December 17, 2024 • 47 mins
Daniel gets into the holiday spirit with TJ Jones, one of Southern California’s premier Santas, for a conversation about Santa school, real beards, and keeping the magic alive for as long as possible. Merry Christmas!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you could do me one favor, I'd really love
to have a conversation with Sanna. Is that possible.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm pretty sure I can make that happen.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Daniel Kasha Cosha show show you scumbag, ye maggot, you
cheap lousy, Welcome to dash Show. Merry Christmas.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
You know that song, Eddie, I've only heard it when
you pointed it out.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
To you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap blousy. Now, in fairness,
there is a new version where they say you're a
cheap ben I've had it. That's how they That's how
they get away from the problematic original version that had
hate speech. Yep, just right there for all to sing
(00:54):
in harmony together. What's the song called Somebody in New York?
Fairy Tale of New York, fairy Tale of New York,
emphasis on fairy different time, different times when that was
re recorded in twenty eighteen.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yes, okay, not so long ago.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Actually, hey, for our Christmas episode, my son I saved
one of his bedtime stories from when he was three
that we used to air at the end of every episode.
I saved one of them that was Christmas themed. Gonna
play it at the end of this episode.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Thanks gift.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
What a gift for all anyway, so excited about Christmas,
so many traditions. Eddie is a part of my Christmas.
Every year we do the white Elephant, big Christmas Eve party.
We get some bad barbecue and we all meet at
my house and we do the white Elephant. But this
(01:56):
year Eddie's not shown.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Up going to see my family in Texas.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Why Christmas isn't in Texas. We've had some pretty good
white elephants. Now one year. I'm just gonna go through
some of the stuff that your family has gone home
with a authentic digerido. Your daughter got that, your son
once got for me, a key West lighter with some
titties on it that light up, and uh, fifty dollars
(02:24):
in cash.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
That was a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
I always go for gifts that people are gonna want
to steal right away and get angry about. And getting
your two kids to fight at against each other is
always fun.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Yeah, Mia definitely wanted a fifty.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Well, sure there's fifty dollars in cash, all in ones
fresh wad. They're like, look at this good. Well, the
thing is, we don't really put a limit on the gifts,
so it's funny. Like my brother shows up his family.
They just stop at a gas station on the way
up and hahaha, look at this garbage. Nobody wants it.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Me.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I put some time into the White Elephant gift and
one year I had a cool retro jacket and my
brother in law, when he was a child in his underwear.
I had it put on the back of this jacket.
It was real sexy. He just got like a fifteen
year old boy in his underwear on the back of
your jacket. Well, for some reason, Eddie's daughter went crazy
(03:24):
over it.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Mea got it? Really, who you cannot wear this school?
You can't wear this at Well.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
The funny thing was she was just so excited by
this little boy and his underwear. And then we're like,
you know that little boy is this man that's sitting
right across from us right now?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
What's funny?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
She had no she had no idea. She was humiliated.
She's like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't Actually I didn't
know you were a real person. What other traditions do
we have?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
We still got that good puzzle?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Oh that was right. We did a puzzle one year.
We took a photo of my wife's cousin from when
she was trying to be sexy like a homecoming dance,
and we had that blown up and put into a puzzle.
That's a good gift if you take somebody's ridiculous childhood
photos and turn them into a puzzle.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yeah, no, one's still in the cabin. We rent it
to people. They probably do that puzzle.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, you leave that puzzle out. Let people enjoy it.
Keep thinking about that song. My favorite, my favorite Christmas song,
like modern Christmas song. I like that that Liam Payne
song alright, p rip. I also like that cold Play
song Christmas Lights. Those Christmas lights light up the hey, ugh,
(04:40):
you know what song I like what the Little Drummer
Boy for King and Country. You ever listen to their version? No?
Is that what it's called for Kings and Country? For
King and Country whatever. It's real intense, it's big, got
a big swell ooh. I love a little drummer boy.
I've always kind of seen myself as a little drummer boy.
(05:02):
All this Christmas talk has got me into the holiday spirit.
And you won't believe who we got as a guest.
Enjoy Pasha, my guest today sees you when you're sleeping
and knows when you're awake. Like Schindler, he keeps the
(05:23):
list of people's names that are nice and naughty. Please welcome,
my fellow cookie enthusiast. It is jolly old Saint Nick
aka TJ.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
How you doing, Daniel well?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Other than Christmas, past, present and future? Do you believe
in ghosts? Yes, you really do, TJ.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I really do. My family saw one when I was.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
A kid, when you were a kid, did you see it?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
All four of us?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Did you you saw it as well?
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yes, we were driving on a road in Texas called
Highway sixty seven and we saw a cowboy walking a
horse on the side of the road and as we
close to it, he dissolved in the mist.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I mean, has a great story.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I mean it's not believable at all, but I love it.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
It was one of those things, all four of us,
What did you see?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Well?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
What did you see? What did you see? What did
you see? Everybody's like, well, this is what I saw.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So you on your way to Midland.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Mid Lothian, little small town south of Dallas Fort.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Worth, All right, talk about your hometown.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Uh, mid Lothian, Texas. When I left there in nineteen eighty.
It population was thirty five hundred. It's now population is
thirty five thousand. It's exploded. It used to be known
as the cement capital of the world. Oh, that was
it's claim to fame because it was on a limestone
ridge that produced top quality concrete.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I guess how was your childhood there?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
It was great. I mean I lived on about two
and a half acres. We could go out and essentially
walk across the street and go hunting rabbits or go
fishing in the numerous ponds out there.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
And do you have siblings?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yeah, I have one brother that I grew up with,
and then he's technically a half brother, but he's my brother.
And then I have another brother and sister that I
didn't meet until I was twenty eight.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
How was that meeting?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
That was cool? It was just like, oh, okay, so
here we are.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
You were in the Navy for eleven years, Thank you
for your service. For part of that you were stationed
at the South Pole. Yep, that's a little ironic, don't
you think.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's often funny how life throws little curveballs at us.
And that was one of the biggest curveballs of all.
I lived at the South Pole and work at the
North Pole.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
How was the South Pole?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It's a stark, desolate beauty like you wouldn't believe. I mean,
it's mine numbingly cold obviously, but everything is blue white
or a shade thereof and you just look around and
as the sun setting, which you know it only does once,
(07:57):
it kind of does this wave in the sky as
it's going by until it finally sets completely. I loved it.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
It was it really Yeah. How long were you there?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I did three summers and then one full year.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
The seat when you go from the tip of South
America too, I mean it's it's uh, that's some really
rough seas through there, isn't it. Mm hmm. I mean yeah,
that's that's That's a I've actually wanted to go. Well,
I don't ever want to go any place, but I've
always thought that I'd like to go to the South Pole. Eh,
how'd you first decide to be a Santa?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
My daughter, who was an Irish dancer, she's just a
general dancer, if you will now. Her dance teacher, Maggie
Cleary from Cleary Irish Dance told me, tej you are
going to be a Santa this year. And when Maggie
tells you to do something, we call it being voluntold hu.
And so I was like, you know, okay, Maggie and
(08:51):
I went and bought a suit, grew my beard for
about two and a half months, and everybody there thought
I was the greatest Santa ever. I mean I bought
an amaz SUITO. It was nothing special, but everyone just
and people were like, oh my god, that Santa was amazing.
And I was like, you know, it was me right,
and I fell in love with it.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I went and I watched every video. I went on
YouTube and watched everything. I watched every Christmas movie. I
found out who all the players were. I went to
two Santa schools that year.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Santa School. Yeah, man, all right, talk to me about that.
You attended Charles W. Howard Santa School in Michigan in
case you didn't get in. Did you have a backup
Santa School?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
There are at least five Santa schools that I know
of in America.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
How long is the program?
Speaker 2 (09:47):
It's two to four days, okay, And but I mean
you go over, they teach you some sign language, and
they teach you how to do a proper ho ho ho.
They teach you how to do your hair, your beard.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Was it enjoyable?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah? It really was.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Any black Santa's there, yes, okay, how about women, Yes, okay,
we're allowed. We're having female Santas now.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
There are at least three that I know here in
southern California.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I like it. I like it. They're probably going to
be asked to stop this Christmas.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
They're very good. The thing is, you wouldn't know that
they're when they're in there full on Santa persona. You
would not know that they are of the fairer sex.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Gotcha. You studied under Timothy Conahan m okay, who was
inducted into the Santa Hall of Fame. Yeah, what mall
is that in.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
The Santa Hall of Fame is in Santa Claus, Indiana. Actually, uh.
And Tim is brilliant at this. He's I kind of
aspire to have the career he's had. He does the
tree lightings at Rockefeller Center, he's been on stage with
Mariah Carey, He's gone to the White House and been Santa.
You wouldn't be too inaccurate in saying he's the top
(11:03):
of the heap right now.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Okay, what does it cost to attend a Santa school.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Depends on the school, anywhere from three hundred to six.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Hundred they put you up.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
No. Tim Conahan has had his school here twice and
I've gone both times. But the place he had it
was literally nine miles from my house. So is wake up,
go to school?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
What are the guidelines a person must follow to be
Santa Is? Is there a code of conduct?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Well? Yeah, I mean we all do background checks and
get full insurance and all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Well the insurance, what's that to cover?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
It covers if you get hurt, if somebody else gets
hurt on the set while you're there. There is, you know,
unfortunately required these days, an anti molestation writer on it.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
That's great. Yeah, I mean I was hoping that that
was on there now.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
What do you look for when you're judging if another
there's Sanna is a good Santa or not?
