April 13, 2021 • 41 mins
When did you know that you had arrived at adulthood? In this episode, OOD discusses what it means to be a modern adult. From growing breasts to getting tattoos to buying health insurance, becoming a “grown-up” isn’t exactly the fantasy they pictured as kids. But it’s not all bills and wrinkles. Wiith age comes wisdom, perspective, and maybe (just maybe) a little more happiness. Plus, a listener writes in to ask OOD if they are appropriating or appreciating black culture, and the girls dish them up some tough love.
Need OOD’s advice? Send your dilemma to OODpodcast@gmail.com Follow us on social, @obamasotherdaughters on Instagram, @OODimprov on twitter, and @ Obama’s Other Daughters on Facebook.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to you Down, a production of Shondaland Audio and
partnership with I Heart Radio. I feel like we all
are gonna be shaking our fists at kids in the
lawn soon, like that's the next step of adulting. Kids
enjoy being able to break your bones? Now, then what's
(00:23):
up everybody? And welcome back to you Down the podcast
wherefore funny honeys come together to talk about what's going
on in the culture. I'm Ashley Holston, I'm Money Watkins,
and I'm Mommy a AA. But collectively we are known
as Obama's other daughters. That's master p right, I know,
(00:47):
I love it. We're for the culture and that's from
the day of nineties, I know, still a part of
the culture. It is it is today we're asking, are
you down with adulting? We're all at the age where
it's undeniable that we are adults. It's a great thing.
(01:12):
Our parents have left us in charge of ourselves, and
we still aren't fully sure we're up to the task,
but we're past the point of pretending, and the responsibilities
and the taxes are here, whether we like it or not.
So as full fledged adults, we want to explore what
adulting actually means, and when we discovered we had arrived
(01:34):
at adulthood. But first let's do a little group but
check in. What are you guys hating and what are
y'all having? I have a few things, so it's kind
of hard and narrowed down. But since we're talking about
adult ng, I'll go with my adulting things. I know
you guys knew I was dealing with this audit and
(01:55):
it was sending me to helen back and I'm finally
at the end of it congratulation, and I was able
to get them to knock off some of the money
that they were trying to get me to pay. So
I'm super grateful, y'all. This is what being an adult is,
an Olympic business. So I'm super grateful for it. And yeah,
(02:17):
it's just like a breath of fresh air to like
not be on hope for two hours, to try to
fight for my rights, fight for your money, for my money, yes,
because they'd be trying. They tried, they'd be trying to
take it home from you, always trying to take it.
I've got no respect. Well, I am loving vision boarding, y'all.
(02:44):
My sister in law told me I was telling her
I wanted a vision board, right and how I just
hated going out spending so much money on magazines. They
don't gut the people I wanted them, they don't all
the stuff I wanted them. And she was like, just
use Pinterest and it is life changing. I cut and
paste all the images I wanted from Pinterest. I put
(03:05):
all my pats from Pinterest onto like a Google dog,
and I, you know, had a couple of per page,
went to FedEx can goes pay fifteen dollars prices two magazines,
and now I have the most bomb vision board and
I'm way too proud of it. But I love it now.
I love that, So that's what I'm loving. Actually, meanwhile,
my hate to my left right now. And I guess
(03:28):
this is just maybe my pattern. But I started a
vision board and I went out and bought the magazines
and I did not find all the things I wanted
and said magazines like literally, there was one magazine I
got like to two images from and I was like,
this is wck. And magazines are expensiveness. I realized, how
the story how much are they? I've seen some for
(03:50):
twenty dollars. I think Cosmo is about eight eight ninety nine,
maybe twelve. It's like McDonald's way more expensive, you remember,
and to cut it up, I can't And for no
pictures of black people, and then the ones I do
have pictures of black people, they're not I don't know.
They're like older a lot like essences. It's a lot
(04:12):
of older women. I'm like, I need was great. But
to my left, right now, on this little table are
the images I cut out with the phrases that meant
something to me. But my cats keep jumping on the
table and knocking it off, so I have to keep
on picking them up from the floor, and they get
all dusty and dirty, and I really just need to
put it. What about a glue stick? Say why didn't
(04:34):
you finish the project or something? Robertson, you know, what
is that anything? And maybe that's you know, my hate
is for myself. We're not finishing it. But you did.
You cut them out. You got to cut both of
you for doing the job. Ashley. Thank you for the
(04:58):
pinchest heads up because I know I need to update
my vision board. I'm not gonna lie thinking two years
I mean, but it's full and a lot of it
the same stuff I won I've won a lot of
the same stuff. So I'm like, until it comes true, right,
I'm like, wait, do you all remember that? And maybe
I told this story before, but that vision board that
I made and it had like mentor Shonda rhymes on
(05:20):
it right next to the picture of O D And
then fast forward to and now here we are in
but having gone on this journey with Shonda runs and
like Shonda Land all from a vision board. Well, that's
where it started. That's all of it, of course, all
the hard work that we all put in. That's real. Though.
(05:43):
How about you, MAMMYA this week? You know, my my
love is kind of simple. It's something that I'm like, oh,
this is what they mean when they're like, oh, you're
getting grown and sexy, you're getting back to Okay, don't
get that excited, um, but I don't want to let
you down, is what I mean. It's not that. Okay.
(06:03):
I just painted my nails by myself for the first
time in years, like last week, and it was therapeutic. Okay,
I love that it's gone now he took it off. Sorry,
I was really excited about it. But no, self care
(06:25):
is always well, that's the thing you have to keep
repainting them when you don't get gel, and there's something
like very like al right, well you're a grown ass woman.
Your nails look crazy, so you need to take the
time and do it. Yeah, it does bring you down
a few years to have some chipped fingernaire. It's like,
what do you twelve? I know that's the one reason
(06:48):
I get nervous with polish, because It'll be like I
start rushing around and then I'm like, oh crap, look
at these nails. Yeah, but isn't it like a test
of meditation that you have to be able to sit
for now? Were afterwards and just exactly that's what I
mean that it's like meditative. Um, hopefully not the fumes
of the nail, but yeah, if you have an hour
(07:14):
and a half to to to just sit anytime soon,
I recommend Also they sell jel nail polish on the shelves,
but then getting it off and that also takes a
little longer. It's a good two hours to do at home.
And I'm just thinking about it the whole time that
my hands are in acid tone, like how do you
(07:35):
get it off? When you go to the shop the
same way, but for some reason like I put it
in foil exactly. It feels different. You got foils foils
not said not in California, Ashley. I'm sorry. I have
this image of, you know, when I'm old, Let's say
I got gail nails every two weeks for the next
(07:55):
hundred years of my fingers just being stuffed. No, I
think about that too, which is um a huge part
of adulting, growing old in your your hands, turning into
I don't wish that upon any of us, Oh my god,
but they say that's how you know, like you can
(08:17):
tell someone's age by their neck in their hands. True. Okay, well,
you know, we gotta stick to our schedule and that's
what adults do. So um, we're gonna take a quick
break and then we'll get into it. A welcome back.
(08:42):
We're so hyped to jump into this conversation around adulting.
I clearly am an adult sitting here with these two
pig tails. But what do you guys think makes you
an adult? I feel like paying my bills with my
money and keeping myself a love without my parents supervision
is probably what makes me an adult. Also, I've been
(09:06):
the size of an adult since I was about twelve
years old. Probably ten. I'm six ft one, so you
know it's been this way for a while. I felt
seen as an adult. I feel like black girls are
often like made to be adults way sooner than they
actually are, and then put on top of that, actually
(09:28):
looking for some reason, people would quite height with adulthood.
I remember being in school playing basketball and they asked
to see my birth certificate because they thought I was
getting in R rated movies when I was thirteen, Like,
I still have a little bit of a baby face,
so imagine me like thirteen, like, yeah, sir, I'm eighteen.
