Ask Uncut - Do 'Instagram' Men Give You the Ick? - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm Cut, I'm.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our ask guncut episode
where you're writing your deepest, darkest burning questions. We do
our damn best to answer them.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
We certainly do.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
But first, can we just like talk about em Rada
for one hot second?

Speaker 3 (00:27):
Em Rada hot? Love her hottest? Do you do? You
know why?

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Because even when I don't love her, I find her
interesting to watch. That's why I think I like it
Because I disagree with so many things that she doesn't say,
but I still love watching it.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
I don't know if I disagree with things that she
does and says. I understand the complexities around a lot
of the conversations that have been had when she's I
don't know, well, let's not even get into it in
terms of like her take on feminist issues, but it
feels very choice feminism anyway.

Speaker 3 (00:54):
I don't care about that. What I care about is
her haircut. I deeply care about her haircut.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
She has just been posting for the six days on
her TikTok around the worst haircut she's ever had. Like
you would never think that someone with that much money,
with that much access to like the best of the best,
could possibly be subjected to like a bad haircut.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
It's beyond bad, it's horrific.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
I think we need to break this down a little
bit in case people haven't seen it. Emm Rada has
gone she's doing a series of videos on TikTok about
the worst haircut she's ever had. So she hasn't named
the person, but she's like, I've gone to this guy
that cut my hair. So he's cut her bangs from
it literally starts from the nape of her neck.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
The band start from the back of her neck and
go all.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
The way over the front.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
It's like David Bowie, It's terrible.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
It's like he was cutting her fringe and then he
slipped on some hair on the ground. I was like sure,
and then he was like, oh, I better just do
that to the other side and call it a choice.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
Do you reckon that.

Speaker 4 (01:46):
It's that or do you reckon that. She's kind of
gone in being like I want this edgy look, this
is what I want, and so the hairdress has gone Okay,
that's what you asked for, Like, that's what you want?
To give you what you want, you're paying me, and
then she's gone, this is the worst haircut I've ever had.
I wonder whose fault it is. Did she ask for
you know, that particular type of haircut and it just.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
Doesn't suit up.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
I think it is quite hard for hairdresses because often
people would describe what they want, but they don't use
the right words.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
Like, for example, I take.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
A picture in of like Kendall Jenner and I'm like,
maybe look.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
I went in once and I was like, I took
a photo and I was like, oh, I want to
get like some ashy highlights, and the woman was like,
just so you know, there's nothing ashy about that reference photo.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
That is warm highlights. And I was like, cool, that's
my problem. I've done it wrong.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
That's why it needs to be visual. You need to
take a picture instead of going in and describing what
you want.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Just please go and look at Emrat's TikTok. It's like
someone's cut steps into the fringe when it's like parted
as a normal fringe, but when it's fully forward, it
starts from the back of her part, like it is
the most aggressively long full head of fringe that.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
I've ever seen. It's amazing.

Speaker 4 (02:49):
It's very like two thy ten MySpace era where like
the shaggy mullet kind of look was in where it
came over the front.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
But I'm sorry, she's still so hot. Sheila's supermodel, like
she could do anything to her hair and she would
be amazed.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
That's what's annoying, because she's like, this is the worst
haircut I've ever had, but I'm beautiful. Look at me.
She still looks hard, like, imagine me with that haircut.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, I don't want to imagine that. Thanks love, heart,
I had.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
Because I just pitched.

Speaker 4 (03:19):
Remember that time when you put my clip on fringe,
which is blonde For anyone who doesn't know, I am
like almost white blonde hair.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
I have this clip in fringe. I actually have one
in right now. I love it.

Speaker 4 (03:29):
Laura put it on the front of her head, and
because you have brown.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Hair, it looked like a top deckch I also look
like David Bowie.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
I feel like we all have to go through that
phase of life where you have a terrible haircut. I
remember when I just thought that this was the coolest haircut,
and I'm mortified when I see it now. I ended
up with a nickname Lego Man.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
I part so my less I already know what it looks.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
My hair was jet black, like I had the darkest
hair because I used to just died at home and
it was just easier to get. It was called darkest brown,
but it was basically black. And I cut a fringe
that was straight, and then I cut it into a
straight bob. It looks like Lord fark Wood. Yeah, I
looked exactly. I looked like Lord Farquard and it was

(04:13):
terrible and I was like hot, edgy Fashian and everyone
was like, no, Lego Man.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
But also every single person in their younger years has
had a horrifying haircut, Like that's just like a ride
of passage. I also do deeply remember the time when
it was like normal for people in their like early twenties,
late teens to dye their hair.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
I also went through the home dying era. The problem
with home.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Dies back then is that the color was so dense,
Like the color was just dense and heavy, thickest color.
It just yeah, it made your hair look like it
was four D. There was so much color to it.
But I had this one. So I had really long
hair that I could almost sit on.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
When I was little, my mum was so long.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
My mum was so proud about the fact that both
my sister and I had this like long, beautiful hair.
So Mum would never let me get a cut. And
I wanted a bob, like I wanted a bob so bad,
and she was like, it's not happening anyway. She took
me to the hairdresser and she got me a cut,
but it was nowhere near short enough.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
It was only like to my brasstrap.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
And because I had divorced parents and I could play
them off against each other. I then went to my
dad's house the next weekend and I said, oh, Dad,
Mum said I could get my haircut and need to
get a trim, and he's like, oh, okay, yeah, no worries.
Took me into Just Cuts and I sat in the
chair at Just Cuts and my dad was like, oh,
I'm going to go to the fishing shop. I'll come
back in twenty minutes. And I was like, can I
get really short bob? And the woman was like, I

(05:25):
don't know if your dad said that's okay, And I
was like, yeah, so fine, so fait did you?

Speaker 3 (05:29):
I had an undercut.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
I went from hair that I could almost sit on
to having a shaved undercut, and I thought it was
so cool.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
I was like, fucking up, did you undercut?

Speaker 3 (05:40):
Did you?

Speaker 2 (05:40):
Oh? Did you ask for the undercut or was that
an accidental shave?