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Generally you can't really tell without a conversation, but you
can sort of get that Santa heart vibe from them
if they have it or if they don't. And I
mean there's some Santas that are absolutely phenomenal, But I mean,
if you've taken the time to get a good suit
and put the red suit on. Odds, are your heart's
in the right place, because it's it's not an inexpensive endeavor.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
What you read on Eddie as a Santa. I've had
him dress up for my kids before. Completely they had
no idea, they lost their mind. My nephew's nieces, they
all loved it.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Brief meeting with Eddie and from the conversations I've had,
I think he'd be pretty good at.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
It, all right. There is the Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santas.
That is, of course, if you're are you allowed to
discuss this?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Okay? Well, I don't know. I don't know if there's rule.
It's a real thing.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yes, there's there's two groups, the International Brotherhood of Real
Bearded Santa's and the Eternal Order of Real beard at Santas,
and I'm a member of both.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I know the Fraternal Order of Police. I remember doing
telemarketing for them when I was a kid. How long
if you shaved down clean would it take you to
get back?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
About eighteen months to get to this level. But I
could get a Santa passable beard in about six.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Mm hm, six months? Do you when's the last time
you went.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Clean October twenty third, two thousand and two. That was
my high school reunion. That's why I remember I shaved
for that.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
I couldn't grow beard. This is as good as I
tried to grow this out for you. It's it's sad.
I've never I've never been able to really grow proper
facial hair. What do you think of these Santas that
don't have the real beard?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
The ability to grow facial hair does not make you
a Santa. It's it's nice and I mean, I love
the fact that I can put this on, and so
when a kid comes up and gives me the Natalie
wood Ed Gwynn tug, I can Yeah, it's really glued
on there. You don't look down on them, huh, not
at all. I have a one of my better Santa friends,
James Dinwoodie, is a designer bearded Santa we call him,
(14:07):
and he when he puts his beard on, he looks
top notch.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, once you put the suit on, is you're like,
are you? How different does your persona become?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
I'm a little jollier. I think I like to think
I'm a reasonably nice person, but I think i'm even nicer.
I'm you know, very attuned to other people. I'm more attuned,
possibly to other people's feelings. I think in the suit
I can just I read body language better. I feel like,
as silly as that sounds, it's just you pay attention
(14:38):
and you just notice when people are really you know, comfortable.
If there's anything that they're not comfortable with, you know,
you notice it and figure out how to work around
it and make them more comfortable.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Are kids afraid of you or you are? Because some
people don't have that ability to I don't know, so
you know, some people we are just better at making
kids feel comfortable.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
My wife calls me the baby whisper. They all seem
to like me. And even the ones you get two
to three is the age where they're like, nah, I
ain't going to seeing the big red guy with the beard.
Even them, I'm usually able to get a great photo
for their parents.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Have you seen people lines get a little you know,
people getting out of control.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I wouldn't say out of control. I've seen people get
you know, a little testy, but it's you know, as
soon as they get back up to me, they realize
I don't want to be on the naughty list. It's funny.
Even adults behave better around me when I'm in the suit.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Have you heard heartbreaking stories from kids on your lap?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah, I don't know why it's not. Don't read my
smile the wrong way, but I just I can't imagine
what that's like.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
It's my grandmother passed away a week ago, ken, and
I said, I know she did. She loves you, my
reindeer and I fly very high, and I will give
her any message you want.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
What about getting the parents back together?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Is that still a wish that sometimes happens? And when
it comes to that, I tell them Santa's magic is
mostly toys. Here's the thing to remember. Your mom still
loves you, your dad still loves you, and Santa loves you.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
You should just keep going, just full, just interrogate him
and pick sides like I think your dad's what age?
Do you notice some kids stop believing?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
They tend to the ten year old eight nine to
ten year old range. Usually some last a little longer,
some a little earlier. But if you're a good Santa,
and I like to think that I'm a pretty good one,
I can usually bring them back.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
What did you tell your kids? Eddie. Did you tell him?
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I think oll of it, kind of like found out
on his own little bit.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
But what age are we talking about?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I would say like around eight to nine.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, eight to nine. That's too young. You gotta keep that,
you gotta keep it going longer.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah, keep the magic as long as you can.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Did you do like children? Yes? Very much. Have you
always liked him?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I didn't realize how much I did until I had
my own.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
How many kids you have two? You have a six
year old son?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Does he know you are Santa?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
He does?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Does he think you're the real Sanna?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I think he knows that I'm a Santa's helper, but
that that me and all of my friends we help
Santas because he comes to some like he's come to
a Santa meeting, which you know, there'll be twenty Santa
is sitting around, and he'll walk up and he'll decide, no,
this one's my favorite Santa this time, and he'll go
and just hang out with him.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
That's pretty cool growing up having dad as a Santa. Now, wait,
let's talk about this. You're not you have a six
year old son. Some people that are watching this might
be like, wait a second, missus Claws. How young is she?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Missus Claws is considerably younger Thane.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Way to go, Sanna, that sounds funny when you live
in California. Like, I'll tell you a story about myself.
I have a five year old son, and among some
of his friends, I'm the old dad, you know, and
had him in my forties and my son. You can
never call me the old dad in front of my son.
He will start to cry because he's processed that when
(18:17):
you're old, eventually you're gone. And so he doesn't like
people to call me the old dad because he thinks
that means I'll be gone sooner. That's really emotional. But
I I for some reason, am fascinated by it. But
I was saying here, like in Malibu, I go to
pick up and they'll be like a seventy year old
dad picking up his kindergartener and I'm like oh, and
(18:38):
he's just like, yeah, it was my third time doing this.
You know your weight? You look like you're in pretty
decent shape. What's your playing weight Christmas Eve? What are
you tipping the scales at Christmas Eve?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
When I start off, I'm about two thirty five.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Oh yeah, you're not a small party. You don't look
you don't look two thirty five to me.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Well, I'm to eat down too, and some change.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I get you. So, what's the biggest you've ever been
in your life?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
About two thirty five?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
So you're not going to put on any weight for this? No,
do you wear? Did you wear any extra stuffing?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
No?
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Is that frowned upon?
Speaker 2 (19:15):
No? They are sentas that do it. My view of
it is I diet for an entire year and then
Christmas Eve I eat eight billion cookies. That's why all
the photos you see of me when I'm so gigantic.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
You work out? Yeah, what's your workout?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
We have a peloton at home. I have dumbbells and kettlebells.
I used to run a lot, but I've discovered that
that actually strips too much weight off of me.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
So you don't want to be you don't want to
be lean.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I don't want to be a ripped Santa. There are
some there are several Santas that could take the sleeves
off of their red suits and you'd be like, hey,
gum Santa.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
You wear a Malsanta just one year? What's the pay
structure for malsandas? What could a high end mall Santa
pull in for the season, and how long is the season?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
The season can be anywhere from November first to about
November fifteenth to January first.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Wait, wait January first.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
There are people that don't do Christmas. Some of the
Eastern European areas they do New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Okay, I thought people were like coming to you with
complaints or returns. Not first year mal Santa. What's he
pulling in.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Depends on where he is. But like I had the
pike down in Long Beach and we don't like to
talk about money, but I made over seventy five an hour.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Mm hmm okay, and now privates, that's when the money
starts to get interesting. You can make a good it's
a good side hustle. Is that fair to say?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
It's very fair to say. There are Santas who are
definitively making six figures.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Off just being a Santa Claus being said, that's exciting.
I mean that's what you want. You want Santa to
get paid. Is there a pecking order of the gigs
that you want? Like, you've done some pretty great You've
had some pretty good gigs, La Rams. Are you there
at your official Santa Claus.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I'm not their official one, but I'm going to be
at their family party on the twenty third, and they
have a home game, I believe the twenty second, And
while they tend to be somewhat late in their booking,
I have left that specific window open for them.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Do you hate the Chargers?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Now? The Chargers were to call me up and say
We've got two home games, and I'd be like, and
this year I'd have to say, I'm sorry you waited
too long.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
You work with the same assistant Elves or is that
just random?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
The Rams I have the same ELF, but private party
sometimes they'll book Elves differently. Last year I had a
private party that had five little people as Elves, and
I didn't know it going in, So I walked in
and went, Okay, this is the coolest.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Thing ever you ever seen? This video? It's one of
my favorite videos. It's Mike Tyson and this little person
he's twenty seven, comes up to him and Mike doesn't
know that it's a little person and just starts holding
them and snuggling them and giving them kisses, and the
guys like trying to beat them off, like, hey, I'm
(22:20):
twenty seven, and Mike's like, baby, it's just delight. Every
time I watch that video, I can just laugh for
the next fifteen minutes. You might have no idea.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Now I'm going to be in up YouTube when I
leave here.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
You'll like it. You'll like it. Let's say your calendar's
wide open. How much for you to show up Christmas
morning and let my kids catch you leaving gifts?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
If you actually wanted to do that, probably five hundred bad.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I mean, it's kind of ruined your Christmas morning, but.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Catching Santa sleeping is one that they really seem to
light what Christmas morning? Come in and I'm leaning back
in a chair in your house with my empty cup
of cocoa or milk and some cookies left, and the
kids come in, Sayara'szanna, Well.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
I gotta get on the sled and you get out.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
I hand them three four presents and I said, you
want me? You want? I said, I've done my old deliveries.
You were the last house. Would you like me to
pass out your presents for you? Pass out all the presents.
I'm there for half an hour or so.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Boom gone, unbelievable. I mean, he's got your own kid
to get home too. Yeah, that's nice to yea though.
Are we supposed to tip too?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
That's entirely up to you. Some do, some don't. We've
booked on a pre arranged amount. I know what that
amount is. If that's what you feel my services are
worth excellent?
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Do we go through a union? Are we going just
directly to you?
Speaker 2 (23:49):
I have a few different people that I work with
and or four, but you can go straight to my
website and say I want you Christmas morning at six am,
and I'll say your thing.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
What about what about the the whip? No, the bell?
The bell? Yeah? They Salvation Army Santas.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Those are mostly volunteer positions. M h. I do a
lot of pro bono work in addition to paid jobs.
