September 20, 2021 • 42 mins
Another week, another headline about Jana! Find out the real story about her night out and what happened when she ran into her ex!
Mike Vogel (Cooper from “Sex/Life” on Netflix) is here! Have you seen the show yet?? Jana had an intense reaction to the first episode and never felt more seen.
And, Jana reveals her struggles as her kids go back to school.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wine down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast
guys were official. We've got a sign on the back
of the wall. Yay, it's official. It only took like
how many years have I been doing this podcast? I'm like,
it's like a lifetime. I know. I'm like, I just
wanted to be I just wanted to look official. It's
(00:23):
like I walk in and I just like stare it.
I'm like, cool, It's like it looks like a talk
show set now right. That would be like a dream.
I want to have my own talk show one day. Well,
manifest it. I just did. Okay, there it is, I Mark,
How are you Doon? I'm great? How are you? Um?
(00:45):
Oh am I today, I'm like, how how do I what?
I've been wondering. I've been trying to figure that up
for the last five minutes since I've been here. Katherine goes,
would you say to me you okay? I think I'm yeah,
And I'm like, you look stressed. Oh yeah, No, I'm stressed.
I'm a little stressed because I did something that I
shouldn't have done. I knew there was something. No, it's
(01:06):
the school thing. Yeah, my mind went elsewhere too, but really,
what did you guys think I did. I don't know
what I can say and what I can say, but
there's a whole bunch of stuff in the media again
this morning, and there is hopefully you're you're lying, Mark.
(01:28):
I don't look at these things. I told you, I don't.
I just there's a picture and I noticed the picture
and had a reaction to the picture. Yeah, oh I
think I saw that. I didn't see that. Nope, came
out fifty two minutes ago. I did not see that. Wow,
well oh that yeah, now I just got really sweaty.
(01:56):
Now I want to puke. I have seen them yet
even either, but you know, it's really messed up. As
my ex was there the same night and the photographer
tried to get a picture with all three of us,
and I was like no, no, no no, no, no, no, no,
nice try and everyone kind of started laughing, but I
was like not happening, no no, no, yeah, no, I
(02:17):
mean yes, obviously we were at the same place, and
when the photographer came, I just was like m and
then we were all just took a photo. Um, but
was going to be there. I had a feeling and yeah,
that was that. I will I will say that was
really that. That was really hard to see him there,
but seeing him like flirt with other girls and I
(02:40):
mean granted I was there as well, you know, do nothing,
but um, I it was that was really it was
really it was hard. It was it was really you
know what it was hard. It was like it was
it looks so easy for him. Does that make sense?
Makes sense? Yeah? Where it's like he didn't look like
a bothered him one second, and that like hurt, you know,
(03:03):
because I was like, what hard? He's just untamed and
uncaged and he's happy. I know when you're there. It's
weird to be untamed and on cages and know when
you're there, that seems I don't know, that seems weird
to me. Yeah, I think I don't know. I think
he's just trying to cover it up and I'm not sure.
I don't see. I don't know. I think, you know,
(03:23):
you know, unfortunately, there was boundaries around certain things and
that um he held a lot of resentment against me.
But I'm like, well, when things happened repeatedly at certain places,
it's very hard for me to trust when you go
out and do those things. Um, So I can totally
see him being like finally I get to like go
out and drink and be at a bar and like, yeah,
(03:45):
so I like enjoying his best life for sure. Yeah.
And um and so that was you know, and then
again just like seeing him like with other women, I'm like,
is that going to be the future? You know, one
with my kids? Like that's where I go. Um. But yeah,
I mean I just to see like him be so
like happy and not bothered by it at all. I
(04:05):
mean we had actually we talked. I was like, this
is awkward, and he's like not at all, and I
was like, okay, Like I'm glad that he was like
fine with it. At the same time, I was like
I talked to my therapist about it. I was like,
just a little piece of me was kind of like
it would have been nice to be like, yeah, this
this is this is hard, but I'm glad we can
be cordial. That's just like acknowledgement that like it might
hurt a little bit. I don't know, I could he
(04:27):
be really trying to go overboard to make it seem
like he is fine because he's hurting and he doesn't
want to show anybody that, so he just wants to
be like show just act, just act like everything is
totally fine because I'm fine. I want everyone to know
I'm fine. Oh yeah, I could see doing that if
it were me, Like I need to let her know
that I'm fine and nothing about this bothers me and
(04:50):
I get that, like I mean, and I'm I'm It
was so strange. I was. I was talking to my
therapist about it the other day. I was like, I
just what kept coming to my mind was how did
I get here? How is my ex husband across the
room and like this and like seeing I'm like how
did I get here? Like this was like that. It
(05:11):
wasn't that I wanted to be next to him. It's
not that I wanted it's not even that I still
have feelings like none of those things are that because
I don't want to be back in that relationship that
was a bad, toxic relationship, but just to like what
I thought it was and the memories and like oh,
it's like I'm like, wow, is this like how did
I get here? And so it was. It was. It
(05:32):
was very it was very strange. But I mean, and again,
like it's not that I wanted to be deprived. I
don't wanted to be depressed. I don't want to. I
don't either, like, but it just would have been I
don't know. I guess I just wanted that, like and
it was great that he was cordial and like, you know,
everyone had a conversation and everyone was cordial and everyone
was really nice and he was nice and like everything
was great. But it just would have been nice to
(05:55):
not nice. But I don't know, just that like an
acknowledgment that this is this is a little this is
this kind of that doesn't suck. It's just like this
is this is awkward, but like for him to be like, no,
it's great. Everything's like this is amazing, like huh, especially
an athletes thing. But I think it's a guy thing.
It's a macho thing, like nothing bothers us. Everything's fine,
I'm good no matter how bad we're hurting inside. We
(06:18):
need to project that we're good. That's what we're taught
by our dad. M Or maybe he's just really happy
not to be with me anymore. I don't think that.
I think there's I think there's a piece where even
like you know, he had said when we're married, like
he's just wants to be able to do what he
wants to do, and unfortunately he doesn't like never liked boundaries,
(06:39):
and then when you cheat on someone repeatedly, you're going
to have boundaries even more than what a normal typical
marriage of boundaries would look like. And he's just never
liked boundaries ever. So it's like it was like, you know,
I think he had said this too. He's like, there
was no way it was ever going to work because
he just can't have those he can't be one down,
he can't have those restrictions. Well, then maybe he is
(07:02):
happy and maybe he just needs to live that life
of going out and never you know. Good luck to
the next girl having to deal with that, though, Well
she won't have the trust issues, you know, because he
won't cheat on them. Hopefully. I don't. Don't look at me.
But anyways, Wow, I did not see that the school thing.
(07:24):
You were going to tell us the school thing? Um, so, okay,
this is kind of like what Chelsea Handler said the
other day where you fire off a little too fast.
And I know that I do this and I'm working
on not doing this, but in this situation, when it's
around my kids, I fire off way too fast. So
I go into so Jason only goes to half days
(07:45):
and I even take him out. I pay for the
full day, but he um, I take him out the
half day or like I take him out in the
middle of the day because he still knaps really good
at home. So I'm like, I just don't want to
mess that up. So and I kind of wasn't now
there for sure not gonna be back if they listen
to my podcast, but I won't say that. So I
(08:09):
was kind of like not loving the one teacher. It's
just I just didn't get a good vibe. Mrs mcgilla cutty.
It sounds like some great Yeah where did you come?
Where did you pull? Mrs m say it again, Mrs
Lafe McGill cutty. Okay, So Mrs mcgilla cutty, just I
(08:32):
just don't really like her, Like she just kind of
like gave me like a weird vibe. Um. But I
will say I'm very highly sensitive to Jace right now
because he is he's having a really tough time with
transitions with the divorce. Like he on on transition days,
he's he's struggles really bad. Um, He's he's super clingy,
(08:53):
but he also is like very angry and he's just
he's mad, he's sad, he's like all the things like
he just it's it's really sad to see. And so
I'm just like overly sensitive about him and him being
taken care of when um, when he's not with me,
So Mrs mcgilla cutty um. When when I met her,
(09:14):
I was just kind of like, but he needs to
be somewhere. That's something too, because like when he's with me,
like he's so clinging, and I'm like, I need at
least two days where I can do some some work
because he just won't let me do anything without him
like basically on me like two half days. So from
nine to twelve. So I go there and he is
(09:36):
soiled in his p and I was like, did he
go to that? Like he clearly went to the bathroom.
