June 17, 2022 • 37 mins
The ladies are not picking up what their mamis are putting down - getting married before 30 is not necessarily the goal anymore! Honey talks about how she was raised to be the perfect wife but how she broke boundaries to carve her own path. Carolina also discusses how she looks out for her single friends.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born
and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and
I'm a body positive advoicate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, but I
was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama,
and a worker being. This is life in Spanglish. When
does the Honey German? We meet yet again? And I
(00:28):
just love this little space that we've created for ourselves.
It is a place where we could be free to
speak our minds. We don't have to worry. I especially
like it that I get to curse. My mother doesn't
love that part, but I do. And it's always fun
seeing you. So what's going on, girl? I love seeing you.
Don't ever tell me I can't see you on camera
(00:50):
because the faces you make make my day. Well you guys, though,
Sometimes I straight up tell Honey, you are not getting
a plus Carolina. You're getting like c minus Carolina today.
You're getting like bun hair back, like that kind of vibe.
You know. But you know, at least, like my mom says,
(01:11):
at least I finally found a man. You know. My
mother came to visit just a couple of weeks ago,
and I'm listening to her talk to her co madres,
which is just the most entertaining thing. Talks. They would
definitely take you out and you could sit back and
just absorb what these women are saying, older women, And
I don't know, sometimes it just throws me off. I'm like,
(01:32):
you guys realize two right. Oh no, Well, some of
the things that they say are really scandalous and totally inappropriate,
so we're not going to put them on blast for those.
But I love hearing well. Also, I have no choice
but to hear it, because does your mom speak on
speaker phone all the time. My mom will never put
in airbuds, she will never wear headphones. It's all day,
(01:54):
all speaker that's it. So you're consuming all of her.
Oh people talk all day long. I can't avoid it.
And that's the reason why I'm in on the cheese man,
and I love it. So the other day my mom
came to visit and she's on the phone with one
of her cos and they're talking about the comadres niece,
(02:17):
and I'm dying in the background because I'm hearing all
about this poor young woman who is in her mid thirties.
Tren Daniel, Noo Noo, tinder in Polo and contra Nadia.
And now she's in and I'm looking at my mom
(02:37):
and I'm thinking to myself, you do realize I never
heard that one. That's it like the train left the station. Baby,
she did not get married, which equates to us, I
guess the same thing. That's oh yeah, unmarried women basically.
And so after my mom got off the phone, I
said to her, I said, Mom, why do you think
(03:00):
because this woman is in her mid thirties, I don't
know exactly how old she is, that there's no hope
for her to find happiness? You know, I thought, a mom,
people can have kids into their fifties. This has nothing
to do with science and technology. This is an antiquated
(03:24):
way of thinking that just because you're not young, that
you can't find yourself a man. So I had this
long and heated debate with my mom and I wanted
to have it with you. And it's crazy your mom
is talking about somebody in their thirties. You know, in Japan,
after they label unmarried women Christmas cake meaning left over,
(03:45):
nobody wants it. I'm like, what's Carolina five? That's called
blooded though. I mean, I don't even like the phrase
Christmas cake out like that is not right. You know,
I think that when we look back at perhaps our parents.
I look at my mother and father. My mom and
dad got married when there were sixteen and twenty one.
I think let's go back. It's always good for us
(04:06):
to start from the beginning, especially you know with Latino parents.
You know this whole. When I was young, Carolina, let's
say twelve thirteen, I was taught how to clean, I
was taught how to cook, I was taught how to soul,
all in preparation for the day I got married. This
is at thirteen. My mother was not talking to me
(04:27):
about college or careers or anything like that. It was
just like my mother used to put my hand in
the toilet bowl like this, Like I used to be
like a teenager, a thirteen year old, honey. I mean,
(04:48):
she was teaching all of the things that she feels
like you needed to know in order to be a
lovely housewife. Which chose, yeah, or children? You know I
used to have. I forget there used to be a song,
and I forget the words. You did your mom or
dad ever sing to you a ros go boys? Going on.
(05:11):
I forget the us. It was legend us, it was
legros let Casa was now my best singing boys, right,
I forget the lyrics. I'm like, I'm sitting here trying
to like rack my brain and remember this song. My grandmother,
you just sing me that song and it was referencing
(05:32):
to like the things you need to do or something
like that, like all these you know, a thinking bag.
It's like it was ingrained in us, like you gotta
get married, you gotta be prepared to get married. You
gotta learn all these things to get married. And it
started early, and you took the words out of my
mouth because this is something that you know inadvertently. We
had been taught from a young age, almost subliminally, that
(05:56):
as a woman you need to be ready to take
care of the household, to take care of the man. Luckily,
in my house, education was the number one priority for us.
So I do have to give my parents credit there.
My mom and dad always said, and I think I've
mentioned this several times in the podcast, but my dad
always said, I'm not worried about my boys. If my
boys have to take care of their family, they can
(06:18):
go out into a field and they can work and
they can make money, but my girls need an education
so they never have to depend on a man. But
yet there's this mixed message of but you gotta get married,
but you gotta get out there, and you have to
have a family. And so this is something that I
think as Latinos, or you know, as as women growing
up Latinas, that we have been taught, how do you
(06:42):
stop it from going to the next generation. I don't
have daughters, but I do have nieces, and it is
a priority to me to make them understand your worth
is not associated to who you're with or who you
end up with. Your worth is associated with your self esteem,
with your accomplishments, with how you feel about yourself and
(07:04):
what you've been doing, and those steps that you've taken
to maintain your goals or to even reach your goals.
But yeah, it's wild, right, and I just couldn't believed
this conversation. I'll tell you the rest of the chiefs after,
but yes, go ahead, No, but I think I think
our generation, let's say, of mothers are doing an amazing job.
Because I have my niece and I never for once
(07:25):
heard my my sister talking about marriage. It was just
like you're gonna go to n YU, you're gonna be
an artist. You like to play the guitar, You're gonna
play the guitar. You want purple hair, you can have
purple hair. There was never talk of let me show
you how to cook, so you could cook for a man.
So it's progressing, but there is still that stereotype and
there is still that there's still that type of talk,
(07:48):
let's say, with our moms, and even still people our
age might comment on these type of things. What my
question is to you though, Okay, so Hammona, where does
that come from? Is that a Dominican phrase? Because I
don't think I've ever heard that. Yeah, I think to
Dominican word most definitely we use it. But it's just
like that means like she never got married. I don't
know if they mean to say nobody ever wanted to
(08:08):
marry her. But you know, it's crazy. I know a
lot of single women Carolina, and I don't feel any
negative connotation towards them. You know, people want to say, oh,
they're envious, they wanted to be married, they didn't didn't
happen for them. A lot of them are very well
educated master's degrees, beautiful homes, cars, great paying jobs. It's
just weird how it still has like a negative connotation
(08:30):
attached to it. You know, I call them unmarried women
because I just feel like, you know, spinster and all
those other terms have such negative you know, just it's
just they're just negative words that I don't even think
we should use anymore. I agree with you. You know,
in my house, we call my friends who are unmarried
t so. Ta's are Ta Jenny, THEA Liz. Those are
(08:51):
my blood sisters those area. But in my house we
have TT Cheryl, we have TT Sam, And these are
my dear are friends who I've grown up with and
who are very near and dear to me, who are
not married, their professional career women. They have their own lives,
they have found fulfillment in other ways, and they don't
(09:11):
necessarily need to be attached to someone. Yes, they've had
boyfriends here and there, but my kids know them as
they and it gives them the opportunity to have a
relationship with somebody other than me or other than their aunts,
where I feel like I want them to establish a
relationship where later on in life, if they're in high
school or you know, even later they'll look forward to
(09:32):
maybe going to l A to visit the the you
know what I mean. So I feel like that is
a way for me to weave these important people into
our lives. And I think the benefit is it's mutually beneficial.
