June 6, 2024 • 51 mins
NAVIGATING LIFE'S STORMS: FROM AMBITION TO RESILIENCE AND FIGHTING CANCER
Join us in celebrating her successes, exploring the challenges faced, and gaining inspiration for your own journey. Remember, the path to success is a collaborative one, and you are not alone.
Main Topics:
- Cancer Diagnosis
- Advocacy and Speaking out
- Embracing Life’s Pivots
- The Energy of Surrender
- Trusting Yourself
In this episode of Anchor Your Dreams, the host brings a deeply personal conversation with a guest who shares their transformative journey from pursuing dreams to facing a life-altering cancer diagnosis. The dialogue dives into the guest's background, growing up in a military family, their numerous relocations, and eventual career in the U.S. Air Force. Moving on, the guest discusses their vibrant community-building efforts on Vancouver Island and how a sudden cancer diagnosis shifted their life's trajectory. The podcast touches on themes of resilience, the challenges within the healthcare system, the power of speaking up, and the importance of following one's purpose. This episode is a powerful exploration of adversity, surrender, and the inner strength to rebuild life with intention and joy.
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https://torvalogan.ck.page/rebeltribe
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:45):
The journey begins now.
Hello.
Hi.
How are you?
Kristin Torva (00:53):
Good.
How are you?
Good.
Meghan (00:55):
Thanks so much for coming on.
Kristin Torva (00:59):
My pleasure.
Meghan (01:00):
Okay.
So let's just start with a littlebit about you, if you want to share
where you grew up a little bitbackground of what makes you, you.
Kristin Torva (01:10):
I grew up moving around a lot.
So I was born in the UnitedStates to military family.
And my dad was assigned in differentparts of the world as I was growing up.
So I grew up in Texas.
I grew up in Germany and I grew upin Washington, DC, in Australia.
And then Texas again, cause why not?
I spent, I spent a lot of time in Texasand then he got out, my dad got out of
(01:32):
the military when I was about 13 andwe ended up moving to New Hampshire for
my last couple of years of high school.
And I ended up joining themilitary after that myself.
So then I was thinking I wasgoing to get to go to all these
wonderful places like Germany andAustralia, but I got sent to Texas.
Wait for it, Texas was disappointing,but I was, I was in the air force
(01:55):
for six years and then I got outand I just kind of lived my life
moving around a little bit myself.
I was, you know, married oncebefore Donovan and then got divorced
when my daughter was two and Imet Donovan and we were married
like within 13 months of meeting.
We lived in a
Florida, Georgia.
(02:16):
And then in 2016, we moved to Canada.
So yeah, so that's kind of justthe, like, the moving story,
which is probably its own story.
It is part of what shaped me becauseI grew up, like, just fascinated by
people and seeing at a young age that,you know, different people in different
places had different experiences.
They, Had different languages anddifferent cultures and I was just
(02:41):
enthralled by that growing up.
So,
Meghan (02:44):
oh, I'm sure that people who live many places, I find there's,
there's a story for each individualplace that they've lived in.
There really is.
And it can be, I'm sure awhole episode on its own.
So thank you for telling us alittle bit about where you're from.
Now you.
As of recent are onVancouver Island, correct?
(03:05):
In Campbell River, is that right?
Kristin Torva (03:08):
Yep.
We're going on, yeah, almostfive years in Campbell River.
And it, that will make itthe second longest I've ever
lived anywhere in my life.
Meghan (03:17):
Okay.
What was the first longest?
Kristin Torva (03:18):
No, not consecutively.
Anyway, although cumulatively, yes,unfortunately, it'll take a long time
before any other place gets that award.
But consecutively, the only other placeI've lived longest was in Asheville, North
Carolina, and I was there for six years.
So and that was like, that was, thatwas what I would have called home.
(03:39):
If anybody says like, you can only tellme one place you're from, that's usually
where I'll just tell them I'm from there.
Just cause that kind of, that, thatwas home for the heart and soul for
all of us until we had to leave.
So.
Meghan (03:52):
So where I met you is in a women's sort of business group.
That's where we kind of connected online.
We've never actually met in person, butI just wanted to say, like, there was
something about you that made me feel likeI need to go follow this person online.
Kristin Torva (04:12):
Oh, wow
Meghan (04:13):
that's where I think Instagram was the place and
just kind of connected on there.
You were kind of creating in Campbellriver, like a a weekly gathering, I think
it was weekly, like monthly, monthly.
Okay.
Yeah.
So you were working oncreating a bit of a community.
And it sounds like the focus was a biton the business side of things but in any
(04:37):
event, now here we are and you are not inCampbell River right now, is that right?
Kristin Torva (04:43):
That's right.
I am in the spare room in my parentshouse in Olympia, Washington because of
my cancer diagnosis back in September, andI'm down here getting treatment for that.
Meghan (04:55):
So it took you from like doing these monthly community meetings and sort
of like having these goals and living alife of dreams and goals to taking care
of yourself in a totally different way.
So can you tell us a littlebit for the listeners?
What that transition waslike, just in general,
Kristin Torva (05:19):
very abrupt say I liken it to kind of, you know, having a
death of the ego and now I'm in theprocess of kind of re re being reborn
you know, into, into a new life almost.
So I like to look at things dramaticallyin case you can't tell, but I was,
you know, life was, was seeminglynormal and everything was fine.
(05:39):
I had like some, what I feltlike were just kind of odd.
unrelated symptoms.
I couldn't quite, nobody could put apin on and kept getting all these like,
you know, Oh, it could be exerciseinduced asthma or irritable bowel.
But it was, you know, September 1st,I woke up with this pain in my side
and I went to the hospital the nextmorning at like four in the morning.
(06:01):
And they found that I had fluidin my lungs, fluid in my abdomen.
I had the makings of, you know, smalltumors all throughout my abdomen.
So they said, this lookslike a metastasized.
And that, that was, you know, thatwas the moment that just kind of took
the table and threw it out, you know,I think for the first couple of weeks
of that diagnosis, like I kept tryingto go on as everything was normal.
(06:22):
Like even the business group youmentioned, I even like had a workshop that
I was going to be doing at the next event.
And.
It was like right upuntil the morning of that.
I was still like, I'm going tojust, just going to push through.
And the morning of I feltso physically terrible.
I was like, I can't, I can't do this.
I need to stop what I'm doing.
And and same with the, you know,the groups, the group meetups,
(06:44):
I had one in early September andI had to say, you know, I can't
make it, but you guys go ahead.
And now it just kindof stopped everything.
And then I went through, I just like,I did nothing, but focus on my health.
From that point,
Meghan (06:59):
yes, I mean, in general terms, yeah, that sort of
abrupt happening, trying.
That's all we know how to do is thethings that we're already doing right
until we're literally like in that.
Okay.
Something inside is saying, I have.
To do something differentthan I have been.
(07:20):
And it sounds like that's kindof where you came to the morning
of that meeting was like, okay, Ican't carry on doing all the things.
Now, at what point were you sort of inthat mode of like, okay, now I'm full
of doctor's appointments, figuring outwhat the next step is for my health.
Kristin Torva (07:41):
As soon as I had that emergency room visit, that kicked off
this flurry of doctor's appointments.
I went to go see my, my doctorthat following Tuesday, because
it was Labor Day weekend.
And you know, it was the samekind of thing of like, this
looks like metastasized cancer.
This is very serious.
This is a life limiting condition.
And she set me up with a gynecologist.
(08:01):
But they didn't know what Thecancer origin was like, what
kind of cancer do you have?
They, they could not tellfrom the scans, right?
They can't tell you that.
So it became this like processof find the cancer and get it
diagnosed for about two weeks.
And I finally it was doing afluid draw out of my lungs.
That then they sent thatoff and that got diagnosed.
(08:23):
So it was like the 18th of Septemberwhen I finally got a diagnosis and that.
slowed that that like puta stop to the appointments.
And then it was the waiting game.
Okay, so we have a cancer diagnosis.
Now we're waiting for BC cancerto call us and say, okay, here's
your oncology appointment.
And here's the treatmentplan and this and that.
So,
Meghan (08:44):
so it goes from like your GP sort of care provider and then
BC cancer takes over all of the kind
Kristin Torva (08:53):
of, yeah, it's interesting because even though they suspected
cancer in BC, they can't refer you toBC cancer until they have a confirmed.
biopsy or diagnosis of some kind,which is really hard when the
cancer is in your abdominal orpelvic cavity anywhere, right?
It requires surgical biopsy, or inmy case, fortunately, there was fluid
(09:15):
they could biopsy and that confirmedthe cancer, but they can't even refer
you to BC Cancer until they have that.
And like I said, they had to kind oftry to track it down, which is Ironic
because they're not oncologists.
So how do you go and track downwhat the cancer is if you're not
an oncologist, but you can't see anoncologist until you have the diagnosis.
And it was just this weird it'snot that way in every province.
(09:36):
I know that from talking to other people.
So it was kind of like an unnecessaryhurdle that we had to go through.
But from, from that point, once BConcology, you know, or BC cancer picks it
up, then you're in, you know, The care of,yeah, then that's the next step is okay.
What's the cancer care going to be?
What's the treatment plan?
Meghan (09:55):
Right.
So you got to that point then of someonetaking on your health file here in BC.
Is that right?
You got the oncologist.
Kristin Torva (10:08):
Well, they, yeah it was, like I said, it was
September 18th, I got my diagnosis.
And you know, this whole time when Iwas diagnosed, I was already stage four.
And my condition was progressing,deteriorating really rapidly.
There was more and more fluid in my lungs.
I was becoming less mobile.
I was in pain, like, just layingdown, trying to go to sleep.
(10:29):
I couldn't, you know you know, And sowe're waiting, we have no idea when
BC Cancer is going to call, what'shappening with the file, nothing, right?
All I know is that my condition isgetting worse and we've heard nothing.
And so I didn't actually get a callfrom BC Cancer until I think it was to
schedule my first oncology appointment.
And they called me around, I thinkit was the 26th of September.
(10:51):
And that actually happened tobe the day that I decided I
wasn't going to wait anymore.
And I was going to, I was just, I hadjust gotten to the United States, like
a few hours prior to them calling me.
Meghan (11:03):
Wow.
Okay.
That was going to be my next questionwas like, was there an overlap?
Did you get the call?
