September 18, 2023 • 31 mins
It's never too early or too late to learn how to be happier. Whether you're aged 3, 23 or 103, we've teamed up with our furry friends from Sesame Street to bring you fun and fact-based tips to improve the wellbeing of you and the people around you.
We begin with Abby Cadabby - a fairy who isn't having such a great day. Her usual spells can't rid her of her "grumpies", so Dr Laurie teaches her the magical effect that being grateful for who and what is around you can have on your mood.
(Sesame Workshop is a non-profit organization with a mission to help kids grow smarter, stronger, and kinder. The work they do is funded by donations big and small - so if you want to become a part of their important work to improve children’s emotional well-being, then visit: sesameworkshop.org/support-us/)
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Pushkin. Hello, Hello, Hello, let's get started. If you're a
fan of The Happiness Lab, you probably know the show's
origin story. As a college professor, I started worrying about
the levels of stress and anxiety I was seeing in
(00:37):
my students welcome everybody to psychology and the good life.
So I developed a class on the science of Happiness.
That we're going to start by talking about why I'm
teaching this class in the first place. Of course, designed
to teach my students research based strategies that they could
use to navigate tough times, improve their emotional health, and
feel happier. It became Yale's most popular class ever. I'm
a little bit surprised to see as many of you
(00:59):
are here as are here, But that's great and is
now offered both free online and other universities around the world.
And the science shows that learning these happiness strategies really
does help. Several new studies have found that students who
learned the tips I teach show significant improvements in their
overall well being. But there is one thing about learning
all these happiness tips that makes my students feel a
little frustrated. I'm so thankful to have learned all these
(01:22):
helpful strategies. A student will always say, but I really
really wish I had learned this stuff earlier, and believe me,
I totally get that frustration. Nowadays, I'm an expert on happiness,
but I didn't learn these tips until my fourth decade.
My life would have been way less stressful and emotionally
fraught if I had all these happiness habits earlier. Honestly,
(01:42):
if I had a time machine, I'd go back to
the early eighties, find my kid's self and teach her
exactly the same things that I tell my students now.
You see, it doesn't matter if you're three, twenty three
or one hundred and three. The same happiness principles apply.
You may have different problems in priorities at different stages
of your life, but whether you're in school, at work,
raising a family, or in retirement, the same core ideas hold.
(02:06):
And that's why I wish I was able to teach
kid Laurie all these ideas back in the day, though
admittedly how I'd explain these happiness strategies to her would
be a little different. I'd probably enlist the help of
some folks who are more fun and relatable.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
That's us high up friends, Hello everybody.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
These were the real tutors that young Laurie had growing up.
These monsters and fairies and giant yellow birds are great
at passing along important life lessons to kids while also
making them feel happier, and they've been doing it for
over fifty years. So in honor of my younger self,
the Happiness Lab is partnering up with Sesame Workshop, the
nonprofit that creates Sesame Street. Over the next few episodes,
(02:50):
we'll explore a series of classic happiness boosting strategies, ones
that are so simple even little kids can use them.
But these episodes aren't just for kids. They're for you,
because we all need quick strategies to help us feel
better when times get tough, and what better way to
learn them than with the added nostalgia of a little
Sesame Street fund.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Let's go, Doctor Laurie. Oh, I am so excited. This
is gonna be so magical.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Thanks so much, friends and Abby. I'll be seeing you
a little later to talk about this episode's big happiness
topic tell me more. But before we get started, I
wanted to explore why it's never too early or too
late to start learning the happiness essentials. So I've tagged
in the expert on charting well being across a lifetime.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I adored Sesame Street, like Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch.
I just adored Sesame Street.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
This is Harvard Medical School professor and fellow Sesame Street fan,
Robert Waldinger.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
I would sit there with my kids on the couch
watching Sesame Student. I'd be the one laughing the hardest.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Robert has a rather unique academic pedigree. He's a psychiatrist,
a best selling author.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
And I direct the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which
is the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
The study tracks of physical and mental health of people
across decades. It started in the late nineteen thirties when
researchers began following the lives of one cohort of Harvard
sophomores and then another group of inner city teams from Boston.
Robert and his predecessors have followed these men as well
as their partners and their children for over eighty years.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
And what we studied was the great big themes of life,
which are mental health, physical health, work, life relationships, and
then as people got older, aging and retirement.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
This mega experiment has now provided pretty much the definitive
word on the stuff that matters for achieving a healthier,
happier life and spoiler alert. The findings include lots of
the strategies we talk about on this podcast, like making
sure you invest in relationships, develop a sense of purpose,
and avoid the happiness traps that come with striving for
money and possessions. But another big message of the Harvard
(05:01):
study is that when it comes to learning the habits
needed to improve your well being, it pays to start
as soon as possible.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
What you learn to do as a child really influences
your happiness as an adult.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Let's take one key happiness skill emotion regulation. That is,
the ability to monitor and manage your feelings. We think
of this as something that adults are supposed to do,
but kids who are more skilled at regulating their emotions
do better in school and have stronger family and peer relationships.
Plus they're less likely to develop anxiety and depression later on.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
And so learning those skills when we're young makes a
big difference in how well we manage the stresses of
life that are always coming our way at every age.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
And Robert says that whenever big feelings do pop up,
there are ways to deal with them that are surprisingly simple.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Taking time out when you're upset or when something's really difficult.
Kids can learn to take a few breaths to kind
of calm down when they're really upset about something that
helps them figure out how to cope better with a
challenging situation.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
And teaching tips like these early on is pretty straightforward,
especially the kids grow up in a home where the
adults around them take these happiness strategies seriously.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
You know, family life is the first world that we
come to know. We learn a lot about how to
be happy from the people we grow up with, and
so a lot of those models that we get from
our parents, from our siblings, from other family members are
really important.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
When it comes to soaking up the behaviors they observe
around them. Kids are total sponges, and that means that
children will model both the good and bad habits they
see their caregiver as using. It's a truth of human
psychology that Robert took to heart when raising his own family.
He realized that if he wanted his kids to engage
in the happiness boosting strategies he observed in his Harvard study,
(06:55):
then he'd have to model those behaviors himself.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
And so what I began to see was that as
a parent, the best thing I could give to my
kids was a sense that what's really meaningful is your
connections with other people and your engagement in activities you
care about.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
But adults can't just pull a hey, do as I say.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Move.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
We have to authentically follow the advice we're giving the
young people around us.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
And a lot of what we communicate to our kids
is emotional communication. It's not just what we say, it's
the feelings that we convey in how we interact with
our kids. So if we can come to our kids
from more of a place of equanimity and self care,
that's what our kids are going to learn from us.
