Flashback: In the Car with Patton Oswalt

In this classic episode, Chris and Karen welcome comedian Patton Oswalt to chat about limping from cheese, the legend of The Contessa and more!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Are you leaving?

Speaker 2 (00:04):
I you wanna way back home?

Speaker 3 (00:07):
Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
much baggage you claim and give us time and they
terminol and gay. We want to send you off in style.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all
about it? We scared? Or was it fine? Malborn? Do

(00:50):
you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do
you need to ride? Do your need to ride? Do
you need to ride?

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Do you need to ride?

Speaker 4 (01:02):
Ride with Karen and Chris.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris.

Speaker 5 (01:17):
Fairbanks and this is Karen Tilgareth the entire way. You know,
I do a lot of research whenever we have a guest.
I read the sheet and I was reminded of today's
guests comic book called Minor Threats, which made me listen
to Minor.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Threat the whole way nice, which is.

Speaker 6 (01:33):
High octane, high energy punk rock, punk rock, which.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
You know I'm into now.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Is that your new thing? Punk rock?

Speaker 5 (01:41):
It has to sort of be, because I've been practicing.
I had another Curb Dogs show and we yes, I'd
say that so hesitantly. But I do karaoke with a
live band of songs. None of you have ever heard
of except for the Dinosaur Junior one probably, and I

(02:06):
need to listen to it to get into that mode.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
It helped.

Speaker 5 (02:09):
And then we rehearsed more than once this last time,
and that helped a lot. Yeah, and the audience was
all fifty something skateboarders, which really really helped.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
Man, I have to go to those shows.

Speaker 5 (02:22):
I yeah, we have yet to do one that isn't
somewhere in Montana or Washington at a skate park opening.
But this was in a town called Big Sandy, which
can't even be a thousand people.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Big Sandy, Montana.

Speaker 5 (02:37):
It's where one of the Montana senators is from and
where Jeff meant from Pearl Jam is from Nice. And
so once we hit this little town driving around, I
just was thinking of Jeff as a little kid, thinking, oh,
I want to be a rock star one day in
this town that is.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
Eight blocks wide and high.

Speaker 5 (03:01):
And then all of a sudden, there he was on
a bike, and oh, yeah, he was just adult Jeff
Man riding a bike around, reminiscing about when he was
a child riding a bike around.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
So he moved back to his hometown, or maybe never
moved out.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
He goes back.

Speaker 5 (03:17):
He lives a few places I think because Pearl Jam
I think makes good money for him.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
I bet they do.

Speaker 6 (03:24):
I bet they do.

Speaker 5 (03:25):
And no, he's got like a skate team with little
kids in the area that skate for his team. It's
quite wholesome and fun. And then we played a loud
show in a bar. So I've been listening to punk
rock and that is my story that I've started on
this episode of Do You Need a Ride?

Speaker 2 (03:45):
Great story, thank you.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
I think at the end it kind of went down.
He did well energy wise. I think it was still
very compelling.

Speaker 5 (03:52):
Well, there's a lot of pressure with stories at the
end because we're comics to have a big closing statement.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
What would you be doing, sir?

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Like what?

Speaker 1 (04:01):
He wasn't turning the wheel at all. He was just
coming into me.

Speaker 5 (04:04):
There was no reason for him to turn that wide.
That car was twenty feet away. He just wanted to
kiss our lane to feel like what.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
It felt like.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
It looked like he was looking at this huge median
blocker like he was thinking about driving over it to
get to go left, like you wanted to go left
so bad. He was just going to drive through some
bushes to do it.

Speaker 5 (04:25):
I like to give people the benefit of a doubt
or the doubt or any doubt age doubt.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Perhaps he was having a medical emergency.

Speaker 5 (04:33):
His mouth was foaming, he was biting on a belt,
and that makes you take a wide turn. Yeah, I
wish him well, is what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
I don't, you don't.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
I was more like, I'll kill you la style, yeah,
road rage.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Style, or you just do it with your eyes.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, and just kind of like any chance to kind
of get bad feeling going about your fellow man in
another car who might be making a mistake, just jump
on that chance, because it just makes your life awful.

Speaker 5 (05:04):
Yeah, right, that was one thing I got used to
in Los Angeles. That kind of aggression doesn't usually go anywhere.
People get very they'll honk their horn, they'll flip you off,
which in Montana means both cars are going to pull
over and you're gonna square off on the dirt shoulder
the soft shoulder, and people get real hard on the

(05:27):
soft shoulder when it comes to WHOA, I'm still I
have terrible memories.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
That's kind of funny because Los Angeles being how it is.
You're right, it's all fake threats from people who have
no intention of ever getting out of their car to
fight you or really to do anything.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
I'm start get home.

Speaker 5 (05:49):
I'm starting to not even believe a lot on the
like NWA lyrics and rap groups.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
I grew up listening to you.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
You think they were lying?

Speaker 2 (05:57):
I think ice Cube was always are we there yet?

Speaker 4 (06:00):
Ice Cube?

Speaker 5 (06:02):
I don't think caps were busted ever, And I hope
you're listening.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
Cube, Oh my god, Cube, if you're listening, I love you.

Speaker 4 (06:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (06:10):
I mean I wanted your approval when we were both
on the same Conan episode, but I ended up just
talking to Wayne Gratsky the.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Idea that you would. I mean, it's very natural to
want approval from ice Cube, yes, but to expect it,
I don't.

Speaker 5 (06:25):
That's I did not expect it. I went into it
with low expectations. And once he walked down the hall
and I saw his eyebrows that are just like a
caricature drawing of ice Cube.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
They are not welcoming.

Speaker 5 (06:36):
They are furrowed right, and they come up in the
middle at the top of his nose and curl up,
and it seems like.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
And he also has those flared nostrils can like consistently
flared nostrils. He does absolutely look like he's waiting for
a fight at any point, and of course, being the
person I am, I really love that. I relate to it.
I love a resting bitch face. I love the energy
of shut the fuck up. It's my favorite.

Speaker 5 (07:03):
Yeah, and it'll stop me from going Hi. I'm a
big fan because he doesn't need to hear that.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
But did you did anyone tell you? Did he watch
your set? Like when it was all I.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
Doubt he probably was in and out. I didn't watch
his set.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Wait. I mean that's understandable because you can't, like five
minutes before you do stand up caality on TV, you
can't hear or see anything.

Speaker 5 (07:25):
And I remember you called me before that set and said,
very reassure you got this, you belong there, you know
what you're doing. I did, yes, and we were just
getting to know each other at the time, right, So
thank you for that.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
You're welcome. I meant it.

Speaker 5 (07:41):
I'm afraid it didn't work as nervous as hell, but
I appreciate.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
But the nervousness is good because it's the it's the
engine you had it. That set is legendary. The sweater
was legendary.

Speaker 5 (07:53):
I was doubting that sweater, and I right before I
went through the curtains, I looked at just the guy
that works on the crew that was his job in
that moment to open the curtain, and he had a
headset and like, I'm gonna take that sweater off, and
he's like, you keep that sweater off, very much approof

(08:14):
of the sweater, and it gave me that final boost
of confidence.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
I hated the.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
Unsung crew members on shows daily shows where people it's
so hard. On talk shows, it's hard work. People are
under pressure constantly. It's very hard to make a show
every day, and there are crew members like that. They
understand that, especially stand up comics like a crew member
on Conan would understand this is like a chance is

(08:40):
being given. There's a lot of pressure, but they know
that ultimately it's like you're here to do what you do.
You got picked because you're good. But the idea that
they're then conveying that to you like you've got this, yeah,
I just love that. Or I felt I had the
same experience with those with the crew on Conan, where
they're just like, there, you do it, and they they

(09:02):
allow you to kind of like entertain them. They're not
like jaded or looking down or anything. They're in it
with you.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
It's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
Yeah, they were, and they know what they're doing.