(09:54):
Voice changed so much. Are you sure you're an adult? Ash? Yes, yeah,
of course I felt like a real adult after it
took a few years in for me to be like,
oh no, I'm really in this. I felt like I
started doing adult things and I was excited about it.
(10:16):
Like once it shifted from me thinking oh this is
fun too, this is adult, this is what it's like.
So when you stopped having fun, yeah, it was like, oh,
I work at the movie theaters, I get to stay
out late. Oh I'm in New York City by myself
in the Big Apple. And then it was like, oh,
(10:37):
you got rent and you just got fired from your
job and now you're on unemployment. Um oh gosh, I
gotta make decisioness gonna make moves. I gotta make money
moves or I'm gonna be on the street. It's real that, Like, unfortunately,
I feel like bills are what defined being an adult.
Bills that are not going to get paid unless you
make sure they're paid, and nobody else is going to
(10:58):
check to make sure. Like insurance. They don't tell you
that in school. All the things that you have to
pay for. You can't just say I don't want to
have car insurance or you can but get pulled over
and they'll be in some hot water. So like having
to pay for stuff and not being able to depend
on your parents, that was really the moment where it
(11:22):
slapped me in the face. It's so traumatic. There should
be a class called adulting like one oh one, like
in high school, where you learn, yes, taxes and insurance
and health insurance if you can get it all of it.
I'm legitimately shopping for health insurance for the first time,
like this week. I've been like it's been a priority
(11:44):
of mine to be like, how can I get health insurance?
Because I, you know, I had turned twenty six, and
there it was. I was out on the street, no
health insurance, and I'm like, oh, why did they make
it so hard? And granted there's you know, sag insurance
at some point when that happens, but it's a foreign language.
I think health insurance should be the same as car insurance,
(12:06):
Like if somebody in your family has a plan, you
should be able to like as many people as need
to be on that plan. It makes no sense that
it isn't that way, Like, there's clearly a reason that
I think health insurance should be, you know, just free
and universal to it. I mean, I didn't know I
wasn't on health insurance because my mom didn't have it
(12:26):
with her job. So I came out to adult life like, well,
we don't have health insurance and I don't have it
down as an adult, and I won't have it until
last year I got it for the first time shopping.
You know how, I know you guys are adults because
you're fully engaged in this conversation about where your insurance from.
(12:49):
What about you insurance? It's great and it's like entertaining
to have a conversation around these boring ass topics I
do remember the moment where I was like excited for
vacuum cleaning and sales on paper towels, and I was like, oh,
I'm my mom, my mom now getting a swiffer. Like
(13:09):
that's like hype for my swiffer. Actually, remember when we
went to the mall and the only thing that I
bought was that handheld vacuum cleaner and it was I mean,
the mall is its own special sort of drama for me,
but that vacuum, granted, it just broke last week, and
(13:31):
I'm like, are there any black owned vacuum cleaner? Jesus
you could buy? I used one from a black person.
Does that Oh yeah you could do that. Yeah, that's
black owned, black owned. But I've been like, I need
another vacuum. But that vacuum transformed in my life. I
(13:52):
guess this is I'm an adult, but also the mall
was trauma, but the vacuum was life. Like the mall
used to be the fun thing that you did as
a kid. And no, not them all people, there's too
much capitalism' that's so funny, Like when did you know
that you were adulting? If there was a moment, can
(14:14):
you remember, Yeah, I shared mine. I know my moment.
I feel like, wait, what's your moment? My moment would
be um in college when, first of all, if every
time I asked my parents for money, it would be
like forty three dollars, like not anything that I could
use significantly. And my friends were going to Miami, and
(14:35):
I made this whole pitch to my dad about how
I was going to go on vacation, and he was
like vacation. Who needs vacation to the concept of me
in college choosing to go on vacation and asking for money,
like he thought I was insane. So I had to
ask my cousin that's what adults do. I wanted to
(15:02):
be hot girl on the beach in Miami with no money.
Did you make it? Did you get to be hot girl?
Did you deserve that? Mammy? Everybody deserves to be hot
girl in Miami? Broke broke hot girl my senior year,
I was definitely broke hot girl in Miami. Like I worked.
It was a Phona thon for Dickinson. So I would
(15:22):
like call a lumps to be like, Hi, can we
count on you to donate a thousand dollars to Dickinson today?
And people would just be like, yeah, no problem, sugn
me up for two And I was like, what, they're
paying me six dollars an hour to work here? How
dare you send that money to me? Six dollars? It
(15:43):
was crazy And Mike, I can't believe people just have
this money on top of tuition that they're paying for
their kids. That's crazy. But we're all basically adulting now, Like,
could we do that adults in better? Like cond we
be better adults or we at our our peak? We is?
I hope not? I hope this is not my peak
(16:04):
of adulthood. I still can't not eat Twizzlers every day
for breakfast, so I surely hope it is better. Literally
had cinnamon bun from Pilsner or whatever it is, the
little can where you have the cinnamon rolls Pillsberry. She
said she gave up so easy. Something do you think about?
(16:25):
I didn't have beer for breakfast. I had a cinnamon
roll adult. I feel like since I've been home, my
mom looks at me nuts because I'm supposed to take
calcium and be complex, and I like pretend like I
forgot and she literally like puts it in front of me,
and I'm like oh yeah. But if I wasn't here,
(16:45):
I probably probably wouldn't And I think I need to
start doing better with that, Like I'm not getting any
younger and these bones aren't getting stronger. Yeah, I feel
like I get you know. I feel like it's like Mario,
we're leveling up, We're having fun, Like did you ever
play more? Yes? Not? Well, I don't think I've made
(17:07):
it past the first round, so I didn't level up memorial,
But in real life, I feel like every year is
getting better or closer, even when it feels like whoa,
who what am I doing? You know? I felt like
when I I have had a roommate since I moved
to l A, and I don't have roommate anymore. So
I'm like, look at you. You are on you know,
(17:27):
the seventh level of adulthood. Um, no roommate makes you
an adult? Yea. Yeah. I feel like the biggest thing
that I could be better at being an adult is
is like financially. My dad has been like, really, make
drilling it into my head that like, you gotta start
saving for retirement, you gotta make sure you have an
(17:49):
I ra A And I finally set that up. But
in looking at like how foreign that world is to me.
I just know that there's so much more that I
need to be doing um to secure my myself, like
make investments and whatnot. That feels like real, like another
step of adulthood from me. It's overwhelming. Yeah, these are
(18:10):
like the hardest parts of adulting, like the how do
you survive? And not just survive but like thrive. But
like how do you feel like our parents generation versus
where we're at right now? Like what do you think
the differences are in terms of adult ing? I feel
like for my my parents, specifically, adult ing meant having
a family, like getting married and having kids and buying
(18:33):
a house, and none of those things are on my
immediate lists. So I have to find a way to
feel like an adult without having a baby and a
husband and a house. So yeah, I think that's the
biggest thing. Like my adulting is more like how can
I live my most free life? Yeah, And it seems
(18:54):
like our parents, like that generation, like that was standard
that you have to do these things to be considered
an adult, and a lot of people did it, and
we're unhappy and are divorced because they we're checking things
off a list of things that you do as an
adult instead of, like what you're saying, Ashley, finding who
(19:15):
you are as a person and like being solid and
who you are before you add all those layers onto
your life. Agree. It's so funny because I feel like
for my parents it was a little bit of the opposite.
Like they were like, we got to have these jobs.
Everything was about like making money, We have to make money.
And obviously they had me in their early thirties, but
(19:38):
they didn't stay to get Like staying married is just
not a thing that's important. Outside of seeing my grandparents
who were married forever, no one like my aunt the
other day was like I'm so proud of you. Yeahs,
you've been in a relationship for eight years now, and
like their generation, it was just like every one of
my family is divorced and not together. So I was
(20:00):
just like, I don't know if I'm adulting and finding
this person that I do enjoy and still enjoy being with.