I like, when did this happen? And she goes a
little while ago, and I'm like a little while ago,
what do you mean? She's like, well, we were outside
and then we came in and then I was like, right,
(09:57):
but all the kids are now like getting in their
naptime position, and you could have clearly changed him a
little while ago, like if it was like five minutes
i'd have been like, okay, like you know me even
ten a little while ago, Like what is a little
while to a little while is like thirty minutes to me.
I don't know specifically, but knowing that they were outside,
(10:18):
I mean the kids were sleep, they were in their cots.
Jason was waiting for me. Yeah, yeah, so that means
that that means that he was outside and then he
sat and ate his thank you, He sat and ate
his lunch, but didn't bring them bring him in for
some reason because of numbers, because they have to have
a certain amount of kids with teachers or whatever. But
(10:40):
the fact that they sat through lunch, so they go
outside lunch down for now, so I wouldn't. So they're like, well,
we can change him now, and she goes to touch him.
I was like, do not touch my son, and then
I just grabbed him and I was just like, we
are not coming back Mark. So then because I'm like,
(11:02):
it's my son, he's soiled in his own piss, like no,
So I go to the front office. I was like,
I did not like miss mcgilly cloud whatever mcgilly cutty.
I don't like her now and a little while ago
was unacceptable, like not happening. So I was like, we're
not coming back. Well, now I have had nowhere to
take him. I've called every freaking preschool. We are like
(11:25):
I'm in like the wait list for like the six
seven kid, and I'm like I need help. Like we
we're like the craziest we've ever been. I've got auditions,
I've got like I mean, there's so much going on
a single moment, it like losing my mind. And I'm
like I need these two days for like sanity and
to get stuff done. And so I've called a bunch
(11:46):
of places. I've emailed a bunch of places and they're like, well,
you're like tenth in line. So I emailed them. I'm
emailed the Old school and I was like, um, tail
between my legs. Like I was like, I apologize from
my reaction and can I come back please? Did you
(12:13):
acknowledge your tail between your legs? Because that's funny if
you did that. Oh no, like no joke. I can
read the email. Yeah. I was like, I mean, I
know I'm gonna pull it up for you right now,
because if you're begging to come back, I mean you
have to be like. Look, I was a little bit
of an outrageous bitch. But at the same time, like,
but they have to also accept I would like to
(12:33):
talk to the teachers. So this would happened literally subject
line Jace tail between legs dot dot dot dot dot.
I need him out of his house, ha could could
he just come back until he can move to a
different class, until a different class, so because I want
him in the next class, like the goal is to
get him to the next class. Like for the other teacher,
(12:54):
apparently you guys don't like No, I don't have an
issue with her. She's just not as warm. I think
she teach she's she's good for what she's good for.
She teaches them independence. So anyways, I'm stressed out. So
but they have not emailed me backyet because they're probably
like for you. So this is where I haven't responded.
The usually always respond to me. The best part, so
(13:14):
I told my therapist was like, I gotta work on
my reactions a little bit. I think I just needed to.
I should have just taken a breath and said, don't
touch my son, and then I'm gonna do not say
to quit leave and then um what I should have
done then was just said I would like to have
a conversation so this doesn't happen in the future. But instead,
I've now screwed myself and I am and now that's
going to be the teacher form that you have to
(13:36):
see every day. They are, they are, It's fine, This
is a lesson. This is a good lesson learned. Don't
Chelsea teach us anything the other day. Look when it's
my kids, I know, I get it. I did the
same thing. I get it. Look if it was like
I get it, you soiled and your hop with Catherine
(13:57):
put it depend on. I get it. Kids. It's unacceptable.
I mean, I'm not going to defend I mean it's
unacceptable for sure. A little while is unacceptable. I mean honestly,
if they have an accident, you have to as soon
as possible. You can even get a floater to come
in and do something to keep me as soon as possible.
It needs to be changed. Do you have a rash
(14:19):
or anything. I was so flustered, I didn't even know.
I just like coddled him like a little baby, which
like you boy, Mama loves you. I will never bring
you back to people people, because he's my son and
I'm obsessed with him, and I love him, but I
agree with you. He has to be out of the
house because we have help here in the house, Like
I needed to do something earlier today, and like I
(14:41):
have someone helping and she's amazing and I love her
so much. But the problem is is like he hears me.
So he comes in the room and I'm trying to
do this thing for for you know, content stuff, and
I'm just like and then I feel bad. So I'm like, okay, buddy,
like come here, but then it stresses me out. So
then when you know, and then she comes and she's like,
and I got the podcast and I want to get
you know, I'm pumped up for the guests we have today.
So it's just I mean, look, it's all champagne problems,
(15:04):
but it's also um and now Mark, there's a People
magazine thing on me. Now I'm just like all freaking Foster.
I don't even know what to do right now. Can
you imagine though, of us three on a photo. What
were they thinking? What are they thinking? They were, well
guess what. I was like, ain't gonna happen, But they
were like all gone for I was like, I was like,
do you know that you're about to take a photo
(15:25):
with Like what what are you thinking? Not a chance?
Holy balls? Um? Okay, well I'm super pumped because we
have Mike Vocal coming on the show and he's from
sex Life, and I just wow, there's just a lot
to talk to him about. So let's take a break
and then get him on him. I just have to
(16:00):
tell you that I I first fell in love with
you as Johnny, Like Johnny, come on, you've seen help
I have Okay, Johnny, Like he's like remember when she
was like Octavia Spencer, she was so scared because like
the husband's coming home and when she like drops her groceries,
but like Johnny like helps pick up the groceries. Like
(16:22):
Johnny is amazing. Yeah, I was. I was the one,
the one person that didn't get to play a racist.
It was fantastic in that movie. What a beautiful, beautiful
cast of character's beautiful message to be a part of
um that was really neat. So yeah, yeah, I know,
I mean, like you crushed it and you're just like yeah,
I was like, I want to like find me a
(16:43):
Johnny Like I wanted Johnny like just like a nice
that was doing that was that was the Wash. We
filmed that in Greenwood, Mississippi, and that I always loved
the style, but that was sort of as a kid
from Philadelphia, it's you know, your your Yankee iy um.
(17:05):
But but I but I got to Mississippi and I'm like,
all right this, I need this in my life. And
uh and so a couple of years later we moved
moved to Nashville here, so it was great, how do
you like Nashville. We were living in l A. Like,
did you did you go Philly to l A, l
A to Nashville. Yeah, Philly to l A for twelve
years and then here in Nashville for eight. Um, so
(17:29):
I can say I was here before the mass exodus
of of l A people to to Nashville. Okay, I'll
I'll let you have that one, because I was kind
of saying, like I did, I was Detroit to l
A for about twelve years and then came here about
what five years ago, six years ago? So I feel
like we can we can say that like everyone in
(17:50):
the last two years can just like suck it. That's right,
that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we're o g um,
it's it's uh, it's interesting. It's an interesting question do
I like Do I like Nashville post exodus or or
pre exodus. It's a tough one. It's it will always
(18:11):
be an infinitely better town than Los Angeles. And I
love Nashville and I certainly love Franklin. Um m hmm.
But there are flavors of Los Angeles still, you know
now creeping in. Uh and I just keep saying, well,
I may have to move further out. I don't know. Well,
that's like it's kind of hard for you because Katherine's
(18:32):
and she's a you were born on ways here, so
it's like you probably hate people. I am a unicorn.
But yeah, I know it's kind of terrible. It is changed.
