April 10, 2024 • 49 mins
Hey Lifers,
Welcome back to your weekly therapy session where we unpack your deep, burning questions!
Vibes for the week:
Keeshia: (follow up from last week is that if you already pay for Spotify, you can listen to a bunch of audiobooks for free!)
Plus the podcast Modern Wisdom with Matthew Hussey - Why Is Love So Hard To Find In The Modern World
Laura: One Day on Netflix
Then we get into your questions!
- My husband and I have two kids. I would happily have another but he doesn't want another. I've become comfortable with this being our family unit. As such, I have broached the conversation of him having a vasectomy because I don't feel as though I should be responsible for contraception given that he is the one who has made this decision. He has completely taken the idea of a vasectomy off the table and said that he will not have one. Although I feel he should have bodily autonomy, I think it is an unfair expectation that he won't have one when I have already given birth to our two children.
- I was house/pet sitting while the owners were away on holidays. I just discovered an indoor camera in the kitchen / living area - after having a very hot sex with my partner pretty much right in front of it! I have also been walking around naked or just undies when it’s hot. I did ask the owners about cameras/security before agreeing to the house sit and they only informed me about a front door security camera. What do I do now?? Do I ask them about it or should I just ignore it and pray that the camera wasn’t recording, nobody saw anything and they don’t have first class porn stored somewhere on their cloud?
-
Do you think sexual chemistry can grow? I met up with a guy from Hinge, had a great chat, lots of laughs and things in common but couldn’t picture myself kissing him. I usually rely on it from the get go but I’m trying to date guys I wouldn’t usually initially pick since the guys that I do feel instant chemistry with haven’t worked out.
- My boyfriend just told me that when he was at his best friend's house the other night he lost track of the odds and had to drink his bestie's baby mama's breast milk. We don’t have kids yet and I always thought mine would be the only breast milk he tried. Idk how to feel about it. I'm kinda grossed out and feel upset that he tried another woman's breast milk but don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. He also thinks it’s fine cos it’s the same as drinking female cow milk.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Drug Wallamata Land.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Laura.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I produce a Keisha feeling in for it while she's
in the African jungle.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I do want to say something.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
We were talking about it the other week and then
we kind of forgot about it. You call yourself producer, Keisha.
There's someone in our reviews, Like when you go onto
Apple podcasts and you go into like the deep reviews.
Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. You take the good
with the bad. You know, while we're.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Here, it'd be really nice if you left a nice one. Yeah, guys,
it's just been me and Keish for so long. Jump on.
Let us know what you're thinking. We would love even
if you left a review in the past.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
If you've been enjoying the episodes, please go review it updates.
But we had one recently and I really appreciated it
because I also appreciate how much the lifeers have your
back Keish like they love you and we love you.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
And one of the.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Comments was this is getting disrespectful, like why are we
still calling her producer Keisha? Surely she is just Keisha
by now. Also they' spelled Keisha wrong, which you know
what I was like, I.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Don't blame I don't blame anyone for that because my
name is felt in such a stupid way, Like what
the fuck were my parents thinking? I will blame them
for that until the day I died. There's an eye
where it shouldn't be. But I do want to make
it clear. I'm not holding a gun to your head.
You can say whatever you want right now. If you
hate it, I will stop. If you just want to
be Kishia, I will do that for you.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
All of the like all of the versions of what
I could be called, I find it particularly descriptive.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
And I started to be fair. I am the.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Producer of this podcast, or I'm one of the producers
of this podcast, and it doesn't bother me.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
When you say you're who else is the producer video?
We have video producer.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Sorry, in terms of like executive producer, that's you.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Boy, Hey guys, it's executive for us, and then you'll
start receiving reviews that you're a wangka, So which one's better?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
No, I don't have a problem with it is my
overarching thing.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
And before I worked in podcasting, I worked in radio
and I was called much much one.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Like what I think.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
One of the worst ones I ever got was like,
Keisha just sounds like the girl that you want to shut.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Up at the group dinner table. Oh that's really mean.
I mean it's probably fair.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Sometimes we do have that friend though everyone has that friend.
We're like, ask me a question now, Yeah, don't worry,
I'm medicated now. Oh dear, Okay, guys, this is a
very important episode because as of Wednesday night, so we're
recording this Wednesday morning, but as of Wednesday night in
the Jungle, one celebrity is going home per episode. So
(02:51):
it's like we're at the crunch time. It matters now.
You need to be voting every single day. If you
haven't yet, if you've been thinking about it, you're like, oh,
just do it later on because you know, now's the time.
Sign up to ten play, put in your ten votes.
Brittany Hockley, Queen of the Jungle, we need to keep
it there for as long as possible. But it's going
to go really fast now because I think there's only
like maybe two weeks left or two and a half
(03:14):
weeks left of the whole jungle experience, and those celebrities
are gonna get yeateed out so fast if one's going
home at night.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I want to be.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Very vocal about how proud I was of brit for
the ice bath child. I mean, not actually nath chand
it was some tub that was really cold. It was
essentially a prolonged ice bath. She did so well, so
so so well. But I've really been encouraging brit to
do ice.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Bars with me.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
She's done two with me right now, and I think
that that's the reason I'm going to take the credit
for the fact that she did a really good job.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Genuinely, if you saw it then you would know, and
if you didn't, I was so incredibly proud of her.
It was just a big vat of water, full of ice,
full of cold water, and had to be in it
for a minimum of twelve minutes. But at the same
time they had to be unlocking stars because she had
a chain all around her. She had chains around her
feet and on those chains were stars. And also she
(04:04):
had a set of keys like janetor what do they
call like janetor keys. I mean, anyone who's done an
ice bath knows, like the first thing that goes is
your extremities, your toes, your fingers, Like it's so hard
to use them and do anything that requires any level
of dexterity.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
A normal ice bath for someone, I mean it ranges
because of the temperature, but you're not recommended to do
them for much more than five minutes. Like three minutes
is kind of the norm for if you're used to it.
So twelve minutes in that was that's really really really long.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Yeah, And also the difference is is normally you just
sit in it and it's up to your chest, Like
it was deeper than her height, so she had to
be treading water the whole time. She also had to
go under the water in order to unlock them, but
she unlocked all of her stars, and then Candice Warner,
who was really at that time she was really struggling
with the challenge, then went and unlocked her stars as well.
So she was such a good team player. But also
(04:52):
just they fucking smashed it. They unlocked twelve stars between
the two of them, all of them. I couldn't have
been more proud of her. It was like a proud
mum moment. I was on the air of my seat
yelling at the TV and that was like, that's me
when I watch football. But honestly, I'm so, so so
stoked for us. So please go and vote. Like I said,
this is our obligatory. Every single episode we will remind you,
but yeah, we would appreciate it so much.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Reviews and vote. That's our call out for today.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Can I also just say so, Candice Swanna has a
condition called Reynard syndrome.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I have a couple of friends that have.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
This, and essentially it's just really really poor circulation, particularly
in your fingers and your toes. And one of my
best friends has this, and I was like, how do
you treat it?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Like what do you do? Is it medicine like blood thinners?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Maybe?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Who knows?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
And she says she's like, the only recommendation that your
doctor will give you and online is stay warm.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Oh stay warm, we're mittens. What if your feet covers?
Speaker 3 (05:47):
But also like, what an amazing person that she put
herself in a situation that she knew was going to
be incredibly hard for it, because you can opt if
you have a medical reason as to why you don't
want to do one of the challenges, you can write
down and opt out of those challenges. But they knew
he brought it up that they passed, Like she disclosed
that to them before she went into the jungle, Like
that was cruel, You're putting the person with reinards in
(06:10):
an ice bath challenge. But also like what a testament
to her and her like want to be involved in
her resilience, Like the fact that she was like, you
know what, I'm not going to rule myself out of anything,
and I'm going to do my best no matter what
the situation is. And she stayed in that for twelve
minutes as well. The both of them, between them were incredible,
So yes, go vote. Also, I just wanted to say
(06:30):
something off the back of that episode on Tuesday, because
if you listen to Tuesday's episode, you would know we
unpatched something that was a little bit more controversial for us.
And I don't want to get into the whole thing again,
but there was a feminist conference that happened with the
Inspired Unemployed, and it was surrounding Clementine Ford, Antonette Leatoufe
and Numie Stein's. Now the conversation off the back of
(06:51):
that was all around accountability culture online, and we Keisha
and I really.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Like shit myself.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
We had a few phone calls before that chat because
we really were like, look, is this the right thing?
Because as soon as you talk about accountability and you
talk about call out culture, and you talk about the
viciousness of the online world, often that can come back
and it can be directed at you.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
You can literally be aiming the gun back at yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And we thought about it a lot and really kind
of collected our opinions on it, and I just wanted
to say, firstly, if you haven't listened to it, I
really recommend the episode.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I really enjoyed it myself. I enjoyed unpacking it.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
But also the responses that we have received from it
have been so incredible from you guys, and we're so
so grateful for the community that we have and also
to be able to have potentially a slightly different conversation
around accountability culture and call out culture online and how
that has its positives but also can have its negatives
as well. Very much so We've appreciated so much the
(07:49):
enormous amount of DMS we've had off the back of that.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Do you want to get into vibes and unsubscribed? Yes,
I need to.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Do a follow up on my vibe last week. Essentially,
I vibed Trevor Noah in general last.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Week and it was it's a weird shout to vibe
an entire human but like I was here for it.
I still haven't googled who he is. I can't tell
you that. I was like, deeply, do it now. I
want to see if you know his face. I think
you will.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
But I said that I was going to read his book,
and we got some messages I've seen him on Instagram. Okay,
well they said, hey, instead of reading his book, you
should listen to it because his voice is so beautiful.
It's available for free on Spotify if you have a
premium account. Okay, Now I feel very very behind this.
I don't know if this is the type of thing
that everyone knows and I just didn't. So I pay
(08:33):
for Spotify. There is a whole section of audio books
for free if you already pay for Spotify, and there
are some really really good books on there. Mark Manson.
Trevoroha's book is on there. Stephen Bartlett's book is on there.
There are heaps and heaps and heaps of them on there.
So I've canceled my Audible subscription.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
If Audible as ever a sponsor again, get it pay
for bow why would you?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
So I've got this whole cataglogue of like books to
listen to. So look, I don't know if everyone knows this,
and I'm just in the bus behind, but if you didn't,
there you go. If you already pay for Spotify, it's
already available for you.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Wait is your recommendation? Trevor noa twice amore.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
No.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
That was just to follow up because I wanted everyone
to know that if they are already paying for Spotify,
they can get that access to that.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
So my actual vibe for the week is a podcast.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
The podcast is called Modern Wisdom and it's by a
guy named Chris Williamson.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I actually know this.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
He was originally on the first season of Love Island,
which is a very, I guess stereotypically a very big
contrast to the type of content that he does because
he does mindful content similar to markmentson kind of essence.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
He did an episode with Matthew Hussey, who has joined
the podcast before We Love Matthews.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah, he's wonderful, and Matthew Hussey is i'd say probably
the number one or most known dating coach worldwide. They
both have one point seven million Instagram followers, so this
was a collaboration of the two of them. It's called
why is Love so Hard to Find in the modern world?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Because so many men are assholes? I could tell you
I dated them all.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Well, what I really like about it is that Matthew
was very self reflective of struggles of his own dating life.