And the guys who do Salvation Army I absolutely tip
my furry hat to them. I'll never walk by a
Salvation Army Santa and not put something in their bucket.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Well, I mean, do they look at you and go,
oh wow, that's the real Santa.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
We generally give each other a wink.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
You're the official Santa of the La Zoo.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I've recently been told that the La Zoo is one
that I'm allowed to go to with my children. That
they they're actually really really good, uh, with animals and
stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Not they they have a wonderful enrichment department. It's a
great great zoo. It's actually bigger than the San Diego Zoo.
It's and their enclosures are all much larger, and the
animals all seem to really be content there.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
If you will, does Santa deal with animals too?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Or no, I will deal with it depends on the animal.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
And you wrestle a bear, nah.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
No, I've scratched one behind the ears though.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
That's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Yeah. There are people who have exotic pets that come
to some of these events, and I've had a raccoon
in my lap. I've had a possum in my lap.
I've had a python wrapped around my shoulders.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
You ever eat reindeer? No, let's say, well, I I
what's you a call? Whatever? You're in Alaska? That's like
like breakfast.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
You order and it's like, oh, they have every reindeer sausage.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Reindeer sausage is always like an option.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
I'm way too close to reindeer to eat them.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
November through December, I get the Santa stuff, but it
has become more and more. It's expanding more and more
of the year that you're doing these things. You do
some Santa stuff in July.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Christmas in July is becoming more and more popular. There's
a few things that come up in January, and photo
shoots actually start as early as September because people want
them for the Christmas cards. I have baking Santa, I
have golfing Santa. And Golfing Santa is great for like
if someone's having a Fourth of July golf tournament a
(26:14):
country club and they want somebody to hit the first
ball off the tee and they don't have somebody, you know,
Nicholas isn't gonna come over, so they're like, can we
get Santura coming? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:25):
You know so, I cause your game you spray it
off the first tea.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Oh, I'm a hacker. I'm I would have to improve
dramatically to be terrible.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
I think it'd be great if you if you just
hit a shot and then just start swearing up a storm.
I think they'd love it.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
No, All right, weirdest Santa gig you've ever taken.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Weirdest Oh, gosh.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
And are there any gigs that you wouldn't take.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
I tend to stay away from more A don't theme
stuff because it's there are there are plenty of Santas
that'll do it, and I just I like being there
more for the children.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Right, Like, so if somebody calls you for some Hollywood
sex party, you're like, all right, this is not appropriate.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, it's like, I'm sorry, Santa. Is you know that's
too close to one of my other bookings. I'd love
to but no, thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
I mean, I'm just guessing that they've made the call before.
I just found out that those things exist. I never knew.
I always thought that.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
You never got invited.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Never in my life. Favorite Christmas movie.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Miracle on thirty Fourth Street, Edmund Gwynn. He laid the
framework that pretty much every Santa, maybe even in the world,
is following now.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Favorite comedy Santa movie like Modern.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Christmas Chronicles with Kurt Russell's pretty tough to be, is it?
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I haven't seen it.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
He's funny in it because he makes fun of some
of the Santa tropes, like being really really fat, and
but just he brings the Kurt Russell brand of humor.
Perfectly to that role. He was a great Santa.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Did you enjoy Bad Santa?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
No? And I only watched a little of it, and
I'm not gonna watch the rest of it. I'm just
it's like, I know the Santa I want to be,
I know what I want to portray, and I don't want.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Any What about Elf? Where he at on Elf?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I liked Elf?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Oh, it's a great movie.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Was so he was an ed Asner's in the Santa
Hall of Fame. He's another excellent Santa underrated And my.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Daughter looked like ed Asner for like the first eight
months of her life. I found it very disturbing every
time I looked at him, like, you look a lot
like ed Asner. What about Tim Allen is Santa Claus?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
He was a very good Santa Claus because he managed
to combine a great Santa with the persona of Tim
Allen that we all know and like and you know
the whole My favorite scene in that movie is when
the cop is grilling him over what's his name? He said,
Chris Kringle, what's your name? Centri Claus, what's your name?
(29:07):
He got so mad at him.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
What's your favorite? Tim Allen persona Eddie.
Speaker 3 (29:12):
I like him in a Galaxy quest.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
No, I like him when Who's in jail?
Speaker 2 (29:18):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Where are you at on a Hallmark Christmas movies?
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Somebody wants me to be a Santa ane one. I'm
happy to do it.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
They haven't asked you yet.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Not yet.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Oh no, that's something we need to make happen. I'm
a huge Hallmark Christmas fan. I just like them that
they make me feel good. They're simple in the background.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Simple but basic but lovely stories and the inevitably you know,
somewhere in Vermont.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Oh yeah, and be a kiss at the end. That's
what I like. Does your wife get into it or
is she like this is a bit much.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
She loves it. She adores it. When I'm Santa, she's
her joke. Is I think I have a problem?
Speaker 4 (29:55):
Ah?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, I mean that's like a real thing. You're like,
she's she's in bed with Santa every night. It's fun.
You drive at Tesla, a red Tesla with the license
plate that says Santa on and a personalized plate. Yep,
so you're you're you've embraced this completely.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
I love doing it. I absolutely love doing this.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Daniel. One year, my son went for Halloween. He went
to Santa and it was the best Halloween costume is
his life because everyone everywhere he went, people just kept
screaming Sanna, and he just thought he was like such
a star all day. So I just imagine all day long,
you're just dealing with this.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I get passed on the freeway and I'll see people's
break lights all of a sudden light up and they'll
sloop slide up beside me, and I'll hit the autopilot
roll the window down for him because I know their
passenger is gonna be there with the phone and I'm
you know, right there in the window.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
They're probably like, who's that young hot wife next to him?
Business Claus is gonna be furious. Everybody's on the show, TJ.
I I give him a gift. Uh, it's just I
just unl o stuff from my house. It's been it's
been my joke. So let's see what I have for Santa.
It's also very fun to give gifts to Santam. Now,
the first thing I'm given is not for you. I'm
(31:11):
giving this to your son. Okay, this is a slot
car racing. His birthday is this weekend. Gosh, so given this. Now,
let me tell you why I'm giving this to you,
because this was given to my son by Santa I
had a slot car race as a child. I loved it,
so I thought, oh, my kid will like it. And
he's never once made a full lap or he refuses
to let off the throttle even though I tell him
(31:33):
every time the turns, you gotta let off the throttle
a little bit. No cargoes flying. So I'm like, I'm
just done with it. So I just took it apart.
He saw it the other day. He goes, what are
you doing with that? I said, I'm giving it to
Santa Claus. I'm giving it back. He's like, all right, okay,
you gotta you gotta driveway that you're dealing with. Yeah,
all right, okay, this this is a pick a ball net.
(31:54):
Oh my gosh, I want you to start playing. But
you play pick a ball Uh.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
No, I've been here. It's just it seems to be
like the hottest sport in the country.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
So well, now you got to pick a ball net,
A horrible pick like that was during the pandemic. I
set that up in my driveway. Uh and I played
all the time, and now I don't I don't need
that anymore. What else do I got for Santa? A
couple of beanies to keep you warm? I don't wear beanies,
not those anymore. Not here the kids, they're full of germs,
and I'm guessing this new administration is never gonna let
(32:27):
us wear a mask again. So I wanted to get
rid of my mask. This is silly. I don't know
if you're gonna want this or not, but doesn't matter.
This This is a beard trimmer with all the attachments.
I've never used that. I don't have a beard. And
then this is like a personal I don't know if
Santa grooms down below, but that's what it's. That's what
(32:47):
it's meant for. It's meant for all kinds of cleanup.
You can use it on any it doesn't have to
be the unmentionables. But there's two different grumors. Neither one
of those. That one might have been used on a
neck line before, but this one's never been used to anyway.
You'll love that. Get that off my desk, please. I
think that's all I got for Santa. Do you know
a lot about Santa folklore? In Saint Nicholas?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Yeah, I'm seventeen hundred and fifty four years old. This
year turned that on Mark sixteenth. I was born in Ptera,
which is now part of modern day Turkey. I gradually
evolved during the Reformation when they banned saints. I was
technically banned, so the Germans came up with something called
Christ Kendall, which literal translation is the Christ child who's
(33:33):
bringing the presence. Christ Kendall eventually evolved through linguistics. To
Chris Kringle, this is way too deep.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
So you know everything. You know that he was a
patron saint of children, but also the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers,
repentant thieves, brewers, pawnbrokers, toymakers, unmarried people, and students in
various European cities.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
I knew everything, I think, except the students in various
europe In cities.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
What is what does that even me? I literally just
found this out as I was reading it.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
But I didn't know he was the patron's saint of pawnbrokers.
That's why in the old school pawn shops they used
to have three balls over the door. And that's because
Saint Nicholas took three bags of gold and gave it
to a gentleman who couldn't afford a dowry for his daughters.
And those three bags of gold became the three balls
over a pawnshop.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
This isn't your full time gig.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
No, I'm a voice actor and I work at Trident
Tive Equipment. We sell wholesale scuba gear. Basically, every little
gadget that you have if you dive, is almost guaranteed
to be made by us.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
I've never scuba dived.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Oh okay, well you ought to out here.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
I live in the ocean. I surf every day in
my life. I've never scuba dived.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
See. I surfed a little bit when I was in Hawaii,
but I discovered that I like diving so much better.
It's just you're on top of a world that you
can't imagine.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I can imagine it, and I get a little claustrophobics
thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Okay, fair enough, fair enough. But you know out here
we have the California spiny lobster Panelerus and Eruptus delicious,
and you can take seven of them a day.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Do you spearfish?
Speaker 2 (35:12):
I used to, not so much anymore. Mostly I just
it's like scallops and lobsters are my seafood of choice.