What makes it like is what makes it bad? For
like these are like us coming in here. Let me
count the ways, right, Well, let me start with how
(18:52):
much A mean, I mean it's been nice. There was
like yeah, yeah, nicer restaurants and stuff like that. Like
I'll take that. Just the traffic and the growth and
then you know it's just people, it's their energy. Yeah, um, okay,
So how many kids? Three? Twelve? And uh my son
(19:16):
turns eight on Friday, So yeah, I'm all dad now
that's crazy to me. My gen Z daughter frequently reminds
me of how out of touch I am. Um, dad,
listen to ski mask the slump God. I'm sorry, what's
his name? He masked the slump God. Okay, yeah, um so,
(19:38):
but it's yeah, it's it's fun. Uh and uh. I love, love,
love my kids. They're awesome and and Nashville has provided
them an awesome I'm staring at our horse out in
the back pasture and it is just provided a wonderful,
wonderful upbringing for the Yeah, I know for sure. I
mean I've got to And I remember at the time
(19:59):
when I was married, at were like we gotta get
out of l a Like this is just I want
my daughter to be able to ride her bike to
her friend's house and like not get you know, trip
over like whatever. So there's a lot of things we
could trip over, but yeah, over out there, Okay, but
let's I have to. So I I heard all about
(20:21):
sex life and then I was like, all right, I'm
going to finally do it. And I watched it. I
jumped in. But the funniest part was is because I'm
a I'm a I'm a newly divorce ee, and I'm
sitting there and I'm like, I pour my like glass
of wine. I'm sitting on the couch, I'm folding laundry.
And the King episode, the first episode is like you
know this, like Mom, She's just like and I was like,
(20:44):
I feel so yeah. I was just like, oh my god.
But then what the crazy thing is is like when
I'm watching it, but I'm like, you know, I mean, like,
you're a great husband in it too. So it's like
just watching like the whole parallels of everything is so interesting.
But when you read the script, and especially with that
(21:06):
first pilot episode where you kind of like, oh, wow,
like I do this to my wife, like I need
to like kind of show her more attention in a
way like that, you don't realize that you're not doing
it until you're kind of set in that role you're
It's what I love about the show is the the yeah,
(21:28):
I've been married for eighteen years and and it's you
don't realize the ways that you get complacent and that
you get lazy and you the beauty of any long
term relationship is that you develop a shorthand with one another,
and that's the ease of knowing someone that well is
(21:50):
awesome and it's it's what you're there for. At the
same time, you develop an ease and a shorthand that
doesn't allow one or the other or both to express
maybe certain things that they're feeling in certain ways, that
their needs are being unmet, or that they're not feeling seen,
that they're not feeling hurt, and you don't realize the
(22:13):
way that that can that that can store up over
a long haul in a marriage and it comes out
maybe as you know, as as Sarah's character in the
in the show is I just I need to have
fun again. I need to have But the root of
that may lie somewhere in in in this thing that
(22:35):
in that relationship where where Cooper, where her husband has
not has not seen and validated certain things in her
that she and it may be things about herself she
doesn't even know that she needs to feel validated about
until all of a sudden it's like boom, there it is.
This is a problem. Now, this is a thing. So
I think that has struck a chord with a lot
(22:56):
of people. Uh. You know, the show certainly leans heavily
on the physicality, but I think like and I think
it's it's so funny, I said throughout a lot of
the press, the show's misleading. Uh. We you know, we
live in a we live in a world where you
can access pornography and someone's perfect life instantaneously and you
(23:22):
can get whatever payoff you want. But the real hard
work of any relationship is doing the work learning you know,
love making is a language all though itself, and learning
how to keep that fresh and interesting over the long
haul of something. There's a challenge, and that's a person's
(23:43):
hand I want to shake at the end of all that.
And so you know, you put a bunch of halfway
decent people to look at on screen, and and that
becomes like a distraction. But I think it's a distraction
from the deeper things that are happening. Uh. You know, which,
(24:05):
as as you said, you know you kind of clued
in on. Uh. I think it's resonated because especially heading
through the pandemic and lockdown like we just have, a
lot of people have been forced to stay home and
stare at each other in the face and say who
are you again? Were you here? And did we ever
have this figured out? And some people have said, well,
it's time to figure it out and other people have said,
(24:26):
I forget it. It's easy to do this somewhere else. Um.
And people will take from it what they want, you know.
I got so many messages from people who said, my
husband and I sat down and had our first hard
conversation in years, and we're excited for where that where
(24:47):
this is going to go. And other people said, I
can't have that conversation, you know. Um. So it's it's
it's just interesting how it kind of impacts different people
different ways. Did you have a conversation or something like, oh, hey,
I've noticed like through this, like with with your relationship
with your wife, that like where you've noticed where we've
become complacent in certain areas. You know, again, you have
(25:16):
you have a certain way of being, and I think
as as guys, we uh and I can only speak
for guys, we have the mentality of wanting to be
celebrated and wanting to be seen and known is not
(25:38):
as big a deal for us, and so we project that,
I think a lot of times into our relationships and
it's a constant reminder. I had someone in college tell me, uh,
he said, fellas, how many of you who are married?
Which I was not of course, um, but he said,
how many of you that are married are still dating
your wives? Everyone everyone started to laugh said no, no, no,
(26:00):
I'm dead serious. How many of you are still diating
your wife? Because the minute you stop, your relationships over
and I think we run through that process early on
of dating and making the commitment and then we forget
that that's an ongoing thing that then has to continue
to evolve and develop as the relationship goes on. Yeah.
(26:23):
I mean in eighteen you said eighteen years you've been married,
And how long have you been married? Fourteen? Yeah, I
mean that's just like a long time because you're changing
and you're growing, and you're you know, just like to
have that you gotta have that like awesome communication because
if not, I mean you're like you said, like during pandemic,
you're like, wait, huh, who who are you? Like? I
don't even know who you are? M m yeah. Speaking
(26:43):
of um, you know, first of all, congrats you're incredible
in the like in the role and I love the
first season. Were you a little like nervous telling your
wife about it? Like, I know you're an Actually you've
done a bunch of stuff You've been you know, but
I mean this is like a totally different level of Yeah,
it's hard, it's hard. Um And we had a lot
(27:06):
of she you know, she read the scripts along with me,
um And and it's hard. It continues to be hard.
It's not, it's it takes a special, special person to
be the spouse of someone in this industry. And it's
the same with a lot of industries. I've said, you know,
(27:27):
I've often compared it. While I'm in no way comparing
myself to a first responder or a soldier or someone
like that, but it takes a certain a certain strength
of a spouse to to be married to someone who
when they leave and walk out that front door in
the morning, or when they go on deployment, you don't
(27:47):
know if they're coming back. And there's plenty of people
who would look at it and say, yeah, that's not
a that's not a life that I think I can
I can stomach. That's not a life that I think
I can that I can sign up for. And the
tough part about this business is it's why I think
you see so many relational issues is over the long
(28:10):
haul of a career, there's there's so many different ways
that that things can go sideways if you're not being
diligent and being on top of your your relationship. Um,
it's easy for things to get away from you. And
um and she is fortunately an unbelievable, unbelievable woman. UM
(28:34):
and she's certainly certainly the better of these two ads.
So UM, So, speaking of telling your wife, what about
telling your kids? Like, how do you have that conversation
with Because I'm scared to watch it because I'm afraid
my twelve year old son is going to go on
my Netflix and see that I'm watching sex Life. Yeah,
it's good question. I have watched it. Take it off
(28:57):
the Netflix. It's it certainly is a difficult um. And
it's it's a subject that we had to broach that
we knew we knew heading into this. But um, I
think kind of where we sided is, Yeah, there's still
(29:22):
fourteen year old is coming into a place where it's
it's hard hiding certain things from her. But um also
wanting for me being and I think from my wife
as well, being involved in a show where it's done
through the female gays. Um for the first time you
know ever, Uh, you know, normally these things are done
(29:45):
through the male gays um and giving voice to female
desire and uh, you know the issues within a woman
of wanting wanting to be seen and known and real
I um, and wanting that for my daughter someday, for
(30:06):
their relationships, and knowing that that the world will will
heap on its own stuff on them, and and hopefully
to be involved in something again. And this is if
I have one reservation to the show, it's it's that
that it becomes about the physicality when you know it.
(30:31):
What's misleading about it to me is so many people
are looking at it like, oh my god, it's a
soft porn. It's like, no, it's actually like this wife
is like you know right, So yeah, it's also this
place of we show. Uh. Some had said to me
in the process of the press. They were like, what
(30:54):
does it feel like playing the dope, playing the you know,
playing the guy that can't figure it out? I said,
I'm sorry, I said, I don't. I don't quite see
it that way. In fact, I see him as all
of our experiences, I said, because the mind blowing sex
that she's having. As I sit here and say quietly,
I'm staring at my daughter on the back porch outside
(31:15):
that answers my question. Um, the you know, the mind
blowing sex that she's having with her ex boyfriend, any
of us that have been in relationship for any amount
of time, Yeah, that's there sometimes, and that probably was
there a lot in the beginning. Maybe maybe it wasn't.