He also spoke about how it's quite difficult when you're
perceived as being this dating guru to go and date
because people assume you're not going to fuck up, and
He's like, I had so many problems. It's a different
thing to give advice and help people understand relationships to
(10:27):
what it is to actually live them. He was really
open about his vulnerabilities. So, yeah, I think it would
be good for anyone who's feeling really exhausted from dating,
and it was the type of episode that might.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Make you look at where you're going wrong within your song. Okay,
I have a recommendation.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Now, I don't know if this is a hot take
or I'm a little bit behind the eight ball, and
if I am, I apologize. But if you're someone who's
been on Netflix recently and you've seen this show and
you've thought maybe I will maybe I won't give it
a go, I am the person who had for so
long been thinking, nah, that won't be for me. And
then I watched it and I saw the first episode
and I was like, m not that hooked yet. And
(11:03):
then I watched the entire series in one single night.
That is uh, that is like seven hours of TV
if anyone wants to go back and really check it through.
So it's called One Day. Netflix has been punching it
quite a bit. It's often in the recommendation list. But
it's based on the book by David Nichols. So the
book itself has been around for a while, and I
had read the book a really long time ago, and
(11:24):
it is beautiful and tragic, and I guess I just
didn't think that the series would do the book justice,
and so I'd been giving it a bit of a
wide berth. Now, just to give you an understanding of
how it's so consumable and while you will just keep
on watching like show off shoved. Show is because the
episodes themselves only go from nineteen minutes to about twenty
nine to thirty minutes, Like they're really short little episodes,
(11:45):
and so it's really easy to kind of just like
get to the cliffhanger of the next one and then
want to know what happens. But a really brief over
you because I don't want to give anything away. But
it has Leo Woodle who is the He was like
the hot bad guy from the seconds. So he's like
the young really hot English guy that starts dating the
younger anyway, and he's like part of the group of
(12:06):
gay men.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Do you remember this, Kay? I don't know if I'm
describing him well, but.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
He is beautiful in this and then his co star
is mb commod and basically between them they meet at
university and then it spends their friendship of twenty years.
But it's this push and pull of a love story
of like are they ever going to get together? And
it is just a really really beautiful insight into relationships.
By the end of it, could not stop thinking about it.
(12:29):
It is so so well done. It is such a
beautiful story. You will all need therapy when you finish it.
But I think if you're into something that's a little
bit sugary and easy to consume, I so deeply recommend it.
And this is coming from someone who was avoiding it
like the plague. It's such a beautiful watch. So it
is my recommendation. Go and watch seven hours of one
day this weekend.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Le's get into the questions.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Now.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
This is a question that came in which I'm just
gonna summarize it because it goes into a little bit
too much detail that I think is not necessary.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
But I do think it's a very important question. All right.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
So me and my beautiful husband of ten years have
two incredible children. I love them wholeheartedly and I love
my little family. I, however, would consider having another child
if the opportunity presented itself. My husband is completely against
having another baby. This sounds very familiar to me. My
husband is completely against having another baby, and so I
(13:26):
guess I have come to the resolution that this is
what our family unit will be. As such, I have
broached the conversation with him around having a vasectomy because
I don't feel as though I should be responsible for
birth control. Now that he is the one making the
decision that he doesn't want to have any more children,
he has completely taken the idea of viseectomy off the
table and says he will not have one. And I
(13:47):
think that although he should have body autonomy, I think
it is an unfair expectation that he won't do it
when I have already given birth to our two children.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
What are your thoughts on this? I actually think this.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Extends beyond the vasectomy conversation, and for me, it broaches
into the whole onus of contraception, and it's something that
I get a little bit fired up about. And it's
I mean, I've got skin in this game. I've got PCOS,
which is a hormonal condition, and so I have found
myself leaning away from hormonal contraceptive pull out methods.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
It's not very effective. Let me tell you that two times.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Bebe sorry for the too much information into my own life,
but we've resulted in using condoms because I right now
don't want to be on a hormonal contraceptive. And I
just get really frustrated by the expectation that the onus
of contraception seems to always fall on women. So whether
that's IUD, whether it's you know, a copper one, or
(14:44):
whether it's a hormonal one, whether it's the contraceptive pill.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
There are other options.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
I'm not as familiar with them, Whereas in your particular circumstance,
you're quite open to having another child. And he's the
one who has decided that he doesn't want to have
any more children, and yet he doesn't want to change
anything about his own body. And I'm not trying to
take away from the fact that a vasectomy is a
surgical procedure.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
The procedure is actually very simple.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
It's a fifteen minute procedure that happens under anesthetic, and
researchers show that there are no adverse effects long term.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
The doctors who do them do about twenty a day.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
And I don't want to downplay that because I know
it's a big decision to have something surgically changed within
your body. If I was to compare that to what
I think women go through, particularly in terms of contraception
or in terms of childbirth, as you've done twice.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
What's noncomparable.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
It's just not I also think I think men need
to talk about vaseectomies more like I know so many
men who have had vasectomes.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Some of them have been voluntarily. I mean, actually they've
all been voluntary.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
No one's been held down, honest and abu, They've all
been voluntarily and consensually. But I mean some of the dads,
some of the husbands, were like, I'm gonna go and
get a vaseectomy because I don't want to be in
a situation of us having an unplanned pregnancy. And some
of them were at the requests of them partners who said, well,
if this is where we're at, please go and have
a vasectomy. And man and I have spoken about it
a lot because I have a lot of similarities in
(16:07):
this question because we have two children. I would like
to have another one. Matt doesn't. We've spoken about that
in the podcast. That's not news. But he won't go
and get a visseectomy yet. And so he's acknowledged that
his not wanting to go and get a visseect to
me yet means the door isn't shut. He's not saying
I'm not going to get a vasectomy, but don't get pregnant.
He's not putting that on me. He's like, I'm not
(16:28):
getting one because like I'm just not sure, like he's
not completely sure.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
I guess I assumed in your situation, the woman who's
written in that your husband is expecting you to take
care of contraception, and you haven't specifically said that, So
sorry if that's not the case. I think it's just
a societal thing that I feel exists in most Relationshipah.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
I would say, once you're in a committed relationship, majority
of contraception falls on the female.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I would say that, and this is anecdotal.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
I don't have like I'm not gone around and surveyed
individual couples, but I would say you using condoms within
you or committed relationship, keish's probably more the minority. I
would say most people have got a marina, they're on
birth control or whatever that looks like. I think it's
so interesting because you guys might remember quite a while
ago there was a male contraceptive pill that was being
tested and it was going to go to market. So
(17:14):
it was a hormonal pill that men could take that
would reduce their sperm count for a period of time.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
It actually reduced their sperm motility, which.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Was very interesting because a lot of men were like,
I don't want to feel like less of a man.
I don't want to feel less of an ejaculation, and
the scientists for like, you will not feel a difference.
It's just that your sperm will not swim fast enough.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Basically, Yeah, well, they did this big study that was
across multiple countries, had multiple male participants. But the reason
why that pill doesn't exist, So this was twenty twelve.
I think at the time the reason why that pill
doesn't exist is because too many men were dropping out
of the trial studies on the basis of side effects. Now,
I'd love to read to you some of the side
effects that were experienced by men. The most common side
(17:57):
effect was acne, and sometimes that acne was pretty Some
men also developed moodswings, and in some cases those moodswings
got pretty bad. One man developed severe depression. One thing
that they did also note is that every single one
of the side effects that were experienced by men who
dropped out of the study are also experienced by women
who go on to hormonal birth control. And so the
(18:18):
big question is is why do men have the luxury
of opting out of the consideration of birth control And
we don't, And it's because it affects our body. We're
the ones who have to carry a child. Where the
ones who are dealing with the consequences of what happens
if birth control doesn't work. That's the reality of it.
It is our issue to deal with, even though it
shouldn't just be ours. I guess the place I get
(18:40):
stuck on this is, you know, we preach body autonomy.
We talk about how it's your body, you need to
be all consenting. But I do feel that there is
a gray area when it comes to vasectomies. And the
reason why I say that is because I think, well,
if your partner is refusing to get a vasectomy, that
is okay. They are allowed to completely have body autonomy,
but they need to wear a c every time you
(19:00):
have sex. I think then the responsibility of birth control
falls on them. And you might go, oh, I don't like,
you know, I don't really want to use condoms. Condoms
are great these days, Like they are so much better
than the condoms that I was using back in my
twenties in terms of like how much you notice them.
But I guess at the end of the day, it's like,
if you don't want to take responsibility for it, and
he's the one who's putting down the benchmark of how
(19:22):
many children you are or aren't having. Then it has
to be something that he takes responsibility for in some way.
And I can understand why you feel frustrated that he's
not coming to the table. And I guess the way
in which you could approach this is understanding why asking
him why he doesn't want to have a versec to me,
because you know, if I hadn't spoken to Matt and
really understood the why, I would be angry as well.
(19:42):
I'd be like, you've said no kids and that's off
the table. Why won't you do this? You feel comfortable
sharing his reasons. Yeah, it's because he hasn't closed the door. Okay,
So his reasons weren't. It's not around like I don't
want to feel less of a man, I don't want
anyone to tamper with my body, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
His reasons were.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
I know, I say I don't want to have another kid,
but then when I think about the idea of that
option being completely off the table, He's like, something in
me feels weird by that. Something in me feels as
though maybe we need to keep the door a jar.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Just in case.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
And I appreciate that, you know, because I think that
the conversation is forever on the table for us, and
we're still evolving as our kids get older and as
our workloads change, et cetera, et cetera, and I think
that there's still a place of understanding a conversation for us.
It doesn't sound like that exists for this couple necessarily,
So I think it's really important to understand the why,
and also maybe to get your partner to go and
(20:30):
speak to a doctor or speak to someone about it,
so at least they've explored what that looks like. Because
he's assuming he knows everything there is to know about it,
he's assuming he knows how it's going to impact him,
what you know, long term impacts it's going to have.
Maybe he thinks it's going to change his manliness or
I think it's important for him to have a deep
understanding of what that looks like to then make an
informed decision so that you guys can both feel comfortable
(20:52):
about it. But I do think it's a tricky one
because I don't think you can tell him he has
to have a vasectomy. But I think it's wrong of
him to completely rule it out without exploring it when
he's the one who's setting such severe boundaries within the relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
And I do think there has been a lot of
misinformation around the sectimes for quite some time, and I
wonder how much of that is kind of used as
an excuse rather than how people actually feel. But I also,
I don't know, I don't know if I'm being a
little bit too hectic about this. A part of me
feels frustrated that you are the one who has to
like tell him to go and seek the information, because
(21:26):
we are always expected to seek information about our own
contraceptive options totally. You know what, in a heterosexual relationship,
very few men have a thorough understanding of female contraception.
And I just I get a little bit frustrated that
the onus again seems to be on you suggesting that
he go and research for sectomes or you know, like
(21:48):
they should be doing this shit themselves, Like if they've
made the decision that they don't want to have any
more children, be proactive about it. Find out what your
options are so that you have a lifestyle that you choose.
You know, I just I get a little bit annoyed
by that and I know that it exists for so
many women.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
And also viseectomies are reversible.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
While I don't think I would use that as a
benchmark though, because it's not reversible for everyone and there
can be complications. So I think if you're having a vasectomy,
you're having it because your intention is that normal kids.
You know you've come to a place of complete resolution.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Yeah. I actually do know a couple who he has
children from a previous relationship.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
He had a vasectomy.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
They've decided that they do want to have a child,
and instead of them reversing the vasectomy, they're using an
IVF procedure that can withdraw sperm in a different way.
It's really interesting. So again, it's not always closed to us.
