Ep. 22 How to Spot a Narcissist

Nicole Ari Parker from Empire is here to whine down! She’s got a gift for Mike that has Jana in tears, and she shares some crucial advice about how to handle 2 kids.  Then Laura Charanza joins us, to share her expertise on dealing with narcissists. She tells us how to spot someone with toxic behavior and if there’s any hope for a narcissist to change.  And we find out what happens when Mike tells Jana he doesn’t believe in soul mates. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Jannah Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.
So excited to wind down today. So much to talk about.
We have so much. We have some great topics that
I wrote down in my I have some great topics
that I wrote down on my phone. Sounds like it
was a busy week. It was. Let me just start

(00:24):
by saying this. Michael and I have why have a
YouTube channel that we have a series that we're doing
called Have a Seat with Jan and Mike and so
we um get emails from people and we answer, we
answer the questions. And I learned a lot about my
husband this past one. Yeah, like what he doesn't believe
in soulmates? What I don't exactly. I don't believe that

(00:47):
there's one person in this world that is meant for you.
But do you believe in I believe in multiple soulmates.
You can have friends who are soulmates. You can have
you know, a deal with certain lovers that you have
made this deal to learn this lesson and grow with
and then you move on and there might be another soulmate.

(01:08):
So I believe in multiple. So you believe in multiple
and you don't believe in soulmates at all? Well, my
whole thing. The whole stigma in my mind is soulmatee
is there's one person for you? And that's why yes,
I'm saying and when I say yesterday I said we're
meant to be. Absolutely we're meant to be. Then what's
the difference between meant to be in soulmate? Because then

(01:28):
I just my whole thing is that I feel like
the expects I feel like the expectation. You're setting expectations
so high where you might meet someone great and maybe
they don't check one box and then all of a sudden,
people are like, oh, they can't be my soul mate
because my soulmate would have these characteristics. I feel like
people are just setting their expectations by looking for one
person out there as opposed to seeing what's in front

(01:49):
of them and being and not being blinded by their
high expectations. Is being like, Wow, this person is amazing, right,
but that's your one. Why can't the one slash be
your soulmate? I think that's what it's trying to say.
Soul mate at this moment, well, that's what she probably
have multiple soul mates. I feel like your soul mate
is the one. I feel like there are lots of

(02:09):
different people that you can be with. Obviously, we've all
been in different relationships. There's I think there's different people
for possibly different seasons. But I believe your soul mate,
slash the one is the one that you stay with,
the one that you like. For example, my mother, she
was married to my father for twenty something years. Was
that her soul mate? No, it was the one that

(02:32):
during that season and she was meant to have kids.
But her soul mate, her one is the one that's
she's married to now that's going that they're going to
be together forever, and that's her twin flame, not her
soul mate. But this is the same, right, twin flame
is very different. No, Lobster's Friends is fens twinlame different.

(02:53):
What's twin twin flames is what your mom's experience. Now,
Like that's really meant to be. You are twin flames
burning the same candle in the same pace, and you
guys are really say, I think that's the same definition
of a soul mate. Like I think if you stay
with me, Michael, that you were my soul mate. I

(03:16):
thought I've had other soulmates, but those people left, right,
But that's the thing. It's it's all You'll think they're
your soul mate. Then all of a sudden something happens,
they must not be my soul mate. And then you
find another person. Oh I really like this person there
soul mate, And so people just say the next the
next three thing is their soul mate. Okay, we're married
right now. So you still don't think I'm your soul mate.
I think we're meant to be. What is the difference.

(03:38):
It's just like turning you. I'm ready to this, but
I don't understand what the different Like I'm truly at like,
what is the difference. So now you're saying there are
multiple soulmates, I'm not saying there's multiple there's multiple people
in seasons, yes, I think, but your true soulmate, so
I think there could be multiple ones. But you're true

(04:00):
soul mate is the person that stays with you, that
is with you till the end, you fight through stuff,
you don't leave when stuff gets hard and you fight.
That is your soul mate. You are living with your
with your mate and your souls together, and we are
doing that. But people's I'm just saying people's idea and
your soul mate, yes or no. We need a soul

(04:23):
mate expert. People's idea of soul mate is that there's
one person one not multiple soul mates. One person out
there form right, I'm you're one person. Yes, But I'm
saying you've even said yourself, Yeah, I've thought I've had
multiple soul mates. I thought before, just like I thought
they were the love of my life. They weren't just
like I thought. I was saying. That's all I'm saying
is that it's ever changed. I didn't. So the next person,

(04:47):
I know you always like to say this and be
you always like to say, well, Mike, if we get divorced,
so I'm going to play that card. If we got divorced,
there for me, then then the next person is your
soul mate. So it's just everyone, he's a soul mate.
You're so mate everyone. It's like, when does it stop?
Come on? When you are with the person for life,

(05:07):
your twin flame, Yeah, twin flame experts. So if we
were to be together till the end, you were truly
my soul mate, And on my deathbed, I'll write in
my little note like I love you were my soul mate,
and then I'm you know gonna die and you're gonna
be like, man, I wish I would have told her
that she was my soulmate. That took a really dead time.
I see the movie right now. You might just tell me.

(05:31):
You can tell her when you go upstairs. I just
don't know what the difference mean. I mean, if you
if you can honestly look at me right now and
say that I'm not your soul mate, slash the one,
you're my wife and you're the one I meant to
be with. I need the term. I need to know
I'm mate. This is going to drive her stil nuts
so mad by Janna. If she really likes a meal,

(05:54):
like something really good definitely not Tahita, And if you
definitely and she wants you to try bye, if you
say no, she'll get like highs within anxiety and she's
like you have to try this. I'm like, I know
it's so good. Were and I was eating the most
incredible cech ever and I think it was so good
and I was like, honey, we please try. But he's like, no,

(06:15):
I'm good. I was like, can you please try it?
Buy it because I just know how good it was.
She takes it personal, like she made it. She's like,
please try this. I knew how much you love it.
And guess what did he order? Like five more the
entire time we were there, it was fantastic. But the
point was for a twenty minutes she was like, couldn't
sit still, like just try it, just place, try it.

