MFM Minisode 315

This week’s hometowns include kids who watch Jerry Springer and a sweet Siamese cat.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hell uh, and welcome to My Favorite Murder. Did you
forget your line? Yeah? Well, I was like, how do
we do the minisode? Do we just do it? We
say that after we say the title and.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
I say my favorite murder, and then you go the minisode.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Right. Here's the thing. I don't listen to this podcast.
You shouldn't. I think that's a right rule. Don't listen
to your own bullshit. Yeah, that's right. Don't go all
the way up there? Yeah? Uh, the minisode? Here we go.
That sounds familiar. You did it?

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Who?

Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yeah, we read you your stories.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
This is our first recording of twenty twenty three, so
clearly we're both a little rusty.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
We've been on vacation and for it really feels like it.
I've been vacationing for two weeks. Yeah, totally, ten days, Yeah,
fourteen days. What day is it? It's the day to
get back into recording minisos and I'm ready for it.
I love it. Let's do it. You want to go first? Sure?
The subject line of this email is satisfying Staying Operation,

(01:19):
and it says hello fellow humans. It was twenty sixteen
and I was a seventeen year old working college student,
I volunteered at my church and was the youth ministry
leader at the time. I led full weekend retreats and
really gave all my free time to my former church.
I had just gotten off work at three am to
twelve pm shift. That's green yard, that's rough, oh, and

(01:42):
I was walking to my car when I saw my
male church leader, who was about thirty seven. I was
just about to drive to the church to prep for
our meeting, and I did not expect him to show
up at my work unannounced. I asked him what he
was doing there, and I wondered how he knew when
I was working. He offered to drive me to McDonald's
to eat before the meeting, but my gut said hell no,

(02:02):
I was young and too nice, so I politely said
we can walk there, since it's only across the street.
He said driving would be easier, but I was insistent
and we ended up walking. He offered to pay, and
I was so freaked out by this situation that I
started to call everyone that was preparing for the meeting
to see if they also wanted some free McDonald's. Nice

(02:23):
let me bribe you to get involved in this problem.
To my horror, no one answered. We got the food
and walked back where we got into our separate cars.
This situation felt so uncomfortable, but when I told people,
they seemed to brush it off as a nice gesture
since he bought breakfast. I never felt the same around
him after that. A little over a year later, in

(02:44):
October twenty seventeen, he and nine other men were arrested
in a police sting operation for quote traveling to meet
a minor for lude or lucivious behavior. Holy shit. I
felt very validated after hearing that, and always wondered what
his true motive was visiting a seventeen year old alone

(03:06):
in her work parking lot. Yes, we can all guess.
You knew, your gut new and your brain new, and
you knew our church tried to keep everything a secret.
Oh God, damn. That has to stop sitting us down
and saying we should pray for him. My mom was
the one who did the research to find the details
of why he was arrested. A few months later, our

(03:26):
elder church leader said he misses us, and I was disgusted.
I told her how I felt, and she said only
God can judge. That's not Sadly, that's not true. A
try it. It's fun and it gets me through my day.
I left the church soon afterwards, and now I'm on
a spiritual journey, staying away from organized religions since they

(03:48):
feel culty to me. I am a longtime listener and
a new fan cult member. You too are the only
cult leaders I will follow. Thank you great because we'll
never show up at your work. Well, we promise, stay
sexy and fuck politeness. V from Long Beach she.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
Her, Wow, I was picturing this like in the South
or something.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
I don't know why that's a stereotype, but on Beach
we are thinking maybe people who are used to living
kind of cultural church based lives, isn't I mean, I
guess Long Beach is that the OC. No, it's Long Beach.
Oh okay, I know they love their religion down in
the OC. Yeah, they sure do. But it's light l

(04:34):
I T. Yeah. Wow, that was a good one. Yeah,
trust your gut, yes, please do, please listen to yourself always.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Okay, this one's called bank Cocaine with an exclamation mark.
Come on with this title, this story has to get
picked up.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Start.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
Karen and Georgia and all amazing MFMT members. You asked
for it literally anything at this point.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
So here we go.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
I'm a bankman, and I could share all the many
stories of fraud, dumb questions, et cetera. In fact, I did.
Maybe one day I'll read that email, but this one
is officially better.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
I was in the back of the bank doing paperwork,
trying to catch up on emails, and going to enjoy
a cookie when my new hire, Andy came in with
a folded up twenty dollars bill. I was instantly irritated
because while it wouldn't seem like money at the bank
would be an issue, when we find money, it means
a hell of a lot of paperwork for twenty stupid dollars,
sometimes even just a penny. Andy told me a customer