Speaker 5 (09:11):
When I the first thing I did was Kimmel and
that was a new show.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
It was live with like a radio delay.

Speaker 5 (09:18):
Button and there was a you had to walk out
on a catwalk that wasn't even near the audience. They
could choose to wrench their neck ninety degrees to look
at you or just not look at you, which most
of them did. And at the last minute, Super Dave
Osborne went too long with something and the guy, instead

(09:39):
of saying, hey, that's a nice sweater, said hey, can
you do a couple minutes less or come back tomorrow.
I don't even think it was his call. And I
said I can't. I have to leave town tomorrow, and
he's like, okay, just do less time, and so I
did different jokes and the prompter person was freaking out
and pointing out the cards as if I was had

(10:00):
lost my mind, and they bleeped me like a whole sentence.
I thought it went well. I went to a bar
to watch it and it was just like, because.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
You were talking about something you can't talk about.

Speaker 5 (10:11):
I don't fully remember, but I didn't swear, and they
beat it like I said, shit, fuck ass poop.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
Well huh, I wonder if you were talking about like
an area that.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
The said Jesus oh as an exploited.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
But also that's so ridiculous that the stage manager would
be the one saying, can you do extra time?

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Exactly?

Speaker 5 (10:32):
That's what I'm saying, like it was his call, and
I don't think it is his call.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
Well, but it would unless him doing that independently would
not be happening. It's the director talking through him.

Speaker 5 (10:42):
Oh perhaps, Oh yeah, well then I'd feel better. But
I'm about to make a noise. Oh that was a
bodily function. A lot of people think I'm opening a soda,
but that was one of Chris's specialty fart. Yeah, yeah,
I have natures and that was one of my specialty signatures.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Called the barbecue.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
Loves to play Frisbee or corn Ole.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
Welcome to the barbecue, speaking corn this. Okay, wait, what's
the address?

Speaker 5 (11:14):
I looked at it on Google Maps and so I
will know what it looks like.

Speaker 4 (11:19):
You did.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
Okay, I think it might be here on.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
The right, and it is okay, great, this is it free?

Speaker 2 (11:25):
So yeah, I do my research. I look at a
picture of the home.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Creepy.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Excuse me. That was a quick pickup, Yes, it was.
My fear is.

Speaker 5 (11:34):
That I've said everything I've said in the past because
I haven't patent to our our audience.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
But it's been decades and by that I mean five.

Speaker 5 (11:46):
Six years since I retold that last story.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
Oh yeah, I don't even remember that last story.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
Okay, good yeah, yeah, yeah, good good.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
That means to me, I'll immediately start criticizing you if
you're doing something incorrect.

Speaker 5 (11:59):
And I'm constantly in a state of fear because and
I thank you.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
It's great for podcasting, it is.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
It is. What would a mobile podcast be without fear.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
Without fear and pressure? Yeah?

Speaker 6 (12:17):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (12:19):
He does clubs and colleges across the country.

Speaker 4 (12:23):
Everyone Alex Bennett.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
Got up at to go down Alex Bennett or just
stay We're going on like everyone else on the show.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
Depending, Hi guys.

Speaker 6 (12:39):
Hi Pat are you still coming from Teluca Lake or
have you moved?

Speaker 4 (12:44):
Karen?

Speaker 1 (12:44):
I am also now where I am in the same
city you live in?

Speaker 4 (12:47):
What Yes, we're like two minutes from each other.

Speaker 6 (12:50):
Yes, everyone lives you. Seth Green and his wife lived
down here. Flannagan lives here. I like Seth Green, Seth Green.
Zoe Lister Jones is down the street. I see her
out on my walks, on my perambulations that you do
when you're fifty four.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
And you got to move that.

Speaker 4 (13:09):
There are a lot of flat streets here, a nice
flat ones. Noway, then I'll do that. It's my ankle.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
My ankles can't do those hills.

Speaker 4 (13:17):
I can go uphill, fight the downhill.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
Oh my god, Yeah, you're not yours. We're all warned
about going down.

Speaker 4 (13:24):
Yeah. And where are you living now, Chris?

Speaker 2 (13:28):
I am thank you for asking that you.

Speaker 5 (13:31):
I was in Venice Beach for like seventeen years, and
I now live in Echo Park where they shot the
movie Training Day, right on those streets. Yeah, right where
Denzel's yelling at Ethan Hawk while they're front in front
of my garages.

Speaker 6 (13:45):
So you went, you went from both ends of the
Bohemian spectrum, Vennis and then Echo Park.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yes, I really yeah.

Speaker 5 (13:53):
And I find it's covered to be friendlier and more
of a community. I love where I live.

Speaker 4 (13:58):
Oh it's great.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, it's terrific.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
The only thing I need to do.

Speaker 6 (14:03):
If we could stop by Flair Cleaners on Laurel Canyon,
I'm going down there to all right.

Speaker 4 (14:08):
Otherwise, let's just drive around.

Speaker 6 (14:09):
Hell yeah, maybe go further up north Laurel Canyon to
where it's weird.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
Should we go?

Speaker 4 (14:15):
Where do you want to go?

Speaker 1 (14:16):
I mean we could go there. We could also go
down mulholland we could do a little classic La drive.
Come around.

Speaker 4 (14:22):
You're so right, let's do Should we do that? God?
Damn it? Yes, that's way better. You know what? Fuck it?

Speaker 6 (14:27):
Make a left, I'll go. I can get Flair Cleaners tomorrow.
I got all day open.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
We can do both.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
We can do both.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yeah, we can do it.

Speaker 4 (14:32):
Well, let's do Mohan and we loop back around. We'll
grab it.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Okay, let's talk about David Lynch movies, and then we'll
go get your suits press. When did you get it done?
At the dry cleaners?

Speaker 6 (14:43):
A bunch of shirts and a couple of them. I
had some labels removed because they have those. The gap
puts like fifteen unnecessary labels down on the right scene yep,
and they're just flapping around and smack and you when
you're walking around like, what is though?

Speaker 2 (15:02):
That was Karen's call. Actually she used to work at
the Gap.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
Oh yeah, for real, please explain to people how to
iron this over and over in every language that you
can come up with.

Speaker 6 (15:13):
And then let's also have a pocket with spare buttons
in it for no reason. Yeah, because, as you know,
twenty somethings love to darn and sew.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
That's what they always do.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
I have never ever used those spare.

Speaker 6 (15:26):
Button No, no, why are you giving If I lose
a button.

Speaker 4 (15:30):
It's lost?

Speaker 2 (15:31):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
Or also you can just open your drunk drawer and
find like a kind of purlescent button to replace it.

Speaker 4 (15:38):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
They're not rareer. Although thank you to the Gap for
even being that considerate, because you would think that they
would be like, get your own buttons, right, yeah, but
they're not.

Speaker 6 (15:48):
Yeah, and they also wanted to give gen X the
illusion that we were somehow self reliant. Here here's what
we've also added a little sew ink it great. Yeah yeah,
I'll be getting rid of this as well.

Speaker 5 (16:00):
Take the needle, the tiny tomato pin cushion, and do
what all your grandma's taught you.

Speaker 6 (16:06):
Well, I have a thumb ring with a little mushroom
cat that I that I needle pointed, and that's where
I keep all my supplies.

Speaker 5 (16:14):
I wonder I would like to know on a calendar
when the last time a thimble was used.

Speaker 4 (16:19):
Oh, that's a good question.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
I mean down at a like Milton Edies, you know
where they do at alterations twenty four hours. That's one
of my favorite things. I used to live by and listener.
Milton Edies is a very famous kind of Hollywood in Burbank, Yeah, Taylor,
where you can go there twenty four hours a day
and get your ship fixed, although it'll cost you eighty

(16:42):
dollars minimum no matter what is.

