May 11, 2023 • 20 mins
Nedra responds to a caller who is in way over her head. With family, friends, and work, she's the one to call when you have a problem, and that is causing anxiety. Nedra shares a simple trick to make sure we don't spread ourselves too thin.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, listeners, I'm Nedra Glover to WAB and you need
to hear this. I'm so excited to be coming to
you with a brand new podcast. This is only the
first episode and I have so much in store for you, guys.
I decided to do this because I realize some things
need to be talked through. And guess what, I listen
(00:24):
all day and this is another space for me to
listen to you and to be able to give you
some feedback, hopefully some tips that you can use in
your life. This week, we're talking about taking on too
much and how that causes panic and anxiety. One of
(00:47):
my anxiety tales is my eye starts to twitch when
I have overloaded my calendar, when I have too many
do dates, when I'm expected to do too many things.
I look at myself sometimes and I say, you did
this to you. Everything on this calendar is stuff that
(01:08):
you've said yes to. Everything in the house that you're
taking on as a project is stuff you've decided to do.
And my work then becomes unworking, myself out of a job.
How do I look at everything I have to do
and figure out what I need to delegate, what I
(01:29):
need to back away from in terms of commitment, because
sometimes I'll do that. I'll say, hey, you know, I
said I could do this on Thursday, but I need
two more weeks. Or I know, I said I can
help you with this thing, but my capacity has changed.
I'm supposed to do some laundry today. But guess what.
They will stay in the basket and we will live there.
(01:49):
We will live in that basket. Sometimes it is us,
it is not other people. And then there are other
times where we are putting the pressure on ourselves. Now
tell is an I twitch. It's also you know, some
sleep trouble sometimes. So when we start to get into
the physical consequences of doing too much, it is a
(02:13):
sign that our body is tired of us. It's tired
of us overworking it. Our brain needs to rest. Rest
is not learning more figuring out a way to be
better productive, it's actually removing. One of the best boundaries
I've developed since becoming a writer and having an online
(02:37):
community is as I add more, I subtract. So when
I say yes to I'm going to do a podcast,
I have to remove something off my plate. I can't
add more because the plate is only so big. I'm
not going to have things stacked on top of each other.
(02:58):
I don't want to drop the plate while I'm walking.
I want a nicely balanced plate. And so for me,
that means subtracting when I need to and not overloading.
This week's caller is having panic attacks. That's just one
thing that's happening as a result of taking on too much.
(03:19):
And I want you to think about what happens to
you physically, mentally, and emotionally when you two take on
too much. Well, listen after the break, HI.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Needra Your book on boundaries has helped me immensely. I
recommend it to friends and colleagues all the time. Thank
you for rating such a helpful resource. So here's my situation.
I'm in my early forties, I have a family, I
have a full time job in advertising. I constantly find
myself in the position of rescuing and helping to the
(04:00):
point where I might burn myself out and I end
up needing to rescue myself when Paktack's hit.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I hear you saying I constantly find myself in the
position of and what I hear is or what I'm
thinking when you say that, is I constantly put myself
in the position of finding yourself is like, oh my gosh,
all of these things are happening to me. Putting is
(04:30):
you are saying, yes, there has to be some ownership
in this overtasking of self. It's not always them. A
portion of it is you. There is something you're getting
from being an over helper. So as we're going through this,
I want you to get honest with yourself about what
is the thing that you get from helping other people.
(04:53):
Maybe you like being called a good person, Maybe you
like being thought of as helpful. Maybe you like having
a lot of information to share and you know, to
some extent, perhaps that works for you, but it sounds
like in this situation it is no longer working. So
in our language with other people, everybody's putting everything on me.
