April 8, 2025 • 20 mins
What if the emotions you fear most are actually the gateway to your greatest freedom? In this final episode of our series, Chip and Leanne explore how to stop fearing emotions and start listening to them instead. They break down the connection between numbing and disconnection, why vulnerability is the key to healing, and how embracing your emotions can lead to real joy and fulfillment. With practical tools and mindset shifts, this episode will empower you to move from numbing to healing—so you can reclaim your peace, presence, and power.
Visit Chip's website at: ChipDodd.com
You can order your copy of Chip's book, The Voice of the Heart: A Call To Full Living HERE.
Listen to the Living With Heart Podcast HERE.
HOST: Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about Leanne, head over to www.LeanneEllington.com, and to share your thoughts, questions, feedback, or guest suggestions instantly, head on over to www.WhatsGodGotToDoWithIt.com.
Follow Leanne on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leanneellington/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
If you want to go on a journey.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
If you're skeptical, don't worry. Not here to preach.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Gonna keep it clean and talk to me and recall
where faith means fos of nature and get in touch
with your creator with a bacon, love and jew. She
even speaks Hebrew. What's that, Gonzat? What's that?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Well sabosation?
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You should talking transformation?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
What's that? Donzato?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Hey?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Hey, it's Leanne here and welcome to a special series
on What's God Got to Do with It? And selfishly,
I wanted to bring this series to you. It originally
was created for Outweigh, but it is so apparent and
relevant to the journeys that we talked about over here
on What's God Got to Do with It? Where I
invited my dear friend doctor Chip Dodd, alongside a four
(01:05):
part mini series talking about why we numb and the
real root of coping mechanisms. You've heard them before on
the God Pod. His episode will be linked in every
episode of this series. But I wanted to bring this
mini series over to you here on What's God Got
to Do with It? So tune on in and enjoy
happy Saturday. Out way we are back for our fourth
(01:27):
and final episode of this mini series, here with doctor
Chip DoD. Hello again, Aileen.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I've really enjoyed getting to do this with you.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Thank you, absolutely, it has been amazing. What has been
just coming out over these microphones. I feel like it's
just been ordained in something like spontaneous.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
These are the kinds of conversations that you can only
plan to a certain extent. So I'm so grateful that
you're here. The series is called Why We Numb The
Real Root of Coping Mechanisms. But if you've been tuning in,
obviously we're talking about things like addiction and coping mechanisms,
but the real why behind the what, what's causing this?
How to take back power from your heart so that
your brain stops hijacking you and that brain heart kind
(02:06):
of dance that's going on? Why we numb and how
we are avoiding pain and seeking discomfort, And we talked
about that from an experiential level and a human level,
a logic and reason level, but also we've every single
week hit on the neuroscience. If you're like me and
you want to get a little geeky and learn about
the why behind the what, and then last week we
really started transitioning into the healing side of this. What
(02:27):
do we do now that we have all this information,
we have this awareness of what our problems are and
what they aren't, how do we actually go take use
the tools that we have or go get access to
tools to start moving forward. And so today we're going
to talk about something that might feel a little bit
scary to a lot of people, which is the idea
of feeling our feels and having the courage to feel
what we're feeling and allow those feelings to be there.
(02:49):
How to healthily process emotions, how to recognize them, how
to stop numbing them, all of those things, but transforming
our relationship with emotions. So let's just dive in by
talking about first of all, there is this kind of
not for everyone, but for a lot of people, a
stigma a fear of feelings.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
I know, I've had my own kind of insecurities of
like am I over emotional? Do I feel things too much?
Too deeply? And I had to recognize like, no, that's
just who I am. I'm just a feeling person. But
that being said, there is a lot of that kind
of self talk about our feelings. And then shame about
our feelings. So how do we stop fearing those feelings
and start listening to them in stead?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And there's so much you know, almost all of us
carry inside in front of the genuine feelings and the
courage that we're born with actually believe or not, But
we have toxic shame, which means we have contempt and
judgment towards ourselves as weak for having feelings. Okay, like
(03:46):
then that feelings in and of themselves are a weakness,
not a strength. And secondly we're afraid to let them
out do we get afraid of the judgment, so we
make up all kinds of stories about what's going to
happen If I have feelings, well, people are going to
do to me what they're going to think of me.