(06:35):
And then he's like, well try this. I was like, no,
I'm good. But for some reason, when I want someone
to try something because I know that they're going to
like it, it really it physically gives me hives and
I started to get anxiety. I was so she feel
this way about me not saying the soul mate, well,
it just it just makes me sad that, like you
don't think that I'm your the one and you're you're

(06:57):
the one I'm meant to be with what I would
google airplane writing words over homes and like, Janna, you're
my soul mate. He doesn't, really, I'm not your soul mate.
It's obviously I'm going to keep looking for my soul mate.
So if anyone wants to be my soul mate, email
me at Janne Kramer. I hurt me. I'm gonna find

(07:18):
myself a soul mate. Next topic, what else what else. Oh,
we've just turned the dateline. Um, so the next thing
is when we were doing our little half a seat. Um,
I'm fine. On YouTube, my husband says, So here here's

(07:41):
the deal. I went to therapy and I've just been
very overwhelmed. We have a new baby coming obviously in
less than seven weeks, and it's fast approaching, and I
get very overwhelmed with things. I have a very hard
time delegate. I love actually I love delegating, but I
have a very hard time asking for help. So my
pist encouraged me to ask for help. More So I

(08:04):
wrote a honey to do list, and I said, and
I put on there too when I would like it done,
because I want things done yesterday. But you know, a
dollhouse on this We'll get there later, because that's a
great point too. No, it was not on there, but
so I said, you know, please have all the trash

(08:26):
taken out by the end of the month. Uh, clean
up the backyard. Um, you know, sometime this week would
be nice, please. And there was a few things with
the kids that I was having. I need we need
to transfer some of Jolie's medical stuff, and I said,
please call her doctor's places and get her files sometime
before this date that we're going to the new doctor

(08:48):
at just things that like I didn't I wanted to
alleviate off of my plate. And he says to me, Michael,
I said, okay. No. First of all, I said, okay,
that's not the first thing you said when you gave
me the list. How long is the list? There was
like four things? What did I say? You were like like,

(09:10):
right now, you have to give this to me. Well, again,
it's like timing. I was in the middle of I
was in the middle of doing something, okay, and she's
and it's just like I hate when I get overloaded too.
So it's like I'm in the middle of doing something,
taking care of something, and then she hands me this list,
and I'm like like right now, like you're gonna hand
this when I'm in the middle of like doing some
work or whatever it was I was doing, Like, you're

(09:31):
gonna hand this to me. So it's all about timing
for me, okay. But then he says, well, where is
your honey to do list? So his question when she posed,
so he said that that one day and I kind
of let it go until last night when we're doing
our have a seat. He goes, I have a question.
Why don't the guys ever wady honey to do list
for the white serious? Her eyes just not. I was

(09:56):
of her. I said, has a guy we can watch
this video? Prooved? I said, has a guy ever given
his wife honey to do the list? He'd be? I
didn't say why don't? I said, I didn't say why
don't guys? I said, has a guy ever done that?
What would you put on a list? Mike? Stuff? We
want you get done what? It's already all? Thank you?

(10:17):
There just not coming. He's like, you're on your own. Pa.
Have I not done that? You would like to put
on the honey to do list for your wife? Go ahead? Mike,
you have the floor, everyone's listening. What do you want
to put on there? By the way, I'm serious here

(10:37):
you you you asked and post a question. I would
like to know what you want me to do on
top of everything else that I do, that you want
on that list? Go ahead? I didn't come prepared exactly
what I would like you to do? Is this is
a joke. If you even pick up after yourself, excuse me?

(11:00):
Is um? I don't know what because that's already all done.
It's already all done. She leaves stuff around the house.
What you know what it's I'm so sorry. I'm literally
going to throw this pen right in your eyeball. But
you and it told me one time that I sometimes

(11:21):
leave my shoes around the house. I have done a
very good job to make sure to put my shoes away.
What else have I left around the house? You leave
things and things that shouldn't that aren't. Like I have
this cute little candle thing and he puts his coins
in there, and I'm like, this is not yours. I'm sorry,
be careful when you walk into our house because you're
gonna walk into about two dozen half drinking Lacroix cans

(11:44):
everywhere pregnant, so that stops you from throwing them away.
Please counsel us right now. I'm just hoping that you
both you drove separately here today, trust me, did no.
I just is just so many things that I do
and that wives do that you don't know that we
even do. For example, like we talked about, we don't

(12:07):
have to keep it. You know what, I'm going to
say this to all the women out there, all the wives,
all the girlfriends, everything Leslie. You know me, girl, and
I got you right now. For the next week, don't
touch anything, don't do anything. The world will fall apart.

(12:28):
Give it another week. Your life is like Lee. I'm
not challenging you, just I'm challenging the women to stop. Stop,
go on strike. Pick up the kids stuff, don't do
don't do the laundry, don't fold their clothes, don't put
away there they're over there. I will give Michael that

(12:51):
he does. We do a very good job of like
doing the dishosher and doing those like household chores. I
will give him that. But when it comes to the
kids stuff, the planning, and you know, all the things
that I that up for the new baby, you know what,
I'm just not going to do anything anymore. And I'm
gonna see and you always will you do it before me. Okay,
I'll see if you even think of something, the things
that actually need to be taking place. I'm heated. I'm

(13:14):
on strike, ladies and gentlemen. You're gonna have a lot
of I mean, what else are you going to do? Right, honey?
So can you guys explain to me? Um? I'm gonna
email Watermelon now the giant dollhouse that's been constructed that

(13:36):
looks like a guest house. We were we were talking
about Christmas ideas. It's actually a guest room in the
back since our son is taking our third bedroom here,
it's actually the guest room. So my we were looking
at our backyard and we realized that the playgrounds that
that we got for Jolie last Christmas, she's completely outground.

(13:59):
She doesn't been stand in anymore. She's she's too she's
too big for it. She doesn't even go in it.
So I started looking at dollhouses online and they're very expensive.
They're like two grand up, like they're real nice wooden ones.
So I was like, hey, honey, I was thinking about
buying this for Jolie for Christmas, because, as you know,
I'm already on top of things for what we should

(14:19):
get our daughter for Christmas, three months ahead, three months
ahead of thinking. He's just ugly staring, he was giving
so anyways, so I said, and he so we're we're
building right now a house in Nashville. Okay, so we're
gonna we're yes, we're making our our our move back

(14:41):
to nash sometime next year. And he wants a work
bench so this is a little offside moment. He wants
a work bench in his garage, and I said, why
do you want to work bench? You don't build anything
like you don't He's I've never You still need a
place in new cabinets. You need to work bench. You
need stuff, even if it's a household stuff. And you
fix something, you gotta have a place to do it.
You don't do it on the kitchen counter. But like

(15:02):
I grew up, you have a workbench, garage, you got cadas,
you got tools, that's what you three years, I've never
seen him do anything on the workbench that we had
at the old house. He might have put like a
little like nail, like those little nail things that you
put for you know, hanging a paint tang. I was like,
you've never done anything handy, right, So he's like we're
circling background. He's like, well, what if I make her

(15:23):
a doll house? And I was like, you can't make
her a dollhouse, Like there's no way. And he's like,
if I make her a dollhouse, can I get my
work bench in the house. And I said, fine, if
you can prove to me that you can actually make
a dollhouse. So cut to the next day he was
at home depot and he got all this would and
go ahead and Michael, yeah, So again, just because Jeanna

(15:45):
hasn't seen me physically do any of this, you know,
carpentry or manual labor or anything like that, because we
haven't had to. But there's nothing we've had to build
or do anything like that. Because she hasn't seen it
first hand, she doesn't think I'm handy. So I'm like,
all right, after shut it off real quick. Because I
grew up building stuff with my dad all the time,
we built dex we built sheds. I've done it all.

(16:06):
And so I was like, all right, well, challenge accepted.
I'm gonna show you that I am. So I went
up the necessary tools, got the lumber, and I'm building
it myself. And she and she even asked me like
I was putting space in between the four boards. She's like,
how do you know how to do that? I was like,
because I know how to do this. You look like
a total pro. You have that triangle metal thing and
you have a pencil out and you're like, well, producer

(16:27):
Amy texted me and she goes, let's talk about the
fact that your husband's wearing a tool belt, but it
looks like nothing's actually in the tool belt walking around
with an empty toolbottle. Which is really funny that you
guys went on date night. You were working on it,
you went on date night, and then all of a sudden,
it's like I was like, is he kneeling stuff together?