If I'm going to be collecting.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Myself year round, you can collect seven.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
No, no, no, there's a season.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
I got it. That's nice. I always know when that's
happening because some of my neighbors are generous and they share.
What about free divers? You ever deal with? You ever
do any of that nonsense? H I have.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
But it's just like why I can put a tank
on and stay down for an hour or you know,
it's it's fabulous physical conditioning. And I mean I can
hold my breath for three to five minutes.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Hold on, we're going to stop right here. You can
hold your breath for three to five minutes. That is
so impressive to me. I can maybe get to a minute. Ten.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
You could practice it for two hours and you'd be
up to two minutes.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
I've practiced my whole I've served my whole life. I
can never I've never been able to hold my breath
that long. Three to five minutes, that's forever. You can
fake your death for three to five minutes. That's that's crazy.
Favorite brand of wet.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Suit, oh jeez, probably body glove.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
What's the thickest wetsuit you've ever put on.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Put on a nine mil.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
But oh my goodness, how do you move?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
You kind of don't. I like the seven mil hyper
stretches are best for me. I mean I find that.
I get it's they have almost the mobility of a
three mil, but they do give you the warmth of
a seven mil.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Have you ever gone gone underwater? Like under ice? Yeah?
Is that terrifying a little bit?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
A little bit? We did the polar plunge in Antarctica,
so oh yeah, you cut a hole in the ice,
you stripped down to absolutely nothing and put a rope
around you jump in.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
I do it in Ta How every year I jump
into the winter. Yeah nice. Oh yeah, it'll wake you up.
They say think before you sink. It's kind of a
slogan because apparently some people die all the time doing it.
Like they jump in, they have a heart attack and
it's like, all right, you're not coming back up.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
It's like, you wonder how penguins can do that jump.
It's because the water's that gold.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
What's your scuba business do? During this peak Santa season.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Incredibly works out well because scuba tends to slow down
in November and December, so they're able to give me
very generous some time off and I get to go
do events, work, preschools and different stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
It's just weird for growing up, you know, landlocked in
the middle of Texas there in Navy Scuba.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Santa, I myself am often puzzled by how life works,
but here we are.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
How long are you gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Until I am? I feel that I'm not convincing in
the role, So I mean, I like to think that
I've got another fifteen twenty years in me.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
It's one of the few jobs that you age into,
not age out of, exactly, TJ. I appreciate you coming
on the show, but if you could do me one favor,
I'd really love to have a conversation with Santa. Is
that possible.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
I'm pretty sure I can make that happen.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Daniel, Holy cow, All right, Santa, let's get down to
it now.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
A low young Daniel.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
It's very nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
It's lovely to see you again. You've met me before.
It was a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Oh, I've been a big fan of yours since I
can remember. Although I at one point I did find
an area in my basement in Saint Louis that had
a lot of gifts with a blanket piled over it.
I don't know if you were just being lazy and
you weren't traveling with them, but.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Well, you know, moms and dad's gift presents too, not
my parents.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Let me ask you a couple questions, if you don't
mind saying a favorite cookies.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Oh, it's hard to top a good chuck chip.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
You like sea salt on it?
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Sometimes? Yeah, it's one of those things where you want
a little variety. So sometimes a little sea salt is great.
Sometimes just a good clean toll house can't be beat.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Well, exactly you're doing with all that milk?
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Well, fortunately Santa is not lacked OS intolerant, so it
helps to wash down that many cooks.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I couldn't. I can't imagine having to drink a glass
of milk just over and over. That's a either. They
have that milk gallon challenge. If you can drink a
gallon of milk without throwing up, it's impossible. You lie
awake at night worrying about type two diabetes.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
No, I get quite a bit of exercise. You gotta remember,
I'm going up and down chimneys all night long.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Why chimneys?
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Well, if you don't have a chimney, I do have
a magic key that'll unlike any house. But the chimney's
just made for a dramatic entrance.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
I mean, I tell you, it just seems like there's
easier ways to get into the house. Can you look
into the camp and tell my son to use more
than two squares of toilet paper when he's wiping, and
please let him know that he needs to wipe more
than one time.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Hygiene is very important, young man. Be sure you get
good and clean.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
That's a Christmas miracle.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
That would be a Christmas miracle.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Daniel, I've been meaning to ask, how's your brother Andrew's kids,
Ryan and Ada?
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Oh wow, well you forgot James.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Well, James is on the nice list. Okay, I wasn't
concerned about him the other two. You know.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
That's fair. That's fair. Are you allowed to tell us
who's on the list or is that completely confidential?
Speaker 2 (40:41):
No?
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Well just let me s if I can read you,
you tell me if the person's on a naughtier nice list.
Aaron Rodgers, he's right on the borderline, okay, Jewish people.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
There's tons of Jewish people on the nice list.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Good good to hear. I didn't know. I didn't know
if there was rules. Well, listen, Santa, is there anything
we can do as a society to make the world
a better place? What should we be doing?
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Be kind? Be kind to everyone, even if you don't
feel like being kind. Kindness goes so far and is
in such short supply. You have one of the kindest
hearts I've seen. You tried not to hide it under
your sarcasm, but I know the real heart of.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
Daniel Ah from Santa's lips. Listen, thank you so much
for making everybody's year a little more enjoyable. We appreciate
everything you do, and good luck this Christmas.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Thank you so much. Oh wait, Sanna can't leave just yet.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Oh no, oh my god, Oh no. I didn't ask
for anything, Santa.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
I know, but the show did.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
What is it? Look at this? This is nice your son,
So I don't open it now? Okay, that's really nicey.
I'm gonna get this off my desk.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
This one, Daniel opens.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
I opened this. Open it now you can if you like.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
And I have something for John Good.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
This guy knows everybody that works on the show and
for Pete. It looks like the same thing. Something for
Dylan No one remembers Dylan Dylana Israel.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And a little something for Eddie.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Ed look at this, unbelievable. Well you know what, I'm
just gonna crack mine open real quick. Here. Oh Santa,
Oh look at this, but this is for your daughter.
Oh my goodness, Holy moly, this is unbelievable. It's like
Christmas today. Look at this. I got a knife. I'm cool,
(42:50):
you know what I Santa? I mean. I don't mean
to brag, but as a father, I always make sure
that any gift you leave that I completely set it
up and batteries in, completely assemble it, unhook it from
everything so that when they open it, it's not a
you know, fifteen minute ordeal. Oh look at this, Oh, Santa,
(43:11):
thank you so much. You got me a mug. It
takes me so long. North Pole poll hot Chocolate Santa
Claus approved. Well that's really sweetie.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Absolutely, thank you, sir. Probably ought to open that much
to opening.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Do I need a knife for this one?
Speaker 2 (43:27):
No? That one. You should be able to just tear
right into.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
This looks like like you're giving me a flag for
like one of my oh oh, look at this.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
If you're gonna have a mug, you need something to
drink out of it.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Hot cocoa bombs and then nice. Thank you so much,
and everybody on the show on behalf of them. Thank
you absolutely can I can I get I ask for
a big ho ho ho. Merry Christmas, Daniel, Merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
I'll see you Christmas Eve, but you'd better not see me.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Casha, Thank you, TJ, and thank you Santa. That was
a real treat to have you guys on the show.
By the way, his gifts. I had one of those bombs,
those hot chocolate bombs. They were delicious. Now, the problem
I had, I don't mean to complain to Santa, is
at they really stayed congealed at the bottom of the mug.
(44:28):
It didn't fully dissolve it. It almost couldn't, but I mean,
but it tasted well. I don't even like things that
have marshmallows built in, but they they pretty much disintegrated,
so that was fine. We got some plugs to do
last minute shopping. You gotta hit up boysworarpink dot com
and tossshowstore dot com. Get some merch from our beautiful podcast.
(44:54):
Check out Eddie's tour at Eddiegosling dot com and Daniel
Tosh dot com for our tour, Come see us, do
stand up. You know what time it is? Hit the
music free plug? Okay, I guess that seemed spirited. That
seemed like a Christmas song of sorts, unrecognizable in the
(45:17):
spirit of the season. This week's free plug is for
Sean Curtizo. Oh God, you guys are awful, Kurtizolak Cordisolaic
Kurzoliac Kurzoliac Sean Kurzoliac Portraits and Gallery that's all the
way up in North pol Alaska. If you're looking to
capture once in a lifetime moments in fine art, Sean
(45:39):
can make it happen. He specializes in landscape photography, capturing
the Aurora borealis in interior Alaska and creating personalized portraits
under the aurora. Whether you want a family portrait under
the aurora where Dad awkwardly plays the guitars everyone in
fake listens, or just your typical snapshot of you looking
(46:00):
at the missus looking up to that magical night sky.
He even has a photo of a sea lion eating
a fish. Anyway, Ahi what's his name? Sean curtisoliac herd Zolac,
kurd Zolac, gourd Zoliac, Kurdzoliac, Kurdzoliac, Kurdzoliac. I guess k
(46:22):
u r d z io l e k Kurdzoliac Portraits
and Gallery in North Poul, Alaska. Tell them jolly old
Saint Dan Santya. And now from the vault, an unreleased
bedtime story from my son, I saved a couple. You
didn't know this was coming. I mean you did at
(46:44):
the beginning of the show because I said it. But you're excited.
Here we go. You thought that chapter of this show
was over. No, I still got a few. Here's a
Christmas bedtime story.
Speaker 4 (46:58):
Give me a good time in the saul Sawt Sawt
sau Away City where two little elsies they sane insane,
but one of the elk didn't know what is honey.
They sounded wind Deal and the name was food Gin
(47:21):
Rain Deal, but David didn't know what her name was.
So they wandered around and then they was so sob
that the bad guy Gadyway har it was boat that
we was seeing and night got the Pope Frederick Tis
(47:44):
but one sin, we sounded true, we sounded peaks in
the tune?