Then the two core essential needs that a human being
(04:07):
has won't be met. I need to belong and the
need to matter. But we've decided quote quote a long
time ago, I only belong to matter when I perform
a certain way, so my presence isn't as important enough.
So ultimately we have to take the risk of pushing
through the fear, using it, and then pushing through this
(04:29):
veil of shame and telling the truth, and courage means
full hearted participation and believe or not. When you were born,
you were probably came out of the womb with more
courage than you'll ever express the rest of your life
because you didn't know not to. The toxic shame wasn't there.
(04:50):
The healthy shame was. The healthy shame is sure, I'm dependent.
Of course I'm going to be risking making mistakes. I know.
I don't have all the answers. Of course I need you.
What's the big problem you need me to? What are
we doing here? It's like the normal natural inborn experience,
and all we need is just boundaries around that, like
I don't like that. I need you to hear me
say I don't like that and respond to me. In
(05:12):
other words, it's okay to have a self, it's okay
to be yourself. And so you literally come out of
the womb full hearted. You're all in like I feel,
I need, I desire along I hope. So the thing is,
the end is that once we find our feelings, which
it takes courage, like Okay, this could hurt, but I'm
dying without it. Look, if you don't feel like, if
(05:35):
you suppress feel you don't connect. If you don't connect,
you're isolated. If you're isolated, you are removed from life.
If you're removed from life, you're not living. If you're
not living well, you're going to find addiction to continue.
But every day is aspiraling down towards not wanting to
live anymore. I mean, once we foreclose on our hearts,
(05:56):
we try to leave ourselves behind. There's no place to
go to be away from how I may ultimately except
the numbt anesthetize it, deny and own and on. So basically,
recovery is so much about returning to the self, and
it is scary because we have lots of experiences that
tell us why not to do it. But it's almost like,
(06:20):
you know, hitting bottom really means I'm sick and tired
of not living. It doesn't have to be under a bridge.
It can just be waking up one day and go, Okay,
that's enough, and so what do I do? And that's
what we're going to ask for help, which is a
healthy shame experience that we'll toxically shame ourselves for, right.
But then at that point it's about feeding your feelings.
(06:40):
Of course, you know, telling the truth about them. But look,
if I have fear, I have a need of help
from danger. If I have sadness, I have a need
for comfort in it. If I have loneliness, have a
need for connection to someone someplace somewhere right, And either
I address it, address it like like admission. Here I am,
(07:03):
and I actually choose to be with people I've watched
who can do it themselves, so I might just get received.
So courage is taking the risk of returning to how
we're made again. And yes it's scared, Yes it's scared,
But every feeling has a corresponding need to need, and
each feeling has the need of a certain territory, and
(07:24):
then the admission of desiring something that I don't believe
will happen or've left behind. So it all comes back
to saying, look, I'm scared of this, and at the
same time, here I am. Great movie, it's an old movie. Now,
I'll tell you Goodwill Hunting is one of the greatest
stories that over. I'm telling you, it's fabulous. It's a
(07:45):
story of returning to courage, how terrifying it is, and
how the terror in Will Hunting was anxiety. When Shane said,
man listen it's not your fault. And he kept coming
close and it's like, stop it, Shane, don't fool me.
Don't do this to me if you're lying. In fact,
don't do this to me at all, because you're getting
close to me being me and it'll kill me. And
(08:08):
instead it awakened it. Right. So this is what we're
terrified of the end. We're so scared that if we
have feelings, it'll kill us. But here's what happens. And
it is so precious and yet so tragic that this
is what we've been running from. If you have feedings,
two things will happen. They really will. If you have feedings.
(08:31):
Number one, you're gonna have them. I mean you're actually
gonna have them, like your sadness will probably have tears
or there'll be just a heavy admission for a little while. Yes,
And so one you're gonna have feelings. And then you're
gonna also have memories, or if you have memories, you're
gonna have feelings. So that's how calm. We run from
(08:52):
feelings because our memories have told us it's not a
good thing to do or it's unsafe. So when we
return to feedings, returning to how come we left them behind.
When we return to memories, we're going to be returning
to the feelings we suppressed or attempted to escape from.