(07:41):
That's so valuable.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
We might long for the young people in our lives
to be happy, but we don't always model the behaviors
we want to see them adopt. We tend to neglect
our own well being because we're too busy with our careers,
or with parenting, or with caring for elders. But Robert
says that's a mistake.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
I mean, I know this as a physician, that if
you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care
of other people very well. Physicians happen to be not
very good at taking care of themselves. Parents can be
not very good at taken care of themselves.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
But if emotional self care is something with which you
perpetually struggle not to worry, the science shows you're not
doomed to repeat the cycle endlessly.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
We used to think that once you got to be
maybe in your twenties, you were cooked, you were done,
your personality was set. And now we realize that there
is so much growth and change that happens over adult life.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
The Harvard Study of Adult Development found that participants were
able to build new friendships and learn new skills well
into old age. And I've seen the same thing myself.
I've gotten thank you notes from students of all ages
telling me just how quickly they were able to put
new happiness strategies into practice.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
And what that tells us is that there's always the
possibility for new things happening in your life and for
developing new new skills.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
And so if developing new skills is why you're listening,
I'll get going and kick off this new season with
one of Robert's favorite happiness boosting practices a change to
our thought patterns that so simple everyone can try it,
and I'm going to tell you all about it with
the help of the folks at Sesame Street. By the way,
did I mention that we have a letter of the day?
Speaker 5 (09:16):
The letter.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
And why is g today's letter of the day, Because
the rest of the episode is about powerful thought change.
It's called gratitude, the simple act of noticing all of
life's blessings.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
If we can remember what's right, and particularly what's right
about other people, it can really change our mindset and
with that literally make us feel better and literally then
make us physically healthier.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
As we go about our daily routines, moving from one
task to the next, it's easy to switch into autopilot
to forget all the things that are going right, which
is bad enough, But an even bigger problem is that
when some annoyance or hassle in life disrupts our routines,
we definitely tend to notice that. So why do our
minds zero in on the hassles in life? And how
can we shift our focus to gratitude instead? Well, I've
(10:13):
got just the Sesame Street friend to ask. She's someone
who finds magic in the ordinary. Please welcome my fabulous
fairy friend, Abby k Dabby. Abby, there you are. I
love you. Poof him like that. You're already bringing the
magic to our podcast today. Hi, doctor Lori, h Abby,
I noticed that your face is all scrunched up and
that your arms are crossed. How are you feeling not
(10:35):
so happy? Nothing's going right today? Ah? So you're feeling grumpy?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yes, I'm grumpy.
Speaker 6 (10:44):
It started when I wanted a banana with my breakfast,
but my little brother Rudy.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Ate the last one.
Speaker 6 (10:52):
He didn't even know I wanted it. But still no
banana for me.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
And then when I.
Speaker 6 (10:59):
Was getting dressed, I couldn't wear my favorite sparkle socks.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Do you know why Why?
Speaker 6 (11:06):
Because they were in the dirty, stinky laundry.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Sounds like you're having a rough morning.
Speaker 6 (11:12):
Yeah, and I can't find my lovey.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Wait have you seen him, doctor Lorie.
Speaker 6 (11:19):
He's a frog prince and he's got a tiny crown
and there's a little grape jelly on his belly.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
No, Abby, I haven't seen him. See.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
That's why I'm grumpy.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I understand why you're feeling grumpy, Abby. That can happen
when things don't go the way you expected. Yeah, how
about we try on activity to help you feel a
bit better. I think you'll like it. It's magical.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Magic.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
I'll use my magic to make my grumpies go away.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Wait, Abby, that's not what I meant. I was actually
talking about gratitude.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Okay, here goes.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
Let me see I'm feeling grumpy today. Come on, magic
and pop it away, zippity.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Oh no, oh no, okay, I think this is a
good time for a break. The happiness will be right back. Yikes,
it's okay, Abby, we'll get to the bottom of this.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
We're back and things are.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Doctlorry bananas bananas? Yeah, I guess things are bananas. Wa Abby,
Why are your bananas all over the studio?
Speaker 2 (12:45):
It's making things worse. Oh it's itchy.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
What's itchy?
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
My sparkly socks.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
They're on my feet now where they're so itchy and
scratchy old scratch.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Oh they're so.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Abby. I don't mean to interrupt, but is that a
frog in the studio?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Prince?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Doctor Lori, it's my lovey prince. I found him.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
That's great, But isn't he supposed to be a stuffed animal?
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Frog?
Speaker 6 (13:17):
Magic mistake. Ohoy, better go catch that frog. Oh I
wish he sucks. Weren't so etchy, prince? Come on, no, no, no, no,
don't you do that.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
No, don't go do that, door prince.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
And there she goes. Well, as you can tell, we're
still a bit caught up in the hassles this morning.
So while Abby hops off to catch her frog, I
think now is a good time to welcome our next guest.
A champion of noticing the good things in life.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
I was walking across our campus this morning and I
was just appreciating the huge old trees on our campus
and just they just were bringing me this joy.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Sarah Aljo is a professor of psychology and neuroscience at
the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Sarah is
an academic expert on the science of gratitude, but she's
also skilled at noticing good things in her own life,
whether those things are the trees she sees on her
commute to work or all the kind things people in
her life have done.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
My sister sent me a text this morning and it
was like perfectly timed. I was like, Ah, she's so great.
That's what I love about her, you know, right on time.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
But Sarah admits that focusing on the blessings in life
doesn't always come naturally for us.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
There are so many opportunities for negativity.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Our minds spontaneously gravity to all of life's hassles. Those
missing socks and lost stuffed animals tend to naturally capture
our attention. It's a tendency the psychologists call the negativity bias,
and the negativity bias feeds on itself. Focusing on the
hassles can become the vicious cycle, one that makes us
feel grumpy but also has a negative impact on the
(14:54):
people around us.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
If you step back and think about it, other people's
emotions affect us all the time, and so that means
that our emotions affect other people too, and so so
it really can spill out and spread.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Can we prevent the storm of negativity from hurting us
and the people we care about? We need a little
dose of g for gratitude. We need to notice the
good stuff in life. But how do we do that
when everything feels like it's going wrong? Sarah says the
first step is just a hit pause.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
And that's really hard for people to do, especially when
it feels like a cyclone of really bad stuff happening.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Pausing allows us to redirect our attention. It helps us
divert our minds from all the stuff that's going wrong,
so we can ask the question, what's going right?
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Okay, well wait, there was something good today? What was
the good thing? You know? What are it just like
right in this moment? What is one thing that I appreciate?
Speaker 1 (15:50):
And that gets us to the next step of experiencing
gratitude noticing.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
If we don't notice, there's no gratitude. That's the bottom line.