(16:49):
At midnight? Yeah? I felt like we're going to come
home after like a really nice, nice date night and
we're going to cuddle him, bead and have a little
like into mistech. No, No, he went back out to
the dollhouse to start. Yeah. I was like, not the
way that I wanted to end the night. But it's
just she, I mean, she lit a fire under me

(17:12):
and on now, all I want to do is just
get that done and show her improved to her like
that I am handy and I know how to do
these things. I mean, it's like a two story like
dollhouse and it's building him. It's it's eight ft by
eight feet okay, um one and a half Okay. I
will say, I'm really impressed by you. I'm impressed that
you haven't quit yet. I'm not going to like, what

(17:35):
are you going to are you going to use um
real what are those called shingles or tile? What is
that singles? I've been decided yet still it's like sliding
windows or um Yeah, probably probably remote remote windows a
power outside. This is like you guys are going to
have to move it. We're gonna know we have to.

(17:55):
And I will say, I'm, I'm it's really cute to
see Jolie and him there were come together, So I
was like, this is really cute. Yeah, And I will
say like I was coming home yesterday from home depot
and as maybe hokey as it sounds, I was carrying
some more lumber into the backyard and I just had
a moment where I felt extremely grateful and kind of
reflected on the past couple of years, what we've been through,

(18:16):
where we've been. I was like, how awesome is this
that I'm in the place I am getting to build
my daughter like this dollhouse, and because I'm pregnant in
the house that we share together as a family. It
just I had a moment yesterday. I wanted to share
it with Jannah and I meant to yesterday but we
got busy. But but yeah, I felt that I was like,
this is the best feeling ever, Like, if there's any

(18:38):
kind of healthy behavior like this is it. That's really sweet?
It was cool, that's cool. I'm sorry if everything is
that during this podcast and I think you and I
think you're so great and you can write me honey
to do list if you want. Thank you know that's sweet,
and I'm just it's yeah, it's it's the healthy behavior
and you're You're just I'm really proud of you. I'm

(19:00):
excited to see the Stallhouse come together. So I'm really
excited about this thing that I just learned about. It's
called legacy Box. I have so many photos that are
I mean albums and albums which I miss honestly today
in this day and age, but you know, from childhood,
my parents have so many pictures in their garage and

(19:21):
on all these books and they're just kind of sitting
there and I never do you ever get to see yours.
I mean, they're in a they're just in a box.
So it's taking up space, um first and foremost, but
then also I kind of want to be able to
have it all in one thing. So that's why I'm
really excited about legacy box because all you have to
do is send your legacy box filled with old home

(19:43):
movies and pictures and they'll they'll do the rest. So
they put your moments on thumb drive, digital download or DVD.
Legacy boxes the world's largest, most trusted digitizer of home
movies and photos. I think we should do that, don't
you think? Yeah? I did this over the summer. Took
a photo album and it took me hours because you scan,

(20:04):
I'd like four times. Yeah, but then you have to
go in and you have to like split up the
different things because it copies them always one big collage,
and I don't want him. It was, it was. It
took me forever. I wish i'd use lely Se Box
from now on. I'm going it's hard to legacy box.
I wonder does hit. I wonder if they'll take roles
of film because I opened my college drunk the other

(20:27):
day and I have undeveloped undeveloped in there, and I
have no idea where to take it. I'm sure they
will or what's on there. I have old cassettes of
me and my friends messing aroundhen I was a kid,
when I was like seven years old. I'd want that
kept forever. I have like old CDs that I remember
I burned for, like you know, the old like high
school boyfriends stakes. Yeah, seven o'clock. I think everyone here

(20:53):
had a mixed DAP with that song on there. Everybody. Well,
there's never been a better time to digitally preserve your
men rates. Visit Legacy box dot com today to get started. Plus,
for a limited time, they're offering my listeners an exclusive discount.
Go to Legacy box dot com slash Janna to get
off your first order or save up to two and
the largest Legacy Box kit. Go to legacy box dot

(21:15):
com slash Janna and say today get started preserving your
past today. I'm actually really excited about this because I
feel like this term gets thrown around a lot, but
yet we really know the true definition of what a
narcissist is, right, And how many do we have in
our lives exactly? And are we a narcissist? Count five?

(21:35):
But are you one? Though? That's the thing we're about
to find out. Laura, Hey, you got the crew, You
got the wine Down Crew, So I'm we're really excited
to have you on because can you just, you know,
first off, tell us in our listeners, what is the
true definition of a narcissist. A narcissist truly someone with

(22:01):
a personality disorder. Um. In my book, there there are
a characteristics that psychologist psychiatrists have said that a person
with narcissistic personality disorder has You have that? I can?
I can. I'm going to lift them up. And my
husband applies to any of these boxes as are checked.

(22:26):
You know, people say everyone knows the narcissists in his
or her life. Do you think so, how many? How
many of those they come to realize that the narcissist
is looking back at them in the mirror. None? None,
because there's no self awareness with the narcissists. Absolutely not. Yeah,
that's very true. Okay, so can you just give me

(22:48):
to the point so I can we can those down
and yeah, here we go. I'll give you all of them. Okay.
The first one is has the grandiose sense of self important.
For example, they accept rate their achievements and their talents.
They expect to be recognized as superior without any commensurate achievements.
So yeah, Number two is preoccupied with fantash fantasies of

(23:13):
unlimited success, power, brilliant, beauty, or love. Number three believe
that he or she is special and unique and should
only be surrounded or associate with other special or high
status people. Okay, next one requires excessive ever sorry are

(23:34):
you okay? I love it? And it has a very
strong sense of entitlement unreasonable expectations of from people. Um.
The next one is exploitative of others, so basically they
take advantage of other people to serve themselves. Um. The

(23:57):
big one is the huge I have not heard of
or met a narcissist that has empathy. A narcissist lacks empathy.
They do not look at the feelings or needs of others. Um.
And they're two more is often envious of others or
belief that others are envious of him or her. And
then the last one is regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors

(24:20):
or attitudes, hatty behaviors, haughty like um, yeah, potty potty
h A crap? Check that one off from me? Shoot,
that X is accent? That's okay, okay. Have you ever

(24:41):
actually met someone that has all of these? My ex
has eight seven of the eight. How long were you
with your ax? Way too long? Sixteen years? How did
you survive seriously seriously. Um, lots of counseling. Um. I
eventually lived upstairs. I talk about all of this in

(25:04):
my book That pub Ugly Love. Eventually lived upstairs and
even moved from the guest room into my sunsroom because
he would not come in there and scream at me
and yell at me. Um, if my little boy was around,
How did you break away? Because isn't it almost impossible
to get away from a narcissist? Don't they what's the

(25:25):
word they play with your brain? The gaslight you? It's
all gaslighting. They yes, they gaslight you, and they eventually
isolate you from friends, family, and they tell you that
make you think you're so crazy that you know, he
would say things like, Laura, you're I'm the only one
who could ever love you. If you ever leave me,
good luck. You can't compete with all these other women