And what's amazing is once we've become dedicated to not
feeling is crazy as it sounds, it's a loyalty to
(09:16):
toxic shame. It's a loyalty to our own self hate.
And then it's tragically, it's a loyalty to the very
people if they had a chance to repeat, probably wouldn't
do it that way, we hope. But it's a loyalty
towards the very people that taught us to harm ourselves.
As they were harming themselves. They couldn't tolerate feelings, so
(09:39):
they taught us to keep them comfortable. That's the family
of origin issue. Usually, So feelings won't kill you, they'll
bring you to life, but it starts with just having them.
Yes you'll have feelings, and yes you'll have memories, and
believe it or not, after the grief, there is a RESTful,
tiredness that feels good after the loneliness spoken and somebody
(10:02):
actually says, hey, I get it, And all of a
sudden you have a day of just sort of sharing
and afterwards you leave, You're like, I need to call
you back, say you're laughing at me, and they say, no,
I'm not laughing. Maybe I just did that, Like, no,
I'm not laughing. You crazy. I get it, absolutely, So
we will distrust it. But what we're distrusting is that
(10:23):
we're just trusting the healing. We're just trusting I just
I just received what I'm made to have. So we
distrust that this could be real.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Yeah, and it feels scary in a way to think
about the concept of healing, but honestly, when you think
about what's scarier, not healing is scarier, it is you know,
and it's because and then we can right absolutely, it's
the devil that we know. You mentioned this idea of
(10:54):
loneliness or the isolation side of it and the hiding,
and we talked about avoidance a lot back in episode two.
But the loneliness and the isolation part. I can't believe
we even skipped over that, because that's a big part
when we are in the throes of what feels like
an addiction, the coping mechanism, the toxic shame that that
you know, then exacerbates everything else, the tendencies to then
(11:16):
avoid and hide, and that secrecy almost it feels like
a dirty little secret. Yes, so in terms of obviously
we know the answer is coming back to the heart
of who you are and dealing safe to be needed
and be in need, I should say, but kind of
weave that in for us too, about the hiding, And.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, it's like the once we have rejected feelings, you
don't trust them to be the truth of our experience.
We literally spend our lives devising ways to avoid feeling
while still getting our needs met. So we're getting farther
and farther away from being able to connect, even if
(11:54):
we look like we're the most connected person in the world.
You can be avoiding while being the life of the
party and leave after the party and have never felt
so alone in your life. Janis Joplin is so famous,
one of the greatest blues rock singers of all times.
I mean poured out herself with expression. Afterwards, she said,
(12:16):
I've never been more alone in my life than after
leaving the stage with twenty five thousand fans adoring fans,
And then she went straight into promiscuity heroine all the
drug use because she couldn't tolerate being in need. She
could perform to get her needs met, but couldn't tolerate
being with herself and asking somebody to be with her
(12:36):
without her having to avoid distract and so on. But
what happens, It says cursed, which means isolated, not condemned,
but cursed is the person who trust in their own flesh,
their own devising ways to numb myself, who depend upon
their own will power, their own strength, whose heart is
(12:59):
removed from God. And it's not about religion. It's about
we're made to find fulfillment and relationship by being connected
to the universe and connected to others, trusting that the
universe as in God, and people as in specific people
want our good. And that's how we end up relinquishing
our control to giving over to say you want my good, Well,
(13:23):
I'm made for that good and I want to receive
that good. Also I become somebody who wants to do good.
You can't do good unless you have a self to
do it with, and you cannot give what you do
not have. So the first thing we have to do
is be needy to find out we can come back
to life and the people of us, those of us
who have come closest to losing our lives, have the
(13:45):
most to give to life, because there are more people
who are running from life than there are people who
are living in life. It's so true, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah? Wow, so so powerful. Well, no pressure, But if
you were to put a wrapper around what you want
people to know from all four episodes of this series,
what would it be?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Gosh, there's so many things. Let's go with this that
I think that when Jesus said to the disciples experiencing like,
how can anybody do this? And then Jesus literally took
a child and said, hey, come here, come here, and
the child stood by his knee in my picture anyway,
and it's Matthew eighteen two and three, and it said,
(14:25):
unless you change and become like one of these, which
is to have faith like this. And the faith is
not a systematic theology. The faith is being in need
and having feelings. I'm hoping for something and I was
born to picture something I haven't found yet. Okay, you
can't change yourself, Jesus said, unless you change it becomes.