I think my kids get somebody that they can speak to,
that they can look to for advice that maybe is
not associated with the family, so they might feel a
(09:54):
little more free revealing things to them. And then I
also think that it gives my friends the benefit of
having not one on one time with children through the
various different stages of their lives, and they get to
give them back. They don't have to deal with the
everyday craziness that I have to deal with. I have
(10:14):
nine god children, Carolina, and you know, speaking as someone
you know, even though I was I married someone who
didn't have children, it gave me so I say, my
sister's kids and my kids because I practically helped raise them,
you know, and it it built that void of not
having children. So you don't understand what you're doing there.
You're doing something that is amazing, not just for an
unmarried women, but for women that don't doesn't have children.
(10:37):
You know, I have. My youngest godchild is too My
oldest god child is twenty four. I have all ranged
ages kids. What I was a kid when my my
older sister had her kid and I was her babysitter.
I have a job. I was like I was at
home all the time. So I practically helped raise my
nephew who's twenty four years old, and I love him.
(10:57):
It gave me a sense of like motherhood. So you
don't understand what you're doing, Carolina. It's amazing, what a
beautiful thing. I want more god children. One of my
friends just had a baby last week. I'm like, oh God,
am I gonna get another guy baby? And I'm gonna
get another guy baby. I keep texting, send me pictures,
send me pictures. I'm like, let's wait and see. But
(11:18):
you know, it's been amazing. And if I wouldn't have
had a husband and I wouldn't have had kids, I
still feel like I would have been very um happy.
You know. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband,
but I don't feel like that. I don't feel like
that is like a validation. Like if I wouldn't have
been married, girl, I would have been dating my ass
off I'll tell you that much. But right it wouldn't
(11:41):
have changed anything. Like, I just don't feel like marriage
is one of my accomplishments in life. And that's what
a lot of them Latina moms, you know, don't see.
I come from a family of like sixty cousins, so
you can only imagine my DIA's and the comparisons. And
this one got married and I want to get married.
And this one got married because my mom and she
loved her mother. Ida this one and get married because
(12:01):
she went off on her own. I need people to understand,
you know, marriage is not something that can be hung
up on a wall, like I have my degrees behind
me that I'm proud of being able to get somebody
to marry me after ten years of dating. That is
not an accomplishment. I just want a man down after
a certain amount of time it was meant to happen.
(12:21):
You know, honey, you're gonna be in the double digit
soon with your god children if you keep up this pace,
which I think is just so incredible. You really are.
And that's the reason why I always go back to
there's um some data that shows about single women that
there is an increasingly large portion of the adult population
in our own country. So four in ten adults between
(12:42):
the ages of twenty five and fifty four are single,
So that is up since Okay, so now let's look
at the bigger picture. The other day, I was speaking
to somebody, and this person is just starting out in
the industry, and she was asking me for some advice.
And the one piece of advice that I did give
(13:03):
her that is contrary to what we're talking about here,
is that I told her, I said, don't get so
caught up in creating this career that you forget to
have your own life, because I do think it is
important to invest whether or not you marry that person.
You can find a life partner and never get married.
That's the other thing. Why do people have to force
(13:23):
this certificate on everyone. There are plenty of people who
are happy that have never gotten married, and I think
that's a really big point, or that's something that we
should point out here, because a marriage is a contract.
And going back to my mother's conversation when she was
talking about, you know this woman who's in her late
thirties that never got married, I just said, Mom, there
(13:46):
are other things. There are other goals that women want
to accomplish now in two that just don't include marriage.
Mary is not the biggest piece of much like to
what you were saying, it's not the biggest piece of
everyone's life that it was for you. And I don't
mean to sound negative, but a lot of marriage ends
in divorce and that is a fact. So it's like, Okay,
(14:08):
you're gonna have this accomplishment that's gonna end up in
a breakup, alimony, child support and all that other good stuff.
And you know what, I was reading a study by
a behavioral scientists and research actually shows that women without
children were actually happier than married women with children. Really,
like I was like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna send you
(14:29):
to study, you know, but it goes to show you,
you know how we have these false narratives about like
women unmarried women and women without children being unhappy. Girl.
They oh, here lit these single girls about to be
turning the funk up and we're gonna be at home
season in continent to put on the grill. I love it.
It's on the season. I want to be on the
boat season. Yeah. I was watching on Instagram. Who was it?
(14:53):
I feel like I saw little Duval if you guys
don't follow a little duvall on Instagram, girl, let me cry.
I I gut bust laugh whenever I see his uh posts.
And he was posting people's aunties and I guess Auntie
and and he's African American, so he had this whole
(15:14):
movement of Auntie season hashtag Auntie, and everybody was sending
their aunties in. And I gotta be honest with you,
some of these women, these unmarried women who were out
there looked better than some of the twenty year rolls
that were submitting them. I was like, this is these
are goals here, ladies, and they're out there living their
best lives. Stop. I saw one she had like a
I guess, like an orange hal to top dress, and
(15:36):
I think it said she was sixty. She had that
wagon in that flash stomach. I was like, oh not,
this lady got better buddy than me, house way, because
she has time to go to the gym, because she's
not trying to take care of her man. She doesn't
have to take care of kids or a dog like me,
Like I got a dog too, Like as if taking
a dog, as if taking care of two kids isn't enough,
(15:57):
then I gotta take care of the damn dog, Raina.
She doesn't act like a queen everybody. So, yeah, it's
just so funny how maybe we're shifting our perspective to
allow people to just be I wish that we could break.
And maybe you're listening right now and you're not in
a relationship, or maybe you were previously married and you
got divorced and it's not the end. That's the whole point,
(16:18):
is that it is not the end just because other
people had this vision or this expectation to this, you know,
I guess um, I'm trying to think of, like what
what the comparison is. Yeah, the expectation of the house
with two kids, you know, the two point one kids
and the white picket fence, like that is not a
reality anymore. We're out here living in cities and having
(16:39):
apartments and going to yoga and do practicing self care.
And doesn't it sound like a dream to you? It does.
It's like living life experiences, you know, just celebrating who
you are and that freedom Carolina that comes with tomorrowmously
till noon. You're not stressed talking about I gotta get
the hell up. I don't want this man to see
me looking crazy, and this house is dirty and I
gotta clean that refrigerator. None of that. None of that.
(17:01):
You want dirty fridge, You can have dirty fridge for weeks.
You want to put on makeup the whole week working
from home, you don't have to. Nobody's looking at you.
You better love yourself and love the situation you're in.
You know what's crazy. Whenever I do have issues and
I'm not happy or something went wrong in my house,
I tell my sister Bella Mia. And this is real talk.
(17:25):
It's real advice, because sometimes you get such a headache
and you're like, why did I get myself into this mess?
More often than not, I'm I'm more often than not,
I'm happy. Honestly, I am very happy. I adore my husband.
But then there are those times where I'm like, you
know what, I will say this, When I dated a
(17:45):
person for years before I met my husband, I think
my parents were stressed, but they didn't really tell me.
Did you have pressure? You dated Noononi for ten years?
Was there any pressure from your family where they constantly
asking when he was going to pop the question? Yeah?
It was constantly like okay, my mom always so what's
gonna happen here? You're just gonna live with this man, Like,
(18:06):
what's the deal? You're gonna get married? And it was
just like, yo, we'll get married when it feels right,
you know, like we lived together. Okay, girl. That was
the number one question. Guando la gandoc who I'm like
joel thing. Let me But definitely it was a question
(18:29):
like when are you guys getting married. It's just like, yo,
let me be. I was building my career. I was building,
you know, my dreams. I was getting my education. I
was not in a rush to get married. You're not
three years old. Let me get married. I want to
get married thirty. I'll get married thirty. Let it. Let
it rock, you know. For me, I think my parents
were afraid. They didn't want say anything. Why didn't want
to upset you when when I no, they didn't. They
(18:52):
didn't want Mark to be hip to the game. They
were just like, oh my gosh, she found a good one.