I understand that, you know, there are concerns about quality
and whatnot.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I think it's a little bit selfish.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
I do think that if you're in a relationship with
someone they've chosen not to have any more children, they
have the opportunity to take some responsibility for contraception, especially
when you, as a woman, have provided them with two children.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
You have birth two children, you have grown two children.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Your body has made so many sacrifices for your relationship.
You have up until the point of having kids controlled
the birth control aspect. Then you got pregnant, did everything
that you had to do, birth out two kids, maybe
breastfed them if you could or couldn't. Like, you know,
your body's done the work, You've done everything. They just
have to go into a doctor and have a fifteen
minute procedure on their lunch break. Like, I know that
(23:19):
we need to respect body autonomy, but come the fuck on,
So I do. Part of me think I agree with her,
but I think approach it with a bit more empathy
because you'll get a better outcome, and try and get
him to go and seek out a bit more understanding
around what it actually requires.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Question number two. I don't know how to.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Answer this one, and I think that this one's more
subjective than what it is having a black and white,
clear cut answer. Sometimes I house it and look after
people's animals in their homes when they go away on holidays.
I'm at a house right now, and I just discovered
that there is an indoor camera in the kitchen slash
living area after having a very hot sex session with
(23:57):
my partner pretty much right in front of it. It
sounds like an accidentally unfiltered I have also been walking
around completely butt ass naked or just in my undies
when it's hot. I did ask the owners about cameras
and security before agreeing to house it, and they only
informed me about one at the front door. What do
I do now? Do I ask them about it? Or
should I just ignore it and pray that camera wasn't
(24:19):
recording or that nobody saw anything. And they don't have
first class pawn stored somewhere on their eye cloud, do
not ever acknowledge it? I feel so awkward for you,
but also good for you first class porn.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
You're confident in your abilities.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
I do slightly question, and not in a shameful way,
but you're bold to be having sex in someone else's.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
In their fucking kitchen, in their kitchen, I don't think that.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Okay, Oh, who's in the wrong here? Firstly, they're in
the wrong for not telling you about the indoor camera. Yeah,
although that kind of accidentally happened at BRIT's house when
Mitch stayed there because he chose to get down and
dirty on her lou which was unexpected, and she has
a camera there for when Delilah's home.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Yeah, and that I would say that wasn't BRIT's fault,
like it should not have been fucking on Bridge Fritz couch,
Like he should not have been wedging his boyfriend between
those cushions.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
That should not have happened.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Can I tell you how that came out? Because I
think this girl will enjoy this story. I was on
the phone to Mitch and he was telling me about
this hot interaction and he's like, oh, you know what
happened on the lounge And I went, Mitch, did you
turn the dog camera off?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
And immediately I just had a FaceTime. It was like,
what the fuck are you talking about? And I was like,
there's a camera there for the dog.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I know exactly where it's like, could not be pointing
more at the couch in this situation.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
It wasn't turned on, the power wasn't on, so he
wasn't secretly filmed.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
But yeah, like viscerally.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Awkward and so uncomfortable for you. I don't like the
fact that they lied about it. What would I do
in this situation? I would do two things. First, I
would check if it's the type of camera that has
a memory card in it, because then I would take
the memory card out and I.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Would clear the fuck out of it, Billy delete.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Secondly, I would not bring it up because I think
if they don't know and you alert them of it,
although it's weird and wrong, I think human nature like
curiosity that killed the cat, could come into play here
and they would may be more inclined to look at it.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Oh yeah, I feel two things. Firstly, I think it
is an invasion of your privacy, and I just want
to get that out of the way because I don't
want to like brush over that. But if you have
agreed to how sit someone's house and you've asked specifically
about cameras and they have not been forthcoming with it,
that is a gross invasion of your privacy.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
And I wouldn't be house sitting their house again.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
And I can understand why you want to bring it
up with them, almost in a way that would feel accusatory,
like have you been watching me in your anyway. I
just think it's pretty gross. But secondly to that, I
think we could also play Devil's advocate. There's a very
good chance that it's not turned on. They don't use it.
Like we had a good cam like a dog cam
in our house. It was just set up. It was
(27:03):
never plugged in. It was never actually never even it
was probabed in. We never were organized enough to download
the software to actually set it up. So that's a
very real possibility as well. And I think you could
probably go and look at it and figure out can
you see from a Google cam whether it's got a
light on or anything. I have no idea, see, I
never turned it on.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Okay, but let's get that part of it aside, because
you all know the seriousness of invading someone's privacy, but
now you're in a situation where you just simply don't
know if they do or don't have footage.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Firstly, I would.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Say, it's a big shout to be fucking in someone's kitchen.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Who your house sitting?
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Like, if I had someone house sitting in my house,
I would be surprised to find out that they had
like gone for it on all hard services. I would
be like, okay, cool, Like didn't really think that that
would be happening. But you know, please use some wind
ACKX and some spray and white. Do they have the
right to tell you.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
How you're allowed to live inside their house?
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Though?
Speaker 3 (27:55):
If they're paying you. Yeah, I think that there needs
to be it's you're employed. If you weren't being employed
to dog sit, you're not being employed to have sex
in their house. Like I would say that that's kind
of and maybe I'm being too much of a proud
with this, but I don't think that you can treat
their house as though it's completely your house if you're
being paid to dogs if you're doing it out of
the generosity of your own home and also because you
(28:15):
have a bit of an awaking and go for gold.
But I do also think like you are an employee
of that person if they're paying you, so potentially not cool,
But I would go down the route that you have suggested, Keisha.
Do not bring more attention to something that could just
fly under the radar, because the reality is they're not
sitting on their laptop twenty four to seven watching that
(28:37):
Google cam.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
They're simply not.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
They're probably only watching that Google cam for when something
has gone wrong. You know, we have Google cams at
Tony May. I have never ever and we can see
our staff, we can see customers coming and going. I
have never logged in and watched anyone ever except for
one time, and that was because well, some staffs were
doing some very naughty things and so I was able
to log in and go, Okay, the story I'm getting
(28:59):
doesn't match up to what's happening, and I was able
to see the footage.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
But that was a very isolated incident.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
I would think that most people are not using Google
Cam just as a data day surveillance. Maybe that is
naive to say that, but I would think people have
better things to do with their time.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
The only other part I want to add to this
is that, let's say you didn't know these people personally,
and you were employed through like an external website or app,
you know that you can get people to come and
dog sit or house it. I would probably contact the
company and just let them know that they had lied
about having cameras in the house, because it actually really fucked.
(29:38):
And I don't want to dismiss how problematic that is
to fly to someone who's going to be in your
home about the fact that they've got an indoor camera
because of the exactly like this is not just about
having sex. Like I've dog sat for my family and
for my friends, and I have walked from the shower
to whatever room I want completely naked, because that's what
(30:01):
I wanted to do at the time, and that didn't
feel inappropriate or uncomfortable. And if I had a found
out after the fact that they had a camera, I
would have felt very violated.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
But I do think that there is a big difference
between having a camera in a kitchen, which probably is
an entry point to the house, versus having a camera
in a bedroom. You know, I feel very different about
the location of the camera. I think it depends where
the bathroom is. Yes, totally, but I would say that
by the sounds of things, the place in where the
camera has been set up is not because they're trying
to catch you out for doing the wrong thing.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
It's a security one.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
And so maybe when they said, oh, there's just one
near the front door, maybe that is near the front door.
Maybe that is the one they were talking about. Maybe
you interpreted front doors like at the front door, but
in their mind they're like, no, that just captures people
coming and going from the front of the house. I
don't know, I'm deeply playing Devil's advocate here, but I
would say, what good is going to come from having
that conversation with them directly apart from pointing them to
(30:54):
the footage that you don't want them to see.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
That's the only outcome that's going to happen, So I
would say nothing.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Ever, take care of fighter again and just fucking leave
and have hot sex in your own house.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Alrighty.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Question number three do you think sexual chemistry can grow?
I met up with a guy from Hinge, had a
great chat, lots of laughs and things in common, but
couldn't picture myself kissing him. I usually rely on it
from the get go, but I'm trying to date guys
I wouldn't usually initially pick since the guys that I
do feel instant chemistry with haven't worked out. Right.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Yeah, I look, Yes, I think chemistry can grow, especially
if you know you're the problem. If you know you
have like you're attracted to naughty, naughty boys that treat
you badly, then yes, I think explore the possibility.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Of dating someone else.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
But I think that there has to be a time
frame of pushing a thing up a hill that doesn't exist,
because if there's no chemistry at all and you don't
want to have any sort of intimacy with them, that
is a friend that is not a potential sexual partner,
do you know, I mean, you don't. You never want
to be in a situation where you're forcing yourself to
be intimate with someone in the hope that intimacy will grow.
(32:11):
But I do think it's very very important to be
self aware as to whether you are the problem and
you are prioritizing chemistry way too much over a more comfortable, safe, deeper,
more meaningful connection with someone. And I know that I
have definitely been the person in the past that would
only ever prioritize chemistry, and.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
That did not get me very far. It got me
cheated on.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
So you had to go on a show and abstain
from being sexual for three months.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
You know, It's funny.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I was actually talking about this with a friend on
the weekend and we ended up speaking about Esther Perell's book,
very famous book, Mating in Captivity, And what I took
away from that book was that we can't expect this
lust and this mystery and this deep, deep chemistry of
that desire in the same person that we expect to
(32:59):
be reliability and comfortability with. And for most people, I
think they try to find a place on the scale
between those two extremes where they feel comfortable.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
See, I think that that more pertains to long term relationships,
because I think it is very possible to have really
deep chemistry with someone who does end up being a
great person that provides you with all those things. But
I think it's very dangerous to only care about chemistry.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
That's where I had gone wrong in the past.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
So I think I, without knowing it, and without actually
really examining my own behavior, I had chased that lust
and that mystery to such an extreme that it left
me in a position where I kept on wondering, like
why does this not work out with anyone?
Speaker 3 (33:44):
You know?
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Like why can't I find these good qualities in the
same person that I have this deep chemistry for, And
for me, I kind of saw it a little bit
more black and white. I needed to realize what I
was going to prioritize more. Was I in a phase
of my life where I wanted a great relationlationship that
had comfortability, had reliability, Or was I in a phase
where I wanted this lustrous mystery and I kind of
(34:08):
dated accordingly and I ended up in a really good relationship.
So I think there is an amount of self awareness,
like you said, laws where you may need to examine
what you're used to might be very far on the
end of that scale, and perhaps you need to kind
of pull back your expectations of what chemistry looks like
for you.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
But I do think be careful because I think sometimes
you know, you can read all the self help books
you can, you can hear, Okay, don't prioritize chemistry. Prioritize
a really good guy, and then you know, build a
relationship of that. But you can overcorrect, and there has
to be some sort of something, like I'm talking, something
that goes beyond just the nice feelings of a friendship
(34:45):
in order to build a sexual chemistry and sexual relationship
with that person. I don't think that you can spark
that match from nothing just because you want to.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, that's very true. It's a very hard thing to force.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
And another kind of light bulb moment that I had
when I was, you know, really dive and dick. I'm
sorry to be talking about myself, but I think it
will be quite relatable from what you've said, because I
felt very similar. I learned about different types of attraction,
and I know that most people will be aware of
most of these, but for me, a real light bulb
went off when I learned the difference between physical, romantic,
and sexual attraction. So physical being like you want to
(35:19):
be touched by the person. Emotional being you you know,
like the way that they think you like their personality.