(25:47):
in Dallas. No one will love you. You You know, you
better stick with me. You start to believe that, But
you know, Um, how did I leave? Through therapy and
realizing leaving wouldn't be any worse than what I was
going through? Did you probably is probably so much? Oh? Yeah,

(26:09):
I'm the happiest I've ever been. Did you grow up
with a narcissistic parent. Is that that is a great question. Yes,
that that typically all the women. I have a Facebook
group it's called Victorious Voices, and it's mostly women. We
have a couple of guys that are members, but almost
everyone has someone in their family that is a narcissist,
and that becomes your default because it's that conditional, almost

(26:32):
unattainable love and you never really get that from that
parent or grandparents, so you try to sign that in
your next significant relationship, which is often a partner. What
is your best advice to deal with family members who
are full blown narcissists. Stay away as much as you can,
and when you are in their presence, don't expect anything

(26:55):
from them. Um. It helps me to learn to anticipate
what mine was a parent, what this parent would say
to me. Even in the last two years. I would think, Oh,
she's going to criticize how I am setting the table
or how I'm raising my son. And I would count
like one to three, and then there it would be
so prepare myself and mostly, Wow, Michael, do you know

(27:21):
anyone that's a true narcissist like this that has all
those eight points? Because I'm not, and I don't know
there are things that I can say, oh maybe this
one point or this one, but I don't know anyone
that actually has all. Well that's all I was gonna
ask Laura, after how many of these kind of going
down the checklist does someone have to have check off,
you know, three out of the eight to be really

(27:43):
considered a true narcissist or is there do you have
any kind of system around that? Um there, it's five
of the eight. That's what psychologists and psychiatrists have determined,
and those eight characteristics are listed in there. It's called
a diagnostic in statistical Manual of personality or um psychiatric disorder.
So it is truly an illness. And you know they

(28:06):
don't change. These people don't change. So you know it's
to get out or stay away or laurens that or
very very thick skin. You really don't think there's any
hope for a narcissist at all, even if they were
to go through, because really they just don't. I'm getting
shaking their heads in the right, Okay, But but I

(28:27):
mean for Mike, I mean you could have you were
a strong manipulator, and you've now been able to kind
of see and change that. Yeah, But but I also
had the capability of empathy, and I didn't think of
myself better than other people, and I'm still grounded human beings.
So yes, I had negative traits of things like being
manipulating to hide my secrets or flaws or whatever, but

(28:51):
I had other characteristics that completely go against what a narcissistem.
He didn't have the checklist to diagnose him with a
personality disorder. Personality disorders are almost untreatable, so they're just
screwed pretty much with people around them. But that's sad though,

(29:13):
that's sad that someone you can't get through people like that. Well,
we all know people that it's hard to get through
to them, right, But I think, I mean, over time,
can't you if if there was like an intervention to
be like, look, ten out of ten people in this room,
I think that you have all these traits and you
really need to look at yourself. Like even that one worked.
It's like if you have like an old, senile grandparent

(29:34):
or something like, you just kind of accept it, right,
So it's it's kind of to the degree of that
like use an old person not necessarily, but I'm disorders.
I'm just saying that's an example of you just accepting
how they are, so like, oh, this is my grandfather,
this is my grandmother, she's this way, that's just her
and you accept it. And so dealing with people with this,
I feel like it's kind of the same thing once

(29:55):
you address it and you acknowledge it, like you know
what you are, what you are called, you know, spade
to space, even move on, right. I don't think it's hopeless,
but I will tell you of all the research I've done.
There is a psychologistic guy named Lundy Bancroft, and he
has counseled over two thousands abusive, emotionally and verbally abusive men,

(30:17):
and he says he's only seen a just a handful
like two or three change and it took years and years.
He must be exhausted. Do you see it more in
this day and age or is it more because I
I honestly see some of these traits in someone in
my family. So what do you see it as as
older people? Or is it? Does it? Does age really

(30:38):
make a difference? Age doesn't make a difference. You know,
there's some a lot of people joke O with's some
millennials and they're very, um, narcissistic. But then you look
at those millennials that care so much about the environment
and it's impact on all of us and others, and
so you know, I, you know, I don't know, but
age does not make a difference. Um. You know, I

(31:00):
still have a narcissistic parents and in her seventies. And
then I have you know, my ex who's in his fifties.
So and do you tell her she's a narcissist? Um? Well, yes,
there's a chapter in the book about it. And we
do not speak right now. I'm sorry, it's nope, it's
a free and feeling. It's kind of like when I

(31:21):
left my x now ex husband. So so what do
you do now to like move forward in your new relationships?
Like what are you just like if you see one
of these traits, you're you run for the hills or
are you? Um? There are some traits to look for
when you're dating. And I've learned what those are, and

(31:44):
yessess um there are three or four that I'll tell
you they're the most important. One is narcissist are very
very charming, Like on the first day they will roll
out the red carpet for you, flowers, you know, the
nicest restaurant you know, blah blah blah. Another one is that,

(32:04):
and they like to move very very fast. They want
to hook you. And if you don't see that any
perceived you know, default in their character or any you know,
just like lack of integrity, they want to move very
very fast, whether it's intimacy or you know, telling you
I love you. I had a guy tell me you
loved me on the second day. I'm like, really, I've

(32:25):
known you for like about an hour and a half.
How they know the second I don't know what? Um?
And then another one is and you will notice that
they eventually begin to gas light you, like they'll subtly say,
they'll say something and then you might question them about it,

(32:45):
Like they'll say, oh, um, your hair looks okay, and
then you'll ask them about it later. Will you you
don't like my hair this way? No, I never said
anything like that. I've never miss your Starting to make
you feel crazy, Yes, you start to feel crazy, But
those are probably the top three or sounds like a lifetime.
I wish I would have met you three years ago,

(33:08):
and I hope not. I'm just I'm just ignoring all
of these comments. No, no, I will say those like
the charming and moving fast that that just plays onto
our love addiction. So I you know, yes, I'm there,
I'm a love addict to Why do you think? Where
do you think the term narcis like narcissist or narcissism

(33:30):
is thrown around as easily as it is, like, you know,
people get an arguments, you're such a narcissist this or that.
Why why do you think that is? I think, um,
the word is more commonplace these days, and not to
get policial, but you know what I'm talking about, right, Um,
So people tend to just use that word not knowing

(33:52):
it exactly what a true narcissist is, someone who's maybe
ultra confident. They say, oh, you're such a narcissist. You know,
you can be very confident, but not be a narcissism
for sure. That makes sense. You look at what you do?
Three do you know you're you have this awesome podcast
and you're confident what you do, but you're not a narcissist.

