean
like at a table read where it's like, oh, we're
just now singing the other day, I was talking to you.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I sing a cappella yesterday at the audition.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
Wait, she has this audition yesterday. Listen to this nightmare
of what she has to do. She goes to this
audition yesterday. There's like a hundred people. They're all in
one room and they're just individually like dancing learning numbers,
splitting up into small rooms in front of each other.
And then they're like, okay, now we're gonna do some
little scenes between yeah, you guys, pair up. We did
(40:26):
some cold reading, and they're doing that in front of
the whole hundred people. Now I'm going to walk around
and touch the people that I actually want to see
more of. And she got tapped. Of course she's so good.
But then, like, how embarrassing that.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Was the first time I had to sing a cappella
for anything. Normally there's like a pianist there.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
I wish I could sing. I could never sing. I
just can't do it. It's not good. The thing that I
hate about musical theaters is when they're not singing songs
but singing dialogue. That fucking me so much.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
They're not singing songs that they're singing dialog, you know,
like whether I just singing like like Hamilton.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Yes, any of that ship or watch mccallay. What was
the other one that Hugh Jackman did a while ago?
Speaker 2 (41:13):
There was a movie The Greatest Showman. No fuck love
the Greatestman.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
By the way, I love The Greatest Showman too, thank God.
The Greatest Showman's the best. I'm talking about the other one,
miss Oh, yes, like that when you're walking around Now
I'm looking at the river. You could do it. Well,
I'm doing an impression of someone trying to Maybe that's
how you're going to sing? Is that? Yeah? But that's
not really singing, is it. I can sing like my grandpa.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
How does he sing?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
He sings like this? Did that weird fucking like forties
from the radio? Kermit the frog thing? M h, I
see scars or blue? He always did a version of that.
I felt it red roses. Now you got a new one?
Uh uh. My wife went to watch your table read
(41:59):
you got. You and your fiance produce creative music a musical? Yes,
and now has he written a lot of the songs
for it.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
He wrote all the songs with his co writer.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I heard from other people that the songs were amazing.
That's nice. Yeah, but that's what they said. They said
the songs. They said there was some other trouble in spots,
but other than that, they said this. They said the
songs were amazing.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
So this would be your dream gig, your own project,
this music.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
What's this musical about.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
It's about how Prince Charming came to be, a tale
as old as time.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Is it funny?
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Yeah, it's kill Yeah. It's about the princess Estella, the
princess behind Prince Charming.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Oh yeah, I know nothing of her.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Yeah, she's new.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
She's new. Yeah, Oh you made her up. Yes that's good. Yeah,
I still can. I'm furious at your stance in the Olympics.
Thank you, Brianna for being here today. Of course, I
look forward to seeing you for at least three to
five more years, and then the career has to stop
(43:07):
right now. Listen, if you're ever dancing or singing, I
will be there to support you.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Thank you, Okay, I appreciate it, and you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Casha. I want to thank Brianna for being on the
show and I can't wait to dance with her at
her wedding. Oh, it's gonna be intense. Hey, believe it
or not. Guys, you think I'm hunting these down, I'm not.
I've got another poop story. Come on, you're not gonna
(43:43):
believe this now. Every morning, around six point thirty ish,
I go and get my daughter. First, I warm her
up like three ounces of milk, and I uh get
my wife a cup of coffee and bring the coffee
(44:03):
to my wife. I hand my wife the bottle and
then I go get my daughter and then I bring
her into our bedroom and I give her the bottle,
I change her diaper whatever, and then in the next
thirty minutes, my son wakes up and he comes into
the room and climbs into the bed. Now fast forward
(44:24):
to the part where they're all in the bed. Okay,
I'm rolling on my side. I got an iPad and
I'm watching some Australian Open because the time zone it's
just ridiculous. I believe I'm watching some cocoa golf. I
mean I'm being attacked. I'm being stepped on, just watching
(44:45):
the game. Okay, Now, my wife at one point during this,
my daughter said she had to go use the bathroom.
She's learning how to she's being potty trained, very young,
very you know, very above average. Anyway, Uh, she doesn't
put a diaper back on her. That's fine because there's
a lot of false alarms when she's learning how to potty. Anyway,
(45:07):
she's back in the bed. No type. Run. You guys
are getting where the story's going. Okay. Kids are still
on top of me doing stuff, having fun. I'm watching
cocoa golf. Next thing I know, my son says, I
smell poop. Okay, and that's not new. You know, you're
in my bed. I'm a fart machine. Anyway. I okay,
(45:33):
my my wife looks around it and there's no poop
in here. You gotta go to the bathroom where she
checks with. Every kid says they don't have to. Okay,
I'm still watching tennis. It's like five or so minutes
go by. My son says, he's he said, this is
what I hear. You ready for this? He says, why
(45:54):
is there plato in the bed? Oh? No, I'm like,
there's no. Oh, I just I just I don't even
turn back. He and then he's like, this is baby.
He's like, it's poop. It's poop. I'm on my side.
I'm not even looking now what's happening by I just
I'm just looking at my screen. I'm watching tennis, and
(46:15):
I know. And then Carl's like, don't move, don't move,
it's there's and and he's starting to cry because now
he thought there was plato in the bed and he
squished it and it's not. I mean, wait, this is
this is ridiculous. Hold on, okay, huh, my way, I don't.
(46:36):
She's like, I don't know where it came from. I'm like,
you don't know where it came it came from our daughter,
our daughters, but I know where it came from. She's like,
she didn't poop. I'm like she did. Maybe she dropped
the nugget in the diaper when you ripped it off
and you didn't see it fly out. I don't know
the answer. All I know is my son's crying because
he squished plato that was poop. And it's like I'm
(46:58):
not allowed to move because it's like right behind me anyway.
All right, so we get this stuff cleaned up. She
strips the bed and she doesn't change the pillowcases. I'm like,
don't you think we should change the pillowcase when there's
like a rogue turd floating around? Yeah, she doesn't change
the pillowcases. That's the end of the story. It's just
(47:22):
complete nonsense in our house at all time. Whatever. We
got some plugs. Oh yeah, we do the Toss show
store dot com. Check that out. We got some new
tours coming up. My tour tickets on sale this Friday.