(14:46):
You can't change yourself. You can shift your habits, you
can't change yourself. You have to admit your need to
be connected, and then you return to becoming. You're back
on the road of being yourself. So I would hope
that feel your feet things, be able to tell the
truth about them and believe it or not. Hand yourself
over to a process, give it to God, give it
(15:07):
to the process, and the process itself heals us. There's
a river. We put our raft in. The river takes
us to where we're made to go. We just got
to be willing to take the risks that we can
find out how to swim and we won't drown. Feel
your feelings, feel the feeling.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I'm curious, so so powerful. Yeah, so simple yet you know, simple,
not easy, but so powerful.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
And again, if you're easy, the whole wheler would do
it right.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Exactly and so different from what the world is telling
us about addiction and coping mechanisms. Is that work harder, resist,
white knuckle will power control And it's like no, it's
the opposite. Surrender, feel, release, humble yourself like a child.
You know, don't be afraid to say I know nothing,
I know nothing about nothing. You know, God, Universe, what
(15:52):
do you have for me?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And again I'm in need.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Well, the last thing, if you have time, but like,
just let's just touch based on food for just a say,
we have to eat, We're made to eat, We're gonna eat. Okay.
What's amazing is when you find yourself and actually say,
I care about me and I want to live life fully.
It's not about perfection, it's about practice. But when I
(16:19):
finally face I really want something, I just want something.
Then guess what if I really want something versus have
to do something, If I really want something versus should?
You see, we're created God created is to reject should
should should, should should? When I want something, you know what,
I'm willing to kind of like practice being in pain
(16:40):
for something, and then that becomes being good at delaying
like immediate reception. And then all of a sudden I
found like, hey, that workout, that waiting, that delay, that
eating certain things left me better. And then all of
a sudden, what we find out is that to want
to becomes a lifestyle. It becomes a sense of get to,
(17:03):
not have to, And once you get to because you
want to, you're free to keep doing it. And so
we're gonna eat. Yeah, So there is a process. Uh,
we call it self love. We call it delagron we
call all kinds of things, but feeling your feelings and
finding that man, you were made right, and you've got
a yes within you that's waiting to be addressed, and
(17:27):
you say yes to how you're made, you end up
you wind up wanting to do good for yourself absolutely.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And freedom, like what I just to stack on what
you just said, because it's so so powerful. Freedom is
giving your yourself the ability to make these choices that
serve you, rather than constantly feeling like choices being taken
away or life is just happening to you. You know,
you take back power from it, but it starts, it
starts at your heart and and like you said, it
doesn't have to be a deep, dark rock bottom, but
(17:52):
you do have to get to that place where you're like, no,
I'm no longer living to live, I'm no longer willing
to live in this, in this howl or as a
you know, a victim to my circumstances or a victim
to the way that my brain has kind of been
taking over me.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah, and that doesn't become willpower becomes who will help me? Yes,
and ask you for it, and then actually taking a
risk of daring to question if that will really work.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Contend, fight yes, fight for your freedom absolutely rather than
argue for your failure, your lamitation. So wilse it well,
thank you so much for being here. And guys, there's
a bunch of free resources over at Chipdodd dot com,
including his amazing Gift of Feelings and the eight Core
Feelings and Their Purposes, which he goes into depth about
(18:36):
in the Voice of the Heart. So I can't recommend
that book enough. Also, he's got an amazing podcast, you
definitely need to to check that out, the Living with
Heart Podcasts. You can find it anywhere podcasts or stream
And we are just so grateful that you came here
on this theories. Thank you so much for.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
God bless absolutely light. Bye bye.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
We'll be back with more What's God Got to Do
with It? But in the meantime, I would definitely love
to hear from you, so just tell me where you
are in your story or maybe what questions you have,
like where do you feel you need clarity or support
or wisdom in your own journey. I definitely want to
hear from you, so head on over to What's God
(19:15):
Got to Do with It dot com and scroll down
to the form to share your thoughts, your questions, your feedback,
and you can do that instantly. So What's God Got
to Do with It? Dot com you'll find all the
ways to do that. And if you like this podcast
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(19:35):
weekly dose of What's God Got to Do with It?
