Conflict Decoded Podcast

Conflict Decoded Podcast

Conflict Decoded gives activists, organizers, and community leaders the tools to transform conflict into collective power. Each episode reveals the hidden systemic dynamics that keep movements stuck — and shows you how to navigate them with clarity so you can get back to the work that matters.

Episodes

Cultivating Collective Courage

August 4, 2026 • 64 mins

What does it actually cost to be honest — and how do you decide if it's worth it?

In this episode of Conflict Decoded, I sit down with Michelle MiJung Kim — award-winning author of The Wake Up, globally recognized speaker, and host of the podcast I Feel That Way Too — for a conversation about courage, honesty, and the distance between our values and our choices.

Michelle shares what happened when she spoke out pub...

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Building Effective Coalitions with Dr. Christine Petit

July 21, 2026 • 53 mins

Movement elder Bernice Johnson Reagon wrote: “You don’t go into coalition because you like it. The only reason you would consider trying to team up with somebody who could possibly kill you is because that it is the only way you can figure that you can stay alive.”

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Christine Petit to talk about what it actually takes to build coalitions that work — even through all the fr...

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How to Support Someone Without Giving Unsolicited Advice

July 18, 2026 • 10 mins

When someone we love is struggling, our instinct is often to fix, reassure, or advise — but resonance almost always has to come first. In this episode, Katherine responds to a client question about how to offer resonance instead of advice, even in our closest relationships, where the stakes (and the temptation to fix) run highest.

She walks through what resonance actually sounds like, how to sit with your own impulse to advis...

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Double Binds & Competing Needs

May 12, 2026 • 16 mins
Have you ever felt trapped as a white person, trying to figure out how to respond to a racist remark when people of color are in the room? On one hand, silence is violence. You have a responsibility to speak up. On the other hand, white people have a responsibility to amplify the leadership of people of color. You might worry about being condescending, seeming performative, stepping on toes, or saying something that hurts someone m...
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Strategic Sacrifice: How to Manage Competing Priorities in Your Organization & in Your Life

April 28, 2026 • 51 mins
Impact. Culture. Money. These are the three corners of what my guest this week, Isabelle Moses, calls the Triangle of Tension. If you are grappling with whether to prioritize purpose, wellbeing, or financial stability — whether in your personal life or your organization — you're probably familiar with this tension, even if you've never named it this way. Impact is what you do and why you do it. Mission. Purpose. Call...
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The Negative Peace of White Moderation & How to Uproot it in Your Organization

April 14, 2026 • 48 mins
Have you ever stayed silent to protect your funding? Have you ever watched your organization soften its language, avoid a difficult conversation, or stand down from a fight it knew it should take on — because the cost of speaking up felt too high? If so, you're not alone. In his Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. named this dynamic, which many now call white moderation. He wrote: "I have almost reache...
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How to Break Free From the Blame Trap

March 9, 2026 • 16 mins
Our interpretation of reality shapes our experience of reality. We become the stories that we tell ourselves. In his book Remapping Your Mind, Dr. Mehl-Madrona writes that the closest word to the English word self in the Lakota language is nagi, meaning the swarm of all the stories that make us who we are. We, humans, need stories like we need food. But some stories nourish us more than others. If we think we have the capacity to...
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Resonant Language 101: How to Heal Trauma, Strengthen Connection, & Create Change

February 24, 2026 • 24 mins
Resonance is what happens when Person A brings their caring, curious attention to Person B in an attempt to truly understand them, and Person B responds with—Yes, that's it! You get me! In this week’s episode, I explore how resonant language changes the brain and contributes to better communication and decision-making, and how to listen to people so they really feel heard. If you’re longing for a deeper connection...
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Why It’s Important to Name Emotions, Even if You Don’t Believe it

February 18, 2026 • 16 mins
If you develop side-eyed skepticism when you hear people talking about listening to their bodies, you’re not alone. Research shows that most people don’t believe that knowing what we feel makes any difference at all. In today’s podcast episode—Why It's Important to Name Emotions, Even If You Don't Believe it—I’ll present to you four arguments for why noticing and naming what we feel in our bodie...
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10 Considerations for Setting Difficult Conversations Up for Success

February 11, 2026 • 14 mins
I invite you to recall an interaction you’ve had—either recently or farther in the past—where you came out wishing things had gone differently. Now, imagine what you might have done before you entered the interaction that could have helped it get off to a better start and end in a better place. This week, I’ll explore 10 factors that I’ve wished I’d considered before heading into difficult inter...
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The Discernment Pause: How to Find Your Next Step When Things Get Tense