Speaker 1 (47:53):
Is that the end of the story. I don't understand
any of the end
If you could do me one favor, I'd really love
to have a conversation with Sanna. Is that possible.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm pretty sure I can make that happen.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Daniel Kasha Cosha show show you scumbag, ye maggot, you
cheap lousy, Welcome to dash Show. Merry Christmas.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
You know that song, Eddie, I've only heard it when
you pointed it out.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
To you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap blousy. Now, in fairness,
there is a new version where they say you're a
cheap ben I've had it. That's how they That's how
they get away from the problematic original version that had
hate speech. Yep, just right there for all to sing
(00:54):
in harmony together. What's the song called Somebody in New York?
Fairy Tale of New York, fairy Tale of New York,
emphasis on fairy different time, different times when that was
re recorded in twenty eighteen.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yes, okay, not so long ago.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Actually, hey, for our Christmas episode, my son I saved
one of his bedtime stories from when he was three
that we used to air at the end of every episode.
I saved one of them that was Christmas themed. Gonna
play it at the end of this episode.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Thanks gift.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
What a gift for all anyway, so excited about Christmas,
so many traditions. Eddie is a part of my Christmas.
Every year we do the white Elephant, big Christmas Eve party.
We get some bad barbecue and we all meet at
my house and we do the white Elephant. But this
(01:56):
year Eddie's not shown.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Up going to see my family in Texas.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Why Christmas isn't in Texas. We've had some pretty good
white elephants. Now one year. I'm just gonna go through
some of the stuff that your family has gone home
with a authentic digerido. Your daughter got that, your son
once got for me, a key West lighter with some
titties on it that light up, and uh, fifty dollars
(02:24):
in cash.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
That was a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
I always go for gifts that people are gonna want
to steal right away and get angry about. And getting
your two kids to fight at against each other is
always fun.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Yeah, Mia definitely wanted a fifty.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Well, sure there's fifty dollars in cash, all in ones
fresh wad. They're like, look at this good. Well, the
thing is, we don't really put a limit on the gifts,
so it's funny. Like my brother shows up his family.
They just stop at a gas station on the way
up and hahaha, look at this garbage. Nobody wants it.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Me.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I put some time into the White Elephant gift and
one year I had a cool retro jacket and my
brother in law, when he was a child in his underwear.
I had it put on the back of this jacket.
It was real sexy. He just got like a fifteen
year old boy in his underwear on the back of
your jacket. Well, for some reason, Eddie's daughter went crazy
(03:24):
over it.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Mea got it? Really, who you cannot wear this school?
You can't wear this at Well.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
The funny thing was she was just so excited by
this little boy and his underwear. And then we're like,
you know that little boy is this man that's sitting
right across from us right now?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
What's funny?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
She had no she had no idea. She was humiliated.
She's like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't Actually I didn't
know you were a real person. What other traditions do
we have?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
We still got that good puzzle?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Oh that was right. We did a puzzle one year.
We took a photo of my wife's cousin from when
she was trying to be sexy like a homecoming dance,
and we had that blown up and put into a puzzle.
That's a good gift if you take somebody's ridiculous childhood
photos and turn them into a puzzle.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yeah, no, one's still in the cabin. We rent it
to people. They probably do that puzzle.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, you leave that puzzle out. Let people enjoy it.
Keep thinking about that song. My favorite, my favorite Christmas song,
like modern Christmas song. I like that that Liam Payne
song alright, p rip. I also like that cold Play
song Christmas Lights. Those Christmas lights light up the hey, ugh,
(04:40):
you know what song I like what the Little Drummer
Boy for King and Country. You ever listen to their version? No?
Is that what it's called for Kings and Country? For
King and Country whatever. It's real intense, it's big, got
a big swell ooh. I love a little drummer boy.
I've always kind of seen myself as a little drummer boy.
(05:02):
All this Christmas talk has got me into the holiday spirit.
And you won't believe who we got as a guest.
Enjoy Pasha, my guest today sees you when you're sleeping
and knows when you're awake. Like Schindler, he keeps the
(05:23):
list of people's names that are nice and naughty. Please welcome,
my fellow cookie enthusiast. It is jolly old Saint Nick
aka TJ.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
How you doing, Daniel well?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Other than Christmas, past, present and future? Do you believe
in ghosts? Yes, you really do, TJ.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I really do. My family saw one when I was.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
A kid, when you were a kid, did you see it?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
All four of us?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Did you you saw it as well?
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yes, we were driving on a road in Texas called
Highway sixty seven and we saw a cowboy walking a
horse on the side of the road and as we
close to it, he dissolved in the mist.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I mean, has a great story.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I mean it's not believable at all, but I love it.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
It was one of those things, all four of us,
What did you see?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Well?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
What did you see? What did you see? What did
you see? Everybody's like, well, this is what I saw.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So you on your way to Midland.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Mid Lothian, little small town south of Dallas Fort.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Worth, All right, talk about your hometown.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Uh, mid Lothian, Texas. When I left there in nineteen eighty.
It population was thirty five hundred. It's now population is
thirty five thousand. It's exploded. It used to be known
as the cement capital of the world. Oh, that was
it's claim to fame because it was on a limestone
ridge that produced top quality concrete.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I guess how was your childhood there?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
It was great. I mean I lived on about two
and a half acres. We could go out and essentially
walk across the street and go hunting rabbits or go
fishing in the numerous ponds out there.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
And do you have siblings?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yeah, I have one brother that I grew up with,
and then he's technically a half brother, but he's my brother.
And then I have another brother and sister that I
didn't meet until I was twenty eight.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
How was that meeting?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
That was cool? It was just like, oh, okay, so
here we are.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
You were in the Navy for eleven years, Thank you
for your service. For part of that you were stationed
at the South Pole. Yep, that's a little ironic, don't
you think.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's often funny how life throws little curveballs at us.
And that was one of the biggest curveballs of all.
I lived at the South Pole and work at the
North Pole.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
How was the South Pole?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It's a stark, desolate beauty like you wouldn't believe. I mean,
it's mine numbingly cold obviously, but everything is blue white
or a shade thereof and you just look around and
as the sun setting, which you know it only does once,
(07:57):
it kind of does this wave in the sky as
it's going by until it finally sets completely. I loved it.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
It was it really Yeah. How long were you there?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I did three summers and then one full year.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
The seat when you go from the tip of South
America too, I mean it's it's uh, that's some really
rough seas through there, isn't it. Mm hmm. I mean yeah,
that's that's That's a I've actually wanted to go. Well,
I don't ever want to go any place, but I've
always thought that I'd like to go to the South Pole. Eh,
how'd you first decide to be a Santa?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
My daughter, who was an Irish dancer, she's just a
general dancer, if you will now. Her dance teacher, Maggie
Cleary from Cleary Irish Dance told me, tej you are
going to be a Santa this year. And when Maggie
tells you to do something, we call it being voluntold hu.
And so I was like, you know, okay, Maggie and
(08:51):
I went and bought a suit, grew my beard for
about two and a half months, and everybody there thought
I was the greatest Santa ever. I mean I bought
an amaz SUITO. It was nothing special, but everyone just
and people were like, oh my god, that Santa was amazing.
And I was like, you know, it was me right,
and I fell in love with it.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I went and I watched every video. I went on
YouTube and watched everything. I watched every Christmas movie. I
found out who all the players were. I went to
two Santa schools that year.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Santa School. Yeah, man, all right, talk to me about that.
You attended Charles W. Howard Santa School in Michigan in
case you didn't get in. Did you have a backup
Santa School?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
There are at least five Santa schools that I know
of in America.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
How long is the program?
Speaker 2 (09:47):
It's two to four days, okay, And but I mean
you go over, they teach you some sign language, and
they teach you how to do a proper ho ho ho.
They teach you how to do your hair, your beard.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Was it enjoyable?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah? It really was.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Any black Santa's there, yes, okay, how about women, Yes, okay,
we're allowed. We're having female Santas now.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
There are at least three that I know here in
southern California.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I like it. I like it. They're probably going to
be asked to stop this Christmas.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
They're very good. The thing is, you wouldn't know that
they're when they're in there full on Santa persona. You
would not know that they are of the fairer sex.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Gotcha. You studied under Timothy Conahan m okay, who was
inducted into the Santa Hall of Fame. Yeah, what mall
is that in.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
The Santa Hall of Fame is in Santa Claus, Indiana. Actually, uh.
And Tim is brilliant at this. He's I kind of
aspire to have the career he's had. He does the
tree lightings at Rockefeller Center, he's been on stage with
Mariah Carey, He's gone to the White House and been Santa.
You wouldn't be too inaccurate in saying he's the top
(11:03):
of the heap right now.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Okay, what does it cost to attend a Santa school.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Depends on the school, anywhere from three hundred to six.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Hundred they put you up.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
No. Tim Conahan has had his school here twice and
I've gone both times. But the place he had it
was literally nine miles from my house. So is wake up,
go to school?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
What are the guidelines a person must follow to be
Santa Is? Is there a code of conduct?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Well? Yeah, I mean we all do background checks and
get full insurance and all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Well the insurance, what's that to cover?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
It covers if you get hurt, if somebody else gets
hurt on the set while you're there. There is, you know,
unfortunately required these days, an anti molestation writer on it.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
That's great. Yeah, I mean I was hoping that that
was on there now.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
What do you look for when you're judging if another
there's Sanna is a good Santa or not?
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Generally you can't really tell without a conversation, but you
can sort of get that Santa heart vibe from them
if they have it or if they don't. And I
mean there's some Santas that are absolutely phenomenal, But I mean,
if you've taken the time to get a good suit
and put the red suit on. Odds, are your heart's
in the right place, because it's it's not an inexpensive endeavor.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
What you read on Eddie as a Santa. I've had
him dress up for my kids before. Completely they had
no idea, they lost their mind. My nephew's nieces, they
all loved it.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Brief meeting with Eddie and from the conversations I've had,
I think he'd be pretty good at.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
It, all right. There is the Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santas.