But even when we got married, it feels like a
big deal. But also it's like we're here and we're
still enjoying it, and that's like the the goal, not
like we have to be married until we're dead dead,
just are we okay and we still want to check
(20:22):
in and still go on this journey together. But the
kids are certain, like everyone is having kids. I'm like,
that's not for me, not right now at least, But
at what age is it okay? I don't know. I
will say that definitely shift between our parents and us.
Like I mean my mom had my brother at eighteen. Yeah,
(20:43):
she didn't want kids after that, but I slipped up.
She hit me, so shed me at seven, nine years later.
But having kids at a young age, I mean it
was clearly they weren't trying to you know, have my brother,
but she you know, married my dad and they were
to go there for twelve years. So I don't know.
(21:04):
I feel like that was something that like that layout
of like have a kid and get married and then
lived together. And like for me growing up, I was
just like get out, have fun, pleasure. Heathen is just
just kidding, um. I feel like that's a huge difference
between that generation to that more people were like abiding
(21:30):
by the rules of their church and what things are
supposed to look like in a certain way, Like my
mom had three kids at my age. Like I remember
being young and being like my mom's thirty five, Like what,
my child won't be able to talk probably if I
have one at thirty or five, let alone be able
(21:50):
to know what ages. So like the cookie cutter image
of a family seems like it was way more people
were more beholden to as opposed to finding their own
self gratification expectation versus reality though, like what were you
expecting adulthood to be versus what it actually is? A
(22:14):
Jay Z music video specifically, excuse me, miss I used
to feel very sexy when I watched that video, Like
I couldn't wait to be eighteen at a club, well
at a club, like I was very into like what
I would feel like for a guy, and to like
I think I was hot and a sweaty club grinding
(22:36):
a music producer and they popping bottles behind her exactly Christall, Yes,
I feel like some of my expectation versus reality was
like like I man, I manifested what I thought it
would be, but not clear enough. Like I was like, oh,
I'll have more money and I'll do what I want,
but like what I want is to have my phone,
so I have to pay my phone bill. I should
(22:59):
have been clear. I should have just been a way
more clear with this manifestation. I'll drive. I got to
drive wherever I want, whenever I want. Now I do uber.
Why wasn't I more specific? I feel like when I
was younger and I looked at people in my age,
I would be like, they're so old. Everything's gonna happen
(23:19):
for me when I'm young, and like I'm gonna be
a serious regular at like twenty two and like meet
my Like I literally had a list. I was like,
I'm going to have a man by twenty three, We're
gonna get married by twenty seven, and I'm gonna have
my first kid by now, and that's just that's just
not even I don't even know if I want kids anymore.
So I will say, like what I expected my adult
(23:43):
grown life to be hasn't been that. But I it's
better than I put out there, I guess because I
put out the the cookie Cutter, you know, Partridge Family
style visual. But I got like fun in a dose
three reality to being single, and you know, there are
of course things that I would want to change, but
(24:05):
I feel like it's better than and I don't feel
like I'm that old woman that I thought I would
be when I was a kid at this. Oh it's
weird how we equate adulthood to certain ages, Like you
could be stunted in your growth at you know, twelve,
and just because you're twenty five doesn't mean you know
you're a real adult. But I remember having those same things,
(24:28):
like you haven't finished college yet and you're twenty five.
I don't want to be doing that. Did not finish
college until I was twenty seven years old. Age is
not what makes you an adult. I definitely thought it
would be success. I was like, success will mean that
I have reached adulthood and I'm popping, but being thirty
(24:49):
two and still striving and still going after it even
though they've been and kind of like what you were
saying here about their being like all these unexpected delights
along the way, You're like, oh, I didn't even know
to dream about that, but here's this beautiful thing that's
happening in front of my eyes that I, like, I
could not have imagined or manifested. But as each year
(25:10):
goes by, and like what I quote thought would be
success continues to like change or and or move away.
I'm like, Okay, maybe adulthood is just being present in
this moment, but looking back, what was like, what did
you guys do for your eighteenth birthday or like when
you actually became legal, were there any cool things that
(25:31):
you specifically did. I'm the oldest child, so my parents
left us alone. I was in charge. I don't remember
where they went, but it was like a weekend and
it was the first time I had been alone since
I turned eighteen, and so I was like, I'm going
to go give my tongue piers. And I went and
got my tongue piers. My parents did not know for
(25:52):
the longest time, even though I was talking real crazy um.
And then my mom found out on my graduation at
my high school graduate like, I like yelled and she
saw it, and she was just so disappointed, so so
so disappointed. Me. What does he even mean? Why would
you wanted? Like, because I can, you don't let me
(26:13):
do things. I'm eighteen, I could do what I want, mom,
So that's what I did. Mine was also a piercing,
Oh my god. But it was the cartilage piercing, and I, like,
I always thought that like every cool girl had that pierced,
And I got myrs pierced when I was like two,
months old because that's a cultural thing. But my mom
(26:37):
never was always like, you wouldn't do this, and I'm like,
so I went by myself to Claire's Northtown Mall, Minnesota
and got it pierced, and I felt like a grown
ass woman. Yes, speaking of Claire's, can you walk into
a Claire's and still be considered an adult? That's like, oh,
(26:57):
she thinks, man, unless you're shopping for the children in
your life. True. Um, I got a tattoo, and the
funniest thing is like the tattoo artists tried to talk
me out of it, and my close friend at the time, Ellie,
was like, she knows what she wants. She wants to
get a shooting star that says superstar rough on her body,
(27:20):
and I did I need Jews to elaborate for the
people that it does not say superstar superstar rock. Yes,
there is a RhE like the god or R R
A R. There's a little dash and then there's an
R A because I wasn't just a superstar, I was
a superstar R And um, I wanted that on my
(27:43):
body for the rest of my life and I got
it on my a deep birthday. Do you not get
a tattoo on your eight deep birthday, you don't it?
Where is it? It's right here on my hip. It's
so small that you can't really because it kind of
now just looks like a shooting star. It's been there
for ten years. So it's funny that body modification is
like the litmus test for adulting because for me also,
(28:05):
and granted I wasn't even eighteen yet, but I my
birthday is in November, and I went away to college
at seventeen, so they gave me my Dickinson I D.
And I went to Carlisle tattoo parlor whatever it was,
and I'm like, I want a belly button piercing, and
I like showed him my I D and I just
pretended like I was eighteen, and I was like, I'm
(28:26):
an adult. And then I was like, oh wait, I
have to clean it and like infection and like all
the stuff that comes with piercings that you're like, oh wait.
I just thought it was a cute thing that would
like look cute forever. And I've had so many piercings
and had to get rid of so many piercings. I
think like the one I missed the most or my
(28:47):
wrist piercings. They were so cute, but someone grabbed it
and it popped out, so like in fun or in
a fight, just in fun, they were like, oh, come
here and grab my wrists and out of game to
talk about another time. So if you had one one
(29:07):
word of advice or something small to offer to younger you,
knowing what you know now as adult you, what would
that be. I guess I would say, uh, I love
yourself is gonna be okay. Patience is a virtue. I
feel like my mom used to say that to me
all the time, and I didn't really like hearing it,
and I'd be like, no, I don't care, but really
(29:28):
it is. And it's like, look, this is a marathon
to say no sprint alright, nipsey uh. You know you
guys are being so thoughtful to younger you. My word
would be, hey, girl, adults are taller than kids. You'll
fit in one day. Don't cry for me, Argentina. I
(29:50):
love my height now, and I am funny because I
was sticking out like a store thumb when I was
a kid. So I feel like I would There are
two things. One quick, worrying so much about what other
people think of you because it literally has nothing to
do with you. I could tell myself that today too,
and um, your boobs aren't going to grow, and that's fine.