Romantic attraction is a type of attraction where people desire
a romantic relationship with someone, and different to that is
sexual attraction.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
So that's your desire to have sex with them.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
So many times for me, I was dating guys that
I could I thought were really good people. So emotional attraction, yes,
physical attraction. I liked being touched by them, I liked
them holding my hand. I could also acknowledge that they
were physically objectively attractive people. I thought they would be
awesome in a relationship, but for some reason, I just
didn't want to have sex with them.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
And I was so confused. I was like, why, Like
all of the boxes are being ticked. I like being touched.
I like, you know, like they're not being mean enough
to me.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
It may well have been that, but I realized that
I didn't have that sexual attraction for them, and figuring
out those different categories made it a lot easier for
me to identify.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
And you're exactly right. Laws. You can't force it if
you do not have any sexual attraction for them at all.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Forcing yourself into that situation is probably just going to
make you feel a bit resentful and get the yck.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
But I do I mean it's okay to give a
little bit of a chance for that to grow.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
I think you might not feel it on the first date.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
You might go on a second date and you're like,
oh my god, they're amazing, Like, let's just see go
on a third day. And I would hope that you
do it slowly in a way so that you are
able to be perceptive over whether you're feeling attracted to
them or not, because if you go on a third date,
then you feel that there's this expectation to sleep with
them because you've done like a three date rule. Like
you know, you don't want to be in a situation
(36:52):
where you feels uncomfortable and it doesn't feel great to
kind of build that intimacy. But I think it is
a good idea actually, when you know that you have
been attracted to the wrong things in the past and
you're trying to rewrite a pattern because you're saying, like
I do this patent things in my relationships. I've read
the self help books and I want to rewrite a pattern,
and I acknowledging that this is an issue for me.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Give these opportunities.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
Give these people that you're dating who are great people
who you don't feel that like h for a chance,
and maybe that's three dates, Maybe that's you know, a
couple of weeks of investing time and energy and see
if it grows. But if it hasn't, then that's okay,
that just wasn't the person. Because I do think it's
important to acknowledge that you can have an element of both.
(37:35):
You're not supposed to completely sacrifice chemistry and sexual attraction
for a stable relationship. And if you've ever heard that
that's the case, you've been lied to. You can have
both of those things, but they just live on different scales.
And I think it's dangerous when you only prioritize chemistry,
because chemistry sometimes can be so strong, so undeniable, that
(37:55):
it leaves you thinking, how can this not possibly work?
How can we not possibly be meant to be together?
And the issue with that is that you end up
lowering your standards because they'll do something that is wrong
that normally you would walk away from, but because the
chemistry is there, you go, I'll give it another chance,
and then slowly that erodes your sense of self worth.
So I think you're going into this relationship with your
(38:16):
blink is not on, and so it's a really safe
and great place to be.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
I think for me, chemistry poisoned me, Like chemistry made
me blind to so much bad behavior, exactly like you
said of I just kept thinking, oh, but it's so
good meant to be when it's really really like the
highs are so high, how can this not be something
that I'm supposed to be in? And that was me
Craven Dop for mean and chasing Dop for mean. So yeah,
(38:43):
I very much agree with every single thing that you've said.
I think it could be good for you to try
and look at this as a whole picture and not
just focus on the chemistry, like do you also try
and think about the other things you like? Do you
like holding their hand? Do you like other elements of
physical touch? And just work out what it is from
this person that you're not feeling this really intense desire.
(39:05):
You said you couldn't pitch yourself kissing him.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Which is a that's very concerning.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Maybe just you know what, maybe just kiss him and
see if you like it. I feel like that's not
putting too much of yourself, you know, lock and lips
with someone on the big scale.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Kissed so many people they didn't want to. It's fine.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
So many frocks, so many fucking frocks, might surprise you
if you might kiss him and be like, oh, that
was better than what I thought. And if you kiss
him and it's not, you know, you've got no sexual
attraction there.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
This question is so weird, and I love it all right.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
My boyfriend just told me that when he was at
his best friend's house the other night, he lost a game,
and part of that was that he had to drink
his besties baby mama's breast milk. We don't have kids yet,
so he had to drink his best friend's partner's breast milk.
We don't have kids yet, and I always thought mine
would be the only breast milk that he would try.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I don't know how I feel about all this.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
I'm kind of grossed out and feel upset that he
tried another woman's breast milk, But I don't know if
I'm overreacting or not. He also thinks it's fine because
it's just the same thing as drinking female cow milk.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
No, it's not. This is not the same as your
full cream cappuccino. Guys, this is a betrayal.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
I never thought we would unpack on the podcast, but
here we are, and I'm glad we are.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
Ah, I'm a little curious.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Firstly, I don't think you're overreacting, but I'm curious as
to why you care this much. Do you care because
it's weird, which I think is fair, or do you
care because you're jealous, which I do not think is fair.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
I don't know if I think it is okay. Maybe
I'm going to be in the minority on this and
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
I haven't experienced it. You've got more skin in this game.
But I just don't think it's that weird.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
I think we make a lot of it, Like I
think we make a very big deal about breast milk,
being that it's weird that you know.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Oh you want to try it. Look, it came out
of you, guys.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
It's fucking weird that someone one day walked into a
paddic and decided to milk a cow that's weird, like
that we milk goats, that we eat chicken eggs, like
all of that is weird. I guess for me, there
is zero sexual connotation to breastfeeding and to breast milk,
so I don't get the jealousy factor of it. And
I guess kind of like, I think maybe it's because
(41:25):
breast milk has some stigma and it is something that's
very ugly unless you've produced it yourself.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (41:32):
I don't feel anything about it. If Matt wanted to
try it, he's tried it. If Matt's friend wanted to
try my breast milk, I'd be like, here, try if
you wanted to try my breast milk. Piece, do you
want to try my breast milk? But I guess I
think it is weird, And maybe I'm in a like
I said, maybe I'm in a minority. There might be
other mums listening to these who are like Laura, you're
cooked and you're on your own. But I think it
(41:54):
is weirder to you because you haven't been around it yet,
you haven't maybe produced it, you haven't had a baby,
and so like in your mind, this is this thing
that you were going to share with your partner. But
like having your partner try your breast milk isn't really
a super special moment. Might be for some people, it
certainly wasn't for me. I guess it depends on how
they try it. Did he get it from the sauce
(42:20):
that he's jealous.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
That would be a very understandable reason to be jealous.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
But if he's just having a nip out of the fridge, fine, weird,
but fine.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
I think it's very unusual. I think breast milk is
a very personalized thing. I know that we sexualize it
because it comes from women's boobs.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
I get that there's.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
Probably levels of feminism here that I'm defying, but it's
strange and I just to me and he was a game,
and I guess he kind of had to do it
as a.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
You know, he lost a bit.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Yeah, But I also don't think it's the same as
drinking cow milk. So I understand the shades of gray
in this where you feel uncomfortable. I just don't want
you to feel uncomfortable because you're jealous of the fact
that it was another woman.
Speaker 3 (43:03):
Well, it's the line here for me that I guess
I'm kind of like, look, it's happened, and I feel
like you guys just have to move past it and
you have to get over it. But when you say,
we don't have kids yet, and I always thought mine
would be the only breast milk he tried to me,
that comes from a place of jealousy. That comes from
a place of feeling as though you've missed out on
something that you thought you were supposed to share with
your partner, which, oh yeah, part of me understands that
(43:26):
part of me is like, okay, like I understand. You know,
everyone has different things that they think that they will
be the only one to experience with their partner. So
maybe you feel like that's a missed opportunity, which you
can explain to him why you feel like maybe a
little bit of the you know, the milestones that, no
matter how weird they might be to some people, the
milestones that often couple share when you have a baby,
(43:48):
one of them is for some guys they're like, let
me try and see what that tastes like, or partners say,
let me try, let's see what that tastes like. So
I understand that that might be the thing that's making
you feel uncomfortable, But the same time, I guess like
it is also kind of cool in some ways that
your partner is so not grossed out by breast milk,
because it would be nice if, as a society we
(44:10):
were able to see it as like something that is
a little bit more normal and not quite so like
ill and foreign and people got so weirded out by it.
I guess that's kind of the way I'm approaching this.
How would I feel if Matt went to a party
and drank someone else's breast milk? For me, it's probably
more a case that the fact that this was a
repercussion of losing a bet makes it really juvenile. It
makes it really childish, And I would have the ick
(44:32):
that my partner, who I don't have kids with yet,
but like was so childish when he was hanging out
with his mates that that's like that's a punishment for
losing something. I'd be like, you fucking grow the fuck up.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
That's how I.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
Don't demonize them that much, because I think it's just
it's in society, drinking someone else's breast milk is perceived
as something that you don't want to do, so.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Like I I don't know.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
I don't feel as strongly about punishment being you have to.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
It's not that it's no, I don't mean that.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
I more mean that, like, this is what he's doing
on his boys' nights, that they're like doing dumb games
and then drinking each other's breast milk at the end
of it. It's like, are you nineteen? In which case
I'm sure like live a life a little bit more.
But is this the thirty five year old man who's
going to his mate's house and drinking breast milk as
a punishment? Like that to me is like, it's weird
that that that's where their sense of humor is at.
(45:21):
I guess that's probably the thing that would trigger me
more so if Matt came home and he was like, hey, honey,
I drank Josh's wife's breast milk on Saturday because I
lost a bet, my question would be why.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Like where, who are you grow up? I feel less mature.
He's just like, I'll do it. No, I would not
want to drink the breast milk.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
That's why I would be so incentivized to do whatever
it was to not lose the game. Yeah, and I
get that there are layers to this and that you
know the sexualization of it and all that. Jazz I
understand why you think it's a bit strange.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
She also didn't know that he was gonna be drink
in the breast milk.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
There are moments in relationships that you feel you are
going to be the only person to share that with
your partner. But to that, I would say, is this
theell you want to die on? Because you're going to
have a baby with him that's going to be really monumental.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
The breast milk partn is not that big a deal.
It really isn't. And I think ultimately you don't have
a lot of choices here. He's done it, He told
you about it.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
He didn't think it was a problem, hence why he
came and was so open, And that's a testament to
your relationship. You can be annoyed and frustrated, but the
only thing that you're able to do now is to
express to him ha ha pun is expressed to him
that it's made you feel something you didn't expect to feel,
and you feel a bit upset that that's what happened,
(46:45):
and then move past it because you don't have any
other choices. You're not going to break up with him
because on a dumb boy's nighty drink some other woman's
breast milk. Maybe you will, but I think that that
would be a disappointing end to a relationship if that
was the benchmark, if that's where you draw your line.
But you know, everyone's different. I think that you just
unfortunately have to kind of move past it and explain
to him that you're not okay with it. And so
then if he does it again, then that's a whole
(47:06):
other question. That's a whole other conversation about him not
respecting your boundaries or him not respecting the things that
make you feel a certain way.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
Guys, what would you do? I want to know.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
I do not even know if we can poll this,
but like, I would love to know how this would
make you feel if your husband, if your grown ass
husband came home was like, drinksare is breastfelk on Saturday?
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Lost? A bit like what would you feel in your soul?
Speaker 1 (47:31):
Maybe you'll have to switch to like nut milk alternatives
at home?
Speaker 2 (47:35):
How do you milk a nutt they ain't got titties?