Let's not scare him away. My mom was like really
careful whenever he would come to the house. But they
they use the word gringo. Yeah, yes, And then and
(19:12):
then they realized that Mark understand Spanish. Mark actually understand Spanish,
she can speak a little bit, and so then so
then it moved to and Julio, which, by the way,
that's again these are inappropriate things, which you know, like
my mom, then let theos use, you know. And it's
like I realized that they are just so old school
that this is something that I personally won't ever change
(19:32):
for them, but I know that I can change it.
I feel like when Mark showed up, they were like, Oh,
we don't want to scare this one away. We're not
gonna put any pressure on it. We're just gonna let
it be and let it happen. But there are so
many families who are constantly needling women in their twenties
and thirties to lock it down to get married. And
now my family, my family is like that. It's like
(19:56):
any single cousin, it's just like, well, what's the problem.
You know, I have cousins that will tell another cousina.
I'm like, yo, this woman is in her thirties, Like
what makes you think it's over? Bro? Like you are
so inappropriate, you are overstepping in so many different ways.
(20:17):
But it also comes from you know, we're kind of
like we're Dominicans, and we kind of like sometimes say
what's on our mind. But I've seen it happen and
I'm like, and they'll come to me like, Yo, can
you believe said this to me? And I'm like what,
And they're like, who the hell says that to anybody? Well,
they don't realize, they don't realize how intrusive that is,
(20:39):
or what people's story is behind it. You don't know
if people can or can't have children. And that's where
I feel like we need to kind of take a
step back and change that so that we don't continue
to repeat those things. But cousins, cousins are savages. Coveins will,
cousins will say whatever. Sisters exactly, they'll say whatever is
(21:00):
on their mind. Whenever I go to San Francisco, that's
where the cousin, that's cousin central, that's where all of
them stay. And I just know San Francisco or Miami
be prepared to answer questions. The girl I've had cousin
be like, I heal meal go to them. I'm like,
(21:21):
hello to you too, exactly. Lovely to see you. I
haven't seen you in fifteen years, but nice to see
your ass. Okay, you know. Now, that's why I don't
come back. Bro. They'll be like, they'll say that to
somebody if they gave weight, like as a greeting when
no qualms. But I really when my family is like,
I always circle back and try to just whenever there's
(21:42):
a female unmarried, I'm just like, bro, do you realize
the degrees this woman has? Do you realize how successful
she is? Do you see her home? Do you see
her her car? Do you see her accomplishments? Like, let's
focus on that. Let's not focus on a man that
might come in and ruin everything she's has worked for.
That's actually a very good point. But also, what do
(22:03):
you say for Bella? Because your sister who is absolutely stunning,
she's gorgeous, she's single and I don't know her age,
but I know that she's single. What kind of pressure
is she facing from the family? And I feel like
you would stick up for her, girl, I do. I'm like, Mom,
stop talking to her about do not ask her any
(22:24):
more questions. I need you to please stop. I'm like,
do not call her if that's what you're gonna go
in on right away. My mom is like obsessed with
that situation. I'm like, yo, you gotta stop, lady, you
gotta stop. Brothers and sisters were cool. We're letting her
take her time because you know, you have to find
your soul mate. You have to find your person. It
can't just be anybody. So yeah, granted you dated your
(22:45):
whole twenties, but you know what, every if every relationship
and didn't break up, that wasn't the purpose. And for you,
what do you want her to do? Marry the person
that ended up being a monster behind closed doors? Is
that what you wanted or the relationship that went sour
that's the one you wanted her? No, because you know
what that would have ended in divorce. Take your time,
find your right person, and then get married. I tell
(23:08):
all the time, do not let these people pressure you
and to settle down with someone you do not love,
you're not in love with, and you don't see a
future with, not to check a box that later on
you're gonna have to check with a divorce. Don't let
them pressure you into that. Don't. And you know it
bothers her. She doesn't want to talk about it. It's
something that's private and she doesn't understand why people feel
(23:28):
like they have the privilege to even approach her or
engage her in that conversation. So if you're out there,
you know, and you feel like you want to ask
somebody about their single them or I don't even know
if that's a word, please refrain, chill out, focus on
your own ship. I'm pretty sure there's areas in your
life that can use some work, whether it be your kids,
your own marriage, or your dirtylass house. Lead these people alone.
(23:52):
She went there, she went there, she struggles with it,
and you know what, with Latinos, it's just like everybody
is so intrusive sometimes and everybody was like every topic
is up for debate. It's not. And don't try to
hook them up. Please stop. I hate that. Oh I
have a friend girl that setups. Oh my god. They
are not desperate. These women have Tinder, these women have
(24:13):
eat Harmony, these women have the streets. These women have
their jobs. They are meeting people, they're just not meeting
the right people. They are not thirsty out here. These
women are perfectly okay, stay your ass out of it.
Don't try to hook her up with your DIA's cousins,
uncle that just got released from prison and you don't
know about it. Well, no, exactly, you have no idea
(24:33):
what's in their past. I always go back to a
phrase that my mom would always tell me, I'd rather
be alone than with company, and that don't take me
down that rabbit hole. But that's exactly the advice that
you're giving Bella to your sister. It is more important
(24:54):
for you to get to know yourself and to know
who you are so that you are ready for that
person when the right person comes along. And let's be honest,
dating these days is not the same I'm coming out on.
I'm trying to think. Two thousand eight was when I
met my husband. That man actually took me to dinner.
These girls can't even get dinner out of these guys anymore.
(25:17):
I had a friend who reached out to me, these
streets are tough. And she told me that this guy
reached out to her and said, oh, I want to
meet you for drinks. And I said, you can't even
get some food and she said, no, guys no longer
want to meet you for dinner. Dinner is like the
third date. I said, dinner was like the first date.
A girl has got to eat, honey, I am sorry,
(25:39):
I am hungry. I need my protein, I need you
to pay for it, and I feel like there's nothing
wrong with that wrong, But then you know what it
is in this microwavable type of dating society wherein these
guys probably meet three people for drinks in one night. Girl,
let's do drinks here real quick, and let's do drinks
here real quick, and then if they don't like those three,
they set up three more for the next day. So
(26:00):
it's not easy, you know, scoring or landing the perfect person,
because these men can replace you from the comfort of
their own couch. Before, if men would meet a girl
like Navaha, they would work on it. Now they don't
work on it. So being single is much harder now
in than it wasn't let's say the nineties or the
(26:20):
two thousands, and not even that, they're not even going
to replace you. They're not even going to give you
the courtesy of going home. Some of these guys will
be looking on Tinder at the bar while they're on
the date with you and they realize that you're not
the one. This is true story, No, this is true story.
They're gonna be scrolling swiping left while you while you're
finishing your wondering she came back from the bathroom and
said that she rolled up behind his back and saw
(26:41):
him on Tinder looking around him, and I said, okay, well,
clearly this is not the one, but it's it's it's
so discouraging and you don't But then you wonder why
people stay single, because it's like, why on earth would
you want to have a second date with this person
if you just rolled up on him and he's looking
for other options. So I feel like that is it.
(27:01):
You need to be treated as the option. And I've
always said this, there's there are so many distractions in
this world period that when it comes to dating, if
you are not holding that man or woman, whoever is
that you choose to date in the highest regard, then
perhaps that person isn't for you. The game playing at
(27:22):
this at this time, it's like it's got to stop.
And I feel like, especially in your thirties and your forties,
when you're looking for something substantial, that's where I feel
like people need to really lay it out and say
this is what I'm looking for. I'm not into the
game playing. And if you're not down with this and
you still want to like cut around and look for
other people, then I'm not the one for you. You know.
(27:42):
I was talking Tablan. I was like, where do people
that actually want to get married look? And she was like,
I guess. I guess she said e Harmony or um,
what's the other one? Match match? Because I'm like, yo,
I'm like these apps, these guys, these apps are a game.
Instagram is a game, you know, Like, where do you
go to find like minded people that are like, Okay,
I want to get married and I want to have children.
(28:04):
It's got to be hard out here for these single people.
And you're not going to find somebody where you used
to be able to find them. You're not going to
go to church and find that person. Because I'm sorry,
it's just there are no opportunities. They're like there were previously.