Speaker 1 (05:45):
I asked for the bob to be so short that
the only way to cut it is to shave up
to the bob, like you have to shave up to
the undercut.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
I remember the time where that was really cool too.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
It's like a fifty year old woman's hairstyle, or maybe
like sixty year old woman's hairstyle.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
I also used to when I or a fourteen.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
Year old boys like it's one of the two. Laura
had a fade.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
I had a fade like Ben, but I was I
was only like fifty. No, yeah, I was younger than that.
I was like, no, that's I was. I was probably
twelve or eleven.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
I also remember before I could dye my hair, I
was allowed to dye my hair. Everyone was dying it
at school and I was like, please warm, and she
was like, you're not dyeing your hair. I was in
year six and my older brothers were allowed to bleach
their hair.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
Oh, that's a bit of a rough lot.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Well, they were older in high school, it was different.
They have short hair. I was in year six and
I had brown hair, and I remember they had some
diet home and I was like, I'll just die a
couple of strands and she won't know. But I had
no idea how it worked. So I got, yeah, you
know how they used to hate the name, but they
used to be called slut strips, like sluts. So I
got these two slut strands of like they were a

(06:46):
centimeter and there was I thought they were so thin,
so I like wound the bleach down them, thinking that
there would be such a subtle sul lit highlight.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Anyway, it was.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
Like two centimeters strips of bleach down the front of
my hair and that seat Mum was like, what the
hell have you done? And I was like, I don't
know how it happened.

Speaker 3 (07:01):
I don't I don't know. It was so bad.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
Oh, guys, I'm sure everyone has a story about their
terrible hair.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
We've all been there.

Speaker 4 (07:09):
I have an update on something that I kind of
accidentally discovered last ask on cut when.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
You guys, I'm trying to think of the question that
you were answering.

Speaker 4 (07:16):
I don't even remember which question it was, but I
remember having this revelation where I kind of interjected and
I was basically I was like, wait, hang on a second,
are you telling me that in a long term relationship,
you guys still make out just for the purpose of
making out, not needing it to go anywhere, not having
it always lead to sex.

Speaker 3 (07:35):
Or like, are you regularly doing this?

Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (07:38):
I just asked Laura. I just said, do you guys
still make out in the kitchennel? No?

Speaker 1 (07:41):
Your exact words were, I can't imagine you two ever
making out, And I was like, we still make.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
Out, yeah, with each of it.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
Sorry, I mean without sex. I mean like, do you
still just walk around and make out, have a session
and then continue on.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Well, sometimes when you've got kids, you can't have the
sex right after, so you make out and then like
a book.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
That was nice. That's not gonna anything, is it? See
you twenty twenty six, we'll finish that off.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
It was kind of for me one of those moments
where I just realized that my reality is very different
to some other people's because I could not tell you
hand on my heart, I couldn't tell you the last
time I made out with my boyfriend when it didn't
lead to sex, and it's crazy.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
I don't know if it's ever happened. I don't think
it's crazy.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
I think there's a lot of people who would share
that similarity, especially after long term relationships, like the makeout
sessions turn into PEX and the makeout sessions turn into
only when it's gonna you know, time for more fun time.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
And then people have sex without even kissing.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Now time for more fun times? What was that sex?
It's okay, I'm a grown up.

Speaker 1 (08:36):
I just have kids and sometimes I forget I'm allowed
to speak like an adult on this podcast.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
So we put a poll up, as you know, we
love to do.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
There were seven thousand people who responded to the poll,
and thirty six percent of people are still making out
in their long term relationship without having it lead to anything.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yes, they're my people.

Speaker 4 (08:55):
I do feel comfort in the fact that not really
it almost always leads to sex. Is at sixty four opposite,
So at least I'm in the majority.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
But I got a couple of messages.

Speaker 4 (09:04):
From people and they were like, why would I make
out with my husband?

Speaker 2 (09:09):
That to me is the problem. That to me is
the problem and so funny.

Speaker 4 (09:14):
I also got a message from Tara Oh, who we've
had on the podcast before You Guys spoke with her
about all things to do with like igniting the spark
and all that kind of thing, and she was like, girlfriend,
you need to be making out. And that was when
I was I was kind of thinking, like, I know,
you gave me homework. I did give you, I know,
but I didn't do it because I felt you were like, because.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
I was so frightened it would lead to set. I
didn't want to give them the wrong impression.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
No, it can't. That was the point.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
It can't lead to sex. You have to go up,
have a makeout and walk away, go go back to work.
The whole point was the challenge Kija wonder.

Speaker 3 (09:42):
I'm sorry, Ma, can you go to a sex club?

Speaker 4 (09:44):
I'm just asking to kiss your So funny because I
was the one that when You Guys spoke with Jessica,
who owns a sex club in Sydney.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
I remember at the time this is years ago, but
I was the one who was like, yeah, okay, I'll go,
like this will.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
Be fun experiment because you won't even kiss your partner.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Come approved, No, you're like I'd rather go to the
sex club. It's my boyfriend, that's the problem.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, we don't want to blarring to hear that it
doesn't it's fine, it's fine. I still ask the question, though,
when does it change? Like when is that pivot in
a long term relationship where you go from you know,
having like just the passionate makeouts to going oh, can't
be bothered?

Speaker 3 (10:19):
Like when does it happen? It happen to a lot
of people. But I think it's a slow burn.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
I actually think it happens to most people at some point, Like,
but I don't know if there's a specific day. I
think it's a slow faded.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
It's a Tuesday, it's once fine summer day.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
I don't think there's a point in time or like
a one year in three years, and I think it
just just happens. Yeah, this is why I'll never live
with my partner, so I'll always make out with him.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
That's such a shame, isn't it? Keep the makeouts alive?

Speaker 5 (10:43):
All right?

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Well, let's get into vibes and unsubscribe before we answer
your questions.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
Britt, what is your.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
Bab My vibe is on Apple TV. If you have
Apple TV. It came out a couple of days ago,
and it's called Number One on the Call Sheet. It's
about the acting industry, it's about Hollywood, but it's a
two part docu series, but it's specifically on black actors
in Hollywood. Episode one is just based around leading Hollywood

(11:08):
Black men, So I'm talking the Rock, Eddie Murphy, Kevin Hart,
Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Jamie Fox, Will Smith, all of
the people that you would associate being with the top
leading men in Hollywood. The second episode is exactly the
same thing, but leading black women. So like the halle Berry,
Viola Davis, will Be Goldberg, Cynthia and Revo Angela Bassett,

(11:30):
you get the gys. So they've basically gone through and
found people that are absolutely killing it in the acting
industry in Hollywood, and they interview them, and they interviewed
them on all of their individual stories about how they
got to where they did, but also the challenges they
faced being black in the industry, what they had to
do to fight for a seat at the table to

(11:51):
be looked at to be a leading person. So number
one on the call sheet, what that actually means is
if you are number one on your acting call sheet.
It means you you are the highest paid actor and
means you are the leading person. So some people don't know,
but you get ranked, so there are you know. Some
of these actors have come out saying I was always
number twelve or thirteen. Sometimes I didn't get a name.