(30:18):
I remember wishing like, oh, everybody starting getting boobs, like oh,
I'm starting to get them, and then around like seventh grade,
they just didn't grow anymore. I feel you, did you
do the must I must increase my bust in the mirror?
Like the physical move you had? No. Yeah, it was
like the way of asking the universe for you to
(30:38):
increase your bust and it worked. I think, what can
you send that to me when we get off so
I can. I'm like, what kind of witchcraft? If there's
a video? I must, I must, I must increase. It
doesn't work after ship, I missed the boat. But like,
(31:00):
boobs are such a thing for girls, and then like
if yours don't get huge, I definitely thought that was weird.
But most people don't have huge boobs and they get
implants because of that. Well, and we don't have to
wear bras, so there is that. Thank you. Hey, I
don't wear bras. Congratulations must be nice. I just mean, like,
(31:25):
you know, don't wear bra if you don't want to
I was infective because all I can see, that's what
an audience never said at one of our shows. Nobody
what somebody said that? Yeah, and it did not stop
(31:47):
me from going on stage. I need to be comfortable
when I do comedy. Okay, you deserve that, freeday nip,
thank you. I'm here for it. On that note, let's
hear from our answers before we jump into our advice letter.
(32:17):
It's time for a listener to get some advice from
the best rappers in the game. It's us, We're the
best rappers. Mommy, what you got for us? Okay? Hi
O O D. I'm a white girl who grew up
in Oakland. Okay, bet ya and found this podcast recently
(32:38):
and love it. Let's be real, this white girl, Okay,
this is a lot. Let's be real. This white girl
would put the stereo up in my friends Balvo station, wagging,
rapping too too short in high school, money in the ghetto?
Blow job? Betty? Was I doing cultural appropriation or appreciation
(33:01):
of good music? I appreciate the diversity of the community
that I grew up in and the positivity you all
put out in the world. A hella, Love Oakland, Best
from Ozy, you touched my soul? Okay over here, can
I say that I am dying to hear what Yasmin
(33:23):
has to say because her face is so pained, so pained.
Thank you for the support. Oh my god, gentrifiers, stay
away from me. Can we talk about that. She wasn't
(33:44):
sure if it was appreciation or appropriation. She loves us
and she loves hip hop in the bay. She's trying
to give us the lay of her land. Look, she
loves money in the ghetto and blow job Betty, let
me take I feel like we need Rachel Cargo to
come and like dissect every part of this like advice letter,
(34:06):
because I feel like her heart is in the right
place maybe, but the approach is and an execution. It's
also to like, I moved to Australia in my early
twenties the widest place ever. Question mark, are you asking
us or telling us it's the whitest place ever? Also,
why is that relevant to the Because she grew up
(34:27):
in a very diverse community in Oakland and now she's
in the widest place ever and she feels very connected
to us because there are no black people around, so
where her black people that she gets to listen to
where her black friends. But the question, even though I
too felt the a little bit of cringe in the
(34:47):
hella love, what do you do right? We know you
know the word hella, like let us keep our ship?
I mean, I don't even mind. I don't even mind
that she said it. I just I'm wondering why you
said it. I mean, Jasmine, you spent time in the
Bay Area, like I used to be obsessed with hi
fia and everything in high school. When I went to
this conference there and I was with Catholic school kids,
(35:10):
most of them were not black, and hella was like
a part of the vernacular of everyone in the Bay Area.
I'm sure. I just I get I get the cringe.
It's so like it's more so like you know how
people have been like it's the for me. Did you
see that there's this uh embracing black culture posted like
a compilation of black women just like reading Folks for filth,
(35:31):
And one black woman was on there talking about how
ye folks just sort of take our vernacular and like
beat it with a dead horse. Just let us keep
our ship. I mean it's a fine line though, because
how do we keep And again I don't mind this
girl saying Hella, I just wonder why she said that
(35:51):
I love Oakland. It's like, and I love black That's
what it felt like to me. Um. But her question
is was she appropriated or is she appreciated? And I
feel like, if you grew up in Oakland, and I
don't know much of Oakland except for y'all always talking
about too short, always talking about forty, so I know
(36:13):
it's part of the culture. So if you grew up there,
how would it be appropriation unless you go on somewhere
else and saying I came up with this beautiful music.
But like that's like saying you're like in the Upper
West Side and or East Side of New York and
being like, oh, I claim jay Z. But I don't
know if she's from the Upper West Side. I don't
know where she lived in Oakland. I know, like when
(36:34):
I think of the kids I was in middle school with,
and like, it was a grip of black kids, but
it was also some white kids there, and they listened
to club music, and I mean people were it was
a different era. I remember this is what boy, this
little white boy, he talked and he had a black
scent and I'm pretty sure he used the N word.
(36:57):
He grew up in the hood and felt like he
could and no, he said a damn thing for probably nails.
Someone said something, but at that time, I'm assuming when
she was growing up, nobody was calling it out. The
N word is a different thing. But I would never
call somebody out for enjoying music. Yeah, if we all
listening to music, I wouldn't be like, hey, white girl,
(37:19):
you can't listen to too short Like that's weird to me.
If you have a feeling that you are appropriating, you
probably need to examine that a little bit because who
said it. I think Ashley, if you grew up there,
that is a part of the music that was playing
on the radio for you on you know, top forty station.
So like, why do you feel like it is appropriation?
(37:40):
Are you appropriating? You know what I mean? I mean,
I feel like everyone's calling appropriation now a day is
so people are scared, So it might be part of that.
I mean, I don't know how she could be appropriating
this music. I think it's something about white folks consuming
things that black folks create and then taking it as
(38:02):
their own right. But what's the tanky get as their
own part in this situation. I just feel like she's
over here, like this is hip hop too short, and
she's using the hella like it just feels very appropriative.
And I think, Mommy, like what you were saying about,
you know, check in with yourself, maybe do some research,
ask your black friends. It sounds like there's some soul
(38:24):
searching that should be done, and it's not necessarily labor
that should come from us to give her approval. And
somebody brought us up just now, Like culturally, when this
is hip hop, that notion that like a certain style
of dress and a certain swag and whatever means that
(38:44):
you're like a hip hop er. That's not a thing.
We can have our own music and like live without
it being like quantified to a certain you know what
I mean. Like to me listening to Wrap, it speaks
to my soul and I don't have to address a
certain way to be able to enjoy it or like speak,
(39:04):
a certain way to be able to enjoy it. Um
Patricialle Collins talks about Black women's thought in the matrix
of domination, and she says placing African American women and
other excluded groups in the center of analysis opens up
possibilities for a both conceptual stance, one in which all
groups possess varying amounts of penalty and privilege, and one
(39:25):
historically created system. And in this system, for example, white
women are penalized by their gender but privileged by their race.
And depending on the context, an individual maybe an oppressor,
a member of an oppressed group, or simultaneously oppressor and oppressed.
And I think this kind of applies for best from Oz.
(39:45):
You touch my soul where she may not be aware
of the ways that she could be oppressing or appropriating,
and that's something to potentially be examined. I guess examine it, girl.