Speaker 6 (16:44):
Yes, but I bet they get a lot of meth
heads that at two am decide to go through their closets. Yeah,
I'm gonna reorganize, gonna alter some things, Yeah, and they
take them off. I used to go to Milton Eaties
all the time, to the point where I just stopped
eating that goddamn popcorn that because I would eat it
and then I would just have greasy fingers and then

(17:05):
get my clothes all messed up again like an idiot.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
I remember, I remember Danny Sebaios for do I remember
a true legend?

Speaker 2 (17:14):
I remember the name, and I don't even know Danny Si.

Speaker 4 (17:16):
He was. Oh boy, he's the.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Greatest non stand up comic hangout person in our group.

Speaker 6 (17:22):
Yeah. He was one of the there's that weird subgroup
of the non comics that are just as funny as
the comics.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, he was that guy. And him when he and
his wife Sarah got married, I was a bridesmaid and
and she she asked me to be a bridesmaid, which
is really nice. And of course six months prior when
she asked me, we all want to try on bridesmaid's dresses.
And I was so embarrassed because I mean it was
like not just strapless and sleeveless, but it like it

(17:50):
only just hooked around your neck, like it was high
pressure of kind of bridesmaid challenge. And so I left.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
They were challenged dresses.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
They were challenged dresses of what do you actually want
to look like when you show up for this thing?
So I immediately went on the most intense starvation diet,
to the point where when I walked in for the wedding,
all the people that knew me went, oh.

Speaker 6 (18:14):
Oh god, whoa okay, Karen, Karen, Karen juice, let me
check your get her assaline and po right down.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
But I had to take that dress. So I was
doing it thinking, oh, hopefully I can just like my
arms will be slightly smaller.

Speaker 4 (18:33):
Whatever.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
I had to take that dress into Milton Eaties and
get it. This woman's like folding the things over going,
Oh my god, why did you buy the dress so big?
And I'm like, I can't explain this now, I can't
talk to you about this.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
Wo look at this ankle rolling vista.

Speaker 1 (18:49):
Get up there, climb up there, you little goats.

Speaker 4 (18:53):
I remember Karen and I were in Seattle for some reason.
I was opening for you or was it bumber.

Speaker 7 (19:01):
Shoes would say great word to say in Terry Lewis,
But Danny would do this character called the Contessa and
it was this old like wealthy dowager and are you
people dumb?

Speaker 4 (19:21):
And we were. We were in some.

Speaker 6 (19:25):
Vintage clothing store and we saw a hat and we
both went the Contessa and we bought it and we
brought it back for him. I just remember like that,
that's how funny.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
That guy was that because normally the hat that he
would make would be like a napkin he would pick up.
Where we were at a party at Laura Milligan's house
and he would just pick a napkin up wrap it
around his head. Because that's how you knew how drunk
he was that he would turn into the contesta and
start yelling at people.

Speaker 4 (19:49):
Exactly why isn't everyone paying attention to me?

Speaker 1 (19:52):
And remember when I think you actually put in a
video because it was some It was like the compilation
of bloopers from CNN or what. So we all sat
down to watch TV in the middle of his party
and he walked in, stood in front of the TV
with this weird raincoat around his head and what are
you people don't Yes, that's right, he was so mad
we were watching TV.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Oh oh god, yeah, he boy. When he would get drunk,
he went all the way.

Speaker 6 (20:18):
I remember seeing John Mattat like carrying him out of
the Uh.

Speaker 4 (20:25):
Oh my god, what was the place the cat in
the fiddle?

Speaker 6 (20:27):
Oh yeah, like literally like he had picked up a
mannequin and it was like like at Squaresvillet, like.

Speaker 4 (20:32):
We're changing the mannequins. He would like pick.

Speaker 6 (20:34):
Danny was so slim and light. Yeah, you could just
pick him up. Well, we got to take him.

Speaker 4 (20:38):
Somewhere you can't walk and so amored. Oh my god, Danny,
what's Danny doing now? So is he still married?

Speaker 1 (20:44):
He's still married and his wife is a musicologist. She
got a job as a professor. I think it's called
Lawrence College and Appleton, Wisconsin. So they live way fucking
north in Wisconsin, and he's and they've lived there for
like it's been fifteen years probably and they love it.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
Yeah, so it just does sets it's skyline.

Speaker 6 (21:06):
Yeah, or he goes he goes to the local supermarket,
not the chain one, but the mom and pop and
just and every now and then he'll kind of half
go into the contesta like glas as Zucchinis just underpicked
too soon.

Speaker 4 (21:24):
Yeah, my god.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
I miss that. I miss people doing characters.

Speaker 4 (21:29):
Yeah we would.

Speaker 6 (21:30):
There was always people would go into just whatever at
a party and it didn't have to necessarily go anywhere.

Speaker 5 (21:39):
But yeah, I miss that too, Like during stand up,
not as a TikTok persona.

Speaker 6 (21:46):
And again you know what, And it was all it
was truly for ourselves because we weren't tiktoking or posting shit, right,
it was just we're amusing ourselves right now, yes, and
this is all going into the ether.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, it was the big because every thing was a
big riff contest. So it was like, what can you
bring if you're just going to do regular hard jokes?
Will then stand over there because I'm about to unveil
my new character.

Speaker 5 (22:12):
You're right, there was a time as weird as I
and not well received occasionally as I can be in
a mainstream setting. I felt sometimes like I was some
road hack because I was wanting to do my bits
and everyone else was like, well, I bought a.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Box of crackers.

Speaker 5 (22:31):
I'm going to be the Rits because I just picked
these up, and I felt and I'm just talking about
way later. For me, it just used to be an embar. Yeah,
I am I putting am I. I memorized all these
things and then the next week I could just be
chewing it at the comedy store.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
I liked that.

Speaker 4 (22:54):
There's that right, Yeah.

Speaker 6 (22:56):
I remember there was a There used to be a
message board called a Special Thing, and it was kind of.

Speaker 4 (23:01):
Very mbar Largo centric.

Speaker 6 (23:03):
Yeah, all the all the m bar Largo fans, like
the alt comedy fan base was on this message board,
and a lot of us would go on there and
just you know, answer fans and talked about something.

Speaker 4 (23:14):
But I would remember them.

Speaker 6 (23:15):
They would review MBAR shows every week like you would
do the Nbar and you'd come home and go on
that messag board. Like an hour later someone had written
up the entire show. Yes, but I remember one night
and this is no slam on anyone in this, but
it was. It was a night where everyone went up
and just absolutely killed.

Speaker 4 (23:35):
Boom boom boom.

Speaker 6 (23:36):
And David Cross went up and he was trying a
bu He goes, I'm trying a much new stuff because
he was working on a new special and a lot
of the new stuff just didn't work. He just didn't land.
He didn't have a great set. Still David Cross, still funny,
but it just didn't work. And so this guy wrote
there's a review and he's like the only you know.

Speaker 4 (23:53):
Everyone else went up all prepared and rehearsed, and it
was disgusting. The only real comedian that night was David Cross.

Speaker 6 (24:00):
It was like he didn't but it was that ethos
had leaked into the board.

Speaker 4 (24:05):
Yeah, like they anyone can go up and just get lashed.
Actually no, you can't. Then that whole point of comedy.
That's the hard thing to do.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
So it's quite rehearsed.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yes, was the review written by like David X.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
I don't think he ever went on those boards, don't do.

Speaker 6 (24:23):
There were some like very specific personalities that came out
of that board that I feel a lot of them
probably went all right years rolled on just as they
became more disaffected, they suddenly just started posting on once
that board closed.

Speaker 4 (24:38):
They're like, well, I guess it's storm front for me.