That is, of course, if you're are you allowed to
discuss this?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Okay? Well, I don't know. I don't know if there's rule.
It's a real thing.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yes, there's there's two groups, the International Brotherhood of Real
Bearded Santa's and the Eternal Order of Real beard at Santas,
and I'm a member of both.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I know the Fraternal Order of Police. I remember doing
telemarketing for them when I was a kid. How long
if you shaved down clean would it take you to
get back?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
About eighteen months to get to this level. But I
could get a Santa passable beard in about six.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Mm hm, six months? Do you when's the last time
you went.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Clean October twenty third, two thousand and two. That was
my high school reunion. That's why I remember I shaved
for that.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
I couldn't grow beard. This is as good as I
tried to grow this out for you. It's it's sad.
I've never I've never been able to really grow proper
facial hair. What do you think of these Santas that
don't have the real beard?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
The ability to grow facial hair does not make you
a Santa. It's it's nice and I mean, I love
the fact that I can put this on, and so
when a kid comes up and gives me the Natalie
wood Ed Gwynn tug, I can Yeah, it's really glued
on there. You don't look down on them, huh, not
at all. I have a one of my better Santa friends,
James Dinwoodie, is a designer bearded Santa we call him,
(14:07):
and he when he puts his beard on, he looks
top notch.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, once you put the suit on, is you're like,
are you? How different does your persona become?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
I'm a little jollier. I think I like to think
I'm a reasonably nice person, but I think i'm even nicer.
I'm you know, very attuned to other people. I'm more attuned,
possibly to other people's feelings. I think in the suit
I can just I read body language better. I feel like,
as silly as that sounds, it's just you pay attention
(14:38):
and you just notice when people are really you know, comfortable.
If there's anything that they're not comfortable with, you know,
you notice it and figure out how to work around
it and make them more comfortable.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Are kids afraid of you or you are? Because some
people don't have that ability to I don't know, so
you know, some people we are just better at making
kids feel comfortable.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
My wife calls me the baby whisper. They all seem
to like me. And even the ones you get two
to three is the age where they're like, nah, I
ain't going to seeing the big red guy with the beard.
Even them, I'm usually able to get a great photo
for their parents.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Have you seen people lines get a little you know,
people getting out of control.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I wouldn't say out of control. I've seen people get
you know, a little testy, but it's you know, as
soon as they get back up to me, they realize
I don't want to be on the naughty list. It's funny.
Even adults behave better around me when I'm in the suit.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Have you heard heartbreaking stories from kids on your lap?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah, I don't know why it's not. Don't read my
smile the wrong way, but I just I can't imagine
what that's like.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
It's my grandmother passed away a week ago, ken, and
I said, I know she did. She loves you, my
reindeer and I fly very high, and I will give
her any message you want.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
What about getting the parents back together?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Is that still a wish that sometimes happens? And when
it comes to that, I tell them Santa's magic is
mostly toys. Here's the thing to remember. Your mom still
loves you, your dad still loves you, and Santa loves you.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
You should just keep going, just full, just interrogate him
and pick sides like I think your dad's what age?
Do you notice some kids stop believing?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
They tend to the ten year old eight nine to
ten year old range. Usually some last a little longer,
some a little earlier. But if you're a good Santa,
and I like to think that I'm a pretty good one,
I can usually bring them back.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
What did you tell your kids? Eddie. Did you tell him?
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I think oll of it, kind of like found out
on his own little bit.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
But what age are we talking about?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I would say like around eight to nine.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, eight to nine. That's too young. You gotta keep that,
you gotta keep it going longer.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah, keep the magic as long as you can.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Did you do like children? Yes? Very much. Have you
always liked him?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I didn't realize how much I did until I had
my own.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
How many kids you have two? You have a six
year old son?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Does he know you are Santa?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
He does?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Does he think you're the real Sanna?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I think he knows that I'm a Santa's helper, but
that that me and all of my friends we help
Santas because he comes to some like he's come to
a Santa meeting, which you know, there'll be twenty Santa
is sitting around, and he'll walk up and he'll decide, no,
this one's my favorite Santa this time, and he'll go
and just hang out with him.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
That's pretty cool growing up having dad as a Santa. Now, wait,
let's talk about this. You're not you have a six
year old son. Some people that are watching this might
be like, wait a second, missus Claws. How young is she?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Missus Claws is considerably younger Thane.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Way to go, Sanna, that sounds funny when you live
in California. Like, I'll tell you a story about myself.
I have a five year old son, and among some
of his friends, I'm the old dad, you know, and
had him in my forties and my son. You can
never call me the old dad in front of my son.
He will start to cry because he's processed that when
(18:17):
you're old, eventually you're gone. And so he doesn't like
people to call me the old dad because he thinks
that means I'll be gone sooner. That's really emotional. But
I I for some reason, am fascinated by it. But
I was saying here, like in Malibu, I go to
pick up and they'll be like a seventy year old
dad picking up his kindergartener and I'm like oh, and
(18:38):
he's just like, yeah, it was my third time doing this.
You know your weight? You look like you're in pretty
decent shape. What's your playing weight Christmas Eve? What are
you tipping the scales at Christmas Eve?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
When I start off, I'm about two thirty five.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Oh yeah, you're not a small party. You don't look
you don't look two thirty five to me.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Well, I'm to eat down too, and some change.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I get you. So, what's the biggest you've ever been
in your life?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
About two thirty five?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
So you're not going to put on any weight for this? No,
do you wear? Did you wear any extra stuffing?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
No?
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Is that frowned upon?
Speaker 2 (19:15):
No? They are sentas that do it. My view of
it is I diet for an entire year and then
Christmas Eve I eat eight billion cookies. That's why all
the photos you see of me when I'm so gigantic.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
You work out? Yeah, what's your workout?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
We have a peloton at home. I have dumbbells and kettlebells.
I used to run a lot, but I've discovered that
that actually strips too much weight off of me.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
So you don't want to be you don't want to
be lean.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I don't want to be a ripped Santa. There are
some there are several Santas that could take the sleeves
off of their red suits and you'd be like, hey,
gum Santa.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
You wear a Malsanta just one year? What's the pay
structure for malsandas? What could a high end mall Santa
pull in for the season, and how long is the season?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
The season can be anywhere from November first to about
November fifteenth to January first.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Wait, wait January first.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
There are people that don't do Christmas. Some of the
Eastern European areas they do New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Okay, I thought people were like coming to you with
complaints or returns. Not first year mal Santa. What's he
pulling in.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Depends on where he is. But like I had the
pike down in Long Beach and we don't like to
talk about money, but I made over seventy five an hour.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Mm hmm okay, and now privates, that's when the money
starts to get interesting. You can make a good it's
a good side hustle. Is that fair to say?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
It's very fair to say. There are Santas who are
definitively making six figures.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Off just being a Santa Claus being said, that's exciting.
I mean that's what you want. You want Santa to
get paid. Is there a pecking order of the gigs
that you want? Like, you've done some pretty great You've
had some pretty good gigs, La Rams. Are you there
at your official Santa Claus.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I'm not their official one, but I'm going to be
at their family party on the twenty third, and they
have a home game, I believe the twenty second, And
while they tend to be somewhat late in their booking,
I have left that specific window open for them.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Do you hate the Chargers?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Now? The Chargers were to call me up and say
We've got two home games, and I'd be like, and
this year I'd have to say, I'm sorry you waited
too long.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
You work with the same assistant Elves or is that
just random?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
The Rams I have the same ELF, but private party
sometimes they'll book Elves differently. Last year I had a
private party that had five little people as Elves, and
I didn't know it going in, So I walked in
and went, Okay, this is the coolest.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Thing ever you ever seen? This video? It's one of
my favorite videos. It's Mike Tyson and this little person
he's twenty seven, comes up to him and Mike doesn't
know that it's a little person and just starts holding
them and snuggling them and giving them kisses, and the
guys like trying to beat them off, like, hey, I'm
(22:20):
twenty seven, and Mike's like, baby, it's just delight. Every
time I watch that video, I can just laugh for
the next fifteen minutes. You might have no idea.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Now I'm going to be in up YouTube when I
leave here.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
You'll like it. You'll like it. Let's say your calendar's
wide open. How much for you to show up Christmas
morning and let my kids catch you leaving gifts?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
If you actually wanted to do that, probably five hundred bad.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I mean, it's kind of ruined your Christmas morning, but.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Catching Santa sleeping is one that they really seem to
light what Christmas morning? Come in and I'm leaning back
in a chair in your house with my empty cup
of cocoa or milk and some cookies left, and the
kids come in, Sayara'szanna, Well.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
I gotta get on the sled and you get out.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
I hand them three four presents and I said, you
want me? You want? I said, I've done my old deliveries.
You were the last house. Would you like me to
pass out your presents for you? Pass out all the presents.
I'm there for half an hour or so.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Boom gone, unbelievable. I mean, he's got your own kid
to get home too. Yeah, that's nice to yea though.
Are we supposed to tip too?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
That's entirely up to you. Some do, some don't. We've
booked on a pre arranged amount. I know what that
amount is. If that's what you feel my services are
worth excellent?
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Do we go through a union? Are we going just
directly to you?
Speaker 2 (23:49):
I have a few different people that I work with
and or four, but you can go straight to my
website and say I want you Christmas morning at six am,
and I'll say your thing.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
What about what about the the whip? No, the bell?
The bell? Yeah? They Salvation Army Santas.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Those are mostly volunteer positions. M h. I do a
lot of pro bono work in addition to paid jobs.