New York City, New Jersey, Omaha, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Madison, Chicago.
(47:45):
Look at me. Check out Eddie too. Eddie's got some dates.
Andy's gonna be with me. It's gonna be exciting. Now
it's time for the free plug. Okay, hit the free
plug music. That's good pre plug music. Woo all right,
today's free plug. If you're in the Oklahoma City area,
(48:09):
head on over to Slaughterville Park. WHOA Slaughterville. It's completed
and opened in October twenty nineteen. The land was acquired
by the town in February twenty fourteen. It's on Slaughterville Road,
one half mile east of US Highway seventy seven. Slaughterville
Park is open daily from six am to ten pm.
That's pretty late. It's got one half mile of trail,
(48:34):
plenty of room for everybody for leisurely walks to vigorous
joggers and kids on bicycles or roller blades. There's still
roller blade in OKC. Interesting. I feel like rollerbladings kind
of it had its moments done. Slaughterville Park offers a
covered pavilion near the entrance with picnic tables, two grills.
(48:56):
Those aren't gas, are they? Two grills and restrooms nearby.
Six fitness stations and eight sitting benches are placed throughout
the park trail. Slaughterville Park is a great place to
enjoy a family picnic, a scenic stroll in nature, or
sit and enjoy the sound of the country. It's only
(49:16):
forty five minutes outside of Oklahoma City. I see it.
What is going on? That's a long way to go.
I'll see you guys next week.
Did you ever like a black swan I have to
rip your own toenails off? No, thank god, you've never
done that.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
No, but they have fallen off while on point. I
heard it.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Crack mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Yeah, Cosh shaw, cosh shush show show.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Welcome to the Hodown. I'm your host, Daniel Tosh. Let's
get it going. If you think your sister fine, grabber,
wear the Sundo Giant.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
If you figure because it's sweet, then you can you
lit your feet.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Oh man, it's good to be back ed. How are you.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
I'm good?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
How are you good? Man? I'm doing great. Before I
start the show, Eddie, I want to say congratulations to
the Michigan Wolverines for kicking the dog shit out of
the national champion Ohio State buck Eyes.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
That's got to feel good, right, You win the national
championship and then Michigan has to be like, yeah, well
we beat you badly. Who do you hear that we
were an answer on Jeopardy?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I did hear this?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
No, man, it was a a just ask Spindly comedian
Daniel A load of I guess it was a load
of Tosh. By the way, Spindley, that's not a compliment.
But you're allowed to You're allowed to throw those adjectives
around when it's a thin person. You think you think
(01:35):
had I been tipping the scales the other direction, they
would have been like, just ask this fat fuck portly.
That would have been better than Yeah, they probably wouldn't
have put fat fox. They probably would have went portly,
but you get it inappropriate. Nah whatever. You know, we're
in trying times here in so Cal. I'm gonna start
(01:58):
saying so Cal at all times. Yeah, everybody's getting back
to their new normal. You know, every time I leave
to go somewhere, whether it's a store or work, I
always I always sneak out of the house. You know,
I don't say goodbye, slipping out. Well you say goodbye.
(02:21):
People always say what if? What if that was the
last time you saw your family? And that's that would
make me want to give a more genuine goodbye. But
the reality is if I actually say goodbye to my children,
then for the next fifteen to thirty minutes, they're whining, crying,
(02:45):
holding on to me, trying don't leave, blah blah blah,
and it's like I can't get anything done. So what
do I do? Instead of saying goodbye to my loved ones.
I always just quietly disappears how I leave my house
every day. It's just not worth it any other way.
By the way, let me speaking of my family. You know,
(03:08):
I have conversations with my son every day, and you
know he he's getting older and his vocabulary is getting better.
But for some reason, the other side of the family,
my in laws, they can't wrap their head around the
fact that I'm talking to him, Like like my father
in law. I'll ask my son like, uh, oh, what
(03:32):
are you watching? And then my father in law time me, oh,
we're watching, you know, this Seabeast movie. I'm like, I'm
I'm not talking to you. The other day he like
they had his lego toy and uh it was like
a little Formula one car, and I said to myself,
I go, where does the driver sit? And immediately Greg,
my father in law, goes, oh, they sit right there.
(03:54):
And I just looked at him like, what you don't
think I fucking you don't think I don't know where
the driver sits in the car. I'm just trying to
have a conversation with a five year old. They just
get so excited that they know the answer to something.
They just immediately chime in, do what you do today, buddy,
we went to the park. Okay, you went to the park, thanks,
(04:18):
seventy year old. You gotta start to say your son's
name before you ask the questions. Maybe, okay, Eddie, you're right.
So when I start teasing them about constantly answering the
questions that were meant for a child, he says, my
son says to me, well, Dad, you should say my
name first. That way they know not to answer. He's like,
(04:40):
he's already got it. So that's what I'm gonna do. Unbelievable.
I'll tell you what I wish I could trade in
laws with today's guest. They're good people, but you guys
are in for a treat today because today's guest this
is a world that I've always been fascinated by to
(05:01):
a creepy level. Enjoy Casha, my guest today, is more
flexible and there's better balance than anyone we've ever had
on the show. If you love singing and dancing in
production so long there is an intermission, then you will
love her jazz hands. Everybody as we welcome to the
(05:22):
show actor, singer, dancer, but first and foremost Hey, Ballerina Rihanna. Hello,
did you like that intro?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I loved it? Thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
How'd you sleep last night?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I slept so well?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
You serious?
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
She slept in the airstream, guys, luxury. Your last name
a Bruiso. That's Italian, right, Yes? You grew up in
New York, I did. Did you say I'm walking here?
Speaker 2 (05:47):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
You never screamed I'm walking here. My son says it now.
It makes me laugh. That's amazing, I'm walking here.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
But I do have a good New York accent?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
You do? And do you only turn it on just
whenever you're there?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Whenever I want?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
That's so bad. It really is a horrible accent.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Terrible.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I used to think at school accent your dad. Yeah,
but I'll get in your father later, find it well.
