Your Fertility Questions Answered

Mike shares a breakthrough he had over the weekend that unlocks a source of his anxiety and intimacy issues, and it helps Jana learn something about him she never realized before. They work through the issues on air and share a very real discovery.  

Then Jana and Mike hang out with fertility specialist , Kristin Bendikson, MD of USC Fertility, and she answers some of your questions about infertility. She shares some incredibly valuable advice and tells us at what age women should start considering freezing their eggs, what factors can lead to a miscarriage, and how endometriosis can affect pregnancy.  

And we check in with Producer Jen!

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Swine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.
Told Mark is spicy today. He's he's spicy. That's the
best word I can say for him right now. He's
just spicy. It's ready to battle. You are. What's up?
It's been a long week and it's a late Tuesday morning.
I mean, what do you do that stinks? It's okayly,

(00:28):
you know, Monday, not bad, normal, normal day. Mark Marca
is the producer of The Ryan Sea Krest Show, and
he has the pleasure of doing our show, the privilege.
It is a pleasure, delight to each week. Well, I
just I like it when you're spicy than you just

(00:49):
don't know. You just have a little two to you,
and I like it. I appreciate that. Yeah, we were
talking about that on the way here. I said, if
I ever have an assistant, I just the thing for
me is I'm I'm always like five steps ahead, so
it's hard for someone to be six steps you naturally

(01:10):
kind of expect people to read your mind. I get
my timelines. My timeline is just different than most people.
So I like to just I want to do it.
I want done now, which is what we get on
each other for sometimes again if you sat down. For example,
we're just going through our house stuff right now with

(01:33):
the builds. Oh, by the way, that cough. I'm gonna
talk about that in a second. No, no, no one
one that we're on this one. So we're going through
the house thing and we have to change something with
our builder. So I was like, are you going to
call Justin? He's like, ye'all call him. Two seconds later,
I'll call Justin. I'll call him, and he's like, no,
I'll call him. I was like, why isn't your phone

(01:56):
in your hand, because again, two minutes just to finish
processing my thoughts or what we're looking at, Like, well,
I can call him, like easy tiger, Like I got it.
It's ridiculous. I know my timeline is just now. Um
and then that cough. Literally at three o'clock in the morning,

(02:18):
it's like he wanted to wake me up. Because at
three o'clock in the morning, I see his face in
my face and he goes and I'm like, oh, good morning, hello,
I guess I'm up now. I don't know what it is.
Did you just want me to wake up? I thought
I was dying. Can breathe. He's had this thing. Actually

(02:40):
I'm kind of concerned. Go ahead about what. You can't
breathe in the middle of the the night, or it happened
like once where I got up in the middle of
the night and I was having chest pains and I
could not I couldn't catch my breath. I couldn't and
I was like up by the door, like hit him
in the wall because I was like, and Jane is like,
are you okay? And I wanted to say, like shut up,
like I'm dying, but I couldn't. So it was it

(03:03):
was really weird. It was actually really scary. And the
last night I kind of had the feeling of similar
where I'll take a deep inhale. When I get to
the top of my breath, I would kind of start
to feel that again. I'm like, what the hell is
going on with me? It sounds like anxiety that this
is like a physical thing. This doesn't seem like a
anxiety is physical. It's not just in your head, even
though you think it's always just in my head. This

(03:26):
isn't just in your head. I mean, it could be anxiety,
it could be physical, could be both. I had had
a roommate who was actually still a good friend and
godfather of one of my kids. He had an issue
when he would wake up in the middle of the
night in whatever position he was in that would cause
this and his throat would close, and so you would
wake up to him literally running around the house going

(03:47):
and scary. But he'd be running your own making that noise.
And the first time it happened, we didn't know what
was going on, and then we kind of get used
to it, unfortunately, but it's a scary thing, Like what
would he do? He would have to run around, run
around the house, so I don't think that's necessary. He
would call him and eventually he would the panic would
subside and it would calm down, and then it would
start to get better. Oh my god, it's terrifying. It

(04:09):
was terrifying. God die. Well you need to figure that out.
But I think in that moment, whenever I've had anxiety,
if whether it's anxiety or not, but breathing to open
up your lungs, you put your arms up. So for
your daughter too, for some reason you're having anxiety or
anything like that, you put your hands up. He put
your hands up, and your lungs open up. Apparently that's

(04:30):
what someone told alright, I probably read in Cosmo. I'll
try it. But yeah, I mean so we've been up.
Really we got east in a mark beat because we've
been up since like three that's true, you guys, because
because the cough and I said thank you, because I
have not been able to go to bed because when
I was up and then Jay started crying and then
I was I had the middle of the night feed.

(04:51):
So yeah, go team, go so fun. So what's upen?
I had an interest, so I saved this. You know,
you always talk about saving it for the podcast. So
are we going to get in a fight. I really
don't want to fight. I'm in a great mood. I
really like you right now Valentine's Day, Like it's all good,

(05:12):
all right, well, let scratch that for next week. No, no, no,
it's it's not it's not a fight. It's oh no,
it's something about it. It's it's introspection. What's what That's
what we talk about. Give the people what they want
to hear. Um. So when we were up in Monterey
right at the golf tournament this past weekend, we got
home from the tournament and we were kind of winding down,

(05:37):
pun intended you're welcome. Wait back home to the hotel
or like home to the house at the hotel. Okay, okay,
And you went in the bathroom started bath. Yeah okay.
As soon as you did that, I immediately started to
get anxiety, really because it's so funny, because I have
something to say around this. I just assumed that I

(06:00):
anticipated you saying, hey, like, I'm drawing a bath, do
you want to come in? And my initial thought was
like no, like no, like I'm gonna have to say
no to her. That was my thought, because I'm gonna
have to say no to you, and then you're gonna,
you know, get upset and be like you don't want
to be intimate and blah blah. But by allowing you

(06:22):
just to do that and me stay in the other
room and I had to go to the bathroom while
you were in there, you have to take a boo.
No that time I didn't. I still had to by
that time I did. So I go into the bathroom
and I was like nervous to go in the bathroom
because I'm like, she's gonna see me, She's gonna be like, hey,
come in the bath with me. So I get in

(06:43):
and get out safe, like I made it out safe
and alive without you're asking. I was like, okay, anxiety going,
But then sitting in bed, I was like, you know what,
I kind of want to go in there. But it
was because but it's weird. It's but that's how I felt.
It was because you did not ask me. I didn't

(07:04):
feel the pressure ultimately to to not do it, like
I just ended up doing it because I wanted to.
But it's like it's something with me. When it's someone
else's idea or someone else's you know, motivate, it's I'm
uncomfortable with it for whatever reason. And that could even
be sometimes when you ask me if you want to
work out because it was your idea, I'm like, actually,

(07:27):
I'm okay right now. But if I had the idea
before that, and I wouldn't go work out, like I'm
completely motivated. Where does that come from? I don't know.
But it's just something I've I've noticed in more in
different kinds of situations, whether again it's something intimate like
the bath or something as stupid as working out. That's
so interesting. I mean, even that probably correlates to with
when we're in bed and you felt like we had

(07:47):
to have sex and then that's when you gave your
head because it was always the routine. In the past
two months, we've had more sex than we have in
the last year. Give us, give us a sound. That's it.
That's the sex. So it's just I don't know. It's
just something that i'll dive into with I have that too.