Speaker 5 (24:42):
How much is it to fly to Washington, DC? Yeah,
I used to search for my name on there. I
just I totally forgot about that until you brought it up,
and oh yeah, oh yeah, that person kind of said
something nice, and I'd think about it.

Speaker 6 (25:00):
You could always see the early There were always rough
drafts of the Internet out there. They just weren't there yet.
Like I remember when there's when I was living in
San Francisco. You I don't know if you ever did this, Karen,
but there was a thing in the cafes for a
while called the coffee Net and they were these little stations,
little keyboards with a screen and you fed a quarter

(25:21):
into a slot and then you could chat. It was
just a chat room. And there were other monitors and
keyboards in other coffee shops. That's all it was, so
there was never more than twelve people in the chat room,
but Blaine and I and Mark Marin would put a
stack of like we were immediately addicted to this, and
you would think that I would observe, like, wait a minute,
I'm in a coffee shop with my friends and I'd

(25:43):
rather feed quarters and just type non sequitors at these
random people. There's clearly money in this. Yeah, and I
just didn't even bother. Yeah, this will never catch on.
Hang on, I need this five dollars. Can I get
this in quarters? This five dollar bill?

Speaker 4 (25:59):
Thank you part of it.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
That they figured out a way to make you pay
for it, like that is hilarious, Like, yeah, a quarter.

Speaker 4 (26:06):
It was like playing a video. A quarter got you
ten minutes.

Speaker 6 (26:09):
And we would sit there and just and I was
I think we had different names. I think I forgot
what I But we would go on and just like
start talking and then you get into arguments, and the
arguments were but apparently back in the seventies and eighties,
weren't their party.

Speaker 1 (26:26):
Lines on the phone.

Speaker 4 (26:27):
Yeah, yeah, and you could call up and just talk
to people.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeap. That turned into the sex lines.

Speaker 4 (26:32):
Yeah, like.

Speaker 6 (26:37):
Thousands of women are waiting to talk to me. Wow, wow,
remember that. There's a scene in I think it's Shortcuts.
Jennifer Jason Ley is a phone sex operator where people
just call up and she's saying the most filthy stuff
and her either boyfriend or husband played by Chris penn

(26:57):
is clearly like she's making a lot of money for them,
and he's like, why don't.

Speaker 4 (27:01):
You never talk that way to me? Because it's disgusting,
Like she's.

Speaker 6 (27:05):
Not personally attached to it, but it's like that's probably
who you're talking to when you're on the sex lines.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I had a friend who did
that really yeah, because it was really good money. So
all of a sudden, it's like, yeah, you don't have
to go be a waitress for eight hours. You can
just do this for two and as long as you're
willing to just be kind of gross and some guys
being gross back to you, you make a bank. My
friend was just like, yeah, who gives a ship. I'd

(27:32):
way rather get this big payout and it's like worth
her time.

Speaker 6 (27:36):
Yeah, well that's like all the I don't know if
those still exist. Cam girls, web girls, Oh yeah, wasn't
that a whole thing?

Speaker 1 (27:43):
Yes, I mean that's now it's like the only fans accounts, right, yeah.

Speaker 4 (27:47):
Oh that's right.

Speaker 1 (27:48):
Yeah, don't pretend you don't know.

Speaker 4 (27:52):
This is this is fucking oh, this is mortifying.

Speaker 6 (27:56):
Right When only fans started, when I had heard the
term only fans, but I didn't know yet that it
was for porn. I just thought only fans artists have
a page and people paid to see your new work.
And I was talking with Amy Mann and she was like, yeah,
I'm trying to put this new album out, but you know,
you gotta the labels are all collapsing, and you know,

(28:17):
I don't know how to get the word out.

Speaker 4 (28:19):
And then I just said, well, you should start an
only fans.

Speaker 6 (28:20):
Page, like in my mind, thinking because that's where you
put She's like, what, I go where you put your
music on?

Speaker 4 (28:27):
She goes, do you know what? Only know? But what?
And the kid to explain. I'm like, oh jesus, right,
that's not what I was saying.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
You know people do do that, though you're not off.

Speaker 4 (28:38):
Yeah, now they do.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Yeah, I have seen that in recent days.

Speaker 6 (28:42):
Yeah, there's someone who has an only fans page. Wait
a minute, they just announce it and they're not like
a porn person who.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
No, there's people that are doing comedy specials on OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
Right why Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
Yeah, it's like I think I think Whitney Cummings produced
a roast that I can can't remember the person who
is that true? No? Yeah, I think they're they're trying
to basically like sidestep all the middlemen and all the
people that take all their percentages.

Speaker 6 (29:14):
Exactly, just I'll put it up and pay whatever, or
not even pay what you want. They're like Dana Gould
has a Patreon, but it's like, I'm not doing levels,
I'm not doing tears. Its five bucks a month and
you get everything. Yeah, and when you do it that way,
actually more people sign up.

Speaker 5 (29:30):
I'm because like, oh this is so easy, I'm one
hundred percent sold on it, and I might do it. Yeah,
it's good I want and then just have a psaltry
image suggests I'm doing anything more interesting high everybody.

Speaker 4 (29:44):
Well.

Speaker 6 (29:44):
Then there's also writers that have sub stacks and you
pay for that every month and they're like, I don't
need to worry about getting it published.

Speaker 4 (29:51):
You want to read my stuff here it is?

Speaker 6 (29:52):
Yeah, Yeah, all the self publishing stuff that's going on.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Also Cameo, where you can if people want you to
say happy birth there.

Speaker 6 (30:00):
Yeah, although from what I heard, cameo can end up
taking over your life, like it is, what so much
work it becomes your Well it's not that it's so
much work. If you have any kind of cachet, you
will get you know, one hundred of quests today and
you're like, well, I'm here. You know, it becomes an
eight hour workday.

Speaker 4 (30:20):
During the guy who.

Speaker 6 (30:21):
Played like one of the characters on Office Space and
not obviously the Office, the American Office who's.

Speaker 4 (30:29):
The tall bald guy kind of talks.

Speaker 6 (30:32):
Like, oh yeah, yeah, he made a million dollars a
year on Cameo.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Holy shit.

Speaker 6 (30:37):
Yeah, And people basically just ask him to say the
same phrase over and over and he just sits in
his house and does it.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
Hell yes, I mean get that bag.

Speaker 4 (30:45):
However you can get it.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (30:47):
I was in Portland and there's this skateboarding Jesus guy.

Speaker 6 (30:52):
He rides along for just one he's me there's competing skateboard.

Speaker 5 (30:59):
That's all he's talked about was the other skateboarding Jesus'
and he but he we did a little interview, and
he's very sweet, and he took me to his office
and he had a whole setup. One was for cameo
and then all these other apps. He did them for churches.
He did, and he wasn't like a Christian guy, but

(31:19):
he he did it very.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Much for Wow, for churches like, hey, guys, Jesus here,
I highly recommend Saint Andrews. Yes, right, Eucharist always.

Speaker 4 (31:33):
Just got some fresh trucks on the board.

Speaker 5 (31:35):
He did it in the many Texas high school football teams.

Speaker 4 (31:40):
Oh really, he did, wow.

Speaker 5 (31:43):
And it made me whoever was requesting those obviously had
a sense of humor because he wasn't that serious. Yeah,
so I'm like, well, he must be doing it for
the cool church.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
But you're saying skateboarding Jesus is not evangelical.

Speaker 4 (31:57):
No, no, it was.

Speaker 5 (31:59):
I mean he put a little like kind of a
bed skirt around his skateboard so it looked like he
was floating.

Speaker 4 (32:06):
Yeah, I love him.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
The skateboard was shaped like a crucifix.

Speaker 5 (32:11):
Yeah, of course, so you could take someone out at
the ankle.

Speaker 4 (32:16):
I know, I know.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
I didn't throw a log on the fire at church camp.