(31:38):
But like anything, it takes work it and if you
think it's going to stay like that all the time,
you're sadly misguided. Um, And it becomes about the very
deeper things, um. And so so I said to her,
I said, I actually quite like Cooper's fumbling and stumbling
(32:00):
and getting squirted in the face with breast milk, because
I think all of that is real having lived those moments, um,
and in fact, between between a husband and wife, between
two spouses, those are the things that deepen love because
there are moments that anyone can go out and and
and have a romp and and have a have a
(32:24):
wild night. But it's those intimate, awkward moments that only
two people like that could share that actually for me
get logged logged away in the in the vault of
that's pretty stick and cool to share something that awkward
and that intimate with someone that deepens love. So sure, Yeah, no,
(32:45):
I agree with you, and especially like where you want
the show to be known for, and I respect that
a lot. And I think like even circling back on
like you know the with the wife with your wife
is um you know, we were having a conversation just
the other night about how, you know, talking to people
and it's like, hey, so like in my roles, like
(33:06):
I'm going to have to kiss people, and like are
you comfortable with that? And trying to explain to someone
that doesn't understand that world can be hard because I'm like,
it's so, it's not really like you're do you have
to have certain boundaries when you're on set and offset,
but like on set it's like not, I'm like, after
I made out with the person, it's like, hey, what
are you having for lunch? Like do you want to
get the oysters or do you want to get the
like Calamar Like, It's like it's really not. It's only
(33:29):
when you step outside of the boundaries of going in
the trailer or you know, reading or just like and
having those conversations, are talking too much about your problems
in your marriage or whatever, Like that's going to start
blurring the lines. Um. So I think that as long
as you can have the healthy boundaries. It's it's it
can work, you know, obviously it can. And and it's
(33:51):
it's also like it's hard to describe to someone. This
is like a handshake. Yeah, you know. And what's the
what's what's more interesting is the most intimate thing that
we do on a set is a stage kist. That's
(34:14):
because everything we're doing in this show is camera angles
and uh, all of that stuff. It's far less intimate
than a stage kiss. That's the one thing that we
do that is that any actor does that is probably
the most the most similar to real life and not.
(34:36):
And I think you've got to set up you have
to police yourself and you have to set those boundaries. Um,
if you plan on having any sort of any sort
of long lasting relationship, yeah, where you're where you're honoring,
where you're honoring the other person, for sure. Okay, moving
(34:56):
on to collection, Um, they'll so it's available now, theaters,
video on demand, all digital platforms. You play a debt collector,
Oh yeah, tell me tell me about the collection. Give me,
give me because I want to. I want to watch it,
but I need to know. Tell me, tell me what
it is what's about. So it's it's a look into
(35:18):
it's a look into the high stakes world of debt collection.
And we've all gotten those those annoying phone calls I
still get them now in my forties of Hey, your
college debt is outstanding. No it's not. No, it's not. Um.
But you see the angle and as I as I
found out, the world is far seedier and uh, far
(35:42):
more menacing than UH than I realized. As you get
into the higher the higher dollar targets. Um, but it
centers around uh. Alex Pettipher and I started this debt
collection business, and UM, what I loved about the film him,
I said, Alex, I was like, you get to be
(36:02):
there and be pretty and beautiful and be the love
interest and I have to deal with that for once,
and I just love it. I can be a complete
jerk and I can be brash and uh and and
not have to There's a relief in not having to
service the love story at the same time. So he
(36:24):
had a lot of the heavy lifting. Um, but are
the high value target that we kind of go after
turns out to be a woman that he falls head
over heels flour And it just complicates the line of
priorities between he and I and her and how that
all breaks down. I'm so excited. We guys make sure
(36:48):
to watch sex Life and Collection and fall along with
Mike Vogel because he is awesome and yeah, thank you
so much for coming on wind down, appreciate thank you.
All right, we'll see. Oh he's so sweet. He is,
(37:12):
He's so cute. He's so cute, so cute's adorable. Can't
remind me of Ryan, Like just there's like good guys,
like married for like very much. Ryan's and married for
what nineteen years? My old cold start. It's like they're
good guys, guy, good guys out there. They're just all married. True,
they're probably married for twenty years. It's like actors. I mean,
(37:32):
I know I love that. Um, do you think you
could ever marry an actor? Like? Could you? If Nick was? Like? Well,
maybe it's different because I think it's it's hard for
people that weren't than want to. It's like whoa whoa,
whoa whoa whoa. But I don't know, could you be
okay watching Nick make out with someone? Probably not? No,
(37:53):
probably not, but like you see me do it and
you know it's on anything? No, but yeah, probably not.
I'll just leave it at that mark. Would you let
your wife do it if she wanted to become an
actress and then she's got a makeup? The reverse of
that is that there was a time wanted an actor. Yeah,
(38:15):
that I was heading. I was tiptoeing down that road
a little bit about a few little parts here and there,
And so I think it would have been a real
issue in our marriage. I think it would have been
a problem for you because your boundaries, or for her
because of her maybe like potential jealousy or both. I mean,
it's hard to put myself in that situation because I
never came close to haven't do anything. But I wonder
(38:36):
if both, because you see all these relationships that spark
up on sets and all these connections that people have
with these people, even if it's just an emotional connection,
I think boundaries could be an issue, and I think
jealousy would be an issue. I think both would be
an issue. Yep. I mean Nick has always said that,
like he would never want to go on the road,
like as a musician, you know, we're so used to
music business. He's like, there's no way, Like women are
(38:58):
throwing themselves like I would just never put my off
in that position. Yeah, I mean the boundaries is a
tough thing. Yeah, I mean that's not being honest that
I'd like to think that you would be good at that,
but you know, I don't know, because that chemistry, the
chemistry you need to have, and the time spent, yes,
and the time spent like in between takes because it
(39:18):
takes a while. And then you know, I mean you're
spending months on end with this person, like it makes sense.
And I think that even the people that are just
like special people, the spouse that just you know, just
takes a certain person to do that. I still do
not believe there's not a level of jealousy at times.
(39:38):
I think they still get jealous sometimes. Well I was
never jealous of any of the actor guys I dated
that had like makeup scenes, which is so weird, right.
I don't mean if you're both actors. I mean if
one is not in one you might be married for
twenty years and you maybe the wife to an actor
(40:00):
who's and you are that special person and you're still married,
you handle it. I still think they get jealous. I mean,
how could they not exactly? I think that they're lying
if they say they never get jealous. I mean we
even um talked to my co star because it's like people,
I never met my co star's wife, but a lot
of people were like, oh my god, you and Ryan
(40:20):
you're so cute together. And you know, I end up
having talking to his wife because I'm like, you know,
people are a very invested in my love life. But also,
you know, Ryan and I did have we do have
a really great connection, um, and like you know, we're
being fun and posted for lifetime and on the socials,
and I think that that would be hard for anyone,
(40:41):
which is why I talked to you know, his wife
to be like, hey, like I can only imagine, like
that's really hard. And people are like, oh, you should
date him, and I'm like, you know, he's married, like
and so that's like and she's very secure, Like they're
very secure, like they've got great boundaries all of that,
but it's still like a little people. Yeah, she's like
they're a little story. Just kind of like hey, like
(41:01):
you know, married for like nineteens someone years, you know,
so um, just making sure you know that. But she's great,
but no, she's amazing. And if you guys live in
l A. Plate Therapy is their company, and they do
great like food and delivery stuff so um. But yeah,
I think it's just a no matter what I think
it's it would be hard for anybody. Minus I think
(41:23):
actor on actor is a little bit different. Yeah, I mean,
I just think that you know the world more and
but like but at the same time, you know the
world war. It would be a little like. I see,
I like boundaries. I like when people give me boundaries,
and I like to get boundaries like a child. Like
a child, I like to be told basically what I
can't and can do. And they were starting to see
(41:44):
what the problem was. We have polar opposite situations here right, Yes,
there you go, don't there you Maybe that's all we
got to it up, glad I spent thousands of dollars
in therapy for that one. All right, talk to you
all next week. Go have some sex. H
Wine down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast
guys were official. We've got a sign on the back
of the wall. Yay, it's official. It only took like
how many years have I been doing this podcast? I'm like,
it's like a lifetime. I know. I'm like, I just
wanted to be I just wanted to look official. It's
(00:23):
like I walk in and I just like stare it.