Get rid of the milk in your house? All right, guys. Well, look,
that is it from us.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
If you have a question for ask on Cart, please
slide into the DMS. Also, I just want to give
you guys a reminder yesterday's episode with Diana Nayad it
was so great. It's a short listen it's only forty minutes,
but it was honestly one of my favorite interviews. And
I know that I'm biased because I was talking about
how much I want to to get her on the podcast,
but she is just incredible, and I think we can
(48:04):
often fear aging so much, and we fear the limitations
that aging can impose on us, and she contradicts every
single one of those limitations. She's in her seventies now,
but she was sixty four when she swam from Cuba
to Florida. The chat's amazing, and we covered so much.
We covered so much of her life in such a
short period of time, and I think anyone who listens
(48:26):
to it will leave that interview feeling inspired. I mean,
you might also leave you feeling as though're questioning what
are you doing with your life, but really it'll leave
you feeling inspired and empowered to do more.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
I completely agree with you.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
You can join us on Instagram at Life on Cut Podcast.
We've got the Facebook discussion group which I spend an
unhealthy amount of time in this colored Life Uncut discussion group.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
All the links will be in our show notes. And
you know the drill. Tell your mom, tell your dad,
tell your dog, tell your friends. And Shad I love
because we love love. There were no Babar bay er
(49:04):
Bay
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Drug Wallamata Land.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Laura.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I produce a Keisha feeling in for it while she's
in the African jungle.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I do want to say something.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
We were talking about it the other week and then
we kind of forgot about it. You call yourself producer, Keisha.
There's someone in our reviews, Like when you go onto
Apple podcasts and you go into like the deep reviews.
Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. You take the good
with the bad. You know, while we're.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Here, it'd be really nice if you left a nice one. Yeah, guys,
it's just been me and Keish for so long. Jump on.
Let us know what you're thinking. We would love even
if you left a review in the past.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
If you've been enjoying the episodes, please go review it updates.
But we had one recently and I really appreciated it
because I also appreciate how much the lifeers have your
back Keish like they love you and we love you.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
And one of the.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Comments was this is getting disrespectful, like why are we
still calling her producer Keisha? Surely she is just Keisha
by now. Also they' spelled Keisha wrong, which you know
what I was like, I.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Don't blame I don't blame anyone for that because my
name is felt in such a stupid way, Like what
the fuck were my parents thinking? I will blame them
for that until the day I died. There's an eye
where it shouldn't be. But I do want to make
it clear. I'm not holding a gun to your head.
You can say whatever you want right now. If you
hate it, I will stop. If you just want to
be Kishia, I will do that for you.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
All of the like all of the versions of what
I could be called, I find it particularly descriptive.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
And I started to be fair. I am the.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Producer of this podcast, or I'm one of the producers
of this podcast, and it doesn't bother me.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
When you say you're who else is the producer video?
We have video producer.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Sorry, in terms of like executive producer, that's you.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Boy, Hey guys, it's executive for us, and then you'll
start receiving reviews that you're a wangka, So which one's better?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
No, I don't have a problem with it is my
overarching thing.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
And before I worked in podcasting, I worked in radio
and I was called much much one.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Like what I think.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
One of the worst ones I ever got was like,
Keisha just sounds like the girl that you want to shut.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Up at the group dinner table. Oh that's really mean.
I mean it's probably fair.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Sometimes we do have that friend though everyone has that friend.
We're like, ask me a question now, Yeah, don't worry,
I'm medicated now. Oh dear, Okay, guys, this is a
very important episode because as of Wednesday night, so we're
recording this Wednesday morning, but as of Wednesday night in
the Jungle, one celebrity is going home per episode. So
(02:51):
it's like we're at the crunch time. It matters now.
You need to be voting every single day. If you
haven't yet, if you've been thinking about it, you're like, oh,
just do it later on because you know, now's the time.
Sign up to ten play, put in your ten votes.
Brittany Hockley, Queen of the Jungle, we need to keep
it there for as long as possible. But it's going
to go really fast now because I think there's only
like maybe two weeks left or two and a half
(03:14):
weeks left of the whole jungle experience, and those celebrities
are gonna get yeateed out so fast if one's going
home at night.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I want to be.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Very vocal about how proud I was of brit for
the ice bath child. I mean, not actually nath chand
it was some tub that was really cold. It was
essentially a prolonged ice bath. She did so well, so
so so well. But I've really been encouraging brit to
do ice.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Bars with me.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
She's done two with me right now, and I think
that that's the reason I'm going to take the credit
for the fact that she did a really good job.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Genuinely, if you saw it then you would know, and
if you didn't, I was so incredibly proud of her.
It was just a big vat of water, full of ice,
full of cold water, and had to be in it
for a minimum of twelve minutes. But at the same
time they had to be unlocking stars because she had
a chain all around her. She had chains around her
feet and on those chains were stars. And also she
(04:04):
had a set of keys like janetor what do they
call like janetor keys. I mean, anyone who's done an
ice bath knows, like the first thing that goes is
your extremities, your toes, your fingers, Like it's so hard
to use them and do anything that requires any level
of dexterity.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
A normal ice bath for someone, I mean it ranges
because of the temperature, but you're not recommended to do
them for much more than five minutes. Like three minutes
is kind of the norm for if you're used to it.
So twelve minutes in that was that's really really really long.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Yeah, And also the difference is is normally you just
sit in it and it's up to your chest, Like
it was deeper than her height, so she had to
be treading water the whole time. She also had to
go under the water in order to unlock them, but
she unlocked all of her stars, and then Candice Warner,
who was really at that time she was really struggling
with the challenge, then went and unlocked her stars as well.
So she was such a good team player. But also
(04:52):
just they fucking smashed it. They unlocked twelve stars between
the two of them, all of them. I couldn't have
been more proud of her. It was like a proud
mum moment. I was on the air of my seat
yelling at the TV and that was like, that's me
when I watch football. But honestly, I'm so, so so
stoked for us. So please go and vote. Like I said,
this is our obligatory. Every single episode we will remind you,
but yeah, we would appreciate it so much.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Reviews and vote. That's our call out for today.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Can I also just say so, Candice Swanna has a
condition called Reynard syndrome.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I have a couple of friends that have.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
This, and essentially it's just really really poor circulation, particularly
in your fingers and your toes. And one of my
best friends has this, and I was like, how do
you treat it?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Like what do you do? Is it medicine like blood thinners?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Maybe?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Who knows?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
And she says she's like, the only recommendation that your
doctor will give you and online is stay warm.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Oh stay warm, we're mittens. What if your feet covers?
Speaker 3 (05:47):
But also like, what an amazing person that she put
herself in a situation that she knew was going to
be incredibly hard for it, because you can opt if
you have a medical reason as to why you don't
want to do one of the challenges, you can write
down and opt out of those challenges. But they knew
he brought it up that they passed, Like she disclosed
that to them before she went into the jungle, Like
that was cruel, You're putting the person with reinards in
(06:10):
an ice bath challenge. But also like what a testament
to her and her like want to be involved in
her resilience, Like the fact that she was like, you
know what, I'm not going to rule myself out of anything,
and I'm going to do my best no matter what
the situation is. And she stayed in that for twelve
minutes as well. The both of them, between them were incredible,
So yes, go vote. Also, I just wanted to say
(06:30):
something off the back of that episode on Tuesday, because
if you listen to Tuesday's episode, you would know we
unpatched something that was a little bit more controversial for us.
And I don't want to get into the whole thing again,
but there was a feminist conference that happened with the
Inspired Unemployed, and it was surrounding Clementine Ford, Antonette Leatoufe
and Numie Stein's. Now the conversation off the back of
(06:51):
that was all around accountability culture online, and we Keisha
and I really.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Like shit myself.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
We had a few phone calls before that chat because
we really were like, look, is this the right thing?
Because as soon as you talk about accountability and you
talk about call out culture, and you talk about the
viciousness of the online world, often that can come back
and it can be directed at you.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
You can literally be aiming the gun back at yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And we thought about it a lot and really kind
of collected our opinions on it, and I just wanted
to say, firstly, if you haven't listened to it, I
really recommend the episode.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I really enjoyed it myself. I enjoyed unpacking it.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
But also the responses that we have received from it
have been so incredible from you guys, and we're so
so grateful for the community that we have and also
to be able to have potentially a slightly different conversation
around accountability culture and call out culture online and how
that has its positives but also can have its negatives
as well. Very much so We've appreciated so much the
(07:49):
enormous amount of DMS we've had off the back of that.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Do you want to get into vibes and unsubscribed? Yes,
I need to.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Do a follow up on my vibe last week. Essentially,
I vibed Trevor Noah in general last.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Week and it was it's a weird shout to vibe
an entire human but like I was here for it.
I still haven't googled who he is. I can't tell
you that. I was like, deeply, do it now. I
want to see if you know his face. I think
you will.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
But I said that I was going to read his book,
and we got some messages I've seen him on Instagram. Okay,
well they said, hey, instead of reading his book, you
should listen to it because his voice is so beautiful.
It's available for free on Spotify if you have a
premium account. Okay, Now I feel very very behind this.
I don't know if this is the type of thing
that everyone knows and I just didn't. So I pay
(08:33):
for Spotify. There is a whole section of audio books
for free if you already pay for Spotify, and there
are some really really good books on there. Mark Manson.
Trevoroha's book is on there. Stephen Bartlett's book is on there.
There are heaps and heaps and heaps of them on there.
So I've canceled my Audible subscription.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
If Audible as ever a sponsor again, get it pay
for bow why would you?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
So I've got this whole cataglogue of like books to
listen to. So look, I don't know if everyone knows this,
and I'm just in the bus behind, but if you didn't,
there you go. If you already pay for Spotify, it's
already available for you.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Wait is your recommendation? Trevor noa twice amore.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
No.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
That was just to follow up because I wanted everyone
to know that if they are already paying for Spotify,
they can get that access to that.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
So my actual vibe for the week is a podcast.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
The podcast is called Modern Wisdom and it's by a
guy named Chris Williamson.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I actually know this.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
He was originally on the first season of Love Island,
which is a very, I guess stereotypically a very big
contrast to the type of content that he does because
he does mindful content similar to markmentson kind of essence.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
He did an episode with Matthew Hussey, who has joined
the podcast before We Love Matthews.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah, he's wonderful, and Matthew Hussey is i'd say probably
the number one or most known dating coach worldwide. They
both have one point seven million Instagram followers, so this
was a collaboration of the two of them. It's called
why is Love so Hard to Find in the modern world?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Because so many men are assholes? I could tell you
I dated them all.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Well, what I really like about it is that Matthew
was very self reflective of struggles of his own dating life.
He also spoke about how it's quite difficult when you're
perceived as being this dating guru to go and date
because people assume you're not going to fuck up, and
He's like, I had so many problems. It's a different
thing to give advice and help people understand relationships to
(10:27):
what it is to actually live them. He was really
open about his vulnerabilities. So, yeah, I think it would
be good for anyone who's feeling really exhausted from dating,
and it was the type of episode that might.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Make you look at where you're going wrong within your song. Okay,
I have a recommendation.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Now, I don't know if this is a hot take
or I'm a little bit behind the eight ball, and
if I am, I apologize. But if you're someone who's
been on Netflix recently and you've seen this show and
you've thought maybe I will maybe I won't give it
a go, I am the person who had for so
long been thinking, nah, that won't be for me. And
then I watched it and I saw the first episode
and I was like, m not that hooked yet. And
(11:03):
then I watched the entire series in one single night.
That is uh, that is like seven hours of TV
if anyone wants to go back and really check it through.