New episodes drop every single Tuesday, and while you're there,
be sure to rate and review to show your support.
It really means so much. What's God Got to Do
With It? Is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown
Podcast Network. It's written and hosted by me Leanne Ellington,
(19:57):
executive produced by Elizabeth Fozio, post production and editing by
Houston Tilley, and original music written by Cheryl Stark and
produced by Adam Stark
If you want to go on a journey.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
If you're skeptical, don't worry. Not here to preach.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Gonna keep it clean and talk to me and recall
where faith means fos of nature and get in touch
with your creator with a bacon, love and jew. She
even speaks Hebrew. What's that, Gonzat? What's that?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Well sabosation?
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You should talking transformation?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
What's that? Donzato?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Hey?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Hey, it's Leanne here and welcome to a special series
on What's God Got to Do with It? And selfishly,
I wanted to bring this series to you. It originally
was created for Outweigh, but it is so apparent and
relevant to the journeys that we talked about over here
on What's God Got to Do with It? Where I
invited my dear friend doctor Chip Dodd, alongside a four
(01:05):
part mini series talking about why we numb and the
real root of coping mechanisms. You've heard them before on
the God Pod. His episode will be linked in every
episode of this series. But I wanted to bring this
mini series over to you here on What's God Got
to Do with It? So tune on in and enjoy
happy Saturday. Out way we are back for our fourth
(01:27):
and final episode of this mini series, here with doctor
Chip DoD. Hello again, Aileen.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I've really enjoyed getting to do this with you.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Thank you, absolutely, it has been amazing. What has been
just coming out over these microphones. I feel like it's
just been ordained in something like spontaneous.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
These are the kinds of conversations that you can only
plan to a certain extent. So I'm so grateful that
you're here. The series is called Why We Numb The
Real Root of Coping Mechanisms. But if you've been tuning in,
obviously we're talking about things like addiction and coping mechanisms,
but the real why behind the what, what's causing this?
How to take back power from your heart so that
your brain stops hijacking you and that brain heart kind
(02:06):
of dance that's going on? Why we numb and how
we are avoiding pain and seeking discomfort, And we talked
about that from an experiential level and a human level,
a logic and reason level, but also we've every single
week hit on the neuroscience. If you're like me and
you want to get a little geeky and learn about
the why behind the what, and then last week we
really started transitioning into the healing side of this. What
(02:27):
do we do now that we have all this information,
we have this awareness of what our problems are and
what they aren't, how do we actually go take use
the tools that we have or go get access to
tools to start moving forward. And so today we're going
to talk about something that might feel a little bit
scary to a lot of people, which is the idea
of feeling our feels and having the courage to feel
what we're feeling and allow those feelings to be there.
(02:49):
How to healthily process emotions, how to recognize them, how
to stop numbing them, all of those things, but transforming
our relationship with emotions. So let's just dive in by
talking about first of all, there is this kind of
not for everyone, but for a lot of people, a
stigma a fear of feelings.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
I know, I've had my own kind of insecurities of
like am I over emotional? Do I feel things too much?
Too deeply? And I had to recognize like, no, that's
just who I am. I'm just a feeling person. But
that being said, there is a lot of that kind
of self talk about our feelings. And then shame about
our feelings. So how do we stop fearing those feelings
and start listening to them in stead?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And there's so much you know, almost all of us
carry inside in front of the genuine feelings and the
courage that we're born with actually believe or not, But
we have toxic shame, which means we have contempt and
judgment towards ourselves as weak for having feelings. Okay, like
(03:46):
then that feelings in and of themselves are a weakness,
not a strength. And secondly we're afraid to let them
out do we get afraid of the judgment, so we
make up all kinds of stories about what's going to
happen If I have feelings, well, people are going to
do to me what they're going to think of me.
Then the two core essential needs that a human being
(04:07):
has won't be met. I need to belong and the
need to matter. But we've decided quote quote a long
time ago, I only belong to matter when I perform
a certain way, so my presence isn't as important enough.
So ultimately we have to take the risk of pushing
through the fear, using it, and then pushing through this
(04:29):
veil of shame and telling the truth, and courage means
full hearted participation and believe or not. When you were born,
you were probably came out of the womb with more
courage than you'll ever express the rest of your life
because you didn't know not to. The toxic shame wasn't there.