If you have any chance, I guess of increasing your gratitude,
it has to be through just taking a moment to notice.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
It can often be hard, especially for kids, to take
a breath and notice the blessings that are out there,
and that, Sarah says, is where parents come in. They
can help kids find the good stuff. Of course, that
doesn't mean dismissing or diminishing the negative stuff that someone
is experiencing. A cyclone of bad things may really be
happening and probably doesn't feel all that good, but we
(16:26):
can still point out some stuff that's going well in
the midst of a bad situation. If we stop to
take notice Feeling thankful makes us happier and less stressed
in the moment. It also comes with a host of
longer psychological benefits. People who self report experiencing gratitude are
more satisfied with life and less depressed. They sleep better
and have better connections with the people they care about.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
And that's actually one of the reasons that I've been
studying gratitude for so long is that it can really
be so good for shoring up our relationships.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Sarah's research has focused a lot on the social benefits
of gratitude, especially those that come from acknowledging the nice
things that people do for us, like Sarah did earlier
with her sister's well timed text message.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
You know what's going to happen. I'm going to call
her this weekend. Because of that that feeling of gratitude.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Gratitude often causes virtuous cycles like this. Feeling thankful prompts
us to act in ways that increase the bonds we
have with other people. It's why Sarah proposed what she
calls the find, remind and bind theory. The theory goes
something like this, when we take time to find examples
of the nice things that people do for us. That
can remind us that we matter to the people around us.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
As soon as we notice that someone's done something nice
for us, it can really draw attention to the fact
that we have people in our lives who pay attention
to us and care.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
For us, and that reminder that we matter can prompt
us to better bind to the people we love.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Gratitude really motivates us to make sure that those people
who just made us feel good really understand that we
like them too.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Sarah's research has shown that gratitude can also lead to
more pro social behavior. It motivates us to spontaneously do
kind things for the people we love.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
And those are just the kind of thing that we
want in our families, right, is to really have each
other's backs.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It's one of the reasons that Sarah thanks all families
need a little more gratitude, not just noticing the world
around them, but specifically noticing the good deeds that one
relative might do for another.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
And it does take a little bit of a commitment,
but one of the nice things about family is that
we can kind of reinforce those opportunities through ritual.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
For example, that might be parents introducing a gratitude practice
at dinner before we eat, what's one thing that went
well today? Or was there someone who did something kind
for you today. Parents can also model these practices themselves.
If your child did something that you appreciated, even if
it was something they were kind of supposed to do anyway,
take time to notice and appreciate that behavior. Sarah's work
(18:53):
shows that such acts of gratitude won't just feel good.
They can also lead to an upward spiral that makes
it easier for other family members to notice blessings too.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Parents have an opportunity, I think, to help lay the
groundwork for helping kids learn how to cultivate gratitude in
their lives.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
When we get back from the break, we'll learn other
practical ways we can put these gratitude strategies into effect
even during times that are particularly stressful or just frustrating.
In itchy and uh ribbety as it were, Ibby and
I and uh maybe Prince. I'm not sure we'll be
back after the break. Welcome back to the studio where
(19:35):
the magic has stopped. All is in order. I'm here
with Abby and I'm happy to report her spell has
been fixed.
Speaker 6 (19:42):
No bananas, no witchy socks. And no real frogs.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
But I'm still grumpy.
Speaker 6 (19:49):
I'm happy that my spell is fixed, but why did
it get all messed up in the first place.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Sounds like today had some ups like fixing your spell,
and some downs like well everything going wrong this morning?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
But instead of focusing on the ups, you're still stuck
on the downs, on what the grown ups might call
the hassles.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, I don't want to be grumpy anymore.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
I think I know something that might help, and I'm
telling you it really is magical.
Speaker 6 (20:16):
Huh, But I tried that already. Magic didn't fix my grumpy.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Well, it's a different kind of magic, one that doesn't
include any spells or ones. I'm talking about the magic
of gratitude.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Gratitude.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
What's that Gratitude is when we see and notice things
that make us feel happy. The ups like how I'm
grateful that I get to make a new episode of
my podcast today, or how I'm grateful I get to
see a really cool tree on my walk this morning.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Oh yeah, trees are the best.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
When we notice what we're grateful for, it can help
us get through the day. Noticing and appreciating the things
around us can make us feel happier. Why don't you
give it a try. What's something you're grateful for?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Habby huh, well, I think I need a little help.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Of course, that's what I'm here for. What's something you
can see that makes you feel happy?
Speaker 4 (21:03):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (21:04):
I see a plant, that little green one over there
in that yellow pot.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I got one just like that in my garden.
Speaker 6 (21:12):
Oh. I love being in my garden with my plant
and flower friends.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's great. Abby nature is something to be grateful for. Okay,
let's try again. What do you hear?
Speaker 6 (21:23):
Uh? Oh, I hear birdie chirps. That's a bird's wave
saying hi.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Oh. Aren't animals magicals?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
They are?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
See, you're grateful for animals. How about one more? What
something you can touch?
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Oh, oh, my lovely prince.
Speaker 6 (21:40):
I'm grateful I can give him a big hug whenever
I need, like now. Oh, and I'm grateful that he's
not a real frog.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Yeah. I'm also grateful for that last one. But see,
I'll be by looking around and using your senses, you
came up with three wonderful things to be grateful for.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
Yeah, and if I keep looking around, I'll be grateful
about even more things.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
And then poof my grumpy day will really go away.
Oh great idea, doctor Lorie.
Speaker 6 (22:11):
I gotta find more things to be grateful for, like
my sneakers, Oh in these cool microphones.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Oh and this shiny door handle, and oh what's over there?
I think I'm grateful over there.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Wait, Abby, that's not exactly what I meant. And there
she goes again. What I was trying to tell Abby
before she zipped out is that we can also be
grateful for people. As psychologist Sarah Aljo explained, noticing and
appreciating the kindness of others can increase our sense of
belonging and our happiness. And this positive feeling that someone
has our back can be especially important when we're facing
(22:46):
tough times, and not just the missing sparkly sock mornings,
but those times that truly challenge us to the core.
So while we wait for Abby to come back, let's
chat with someone who's observed the way that gratitude can
increase connection within families and communities during the worst of times.
Speaker 7 (23:01):
Being grateful is looking at the situation and the experience
for what it is.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
This is rossio glarsa.
Speaker 7 (23:08):
It is looking at the challenge and acknowledging that there
are challenges, they're difficulties, but also looking at the good,
looking at the kindness, looking at the good things that
are happening around us, not as a way of avoiding
the challenge, but as a way of taking a break
and energizing ourselves to be able to cope with the
challenges and the difficulties.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Rossio is the vice president of SESAME Workshop Social Impact Division,
a group that works to help families who are going
through stressful situations.
Speaker 7 (23:36):
So those are not only the stressors of everyday life,
but they're huge stressors. We're talking about substance abuse, homelessness, hunger,
community violence. I mean, there's so many stressors that we're
supporting them through.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
To face challenges as complex as these, Rossio says that
families need to go back to the basics. They need
simple and easy to remember strategies to take care of themselves.