(12:11):
It was like, you know, this man whatever. And it
not only goes through how hard it was, it also
some of them found it really easy. So I think
was Eddie Murphy was saying, I'm in the minority. I
had one audition in my entire.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
Life because it always just got cast.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
For Saturday Night Live, and then it was just the
easiest thing for him. From there, But other people talking
about the struggles and how far we've got to come.
But they also speak a lot about their personal life too,
So The Rock is really honest about why his first
marriage deteriorated. Will Smith talks a lot about where he
went wrong with his daughter Willow Smith.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
Interesting that they've got so many like high flying celebrities
to be a part of it, every.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
Single leading black person basically, so Apple TV number one
on the call sheet. I personally loved it. It's just
two docuseries.

Speaker 3 (12:56):
My vibe this.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
Week is one of I'm actually going to say it,
it's one of the best podcast episodes I have ever
listened to in my entire life.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
It is the recent.

Speaker 4 (13:06):
Episode of Diary of a CEO with Logan Yuri, who
is the behavioral scientist from him.

Speaker 3 (13:10):
She's been on the podcast a bunch of times.

Speaker 4 (13:12):
Very coincidentally, her episode of Cloud came out on Dating
An ADHD last Thursday.

Speaker 3 (13:17):
But was equally the best episode Kesh's ever listen.

Speaker 4 (13:19):
And to show his life episodes of She was on
Chloe Kardashian's podcast the week before Diary the CEO, and
so I was like, Wow, Logan, you're really big guns.
Cloud's the third one, you know, the big one leading
the world.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
We had a first We've spoken to Logan quite a
few times. What makes this the best episode? It was
with Prof g So Scott Galloway.

Speaker 4 (13:39):
You guys have heard me recommend his podcast a couple
of times as well. He's the guy who I spoke
about his podcast because I was like, he's an easy
entry for me to the world of finance, and I
just love the way that the two of them discussed this.
The episode is called Masculinity Debate, Our dating apps, creating
in cells. Lonely men are more dangerous than ever. This

(14:00):
episode is really long, It's nearly two and a half hours.
It is basically a debate between Logan and Scott. However
they agree on most things, but they have so many
incredible statistics to back it up, and like listening to
the episode, yes, it is a little bit alarming about
what is going on in our world at the moment.

(14:21):
This is obviously quite topical because there was a recently
this report published called Lost Boys, and it was basically
all about what's going wrong with the generation of men
that are coming through now and with the boys who
are growing up and adolescence has obviously been the number
one TV show in the world, so this is a
particularly interesting thing, I think for a lot of people
to try and examine the reasons that you know, men

(14:43):
are failing in society and the things that are causing
for them to feel like they don't have a sense
of purpose and why are they finding these internet people
to align with, Why can't they find dates, why can't
they have sex with people? And there was this really
interesting part where Scott was talking about, you know, if
a man doesn't live with a partner or have a
long term relationship by the time they're thirty, there is

(15:04):
a one in three chance that that person will experience
substance abuse issues. And Logan's rebuttal to that was, Okay,
that might be a statistic, but like, it's also not
a woman's role to have to emotionally raise men, so like,
how do we intervene? And I just found it one
of the most interesting and brilliant conversations. They are both
so incredibly intelligent, and I think that this is an episode.

(15:29):
Not only did I feel as though I was like, Wow,
I'm so glad I now know these things, but if
I was a parent of a boy, this is a must.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
It is an absolute must for you to listen to this.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
But also the interesting thing about that as well, in
terms of like men being more inclined if they've reached
thirty and not had a relationship with a woman, I'd
be interested to know what the return statistics are that
are for women who reach thirty and haven't had a
significant relationship with a man. It's like the patriarchy affects
everyone you know negatively, but also I guess it's like

(16:01):
almost that there should be this expectation of not pity,
but like taking care of responsibility for and that just
seems so misplaced.

Speaker 4 (16:09):
Yeah, it's interesting because there are obviously a lot of
problems that are happening with the rise of feminism and
the rights that women have gained, a lot of men
feel as though they don't have a purpose in the
world anymore.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
You know.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
They go through a lot of statistics about when women
earn more, when they're more educated, and like everything is
on the up and up, and Scott is the first
person to say that is brilliant.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
We are not saying that this needs to change, but
we need.

Speaker 4 (16:32):
To adapt other parts of society. How are we creating
connection for men? How are we creating men's groups, How
are we creating a sense of purpose? How are we
redefining what masculinity means?

Speaker 3 (16:43):
How are we going to.

Speaker 4 (16:44):
Fix this problem? Because we've got all of these really
massive issues at the moment, and he's not saying how
are women going to fix it? He's the first person
to say, how are men going to fix this? But
it's something that I think we all kind of need
to be aware of so that we can work out
ways that we are contributing to it. You know, there
were so many statistics about dating and relationships in this

(17:04):
where eighty percent of women will set their filters on
dating apps to be six foot and above, but that's
only fourteen percent of adult men. And so they were
talking about, you know, the top ten percent of men
on dating apps are getting ninety percent of the people.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
Swiping right on the yes.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
You know.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
It was just it was absolutely fat. I mean, that's
the stat that's said in adolescents itself. He was like,
you know, only twenty percent of the I can't remember
exactly what it was, but something around the lines of
like only twenty percent of the men get like eighty
percent of the women or something like that, you know,
which is just I.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Don't know, I think that that's the same On the
other side, I don't know how I feel about the stats,
because we were talking about how to mediocre men have
these ludicrously high standards and get these amazing women, Like
we had this whole conversation about it, not on the podcast,
so don't go back and look for that episode. It
was just a conversation between friends off the back of substack, yeah,
or it was off the back of a substack, was
it was an interesting conversation to have, and maybe it's

(17:57):
something that we do need to unpack more. I want
to listen to that episode and maybe we can all
unpack it because it sounds fascinating. But from what you've said,
like I feel like I have a strong visceral reaction
to some of the things you've said.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Yeah, I think maybe.

Speaker 4 (18:08):
Something that we could potentially unpack on a future episode
is this idea of red pill men. It's a kind
of a term that's being thrown around a bit in
the culture, and it was thrown around in this episode.
And that's why I ended up going and googling it
because I didn't completely understand. But I think we would
all find it quite fascinating. And yeah, like I said,
it's a really long one. It's on YouTube, It's on
wherever you get your podcasts. It's the episode of Diary

(18:30):
of CEO Masculinity.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
Debate with Prof. G Scott Galloway.

Speaker 4 (18:34):
And Logan Yuri, and I cannot recommend it more awesome.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
I have an unsubscribe which comes very infrequently, and it's
something that we've been discussing here.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
I am unsubscribing.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
From April Fools Jokes and The reason why I'm unsubscribing
this year is because I feel like, maybe it's just me,
maybe it's my algorithm, but the increase in influences and
people working in media who have jumped on the April
Fools band, and I just find it a.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Little bit l I hate it.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Sorry to anyone who works in me that I was
not pointed at any specific person.