But if you just listening to music, I don't think
that's appropriation. Enjoy the beat, but examination self reflection is
(40:06):
always good, so do it. But listening to music made
by black people is not appropriation in my book, You'll
have to define it for yourself that I did really
love I'll right you guys. Well, Um, we hope that
helped Aussie girl, and yeah, we appreciate you all tuning
(40:28):
in for another week. Um, if you want to show
us some move, you can always rate us or write
a review of this podcast. Come hang out on our
social you know where we are Obama's Other Daughters Insta,
o D improv on Twitter, Facebook, Obama's Other Daughters. And
if you need some advice, we're gonna try to help you, Okay,
(40:49):
So send your letters to o D podcast at gmail
dot com. We won't roast to so bad if we promise,
but sometimes love and stuff and we'll see you all
next week. Good Bye You Down is a production of
(41:09):
Shonda land Audio and partnership with I heart Radio. For
more podcasts from Shonda land Audio, visit the I heart
Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Welcome to you Down, a production of Shondaland Audio and
partnership with I Heart Radio. I feel like we all
are gonna be shaking our fists at kids in the
lawn soon, like that's the next step of adulting. Kids
enjoy being able to break your bones? Now, then what's
(00:23):
up everybody? And welcome back to you Down the podcast
wherefore funny honeys come together to talk about what's going
on in the culture. I'm Ashley Holston, I'm Money Watkins,
and I'm Mommy a AA. But collectively we are known
as Obama's other daughters. That's master p right, I know,
(00:47):
I love it. We're for the culture and that's from
the day of nineties, I know, still a part of
the culture. It is it is today we're asking, are
you down with adulting? We're all at the age where
it's undeniable that we are adults. It's a great thing.
(01:12):
Our parents have left us in charge of ourselves, and
we still aren't fully sure we're up to the task,
but we're past the point of pretending, and the responsibilities
and the taxes are here, whether we like it or not.
So as full fledged adults, we want to explore what
adulting actually means, and when we discovered we had arrived
(01:34):
at adulthood. But first let's do a little group but
check in. What are you guys hating and what are
y'all having? I have a few things, so it's kind
of hard and narrowed down. But since we're talking about
adult ng, I'll go with my adulting things. I know
you guys knew I was dealing with this audit and
(01:55):
it was sending me to helen back and I'm finally
at the end of it congratulation, and I was able
to get them to knock off some of the money
that they were trying to get me to pay. So
I'm super grateful, y'all. This is what being an adult is,
an Olympic business. So I'm super grateful for it. And yeah,
(02:17):
it's just like a breath of fresh air to like
not be on hope for two hours, to try to
fight for my rights, fight for your money, for my money, yes,
because they'd be trying. They tried, they'd be trying to
take it home from you, always trying to take it.
I've got no respect. Well, I am loving vision boarding, y'all.
(02:44):
My sister in law told me I was telling her
I wanted a vision board, right and how I just
hated going out spending so much money on magazines. They
don't gut the people I wanted them, they don't all
the stuff I wanted them. And she was like, just
use Pinterest and it is life changing. I cut and
paste all the images I wanted from Pinterest. I put
(03:05):
all my pats from Pinterest onto like a Google dog,
and I, you know, had a couple of per page,
went to FedEx can goes pay fifteen dollars prices two magazines,
and now I have the most bomb vision board and
I'm way too proud of it. But I love it now.
I love that, So that's what I'm loving. Actually, meanwhile,
my hate to my left right now. And I guess
(03:28):
this is just maybe my pattern. But I started a
vision board and I went out and bought the magazines
and I did not find all the things I wanted
and said magazines like literally, there was one magazine I
got like to two images from and I was like,
this is wck. And magazines are expensiveness. I realized, how
the story how much are they? I've seen some for
(03:50):
twenty dollars. I think Cosmo is about eight eight ninety nine,
maybe twelve. It's like McDonald's way more expensive, you remember,
and to cut it up, I can't And for no
pictures of black people, and then the ones I do
have pictures of black people, they're not I don't know.
They're like older a lot like essences. It's a lot
(04:12):
of older women. I'm like, I need was great. But
to my left, right now, on this little table are
the images I cut out with the phrases that meant
something to me. But my cats keep jumping on the
table and knocking it off, so I have to keep
on picking them up from the floor, and they get
all dusty and dirty, and I really just need to
put it. What about a glue stick? Say why didn't
(04:34):
you finish the project or something? Robertson, you know, what
is that anything? And maybe that's you know, my hate
is for myself. We're not finishing it. But you did.
You cut them out. You got to cut both of
you for doing the job. Ashley. Thank you for the
(04:58):
pinchest heads up because I know I need to update
my vision board. I'm not gonna lie thinking two years
I mean, but it's full and a lot of it
the same stuff I won I've won a lot of
the same stuff. So I'm like, until it comes true, right,
I'm like, wait, do you all remember that? And maybe
I told this story before, but that vision board that
I made and it had like mentor Shonda rhymes on
(05:20):
it right next to the picture of O D And
then fast forward to and now here we are in
but having gone on this journey with Shonda runs and
like Shonda Land all from a vision board. Well, that's
where it started. That's all of it, of course, all
the hard work that we all put in. That's real. Though.
(05:43):
How about you, MAMMYA this week? You know, my my
love is kind of simple. It's something that I'm like, oh,
this is what they mean when they're like, oh, you're
getting grown and sexy, you're getting back to Okay, don't
get that excited, um, but I don't want to let
you down, is what I mean. It's not that. Okay.
(06:03):
I just painted my nails by myself for the first
time in years, like last week, and it was therapeutic. Okay,
I love that it's gone now he took it off. Sorry,
I was really excited about it. But no, self care
(06:25):
is always well, that's the thing you have to keep
repainting them when you don't get gel, and there's something
like very like al right, well you're a grown ass woman.
Your nails look crazy, so you need to take the
time and do it. Yeah, it does bring you down
a few years to have some chipped fingernaire. It's like,
what do you twelve? I know that's the one reason
(06:48):
I get nervous with polish, because It'll be like I
start rushing around and then I'm like, oh crap, look
at these nails. Yeah, but isn't it like a test
of meditation that you have to be able to sit
for now? Were afterwards and just exactly that's what I
mean that it's like meditative. Um, hopefully not the fumes
of the nail, but yeah, if you have an hour
(07:14):
and a half to to to just sit anytime soon,
I recommend Also they sell jel nail polish on the shelves,
but then getting it off and that also takes a
little longer. It's a good two hours to do at home.
And I'm just thinking about it the whole time that
my hands are in acid tone, like how do you
(07:35):
get it off? When you go to the shop the
same way, but for some reason like I put it
in foil exactly. It feels different. You got foils foils
not said not in California, Ashley. I'm sorry. I have
this image of, you know, when I'm old, Let's say
I got gail nails every two weeks for the next
(07:55):
hundred years of my fingers just being stuffed. No, I
think about that too, which is um a huge part
of adulting, growing old in your your hands, turning into
I don't wish that upon any of us, Oh my god,
but they say that's how you know, like you can
(08:17):
tell someone's age by their neck in their hands. True. Okay, well,
you know, we gotta stick to our schedule and that's
what adults do. So um, we're gonna take a quick
break and then we'll get into it. A welcome back.
(08:42):
We're so hyped to jump into this conversation around adulting.
I clearly am an adult sitting here with these two
pig tails. But what do you guys think makes you
an adult? I feel like paying my bills with my
money and keeping myself a love without my parents supervision
is probably what makes me an adult. Also, I've been
(09:06):
the size of an adult since I was about twelve
years old. Probably ten. I'm six ft one, so you
know it's been this way for a while. I felt
seen as an adult. I feel like black girls are
often like made to be adults way sooner than they
actually are, and then put on top of that, actually
(09:28):
looking for some reason, people would quite height with adulthood.
I remember being in school playing basketball and they asked
to see my birth certificate because they thought I was
getting in R rated movies when I was thirteen, Like,
I still have a little bit of a baby face,
so imagine me like thirteen, like, yeah, sir, I'm eighteen.
(09:54):
Voice changed so much. Are you sure you're an adult? Ash? Yes, yeah,
of course I felt like a real adult after it
took a few years in for me to be like,
oh no, I'm really in this. I felt like I
started doing adult things and I was excited about it.
(10:16):
Like once it shifted from me thinking oh this is
fun too, this is adult, this is what it's like.