(34:12):
You have empathy? Yeah? I mean I I don't I
look at this list and I don't feel like I'm
an narcissist you because I think it's so funny that
you're like, hold on, do I check any of these
vis I think sometimes we can mean, but some of
these I don't think you don't check, Laura mat Now,

(34:36):
when you're in your life, you know, post your divorce
with your ex husband and everything, do you still kind
of deal with a lot of trauma from that relationship
trying to move forward in your personal life with with
other you know, men or dating. That's a great question. Um,
I didn't initially with men, I would date. I would Um.
I found myself, especially right after the divorce, being attracted

(34:59):
to narcissis, but that too reset my default, if you will. Um,
And lately I've kind of gone the other way. I'll
go out with guys i'm they've even attracted to and
I end up on a date going okay, just really stuck.
So I've got to get happy medium. So yes, in
the beginning, I did. And it's uncomfortable on the beginning,
isn't that? Yes, what a great journey though, I mean,

(35:22):
you went through something that sucks, but you're you have
like the silver lining. You have a you have a
book that's called Ugly Love a survivor story of narcissistic abuse.
So I think that's really great because now you're you're
able to give back in the struggles that you faced.
I have. I spoke with a woman yesterday and she's
been um with a narcissist for almost twenty years and

(35:45):
she's ready to go, and so we talked about how
to exit that relationship without losing her money and her
kids and her home and it's all the things that
are important to her. And she texted me last night
because I just feel like I can conquer the world now.
And I thought, Okay, that's why I wrote the book.
Right there, I'm done. That was that was your purpose theory,

(36:06):
that's my purpose? So where can where can my listeners
find everything about you? Um? I have a website called
the Ugly Love Book dot com and then you can
find my book on Amazon or Barns and Nobles dot
com that if you want to friend me on Facebook
at Flora Koreansa with a d H, and I can
lead you to my page. For those of us that

(36:27):
have been through this journey or are going through it,
I love it. Well, thank you so much for sharing
your insight and I'm going to start exing some people
out of my life, right that garden weed, that garden baby,
Thank you so much, you do it all right, Thanks
so much, guys, Bye bye bye. I honestly feel like
the narcissistic people I have in my life they are older,

(36:47):
are all older people in my family. I feel the
same way you do. Absolutely. Yeah, I don't even know.
I can honestly say I don't think I have a
true narcissist that I know, or am I family. I
think again, for me, maybe a grandparent or something. It's
they're kind of stuck in their ways. That's how That's
how I look at it, because there is they don't

(37:08):
check all these boxes. There are some that they're definitely not.
So I think that in that sense, it's a generational thing. Possibly.
I don't think like your question to her about does
it does age affect whether someone's a narcissist or they're
more narcissistant and older generation, I think just there's more
the older generation, there's more people stuck in their ways. Yeah.

(37:29):
I actually got into radio from a play on this
word because I wrote a story in fourth grade called Sussecran,
which is narcissist backwards, and scran was the opposite character
of Narcissus. Narcisi yes fourth grade and fourth grade, and
he was secure and unsure of himself and wouldn't look

(37:52):
in the way to see his reflection, and so it
was a complete opposite. And I won the Young Author
Award for in Michigan and I got to read the
story live on air for the AM station in Detroit.
And when I walked into the studio, I was like,
Oh my god, I love this. Yes, that's really cool.

(38:17):
Do you have the recording of that. I'm trying to
get it. I've been trying and trying to get it.
You should. If you do get it, put in a
legacy box in that way you can have it forever. Okay.
So we've been trying to eat really healthy. I love
Thrive Market. It's really really easy. It's basically an online
marketplace on a mission to make healthy living easy and
affordable for everyone. So for us, um Jolie, she can't

(38:42):
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(39:05):
and everything gets shipped straight to your door. So it's
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(39:26):
non GMO, et cetera. So and now they're giving you
an extra off thrive market dot com slash Janna. No
promo code is necessary, just thrive market dot com slash Janna.
I am so excited because I have the most incredibly
beautifully talented woman in studio right now, Nicole are Parker.

(39:48):
You are so just You're naturally just stunning. I mean,
you make but what do you do your face is
just like you know, you're really making me feel good
right now, so good. I don't know, are you like
a family morning show. Because the truth is, I like,
stop drinking. That's great. Stop drinking. Yeah, stop drinking wine

(40:10):
the one o'clock every night, every night. Don't tell me
that I have to every single night. Obviously I can't
right now, but I'm not. I can't. That's I said
to the same thing. And then I was like thirty
pounds over the top and I stopped. I got it out.
It's about even for the skin. That helps your skin
because it dehydrates you all that stuff and you read

(40:30):
all those beat hydrates. You read the beauty blogs and
you're like, really, eight glasses of water, no booze, no bread.
Who lives like that? Because I'm a pasta wine drinking
So what are you drinking? It's no fun. I'm just
about friends friends. I'm the I'm the friend with the

(40:51):
lime and the silts of water. Now, no, but what
about that? But it in the last say it was
a nightmare the first couple of weeks. But I lost
him pounds the first couple of weeks. Yes, because it's
just you're just swollen, You're just in flaming. See, I
disagree with you because because my trainer always says, I
disagreed with myself Okay, maybe I'm just but I will

(41:11):
say this, I feel like my body works differently because
my trainer says, stop the wine and you'll get the blow.
When I stop the wine, I get more bloated. And
then when I drink my wine, my stom is flatter.
He's like, my stomach is flatter in the morning when
I wake up when I have wine. I mean, honestly,
I can't now, but that's the that's the mom and
the wife and you, that's the married with kids in

(41:32):
you girls. It's how I survived. So I just I
don't know so much prettier with the martini. If I
have to get more botox so that I can continue,
then that's what I'm gonna do. I'll get some more hydration. Listen.
And I'm not going to be the person who never
has a drink of champagne at the wedding, you know.
I'm not going to be that person. But I had
to do something and I didn't want to get like
a bunch of fillers in my face, you know, And

(41:54):
it was starting to show on my birthdays on Sunday. Well,
why no way, no stop. Yeah wait, I mean I'm
still not drinking wine, but I gonna do the man,
but listen that Yeah, I was. I was born in

(42:14):
nineteen seventy. Oh my god. But what's your background though racially? Yeah,
you know what, I wish I had a really sexy
answer for you, like I'm half Dominican. Yeah I'm not.
I'm just light skin. I'm black. I'm all black. But
c so it's like I don't know everything. Like so, yeah,
it really is the win great skin. Maybe that's it.
But no, seriously, I just took a break from wine.

(42:35):
I didn't really do anything else, not really a tequila person.
I just had my glass of wine every night, and
I lost weight, my skin cleared up. I use a
thousand creams and serums. I'm just, you know, fighting the clock.
Like they're just taking care of yourself. I'm just taking
care of myself, taking an aggressive approach, taking care of yourself.
Your kids are he summed it up. Stop sucking up
to her right now, because I know you want something

(42:56):
from her right now, and we'll get to that later.
What is your work out? Um? I don't kill myself
in real time. UM. I just do something every day. Um,
and then on the weekends. I don't really do that much.
But I like, you know, I do cardio, you know,
I just go for it. That high intensity really works.
Twenty minutes, that's usually all I have, and then I'll
just do a circuit. You know, you don't have to

(43:17):
pay someone. I've had really great trainers, but I got
to the point with traveling and shooting and working and
crazy schedules from the Empire right now, I'm Empire right now. Yeah,
and I shoot out of town in Chicago, my families
here in l As I'm flying home all the time.
I had to create like a twenty minute workout for myself.
And basically, you can get out of bed in your
pajamas and you can either go for a run if
that's what you like outdoors, or if you're in your pajamas,

(43:38):
you get laid down on the side of the bed.
You do tin setups, tin push ups, tin squats, ten
jumping jacks, and you do that five times with your
glass of wine in hand. Well, you have breakfast and
then amosa. But that's great though. Yeah, I mean, and
you have two kids, yes, ages ten eleven and thirteen.