Speaker 5 (32:22):
I was offended, but he made such a living and
told me, here's what you need to do, and that's
when I signed up for cameo and yes, during quarantine,
even just for me, it was a daily thing. And
sometimes they were, oh, you have twenty four hours to
do this, and it's our sweet fans.

Speaker 4 (32:39):
Yeah it was wow.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
But yeah, I kind of dried up because you have
to advertise it.

Speaker 4 (32:44):
I've been pitched a couple of cruises.

Speaker 6 (32:47):
I've never been in a cruise and I'll never do one,
but I just stand up to do. Yeah, stand up
and music cruises or a very big thing.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
It's good money, right, yeah.

Speaker 4 (32:56):
And especially here's what's amazing.

Speaker 6 (32:58):
So many of our alt rock nineties heroes are either
doing the soundtracks for children's shows. Kay Hanley from Letters
to Cleo does Doc mcstuffians and I'm not kidding, she
does not MC stuff. That's awesome, and they might be giants.
Does Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?

Speaker 7 (33:17):
Oh yeah, they always did, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (33:21):
But now there are these cruises I know that like
three eleven. Yeah, like they.

Speaker 6 (33:26):
Will do and it's it's it's it's no different than
like when there's a package torn now of all your
Like there was that thing that was just touring with
like the Cure and.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah, just like y yeah yeah.

Speaker 6 (33:38):
Where it's they just we're going to it's package nostalgia.

Speaker 4 (33:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (33:44):
And the artists that are honored I apparently make banks.
They're like, why Nothy, wouldn't I do this?

Speaker 1 (33:48):
Right?

Speaker 6 (33:49):
But but there's something about a cruise because isn't there
a specific kind of person that likes to go on
a cruise?

Speaker 4 (33:55):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Well, it's it's really good the marketing concept, which is
amazing because they're probably pulling in all these people who
would never go.

Speaker 4 (34:03):
On a cruise. Oh yeah right, they're.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
Tapping in new markets that kind of stuff.

Speaker 4 (34:08):
Yeah, makes sense.

Speaker 6 (34:09):
I just can't imagine Juliana Hatfield's fans wanting like salivating
for the all night buffet and going, god, I hope
she does a babe today.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
You're wandering and she's like, because I'm ugly, upset. She's
not ugly, not ugly.

Speaker 4 (34:26):
And plus, look at the ambrosia.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Marie, keep your voice down. She's singing a ballot.

Speaker 5 (34:34):
Ambrosia is like that lime green, yellow marshmallowy.

Speaker 6 (34:40):
Like like cool whip. It's it's just that we have
a bunch of cold things in the fridge. That's just
mad from together grapes down in that basically sugar water, yes,
just just soaking in sugar water.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
It's the stuff that if it gets left out at
a barbecue on a picnic table, don't eat that.

Speaker 6 (34:59):
Yeah, well, or if it gets left out it ferments
and the kids can catch.

Speaker 4 (35:04):
A tiny buzz maybe like oh that was mommy, that
was the oranges were fizzy.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
We're just saving money on your penicillin.

Speaker 6 (35:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:16):
That.

Speaker 5 (35:17):
I don't know if i'd want to do my subtle word,
make them ups in front of a you know, oz
fest just I.

Speaker 6 (35:25):
Remember when I was eight, I was visiting my grandparents
in Arizona and we all went out to dinner one
night with my Aunt Debbie. And Aunt Debbie ordered a
uh vodka tonic and I ordered a seven up. And
it was the late seventies and all the all the
glasses were just the same, there was no and they

(35:45):
put her vodkatonic in front of me and my seven
up in front of her, and I wasn't really you know,
like seven or eight. I just straws in and I
drink like half of it without even thinking of it.

Speaker 4 (35:57):
Me While my Aunt Debbie is sipping her as she goes.

Speaker 6 (36:00):
Man, they really make great fun Dona juice, fantastic. It's
just but it took her a second, like she got
maybe a fourth way through it, and then she looked
at me and was like no, no.

Speaker 4 (36:09):
No, no grabbed it.

Speaker 6 (36:11):
But I remember, I remember distinctly getting a weird little
buzz because I didn't.

Speaker 4 (36:16):
I just drank hat. How old are seven or eight?

Speaker 2 (36:18):
Oh wow? That is when you're shirtless dancing on the piano.

Speaker 6 (36:24):
That's so great, diving into the ballpit.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
I actually.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
Pat put your shirt back on.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
What are you doing?

Speaker 1 (36:35):
An Italian restaurant?

Speaker 2 (36:39):
Swimming in?

Speaker 4 (36:43):
Get the Lord?

Speaker 6 (36:46):
So to the listeners that can't that have no visual
to that. We are heading east on Ventura Boulevard and
Ventura Studio City is where all of the hipsters who
aged out of Los Felice had moved. Because we're about
to enter an area of Ventura Boulevard where the restaurants
and coffee shops are actually kind of good and there

(37:09):
was a weird migration of services over here.

Speaker 4 (37:12):
Oh my god. Yeah, there's Mark's Garden Marks, beautifully decorated.

Speaker 6 (37:16):
But there's a bunch of restaurants along here that are great,
like shockingly great.

Speaker 5 (37:21):
Yeah, And every time I drive down that street, I'm like,
I'm gonna hang out over here.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
Yeah, wait a minute, I never do.

Speaker 6 (37:28):
Because if you have Echo Park, there's Petit Twa.

Speaker 4 (37:34):
That's the guys who do Animal. That's your little French place. Amazing.
There is a.

Speaker 6 (37:39):
Little pub there, the one up that has got video
games and really.

Speaker 4 (37:44):
Good pub food.

Speaker 6 (37:46):
The Woodman is really tasty, coming up on our left,
and a second will be a place my god, please.

Speaker 4 (37:52):
Put please put your headphones off out.

Speaker 6 (37:56):
But there's a place coming up called Wood and Water
that is so goddamn good.

Speaker 4 (38:04):
Just amazing food, just amazing dinner.

Speaker 6 (38:07):
And then they do like Sunday brunch, but all of
their food is fantastic.

Speaker 4 (38:13):
And it's on Ventura in the.

Speaker 6 (38:14):
Goddamn valley and you do not expect it to be
that good, and it is.

Speaker 4 (38:19):
It's right past men che See.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
And there's a home state over here.

Speaker 6 (38:24):
And there, Yes, there's a home state in which if
you are from Austin and you move to Los Angeles
and you miss hot bowls of cheese, which which used
to I used to eat so much of it, you had.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
A slight limp. Martha Kelly and I would eat. She
would just call me up.

Speaker 4 (38:45):
She would just call me up.

Speaker 5 (38:46):
And go, Hi, fair Banks, you want to get a
big bull of cheese?

Speaker 4 (38:51):
Yeah, we might just want to do it.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
And you're like, but I have gouts.

Speaker 4 (38:57):
My foot is numb. I'm like Olivia Coleman in The.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
Favors Right now, it a bed, Get me my bunnies.

Speaker 6 (39:05):
We also just passed on our laft back there Cosavega,
which is the site of many a nineteen seventies drunken debauchery.

Speaker 4 (39:13):
I think Cosavega features in licorice pizza.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
It does, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
They all drink on the tip of my tongue. And
then other than that, just like the movie Barfly or something, well.

Speaker 4 (39:25):
That's all downtown.

Speaker 6 (39:26):
Although I also think Cosavega is in a once upon
a time in Hollywood.

Speaker 4 (39:30):
I think they go drinking there.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
I also went. I went to dinner there once in
the nineties before I stopped drinking, and I forgot that
I had even been there. So then the next time
people are like, should we go to Cosavega, I'm like, yeah,
I've never been there, and whoever was with me it
was like we were there last month. What is wrong
with you nothing. Nothing is wrong with me until I
decide there's something super wrong with me.