So when you stopped having fun, yeah, it was like, oh,
I work at the movie theaters, I get to stay
out late. Oh I'm in New York City by myself
in the Big Apple. And then it was like, oh,
(10:37):
you got rent and you just got fired from your
job and now you're on unemployment. Um oh gosh, I
gotta make decisioness gonna make moves. I gotta make money
moves or I'm gonna be on the street. It's real that, Like, unfortunately,
I feel like bills are what defined being an adult.
Bills that are not going to get paid unless you
make sure they're paid, and nobody else is going to
(10:58):
check to make sure. Like insurance. They don't tell you
that in school. All the things that you have to
pay for. You can't just say I don't want to
have car insurance or you can but get pulled over
and they'll be in some hot water. So like having
to pay for stuff and not being able to depend
on your parents, that was really the moment where it
(11:22):
slapped me in the face. It's so traumatic. There should
be a class called adulting like one oh one, like
in high school, where you learn, yes, taxes and insurance
and health insurance if you can get it all of it.
I'm legitimately shopping for health insurance for the first time,
like this week. I've been like it's been a priority
(11:44):
of mine to be like, how can I get health insurance?
Because I, you know, I had turned twenty six, and
there it was. I was out on the street, no
health insurance, and I'm like, oh, why did they make
it so hard? And granted there's you know, sag insurance
at some point when that happens, but it's a foreign language.
I think health insurance should be the same as car insurance,
(12:06):
Like if somebody in your family has a plan, you
should be able to like as many people as need
to be on that plan. It makes no sense that
it isn't that way, Like, there's clearly a reason that
I think health insurance should be, you know, just free
and universal to it. I mean, I didn't know I
wasn't on health insurance because my mom didn't have it
(12:26):
with her job. So I came out to adult life like, well,
we don't have health insurance and I don't have it
down as an adult, and I won't have it until
last year I got it for the first time shopping.
You know how, I know you guys are adults because
you're fully engaged in this conversation about where your insurance from.
(12:49):
What about you insurance? It's great and it's like entertaining
to have a conversation around these boring ass topics I
do remember the moment where I was like excited for
vacuum cleaning and sales on paper towels, and I was like, oh,
I'm my mom, my mom now getting a swiffer. Like
(13:09):
that's like hype for my swiffer. Actually, remember when we
went to the mall and the only thing that I
bought was that handheld vacuum cleaner and it was I mean,
the mall is its own special sort of drama for me,
but that vacuum, granted, it just broke last week, and
(13:31):
I'm like, are there any black owned vacuum cleaner? Jesus
you could buy? I used one from a black person.
Does that Oh yeah you could do that. Yeah, that's
black owned, black owned. But I've been like, I need
another vacuum. But that vacuum transformed in my life. I
(13:52):
guess this is I'm an adult, but also the mall
was trauma, but the vacuum was life. Like the mall
used to be the fun thing that you did as
a kid. And no, not them all people, there's too
much capitalism' that's so funny, Like when did you know
that you were adulting? If there was a moment, can
(14:14):
you remember, Yeah, I shared mine. I know my moment.
I feel like, wait, what's your moment? My moment would
be um in college when, first of all, if every
time I asked my parents for money, it would be
like forty three dollars, like not anything that I could
use significantly. And my friends were going to Miami, and
(14:35):
I made this whole pitch to my dad about how
I was going to go on vacation, and he was
like vacation. Who needs vacation to the concept of me
in college choosing to go on vacation and asking for money,
like he thought I was insane. So I had to
ask my cousin that's what adults do. I wanted to
(15:02):
be hot girl on the beach in Miami with no money.
Did you make it? Did you get to be hot girl?
Did you deserve that? Mammy? Everybody deserves to be hot
girl in Miami? Broke broke hot girl my senior year,
I was definitely broke hot girl in Miami. Like I worked.
It was a Phona thon for Dickinson. So I would
(15:22):
like call a lumps to be like, Hi, can we
count on you to donate a thousand dollars to Dickinson today?
And people would just be like, yeah, no problem, sugn
me up for two And I was like, what, they're
paying me six dollars an hour to work here? How
dare you send that money to me? Six dollars? It
(15:43):
was crazy And Mike, I can't believe people just have
this money on top of tuition that they're paying for
their kids. That's crazy. But we're all basically adulting now, Like,
could we do that adults in better? Like cond we
be better adults or we at our our peak? We is?
I hope not? I hope this is not my peak
(16:04):
of adulthood. I still can't not eat Twizzlers every day
for breakfast, so I surely hope it is better. Literally
had cinnamon bun from Pilsner or whatever it is, the
little can where you have the cinnamon rolls Pillsberry. She
said she gave up so easy. Something do you think about?
(16:25):
I didn't have beer for breakfast. I had a cinnamon
roll adult. I feel like since I've been home, my
mom looks at me nuts because I'm supposed to take
calcium and be complex, and I like pretend like I
forgot and she literally like puts it in front of me,
and I'm like oh yeah. But if I wasn't here,
(16:45):
I probably probably wouldn't And I think I need to
start doing better with that, Like I'm not getting any
younger and these bones aren't getting stronger. Yeah, I feel
like I get you know. I feel like it's like Mario,
we're leveling up, We're having fun, Like did you ever
play more? Yes? Not? Well, I don't think I've made
(17:07):
it past the first round, so I didn't level up memorial,
But in real life, I feel like every year is
getting better or closer, even when it feels like whoa,
who what am I doing? You know? I felt like
when I I have had a roommate since I moved
to l A, and I don't have roommate anymore. So
I'm like, look at you. You are on you know,
(17:27):
the seventh level of adulthood. Um, no roommate makes you
an adult? Yea. Yeah. I feel like the biggest thing
that I could be better at being an adult is
is like financially. My dad has been like, really, make
drilling it into my head that like, you gotta start
saving for retirement, you gotta make sure you have an
(17:49):
I ra A And I finally set that up. But
in looking at like how foreign that world is to me.
I just know that there's so much more that I
need to be doing um to secure my myself, like
make investments and whatnot. That feels like real, like another
step of adulthood from me. It's overwhelming. Yeah, these are
(18:10):
like the hardest parts of adulting, like the how do
you survive? And not just survive but like thrive. But
like how do you feel like our parents generation versus
where we're at right now? Like what do you think
the differences are in terms of adult ing? I feel
like for my my parents, specifically, adult ing meant having
a family, like getting married and having kids and buying
(18:33):
a house, and none of those things are on my
immediate lists. So I have to find a way to
feel like an adult without having a baby and a
husband and a house. So yeah, I think that's the
biggest thing. Like my adulting is more like how can
I live my most free life? Yeah, And it seems
(18:54):
like our parents, like that generation, like that was standard
that you have to do these things to be considered
an adult, and a lot of people did it, and
we're unhappy and are divorced because they we're checking things
off a list of things that you do as an
adult instead of, like what you're saying, Ashley, finding who
(19:15):
you are as a person and like being solid and
who you are before you add all those layers onto
your life. Agree. It's so funny because I feel like
for my parents it was a little bit of the opposite.
Like they were like, we got to have these jobs.
Everything was about like making money, We have to make money.
And obviously they had me in their early thirties, but
(19:38):
they didn't stay to get Like staying married is just
not a thing that's important. Outside of seeing my grandparents
who were married forever, no one like my aunt the
other day was like I'm so proud of you. Yeahs,
you've been in a relationship for eight years now, and
like their generation, it was just like every one of
my family is divorced and not together. So I was
(20:00):
just like, I don't know if I'm adulting and finding
this person that I do enjoy and still enjoy being with.
