August 7, 2024 • 42 mins
Welcome to Unbreakable! A mental wealth podcast hosted by Fox NFL Insider Jay Glazer. With The Olympic Games in overdrive heading towards the finish lines no better time to bring back Jay's chat in its entirety with the GREATEST Olympian ever, the one and only Michael Phelps. IT’S A MUST LISTEN!!!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental Wealth podcast
build you from the inside out.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Now here's Jay Glacier. Listen, my guest here. Been friends
with him for a long time.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
But I don't have too many guests or one of one,
and I say one of one. He is the most
successful and most decorated Olympian in the.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
History of the Olympics.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I mean twenty eight medals, still holds the all time
record for most gold medals.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
But he is my brother in the gray and the blue.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
And you know what I thought, and for people out
here the first time here, what I thought when I
was going through my battles with mental health, depression, anxiety,
when I got to the top of the all rainbows
and unicorns, and that just wasn't the case. So I said,
you know what, I want to turn to my brother here,
the one and only Michael Phelps, who again, the only
similarities between us is that we battle the same thing,
(00:57):
but we use it to overcome, you know, what goes
on between our ears, but also to do greater things. So, man,
I'm so honored to have the one and only Michael
Phelps here.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
How are you? Brother? Cheers?
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Cheers, good yeah, just uh, another day, right, you know,
as you were saying, it's it's another day of us
fighting or going through the battles that we go through.
And and yeah, you said it perfect, right. There are
days that, yeah, we feel like we're on top of
the world, and there are days we feel the worst
we've ever felt. So how do we battle? How do
(01:29):
we maneuver through those things? And and for me lately,
as you know, I've been struggling with the loss of
my father and and yeah, it's been ups and downs,
but you know, I've the one thing I've tried to
do is stay into my routine. You know, for me,
work out is something that makes me me. It's a
part of my self care. You know. I just got
out of an old tub too, so I do that too. Yeah,
(01:50):
you know. So there there are certain things that I
have to continue to do to make this as best
as it as it can be.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
So let me let me ask you that. And there's
so many ways I can go. And first of all,
you don't just talk about your dad. And it's cool
the bond we have now that we're so open about
this because when your dad passed, you reached out to
me and I'm always trying to tell people, reach out
to your teammates, reach out to people that get you
or don't get you. Everybody wants to help you. So
(02:18):
I was, Man, I was so honored that you felt
safe enough to come and reach out to me that day.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
That was that was amazing, brother.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
And I'm thankful and you know, some of the words
that that you shared with me that day, I still
go back to a lot and and yeah, I've actually
screenshot that message just you know, just show I never
forget because you know, there there are a few moments
that yeah, it just you know, it helps you just
process things. And and you know, I think that was
the coolest thing in life, Like, yeah, there was you know,
(02:47):
we'd gone back and forth and played phone tag here
and there, and I was like, shit, I don't know
who talk to. I don't know who to reach out to.
And and I just snapped, I was like, Jay, I'm
a text Jay, And yes, I'm thankful you were there
and again the advice and the wisdom you gave me
and thankful for Man.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
I got goosebumps, man just saying that it's cool because
it's we need a team and you need to be
of service, you know, so to be there for your
brother or anybody reaches out. And we're going through this.
So I want to ask you this, and it starts
being of service, just being there for anybody. But I
want to ask you, this is yours an everyday battle.
Like for me, it's hard for me to get out
(03:28):
of bed every single day of my life.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And this isn't a new thing. Yeah, this has been
around for a while. Is it that way for you?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
There are months or weeks where yeah, it's like that,
all right. I guess I call it seasonal depression. There's
a there's a like a six week stretch from basically
like second third week in October through the middle of November.
So I'm in it. I've had some pretty large things
(03:57):
happened to me in my life, the traumas that you
went through, broken bones, kind of a bunch of different things.
So yeah, so I just know this is a moment
where I need to make sure I'm aware and keeping
in touch with everything that's going on. You know, if
my body's telling me a certain thing, listen to it,
don't stuff it down.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
When did you realize you were listen? I like to
say different because I'll say difference. Good, Like, motherfucker, I'm different.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, sure, when did you realize you were different?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
I mean not like I'm thinking like career wise, Like
I'm going back to eleven when my coach said that
you could make the Olympic team in four years, and
I was like, I don't know if that's just him
talking shit or you know, if him actually believe in it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
So, but as a kid at that point, I was like, yeah, cool,
I'm all in, let's go.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And sure maybe the Olympics are fifteen no prower.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Right, and then sure enough four years later, bang it happens.
You know what I'm talking about. So it's like I
was like, all right, maybe this guy is not crazy, right,
or maybe yeah I am different. But also at the
same time, like I felt that I was normal, you know,
because I was doing something that I loved.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Bro, You're not fucking normal, you know that, right?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Oh? I know that.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You know what I was thinking.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Make sure that I was thinking about it today a
little bit, like like I was thinking like trying to
win a gold medals, Like I was trying to do
something that no one had ever done before, right, there
was no blueprint, right, Like if I want to try
to change the time on my phone or like the
text on my phone, if I don't know how to
do it, I can look that up.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
There's no there's no book that says here, this is
how you win a gold medals. Right. I had to
like basically figure it out trial and error, Okay, And
I think that was that's make me that, like that
makes me who I am. The process of things makes
me makes me who I am.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
All right, So, now when did you realize you were
different mental health wise? Like when did you first realize
you suffered from the great.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
That I accepted from it?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, I probably accepted from it in like twenty fourteen.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
But why did you When did you know it? Like
did you that was knowing it?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah? That was a few times, a few instances through
my mental health journey, right, Like that was a few
pretty big public depression spells that I'd gone through, and
I was like, oh shit, maybe I need to try
to figure this thing out. Maybe I need to try
to not tame it, but learn it, right, figure out
why I am how I am, right, because it's like
it's not going to change, you know, like like you
(06:20):
said it, right, like you wake up every day and
it's a struggle, you know, like shit, like for me,
like my depression, I can't snap my fingers and have
it just go away. I can't just snap my fingers
and have my anxiety go away, right, So it's like,
how do I maintain it?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
You know?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
How do I just be me and be okay with
being who I am?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
You But you came out early, yeah, earlier than most
to talk about it, that's pretty fucking courageous.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I just didn't care, honestly, like to this, No, I
was just like kind of just sick and tired of
feeling how I was. Yeah, I was still able to
go and swim and train, but I think I used
that anger and that frustration in the pool, you know,
Like I kind of think I helped, like that helped
me become who I was, but maybe not in a
healthy way. But then like in the outside world, I
(07:08):
didn't know how to deal with it. So I think
in fourteen, like that's where I was, just after my
second DUI, I was like, Okay, I got to figure
something out, like what's going on? Why am I acting out?
You know? Why am I screaming for help? And in reality,
that's what it was, right. I didn't know how to
ask for help. So at that point I was just like, yeah,
like it is what it is, this is who I am,
and here you go. But like thinking back to that interview,
(07:30):
and it's still crazy because it was Tim Layden who
did the piece, and I don't know the question that
he asked me that made me just blah and open up.
We were sitting there doing like the cover story for
the Olympics going into you know, the twenty sixteen games,
and I just opened up. And ever since that point forward,
(07:51):
I was just like, yeah, here you go. You know. Yeah,
like today I feel like a piece of shit. Today.
I want to be, you know, six feet underground.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Today.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
I don't want to do anything today. I don't want
anybody to talk to me. Right, I'm just in one
of those moods and know like sometimes a hug won't help,
you know, sometimes it's me just taking time by myself,
taking that peace and quiet. Right. So it just depends,
you know, Like it's that cycle. Like I always I
used to term riding the roller coaster, Like if I
send the roller coaster eloji, I'm just all over the point, Okay,
(08:22):
I'm trying to figure you out too.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
When they come in, but you just said it too,
and people don't understand. And co man, I get this
all time.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
How could you want to be six feet under I mean,
look at you, You're a TV Hall of Fame, You're
you've done this and ballers and fighting in football and
NFL on Fox.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
I'm like, yeah, but you know, like my life is great,
but between my ears sucks. We're human, right, and people
don't understand.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
But people are gonna look at you, go, Michael Phelps,
how could you want to feel six feet underground?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
So what? Let do you know what led to your pain?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I think I'm learning more about it. I think for me,
like there's a lot of compartmentalization from you know, decades,
a lot of it. And to be honest, was you know,
not having a dad. You know, like my parents divorced
very young, and it's not not having a dad. My
dad's dad also passed when he was very young, so
he didn't have a dad, right, so he didn't really
(09:15):
understand how to fully be there and support a child
and be there when he needs to write. And look,
I can't blame him, but you know, like for me,
like I use that as motivation now every day for
my kids. Right, So just trying to change that cycle,
you know. And I think part of it is is
obviously it's learning, it's going through the process. And for me,
(09:35):
I think in twenty fourteen, I was able to have
a really good conversation where I got a lot of
stuff off my chest and we were able to talk
a lot and just uncover a lot of the stuff
that we probably were both holding on to for decades.
So I think that was really cool and really special.
But I think it's like now, it's probably it's just
learning how I was raised and understanding it and processing it.