(08:09):
Maybe that's a guy thing. I hate being told what
to do, and I will anticipate, like she's gonna want
me to wash give the dog a bath today. I
need to give the dog a bath before she asked
me to. If you don't know what that is, you
don't have a problem doing it. Don't she ask you.
It's like why you asking me? You can't do it
becomes a chore and obligation that stuff. But if I

(08:30):
do it first, maybe because I want to be the
hero and like, oh, you did it all but without
my asking you. Hey, that there's something. There is something
you said about that, but I try to beat her
to it. That's interesting, But it's not that they're asking
you for something. It's it's more of a hey, come
and come to the bath with me, or cuddle with me,
or work out with me. That's not that's not a

(08:52):
chore or did you take that as a chore. When
I'm when I'm asked, even when I'm asked to do something,
sometimes I might take it that way. Interesting, So again,
like Mark said, like, if it's my idea, I've no
issue doing it, but if i't to waited five minutes,
and even if I had the idea to do it,
but you beat me to the punch and you asked

(09:12):
me if I could do something or requested that I
do something, even if it's been like hey, you want
to work out tonight or want to work out today? Yeah,
oh wow, that's so interesting. Same with you, like Mark
on that it makes it feel like it's sure, I
think I see when he's coming from. I can't the
bathtub stuff I gotta stay away from, but the other

(09:33):
but but yeah, I could see the workout thing making
it seem like a chore for sure. Yeah, it's like
if it wasn't my idea, then it doesn't feel like
I don't know, it's just weird. It's just something that
came up for me. I'm super curious to see what
your therapist and where that comes from. I mean, you
know me, I've always had an issue with Yeah, you
don't like that, but this is different. This is me
being like, hey, spend some time with me. I know,

(09:55):
but it's like, because it wasn't my idea, I get uncomfortable. Wow, yeah,
do you want to have something funny around the bathtub thing? Though?
This is so funny that you brought this up. I
was actually annoyed that you came in the bathtub. I
was because it almost like, this is my time. Oh

(10:17):
that's it's so funny. That's why I started laughing when
you brought this up, because I'm like, man a little,
I know I was. I was initially because that's why
I didn't ask you, because I didn't want you to
come in. Genuinely wanted to just relax on my own.
We just spent you know, the entire day walking around
a golf course, you know, for you, and I just
wanted to have my moment to just be in the

(10:39):
bath and relax. The lavender, you know, bath salts and
that is hilarious. And you know what's so funny is
I almost set them into you like, babe, don't feel
pressured to come in the batho, because I actually wanted
to be in the bathroound myself, So that's why I
didn't ask. And then when you came in, I almost
said something like no, no, you're you're good, like you
don't have to come in. But then I was like, well,
he's he's trying because he probably feels like he has

(11:00):
to so and then ended up being a great bath girl.
But initially I was annoyed when you got in. That's
so funny. It is, isn't it's it's interesting. And what's
interesting is say I say I didn't come in, right,
and I would have I would have I would have
thought the rest of the night. I would have been like,

(11:21):
you know what, she wanted me in the bath and
I didn't go in. So even if you wanted to
be intimate later that night, I probably would have been
a little bit more uncomfortable because no one in the
back of my head that I probably disappointed you that
didn't come in the bath, and now you're trying to
be intimate now, and I just play those games in
my head. It's just it's weird. But if she had

(11:41):
said to you before you got it, if she had said,
but I'm gonna take a bath, but don't feel like
you need to come, I really just want to spend
him alone time. Would that have been fun? It would
he be like, it would have been totally fine, But
I would have the same feeling I ultimately had where
it's like I kind of want to get in the
bath because she told because I was off the hook
and there's no pressure at all. It would have been

(12:02):
my idea because I want to coming to the bath.
I probably would have. Funny, I probably would have wanted to,
but I would I wouldn't have, but I would have
been like, you know, I want to come in. But
this is so funny. I love this. It's the beauty
of this podcast. Yeah, it's what were you thinking all
this week in our married interactions? Yeah? Right, and this

(12:24):
is what in the one time you don't want me
to be intimate or join you. I just wanted to relax.
We didn't do much of that Eastern. Oh that's funny. Well,
I can't wait to you. Will you will you keep
our podcast listeners up to date on that. I'm sure
they're going to be dying to find out. Yeah, I

(12:48):
mean I will. I'll check in with Aron about it,
and you're back to you. Okay. So joy Bird believes
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(13:09):
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and receive an exclusive offer off your first order by
using the code Janna. Okay, so everyone has been asking

(14:18):
d m NG commenting, Where's Jen, Where's Jen? What's going
on with Jen? Jen? I'm here, I'm out of my office,
out of the office. So Jen is the producer of
the Ryan Seacrest Show. Well, now is the executive producer
always get in here with Ryan Seacrest. I sort of
oversee the National Show and American Top forty and then

(14:41):
the branding that comes in for the shows, which can
be really demanding at the end of the year and
the beginning of the year. Yes, so Jen is. She's
a busy lady. So that's why she's been absent for
a little while. But we love her and she's she's
a wine downer, so she's you know, whenever, yes, whenever.
How's Rocko he's great. He's so much fun. He is

(15:04):
really getting into sports right now. We went to Hawaii
and the first day we were there, we were at
the beach and I threw the football for two and
a half hours, and at one point I thought to myself,
I'm not going to be able to move my arm tomorrow.
And I woke up the next morning I couldn't move

(15:26):
my right arm. So of course he wakes up and
he says, let's go play football. And I was like,
I can't move my arm. He goes just to use
the other one. So I'm out there and I'm trying
to throw with my my left arm, which I can't
even really throw a football anyways, let's be honest. And

(15:47):
he's like, that's not good enough. And I was like, whoa,
you know what, I'm gonna go wake your uncle up.
He can throw the football with you. So is the
man there? No, we're together. But he goes to the
East Coast to visit his parents. And this was a

(16:08):
trip with my sister who doesn't have children, and oh
that sister, like your sister sister, but you guys aren't
like into her husband. And then Rocco and me and
it was an incredible trip. We went to Maui. We
have this like fancy because I call him the fancy
cousin um, and he has a house there, so he