Speaker 4 (39:53):
Can't a girl decide when she bought him out?

Speaker 1 (39:57):
All blackout as many.

Speaker 4 (39:58):
Times as I need to do, not blackout, Explain to me.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
This is sexist, this is very And.

Speaker 6 (40:08):
Then of course you have the class still the classic
Valley five guys, Western Bagel, Starbucks like boom boom boom.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
Ye.

Speaker 4 (40:15):
Also then you got but then there's an out for coffee, Alfred.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
It's all border.

Speaker 4 (40:20):
There's a Jones on third over off of Laurel Canyon.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
Now that place is the greatest.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
Oh my god.

Speaker 6 (40:25):
If you want to go see pissed off people about
to go audition at CBS Radford, that is where you go.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
And the and the people who aren't going to choose
them for their projects, they're also there.

Speaker 6 (40:39):
All sitting together putting their punch cards in. Well, gotta
go fire.

Speaker 5 (40:43):
You now as you Sportsman's launch. No hotel they have
like a pool side. You can just go there. You
don't need to even be in a room.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
Yeah, I don't think that that the hotel's there anymore.
Though it's now.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
It didn't look like it was in great shape.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
It's well, no they refurbished the whole thing, but is
the actual hotel there. Didn't they turn it into like
an Equinox strip mop Yes, yeah.

Speaker 6 (41:05):
They did, but the pool side thing is still there. Oh,
it is one of my favorite names. Muffin can stop us?

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Right, that's not real.

Speaker 4 (41:14):
That we just passed Muffin can stop it?

Speaker 1 (41:15):
Are you serious?

Speaker 6 (41:17):
It's right next to Element's Pharmacy. Why can I pay
three hundred dollars for.

Speaker 4 (41:22):
My COVID vaccine?

Speaker 6 (41:23):
That's why you want to go to Element's Pharmacy where
the stars.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
I want that to be a tailor.

Speaker 4 (41:29):
I don't want to go get it for free at CVS,
like I'm some kind of proll. Well, then you want
to head down to Elements Pharmacy.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
I'm trying to think of wordplay on We built the
city so hard right now that my brain is bleeding.

Speaker 4 (41:42):
God damn.

Speaker 6 (41:43):
I mean, you know there was always that who there
was some road comic. I'm sure that what we built
this titty, Yes, we built this titty on sil.

Speaker 4 (41:52):
You know somebody. Yeah, there's no way they did think that.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
Mark Cohen didn't. He did a parody of like.

Speaker 4 (42:01):
Here make fun of those guys.

Speaker 5 (42:03):
Yeah, But then it's the funniest thing in the world
to me.

Speaker 6 (42:07):
Yeah, he would do it to make fun of it,
but it would always kill Also.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
He would do it in the middle of a party
everyone had just smoked pot, and then he would pick
up a guitar and be making eye contact with you,
like the craziest person on the planet. And he's like this, kid,
I can't.

Speaker 4 (42:24):
Do this right now.

Speaker 6 (42:25):
To whip away constipation. You always ate the rays and Coco. Please,
I'm so goddamn high right now. Blaine brought some lighter
weed and I cannot please just stop.

Speaker 4 (42:37):
I'm gonna die, truly.

Speaker 5 (42:39):
I have three other versions in my head, but they're
offensive now I can't write them right. He always made
me laugh the funniest. Oh god, I think he's now
got a regular Vegas.

Speaker 6 (42:52):
Yes, he has a residency somewhere. Oh great, Yeah, and look,
Oh there's the Licorice Pizza pop up store on a right,
nice arts delicatess And oh.

Speaker 4 (43:02):
I got to go back to breakfast there. I love
that place.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Are you do regularly do stand up in Vegas? Patton?

Speaker 4 (43:08):
Not as as?

Speaker 6 (43:10):
Oh, by the way, Annabel's Book Club on our right,
amazing tween young adult bookstore.

Speaker 4 (43:16):
Oh amazing.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Nice.

Speaker 6 (43:17):
I don't do as much stand up as I would
like in Vegas. I like to go in there and
do like one show. I just don't like a lot
of the clubs. They would like you to come in
Monday through Friday, and that drives me insane.

Speaker 5 (43:28):
No, I'm I would assume you're doing one show and
then getting out, since I'm guessing you're not.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
A guy I love like me.

Speaker 6 (43:36):
I love Vegas, but not after two days? Right then
I got to get out.

Speaker 4 (43:40):
Yeah. Oh, by the way, I'm Karen Blasphemer pass. Coming
up on the right is Wasteland.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Get me an outfit now.

Speaker 6 (43:48):
My daughter is now obsessed with Wasteland. Loves it so exciting.
I got her a gift certificate for Easter. She's so excited.

Speaker 5 (43:55):
I feel like I went there when I first. Has
that been there a long time?

Speaker 4 (44:00):
Wild?

Speaker 1 (44:00):
Not that long, but yeah, like ten years maybe?

Speaker 4 (44:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (44:04):
I like the Wasteland on hate Oh.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Because Wasteland is like a It's like a bit of
a step up Crossroads.

Speaker 4 (44:10):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Cross Roads is more like you need to pay your
rent so you have to get rid of like the new.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
Issues, and Wasteland is more curated yes, yes.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
And Wasteland's more like you're some sort of a Neppo
baby trust fund kid and you've been cut off, so
you have to start slowly selling your product ship.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
That's why I know, right Yeah.

Speaker 6 (44:30):
And also at Wasteland you have a you actually have
a better chance of getting some good things for yourself
to buy. At Crossroads, the really good ship comes in
is clearly nabbed by the employees.

Speaker 4 (44:41):
Never make it to the rack, Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (44:43):
They I remember going there with a bag of clothes
and I'm like, I'm going to make a killing, and
they turned down all of it. And I was like, like,
these are specific skate brands.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
It's a street where ever heard of street?

Speaker 6 (44:56):
Where hybe? You ever heard of Gator?

Speaker 4 (45:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (45:02):
I know, and I keep going a little more.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Right, Flare, I very much like that.

Speaker 5 (45:11):
You just brought up Mark Gator rake man he lost
his mind and killed.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
So, yes, I almost killed two people.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
For the record, we are going to the cleaner.

Speaker 1 (45:23):
Take it. We're literally taking to the cleaners.

Speaker 6 (45:25):
When I remember, keep in mind, I'm.

Speaker 4 (45:29):
Going to listen to this podcast later, so whatever you
say about me when i'm later.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
In the nineties, pattern was such a slut.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
For the door shows.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
Oh man, fit it in there, but I just got
like five restaurant recommendations.

Speaker 5 (45:50):
Yeah, I love that. That's his instinct to do a
street tour. Yes, people like it even though they can't
see it. Well, we're talking about you're right, people like that.
What was the muffing? Muffin can stop me?

Speaker 1 (46:05):
Muffing can stop us, which also isn't not to argue
because it's a great name. Although if you actually look
at it, you're saying it can stop you. Maybe that
is good because you're like muffin. Nothing can stop us
except for a muffin.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
Yes, and by stop as it means pull over and
get one, get.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Come and stop and get us. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:27):
Oh that's the best.

Speaker 5 (46:29):
Look at those fun Prince, those are fun shirts.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
True professional.

Speaker 4 (46:38):
Yeah, we want to clean take other wors.

Speaker 6 (46:42):
Gota do I gotta do the whole goddamn thing again.
Go back in your house.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
We'll pull up, go back to Mulholland.

Speaker 4 (46:49):
Boy. Hey, Chris Karen, have either of you together or
alone played Vegas?

Speaker 5 (46:55):
I know haven't for a long time, but you played it. Yes,
just opening for people. I've never had my own private showcase.
I haven't done Brad Garrett's yet.

Speaker 4 (47:09):
I did way back in the day.