Speaker 3 (19:07):
I just saw a few of them.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
And I was like, I mean, your husband did do one.

Speaker 3 (19:10):
Yeah, I mean I pointed to him as well. I
was like a man describing my husband.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
Do you know why I didn't like it because I
just feel like it's in a way I don't want
to say lost its meaning, because that's not right. It
still has its meaning. I just don't like that. Yesterday,
by the end of the day, I was so pissed
off that every single thing I saw on every single platform,
whether it was mainstream news, huge brands, small people, influences,
every single thing I saw. There was nothing that I

(19:35):
saw that was real, but I thought it was. And
by the end of the day, I just I was
just say angry. I was like, I'm just sick of
the internet.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
Today.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
See, I felt kind of different because I had seen
so many, and I instantly knew so many of them
were April Fools jokes, and maybe because we'd spoken about
it in the morning, so I was very.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
Conscious that it was April Fools.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
I just stopped engaging with social media that day because
I was like, I'm not going to believe anything anything
that seemed like slightly exceptional or was like an announcement
or was a breakup post or Most of them are
harmless and I don't have like any strong feelings. They're
just kind of a bit annoying. I'm like, ahah, here
we go again, another one.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
But there were a couple that I saw.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
One in particular, she is an influencer but also an
incredible entrepreneur who I follow online based out of America,
and she is I don't want to give the handle
away because I don't want to like start more of
a pilongs that's already happening. But basically, she's a real
advocate in the space for being childless by choice. Her
and her husband talk about it all the time, that
they've made really considered decisions around not wanting to have kids.

(20:30):
She's very vocal in that space, and then posted about
how her and her husband were having a baby, and
a few people in the comments were obviously like, is
this April Fools. A lot of people were congratulating, And
then I'd seen it and thought, if that's an April
Fool's stroke, that's a really bad one. Like that's like
one thing or one of many things you just don't
joke about. And she posted a photo of herself with

(20:52):
the caption saying I fucked up, and it set it
on the picture as well, and she was like, look,
you know, for so many years I've been asked around
whether I am or I'm not going to have children,
people of so publicly and quiet into my life and
my choices around around having kids, and I just never
thought that the alternate was that there are so many
women who want children and can't have them, and so
making a joke out of this would be tone deaf.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
And I was just kind.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
Of in my like when I saw this, I was like, Okay,
appreciate the responsibility. Like it's so great that people acknowledge
that sometimes April Fool's jokes are not funny because they're
not punching across they're just punching down on people.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
I was like aren't we past the point where.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
Things like this could even be thought of as being
a good idea for an April Fool's joke.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
It does seem weird in twenty twenty five that we're
still doing the pregnancy jokes. Like maybe it's just been
the algorithms that we've watched over the years. There's been
many people the last five six years that have made
the mistake of doing that April Fool's joke, have learned
the dead lesson, and I felt like that was really public.
I felt like by the time, how open we are
with the pregnancy discussions or the infertility discussions. And I

(21:52):
don't say weez in US, I see weez in a
society and online. You'd think people would have learned by
now that there are like a few no go zones
for April fools and that is absolutely like up there
with the top of them.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yeah, obviously brands are all jumping on board. It's definitely
a big influencer thing at the moment. People have social
media profiles. I saw the increase this year than last
year and years in the past, and I think that,
you know, next year, it's going to be something that
we see more and more of I just don't find
them particularly amusing. And maybe I'm on my own on that.
I'm happy to be a gringe, but I just kind
of was like, I'm bored by this.

Speaker 4 (22:23):
I completely agree, and I think that as technology advances
with AI and the ability to create something that looks
super real, they're going to get more and more extreme and.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
They're going to look more and more real.

Speaker 4 (22:34):
And like, I know that I'm probably taking this a
little bit too seriously, but for me looking at social
media yesterday and how believable some of the things were,
it was that reminder to myself that I'm like, wow,
we actually can be fed so much bullshit, deceived and
not so easily. Some brands did it, and the jokes
were funny, you know. I saw Shopo created a glow
in the dark dress for your friend that you always

(22:55):
lose in the club so that you'll be able to
find them.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
That's funny.

Speaker 4 (22:57):
It's Hilaire, in line with what they do. It doesn't
hurt anybody, like say, and.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
It's very much like you said, I think the big
part of that is it's in line with the brand.
It's when people do things that's really rogue and outside
of like what their core values are.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
Or believable, like really believable in the wrong way.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Yeah, and then turn around and go psych that's not
us anyway. It's like, but why for what point? I
like that one because I think it's very much in line.
But yeah, I'm just not an April Fools person the end.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
All right, Well, let's get into the questions question number one.
I've freshly started dating again, but after being treated pretty
poorly in my last relationship, I'm unfortunately a bit scared
and always preemptively looking for reasons why a relationship won't
work out, sometimes before we even have a first date.
That my friend is called self sabotage. One thing I

(23:41):
find really strange is men who have quite public profiles
on social media and are very into creating and curating
photos and content. It's weird because the traits I am
attracted to, which is like motivated, inspired, outgoing active, tend
to be the kind who posts a lot on social media.
So it does feel like some thing I might need
to get over. But I wonder how Laura found navigating

(24:04):
her relationship in the public eye at first, and if
she ever felt the ick from any of Matt's posts
when they originally started dating. Basically, she's saying she's got
the ick from men that she's dating that are like
influences that are like, hey, can you take this photo
of me here? And I'm going to do this and
I'm going to look away, and like the very curated
Instagram influencer photos is what's giving her the ear.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
Yeah, I guess, well, firstly, I don't think Matt's Instagram
is particularly curated, Like he's not really the type of
person that's posting hot photos. If anything, it's like dumb,
funny content. But he's had a real transition in his
content because when we first started dating, he was more
of your traditional influencer. I guess we're both trying to
figure out, like what was Instagram to us as people
who had never used it before but now had a

(24:46):
social media following. And I think it's an interesting one
because I feel like social media we are very gendered
with it, and it's exactly I think that this is
point and case an affirmation of that we're okay with
women doing it, but we don't like men doing it.
With women being influencers, we find it weird when mental
influencers we don't quite understand. And I don't mean this
just as in like women having that perspective of men

(25:08):
who post, men also have that perspective of other men
who post. And I honestly couldn't tell you the amount
of times where like we've left a party or a
dinner or Matt meeting new people and he's been like,
it's so hard for me to explain to people what
I do for a job, and so I always just
fall back on the podcast and say, oh, I have
a podcast, Go.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
Two dotting dads.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
You know, he doesn't make his majority income through the podcast.
He makes his majority income as a content creator working
alongside brands. But most people, especially other men, don't understand.
They cannot wrap their head around a man doing that
for an income. And I think it's because traditionally the
world of social media has been very much reserved for