And then understand that you know, evenwith the call from the BC side of things,
that it didn't sound like they were takingit serious and then go to the States.
Can you shed a little bit more lighton what took you from BC to Washington?
Kristin Torva (11:31):
There was a couple of clues along the way.
So when we were in the emergency roomthat, that first weekend where we got, you
know, kind of, it just looks like cancer,that ER doctor actually told us, you know,
because my husband, He loves, he asks allthe right questions and he was like, what,
what, what is this going to mean for us?
Like terms of how longwas it going to take?
And he said, honestly, if you havethe means and ability to go to another
(11:51):
country to get treatment, I would do so.
So that was our first clue.
Like all is not well here.
Now I had been told by my doctor, mygynecologist, you know, your priority
because you're young, you're athletic,you're this, that, but the surgery
wait times are three to four months.
So that didn't sound good either.
(12:14):
So, you know, these, these indicationswere already like not so good.
And I knew a couple other people thathad cancer and had had some issues
with getting timely treatment and care.
So my trust, honestly,wasn't there to begin with.
They certainly, you know, You know,yeah, they didn't really do anything to,
to change that opinion of, but so withall of that and with my deteriorating
(12:35):
condition you know, our biggest concernwith me coming down here to the States
was how are we going to afford that?
So it was when I talked to agirlfriend of mine who is also a US
veteran and she was like, no, no,the VA will, will take care of you.
You know, here's, here'swhat you need to do.
So I said, okay, well, I don't knowif this is going to work, but I've
(12:56):
got to take a chance because likeyou know, I'm like, at this point, I
know that I'm facing death basically.
And I, that was not, I wasn'tgoing to sit around and wait.
For someone else to, to save me, right?
So that's why I came to theStates and you know, kind of,
I let BC cancer do its thing.
And I, I participated in that process withthe hopes that I could go home because
(13:19):
Lord knows, I would have much rather donethe treatment at home with my husband and,
you know, my daughter nearby and in thecomfort of my own home in my community.
But yeah, it didn't work out that way.
Meghan (13:31):
So you've been separated from your family since September,
like, just closer to the end, butstill since September and how, how
has that sort of played a role inyour overall Recovery and health being
separated from the support system.
Kristin Torva (13:54):
Mentally it's very difficult for really difficult.
You know, the days there's a lot of dayswhere it's just, you know, we're, we're
facing two different realities right now.
Like my husband and I in particular,you know, he's up there, he's working
his tail end off trying to keep.
I'm not working.
Our finances are in shambles.
We're having to sell the house andit's like all on his shoulders.
(14:17):
So he's like constantlybusy and doing that.
And I'm over here, you know, trying todeal with the repercussions of my health.
And at the same time, you know, we bothhave not had process time to process
a lot of this together, you know, oflike, I almost died and I've got this.
Cancer that while, you know, onceI complete this treatment, like
(14:39):
It has a high recurrence rate.
It has, you know, I have a 30to 45 percent chance of living
through the next five years.
So there's a lot emotionallythat, you know, just comes with
this, this type of cancer and it'snot, it's not easy for anybody.
But I think being apart has justmade it really, has added extra
challenges to this that nobody needs.
(15:01):
So it's been really hard.
Meghan (15:03):
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
Now, one of the so the pivotalmoment for you has been being
diagnosed with stage four ovariancancer and coming close to dying.
Like that's.
That's in short, really where thingswere at for you coming close to dying.
Kristin Torva (15:20):
Yes.
Meghan (15:21):
I, I don't want to tip toe around that because I think it's really
important for listeners to understandthat we can really be living this
life, this beautiful life where we'rebuilding community and we are doing all
the things we're into personal growthand business growth and all the things.
And literally you, youknow, in weeks can be.
(15:44):
Put into this system, which is supposedto help you and in turn drops the ball.
And so again, so you were in thisplace of coming very close to dying.
So now you're, you've had surgeryand, and although you're in
(16:06):
recovery of that surgery, there'sstill so much on the line for you.
So what I just wanted to, to sortof bring that to is, you know, some
of the points and intentions ofthis conversation is talking about
adversity and gift of opportunity.
So how, how has that played outfor you in, in recent weeks here?
Kristin Torva (16:31):
Yeah.
You know, so I, I think I'll, I'lljust share, I've always been somebody
that has, I've been a challenger, youknow, like my little, little Kristen,
little Torva was, you know, my parentswould say, don't touch that stove.
It's hot.
And I would touch it because I justneeded to feel and experience it myself.
And I was always that way.
(16:52):
And so, you know, getting thisdiagnosis, coming down here, BC
Cancer calls, I have my oncologyappointment with them, and they say
they're going to get me in right away.
Five weeks went by, and I finallycalled them and said, what happened?
And found out that BC Cancer referralto the Campbell River Hospital for
my chemotherapy, never got made.
(17:14):
And so I went public with thatbecause I, I knew already that
there were issues in the system.
I did not know how bad theywere, but I wanted people to
know what my experience was.
And, you know, thus kicks off,I'm on the news talking about it.
Health Minister Dix says something like,you know, the system doesn't always get
(17:34):
it right, but you can lodge a complaint.
And that just set me off, not just forme, but for everybody else in the province
that is going to have to deal with it.
Like one in two people aregoing to get this diagnosis.
Of a cancer diagnosis in their lifetime.
So half the province is relying onthe system and their family members
are relying on the system to takecare of their loved ones with cancer.
(17:58):
That was just so unacceptable to me.
So I did, I just, I penned myfrustration into an open letter.
And then that got picked up and, youknow, all this time more people are
coming forward with their stories.
And I'm just, you know, this, this.
Purpose this drive, this like needto push against what we've been told.
We need to just accept.
I actually had somebody tell mevery early on, Oh, you just need to
(18:21):
be patient with the cancer system.
And I, I like, they didn'tsay that to my face.
They said that throughsomebody else, which is good.
Cause I probably would have really hadsome harsh words for that, but that's
the mentality that I think we're allconditioned to, to have in Canada of
like, you know, you're lucky you have.
free healthcare.
So you just sit there andyou wait for your turn.
(18:44):
That's not to me.
That's not acceptable.
It's either universal or it's not.
And it's, if it's universal, that meanseverybody's getting taken care of.
And that's unfortunatelynot what we're seeing.
So just to kind of come back toyour question about adversity,
this for me was kind of like, okay,you've been doing some cool things.
You're going to stop that.
The moment I learned that I mighthave cancer, somewhere inside me said,
(19:05):
there is a reason this is happening.
There is a purpose in this.
You're going to just keep taking onestep after the next and it will unfold.
And, and there are these momentswhere I have like the drive
to write that open letter.
There's, there's this kind ofdivine purpose in that, that
I'm, I'm feeling it come through.
Like you need to sit downand write this letter.
(19:27):
Not with any other intent, otherthan I'm being guided to do it.
So that's kind of how this has changedmy relationship with life, I guess.
Meghan (19:39):
Yes.
Well, it sounds like that.
I mean that gift.
Oh, I'm going to get emotional.
That gift really has.
Like your voice in this has been avoice for a lot of people because
I know as well from experience withfamily that has passed away from cancer.
(20:07):
If you try to have a voice withinthe hospital system and within the
health care system, if you try,You are basically told that you
will get blacklisted in that care.
Wow.
Like, I have some family that,that has been, like, not in the
(20:28):
hospital, but in the medical field.
Yeah.
And yeah, like, that is one of the thingsthat we were told, was like, no, you,
you've pretty much asked enough questions.
Be patient.
Things will come down theline as they're supposed to.
This will happen and that will happen.
So yeah, be patient and just begrateful for what is currently
(20:53):
happening with your family member.
Meanwhile, from the outside, youknow, we're literally watching them.
Not just physically transform becauseof the cancer eating every like every
cell of their body from the inside out.
But yes, this is also the emotionalpiece of the, the, the giving up and
(21:17):
not understanding how to, how to.
To move forward, because they'rebeing told one thing by the doctors,
family's being told something sosort of to go back, because this is
something that also fires me up, is that
this gift, like, I, I, I feel like in alot of ways, this is part of the reason
(21:40):
why I was so drawn to you from the get go.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Kristin Torva (21:49):
Yeah.
Meghan (21:50):
As my life has gone on, I've realized a lot of the time that people
that come into my life, there really is.
A purpose, a reason, and I do, I feellike there's something that like,
I, I don't know how to explain it.
I know I've, I've tried topersonally message you that in the
(22:12):
past, just like, there's somethingabout you, I, I don't know.
I have to be, I have tofollow you on Instagram.
I have to connect with youin some way, shape, or form.
And that's so cool.
And interestingly enough,here we are, right?
Like the first timewe're talking is here on.
This on this platform, so.
Kristin Torva (22:33):
Right.
And just so people know like that, thatstarted before like the cancer diagnosis,
like we, we connected long before that.
So that kind of, that beingdrawn in, you know, there's a,
there's a reason for everything.
Well, exactly.
Thank you very
Meghan (22:47):
much.
'cause like, trying to like articulatethat like that that draw to you was,
was before the diagnosis and everything.
So to come back to some pivotalmoments for you, one of the big
things, and I think, you know,just in your voice right now is
reminding people that they have power.
(23:09):
And that's something that it is reallycoming through across the screen here
in how you're showing up right now andreminding the community, the people around
you, close to you, as well as listeners.
We do have power and it's a matterof an energetic power, but using
(23:31):
our voice and creating some change.
And, and of course it's goingto look different for everybody.
But if you can just share with us again,going back to sort of that gift piece and,
and feeling that power within yourself.
Kristin Torva (23:43):
Yeah, it was.
It was for me, you know, likethe, the blacklist piece is really
interesting because when I cameforward, the first piece that came
forward there's a, you know, communityFacebook of, you know, from in
Campbell river and somebody shared it.
And then somebody commented, like,I hope she doesn't lose her doctor.
(24:04):
That was the, you know, thatwas the, that was the fear.
So it, it re very realfear that people have.
And then, and I think that empowered meto speak up more because I'm like, you
know, what, worst, worst, worst casescenario, I lose like all medical care
in BC or whatever, at least I'm safe inthe United States and I can get care.
And, you know, if I, if I haveto immigrate Donovan back to
(24:26):
the United States or somethinglike, you know, I could do that.