But even when we got married, it feels like a
big deal. But also it's like we're here and we're
still enjoying it, and that's like the the goal, not
like we have to be married until we're dead dead,
just are we okay and we still want to check
(20:22):
in and still go on this journey together. But the
kids are certain, like everyone is having kids. I'm like,
that's not for me, not right now at least, But
at what age is it okay? I don't know. I
will say that definitely shift between our parents and us.
Like I mean my mom had my brother at eighteen. Yeah,
(20:43):
she didn't want kids after that, but I slipped up.
She hit me, so shed me at seven, nine years later.
But having kids at a young age, I mean it
was clearly they weren't trying to you know, have my brother,
but she you know, married my dad and they were
to go there for twelve years. So I don't know.
(21:04):
I feel like that was something that like that layout
of like have a kid and get married and then
lived together. And like for me growing up, I was
just like get out, have fun, pleasure. Heathen is just
just kidding, um. I feel like that's a huge difference
between that generation to that more people were like abiding
(21:30):
by the rules of their church and what things are
supposed to look like in a certain way, Like my
mom had three kids at my age. Like I remember
being young and being like my mom's thirty five, Like what,
my child won't be able to talk probably if I
have one at thirty or five, let alone be able
(21:50):
to know what ages. So like the cookie cutter image
of a family seems like it was way more people
were more beholden to as opposed to finding their own
self gratification expectation versus reality though, like what were you
expecting adulthood to be versus what it actually is? A
(22:14):
Jay Z music video specifically, excuse me, miss I used
to feel very sexy when I watched that video, Like
I couldn't wait to be eighteen at a club, well
at a club, like I was very into like what
I would feel like for a guy, and to like
I think I was hot and a sweaty club grinding
(22:36):
a music producer and they popping bottles behind her exactly Christall, Yes,
I feel like some of my expectation versus reality was
like like I man, I manifested what I thought it
would be, but not clear enough. Like I was like, oh,
I'll have more money and I'll do what I want,
but like what I want is to have my phone,
so I have to pay my phone bill. I should
(22:59):
have been clear. I should have just been a way
more clear with this manifestation. I'll drive. I got to
drive wherever I want, whenever I want. Now I do uber.
Why wasn't I more specific? I feel like when I
was younger and I looked at people in my age,
I would be like, they're so old. Everything's gonna happen
(23:19):
for me when I'm young, and like I'm gonna be
a serious regular at like twenty two and like meet
my Like I literally had a list. I was like,
I'm going to have a man by twenty three, We're
gonna get married by twenty seven, and I'm gonna have
my first kid by now, and that's just that's just
not even I don't even know if I want kids anymore.
So I will say, like what I expected my adult
(23:43):
grown life to be hasn't been that. But I it's
better than I put out there, I guess because I
put out the the cookie Cutter, you know, Partridge Family
style visual. But I got like fun in a dose
three reality to being single, and you know, there are
of course things that I would want to change, but
(24:05):
I feel like it's better than and I don't feel
like I'm that old woman that I thought I would
be when I was a kid at this. Oh it's
weird how we equate adulthood to certain ages, Like you
could be stunted in your growth at you know, twelve,
and just because you're twenty five doesn't mean you know
you're a real adult. But I remember having those same things,
(24:28):
like you haven't finished college yet and you're twenty five.
I don't want to be doing that. Did not finish
college until I was twenty seven years old. Age is
not what makes you an adult. I definitely thought it
would be success. I was like, success will mean that
I have reached adulthood and I'm popping, but being thirty
(24:49):
two and still striving and still going after it even
though they've been and kind of like what you were
saying here about their being like all these unexpected delights
along the way, You're like, oh, I didn't even know
to dream about that, but here's this beautiful thing that's
happening in front of my eyes that I, like, I
could not have imagined or manifested. But as each year
(25:10):
goes by, and like what I quote thought would be
success continues to like change or and or move away.
I'm like, Okay, maybe adulthood is just being present in
this moment, but looking back, what was like, what did
you guys do for your eighteenth birthday or like when
you actually became legal, were there any cool things that
(25:31):
you specifically did. I'm the oldest child, so my parents
left us alone. I was in charge. I don't remember
where they went, but it was like a weekend and
it was the first time I had been alone since
I turned eighteen, and so I was like, I'm going
to go give my tongue piers. And I went and
got my tongue piers. My parents did not know for
(25:52):
the longest time, even though I was talking real crazy um.
And then my mom found out on my graduation at
my high school graduate like, I like yelled and she
saw it, and she was just so disappointed, so so
so disappointed. Me. What does he even mean? Why would
you wanted? Like, because I can, you don't let me
(26:13):
do things. I'm eighteen, I could do what I want, mom,
So that's what I did. Mine was also a piercing,
Oh my god. But it was the cartilage piercing, and I, like,
I always thought that like every cool girl had that pierced,
And I got myrs pierced when I was like two,
months old because that's a cultural thing. But my mom
(26:37):
never was always like, you wouldn't do this, and I'm like,
so I went by myself to Claire's Northtown Mall, Minnesota
and got it pierced, and I felt like a grown
ass woman. Yes, speaking of Claire's, can you walk into
a Claire's and still be considered an adult? That's like, oh,
(26:57):
she thinks, man, unless you're shopping for the children in
your life. True. Um, I got a tattoo, and the
funniest thing is like the tattoo artists tried to talk
me out of it, and my close friend at the time, Ellie,
was like, she knows what she wants. She wants to
get a shooting star that says superstar rough on her body,
(27:20):
and I did I need Jews to elaborate for the
people that it does not say superstar superstar rock. Yes,
there is a RhE like the god or R R
A R. There's a little dash and then there's an
R A because I wasn't just a superstar, I was
a superstar R And um, I wanted that on my
(27:43):
body for the rest of my life and I got
it on my a deep birthday. Do you not get
a tattoo on your eight deep birthday, you don't it?
Where is it? It's right here on my hip. It's
so small that you can't really because it kind of
now just looks like a shooting star. It's been there
for ten years. So it's funny that body modification is
like the litmus test for adulting because for me also,
(28:05):
and granted I wasn't even eighteen yet, but I my
birthday is in November, and I went away to college
at seventeen, so they gave me my Dickinson I D.
And I went to Carlisle tattoo parlor whatever it was,
and I'm like, I want a belly button piercing, and
I like showed him my I D and I just
pretended like I was eighteen, and I was like, I'm
(28:26):
an adult. And then I was like, oh wait, I
have to clean it and like infection and like all
the stuff that comes with piercings that you're like, oh wait.
I just thought it was a cute thing that would
like look cute forever. And I've had so many piercings
and had to get rid of so many piercings. I
think like the one I missed the most or my
(28:47):
wrist piercings. They were so cute, but someone grabbed it
and it popped out, so like in fun or in
a fight, just in fun, they were like, oh, come
here and grab my wrists and out of game to
talk about another time. So if you had one one
(29:07):
word of advice or something small to offer to younger you,
knowing what you know now as adult you, what would
that be. I guess I would say, uh, I love
yourself is gonna be okay. Patience is a virtue. I
feel like my mom used to say that to me
all the time, and I didn't really like hearing it,
and I'd be like, no, I don't care, but really
(29:28):
it is. And it's like, look, this is a marathon
to say no sprint alright, nipsey uh. You know you
guys are being so thoughtful to younger you. My word
would be, hey, girl, adults are taller than kids. You'll
fit in one day. Don't cry for me, Argentina. I
(29:50):
love my height now, and I am funny because I
was sticking out like a store thumb when I was
a kid. So I feel like I would There are
two things. One quick, worrying so much about what other
people think of you because it literally has nothing to
do with you. I could tell myself that today too,
and um, your boobs aren't going to grow, and that's fine.
(30:18):
I remember wishing like, oh, everybody starting getting boobs, like oh,
I'm starting to get them, and then around like seventh grade,
they just didn't grow anymore. I feel you, did you
do the must I must increase my bust in the mirror?