There are too many options on the table. So that's
where I feel like people need to get creative. So
here is the one piece of advice that nobody asked for.
(28:26):
If you are single and you're listening to this podcast
right now, I want you to make a conscious effort
to get to know your friends friends. And it's not
necessarily even your friends friends. Your friend's friend may know
a friend that's single, and that in my opinion is
the best way to meet somebody because the apps they're
(28:46):
out there. Yes, people find love, absolutely, but I think
if you're really serious and you want to get down
to it. And also, here's the other thing that I
tell my friend all the time that those boxes that
you're looking for this person to check, you might get
somebody that fills se of those boxes. Be willing, be
willing to be open to other ideas. I feel like
(29:09):
we're so fixated on the perfect man or the perfect woman.
If somebody comes at you and for example, their teeth
might not be all right, Okay, let me just I'm
just giving that as an example. Okay, that might be
a deal breaker for other people. Okay, that might be
a deal breaker, but we can fix that. Teeth can
(29:30):
be fixed. A personality, a person's moral character, the way
that they live their life and they treat other people,
that can't necessarily be fixed. So I feel like that
is the nugget that we leave to we have to
leave people with today. You know, I feel like perhaps
we need to discuss with our families, discussed with our
(29:52):
friends that these archaic ways of thinking harmona. We gotta
stop talking that way and be more supportive of our
single brothers and sisters. Boom, we said it. That is
a fact and connection. If you feel a connection with someone,
go with it and listen. If you are single out here,
(30:13):
just no, I envy you, not a little bit, a
whole lot. You are living your life wearing what you
one way you want, whatever music you want to listen,
whatever show you want to watch. You want to watch
sappiest movies for three hours. Ain't nobody gonna tell you
turn that ship off. They want to watch drink Champs
with Nori, girl, live your life. You don't understand, y nuty.
(30:33):
She doesn't mean one thing. She doesn't mean one thing
that she's saying. Nunny, she loves you, she loves watching
drink Champs. Don't listen to her. No, I don't want
to watch drink Champs, and I definitely don't want to
clean the whole house. And then this man makes and
stinks up the whole house like fried codfish. Girl. Listen, girl,
if your house is out here smelling like a spa,
enjoy it because it's not gonna last forever. And I
(30:53):
envy you. Oh my gosh, I am dying. Do you
have any advice to say? To your younger single self.
I have to think about this one because I was
thinking what advice would I give to a young Carolina
single a dating advice or in general? I would just
say to your single self, because there are those moments
when I was single, Yeah, when when you were single,
what advice would you give to your younger single self.
(31:15):
I hate everybody I dated before my husband. Girl, just
sit down and wait and wait for this guy now.
But for sure, I'm I just connection because it's like
what what I ended up connecting? Well, the reason I
ended up staying with Noony was because the connection was undeniable.
I always gravitated towards him, you know. So if you
feel like there's someone you just can't get out of
(31:37):
your mind, or someone you keep going back to, you know,
even if some things might have gone wrong, if you
feel like this person is the person for you, don't
get stuck on mistakes. Don't get stuck on this happened,
and then I don't want to talk to him anymore
unless it's something super unforgivable. If you feel like that's
your person and there's a connection, let some ship slide.
(31:57):
That's great advice. I feel like if I were to
tell my younger single self some advice, I would say,
explore more. I was a serial monogamous. I never wanted
to date other people. I was always afraid. I was
very hesitant, which is really not my personality, but I did.
(32:18):
I pushed myself a lot, and I would go on dates,
and that didn't necessarily mean that it was anything sexual.
I mean, I, you know, but I would put myself
out there. I don't know if I put myself out
there as much as other people, but I would say
if if I were younger and single, I would explore more.
I would explore different types of people. I would uh,
(32:39):
maybe take up that person who wants to take me
out for a drink and just say, you know what,
screw it, I'm going to go out there and do it.
Because I feel like I got into comfort zone and
my comfort zone was focusing on me, which was great
and I'm glad that I did that, but there were
many many times where I feel like I could have
pushed myself to get out there more. So maybe for
our single friends who are listening, I always say, you're
(33:02):
never gonna meet the man of your dreams or the
woman of your dreams in your living room watching forty
eight hours Mystery or Dateline. You might meet them when
you go over to your friend's house and you take
a cake over for their son's birthday and they have
friends over. That might be the time that you meet
your special person and be friendly. Caroline, I'm a friendly person.
(33:23):
I always every time I met them. I don't know
if you're friendly, Honey, I don't know if you're friendly.
After all you said right now, I mean when you
go out like I feel like a lot of people
feel dumb being like it's like, have you see somebody like, hey,
you know, I tell people all the time, cool shoes
and then they want to talk cute dog and then
they want to talk. If you're simple, there's nothing wrong
with doing that. You You don't look stupid, You just
(33:45):
look friendly. It's normal conversation. We've got into a into
a space where nobody talks to strangers and it's like,
come on, how old are you? Seven years old? Stranger? Danger?
Now that might be your next piece of you know what?
Say you like this sucks? Ain't what I'm wrong with
the honey, this is beautiful. This is beautiful advice. And
the reason why is because everybody is too freaking cool.
(34:06):
Everybody is so cool. Get out of your ego, get
out of your head and spark a conversation with somebody
or if you're even married. This is something that I
love to do. So I have a single friend right now,
she's a single mom, and we went out the other
night for girls night out. We went out to dinner
and then after she said, why don't we go to
this place in Huntington's out on Long Island, and I said,
(34:28):
I have not been to a club since my thirties.
She said, well, we're going tonight. So we went out
there and this guy tried to roll up on your girl,
and I said, oh no, I am not single, and
I flashed my hand. I said, please get out of here.
But I said, but you know what, she's single. So
tell me about yourself. Where do you work, what do
you do, what do you what are your interests? Be
the wing woman that you wanted when you were younger
(34:51):
and when you were out there, and You're right, conversation
is the spark, that's the beginning of things. And I
feel like people are too concerned about like not being cooler,
somebody shutting them down. They shut you down, move on.
I tell Bella that all the time. I'd be like,
he's so cute. No, I would look desperate. I'm like, no,
you wouldn't. And then you know what I'll do, Carolina
out the guy will be what you're listening to, and
(35:12):
there it is, and then he starts talking to us,
and then eventually she At times she's gotten the guy's number.
He's interested in her. But if I don't spark the conversation,
it doesn't happen. Sometimes you need people like us, Yes, exactly.
You know what follow Honey and I for more life advice.
I'm gonna elevator with Bella. I'd be like, Hi, what's
your name. She'd be like, I'm gonna kill Yeah, the
(35:33):
elevator though, that's the next level. No, because you're trapped
in there. You can't get out. Honey is a savage
and like I said, listen, when I go visit her,
right she's down in my am, we'll go down by harpoo.
I try to engage at least five people. Oh give
me that dog, bring it over here. We met Lulu
like three weeks ago. Girl. I said, Hi, Lulu, and
(35:55):
what's dad's name? I think he said his name was Raoul.
I think, and I'm like, oh, this is my this
she lives here. Stop it. She hates me for it.
But you know what, next time she sees Lulu and Raoul,
she could say hi to them, I love you for this.
And Honey, I'm telling you, we need to start our
own dating service. We will be out there. We we
could call it like those myth teaches, like we're getting
into everybody's lives. That's it. We are all about the business, guys.
(36:19):
We love love love that we get the time to
talk to you. And if you really do need advice,
you can always hit us up on social media. I'm
at the Real Carolina, I am Honey German. Hit us up, man.
I love these topics. Why do I feel so happy
right now that we accomplished so much? Well, because I
feel like, hopefully somebody can take this and feel more positively,
or they can be more optimistic rather than listening to
(36:41):
their moms talking to their mothers about their love life. No,
you come and talk to us, Okay, So we'll be
back next week and we're so glad that you came
to join us. Also follow us on Instagram. We're at
l I Spanglish and if you guys have any questions,
you know you can d m us any time, slide
into the d m s at first. Lifense Banglish is
a production of Lifense Spanglish productions in partnership with I
(37:04):
Heart's Michael Tura podcast Network m
I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born
and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and
I'm a body positive advoicate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, but I
was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama,
and a worker being. This is life in Spanglish. When
does the Honey German? We meet yet again? And I
(00:28):
just love this little space that we've created for ourselves.