(05:16):
I am taking things on.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
At home. I'm always the one cleaning, helping with homework,
handling finances. I'm very organized, and that honestly helps me
stay sane. But I tend to take on a lot
more than I probably should, and I need to delegate,
which I don't always do. Work that's often disorganized. Not
a lot of people communicate well, or if they do,
(05:43):
it's all on a pinch. And when in reality, things
could have definitely been solved better if we knew about
work assignments earlier so my team could plan ahead.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I'm always the one cleaning, helping with homework, handling finances,
and there is an acknowledgment that you don't delegate. Well,
you will always be the person doing these things as
long as you agree to be the person doing these things.
Delegation is such a wonderful life skill because it frees
(06:17):
you up to do the things that you do well.
It frees you up to take care of yourself. It
frees you up to maybe, you know, spend time in
other places. But feeling like you're good at everything or
you have to do everything, it's not a wonderful place
to exist. So I would wonder if there are other
(06:39):
people in your home, how do you bring them in?
If it's you know, roommates, a partner, children, everyone can
help with cleaning to some extent. If it's a small child,
they can pick their little toys up. If it's an
older child, perhaps they can do the dishes or unload
the dishwasher. If it's your partner, it could be splitting
those tabs. But believing that you are the only person
(07:03):
to do. It will keep you in that role helping
with homework, you know. I think even that there are
ways to bring in support. Perhaps it's tutoring, perhaps it's
a partner, perhaps it's your friends who come over and help.
You know. There are many things that we have to do,
and there are some things that we choose to do.
So I would encourage you to make a list of
(07:26):
the things you're doing in the home and to figure
out which things on that list that you actually have
to do. You have to be the person doing it.
I bet there are lots of things on that list
that you can ask others to help you with. And
it's not just about asking. Sometimes when you're an over helper,
it's a problem with receiving help. It's not just that you,
(07:50):
oh my gosh, I ask people and they don't help me.
Sometimes people will say to you, what do you need
my help with? And if you're an over helper, you
may not know how to receive that support or even
tell a person what you actually need help with. So
make sure that you have a list of I need
help with with cleaning, I need help with, you know,
(08:12):
helping the kids with homework, I need help with whatever
those things are have some ideas because sometimes even with
our partners, if we seem to enjoy doing laundry, we're
in some rhythm or we're not complaining about cooking, it
can be perceived that you actually like the job. So
how do you start to say, I think we equally
(08:35):
hate this and we need to divide it. I think
we're equally good at washing a plate off, and we
need to divide this task. There are so many things
that you're doing that others can do in place of you,
and you have to start to release yourself from completing
all activities in the home because you're just listing things
(08:55):
at this point. It's like cleaning, cooking, finance is also
helping my friends with her pit bull. You know. There
are so many things that I think you can be
delegating here and you feel so much more ease. We'll
come back to this after the break.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
I'm in a middle management position, so I feel this
constant need to find a solution to make everyone work
better together, which sometimes derails me from the creative end
of my work. It's not something upper management charged me
with fixing. I just start to jock down ideas and solutions.
I try to put them into action. I read all
the books, I listen to podcasts. I educate myself as
(09:39):
much as I can, and I can't tell if I'm
helping myself become a great leader and mentor, or if
I'm taking too much on or if I just don't
know how to compartmentalize things and focus on the present
moment versus having something constantly on my mind. I even
find myself doing this for friends and family someone's in
(10:00):
a pinch I want to help. Oftentimes I'm approached by
friends to ask me about everything from a crumbling marriage
to finding a better job or getting out of debt.
So I try to suggest speaking to professionals who can help,
but then their troubles still weigh on me. I ruminate
all the time. I think of a helpful tip while
(10:21):
I'm trying to go to sleep, or if I'm walking
on a treadmill, times when I should be decompressing, I
can't shut my brain off. So I guess what I'm
asking is how can I almost be less empathetic and
protect myself more? Since I suffer from panic attacks on occasion,
I do see them popping up more and more because
(10:41):
I seem to take on my own worries plus others,
and it all comes from a good place because they
value my input, but it does weigh on me. So
how do I set boundaries but still feel like a
good friend, colleague, wife, and mother.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I hear you giving a lot of value to your
own input. You know, you're saying they value my input,
but you're studying, you know, different things to be able
to give good input to people. I think you need
a fun diet. I think you need to step away
from the productivity learning and educating yourself about all of
(11:26):
these things and read some novels, watch a series on Netflix,
go to debtoring with some friends, take up a yoga class,
salsa class, do some you know painting. I don't know,
but I hear a lot of other people. Other people,
other people and their stuff. You know, to operate as
a therapist and a friend capacity, it's not fair to you,
(11:51):
and it's not fair to your friend. To operate as
a you know, tax consultant or whatever these things are.