So it's called One Day. Netflix has been punching it
quite a bit. It's often in the recommendation list. But
it's based on the book by David Nichols. So the
book itself has been around for a while, and I
had read the book a really long time ago, and
(11:24):
it is beautiful and tragic, and I guess I just
didn't think that the series would do the book justice,
and so I'd been giving it a bit of a
wide berth. Now, just to give you an understanding of
how it's so consumable and while you will just keep
on watching like show off shoved. Show is because the
episodes themselves only go from nineteen minutes to about twenty
nine to thirty minutes, Like they're really short little episodes,
(11:45):
and so it's really easy to kind of just like
get to the cliffhanger of the next one and then
want to know what happens. But a really brief over
you because I don't want to give anything away. But
it has Leo Woodle who is the He was like
the hot bad guy from the seconds. So he's like
the young really hot English guy that starts dating the
younger anyway, and he's like part of the group of
(12:06):
gay men.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Do you remember this, Kay? I don't know if I'm
describing him well, but.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
He is beautiful in this and then his co star
is mb commod and basically between them they meet at
university and then it spends their friendship of twenty years.
But it's this push and pull of a love story
of like are they ever going to get together? And
it is just a really really beautiful insight into relationships.
By the end of it, could not stop thinking about it.
(12:29):
It is so so well done. It is such a
beautiful story. You will all need therapy when you finish it.
But I think if you're into something that's a little
bit sugary and easy to consume, I so deeply recommend it.
And this is coming from someone who was avoiding it
like the plague. It's such a beautiful watch. So it
is my recommendation. Go and watch seven hours of one
day this weekend.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Le's get into the questions.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Now.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
This is a question that came in which I'm just
gonna summarize it because it goes into a little bit
too much detail that I think is not necessary.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
But I do think it's a very important question. All right.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
So me and my beautiful husband of ten years have
two incredible children. I love them wholeheartedly and I love
my little family. I, however, would consider having another child
if the opportunity presented itself. My husband is completely against
having another baby. This sounds very familiar to me. My
husband is completely against having another baby, and so I
(13:26):
guess I have come to the resolution that this is
what our family unit will be. As such, I have
broached the conversation with him around having a vasectomy because
I don't feel as though I should be responsible for
birth control. Now that he is the one making the
decision that he doesn't want to have any more children,
he has completely taken the idea of viseectomy off the
table and says he will not have one. And I
(13:47):
think that although he should have body autonomy, I think
it is an unfair expectation that he won't do it
when I have already given birth to our two children.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
What are your thoughts on this? I actually think this.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Extends beyond the vasectomy conversation, and for me, it broaches
into the whole onus of contraception, and it's something that
I get a little bit fired up about. And it's
I mean, I've got skin in this game. I've got PCOS,
which is a hormonal condition, and so I have found
myself leaning away from hormonal contraceptive pull out methods.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
It's not very effective. Let me tell you that two times.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Bebe sorry for the too much information into my own life,
but we've resulted in using condoms because I right now
don't want to be on a hormonal contraceptive. And I
just get really frustrated by the expectation that the onus
of contraception seems to always fall on women. So whether
that's IUD, whether it's you know, a copper one, or
(14:44):
whether it's a hormonal one, whether it's the contraceptive pill.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
There are other options.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
I'm not as familiar with them, Whereas in your particular circumstance,
you're quite open to having another child. And he's the
one who has decided that he doesn't want to have
any more children, and yet he doesn't want to change
anything about his own body. And I'm not trying to
take away from the fact that a vasectomy is a
surgical procedure.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
The procedure is actually very simple.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
It's a fifteen minute procedure that happens under anesthetic, and
researchers show that there are no adverse effects long term.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
The doctors who do them do about twenty a day.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
And I don't want to downplay that because I know
it's a big decision to have something surgically changed within
your body. If I was to compare that to what
I think women go through, particularly in terms of contraception
or in terms of childbirth, as you've done twice.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
What's noncomparable.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
It's just not I also think I think men need
to talk about vaseectomies more like I know so many
men who have had vasectomes.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Some of them have been voluntarily. I mean, actually they've
all been voluntary.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
No one's been held down, honest and abu, They've all
been voluntarily and consensually. But I mean some of the dads,
some of the husbands, were like, I'm gonna go and
get a vaseectomy because I don't want to be in
a situation of us having an unplanned pregnancy. And some
of them were at the requests of them partners who said, well,
if this is where we're at, please go and have
a vasectomy. And man and I have spoken about it
a lot because I have a lot of similarities in
(16:07):
this question because we have two children. I would like
to have another one. Matt doesn't. We've spoken about that
in the podcast. That's not news. But he won't go
and get a visseectomy yet. And so he's acknowledged that
his not wanting to go and get a visseect to
me yet means the door isn't shut. He's not saying
I'm not going to get a vasectomy, but don't get pregnant.
He's not putting that on me. He's like, I'm not
(16:28):
getting one because like I'm just not sure, like he's
not completely sure.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
I guess I assumed in your situation, the woman who's
written in that your husband is expecting you to take
care of contraception, and you haven't specifically said that, So
sorry if that's not the case. I think it's just
a societal thing that I feel exists in most Relationshipah.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
I would say, once you're in a committed relationship, majority
of contraception falls on the female.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I would say that, and this is anecdotal.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
I don't have like I'm not gone around and surveyed
individual couples, but I would say you using condoms within
you or committed relationship, keish's probably more the minority. I
would say most people have got a marina, they're on
birth control or whatever that looks like. I think it's
so interesting because you guys might remember quite a while
ago there was a male contraceptive pill that was being
tested and it was going to go to market. So
(17:14):
it was a hormonal pill that men could take that
would reduce their sperm count for a period of time.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
It actually reduced their sperm motility, which.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Was very interesting because a lot of men were like,
I don't want to feel like less of a man.
I don't want to feel less of an ejaculation, and
the scientists for like, you will not feel a difference.
It's just that your sperm will not swim fast enough.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Basically, Yeah, well, they did this big study that was
across multiple countries, had multiple male participants. But the reason
why that pill doesn't exist, So this was twenty twelve.
I think at the time the reason why that pill
doesn't exist is because too many men were dropping out
of the trial studies on the basis of side effects. Now,
I'd love to read to you some of the side
effects that were experienced by men. The most common side
(17:57):
effect was acne, and sometimes that acne was pretty Some
men also developed moodswings, and in some cases those moodswings
got pretty bad. One man developed severe depression. One thing
that they did also note is that every single one
of the side effects that were experienced by men who
dropped out of the study are also experienced by women
who go on to hormonal birth control. And so the
(18:18):
big question is is why do men have the luxury
of opting out of the consideration of birth control And
we don't, And it's because it affects our body. We're
the ones who have to carry a child. Where the
ones who are dealing with the consequences of what happens
if birth control doesn't work. That's the reality of it.
It is our issue to deal with, even though it
shouldn't just be ours. I guess the place I get
(18:40):
stuck on this is, you know, we preach body autonomy.
We talk about how it's your body, you need to
be all consenting. But I do feel that there is
a gray area when it comes to vasectomies. And the
reason why I say that is because I think, well,
if your partner is refusing to get a vasectomy, that
is okay. They are allowed to completely have body autonomy,
but they need to wear a c every time you
(19:00):
have sex. I think then the responsibility of birth control
falls on them. And you might go, oh, I don't like,
you know, I don't really want to use condoms. Condoms
are great these days, Like they are so much better
than the condoms that I was using back in my
twenties in terms of like how much you notice them.
But I guess at the end of the day, it's like,
if you don't want to take responsibility for it, and
he's the one who's putting down the benchmark of how
(19:22):
many children you are or aren't having. Then it has
to be something that he takes responsibility for in some way.
And I can understand why you feel frustrated that he's
not coming to the table. And I guess the way
in which you could approach this is understanding why asking
him why he doesn't want to have a versec to me,
because you know, if I hadn't spoken to Matt and
really understood the why, I would be angry as well.
(19:42):
I'd be like, you've said no kids and that's off
the table. Why won't you do this? You feel comfortable
sharing his reasons. Yeah, it's because he hasn't closed the door. Okay,
So his reasons weren't. It's not around like I don't
want to feel less of a man, I don't want
anyone to tamper with my body, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
His reasons were.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
I know, I say I don't want to have another kid,
but then when I think about the idea of that
option being completely off the table, He's like, something in
me feels weird by that. Something in me feels as
though maybe we need to keep the door a jar.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Just in case.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
And I appreciate that, you know, because I think that
the conversation is forever on the table for us, and
we're still evolving as our kids get older and as
our workloads change, et cetera, et cetera, and I think
that there's still a place of understanding a conversation for us.
It doesn't sound like that exists for this couple necessarily,
So I think it's really important to understand the why,
and also maybe to get your partner to go and
(20:30):
speak to a doctor or speak to someone about it,
so at least they've explored what that looks like. Because
he's assuming he knows everything there is to know about it,
he's assuming he knows how it's going to impact him,
what you know, long term impacts it's going to have.
Maybe he thinks it's going to change his manliness or
I think it's important for him to have a deep
understanding of what that looks like to then make an
informed decision so that you guys can both feel comfortable
(20:52):
about it. But I do think it's a tricky one
because I don't think you can tell him he has
to have a vasectomy. But I think it's wrong of
him to completely rule it out without exploring it when
he's the one who's setting such severe boundaries within the relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
And I do think there has been a lot of
misinformation around the sectimes for quite some time, and I
wonder how much of that is kind of used as
an excuse rather than how people actually feel. But I also,
I don't know, I don't know if I'm being a
little bit too hectic about this. A part of me
feels frustrated that you are the one who has to
like tell him to go and seek the information, because
(21:26):
we are always expected to seek information about our own
contraceptive options totally. You know what, in a heterosexual relationship,
very few men have a thorough understanding of female contraception.
And I just I get a little bit frustrated that
the onus again seems to be on you suggesting that
he go and research for sectomes or you know, like
(21:48):
they should be doing this shit themselves, Like if they've
made the decision that they don't want to have any
more children, be proactive about it. Find out what your
options are so that you have a lifestyle that you choose.
You know, I just I get a little bit annoyed
by that and I know that it exists for so
many women.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
And also viseectomies are reversible.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
While I don't think I would use that as a
benchmark though, because it's not reversible for everyone and there
can be complications. So I think if you're having a vasectomy,
you're having it because your intention is that normal kids.
You know you've come to a place of complete resolution.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Yeah. I actually do know a couple who he has
children from a previous relationship.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
He had a vasectomy.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
They've decided that they do want to have a child,
and instead of them reversing the vasectomy, they're using an
IVF procedure that can withdraw sperm in a different way.
It's really interesting. So again, it's not always closed to us.
I understand that, you know, there are concerns about quality
and whatnot.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I think it's a little bit selfish.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
I do think that if you're in a relationship with
someone they've chosen not to have any more children, they
have the opportunity to take some responsibility for contraception, especially
when you, as a woman, have provided them with two children.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
You have birth two children, you have grown two children.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Your body has made so many sacrifices for your relationship.
You have up until the point of having kids controlled
the birth control aspect. Then you got pregnant, did everything
that you had to do, birth out two kids, maybe
breastfed them if you could or couldn't. Like, you know,
your body's done the work, You've done everything. They just
have to go into a doctor and have a fifteen
minute procedure on their lunch break. Like, I know that
(23:19):
we need to respect body autonomy, but come the fuck on,
So I do. Part of me think I agree with her,
but I think approach it with a bit more empathy
because you'll get a better outcome, and try and get
him to go and seek out a bit more understanding
around what it actually requires.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Question number two. I don't know how to.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Answer this one, and I think that this one's more
subjective than what it is having a black and white,
clear cut answer. Sometimes I house it and look after
people's animals in their homes when they go away on holidays.