(16:31):
he was like, just go use it. It's not and
we went. It was incredible and it was fabulous and
Um I played a lot of football a lot that
was over the holidays. Then we had back Christmas night,
like at eleven o'clock at night and I opened the
gate and there was water everywhere and I was like, wow,

(16:53):
it must have rained here today. And then all of
a sudden I looked at the garage and I was like, right,
the water was coming out of the garage. And then
I went upstairs in the whole, all the walls were
all bubbles. It was like home Alone. It was yes,
remember yes, home Alone too New York. Yeah, the old

(17:15):
man know which one wasn't it was the first one.
Oh wasn't the first one? I don't know. I've watched
all three of those of the house the House, Yeah,
but yeah, it was pretty much. That was it. So
then that was a three week affair and I was
in an airbnbach cheez even like going through it, crazy good, crazy,

(17:36):
But I just roll with it, you know, and you're
happy with the guy. Everything's good, he's great. Love. Yeah.
So between all that, I don't know how you haven't
had time to come on the Show's cool. Yeah, all
the contractors, it was like, you know, schedule after schedule. Yeah.
Coming off of that, today we have special guests Dr Kristen,

(17:57):
who's here to talk about lovely subject for Dr Kristen,
I used to be here, thank you. Where's your office? Downtown? Downtown? Okay,
we're in a right off of one ten or good
same hospital. And then John, you've shared your your fertility
issues on the show, have they have? I'm not? Okay.

(18:21):
So I've never been on birth control never, never, not once.
And I was married for twelve years before I even
you know, got pregnant, which is a very long time
to be you know, it was, and we weren't careful. Um,

(18:42):
it's a very long time. So when I was starting
to get older, I thought, I, you know, well, we
have to get serious about this. So I bought one
of the digital ovulation calculators and I started going to acupuncture,
uh twice a week in the beginning, and I drank
this weird tea three times a day that I really

(19:03):
I have no idea what was in it. I probably
should have asked, But it took about six to seven
months and then I finally got pregnant. And it's really
funny because I knew immediately. It was like two weeks pregnant,
and I knew. I was at a um like a
summer pool party and was drinking a ton of tequila

(19:27):
and the next morning, and I woke up the next
morning and I was like, wow, I feel awful, like
not normal awful. It was like, there's I must be pregnant.
So I got like, I got ready for work. I
was launching the Oprah wind Free Network, and I stopped

(19:49):
at the right aid and got a bunch of pregnancy
tests and went to work, went into the bathroom and
started taking pregnancy tests. So I've found out I was
pregnant in the open wind Free Network bathroom. And it
was like two weeks. How did you tell your hungover?
Like nothing? I did drink though that day to get

(20:11):
the hangover over. No, because I was pregnant. But it's
like that first day. Every time I always did, I'm
like just being over. This is not normal. It was
so crazy. So I never officially found out if I
had fertility issues, but I just suspected because it was

(20:35):
I had to make it my job. Yeah, I mean
twelve years without using any protection, not really paying attention. Right,
at some point along the way, you would have thought
that you would have got pregnant at least once. At
least once, right for sure? Are there a lot of
women though, that have chemical pregnancy chemical losses so that
they actually get pregnant, but they just think it's their period. Absolutely.

(20:58):
I think that UM, in the first couple of days after,
like when your periods supposed to come, you can't even
piano stick because it'll still be negative. Oftentimes we can
see it in our office if someone comes in for
a blood test, but if you're too three days late,
some of those women could be having biochemicals and they
just there's not really went any way to tell when
you're at home, right, do you recommend or would you recommend?

(21:21):
Because I know when jan and I started to try
to get pregnant, and we just kind of started trying
just on our own, and then finally we weren't having success,
so then we went in to see her Obie and
UM ultimately had to get some things done to maximize
our you know, the possibility of having a child. Was
that the histeroscopy? Yeahhsteroscopy. Um. I mean, do you think

(21:42):
that's something's beneficial where if a young woman wants to
start looking at that, where she just starts off by
going to see her doctor and be like, hey, I'm
thinking about having kids, let's try to check everything right
now so they're not quote unquote wasting time or because
we had the HSG test where we would have been
trying for years and I would have gotten pregnant because
I would have never known that my my tubes were blocked. Yeah,

(22:03):
I think that's a great point, and I actually do
think it's a wonderful idea for women to think about
that one, because there are so many things that probably
need to be checked out before you're even thinking about fertility,
things like are you immune to chicken pocks? And do
you have medical issues that maybe need to be managed
before you get pregnant. Um, So it's always a good
idea to talk to an obi duan. And then a

(22:25):
lot of people don't really understand the timing of when
is the right time have sex in order to get pregnant,
and so if you're not educated on that, and you
don't want to read on it online or something like that,
you can talk to your ob joy in about that UM.
In terms of actually just jumping in and doing fertility
diagnostic testing before you've even tried, I think it's reasonable, certainly,

(22:46):
depending on what your ages. Most couples are going to
get pregnant in those first three months. We think about
half of them are going to get pregnant, and then
in six months it's probably about seventy. So if you're
at three months and it hasn't been working and you're
nervous about it, and it's just going to give you
some peace of mind that you can just kind of
keep on trying on your own without intervening necessarily. I

(23:06):
think it's fine to go see your doctor and say, hey,
you know, I don't you know, if my insurance doesn't
pay for it, I'm happy to pay for it out
of pocket. But I just kind of it would make
me feel a lot better and make me a little
bit more calm in this process, because it can be
so stressful, especially when you're trying to have a baby.
That's you know, We've had friends to just try for
years and it's like when you actually try who were
just talking about last night. We're talking to my friend Sherry,

(23:27):
and it's like, when you actually try to have a baby,
it's so hard. Yeah, And I think that most I
think many women I really aren't seeking treatment when they
need to write they've been trying for six months, a year,
two years, and they haven't seen anyone yet. And you're
absolutely right. For those women, there could have been something
that we could have identified in the beginning that could

(23:49):
have just saved them all that time and all that
english and grief. Does any of that have to do
with maybe, oh, young woman is fearful of maybe what
they might find out or is it just more of
absolutely right or I didn't know if it was more
of just like, no, I'm just you know, I'll get pregnant,
just over confidence. I guess I just thought I would

(24:10):
get pregnant at some point, although as I got older,
I knew that I had to be proactive and I
was going to go to the doctor at some point
if I didn't, you know, if I didn't get pregnant
with the holistic approach that I took. And I will
tell you, you know, I think I've talked about my

(24:30):
ex mother in law a little bit, haven't I She's
fun Um. It was really funny because as soon as
I was announcing that I was pregnant, she took full
credit for it, which I thought was fantastic because she said,
oh my god, it's been twelve years and you have
never gotten pregnant. I spent all day five months ago Praine,