It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to
your friends. And I understand that once you give them
the resource, Hey go to this person, you're still worried
about it. But you have to know that those people
(12:11):
are actually trained to help, and although you're trying to
do all of this self education, the other person is
better suited to help your friends with these issues. If
you really want to set some boundaries with your friends.
When I'm hearing a helpful boundary could be I'm not
able to talk to you about this because it causes
(12:33):
me to become highly emotionally evolved, and I'm trying to
take better care of myself. So stopping them from saying more,
stopping them from putting you in the position to help
them problem solve could be helpful. And you can't do
that with all of your friends. But sometimes you create
(12:55):
your own issue by being overly interested in stuff, right like,
tell me more, what's going on? What happened with this thing?
You don't have the capacity to help in those situations,
so it might be to your benefit to not ask
for more information or to not probe deeper with some people.
I'm not saying abandon your friends, but I'm saying, nurture yourself.
(13:18):
You're not in the space to take care of anyone
else because you're not taking care of yourself. It is
impossible to complete all of the tasks that you have
from an unwell space. You would be a better representative
(13:38):
in the lives of others if you represent it self care,
self love in your own life. I wonder how instead
of figuring out solutions for people, you can help them
find a solution. You don't have to have the solution.
It could be I don't know either. It may not
(13:59):
be going down the path of let me read this thing,
let me talk to this person, let me think of
this idea that's more work for you. What if you
were to put it back on them, I don't know.
Let's you know, tell me some ideas that you have.
What other things have you thought of? Sometimes we feel
like it's other people, it's the other person bringing their
(14:22):
issues to us, when in actuality, we're making this space
to be this person who takes on everyone's problem. And
I want you to start to work yourself out of
that job, to start to give a resource and believe
that that resource can actually help the other person. I
(14:43):
want you to start putting your pen down, not jotting
down any more ideas for anyone else's life but your own.
I want you to start taking really good care of yourself.
That's you know, waking up, maybe reading something, making sure
you have enough water, moving your body, having delightful conversations,
(15:06):
not heavy ones. I want you to start talking about
yourself more in your conversations with people. And the biggest
thing of all is delegating. You are a manager at work.
You're not a manager at home. You are not a
manager in your friendships. You're not a manager in your
(15:29):
family relationships. You're a human. You're a manager in one capacity,
but you've taken that role and applied it to so
many other things. And I get it. Sometimes what we
do is a part of who we are. But if
who we are is not functioning well for us, we
have to think of some ways to shift that. And
(15:50):
what I'm hearing from you is you are overwhelmed by you.
It seems like it's a lot of other people, but
it's also your desire and your capacity to show up.
As you lay more into yourself and you step away
from this idea that you have to be responsible for everything,
(16:16):
that anxiety will dissipate. You know, if you're still having
issues with that anxiety, certainly talk to a therapist, Certainly
find support for it. But what I hear right now
is You've taken on far too many tasks and your
brain and your body wants to break. So I have
(16:37):
some questions here. How can I almost be less empathetic
and protect myself more. Don't be less empathetic, be less involved.
Empathy is a wonderful thing. It is such a beautiful
thing to care about people and what happens to them.
(16:58):
And the way that you protect pect yourself in that
caring is to know everyone is not your responsibility. You
are your biggest responsibility from the time you were born,
even when you couldn't take care of yourself, till now.