So I felt even more compelled to speakup, but, you know, in the face of
threats like that, and whether it'simplicit or, you know, direct threat,
that even more means you actually, youhave to speak up, you have to be brave.
I know not everybody can summon thecourage, but the more we can face
(24:47):
down those kinds of threats and say,no, actually, you can't do that.
Now, yes, they, they can, butcan they get away with it is
a different question, right?
So, and in some cases they do, but.
There was a situation with a woman SheilaBissick, I think was her last name.
She came on to the news shortlyafter I did, because there was a
(25:08):
series of stories that followed me.
Some of them I had, I had brought forwardto the news and some were brought forward
by other people who I had brought forward.
So it's kind of this chain events,but she had started paying for her
own treatment in the United Statesbecause she does not want to wait.
For BC cancer and completely reasonable.
You don't wanna wait when youhave a cancer diagnosis at all.
(25:28):
And because she started doing that,her BC oncologist dropped her and said,
there's too many cooks in the kitchen.
I don't, I don't wanna,I can't take care of you.
So she wanted to transfer her careback to bc, but she was, she was kicked
outta the BC cancer system, whichmeans she has to start all over again.
Which is unconscionable and, you know,it was brought forth to BC Cancer.
(25:52):
They kind of made a generic statementof like, you know, we'll look into
it and, you know, sometimes that canhappen if the oncologist decides that
there's no need for further treatment.
But it was so clearlypunitive, you know what I mean?
But she went forward tothe news and the news.
I know the reporter that covered the storytold me that she's keeping an eye on it
(26:12):
and it's going to follow up with her tomake sure that she is getting covered.
So there are ways around.
You know, if the system is, is screwingyou over, you do have the right to
speak up against it and let the worldknow there are people out there that
will be outraged on your behalf.
I didn't share when I sharedwhat happened with BC cancer.
(26:36):
I did it on my Instagram.
I wasn't even the onethat sent it to the news.
Someone else did and the news called methe next morning and I was just like,
8am I get a call from global news.
I'm just like, oh my gosh.
So, you know, when you speak up, mypoint is when you speak up, people
will be outraged on your behalf.
People will back you when youstand in that power and you say no,
(26:58):
because We know of someone else.
We have our stories.
We have our, you know, experienceswith medical care or, you know,
whatever it is that that's wrong.
So I think know that when you standin your power, you're supported by
the universe, by God, by, you know,divinity, by the people around you,
(27:22):
you will not stand alone forever.
Like initially you do, you have to standup and you're the first one standing.
And that can be scary.
Meghan (27:31):
That is a.
Such a powerful message and voice rightthere is that while yes, you are going to
be alone and feel alone in a lot of it.
You really are not alone.
There are going to be peopleyou might not see you know, like
you said, someone else sent.
Your Instagram to the news, sosomebody else was watching and enough
(27:56):
was fired up in them to go thatextra step so you didn't have to
put the energy and in that moment,somebody else was doing that for you.
And I think that in its own self is thecommunity that we need to keep empowering.
And that's also part of the reason whyI really wanted you on this podcast and
(28:18):
why I started this podcast in the firstplace is because there, there's a lot
lost in translation on social media.
Kristin Torva (28:26):
Oh, for sure.
Meghan (28:27):
And, and so this is my way of bringing.
Power to voice.
So another sort of thing that I'd like totalk about is, is not resisting the pivot
that your life is asking you to make.
So can you share a little bitabout resistance and, and sort
of the opposite of, of that?
Kristin Torva (28:47):
Yeah.
But see, the oppositeof that is surrender.
So the resistance I had that leadingup to the diagnosis there was somewhere
in me that I knew something was wrong.
And my resistance was to gettingit checked out thoroughly.
So I tell people now like the medicalsystem is going to gaslight you,
(29:10):
they're going to delay you, they'regoing to stall you don't do any of
those things to yourself, like, take itseriously and make them prove you wrong.
You know what I mean?
So I, like I had the firstsymptom that I could have,
that was likely ovarian cancer.
Back in March and I looked up, itwas just a menstrual cycle change.
I looked that up and it's like,it could be perimenopause.
(29:31):
It could be this, it could be that.
And ovarian cancer was there, butI immediately was like, no, there's
no way I have ovarian cancer.
And so to me, like theresistance was that piece.
And I think I was also resisting someother aspects of change in my life too,
with, you know, starting to grow thebusiness of being a coach, like a business
(29:52):
and life coach and build community.
I was also holding on to kind ofmy, my other job way too tightly.
And so all of this comesto a head and boom, cancer.
You, you can't resist that.
I mean, I, though I do see people,they get that and they kind of
just keep going like nothing's.
wrong, but for me, it was like, okay,I hear, I hear the call that this is I
(30:15):
hear and, and, and facing death, likewhen you're facing death, everything
changes when you're looking at, andthen that that's just a moment of,
you don't realize how much you'retaking for granted in your life.
Until you really like are like, okay,you may not, you're not like, I would not
have made it till the end of the year.
(30:37):
And so that just, wow, that, thatthat's something that I'm going to
have to work at work through still.
That was really intenseand, and emotional.
There's no, there's no ignoring that.
And so I, I kind of came to apoint where I was like, I want to
live and I will, I will accept.
(30:58):
You know, whatever it is that I'msupposed to do in order to, to live.
Maybe I guess it's bargaining,but I, I just, I said, I let go.
Like I surrender, I will, I willdo whatever it is I need to do.
And, and I just try to kind of in thedaily practice of remembering what
that is and here and listening forthat and, and following that guidance.
(31:20):
And that's a process.
But you know, resistingis so much more energy.
Then surrender.
Meghan (31:30):
Oh my goodness.
Yes.
Yes.
Surrender has been one of these wordsthat I've really sort of come to see
a lot more in the last few years.
And just how you just explained it inyour own way was like me, like all,
everything inside was like, yes, yes, yes.
(31:52):
Resistance is so much more energy.
It takes so much more out of you.
Like,
Kristin Torva (31:58):
But we do it because fear of the unknown, fear of change,
like that fear is so powerful.
I mean, it's hardwired into us that, youknow, change is a threat to our survival.
So we're resisting that change.
But when you do just say there has tobe this trust element, like you have to
trust in universe, God, like whateveryour relationship is to divine energy.
(32:22):
You have to, yeah, you just did this.
And it reminded me of like I don'tknow if we're on video, but you
just crossed your arms over your,over your heart and shoulders.
And it reminded me of doing those,those trust falls, but essentially
that's exactly it, that's exactly it.
Meghan (32:36):
Well, and that's, that's another piece that I've started having.
Like I had this, I was talking to afriend and she was talking about some,
you know, things that she was havingthese issues with, and just all of a
sudden what came to my mind was like.
Yes.
But as soon as you start actually trustingyourself that you will take care of you,
(33:01):
things are going to change because you notlike, yes, I, I fully believe in trusting
the universe and anything bigger than whatwe are, but we also have to go inside and
trust that we will take care of ourselves.
Kristin Torva (33:16):
Yes.
Meghan (33:17):
Because I think.
That's also something thatis a resistance often.
We're, we're, a lot of times we're sort ofbrought up to not ignore our intuition and
what is best for us, but to listen to theother people in our lives that know best
because of this reason or that reason.
Like, like you with sharing aboutthe stove, like you had to, to
(33:43):
figure it out on your own, right?
Like, yep.
Kristin Torva (33:46):
And they still
tell that story, theystill tell that story.
My parents do.
That's, that's just who I am.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think a lot of people, you know,that I talk to that have challenges
with their own life, you know,often I can, I can bring it down
to they don't trust themselves.
(34:08):
You know, and then so howdo you rebuild that trust?
If you're familiar with the work of theholistic psychologist, I think she's
probably nailed how to rebuild trustwith yourself pretty, pretty well.
And she, she talks about thispractice of keeping one small
promise to yourself every day.
And make it like super easy, that promise.
You know, like I will havea glass of water today, like
(34:30):
be that and then keep it.
And what's interesting is, you know,as I was working on my own self trust
years ago, I would find that whateverthat promise was, it could be something
that was already doing every day.
I would try to avoid doing it.
So then you have to, yeah.
So it gets deep, but self trust is.
just key to, to life, I think.
(34:52):
How do you, how do you get throughlife if you don't believe that you
have what it takes to get through life?
Meghan (34:58):
Well, and I think that is, yeah, like you said, it can go really
deep and, and I just am startingto really clue in a lot more to
some of these things and cluing in.
That's another thing I wanted to sortof talk about, you know, some of the,
one of the A connection that I feel likeyou've made in a lot of these transitions
(35:23):
for you over these last few months isthat the world is actually awakening.
And that, you know, we channeldifferent things and purpose.
So can you share a little bitmore about, you know, what your
experience has been from yourperspective on the world awakening?
Kristin Torva (35:44):
Hmm.
It's been, you know, I've been watchingit kind of for the last few years.
And I think there's, there'smultiple aspects to it.
It's awakening to the world aroundus as it truly is versus kind
of taking, taking off the thepresentation that we've been handed
of, you know what the world truly is.
is, but, but isn't.
(36:06):
I think the last few years have reallybrought a lot of people's awareness
to reality, which is phenomenal.
Then I think there's also this awakeningto who we are as divine beings.
Like once you start stripping away thissense of, you know, the presentation
that we're given and it's almostlike if you've, if you've ever been
(36:28):
to Disney World, there's there'sDisney Villages nearby Disney World.
And it's like, Or any Epcot center, right?
So they take like these cultures andthey put this cartoon kind of veneer
over, over how they present them.
And it's, it's like that I think is howthe world we're living in is like this
cartoon veneer of what we really are.
(36:50):
It's very surface level.
Once you start stripping that away,we get to understand that we are
like these really deep, energeticbeings that we have all of this,
you know, potential Creatively.
We have, you know, this, thismanifestive capability, we have all
of these, these aspects to ourselves.
And I'm seeing more and more people, youknow, when, when the law of attraction
(37:13):
kind of came out with the secret in 2008,it wasn't new then, but it, you know,
it, there was, there was other, otherworks, but it kind of hit popular culture.
And then it kind of fizzled out.
But now I hear people like talking about,you know, manifesting and energy and
attracting things like all over the place.
(37:34):
So I'm seeing this like broadening senseof what we are capable of as humans.
And I would say my experienceto that is It's not just about
manifesting stuff for you.