(44:01):
Yes boys girls. Nicholas um is going to be twelve
on Halloween birthday and Sophie's my thirteen year old eighth grader. Yeah,
so how's the thirteen year old girl? Because we have
a three year old girl right now and then a
boy on the way. So I know you're still in
the wonderful stage. It's wonderful. Um, she's okay, wonderful is

(44:26):
a strong word, but it is more times wonderful. Yeah,
it's more times wonderful. But she's been super challenging lately. Yeah,
but then she has that one second of sweetness yet.
But you knows, I just tried to do everything right.
I like, Okay, you gotta have manners, you gotta be
a good person, you gotta know how to make your bed.
You gotta eat spaghetti with with not your fingers, you

(44:46):
know what I mean. Just you have to say your grace.
I just tried to give them everything, and then around
nine eleven you start to see what sticks. So like
I didn't really clearly do well in the bed making
discipline in part, but Mike has been more of the disciplinary.
Uh yeah, he's kind of like regiment and he's really
good with teaching them time management because you know, seventh

(45:08):
and eighth grade these days, it's serious, like you have
to monitor the phone time. This is my son's a
little athlete, the athletics, and so right now at thirteen,
my daughter is a really sweet, kind person who just
likes blue nail polish and blue hair extensions. First boy,
thirteen and a half years. You've known each other about

(45:30):
believe that's like a hundred years. In Hollywood, people ask
us to speak on marriage panels. Yeah, so what's your secret?
I don't know, you know, It's like, married is one thing.
I was just saying this, and married with kids is
another thing. It's a really hard job. And anyone who
tells you different has like eight thousand nannies. Okay, I
have one, amazing one. And but in terms of your relationship,

(45:53):
some of the old fashioned stuff, you know what I mean,
Like when you find your husband, you gotta make him
your boyfriend. You know, youve got to still be boyfriend
and girlfriend. That includes date night. Let's that includes you know,
caring about what you wear and also being nice. Like
we have every right in the world to be grumpy.
So much stuff is coming at us and we're developing
all these skills. Like you, I'm sure you can catch

(46:14):
your baby like without even thinking, and you're gonna have
to You're gonna have like these crazy octopus arms. Your
brain's gonna explode. You're gonna know the weather three days
in advance, and then do you know what I mean?
And now like somebody drops something in you're in traffic,
like you might have a meltdown, and you're gonna call
your husband, you know, in the four oh five. It
just it's unfair and he's not going to understand. But
that's just the reality. And so like the husband has

(46:37):
to work too, and has he ever given you a
honey to do list? What's the honey to do list? Well,
you know how we give men honey to do list?
That was my other thing, like trying not to give
to my lists. But but has the husband would you
even think that that's something that a husband should do
for the wife, that the wife should have a honey
to do list? Well, you know what, I would love that,

(46:58):
What I would love that because listen, I would love
it because what happens in a marriage is that you
break down communication. He has all of a sudden, he
has hearing problems, you know, he you know, but we
do everything. Yeah, but no, I like I could I
could just walk in the room of my husband would
know I'm there and now I'm like at a party
and I say, boris honey, sweetie, babe, babe. But like

(47:25):
so I think that if my husband woke up and said,
you know what, I would love. I would love it
if you made the lasagna you made, and love it
if you wear that black dress because I love it.
That's not a honey, I'm talking And I wouldn't love
to all that stuff because I'm like, you don't like
the grace weapons, right? What I mean? No, I mean

(47:45):
like a honey to do less, as in, like you know,
tasks which we already do without even them even thinking
of it. Will give me an example, like give me like,
like to make the appointment for the kids dentist. Um,
we've already done that. We've already been there, done that up,
and you gotta sign up for that. Married with kids,
you both got to do that. I'll call the dentists

(48:06):
and make the appointment, but you gotta take them. Do
you know what I mean? We went together. There's just
no way you get We gotta work together. Yeah. Absolutely.
And the other thing is that you know those self
books they talk about you gotta be happy inside yourself. Yes,
you can't lean on another person happiness. It's like, well,
I'm stuck with this person. This person better make me happy,
That's what I really think. But after thirteen years, guys,

(48:28):
I can tell you that you gotta work on yourself. Yes,
and bring You're happy to the dinner table. You just
have to. There's no way you can't survive. Like, that's
good a cookbook title, bring You're Happy to the table.
Oh that's cute. I feel it coming. And I cooked too,
got together. I'm a cook in the family, so really
cooked break sides. Can you make mash potatoes? Sure, I

(48:53):
can mash them potatoes. I can't make mashed potatoes. Figure
it out. Let's fire out to do it. So I'm
gonna tell I'm kind of going to burst your bubble
bab because she knows about what you put on your head.
I saw it. So we share the same publicist. And
so when my husband was making a dollhouse jendorable dead situation,

(49:16):
Nicole has come out with a new product. And so
what Michael did is I brought this is if those
of you that can't see obviously, it is the cutoffs.
Do you know what I didn't realize that's what that
was in the picture. Yeah, it's the cut off sleeve
of Michael's T shirt. So he puts this on his
head so the sweat won't go in his eyes when
he was working. I need something on my head. So

(49:39):
like when he was looking at your product, he's like,
I needed this. I could actually use this, Like we
are bringing that then to show her that you love
that you showed it to me. Because you're not ready
for this bit of detail information, please give it to us.
Like six years ago, I sat down in my kitchen
and I cut up my husband's dry fit T shirt
to make my first prototype for my product that I'm

(49:59):
now giving to your husband. He must have felt intuitively
that that was the secret and this was you a
couple of years ago. That's exactly what my husband was
not happy. That's amazing. Yeah, I made it, and you know,
and then I'm just a mom. I was actress. I
went to with you, but I studied theater, I got
a b f A. You know, I didn't know anything
about business, and I just you know, hit the ground

(50:20):
running and ask questions and corporate let's see it. I'm like,
let's honey, I want you try it on. So I
saw that it was gray workout too, Yes, yes, And
I brought you, ladies a couple you designed this because
and this was I have two designs. One is the
tie and if you like them to like camo and sparkling,

(50:43):
I'm gonna send you like a pretty package. But I
just brought what I had. You explained to the listeners
what they are. Okay, there are three layers sweatband that
I created to fit every type of head, every type
of hair, and it's just highly absorbent. Like there's a
lot of cute sweatbands out there, but the sweat just
dripped on your face. So I created a set band
that actually absorbs your sweat. And then I know people
who don't like the tie, look at him. I gotta

(51:08):
get a picture later. This is my bandy for people
who just want to wearn errands. My cheerleader customer wears this,
my mom's on the run. These are just cute little
Oh my god. Then Joe, this is gonna be worn
every day. Now when I help you have the do
you have the man type two that doesn't have the
tie in the back, Yeah, I have gray and black.