(24:57):
which I love that she was rain and that energy
is great. Um, I want to support that, but it
was she took full credit. And it could be I
don't know, maybe it wasn't the acupuncture and te you
know whatever, but I just you know, she took full
credit for um, the baby fantastic. I think that young

(25:23):
women are so much more aware of fertility issues now,
and a lot of that is just a lot of
the press with egg freezing and that they know that
that's an option, and because egg freezing is out there
and yet a lot of young women are doing it.
I think more young women are aware of the fact
that ages sometimes and oftentimes an issue as you get older,

(25:46):
and so because of that are more proactive. So, for example,
at my office, we have a diagnostic testing program, so
you can come in and have some levels checked and
have an ultrasound. I'm not gonna be able to predict
if you're gonna be able to get pregnant next month
if you try, But I certainly can sometimes identify issues
that may be problematic later so that you can kind

(26:07):
of get a jump on it and maybe do egg
freezing if that's something that you're considering, or just kind
of plan up more thoughtfully how you're gonna manage when
you're going to get pregnant, depending on how many kids
you want, how old you are. What age do you
recommend that women start freezing their eggs? Well, yeah, early thirties.

(26:27):
That makes the most sense because you want to do
it under the age of five, but you don't want
to necessarily do it too young. Where a bunch of
year olds are going around freezing their eggs and never
going to use them. What happens to those eggs? Are
they donated? Can people we adopt that? We so we
had an embryo that we were freezing for a while,

(26:48):
we end up using it, got pregnant, but lost it.
But on that sheet, Jenet says, like if so, if
he dies, or if we break up, or if I
die or whatever, what we can do with that embryos,
So either we give it away for adoption adoption essentially,
or it goes to testing, or they unthought and it
goes away. It's it's very weird. Wow, yeah, because because

(27:10):
you're to us what we were saying that I'm like this,
but this is a child. But they're like, no, it's
a petriot dish of a child. I'm like, no, but
it's a it could be a child, and rather humanized
it a little bit to be like, all right, well
do we want you know, spawn of us around if
we're not around? It was weird. That's a really difficult

(27:30):
decision to make. It's really hard. I think there are
I mean, there are some places where you can donate
embryos to other couples. Um, It's not incredibly common, but
it definitely happens. I think we haven't faced the issue
of what's going to happen if we have a bunch
of leftover eggs at some point. Um. I do think
that just like with embryos, there will be something set

(27:52):
up someday that those eggs could be potentially donated to
someone else. But we haven't really crossed that threshold because
we're just starting to get to the point where women
who froze their eggs eight years ago are finally coming back.
And that's what I'm seen in my practice, which is
really exciting. Do you think it's like, obviously, as we're
seeing in society, the trend of couples getting married later

(28:12):
having children later in life. Do you think that's more
of just kind of monogamy going downhill or is it
or is it or honestly or in divorce rays increasing
or is it also women being more successful in more
careers and they're more career driven nowadays than they were,
you know, decades ago. What are you saying, Mike're not
career No, No, I'm saying because because society is giving

(28:37):
women more opportunities to be more career driven. So I
was curious if you thought it was more when the
other I mean from the patients that are coming into
my office. I think it's probably a little bit of both.
Probably more um that they are very focused on their
careers and so they're not as focused necessarily on getting
married and having babies right away. I think there is

(28:59):
definitely a different mentality with some of the millennials about
their outlooks on marriage, and that's evolving and changing to um.
The age where women are having their first baby is
getting trending up in the United States a little bit.
So I'm thirty five, we have two kids, but if
we were to have another one and then we've had

(29:20):
a handful of miscarriages, so our chances of having a
miscarriage again would be significantly high, right because we've had
so many or and then also with my age into
with that, so all those things can contribute to that.
So your age is probably actually the most important predictor
in terms of having a miscarriage. Yes, because as women

(29:42):
get older, their embryos right are more likely to be
chromosomely abnormal. Just means that the number of chromosomes is off,
there's either too many or too little, and so that
happens more commonly as you get older, and those chromosome
or aftermalities account for seventy a sign of miscarriages. So
age is a huge protector in terms of miscarriages. If

(30:05):
you've had a couple of miscarriages before then you are
a little bit more likely to have another miscarriage. But
even if you've had two miscarriages in a row, the
chance that when you get pregnant the next time that
you're gonna have a baby high and especially if in
your situation where you've had losses and then you've had
pregnancies after, then it's even a little bit higher. Okay.

(30:28):
I've had a lot of people talk about endometriosis. They've
always asked me questions because because we have done two
rounds of IVF. So this was from Keisha. She said,
I haven't started IVF yet, but I have been through
many cycles of medicines and three failed cycles of i U.
I do you have any tips on getting pregnant with
endometriosis before trying IVF? Under endometriosis is tough? Um? What

(30:50):
is that exactly? Because everyone what it is? Okay. So
inside the uters there's the cavity, right, and the cavity
is where the baby growth, and it's this potential space
and it has a lining, and so each month when
you're getting your period, you're shedding that lining. That makes sense, Yeah, okay,

(31:11):
so we're following that. So what happens for all women
is that sometimes some of those cells go backwards through
the fallopian tubes and then they land in the abdominal cavity. Now,
what happens if you don't have enometriosis, as those cells
just recognize there in the wrong place, then they go away.
But if you have a new metriosis, then for whatever reason,
they stick um and they cause problems depending on where

(31:31):
they land. So if they land on the nerve fibers
right behind the uterus and then they cause women to
have really bad pain, and so that's one of the
hallmark symptoms of endometriosis. If they land on the fallopian tubes, right,
they can cause scarring and block the Filippian tubes. They
land on the ovaries, they can actually get into the
ovaries and decrease the number of eggs right, and then

(31:51):
all of the cells that are there create this environment
that's actually not really great for the eggs, and so
it can decrease the quality of X. So it can
cause many different problems. UM. In terms of treatment for endometrios, says,
the most common treatment is medications, but their hormonal medications,
and they're not really compatible with trying to get pregnant

(32:12):
at the same time. So, for example, the first line
treatment is birth control pills. You can't take birth control
pills you're trying to get pregnant. It doesn't work. Um,
So you can do surgery all right, and we know
from some studies that doing surgery can improve your odds
of getting pregnant. But when you're doing surgeries, we have
to operate on twelve women and treat their endometriosis, where

(32:33):
we basically go in with surgery and burn all the
little lesions right that are there. Um, you have to
treat twelve women in order to get one pregnancy. And
so with the fertility treatments that we have with inter
uterine inseminations and whether IVF, we can replicate those successes
without having to do surgery. So most of the time now,