It's not just about like, you know,getting the money and the car and the,
you know, it's also about how can youbring that energy forth to create a
(37:56):
better world for, for everybody, foryourself, for your children, for your
children's children, for your community,that energy is, is available to us for
multiple purposes, not just for our own.
Material gain.
And I am some seeing that thinkingin the pockets of change that we're
seeing right now in the world.
Meghan (38:18):
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.
It is something that you are able to see.
I think I think we do get so caughtup in a lot of the day to day things
that sometimes we don't feel theenergy as much and it can be hard.
We need to have conversationsabout it to understand that, right.
(38:41):
You know, like even just you sayingthat the pockets of change and things
like that, it's like, yes, okay.
Right.
So yes, I'm in my own little world rightnow dealing with X, Y, and Z over here.
But yes, that's right.
There are pockets of change happeningoutside of this realm right now.
Kristin Torva (38:59):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I feel for me, thepurpose, you know, I don't.
I don't know where this roadgoes, but I'm following it anyway.
And sometimes that's what having apurpose feels like sometimes it's
more like, you know, my husband isa musician and that's his purpose.
And he knows that.
And he's known that since he wasfour and that's amazing to me.
(39:23):
And I always like had this sense of envy.
Cause I was like, I don'tknow, I have a purpose.
I just don't know what it is now.
I'm, you know, I'm like, okay,I still can't tell you what the
end goal is, but I'm still goingto keep walking down this road.
So I think purpose shows upin different ways for people.
So if you don't have that sense of purposeyet, that's as, you know, clearly defined
(39:43):
as my purpose is to create music, thenit's just no, like, what's the next step
in your, in your soul that you're saying,you know, what are you curious about?
What are you, you know,what are you fired up about?
And just do that next thingand know that it's going to
take you where you need to go.
Meghan (40:00):
Oh, yes.
I love that because I, I tell youevery time I've done some kind of like
immersive experience of like trying tofind my purpose and put it into words.
Oh my gosh.
I do not have an elevator pitch.
Kristin Torva (40:17):
Thank you.
Meghan (40:19):
Right.
Like what I feel deepinside me is beyond words.
Like that's.
It just really is like my purpose, likesure, I can minimize it to I love helping
people, but that doesn't feel enough.
Kristin Torva (40:35):
It takes
away,
right?
Yeah, right?
So like, so
I love
how
you just said that.
That's great, but in the exact same way.
And when you said elevator pitch,It's interesting because imagine like
here we are, these multidimensionalspiritual beings having a human
experience and we're trying to come upwith an elevator pitch to express our
(40:57):
fundamental purpose on this planet.
Like that does sound kind ofcrazy when you say it that way.
Meghan (41:04):
Right.
And yeah, but yeah, so howcorporate of us, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kristin Torva (41:10):
That's,
That's great.
Meghan (41:12):
Which is one of the things like over the years I can't remember what
I was doing, but I was doing somethingcreative and the idea of a compass came
up and just following your true north.
That to me, like, as long as I amfollowing my true north towards that
(41:32):
Purpose, if purpose was North andjust, yeah, just continuing to follow.
It might look different one way.
It might look different.
You know, the process to get tothere might be different for me.
But as long as I'm staying on thatpath of that true North to me,
that's when I know that I'm doingwhat I'm supposed to be doing.
Kristin Torva (41:54):
Yes, absolutely.
And I, that's brilliant.
You feel it.
You know, it's a feeling like if, ifsomething is off the path, you feel it.
One of my clients has, you know,she's, she's running a practice dental
practice and she has, her passion isfor the dentistry, for the, you know,
(42:15):
for the medicine, the dentistry isstudying becoming a better dentist.
She sometimes gets caught up in thebusiness stuff and I'm like, that's
not, and she, she doesn't like that.
That's not her jam.
And so I, you know, it's like, okay,well Let's have someone else deal with
that stuff and get you back over here.
Cause that's what you're here to do.
And you, that's what I mean.
Like you feel it when it's that feelingof like, I don't like what I'm doing.
(42:37):
Or, you know, this doesn't feel right.
That's the wrong direction.
That's not your true North.
What is your true North andhow can you get back on path?
Meghan (42:48):
So, yeah, exactly.
And oftentimes it really does.
It can come out of left field.
Oh, this actually feels right.
Okay.
I'm writing this down, youknow, like when, when I.
decided to do this podcast, it waslike this super intense feeling I had.
And I was like, I've gotto write all the notes.
I have to just start.
(43:10):
And like, I'm sitting on theplane and I'm just like, okay.
You know, in my phone and just like, do,do, do, do, do, do, do, do, or just like,
it just, and it just all came to me.
Kristin Torva (43:20):
That's wonderful.
That's amazing.
Because you wouldn't have thought youwould have been, and that's what I mean
by like, take one step and then thenext, like, when you started creating the
jewelry, like you wouldn't have thoughtyou were going to be doing a podcast.
Meghan (43:32):
No, no.
And that's the thing with me is like, Ilove doing a lot of creative things, but
again, my true North is helping people.
And I also I'm an Aquarius andlike, I really identify with the
humanitarian side of being an Aquarius.
(43:54):
And one of the things I also thoughtof this year for me is like, I
really need to tap into that more.
And I feel like that is also whenI start to feel more aligned.
So, but to not to talk aboutme, cause this, this, this,
this whole conversation,
I know.
But I wanted to touch on the journeyof hitting bottom and rebuilding your
(44:17):
life to one more intentional and joyful.
So how have you been ableto do that as, as of late?
Kristin Torva (44:26):
Still, still in progress.
Absolutely.
The really, I come back to,you know, really facing death.
You really start to get clarity onwhat's important and what's not.
And I also had to justsurrender to losing everything.
You know, You know, I lost my hair whichis interesting because to me that's kind
of like, that's a symbol of the ego.
(44:47):
So I really have just been kind ofletting go of as much as I can let go of.
And it's been hard at times, but you know,a lot of like we're selling our house.
And I, I bought the house and it was,you know, we've only had it for two
years, but having to downsize andaccepting that and having to surrender
myself to come down to the States andbe, you know, without my husband and my
(45:07):
daughter, I've had to surrender to that.
So just, you know, a lot of journalingon a practical level, like I'm doing a
lot of journaling, I'm reading, you know,a lot of self growth books meditating,
doing breath work And I know I havemore to do there too, really to kind of
just really stay connected and centeredin my more spiritual sense of self and
(45:28):
not let my ego take, take root to thelevel that it was and decide, okay,
well, this is what we're going to do.
I have to really stay in the, okay, I'mbeing guided and I'm going to stay guided.
A lot of journaling and a lotof just letting, letting stuff
go and saying, okay, that's,that's not in my life anymore.
And that's okay.
And then from here.
(45:51):
I also followed theseasonal kind of cycle.
It was interesting because as my healthis declining, we're, we're going,
you know, through fall into towardsyou know, Halloween, Samhain, and
that was about the point that I wouldhave physically probably passed away.
And I'd not been getting treatment, butright before then I got my first chemo
(46:13):
treatment and I started to feel better.
And so I was able to kindof start to detach from my,
my ego self starting there.
And I took that period between Samhainand Yule to really focus on letting go.
Then I had my surgery rightaround winter solstice.
And so kind of like, okay, when I'mwaking up from that, I'm waking up into
(46:36):
my new life and in that sense, I'm stillvery much a baby and figuring it out.
Meghan (46:41):
Mm hmm.
That is, I think it's reallyinteresting because I think that we
forget sometimes that following theseasons is such an important piece.
Yeah.
And we, we, we need time to come down.
(47:05):
We need to relax because it soundslike as well, you were able to really
tap into a different part of youby doing that, by slowing down, by
allowing yourself to slow down, you'reable to tap into the more spiritual
side, which in turn has helped you.
(47:26):
On the physical side ofthings to come out of surgery.
Kristin Torva (47:32):
Yeah, it definitely did.
And it's still a work in progress.
And now that it's, you know, the secondhalf of winter and we're starting to
warm up to the spring, I feel like, youknow, I'm starting to get these little
nudges about, you know, different thingsthat I, I want to do to, to rebuild and,
and, or to build, I guess I should say,build the new, build the new me, build
(47:55):
a new life start, you know, startingto work on some top secret programs
to offer as a coach and I'm excitedabout what, what this year is going
to bring, because I know it's going tobring me having kicked cancer's butt,
first of all, and step into a new life.
(48:15):
So, I'm here for that.
Meghan (48:17):
I love that.
I love that so much.
Do you, do you have any, anythingelse that you'd like to touch on
as points that maybe you wantedto talk about before we wrap up?
Are finished for the day for this.
Kristin Torva (48:34):
I mean, I would just, you know, I would just tell people like you
like we said you, you have a purpose.
You have a reason that you're here.
You have a voice.
You know, you have.
The power we all havepower as individuals.
And collectively we have even more power.
So even if you're not comfortablegoing and blasting, you know, your
(48:58):
thoughts to the world, start gainingthe confidence, the courage to share
them with the people that matter to you.
Start having those conversationsbecause you'll find that other
people may share those opinions,or you may, you know, have others.
Other opinions you may, you know,develop as a person with that.
But the point I'm trying to make is thatwe start to build communities, you know,
(49:23):
the, some of the change that we've seenin the world, even of late would not have
happened if people weren't courageousenough to have that first conversation
with someone and say, you know, I'mreally not comfortable with this.
Oh my God, me either, you know, andstart to, to build that movement, that
movement starts with those first words.
(49:44):
Hmm.
Meghan (49:46):
Mm hmm.
I love that.
That's a great message.
I think that I'm actually having someissues with my connection right now.
So I hope that that mic drop thatyou just gave us is recorded.
Kristin Torva (50:00):
Well, if it's not, I can.
Yeah, we'll do it again if it's not.
Meghan (50:03):
That was beautiful.
Thank you so much for being on here.
I'm not sure, it looks like myvideo has turned itself off.
Yeah, but
Kristin Torva (50:14):
thank you for having me.
It was a pleasure.
And if anybody wants to connect withme, they can do so on Instagram.
I'm at Torva Logan, T O R V A L O G A N.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
Thank you for joining this week's episode of Anchor Your Dreams.
I hope you enjoyed today'sconversation as much as I did.
A big thank you to our incredible guestsfor sharing their wisdom and insights.