You are the biggest priority in your life. You are
with yourself. Always take better care of yourself, because without
(17:21):
doing that, you can't show up for people in a
very healthy way. So the protection that you need right
now is self nurturing. It's self care, it is self indulgence.
It is being organized with the things in your own life.
It is talking more to others about your issues. So
(17:42):
don't care, less care and take care of yourself. How
do I set boundaries but still feel like a good friend, colleague, wife,
and mother. I know that you're good at all these roles.
I can tell I don't know I'm looking for a
friend like you. I don't know if I have any
(18:03):
friends who are going to research and educate themselves to
help me with my issues. I hope my friends are
listening because they have some work to do. But you're
already doing such a great job. And I'm sure the
people in your life they care so deeply about you,
and they want you around for a really long time,
without panic attacks, without headaches, without you know, sleep issues.
(18:26):
They want you to be present and they want you
to be well. So boundaries will be a healthy part
of the relationship. It doesn't mean that you'll be a
you know, a terrible friend, or you'll be worse as
a colleague. It just means that you'll show up in
a more delightful way. You'll be refilled and not just
depleted by everything that's happening around you. So the boundaries
(18:50):
is a really healthy thing. I don't want you to
think of it as oh my gosh, if I have boundaries,
I'll never listen to my friends again. You can still
listen to them, it's just what you're adding. The energy
that you give to the situation will be different the
energy you give at work, it will be different. The
things that you request from others, there will be more
(19:11):
of those things, and those are healthy boundaries to have
in relationships. You need to hear this. You cannot take
impeccable care of others and poorly care for yourself. It
will work short term, but it will not last very long.
(19:35):
You will burn yourself out. You will become depleted. You
will be upset at these other people for making you
do this to yourself. If you want to help other people,
you have to take care of yourself first. You need
to hear This is an iHeart production hosted by me
(19:57):
and that your glover to wib are exactly. Utive producer
is Joel Bonique. Our senior producer and editor is Mia
don Taylor. Send us a voice memo with your questions
about boundaries and relationships that you need to hear this
at iHeartMedia dot com. Please be sure to rate our
show wherever you listen to it and share this episode
(20:21):
with someone who needs to hear this. Talk to you
next time
Hi, listeners, I'm Nedra Glover to WAB and you need
to hear this. I'm so excited to be coming to
you with a brand new podcast. This is only the
first episode and I have so much in store for you, guys.
I decided to do this because I realize some things
need to be talked through. And guess what, I listen
(00:24):
all day and this is another space for me to
listen to you and to be able to give you
some feedback, hopefully some tips that you can use in
your life. This week, we're talking about taking on too
much and how that causes panic and anxiety. One of
(00:47):
my anxiety tales is my eye starts to twitch when
I have overloaded my calendar, when I have too many
do dates, when I'm expected to do too many things.
I look at myself sometimes and I say, you did
this to you. Everything on this calendar is stuff that
(01:08):
you've said yes to. Everything in the house that you're
taking on as a project is stuff you've decided to do.
And my work then becomes unworking, myself out of a job.
How do I look at everything I have to do
and figure out what I need to delegate, what I
(01:29):
need to back away from in terms of commitment, because
sometimes I'll do that. I'll say, hey, you know, I
said I could do this on Thursday, but I need
two more weeks. Or I know, I said I can
help you with this thing, but my capacity has changed.
I'm supposed to do some laundry today. But guess what.
They will stay in the basket and we will live there.
(01:49):
We will live in that basket. Sometimes it is us,
it is not other people. And then there are other
times where we are putting the pressure on ourselves. Now
tell is an I twitch. It's also you know, some
sleep trouble sometimes. So when we start to get into
the physical consequences of doing too much, it is a
(02:13):
sign that our body is tired of us. It's tired
of us overworking it. Our brain needs to rest. Rest
is not learning more figuring out a way to be
better productive, it's actually removing. One of the best boundaries
I've developed since becoming a writer and having an online
(02:37):
community is as I add more, I subtract. So when
I say yes to I'm going to do a podcast,
I have to remove something off my plate. I can't
add more because the plate is only so big. I'm
not going to have things stacked on top of each other.