I've always found him fascinating. You know. It was a
man that you know it was it was it all stocks?
Is that all? Yeah? And just insider trading. Tons and
tons of illegal stuff went on? I hope not no, no,
(06:25):
but he like just figured the market out. He was
a mathematician. I don't think I knew that he has.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
A brilliant math mind.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, yeah, what he guys, if you want to hate
your life, Like just made a ton, got to forty
and said I'm done. I'm not gonna work ever again.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Retired at forty two.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, well I'm forty nine. I'm still working, as you
can tell. But who has more money? Me or your father?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
You do?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I are you sure?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I'm pretty sure?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Oh? Thank god, I can quit. Do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
No, you don't?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I do?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Do you really? Yeah? God? Your ding bet? Do you
have proof?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I just believe they're real? Okay, yeah, but why why
wouldn't they be real?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Oh god, I don't think it's It's on you to
prove that they are real, not me, to prove that
something that doesn't.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Exist does energy cannot be destroyed once it's created.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I like, this cannot be destroyed? That is that is
a load of tosh if I've ever heard it? Right there?
You know the joke I used to always pretend, way
before I was ever married, way before I even was
dating my wife, that I would tell people that I
had a ballerina wife. That was my joke. I have
always had a fascination with ballet. Okay, okay, I don't know.
(07:42):
I don't know where it came from the thing is
I've never been to the ballet. Is that weird too? Okay,
hold on, I've never been to the ballet. I also
think it's one of these things that if I go,
I'm going to have like an emotional reaction, like I'm
gonna sob, like it's gonna affect me. But if it doesn't,
then I'm gonna be like, well, that was fucking stupid.
I shouldn't have gone.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I think you should go to Paris or Russia and
see the ballet.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
There and not going to Russia, and then you will SOB.
You're kidding me. I've already I've made jokes about Putin.
There's no chance I ever get on a planet. Have
you been to Russia? No, No, don't go to Russia.
I'll go to a ballet in Paris. That's a great idea. Yeah.
Do you like Paris?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I do?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I do too. Yeah, I don't know. There's just some
there's something so I think the mystique of ballet, so
you know, it's sad and depressing and.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Some little pain goes into it, and it's just.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
I mean, I don't even know what. Yes, I guess
maybe my perspective from watching movies and the portrayal of
what you guys go through that I just I'm fascinated
by it. Thanks, just so I'm aware. Are the Nutcracker
and Swan Lake the only ballets? No, I've never heard
of any others. You heard of any others?
Speaker 2 (08:53):
My favorite is Seranad Serenad. Yeah, you have to see it.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I'm gonna see. Have you seen Sarahad Eddie?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
No?
Speaker 1 (08:59):
I never heard of it. Okay, how does ballet work? Like?
How do I know what's going on? Is there dialogue?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
No dialogue? But there's pantomime.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Are you good at that?
Speaker 2 (09:09):
It's not like a set language that you can be
good at.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Well do they teach you?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, it's choreography that you learn.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
But every pantomime and every different ballet is different.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Are you amazing at charades? Pretty good? I mean you
sing too? Have you sang your whole life? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I have? Actually?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Okay? Yeah, like because you can sing some of these
answers if you'd like, Just so I get like a
sampling of how musical theater works. Okay, when did you
start ballet?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
When I was three? But I hated it?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
You hated it?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah? My teacher is really mean, very strict.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Why would you have a mean teacher at three? It
seems so counterproductive to the sport Russian. Did your mother
let you quit or did she force you to continue?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I had to finish out the year.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yeah, it's weird how parents have that. My wife tried
to do that with my son because he wanted to
playing t ball and he's like, I don't I don't
want to play. I just want to get the trophy.
And I'm like, buddy, I say we quit and we
show up for the last game and we get the trophy.
I had no issue with his plan. And then I
was scolded for bad parenting. So your mother made you
finish out the year? And then when did you get
(10:17):
back into it?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
When I was nine?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Oh? Is that late? Is it actually eight? Is that late?
Speaker 2 (10:22):
No, it's not late.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
But I've taken seriously big gap.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
And my sister actually went to the School of American Ballet.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Was she a good dancer? But you were so much
better than your right? Were you immediately better than her?
She's fine, she's got a great sense of humor.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Well, she stopped after two years.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Because because the writing was on the wall that she
was cumbersome, she.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Just she pursued figure skating. Actually, oh that's right, which
I can't do.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
So, yeah, you went to a fancy high school. Your
mother ripped you, ripped you from regular school and said
you are going to go to this fancy school in
New York City. But what were the wanted to go there? Oh?
Of course you did. It probably cost a fortune, probably,
and you didn't have to take any tests and you
could miss school constantly. We had to take tests you did. Yeah,
(11:16):
do you know simple mass?
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Barely?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
What's seven times seven forty nine? Is it? Yeah? Yep?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
What's the square root of one hundred and forty four?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Uh, let's see nine twelve? Oh and far off? By
the way, how was this high school? Bullshit?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
It was great. It was actually like the only way
I could go get a real education while training for ballet.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
How horrible is training for ballet?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
It's really intense?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
How many hours a day? As like, when you're in
your your what are you? Is this okay? To say
are you past your peak.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
For ballet? I would say I'm past my okay?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Yeah, okay, Well I don't want to I don't want
to insult you, like you know.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I'm also not trying to be a prima valeria right now, right?
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Okay, So when you were in your peak, how much
training is involved in hours a day?
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Yeah? So like your last few years of high school.
You have class at ten thirty and then another one
at two thirty, and then you have rehearsals in the
afternoon and potentially a performance of some sort.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Well, how many hours a day are you doing dance
or related things?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Three to five or six.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Three to fives, three to five or six. It doesn't
seem that hard, I mean, if you love it. Yeah,
I want to surf three to six hours a day
when I was in high school. Nobody's nobody's freaking out
over my work ethic. Yeah, no, I'm not impressed.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
But then when you're working, you're dancing.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Seven days a week six Yeah. What's the average career
length of a professional ballet dancer?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
From about eighteen to thirty five?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Oh, it seems pretty good. I can't really complain. Why
you guys always complaining How often did you have to
buy shoes?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Point? Shoes depends how much you dance, but a lot
of dancers use one a week or one a show.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Okay, Yeah, what do they cost? A good pair of
Points shoes one hundred and twenty five and they're not
provided by the company.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
They're provided by the company.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, what age do you start on point?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
At my school, we start at twelve, okay, and we
do like one year of just like simple relevase at
the bar, like a whole year just to gain ankle strength.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Were you strong on point?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
By the way, are your feet all messed up like
everyone this year?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It's not that bad.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
You got a bad toe? I do like a grandpa
kind of you know, it's like, oh, I got one toe?
