Kiefer? I Barely Knew Her!

Join Chris and B as we climb into our latex and hazmat suits in preparation for 1995’s “12 Monkeys.” What’s worse than repressing the memory of watching your adult self die when you were just a child? When you have the sad realization that the long and luxurious hair you had when you died was just a wig. We smoke up and move underground while discussing Bruce Willis's fondness for time loops, the speed at which advancements can be ...

Join Chris and B as we skip down the riotous streets of Heavenly Haven while watching 1995’s “Judge Dredd” What’s worse than the overpopulation and oppression presented in this movie? Current times. We smoke up and look down the Lawgiver’s sights while discussing Judge Dredd is Demolition Man’s future, joke about the possible fallout after proving your innocence takes innocent lives, and consider the possibility that Rico wasn’t th...

Join Chris and B as we put in our mouth guards and prepare to download 1995’s “Johnny Mnemonic” straight into our brains. What’s worse than losing a chunk of your childhood memories? Paying $175 for an mp3 player that can only hold 12 songs. We smoke up and drop some metaphorical flaming cars while discussing Dolph forcefully bringing Jesus into your heart in new and horrifyingly imaginative ways, AI’s willingness to attempt blackm...

Join Chris and B as we make our assassin for hire sandwich boards while watching 1972’s “Lone Wolf and Cub.” What’s worse than being framed for “hoping” the shogun dies? Becoming a single parent in feudal Japan. We smoke up and walk down the demon’s path in hell while discussing the differences in western and eastern hero’s being “good guys” (glaring at you Mr. Seagal), baby cart plot armor, and the parallels between Bob’s Burgers ...

Join Chris and B as we relay the only story we believe about a man of will while watching 1995’s “The Usual Suspects.” What’s worse than finding out you scammed the most dangerous criminal alive? Choosing Biodome as your next role. We smoke up and trot down memory lane while discussing Verbal’s reputation doing more heavy lifting than his intelligence, the twist still hitting in spite of the sheer number of clues Brian Singer added...

Join Chris and B as we ensure our jump ropes are securely fastened while watching “The Conjuring 2.” What’s worse than being the ghost of a tired old man? Being the ghost of a tired old man who is also a sock puppet for a demon. We smoke up while the crosses turn upside down and discuss the prevalent theme of loss of innocence throughout the series, note that following sequel rules means breaking all of the rules established in the...

Join Chris and B as we stare blankly at the 3 shells while watching 1993’s, “Demolition Man.” What’s worse than having a known terrorist and serial killer accuse you of wanton murder? Having such a shitty reputation they take his word over yours. We smoke up and dig under the surface to find old L.A. while discussing what it would take for a society to go from riots in the street to Cockteau’s utopia, point out how easily these san...

Join Chris and B as we pull the blankets closer and hope we don’t see our breath while watching 1999’s “The Sixth Sense.” What’s worse than thinking your marriage is falling apart? Realizing that you can’t tell the difference between being an absentee husband and just being absent. We smoke up and hide under a red blanket fort while discussing the Are you Afraid of the Dark episode that was likely the muse for the plot of this movi...

Join Chris and B as we avoid looking out of the the kitchen window while watching 1986’s “Critters.” What’s worse than a running theme of aliens coming to our planet and eating us? The realization that we may be the 7-11 of the universe. We smoke up and sneak out our bedroom window while discussing how refreshing it is to have good child actors in a horror movie, wonder what they would have been able to achieve had they been given ...

Join Chris and B as we do our best not to look behind the TV while watching 2014’s “Annabelle.” What’s worse than having the doll you’ve been looking for your whole life used as a vessel for a demon? Finding out this isn’t her first time. We smoke up and head down to the storage cage while discussing the very real possibility that a demon's job is likely more soul crushing than yours, run through the impact of a possessed toy in th...

Join Chris and B as we ask, “Why us?” while watching 1981’s “Halloween II.” What’s worse than finding out you’re related to the psycho killer who murdered your friends and tried to kill you? The EMT with a crush, a lack of boundaries, no social awareness being the last thing you see as the sedatives set in. We smoke up and chomp down on some candy that hasn’t gone through the metal detector while discussing Michael’s lack of proxim...

Join Chris and B as we reach through the veil while watching 2013’s “The Conjuring”. What’s worse than having your home haunted by a relentless demon witch? Being blamed for her farts. We smoke up and ensure our feet are securely under the covers while discussing at what point do you stop trusting your own senses, pontificate on our personal paranormal predicaments, and walk through the step by step guide on avoiding demonic posses...

Join Chris and B as we make our own fate by watching “Terminator 2.” What’s worse than sending your “best lieutenant” back in time to bang your mom and become your dad? Also sending yourself a robo-babysitter because you really were a little scamp. We smoke up and lower ourselves into a vat of molten steel while giving a thumbs up as we highlight a few of the egregious decisions Arnold made as John’s protector, question whether or ...

Join Chris and B as we fall through the drop ceiling while watching 1986’s “Aliens.” What’s worse than finding out you've been in hypersleep for 57 years? Finding out the bureaucrats are still salty about that shipment you had to blow up. We smoke up and slide down to the rust and rain room aqueducts while discussing what function Bishop was actually meant to serve outside of knife tricks, add another contender to the Monster Punch...

Join Chris and B as we crawl down the air ducts to watch 1979’s “Alien.” What’s worse than becoming a host of a parasite against your will on an unknown planet? Having it happen in a Red state. We smoke up and remind ourselves that, “This isn’t our system” while discussing the ethics of a warning beacon, ponder where the Xenomorph’s stowaway behavior started on an evolutionary level, and consider what might have happened if not for...

Join Chris and B as we overcome our growing fear of sequels (fuckin’ Renegade Cut…) and watch “Scream 2.” What’s worse than dating Sidney? Not much, it seems to be a death sentence. We smoke up and pour one out for Randy while discussing why the franchise had to kill off the incredibly accurate murder barker, ponder what could only be classified as immersion therapy for Sidney, and wonder if the “guidance” Mrs. Loomis gave Billy is...

Join Chris and B as we expel all the air from our lungs into a Tara Reid screech while watching the original 1996 “Scream.” What’s worse than losing your virginity to the killer? The post nut clarity compelling you to question his alibi immediately after having sex. We smoke up and dive into the metaverse while discussing new additions to the Mooney to Loomis scale, the patience required to wait in closets and bathroom stalls for t...

Join Chris and B as we continue making poor life choices and resign ourselves to watching “Highlander 2.” What’s worse than every other property in the Highlander series? This. This movie by far. We smoke up and double down on the Renegade Cut’s lore while discussing firstly WTF?!, wonder how many times “just hear me out” was uttered in character design meetings, and lament every poor financial choice that they made in lieu of payi...