Speaker 6 (47:11):
I did The Riviera when it was booked by Steve
Shirippa from The Sopranos. He was the booker really and
oh god, and that's that's the one where you came
in Monday morning and you worked Monday through Sunday and
you and you got the little card that would let
you into that weird there's that. There's that subterranean tunnels
where you even the materia. Yeah, yeah, it's really bizarre.

Speaker 4 (47:33):
It's it's a world.

Speaker 6 (47:35):
It's a city underneath the hotel that the workers live in.

Speaker 5 (47:39):
Well, now I know how many times I've worked there,
because many times have eaten down there.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
I just am not remembering the.

Speaker 6 (47:45):
Details of the show, which was at the show is
the one thing about Vegas that they will tell you is,
you know, just do fifteen minutes. We just want them
back out on the floor. You don't need to do it, like,
just get him out there.

Speaker 5 (47:57):
Which I wish they were just telling you that it's
some less pressure.

Speaker 4 (48:01):
Yeah. I also remember that was the Riviera.

Speaker 6 (48:04):
Was the first time I came off stage and the manager,
Steve Srippa, just went, fuck these people they're idiots.

Speaker 4 (48:11):
Like, because that's how badly I done it, Just like,
don't worry about it.

Speaker 5 (48:16):
There for a little while, these guys that did the
Ramada in basement show, what where there was?

Speaker 2 (48:24):
It was? Yeah, on Vermont it was.

Speaker 6 (48:29):
Wait, I know that place? There was a show there? Yes,
oh lord, and it.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
Was totally haunted there.

Speaker 6 (48:34):
I wait, what what the fuck was in the basement?

Speaker 4 (48:37):
Was it a theater or there's a little.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
Bar down there?

Speaker 5 (48:40):
Yeah, And these guys had a show suddenly at the
Palms Casino where.

Speaker 6 (48:46):
They had a show suddenly they suddenly they were like, hey,
do you want to do our show at the Palms?

Speaker 5 (48:51):
And I drove to Vegas and Sean Reap the does
that thing have a hemy mm hmm comic? And I
were on this billboard and I ate it. So they
were it was like NASCAR weekend and it was an
audience of home depot.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
Jackets and they were screaming at me.

Speaker 5 (49:11):
To get off stage, like I was eating it so hard.
And John, who I don't didn't know that well, came
out and said, this is my friend and you guys
are being rude to him, which just made everything worse.

Speaker 4 (49:22):
Your mom came to school bullies. You're dead.

Speaker 5 (49:28):
Yeah it was I have never and it was hosted
by a playboy money.

Speaker 2 (49:34):
That was the most That's what I blocked out.

Speaker 5 (49:38):
I only remember eating with the staff in the underground.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
I remember why I took it out of my memory.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
Well, I just everyone I know that ever attempted to
play Vegas. Almost everyone got fired. Like a day or
two in. That was always the story. People would be
coming back like.

Speaker 4 (49:54):
Yeah, they fired me.

Speaker 6 (49:57):
I made it through the whole week, which I wish
I hadn't because after a while, because you're in the casino,
there's no windows, there's no clocks, you lose that circadian
rhythm and you're just and there's nothing to do. After all,
you think, oh, there's gonna but there's actually not that
much to do because you're doing a show at night.
There's no bookstores, there's no movie theaters here. But they

(50:19):
don't want you. They want people in the casinos. So
you're like, I don't have anything to do, and you
start to go crazy, like I'm down in that subterranean
cafeteria at five o'clock having a bowl of fruit loops
and some ravioli.

Speaker 4 (50:33):
I don't know what happens if I do this.

Speaker 8 (50:36):
Yeah, it's dinner breakfast, it's breakfast, and I don't gamble,
so I really just I guess I'll smoke a pack
of cigarettes and that's elevator.

Speaker 4 (50:48):
Blaine told me.

Speaker 6 (50:49):
Blainco Patch told me that he did the Maximum Casino
one time and he went up and he did really well,
and he came off and the club owner was just
glaring at him like murder and was like, oh, I
bet I cursed or said something he's not happy about.
And then the guy just comes up to him and
he goes, this is a hard shoe gig, like blame sneakers,

(51:14):
hard shoe gig.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Have you guys got the phrase hard shoe Now?

Speaker 6 (51:18):
It's all that old school like you're gonna those are
your show clothes stuff you were in the street, you
just wear it, but that's at your show clothes.

Speaker 4 (51:25):
Yeah yeah, jeez.

Speaker 6 (51:27):
Like the guys that hang around backstage with no pants
on because they want to keep the crease to the
last second. That's when you see like pictures of Jerry
Lewis and Don Rickles, even at the end of their career,
like when they're backstage, they they have the full dress
shirt on in the jacket and no pants because when
they came up, you put your pants on at the
last possible second.

Speaker 4 (51:47):
So he went up with a really sharp crease. I mean,
not weird.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
It's hilarious, but it's also like saying, I insist that
it's seventy years ago and you have to be where
I am where it's like Jesus, sir, hard shoes aren't
a thing anymore.

Speaker 4 (52:02):
Hey, I didn't even know what that phrase meant.

Speaker 6 (52:04):
Yeah, you just threw me your insult through me because
I didn't know, Well, what was that? Oh my god,
you had that great joke caring about your dad saying
like you're funny Karen, but you're no Bob here, and
you go, I don't even what is it. I don't
know what to say to that because I don't know
who he is. So why don't you sit down before
you fall?

Speaker 2 (52:24):
The military promoter?

Speaker 1 (52:29):
So insane?

Speaker 4 (52:30):
Oh god, that that just made me last. I remember
the first time I heard you say that, like, oh
my god, you.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
Know what's really funny? I think recently I watched an
episode of either Cheers or some eighties sitcom, and I
saw a person say sit down before you fall down?
I was like, oh, no, I stole that. No, it
was like in a it was in a like an
old sitcom where I was like, that's why that was

(52:57):
in my brain.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
Oh wow, wow, well enough time has passed.

Speaker 5 (53:01):
I'm yeah, jerosh, it was.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
It was in the air.

Speaker 1 (53:05):
That's that thing, like you know. Rosie o'donald tells that
story of that her first set, and she killed it
was all Jerry Seinfeld's material that she had just seen
on TV. And she thought, that's what That's how you
did stand up is you just do jokes.

Speaker 4 (53:18):
Hope, and you tell those jokes.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
You just tell jokes, you know.

Speaker 4 (53:22):
No, I like, here's some jokes. I like, yeah, you
guys might like this one. I know I do.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
Apparently all the comics from the back were like horrifying, like.

Speaker 4 (53:31):
What are you doing? And she's like, what I annihilated?

Speaker 6 (53:35):
I was watching There's an old Warren Baty film called
Mickey One that he made in the early sixties with
Arthur Penney plays a stand up comedian who's on the
run from the Bob. This is early sixties, and so
there's a scene where he's hiding out in like a
in like the lower part of showbiz like he's hanging
out in a strip club. So the strip club comedian

(53:58):
goes up, who's like this old baggy pants style comedian,
and Warren is drunk and he starts heckling him, and
the guy starts using heckler comebacks on him, but Warren
knows them all. At one point the guy goes and
then again, this is movie made in the early sixties,
and the character in the scene is someone who's been
doing comedy since like the forties.

Speaker 4 (54:17):
That's what this is, you know, they're making fun of.

Speaker 6 (54:20):
And he goes, I don't come to where you work,
and then Warren goes and jiggle the mop handle, which
you're like, that's how old.

Speaker 4 (54:26):
The fucking insult is, wow, because that was everywhere in
the eighties. I don't come to where you work. The
slurping machine.

Speaker 6 (54:33):
Yeah, there's just been it's almost like comedian Lord, that's
been passed down right, the weird.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
Yeah, and there's still comics that will do that work
and not.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Sure well and when you're desperate, I mean I remember
there was I remember having to do colleges and freaking
out because I had an LA thirty and a college
five essentially.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
Yes, Oh my.