(02:58):
I don't want to drop the plate while I'm walking.
I want a nicely balanced plate. And so for me,
that means subtracting when I need to and not overloading.
This week's caller is having panic attacks. That's just one
thing that's happening as a result of taking on too much.
(03:19):
And I want you to think about what happens to
you physically, mentally, and emotionally when you two take on
too much. Well, listen after the break, HI.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Needra Your book on boundaries has helped me immensely. I
recommend it to friends and colleagues all the time. Thank
you for rating such a helpful resource. So here's my situation.
I'm in my early forties, I have a family, I
have a full time job in advertising. I constantly find
myself in the position of rescuing and helping to the
(04:00):
point where I might burn myself out and I end
up needing to rescue myself when Paktack's hit.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I hear you saying I constantly find myself in the
position of and what I hear is or what I'm
thinking when you say that, is I constantly put myself
in the position of finding yourself is like, oh my gosh,
all of these things are happening to me. Putting is
(04:30):
you are saying, yes, there has to be some ownership
in this overtasking of self. It's not always them. A
portion of it is you. There is something you're getting
from being an over helper. So as we're going through this,
I want you to get honest with yourself about what
is the thing that you get from helping other people.
(04:53):
Maybe you like being called a good person, Maybe you
like being thought of as helpful. Maybe you like having
a lot of information to share and you know, to
some extent, perhaps that works for you, but it sounds
like in this situation it is no longer working. So
in our language with other people, everybody's putting everything on me.
(05:16):
I am taking things on.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
At home. I'm always the one cleaning, helping with homework,
handling finances. I'm very organized, and that honestly helps me
stay sane. But I tend to take on a lot
more than I probably should, and I need to delegate,
which I don't always do. Work that's often disorganized. Not
a lot of people communicate well, or if they do,
(05:43):
it's all on a pinch. And when in reality, things
could have definitely been solved better if we knew about
work assignments earlier so my team could plan ahead.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I'm always the one cleaning, helping with homework, handling finances,
and there is an acknowledgment that you don't delegate. Well,
you will always be the person doing these things as
long as you agree to be the person doing these things.
Delegation is such a wonderful life skill because it frees
(06:17):
you up to do the things that you do well.
It frees you up to take care of yourself. It
frees you up to maybe, you know, spend time in
other places. But feeling like you're good at everything or
you have to do everything, it's not a wonderful place
to exist. So I would wonder if there are other
(06:39):
people in your home, how do you bring them in?
If it's you know, roommates, a partner, children, everyone can
help with cleaning to some extent. If it's a small child,
they can pick their little toys up. If it's an
older child, perhaps they can do the dishes or unload
the dishwasher. If it's your partner, it could be splitting
those tabs. But believing that you are the only person
(07:03):
to do. It will keep you in that role helping
with homework, you know. I think even that there are
ways to bring in support. Perhaps it's tutoring, perhaps it's
a partner, perhaps it's your friends who come over and help.
You know. There are many things that we have to do,
and there are some things that we choose to do.
So I would encourage you to make a list of
(07:26):
the things you're doing in the home and to figure
out which things on that list that you actually have
to do. You have to be the person doing it.
I bet there are lots of things on that list
that you can ask others to help you with. And
it's not just about asking. Sometimes when you're an over helper,
it's a problem with receiving help. It's not just that you,
(07:50):
oh my gosh, I ask people and they don't help me.