Is it because of ballet or just just a fungus
that you haven't taken care of.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
No, it's not a fungus. It just I squeezed my
feet into point shoes for so many years that one
of them is just like stuck.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Did you ever like a black swan I have to
rip your own toenails off? No, thank god, you've never
done that.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
No, but they have fallen off while on point. I
heard it.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Crack mm hmm, yeah, disgusting. I know. Do you never
complain about high heels because of your life?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
I hate high heels?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Oh you don't like high now? Are you good in them?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Or no, Yeah, I'm good in them, but they're really
uncomfortable on my toes because, like I said, my toe
is jammed forever.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Well, I don't know, but is it jammed in the
right way or the wrong way.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
For high end? Yeah, it's actually my foot is better
on point than it is in a heel.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
You're kind of like a knuckle dragger toes.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Well, your toa should be straight on point.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Okay, yeah, I thought you're like going like.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
This, Yeah, you know, like kind of more straight.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
You're just on top of them.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah, but your arch is so strongly it sticks out.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
How hard is it to stay in ballets shape?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
It's really hard because you have to keep doing it
to maintain. Basically, if you're not going to class every day,
then you're losing your ability.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Can you do the splits at any time?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Like that? That's not uncomfortable for you?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
You don't know?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Okay? Am I wrong? Or is it right? That? Right now?
With my daughter who is just a year and a half,
that I'm starting to push or splits farther and farther
every day. Should I not be doing that?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I think you should.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I got to get her there, stretch her feet too. Stretch.
What do I have to do to the thief?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Stretch them so that they touched the ground.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Even if she's crying.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Whenever you see a tear, then you can stop.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh god, the reality of that that you know that exists,
Oh my goodness, that's terrifying. Talk about a dancer's typical diet.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Everyone's really different. It just depends on their body and
their metabolism.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
What are people having to get on the scale like.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
In front of No, they don't do that anymore, but
I was definitely.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
When did they do that years ago? In your lifetime
of ballet?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Now?
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Okay before you, before me? So you weren't pre Brie.
Okay pre Bri. I don't even like to think of
a world pre Brie.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
But I was definitely called in to have the fat talk.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Okay, let's talk about the fat talk. First of all,
you're a tiny person, so okay, that's off the table.
But you think, or maybe I'm wrong, but that you
were kick out of the Miami City Ballet at one
point because of being too heavy.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, that's correct.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
But do you know it to be true or it's
just a hunch you have. I know it to be true,
which is weird because Miami we like them thick. It
is weird, honestly, first of all, can we because you're
never supposed to ask these questions, but I feel like
I need to. What was your weight back then? Or five? Five?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Okay? And what would be what would they say on
your weight should be?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
I got hired when I weighed one to ten.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
It's that goddamn food run.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
The ran the company was a woman, so that kind
of hurt even deeper. But she called my mother and
told my mother that I gained twenty pounds.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Twenty pounds yeah when it was only five.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
But in fairness, like freshman five in ballet is equivalent.
I don't know, I'm trying to justify it.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
I mean, I think in a leotard everything does show
a lot more than in like street clothes.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
But did it affect your dance? Did five pounds affect
your day?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
No, it didn't affect my dance. But I was also
diagnosed with PCOS at that time, so that was like
something I was dealing with that was affecting my weight.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Polycystical variant syndrome. Oh yeah, it's just like a hormone disruptor.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Does that cause a five pound weight gain?
Speaker 2 (17:24):
It can, because insulin resistance can be a part of
it too. That like makes your body retain water and
like retain weight.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Do you hold a grudge?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
No, I am happy that I ended up leaving the
company and pursued other things, But I was not proud
of the way that she handled the situation and the
way that she treated other people.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
You saw eating disorders. Oh yeah, that's probably huge.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Right, yeah, Well, especially when you have a director who
wants the dancers really really thin.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
And that's the thing. You're like, oh, no, so and
so is directing this, We're all in trouble.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Well, she was just the creative director of the whole company.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
At what weight is going on? Point? Not advised? You know,
because now there's plus sized models. Has that infiltrated the
ballet world where there's now plus sized dancers?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
No, there aren't plus sized dancers, But I would say
more and more every year, it's becoming like more acceptable
to be a healthy weight. But that depends, like company
to company. Every company is different.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Do they want the guys this then, or do they
not care?
Speaker 2 (18:29):
No, they bring them cupcakes? Man?
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Is it It really is a man's world. We get cupcakes,
they're over there purgein. Do you jump on a scale? Now?
Yeah you do? Do you care?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I make my wife get on the scale every Thursday.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Do you measure her as well?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Her height? Oh? No, you just met all the parts?
Did they do that?
Speaker 2 (18:56):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Did they ever measure you? Yes they did.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Did you measure your he They measured us for costumes?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
You ever had diarrhea on stage?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Thankfully not.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Do you know anybody that's ever had such an accident?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
No? I've had like wardrobe malfunctions.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
What does that mean? Just your crotches out, your costume
like falls off while you're dancing?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Ah, was it the best show of your life?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's pretty fun.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
By the way, I just learned this, and tell me
if I'm wrong. But a female dancer was a ballerina.
A male dancer is a danceeer, a male dancer or
a male ballet dancer.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Male ballet dancer.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah, my research has also a dance tour. But if
you don't know that, then it's not true that all right? Whatever,
we think a better than ballerinos, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I think so too.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Ballerinos, Yeah, are all dancers sleeping with each other?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Uh? The men?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yeah? Oh? Just the gayness? Yeah? Are they all gay?