It is a place where we could be free to
speak our minds. We don't have to worry. I especially
like it that I get to curse. My mother doesn't
love that part, but I do. And it's always fun
seeing you. So what's going on, girl? I love seeing you.
Don't ever tell me I can't see you on camera
(00:50):
because the faces you make make my day. Well you guys, though,
Sometimes I straight up tell Honey, you are not getting
a plus Carolina. You're getting like c minus Carolina today.
You're getting like bun hair back, like that kind of vibe.
You know. But you know, at least, like my mom says,
(01:11):
at least I finally found a man. You know. My
mother came to visit just a couple of weeks ago,
and I'm listening to her talk to her co madres,
which is just the most entertaining thing. Talks. They would
definitely take you out and you could sit back and
just absorb what these women are saying, older women, And
I don't know, sometimes it just throws me off. I'm like,
(01:32):
you guys realize two right. Oh no, Well, some of
the things that they say are really scandalous and totally inappropriate,
so we're not going to put them on blast for those.
But I love hearing well. Also, I have no choice
but to hear it, because does your mom speak on
speaker phone all the time. My mom will never put
in airbuds, she will never wear headphones. It's all day,
(01:54):
all speaker that's it. So you're consuming all of her.
Oh people talk all day long. I can't avoid it.
And that's the reason why I'm in on the cheese man,
and I love it. So the other day my mom
came to visit and she's on the phone with one
of her cos and they're talking about the comadres niece,
(02:17):
and I'm dying in the background because I'm hearing all
about this poor young woman who is in her mid thirties.
Tren Daniel, Noo Noo, tinder in Polo and contra Nadia.
And now she's in and I'm looking at my mom
(02:37):
and I'm thinking to myself, you do realize I never
heard that one. That's it like the train left the station. Baby,
she did not get married, which equates to us, I
guess the same thing. That's oh yeah, unmarried women basically.
And so after my mom got off the phone, I
said to her, I said, Mom, why do you think
(03:00):
because this woman is in her mid thirties, I don't
know exactly how old she is, that there's no hope
for her to find happiness? You know, I thought, a mom,
people can have kids into their fifties. This has nothing
to do with science and technology. This is an antiquated
(03:24):
way of thinking that just because you're not young, that
you can't find yourself a man. So I had this
long and heated debate with my mom and I wanted
to have it with you. And it's crazy your mom
is talking about somebody in their thirties. You know, in Japan,
after they label unmarried women Christmas cake meaning left over,
(03:45):
nobody wants it. I'm like, what's Carolina five? That's called
blooded though. I mean, I don't even like the phrase
Christmas cake out like that is not right. You know,
I think that when we look back at perhaps our parents.
I look at my mother and father. My mom and
dad got married when there were sixteen and twenty one.
I think let's go back. It's always good for us
(04:06):
to start from the beginning, especially you know with Latino parents.
You know this whole. When I was young, Carolina, let's
say twelve thirteen, I was taught how to clean, I
was taught how to cook, I was taught how to soul,
all in preparation for the day I got married. This
is at thirteen. My mother was not talking to me
(04:27):
about college or careers or anything like that. It was
just like my mother used to put my hand in
the toilet bowl like this, Like I used to be
like a teenager, a thirteen year old, honey. I mean,
(04:48):
she was teaching all of the things that she feels
like you needed to know in order to be a
lovely housewife. Which chose, yeah, or children? You know I
used to have. I forget there used to be a song,
and I forget the words. You did your mom or
dad ever sing to you a ros go boys? Going on.
(05:11):
I forget the us. It was legend us, it was
legros let Casa was now my best singing boys, right,
I forget the lyrics. I'm like, I'm sitting here trying
to like rack my brain and remember this song. My grandmother,
you just sing me that song and it was referencing
(05:32):
to like the things you need to do or something
like that, like all these you know, a thinking bag.
It's like it was ingrained in us, like you gotta
get married, you gotta be prepared to get married. You
gotta learn all these things to get married. And it
started early, and you took the words out of my
mouth because this is something that you know inadvertently. We
had been taught from a young age, almost subliminally, that
(05:56):
as a woman you need to be ready to take
care of the household, to take care of the man. Luckily,
in my house, education was the number one priority for us.
So I do have to give my parents credit there.
My mom and dad always said, and I think I've
mentioned this several times in the podcast, but my dad
always said, I'm not worried about my boys. If my
boys have to take care of their family, they can
(06:18):
go out into a field and they can work and
they can make money, but my girls need an education
so they never have to depend on a man. But
yet there's this mixed message of but you gotta get married,
but you gotta get out there, and you have to
have a family. And so this is something that I
think as Latinos, or you know, as as women growing
up Latinas, that we have been taught, how do you
(06:42):
stop it from going to the next generation. I don't
have daughters, but I do have nieces, and it is
a priority to me to make them understand your worth
is not associated to who you're with or who you
end up with. Your worth is associated with your self esteem,
with your accomplishments, with how you feel about yourself and
(07:04):
what you've been doing, and those steps that you've taken
to maintain your goals or to even reach your goals.
But yeah, it's wild, right, and I just couldn't believed
this conversation. I'll tell you the rest of the chiefs after,
but yes, go ahead, No, but I think I think
our generation, let's say, of mothers are doing an amazing job.
Because I have my niece and I never for once
(07:25):
heard my my sister talking about marriage. It was just
like you're gonna go to n YU, you're gonna be
an artist. You like to play the guitar, You're gonna
play the guitar. You want purple hair, you can have
purple hair. There was never talk of let me show
you how to cook, so you could cook for a man.
So it's progressing, but there is still that stereotype and
there is still that there's still that type of talk,
(07:48):
let's say, with our moms, and even still people our
age might comment on these type of things. What my
question is to you though, Okay, so Hammona, where does
that come from? Is that a Dominican phrase? Because I
don't think I've ever heard that. Yeah, I think to
Dominican word most definitely we use it. But it's just
like that means like she never got married. I don't
know if they mean to say nobody ever wanted to
(08:08):
marry her. But you know, it's crazy. I know a
lot of single women Carolina, and I don't feel any
negative connotation towards them. You know, people want to say, oh,
they're envious, they wanted to be married, they didn't didn't
happen for them. A lot of them are very well
educated master's degrees, beautiful homes, cars, great paying jobs. It's
just weird how it still has like a negative connotation
(08:30):
attached to it. You know, I call them unmarried women
because I just feel like, you know, spinster and all
those other terms have such negative you know, just it's
just they're just negative words that I don't even think
we should use anymore. I agree with you. You know,
in my house, we call my friends who are unmarried
t so. Ta's are Ta Jenny, THEA Liz. Those are
(08:51):
my blood sisters those area. But in my house we
have TT Cheryl, we have TT Sam, And these are
my dear are friends who I've grown up with and
who are very near and dear to me, who are
not married, their professional career women. They have their own lives,
they have found fulfillment in other ways, and they don't
(09:11):
necessarily need to be attached to someone. Yes, they've had
boyfriends here and there, but my kids know them as
they and it gives them the opportunity to have a
relationship with somebody other than me or other than their aunts,
where I feel like I want them to establish a
relationship where later on in life, if they're in high
school or you know, even later they'll look forward to
(09:32):
maybe going to l A to visit the the you
know what I mean. So I feel like that is
a way for me to weave these important people into
our lives. And I think the benefit is it's mutually beneficial.