(32:54):
unless there's another indication to do surgery, if it's just
that you're having a hard time getting pregnant, most likely
you're just going to go to the fertility treatments and
so there isn't anything extra that we can do. How
many women have endometriosis, like is it one out of
what I think it may be his eyes one out
of ten? It's really common and so we think that
um for many women who have unexplained in fertility, which

(33:16):
is a large proportion, that a lot of those women
probably have a newmetriosis is just undiagnosed. Hm, interesting, maybe
I have My wife has endometrius, so does she Yeah,
and it's it's been quite this. Just getting diagnosed with
it was a huge struggle. She had problems with pain
for a really long time. And all the doctors are
like all of male doctors like, I don't I don't

(33:37):
know what the problem is. And uh, she finally got
diagnosed and she had the surgery. But so what is
the surgery. Do they take away the beads? I guess
you can get their little lesions they look like little
red or black from spots and you burn them, or
you can exercise them and them out. Yeah. What was
it called the something scopic lapping? Yeah, anyway, but she

(34:02):
has to have that surgery again, like she had it
three years four years ago. Why does she have to
have it again because because they come back. Yeah. It's
a progressive disease. I mean, every time you have your period,
there's just more cells that are floating back into the
abdominal cavity. And so that's why being on birth control,
for example, can slow that process down. So it can
slow the progression of the disease, but it can't eradicate

(34:23):
it unfortunately, So what are you guys want to do then?
For for trying for baby? Is that something we've thought
about IVF for? I mean, we're we we haven't we
haven't tried yet, but we're preparing oursel We're just like
when it happens when we're trying, we're going to have
to do that. Probably just because of are the odds
better for endometriosis couples to do IVF versus trying to

(34:44):
get pregnant on their own? Well, a lot of women
with endometriosis will actually be able to get pregnant. So
just because you have endometriosis doesn't mean that you're going
to have infertility. And the interesting thing about endometriosis is
that how much disease is in there is not necessarily
predictive of how hard or easy it's going to be
to get pregnant. Okay, so this is thank you by

(35:05):
the way for being here. Um, I want to get
to some more emails, but first, okay, Look, you spent
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(36:54):
from Molly. It's why am I not obulating? I am
twenty six and I went off birth control two years
ago and my cycle was non existent until about March.
She put me on breva and and discovered I was
not ovulating. She then put me on Brevara and Chlovid
for three cycles, no success. She told me there's nothing
more she can do for me and that I need
to go to a fertility specialist. Excuse me, I was

(37:17):
wondering what your thoughts were and what the next steps
are to take. So for her, she's just not ovulating
at all. Correct doesn't say why? Um, I mean you
need to try and figure out why. So I'm sure
her doctor did that. There are some hormonal imbalances that
can cause problems with ovulation. The most common reason why

(37:37):
women don't ovulated something called polycystic ovariant syndrome. Yeah, that's
that was a few other questions in here too, was
the piece. Yeah, what is that? Also really common? About
one in ten women have it, and it's becoming more
and more more and more of a problem as the
average ways that American women goes up because it can
be weight related. Oh, is that causes it? Not all

(38:01):
the time, So PCs is kind of the syndrome and
where like the end result is that you don't have
regular periods. And there's also hormonal imbalances where you just
kind of have like higher balance of testosterone versus estrogens.
Just the easiest way to think about it. Um. Some
women are kind of born genetically with it, and so
they can be super thin, Um, it doesn't matter what

(38:23):
their weight is, they will always have PCOS. There are
other women that are maybe predisposed to having it, and
it's only when they gain weight that they have all
of these symptoms. And though for those women, and and
that's kind of where the higher proportion of pcos is
right now in this country. Um, if they lose weight,
all right, and it can be very challenging to lose weight. Um,

(38:44):
but if they lose weight, then their periods can go
back and become regular again. Yeah. And so for all
of those women in the end kind of whether you
want to make sure you tackle something if they have
a thyroid problem or whatever the that's throwing their periods
out of act um. But the end results is that
you really have to give them medication to help them ovulate.

(39:04):
And Chlomad is one of them. UM for women who
have PCOS is actually not the first line therapy anymore.
And there's another medication called let resolve that has now
kind of surplanted. Um. Chlomad is the first line therapy
for pcos. Are those hormone? Is that hormone there are?
So both Chlomad and let resol work in a way
where they are kind of tricking the brain to make

(39:27):
this hormone that's called f s H focal stimulating hormone,
and that's the signal the brain sends down to the
ovarray to make an egg grow. And so with PCOS,
it's just you know, they have the capability of doing that.
The signals are all just kind of messed up, like
the braining. And I always think it's tell patients like
the brain and the ovaries are just not talking to
each other and they're not in sync, and so we

(39:48):
just kind of need to sync them up so that
every can everything can work correctly. This is just so
hard because as I'm hearing all this stuff, everything that
has like women have to go through with our bodies.
I know you guys go through a lot too, bab.
And I'm not ing that sarcastically at all. I know
you guys have you know, your stuff. But when it
comes to us having, you know, trying to get pregnant,
not being able to be pregnant, especially when we want

(40:09):
to be like that's so it's hard. All these issues
that could cause us not to be a mom, it
just makes me really sad. And that's what leads me
kind of into this one from Amanda shows. I have
a wonderful husband who loves our little girl in a
way that has exceeded every expectation I've had of him
as a dad, So we decided to try for another baby. However,
the first time around the test was negative, then the second,

(40:29):
and then the third. We just got our six negative
tests in a row. My husband is so great and supportive,
but even this last time, you can tell it's starting
to weigh on him. I'm trying so hard to stay positive.
I was hoping you could talk about how to handle
the situation, how to deal with loss in your day
to day life. I think it's really hard for guys
when they are going through this process. I think that
many times they feel marginalized on the outside of it

(40:51):
because I mean not that they want to have all
the tests that we have to go through as women
if we're having fertility issues, but they're not going through
all those tests, and they're just kind of have to,
you know, they have to do their seem an analysis
and that's it, and then the female acually has to
get blood drawn and X rays and ultras injections, sections
and all of that stuff, and so they're kind of
on the side a little bit. I think that that

(41:11):
can be really hard. And this isn't really coming from
for my medical training is but it's more just kind
of what I observe is that guys like to fix
things and they can't fix it for you, and that's
a problem. And so I think that it can be
really helpful, um sometimes to kind of bring them into
the process and whatever way you think it will help

(41:31):
them to kind of cope with it and help you.
So they want to help you. So if you can
find a little thing that they can do that can
help you, and whether that's giving you a massage every night,
or doing your injections or mixing them, or holding your
hand when you're doing your injections if you're going through IVF,
just involving them in some way, I think it's really helpful. UM.
I think that guys deal with stress and grief and