Speaker 7 (23:57):
And many of them do use gratitude as that strategy.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
The first benefit gratitude provides in tough times is a
much needed infusion of positive emotion, which is important because
we definitely need positivity and stuff health care when we're
facing challenges.
Speaker 7 (24:11):
Leeds sometimes think that being strong is pushing through difficulties, right,
I just have to get through this and I'm just
going to face it. But we all also need times
to energize, and gratitude is one of those strategies that
help us do that, and help us do that in
a very practical way.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
But the second benefit gratitude provides is the one I
was trying to tell Abby about. Feeling grateful for other
people can help to reduce our sense of loneliness.
Speaker 7 (24:39):
One of the biggest challenges for families when they're going
through big difficulties is feeling alone, is really feeling isolated.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Remember doctor Sarah al Jo's fine remind and bind idea.
Noticing the blessings that other people provide can make us
feel more connected, and during challenging times, that can remind
us of all the friends and family members who really
do have our backs.
Speaker 7 (25:01):
That's when you start discovering the people around you that
are there for you.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
When Rocillo was developing a set of Sesame workshop materials
dealing with she met many families who'd lost someone important,
But rather than dwelling just on their loss, she noticed
that some families tended to focus on the folks who'd
helped out, people who showed up to watch their kids
or help with dinner.
Speaker 7 (25:22):
Even though there's really difficult moments in our lives, there's
always goodness and kindness around us.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Rossillo was surprised by the resilience of these grateful families
and just how often they were able to notice good
things and particularly the good people in the midst of
their grief.
Speaker 7 (25:37):
And so it was really special because it was gratitude
that they had in the moment, but also this collective
sense of oh, this happened to me too. I wasn't
alone in having this experience.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
But acknowledging the good things in life when you're at
your lowest point isn't easy. We can feel like we're
drowning in sorrow, and Rossillo says that's why it's so
important to learn this skill of gratitude as early as
we can. The more we practice finding blessings when things
are going smoothly, the easier it'll be to appreciate blessings
when times are much tougher, which is one of the
reasons Sesame Workshop is so focused on teaching gratitude, not
(26:13):
just to parents and caregivers, but to kids too.
Speaker 7 (26:16):
Being able to have gratitude as part of your toolkit
from the very beginning. Something that becomes just part of
the things that you do that we just practice is
something that we can give them for the rest of
their lives.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
And so Rosso has some advice, not just for folks
currently navigating tough times, but for anyone who wants to
make sure their resilient skills are sharpened before things get tough.
Speaker 7 (26:37):
Let's practice it, let's trive be grateful.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Oh, Abby, there you are.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Hi, doctor Laurie.
Speaker 6 (26:44):
I went all around Sesame Street finding things to be
grateful for, the basketball hoop near the community center and
Alma blowing bubbles and me popping them like this.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
That's great, Abby, And how do you feel?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Well?
Speaker 6 (27:00):
I was feeling better, but then I saw stinky sawking
out of oscars can.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Sounds about right.
Speaker 6 (27:07):
Yeah, And it made me think about my dirty sparkly
socks and then how my magic made them all itchy,
and well I felt grumpy again. I thought gratitude was magic.
Wasn't it supposed to make all my grumpies go away?
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Gratitude is magic And just like how you practice your
magic as a fairy in training, you have to practice
gratitude too. And parents for kids out there without magic
wands and wings. They can think of it like brushing
their teeth.
Speaker 6 (27:36):
Oh, I brush my teeth too, in the morning and
at nine, right, Brushing your teeth is part of your
routine that you do every day.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Gratitude is something you can add to your routine too,
I can't yep. By practicing gratitude a little every day,
you'll start to notice more and more things you're grateful for,
and that'll help you feel happy. And that's the magical part.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Oh, I get it now.
Speaker 6 (28:00):
It gets a little more magical every day the more
you practice, like learning to tie your shoes, oh, or
doing it to turn a sandwich into a helicopter.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Your sandwich into a what a helicopter, you.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Know, for when you need a yummy lunch that travels well.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Right, of course, maybe you can make me one someday.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Oh, I'd love to.
Speaker 6 (28:22):
I just gotta keep on practicing that spell. It takes
a lot of tries to turn a pickle slice into
a propeller.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Uh, I'm sure. But speaking of practice, I've got something
we can practice together. Here are some things you can
say each and every day to help you appreciate the
things and the people around you are you ready to try?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Ready?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Okay? Who's one of your favorite people around?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Oohe my brother Rudy. Great.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Now think about Rudy and finish this sentence. Rudy is
kind to me when he Rudy is kind.
Speaker 6 (28:54):
To me when he oh oh, when he helps me
in the garden. He helps me water the flowers and
feed the birdies. And when we're done, we make mud
castles together. Oh, playing with my brother.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
See doesn't it feel nice to be grateful for family?
And we can be grateful for friends too.
Speaker 6 (29:15):
Oh yeah, uh, I'm grateful for all my friends Emma
and Big Bird and Rosita and even.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Oscar, Oscar the Grouch. That's a fun gratitude challenge. Can
you think of a time when Oscar was kind? Ah,
that's easy, it is.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (29:33):
Oscar is kind when he takes care of his pet worm, Slimy.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Oh, he just loves that little worm.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
See. We can even be grateful for grouches who no.
Thanks so much for practicing gratitude with me, Abby, I
think that's our show.
Speaker 6 (29:47):
Well wait, wait, wait, I got one more thing I'm
grateful for. What's that for learning a new kind of magic,
the magic of gratitude? And for you, Doctor Lorie, for
teaching it to me.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Oh thanks, Abby Twinkloud. In the next episode of this
special collaboration are Sesame Street Friends will help us tackle
the challenge of how we can better manage our big feelings.
Of course, Sesame Street is the place where sunny days
sweep the clouds away. But when I sat down to
chat with the next episode's guest, Big Bird, the street
(30:22):
was not so sunny. Isn't that right, Big Bird?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
That's right, Doctor Lorie.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I was excited to roller skate around Sesame Street today,
but now it's all rainy and wet outside and I
can't skate anymore.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
What strategies should we use when our plans get thwarted
and big feelings like disappointment or even sadness and anger
come up? To find out? Be sure to come back
for our next special Sesame Street episode, all about feelings.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
I feel excited to hear it.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Me too, Big Bird, Me too. The Happiness Lab is
co written and produced by Ryan Dilley. Our original music
was composed by Zachary Silver, with additional scoring, mixing and
mastering by Evan Viola. Jess Shane and Alice Fines offer
additional production support. We'd like to thank the amazing Sesame
(31:12):
Street puppeteers Leslie Carrera, Rudolph Ryan Dylan, Eric Jacobson and
Matt Vogel, and special thank yous to the folks over
at Sesame Workshop, Emily Bandy, Alissa Chihi, Gabriella Dejannaro, Jessica Salvo, Mindy, Fila,
Rossio Galarsa, Akeimi Gibson, Ivan Gonzalez, Karen Leibovich, Rosemary Trulio,
Ka Wilson Stallings and Steve Youngwood. Special thanks to my agent,
(31:35):
Ben Davis and all of the Pushkin prew The Happiness
Lab is brought to you by Pushkin Industries. Any Doctor
Laurie Santos
Pushkin. Hello, Hello, Hello, let's get started. If you're a
fan of The Happiness Lab, you probably know the show's
origin story. As a college professor, I started worrying about
the levels of stress and anxiety I was seeing in
(00:37):
my students welcome everybody to psychology and the good life.