February 3, 2026 • 24 mins
Over the past thirteen years of coaching my clients, I’ve discovered one simple practice that consistently helps my clients lovingly move less-than-helpful parts take a backseat, reclaim the wheel of their lives, and engage challenging interpersonal dynamics effectively. I return to this practice whenever I need to prepare for a challenging conversation. I call it the Discernment Pause. In today’s podcast, I’ll wa...
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Awareness is Power – How to Stop Reacting in Ways You Later Regret

January 28, 2026 • 13 mins
When clients first come to me, they often say they want to break a bad habit or develop the discipline to stop reacting in certain ways. But discipline means punishment for the sake of correction, and trying to force, control, and self-dominate ourselves into change rarely works. When we understand where our habitual reactions arise from and develop awareness of what’s happening in our bodies, it can be easier to take a far m...
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How to Build Friendships & a Field of Peace Between White Women & Black Women

January 20, 2026 • 60 mins
Friendship. It’s one of the most important ingredients of a well-lived life. And yet, real friendship in which we can show up as and share care for our full, authentic selves, can be so hard to find—and so hard to maintain—in these times. Especially interracially, especially between white women and black women. That’s why I was so excited that my guests this week, Tanisha Arena and JAC Patrissi agreed to get...
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Practical Steps to Undermine Authoritarianism & Grow Democracy in Your Community

December 5, 2025 • 62 mins
When we look at the state of waning democracy and rising authoritarianism in the US, it can be so hard to know what to do. Because our power to impact national policy is so limited, for many of us, it can feel like our hands are tied. Yes, we can attend rallies, boycott companies that support authoritarianism, and vote in local elections. But these actions can feel small compared to the federal government's incessant violence. So, ...
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How to Engage Social Media & the News Without Getting Overwhelmed

November 19, 2025 • 59 mins
If you ever feel overwhelmed by everything you read online, torn between wanting to keep up with what’s happening and wanting to protect your peace, or struggling in your relationship with online information in another way, my conversation with Danielle Reiff is for you. Danielle and I talk about: How to interact with online information in ways that diffuse rather than inflame conflict. How we can stay informed in these ...
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How to Build Teams That Distribute Power & Share Responsibility

October 30, 2025 • 42 mins
If we are to have any chance of bringing forth a world in which all people have the power necessary to meet their needs, we must develop the governance structures necessary to wield our power effectively. In this episode, I speak with Ted Rau, co-founder of Sociocracy for All, about ways to govern our groups and organizations that empower people to work together well. We talk about: Why majority rules systems inevitably lead to ...
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Appreciative Interviews: One Hour to Boost Team Joy & Pride

October 14, 2025 • 10 mins
In this weeks episode of Conflict Decoded, I share: One reason we often get stuck focusing on what doesn’t work, How focusing on what’s good increases effectiveness, Step-by-step instructions for facilitating Appreciative Interviews, and 2 quick questions to start team meetings with immediate connection. If you long for your team to experience greater cohesion, joy, and resilience in these times, then 'Appreci...
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How to Disagree with People You Love: On Leaving the Mormons

September 30, 2025 • 50 mins
Do you have family or friends in the religious right or with vastly different political views than you? Knowing how to disagree with people you love is crucial in these situations. If so, this one is for you. About Sara: For the first four decades of her life, Sara was a devout Mormon. Then, a series of realizations called her to change course. Since then, Sara has helped thousands of high-achieving women as a master certified life...
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Appreciation at Work: How to Grow Strengths, Not Toxic Positivity

September 17, 2025 • 49 mins
Research shows that the highest-performing teams give each other about five positive comments for every one negative comment. And yet, when things are uncertain, the stakes are high, and we feel frustrated by others' actions, it can be challenging to focus on what’s good. This week, Lana Jelenjev and I discuss how to restore this balance. We explore: Why focusing on appreciation is so challenging, How to build a habit of...
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Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About it with Donnie Maclurcan

September 2, 2025 • 60 mins
We often blame ourselves for the tensions of modernity. But we can become much more effective—and feel better—when we focus on the root causes of our problems. In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with @Donnie Maclurcan, Co-Founder and Director of Strategy at the Post-Growth Institute. We explore: The difference between capitalist and post-capitalist economies (which will likely surprise many list...
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