(41:54):
very different ways than women, and I think we have
to respect that. And they may not want to emote
and articulate how sad they are to you or even
to their friends, but maybe they just need to spend
time with their friends, and so allowing them to have
that space and get the support whatever it is that
they that's that's fantastic advice. And just speaking from a

(42:15):
guy perspective, if like Janna came to has done this
um before we had our son, Jay's and we suffered
from a miscarriage, and you know, she asked me like
how I was feeling, And not only does that allow
me to not feel alone and feel like I just
have to be strong and not let anything affect me,
but in turn it helped her because then she doesn't

(42:38):
feel like she's the only one with those feelings and
those emotions. And so that just that simple question hearing
from from Janna, I mean, did wonders for us in
our relationship moving forward. So we feel like a team
because it is unfortunately you know, you all have to
go through the more physical aspect of it. But you know,
when you have a loss, we have a loss too,

(42:59):
and that kind of it's lost in translation a lot
of times. So I think it's because we feel like
it's our body, it's our fault, and that's how I
always felt it was it was my fault and I
let him down again and I'm not I'm not a
good enough wife or a good enough mother, and I'm
not my body isn't good enough to to birth the
baby and to hold the baby, because I'm like, why
can't I hold a child? Why do I keep losing?

(43:20):
So I think we just put all that stress on ourselves,
which it's always I think it's always hard for the
person who maybe has the bigger issue, and it's it's
hard for everybody, but it's just a different type of heart.
What amount of stress do you really think plays into
not conceiving Because I've had so many doctors and you know,

(43:40):
the fertility doctors, to my gyana coologists saying and to
family and friends, and I'd say this to people, feel like,
don't stress, it's going to happen, But it's hard not
to stress. So is stress I mean, is it can
that really cause a miscarriage? No, so stress can't It
can't cause a miscarriage. UM, But it plays a role.
It's still there or it's a little role. It's not

(44:01):
maybe as big as age, but it's there. UM. And
so I think that's important to the extent that you
can do anything to manage your stress during an IVF cycle. UM.
I have patients that feel like, sometimes oh, I have
to take herbs and acupuncture or whatever. And I said, okay, well,
if that makes you feel good, we think it could
potentially be helpful. But if it's stressing you out to
get to all those acupuncture appointments, then maybe it's not

(44:23):
worth it. UM. But you know, people are stressed all
the time and they get pregnant. I mean every patient
that walks in my office who's not able to have
a baby and wants to maybe they're stressed. Okay, so
we actually have UM a wine Down listener online with
us right now. Caitlin. Hey, hey, Caitlin, So you got
the wine Down crew UM and a specialist because we're

(44:45):
we're not the specialist UM, but Dr Kristen UM wants
to help you. So could you tell her what's going
on and then hopefully we can give you some good insight. Sure. Yeah.
My husband and I UM, we had a child seven
years ago together and we were very young and we
weren't married, and so we wanted to wait until we

(45:08):
were married to have our second. So we waited about
four and a half years to start trying again after
we had actually gotten married, and we went on our
honeymoon and we came back and so we started to
try and it has been about two years and we
have not had any luck, and it's gotten to the
point where, you know, it's a little bit frustrating, and

(45:30):
we've tried the natural way, and recently um I was
prescribed a drug called CLOMD that's supposed to help you
with your ovulation to conceive, and currently I am doing
that now. But UM I just had a few questions
for Dr Kristen specifically, at what point during me trying

(45:52):
to conceive process should I VS become an option. So
if you isn't working on your own UM typically the
most common form of kind of like a lesser treatment
than IVF is doing chlomad, which is what you're on.
And the goal of chlomad is to make you ovulate
two or three eggs instead of just one. UM. The

(46:13):
chlomad really should be coupled with an insemination, which is
where we get the sperm sample from the guy get
the best sperm. We place it at the top of
the uterus, so it's much closer to where the egg
is going to be. UM. If chlomad I U I
S haven't worked in three cycles, the chance that they're
going to be effective for you is actually really low,
and so at that point you're better off just saving

(46:34):
your money for IVF and just continuing to try to
get pregnant on your own. In terms of thinking about
IVF UM and understanding how useful it might be for you, UM,
there are kind of two main things that really contribute
to the success of IVF, and that's UM the quality
of the eggs that you're gonna have, which is related
to your age, and then also the number of eggs

(46:56):
UM and the number of eggs that you're going to
get in an IVF cycle that can be UM predicted
UM by some simple tests that your doctor can do.
So they can do an ultrasound and look at something
called the antro folical count, and that's counting, um the
number of eggs they think that are available in any
given month, and then also understanding some of your hormone tests.
So there are these two tests called a m H

(47:17):
and F s H, and those are predictors of how
well your ovaries are functioning. And so if we give
you medications, what proportion of those eggs are going to grow?
So if you're starting out with ten eggs, are you
going to get nine? To ten eggs in an IVF cycle,
are you going to get closer to only five? And
so understanding the number of eggs that you individually might
make in a cycle and how old you are and
so therefore, um the chance that that egg is going

(47:39):
to become an embryo and become a baby, that is
really important in understanding how useful IVF will be for you. Okay, Okay,
So there's not really a set time frame as to
where a couple should really consider it. Well, if you've
done three cycles of the clomad with with I U wise,

(48:00):
then the chance that that clomad i UI is going
to be effective is actually the same as if you're
just having sucked at home around ovulation and so really
maxing out at three cycles. And this is for women
who are already ovulating and we're just trying to make
them ovulate more eggs. So maxine out at three cycles
is really the point where you should move to IVA.
And she was also saying to Caitlin um timing wise

(48:24):
to try to get the embryos and eggs before your
thirty five, right, Dr Kristens, Yes, So if you're certainly
if you're egg freezing or embryo freezing. I have more
couples that they themselves are not ready to actually have children,
but they want to be proactive and make sure that
it can happen in the future. And so UM, couples
can come in and freeze embryos. Or if you are

(48:44):
young and you're haven't met a right partner and you're
a woman and you want to preserve your ability to
get pregnant, coming in and freezing eggs. Um, doing that
before the age of thirty five is ideal. But I
have lots of women that are thirty nine and they
haven't met the right guy and you just didn't think
about freezing eggs before they were younger, and so they're
still coming in. It still can be useful. They may
not have the same chance of success as someone who's

(49:06):
doing it thirty two, but it's still useful, right, Yeah,
that makes sense. Well, help information, We're we're we're praying
for you guys, and um, we're all here for you
if if you know through it, because I've been through it,
and it's it's it's not fun, but at the same time,
there's always and how do I say it, like it's
such a hard thing to say there's always a possibility, Yeah,

