The Dichotomy Diaries Podcast

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

There is nothing more difficult than losing a loved one. 

The pain one experiences when they can no longer hug, kiss, smell, confide in, and share life with a loved one is unlike any other. 

Imagine experiencing this pain abruptly. There's just one difference, your loved one isn't dead. They ran away, entirely aware of the pain they knew this would cause you. 

How does one manage the stages of grief an...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

I had a profound realization this week. 

It's easy to view all that has happened as a loss. A devastating, painful loss. 

Recounting my relentless effort and hope left me with this overwhelming feeling of emptiness. 

How could I have given and given with absolutely nothing in return?

Why did he never feel or notice how hard I was trying to love him?

Was I actually loving him?

And then it clicked. Somet...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

You know how some people say, "God will never give you more than you can handle"?

After recording this episode, I found myself thinking about that phrase a lot.

The process of outlining my relationship with Dick for this podcast has been filled with sorrow, but it has also brought understanding.

There were so many painful moments I experienced during this time that had been subconsciously tucked away i...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

I cried recording part of this episode. 

And it got me thinking...

Why did THIS episode make me cry?

What is it about my wedding that sparks the tears?

You’d think that reliving the abandonments, the emotional abuse, and all the other subpar efforts confused as love would make me sad...

I know the answer.

This episode didn’t make me cry because I was reflecting on that moment of my wedding cere...

NOTE: This episode's audio is less than desirable, but if you can make it through- I PROMISE Episode's 7 on are INCREDIBLE. I really taught myself all of the things. Please do not judge The Dichotomy Diaries based on this Episode's audio quality.

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

When I tell you I have had the busiest three weeks of my life. I am nowhere close to joking. 

You know, sitting back right now with my feet up on my desk a...

NOTE: This episode's audio is less than desirable, but if you can make it through- I PROMISE Episode's 7 on are INCREDIBLE. I really taught myself all of the things. Please do not judge The Dichotomy Diaries based on this Episode's audio quality.

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

There's a theme this week. 

We Teach People How To Treat Us.

And while yes, what I taught Dick our entire relationship was that he could walk all over me...

M...

Dear Diary (& Listeners), 

You know the saying "If you don't use it, you lose it"...

First off, I want to go on the record and call BULLSHIT. 

Why? I'm glad you asked! 

When I first met Dick, he was entranced with my brain. He loved the way I thought, spoke, and saw the world. He would tell me, even as recent as June of 2023- that I was the smartest woman he had ever met. 

I ate that shit up. 

As our relationship progressed...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

I am stressed this week. 

I have so many things going at once. 

The holidays crept up and I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends. 

I've found myself in a strange lull because of the holidays. Everywhere I look someone is experiencing joy and new beginnings. 

I held space for myself for a moment, but didn't let it get the best of me. Between family, friends, and Italian Batman- there is so muc...

Dear Diary (& Listeners), 

S U R P R I S E!

You've waited patiently. So without further adeiu...

I'd like to introduce you to Kyle. 

Kyle is a past client, friend, and confidante of Dick. He is going to take us to school today on ALL THINGS FINDOM & Taboo.

He will answer some of your most asked questions...and give you a look inside what it meant to know Dick, as an openly gay male client. 

AND. It's GOOOOOOD. Juicy...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

There is so much I want to say.  

Today I reflect on the fact that this is the TENTH episode of The Dichotomy Diaries...

TEN?!

I was so scared to release the TRAILER you guys...

I remember recording it over and over again. On my IPHONE of all devices. 

Something inside of me knew that this was exactly what I needed to heal, find purpose, and remember the feeling of self-love.

With Christmas right a...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

We all strive to be the best at something. 

For me, it was being a wife, a partner, a team member. 

For others it might be more career oriented or status driven. 

Not for me. 

I've known as long as I can remember that I wanted to be a wife, a mother, and right hand to a fearless teammate who strives for greatness in life. 

I've thought about this a lot this past week because as I try to be the ...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

As I sit here today writing this, it is January 1st, 2024. 

A New Year always brings reflection. 

I can't help but think about where I was on this exact day last year. 

I remember waking up in an empty bed. 

I always enjoyed waking up and having the first view of my day be my husbands face. This day was different. The night prior I had felt like we were a team. He was leading with WE. He had ou...

Dear Diary (& Listeners), 

I want to start off by saying Thank You. The Dichotomy Diaries has jumped insane numbers this past week and I have you all to thank for that. 

Episode 13 starts off with an overview...and maybe a little sneak peek.

The point that we are at in this story is went mentally things all go down hill for me. 

Naturally, this is taxing, but when I tell you it is C O M P L E T E L Y necessary- I mean i...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

This episode is a total standout for me. I hardly ever get to geek out about Italian Literature and why it means so much to me. This week, I had this awesome "aha" moment while chatting about my absolute favorite piece of literature.

But hold on tight, 'cause things take a wild turn. We're talking a whopping $14k in medical bills, I manage to rip a door clean off its hinges (yeah, that happened), a...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

The flood gates are open and the reflective thoughts are pouring in. 

Values. I've been talking a lot about family lately, but what about unique values I desire in a man? I know you'll be shocked to know...(sarcasm) that every single one of these unique values are dead opposite of Dick. 

It feels good to think for myself again. I finally have my present and future back. 

Le Sigh...

Now I just nee...

Dear Diary (& Listeners),

You ever just want to pack a bag, grab your dogs, and drive to the furthest possible corner of the map and DEEP exhale into the vast nothingness?

Yeah...Me too.

This is where I am this week.

After returning home from an exhausting work trip; the inevitable happened. 

I got sick. 

And when I say sick, I mean SICK. Influenza A got cha girl in a choke hold.

Bang, Bang.  I hit the ground. 

Today is the f...