Sometimes people will say to you, what do you need
my help with? And if you're an over helper, you
may not know how to receive that support or even
tell a person what you actually need help with. So
make sure that you have a list of I need
help with with cleaning, I need help with, you know,
(08:12):
helping the kids with homework, I need help with whatever
those things are have some ideas because sometimes even with
our partners, if we seem to enjoy doing laundry, we're
in some rhythm or we're not complaining about cooking, it
can be perceived that you actually like the job. So
how do you start to say, I think we equally
(08:35):
hate this and we need to divide it. I think
we're equally good at washing a plate off, and we
need to divide this task. There are so many things
that you're doing that others can do in place of you,
and you have to start to release yourself from completing
all activities in the home because you're just listing things
(08:55):
at this point. It's like cleaning, cooking, finance is also
helping my friends with her pit bull. You know. There
are so many things that I think you can be
delegating here and you feel so much more ease. We'll
come back to this after the break.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
I'm in a middle management position, so I feel this
constant need to find a solution to make everyone work
better together, which sometimes derails me from the creative end
of my work. It's not something upper management charged me
with fixing. I just start to jock down ideas and solutions.
I try to put them into action. I read all
the books, I listen to podcasts. I educate myself as
(09:39):
much as I can, and I can't tell if I'm
helping myself become a great leader and mentor, or if
I'm taking too much on or if I just don't
know how to compartmentalize things and focus on the present
moment versus having something constantly on my mind. I even
find myself doing this for friends and family someone's in
(10:00):
a pinch I want to help. Oftentimes I'm approached by
friends to ask me about everything from a crumbling marriage
to finding a better job or getting out of debt.
So I try to suggest speaking to professionals who can help,
but then their troubles still weigh on me. I ruminate
all the time. I think of a helpful tip while
(10:21):
I'm trying to go to sleep, or if I'm walking
on a treadmill, times when I should be decompressing, I
can't shut my brain off. So I guess what I'm
asking is how can I almost be less empathetic and
protect myself more? Since I suffer from panic attacks on occasion,
I do see them popping up more and more because
(10:41):
I seem to take on my own worries plus others,
and it all comes from a good place because they
value my input, but it does weigh on me. So
how do I set boundaries but still feel like a
good friend, colleague, wife, and mother.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I hear you giving a lot of value to your
own input. You know, you're saying they value my input,
but you're studying, you know, different things to be able
to give good input to people. I think you need
a fun diet. I think you need to step away
from the productivity learning and educating yourself about all of
(11:26):
these things and read some novels, watch a series on Netflix,
go to debtoring with some friends, take up a yoga class,
salsa class, do some you know painting. I don't know,
but I hear a lot of other people. Other people,
other people and their stuff. You know, to operate as
a therapist and a friend capacity, it's not fair to you,
(11:51):
and it's not fair to your friend. To operate as
a you know, tax consultant or whatever these things are.
It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to
your friends. And I understand that once you give them
the resource, Hey go to this person, you're still worried
about it. But you have to know that those people
(12:11):
are actually trained to help, and although you're trying to
do all of this self education, the other person is
better suited to help your friends with these issues. If
you really want to set some boundaries with your friends.
When I'm hearing a helpful boundary could be I'm not
able to talk to you about this because it causes
(12:33):
me to become highly emotionally evolved, and I'm trying to
take better care of myself. So stopping them from saying more,
stopping them from putting you in the position to help
them problem solve could be helpful. And you can't do
that with all of your friends. But sometimes you create
(12:55):
your own issue by being overly interested in stuff, right like,
tell me more, what's going on? What happened with this thing?
You don't have the capacity to help in those situations,
so it might be to your benefit to not ask
for more information or to not probe deeper with some people.
I'm not saying abandon your friends, but I'm saying, nurture yourself.
(13:18):
You're not in the space to take care of anyone
else because you're not taking care of yourself. It is
impossible to complete all of the tasks that you have
from an unwell space. You would be a better representative
(13:38):
in the lives of others if you represent it self care,
self love in your own life. I wonder how instead
of figuring out solutions for people, you can help them
find a solution. You don't have to have the solution.
It could be I don't know either. It may not
(13:59):
be going down the path of let me read this thing,
let me talk to this person, let me think of
this idea that's more work for you. What if you
were to put it back on them, I don't know.
Let's you know, tell me some ideas that you have.