(49:30):
because it's it's just in that moment. I remember watching
our iv F when it failed, the videos that I took,
and just like how destroyed I was. But then you know,
eight months later, I'm holding our our son, so sure, Yeah,
I mean, it's just to remain hopeful, I think, um
with each passing month, when you know you're you're hoping
that it worked, that it token. Of course, you start

(49:52):
your period and then it's here we go again, we
start all over. So and a month seems like forever
it does. Yeah, and so it feels like it's been
a really long waiting game for the last twenty four months.
And it's rough too when you know you're on social
media and everyone you know or follow happened to be
pregnant or it's getting pregnant, and it seems so easy,

(50:13):
and it's frustrating when you know you're doing everything that
they they used to be doing. It's just not it's
not working. I know that you're not alone, right, I
Mean there's thousands of women and couples that are out
there just like you, that are going through similar circumstances.
They're just not posting it on Instagram necessarily um, and
so you're not alone and hanging there, and will you

(50:35):
please keep us posted too? Yeah? Absolutely, thank you guys
for the information. I really appreciate it, of course, thanks
for listening. Okay, I have a good one by guys.
How many IVY cycles can you go through? There isn't
a number, um, but we know that, you know, especially

(50:58):
when you're older. Let's they say you're forty two, you're
going through IVF. It's not going to necessarily work the
first time. And in fact, they are actually pretty good
studies that show you can do it five times and
your chances of getting pregnant are the same. It's just
that it's a lower likelihood that it's going to help.
I mean, IBF doesn't make your eggs better. We just
improve your odds of getting pregnant by making you make

(51:19):
more and the hopes that there's a normal one in there,
and then optimizing the chance that that egg is going
to get fertilized by sperm. And so we're improving your
odds of getting pregnant. But with one IVF cycle sometimes
it's just not enough and you have to do it
a couple of times. Well. Dr Kristen where can our
listeners find you, especially if they're in the l A area. Well,
I work at usc SO USC fertility dot org is

(51:40):
our website. Um. I'm also on social media, so I
have my own website at Dr Kristen Medison um dot org.
And I'm on Instagram and what's your Instagram? And um,
Dr Kristan Mendixon. Okay, perfect, thank you so much. Okay, So,
now that I don't have a baby anymore, are um

(52:01):
my periods have officially come back. And so I am
a big advocate for Lola. So what I love about
Lola is that they're a natural and it's just easy
to feel good about. There's no um B yes, there's
no mystery fibers or even doubt about what's going into
your body. Um. What's really great about it too is
Lola would deliver exactly what you need, exactly when you

(52:23):
need it. So for me, I always know now when
my periods coming because Lola shows up at my door.
And the great thing too, is that you're able to
customize your order, so sometimes I don't need all the
supers with the regulars. I mean, you can customize it
to however your period is. They have pads as well,
UM cotton tampons, pads, liners, and all natural cleansing wipes.

(52:45):
I love my Lola Um again. It's delivered right to
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(53:07):
I have some emals here, but Jenna is mid apple
right now. Apples kind of give me trauma, by the way,
because my dad, you always chew apples really aggressively, and
he's smack you know, like smackers anyways, so I get traumatized.
My dad eats apple whole. There is no core. When
my dad finishes an apple, it's the same. He will

(53:31):
remove the stem before he eats it, but otherwise it's
all going down. Oh that's disgusting. It's a convenience thing
because when my dad's in the couch eating an apple,
he doesn't want to have to get up and go
to the trash that there was cora away, so it
just eats the whole thing or driving that's such like
an old man. Well, I'm just curious now that we're
on the apple topic, is are you a throw the

(53:52):
apple out the window when you're driving or keep it
in your car? I keep it in my car. I
used to be a thrower, but I feel weird about it.
Why not, you're gonna you're feeding the animals, And then
people say, well, the animals are going to go in
the middle of the road and they get hit by
a car. But I throw it all the way to
the side of the ref what's funny about doing the
singing that though for the longest time, she'd have the
worst luck throwing an apple core out the window. It

(54:14):
could be a green passion, nothing in sight, baby. But
when she throws it out, damn it hits that one
sign that's there for ten miles and it bounces back
onto the road like there's a period time where it
just happened. Every time, it was amazing. It's illegal to
throw it decomposes. The only thing you can throw out

(54:36):
of a car is water and chicken feathers. That's the
only two legal substances I have heard that, yeah, feathers,
chicken feathers. Outside of a window Farmers transporting chickens. Wait,
I'm sorry, I don't understand why it's illegal to throw
food out the window because it's it's littering. All right,
there's one thing you said about food, like you can't
be thrown out like you're happy eating McDonald and like

(54:58):
that biotic rad if it doesn't considered litter whoa all
the time? You can't throw gum, well, go I get
because then that's that's that's sticking to the orange peels.
Get anything anything an animal can eat at throughout. So
I would throw out the burger because that animal would
love like a coyote. Yeah, burgers and it's all fine. No,

(55:24):
I just eat like apples and banana, So I just
throw the oh no oh, shoot, I do do the
peel my dad I used to put it in our
compost pile because they decomposes if it comes compost. Was
that your dad comes from It comes from the earth.
We're putting it back and then you throw it on
the road, and you you got a Mario Kart situation. You

(55:48):
can't throw it on the road because I'm eating an
apple right now. Fantastic. Well, I really do try to
throw it so that they don't come back in the road,
because I know that that's not nice. But anyhow, if not,
I'm I leave so much crap in my car. Okay, anyways,
you have car. Okay, So they say that people with
dirty cars have clean houses and vice versa. Oh wait,

(56:11):
say that one more time. If you have a dirty,
dirty car, you have a tidy clean house. About those
of us who have a clean car and cleanhouse. No, no, no, zero.
You have all that crap by the side of the
bed that you do not clean. That's something that's not mine.
Oh you know what's there? Time out? You know it's there,

(56:31):
the intimacy box that I've placed next to his bed.
Yet he's still he left it outside for like three days,
didn't even bring it in. Wow, all right, because that's staying.
We have the fifteen swaddles that you can not swaddles,
but the carriers wraps, so you couldn't figure out and
you just left him on my side of the bed
behind the door. I could never figure the wraps, but

(56:52):
I loved my baby born or whatever. The clips. Great, Yes,
that's what we have that I never can figure out
how to put the baby in. And then tire, I'll
teach you something you don't even know. This is from Leanna.
I'm a new list and love the podcast. That's very nice.
I've been married five years and haven't had a year

(57:15):
without catching my husband cheating on me. Oh, let's bringing
the mood down. He won't go to counseling. I've tried
for years to make this work, and now that I'm
at my breaking point, he finally wants to try. What
should I do? No kids yet, thanks Leanna, No kids yet?
Thank god, that's your opportunity. The fact that he doesn't
want to get help, but then he just finally did.