(05:33):
had found it and turned it in. He had asked
around but no one claimed it. Being new, he didn't
know what to do, so he came back to me, Yeah, yeah,
I'll handle it, I say. As I take it, I
go to unfold the bill to see how much there
actually is. When the tightly folded bill pops open and
white dust flies everywhere, it must have been like a
little bindle. You know, you can fold them or a
gami style. Yeah, cocaine, and you know see how you

(05:57):
do that.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
It's also the dirtiest way to interacts with cocaine is
just like, why not wipe it on the ground and then.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
Pick it back up totally rub it on a door
knob and lick it off, and then it says all
over me and the uneaten cooking on my desk. Andy
looks like he's about to cry because he thinks he's
just accidentally poisoned me or something. But I calmly and
firmly tell him to call the police. Well, I call
the bank security team to get directions, with the police

(06:26):
on their way. Andy and I put the bill and
what is left to the white powder in a plastic
bag and Google had a safely remove cocaine from your
clothes and body.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
Thankfully, coke addict to come and smart it all.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Thankfully, this was during COVID and wearing masks was required
by my employer, so no one inhaled anything. The police
showed up and takes statements, and I told them this
might surprise you, but I don't have a lot of
experience around cocaine and wasn't sure what to do. The
officer laughed and said, well, it could be cocaine or
it could be meth. I must have looked a little concerned,
because he followed with, don't worry. If it was meth,

(06:59):
you would feel it already. Gee. Thanks. They later called
and confirmed it was cocaine, and if they needed any
more information they would call me. We cleaned up the
remaining cocaine and threw away my cookie devastating, but Andy
felt so bad that he could have drugged me that
he bought me a replacement the next day. Classy, hope,
this story was right up your alley. Thanks for all

(07:20):
you've done, and do stay sexy and don't unfold mystery
money around food tailor.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
She her. It's such a it's so specific, and it's
also kind of like that funny thing you're at a
bank and then it's like did someone drop a twenty
dollars bill? It's like my drugs, Like, oh, I left
my drugs at the bank. God, get it together, Got
it together, drug addict. Come on, I like this one

(07:50):
a lot. I'm not going to read you the subject line. Okay,
so it just starts today. I heard the minisode where
the Mormon mom on Ambien bought a bunch of R
rated DVDs and it reminded me of this story. Ohossic
so much, so many, so many topics. So this happened
the first time my boyfriend now husband met my parents.

(08:12):
It was winter. We had dinner, things went great, We
planned to stay for the weekend and it was getting
pretty late, so my dad, unbeknownst to us, took some ambion.
We were all in the living room chatting and getting
to know one another when my dad asked my husband
then boyfriend if he wanted to take a look at
his yellow nineteen sixty four. Mg. My dad is obsessed

(08:32):
with this car. They go out into the garage and
my dad asks if my then boyfriend would like to
take it around the block. Oh no, Now I have
to pause and say that my sister's husband, who has
been around for a year or so at that point,
was not allowed to drive this car. Not allowed, Oh
my god, to drive this car. So when my dad

(08:53):
asked my husband if he wanted to drive, he figured
he had made the very best impressions and immediately said yes.
So here's where it gets weird. First, my husband can
drive a stick but in British cars. The gearshift is
backwards or something, so he goes to clarify with my
dad which way to move it, and my dad fully
has no idea how this car works. Then my dad

(09:14):
encourages him to rev the engine really hard and rip
it down the block so that quote the ladies inside
can hear the tires screeching. Oh my god. Finally they
make it around the block and come back inside, where
my very introverted, very conservative dad announces to the room,
Now I don't go telling them about how we went
topless bowling. By this time, it's clear that something's up.

(09:38):
My dad goes to make a platter of mozzarella sticks.
It's ten forty five pm. Yes, your dad is high. Yeah,
and he arranges them into a face with a parsley
beard so that it looks like my husband. This guy
is a fucking party animal, and I love it. This
is his real personality. Yeah, that's right, I love that.