What percentage of the male it's just your your ballpark
in it here, ninety percent of them are gay? Yeah,
I would say you think it's an it's which came first,
chicken of the egg. Does ballet make you gay?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Or do gay men? They're just drawn to ballet. I'm
drawn to ballet, but I guess I don't. I just
like it and to watch I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I mean there are straight ballet dancers.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Too, But are they not as good?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
No, they're good. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
They're always trying to hit on the girl the ballet Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Yeah, they get all the girls.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Oh, they do get them all.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Have you ever dated? Have you ever dated a ballerino? No?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Never wanted to.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
What about an instructor, a teacher?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Never, never. No lines are blurred ever. Do you look
at their hogs when they're wearing those outfits?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
I try not to.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
But you see them all day, aren't you? Guys just
always naked backstage, just all of you at all times in.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
The dressing room.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, I would be.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
So is it different than any sport?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
I wouldn't know. I never did that, Like I was
the kid that like changed real secretively in the corner rest. No,
it depends. I mean, that's the beauty of being a
woman on some level. Nobody's ever like, oh my goodness,
look at how shorts your vagina is, right, you know,
it's it's it's a different anxiety as a man. I
(21:13):
dread it to this day. To this day, I still
have a note signed by my mother that excused me
from showering in the lockers after pe class.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yeah, I have had this debate for so long with
anybody that listens, and nobody cares. Why is ballet not
in the.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Olympics Because it's an art?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Okay, they have like every type of dance, like gymnastics,
they have that dancing, not just the gymnastics, but the
dancing whatever. All of it is dumb figure skating just
a dumb, dumber form of ballet. It's it's crazy that
(21:54):
ballet is all about Like there are tons of experts
that are like, that was precise, that was not but
and that's all that's all gymnastics is judging. Why are
you on the fucking wrong side of this one? How
are you going to tell me that breakdancing. Breakdancing got
into the Olympics before ballet.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
I don't think break dancing should be an Olympics.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
It shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
But here's the issue though, if you make it a sport,
then it's going to take out all of the artistry
because people are just going to be focused on completing
a technicalities than like showing there you're wrong. Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Too many sports in the Olympics are based purely off
judging diving. All of that is is how your body
is turning, how it enters.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
So that's so artistry is so subjective.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I know you're going to have people that are going
to be upset, but are there not the best ballerinas
in the world that you're like, she's the best, they're
the top. Yeah, right, so there's a reason that you
know that person is better than the other person.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
So there are definitely judges that could say this person
on this particular dance was better than this person on
that particular dance. And yes, it's subjective, but it still
should be people dancing for their country. Oh I stand
by this, okay. And you're surfings in the Olympics. That's
purely judged, and that's artistry in the water. I can't
(23:22):
believe you so mad at you do dancers suffer long
term injuries from all the impacts?
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Well why are you laughing?
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Emotional? Physical?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
No? But I mean I mean, like like a football player.
When you see a football player in their fifties, it's
kind of sad. You're like, oh, the knees, the joints.
Do dancers have that same problem later in life or
not as much?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Some and some dance forever and they're in great shape.
Like one of my ballet teachers was seventy two and
she had more energy than me and went out tango
dancing at night.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
And is there steroids in the ballet? People do it?
I bet I know it. I think they do. I mean,
you don't get tested as a ballerina right now, so
you're allowed to use steroids since it's art. I guess
this is where you're probably, this is where you have
so many holes in your argument. You should you should
be all jacked up on steroids.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
But then you would be too swol.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
No, No, we'll moderate it. I will figure it out.
Your jumps will get a little higher. Blah blah bla.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I mean my cancers used to take a lot of coke.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Coke. Yeah, back in the time, you done cocaine. Never never,
never look at me. Never. If I put cocaine on
the table right now, I don't even know what to do.
Would you take some of it? Wouldn't even know what
to do with it? You would know what to do
with it? What is that? If I gave you just
I'm not saying a lot of cocaine, just a little
bit of cocaine right now, you're gonna do some cocaine.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I don't even take caffeine.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
You don't mean either, like Mormons? Did you like living
in Miami?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Not particularly?
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I lived in South Peach for a while. You didn't
I once I no longer lived there, right, it was
like I was like, oh that was fun. But I
mean when I was there, like.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
The weird place to live. Yeah, yeah, that's for sure,
because everyone's partying and you're going to work.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
When I think about I used to go shoot, you know,
I had this interview show at nightclubs, like we wouldn't
leave to go to some nightclubs till two in the morning.
And I'm just when I wrap my head around that now,
I'm like, couldn't be me?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I went to one club once for about ten minutes,
and I was like, never again.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Was your family more proud when you landed a gig
as a dancer at the Miami City Ballet or when
your sister was hired as a post production assistant on
Tosh point zero because both organizations are prestigious in their field. Sorry, Lauren,
they were more proud of the Miami City Ballet.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I think, so okay, But they also put a lot
of money into my training, so maybe that was what.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Do you ever have a dollar figure on how much
they've spent on you?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
No?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Do you want to know if I said they spent
three hundred thousand on your ballet career from birth till now,
would you be like, Oh, that sounds low or.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
That sounds high?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
That sounds high? Yeah, I'm just ballparking it. I don't know.
It's not a sport that a lot of poor people
can get in.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
It's not an art form that a lot of poor
people can get into.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
No, but there are scholarships.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
But to get good to get a scholarship takes a
lot of sacrifice that a lot of poor people might
not be able to have.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Yeah, the only time I've ever seen a poor person
in ballet is in a movie where like, look at
this poor person that's doing ballet, and she's a little
different and edgier. It's a dumb bag story. Always she's
trying to incorporate hip hop into ballet. It's never going
to work. What's your favorite ballet movie?