(51:29):
I'm gonna I'm gonna send you guys a little package.
I'm gonna send your you and your husband this in gray,
white and black. Okay, great, perfect, thank you. And so
it's really keep your hair yeah yeah, off your forehead
and you know, I um, it works for everybody. Like
I'm a black woman and I made it because we
always spend so much money on our hair. And when

(51:51):
I first started my business, I did all these media buiyes.
But basically you know those infomercials you see at night,
Like I put the money back into buying those shot
an infomercial. My biggest return was on the tennis channel,
like my definitely, I all of a sudden overnight became
like every white female outdoor athlete was like I need this,

(52:12):
and then men realized they could wear two. But like
I'm completely it's for everybody. Is it? Every age, every race,
every size, and for bald people for the they're called
they're called jim Wrap, jim rap, gim wrap dot com. Okay,
so jim wrap dot com. And then is there specifically
for men and women's bigger killer. I used to have
three sizes, but everybody just bought one. So I just
stream you have a big head through this one. I

(52:34):
love the Thai. Yeah. If he likes the time, I'm
going to send you a whole care pack. Okay, I
mean that's fantast I've got boy colors lots where where
can you do? You? Do you only e commerce them online?
Or girl address? Six years of pounding the pavement. I'm
in Target. Yeah, congratulation, and i just ordered more stores.
I'm in. That's eleven hundred Sally Beauty in a hundred

(52:59):
Walmarts and I'm online. What do they for you? Part
of me? What do they retail for? Um? Different prices,
somewhere anywhere between always having a sale. That's great. And
you can just rinse them out, squeeze them in your
sink and let them air dry, don't put them in
the dryer, or you just throw them in with your
towels or your pajamas. So yeah, yeah, they last a

(53:19):
really long time. Wow. This is also cool running zoomba
Yoga's thin crossed that way, training volleyball, at basketball, tennis, anything,
anytime you sweat. My son went to school like I'm
his mom, and he sees all my products laying around
the house and I'm making gift bags for people and
sitting out thank you notes for people have supported me.
He goes to school and his friend is wearing the
blue gym rap and sec in sixth grade and he's like,

(53:41):
what are you doing with my mom's headband on? He's like,
this isn't your mom's headband on? My dad bought this
for me from from Target. And so I was like, like,
it's really getting out there. You know, to come from
my kitchen with the cut husband T shirt. Heck, yeah,
you know that's fantastic. And then you're also an Empire right, yes,
season I play a really mean person. You know, you're

(54:05):
so like you just you give off that vibe mean girl. Now.
I came in and as a guest star they I
got a call saying, do you want to play Force
Whittaker's ex wife and Oscar Winner's ex wife on Empire?
Think about it? Think about No? I went it was great.
It was so much fun. I was like, great clothes,
thy high boots, for jackets, big earrings, like who wouldn't
And so I then in the spring of this year,

(54:26):
they said, do you want to be a regular? I said, yes, please,
I want to work with Taragi. I've known Terrence for
a really long time in the whole cast Jesse and Gabby.
It's just so great and it's dangerous. It's fun. It's
like emotional roller Coade. For an actor. This is like heaven.
You know you have to do like you read the script.
I'm like, okay, I'm just happy I'm not dead. Yes,

(54:47):
I remember that. And I get to like get in
a fight with Cookie. I get to boss people around
and you know, climb my way to the top and
stand there. It's great. Are you enjoying Chicago? I am.
I'm a city girl. I don't know what I'm doing
out of your in l A. I've been here for ever.
But your family? Are you born? Michael's from Well, you're

(55:07):
from I lived in for a little while. You look
so familiar. I don't know why. I like, it's like,
did you wear? Do you to school? I went to
James Madison Small School in Virginia. My husband went to
BC You yeah, yeah? Is he from the East corrist
Also he's from Germany Deutsche bi Yeah, Oh my god,

(55:36):
he's literally my husband. We got married over there. He
literally is from like we're Hansel and Gretel was written
next one of my favorite cities. I can't wait to
take him. I love Germany. I'm German, so his family
on his mother's side is German, French and Jewish and
his dad is from West Africa. So he always enters
the room like, just back off, okay, I've, I've, I'm
from the generations of the most persecuted people in the world.

(56:00):
Don't even talk to me. I don't want to hear
about the chiki's or anything. I know everything about Africa
and and like, you know, German Judaism and like, you know,
he's just the boss man, you know, the king of
the castle. I love it. Yeah, smarter than everyone, even
though I don't let him. So would you? Would you
move your family in Chicago? Um? Move back? You don't

(56:23):
like it because I feel like actors nowadays we don't
have to. I just talked to my manage because we're
we're building in Nashville, and I said, you know, everything
now is off self tapes. It's it's like, do we
really have to be here? And nothing I've ever filmed
has ever actually been in l A anyway, So I'm like,
we can get We're you know, we're building a beautiful house.
So we could never buy here because it's it would
be five million trillion dollars. I know it's a lot.

(56:46):
It's you just have to like plan and hope, you know,
like that's still on my bucket list. I want to
just buy something in New York eventually, and you know,
just I don't know, but I can't really do too
much until the kids there your life now and once
they get into middle school in high school, you don't
want to move. That's what I'm saying about you guys,

(57:07):
about like, you know, like the babies, you can. I
took my kids with me everywhere. Yeah, they all right, Well,
we love you. Thank you so much for coming on
the show. Where can our listeners find you? Um, I'm
on Instagram. It's my name, Nicole ra Parker. Um the
gym rop dot com. I'm always having great sales and
promotions and stuff. Um and um. Yeah, I had a

(57:30):
great time. You guys are You're awesome. Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it. All right, y'all give it up
for Nicoll Well cool Carbon thirty eight is amazing. Workout close, Okay,
but you can also for example, I could have been
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(57:50):
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(58:13):
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I n E for off your purchase. Mark you want
to raise some emails, I do. Um. Ashley says she

(58:34):
and her boyfriend just moved into a place together about
two months ago, and from the get go he was
referring to us as roommates. His reasoning is because I
never want to have sex anymore, and we never do
a couple of things. Now we're on different schedules, so
a lot of the time, so when he gets home
from work, I'm already in bad asleep. But a couple
of nights ago I did try to have sex with him.
It started with me getting him in the mood and
ended up with me rolling over crying because he said

(58:55):
he just wasn't into it. I met a loss right
now with what to do. Ever since that night, it's
been awkw intense between us. I'm embarrassed because I feel
like I don't do it for him anymore, and I'm
upset because it's like nothing I do is right or
good enough. He's always complaining about never having sex, but
when I try, he's not in the mood or he's
just not into it. Well, two things that I'm going
to take from that is him saying his we never

(59:18):
do a couple things, So callinghi roommates is very passive
aggressive of him to say that you should talk from
a better place. And it also sucks when you're the
one you are trying and then he's not. It's like, hey,
wait a minute, Like I'm I'm actually trying to give
you what you said you wanted, but then you're not reciprocating.
So I can understand how, but he might just be
shut off at this point. My guy's perspective, I'm not sure,

(59:41):
except that she's feeling a lot of rejection because the
rejection is not fun. But if he's giving her crap
about it, she's trying, so yeah, I mean, that's that's tough.
What what stinks is that they went into the new
place together starting off like that, came seeing that their roommates.
So obviously this is something that was ongoing before that.