If you resonated with today's episodeand want to explore more about
turning your dreams into reality,Be sure to subscribe to the podcast.
We have a lineup of amazing guestsand valuable content coming your way.
(51:09):
Don't forget to connectwith us on social media.
You can find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Share your thoughts, insights,and your own journey using
the hashtag #anchoryourdreams.
Head over to our websiteat meganmcquillen.
com in the podcast section, where you'llfind the show notes, resources, and
information about upcoming episodes.
(51:30):
Before we wrap up, I want to express mygratitude to each and every one of you.
Your support means the worldto me, and I'm thrilled to
be on this journey with you.
Remember, anchored dreams becomegoals, anchored goals become results.
Until next time, dreambig and stay anchored.
The journey begins now.
Hello.
Hi.
How are you?
Kristin Torva (00:53):
Good.
How are you?
Good.
Meghan (00:55):
Thanks so much for coming on.
Kristin Torva (00:59):
My pleasure.
Meghan (01:00):
Okay.
So let's just start with a littlebit about you, if you want to share
where you grew up a little bitbackground of what makes you, you.
Kristin Torva (01:10):
I grew up moving around a lot.
So I was born in the UnitedStates to military family.
And my dad was assigned in differentparts of the world as I was growing up.
So I grew up in Texas.
I grew up in Germany and I grew upin Washington, DC, in Australia.
And then Texas again, cause why not?
I spent, I spent a lot of time in Texasand then he got out, my dad got out of
(01:32):
the military when I was about 13 andwe ended up moving to New Hampshire for
my last couple of years of high school.
And I ended up joining themilitary after that myself.
So then I was thinking I wasgoing to get to go to all these
wonderful places like Germany andAustralia, but I got sent to Texas.
Wait for it, Texas was disappointing,but I was, I was in the air force
(01:55):
for six years and then I got outand I just kind of lived my life
moving around a little bit myself.
I was, you know, married oncebefore Donovan and then got divorced
when my daughter was two and Imet Donovan and we were married
like within 13 months of meeting.
We lived in a
Florida, Georgia.
(02:16):
And then in 2016, we moved to Canada.
So yeah, so that's kind of justthe, like, the moving story,
which is probably its own story.
It is part of what shaped me becauseI grew up, like, just fascinated by
people and seeing at a young age that,you know, different people in different
places had different experiences.
They, Had different languages anddifferent cultures and I was just
(02:41):
enthralled by that growing up.
So,
Meghan (02:44):
oh, I'm sure that people who live many places, I find there's,
there's a story for each individualplace that they've lived in.
There really is.
And it can be, I'm sure awhole episode on its own.
So thank you for telling us alittle bit about where you're from.
Now you.
As of recent are onVancouver Island, correct?
(03:05):
In Campbell River, is that right?
Kristin Torva (03:08):
Yep.
We're going on, yeah, almostfive years in Campbell River.
And it, that will make itthe second longest I've ever
lived anywhere in my life.
Meghan (03:17):
Okay.
What was the first longest?
Kristin Torva (03:18):
No, not consecutively.
Anyway, although cumulatively, yes,unfortunately, it'll take a long time
before any other place gets that award.
But consecutively, the only other placeI've lived longest was in Asheville, North
Carolina, and I was there for six years.
So and that was like, that was, thatwas what I would have called home.
(03:39):
If anybody says like, you can only tellme one place you're from, that's usually
where I'll just tell them I'm from there.
Just cause that kind of, that, thatwas home for the heart and soul for
all of us until we had to leave.
So.
Meghan (03:52):
So where I met you is in a women's sort of business group.
That's where we kind of connected online.
We've never actually met in person, butI just wanted to say, like, there was
something about you that made me feel likeI need to go follow this person online.
Kristin Torva (04:12):
Oh, wow
Meghan (04:13):
that's where I think Instagram was the place and
just kind of connected on there.
You were kind of creating in Campbellriver, like a a weekly gathering, I think
it was weekly, like monthly, monthly.
Okay.
Yeah.
So you were working oncreating a bit of a community.
And it sounds like the focus was a biton the business side of things but in any
(04:37):
event, now here we are and you are not inCampbell River right now, is that right?
Kristin Torva (04:43):
That's right.
I am in the spare room in my parentshouse in Olympia, Washington because of
my cancer diagnosis back in September, andI'm down here getting treatment for that.
Meghan (04:55):
So it took you from like doing these monthly community meetings and sort
of like having these goals and living alife of dreams and goals to taking care
of yourself in a totally different way.
So can you tell us a littlebit for the listeners?
What that transition waslike, just in general,
Kristin Torva (05:19):
very abrupt say I liken it to kind of, you know, having a
death of the ego and now I'm in theprocess of kind of re re being reborn
you know, into, into a new life almost.
So I like to look at things dramaticallyin case you can't tell, but I was,
you know, life was, was seeminglynormal and everything was fine.
(05:39):
I had like some, what I feltlike were just kind of odd.
unrelated symptoms.
I couldn't quite, nobody could put apin on and kept getting all these like,
you know, Oh, it could be exerciseinduced asthma or irritable bowel.
But it was, you know, September 1st,I woke up with this pain in my side
and I went to the hospital the nextmorning at like four in the morning.
(06:01):
And they found that I had fluidin my lungs, fluid in my abdomen.
I had the makings of, you know, smalltumors all throughout my abdomen.
So they said, this lookslike a metastasized.
And that, that was, you know, thatwas the moment that just kind of took
the table and threw it out, you know,I think for the first couple of weeks
of that diagnosis, like I kept tryingto go on as everything was normal.
(06:22):
Like even the business group youmentioned, I even like had a workshop that
I was going to be doing at the next event.
And.
It was like right upuntil the morning of that.
I was still like, I'm going tojust, just going to push through.
And the morning of I feltso physically terrible.
I was like, I can't, I can't do this.
I need to stop what I'm doing.
And and same with the, you know,the groups, the group meetups,
(06:44):
I had one in early September andI had to say, you know, I can't
make it, but you guys go ahead.
And now it just kindof stopped everything.
And then I went through, I just like,I did nothing, but focus on my health.
From that point,
Meghan (06:59):
yes, I mean, in general terms, yeah, that sort of
abrupt happening, trying.
That's all we know how to do is thethings that we're already doing right
until we're literally like in that.
Okay.
Something inside is saying, I have.
To do something differentthan I have been.
(07:20):
And it sounds like that's kindof where you came to the morning
of that meeting was like, okay, Ican't carry on doing all the things.
Now, at what point were you sort of inthat mode of like, okay, now I'm full
of doctor's appointments, figuring outwhat the next step is for my health.
Kristin Torva (07:41):
As soon as I had that emergency room visit, that kicked off
this flurry of doctor's appointments.
I went to go see my, my doctorthat following Tuesday, because
it was Labor Day weekend.
And you know, it was the samekind of thing of like, this
looks like metastasized cancer.
This is very serious.
This is a life limiting condition.
And she set me up with a gynecologist.
(08:01):
But they didn't know what Thecancer origin was like, what
kind of cancer do you have?
They, they could not tellfrom the scans, right?
They can't tell you that.
So it became this like processof find the cancer and get it
diagnosed for about two weeks.
And I finally it was doing afluid draw out of my lungs.
That then they sent thatoff and that got diagnosed.
(08:23):
So it was like the 18th of Septemberwhen I finally got a diagnosis and that.
slowed that that like puta stop to the appointments.
And then it was the waiting game.
Okay, so we have a cancer diagnosis.
Now we're waiting for BC cancerto call us and say, okay, here's
your oncology appointment.
And here's the treatmentplan and this and that.
So,
Meghan (08:44):
so it goes from like your GP sort of care provider and then
BC cancer takes over all of the kind
Kristin Torva (08:53):
of, yeah, it's interesting because even though they suspected
cancer in BC, they can't refer you toBC cancer until they have a confirmed.
biopsy or diagnosis of some kind,which is really hard when the
cancer is in your abdominal orpelvic cavity anywhere, right?
It requires surgical biopsy, or inmy case, fortunately, there was fluid
(09:15):
they could biopsy and that confirmedthe cancer, but they can't even refer
you to BC Cancer until they have that.
And like I said, they had to kind oftry to track it down, which is Ironic
because they're not oncologists.
So how do you go and track downwhat the cancer is if you're not
an oncologist, but you can't see anoncologist until you have the diagnosis.
And it was just this weird it'snot that way in every province.
(09:36):
I know that from talking to other people.
So it was kind of like an unnecessaryhurdle that we had to go through.
But from, from that point, once BConcology, you know, or BC cancer picks it
up, then you're in, you know, The care of,yeah, then that's the next step is okay.
What's the cancer care going to be?
What's the treatment plan?
Meghan (09:55):
Right.
So you got to that point then of someonetaking on your health file here in BC.
Is that right?
You got the oncologist.
Kristin Torva (10:08):
Well, they, yeah it was, like I said, it was
September 18th, I got my diagnosis.
And you know, this whole time when Iwas diagnosed, I was already stage four.
And my condition was progressing,deteriorating really rapidly.
There was more and more fluid in my lungs.
I was becoming less mobile.
I was in pain, like, just layingdown, trying to go to sleep.
(10:29):
I couldn't, you know you know, And sowe're waiting, we have no idea when
BC Cancer is going to call, what'shappening with the file, nothing, right?
All I know is that my condition isgetting worse and we've heard nothing.
And so I didn't actually get a callfrom BC Cancer until I think it was to
schedule my first oncology appointment.
And they called me around, I thinkit was the 26th of September.
(10:51):
And that actually happened tobe the day that I decided I
wasn't going to wait anymore.
And I was going to, I was just, I hadjust gotten to the United States, like
a few hours prior to them calling me.
Meghan (11:03):
Wow.
Okay.
That was going to be my next questionwas like, was there an overlap?
Did you get the call?
And then understand that you know, evenwith the call from the BC side of things,
that it didn't sound like they were takingit serious and then go to the States.
Can you shed a little bit more lighton what took you from BC to Washington?
Kristin Torva (11:31):
There was a couple of clues along the way.
So when we were in the emergency roomthat, that first weekend where we got, you
know, kind of, it just looks like cancer,that ER doctor actually told us, you know,
because my husband, He loves, he asks allthe right questions and he was like, what,
what, what is this going to mean for us?
Like terms of how longwas it going to take?