I'm like, cool, It's like it looks like a talk
show set now right. That would be like a dream.
I want to have my own talk show one day. Well,
manifest it. I just did. Okay, there it is, I Mark,
How are you Doon? I'm great? How are you? Um?
(00:45):
Oh am I today, I'm like, how how do I what?
I've been wondering. I've been trying to figure that up
for the last five minutes since I've been here. Katherine goes,
would you say to me you okay? I think I'm yeah,
And I'm like, you look stressed. Oh yeah, No, I'm stressed.
I'm a little stressed because I did something that I
shouldn't have done. I knew there was something. No, it's
(01:06):
the school thing. Yeah, my mind went elsewhere too, but really,
what did you guys think I did. I don't know
what I can say and what I can say, but
there's a whole bunch of stuff in the media again
this morning, and there is hopefully you're you're lying, Mark.
(01:28):
I don't look at these things. I told you, I don't.
I just there's a picture and I noticed the picture
and had a reaction to the picture. Yeah, oh I
think I saw that. I didn't see that. Nope, came
out fifty two minutes ago. I did not see that. Wow,
well oh that yeah, now I just got really sweaty.
(01:56):
Now I want to puke. I have seen them yet
even either, but you know, it's really messed up. As
my ex was there the same night and the photographer
tried to get a picture with all three of us,
and I was like no, no, no no, no, no, no, no,
nice try and everyone kind of started laughing, but I
was like not happening, no no, no, yeah, no, I
(02:17):
mean yes, obviously we were at the same place, and
when the photographer came, I just was like m and
then we were all just took a photo. Um, but
was going to be there. I had a feeling and yeah,
that was that. I will I will say that was
really that. That was really hard to see him there,
but seeing him like flirt with other girls and I
(02:40):
mean granted I was there as well, you know, do nothing,
but um, I it was that was really it was
really it was hard. It was it was really you
know what it was hard. It was like it was
it looks so easy for him. Does that make sense?
Makes sense? Yeah? Where it's like he didn't look like
a bothered him one second, and that like hurt, you know,
(03:03):
because I was like, what hard? He's just untamed and
uncaged and he's happy. I know when you're there. It's
weird to be untamed and on cages and know when
you're there, that seems I don't know, that seems weird
to me. Yeah, I think I don't know. I think
he's just trying to cover it up and I'm not sure.
I don't see. I don't know. I think, you know,
(03:23):
you know, unfortunately, there was boundaries around certain things and
that um he held a lot of resentment against me.
But I'm like, well, when things happened repeatedly at certain places,
it's very hard for me to trust when you go
out and do those things. Um, So I can totally
see him being like finally I get to like go
out and drink and be at a bar and like, yeah,
(03:45):
so I like enjoying his best life for sure. Yeah.
And um and so that was you know, and then
again just like seeing him like with other women, I'm like,
is that going to be the future? You know, one
with my kids? Like that's where I go. Um. But yeah,
I mean I just to see like him be so
like happy and not bothered by it at all. I
(04:05):
mean we had actually we talked. I was like, this
is awkward, and he's like not at all, and I
was like, okay, Like I'm glad that he was like
fine with it. At the same time, I was like
I talked to my therapist about it. I was like,
just a little piece of me was kind of like
it would have been nice to be like, yeah, this
this is this is hard, but I'm glad we can
be cordial. That's just like acknowledgement that like it might
hurt a little bit. I don't know, I could he
(04:27):
be really trying to go overboard to make it seem
like he is fine because he's hurting and he doesn't
want to show anybody that, so he just wants to
be like show just act, just act like everything is
totally fine because I'm fine. I want everyone to know
I'm fine. Oh yeah, I could see doing that if
it were me, Like I need to let her know
that I'm fine and nothing about this bothers me and
(04:50):
I get that, like I mean, and I'm I'm It
was so strange. I was. I was talking to my
therapist about it the other day. I was like, I
just what kept coming to my mind was how did
I get here? How is my ex husband across the
room and like this and like seeing I'm like how
did I get here? Like this was like that. It
(05:11):
wasn't that I wanted to be next to him. It's
not that I wanted it's not even that I still
have feelings like none of those things are that because
I don't want to be back in that relationship that
was a bad, toxic relationship, but just to like what
I thought it was and the memories and like oh,
it's like I'm like, wow, is this like how did
I get here? And so it was. It was. It
(05:32):
was very it was very strange. But I mean, and again,
like it's not that I wanted to be deprived. I
don't wanted to be depressed. I don't want to. I
don't either, like, but it just would have been I
don't know. I guess I just wanted that, like and
it was great that he was cordial and like, you know,
everyone had a conversation and everyone was cordial and everyone
was really nice and he was nice and like everything
was great. But it just would have been nice to
(05:55):
not nice. But I don't know, just that like an
acknowledgment that this is this is a little this is
this kind of that doesn't suck. It's just like this
is this is awkward, but like for him to be like, no,
it's great. Everything's like this is amazing, like huh, especially
an athletes thing. But I think it's a guy thing.
It's a macho thing, like nothing bothers us. Everything's fine,
I'm good no matter how bad we're hurting inside. We
(06:18):
need to project that we're good. That's what we're taught
by our dad. M Or maybe he's just really happy
not to be with me anymore. I don't think that.
I think there's I think there's a piece where even
like you know, he had said when we're married, like
he's just wants to be able to do what he
wants to do, and unfortunately he doesn't like never liked boundaries,
(06:39):
and then when you cheat on someone repeatedly, you're going
to have boundaries even more than what a normal typical
marriage of boundaries would look like. And he's just never
liked boundaries ever. So it's like it was like, you know,
I think he had said this too. He's like, there
was no way it was ever going to work because
he just can't have those he can't be one down,
he can't have those restrictions. Well, then maybe he is
(07:02):
happy and maybe he just needs to live that life
of going out and never you know. Good luck to
the next girl having to deal with that, though, Well
she won't have the trust issues, you know, because he
won't cheat on them. Hopefully. I don't. Don't look at me.
But anyways, Wow, I did not see that the school thing.
(07:24):
You were going to tell us the school thing? Um, so, okay,
this is kind of like what Chelsea Handler said the
other day where you fire off a little too fast.
And I know that I do this and I'm working
on not doing this, but in this situation, when it's
around my kids, I fire off way too fast. So
I go into so Jason only goes to half days
(07:45):
and I even take him out. I pay for the
full day, but he um, I take him out the
half day or like I take him out in the
middle of the day because he still knaps really good
at home. So I'm like, I just don't want to
mess that up. So and I kind of wasn't now
there for sure not gonna be back if they listen
to my podcast, but I won't say that. So I
(08:09):
was kind of like not loving the one teacher. It's
just I just didn't get a good vibe. Mrs mcgilla cutty.
It sounds like some great Yeah where did you come?
Where did you pull? Mrs m say it again, Mrs
Lafe McGill cutty. Okay, So Mrs mcgilla cutty, just I
(08:32):
just don't really like her, Like she just kind of
like gave me like a weird vibe. Um. But I
will say I'm very highly sensitive to Jace right now
because he is he's having a really tough time with
transitions with the divorce. Like he on on transition days,
he's he's struggles really bad. Um, He's he's super clingy,
(08:53):
but he also is like very angry and he's just
he's mad, he's sad, he's like all the things like
he just it's it's really sad to see. And so
I'm just like overly sensitive about him and him being
taken care of when um, when he's not with me,
So Mrs mcgilla cutty um. When when I met her,
(09:14):
I was just kind of like, but he needs to
be somewhere. That's something too, because like when he's with me,
like he's so clinging, and I'm like, I need at
least two days where I can do some some work
because he just won't let me do anything without him
like basically on me like two half days. So from
nine to twelve. So I go there and he is
(09:36):
soiled in his p and I was like, did he
go to that? Like he clearly went to the bathroom.