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Center Stage?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Oh? Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Did you ever see the show Tiny Pretty Things?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Okay, I watched Tiny Pretty Things.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Auditioned for it.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
You auditioned for it? Yeah, I would have loved for
you to have been in that show. Now talk about
gay porn. Oh yeah, there were just dudes on dudes
the whole way through that thing. I don't really understand
the show. They pushed somebody off like an eight story
building and she lived. Yeah, she was in a coma
the whole time. Now, the show is weird. I watched it, though,
it wasn't meant for me.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Definitely not the demographic.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
No, I'm some forty year old dude watching this young
ballet show. Did you guys watch it? No? You remember
bun Heads. Yeah, A group of the writers on Tosh
point zero all would watch it together and then they
would live tweet during the show just about bun heads
and things that were going on, and they thought it
(27:47):
was the greatest thing. Will you always be a bunhead?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Is the ballet world really like the movie Black Swan?
Also off topic me, lacunis, do you think she and
her rape apologists husband get wrapped up in this Diddy disaster?
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Part one? Yes and no okay and part two no comment.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Aw, they're in there, that's gonna happen. By the way,
your sister worked for me. Your sister originally when she
first came into my life, she was an assistant for
the clip clearance guy. This guy is just like he
would clear the videos that were on the show. I
also threw up on your sister on camera, that was
(28:36):
her first appearance. That was nice. But then she worked
under my stylus, Carrie, and she clothed me for many years. Lauren.
I'll say something to your sister anytime we ever have
large groups of people visit, before people leave, I let
them know who was the best guest and who was
(28:59):
the worst guest. And she was always the best guest.
She just knows how to be a guest. You know
this is we're not talking about. This is like when
a large group of people are staying together for an
extended period of time. I don't know. He didn't have
to worry about her. She coulways take care of everybody else.
She was considered, like, hey, I got food for everybody. Yeah,
(29:22):
and now I'll be honest. It's not without complaint. Okay,
nobody sheds more than her, This is true. God, damn
the money. One time I bought her a plug that
she could use in my drains for when she would visit,
because the amount of hair that would come out of
her head. Now you have the same problem.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
No, you don't know quite as much hair as too
much hair.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I just remember that your age gap is a little
you're seven eight years apart.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yeah, I'm going to save the marriage.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Baby, how'd that work?
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Not great?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
It didn't save the Did you cause your parents to separate?
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Maybe?
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Were you ever competitive with your sisters or with a
gap so big that it didn't know?
Speaker 2 (30:04):
And she was always so supportive?
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Yeah she really is.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
I mean I knew about your career long before I
ever met you, just because of how much she talked
about you. I was like, shut up, no one gives
a shit about this. Ballerina. Do more people call you
bri or Brianna.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
My closest friends call me bri Your closest friends Cammy Brie.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Am I your closest friend? No, no, I'm not. I'll
stick to Brianna. I think Brianna's fancy. And it's like
it's almost all the same letters as Ballerina. Do you
ever notice that, speaking of letters, you're engaged. Congratulations to
a tiny fellow. Uh, everyone in her family he was
in munchkin Land. He's not. He's a normal person, but
(30:48):
everyone in their family they always just refer to Brianna
and her fiancee a j as as. Oh, there's just
so cute and tiny, which I always is very average. Yeah,
you're fine. Five. My wife was talking to you like
you were like the tiniest little thing, and I'm like,
she's three inches taller than you. You're in musical theater
and your fiance is a singer songwriter. What's it like
(31:11):
to live on negative four hundred dollars per months?
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Super fun?
Speaker 1 (31:17):
You live in New York City. Then you moved right
at the pandemic or before the pandemic August, so smack
dab in the pandemic Okay, to Nashville, a city that
exploded during the pandemic. A lot of people talk about, like, oh,
the mass exodus out of California or into Texas and Florida.
(31:37):
When people talk about Nashville how it exploded, I'm like,
I saw it from my own eyes. I'd go there.
I'm like, good God, this has changed.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
The housing market has like tripled.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Did you guys buy when you were there? No, you
didn't even score nothing. But did you enjoy living in Nashville?
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Why did you? A New York ballerina, Broadway singer, all
of that, Why would you go to Nashville?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Well, during the pandemic, my whole career was just shut down. Okay,
the whole business. So I went to Nashville for AJ's
music career, and there's just so much of that. There's
a lot of art. There's like something for everyone.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
It's very there's nothing for ballerinas.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Nothing really for ballerinas. But it's a very like just small,
manageable town. It's a lot easier. Just everything's easier. You
can get in your car and get your groceries.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
What are you happy to be gone? Would you? Are
you glad that you're left Nashville behind me.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Bittersweet for sure, but I'm happy to be back more
in my business. In the scene where.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Yeah, it was like, it was like, listen, fiance, we've
been living for your dream long enough. Let's go back
to the bread and butter.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Sort of guid and sense.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Now, if you had your your druthers here, would you
rather your fiance make it huge? Okay? Or you make
it pretty well off? Like not not to the absolute top,
but wow, what a career the first Yeah, you're a liar,
(33:14):
can't believe it. You're just like a Hallmark movie. Give
everything away for somebody else. It's just knows. You gotta
be selfish, no one listen.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
If you's to make it all the way, then that's
gonna help me, of course.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
But that's not what you want. You guys want to
have a family and that kind of stuff. Yeah, Are
you going to torture your children into the to the
art form that you loved so much at one point?
Speaker 2 (33:37):
No, if they want to, I will encourage them and
stretch their feet, but I will hope that they are
good at other things.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
You and age, you just sit around all day and
just sing to each other. I hear you do not
all day.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
I hear you guys do sometimes like you guys like it,
Like I mean he's a musician. He might sit at
the piano and play a song.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Yeah, but even when other people are like come over
for like wine, and you guys just sing that it's
really cute. That is the silliest thing. I would never
have so wholesome. Oh, it's so it's so weird.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
No coke or anything.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Age you had a hit Billy Joel. Does he force
you into all of his music videos or do you
force yourself into his music videos because you're like Shakira,
didn't she used to date like like a mentally abusive
(34:28):
soccer player. Am I wrong on all of this? I
could be making it up, not ringing any else. And
he wouldn't allow her for like a decade when you
didn't hear from Shakira, they wouldn't allow her to be
in any music video with another man. Then they just
recently got divorced, and now you're you're seeing Shakira all
over the place.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Yeah, she's back. It's not like that. No, we just
co collaborate and I helped produce his music videos.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
By the way, does he sing country music. Why did
I thought he didn't. I thought he's saying pop.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
He does pop? Yeah, but he right? Whatever?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Did he write any country hits out there?