So I developed a class on the science of Happiness.
That we're going to start by talking about why I'm
teaching this class in the first place. Of course, designed
to teach my students research based strategies that they could
use to navigate tough times, improve their emotional health, and
feel happier. It became Yale's most popular class ever. I'm
a little bit surprised to see as many of you
(00:59):
are here as are here, But that's great and is
now offered both free online and other universities around the world.
And the science shows that learning these happiness strategies really
does help. Several new studies have found that students who
learned the tips I teach show significant improvements in their
overall well being. But there is one thing about learning
all these happiness tips that makes my students feel a
little frustrated. I'm so thankful to have learned all these
(01:22):
helpful strategies. A student will always say, but I really
really wish I had learned this stuff earlier, and believe me,
I totally get that frustration. Nowadays, I'm an expert on happiness,
but I didn't learn these tips until my fourth decade.
My life would have been way less stressful and emotionally
fraught if I had all these happiness habits earlier. Honestly,
(01:42):
if I had a time machine, I'd go back to
the early eighties, find my kid's self and teach her
exactly the same things that I tell my students now.
You see, it doesn't matter if you're three, twenty three
or one hundred and three. The same happiness principles apply.
You may have different problems in priorities at different stages
of your life, but whether you're in school, at work,
raising a family, or in retirement, the same core ideas hold.
(02:06):
And that's why I wish I was able to teach
kid Laurie all these ideas back in the day, though
admittedly how I'd explain these happiness strategies to her would
be a little different. I'd probably enlist the help of
some folks who are more fun and relatable.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
That's us high up friends, Hello everybody.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
These were the real tutors that young Laurie had growing up.
These monsters and fairies and giant yellow birds are great
at passing along important life lessons to kids while also
making them feel happier, and they've been doing it for
over fifty years. So in honor of my younger self,
the Happiness Lab is partnering up with Sesame Workshop, the
nonprofit that creates Sesame Street. Over the next few episodes,
(02:50):
we'll explore a series of classic happiness boosting strategies, ones
that are so simple even little kids can use them.
But these episodes aren't just for kids. They're for you,
because we all need quick strategies to help us feel
better when times get tough, and what better way to
learn them than with the added nostalgia of a little
Sesame Street fund.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Let's go, Doctor Laurie. Oh, I am so excited. This
is gonna be so magical.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Thanks so much, friends and Abby. I'll be seeing you
a little later to talk about this episode's big happiness
topic tell me more. But before we get started, I
wanted to explore why it's never too early or too
late to start learning the happiness essentials. So I've tagged
in the expert on charting well being across a lifetime.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I adored Sesame Street, like Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch.
I just adored Sesame Street.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
This is Harvard Medical School professor and fellow Sesame Street fan,
Robert Waldinger.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
I would sit there with my kids on the couch
watching Sesame Student. I'd be the one laughing the hardest.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Robert has a rather unique academic pedigree. He's a psychiatrist,
a best selling author.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
And I direct the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which
is the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
The study tracks of physical and mental health of people
across decades. It started in the late nineteen thirties when
researchers began following the lives of one cohort of Harvard
sophomores and then another group of inner city teams from Boston.
Robert and his predecessors have followed these men as well
as their partners and their children for over eighty years.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
And what we studied was the great big themes of life,
which are mental health, physical health, work, life relationships, and
then as people got older, aging and retirement.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
This mega experiment has now provided pretty much the definitive
word on the stuff that matters for achieving a healthier,
happier life and spoiler alert. The findings include lots of
the strategies we talk about on this podcast, like making
sure you invest in relationships, develop a sense of purpose,
and avoid the happiness traps that come with striving for
money and possessions. But another big message of the Harvard
(05:01):
study is that when it comes to learning the habits
needed to improve your well being, it pays to start
as soon as possible.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
What you learn to do as a child really influences
your happiness as an adult.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Let's take one key happiness skill emotion regulation. That is,
the ability to monitor and manage your feelings. We think
of this as something that adults are supposed to do,
but kids who are more skilled at regulating their emotions
do better in school and have stronger family and peer relationships.
Plus they're less likely to develop anxiety and depression later on.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
And so learning those skills when we're young makes a
big difference in how well we manage the stresses of
life that are always coming our way at every age.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
And Robert says that whenever big feelings do pop up,
there are ways to deal with them that are surprisingly simple.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Taking time out when you're upset or when something's really difficult.
Kids can learn to take a few breaths to kind
of calm down when they're really upset about something that
helps them figure out how to cope better with a
challenging situation.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
And teaching tips like these early on is pretty straightforward,
especially the kids grow up in a home where the
adults around them take these happiness strategies seriously.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
You know, family life is the first world that we
come to know. We learn a lot about how to
be happy from the people we grow up with, and
so a lot of those models that we get from
our parents, from our siblings, from other family members are
really important.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
When it comes to soaking up the behaviors they observe
around them. Kids are total sponges, and that means that
children will model both the good and bad habits they
see their caregiver as using. It's a truth of human
psychology that Robert took to heart when raising his own family.
He realized that if he wanted his kids to engage
in the happiness boosting strategies he observed in his Harvard study,
(06:55):
then he'd have to model those behaviors himself.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
And so what I began to see was that as
a parent, the best thing I could give to my
kids was a sense that what's really meaningful is your
connections with other people and your engagement in activities you
care about.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
But adults can't just pull a hey, do as I say.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Move.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
We have to authentically follow the advice we're giving the
young people around us.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
And a lot of what we communicate to our kids
is emotional communication. It's not just what we say, it's
the feelings that we convey in how we interact with
our kids. So if we can come to our kids
from more of a place of equanimity and self care,
that's what our kids are going to learn from us.
(07:41):
That's so valuable.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
We might long for the young people in our lives
to be happy, but we don't always model the behaviors
we want to see them adopt. We tend to neglect
our own well being because we're too busy with our careers,
or with parenting, or with caring for elders. But Robert
says that's a mistake.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
I mean, I know this as a physician, that if
you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care
of other people very well. Physicians happen to be not
very good at taking care of themselves. Parents can be
not very good at taken care of themselves.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
But if emotional self care is something with which you
perpetually struggle not to worry, the science shows you're not
doomed to repeat the cycle endlessly.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
We used to think that once you got to be
maybe in your twenties, you were cooked, you were done,
your personality was set. And now we realize that there
is so much growth and change that happens over adult life.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
The Harvard Study of Adult Development found that participants were
able to build new friendships and learn new skills well
into old age. And I've seen the same thing myself.