Like the physical move you had? No. Yeah, it was
like the way of asking the universe for you to
(30:38):
increase your bust and it worked. I think, what can
you send that to me when we get off so
I can. I'm like, what kind of witchcraft? If there's
a video? I must, I must, I must increase. It
doesn't work after ship, I missed the boat. But like,
(31:00):
boobs are such a thing for girls, and then like
if yours don't get huge, I definitely thought that was weird.
But most people don't have huge boobs and they get
implants because of that. Well, and we don't have to
wear bras, so there is that. Thank you. Hey, I
don't wear bras. Congratulations must be nice. I just mean, like,
(31:25):
you know, don't wear bra if you don't want to
I was infective because all I can see, that's what
an audience never said at one of our shows. Nobody
what somebody said that? Yeah, and it did not stop
(31:47):
me from going on stage. I need to be comfortable
when I do comedy. Okay, you deserve that, freeday nip,
thank you. I'm here for it. On that note, let's
hear from our answers before we jump into our advice letter.
(32:17):
It's time for a listener to get some advice from
the best rappers in the game. It's us, We're the
best rappers. Mommy, what you got for us? Okay? Hi
O O D. I'm a white girl who grew up
in Oakland. Okay, bet ya and found this podcast recently
(32:38):
and love it. Let's be real, this white girl, Okay,
this is a lot. Let's be real. This white girl
would put the stereo up in my friends Balvo station, wagging,
rapping too too short in high school, money in the ghetto?
Blow job? Betty? Was I doing cultural appropriation or appreciation
(33:01):
of good music? I appreciate the diversity of the community
that I grew up in and the positivity you all
put out in the world. A hella, Love Oakland, Best
from Ozy, you touched my soul? Okay over here, can
I say that I am dying to hear what Yasmin
(33:23):
has to say because her face is so pained, so pained.
Thank you for the support. Oh my god, gentrifiers, stay
away from me. Can we talk about that. She wasn't
(33:44):
sure if it was appreciation or appropriation. She loves us
and she loves hip hop in the bay. She's trying
to give us the lay of her land. Look, she
loves money in the ghetto and blow job Betty, let
me take I feel like we need Rachel Cargo to
come and like dissect every part of this like advice letter,
(34:06):
because I feel like her heart is in the right
place maybe, but the approach is and an execution. It's
also to like, I moved to Australia in my early
twenties the widest place ever. Question mark, are you asking
us or telling us it's the whitest place ever? Also,
why is that relevant to the Because she grew up
(34:27):
in a very diverse community in Oakland and now she's
in the widest place ever and she feels very connected
to us because there are no black people around, so
where her black people that she gets to listen to
where her black friends. But the question, even though I
too felt the a little bit of cringe in the
(34:47):
hella love, what do you do right? We know you
know the word hella, like let us keep our ship?
I mean, I don't even mind. I don't even mind
that she said it. I just I'm wondering why you
said it. I mean, Jasmine, you spent time in the
Bay Area, like I used to be obsessed with hi
fia and everything in high school. When I went to
this conference there and I was with Catholic school kids,
(35:10):
most of them were not black, and hella was like
a part of the vernacular of everyone in the Bay Area.
I'm sure. I just I get I get the cringe.
It's so like it's more so like you know how
people have been like it's the for me. Did you
see that there's this uh embracing black culture posted like
a compilation of black women just like reading Folks for filth,
(35:31):
And one black woman was on there talking about how
ye folks just sort of take our vernacular and like
beat it with a dead horse. Just let us keep
our ship. I mean it's a fine line though, because
how do we keep And again I don't mind this
girl saying Hella, I just wonder why she said that
(35:51):
I love Oakland. It's like, and I love black That's
what it felt like to me. Um. But her question
is was she appropriated or is she appreciated? And I
feel like, if you grew up in Oakland, and I
don't know much of Oakland except for y'all always talking
about too short, always talking about forty, so I know
(36:13):
it's part of the culture. So if you grew up there,
how would it be appropriation unless you go on somewhere
else and saying I came up with this beautiful music.
But like that's like saying you're like in the Upper
West Side and or East Side of New York and
being like, oh, I claim jay Z. But I don't
know if she's from the Upper West Side. I don't
know where she lived in Oakland. I know, like when
(36:34):
I think of the kids I was in middle school with,
and like, it was a grip of black kids, but
it was also some white kids there, and they listened
to club music, and I mean people were it was
a different era. I remember this is what boy, this
little white boy, he talked and he had a black
scent and I'm pretty sure he used the N word.
(36:57):
He grew up in the hood and felt like he
could and no, he said a damn thing for probably nails.
Someone said something, but at that time, I'm assuming when
she was growing up, nobody was calling it out. The
N word is a different thing. But I would never
call somebody out for enjoying music. Yeah, if we all
listening to music, I wouldn't be like, hey, white girl,
(37:19):
you can't listen to too short Like that's weird to me.
If you have a feeling that you are appropriating, you
probably need to examine that a little bit because who
said it. I think Ashley, if you grew up there,
that is a part of the music that was playing
on the radio for you on you know, top forty station.
So like, why do you feel like it is appropriation?
(37:40):
Are you appropriating? You know what I mean? I mean,
I feel like everyone's calling appropriation now a day is
so people are scared, So it might be part of that.
I mean, I don't know how she could be appropriating
this music. I think it's something about white folks consuming
things that black folks create and then taking it as
(38:02):
their own right. But what's the tanky get as their
own part in this situation. I just feel like she's
over here, like this is hip hop too short, and
she's using the hella like it just feels very appropriative.
And I think, Mommy, like what you were saying about,
you know, check in with yourself, maybe do some research,
ask your black friends. It sounds like there's some soul
(38:24):
searching that should be done, and it's not necessarily labor
that should come from us to give her approval. And
somebody brought us up just now, Like culturally, when this
is hip hop, that notion that like a certain style
of dress and a certain swag and whatever means that
(38:44):
you're like a hip hop er. That's not a thing.
We can have our own music and like live without
it being like quantified to a certain you know what
I mean. Like to me listening to Wrap, it speaks
to my soul and I don't have to address a
certain way to be able to enjoy it or like speak,
(39:04):
a certain way to be able to enjoy it. Um
Patricialle Collins talks about Black women's thought in the matrix
of domination, and she says placing African American women and
other excluded groups in the center of analysis opens up
possibilities for a both conceptual stance, one in which all
groups possess varying amounts of penalty and privilege, and one
(39:25):
historically created system. And in this system, for example, white
women are penalized by their gender but privileged by their race.
And depending on the context, an individual maybe an oppressor,
a member of an oppressed group, or simultaneously oppressor and oppressed.
And I think this kind of applies for best from Oz.
(39:45):
You touch my soul where she may not be aware
of the ways that she could be oppressing or appropriating,
and that's something to potentially be examined. I guess examine it, girl.
But if you just listening to music, I don't think
that's appropriation. Enjoy the beat, but examination self reflection is
(40:06):
always good, so do it. But listening to music made
by black people is not appropriation in my book, You'll
have to define it for yourself that I did really
love I'll right you guys. Well, Um, we hope that
helped Aussie girl, and yeah, we appreciate you all tuning
(40:28):
in for another week. Um, if you want to show
us some move, you can always rate us or write
a review of this podcast. Come hang out on our
social you know where we are Obama's Other Daughters Insta,
o D improv on Twitter, Facebook, Obama's Other Daughters. And
if you need some advice, we're gonna try to help you, Okay,
(40:49):
So send your letters to o D podcast at gmail
dot com. We won't roast to so bad if we promise,
but sometimes love and stuff and we'll see you all
next week. Good Bye You Down is a production of
(41:09):
Shonda land Audio and partnership with I heart Radio. For
more podcasts from Shonda land Audio, visit the I heart
Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
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