(09:57):
And but it's also not pointing blame too, you know,
like we were raised how we were raised, and it
is what it is. You know, our parents did the
best that they could. You know, if we want change,
then we have to change. And I'd like to see
change in a mental health front. And so for me,
I look at it in a different way than my
parents ever did, and they probably ever could process.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
It's funny, I had dinner my my folks. I don't
see them a lot. My mother tells me earlier this year, Oh,
you know, I've suffered from anxiety my whole life, and
so did your grandma. I'm like, how about a heads
up here, like the first time here it's fifty two.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Thanks a lot now.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
I mean God, because for me, it's it's always I
don't know any way to not feel this way, like
my entire life as a little kid, my earliest childhood memory,
I was brought upstairs kicking and screaming and crying and
usually punished, and man, I just felt like, like you said,
like the universe, the universe hates me, like the world's
going to come crashing down around me. And that pain
(10:54):
for people who don't suffer from it, it fucking sucks.
It's a it's for me, it's a virtual physical reaction.
When you get your attacks, do you feel it physically?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Also?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
At times I think it's just where my head is, like.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Where mine's kind of specific.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I get mine on the left side of my gut
behind my roop k is like having a heart attack
and my joints.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
No, there are times I think like it's more of
just like I want to crawl in a ball. I
just want to just like I don't know if it's
like physical pain, Like I think there were times where
like I like, there was once where I was in
such a dark phase and like I I haven't talked
about this much, but I actually took like a golf
cleat and hit myself in the head. Like I was
(11:39):
so pissed off. And this is like this is probably
like six seven years ago. And as soon as I
did that, I was like, Okay, I need to figure
something out, right, Like my life has gotten to this point.
And it wasn't like a cleat cleat, like it wasn't
like metal cleats, but like you know, it didn't feel good.
But also yeah, but like looking back at it now,
like I can laugh, I can laugh about it because
(12:01):
like you know, like I think.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
It's there, but I think like and and the biggest
thing and and you know, going back to like my parents.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Like I don't here you go the horses, the horse
we were a great dame, you like, going back to
my parents. Like it's the acceptance, right, Like I love
my parents' death, I always will, but it's the acceptance
of these things, these moments, these pains, these traumas, right,
Like you know, like if I like I don't want
to sit and stuff stuff stuff because I'm not going
(12:32):
to be able to grow and learn from those experiences
and then try to teach my kids how to deal
with those things. Right, So I think that that is
the hardest part for me. And and I think, like
you know, thinking back like that golf cleat, Like I
can think back to certain times like that, and I
can always know kind of the pain that I was
going through, but I can also look at the transformation, right,
(12:55):
you know. I think for me, like I can go
back to what I was feeling when I was at
the meadows where or yeah, almost every day I didn't
want to be alive and I hated myself and I
couldn't look at myself in the mirror because I saw
a swimmer and that was it. You know. Now I
got to the point or I'm at the point now
where yeah, I can see this kid with a man
bun and you know, like whatever, like I can see this,
I can see me for who I am. I can
(13:16):
see myself for a human being. And I think that
is something that you know, because of the growth, because
of the acceptance, because of the things that I've gone through,
Like that's why I am how I am, And like
I love it this way, right, Like you know, like
I think back to, you know, points where I was
afraid to even open up and talk about it, right,
you know, I think that was the craziest thing because
now to the point I'm like whoa, Like, yeah, I'm
(13:39):
having a bad day. I'm like, honey, yep, one of
those days, like just giving me your heads up, like
could be a little cuckoo, could be off.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
You know, you just revealed that.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
I've never revealed this, but when I have those self
loathing moments, I punched myself in the head the face,
I've done that and it's like, man, you're just so
self loathing and that's so I appreciate you sharing that
with me. And then figure out I got to share
that with you, and I still do it. And I'm
like because I also go, you know what, I know
(14:09):
I can do a lot of damage with these hands,
for sure, Others I'd rather do it to me than
somebody else. And they also look like I deserve it
half time, and we don't deserve it. We fucking don't
deserve it. Sucks that we go that down that path.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Yeah, Like I'll ask like in those times, like what
have you found as outlets that help you? Right? Like
besides have you tried anything else? You know, like for me,
like I always go to working out, you know, like yep,
have to get in there, like you know, like you've
hit me muthiled times and like yeah, Jim, like I'll
hit you right after I'm done. But like like what
are like what are other things? You know? Like me,
is it meditation? Is it? Right?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
And you know I started?
Speaker 3 (14:44):
So I went to Thailand this off season for thirty
five days. I told you about that, right and a
they made me really and I sent you some of
these notes.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
They made me really heal that little kid in me. Yeah, yes, right,
that that little you know holding little Jason's hands. Right.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
But so now every day before I ever look at
my phone and now get up, I do breath work
for ten minutes, right, I meditate for five of things
that I'm grateful for. Then I write down ten things
I'm grateful for from the previous day that.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Made me happy. And it's hard sometimes for a lot
of them. But you know what, I'll make it.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
It could be something materialistic, it could be just something
somebody said.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
It could be a memory I had, whatever it is.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
So I do all that and then I'll get a
ten minute work out in before I ever look at
my phone, and that usually gets me.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
It'll calm me down. It's a better way for me
to start today than to start today thinking that the
universe is ending and the universe hates me and my
sky is falling.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
So do you look back at those things?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Every I write down all the time. So originally it
was one hundred.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
They told me to do one hundred a gratit write
a gratitude list of one hundred things I'm grateful for for.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
My whole life. And brother, you think it could be
so easy for somebody like me or somebody like you,
Holy fuck, was that hard?
Speaker 3 (15:58):
You know, because you don't feel like you deserve any
of it, so you don't want to write it down
because you're almost like either you're jinxing yourself or you
feel shittier about yourself. But oh now you're just bragging,
like fuck, it's terrible. But then once I did, it
was like God in the universe. Oh, my son says
he loves me. And my son said this to me
one time when my dog gives me kisses. And when
I first adopted my dog, I got the coolest little
(16:19):
rescue pit and like her first day, and you know,
buying houses and being on Fox NFL Sunday and my
whole Fox INFL Sunday crew and walking fighters down to
a cage for championship fights, and fuck.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
There's a million. It could be a pair of shoes,
whatever it was if I got a hundred. So I
was reading that.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Whole hundred list every single morning, and now I've expanded
it where every day I write an extra ten and
then I usually still go back to that that hundred
when I'm down, When when it's when the roommates in
my head are not playing nicely together, I'll go back
to that original hundred and read that.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yeah, that's like the one thing for me. Like I
like whenever I have like I call it the feedback
loop from hell. I mean, like up here just keeps
going and going and spin and spinning and spinning, and
like I get to that point where like I feel
like I'm gonna blow. It's like how do I get
myself out of that moment? Right? So I always have
like a hunt like not a hundred, but it's like
I have like ten different journals or like little notepad
(17:12):
sitting here, and some of them are the bad days
some of them are good days. Some of them do
lists like all this stuff. I am in that moment
where I'm spinning. I try to go back and I
look or I just get it all out right, because
like during those good days, like you have so many
good thoughts, you feel like you're on top of the world,
nothing can get in your way. But then it's like
(17:33):
like for me, I can I can turn like that, okay,
and if I turn, this goes on. So then it's like, okay,
how do I get back to that living in the neutral,
living in the moment? And it's like I go back
to all the notes that I have and just the memories,
right because and I feel like it's the same thing
you're doing by that, but like by what you just said, right,
It's like those thoughts and memories are there. Probably for me,
(17:56):
it's like little things that trigger something, and it's like,
how do I control that? And the only way I
can control it is either getting it out or like
for me, is looking at something from the past because
I want to calm myself down, right, So I asked
just because like those moments where you know, like where
we are hitting ourselves, like how can we stop that?
You know, like you know, like my wife says to me,
it's just like all the times, like you can't do that.
(18:17):
I'm like, I know, I can't do it right, like shit,
like I know I do that, Like I want to
be able to stop that. But you know, like for me,
it's how do I get to that point where I
do stop it and I can control it and I
can help myself.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Isn't it cool that we could talk about these things
that are so openly Now that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I'm proud of you talking about it. I'm learning to
be proud of me talking about it. And again I'm
still a work in progress knowing that we could change
this world. You know.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I had this thing the other day, must have been
like twenty five hundred people or something, and the guy
was moderating with He's like, hold your phone up in
the air if you know somebody or you're going through
some kind of mental health struggle. Seventy five percent of
the room had the phones up, and they said, now
keep your phone in the air. If you've gone through
(19:04):
suicidal ideation, seventy seventy five percent of people had their
hand up in the air. I was floored because I
think well, I think for a number of reasons. I
think number one because I was so happy that people
were honest and open. Yeah, right, because of what we
just talked about, right, Like yeah, it's hard as hell
to open up and talk about it, but once you
(19:24):
do open up, like that awareness is so powerful. So
like for me, I was just I was happy inside
because at the chance, like we have an opportunity to
potentially save a life.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Right, yes, you don't have to suffer in silence.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And number two, I was like, oh my god, the
world has changed, right, like, you know, like people are okay,
not being okay, you know, like five years ago, like
we never would have thought or nobody would have lifted
that mat up underneath her up up from the problems
that we're hiding underneath of them and talking about them.
So it's like all of these things. I feel like
(19:59):
it's just so powerful and yeah, we're making great progress,
but there's so much more.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, because it's too reactive.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
We're not proactive enough, Like people need to do what
you and I are doing for our mental health before
the sky's fall, Like even if they don't think they
have an issue, they need to start doing this. Or
just when times are good, get a routine, look mental health.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
They'll go to therapist after.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
It's too late, right, Or you don't only try it,
you don't only swim when your time is up.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You're doing all the fucking time.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
All the time, or I love it. They're like, uh no,
we can't get a therapy appointment for six weeks, and
like six weeks comes up and like, oh no, I
don't need to go anymore. I'm fine. Actually you're not.