And the guys who do Salvation Army I absolutely tip
my furry hat to them. I'll never walk by a
Salvation Army Santa and not put something in their bucket.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Well, I mean, do they look at you and go,
oh wow, that's the real Santa.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
We generally give each other a wink.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
You're the official Santa of the La Zoo.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I've recently been told that the La Zoo is one
that I'm allowed to go to with my children. That
they they're actually really really good, uh, with animals and
stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Not they they have a wonderful enrichment department. It's a
great great zoo. It's actually bigger than the San Diego Zoo.
It's and their enclosures are all much larger, and the
animals all seem to really be content there.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
If you will, does Santa deal with animals too?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Or no, I will deal with it depends on the animal.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
And you wrestle a bear, nah.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
No, I've scratched one behind the ears though.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
That's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Yeah. There are people who have exotic pets that come
to some of these events, and I've had a raccoon
in my lap. I've had a possum in my lap.
I've had a python wrapped around my shoulders.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
You ever eat reindeer? No, let's say, well, I I
what's you a call? Whatever? You're in Alaska? That's like
like breakfast.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
You order and it's like, oh, they have every reindeer sausage.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Reindeer sausage is always like an option.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
I'm way too close to reindeer to eat them.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
November through December, I get the Santa stuff, but it
has become more and more. It's expanding more and more
of the year that you're doing these things. You do
some Santa stuff in July.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Christmas in July is becoming more and more popular. There's
a few things that come up in January, and photo
shoots actually start as early as September because people want
them for the Christmas cards. I have baking Santa, I
have golfing Santa. And Golfing Santa is great for like
if someone's having a Fourth of July golf tournament a
(26:14):
country club and they want somebody to hit the first
ball off the tee and they don't have somebody, you know,
Nicholas isn't gonna come over, so they're like, can we
get Santura coming? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:25):
You know so, I cause your game you spray it
off the first tea.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Oh, I'm a hacker. I'm I would have to improve
dramatically to be terrible.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
I think it'd be great if you if you just
hit a shot and then just start swearing up a storm.
I think they'd love it.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
No, All right, weirdest Santa gig you've ever taken.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Weirdest Oh, gosh.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
And are there any gigs that you wouldn't take.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
I tend to stay away from more A don't theme
stuff because it's there are there are plenty of Santas
that'll do it, and I just I like being there
more for the children.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Right, Like, so if somebody calls you for some Hollywood
sex party, you're like, all right, this is not appropriate.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, it's like, I'm sorry, Santa. Is you know that's
too close to one of my other bookings. I'd love
to but no, thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
I mean, I'm just guessing that they've made the call before.
I just found out that those things exist. I never knew.
I always thought that.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
You never got invited.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Never in my life. Favorite Christmas movie.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Miracle on thirty Fourth Street, Edmund Gwynn. He laid the
framework that pretty much every Santa, maybe even in the world,
is following now.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Favorite comedy Santa movie like Modern.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Christmas Chronicles with Kurt Russell's pretty tough to be, is it?
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I haven't seen it.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
He's funny in it because he makes fun of some
of the Santa tropes, like being really really fat, and
but just he brings the Kurt Russell brand of humor.
Perfectly to that role. He was a great Santa.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Did you enjoy Bad Santa?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
No? And I only watched a little of it, and
I'm not gonna watch the rest of it. I'm just
it's like, I know the Santa I want to be,
I know what I want to portray, and I don't want.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Any What about Elf? Where he at on Elf?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I liked Elf?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Oh, it's a great movie.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Was so he was an ed Asner's in the Santa
Hall of Fame. He's another excellent Santa underrated And my.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Daughter looked like ed Asner for like the first eight
months of her life. I found it very disturbing every
time I looked at him, like, you look a lot
like ed Asner. What about Tim Allen is Santa Claus?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
He was a very good Santa Claus because he managed
to combine a great Santa with the persona of Tim
Allen that we all know and like and you know
the whole My favorite scene in that movie is when
the cop is grilling him over what's his name? He said,
Chris Kringle, what's your name? Centri Claus, what's your name?
(29:07):
He got so mad at him.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
What's your favorite? Tim Allen persona Eddie.
Speaker 3 (29:12):
I like him in a Galaxy quest.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
No, I like him when Who's in jail?
Speaker 2 (29:18):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Where are you at on a Hallmark Christmas movies?
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Somebody wants me to be a Santa ane one. I'm
happy to do it.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
They haven't asked you yet.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Not yet.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Oh no, that's something we need to make happen. I'm
a huge Hallmark Christmas fan. I just like them that
they make me feel good. They're simple in the background.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Simple but basic but lovely stories and the inevitably you know,
somewhere in Vermont.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Oh yeah, and be a kiss at the end. That's
what I like. Does your wife get into it or
is she like this is a bit much.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
She loves it. She adores it. When I'm Santa, she's
her joke. Is I think I have a problem?
Speaker 4 (29:55):
Ah?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, I mean that's like a real thing. You're like,
she's she's in bed with Santa every night. It's fun.
You drive at Tesla, a red Tesla with the license
plate that says Santa on and a personalized plate. Yep,
so you're you're you've embraced this completely.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
I love doing it. I absolutely love doing this.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Daniel. One year, my son went for Halloween. He went
to Santa and it was the best Halloween costume is
his life because everyone everywhere he went, people just kept
screaming Sanna, and he just thought he was like such
a star all day. So I just imagine all day long,
you're just dealing with this.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I get passed on the freeway and I'll see people's
break lights all of a sudden light up and they'll
sloop slide up beside me, and I'll hit the autopilot
roll the window down for him because I know their
passenger is gonna be there with the phone and I'm
you know, right there in the window.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
They're probably like, who's that young hot wife next to him?
Business Claus is gonna be furious. Everybody's on the show, TJ.
I I give him a gift. Uh, it's just I
just unl o stuff from my house. It's been it's
been my joke. So let's see what I have for Santa.
It's also very fun to give gifts to Santam. Now,
the first thing I'm given is not for you. I'm
(31:11):
giving this to your son. Okay, this is a slot
car racing. His birthday is this weekend. Gosh, so given this. Now,
let me tell you why I'm giving this to you,
because this was given to my son by Santa I
had a slot car race as a child. I loved it,
so I thought, oh, my kid will like it. And
he's never once made a full lap or he refuses
to let off the throttle even though I tell him
(31:33):
every time the turns, you gotta let off the throttle
a little bit. No cargoes flying. So I'm like, I'm
just done with it. So I just took it apart.
He saw it the other day. He goes, what are
you doing with that? I said, I'm giving it to
Santa Claus. I'm giving it back. He's like, all right, okay,
you gotta you gotta driveway that you're dealing with. Yeah,
all right, okay, this this is a pick a ball net.
(31:54):
Oh my gosh, I want you to start playing. But
you play pick a ball Uh.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
No, I've been here. It's just it seems to be
like the hottest sport in the country.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
So well, now you got to pick a ball net,
A horrible pick like that was during the pandemic. I
set that up in my driveway. Uh and I played
all the time, and now I don't I don't need
that anymore. What else do I got for Santa? A
couple of beanies to keep you warm? I don't wear beanies,
not those anymore. Not here the kids, they're full of germs,
and I'm guessing this new administration is never gonna let
(32:27):
us wear a mask again. So I wanted to get
rid of my mask. This is silly. I don't know
if you're gonna want this or not, but doesn't matter.
This This is a beard trimmer with all the attachments.
I've never used that. I don't have a beard. And
then this is like a personal I don't know if
Santa grooms down below, but that's what it's. That's what
(32:47):
it's meant for. It's meant for all kinds of cleanup.
You can use it on any it doesn't have to
be the unmentionables. But there's two different grumors. Neither one
of those. That one might have been used on a
neck line before, but this one's never been used to anyway.
You'll love that. Get that off my desk, please. I
think that's all I got for Santa. Do you know
a lot about Santa folklore? In Saint Nicholas?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Yeah, I'm seventeen hundred and fifty four years old. This
year turned that on Mark sixteenth. I was born in Ptera,
which is now part of modern day Turkey. I gradually
evolved during the Reformation when they banned saints. I was
technically banned, so the Germans came up with something called
Christ Kendall, which literal translation is the Christ child who's
(33:33):
bringing the presence. Christ Kendall eventually evolved through linguistics. To
Chris Kringle, this is way too deep.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
So you know everything. You know that he was a
patron saint of children, but also the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers,
repentant thieves, brewers, pawnbrokers, toymakers, unmarried people, and students in
various European cities.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
I knew everything, I think, except the students in various
europe In cities.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
What is what does that even me? I literally just
found this out as I was reading it.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
But I didn't know he was the patron's saint of pawnbrokers.
That's why in the old school pawn shops they used
to have three balls over the door. And that's because
Saint Nicholas took three bags of gold and gave it
to a gentleman who couldn't afford a dowry for his daughters.
And those three bags of gold became the three balls
over a pawnshop.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
This isn't your full time gig.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
No, I'm a voice actor and I work at Trident
Tive Equipment. We sell wholesale scuba gear. Basically, every little
gadget that you have if you dive, is almost guaranteed
to be made by us.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
I've never scuba dived.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Oh okay, well you ought to out here.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
I live in the ocean. I surf every day in
my life. I've never scuba dived.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
See. I surfed a little bit when I was in Hawaii,
but I discovered that I like diving so much better.
It's just you're on top of a world that you
can't imagine.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I can imagine it, and I get a little claustrophobics
thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Okay, fair enough, fair enough. But you know out here
we have the California spiny lobster Panelerus and Eruptus delicious,
and you can take seven of them a day.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Do you spearfish?
Speaker 2 (35:12):
I used to, not so much anymore. Mostly I just
it's like scallops and lobsters are my seafood of choice.
If I'm going to be collecting.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Myself year round, you can collect seven.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
No, no, no, there's a season.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
I got it. That's nice. I always know when that's
happening because some of my neighbors are generous and they share.