And he said, honestly, if you havethe means and ability to go to another
(11:51):
country to get treatment, I would do so.
So that was our first clue.
Like all is not well here.
Now I had been told by my doctor, mygynecologist, you know, your priority
because you're young, you're athletic,you're this, that, but the surgery
wait times are three to four months.
So that didn't sound good either.
(12:14):
So, you know, these, these indicationswere already like not so good.
And I knew a couple other people thathad cancer and had had some issues
with getting timely treatment and care.
So my trust, honestly,wasn't there to begin with.
They certainly, you know, You know,yeah, they didn't really do anything to,
to change that opinion of, but so withall of that and with my deteriorating
(12:35):
condition you know, our biggest concernwith me coming down here to the States
was how are we going to afford that?
So it was when I talked to agirlfriend of mine who is also a US
veteran and she was like, no, no,the VA will, will take care of you.
You know, here's, here'swhat you need to do.
So I said, okay, well, I don't knowif this is going to work, but I've
(12:56):
got to take a chance because likeyou know, I'm like, at this point, I
know that I'm facing death basically.
And I, that was not, I wasn'tgoing to sit around and wait.
For someone else to, to save me, right?
So that's why I came to theStates and you know, kind of,
I let BC cancer do its thing.
And I, I participated in that process withthe hopes that I could go home because
(13:19):
Lord knows, I would have much rather donethe treatment at home with my husband and,
you know, my daughter nearby and in thecomfort of my own home in my community.
But yeah, it didn't work out that way.
Meghan (13:31):
So you've been separated from your family since September,
like, just closer to the end, butstill since September and how, how
has that sort of played a role inyour overall Recovery and health being
separated from the support system.
Kristin Torva (13:54):
Mentally it's very difficult for really difficult.
You know, the days there's a lot of dayswhere it's just, you know, we're, we're
facing two different realities right now.
Like my husband and I in particular,you know, he's up there, he's working
his tail end off trying to keep.
I'm not working.
Our finances are in shambles.
We're having to sell the house andit's like all on his shoulders.
(14:17):
So he's like constantlybusy and doing that.
And I'm over here, you know, trying todeal with the repercussions of my health.
And at the same time, you know, we bothhave not had process time to process
a lot of this together, you know, oflike, I almost died and I've got this.
Cancer that while, you know, onceI complete this treatment, like
(14:39):
It has a high recurrence rate.
It has, you know, I have a 30to 45 percent chance of living
through the next five years.
So there's a lot emotionallythat, you know, just comes with
this, this type of cancer and it'snot, it's not easy for anybody.
But I think being apart has justmade it really, has added extra
challenges to this that nobody needs.
(15:01):
So it's been really hard.
Meghan (15:03):
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
Now, one of the so the pivotalmoment for you has been being
diagnosed with stage four ovariancancer and coming close to dying.
Like that's.
That's in short, really where thingswere at for you coming close to dying.
Kristin Torva (15:20):
Yes.
Meghan (15:21):
I, I don't want to tip toe around that because I think it's really
important for listeners to understandthat we can really be living this
life, this beautiful life where we'rebuilding community and we are doing all
the things we're into personal growthand business growth and all the things.
And literally you, youknow, in weeks can be.
(15:44):
Put into this system, which is supposedto help you and in turn drops the ball.
And so again, so you were in thisplace of coming very close to dying.
So now you're, you've had surgeryand, and although you're in
(16:06):
recovery of that surgery, there'sstill so much on the line for you.
So what I just wanted to, to sortof bring that to is, you know, some
of the points and intentions ofthis conversation is talking about
adversity and gift of opportunity.
So how, how has that played outfor you in, in recent weeks here?
Kristin Torva (16:31):
Yeah.
You know, so I, I think I'll, I'lljust share, I've always been somebody
that has, I've been a challenger, youknow, like my little, little Kristen,
little Torva was, you know, my parentswould say, don't touch that stove.
It's hot.
And I would touch it because I justneeded to feel and experience it myself.
And I was always that way.
(16:52):
And so, you know, getting thisdiagnosis, coming down here, BC
Cancer calls, I have my oncologyappointment with them, and they say
they're going to get me in right away.
Five weeks went by, and I finallycalled them and said, what happened?
And found out that BC Cancer referralto the Campbell River Hospital for
my chemotherapy, never got made.
(17:14):
And so I went public with thatbecause I, I knew already that
there were issues in the system.
I did not know how bad theywere, but I wanted people to
know what my experience was.
And, you know, thus kicks off,I'm on the news talking about it.
Health Minister Dix says something like,you know, the system doesn't always get
(17:34):
it right, but you can lodge a complaint.
And that just set me off, not just forme, but for everybody else in the province
that is going to have to deal with it.
Like one in two people aregoing to get this diagnosis.
Of a cancer diagnosis in their lifetime.
So half the province is relying onthe system and their family members
are relying on the system to takecare of their loved ones with cancer.
(17:58):
That was just so unacceptable to me.
So I did, I just, I penned myfrustration into an open letter.
And then that got picked up and, youknow, all this time more people are
coming forward with their stories.
And I'm just, you know, this, this.
Purpose this drive, this like needto push against what we've been told.
We need to just accept.
I actually had somebody tell mevery early on, Oh, you just need to
(18:21):
be patient with the cancer system.
And I, I like, they didn'tsay that to my face.
They said that throughsomebody else, which is good.
Cause I probably would have really hadsome harsh words for that, but that's
the mentality that I think we're allconditioned to, to have in Canada of
like, you know, you're lucky you have.
free healthcare.
So you just sit there andyou wait for your turn.
(18:44):
That's not to me.
That's not acceptable.
It's either universal or it's not.
And it's, if it's universal, that meanseverybody's getting taken care of.
And that's unfortunatelynot what we're seeing.
So just to kind of come back toyour question about adversity,
this for me was kind of like, okay,you've been doing some cool things.
You're going to stop that.
The moment I learned that I mighthave cancer, somewhere inside me said,
(19:05):
there is a reason this is happening.
There is a purpose in this.
You're going to just keep taking onestep after the next and it will unfold.
And, and there are these momentswhere I have like the drive
to write that open letter.
There's, there's this kind ofdivine purpose in that, that
I'm, I'm feeling it come through.
Like you need to sit downand write this letter.
(19:27):
Not with any other intent, otherthan I'm being guided to do it.
So that's kind of how this has changedmy relationship with life, I guess.
Meghan (19:39):
Yes.
Well, it sounds like that.
I mean that gift.
Oh, I'm going to get emotional.
That gift really has.
Like your voice in this has been avoice for a lot of people because
I know as well from experience withfamily that has passed away from cancer.
(20:07):
If you try to have a voice withinthe hospital system and within the
health care system, if you try,You are basically told that you
will get blacklisted in that care.
Wow.
Like, I have some family that,that has been, like, not in the
(20:28):
hospital, but in the medical field.
Yeah.
And yeah, like, that is one of the thingsthat we were told, was like, no, you,
you've pretty much asked enough questions.
Be patient.
Things will come down theline as they're supposed to.
This will happen and that will happen.
So yeah, be patient and just begrateful for what is currently
(20:53):
happening with your family member.
Meanwhile, from the outside, youknow, we're literally watching them.
Not just physically transform becauseof the cancer eating every like every
cell of their body from the inside out.
But yes, this is also the emotionalpiece of the, the, the giving up and
(21:17):
not understanding how to, how to.
To move forward, because they'rebeing told one thing by the doctors,
family's being told something sosort of to go back, because this is
something that also fires me up, is that
this gift, like, I, I, I feel like in alot of ways, this is part of the reason
(21:40):
why I was so drawn to you from the get go.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Kristin Torva (21:49):
Yeah.
Meghan (21:50):
As my life has gone on, I've realized a lot of the time that people
that come into my life, there really is.
A purpose, a reason, and I do, I feellike there's something that like,
I, I don't know how to explain it.
I know I've, I've tried topersonally message you that in the
(22:12):
past, just like, there's somethingabout you, I, I don't know.
I have to be, I have tofollow you on Instagram.
I have to connect with youin some way, shape, or form.
And that's so cool.
And interestingly enough,here we are, right?
Like the first timewe're talking is here on.
This on this platform, so.
Kristin Torva (22:33):
Right.
And just so people know like that, thatstarted before like the cancer diagnosis,
like we, we connected long before that.
So that kind of, that beingdrawn in, you know, there's a,
there's a reason for everything.
Well, exactly.
Thank you very
Meghan (22:47):
much.
'cause like, trying to like articulatethat like that that draw to you was,
was before the diagnosis and everything.
So to come back to some pivotalmoments for you, one of the big
things, and I think, you know,just in your voice right now is
reminding people that they have power.
(23:09):
And that's something that it is reallycoming through across the screen here
in how you're showing up right now andreminding the community, the people around
you, close to you, as well as listeners.
We do have power and it's a matterof an energetic power, but using
(23:31):
our voice and creating some change.
And, and of course it's goingto look different for everybody.
But if you can just share with us again,going back to sort of that gift piece and,
and feeling that power within yourself.
Kristin Torva (23:43):
Yeah, it was.
It was for me, you know, likethe, the blacklist piece is really
interesting because when I cameforward, the first piece that came
forward there's a, you know, communityFacebook of, you know, from in
Campbell river and somebody shared it.
And then somebody commented, like,I hope she doesn't lose her doctor.
(24:04):
That was the, you know, thatwas the, that was the fear.
So it, it re very realfear that people have.
And then, and I think that empowered meto speak up more because I'm like, you
know, what, worst, worst, worst casescenario, I lose like all medical care
in BC or whatever, at least I'm safe inthe United States and I can get care.
And, you know, if I, if I haveto immigrate Donovan back to
(24:26):
the United States or somethinglike, you know, I could do that.
So I felt even more compelled to speakup, but, you know, in the face of
threats like that, and whether it'simplicit or, you know, direct threat,
that even more means you actually, youhave to speak up, you have to be brave.
I know not everybody can summon thecourage, but the more we can face
(24:47):
down those kinds of threats and say,no, actually, you can't do that.
Now, yes, they, they can, butcan they get away with it is
a different question, right?
So, and in some cases they do, but.
There was a situation with a woman SheilaBissick, I think was her last name.
She came on to the news shortlyafter I did, because there was a
(25:08):
series of stories that followed me.