I like, when did this happen? And she goes a
little while ago, and I'm like a little while ago,
what do you mean? She's like, well, we were outside
and then we came in and then I was like, right,
(09:57):
but all the kids are now like getting in their
naptime position, and you could have clearly changed him a
little while ago, like if it was like five minutes
i'd have been like, okay, like you know me even
ten a little while ago, Like what is a little
while to a little while is like thirty minutes to me.
I don't know specifically, but knowing that they were outside,
(10:18):
I mean the kids were sleep, they were in their cots.
Jason was waiting for me. Yeah, yeah, so that means
that that means that he was outside and then he
sat and ate his thank you, He sat and ate
his lunch, but didn't bring them bring him in for
some reason because of numbers, because they have to have
a certain amount of kids with teachers or whatever. But
(10:40):
the fact that they sat through lunch, so they go
outside lunch down for now, so I wouldn't. So they're like, well,
we can change him now, and she goes to touch him.
I was like, do not touch my son, and then
I just grabbed him and I was just like, we
are not coming back Mark. So then because I'm like,
(11:02):
it's my son, he's soiled in his own piss, like no,
So I go to the front office. I was like,
I did not like miss mcgilly cloud whatever mcgilly cutty.
I don't like her now and a little while ago
was unacceptable, like not happening. So I was like, we're
not coming back. Well, now I have had nowhere to
take him. I've called every freaking preschool. We are like
(11:25):
I'm in like the wait list for like the six
seven kid, and I'm like I need help. Like we
we're like the craziest we've ever been. I've got auditions,
I've got like I mean, there's so much going on
a single moment, it like losing my mind. And I'm
like I need these two days for like sanity and
to get stuff done. And so I've called a bunch
(11:46):
of places. I've emailed a bunch of places and they're like, well,
you're like tenth in line. So I emailed them. I'm
emailed the Old school and I was like, um, tail
between my legs. Like I was like, I apologize from
my reaction and can I come back please? Did you
(12:13):
acknowledge your tail between your legs? Because that's funny if
you did that. Oh no, like no joke. I can
read the email. Yeah. I was like, I mean, I
know I'm gonna pull it up for you right now,
because if you're begging to come back, I mean you
have to be like. Look, I was a little bit
of an outrageous bitch. But at the same time, like,
but they have to also accept I would like to
(12:33):
talk to the teachers. So this would happened literally subject
line Jace tail between legs dot dot dot dot dot.
I need him out of his house, ha could could
he just come back until he can move to a
different class, until a different class, so because I want
him in the next class, like the goal is to
get him to the next class. Like for the other teacher,
(12:54):
apparently you guys don't like No, I don't have an
issue with her. She's just not as warm. I think
she teach she's she's good for what she's good for.
She teaches them independence. So anyways, I'm stressed out. So
but they have not emailed me backyet because they're probably
like for you. So this is where I haven't responded.
The usually always respond to me. The best part, so
(13:14):
I told my therapist was like, I gotta work on
my reactions a little bit. I think I just needed to.
I should have just taken a breath and said, don't
touch my son, and then I'm gonna do not say
to quit leave and then um what I should have
done then was just said I would like to have
a conversation so this doesn't happen in the future. But instead,
I've now screwed myself and I am and now that's
going to be the teacher form that you have to
(13:36):
see every day. They are, they are, It's fine, This
is a lesson. This is a good lesson learned. Don't
Chelsea teach us anything the other day. Look when it's
my kids, I know, I get it. I did the
same thing. I get it. Look if it was like
I get it, you soiled and your hop with Catherine
(13:57):
put it depend on. I get it. Kids. It's unacceptable.
I mean, I'm not going to defend I mean it's
unacceptable for sure. A little while is unacceptable. I mean honestly,
if they have an accident, you have to as soon
as possible. You can even get a floater to come
in and do something to keep me as soon as possible.
It needs to be changed. Do you have a rash
(14:19):
or anything. I was so flustered, I didn't even know.
I just like coddled him like a little baby, which
like you boy, Mama loves you. I will never bring
you back to people people, because he's my son and
I'm obsessed with him, and I love him, but I
agree with you. He has to be out of the
house because we have help here in the house, Like
I needed to do something earlier today, and like I
(14:41):
have someone helping and she's amazing and I love her
so much. But the problem is is like he hears me.
So he comes in the room and I'm trying to
do this thing for for you know, content stuff, and
I'm just like and then I feel bad. So I'm like, okay, buddy,
like come here, but then it stresses me out. So
then when you know, and then she comes and she's like,
and I got the podcast and I want to get
you know, I'm pumped up for the guests we have today.
So it's just I mean, look, it's all champagne problems,
(15:04):
but it's also um and now Mark, there's a People
magazine thing on me. Now I'm just like all freaking Foster.
I don't even know what to do right now. Can
you imagine though, of us three on a photo. What
were they thinking? What are they thinking? They were, well
guess what. I was like, ain't gonna happen, But they
were like all gone for I was like, I was like,
do you know that you're about to take a photo
(15:25):
with Like what what are you thinking? Not a chance?
Holy balls? Um? Okay, well I'm super pumped because we
have Mike Vocal coming on the show and he's from
sex Life, and I just wow, there's just a lot
to talk to him about. So let's take a break
and then get him on him. I just have to
(16:00):
tell you that I I first fell in love with
you as Johnny, Like Johnny, come on, you've seen help
I have Okay, Johnny, Like he's like remember when she
was like Octavia Spencer, she was so scared because like
the husband's coming home and when she like drops her groceries,
but like Johnny like helps pick up the groceries. Like
(16:22):
Johnny is amazing. Yeah, I was. I was the one,
the one person that didn't get to play a racist.
It was fantastic in that movie. What a beautiful, beautiful
cast of character's beautiful message to be a part of
um that was really neat. So yeah, yeah, I know,
I mean, like you crushed it and you're just like yeah,
I was like, I want to like find me a
(16:43):
Johnny Like I wanted Johnny like just like a nice
that was doing that was that was the Wash. We
filmed that in Greenwood, Mississippi, and that I always loved
the style, but that was sort of as a kid
from Philadelphia, it's you know, your your Yankee iy um.
(17:05):
But but I but I got to Mississippi and I'm like,
all right this, I need this in my life. And
uh and so a couple of years later we moved
moved to Nashville here, so it was great, how do
you like Nashville. We were living in l A. Like,
did you did you go Philly to l A, l
A to Nashville. Yeah, Philly to l A for twelve
years and then here in Nashville for eight. Um, so
(17:29):
I can say I was here before the mass exodus
of of l A people to to Nashville. Okay, I'll
I'll let you have that one, because I was kind
of saying, like I did, I was Detroit to l
A for about twelve years and then came here about
what five years ago, six years ago? So I feel
like we can we can say that like everyone in
(17:50):
the last two years can just like suck it. That's right,
that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we're o g um,
it's it's uh, it's interesting. It's an interesting question do
I like Do I like Nashville post exodus or or
pre exodus. It's a tough one. It's it will always
(18:11):
be an infinitely better town than Los Angeles. And I
love Nashville and I certainly love Franklin. Um m hmm.
But there are flavors of Los Angeles still, you know
now creeping in. Uh and I just keep saying, well,
I may have to move further out. I don't know. Well,
that's like it's kind of hard for you because Katherine's
(18:32):
and she's a you were born on ways here, so
it's like you probably hate people. I am a unicorn.
But yeah, I know it's kind of terrible. It is changed.