(25:47):
women and how we use it.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
Did he give me the ick? No, he doesn't give
me the ick at all.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
I actually think it's incredibly creative how he's able to
use it. He doesn't care about like what people say
in and if anything, he has very funny come back
and witty responses to things when people write stuff that's
quite mean, Matt never retaliates in a way that has venom.
He always retaliates in a way that's very, very self
deprecating and really joking. And I think that that's such

(26:13):
a beautiful quality because sometimes I react in a way
that's like, hey, screw you, how dare you say that?
But I think that this is something that you should
get over. I mean, obviously there's a limit to it.
There's some people that post every single part of their
lives and they post things that are just incredibly cringe.
We've all seen the person who's hogged at the sunset.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
Maybe you've been on holidays a sunset no, I mean this.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
I remember being on holidays in Bali, sitting in a
nice restaurant and this one couple just took four hundred
photos of themselves literally blocking everybody else's beautiful view of
the sunset because they were taking social media content.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
And I was like, that is I mean, it's so annoying.
That is annoying. I want to take away for that
would give me the oic.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
Yeah, taking away from the fact firstly that the that
you're getting these content creation is an ick whatever it is.
If you get an ick from something it's pretty hard
to get over. So your ick is a guy that
creates too much content. Firstly, if you can get over that, great,
If you can't, don't date someone that is in content creation.

(27:14):
That's what I want to say, but that I do
feel you in a way, so and I say that
because sometimes you can't help it. But I remember and
I know that you guys, remember I was dating this
guy a couple of years ago, very briefly.

Speaker 5 (27:26):
His content was cringe, but it was like, hang on
even talking about the same person are but he was great,
but he was very He definitely had this life on
social media that he was trying to present himself a
certain way, which is I don't have a problem with it,
but I had the problem with how much it meant
to him.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
But when I say how much it meant to him,
it's because it was things like I remember he would
do really nice, lovely things for me, which was great,
and he was a really nice person. But then and
I'll use the example of like he sent me this beautiful,
big bunch of flowers and it was lovely, and then
he came over and he was like, do you love them?
And I was like, I love them? So much. They
are stunning. It was something like a hundred like it
was one hundred roses or something.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
It was huge.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
It would have cost him a lot. We hung out
for a couple of hours and then he was like,
are you going to post that? And that was the
moment literally, and I don't even know if he remembers it,
but that was the moment in me where I was like, Oh,
your life isn't real, Like you didn't actually want to
give me those because you want to give me them.
You wanted to make a moment that you could post

(28:25):
on social media. And that was the moment where I
was like, Okay, cool, we have very different ideas around
our lives and our private lives.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
And you're like, and I'm also not ready to go
public with you, so no.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
And I was like and I was like, I was like, yeah,
I might post some Yeah.

Speaker 4 (28:38):
Do you know what this reminds me though, of that
really good quote. There's a big difference between doing things
in your life and posting it on social media versus
doing things in your life so that you.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
Can post it on social media. Yeah, really really different intention.

Speaker 4 (28:51):
And I think that's why you were like, Oh, the
intention here is really different.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
I think it comes down to authenticity though, right, Like,
if you meet a guy and he's super out, goal
and he's you know, motivated, inspired, active, all these things
that you mentioned that you like in someone and he
posts on social media, if is his authentic version. I
hate that word, but it's true. If he's authentically himself
on social media and also is the same person in
real life, then I don't think you'll get the ick

(29:18):
because I think that you'll be like, oh, it's so
congruent with the person he is that it's kind of
just like an extension of his personality. But if he's
posting things and you look at it and you're like,
oh my god, you're a fucking try hard, like, that's
a very different perception. My only thing I do want
to say is is like, it's so obvious that you're
trying to pick apart and look for things that you
don't like in someone. You even said, unfortunately, I'm a

(29:39):
bit scared and always premptively looking for reasons why relationship
won't work out, even before the first date. I do
think that that's something that you probably have to recognize
in yourself, and if you're getting the dick too, easily. Yes,
it's easy for us to say, well, when you got
the ick, you got the ick, but you can't get
the ick about everything and you do have to work
on that. If that's the case, and power through it,
I think totally.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
But I also think it comes down to in these situations,
like how much does it take over their life? Are
you going somewhere and he's like, Hey, this looks like
it'd be a great post. Can you get a picture
of me there? You get the picture and it's done.
You get a picture of the food and it's done.
Or is he the four hundred person at the sunset?
But is he the person that.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
Like the sunset hog? I would get the ick.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
One hundred percent if my partner was like, you take
some photos of me here then came over and was like,
oh take them better, goes back, goes back. If this
was going on for forty five minutes, I'd be like,
this isn't the life I want to live. But if
he's happy to get his content and be like this
is this would be cool. Let's make a great post.
Let's do this and then it's done, And then he
doesn't sit there and look at his phone and edit
his photos and edit the videos over dinner, and if
it's not consuming his whole life, then yeah, get over it.

Speaker 1 (30:40):
But if it is, it's interesting, isn't it, though, Because
like that's what a lot of women do, Like a
lot of women do that for their social media profile.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
One hundred percent. But I wouldn't want to be in
a relationship with that woman either. So if you're both
two content creators that want to go take your photos
and videos and then sit down at dinner and edit together,
there's nothing wrong with that, but you both have to
just be on board with it.

Speaker 4 (30:58):
I think I'm a hypocrite with this because my boyfriend
hasn't posted on Instagram since like twenty twenty one or
something that's hot, and I've this is whenever I say
that to people, like to other women, to other girls,
they're like, oh, that's such a green flag, and I agree.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
And yet I'm here being like.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
Post post post post post, post, my upfits, post everything.
And I realize that it's hypocritical because I have different
standards for what I want in a partner.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
To what I actually put out. But I will.

Speaker 4 (31:25):
Admit it really was something that made me attracted to
him because I was like cool, you don't care about that,
you don't feel the need to get validation through people
on Instagram like must be nice?

Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yeah, I mean you did ask one more question, and
this is does having an Instagram slash TikTok presence imply
anything about someone that I should avoid?

Speaker 3 (31:43):
I don't think so.

Speaker 5 (31:44):
No.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
I think a lot of people use social media now
for many many reasons. I think what we've established is
that it's how they engage with their social media. I
don't think that someone having you know, a following or
posting what they're doing in their day, so long as
it doesn't consume their life is a big deal. The
only time when I would disagree with that is when
it is their job. So like for Matt, it is

(32:06):
his job. He spends a lot of time creating content
for social media, but he gets paid to do so.
And so at the same way that a lot of
people spend time at their physical work working at nine
to five, he has allocated time for writing content, coming
up with skits, filming skits, like he has designated work
hours that he does that for And so I can't

(32:26):
turn around and be like, oh god, he spends so
much time on social media I'm like, it's his.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
Job, but it also doesn't imply anything. Having an Instagram
and a TikTok that's literally every single person. It's almost
a red flag. If someone doesn't, you're like, what are
you hiding?