Some of them I had, I had brought forwardto the news and some were brought forward
by other people who I had brought forward.
So it's kind of this chain events,but she had started paying for her
own treatment in the United Statesbecause she does not want to wait.
For BC cancer and completely reasonable.
You don't wanna wait when youhave a cancer diagnosis at all.
(25:28):
And because she started doing that,her BC oncologist dropped her and said,
there's too many cooks in the kitchen.
I don't, I don't wanna,I can't take care of you.
So she wanted to transfer her careback to bc, but she was, she was kicked
outta the BC cancer system, whichmeans she has to start all over again.
Which is unconscionable and, you know,it was brought forth to BC Cancer.
(25:52):
They kind of made a generic statementof like, you know, we'll look into
it and, you know, sometimes that canhappen if the oncologist decides that
there's no need for further treatment.
But it was so clearlypunitive, you know what I mean?
But she went forward tothe news and the news.
I know the reporter that covered the storytold me that she's keeping an eye on it
(26:12):
and it's going to follow up with her tomake sure that she is getting covered.
So there are ways around.
You know, if the system is, is screwingyou over, you do have the right to
speak up against it and let the worldknow there are people out there that
will be outraged on your behalf.
I didn't share when I sharedwhat happened with BC cancer.
(26:36):
I did it on my Instagram.
I wasn't even the onethat sent it to the news.
Someone else did and the news called methe next morning and I was just like,
8am I get a call from global news.
I'm just like, oh my gosh.
So, you know, when you speak up, mypoint is when you speak up, people
will be outraged on your behalf.
People will back you when youstand in that power and you say no,
(26:58):
because We know of someone else.
We have our stories.
We have our, you know, experienceswith medical care or, you know,
whatever it is that that's wrong.
So I think know that when you standin your power, you're supported by
the universe, by God, by, you know,divinity, by the people around you,
(27:22):
you will not stand alone forever.
Like initially you do, you have to standup and you're the first one standing.
And that can be scary.
Meghan (27:31):
That is a.
Such a powerful message and voice rightthere is that while yes, you are going to
be alone and feel alone in a lot of it.
You really are not alone.
There are going to be peopleyou might not see you know, like
you said, someone else sent.
Your Instagram to the news, sosomebody else was watching and enough
(27:56):
was fired up in them to go thatextra step so you didn't have to
put the energy and in that moment,somebody else was doing that for you.
And I think that in its own self is thecommunity that we need to keep empowering.
And that's also part of the reason whyI really wanted you on this podcast and
(28:18):
why I started this podcast in the firstplace is because there, there's a lot
lost in translation on social media.
Kristin Torva (28:26):
Oh, for sure.
Meghan (28:27):
And, and so this is my way of bringing.
Power to voice.
So another sort of thing that I'd like totalk about is, is not resisting the pivot
that your life is asking you to make.
So can you share a little bitabout resistance and, and sort
of the opposite of, of that?
Kristin Torva (28:47):
Yeah.
But see, the oppositeof that is surrender.
So the resistance I had that leadingup to the diagnosis there was somewhere
in me that I knew something was wrong.
And my resistance was to gettingit checked out thoroughly.
So I tell people now like the medicalsystem is going to gaslight you,
(29:10):
they're going to delay you, they'regoing to stall you don't do any of
those things to yourself, like, take itseriously and make them prove you wrong.
You know what I mean?
So I, like I had the firstsymptom that I could have,
that was likely ovarian cancer.
Back in March and I looked up, itwas just a menstrual cycle change.
I looked that up and it's like,it could be perimenopause.
(29:31):
It could be this, it could be that.
And ovarian cancer was there, butI immediately was like, no, there's
no way I have ovarian cancer.
And so to me, like theresistance was that piece.
And I think I was also resisting someother aspects of change in my life too,
with, you know, starting to grow thebusiness of being a coach, like a business
(29:52):
and life coach and build community.
I was also holding on to kind ofmy, my other job way too tightly.
And so all of this comesto a head and boom, cancer.
You, you can't resist that.
I mean, I, though I do see people,they get that and they kind of
just keep going like nothing's.
wrong, but for me, it was like, okay,I hear, I hear the call that this is I
(30:15):
hear and, and, and facing death, likewhen you're facing death, everything
changes when you're looking at, andthen that that's just a moment of,
you don't realize how much you'retaking for granted in your life.
Until you really like are like, okay,you may not, you're not like, I would not
have made it till the end of the year.
(30:37):
And so that just, wow, that, thatthat's something that I'm going to
have to work at work through still.
That was really intenseand, and emotional.
There's no, there's no ignoring that.
And so I, I kind of came to apoint where I was like, I want to
live and I will, I will accept.
(30:58):
You know, whatever it is that I'msupposed to do in order to, to live.
Maybe I guess it's bargaining,but I, I just, I said, I let go.
Like I surrender, I will, I willdo whatever it is I need to do.
And, and I just try to kind of in thedaily practice of remembering what
that is and here and listening forthat and, and following that guidance.
(31:20):
And that's a process.
But you know, resistingis so much more energy.
Then surrender.
Meghan (31:30):
Oh my goodness.
Yes.
Yes.
Surrender has been one of these wordsthat I've really sort of come to see
a lot more in the last few years.
And just how you just explained it inyour own way was like me, like all,
everything inside was like, yes, yes, yes.
(31:52):
Resistance is so much more energy.
It takes so much more out of you.
Like,
Kristin Torva (31:58):
But we do it because fear of the unknown, fear of change,
like that fear is so powerful.
I mean, it's hardwired into us that, youknow, change is a threat to our survival.
So we're resisting that change.
But when you do just say there has tobe this trust element, like you have to
trust in universe, God, like whateveryour relationship is to divine energy.
(32:22):
You have to, yeah, you just did this.
And it reminded me of like I don'tknow if we're on video, but you
just crossed your arms over your,over your heart and shoulders.
And it reminded me of doing those,those trust falls, but essentially
that's exactly it, that's exactly it.
Meghan (32:36):
Well, and that's, that's another piece that I've started having.
Like I had this, I was talking to afriend and she was talking about some,
you know, things that she was havingthese issues with, and just all of a
sudden what came to my mind was like.
Yes.
But as soon as you start actually trustingyourself that you will take care of you,
(33:01):
things are going to change because you notlike, yes, I, I fully believe in trusting
the universe and anything bigger than whatwe are, but we also have to go inside and
trust that we will take care of ourselves.
Kristin Torva (33:16):
Yes.
Meghan (33:17):
Because I think.
That's also something thatis a resistance often.
We're, we're, a lot of times we're sort ofbrought up to not ignore our intuition and
what is best for us, but to listen to theother people in our lives that know best
because of this reason or that reason.
Like, like you with sharing aboutthe stove, like you had to, to
(33:43):
figure it out on your own, right?
Like, yep.
Kristin Torva (33:46):
And they still
tell that story, theystill tell that story.
My parents do.
That's, that's just who I am.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think a lot of people, you know,that I talk to that have challenges
with their own life, you know,often I can, I can bring it down
to they don't trust themselves.
(34:08):
You know, and then so howdo you rebuild that trust?
If you're familiar with the work of theholistic psychologist, I think she's
probably nailed how to rebuild trustwith yourself pretty, pretty well.
And she, she talks about thispractice of keeping one small
promise to yourself every day.
And make it like super easy, that promise.
You know, like I will havea glass of water today, like
(34:30):
be that and then keep it.
And what's interesting is, you know,as I was working on my own self trust
years ago, I would find that whateverthat promise was, it could be something
that was already doing every day.
I would try to avoid doing it.
So then you have to, yeah.
So it gets deep, but self trust is.
just key to, to life, I think.
(34:52):
How do you, how do you get throughlife if you don't believe that you
have what it takes to get through life?
Meghan (34:58):
Well, and I think that is, yeah, like you said, it can go really
deep and, and I just am startingto really clue in a lot more to
some of these things and cluing in.
That's another thing I wanted to sortof talk about, you know, some of the,
one of the A connection that I feel likeyou've made in a lot of these transitions
(35:23):
for you over these last few months isthat the world is actually awakening.
And that, you know, we channeldifferent things and purpose.
So can you share a little bitmore about, you know, what your
experience has been from yourperspective on the world awakening?
Kristin Torva (35:44):
Hmm.
It's been, you know, I've been watchingit kind of for the last few years.
And I think there's, there'smultiple aspects to it.
It's awakening to the world aroundus as it truly is versus kind
of taking, taking off the thepresentation that we've been handed
of, you know what the world truly is.
is, but, but isn't.
(36:06):
I think the last few years have reallybrought a lot of people's awareness
to reality, which is phenomenal.
Then I think there's also this awakeningto who we are as divine beings.
Like once you start stripping away thissense of, you know, the presentation
that we're given and it's almostlike if you've, if you've ever been
(36:28):
to Disney World, there's there'sDisney Villages nearby Disney World.
And it's like, Or any Epcot center, right?
So they take like these cultures andthey put this cartoon kind of veneer
over, over how they present them.
And it's, it's like that I think is howthe world we're living in is like this
cartoon veneer of what we really are.
(36:50):
It's very surface level.
Once you start stripping that away,we get to understand that we are
like these really deep, energeticbeings that we have all of this,
you know, potential Creatively.
We have, you know, this, thismanifestive capability, we have all
of these, these aspects to ourselves.
And I'm seeing more and more people, youknow, when, when the law of attraction
(37:13):
kind of came out with the secret in 2008,it wasn't new then, but it, you know,
it, there was, there was other, otherworks, but it kind of hit popular culture.
And then it kind of fizzled out.
But now I hear people like talking about,you know, manifesting and energy and
attracting things like all over the place.
(37:34):
So I'm seeing this like broadening senseof what we are capable of as humans.
And I would say my experienceto that is It's not just about
manifesting stuff for you.
It's not just about like, you know,getting the money and the car and the,
you know, it's also about how can youbring that energy forth to create a
(37:56):
better world for, for everybody, foryourself, for your children, for your
children's children, for your community,that energy is, is available to us for
multiple purposes, not just for our own.
Material gain.
And I am some seeing that thinkingin the pockets of change that we're
seeing right now in the world.
Meghan (38:18):
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.
It is something that you are able to see.
I think I think we do get so caughtup in a lot of the day to day things
that sometimes we don't feel theenergy as much and it can be hard.