I think my kids get somebody that they can speak to,
that they can look to for advice that maybe is
not associated with the family, so they might feel a
(09:54):
little more free revealing things to them. And then I
also think that it gives my friends the benefit of
having not one on one time with children through the
various different stages of their lives, and they get to
give them back. They don't have to deal with the
everyday craziness that I have to deal with. I have
(10:14):
nine god children, Carolina, and you know, speaking as someone
you know, even though I was I married someone who
didn't have children, it gave me so I say, my
sister's kids and my kids because I practically helped raise them,
you know, and it it built that void of not
having children. So you don't understand what you're doing there.
You're doing something that is amazing, not just for an
unmarried women, but for women that don't doesn't have children.
(10:37):
You know, I have. My youngest godchild is too My
oldest god child is twenty four. I have all ranged
ages kids. What I was a kid when my my
older sister had her kid and I was her babysitter.
I have a job. I was like I was at
home all the time. So I practically helped raise my
nephew who's twenty four years old, and I love him.
(10:57):
It gave me a sense of like motherhood. So you
don't understand what you're doing, Carolina. It's amazing, what a
beautiful thing. I want more god children. One of my
friends just had a baby last week. I'm like, oh God,
am I gonna get another guy baby? And I'm gonna
get another guy baby. I keep texting, send me pictures,
send me pictures. I'm like, let's wait and see. But
(11:18):
you know, it's been amazing. And if I wouldn't have
had a husband and I wouldn't have had kids, I
still feel like I would have been very um happy.
You know. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband,
but I don't feel like that. I don't feel like
that is like a validation. Like if I wouldn't have
been married, girl, I would have been dating my ass
off I'll tell you that much. But right it wouldn't
(11:41):
have changed anything. Like, I just don't feel like marriage
is one of my accomplishments in life. And that's what
a lot of them Latina moms, you know, don't see.
I come from a family of like sixty cousins, so
you can only imagine my DIA's and the comparisons. And
this one got married and I want to get married.
And this one got married because my mom and she
loved her mother. Ida this one and get married because
(12:01):
she went off on her own. I need people to understand,
you know, marriage is not something that can be hung
up on a wall, like I have my degrees behind
me that I'm proud of being able to get somebody
to marry me after ten years of dating. That is
not an accomplishment. I just want a man down after
a certain amount of time it was meant to happen.
(12:21):
You know, honey, you're gonna be in the double digit
soon with your god children if you keep up this pace,
which I think is just so incredible. You really are.
And that's the reason why I always go back to
there's um some data that shows about single women that
there is an increasingly large portion of the adult population
in our own country. So four in ten adults between
(12:42):
the ages of twenty five and fifty four are single,
So that is up since Okay, so now let's look
at the bigger picture. The other day, I was speaking
to somebody, and this person is just starting out in
the industry, and she was asking me for some advice.
And the one piece of advice that I did give
(13:03):
her that is contrary to what we're talking about here,
is that I told her, I said, don't get so
caught up in creating this career that you forget to
have your own life, because I do think it is
important to invest whether or not you marry that person.
You can find a life partner and never get married.
That's the other thing. Why do people have to force
(13:23):
this certificate on everyone. There are plenty of people who
are happy that have never gotten married, and I think
that's a really big point, or that's something that we
should point out here, because a marriage is a contract.
And going back to my mother's conversation when she was
talking about, you know this woman who's in her late
thirties that never got married, I just said, Mom, there
(13:46):
are other things. There are other goals that women want
to accomplish now in two that just don't include marriage.
Mary is not the biggest piece of much like to
what you were saying, it's not the biggest piece of
everyone's life that it was for you. And I don't
mean to sound negative, but a lot of marriage ends
in divorce and that is a fact. So it's like, Okay,
(14:08):
you're gonna have this accomplishment that's gonna end up in
a breakup, alimony, child support and all that other good stuff.
And you know what, I was reading a study by
a behavioral scientists and research actually shows that women without
children were actually happier than married women with children. Really,
like I was like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna send you
(14:29):
to study, you know, but it goes to show you,
you know how we have these false narratives about like
women unmarried women and women without children being unhappy. Girl.
They oh, here lit these single girls about to be
turning the funk up and we're gonna be at home
season in continent to put on the grill. I love it.
It's on the season. I want to be on the
boat season. Yeah. I was watching on Instagram. Who was it?
(14:53):
I feel like I saw little Duval if you guys
don't follow a little duvall on Instagram, girl, let me cry.
I I gut bust laugh whenever I see his uh posts.
And he was posting people's aunties and I guess Auntie
and and he's African American, so he had this whole
(15:14):
movement of Auntie season hashtag Auntie, and everybody was sending
their aunties in. And I gotta be honest with you,
some of these women, these unmarried women who were out
there looked better than some of the twenty year rolls
that were submitting them. I was like, this is these
are goals here, ladies, and they're out there living their
best lives. Stop. I saw one she had like a
I guess, like an orange hal to top dress, and
(15:36):
I think it said she was sixty. She had that
wagon in that flash stomach. I was like, oh not,
this lady got better buddy than me, house way, because
she has time to go to the gym, because she's
not trying to take care of her man. She doesn't
have to take care of kids or a dog like me,
Like I got a dog too, Like as if taking
a dog, as if taking care of two kids isn't enough,
(15:57):
then I gotta take care of the damn dog, Raina.
She doesn't act like a queen everybody. So, yeah, it's
just so funny how maybe we're shifting our perspective to
allow people to just be I wish that we could break.
And maybe you're listening right now and you're not in
a relationship, or maybe you were previously married and you
got divorced and it's not the end. That's the whole point,
(16:18):
is that it is not the end just because other
people had this vision or this expectation to this, you know,
I guess um, I'm trying to think of, like what
what the comparison is. Yeah, the expectation of the house
with two kids, you know, the two point one kids
and the white picket fence, like that is not a
reality anymore. We're out here living in cities and having
(16:39):
apartments and going to yoga and do practicing self care.
And doesn't it sound like a dream to you? It does.
It's like living life experiences, you know, just celebrating who
you are and that freedom Carolina that comes with tomorrowmously
till noon. You're not stressed talking about I gotta get
the hell up. I don't want this man to see
me looking crazy, and this house is dirty and I
gotta clean that refrigerator. None of that. None of that.
(17:01):
You want dirty fridge, You can have dirty fridge for weeks.
You want to put on makeup the whole week working
from home, you don't have to. Nobody's looking at you.
You better love yourself and love the situation you're in.
You know what's crazy. Whenever I do have issues and
I'm not happy or something went wrong in my house,
I tell my sister Bella Mia. And this is real talk.
(17:25):
It's real advice, because sometimes you get such a headache
and you're like, why did I get myself into this mess?
More often than not, I'm I'm more often than not,
I'm happy. Honestly, I am very happy. I adore my husband.
But then there are those times where I'm like, you
know what, I will say this, When I dated a
(17:45):
person for years before I met my husband, I think
my parents were stressed, but they didn't really tell me.
Did you have pressure? You dated Noononi for ten years?
Was there any pressure from your family where they constantly
asking when he was going to pop the question? Yeah?
It was constantly like okay, my mom always so what's
gonna happen here? You're just gonna live with this man, Like,
(18:06):
what's the deal? You're gonna get married? And it was
just like, yo, we'll get married when it feels right,
you know, like we lived together. Okay, girl. That was
the number one question. Guando la gandoc who I'm like
joel thing. Let me But definitely it was a question
(18:29):
like when are you guys getting married. It's just like, yo,
let me be. I was building my career. I was building,
you know, my dreams. I was getting my education. I
was not in a rush to get married. You're not
three years old. Let me get married. I want to
get married thirty. I'll get married thirty. Let it. Let
it rock, you know. For me, I think my parents
were afraid. They didn't want say anything. Why didn't want
to upset you when when I no, they didn't. They
(18:52):
didn't want Mark to be hip to the game. They
were just like, oh my gosh, she found a good one.
Let's not scare him away. My mom was like really
careful whenever he would come to the house. But they
they use the word gringo. Yeah, yes, And then and
(19:12):
then they realized that Mark understand Spanish. Mark actually understand Spanish,
she can speak a little bit, and so then so
then it moved to and Julio, which, by the way,
that's again these are inappropriate things, which you know, like
my mom, then let theos use, you know. And it's
like I realized that they are just so old school
that this is something that I personally won't ever change
(19:32):
for them, but I know that I can change it.