Speaker 3 (32:37):
I don't know what do you got?

Speaker 2 (32:38):
But like, having someone that has social media is absolutely
not a red flag because it's every person. You're a
minority if you don't have it.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
Yeah, I agree, I agree, all right. Question two. I've
been with my husband for three years.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
A couple of years ago, he opened up to me
about enjoying prostate stimulation and told me he never told
anyone or done it with any partner before. He said
he wasn't comfortable doing it with me at the time. Now,
a little while later, he told me he decided that
he was ready to give it a crack.

Speaker 3 (33:06):
I was crack. He was ready for me to put
it up the crack.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
I was really happy that he felt comfortable and was
really open to doing anything that made sex even better
for him. He said he'd like to go to a
sex shop to buy a toy, but I didn't push that.
Last night, when we were having sex, he suddenly brought
out quite a large dildo. I'm talking like six inches
and a replica of a penis and balls. I was
quite taken aback as there wasn't much warning, but I

(33:34):
was still okay with him to use it while we
had sex. Afterwards, he told me he went by himself
to buy it a couple of weeks ago because he
felt more comfortable going into a sex shop without me,
and he was open about trying it out a couple
of times by himself first. There is a lot I'd
like to ask him about, like why would he select
a dildo that is really phallic as opposed to like

(33:56):
an anal plug or just a plain dildo. But even
asking him about when he bought it made him really shy,
and I don't want to undo any of the progress
he's made to do something that I imagine would have been
difficult for him. What would you do in this situation?

Speaker 2 (34:12):
I don't think this situation has to be a big
deal at all. Obviously he's quite shy and reserved, but
he's come out to you saying like, hey, I want
to try something new, which I think is great. He
has been open about the fact that he felt more
comfortable buying it on his own he's tried out in
his own I also think that he is okay, like
it's okay for people to masturbate and do what they
want in private, and maybe he wanted to make sure

(34:34):
he liked it before he introduced it to you and
had further conversations. Would I personally find it strange if
my partner not wanted to try butt stuff, that's fine.
But if my partner wanted to try it with a
replica of a penis as opposed like a big six
inch as opposed to starting with the butt plugs and
smaller things, would I have questions? Absolutely? But it doesn't

(34:55):
have to be negative questions, and it doesn't have to
be like accusatory. It's just a conversation. And you said
you're curious. He's your husband. You can have those conversations.
I'd just be saying, why did you go for this?
Have you ever tried butt plugs first? Have you other
other things you want to try in this situation, Even
if he's shy, that's not a reason to not have
a conversation. You're married to the guy that has gone

(35:17):
out and bought a six inch dick with balls. It's
okay to ask, like it's okay. I don't think it's like,
I fully agree.

Speaker 1 (35:24):
I also think it's not an indicator of something to
be worried about, because, like, I think a lot of
people listening or like the reading between the lines is like, oh, like,
does that indicate that maybe he's bisexual, or that he
likes you know, that he's maybe wanting to do other things.
I think he just likes butt play, and he probably
I mean, who knows. Maybe it's a fetish, maybe it's
something that he finds super attractive.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
Obviously he does. I think it's okay to ask questions.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
I think it's okay to be like, hey, it does
feel a little bit like we went from zero to
one hundred. Is there any sort of like, you know one,
what do you like?

Speaker 3 (35:56):
What don't you like?

Speaker 1 (35:57):
Is there a specific reason why this is more referred
for you or feels better for you? I think you
can have those conversations, because, like, if he's been comfortable
enough to bring it to you, if he's been comfortable
enough to try it and to talk about trying it,
it does sound like he's been pretty damn open with you,
and so as much as like you don't want to
make him shy. There probably are questions that you feel
a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask as well, because

(36:19):
it does sound like he is being really open and honest.
And I keep coming back to it, is that is
this like fear that she must be feeling around like, well,
where did this come from? And I guess like maybe
ask yourself. Yes, you might have curiosities around some of
the questions that you want to ask, But what are
you going to do with the answers or the outcome?
Like if he's like, oh, yeah, I've been using butt
plugs for the last five years, what difference is that

(36:40):
going to make to you?

Speaker 3 (36:40):
Like is that going to make you upset? Is that
going to make you feel validated?

Speaker 2 (36:44):
Like?

Speaker 3 (36:44):
What will that do?

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Because I mean, even if he has or he hasn't been,
I feel like, now you know that that's something he
wants to incorporate into his sex life, Like is it
a big deal for you? And I guess like, only
you can answer that question.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
I don't think it has to be a big deal.
I think it's just important to know if three years
in the relationship, currently being pleasuring himself in a way
that you had no idea about it's just information. Information
is knowledge and power. And for me, he has told
you that he enjoys it. It's not abnormal for a
man to enjoy the prostate stimulation, like that's that is
very enjoyable.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
Fine, Yeah, And I don't think it's that. I think
that it's the reaction to the object he's chosen. I
think that's like, yeah, I think it's like, Okay, of
all the things that you could choose if you're into
butt play, there is something that probably for her feels
a bit intimidating by it being a replica of a penis. Yeah,
and there is far more implications in that that probably
makes her be like, Okay, is this a conversation we

(37:38):
need to have?

Speaker 3 (37:39):
And that's where I feel like this question is circling.

Speaker 4 (37:42):
Do you think it also could be that because it
does seem like quite a jump. I think naturally you
would have a bit of a question of like, Okay,
well I didn't I didn't know about any of the
steps that kind of happened in between here, So is
there other things that I.

Speaker 3 (37:57):
Don't know about totally?

Speaker 4 (37:59):
You know, like, and I don't think that I don't
think you've been at all judgmental. I don't think that
having that as a natural curiosity is a particularly judgmental thing.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
I think it's just.

Speaker 4 (38:08):
Quite a normal feeling to be like, oh, I've just
found out this thing that I feel like is quite
far down the line in terms of this compared to
where I thought things were. Maybe there's other things I
don't know about, so maybe asking those questions actually will
validate you in a sense where it's just like, Okay,
now I feel a little bit more like there's less
question marks around other things. And I'm not implying that

(38:30):
he's been doing anything dodgy. It's just I can understand
why you would feel a little bit confronted. I also
think that if we flipped this and let's say, like
a lot of women like to incorporate vibrates into the bedroom,
but if you had said, in a while, I would
like to incorporate a vibrator or something like that, and
then all of a sudden, you turned up, however, far
in the future, and you had a twelve inch vibrating.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Huge phallic object that would probably.