You're not fine. I'm one thing for fine. It's freaked out, insecure,
neurotic and emotional and you can only be fine on Mondays.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I like that. Holy shit, I like that a lot.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
We used to say that my coach, my mom and
I used to always say that back in the day.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
You just said something also like, man, I can't get
a therapy appointment for six weeks.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
That is a problem. It's a huge problem. But what
we can do is what you did recently is like,
are you're struggling.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
You reached out to me, like there are we could
be each other's therapists and lean on each other. And
it gets us like, I don't know about you, man,
but every time I've opened up this somebody, and my
friends are the baddest motherfuckers in the planet.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
You know, they are the most macho people of all time.
It has just gotten us closer together.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Nobody's called me a whisp, nobody's told me to suck
it up, nobody said, oh stop, jay man, your life
is too great.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
But it's just gotten us closer together one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Like there are few people that, honestly, like I've always respected,
but I never thought I'd be as close as I
am because of that. Right, Like, I feel like there
are a few random people in my life that I've
become friends with who just send a random text and
I looked down. I'm like, oh, hey, what's up, dude.
You know, like I always put a smile on my
face or like, you know, always like I feel safe
(21:52):
and comfortable with. So I feel like that's something that's
so special. Yes, building that brotherhood, building that trust, that bond.
It's hard to put into words, but it's cool.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Here's another thing I do, by the way, I forgot
when I am struggling, I will do what you did.
I'll reach out to four my boys and say I'm
struggling today, I need some help. But the same day,
I'll reach out to four other people and just check
up on them, just like you were saying, like, oh,
random text, because that's me being of service to somebody.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Else, and that also helps me cut through the gray.
I didn't want to forget.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
That one hundred percent. And I feel like that's that's
so true because it's like what you do you get
back ten times, right, you know, like and that right then,
like you you reaching out, like you're opening up, like
you're becoming vulnerable, like being a friend to somebody else
that potentially is going through the same thing, you know.
So I feel like that's that's so that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
A couple of weeks ago ahead on Andrew Whitworth, the
captain of the Rams, right, you know, looks like me
except eight feet dollar so extremely sexy. But man, I'm
with him in the car after they win the Super Bowl,
and he opened up about this on this podcast and
he was in.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
The fucking tek. He just it's the.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Greatest moment of his career. He wins it all. He's
the oldest person to ever start at tackling the history
of the NFL, much less than us be a captain
in the Super Bowl game, and he's in the front
seat of the car with his head in his hands,
and he is in the TEK and I am trying
to boost him up, saying, dude, He's like, I just
I don't deserve it.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I'm not worthy of this.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
When you win your gold medals, are you able to
celebrate yourself? I just heard you already grown. Are you
able to celebrate yourself or do you go through something similar?
Speaker 1 (23:33):
It's hard because, like you know, I think once I
win one, I had to be able to, like in
one ear out the other, right, because there was six
or seven more that I was trying to swim or
win that week. At the end of the week, it's
hard to sit still because I'm on a whirlwind tour,
right like that first like week, two weeks, you're jumping
(23:55):
all over the place doing different shows. But I think
after that it's kind of like, what's next? Who am I?
What's my identity? And I think that's the scary part,
right because I think you you work so hard for
you know, for me anyway, I feel like I work
so hard to get to that point, and at the
snap of your fingers, it's gone, it's done, it's finished.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
It's not gone, you did it.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, but that's the problem. That's the problems we have,
right Yeah, Like I guess, like, but I never I
never sat and celebrated like I never. I guess I
never could. I remember, I'll never forget. You know, when
I won my first one back in two thousand and four,
the very first day of the Olympics for four and
I am, I went four oh eight and I win
(24:38):
and I you know, have the medal, share it with
my mom through a chain link fence and she's like, oh, yeah,
it's so awesome. I'm like, yeah, we did it. And
my coach is like, hey, we got a warm down. Time,
we got another race tomorrow. I'm like, oh great, like cool,
like shove it my bag, all right, Cool, time to
go to the next one. Like That's basically what it
was my career. I would say I've gotten through two
(25:00):
thousand and eight. I've been able to process everything to
that point. Twenty twelve for me, is one of the
most challenging Olympics of my life because I wasn't happy
with the results, but again, I got the results that
I deserved. So it's it's hard for me to watch
(25:20):
those races because I literally was off by that. But
then again, if I don't do that, then I don't
come back for sixteen. So it's just trying to process
all of that stuff. But yeah, it's it's I've never
been able to celebrate.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
But like to this day, have you since been able
to sit back and go, oh man, what do you mean? No, Well, dude,
you need to need to. You deserve to more than anything.
You deserve to.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
You put that work in, you spilt that sweat, you
deserve to. That's something you've got to work on. Is
being able to love yourself up. Something that again exactly
the same thing I was talking about with Wit, Like,
we deserve to love ourselves, so we do something that
is great.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Yeah, Like I'm not saying I'm not proud, I'm not
happy of the accomplishments, but I mean I feel like
like also, like I'm somebody who is so detail oriented,
so it's hard for me to sit and try to
really process every single moment in memory like I want to.
I'm in the process of just finishing a book. I
just got the second It's not asshole, I just spin it. Well,
(26:28):
I just got the second manuscript. We ripped up the
first one and went back and kind of reprogrammed everything
into the right spot. So I'm finishing that and hopefully
that's out soon.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Oh you're finishing your own book. I think you're reading
the book. That's how I was, like, you, asshole, I
read my book.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah no, no, I'm finishing yeah. Yeah. So for you,
I'm super pumped about it, and I think that's something
that that will help me process some of it too, right,
being able to read it and see it all on paper.
I think living it through the pandemic was challenging emotionally,
but I think it was also really cool because I
was able to learn and grow through those emotions that
(27:03):
I went through.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
So I want to get back to this. You get
a gold metal yep.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
We see you really really happy out there going nuts,
but you're not that happy on the inside.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Is that I can't be because I have to be
able to control the emotions and really everything, my physical, mental,
everything well being through those next few days. Because I can't.
I don't well I don't want to say I can't,
but I shouldn't really kind of pour too many emotions
into one event, because then I'm draining myself for the
(27:36):
whole entire week. So when I won eight gold medals
in two thousand and eight, that process started back in
two thousand and two when I was trying to learn
how to adapt to swimming that many races and clear
my lactic acid and swim down and eat enough and
sleep enough and do all and stretch enough and make
(27:56):
sure I'm doing all the small details. So after I
win a gold metal, what I would do is typically
I get off of the awards stand. It depends if
I had another race or not, if I was done
for the night, I would typically just get probably get
back in and clear my lactic acid. So we'd prick
our ear, take a blood sample my lactic acid. I'd
(28:16):
be below anything below three point zero and I'm good.
So I would just swim at my heart I keep
my heart rate about one twenty, and I would just
swim comfortably up and down, up and down, up and
down until my lactic acid cleared. Once it was cleared,
I'd hop out of the pool. I'd hop on the
massage table and get a massage. Once I'm done the massage,
I'd get a dinner that they have pre made. Typically
(28:38):
it's like pasta, you know, some kind of carb a
little bit of protein. I jump into a cold bath.
I'm eating while I'm in the cold bath. I get
on the I get out of the cold tub, put
all my clothes on, get on the bus, still eating.
If I'm still hungry, go into the dining hall and
get food. By that point I need to get into
bed because I swim the next morning, right right, But
(29:00):
all those emotions.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
The day after you win eight fucking gold medals, are
you able to sit and go, oh my god, I
did this.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Yeah, but I still had to come on and do
all the interviews with y'all.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Hey, I'm in football, let's say y'all. But were you
able to? Was there so? Still?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
There's never a moment even were you doing the interviews
where you're able to I mean, I do, and love
yourself up for it, I mean, love yourself up really Okay,
since then, since your career has ended. We ran into
in Vegas with Sean McVay, right, and McVay was like, dude,
you're one of one. I'm like, yes, he's one of one.
Are you able to appreciate that?
Speaker 1 (29:38):
I love that conversation? Yeah, I mean, and and honestly,
you know, and yeah, until somebody breaks my records. Yeah,
I guess I'm one of one. Yes, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
There's no guessing here, You're one of one.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Dude. I guess the one thing that is crazy, Like
thinking about it now, I've only looked at the medals
all at once less than a handful of times, right,
I guess the easiest way of saying is I don't
want them to define who I am as a human, right,
Like that's a chapter of who I am and what
(30:12):
i'm you know, what I feel like I'm doing or
what I'm supposed to do, right Like for me, like
that gave me the platform to be able to have
what I have today, right, you know, to be able
to stand up and to allow us to scream about
mental health. Right look, yes, is it was? It amazing
what I did, of course, Like I'm literally looking at
a finish right now above my desk where I want
(30:33):
to race by a hundredth of a second, right, one
hundredth of a second, you know what I'm saying, Like, yeah,
without question, Like there have been a few times I'm
like shit, like that was awesome, Like there are full spots,
you know, like I had some great, great memories, some
amazing things, but I think as a whole. No, like
when like when somebody reads a bio and they're like
twenty three time gold medalists, twenty eight time Olympic medalists,
(30:55):
thirty nine time world record holder. I'm like, what, Like,
is this a dream? Like I feel like it is,
because like this is what I dreamt of as a kid.
I wanted to do something that no one else had
ever done. And I'm living a fucking dream come true,
you know what I'm saying. Like that's the reality of it.