What makes it like is what makes it bad? For
like these are like us coming in here. Let me
count the ways, right, Well, let me start with how
(18:52):
much A mean, I mean it's been nice. There was
like yeah, yeah, nicer restaurants and stuff like that. Like
I'll take that. Just the traffic and the growth and
then you know it's just people, it's their energy. Yeah, um, okay,
So how many kids? Three? Twelve? And uh my son
(19:16):
turns eight on Friday, So yeah, I'm all dad now
that's crazy to me. My gen Z daughter frequently reminds
me of how out of touch I am. Um, dad,
listen to ski mask the slump God. I'm sorry, what's
his name? He masked the slump God. Okay, yeah, um so,
(19:38):
but it's yeah, it's it's fun. Uh and uh. I love, love,
love my kids. They're awesome and and Nashville has provided
them an awesome I'm staring at our horse out in
the back pasture and it is just provided a wonderful,
wonderful upbringing for the Yeah, I know for sure. I
mean I've got to And I remember at the time
(19:59):
when I was married, at were like we gotta get
out of l a Like this is just I want
my daughter to be able to ride her bike to
her friend's house and like not get you know, trip
over like whatever. So there's a lot of things we
could trip over, but yeah, over out there, Okay, but
let's I have to. So I I heard all about
(20:21):
sex life and then I was like, all right, I'm
going to finally do it. And I watched it. I
jumped in. But the funniest part was is because I'm
a I'm a I'm a newly divorce ee, and I'm
sitting there and I'm like, I pour my like glass
of wine. I'm sitting on the couch, I'm folding laundry.
And the King episode, the first episode is like you
know this, like Mom, She's just like and I was like,
(20:44):
I feel so yeah. I was just like, oh my god.
But then what the crazy thing is is like when
I'm watching it, but I'm like, you know, I mean, like,
you're a great husband in it too. So it's like
just watching like the whole parallels of everything is so interesting.
But when you read the script, and especially with that
(21:06):
first pilot episode where you kind of like, oh, wow,
like I do this to my wife, like I need
to like kind of show her more attention in a
way like that, you don't realize that you're not doing
it until you're kind of set in that role you're
It's what I love about the show is the the yeah,
(21:28):
I've been married for eighteen years and and it's you
don't realize the ways that you get complacent and that
you get lazy and you the beauty of any long
term relationship is that you develop a shorthand with one another,
and that's the ease of knowing someone that well is
(21:50):
awesome and it's it's what you're there for. At the
same time, you develop an ease and a shorthand that
doesn't allow one or the other or both to express
maybe certain things that they're feeling in certain ways, that
their needs are being unmet, or that they're not feeling seen,
that they're not feeling hurt, and you don't realize the
(22:13):
way that that can that that can store up over
a long haul in a marriage and it comes out
maybe as you know, as as Sarah's character in the
in the show is I just I need to have
fun again. I need to have But the root of
that may lie somewhere in in in this thing that
(22:35):
in that relationship where where Cooper, where her husband has
not has not seen and validated certain things in her
that she and it may be things about herself she
doesn't even know that she needs to feel validated about
until all of a sudden it's like boom, there it is.
This is a problem. Now, this is a thing. So
I think that has struck a chord with a lot
(22:56):
of people. Uh. You know, the show certainly leans heavily
on the physicality, but I think like and I think
it's it's so funny, I said throughout a lot of
the press, the show's misleading. Uh. We you know, we
live in a we live in a world where you
can access pornography and someone's perfect life instantaneously and you
(23:22):
can get whatever payoff you want. But the real hard
work of any relationship is doing the work learning you know,
love making is a language all though itself, and learning
how to keep that fresh and interesting over the long
haul of something. There's a challenge, and that's a person's
(23:43):
hand I want to shake at the end of all that.
And so you know, you put a bunch of halfway
decent people to look at on screen, and and that
becomes like a distraction. But I think it's a distraction
from the deeper things that are happening. Uh. You know, which,
(24:05):
as as you said, you know you kind of clued
in on. Uh. I think it's resonated because especially heading
through the pandemic and lockdown like we just have, a
lot of people have been forced to stay home and
stare at each other in the face and say who
are you again? Were you here? And did we ever
have this figured out? And some people have said, well,
it's time to figure it out and other people have said,
(24:26):
I forget it. It's easy to do this somewhere else. Um.
And people will take from it what they want, you know.
I got so many messages from people who said, my
husband and I sat down and had our first hard
conversation in years, and we're excited for where that where
(24:47):
this is going to go. And other people said, I
can't have that conversation, you know. Um. So it's it's
it's just interesting how it kind of impacts different people
different ways. Did you have a conversation or something like, oh, hey,
I've noticed like through this, like with with your relationship
with your wife, that like where you've noticed where we've
become complacent in certain areas. You know, again, you have
(25:16):
you have a certain way of being, and I think
as as guys, we uh and I can only speak
for guys, we have the mentality of wanting to be
celebrated and wanting to be seen and known is not
(25:38):
as big a deal for us, and so we project that,
I think a lot of times into our relationships and
it's a constant reminder. I had someone in college tell me, uh,
he said, fellas, how many of you who are married?
Which I was not of course, um, but he said,
how many of you that are married are still dating
your wives? Everyone everyone started to laugh said no, no, no,
(26:00):
I'm dead serious. How many of you are still diating
your wife? Because the minute you stop, your relationships over
and I think we run through that process early on
of dating and making the commitment and then we forget
that that's an ongoing thing that then has to continue
to evolve and develop as the relationship goes on. Yeah.
(26:23):
I mean in eighteen you said eighteen years you've been married,
And how long have you been married? Fourteen? Yeah, I
mean that's just like a long time because you're changing
and you're growing, and you're you know, just like to
have that you gotta have that like awesome communication because
if not, I mean you're like you said, like during pandemic,
you're like, wait, huh, who who are you? Like? I
don't even know who you are? M m yeah. Speaking
(26:43):
of um, you know, first of all, congrats you're incredible
in the like in the role and I love the
first season. Were you a little like nervous telling your
wife about it? Like, I know you're an Actually you've
done a bunch of stuff You've been you know, but
I mean this is like a totally different level of Yeah,
it's hard, it's hard. Um And we had a lot
(27:06):
of she you know, she read the scripts along with me,
um And and it's hard. It continues to be hard.
It's not, it's it takes a special, special person to
be the spouse of someone in this industry. And it's
the same with a lot of industries. I've said, you know,
(27:27):
I've often compared it. While I'm in no way comparing
myself to a first responder or a soldier or someone
like that, but it takes a certain a certain strength
of a spouse to to be married to someone who
when they leave and walk out that front door in
the morning, or when they go on deployment, you don't
(27:47):
know if they're coming back. And there's plenty of people
who would look at it and say, yeah, that's not
a that's not a life that I think I can
I can stomach. That's not a life that I think
I can that I can sign up for. And the
tough part about this business is it's why I think
you see so many relational issues is over the long
(28:10):
haul of a career, there's there's so many different ways
that that things can go sideways if you're not being
diligent and being on top of your your relationship. Um,
it's easy for things to get away from you. And
um and she is fortunately an unbelievable, unbelievable woman. UM
(28:34):
and she's certainly certainly the better of these two ads.
So UM, So, speaking of telling your wife, what about
telling your kids? Like, how do you have that conversation
with Because I'm scared to watch it because I'm afraid
my twelve year old son is going to go on
my Netflix and see that I'm watching sex Life. Yeah,
it's good question. I have watched it. Take it off
(28:57):
the Netflix. It's it certainly is a difficult um. And
it's it's a subject that we had to broach that
we knew we knew heading into this. But um, I
think kind of where we sided is, Yeah, there's still
(29:22):
fourteen year old is coming into a place where it's
it's hard hiding certain things from her. But um also
wanting for me being and I think from my wife
as well, being involved in a show where it's done
through the female gays. Um for the first time you
know ever, Uh, you know, normally these things are done
(29:45):
through the male gays um and giving voice to female
desire and uh, you know the issues within a woman
of wanting wanting to be seen and known and real
I um, and wanting that for my daughter someday, for
(30:06):
their relationships, and knowing that that the world will will
heap on its own stuff on them, and and hopefully
to be involved in something again. And this is if
I have one reservation to the show, it's it's that
that it becomes about the physicality when you know it.
(30:31):
What's misleading about it to me is so many people
are looking at it like, oh my god, it's a
soft porn. It's like, no, it's actually like this wife
is like you know right, So yeah, it's also this
place of we show. Uh. Some had said to me
in the process of the press. They were like, what
(30:54):
does it feel like playing the dope, playing the you know,
playing the guy that can't figure it out? I said,
I'm sorry, I said, I don't. I don't quite see
it that way. In fact, I see him as all
of our experiences, I said, because the mind blowing sex
that she's having. As I sit here and say quietly,
I'm staring at my daughter on the back porch outside
(31:15):
that answers my question. Um, the you know, the mind
blowing sex that she's having with her ex boyfriend, any
of us that have been in relationship for any amount
of time, Yeah, that's there sometimes, and that probably was
there a lot in the beginning. Maybe maybe it wasn't.