Speaker 4 (38:55):
Be intimidating to the other partner, you know, Like, I
think that it's it's also based off of the type
of toy. And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong
with that. If that's what you want to do, that's fine,
And we wouldn't judge the fact that maybe you'd use
smaller vibrators on yourself. But I think that we have
to be reasonable about how to we get from ada Z. Yeah,
and like what we're expecting the partner to react, you know,
Like I would find that a bit of like a

(39:16):
oh okay, I just feel like I've gone from being
you know, in year one to being in year twelve.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
That's going from year one to pegging him like a ten. Yeah,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (39:24):
Like, I think the advancement of it is what would
probably put me on the back foot a little bit,
like wow, okay, this kind of came out of nowhere.

Speaker 3 (39:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
It's definitely the size and the phallicness when there were
other choices. That's the thing that's taken by the surprise.
She's known for years, three years that he likes butt play.
He's always said that, but he never wanted to bring
it in. So I think she probably assumed butt play
was a butt plug or something smaller. So when a big,
giant penis came out.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
She was like, just wasn't expecting it.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
So I think it's one hundred percent okay for you
to be like, hey, just wasn't expecting it. Let's chat
about it, like that's that's so fine, but let us.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
Know that after my FID, I know I need to know.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Okay, next quest I need to know, is this the
biggest of toys that he whipped out first?

Speaker 3 (40:01):
Imagine if there's more.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
That's him starting smaller, if he started.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
From the bottom he was like I did start. He's like,
I did start little. That's my smallest one. All right?

Speaker 2 (40:10):
How much should I take into account my partner's parents
in my relationship. I love my partner and I feel
like he is the one, but I'm concerned about his father,
who is very close with and we see often. My
partner's father is a misogynist, constantly making derogatory comments about women.
He supports Trump, he says things about being homophobic, and
he comments on people's bodies and wait quite a lot.

(40:31):
This is particularly triggering for me as I have struggled
with an eating disorder in the past. My partner doesn't
make these comments, but when his dad says these things,
he also doesn't respond, and that's what bothers me. He
never brings it up with me afterwards either, So I'm
worried my partner might have similar views deep down because
that's how he's been raised. But I'm scared to bring
it up because he is so close to his dad.

(40:53):
They're a big Greek family. I don't want to be offensive.
Am I overthinking it? What should I do? What would
you do?

Speaker 1 (40:59):
This is a tricky one because I mean, obviously you
don't want to just rule out your boyfriend because his
parent is problematic. But I think it's important to have
conversations with your boyfriend to figure out if his views
are the same, because then that will be a really
key sign and a key indicator. I think there are
a lot of people that are close to their parents,
but they don't necessarily agree with their parents, or agree

(41:19):
with the things and the political views or the perspectives
of their parents, even though they can love them and
have a good relationship with them. So for me, if
I was in this situation, I think the very first
thing I would do would be to have conversations with
him to really drill down. Okay, well, what is it
that you think of women? What is it that you
think of racism?

Speaker 3 (41:36):
What is it like?

Speaker 1 (41:36):
Where do our values align? And it sounds like you
actually aren't sure yet whether your values and your boyfriend's
values are aligned. I don't know how long you've been
dating for. It may be an early relationship and he
might still be on best behavior with you because he
might be trying to present himself as a version of
himself that you will like. So that's why it's so

(41:58):
important to have these conversations, especially after his dad has
done things and said things and shown a version that
you just don't like and don't accept. Definitely, don't think
that you should rule out being in a relationship with
someone just because their parents sucks, you know, because we're
not always a direct reflection about parents.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
I think you're overthinking, you've said them overthinking. You're absolutely
overthinking whether you can have this chat to him about it.
That's the number one thing you should chat about. If
his dad says something horrific or derogatory or homophobic at
the dinner table, you go home and you say, hey,
what did you think when your dad said this? What
do you think about that? That is an absolutely baseline
normal discussion for me, and I think if you're worried

(42:35):
about being offensive, which you have said, then that's not
the relationship for you, because I wouldn't be in a
relationship if my partner's family were making racist, homophobic jokes
constantly and my partner agreed with those. You don't have
to have a partner that goes up against his family.
That is fine, but you need to know where he stands,
like you don't want to cause a rift where he

(42:57):
has to sit there and fight them at the dinner table.
It might be something he's been battling for a long time.
He knows he's going to disagree with them, so they
just let it slide. That's fine, but you have to
make sure that you align on those views or the
relationship isn't going to go anywhere you've said you think
he's the one, You can't know he's the one if
you haven't had the conversation, if your morals aligned yet.
I truly believe that.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Yeah, And I also think I know you say you
don't want to make anything uncomfortable. I actually would question,
and maybe it would be good to like have a
little think about it. I question whether it's about making
things uncomfortable or whether you're worried about getting an answer
you don't like because that's a very different response. Right,
So are you scared to bring this up in case
your partner says, oh, you're overreacting. Dad's great, Like, there's

(43:38):
nothing what he said is fine, because that means you
have to do something. That means you have to actually
consider that maybe your values don't align. So that's going
to be real uncomfortable for everyone because you'll have to
take action. I really, and this is not just for
this question. This is for everyone, Like, don't avoid hard
conversations that are going to get you to your end

(43:58):
destination faster, because it's either going to mean your relationship
is rock solid and you know that they're the one,
you don't just think that they're the one, or it's
going to show you that actually your values are not
aligned and you're wasting time with someone who in five years,
six years time, you're going to realize is misogynistic, supports
people that you don't support, thinks it's okay to make

(44:18):
jokes about people's bodies and weights when that's something that's
really struggled and has been like really triggering for you.
Like there's so many parts of this that I think
like finding out sooner rather than later is really important.
The other thing, though, is if your partner knows that
eating disorders and conversations around weight is something that is
triggering for you, if you've had that conversation with him,

(44:39):
then I do think that that is something he probably
should stand up to his dad about and not in
front of you, but just say hey, dad, like, this
is a really tricky thing for if you can be
a bit more sensitive about way because it's something that's
been like a really really hard thing in her life.
That is a considered response of a partner who cares
about your feelings. And I think, you know, don't write
off the relationship until you know, but don't be fearful
of asking the questions that will allow you to really

(45:01):
understand and get closer to your partner. I think it's
really important. Okay, next question, how soon is too soon?
I came out of a six year relationship with my ex.
We ended on good terms as it was a mutually
agreed thing and things weren't working out.