(04:50):
The healthy shame was. The healthy shame is sure, I'm dependent.
Of course I'm going to be risking making mistakes. I know.
I don't have all the answers. Of course I need you.
What's the big problem you need me to? What are
we doing here? It's like the normal natural inborn experience,
and all we need is just boundaries around that, like
I don't like that. I need you to hear me
say I don't like that and respond to me. In
(05:12):
other words, it's okay to have a self, it's okay
to be yourself. And so you literally come out of
the womb full hearted. You're all in like I feel,
I need, I desire along I hope. So the thing is,
the end is that once we find our feelings, which
it takes courage, like Okay, this could hurt, but I'm
dying without it. Look, if you don't feel like, if
(05:35):
you suppress feel you don't connect. If you don't connect,
you're isolated. If you're isolated, you are removed from life.
If you're removed from life, you're not living. If you're
not living well, you're going to find addiction to continue.
But every day is aspiraling down towards not wanting to
live anymore. I mean, once we foreclose on our hearts,
(05:56):
we try to leave ourselves behind. There's no place to
go to be away from how I may ultimately except
the numbt anesthetize it, deny and own and on. So basically,
recovery is so much about returning to the self, and
it is scary because we have lots of experiences that
tell us why not to do it. But it's almost like,
(06:20):
you know, hitting bottom really means I'm sick and tired
of not living. It doesn't have to be under a bridge.
It can just be waking up one day and go, Okay,
that's enough, and so what do I do? And that's
what we're going to ask for help, which is a
healthy shame experience that we'll toxically shame ourselves for, right.
But then at that point it's about feeding your feelings.
(06:40):
Of course, you know, telling the truth about them. But look,
if I have fear, I have a need of help
from danger. If I have sadness, I have a need
for comfort in it. If I have loneliness, have a
need for connection to someone someplace somewhere right, And either
I address it, address it like like admission. Here I am,
(07:03):
and I actually choose to be with people I've watched
who can do it themselves, so I might just get received.
So courage is taking the risk of returning to how
we're made again. And yes it's scared, Yes it's scared,
But every feeling has a corresponding need to need, and
each feeling has the need of a certain territory, and
(07:24):
then the admission of desiring something that I don't believe
will happen or've left behind. So it all comes back
to saying, look, I'm scared of this, and at the
same time, here I am. Great movie, it's an old movie. Now,
I'll tell you Goodwill Hunting is one of the greatest
stories that over. I'm telling you, it's fabulous. It's a
(07:45):
story of returning to courage, how terrifying it is, and
how the terror in Will Hunting was anxiety. When Shane said,
man listen it's not your fault. And he kept coming
close and it's like, stop it, Shane, don't fool me.
Don't do this to me if you're lying. In fact,
don't do this to me at all, because you're getting
close to me being me and it'll kill me. And
(08:08):
instead it awakened it. Right. So this is what we're
terrified of the end. We're so scared that if we
have feelings, it'll kill us. But here's what happens. And
it is so precious and yet so tragic that this
is what we've been running from. If you have feedings,
two things will happen. They really will. If you have feedings.
(08:31):
Number one, you're gonna have them. I mean you're actually
gonna have them, like your sadness will probably have tears
or there'll be just a heavy admission for a little while. Yes,
And so one you're gonna have feelings. And then you're
gonna also have memories, or if you have memories, you're
gonna have feelings. So that's how calm. We run from
(08:52):
feelings because our memories have told us it's not a
good thing to do or it's unsafe. So when we
return to feedings, returning to how come we left them behind.
When we return to memories, we're going to be returning
to the feelings we suppressed or attempted to escape from.
And what's amazing is once we've become dedicated to not
feeling is crazy as it sounds, it's a loyalty to
(09:16):
toxic shame. It's a loyalty to our own self hate.
And then it's tragically, it's a loyalty to the very
people if they had a chance to repeat, probably wouldn't
do it that way, we hope. But it's a loyalty
towards the very people that taught us to harm ourselves.
As they were harming themselves. They couldn't tolerate feelings, so
(09:39):
they taught us to keep them comfortable. That's the family
of origin issue. Usually, So feelings won't kill you, they'll
bring you to life, but it starts with just having them.