So yeah, like there are some things that really hard
to process, and and yeah there are some things that
(31:15):
I look and I'm like, wow, like this is incredible
for me. Now it's the mental health. That story I
shared about the cell phones. That story, for me, I
will never forget, and I'll never forget how I felt,
you know, I'll never forget sitting next to a guy
on an airplane. This guy is probably like mid sixties,
white haired dude, and he was like, so you're telling
(31:37):
me you just talk about mental health and you think
that's gonna help, and you think, he goes, that's a
sign of weakness. And I was like, and I literally
was like I was like, all right, I was like, okay, bro,
like we're on an airplane. I like take headphones out.
I'm like, all right, now we're getting serious. Like I
wanted to go tyson on him, like right right him?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
How's it called? Michael Phelps? A side of weakness? Are
you should make?
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Oh? I almost went nuts and I was like, dude,
I was like, okay, So I basically listed like ten
different things. I was like, do you or your family
struggle from PTSD, you know, depression anxiety? He goes no,
and I go and how enough? Do you have any
right saying exactly what you just said to me? And
(32:20):
he goes, I've struck a nerve and I said, yes
you have. I said, You've triggered something, sir, And I said,
I'm going to finish this conversation right now, because I
didn't know, honestly at that moment, like I was so raged,
I was so angered inside. I didn't know what to do,
and the only thing I could do is I knew
I had to be as polite as I possibly could
to shut the conversation down and get out. But it's
(32:40):
like stuff like that, that's the thing that makes me
happy with the fights that I'm doing. Every single day,
whether it's for me, whether it's for you, whether it's
for somebody else. Right, because we're saving a life.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
I want you to go back a second ear, because
we could have both. I want you to go back
and say, maybe the okay, you don't want to say
the gold medals to find you okay, but maybe you
look at the gold medals.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
And go the work that put in for those that
defines me. That's who the fuck I am for sure.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Yeah, you outwork the world. You didn't just put to work.
You outwork the world.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
There's a question. There's a question somebody gave me once
and a reporter, European reporter goes, do you ever feel
bad for winning all those medals? I started laughing my
ass off. I was like, excuse me, And he goes,
do you feel bad for the other people? And I
go no, I go they could have worked hard too.
It's exactly right, No question is that like I did,
(33:38):
Like I earned those things right there?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
So then I could lift you up.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yes, sure, like for me, like I look back and
I'll look and say I went six straight years without
missing a single day. Did any other person ever do that?
Speaker 2 (33:51):
No?
Speaker 1 (33:52):
So I gave myself a better chance to have greater
success with the things that I did that nobody else,
nobody else, we're willing to do. So, No, I don't
feel bad for winning all those medals.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Maybe you could look at the metals more though, and
then think of that.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
Right, Hey, I'm proud of myself because I put in
more work than anybody.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Else, not by a little, but by a lot. And
not only that, Michael, you put in the work when
nobody else was watching. That's what true greatness is, right.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
That under armor commercial I did. I guess back in sixteen.
It's what it's what you do behind the scenes, in
the dark that brings you to the light.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
It's the things that you do when when you don't
want to do them right, that that brings you into
being who you are, Right, that's what the greats do. Like,
that's the difference between being great and being good. To
do great, you have to do things that people aren't
willing to do, right. Like, that's the separation.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
I ask all my guests their last question, give me
your unbreakable moment. Give me that moment that should have
broken you could have broken you, and you didn't, and
you came through the other side of that tunnel.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
It's probably the moment of not wanting to be alive,
you know. I think I was at a dark spot
in my life where at that moment I was I
was prescribed ambient from three different doctors monthly. I was
happy I only had three pills left. It was the
night of my duy, my second one, twenty fourteen, and
(35:21):
I got home and I just remember I was like, fuck,
I'm just going to take the rest of these and
I hope I don't wake up. Meanwhile, like I knew
I was going to wake up, Like I was taking
fifteen milligrams almost every night, Like I knew I was
going to wake up, and I was just like, I
hope this ends it. And I woke up and for
three days I basically didn't leave my room. I didn't eat,
(35:41):
I didn't drink anything.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I just sat there.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
I was just being And at that very moment, I
was like, fuck this, I got a change.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
How can I change?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
And I literally called two people and I said, find
me some kind of help.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Where can I go?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Because I honestly like it was kind of like the
moment where I was like, I can't live life like this.
I have to change. Something has to change, what has
to change. So I was like, I'm gonna check myself
in a treatment center and figure things out. Right, unplug
all those wires, decompressed fit like, uncover all the shit
that I was going through, why I was going through it,
(36:21):
and kind of reprocess how I how I live, and
uncover why I am why I am. Look like when
I went to the Meadows, I spent a week in
this thing called Survivors, where it was basically taking everything
that was ever hurting me inside and just unloading it,
talking about the most painful things I must have I
(36:43):
must have gone through. I'm looking for cleanexes. I must
have gone through a box of fucking cleanexes every single session,
every session. And right then and there, I was like,
okay nothing. I was like, I am unbreakable. I was like,
this stuff literally should have broken me throughout my whole
entire career, right, you know, the shit that I dealt
with and I lived with and you know made me
(37:03):
struggle throughout my whole entire career made me who I am.
And that's what you said to me the other day
in to text. You know, you said something along those lines.
You know, it made me who I am today, right,
and at that very moment, like, yeah, I could have
I could have been snapped in hash, but that's not
who I am and I wasn't gonna let that happen, right,
And that's why I'm sitting here today talking to you
(37:23):
on this podcast. Right. You know, like shit, we all
go through ups and downs, we all we all go
through times that we think are unfathomable, shouldn't happen, darkest
moments you could ever possibly process. Like I always think
like everything happens for a reason, and those moments are
(37:44):
put in our life for that challenge. And yeah, are
they fucked up at times? Sure, of course they are,
some of them. Like I can look back at some
of them now and you know, flick off and you know,
shake my head and laugh. But you know, those are
the moments that give me the opportunity to be who
I am today. And I think that's the proudest thing
that I can ever look at.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I love that, man.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
You know. It's like like we got we got to
think about the ship that we've gone through and the
heart we've gone through, and we always have to remember that, right,
Like you said it best like that that inner child. Man.
That is so good. I love that you said that,
because not many people have really like dove into that,
and that's something that I can still go back to
that painting that I drew, but when I was at
the meadows of my inner child and exactly where he's
(38:26):
standing and what he's doing, and you know what kind
of person he is and the attention that he adores
and he seeks. So yeah, I could go into deeper
conversations with that whenever you want. Brother.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
I appreciate you. First of all, I'm glad. Do you
only have three ambient left?
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (38:44):
For sure, this number one because now I get a
battle buddy for the rest of my life and you
and I get to keep walking this walk together. I'm
proud to call you brother, proud to call your friend man.
I'm proud proud to walk this walk with you.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Dude.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
If I was sitting there in your house, I'd give
you a big ass hug. Man. I will next time
I see you.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
You got my brother again, Michael Phelps, one of one.
Thank you for joining us here and Unbreakable. If you
haven't read the book yet, there's a book out Unbreakable.
How I turn my depression, anxiety, and a motivation you
can too, and that's what Michael and I are doing.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Again. Make sure you like and review this as well.
And Michael Phelps, brother, I love you and I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
I'm gonna leave you one more thing. This is something
I did when I was in treatment, and it's kind
of weird to think about, but you know, we have
so much talk that goes into our head every single day.
So you know, I call it the roommates in my head,
the roommates in our heads. So we have so many
roommates in our heads, so we can control what those
roommates think. So the thing that I did at the
(39:39):
Meadows was every single doorway I would walk into, whether
it's a bathroom, whether it's a bathroom stall, whatever doorway
you're walking in and you're walking out, you say an
affirmation about yourself and one that you believe. And I
guarant guarantee you you do that for a month. Have
a list of ten affirmations. You just have to top
your head. Holy shit, just watch, but.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Positive affirmation, positive affirmations, something nice about myself.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Like for me, like I I never thought that, like
I deserve love. And that was right right there with
you always struggled with and I would always say I
can handle love. I deserve love, and I walk through it,
and I'm like, oh shit, cool, like like you deserve
feel better, like you feel happier. So I feel like
you know, like I feel like It's like I'm always
searching for little small ways or little small things that
(40:27):
you can implement in your life that don't take too
much brain power, right, that don't take too much space, right, Like,
little small habits whatever it is, right that you can
just throw in there every single day to give yourself
a fighting chance, right, Like we're all just looking for
a chance to get through each day to go to
one more. So how can you fight? And how can
you fight in a positive way?
Speaker 2 (40:48):
You know what? I want to begin this to day.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
I'm starting it today. I'm starting it today. And that's
where I tell people all the time, you could change
your life now you have to wait. It takes a
practice of change your life. Now. I will start it today.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
And that's what's great about these like I And you
know I hit you up a couple of weeks ago
about being your own hero, right, Start being your own hero.
Start viewing yourself as your own hero. We can make
a choice to start loving ourselves up or make a
change about our mental health or anything in our in
our lives instantaneously. So I promise you, I give you
my word right now, I will start doing this today.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
And now you bring me to another point and choice.
We also have control. What's in our control every single day? Right,
there's so much shit and so much stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Our choice is in our control.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Correct, Right, that's like, that's something for me. Like, Like
I like I have two tattoos and the word control
is something I'm I want somewhere on my body, so
I look at every single day because that's something I
like for me. Like, I can control my emotions. I
can talk about my emotions. I can talk about my feelings.