(10:00):
To top it off, he picks up my yuku lelely
Oh no, I'm a kindergarten teacher and sarenad's the room
with a very off tune Christmas Carol. My mom is
slowly realizing what's happening. And she asks my dad if
he's taken any ambient yet. It turns out he took
his usual half a pill forgot and then took another

(10:20):
full pill, so three times his normal dose. He was
high as a kite. And that's the story of how
my husband met my parents. Wow, and it's just signed just.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Oh my god, we come. Nothing fun like that ever
happened to me. And I was on ambient. All I
did was sleep really well.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
Did you never have any kind of experience where you
were like waking up driving or any of the scary
ambient stories? Nothing, not that I know of.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
I know.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Well, then it's the drug for you. It was the
drug for me. That's funny, Okay, hi y'all. So I'm
working on catching up.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
And there was a hometown about a five year old
burning the dining room carpet, and it just reminded me
of a story of my very own. When me and
my twin sister were about three years old, we decided
we really wanted to go camping. Mom was asleep on
the couch with our tiny baby sister and dad was out,
so we were pretty much unsupervised. This was the early nineties,
so not unusual. Please note number one we lived in

(11:16):
a small trailer and number two. Up until this point,
our only idea of camping.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
Was a campfire.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
Oh well, like I said, we really wanted to camp,
so we proceeded to pile up all of our toys
in the middle of the dining room. Next our kindling
needed a light. I grabbed a lighter not childproof from
the TV stand and shoved it in my sister's toddler hand.
She flicks the starter and whoosh fire. At this point,
we were super proud, so of course we had to

(11:43):
wake my mom. Obviously, this did not go well. She
immediately jumped up at the sight of the smoke and
flames and rush us out the door, yelling get your dad.
Fast forward a couple hours, there's a huge fire truck
putting out the last of the flames of the.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
Completely destroyed trailer.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Thankfully no one was hurt, but me and my sister
got to walk away with a pretty wild story. Yeah,
sorry for the long story, but I had to share,
stay sexy and maybe keep an eye on the fire
loving children.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
And then there's no name. I mean, the name is
Arsonist is really the name on that one? Thank God
for child proofing. Yeah, I mean, I guess it really
did take that long, what into the late nineties, two thousands. Yeah,
I guess they've just made lighters harder.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
I think it was an optional thing, like with pill bottles,
Like if you asked for child proofing, you could get
that kind right.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
Well, I guess those parents learn their lessons. They sure did. Also,
they really wanted to camp because they burned their own toys. Yeah,
total less dedication. All right, here's my last one. There's
no subject line, it just says hey, Karen Georgia and friends.
Last week, a listener shared a story on how our
older sister laid a cookie dough turred on her pillow,
and well, it got me thinking out all the shit

(12:58):
I put my siblings, my younger cousins through. I have
seventeen first cousins and I am the second oldest girl.
So growing up, us older cousins would call our younger
cousins the babies. So in the nineties, when Jerry Springer
was in its prime, my cousins and I loved watching
Jerry Springer and Laura, who was like Jerry, only the
Latino version and much more dramatic. Have you ever heard

(13:22):
of Laura, No, I haven't either. I want to see that.
I was probably about ten and I had no business
watching these shows, but our Latin parents were always too
busy amongst themselves to notice. We relate. My cousin had
a giant trampoline in their backyard, and the older cousins
would round up all the babies, aged four to seven
probably and make them act out Jerry scenes. Yes, one

(13:51):
of the older cousins would act as Jerry. Oh my god.
I was usually the security guard. Oh my god, this
is so good. Imagine if you were the neighbor just
looking out your windows in his backyard being like those kids. Okay,
I was usually the security guard, and we would assign
roles to the babies as cast members. My poor little

(14:11):
brother would always be the cheating husband, and my two
little girl cousins would always be the wife and the girlfriends.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
We'd give them each a storyline and then bring them
all on stage quote unquote and then a parentheses it
says the trampoline huh and crack up as they argued
and fought as if they were on the real show.
Holy shit, I'm not proud of this. And my cousins
to this day, love to remind us of the evil
things we would do to them as kids. My cousins