I'm at a house right now, and I just discovered
that there is an indoor camera in the kitchen slash
living area after having a very hot sex session with
(23:57):
my partner pretty much right in front of it. It
sounds like an accidentally unfiltered I have also been walking
around completely butt ass naked or just in my undies
when it's hot. I did ask the owners about cameras
and security before agreeing to house it, and they only
informed me about one at the front door. What do
I do now? Do I ask them about it? Or
should I just ignore it and pray that camera wasn't
(24:19):
recording or that nobody saw anything. And they don't have
first class pawn stored somewhere on their eye cloud, do
not ever acknowledge it? I feel so awkward for you,
but also good for you first class porn.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
You're confident in your abilities.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
I do slightly question, and not in a shameful way,
but you're bold to be having sex in someone else's.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
In their fucking kitchen, in their kitchen, I don't think that.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Okay, Oh, who's in the wrong here? Firstly, they're in
the wrong for not telling you about the indoor camera. Yeah,
although that kind of accidentally happened at BRIT's house when
Mitch stayed there because he chose to get down and
dirty on her lou which was unexpected, and she has
a camera there for when Delilah's home.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Yeah, and that I would say that wasn't BRIT's fault,
like it should not have been fucking on Bridge Fritz couch,
Like he should not have been wedging his boyfriend between
those cushions.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
That should not have happened.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Can I tell you how that came out? Because I
think this girl will enjoy this story. I was on
the phone to Mitch and he was telling me about
this hot interaction and he's like, oh, you know what
happened on the lounge And I went, Mitch, did you
turn the dog camera off?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
And immediately I just had a FaceTime. It was like,
what the fuck are you talking about? And I was like,
there's a camera there for the dog.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I know exactly where it's like, could not be pointing
more at the couch in this situation.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
It wasn't turned on, the power wasn't on, so he
wasn't secretly filmed.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
But yeah, like viscerally.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Awkward and so uncomfortable for you. I don't like the
fact that they lied about it. What would I do
in this situation? I would do two things. First, I
would check if it's the type of camera that has
a memory card in it, because then I would take
the memory card out and I.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Would clear the fuck out of it, Billy delete.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Secondly, I would not bring it up because I think
if they don't know and you alert them of it,
although it's weird and wrong, I think human nature like
curiosity that killed the cat, could come into play here
and they would may be more inclined to look at it.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Oh yeah, I feel two things. Firstly, I think it
is an invasion of your privacy, and I just want
to get that out of the way because I don't
want to like brush over that. But if you have
agreed to how sit someone's house and you've asked specifically
about cameras and they have not been forthcoming with it,
that is a gross invasion of your privacy.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
And I wouldn't be house sitting their house again.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
And I can understand why you want to bring it
up with them, almost in a way that would feel accusatory,
like have you been watching me in your anyway. I
just think it's pretty gross. But secondly to that, I
think we could also play Devil's advocate. There's a very
good chance that it's not turned on. They don't use it.
Like we had a good cam like a dog cam
in our house. It was just set up. It was
(27:03):
never plugged in. It was never actually never even it
was probabed in. We never were organized enough to download
the software to actually set it up. So that's a
very real possibility as well. And I think you could
probably go and look at it and figure out can
you see from a Google cam whether it's got a
light on or anything. I have no idea, see, I
never turned it on.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Okay, but let's get that part of it aside, because
you all know the seriousness of invading someone's privacy, but
now you're in a situation where you just simply don't
know if they do or don't have footage.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Firstly, I would.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Say, it's a big shout to be fucking in someone's kitchen.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Who your house sitting?
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Like, if I had someone house sitting in my house,
I would be surprised to find out that they had
like gone for it on all hard services. I would
be like, okay, cool, Like didn't really think that that
would be happening. But you know, please use some wind
ACKX and some spray and white. Do they have the
right to tell you.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
How you're allowed to live inside their house?
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Though?
Speaker 3 (27:55):
If they're paying you. Yeah, I think that there needs
to be it's you're employed. If you weren't being employed
to dog sit, you're not being employed to have sex
in their house. Like I would say that that's kind
of and maybe I'm being too much of a proud
with this, but I don't think that you can treat
their house as though it's completely your house if you're
being paid to dogs if you're doing it out of
the generosity of your own home and also because you
(28:15):
have a bit of an awaking and go for gold.
But I do also think like you are an employee
of that person if they're paying you, so potentially not cool,
But I would go down the route that you have suggested, Keisha.
Do not bring more attention to something that could just
fly under the radar, because the reality is they're not
sitting on their laptop twenty four to seven watching that
(28:37):
Google cam.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
They're simply not.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
They're probably only watching that Google cam for when something
has gone wrong. You know, we have Google cams at
Tony May. I have never ever and we can see
our staff, we can see customers coming and going. I
have never logged in and watched anyone ever except for
one time, and that was because well, some staffs were
doing some very naughty things and so I was able
to log in and go, Okay, the story I'm getting
(28:59):
doesn't match up to what's happening, and I was able
to see the footage.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
But that was a very isolated incident.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
I would think that most people are not using Google
Cam just as a data day surveillance. Maybe that is
naive to say that, but I would think people have
better things to do with their time.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
The only other part I want to add to this
is that, let's say you didn't know these people personally,
and you were employed through like an external website or app,
you know that you can get people to come and
dog sit or house it. I would probably contact the
company and just let them know that they had lied
about having cameras in the house, because it actually really fucked.
(29:38):
And I don't want to dismiss how problematic that is
to fly to someone who's going to be in your
home about the fact that they've got an indoor camera
because of the exactly like this is not just about
having sex. Like I've dog sat for my family and
for my friends, and I have walked from the shower
to whatever room I want completely naked, because that's what
(30:01):
I wanted to do at the time, and that didn't
feel inappropriate or uncomfortable. And if I had a found
out after the fact that they had a camera, I
would have felt very violated.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
But I do think that there is a big difference
between having a camera in a kitchen, which probably is
an entry point to the house, versus having a camera
in a bedroom. You know, I feel very different about
the location of the camera. I think it depends where
the bathroom is. Yes, totally, but I would say that
by the sounds of things, the place in where the
camera has been set up is not because they're trying
to catch you out for doing the wrong thing.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
It's a security one.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
And so maybe when they said, oh, there's just one
near the front door, maybe that is near the front door.
Maybe that is the one they were talking about. Maybe
you interpreted front doors like at the front door, but
in their mind they're like, no, that just captures people
coming and going from the front of the house. I
don't know, I'm deeply playing Devil's advocate here, but I
would say, what good is going to come from having
that conversation with them directly apart from pointing them to
(30:54):
the footage that you don't want them to see.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
That's the only outcome that's going to happen, So I
would say nothing.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Ever, take care of fighter again and just fucking leave
and have hot sex in your own house.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Alrighty.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Question number three do you think sexual chemistry can grow?
I met up with a guy from Hinge, had a
great chat, lots of laughs and things in common, but
couldn't picture myself kissing him. I usually rely on it
from the get go, but I'm trying to date guys
I wouldn't usually initially pick since the guys that I
do feel instant chemistry with haven't worked out. Right.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Yeah, I look, Yes, I think chemistry can grow, especially
if you know you're the problem. If you know you
have like you're attracted to naughty, naughty boys that treat
you badly, then yes, I think explore the possibility.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Of dating someone else.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
But I think that there has to be a time
frame of pushing a thing up a hill that doesn't exist,
because if there's no chemistry at all and you don't
want to have any sort of intimacy with them, that
is a friend that is not a potential sexual partner,
do you know, I mean, you don't. You never want
to be in a situation where you're forcing yourself to
be intimate with someone in the hope that intimacy will grow.
(32:11):
But I do think it's very very important to be
self aware as to whether you are the problem and
you are prioritizing chemistry way too much over a more comfortable, safe, deeper,
more meaningful connection with someone. And I know that I
have definitely been the person in the past that would
only ever prioritize chemistry, and.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
That did not get me very far. It got me
cheated on.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
So you had to go on a show and abstain
from being sexual for three months.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
You know, It's funny.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I was actually talking about this with a friend on
the weekend and we ended up speaking about Esther Perell's book,
very famous book, Mating in Captivity, And what I took
away from that book was that we can't expect this
lust and this mystery and this deep, deep chemistry of
that desire in the same person that we expect to
(32:59):
be reliability and comfortability with. And for most people, I
think they try to find a place on the scale
between those two extremes where they feel comfortable.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
See, I think that that more pertains to long term relationships,
because I think it is very possible to have really
deep chemistry with someone who does end up being a
great person that provides you with all those things. But
I think it's very dangerous to only care about chemistry.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
That's where I had gone wrong in the past.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
So I think I, without knowing it, and without actually
really examining my own behavior, I had chased that lust
and that mystery to such an extreme that it left
me in a position where I kept on wondering, like
why does this not work out with anyone?
Speaker 3 (33:44):
You know?
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Like why can't I find these good qualities in the
same person that I have this deep chemistry for, And
for me, I kind of saw it a little bit
more black and white. I needed to realize what I
was going to prioritize more. Was I in a phase
of my life where I wanted a great relationlationship that
had comfortability, had reliability, Or was I in a phase
where I wanted this lustrous mystery and I kind of
(34:08):
dated accordingly and I ended up in a really good relationship.
So I think there is an amount of self awareness,
like you said, laws where you may need to examine
what you're used to might be very far on the
end of that scale, and perhaps you need to kind
of pull back your expectations of what chemistry looks like
for you.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
But I do think be careful because I think sometimes
you know, you can read all the self help books
you can, you can hear, Okay, don't prioritize chemistry. Prioritize
a really good guy, and then you know, build a
relationship of that. But you can overcorrect, and there has
to be some sort of something, like I'm talking, something
that goes beyond just the nice feelings of a friendship
(34:45):
in order to build a sexual chemistry and sexual relationship
with that person. I don't think that you can spark
that match from nothing just because you want to.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, that's very true. It's a very hard thing to force.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
And another kind of light bulb moment that I had
when I was, you know, really dive and dick. I'm
sorry to be talking about myself, but I think it
will be quite relatable from what you've said, because I
felt very similar. I learned about different types of attraction,
and I know that most people will be aware of
most of these, but for me, a real light bulb
went off when I learned the difference between physical, romantic,
and sexual attraction. So physical being like you want to
(35:19):
be touched by the person. Emotional being you you know,
like the way that they think you like their personality.
Romantic attraction is a type of attraction where people desire
a romantic relationship with someone, and different to that is
sexual attraction.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
So that's your desire to have sex with them.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
So many times for me, I was dating guys that
I could I thought were really good people. So emotional attraction, yes,
physical attraction. I liked being touched by them, I liked
them holding my hand. I could also acknowledge that they
were physically objectively attractive people. I thought they would be
awesome in a relationship, but for some reason, I just
didn't want to have sex with them.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
And I was so confused. I was like, why, Like
all of the boxes are being ticked. I like being touched.