What other things have you thought of? Sometimes we feel
like it's other people, it's the other person bringing their
(14:22):
issues to us, when in actuality, we're making this space
to be this person who takes on everyone's problem. And
I want you to start to work yourself out of
that job, to start to give a resource and believe
that that resource can actually help the other person. I
(14:43):
want you to start putting your pen down, not jotting
down any more ideas for anyone else's life but your own.
I want you to start taking really good care of yourself.
That's you know, waking up, maybe reading something, making sure
you have enough water, moving your body, having delightful conversations,
(15:06):
not heavy ones. I want you to start talking about
yourself more in your conversations with people. And the biggest
thing of all is delegating. You are a manager at work.
You're not a manager at home. You are not a
manager in your friendships. You're not a manager in your
(15:29):
family relationships. You're a human. You're a manager in one capacity,
but you've taken that role and applied it to so
many other things. And I get it. Sometimes what we
do is a part of who we are. But if
who we are is not functioning well for us, we
have to think of some ways to shift that. And
(15:50):
what I'm hearing from you is you are overwhelmed by you.
It seems like it's a lot of other people, but
it's also your desire and your capacity to show up.
As you lay more into yourself and you step away
from this idea that you have to be responsible for everything,
(16:16):
that anxiety will dissipate. You know, if you're still having
issues with that anxiety, certainly talk to a therapist, Certainly
find support for it. But what I hear right now
is You've taken on far too many tasks and your
brain and your body wants to break. So I have
(16:37):
some questions here. How can I almost be less empathetic
and protect myself more. Don't be less empathetic, be less involved.
Empathy is a wonderful thing. It is such a beautiful
thing to care about people and what happens to them.
(16:58):
And the way that you protect pect yourself in that
caring is to know everyone is not your responsibility. You
are your biggest responsibility from the time you were born,
even when you couldn't take care of yourself, till now.
You are the biggest priority in your life. You are
with yourself. Always take better care of yourself, because without
(17:21):
doing that, you can't show up for people in a
very healthy way. So the protection that you need right
now is self nurturing. It's self care, it is self indulgence.
It is being organized with the things in your own life.
It is talking more to others about your issues. So
(17:42):
don't care, less care and take care of yourself. How
do I set boundaries but still feel like a good friend, colleague, wife,
and mother. I know that you're good at all these roles.
I can tell I don't know I'm looking for a
friend like you. I don't know if I have any
(18:03):
friends who are going to research and educate themselves to
help me with my issues. I hope my friends are
listening because they have some work to do. But you're
already doing such a great job. And I'm sure the
people in your life they care so deeply about you,
and they want you around for a really long time,
without panic attacks, without headaches, without you know, sleep issues.
(18:26):
They want you to be present and they want you
to be well. So boundaries will be a healthy part
of the relationship. It doesn't mean that you'll be a
you know, a terrible friend, or you'll be worse as
a colleague. It just means that you'll show up in
a more delightful way. You'll be refilled and not just
depleted by everything that's happening around you. So the boundaries
(18:50):
is a really healthy thing. I don't want you to
think of it as oh my gosh, if I have boundaries,
I'll never listen to my friends again. You can still
listen to them, it's just what you're adding. The energy
that you give to the situation will be different the
energy you give at work, it will be different. The
things that you request from others, there will be more
(19:11):
of those things, and those are healthy boundaries to have
in relationships. You need to hear this. You cannot take
impeccable care of others and poorly care for yourself. It
will work short term, but it will not last very long.
(19:35):
You will burn yourself out. You will become depleted. You
will be upset at these other people for making you
do this to yourself. If you want to help other people,
you have to take care of yourself first. You need
to hear This is an iHeart production hosted by me
(19:57):
and that your glover to wib are exactly. Utive producer
is Joel Bonique. Our senior producer and editor is Mia
don Taylor. Send us a voice memo with your questions
about boundaries and relationships that you need to hear this
at iHeartMedia dot com. Please be sure to rate our
show wherever you listen to it and share this episode
(20:21):
with someone who needs to hear this. Talk to you
next time
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