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Nah. I used to dabble with a girl that wrote
country music. She also sang, but she but every day
she'd have to she was like in a deal, she'd
have to deliver twelve songs a day, a day some
something some year. No no, no, no, no, Like it
was just churning out ding dumb shit after dumb shit. Yeah.
(35:26):
Let me tell you something else about this girl. What
She was the first person I remember we were sitting
in a hotel bed. Don't tell my wife about this,
and she was the first person to go. She was
like looking at me and going, oh, you're going bald
And I was like, oh, I was like like twenty
eight or twenty nine, and she goes, I don't care,
don't worry about it, and I'm like, bitch, I care,
(35:46):
Like you're not going to be the last person I'm
with anyway, that's that shouldn't But she wrote a song
about me.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
I feels it about your baldness.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Shut up. Everybody that's on the show gets gifts. It's
just stuff in the house. You're not gonna like, well,
you might like some of it. These are some of
these who are like leading up to your wedding, you
have to like do different like parties and things, but
you have to wear white, so there's different like white dresses.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Oh my god, there'll be.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Some fun things in there. I don't know what they are.
You'll you'll you'll like them. And you're cooler than Some
of this stuff has tags. I go, I go, honey,
why why are you giving this? Uh to brown? And
she she's cooler, she's gonna. I can't wear these things.
I'm not cool.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
This is great.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
There's a lot, there's a lot here. Look, you're gonna
you're gonna love all this stuff. What do we got here?
I don't know what this is. Oh, I can't wait
to see you in this number. Look at that's extra small.
Huh what is this? I don't know if this is?
Oh man, that's a that's a slinky little number. Now
(36:54):
it's gonna be on A J's wife. Are you taking
his name?
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Not legally? But I will be known as missus.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
I've seen I've seen my wife and this one he's
the one that one before, Oh, this one, Oh, this
will be You'll like this dress's.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Great for wicked? Are you going to I've already seen
it twice.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Look at this horrible thing like a haunted doll wore
that I can't wait for you to wear. That was awful. Okay,
now here, get that off my desk, put it, put
it back into the bag that it came over there.
Four here, Then I got you. These are I took
(37:38):
these from my kids because you and your everybody refers
to you as little gingerbread, you and your fiance, so
that that that can be a j and that can
be you and then you guys when eventually, when you
guys go to therapy, you can use these to point
at where you're feeling the pain. I don't know. Oh
my god, little therapy.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
You'll be fine with those. Get it off the desk.
You played Sorilla in West Side Story. Was that a
dream gig for you? Yeah? By the way, Steven sewel Ward,
what was he like as a choreographer. He's not Did
he stay away from that?
Speaker 2 (38:14):
He stayed away from the choreography, but he was definitely
there every day.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Do you really believe that when you're a jet, you're
a jet all the way yep, from your first cigarette
to your last dying day?
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Correct?
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Was being on that set You're heaven? Yeah? It was.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
It was amazing.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah, well that's great. Yeah. I had to watch. I
had to sit through that turn just to be like, ah,
there's Bren.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Did you recognize me?
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Yeah? Sure, it was like you were in a gymnasium
or something. I remember all that. Yeah. Was your West
Side Story character in a gang for the whites of
the Puerto Ricans the Italians? Was it? No? Isn't it?
Wasn't it just whites' versus Puerto Ricans and that Which
were you? Were you Puerto Rican or white?
Speaker 2 (38:52):
In the movie very very white?
Speaker 1 (38:54):
You were white? Ah, you could pass this Porto Rican? Really,
don't you think? Okay, I'm always around you don't think
she can know? You say? No, way, No, I think
she could pass the Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Great agent.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Do her makeup a little different, throwing some cute, big
old hoops, do an appropriated accent? It's Puerto Rican, it's
not allowed. What what's some auditions of that? You didn't
get that? Of projects? You're like, oh, I wish I
would have gotten that.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
The marvelous Missus masl I auditioned for twelve different roles.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Twelve different roles, the marvelous Missus Mazel Yeah, and they
said no, they said no, they said.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
You're I'm old for a couple. But I didn't get it.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
And each roll out of the twelve they said, this
person is five pounds too heavy. One of the odds.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
I think I was actually too thin for some of
the rules.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
So you never, it's a different era, it's a different error.
Do you have any issue when just to sing at
the drop of a hat.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
I'd prefer to have notice.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
I'm not asking you sing right now, but I mean
like at a table read where it's like, oh, we're
just now singing the other day, I was talking to you.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I sing a cappella yesterday at the audition.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
Wait, she has this audition yesterday. Listen to this nightmare
of what she has to do. She goes to this
audition yesterday. There's like a hundred people. They're all in
one room and they're just individually like dancing learning numbers,
splitting up into small rooms in front of each other.
And then they're like, okay, now we're gonna do some
little scenes between yeah, you guys, pair up. We did
(40:26):
some cold reading, and they're doing that in front of
the whole hundred people. Now I'm going to walk around
and touch the people that I actually want to see
more of. And she got tapped. Of course she's so good.
But then, like, how embarrassing that.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Was the first time I had to sing a cappella
for anything. Normally there's like a pianist there.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
I wish I could sing. I could never sing. I
just can't do it. It's not good. The thing that I
hate about musical theaters is when they're not singing songs
but singing dialogue. That fucking me so much.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
They're not singing songs that they're singing dialog, you know,
like whether I just singing like like Hamilton.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Yes, any of that ship or watch mccallay. What was
the other one that Hugh Jackman did a while ago?
Speaker 2 (41:13):
There was a movie The Greatest Showman. No fuck love
the Greatestman.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
By the way, I love The Greatest Showman too, thank God.
The Greatest Showman's the best. I'm talking about the other one,
miss Oh, yes, like that when you're walking around Now
I'm looking at the river. You could do it. Well,
I'm doing an impression of someone trying to Maybe that's
how you're going to sing? Is that? Yeah? But that's
not really singing, is it. I can sing like my grandpa.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
How does he sing?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
He sings like this? Did that weird fucking like forties
from the radio? Kermit the frog thing? M h, I
see scars or blue? He always did a version of that.