I like, you know, like they're not being mean enough
to me.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
It may well have been that, but I realized that
I didn't have that sexual attraction for them, and figuring
out those different categories made it a lot easier for
me to identify.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
And you're exactly right. Laws. You can't force it if
you do not have any sexual attraction for them at all.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Forcing yourself into that situation is probably just going to
make you feel a bit resentful and get the yck.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
But I do I mean it's okay to give a
little bit of a chance for that to grow.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
I think you might not feel it on the first date.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
You might go on a second date and you're like,
oh my god, they're amazing, Like, let's just see go
on a third day. And I would hope that you
do it slowly in a way so that you are
able to be perceptive over whether you're feeling attracted to
them or not, because if you go on a third date,
then you feel that there's this expectation to sleep with
them because you've done like a three date rule. Like
you know, you don't want to be in a situation
(36:52):
where you feels uncomfortable and it doesn't feel great to
kind of build that intimacy. But I think it is
a good idea actually, when you know that you have
been attracted to the wrong things in the past and
you're trying to rewrite a pattern because you're saying, like
I do this patent things in my relationships. I've read
the self help books and I want to rewrite a pattern,
and I acknowledging that this is an issue for me.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Give these opportunities.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
Give these people that you're dating who are great people
who you don't feel that like h for a chance,
and maybe that's three dates, Maybe that's you know, a
couple of weeks of investing time and energy and see
if it grows. But if it hasn't, then that's okay,
that just wasn't the person. Because I do think it's
important to acknowledge that you can have an element of both.
(37:35):
You're not supposed to completely sacrifice chemistry and sexual attraction
for a stable relationship. And if you've ever heard that
that's the case, you've been lied to. You can have
both of those things, but they just live on different scales.
And I think it's dangerous when you only prioritize chemistry,
because chemistry sometimes can be so strong, so undeniable, that
(37:55):
it leaves you thinking, how can this not possibly work?
How can we not possibly be meant to be together?
And the issue with that is that you end up
lowering your standards because they'll do something that is wrong
that normally you would walk away from, but because the
chemistry is there, you go, I'll give it another chance,
and then slowly that erodes your sense of self worth.
So I think you're going into this relationship with your
(38:16):
blink is not on, and so it's a really safe
and great place to be.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
I think for me, chemistry poisoned me, Like chemistry made
me blind to so much bad behavior, exactly like you
said of I just kept thinking, oh, but it's so
good meant to be when it's really really like the
highs are so high, how can this not be something
that I'm supposed to be in? And that was me
Craven Dop for mean and chasing Dop for mean. So yeah,
(38:43):
I very much agree with every single thing that you've said.
I think it could be good for you to try
and look at this as a whole picture and not
just focus on the chemistry, like do you also try
and think about the other things you like? Do you
like holding their hand? Do you like other elements of
physical touch? And just work out what it is from
this person that you're not feeling this really intense desire.
(39:05):
You said you couldn't pitch yourself kissing him.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Which is a that's very concerning.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Maybe just you know what, maybe just kiss him and
see if you like it. I feel like that's not
putting too much of yourself, you know, lock and lips
with someone on the big scale.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Kissed so many people they didn't want to. It's fine.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
So many frocks, so many fucking frocks, might surprise you
if you might kiss him and be like, oh, that
was better than what I thought. And if you kiss
him and it's not, you know, you've got no sexual
attraction there.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
This question is so weird, and I love it all right.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
My boyfriend just told me that when he was at
his best friend's house the other night, he lost a game,
and part of that was that he had to drink
his besties baby mama's breast milk. We don't have kids yet,
so he had to drink his best friend's partner's breast milk.
We don't have kids yet, and I always thought mine
would be the only breast milk that he would try.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I don't know how I feel about all this.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
I'm kind of grossed out and feel upset that he
tried another woman's breast milk, But I don't know if
I'm overreacting or not. He also thinks it's fine because
it's just the same thing as drinking female cow milk.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
No, it's not. This is not the same as your
full cream cappuccino. Guys, this is a betrayal.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
I never thought we would unpack on the podcast, but
here we are, and I'm glad we are.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
Ah, I'm a little curious.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Firstly, I don't think you're overreacting, but I'm curious as
to why you care this much. Do you care because
it's weird, which I think is fair, or do you
care because you're jealous, which I do not think is fair.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
I don't know if I think it is okay. Maybe
I'm going to be in the minority on this and
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
I haven't experienced it. You've got more skin in this game.
But I just don't think it's that weird.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
I think we make a lot of it, Like I
think we make a very big deal about breast milk,
being that it's weird that you know.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Oh you want to try it. Look, it came out
of you, guys.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
It's fucking weird that someone one day walked into a
paddic and decided to milk a cow that's weird, like
that we milk goats, that we eat chicken eggs, like
all of that is weird. I guess for me, there
is zero sexual connotation to breastfeeding and to breast milk,
so I don't get the jealousy factor of it. And
I guess kind of like, I think maybe it's because
(41:25):
breast milk has some stigma and it is something that's
very ugly unless you've produced it yourself.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (41:32):
I don't feel anything about it. If Matt wanted to
try it, he's tried it. If Matt's friend wanted to
try my breast milk, I'd be like, here, try if
you wanted to try my breast milk. Piece, do you
want to try my breast milk? But I guess I
think it is weird, And maybe I'm in a like
I said, maybe I'm in a minority. There might be
other mums listening to these who are like Laura, you're
cooked and you're on your own. But I think it
(41:54):
is weirder to you because you haven't been around it yet,
you haven't maybe produced it, you haven't had a baby,
and so like in your mind, this is this thing
that you were going to share with your partner. But
like having your partner try your breast milk isn't really
a super special moment. Might be for some people, it
certainly wasn't for me. I guess it depends on how
they try it. Did he get it from the sauce
(42:20):
that he's jealous.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
That would be a very understandable reason to be jealous.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
But if he's just having a nip out of the fridge, fine, weird,
but fine.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
I think it's very unusual. I think breast milk is
a very personalized thing. I know that we sexualize it
because it comes from women's boobs.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
I get that there's.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
Probably levels of feminism here that I'm defying, but it's
strange and I just to me and he was a game,
and I guess he kind of had to do it
as a.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
You know, he lost a bit.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Yeah, But I also don't think it's the same as
drinking cow milk. So I understand the shades of gray
in this where you feel uncomfortable. I just don't want
you to feel uncomfortable because you're jealous of the fact
that it was another woman.
Speaker 3 (43:03):
Well, it's the line here for me that I guess
I'm kind of like, look, it's happened, and I feel
like you guys just have to move past it and
you have to get over it. But when you say,
we don't have kids yet, and I always thought mine
would be the only breast milk he tried to me,
that comes from a place of jealousy. That comes from
a place of feeling as though you've missed out on
something that you thought you were supposed to share with
your partner, which, oh yeah, part of me understands that
(43:26):
part of me is like, okay, like I understand. You know,
everyone has different things that they think that they will
be the only one to experience with their partner. So
maybe you feel like that's a missed opportunity, which you
can explain to him why you feel like maybe a
little bit of the you know, the milestones that, no
matter how weird they might be to some people, the
milestones that often couple share when you have a baby,
(43:48):
one of them is for some guys they're like, let
me try and see what that tastes like, or partners say,
let me try, let's see what that tastes like. So
I understand that that might be the thing that's making
you feel uncomfortable, But the same time, I guess like
it is also kind of cool in some ways that
your partner is so not grossed out by breast milk,
because it would be nice if, as a society we
(44:10):
were able to see it as like something that is
a little bit more normal and not quite so like
ill and foreign and people got so weirded out by it.
I guess that's kind of the way I'm approaching this.
How would I feel if Matt went to a party
and drank someone else's breast milk? For me, it's probably
more a case that the fact that this was a
repercussion of losing a bet makes it really juvenile. It
makes it really childish, And I would have the ick
(44:32):
that my partner, who I don't have kids with yet,
but like was so childish when he was hanging out
with his mates that that's like that's a punishment for
losing something. I'd be like, you fucking grow the fuck up.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
That's how I.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
Don't demonize them that much, because I think it's just
it's in society, drinking someone else's breast milk is perceived
as something that you don't want to do, so.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Like I I don't know.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
I don't feel as strongly about punishment being you have to.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
It's not that it's no, I don't mean that.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
I more mean that, like, this is what he's doing
on his boys' nights, that they're like doing dumb games
and then drinking each other's breast milk at the end
of it. It's like, are you nineteen? In which case
I'm sure like live a life a little bit more.
But is this the thirty five year old man who's
going to his mate's house and drinking breast milk as
a punishment? Like that to me is like, it's weird
that that that's where their sense of humor is at.
(45:21):
I guess that's probably the thing that would trigger me
more so if Matt came home and he was like, hey, honey,
I drank Josh's wife's breast milk on Saturday because I
lost a bet, my question would be why.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Like where, who are you grow up? I feel less mature.
He's just like, I'll do it. No, I would not
want to drink the breast milk.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
That's why I would be so incentivized to do whatever
it was to not lose the game. Yeah, and I
get that there are layers to this and that you
know the sexualization of it and all that. Jazz I
understand why you think it's a bit strange.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
She also didn't know that he was gonna be drink
in the breast milk.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
There are moments in relationships that you feel you are
going to be the only person to share that with
your partner. But to that, I would say, is this
theell you want to die on? Because you're going to
have a baby with him that's going to be really monumental.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
The breast milk partn is not that big a deal.
It really isn't. And I think ultimately you don't have
a lot of choices here. He's done it, He told
you about it.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
He didn't think it was a problem, hence why he
came and was so open, And that's a testament to
your relationship. You can be annoyed and frustrated, but the
only thing that you're able to do now is to
express to him ha ha pun is expressed to him
that it's made you feel something you didn't expect to feel,
and you feel a bit upset that that's what happened,
(46:45):
and then move past it because you don't have any
other choices. You're not going to break up with him
because on a dumb boy's nighty drink some other woman's
breast milk. Maybe you will, but I think that that
would be a disappointing end to a relationship if that
was the benchmark, if that's where you draw your line.
But you know, everyone's different. I think that you just
unfortunately have to kind of move past it and explain
to him that you're not okay with it. And so
then if he does it again, then that's a whole
(47:06):
other question. That's a whole other conversation about him not
respecting your boundaries or him not respecting the things that
make you feel a certain way.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
Guys, what would you do? I want to know.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
I do not even know if we can poll this,
but like, I would love to know how this would
make you feel if your husband, if your grown ass
husband came home was like, drinksare is breastfelk on Saturday?
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Lost? A bit like what would you feel in your soul?
Speaker 1 (47:31):
Maybe you'll have to switch to like nut milk alternatives
at home?
Speaker 2 (47:35):
How do you milk a nutt they ain't got titties?
Get rid of the milk in your house? All right, guys. Well, look,
that is it from us.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
If you have a question for ask on Cart, please
slide into the DMS. Also, I just want to give
you guys a reminder yesterday's episode with Diana Nayad it
was so great. It's a short listen it's only forty minutes,
but it was honestly one of my favorite interviews. And
I know that I'm biased because I was talking about
how much I want to to get her on the podcast,
but she is just incredible, and I think we can
(48:04):
often fear aging so much, and we fear the limitations
that aging can impose on us, and she contradicts every
single one of those limitations. She's in her seventies now,
but she was sixty four when she swam from Cuba
to Florida. The chat's amazing, and we covered so much.
We covered so much of her life in such a
short period of time, and I think anyone who listens
(48:26):
to it will leave that interview feeling inspired. I mean,
you might also leave you feeling as though're questioning what
are you doing with your life, but really it'll leave
you feeling inspired and empowered to do more.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
I completely agree with you.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
You can join us on Instagram at Life on Cut Podcast.
We've got the Facebook discussion group which I spend an
unhealthy amount of time in this colored Life Uncut discussion group.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
All the links will be in our show notes. And
you know the drill. Tell your mom, tell your dad,
tell your dog, tell your friends. And Shad I love
because we love love. There were no Babar bay er
(49:04):
Bay
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