I can write down those things.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
I can control if I'm thirsty. I can control if
I need to go to the bathroom, I go to the bathroom. Right,
those are things that are in my control. So when
I talk about simplifying things in the most purest form,
most simplest way, right, it's control. What can you control
every day? Another one? Another love trick. I love to
do it a couple. Let's keep doing it.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Let's keep pay brother. I don't know if we're going
to save the world, but we're damn sure to.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Improve it together, one person at a time. YEP.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I love you, my dude, Michael Phelps.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Thanks for me, Thanks dude,
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental Wealth podcast
build you from the inside out.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Now here's Jay Glacier. Listen, my guest here. Been friends
with him for a long time.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
But I don't have too many guests or one of one,
and I say one of one. He is the most
successful and most decorated Olympian in the.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
History of the Olympics.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I mean twenty eight medals, still holds the all time
record for most gold medals.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
But he is my brother in the gray and the blue.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
And you know what I thought, and for people out
here the first time here, what I thought when I
was going through my battles with mental health, depression, anxiety,
when I got to the top of the all rainbows
and unicorns, and that just wasn't the case. So I said,
you know what, I want to turn to my brother here,
the one and only Michael Phelps, who again, the only
similarities between us is that we battle the same thing,
(00:57):
but we use it to overcome, you know, what goes
on between our ears, but also to do greater things. So, man,
I'm so honored to have the one and only Michael
Phelps here.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
How are you? Brother? Cheers?
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Cheers, good yeah, just uh, another day, right, you know,
as you were saying, it's it's another day of us
fighting or going through the battles that we go through.
And and yeah, you said it perfect, right. There are
days that, yeah, we feel like we're on top of
the world, and there are days we feel the worst
we've ever felt. So how do we battle? How do
(01:29):
we maneuver through those things? And and for me lately,
as you know, I've been struggling with the loss of
my father and and yeah, it's been ups and downs,
but you know, I've the one thing I've tried to
do is stay into my routine. You know, for me,
work out is something that makes me me. It's a
part of my self care. You know. I just got
out of an old tub too, so I do that too. Yeah,
(01:50):
you know. So there there are certain things that I
have to continue to do to make this as best
as it as it can be.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
So let me let me ask you that. And there's
so many ways I can go. And first of all,
you don't just talk about your dad. And it's cool
the bond we have now that we're so open about
this because when your dad passed, you reached out to
me and I'm always trying to tell people, reach out
to your teammates, reach out to people that get you
or don't get you. Everybody wants to help you. So
(02:18):
I was, Man, I was so honored that you felt
safe enough to come and reach out to me that day.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
That was that was amazing, brother.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
And I'm thankful and you know, some of the words
that that you shared with me that day, I still
go back to a lot and and yeah, I've actually
screenshot that message just you know, just show I never
forget because you know, there there are a few moments
that yeah, it just you know, it helps you just
process things. And and you know, I think that was
the coolest thing in life, Like, yeah, there was you know,
(02:47):
we'd gone back and forth and played phone tag here
and there, and I was like, shit, I don't know
who talk to. I don't know who to reach out to.
And and I just snapped, I was like, Jay, I'm
a text Jay, And yes, I'm thankful you were there
and again the advice and the wisdom you gave me
and thankful for Man.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
I got goosebumps, man just saying that it's cool because
it's we need a team and you need to be
of service, you know, so to be there for your
brother or anybody reaches out. And we're going through this.
So I want to ask you this, and it starts
being of service, just being there for anybody. But I
want to ask you, this is yours an everyday battle.
Like for me, it's hard for me to get out
(03:28):
of bed every single day of my life.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And this isn't a new thing. Yeah, this has been
around for a while. Is it that way for you?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
There are months or weeks where yeah, it's like that,
all right. I guess I call it seasonal depression. There's
a there's a like a six week stretch from basically
like second third week in October through the middle of November.
So I'm in it. I've had some pretty large things
(03:57):
happened to me in my life, the traumas that you
went through, broken bones, kind of a bunch of different things.
So yeah, so I just know this is a moment
where I need to make sure I'm aware and keeping
in touch with everything that's going on. You know, if
my body's telling me a certain thing, listen to it,
don't stuff it down.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
When did you realize you were listen? I like to
say different because I'll say difference. Good, Like, motherfucker, I'm different.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, sure, when did you realize you were different?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
I mean not like I'm thinking like career wise, Like
I'm going back to eleven when my coach said that
you could make the Olympic team in four years, and
I was like, I don't know if that's just him
talking shit or you know, if him actually believe in it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
So, but as a kid at that point, I was like, yeah, cool,
I'm all in, let's go.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And sure maybe the Olympics are fifteen no prower.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Right, and then sure enough four years later, bang it happens.
You know what I'm talking about. So it's like I
was like, all right, maybe this guy is not crazy, right,
or maybe yeah I am different. But also at the
same time, like I felt that I was normal, you know,
because I was doing something that I loved.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Bro, You're not fucking normal, you know that, right?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Oh? I know that.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You know what I was thinking.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Make sure that I was thinking about it today a
little bit, like like I was thinking like trying to
win a gold medals, Like I was trying to do
something that no one had ever done before, right, there
was no blueprint, right, Like if I want to try
to change the time on my phone or like the
text on my phone, if I don't know how to
do it, I can look that up.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
There's no there's no book that says here, this is
how you win a gold medals. Right. I had to
like basically figure it out trial and error, Okay, And
I think that was that's make me that, like that
makes me who I am. The process of things makes
me makes me who I am.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
All right, So, now when did you realize you were
different mental health wise? Like when did you first realize
you suffered from the great.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
That I accepted from it?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, I probably accepted from it in like twenty fourteen.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
But why did you When did you know it? Like
did you that was knowing it?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah? That was a few times, a few instances through
my mental health journey, right, Like that was a few
pretty big public depression spells that I'd gone through, and
I was like, oh shit, maybe I need to try
to figure this thing out. Maybe I need to try
to not tame it, but learn it, right, figure out
why I am how I am, right, because it's like
it's not going to change, you know, like like you
(06:20):
said it, right, like you wake up every day and
it's a struggle, you know, like shit, like for me,
like my depression, I can't snap my fingers and have
it just go away. I can't just snap my fingers
and have my anxiety go away, right, So it's like,
how do I maintain it?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
You know?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
How do I just be me and be okay with
being who I am?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
You But you came out early, yeah, earlier than most
to talk about it, that's pretty fucking courageous.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I just didn't care, honestly, like to this, No, I
was just like kind of just sick and tired of
feeling how I was. Yeah, I was still able to
go and swim and train, but I think I used
that anger and that frustration in the pool, you know,
Like I kind of think I helped, like that helped
me become who I was, but maybe not in a
healthy way. But then like in the outside world, I
(07:08):
didn't know how to deal with it. So I think
in fourteen, like that's where I was, just after my
second DUI, I was like, Okay, I got to figure
something out, like what's going on? Why am I acting out?
You know? Why am I screaming for help? And in reality,
that's what it was, right. I didn't know how to
ask for help. So at that point I was just like, yeah,
like it is what it is, this is who I am,
and here you go. But like thinking back to that interview,
(07:30):
and it's still crazy because it was Tim Layden who
did the piece, and I don't know the question that
he asked me that made me just blah and open up.
We were sitting there doing like the cover story for
the Olympics going into you know, the twenty sixteen games,
and I just opened up. And ever since that point forward,
(07:51):
I was just like, yeah, here you go. You know. Yeah,
like today I feel like a piece of shit. Today.
I want to be, you know, six feet underground.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Today.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
I don't want to do anything today. I don't want
anybody to talk to me. Right, I'm just in one
of those moods and know like sometimes a hug won't help,
you know, sometimes it's me just taking time by myself,
taking that peace and quiet. Right. So it just depends,
you know, Like it's that cycle. Like I always I
used to term riding the roller coaster, Like if I
send the roller coaster eloji, I'm just all over the point, Okay,
(08:22):
I'm trying to figure you out too.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
When they come in, but you just said it too,
and people don't understand. And co man, I get this
all time.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
How could you want to be six feet under I mean,
look at you, You're a TV Hall of Fame, You're
you've done this and ballers and fighting in football and
NFL on Fox.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
I'm like, yeah, but you know, like my life is great,
but between my ears sucks. We're human, right, and people
don't understand.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
But people are gonna look at you, go, Michael Phelps,
how could you want to feel six feet underground?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
So what? Let do you know what led to your pain?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I think I'm learning more about it. I think for me,
like there's a lot of compartmentalization from you know, decades,
a lot of it. And to be honest, was you know,
not having a dad. You know, like my parents divorced
very young, and it's not not having a dad. My
dad's dad also passed when he was very young, so
he didn't have a dad, right, so he didn't really
(09:15):
understand how to fully be there and support a child
and be there when he needs to write. And look,
I can't blame him, but you know, like for me,
like I use that as motivation now every day for
my kids. Right, So just trying to change that cycle,
you know. And I think part of it is is
obviously it's learning, it's going through the process. And for me,
(09:35):
I think in twenty fourteen, I was able to have
a really good conversation where I got a lot of
stuff off my chest and we were able to talk
a lot and just uncover a lot of the stuff
that we probably were both holding on to for decades.
So I think that was really cool and really special.
But I think it's like now, it's probably it's just
learning how I was raised and understanding it and processing it.
(09:57):
And but it's also not pointing blame too, you know,
like we were raised how we were raised, and it
is what it is. You know, our parents did the
best that they could. You know, if we want change,
then we have to change. And I'd like to see
change in a mental health front. And so for me,
I look at it in a different way than my
parents ever did, and they probably ever could process.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
It's funny, I had dinner my my folks. I don't
see them a lot. My mother tells me earlier this year, Oh,
you know, I've suffered from anxiety my whole life, and
so did your grandma. I'm like, how about a heads
up here, like the first time here it's fifty two.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Thanks a lot now.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
I mean God, because for me, it's it's always I
don't know any way to not feel this way, like
my entire life as a little kid, my earliest childhood memory,
I was brought upstairs kicking and screaming and crying and
usually punished, and man, I just felt like, like you said,
like the universe, the universe hates me, like the world's
going to come crashing down around me. And that pain
(10:54):
for people who don't suffer from it, it fucking sucks.