Yes you'll have feelings, and yes you'll have memories, and
believe it or not, after the grief, there is a RESTful,
tiredness that feels good after the loneliness spoken and somebody
(10:02):
actually says, hey, I get it, And all of a
sudden you have a day of just sort of sharing
and afterwards you leave, You're like, I need to call
you back, say you're laughing at me, and they say, no,
I'm not laughing. Maybe I just did that, Like, no,
I'm not laughing. You crazy. I get it, absolutely, So
we will distrust it. But what we're distrusting is that
(10:23):
we're just trusting the healing. We're just trusting I just
I just received what I'm made to have. So we
distrust that this could be real.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Yeah, and it feels scary in a way to think
about the concept of healing, but honestly, when you think
about what's scarier, not healing is scarier, it is you know,
and it's because and then we can right absolutely, it's
the devil that we know. You mentioned this idea of
(10:54):
loneliness or the isolation side of it and the hiding,
and we talked about avoidance a lot back in episode two.
But the loneliness and the isolation part. I can't believe
we even skipped over that, because that's a big part
when we are in the throes of what feels like
an addiction, the coping mechanism, the toxic shame that that
you know, then exacerbates everything else, the tendencies to then
(11:16):
avoid and hide, and that secrecy almost it feels like
a dirty little secret. Yes, so in terms of obviously
we know the answer is coming back to the heart
of who you are and dealing safe to be needed
and be in need, I should say, but kind of
weave that in for us too, about the hiding, And.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, it's like the once we have rejected feelings, you
don't trust them to be the truth of our experience.
We literally spend our lives devising ways to avoid feeling
while still getting our needs met. So we're getting farther
and farther away from being able to connect, even if
(11:54):
we look like we're the most connected person in the world.
You can be avoiding while being the life of the
party and leave after the party and have never felt
so alone in your life. Janis Joplin is so famous,
one of the greatest blues rock singers of all times.
I mean poured out herself with expression. Afterwards, she said,
(12:16):
I've never been more alone in my life than after
leaving the stage with twenty five thousand fans adoring fans,
And then she went straight into promiscuity heroine all the
drug use because she couldn't tolerate being in need. She
could perform to get her needs met, but couldn't tolerate
being with herself and asking somebody to be with her
(12:36):
without her having to avoid distract and so on. But
what happens, It says cursed, which means isolated, not condemned,
but cursed is the person who trust in their own flesh,
their own devising ways to numb myself, who depend upon
their own will power, their own strength, whose heart is
(12:59):
removed from God. And it's not about religion. It's about
we're made to find fulfillment and relationship by being connected
to the universe and connected to others, trusting that the
universe as in God, and people as in specific people
want our good. And that's how we end up relinquishing
our control to giving over to say you want my good, Well,
(13:23):
I'm made for that good and I want to receive
that good. Also I become somebody who wants to do good.
You can't do good unless you have a self to
do it with, and you cannot give what you do
not have. So the first thing we have to do
is be needy to find out we can come back
to life and the people of us, those of us
who have come closest to losing our lives, have the
(13:45):
most to give to life, because there are more people
who are running from life than there are people who
are living in life. It's so true, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah? Wow, so so powerful. Well, no pressure, But if
you were to put a wrapper around what you want
people to know from all four episodes of this series,
what would it be?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Gosh, there's so many things. Let's go with this that
I think that when Jesus said to the disciples experiencing like,
how can anybody do this? And then Jesus literally took
a child and said, hey, come here, come here, and
the child stood by his knee in my picture anyway,
and it's Matthew eighteen two and three, and it said,
(14:25):
unless you change and become like one of these, which
is to have faith like this. And the faith is
not a systematic theology. The faith is being in need
and having feelings. I'm hoping for something and I was
born to picture something I haven't found yet. Okay, you
can't change yourself, Jesus said, unless you change it becomes.