(57:38):
I don't think it looks too bright for you. Yeah,
she needs to find somebody who respects her and is
into the relationship as soon as he gets comfortable. If
she gives him another chance, as soon as he gets
comfortable again, he's count into it. If he's done every
year for five years. Yeah, this girl that I was

(57:58):
talking to, I talked to few girls on my d
M on Instagram and she's said the same thing, like,
my husband just will not go to therapy and he
keeps cheating. And it's like, honey, like you, if you're
doing the work, you're trying but if he's not doing it,
like you have to leave. Yeah, you have to because
he's going to keep doing it and he's not getting help.
So that since she's allowing because she's staying and saying, oh,

(58:22):
you're not going to therapy, okay, well you know it's
and she needs to look internally and figure out what
it is about her self esteem and situation would allow
this to happen to her over and over and over again. Better, Leanna,
we all do that though, I mean, come on, you
know what I mean. Yeah, and we'll time out. Though.

(58:44):
In the defense of this guy, maybe he needed that
last swift kick in the butt like you did. But
playing Devil's advocate, you messed up a couple of times,
you know so, and it was that last swift kick
in the butt that puts you there. So maybe this
I needed that last swift kick. I'd like to dig
a little deeper with Leanna and a husband to find

(59:06):
out what's going on, because there's something deeper there. It's
not just like this guy goes out and leanne. If
you're listening, um, email email Janna cremat I heart media
dot com and we'll have you call in to dig
a little deeper to see if there's another side to
be because I'm saying, like the guy side, maybe he
just needed that last bit. Maybe he really is ready now.

(59:29):
I mean, yeah, obviously for me going through it, I
want to be able to have the guys back and
give him benefit of the doubt. M But if every
year for five years, that's yeah, that's like yeah. Also
the history was he doing this when they were dating?
Well exactly, we need to figure that out because it's
dating then okay, you know, so not right. But like

(59:51):
Amy said, we need to get to the weeds of
this land. Give us a call. This is Danielle. She says,
there's a topic I would like to see if you
can discuss. I'm dealing with a very narcissistic mother in
law and continue to be triggered by her toxic habits.
That's quite a sentence right there. My husband and I've
been trying to move on from it for quite some time,
but we're always going in circles because she is his mom.

(01:00:12):
She's very passive, aggressive and lashes out when we least expected,
for example, after our son was born at the hospital.
I feel like this is a very common issue in
many marriages as his wife. I want to set boundaries,
but I don't feel like he and I are truly
on the same page when it comes to addressing the situation.
I want to tackle it head on. He is a
little more cautious than I am. Any advice would be helpful.
PS That swaddle story was so terrifying. Glad everything was

(01:00:35):
okay and your mom ins thinks set in. Thank you
for the podcast and the authenticity than John, go ahead.
I just I dealt with that for so many years,
almost nineteen years, and I have never felt more free.
I divorced him. I'm not saying that, but you when

(01:01:00):
there is a narcissist in the family and the mother
in law, it's you just you can't tackle it in
any way except to put up your boundaries, which I
took years, years, you know, for me to learn how
to do that. But you aren't going to escape it.

(01:01:22):
He's never going to be a dent on your side
because she's probably so manipulative that he's getting two stories,
and he's always believed his mother as she's who cared
for him. So you're never going to win. There is
no I was going to say, there's no winner in this,

(01:01:45):
but she's the winner. But if you do not give
that the attention and you cut the toxic energy off
by don't go over there when she comes over to
the house, have a apointments, go to yoga, you're going
to have to really not spend time with her. Sheet
is always going to feel that way, yeah, always. Our

(01:02:08):
friend is kind of going through that. And you know
they've been married for twenty issue twenty years, I think,
um and whereas she had to set massive boundaries around it,
but it took a while for her husband to even
see what the mom was doing because they're so blinded,
like you said, by their by their mother's It's that
poor guy. I mean, you have the two most important
women in your life pointing two different directions. And it's

(01:02:30):
like you said, I mean his mother has been there
his whole life, that's all he knows. And tell he
met his wife right, So and he's also programmed by
her manipulation because even your husband as a toddler was
being manipulated because that's what narcissists do. So you know,
it's so it's not his fault. No, if Danielle can

(01:02:52):
have some empathy and look at it from that standpoint,
be like, you know, this has to be hard that
you feel like you're in the middle and have to
deal with is like, how can I help you? Instead
of her being like you have to say no to
your mother, we have to do this, being like, hey,
how can I help you? Like figure this out? What
can we do? As opposed to attacking. I'm kind of

(01:03:12):
on two sides side this because before I had a son,
I would say, oh, that mom's just enabling and she's
seeing you know, he's just a mama's boy and blah
blah blah blah blah, and just make every excuse like
how I always say with Pam. I was like, I
can't believe Pam thinks that we should spend every Christmas
at her house, you know. And then now okay, but
then but then now it's my son is spending every

(01:03:35):
Christmas with me, and I'm going to have him, I said,
And I'm not gonna So now it's like he's my
boy and I may not be a narcissist, but he's
little love of my life, like I'm his first and
only woman he'll ever love. I mean, I'm and I'm
reading I'm like, oh, that's gonna be me like I'm
gonna be. I'm gonna be. I will He's my boy,

(01:03:55):
Like I am so literally obsessed with that boy that
no girl will be perfect, Like it makes me want
to cry, like no girl going to size that little
oh shit that comes in out of my house, get
out immediately, immediate judgment from the walk out of the
room side. I yeah, yeah, so I don't know, Sorry,

(01:04:19):
daniel Just deal with that. You know what else, Danielle,
what you need to do is educate yourself and your
husband on narcissists and how they behave and how they
are in relationships. And it will give you a better
understanding and will also help your husband wrap his head

(01:04:40):
around technology behavior hopefully. YEA, so huge thank you to Joybird.
Go to joybird dot com slash Janet and receive an
exclusive offer for off your first order by using the
code Jana Brooklyn and get twenty dollars off and free
shipping when you use promo code Janet at Brooklyn and
dot com quip that's your first refeel pack free at
get quip, g E T q U I P dot

(01:05:03):
com slash Janna Lola for forty percent off all subscriptions.
Visit my Lola dot com and entering Janna when you subscribe. Okay,
this has been a really fun show. I've really enjoyed it.
There's been some good emails. Dr Kristen was great. Jen
love having me. It's sad, I just feel because we've
been there, we've been not being able to have a baby.
It's just there's so many women out there in that

(01:05:25):
this situation. So we love you, and uh it's wind
down again next week. Oh by the way, next week
for sure f g L one of them will be here.
I messed up on my dates, But next week stay tuned.
The Apple Crime to the Apple