It's a it's for me, it's a virtual physical reaction.
When you get your attacks, do you feel it physically?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Also?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
At times I think it's just where my head is, like.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Where mine's kind of specific.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I get mine on the left side of my gut
behind my roop k is like having a heart attack
and my joints.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
No, there are times I think like it's more of
just like I want to crawl in a ball. I
just want to just like I don't know if it's
like physical pain, Like I think there were times where
like I like, there was once where I was in
such a dark phase and like I I haven't talked
about this much, but I actually took like a golf
cleat and hit myself in the head. Like I was
(11:39):
so pissed off. And this is like this is probably
like six seven years ago. And as soon as I
did that, I was like, Okay, I need to figure
something out, right, Like my life has gotten to this point.
And it wasn't like a cleat cleat, like it wasn't
like metal cleats, but like you know, it didn't feel good.
But also yeah, but like looking back at it now,
like I can laugh, I can laugh about it because
(12:01):
like you know, like I think.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
It's there, but I think like and and the biggest
thing and and you know, going back to like my parents.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Like I don't here you go the horses, the horse
we were a great dame, you like, going back to
my parents. Like it's the acceptance, right, Like I love
my parents' death, I always will, but it's the acceptance
of these things, these moments, these pains, these traumas, right,
Like you know, like if I like I don't want
to sit and stuff stuff stuff because I'm not going
(12:32):
to be able to grow and learn from those experiences
and then try to teach my kids how to deal
with those things. Right, So I think that that is
the hardest part for me. And and I think, like
you know, thinking back like that golf cleat, Like I
can think back to certain times like that, and I
can always know kind of the pain that I was
going through, but I can also look at the transformation, right,
(12:55):
you know. I think for me, like I can go
back to what I was feeling when I was at
the meadows where or yeah, almost every day I didn't
want to be alive and I hated myself and I
couldn't look at myself in the mirror because I saw
a swimmer and that was it. You know. Now I
got to the point or I'm at the point now
where yeah, I can see this kid with a man
bun and you know, like whatever, like I can see this,
I can see me for who I am. I can
(13:16):
see myself for a human being. And I think that
is something that you know, because of the growth, because
of the acceptance, because of the things that I've gone through,
Like that's why I am how I am, And like
I love it this way, right, Like you know, like
I think back to, you know, points where I was
afraid to even open up and talk about it, right,
you know, I think that was the craziest thing because
now to the point I'm like whoa, Like, yeah, I'm
(13:39):
having a bad day. I'm like, honey, yep, one of
those days, like just giving me your heads up, like
could be a little cuckoo, could be off.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
You know, you just revealed that.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
I've never revealed this, but when I have those self
loathing moments, I punched myself in the head the face,
I've done that and it's like, man, you're just so
self loathing and that's so I appreciate you sharing that
with me. And then figure out I got to share
that with you, and I still do it. And I'm
like because I also go, you know what, I know
(14:09):
I can do a lot of damage with these hands,
for sure, Others I'd rather do it to me than
somebody else. And they also look like I deserve it
half time, and we don't deserve it. We fucking don't
deserve it. Sucks that we go that down that path.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Yeah, Like I'll ask like in those times, like what
have you found as outlets that help you? Right? Like
besides have you tried anything else? You know, like for me,
like I always go to working out, you know, like yep,
have to get in there, like you know, like you've
hit me muthiled times and like yeah, Jim, like I'll
hit you right after I'm done. But like like what
are like what are other things? You know? Like me,
is it meditation? Is it? Right?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
And you know I started?
Speaker 3 (14:44):
So I went to Thailand this off season for thirty
five days. I told you about that, right and a
they made me really and I sent you some of
these notes.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
They made me really heal that little kid in me. Yeah, yes, right,
that that little you know holding little Jason's hands. Right.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
But so now every day before I ever look at
my phone and now get up, I do breath work
for ten minutes, right, I meditate for five of things
that I'm grateful for. Then I write down ten things
I'm grateful for from the previous day that.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Made me happy. And it's hard sometimes for a lot
of them. But you know what, I'll make it.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
It could be something materialistic, it could be just something
somebody said.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
It could be a memory I had, whatever it is.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
So I do all that and then I'll get a
ten minute work out in before I ever look at
my phone, and that usually gets me.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
It'll calm me down. It's a better way for me
to start today than to start today thinking that the
universe is ending and the universe hates me and my
sky is falling.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
So do you look back at those things?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Every I write down all the time. So originally it
was one hundred.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
They told me to do one hundred a gratit write
a gratitude list of one hundred things I'm grateful for for.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
My whole life. And brother, you think it could be
so easy for somebody like me or somebody like you,
Holy fuck, was that hard?
Speaker 3 (15:58):
You know, because you don't feel like you deserve any
of it, so you don't want to write it down
because you're almost like either you're jinxing yourself or you
feel shittier about yourself. But oh now you're just bragging,
like fuck, it's terrible. But then once I did, it
was like God in the universe. Oh, my son says
he loves me. And my son said this to me
one time when my dog gives me kisses. And when
I first adopted my dog, I got the coolest little
(16:19):
rescue pit and like her first day, and you know,
buying houses and being on Fox NFL Sunday and my
whole Fox INFL Sunday crew and walking fighters down to
a cage for championship fights, and fuck.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
There's a million. It could be a pair of shoes,
whatever it was if I got a hundred. So I
was reading that.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Whole hundred list every single morning, and now I've expanded
it where every day I write an extra ten and
then I usually still go back to that that hundred
when I'm down, When when it's when the roommates in
my head are not playing nicely together, I'll go back
to that original hundred and read that.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yeah, that's like the one thing for me. Like I
like whenever I have like I call it the feedback
loop from hell. I mean, like up here just keeps
going and going and spin and spinning and spinning, and
like I get to that point where like I feel
like I'm gonna blow. It's like how do I get
myself out of that moment? Right? So I always have
like a hunt like not a hundred, but it's like
I have like ten different journals or like little notepad
(17:12):
sitting here, and some of them are the bad days
some of them are good days. Some of them do
lists like all this stuff. I am in that moment
where I'm spinning. I try to go back and I
look or I just get it all out right, because
like during those good days, like you have so many
good thoughts, you feel like you're on top of the world,
nothing can get in your way. But then it's like
(17:33):
like for me, I can I can turn like that, okay,
and if I turn, this goes on. So then it's like, okay,
how do I get back to that living in the neutral,
living in the moment? And it's like I go back
to all the notes that I have and just the memories,
right because and I feel like it's the same thing
you're doing by that, but like by what you just said, right,
It's like those thoughts and memories are there. Probably for me,
(17:56):
it's like little things that trigger something, and it's like,
how do I control that? And the only way I
can control it is either getting it out or like
for me, is looking at something from the past because
I want to calm myself down, right, So I asked
just because like those moments where you know, like where
we are hitting ourselves, like how can we stop that?
You know, like you know, like my wife says to me,
it's just like all the times, like you can't do that.
(18:17):
I'm like, I know, I can't do it right, like shit,
like I know I do that, Like I want to
be able to stop that. But you know, like for me,
it's how do I get to that point where I
do stop it and I can control it and I
can help myself.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Isn't it cool that we could talk about these things
that are so openly Now that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I'm proud of you talking about it. I'm learning to
be proud of me talking about it. And again I'm
still a work in progress knowing that we could change
this world. You know.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I had this thing the other day, must have been
like twenty five hundred people or something, and the guy
was moderating with He's like, hold your phone up in
the air if you know somebody or you're going through
some kind of mental health struggle. Seventy five percent of
the room had the phones up, and they said, now
keep your phone in the air. If you've gone through
(19:04):
suicidal ideation, seventy seventy five percent of people had their
hand up in the air. I was floored because I
think well, I think for a number of reasons. I
think number one because I was so happy that people
were honest and open. Yeah, right, because of what we
just talked about, right, Like yeah, it's hard as hell
to open up and talk about it, but once you
(19:24):
do open up, like that awareness is so powerful. So
like for me, I was just I was happy inside
because at the chance, like we have an opportunity to
potentially save a life.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Right, yes, you don't have to suffer in silence.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And number two, I was like, oh my god, the
world has changed, right, like, you know, like people are okay,
not being okay, you know, like five years ago, like
we never would have thought or nobody would have lifted
that mat up underneath her up up from the problems
that we're hiding underneath of them and talking about them.
So it's like all of these things. I feel like
(19:59):
it's just so powerful and yeah, we're making great progress,
but there's so much more.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, because it's too reactive.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
We're not proactive enough, Like people need to do what
you and I are doing for our mental health before
the sky's fall, Like even if they don't think they
have an issue, they need to start doing this. Or
just when times are good, get a routine, look mental health.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
They'll go to therapist after.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
It's too late, right, Or you don't only try it,
you don't only swim when your time is up.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You're doing all the fucking time.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
All the time, or I love it. They're like, uh no,
we can't get a therapy appointment for six weeks, and
like six weeks comes up and like, oh no, I
don't need to go anymore. I'm fine. Actually you're not.