I've gotten thank you notes from students of all ages
telling me just how quickly they were able to put
new happiness strategies into practice.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
And what that tells us is that there's always the
possibility for new things happening in your life and for
developing new new skills.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
And so if developing new skills is why you're listening,
I'll get going and kick off this new season with
one of Robert's favorite happiness boosting practices a change to
our thought patterns that so simple everyone can try it,
and I'm going to tell you all about it with
the help of the folks at Sesame Street. By the way,
did I mention that we have a letter of the day?
Speaker 5 (09:16):
The letter.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
And why is g today's letter of the day, Because
the rest of the episode is about powerful thought change.
It's called gratitude, the simple act of noticing all of
life's blessings.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
If we can remember what's right, and particularly what's right
about other people, it can really change our mindset and
with that literally make us feel better and literally then
make us physically healthier.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
As we go about our daily routines, moving from one
task to the next, it's easy to switch into autopilot
to forget all the things that are going right, which
is bad enough, But an even bigger problem is that
when some annoyance or hassle in life disrupts our routines,
we definitely tend to notice that. So why do our
minds zero in on the hassles in life? And how
can we shift our focus to gratitude instead? Well, I've
(10:13):
got just the Sesame Street friend to ask. She's someone
who finds magic in the ordinary. Please welcome my fabulous
fairy friend, Abby k Dabby. Abby, there you are. I
love you. Poof him like that. You're already bringing the
magic to our podcast today. Hi, doctor Lori, h Abby,
I noticed that your face is all scrunched up and
that your arms are crossed. How are you feeling not
(10:35):
so happy? Nothing's going right today? Ah? So you're feeling grumpy?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yes, I'm grumpy.
Speaker 6 (10:44):
It started when I wanted a banana with my breakfast,
but my little brother Rudy.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Ate the last one.
Speaker 6 (10:52):
He didn't even know I wanted it. But still no
banana for me.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
And then when I.
Speaker 6 (10:59):
Was getting dressed, I couldn't wear my favorite sparkle socks.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Do you know why Why?
Speaker 6 (11:06):
Because they were in the dirty, stinky laundry.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Sounds like you're having a rough morning.
Speaker 6 (11:12):
Yeah, and I can't find my lovey.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Wait have you seen him, doctor Lorie.
Speaker 6 (11:19):
He's a frog prince and he's got a tiny crown
and there's a little grape jelly on his belly.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
No, Abby, I haven't seen him. See.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
That's why I'm grumpy.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I understand why you're feeling grumpy, Abby. That can happen
when things don't go the way you expected. Yeah, how
about we try on activity to help you feel a
bit better. I think you'll like it. It's magical.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Magic.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
I'll use my magic to make my grumpies go away.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Wait, Abby, that's not what I meant. I was actually
talking about gratitude.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Okay, here goes.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
Let me see I'm feeling grumpy today. Come on, magic
and pop it away, zippity.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Oh no, oh no, okay, I think this is a
good time for a break. The happiness will be right back. Yikes,
it's okay, Abby, we'll get to the bottom of this.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
We're back and things are.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Doctlorry bananas bananas? Yeah, I guess things are bananas. Wa Abby,
Why are your bananas all over the studio?
Speaker 2 (12:45):
It's making things worse. Oh it's itchy.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
What's itchy?
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
My sparkly socks.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
They're on my feet now where they're so itchy and
scratchy old scratch.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Oh they're so.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Abby. I don't mean to interrupt, but is that a
frog in the studio?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Prince?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Doctor Lori, it's my lovey prince. I found him.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
That's great, But isn't he supposed to be a stuffed animal?
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Frog?
Speaker 6 (13:17):
Magic mistake. Ohoy, better go catch that frog. Oh I
wish he sucks. Weren't so etchy, prince? Come on, no, no, no, no,
don't you do that.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
No, don't go do that, door prince.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
And there she goes. Well, as you can tell, we're
still a bit caught up in the hassles this morning.
So while Abby hops off to catch her frog, I
think now is a good time to welcome our next guest.
A champion of noticing the good things in life.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
I was walking across our campus this morning and I
was just appreciating the huge old trees on our campus
and just they just were bringing me this joy.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Sarah Aljo is a professor of psychology and neuroscience at
the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Sarah is
an academic expert on the science of gratitude, but she's
also skilled at noticing good things in her own life,
whether those things are the trees she sees on her
commute to work or all the kind things people in
her life have done.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
My sister sent me a text this morning and it
was like perfectly timed. I was like, Ah, she's so great.
That's what I love about her, you know, right on time.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
But Sarah admits that focusing on the blessings in life
doesn't always come naturally for us.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
There are so many opportunities for negativity.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Our minds spontaneously gravity to all of life's hassles. Those
missing socks and lost stuffed animals tend to naturally capture
our attention. It's a tendency the psychologists call the negativity bias,
and the negativity bias feeds on itself. Focusing on the
hassles can become the vicious cycle, one that makes us
feel grumpy but also has a negative impact on the
(14:54):
people around us.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
If you step back and think about it, other people's
emotions affect us all the time, and so that means
that our emotions affect other people too, and so so
it really can spill out and spread.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Can we prevent the storm of negativity from hurting us
and the people we care about? We need a little
dose of g for gratitude. We need to notice the
good stuff in life. But how do we do that
when everything feels like it's going wrong? Sarah says the
first step is just a hit pause.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
And that's really hard for people to do, especially when
it feels like a cyclone of really bad stuff happening.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Pausing allows us to redirect our attention. It helps us
divert our minds from all the stuff that's going wrong,
so we can ask the question, what's going right?
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Okay, well wait, there was something good today? What was
the good thing? You know? What are it just like
right in this moment? What is one thing that I appreciate?
Speaker 1 (15:50):
And that gets us to the next step of experiencing
gratitude noticing.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
If we don't notice, there's no gratitude. That's the bottom line.