(31:38):
But like anything, it takes work it and if you
think it's going to stay like that all the time,
you're sadly misguided. Um, And it becomes about the very
deeper things, um. And so so I said to her,
I said, I actually quite like Cooper's fumbling and stumbling
(32:00):
and getting squirted in the face with breast milk, because
I think all of that is real having lived those moments, um,
and in fact, between between a husband and wife, between
two spouses, those are the things that deepen love because
there are moments that anyone can go out and and
and have a romp and and have a have a
(32:24):
wild night. But it's those intimate, awkward moments that only
two people like that could share that actually for me
get logged logged away in the in the vault of
that's pretty stick and cool to share something that awkward
and that intimate with someone that deepens love. So sure, Yeah, no,
(32:45):
I agree with you, and especially like where you want
the show to be known for, and I respect that
a lot. And I think like even circling back on
like you know the with the wife with your wife
is um you know, we were having a conversation just
the other night about how, you know, talking to people
and it's like, hey, so like in my roles, like
(33:06):
I'm going to have to kiss people, and like are
you comfortable with that? And trying to explain to someone
that doesn't understand that world can be hard because I'm like,
it's so, it's not really like you're do you have
to have certain boundaries when you're on set and offset,
but like on set it's like not, I'm like, after
I made out with the person, it's like, hey, what
are you having for lunch? Like do you want to
get the oysters or do you want to get the
like Calamar Like, It's like it's really not. It's only
(33:29):
when you step outside of the boundaries of going in
the trailer or you know, reading or just like and
having those conversations, are talking too much about your problems
in your marriage or whatever, Like that's going to start
blurring the lines. Um. So I think that as long
as you can have the healthy boundaries. It's it's it
can work, you know, obviously it can. And and it's
(33:51):
it's also like it's hard to describe to someone. This
is like a handshake. Yeah, you know. And what's the
what's what's more interesting is the most intimate thing that
we do on a set is a stage kist. That's
(34:14):
because everything we're doing in this show is camera angles
and uh, all of that stuff. It's far less intimate
than a stage kiss. That's the one thing that we
do that is that any actor does that is probably
the most the most similar to real life and not.
(34:36):
And I think you've got to set up you have
to police yourself and you have to set those boundaries. Um,
if you plan on having any sort of any sort
of long lasting relationship, yeah, where you're where you're honoring,
where you're honoring the other person, for sure. Okay, moving
(34:56):
on to collection, Um, they'll so it's available now, theaters,
video on demand, all digital platforms. You play a debt collector,
Oh yeah, tell me tell me about the collection. Give me,
give me because I want to. I want to watch it,
but I need to know. Tell me, tell me what
it is what's about. So it's it's a look into
(35:18):
it's a look into the high stakes world of debt collection.
And we've all gotten those those annoying phone calls I
still get them now in my forties of Hey, your
college debt is outstanding. No it's not. No, it's not. Um.
But you see the angle and as I as I
found out, the world is far seedier and uh, far
(35:42):
more menacing than UH than I realized. As you get
into the higher the higher dollar targets. Um, but it
centers around uh. Alex Pettipher and I started this debt
collection business, and UM, what I loved about the film him,
I said, Alex, I was like, you get to be
(36:02):
there and be pretty and beautiful and be the love
interest and I have to deal with that for once,
and I just love it. I can be a complete
jerk and I can be brash and uh and and
not have to There's a relief in not having to
service the love story at the same time. So he
(36:24):
had a lot of the heavy lifting. Um, but are
the high value target that we kind of go after
turns out to be a woman that he falls head
over heels flour And it just complicates the line of
priorities between he and I and her and how that
all breaks down. I'm so excited. We guys make sure
(36:48):
to watch sex Life and Collection and fall along with
Mike Vogel because he is awesome and yeah, thank you
so much for coming on wind down, appreciate thank you.
All right, we'll see. Oh he's so sweet. He is,
(37:12):
He's so cute. He's so cute, so cute's adorable. Can't
remind me of Ryan, Like just there's like good guys,
like married for like very much. Ryan's and married for
what nineteen years? My old cold start. It's like they're
good guys, guy, good guys out there. They're just all married. True,
they're probably married for twenty years. It's like actors. I mean,
(37:32):
I know I love that. Um, do you think you
could ever marry an actor? Like? Could you? If Nick was? Like? Well,
maybe it's different because I think it's it's hard for
people that weren't than want to. It's like whoa whoa,
whoa whoa whoa. But I don't know, could you be
okay watching Nick make out with someone? Probably not? No,
(37:53):
probably not, but like you see me do it and
you know it's on anything? No, but yeah, probably not.
I'll just leave it at that mark. Would you let
your wife do it if she wanted to become an
actress and then she's got a makeup? The reverse of
that is that there was a time wanted an actor. Yeah,
(38:15):
that I was heading. I was tiptoeing down that road
a little bit about a few little parts here and there,
And so I think it would have been a real
issue in our marriage. I think it would have been
a problem for you because your boundaries, or for her
because of her maybe like potential jealousy or both. I mean,
it's hard to put myself in that situation because I
never came close to haven't do anything. But I wonder
(38:36):
if both, because you see all these relationships that spark
up on sets and all these connections that people have
with these people, even if it's just an emotional connection,
I think boundaries could be an issue, and I think
jealousy would be an issue. I think both would be
an issue. Yep. I mean Nick has always said that,
like he would never want to go on the road,
like as a musician, you know, we're so used to
music business. He's like, there's no way, Like women are
(38:58):
throwing themselves like I would just never put my off
in that position. Yeah, I mean the boundaries is a
tough thing. Yeah, I mean that's not being honest that
I'd like to think that you would be good at that,
but you know, I don't know, because that chemistry, the
chemistry you need to have, and the time spent, yes,
and the time spent like in between takes because it
(39:18):
takes a while. And then you know, I mean you're
spending months on end with this person, like it makes sense.
And I think that even the people that are just
like special people, the spouse that just you know, just
takes a certain person to do that. I still do
not believe there's not a level of jealousy at times.
(39:38):
I think they still get jealous sometimes. Well I was
never jealous of any of the actor guys I dated
that had like makeup scenes, which is so weird, right.
I don't mean if you're both actors. I mean if
one is not in one you might be married for
twenty years and you maybe the wife to an actor
(40:00):
who's and you are that special person and you're still married,
you handle it. I still think they get jealous. I mean,
how could they not exactly? I think that they're lying
if they say they never get jealous. I mean we
even um talked to my co star because it's like people,
I never met my co star's wife, but a lot
of people were like, oh my god, you and Ryan
(40:20):
you're so cute together. And you know, I end up
having talking to his wife because I'm like, you know,
people are a very invested in my love life. But also,
you know, Ryan and I did have we do have
a really great connection, um, and like you know, we're
being fun and posted for lifetime and on the socials,
and I think that that would be hard for anyone,
(40:41):
which is why I talked to you know, his wife
to be like, hey, like I can only imagine, like
that's really hard. And people are like, oh, you should
date him, and I'm like, you know, he's married, like
and so that's like and she's very secure, Like they're
very secure, like they've got great boundaries all of that,
but it's still like a little people. Yeah, she's like
they're a little story. Just kind of like hey, like
(41:01):
you know, married for like nineteens someone years, you know,
so um, just making sure you know that. But she's great,
but no, she's amazing. And if you guys live in
l A. Plate Therapy is their company, and they do
great like food and delivery stuff so um. But yeah,
I think it's just a no matter what I think
it's it would be hard for anybody. Minus I think
(41:23):
actor on actor is a little bit different. Yeah, I mean,
I just think that you know the world more and
but like but at the same time, you know the
world war. It would be a little like. I see,
I like boundaries. I like when people give me boundaries,
and I like to get boundaries like a child. Like
a child, I like to be told basically what I
can't and can do. And they were starting to see
(41:44):
what the problem was. We have polar opposite situations here right, Yes,
there you go, don't there you Maybe that's all we
got to it up, glad I spent thousands of dollars
in therapy for that one. All right, talk to you
all next week. Go have some sex. H
Host
Jana Kramer
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