I felt it red roses. Now you got a new one?
Uh uh. My wife went to watch your table read
(41:59):
you got. You and your fiance produce creative music a musical? Yes,
and now has he written a lot of the songs
for it.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
He wrote all the songs with his co writer.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I heard from other people that the songs were amazing.
That's nice. Yeah, but that's what they said. They said
the songs. They said there was some other trouble in spots,
but other than that, they said this. They said the
songs were amazing.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
So this would be your dream gig, your own project,
this music.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
What's this musical about.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
It's about how Prince Charming came to be, a tale
as old as time.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Is it funny?
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Yeah, it's kill Yeah. It's about the princess Estella, the
princess behind Prince Charming.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Oh yeah, I know nothing of her.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Yeah, she's new.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
She's new. Yeah, Oh you made her up. Yes that's good. Yeah,
I still can. I'm furious at your stance in the Olympics.
Thank you, Brianna for being here today. Of course, I
look forward to seeing you for at least three to
five more years, and then the career has to stop
(43:07):
right now. Listen, if you're ever dancing or singing, I
will be there to support you.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Thank you, Okay, I appreciate it, and you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Casha. I want to thank Brianna for being on the
show and I can't wait to dance with her at
her wedding. Oh, it's gonna be intense. Hey, believe it
or not. Guys, you think I'm hunting these down, I'm not.
I've got another poop story. Come on, you're not gonna
(43:43):
believe this now. Every morning, around six point thirty ish,
I go and get my daughter. First, I warm her
up like three ounces of milk, and I uh get
my wife a cup of coffee and bring the coffee
(44:03):
to my wife. I hand my wife the bottle and
then I go get my daughter and then I bring
her into our bedroom and I give her the bottle,
I change her diaper whatever, and then in the next
thirty minutes, my son wakes up and he comes into
the room and climbs into the bed. Now fast forward
(44:24):
to the part where they're all in the bed. Okay,
I'm rolling on my side. I got an iPad and
I'm watching some Australian Open because the time zone it's
just ridiculous. I believe I'm watching some cocoa golf. I
mean I'm being attacked. I'm being stepped on, just watching
(44:45):
the game. Okay, Now, my wife at one point during this,
my daughter said she had to go use the bathroom.
She's learning how to she's being potty trained, very young,
very you know, very above average. Anyway, Uh, she doesn't
put a diaper back on her. That's fine because there's
a lot of false alarms when she's learning how to potty. Anyway,
(45:07):
she's back in the bed. No type. Run. You guys
are getting where the story's going. Okay. Kids are still
on top of me doing stuff, having fun. I'm watching
cocoa golf. Next thing I know, my son says, I
smell poop. Okay, and that's not new. You know, you're
in my bed. I'm a fart machine. Anyway. I okay,
(45:33):
my my wife looks around it and there's no poop
in here. You gotta go to the bathroom where she
checks with. Every kid says they don't have to. Okay,
I'm still watching tennis. It's like five or so minutes
go by. My son says, he's he said, this is
what I hear. You ready for this? He says, why
(45:54):
is there plato in the bed? Oh? No, I'm like,
there's no. Oh, I just I just I don't even
turn back. He and then he's like, this is baby.
He's like, it's poop. It's poop. I'm on my side.
I'm not even looking now what's happening by I just
I'm just looking at my screen. I'm watching tennis, and
(46:15):
I know. And then Carl's like, don't move, don't move,
it's there's and and he's starting to cry because now
he thought there was plato in the bed and he
squished it and it's not. I mean, wait, this is
this is ridiculous. Hold on, okay, huh, my way, I don't.
(46:36):
She's like, I don't know where it came from. I'm like,
you don't know where it came it came from our daughter,
our daughters, but I know where it came from. She's like,
she didn't poop. I'm like she did. Maybe she dropped
the nugget in the diaper when you ripped it off
and you didn't see it fly out. I don't know
the answer. All I know is my son's crying because
he squished plato that was poop. And it's like I'm
(46:58):
not allowed to move because it's like right behind me anyway.
All right, so we get this stuff cleaned up. She
strips the bed and she doesn't change the pillowcases. I'm like,
don't you think we should change the pillowcase when there's
like a rogue turd floating around? Yeah, she doesn't change
the pillowcases. That's the end of the story. It's just
(47:22):
complete nonsense in our house at all time. Whatever. We
got some plugs. Oh yeah, we do the Toss show
store dot com. Check that out. We got some new
tours coming up. My tour tickets on sale this Friday.
New York City, New Jersey, Omaha, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Madison, Chicago.
(47:45):
Look at me. Check out Eddie too. Eddie's got some dates.
Andy's gonna be with me. It's gonna be exciting. Now
it's time for the free plug. Okay, hit the free
plug music. That's good pre plug music. Woo all right,
today's free plug. If you're in the Oklahoma City area,
(48:09):
head on over to Slaughterville Park. WHOA Slaughterville. It's completed
and opened in October twenty nineteen. The land was acquired
by the town in February twenty fourteen. It's on Slaughterville Road,
one half mile east of US Highway seventy seven. Slaughterville
Park is open daily from six am to ten pm.
That's pretty late. It's got one half mile of trail,
(48:34):
plenty of room for everybody for leisurely walks to vigorous
joggers and kids on bicycles or roller blades. There's still
roller blade in OKC. Interesting. I feel like rollerbladings kind
of it had its moments done. Slaughterville Park offers a
covered pavilion near the entrance with picnic tables, two grills.
(48:56):
Those aren't gas, are they? Two grills and restrooms nearby.
Six fitness stations and eight sitting benches are placed throughout
the park trail. Slaughterville Park is a great place to
enjoy a family picnic, a scenic stroll in nature, or
sit and enjoy the sound of the country. It's only
(49:16):
forty five minutes outside of Oklahoma City. I see it.
What is going on? That's a long way to go.
I'll see you guys next week.
Host
Daniel Tosh
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.