If you have any chance, I guess of increasing your gratitude,
it has to be through just taking a moment to notice.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
It can often be hard, especially for kids, to take
a breath and notice the blessings that are out there,
and that, Sarah says, is where parents come in. They
can help kids find the good stuff. Of course, that
doesn't mean dismissing or diminishing the negative stuff that someone
is experiencing. A cyclone of bad things may really be
happening and probably doesn't feel all that good, but we
(16:26):
can still point out some stuff that's going well in
the midst of a bad situation. If we stop to
take notice Feeling thankful makes us happier and less stressed
in the moment. It also comes with a host of
longer psychological benefits. People who self report experiencing gratitude are
more satisfied with life and less depressed. They sleep better
and have better connections with the people they care about.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
And that's actually one of the reasons that I've been
studying gratitude for so long is that it can really
be so good for shoring up our relationships.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Sarah's research has focused a lot on the social benefits
of gratitude, especially those that come from acknowledging the nice
things that people do for us, like Sarah did earlier
with her sister's well timed text message.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
You know what's going to happen. I'm going to call
her this weekend. Because of that that feeling of gratitude.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Gratitude often causes virtuous cycles like this. Feeling thankful prompts
us to act in ways that increase the bonds we
have with other people. It's why Sarah proposed what she
calls the find, remind and bind theory. The theory goes
something like this, when we take time to find examples
of the nice things that people do for us. That
can remind us that we matter to the people around us.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
As soon as we notice that someone's done something nice
for us, it can really draw attention to the fact
that we have people in our lives who pay attention
to us and care.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
For us, and that reminder that we matter can prompt
us to better bind to the people we love.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Gratitude really motivates us to make sure that those people
who just made us feel good really understand that we
like them too.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Sarah's research has shown that gratitude can also lead to
more pro social behavior. It motivates us to spontaneously do
kind things for the people we love.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
And those are just the kind of thing that we
want in our families, right, is to really have each
other's backs.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It's one of the reasons that Sarah thanks all families
need a little more gratitude, not just noticing the world
around them, but specifically noticing the good deeds that one
relative might do for another.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
And it does take a little bit of a commitment,
but one of the nice things about family is that
we can kind of reinforce those opportunities through ritual.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
For example, that might be parents introducing a gratitude practice
at dinner before we eat, what's one thing that went
well today? Or was there someone who did something kind
for you today. Parents can also model these practices themselves.
If your child did something that you appreciated, even if
it was something they were kind of supposed to do anyway,
take time to notice and appreciate that behavior. Sarah's work
(18:53):
shows that such acts of gratitude won't just feel good.
They can also lead to an upward spiral that makes
it easier for other family members to notice blessings too.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Parents have an opportunity, I think, to help lay the
groundwork for helping kids learn how to cultivate gratitude in
their lives.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
When we get back from the break, we'll learn other
practical ways we can put these gratitude strategies into effect
even during times that are particularly stressful or just frustrating.
In itchy and uh ribbety as it were, Ibby and
I and uh maybe Prince. I'm not sure we'll be
back after the break. Welcome back to the studio where
(19:35):
the magic has stopped. All is in order. I'm here
with Abby and I'm happy to report her spell has
been fixed.
Speaker 6 (19:42):
No bananas, no witchy socks. And no real frogs.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
But I'm still grumpy.
Speaker 6 (19:49):
I'm happy that my spell is fixed, but why did
it get all messed up in the first place.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Sounds like today had some ups like fixing your spell,
and some downs like well everything going wrong this morning?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
But instead of focusing on the ups, you're still stuck
on the downs, on what the grown ups might call
the hassles.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, I don't want to be grumpy anymore.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
I think I know something that might help, and I'm
telling you it really is magical.
Speaker 6 (20:16):
Huh, But I tried that already. Magic didn't fix my grumpy.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Well, it's a different kind of magic, one that doesn't
include any spells or ones. I'm talking about the magic
of gratitude.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Gratitude.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
What's that Gratitude is when we see and notice things
that make us feel happy. The ups like how I'm
grateful that I get to make a new episode of
my podcast today, or how I'm grateful I get to
see a really cool tree on my walk this morning.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Oh yeah, trees are the best.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
When we notice what we're grateful for, it can help
us get through the day. Noticing and appreciating the things
around us can make us feel happier. Why don't you
give it a try. What's something you're grateful for?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Habby huh, well, I think I need a little help.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Of course, that's what I'm here for. What's something you
can see that makes you feel happy?
Speaker 4 (21:03):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (21:04):
I see a plant, that little green one over there
in that yellow pot.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I got one just like that in my garden.
Speaker 6 (21:12):
Oh. I love being in my garden with my plant
and flower friends.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's great. Abby nature is something to be grateful for. Okay,
let's try again. What do you hear?
Speaker 6 (21:23):
Uh? Oh, I hear birdie chirps. That's a bird's wave
saying hi.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Oh. Aren't animals magicals?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
They are?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
See, you're grateful for animals. How about one more? What
something you can touch?
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Oh, oh, my lovely prince.
Speaker 6 (21:40):
I'm grateful I can give him a big hug whenever
I need, like now. Oh, and I'm grateful that he's
not a real frog.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Yeah. I'm also grateful for that last one. But see,
I'll be by looking around and using your senses, you
came up with three wonderful things to be grateful for.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
Yeah, and if I keep looking around, I'll be grateful
about even more things.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
And then poof my grumpy day will really go away.
Oh great idea, doctor Lorie.
Speaker 6 (22:11):
I gotta find more things to be grateful for, like
my sneakers, Oh in these cool microphones.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Oh and this shiny door handle, and oh what's over there?
I think I'm grateful over there.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Wait, Abby, that's not exactly what I meant. And there
she goes again. What I was trying to tell Abby
before she zipped out is that we can also be
grateful for people. As psychologist Sarah Aljo explained, noticing and
appreciating the kindness of others can increase our sense of
belonging and our happiness. And this positive feeling that someone
has our back can be especially important when we're facing
(22:46):
tough times, and not just the missing sparkly sock mornings,
but those times that truly challenge us to the core.
So while we wait for Abby to come back, let's
chat with someone who's observed the way that gratitude can
increase connection within families and communities during the worst of times.
Speaker 7 (23:01):
Being grateful is looking at the situation and the experience
for what it is.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
This is rossio glarsa.
Speaker 7 (23:08):
It is looking at the challenge and acknowledging that there
are challenges, they're difficulties, but also looking at the good,
looking at the kindness, looking at the good things that
are happening around us, not as a way of avoiding
the challenge, but as a way of taking a break
and energizing ourselves to be able to cope with the
challenges and the difficulties.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Rossio is the vice president of SESAME Workshop Social Impact Division,
a group that works to help families who are going
through stressful situations.
Speaker 7 (23:36):
So those are not only the stressors of everyday life,
but they're huge stressors. We're talking about substance abuse, homelessness, hunger,
community violence. I mean, there's so many stressors that we're
supporting them through.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
To face challenges as complex as these, Rossio says that
families need to go back to the basics. They need
simple and easy to remember strategies to take care of themselves.
Speaker 7 (23:57):
And many of them do use gratitude as that strategy.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
The first benefit gratitude provides in tough times is a
much needed infusion of positive emotion, which is important because
we definitely need positivity and stuff health care when we're
facing challenges.