You're not fine. I'm one thing for fine. It's freaked out, insecure,
neurotic and emotional and you can only be fine on Mondays.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I like that. Holy shit, I like that a lot.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
We used to say that my coach, my mom and
I used to always say that back in the day.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
You just said something also like, man, I can't get
a therapy appointment for six weeks.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
That is a problem. It's a huge problem. But what
we can do is what you did recently is like,
are you're struggling.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
You reached out to me, like there are we could
be each other's therapists and lean on each other. And
it gets us like, I don't know about you, man,
but every time I've opened up this somebody, and my
friends are the baddest motherfuckers in the planet.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
You know, they are the most macho people of all time.
It has just gotten us closer together.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Nobody's called me a whisp, nobody's told me to suck
it up, nobody said, oh stop, jay man, your life
is too great.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
But it's just gotten us closer together one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Like there are few people that, honestly, like I've always respected,
but I never thought I'd be as close as I
am because of that. Right, Like, I feel like there
are a few random people in my life that I've
become friends with who just send a random text and
I looked down. I'm like, oh, hey, what's up, dude.
You know, like I always put a smile on my
face or like, you know, always like I feel safe
(21:52):
and comfortable with. So I feel like that's something that's
so special. Yes, building that brotherhood, building that trust, that bond.
It's hard to put into words, but it's cool.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Here's another thing I do, by the way, I forgot
when I am struggling, I will do what you did.
I'll reach out to four my boys and say I'm
struggling today, I need some help. But the same day,
I'll reach out to four other people and just check
up on them, just like you were saying, like, oh,
random text, because that's me being of service to somebody.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Else, and that also helps me cut through the gray.
I didn't want to forget.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
That one hundred percent. And I feel like that's that's
so true because it's like what you do you get
back ten times, right, you know, like and that right then,
like you you reaching out, like you're opening up, like
you're becoming vulnerable, like being a friend to somebody else
that potentially is going through the same thing, you know.
So I feel like that's that's so that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
A couple of weeks ago ahead on Andrew Whitworth, the
captain of the Rams, right, you know, looks like me
except eight feet dollar so extremely sexy. But man, I'm
with him in the car after they win the Super Bowl,
and he opened up about this on this podcast and
he was in.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
The fucking tek. He just it's the.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Greatest moment of his career. He wins it all. He's
the oldest person to ever start at tackling the history
of the NFL, much less than us be a captain
in the Super Bowl game, and he's in the front
seat of the car with his head in his hands,
and he is in the TEK and I am trying
to boost him up, saying, dude, He's like, I just
I don't deserve it.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I'm not worthy of this.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
When you win your gold medals, are you able to
celebrate yourself? I just heard you already grown. Are you
able to celebrate yourself or do you go through something similar?
Speaker 1 (23:33):
It's hard because, like you know, I think once I
win one, I had to be able to, like in
one ear out the other, right, because there was six
or seven more that I was trying to swim or
win that week. At the end of the week, it's
hard to sit still because I'm on a whirlwind tour,
right like that first like week, two weeks, you're jumping
(23:55):
all over the place doing different shows. But I think
after that it's kind of like, what's next? Who am I?
What's my identity? And I think that's the scary part,
right because I think you you work so hard for
you know, for me anyway, I feel like I work
so hard to get to that point, and at the
snap of your fingers, it's gone, it's done, it's finished.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
It's not gone, you did it.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, but that's the problem. That's the problems we have,
right Yeah, Like I guess, like, but I never I
never sat and celebrated like I never. I guess I
never could. I remember, I'll never forget. You know, when
I won my first one back in two thousand and four,
the very first day of the Olympics for four and
I am, I went four oh eight and I win
(24:38):
and I you know, have the medal, share it with
my mom through a chain link fence and she's like, oh, yeah,
it's so awesome. I'm like, yeah, we did it. And
my coach is like, hey, we got a warm down. Time,
we got another race tomorrow. I'm like, oh great, like cool,
like shove it my bag, all right, Cool, time to
go to the next one. Like That's basically what it
was my career. I would say I've gotten through two
(25:00):
thousand and eight. I've been able to process everything to
that point. Twenty twelve for me, is one of the
most challenging Olympics of my life because I wasn't happy
with the results, but again, I got the results that
I deserved. So it's it's hard for me to watch
(25:20):
those races because I literally was off by that. But
then again, if I don't do that, then I don't
come back for sixteen. So it's just trying to process
all of that stuff. But yeah, it's it's I've never
been able to celebrate.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
But like to this day, have you since been able
to sit back and go, oh man, what do you mean? No, Well, dude,
you need to need to. You deserve to more than anything.
You deserve to.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
You put that work in, you spilt that sweat, you
deserve to. That's something you've got to work on. Is
being able to love yourself up. Something that again exactly
the same thing I was talking about with Wit, Like,
we deserve to love ourselves, so we do something that
is great.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Yeah, Like I'm not saying I'm not proud, I'm not
happy of the accomplishments, but I mean I feel like
like also, like I'm somebody who is so detail oriented,
so it's hard for me to sit and try to
really process every single moment in memory like I want to.
I'm in the process of just finishing a book. I
just got the second It's not asshole, I just spin it. Well,
(26:28):
I just got the second manuscript. We ripped up the
first one and went back and kind of reprogrammed everything
into the right spot. So I'm finishing that and hopefully
that's out soon.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Oh you're finishing your own book. I think you're reading
the book. That's how I was, like, you, asshole, I
read my book.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah no, no, I'm finishing yeah. Yeah. So for you,
I'm super pumped about it, and I think that's something
that that will help me process some of it too, right,
being able to read it and see it all on paper.
I think living it through the pandemic was challenging emotionally,
but I think it was also really cool because I
was able to learn and grow through those emotions that
(27:03):
I went through.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
So I want to get back to this. You get
a gold metal yep.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
We see you really really happy out there going nuts,
but you're not that happy on the inside.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Is that I can't be because I have to be
able to control the emotions and really everything, my physical, mental,
everything well being through those next few days. Because I can't.
I don't well I don't want to say I can't,
but I shouldn't really kind of pour too many emotions
into one event, because then I'm draining myself for the
(27:36):
whole entire week. So when I won eight gold medals
in two thousand and eight, that process started back in
two thousand and two when I was trying to learn
how to adapt to swimming that many races and clear
my lactic acid and swim down and eat enough and
sleep enough and do all and stretch enough and make
(27:56):
sure I'm doing all the small details. So after I
win a gold metal, what I would do is typically
I get off of the awards stand. It depends if
I had another race or not, if I was done
for the night, I would typically just get probably get
back in and clear my lactic acid. So we'd prick
our ear, take a blood sample my lactic acid. I'd
(28:16):
be below anything below three point zero and I'm good.
So I would just swim at my heart I keep
my heart rate about one twenty, and I would just
swim comfortably up and down, up and down, up and
down until my lactic acid cleared. Once it was cleared,
I'd hop out of the pool. I'd hop on the
massage table and get a massage. Once I'm done the massage,
I'd get a dinner that they have pre made. Typically
(28:38):
it's like pasta, you know, some kind of carb a
little bit of protein. I jump into a cold bath.
I'm eating while I'm in the cold bath. I get
on the I get out of the cold tub, put
all my clothes on, get on the bus, still eating.
If I'm still hungry, go into the dining hall and
get food. By that point I need to get into
bed because I swim the next morning, right right, But
(29:00):
all those emotions.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
The day after you win eight fucking gold medals, are
you able to sit and go, oh my god, I
did this.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Yeah, but I still had to come on and do
all the interviews with y'all.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Hey, I'm in football, let's say y'all. But were you
able to? Was there so? Still?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
There's never a moment even were you doing the interviews
where you're able to I mean, I do, and love
yourself up for it, I mean, love yourself up really Okay,
since then, since your career has ended. We ran into
in Vegas with Sean McVay, right, and McVay was like, dude,
you're one of one. I'm like, yes, he's one of one.
Are you able to appreciate that?
Speaker 1 (29:38):
I love that conversation? Yeah, I mean, and and honestly,
you know, and yeah, until somebody breaks my records. Yeah,
I guess I'm one of one. Yes, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
There's no guessing here, You're one of one.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Dude. I guess the one thing that is crazy, Like
thinking about it now, I've only looked at the medals
all at once less than a handful of times, right,
I guess the easiest way of saying is I don't
want them to define who I am as a human, right,
Like that's a chapter of who I am and what
(30:12):
i'm you know, what I feel like I'm doing or
what I'm supposed to do, right Like for me, like
that gave me the platform to be able to have
what I have today, right, you know, to be able
to stand up and to allow us to scream about
mental health. Right look, yes, is it was? It amazing
what I did, of course, Like I'm literally looking at
a finish right now above my desk where I want
(30:33):
to race by a hundredth of a second, right, one
hundredth of a second, you know what I'm saying, Like, yeah,
without question, Like there have been a few times I'm
like shit, like that was awesome, Like there are full spots,
you know, like I had some great, great memories, some
amazing things, but I think as a whole. No, like
when like when somebody reads a bio and they're like
twenty three time gold medalists, twenty eight time Olympic medalists,
(30:55):
thirty nine time world record holder. I'm like, what, Like,
is this a dream? Like I feel like it is,
because like this is what I dreamt of as a kid.
I wanted to do something that no one else had
ever done. And I'm living a fucking dream come true,
you know what I'm saying. Like that's the reality of it.
So yeah, like there are some things that really hard
to process, and and yeah there are some things that
(31:15):
I look and I'm like, wow, like this is incredible
for me. Now it's the mental health. That story I
shared about the cell phones. That story, for me, I
will never forget, and I'll never forget how I felt,
you know, I'll never forget sitting next to a guy
on an airplane. This guy is probably like mid sixties,
white haired dude, and he was like, so you're telling
(31:37):
me you just talk about mental health and you think
that's gonna help, and you think, he goes, that's a
sign of weakness. And I was like, and I literally
was like I was like, all right, I was like, okay, bro,
like we're on an airplane. I like take headphones out.