(14:38):
are now my best friends and I couldn't imagine life
without them. I tell them at least it built character
and that they have us to thank for being the
tough badasses that they are today. Love you guys, stay sexy,
and don't forget to check on the kids once in
a while. You never know what they could be watching. NAT.
That is so delightful. I love it so classic, like

(15:00):
so classic of like, yeah, you're going to make your
own TV show. Yeah you're going.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
Of course you are, like, this is what is influencing you,
So you're going to do it, and you happen to
have no supervision, so you watch Jerry Springer and.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
This is what happens next. But the idea that you're
making the little kids fight and act, it seems that
that is whether your cousin's siblings. That is the dynamic,
that power dynamic of childhood. It's so hilarious. I love it,
love it.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
Okay, I'm not going to read you the title of
this one, my last one. It just starts, Hey MFM crew,
hello from Canadia.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
I don't know if that was a purpose, but it
says Canadian nice.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
Firstly, if either of you, Karen or Georgia, are ever
having a bad day, please contact so I can remind
you of all the ways you are just so fantastic
and made such a huge difference to all your listeners. Oh,
let me count the ways. Secondly, Berried Bones is so good.
Kate and Paul are a fantastic pair. They are both
extremely interesting, tell great story, an unravel of crime scene

(16:01):
like no other nice plug.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
You're right, it's such a good story pace. If you
haven't heard Buried Bones, it.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
Is my new second favorite podcast listen next to MFM
of course nice that's right.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Thirdly, my story.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
A few decades ago, a now elderly friend of mine
was manning the front desk of a small motel by
herself in the middle of nowhere, Ontario. She had her
sweet little Siamese for company. One evening, a nice looking,
well kept man walked in and asked to rent a room,
so she.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
Sorted it and gave him the key.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
He left and a short time later came back into
the reception area asking if he could use the phone.
My friend didn't feel suspicious and was about to say yes,
when the sweet little Siamese went crazy, arching her back
and going up on her tippy toes while hissing and
snarling ooh. Intimidated by this now angry cat, the man

(16:51):
backed out of the reception area and never came back.
This confused my friend, she had never seen the cat
act like that before. But then a month goes by
and as she's watching the news, she saw that same
man being arrested. It was none other than Paul Bernardo,
the Scarborough rapist or school girl killer that Karen covered
in an episode. The normally friendly yet very in tune

(17:15):
cat saved a life that night, So now we all
know to never man the front desk of a motel
in the middle of nowhere by yourself, without your normally
sweet cat by your side. Stay saved and do God's missions.
M And then it says ps a shout out to Elvis,
who I'm sure would have saved Georgia in the same circumstance,
which makes me want to cry.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
Is that like a Siamese thing where they're kind of
like protective like that? Yeah, they pick one person and
that's their person for life. Oh kind of a thing. Yeah,
that's I mean, Paul Bernardo is the scariest.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
The scariest because he looked so normal and acted so normal.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yeah, he is the classic shark level predator where it's like, oh,
I'm going to blend into your surroundings and be like,
oh yeah, I don't get bad vibes from this guy.
He's actually kind of cute totally, but the very smart
animal in the room is seeing it for what it is. Oh,
what a story, great one, m Thank you so much.
Good job structuring that email where you're like complimenting us.

(18:17):
You plug one of our podcasts is really well done,
really well done.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Yeah, for anyone who's going to write in in the future,
that's a great format.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
Just try it. Yep, that's right. Do a little commercial
at the top for one of our podcasts. That's right.
Thank you everyone.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
Please send in your emails at my favorite murder at gmail,
and thank you guys so much for listening.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yes, we hope you had a lovely holiday break. If
you got a break, we hope you did. And have
fun New Year's which is almost impossible, but maybe you're
the one that did it, and stay sexy and don't
get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis, do you want a cookie. This

(18:59):
has been an exactly right production.

Speaker 2 (19:01):
Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton. Our producer is
Alejandra Kech. This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen
Ray Morris.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Our researchers are Maren mcclashen and Sarah Blair Jenkins.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
Email your hometowns and fucking horays to My Favorite Murder
at gmail dot com.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my Favorite
Murder and Twitter at My favor Murder kyobye