(01:00:03):
And if he wasn't willing to stay in the relationship
and keep working on it, they wouldn't have got a
place together even though this was an issue. So clearly
he still wants to be in it. They just have
to talk about it. They have to put down their shields,
put down their defense and just be like, look, you know.
She can go to him like I'm sorry it's been
this way, explain what's going on with her. But she's trying. Yes,

(01:00:25):
I know they should talk about it, but she is.
It's not like she's like yeah, but again, it's not.
It's the whole thing I've said on here numerous times.
Were not light switches, right, So if he has feelings,
maybe these pent up feelings of resentment or whatever, torture
because she hasn't want to be sexual in a while,
and then all of a sudden she tries one time.
He's like, he still has resentment though he's like, no,

(01:00:46):
I don't. I don't want to because he's got feelings
that he hasn't expressed to her and let out. So
he's still angry or bit or whatever it might be.
And they just moved in together a couple of months
ago that it sounds like they need to talk about more,
like there's there's a different issue. Maybe, yeah, definitely, maybe
he's having second thoughts that they moved in together. You

(01:01:06):
might be freaking him out. Yeah, I mean that's a
big step. I feel like guys can definitely freak out. Absolutely.
Did we get any paid forwards? As a matter of fact,
we did. Terry emailed us a story an older handicap
man was in front of her the grocery store and
he was fifty two dollars short on his bill. The
groceries were all bagged and he was a mess. He

(01:01:27):
didn't know what to do, so I yelled, I'll pay it.
I paid. I can't really afford to do that, but
I just said i'd pay it. He said thank you,
and I said Mary Christmas. I have no idea why
I said that. I love her. The clerk said, that
was so nice of you. All I could say was
I was a single mother of three and in my
very worst of time, somebody helped me. And I hope

(01:01:48):
he enjoyed his food. Sweet that Terry. Did you guys,
did you guys pay it forward? This week? We fed meters.
I love that. Yeah, that's awesome some yeah, you know,
and that's one of those things. It's funny we kind
of sent that challenge out in Janna and I were
trying to We're almost trying to look for opportunities, like, oh,

(01:02:08):
we gotta do something. That dinner we went to dinner
date night, we went to go see Walker Hayes and
we had dinner before and he's like, hey, let's pay
for you know, they must be celebrating some let's pay
for their meal. And I'm like, like it was just
we were trying to figure it out about it to
be for Yeah, we're trying. We realized we're trying too hard,
and it's like the whole pay for things like it
just comes to you. Situation comes to you, and if

(01:02:29):
it doesn't in a week, that's fine. It's okay, but
you know, situation day walking to the store to pick
up some things and walked by a couple of meters
and we saw someone red and saw some fewer running out.
Let's just feed these. But I felt stressed out though,
because we didn't have like the opportunities didn't really come.
So I was like, oh, we have to have We
can't say that we didn't do anything, you know, but

(01:02:49):
it becomes Yeah, it's like the opportunity has to be there,
so you have to be aware of those opportunities when
they're there. Did you do anything, It's okay if you didn't. Yeah,
I did my huge you know, the contact always pay
it forward with coffee, um, And I ordered a coffee
maker for the staff here because you know, coffee is
my thing and everybody is always trying to get a
cup of coffee here. And I was like, why don't

(01:03:11):
we have a why don't we have coffee here? Good coffee?
That's rights Instagram and she had a she said thank you,
Oh she did. Yeah, Oh that's okay. Um, And uh,
you know, just the usual trying to pay it forward
on a regular basis, trying to make people happy, make
their day, easier bringing bagels in all that stuff. Did

(01:03:31):
you pay for this week? For sure? But now this
coming week will for sure? Last week I didn't. I
don't go places or do things, so it's hard. It's
hard if you don't, if you just go to work
at home, it's hard to find the right opportunity. Absolutely,
I do so much for so many people on a
regular basis. It's hard to slate just one. But you

(01:03:52):
know something I've been doing a lot, Well, know something
I've been doing a lot of, actually is when I'm
out Well, no grandiosity at its finest. No, No, I'm
just I'm just better than everybody else. That's all. That's
all it is. Surely you can understand. I was at

(01:04:13):
the mall the other day and the scroll working at
the clothing store Vans was struggling to move some product
that was on the upper shelf. And I'm tall like
to think of myself as a reacher, so I put
myself on the clock for longer than I had anticipated
and helped to move these things around. But it made
me feel very good. I hope to think, I hope
to think that her day was better because of that.

(01:04:35):
I'm sure it was. It made her day easier. Yeah,
that's cool. You know one thing too, I was just
thinking of it came to me when you're talking about
something that lady was. I was at Walgreen's yesterday and
this one clerk there is super talkative. You know a
lot of times when you go to the stories, you
just want to get in, get out, grab your stuff.
And I sat there like talk to him and conversed

(01:04:56):
with him for longer than I maybe usually would, and
he seemed very apreciative and shook my hand when I
was leaving and stuff like that. But just Eastern telling
that like that could even be paid forward, Like even
talk to somebody that's helping you were working somewhere that
normally blow them off like I gotta go, I'm busy.
You're right, Yes, you gave your time on right, which
is the most valuable thing you can give, speaking of

(01:05:17):
all grains. When I was going to pick up the prescription,
there was this older couple there. It was such a
long line and I was waiting forever, and I was like,
maybe she should like let them go in front of me,
and I was like, no, maybe that could him a
pay for it. Now I think of something else, like like,
I don't want to wait any longer, just like keeping

(01:05:44):
it real. But I really truly intended to do something.
Your heart was in the right place. But I was like,
and she was so sweet. She was a little lunchback
old lady. And I was like, I love that. That
that what was her name? I love that. Terry said
Merry Christmas. That's like when you go to movies and
they say enjoy your movie, like here you too, you anywhere?

(01:06:09):
Oh my goodness. So this was a really fun show
and got heated. It was fun. It was funny. A
huge thank you to our guests and also to Legacy Box.
Go to Legacy Box dot com slash Janna to say
forty percent off today. Thrive Market get off your first
order and get a free thirty day trial at thrive
market dot com. Slash China Carbon thirty eight go to

(01:06:33):
Carbon thirty eight dot com and use promo code wine
for off your purchase. So I love you guys. That
was so much fun. I cannot wait. I cannot wait
to wind down and see how the strike went this week.
That was that was a heated one. I feel like
we're gonna get a lot of emails. Ladies. The strike
begins now and I want to hear how the week went,
so email us please at Jenna Craman. I heart media

(01:06:55):
dot com. Let the strike begin. Wind Down next week. Oh,
one more thing before we go next week. Oh, next week,
my girlfriend Kristin Cavalary is coming on the show. I
love her. Yeah, she's the best. She's so awesome. So
can't wait. Can't wait to chat with her because we
talked about married life a couple of weeks ago and
I was like, I need you on the show. So
that's gonna be fun. Christ and Cavalary next week. Wind

(01:07:15):
Down