I feel like when Mark showed up, they were like, Oh,
we don't want to scare this one away. We're not
gonna put any pressure on it. We're just gonna let
it be and let it happen. But there are so
many families who are constantly needling women in their twenties
and thirties to lock it down to get married. And
now my family, my family is like that. It's like
(19:56):
any single cousin, it's just like, well, what's the problem.
You know, I have cousins that will tell another cousina.
I'm like, yo, this woman is in her thirties, Like
what makes you think it's over? Bro? Like you are
so inappropriate, you are overstepping in so many different ways.
(20:17):
But it also comes from you know, we're kind of
like we're Dominicans, and we kind of like sometimes say
what's on our mind. But I've seen it happen and
I'm like, and they'll come to me like, Yo, can
you believe said this to me? And I'm like what,
And they're like, who the hell says that to anybody? Well,
they don't realize, they don't realize how intrusive that is,
(20:39):
or what people's story is behind it. You don't know
if people can or can't have children. And that's where
I feel like we need to kind of take a
step back and change that so that we don't continue
to repeat those things. But cousins, cousins are savages. Coveins will,
cousins will say whatever. Sisters exactly, they'll say whatever is
(21:00):
on their mind. Whenever I go to San Francisco, that's
where the cousin, that's cousin central, that's where all of
them stay. And I just know San Francisco or Miami
be prepared to answer questions. The girl I've had cousin
be like, I heal meal go to them. I'm like,
(21:21):
hello to you too, exactly. Lovely to see you. I
haven't seen you in fifteen years, but nice to see
your ass. Okay, you know. Now, that's why I don't
come back. Bro. They'll be like, they'll say that to
somebody if they gave weight, like as a greeting when
no qualms. But I really when my family is like,
I always circle back and try to just whenever there's
(21:42):
a female unmarried, I'm just like, bro, do you realize
the degrees this woman has? Do you realize how successful
she is? Do you see her home? Do you see
her her car? Do you see her accomplishments? Like, let's
focus on that. Let's not focus on a man that
might come in and ruin everything she's has worked for.
That's actually a very good point. But also, what do
(22:03):
you say for Bella? Because your sister who is absolutely stunning,
she's gorgeous, she's single and I don't know her age,
but I know that she's single. What kind of pressure
is she facing from the family? And I feel like
you would stick up for her, girl, I do. I'm like, Mom,
stop talking to her about do not ask her any
(22:24):
more questions. I need you to please stop. I'm like,
do not call her if that's what you're gonna go
in on right away. My mom is like obsessed with
that situation. I'm like, yo, you gotta stop, lady, you
gotta stop. Brothers and sisters were cool. We're letting her
take her time because you know, you have to find
your soul mate. You have to find your person. It
can't just be anybody. So yeah, granted you dated your
(22:45):
whole twenties, but you know what, every if every relationship
and didn't break up, that wasn't the purpose. And for you,
what do you want her to do? Marry the person
that ended up being a monster behind closed doors? Is
that what you wanted or the relationship that went sour
that's the one you wanted her? No, because you know
what that would have ended in divorce. Take your time,
find your right person, and then get married. I tell
(23:08):
all the time, do not let these people pressure you
and to settle down with someone you do not love,
you're not in love with, and you don't see a
future with, not to check a box that later on
you're gonna have to check with a divorce. Don't let
them pressure you into that. Don't. And you know it
bothers her. She doesn't want to talk about it. It's
something that's private and she doesn't understand why people feel
(23:28):
like they have the privilege to even approach her or
engage her in that conversation. So if you're out there,
you know, and you feel like you want to ask
somebody about their single them or I don't even know
if that's a word, please refrain, chill out, focus on
your own ship. I'm pretty sure there's areas in your
life that can use some work, whether it be your kids,
your own marriage, or your dirtylass house. Lead these people alone.
(23:52):
She went there, she went there, she struggles with it,
and you know what, with Latinos, it's just like everybody
is so intrusive sometimes and everybody was like every topic
is up for debate. It's not. And don't try to
hook them up. Please stop. I hate that. Oh I
have a friend girl that setups. Oh my god. They
are not desperate. These women have Tinder, these women have
(24:13):
eat Harmony, these women have the streets. These women have
their jobs. They are meeting people, they're just not meeting
the right people. They are not thirsty out here. These
women are perfectly okay, stay your ass out of it.
Don't try to hook her up with your DIA's cousins,
uncle that just got released from prison and you don't
know about it. Well, no, exactly, you have no idea
(24:33):
what's in their past. I always go back to a
phrase that my mom would always tell me, I'd rather
be alone than with company, and that don't take me
down that rabbit hole. But that's exactly the advice that
you're giving Bella to your sister. It is more important
(24:54):
for you to get to know yourself and to know
who you are so that you are ready for that
person when the right person comes along. And let's be honest,
dating these days is not the same I'm coming out on.
I'm trying to think. Two thousand eight was when I
met my husband. That man actually took me to dinner.
These girls can't even get dinner out of these guys anymore.
(25:17):
I had a friend who reached out to me, these
streets are tough. And she told me that this guy
reached out to her and said, oh, I want to
meet you for drinks. And I said, you can't even
get some food and she said, no, guys no longer
want to meet you for dinner. Dinner is like the
third date. I said, dinner was like the first date.
A girl has got to eat, honey, I am sorry,
(25:39):
I am hungry. I need my protein, I need you
to pay for it, and I feel like there's nothing
wrong with that wrong, But then you know what it
is in this microwavable type of dating society wherein these
guys probably meet three people for drinks in one night. Girl,
let's do drinks here real quick, and let's do drinks
here real quick, and then if they don't like those three,
they set up three more for the next day. So
(26:00):
it's not easy, you know, scoring or landing the perfect person,
because these men can replace you from the comfort of
their own couch. Before, if men would meet a girl
like Navaha, they would work on it. Now they don't
work on it. So being single is much harder now
in than it wasn't let's say the nineties or the
(26:20):
two thousands, and not even that, they're not even going
to replace you. They're not even going to give you
the courtesy of going home. Some of these guys will
be looking on Tinder at the bar while they're on
the date with you and they realize that you're not
the one. This is true story, No, this is true story.
They're gonna be scrolling swiping left while you while you're
finishing your wondering she came back from the bathroom and
said that she rolled up behind his back and saw
(26:41):
him on Tinder looking around him, and I said, okay, well,
clearly this is not the one, but it's it's it's
so discouraging and you don't But then you wonder why
people stay single, because it's like, why on earth would
you want to have a second date with this person
if you just rolled up on him and he's looking
for other options. So I feel like that is it.
(27:01):
You need to be treated as the option. And I've
always said this, there's there are so many distractions in
this world period that when it comes to dating, if
you are not holding that man or woman, whoever is
that you choose to date in the highest regard, then
perhaps that person isn't for you. The game playing at
(27:22):
this at this time, it's like it's got to stop.
And I feel like, especially in your thirties and your forties,
when you're looking for something substantial, that's where I feel
like people need to really lay it out and say
this is what I'm looking for. I'm not into the
game playing. And if you're not down with this and
you still want to like cut around and look for
other people, then I'm not the one for you. You know.
(27:42):
I was talking Tablan. I was like, where do people
that actually want to get married look? And she was like,
I guess. I guess she said e Harmony or um,
what's the other one? Match match? Because I'm like, yo,
I'm like these apps, these guys, these apps are a game.
Instagram is a game, you know, Like, where do you
go to find like minded people that are like, Okay,
I want to get married and I want to have children.
(28:04):
It's got to be hard out here for these single people.
And you're not going to find somebody where you used
to be able to find them. You're not going to
go to church and find that person. Because I'm sorry,
it's just there are no opportunities. They're like there were previously.
There are too many options on the table. So that's
where I feel like people need to get creative. So
here is the one piece of advice that nobody asked for.