Speaker 4 (54:57):
God, that's exactly.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Yes, one of the worst feelings in the world where
you're like, I actually don't have material. This is all
personality based. Who gives a shit.

Speaker 4 (55:06):
It's all inside joke shit too. Yes. And about the
industry yes.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
And stuff that like no one actually cares about in
the real world.

Speaker 4 (55:14):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
And having those like realizations on stage. And I remember
before I left, Karen Anderson goes, you can do any
of my material, and I absolutely went into her as
I was like, it was help me car seriously, I
was drowning, and it just like, I'm sure I did
something of Blaine's too, because Blaine has those jokes, those
like hard jokes that stick in your mind. Were just like,

(55:36):
oh wait, that just go that was Blaine's. But I'm
just losing my mind.

Speaker 6 (55:40):
You He does this stuff now on stage where he'll
stop and rattle off his sponsors for yeah, yeah, I
love brought to you by Swiffer. When you don't feel
like cleaning, don't really clean.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
Axe body spray ed Hardy for the blind. I gotta
do that. And I kind of started crying because I'm like,
that's the best joker. I'll never write it.

Speaker 6 (56:05):
Sitting there for I was talking. We went I'm on
a thread with him and a bunch of other comedians.

Speaker 4 (56:10):
We were talking about.

Speaker 6 (56:12):
For some reason, you know, you've gone in those weird
rabbit holes about people, famous people, And he went down
for some reason, went down.

Speaker 4 (56:18):
To Peter Wolf rabbit hole, so right there, but.

Speaker 6 (56:22):
He was on his Wikipedia and Peter Wolf, lead singer
of the Jay Giles Band, was married to Faye Dunaway
for three years in the early seventies. And then and
I said, oh, you know Peter Wolf and Amy Mann,
we used.

Speaker 4 (56:36):
To be boyfriend girlfriend way back in the day.

Speaker 6 (56:38):
And then Blaine just text me back, did they break
up because of all the wolfman jokes? Wolf Man that
would have been their portmanteau, that's right.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
Or their child's hyphen it?

Speaker 4 (56:53):
Oh god?

Speaker 2 (56:55):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (56:55):
And then so they gotta name him Harry Harry wolf Man.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
I love those those kind of people that are just like,
let's give our child a joke name, yes, and entertain ourselves.

Speaker 4 (57:09):
Yeah, well that was who's the His name now is
c Q. Jones.

Speaker 6 (57:14):
He's a director, but he's David Bowie's son. Oh, and
he was when he was growing up, he was Zoey
bo oh right. And then he was like, yeah, c Q,
we're done with this. I'm glad that you lived.

Speaker 4 (57:27):
On cocaine and milk and Kalipino peppers the.

Speaker 6 (57:30):
Seventies, red peppers, red peppers. Yes he really, yes, yes,
he had this weird diet. He would just drink milk,
snort coke and eat red peppers for.

Speaker 4 (57:39):
Like years, for years, for years.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
Yeah, but then he was started hallucinating. There's a really
good story where like he saw something in the bottom.
There was an indoor pool in some mansion they had
in La Do you know that story? And he hallucinated
this thing where basically the devil was coming up out
of the pool and somebody is like, hey, we got
to get you off the coke, off the peppers.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
Yeah you know that's the peppers.

Speaker 6 (58:03):
Yeah, we got to get you a steak, a steak
and some mashed potato.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
Stat gotta take it easy.

Speaker 4 (58:11):
Holy shit.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
Have you guys seen that Bowie documentary?

Speaker 4 (58:15):
No mine is.

Speaker 6 (58:16):
My daughter has demanded I wait till she gets back
from camp because she's obsessed with bow and guys can
watch it together.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
Oh she's at camp right yeah.

Speaker 6 (58:23):
Camp right now? Is it out in Vermont? She just wow,
running around in the Woods.

Speaker 2 (58:27):
That's where I wanted it to be.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
That's like dream camp.

Speaker 4 (58:31):
Yeah, I know, she's very very happy. Good.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
That's great.

Speaker 6 (58:34):
And I just did a you know, I have a
new trade paperback that's coming out July twelfth.

Speaker 4 (58:39):
Listeners.

Speaker 6 (58:40):
Yeah, you want to go to your called Minor Threats.
First four issues of my comic Minor Threats.

Speaker 5 (58:45):
I mentioned that because on the way to Karen's I
listened to Minor threat Oh there you go.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
Yeah, yeah, unrelated.

Speaker 6 (58:54):
But we had a big release party out at in
Eagle Rock at a place old Revenge of So we
did a signing, we had barbecue, we had a couple
of comedians, and we had a band play. And the
band that I got to play was Bleached, which is
my daughter's favorite.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
Oh they're great.

Speaker 6 (59:11):
So I like got to like meet them backstage and
then watch their sound check and and she was just
like you it was she was. So I'm just so
happy that she's into really really cool music and that
music leads her forward into people like Lana del Rey.

Speaker 4 (59:30):
And then then also like if they mentioned what is
this line, I listened to Sabbath, you know that it's real?

Speaker 6 (59:36):
She goes, Oh, that's a band called Black Sabbath and
then I'll play her paranoid.

Speaker 4 (59:39):
Now she loves black Sabage.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Oh that's great.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
I went to a Bleach show the Sisters right.

Speaker 4 (59:44):
Oh.

Speaker 5 (59:44):
Yes, it was an all ages show and I couldn't believe.
I'm many cool parents brought their cool kids with the
little ear muffs on, and it was the best show.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
I knew nothing about that band.

Speaker 6 (59:57):
They do the best songs about growing up and being
a little punk in the valley and being and you know.
And we were backstage and here's something, here's how, there's
how your kids get away from you in great ways.
So Jennifer was saying, yeah, we were just touring and
we were supposed to open for Bikini Kill at the
Greek and the day of my sister Jessica got COVID

(01:00:22):
and we couldn't do it. And my daughter's like, you
didn't get to open for Bikini Kill. And I go,
do you know who Bikini Kill is? She goes, yeah,
Kathleen hand. And when we drove home, she she plugged
her phone into the thing and played me all the
Bikini Kill songs.

Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
She loves. Oh, I didn't know she was into bikini
I'm so happy.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
Yeah, that is.

Speaker 4 (01:00:41):
Yeah, it's a beaut a surprise. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
And also it's so cool to me because it's this,
it's like whatever it is now, fourth wave feminism or whatever, yeap,
where it's cool to be into those bands which were
like you had to in the nineties, no cool people
to find.

Speaker 4 (01:00:57):
Out about those things. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
And now it's kind of like somebody is on the
circuit going listen to this, do this, pay attention to this.

Speaker 4 (01:01:05):
Miss this the best. You're gonna love it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
Yeah, that's so was delightful, was perfection.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
You are out of the gates. You were hilarious.

Speaker 5 (01:01:17):
You you had the instincts to do a street tour
of venture.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
We got something done for you.

Speaker 6 (01:01:24):
I can't believe you lived two minutes from me, Karen.
Let's go get coffee soon, yes, please, God damn it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
Yes.

Speaker 6 (01:01:29):
I can't imagine how busy you are because I know
that you're running an empire. But Slate, if you can
talk to your assistant, have a take open an hour
and we'll get some caffeine.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
That would be great. Let's go to Jones on third.

Speaker 2 (01:01:41):
Yes, okay, you've been listening to do you need to ride?

Speaker 4 (01:01:46):
I am aar.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
This has been an Exactly Right.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
Production produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choy. Our
talent booker is Patrick Cotner.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
Theme song by Karen Kilgare.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter,
and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

Speaker 5 (01:02:09):
For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
Thank you both, You're welcome