(14:46):
You can't change yourself. You can shift your habits, you
can't change yourself. You have to admit your need to
be connected, and then you return to becoming. You're back
on the road of being yourself. So I would hope
that feel your feet things, be able to tell the
truth about them and believe it or not. Hand yourself
over to a process, give it to God, give it
(15:07):
to the process, and the process itself heals us. There's
a river. We put our raft in. The river takes
us to where we're made to go. We just got
to be willing to take the risks that we can
find out how to swim and we won't drown. Feel
your feelings, feel the feeling.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I'm curious, so so powerful. Yeah, so simple yet you know, simple,
not easy, but so powerful.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
And again, if you're easy, the whole wheler would do
it right.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Exactly and so different from what the world is telling
us about addiction and coping mechanisms. Is that work harder, resist,
white knuckle will power control And it's like no, it's
the opposite. Surrender, feel, release, humble yourself like a child.
You know, don't be afraid to say I know nothing,
I know nothing about nothing. You know, God, Universe, what
(15:52):
do you have for me?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And again I'm in need.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Well, the last thing, if you have time, but like,
just let's just touch based on food for just a say,
we have to eat, We're made to eat, We're gonna eat. Okay.
What's amazing is when you find yourself and actually say,
I care about me and I want to live life fully.
It's not about perfection, it's about practice. But when I
(16:19):
finally face I really want something, I just want something.
Then guess what if I really want something versus have
to do something, If I really want something versus should?
You see, we're created God created is to reject should
should should, should should? When I want something, you know what,
I'm willing to kind of like practice being in pain
(16:40):
for something, and then that becomes being good at delaying
like immediate reception. And then all of a sudden I
found like, hey, that workout, that waiting, that delay, that
eating certain things left me better. And then all of
a sudden, what we find out is that to want
to becomes a lifestyle. It becomes a sense of get to,
(17:03):
not have to, And once you get to because you
want to, you're free to keep doing it. And so
we're gonna eat. Yeah, So there is a process. Uh,
we call it self love. We call it delagron we
call all kinds of things, but feeling your feelings and
finding that man, you were made right, and you've got
a yes within you that's waiting to be addressed, and
(17:27):
you say yes to how you're made, you end up
you wind up wanting to do good for yourself absolutely.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And freedom, like what I just to stack on what
you just said, because it's so so powerful. Freedom is
giving your yourself the ability to make these choices that
serve you, rather than constantly feeling like choices being taken
away or life is just happening to you. You know,
you take back power from it, but it starts, it
starts at your heart and and like you said, it
doesn't have to be a deep, dark rock bottom, but
(17:52):
you do have to get to that place where you're like, no,
I'm no longer living to live, I'm no longer willing
to live in this, in this howl or as a
you know, a victim to my circumstances or a victim
to the way that my brain has kind of been
taking over me.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah, and that doesn't become willpower becomes who will help me? Yes,
and ask you for it, and then actually taking a
risk of daring to question if that will really work.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Contend, fight yes, fight for your freedom absolutely rather than
argue for your failure, your lamitation. So wilse it well,
thank you so much for being here. And guys, there's
a bunch of free resources over at Chipdodd dot com,
including his amazing Gift of Feelings and the eight Core
Feelings and Their Purposes, which he goes into depth about
(18:36):
in the Voice of the Heart. So I can't recommend
that book enough. Also, he's got an amazing podcast, you
definitely need to to check that out, the Living with
Heart Podcasts. You can find it anywhere podcasts or stream
And we are just so grateful that you came here
on this theories. Thank you so much for.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
God bless absolutely light. Bye bye.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
We'll be back with more What's God Got to Do
with It? But in the meantime, I would definitely love
to hear from you, so just tell me where you
are in your story or maybe what questions you have,
like where do you feel you need clarity or support
or wisdom in your own journey. I definitely want to
hear from you, so head on over to What's God
(19:15):
Got to Do with It dot com and scroll down
to the form to share your thoughts, your questions, your feedback,
and you can do that instantly. So What's God Got
to Do with It? Dot com you'll find all the
ways to do that. And if you like this podcast
and want to hear more, go ahead and follow, like,
and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts to get your
(19:35):
weekly dose of What's God Got to Do with It?
New episodes drop every single Tuesday, and while you're there,
be sure to rate and review to show your support.
It really means so much. What's God Got to Do
With It? Is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown
Podcast Network. It's written and hosted by me Leanne Ellington,
(19:57):
executive produced by Elizabeth Fozio, post production and editing by
Houston Tilley, and original music written by Cheryl Stark and
produced by Adam Stark
Host
Leanne Ellington
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