Speaker 3 (45:15):
He is definitely more upset.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
About it than I am, though I've known for over
a year that we should end it, but was holding
on hope that things would improve. Now, one month on
from our breakup, I met someone who I've instantly clicked
with and I get the feeling he is the one.
But is it too soon? Should I take more time
to heal and move on? I was not expecting to
find someone so soon, and I met this guy completely

(45:37):
by accident. I had no intention of seeing anyone so soon.
No one ever felt so perfect for me, though. But
I'm really worried it's happening so fast after my breakup.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
It's way too soon.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
You never know. Bullshit? You know what I say?

Speaker 2 (45:52):
It is not too soon to date. No, that's fine.
You can date the week after, especially like when you've
checked out this relationship earlier. But after six years with someone,
you've just met someone and one month in you're saying
that they're the one. That is too soon? And now
it is someone that has fallen in love with someone
over a weekend. I will say that I didn't say
he was but I didn't say he was the one

(46:13):
after a week and I didn't come out of a
six year relationship. There are definitely some feelings that you
may not have processed after a six year relationship. YEA
and quite often. We can hold on to something very
quickly when it feels amazing. This would feel amazing. It's
something new after being with someone for six years, it's
something new.

Speaker 3 (46:32):
It's so early.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
There's chemistry, there's attraction, there's things that are going to
feel I imagine your last relationship the last few years
probably felt a little bit dead, dry and boring. You
checked out. It was long term. This is going to
feel amazing. People are on their best behavior on the
first month, definitely the honeymoon stage. Chemistry can lie. We
know that go forth date this person if you want to,

(46:57):
but don't go and date them with intention that they're
going to be the one. That's what I would say now,
I would just not lock yourself into something too soon.
I definitely would try and hook up with some other
people in the interim, just to like get some stuff
out of your system in case this person is the
one and then you're locked down for the rest of
your life.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
I just think, slow it down, you've said, as it
moving too fast. Yes, pump the brakes, pump the breaks.
You're in control of the speed of their You can
go on one day to week, or one day to
fortnite or you know, I think it's very easy when
you spent six years with someone and then not be
alone at all, to instantly replace them with someone else.
Like it's almost the definition of monkey branching, just straight

(47:33):
into the next exciting, big thing that comes along.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
Is it common? I mean a lot of people know
a lot of.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
People monkey branch, and in my experience, it doesn't work
out well. It's very exciting for a short period of time,
and then you know you haven't resolved or fixed the
things that you wanted to fix or the you know,
even necessarily figured.

Speaker 3 (47:49):
Out what's the right type of person for you.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
And you've just done six years in a relationship with
someone who ended up not being the right person for you.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
That's a really long time.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
And it's been four weeks, yeah, twenty eight days.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
I was twenty eight days.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
Yeah, I would say, And you've only been broken up
for four weeks, which means you didn't meet him, you
haven't even known him for four weeks. I would say,
if you're having feelings of like this person could be
the one to me, that's an alarm bell and that's
a red flag. That's not an indicator that this is
necessarily a good idea. I'm not saying don't explore it.
It's really hard to deny those excitement and the butterflies

(48:26):
and everything else when you met someone new. Absolutely explore it,
but explore it with your eyes wide open to what
it could be.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
And also just slow it down.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
You don't need to go straight into a full time relationship,
which is something that we can often be guilty of
doing when we've come out of a full on relationship
because we only know how to operate in full monogamy
and commitment. That's not how you have to be now.
You don't know this person, you don't owe them anything.
You can just calm it. I also get down to
the dating level, not to the instant relationship level, the

(48:57):
one level.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
Yeah, to the one level. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
I also think if you have said quote should I
take more time to move on, that means that you
haven't moved on yet. So the answer is yes, you
don't need to be fully moved on and heal to date,
not just to go out and enjoy it, to hook up,
have sex, have situationships.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
You can.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
I believe you can do that simultaneously. Sometimes it helps
you to move on. But I think trying to get
into a relationship with someone a couple of weeks after
that you think is the one. If you haven't healed
and moved on, that is a recipe for disaster. I
do think you need to be ready for a proper
relationship with somebody that you think is going to be
your person forever.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
Don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
I know that there are people who have gotten out
of a relationship, met someone really soon, and then they're
with them for forever.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
Like I mean, to be fair, I think my sister
is kind of a version of that.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
Of course, it happened, and it happens, and this could
be the case, but it's going to be the case
regardless of speed, Like it'll be the case even if
you slow things down or don't slow things down. I
just think, like, give yourself some buffer so that you're
not going headfirst into some and then getting so deep
and so caught up in the emotion of it that
you can't make sensible decisions. And also, it's not like

(50:07):
you owe your ex partner anything. I know that you
guys are obviously separated. You can do whatever you want,
but like do it with some kindness, you know, Like
I don't know, I do think that there is a
kind way of navigating post breakup, and then there's a
really selfish and hurtful way of navigating post breakup. And
I think like flaunting a new relationship four weeks after

(50:27):
a six year, long term, committed relationship would be incredibly hurtful,
and so I would say, do it all with kindness.
You don't have to do that for forever. But like
this is, you're in like the red hot zone post breakup.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
You can't have been with him more than two or
three weeks because there's only been a month since you
broke up then you met him.

Speaker 3 (50:45):
Unless he was the reason that the breakup actually kept year.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
I wasn't expecting to find someone so soon after I
met him completely by accent you just to say, no
one ever felt so perfect for me. You truly, I
just don't care what anyone's says. It is impossible to
know someone wholeheartedly after two weeks. They're just not their
honest version of themselves. That's not to say he is
not the most incredible person, but you haven't gone through

(51:11):
the process yet. You haven't seen how they argue. You
haven't seen how they are with their family. You probably
haven't got the bottom of to their morals or seen
how they treat other people in their life. There are
so many things that you don't know about a person.
You can know enough to know the feeling is good
and you're like, oh, there could definitely be something here,
but I do reckon that you need to slow it down.
Continue to date him for sure. Like the feeling is there,

(51:32):
that is absolutely fine, but just do it without the
pressure and the expectation of him being the one.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
Just go forth with caution, everybody. And that's it from us, guys.
That's asking Cut.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
If you have any questions to asking Cut for next week,
slide on into the dms at Life on Cut podcasts
on our Instagram. Go and follow the instagram page as well,
and also you can join the discussion group on Facebook.

Speaker 2 (51:52):
And also I'm going to Italy to see Bann in
two days time. Whoo.

Speaker 3 (51:55):
How excited are you?

Speaker 5 (51:56):
Yep?

Speaker 2 (51:56):
So next time you hear from me, guys, I'm middle
b Os week for the updates.

Speaker 3 (52:01):
Brittany and Italy is coming here next week anyway, guys.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
That's it. Mask to you, Mum, to your dad, to you, DOT,
to your friends and she the love because we love
love

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