I'm like, all right, now we're getting serious. Like I
wanted to go tyson on him, like right right him?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
How's it called? Michael Phelps? A side of weakness? Are
you should make?
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Oh? I almost went nuts and I was like, dude,
I was like, okay, So I basically listed like ten
different things. I was like, do you or your family
struggle from PTSD, you know, depression anxiety? He goes no,
and I go and how enough? Do you have any
right saying exactly what you just said to me? And
(32:20):
he goes, I've struck a nerve and I said, yes
you have. I said, You've triggered something, sir, And I said,
I'm going to finish this conversation right now, because I
didn't know, honestly at that moment, like I was so raged,
I was so angered inside. I didn't know what to do,
and the only thing I could do is I knew
I had to be as polite as I possibly could
to shut the conversation down and get out. But it's
(32:40):
like stuff like that, that's the thing that makes me
happy with the fights that I'm doing. Every single day,
whether it's for me, whether it's for you, whether it's
for somebody else. Right, because we're saving a life.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
I want you to go back a second ear, because
we could have both. I want you to go back
and say, maybe the okay, you don't want to say
the gold medals to find you okay, but maybe you
look at the gold medals.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
And go the work that put in for those that
defines me. That's who the fuck I am for sure.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Yeah, you outwork the world. You didn't just put to work.
You outwork the world.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
There's a question. There's a question somebody gave me once
and a reporter, European reporter goes, do you ever feel
bad for winning all those medals? I started laughing my
ass off. I was like, excuse me, And he goes,
do you feel bad for the other people? And I
go no, I go they could have worked hard too.
It's exactly right, No question is that like I did,
(33:38):
Like I earned those things right there?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
So then I could lift you up.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yes, sure, like for me, like I look back and
I'll look and say I went six straight years without
missing a single day. Did any other person ever do that?
Speaker 2 (33:51):
No?
Speaker 1 (33:52):
So I gave myself a better chance to have greater
success with the things that I did that nobody else,
nobody else, we're willing to do. So, No, I don't
feel bad for winning all those medals.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Maybe you could look at the metals more though, and
then think of that.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
Right, Hey, I'm proud of myself because I put in
more work than anybody.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Else, not by a little, but by a lot. And
not only that, Michael, you put in the work when
nobody else was watching. That's what true greatness is, right.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
That under armor commercial I did. I guess back in sixteen.
It's what it's what you do behind the scenes, in
the dark that brings you to the light.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
It's the things that you do when when you don't
want to do them right, that that brings you into
being who you are, Right, that's what the greats do. Like,
that's the difference between being great and being good. To
do great, you have to do things that people aren't
willing to do, right. Like, that's the separation.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
I ask all my guests their last question, give me
your unbreakable moment. Give me that moment that should have
broken you could have broken you, and you didn't, and
you came through the other side of that tunnel.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
It's probably the moment of not wanting to be alive,
you know. I think I was at a dark spot
in my life where at that moment I was I
was prescribed ambient from three different doctors monthly. I was
happy I only had three pills left. It was the
night of my duy, my second one, twenty fourteen, and
(35:21):
I got home and I just remember I was like, fuck,
I'm just going to take the rest of these and
I hope I don't wake up. Meanwhile, like I knew
I was going to wake up, Like I was taking
fifteen milligrams almost every night, Like I knew I was
going to wake up, and I was just like, I
hope this ends it. And I woke up and for
three days I basically didn't leave my room. I didn't eat,
(35:41):
I didn't drink anything.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I just sat there.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
I was just being And at that very moment, I
was like, fuck this, I got a change.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
How can I change?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
And I literally called two people and I said, find
me some kind of help.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Where can I go?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Because I honestly like it was kind of like the
moment where I was like, I can't live life like this.
I have to change. Something has to change, what has
to change. So I was like, I'm gonna check myself
in a treatment center and figure things out. Right, unplug
all those wires, decompressed fit like, uncover all the shit
that I was going through, why I was going through it,
(36:21):
and kind of reprocess how I how I live, and
uncover why I am why I am. Look like when
I went to the Meadows, I spent a week in
this thing called Survivors, where it was basically taking everything
that was ever hurting me inside and just unloading it,
talking about the most painful things I must have I
(36:43):
must have gone through. I'm looking for cleanexes. I must
have gone through a box of fucking cleanexes every single session,
every session. And right then and there, I was like,
okay nothing. I was like, I am unbreakable. I was like,
this stuff literally should have broken me throughout my whole
entire career, right, you know, the shit that I dealt
with and I lived with and you know made me
(37:03):
struggle throughout my whole entire career made me who I am.
And that's what you said to me the other day
in to text. You know, you said something along those lines.
You know, it made me who I am today, right,
and at that very moment, like, yeah, I could have
I could have been snapped in hash, but that's not
who I am and I wasn't gonna let that happen, right,
And that's why I'm sitting here today talking to you
(37:23):
on this podcast. Right. You know, like shit, we all
go through ups and downs, we all we all go
through times that we think are unfathomable, shouldn't happen, darkest
moments you could ever possibly process. Like I always think
like everything happens for a reason, and those moments are
(37:44):
put in our life for that challenge. And yeah, are
they fucked up at times? Sure, of course they are,
some of them. Like I can look back at some
of them now and you know, flick off and you know,
shake my head and laugh. But you know, those are
the moments that give me the opportunity to be who
I am today. And I think that's the proudest thing
that I can ever look at.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I love that, man.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
You know. It's like like we got we got to
think about the ship that we've gone through and the
heart we've gone through, and we always have to remember that, right,
Like you said it best like that that inner child. Man.
That is so good. I love that you said that,
because not many people have really like dove into that,
and that's something that I can still go back to
that painting that I drew, but when I was at
the meadows of my inner child and exactly where he's
(38:26):
standing and what he's doing, and you know what kind
of person he is and the attention that he adores
and he seeks. So yeah, I could go into deeper
conversations with that whenever you want. Brother.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
I appreciate you. First of all, I'm glad. Do you
only have three ambient left?
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (38:44):
For sure, this number one because now I get a
battle buddy for the rest of my life and you
and I get to keep walking this walk together. I'm
proud to call you brother, proud to call your friend man.
I'm proud proud to walk this walk with you.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Dude.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
If I was sitting there in your house, I'd give
you a big ass hug. Man. I will next time
I see you.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
You got my brother again, Michael Phelps, one of one.
Thank you for joining us here and Unbreakable. If you
haven't read the book yet, there's a book out Unbreakable.
How I turn my depression, anxiety, and a motivation you
can too, and that's what Michael and I are doing.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Again. Make sure you like and review this as well.
And Michael Phelps, brother, I love you and I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
I'm gonna leave you one more thing. This is something
I did when I was in treatment, and it's kind
of weird to think about, but you know, we have
so much talk that goes into our head every single day.
So you know, I call it the roommates in my head,
the roommates in our heads. So we have so many
roommates in our heads, so we can control what those
roommates think. So the thing that I did at the
(39:39):
Meadows was every single doorway I would walk into, whether
it's a bathroom, whether it's a bathroom stall, whatever doorway
you're walking in and you're walking out, you say an
affirmation about yourself and one that you believe. And I
guarant guarantee you you do that for a month. Have
a list of ten affirmations. You just have to top
your head. Holy shit, just watch, but.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Positive affirmation, positive affirmations, something nice about myself.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Like for me, like I I never thought that, like
I deserve love. And that was right right there with
you always struggled with and I would always say I
can handle love. I deserve love, and I walk through it,
and I'm like, oh shit, cool, like like you deserve
feel better, like you feel happier. So I feel like
you know, like I feel like It's like I'm always
searching for little small ways or little small things that
(40:27):
you can implement in your life that don't take too
much brain power, right, that don't take too much space, right, Like,
little small habits whatever it is, right that you can
just throw in there every single day to give yourself
a fighting chance, right, Like we're all just looking for
a chance to get through each day to go to
one more. So how can you fight? And how can
you fight in a positive way?
Speaker 2 (40:48):
You know what? I want to begin this to day.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
I'm starting it today. I'm starting it today. And that's
where I tell people all the time, you could change
your life now you have to wait. It takes a
practice of change your life. Now. I will start it today.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
And that's what's great about these like I And you
know I hit you up a couple of weeks ago
about being your own hero, right, Start being your own hero.
Start viewing yourself as your own hero. We can make
a choice to start loving ourselves up or make a
change about our mental health or anything in our in
our lives instantaneously. So I promise you, I give you
my word right now, I will start doing this today.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
And now you bring me to another point and choice.
We also have control. What's in our control every single day? Right,
there's so much shit and so much stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Our choice is in our control.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Correct, Right, that's like, that's something for me. Like, Like
I like I have two tattoos and the word control
is something I'm I want somewhere on my body, so
I look at every single day because that's something I
like for me. Like, I can control my emotions. I
can talk about my emotions. I can talk about my feelings.
I can write down those things.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
I can control if I'm thirsty. I can control if
I need to go to the bathroom, I go to the bathroom. Right,
those are things that are in my control. So when
I talk about simplifying things in the most purest form,
most simplest way, right, it's control. What can you control
every day? Another one? Another love trick. I love to
do it a couple. Let's keep doing it.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Let's keep pay brother. I don't know if we're going
to save the world, but we're damn sure to.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Improve it together, one person at a time. YEP.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I love you, my dude, Michael Phelps.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Thanks for me, Thanks dude,
Host
Jay Glazer
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