Speaker 7 (24:11):
Leeds sometimes think that being strong is pushing through difficulties, right,
I just have to get through this and I'm just
going to face it. But we all also need times
to energize, and gratitude is one of those strategies that
help us do that, and help us do that in
a very practical way.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
But the second benefit gratitude provides is the one I
was trying to tell Abby about. Feeling grateful for other
people can help to reduce our sense of loneliness.
Speaker 7 (24:39):
One of the biggest challenges for families when they're going
through big difficulties is feeling alone, is really feeling isolated.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Remember doctor Sarah al Jo's fine remind and bind idea.
Noticing the blessings that other people provide can make us
feel more connected, and during challenging times, that can remind
us of all the friends and family members who really
do have our backs.
Speaker 7 (25:01):
That's when you start discovering the people around you that
are there for you.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
When Rocillo was developing a set of Sesame workshop materials
dealing with she met many families who'd lost someone important,
But rather than dwelling just on their loss, she noticed
that some families tended to focus on the folks who'd
helped out, people who showed up to watch their kids
or help with dinner.
Speaker 7 (25:22):
Even though there's really difficult moments in our lives, there's
always goodness and kindness around us.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Rossillo was surprised by the resilience of these grateful families
and just how often they were able to notice good
things and particularly the good people in the midst of
their grief.
Speaker 7 (25:37):
And so it was really special because it was gratitude
that they had in the moment, but also this collective
sense of oh, this happened to me too. I wasn't
alone in having this experience.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
But acknowledging the good things in life when you're at
your lowest point isn't easy. We can feel like we're
drowning in sorrow, and Rossillo says that's why it's so
important to learn this skill of gratitude as early as
we can. The more we practice finding blessings when things
are going smoothly, the easier it'll be to appreciate blessings
when times are much tougher, which is one of the
reasons Sesame Workshop is so focused on teaching gratitude, not
(26:13):
just to parents and caregivers, but to kids too.
Speaker 7 (26:16):
Being able to have gratitude as part of your toolkit
from the very beginning. Something that becomes just part of
the things that you do that we just practice is
something that we can give them for the rest of
their lives.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
And so Rosso has some advice, not just for folks
currently navigating tough times, but for anyone who wants to
make sure their resilient skills are sharpened before things get tough.
Speaker 7 (26:37):
Let's practice it, let's trive be grateful.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Oh, Abby, there you are.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Hi, doctor Laurie.
Speaker 6 (26:44):
I went all around Sesame Street finding things to be
grateful for, the basketball hoop near the community center and
Alma blowing bubbles and me popping them like this.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
That's great, Abby, And how do you feel?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Well?
Speaker 6 (27:00):
I was feeling better, but then I saw stinky sawking
out of oscars can.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Sounds about right.
Speaker 6 (27:07):
Yeah, And it made me think about my dirty sparkly
socks and then how my magic made them all itchy,
and well I felt grumpy again. I thought gratitude was magic.
Wasn't it supposed to make all my grumpies go away?
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Gratitude is magic And just like how you practice your
magic as a fairy in training, you have to practice
gratitude too. And parents for kids out there without magic
wands and wings. They can think of it like brushing
their teeth.
Speaker 6 (27:36):
Oh, I brush my teeth too, in the morning and
at nine, right, Brushing your teeth is part of your
routine that you do every day.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Gratitude is something you can add to your routine too,
I can't yep. By practicing gratitude a little every day,
you'll start to notice more and more things you're grateful for,
and that'll help you feel happy. And that's the magical part.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Oh, I get it now.
Speaker 6 (28:00):
It gets a little more magical every day the more
you practice, like learning to tie your shoes, oh, or
doing it to turn a sandwich into a helicopter.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Your sandwich into a what a helicopter, you.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Know, for when you need a yummy lunch that travels well.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Right, of course, maybe you can make me one someday.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Oh, I'd love to.
Speaker 6 (28:22):
I just gotta keep on practicing that spell. It takes
a lot of tries to turn a pickle slice into
a propeller.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Uh, I'm sure. But speaking of practice, I've got something
we can practice together. Here are some things you can
say each and every day to help you appreciate the
things and the people around you are you ready to try?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Ready?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Okay? Who's one of your favorite people around?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Oohe my brother Rudy. Great.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Now think about Rudy and finish this sentence. Rudy is
kind to me when he Rudy is kind.
Speaker 6 (28:54):
To me when he oh oh, when he helps me
in the garden. He helps me water the flowers and
feed the birdies. And when we're done, we make mud
castles together. Oh, playing with my brother.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
See doesn't it feel nice to be grateful for family?
And we can be grateful for friends too.
Speaker 6 (29:15):
Oh yeah, uh, I'm grateful for all my friends Emma
and Big Bird and Rosita and even.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Oscar, Oscar the Grouch. That's a fun gratitude challenge. Can
you think of a time when Oscar was kind? Ah,
that's easy, it is.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (29:33):
Oscar is kind when he takes care of his pet worm, Slimy.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Oh, he just loves that little worm.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
See. We can even be grateful for grouches who no.
Thanks so much for practicing gratitude with me, Abby, I
think that's our show.
Speaker 6 (29:47):
Well wait, wait, wait, I got one more thing I'm
grateful for. What's that for learning a new kind of magic,
the magic of gratitude? And for you, Doctor Lorie, for
teaching it to me.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Oh thanks, Abby Twinkloud. In the next episode of this
special collaboration are Sesame Street Friends will help us tackle
the challenge of how we can better manage our big feelings.
Of course, Sesame Street is the place where sunny days
sweep the clouds away. But when I sat down to
chat with the next episode's guest, Big Bird, the street
(30:22):
was not so sunny. Isn't that right, Big Bird?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
That's right, Doctor Lorie.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I was excited to roller skate around Sesame Street today,
but now it's all rainy and wet outside and I
can't skate anymore.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
What strategies should we use when our plans get thwarted
and big feelings like disappointment or even sadness and anger
come up? To find out? Be sure to come back
for our next special Sesame Street episode, all about feelings.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
I feel excited to hear it.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Me too, Big Bird, Me too. The Happiness Lab is
co written and produced by Ryan Dilley. Our original music
was composed by Zachary Silver, with additional scoring, mixing and
mastering by Evan Viola. Jess Shane and Alice Fines offer
additional production support. We'd like to thank the amazing Sesame
(31:12):
Street puppeteers Leslie Carrera, Rudolph Ryan Dylan, Eric Jacobson and
Matt Vogel, and special thank yous to the folks over
at Sesame Workshop, Emily Bandy, Alissa Chihi, Gabriella Dejannaro, Jessica Salvo, Mindy, Fila,
Rossio Galarsa, Akeimi Gibson, Ivan Gonzalez, Karen Leibovich, Rosemary Trulio,
Ka Wilson Stallings and Steve Youngwood. Special thanks to my agent,
(31:35):
Ben Davis and all of the Pushkin prew The Happiness
Lab is brought to you by Pushkin Industries. Any Doctor
Laurie Santos
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.