What about free divers? You ever deal with? You ever
do any of that nonsense? H I have.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
But it's just like why I can put a tank
on and stay down for an hour or you know,
it's it's fabulous physical conditioning. And I mean I can
hold my breath for three to five minutes.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Hold on, we're going to stop right here. You can
hold your breath for three to five minutes. That is
so impressive to me. I can maybe get to a minute. Ten.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
You could practice it for two hours and you'd be
up to two minutes.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
I've practiced my whole I've served my whole life. I
can never I've never been able to hold my breath
that long. Three to five minutes, that's forever. You can
fake your death for three to five minutes. That's that's crazy.
Favorite brand of wet.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Suit, oh jeez, probably body glove.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
What's the thickest wetsuit you've ever put on.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Put on a nine mil.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
But oh my goodness, how do you move?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
You kind of don't. I like the seven mil hyper
stretches are best for me. I mean I find that.
I get it's they have almost the mobility of a
three mil, but they do give you the warmth of
a seven mil.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Have you ever gone gone underwater? Like under ice? Yeah?
Is that terrifying a little bit?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
A little bit? We did the polar plunge in Antarctica,
so oh yeah, you cut a hole in the ice,
you stripped down to absolutely nothing and put a rope
around you jump in.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
I do it in Ta How every year I jump
into the winter. Yeah nice. Oh yeah, it'll wake you up.
They say think before you sink. It's kind of a
slogan because apparently some people die all the time doing it.
Like they jump in, they have a heart attack and
it's like, all right, you're not coming back up.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
It's like, you wonder how penguins can do that jump.
It's because the water's that gold.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
What's your scuba business do? During this peak Santa season.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Incredibly works out well because scuba tends to slow down
in November and December, so they're able to give me
very generous some time off and I get to go
do events, work, preschools and different stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
It's just weird for growing up, you know, landlocked in
the middle of Texas there in Navy Scuba.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Santa, I myself am often puzzled by how life works,
but here we are.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
How long are you gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Until I am? I feel that I'm not convincing in
the role, So I mean, I like to think that
I've got another fifteen twenty years in me.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
It's one of the few jobs that you age into,
not age out of, exactly, TJ. I appreciate you coming
on the show, but if you could do me one favor,
I'd really love to have a conversation with Santa. Is
that possible.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
I'm pretty sure I can make that happen.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Daniel, Holy cow, All right, Santa, let's get down to
it now.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
A low young Daniel.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
It's very nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
It's lovely to see you again. You've met me before.
It was a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Oh, I've been a big fan of yours since I
can remember. Although I at one point I did find
an area in my basement in Saint Louis that had
a lot of gifts with a blanket piled over it.
I don't know if you were just being lazy and
you weren't traveling with them, but.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Well, you know, moms and dad's gift presents too, not
my parents.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Let me ask you a couple questions, if you don't
mind saying a favorite cookies.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Oh, it's hard to top a good chuck chip.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
You like sea salt on it?
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Sometimes? Yeah, it's one of those things where you want
a little variety. So sometimes a little sea salt is great.
Sometimes just a good clean toll house can't be beat.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Well, exactly you're doing with all that milk?
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Well, fortunately Santa is not lacked OS intolerant, so it
helps to wash down that many cooks.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I couldn't. I can't imagine having to drink a glass
of milk just over and over. That's a either. They
have that milk gallon challenge. If you can drink a
gallon of milk without throwing up, it's impossible. You lie
awake at night worrying about type two diabetes.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
No, I get quite a bit of exercise. You gotta remember,
I'm going up and down chimneys all night long.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Why chimneys?
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Well, if you don't have a chimney, I do have
a magic key that'll unlike any house. But the chimney's
just made for a dramatic entrance.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
I mean, I tell you, it just seems like there's
easier ways to get into the house. Can you look
into the camp and tell my son to use more
than two squares of toilet paper when he's wiping, and
please let him know that he needs to wipe more
than one time.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Hygiene is very important, young man. Be sure you get
good and clean.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
That's a Christmas miracle.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
That would be a Christmas miracle.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Daniel, I've been meaning to ask, how's your brother Andrew's kids,
Ryan and Ada?
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Oh wow, well you forgot James.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Well, James is on the nice list. Okay, I wasn't
concerned about him the other two. You know.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
That's fair. That's fair. Are you allowed to tell us
who's on the list or is that completely confidential?
Speaker 2 (40:41):
No?
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Well just let me s if I can read you,
you tell me if the person's on a naughtier nice list.
Aaron Rodgers, he's right on the borderline, okay, Jewish people.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
There's tons of Jewish people on the nice list.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Good good to hear. I didn't know. I didn't know
if there was rules. Well, listen, Santa, is there anything
we can do as a society to make the world
a better place? What should we be doing?
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Be kind? Be kind to everyone, even if you don't
feel like being kind. Kindness goes so far and is
in such short supply. You have one of the kindest
hearts I've seen. You tried not to hide it under
your sarcasm, but I know the real heart of.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
Daniel Ah from Santa's lips. Listen, thank you so much
for making everybody's year a little more enjoyable. We appreciate
everything you do, and good luck this Christmas.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Thank you so much. Oh wait, Sanna can't leave just yet.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Oh no, oh my god, Oh no. I didn't ask
for anything, Santa.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
I know, but the show did.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
What is it? Look at this? This is nice your son,
So I don't open it now? Okay, that's really nicey.
I'm gonna get this off my desk.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
This one, Daniel opens.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
I opened this. Open it now you can if you like.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
And I have something for John Good.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
This guy knows everybody that works on the show and
for Pete. It looks like the same thing. Something for
Dylan No one remembers Dylan Dylana Israel.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And a little something for Eddie.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Ed look at this, unbelievable. Well you know what, I'm
just gonna crack mine open real quick. Here. Oh Santa,
Oh look at this, but this is for your daughter.
Oh my goodness, Holy moly, this is unbelievable. It's like
Christmas today. Look at this. I got a knife. I'm cool,
(42:50):
you know what I Santa? I mean. I don't mean
to brag, but as a father, I always make sure
that any gift you leave that I completely set it
up and batteries in, completely assemble it, unhook it from
everything so that when they open it, it's not a
you know, fifteen minute ordeal. Oh look at this, Oh, Santa,
(43:11):
thank you so much. You got me a mug. It
takes me so long. North Pole poll hot Chocolate Santa
Claus approved. Well that's really sweetie.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Absolutely, thank you, sir. Probably ought to open that much
to opening.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Do I need a knife for this one?
Speaker 2 (43:27):
No? That one. You should be able to just tear
right into.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
This looks like like you're giving me a flag for
like one of my oh oh, look at this.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
If you're gonna have a mug, you need something to
drink out of it.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Hot cocoa bombs and then nice. Thank you so much,
and everybody on the show on behalf of them. Thank
you absolutely can I can I get I ask for
a big ho ho ho. Merry Christmas, Daniel, Merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
I'll see you Christmas Eve, but you'd better not see me.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Casha, Thank you, TJ, and thank you Santa. That was
a real treat to have you guys on the show.
By the way, his gifts. I had one of those bombs,
those hot chocolate bombs. They were delicious. Now, the problem
I had, I don't mean to complain to Santa, is
at they really stayed congealed at the bottom of the mug.
(44:28):
It didn't fully dissolve it. It almost couldn't, but I mean,
but it tasted well. I don't even like things that
have marshmallows built in, but they they pretty much disintegrated,
so that was fine. We got some plugs to do
last minute shopping. You gotta hit up boysworarpink dot com
and tossshowstore dot com. Get some merch from our beautiful podcast.
(44:54):
Check out Eddie's tour at Eddiegosling dot com and Daniel
Tosh dot com for our tour, Come see us, do
stand up. You know what time it is? Hit the
music free plug? Okay, I guess that seemed spirited. That
seemed like a Christmas song of sorts, unrecognizable in the
(45:17):
spirit of the season. This week's free plug is for
Sean Curtizo. Oh God, you guys are awful, Kurtizolak Cordisolaic
Kurzoliac Kurzoliac Sean Kurzoliac Portraits and Gallery that's all the
way up in North pol Alaska. If you're looking to
capture once in a lifetime moments in fine art, Sean
(45:39):
can make it happen. He specializes in landscape photography, capturing
the Aurora borealis in interior Alaska and creating personalized portraits
under the aurora. Whether you want a family portrait under
the aurora where Dad awkwardly plays the guitars everyone in
fake listens, or just your typical snapshot of you looking
(46:00):
at the missus looking up to that magical night sky.
He even has a photo of a sea lion eating
a fish. Anyway, Ahi what's his name? Sean curtisoliac herd Zolac,
kurd Zolac, gourd Zoliac, Kurdzoliac, Kurdzoliac, Kurdzoliac. I guess k
(46:22):
u r d z io l e k Kurdzoliac Portraits
and Gallery in North Poul, Alaska. Tell them jolly old
Saint Dan Santya. And now from the vault, an unreleased
bedtime story from my son, I saved a couple. You
didn't know this was coming. I mean you did at
(46:44):
the beginning of the show because I said it. But you're excited.
Here we go. You thought that chapter of this show
was over. No, I still got a few. Here's a
Christmas bedtime story.
Speaker 4 (46:58):
Give me a good time in the saul Sawt Sawt
sau Away City where two little elsies they sane insane,
but one of the elk didn't know what is honey.
They sounded wind Deal and the name was food Gin
(47:21):
Rain Deal, but David didn't know what her name was.
So they wandered around and then they was so sob
that the bad guy Gadyway har it was boat that
we was seeing and night got the Pope Frederick Tis
(47:44):
but one sin, we sounded true, we sounded peaks in
the tune?
Speaker 1 (47:53):
Is that the end of the story. I don't understand
any of the end
Host
Daniel Tosh
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.