(28:26):
If you are single and you're listening to this podcast
right now, I want you to make a conscious effort
to get to know your friends friends. And it's not
necessarily even your friends friends. Your friend's friend may know
a friend that's single, and that in my opinion is
the best way to meet somebody because the apps they're
(28:46):
out there. Yes, people find love, absolutely, but I think
if you're really serious and you want to get down
to it. And also, here's the other thing that I
tell my friend all the time that those boxes that
you're looking for this person to check, you might get
somebody that fills se of those boxes. Be willing, be
willing to be open to other ideas. I feel like
(29:09):
we're so fixated on the perfect man or the perfect woman.
If somebody comes at you and for example, their teeth
might not be all right, Okay, let me just I'm
just giving that as an example. Okay, that might be
a deal breaker for other people. Okay, that might be
a deal breaker, but we can fix that. Teeth can
(29:30):
be fixed. A personality, a person's moral character, the way
that they live their life and they treat other people,
that can't necessarily be fixed. So I feel like that
is the nugget that we leave to we have to
leave people with today. You know, I feel like perhaps
we need to discuss with our families, discussed with our
(29:52):
friends that these archaic ways of thinking harmona. We gotta
stop talking that way and be more supportive of our
single brothers and sisters. Boom, we said it. That is
a fact and connection. If you feel a connection with someone,
go with it and listen. If you are single out here,
(30:13):
just no, I envy you, not a little bit, a
whole lot. You are living your life wearing what you
one way you want, whatever music you want to listen,
whatever show you want to watch. You want to watch
sappiest movies for three hours. Ain't nobody gonna tell you
turn that ship off. They want to watch drink Champs
with Nori, girl, live your life. You don't understand, y nuty.
(30:33):
She doesn't mean one thing. She doesn't mean one thing
that she's saying. Nunny, she loves you, she loves watching
drink Champs. Don't listen to her. No, I don't want
to watch drink Champs, and I definitely don't want to
clean the whole house. And then this man makes and
stinks up the whole house like fried codfish. Girl. Listen, girl,
if your house is out here smelling like a spa,
enjoy it because it's not gonna last forever. And I
(30:53):
envy you. Oh my gosh, I am dying. Do you
have any advice to say? To your younger single self.
I have to think about this one because I was
thinking what advice would I give to a young Carolina
single a dating advice or in general? I would just
say to your single self, because there are those moments
when I was single, Yeah, when when you were single,
what advice would you give to your younger single self.
(31:15):
I hate everybody I dated before my husband. Girl, just
sit down and wait and wait for this guy now.
But for sure, I'm I just connection because it's like
what what I ended up connecting? Well, the reason I
ended up staying with Noony was because the connection was undeniable.
I always gravitated towards him, you know. So if you
feel like there's someone you just can't get out of
(31:37):
your mind, or someone you keep going back to, you know,
even if some things might have gone wrong, if you
feel like this person is the person for you, don't
get stuck on mistakes. Don't get stuck on this happened,
and then I don't want to talk to him anymore
unless it's something super unforgivable. If you feel like that's
your person and there's a connection, let some ship slide.
(31:57):
That's great advice. I feel like if I were to
tell my younger single self some advice, I would say,
explore more. I was a serial monogamous. I never wanted
to date other people. I was always afraid. I was
very hesitant, which is really not my personality, but I did.
(32:18):
I pushed myself a lot, and I would go on dates,
and that didn't necessarily mean that it was anything sexual.
I mean, I, you know, but I would put myself
out there. I don't know if I put myself out
there as much as other people, but I would say
if if I were younger and single, I would explore more.
I would explore different types of people. I would uh,
(32:39):
maybe take up that person who wants to take me
out for a drink and just say, you know what,
screw it, I'm going to go out there and do it.
Because I feel like I got into comfort zone and
my comfort zone was focusing on me, which was great
and I'm glad that I did that, but there were
many many times where I feel like I could have
pushed myself to get out there more. So maybe for
our single friends who are listening, I always say, you're
(33:02):
never gonna meet the man of your dreams or the
woman of your dreams in your living room watching forty
eight hours Mystery or Dateline. You might meet them when
you go over to your friend's house and you take
a cake over for their son's birthday and they have
friends over. That might be the time that you meet
your special person and be friendly. Caroline, I'm a friendly person.
(33:23):
I always every time I met them. I don't know
if you're friendly, Honey, I don't know if you're friendly.
After all you said right now, I mean when you
go out like I feel like a lot of people
feel dumb being like it's like, have you see somebody like, hey,
you know, I tell people all the time, cool shoes
and then they want to talk cute dog and then
they want to talk. If you're simple, there's nothing wrong
with doing that. You You don't look stupid, You just
(33:45):
look friendly. It's normal conversation. We've got into a into
a space where nobody talks to strangers and it's like,
come on, how old are you? Seven years old? Stranger? Danger?
Now that might be your next piece of you know what?
Say you like this sucks? Ain't what I'm wrong with
the honey, this is beautiful. This is beautiful advice. And
the reason why is because everybody is too freaking cool.
(34:06):
Everybody is so cool. Get out of your ego, get
out of your head and spark a conversation with somebody
or if you're even married. This is something that I
love to do. So I have a single friend right now,
she's a single mom, and we went out the other
night for girls night out. We went out to dinner
and then after she said, why don't we go to
this place in Huntington's out on Long Island, and I said,
(34:28):
I have not been to a club since my thirties.
She said, well, we're going tonight. So we went out
there and this guy tried to roll up on your girl,
and I said, oh no, I am not single, and
I flashed my hand. I said, please get out of here.
But I said, but you know what, she's single. So
tell me about yourself. Where do you work, what do
you do, what do you what are your interests? Be
the wing woman that you wanted when you were younger
(34:51):
and when you were out there, and You're right, conversation
is the spark, that's the beginning of things. And I
feel like people are too concerned about like not being cooler,
somebody shutting them down. They shut you down, move on.
I tell Bella that all the time. I'd be like,
he's so cute. No, I would look desperate. I'm like, no,
you wouldn't. And then you know what I'll do, Carolina
out the guy will be what you're listening to, and
(35:12):
there it is, and then he starts talking to us,
and then eventually she At times she's gotten the guy's number.
He's interested in her. But if I don't spark the conversation,
it doesn't happen. Sometimes you need people like us, Yes, exactly.
You know what follow Honey and I for more life advice.
I'm gonna elevator with Bella. I'd be like, Hi, what's
your name. She'd be like, I'm gonna kill Yeah, the
(35:33):
elevator though, that's the next level. No, because you're trapped
in there. You can't get out. Honey is a savage
and like I said, listen, when I go visit her,
right she's down in my am, we'll go down by harpoo.
I try to engage at least five people. Oh give
me that dog, bring it over here. We met Lulu
like three weeks ago. Girl. I said, Hi, Lulu, and
(35:55):
what's dad's name? I think he said his name was Raoul.
I think, and I'm like, oh, this is my this
she lives here. Stop it. She hates me for it.
But you know what, next time she sees Lulu and Raoul,
she could say hi to them, I love you for this.
And Honey, I'm telling you, we need to start our
own dating service. We will be out there. We we
could call it like those myth teaches, like we're getting
into everybody's lives. That's it. We are all about the business, guys.
(36:19):
We love love love that we get the time to
talk to you. And if you really do need advice,
you can always hit us up on social media. I'm
at the Real Carolina, I am Honey German. Hit us up, man.
I love these topics. Why do I feel so happy
right now that we accomplished so much? Well, because I
feel like, hopefully somebody can take this and feel more positively,
or they can be more optimistic rather than listening to
(36:41):
their moms talking to their mothers about their love life. No,
you come and talk to us, Okay, So we'll be
back next week and we're so glad that you came
to join us. Also follow us on Instagram. We're at
l I Spanglish and if you guys have any questions,
you know you can d m us any time, slide
into the d m s at first. Lifense Banglish is
a production of Lifense Spanglish productions in partnership with I
(37:04):
Heart's Michael Tura podcast Network m
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.