We need to have conversationsabout it to understand that, right.
(38:41):
You know, like even just you sayingthat the pockets of change and things
like that, it's like, yes, okay.
Right.
So yes, I'm in my own little world rightnow dealing with X, Y, and Z over here.
But yes, that's right.
There are pockets of change happeningoutside of this realm right now.
Kristin Torva (38:59):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I feel for me, thepurpose, you know, I don't.
I don't know where this roadgoes, but I'm following it anyway.
And sometimes that's what having apurpose feels like sometimes it's
more like, you know, my husband isa musician and that's his purpose.
And he knows that.
And he's known that since he wasfour and that's amazing to me.
(39:23):
And I always like had this sense of envy.
Cause I was like, I don'tknow, I have a purpose.
I just don't know what it is now.
I'm, you know, I'm like, okay,I still can't tell you what the
end goal is, but I'm still goingto keep walking down this road.
So I think purpose shows upin different ways for people.
So if you don't have that sense of purposeyet, that's as, you know, clearly defined
(39:43):
as my purpose is to create music, thenit's just no, like, what's the next step
in your, in your soul that you're saying,you know, what are you curious about?
What are you, you know,what are you fired up about?
And just do that next thingand know that it's going to
take you where you need to go.
Meghan (40:00):
Oh, yes.
I love that because I, I tell youevery time I've done some kind of like
immersive experience of like trying tofind my purpose and put it into words.
Oh my gosh.
I do not have an elevator pitch.
Kristin Torva (40:17):
Thank you.
Meghan (40:19):
Right.
Like what I feel deepinside me is beyond words.
Like that's.
It just really is like my purpose, likesure, I can minimize it to I love helping
people, but that doesn't feel enough.
Kristin Torva (40:35):
It takes
away,
right?
Yeah, right?
So like, so
I love
how
you just said that.
That's great, but in the exact same way.
And when you said elevator pitch,It's interesting because imagine like
here we are, these multidimensionalspiritual beings having a human
experience and we're trying to come upwith an elevator pitch to express our
(40:57):
fundamental purpose on this planet.
Like that does sound kind ofcrazy when you say it that way.
Meghan (41:04):
Right.
And yeah, but yeah, so howcorporate of us, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kristin Torva (41:10):
That's,
That's great.
Meghan (41:12):
Which is one of the things like over the years I can't remember what
I was doing, but I was doing somethingcreative and the idea of a compass came
up and just following your true north.
That to me, like, as long as I amfollowing my true north towards that
(41:32):
Purpose, if purpose was North andjust, yeah, just continuing to follow.
It might look different one way.
It might look different.
You know, the process to get tothere might be different for me.
But as long as I'm staying on thatpath of that true North to me,
that's when I know that I'm doingwhat I'm supposed to be doing.
Kristin Torva (41:54):
Yes, absolutely.
And I, that's brilliant.
You feel it.
You know, it's a feeling like if, ifsomething is off the path, you feel it.
One of my clients has, you know,she's, she's running a practice dental
practice and she has, her passion isfor the dentistry, for the, you know,
(42:15):
for the medicine, the dentistry isstudying becoming a better dentist.
She sometimes gets caught up in thebusiness stuff and I'm like, that's
not, and she, she doesn't like that.
That's not her jam.
And so I, you know, it's like, okay,well Let's have someone else deal with
that stuff and get you back over here.
Cause that's what you're here to do.
And you, that's what I mean.
Like you feel it when it's that feelingof like, I don't like what I'm doing.
(42:37):
Or, you know, this doesn't feel right.
That's the wrong direction.
That's not your true North.
What is your true North andhow can you get back on path?
Meghan (42:48):
So, yeah, exactly.
And oftentimes it really does.
It can come out of left field.
Oh, this actually feels right.
Okay.
I'm writing this down, youknow, like when, when I.
decided to do this podcast, it waslike this super intense feeling I had.
And I was like, I've gotto write all the notes.
I have to just start.
(43:10):
And like, I'm sitting on theplane and I'm just like, okay.
You know, in my phone and just like, do,do, do, do, do, do, do, do, or just like,
it just, and it just all came to me.
Kristin Torva (43:20):
That's wonderful.
That's amazing.
Because you wouldn't have thought youwould have been, and that's what I mean
by like, take one step and then thenext, like, when you started creating the
jewelry, like you wouldn't have thoughtyou were going to be doing a podcast.
Meghan (43:32):
No, no.
And that's the thing with me is like, Ilove doing a lot of creative things, but
again, my true North is helping people.
And I also I'm an Aquarius andlike, I really identify with the
humanitarian side of being an Aquarius.
(43:54):
And one of the things I also thoughtof this year for me is like, I
really need to tap into that more.
And I feel like that is also whenI start to feel more aligned.
So, but to not to talk aboutme, cause this, this, this,
this whole conversation,
I know.
But I wanted to touch on the journeyof hitting bottom and rebuilding your
(44:17):
life to one more intentional and joyful.
So how have you been ableto do that as, as of late?
Kristin Torva (44:26):
Still, still in progress.
Absolutely.
The really, I come back to,you know, really facing death.
You really start to get clarity onwhat's important and what's not.
And I also had to justsurrender to losing everything.
You know, You know, I lost my hair whichis interesting because to me that's kind
of like, that's a symbol of the ego.
(44:47):
So I really have just been kind ofletting go of as much as I can let go of.
And it's been hard at times, but you know,a lot of like we're selling our house.
And I, I bought the house and it was,you know, we've only had it for two
years, but having to downsize andaccepting that and having to surrender
myself to come down to the States andbe, you know, without my husband and my
(45:07):
daughter, I've had to surrender to that.
So just, you know, a lot of journalingon a practical level, like I'm doing a
lot of journaling, I'm reading, you know,a lot of self growth books meditating,
doing breath work And I know I havemore to do there too, really to kind of
just really stay connected and centeredin my more spiritual sense of self and
(45:28):
not let my ego take, take root to thelevel that it was and decide, okay,
well, this is what we're going to do.
I have to really stay in the, okay, I'mbeing guided and I'm going to stay guided.
A lot of journaling and a lotof just letting, letting stuff
go and saying, okay, that's,that's not in my life anymore.
And that's okay.
And then from here.
(45:51):
I also followed theseasonal kind of cycle.
It was interesting because as my healthis declining, we're, we're going,
you know, through fall into towardsyou know, Halloween, Samhain, and
that was about the point that I wouldhave physically probably passed away.
And I'd not been getting treatment, butright before then I got my first chemo
(46:13):
treatment and I started to feel better.
And so I was able to kindof start to detach from my,
my ego self starting there.
And I took that period between Samhainand Yule to really focus on letting go.
Then I had my surgery rightaround winter solstice.
And so kind of like, okay, when I'mwaking up from that, I'm waking up into
(46:36):
my new life and in that sense, I'm stillvery much a baby and figuring it out.
Meghan (46:41):
Mm hmm.
That is, I think it's reallyinteresting because I think that we
forget sometimes that following theseasons is such an important piece.
Yeah.
And we, we, we need time to come down.
(47:05):
We need to relax because it soundslike as well, you were able to really
tap into a different part of youby doing that, by slowing down, by
allowing yourself to slow down, you'reable to tap into the more spiritual
side, which in turn has helped you.
(47:26):
On the physical side ofthings to come out of surgery.
Kristin Torva (47:32):
Yeah, it definitely did.
And it's still a work in progress.
And now that it's, you know, the secondhalf of winter and we're starting to
warm up to the spring, I feel like, youknow, I'm starting to get these little
nudges about, you know, different thingsthat I, I want to do to, to rebuild and,
and, or to build, I guess I should say,build the new, build the new me, build
(47:55):
a new life start, you know, startingto work on some top secret programs
to offer as a coach and I'm excitedabout what, what this year is going
to bring, because I know it's going tobring me having kicked cancer's butt,
first of all, and step into a new life.
(48:15):
So, I'm here for that.
Meghan (48:17):
I love that.
I love that so much.
Do you, do you have any, anythingelse that you'd like to touch on
as points that maybe you wantedto talk about before we wrap up?
Are finished for the day for this.
Kristin Torva (48:34):
I mean, I would just, you know, I would just tell people like you
like we said you, you have a purpose.
You have a reason that you're here.
You have a voice.
You know, you have.
The power we all havepower as individuals.
And collectively we have even more power.
So even if you're not comfortablegoing and blasting, you know, your
(48:58):
thoughts to the world, start gainingthe confidence, the courage to share
them with the people that matter to you.
Start having those conversationsbecause you'll find that other
people may share those opinions,or you may, you know, have others.
Other opinions you may, you know,develop as a person with that.
But the point I'm trying to make is thatwe start to build communities, you know,
(49:23):
the, some of the change that we've seenin the world, even of late would not have
happened if people weren't courageousenough to have that first conversation
with someone and say, you know, I'mreally not comfortable with this.
Oh my God, me either, you know, andstart to, to build that movement, that
movement starts with those first words.
(49:44):
Hmm.
Meghan (49:46):
Mm hmm.
I love that.
That's a great message.
I think that I'm actually having someissues with my connection right now.
So I hope that that mic drop thatyou just gave us is recorded.
Kristin Torva (50:00):
Well, if it's not, I can.
Yeah, we'll do it again if it's not.
Meghan (50:03):
That was beautiful.
Thank you so much for being on here.
I'm not sure, it looks like myvideo has turned itself off.
Yeah, but
Kristin Torva (50:14):
thank you for having me.
It was a pleasure.
And if anybody wants to connect withme, they can do so on Instagram.
I'm at Torva Logan, T O R V A L O G A N.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
Thank you for joining this week's episode of Anchor Your Dreams.
I hope you enjoyed today'sconversation as much as I did.
A big thank you to our incredible guestsfor sharing their wisdom and insights.
If you resonated with today's episodeand want to explore more about
turning your dreams into reality,Be sure to subscribe to the podcast.
We have a lineup of amazing guestsand valuable content coming your way.
(51:09):
Don't forget to connectwith us on social media.
You can find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Share your thoughts, insights,and your own journey using
the hashtag #anchoryourdreams.
Head over to our websiteat meganmcquillen.
com in the podcast section, where you'llfind the show notes, resources, and
information about upcoming episodes.
(51:30):
Before we wrap up, I want to express mygratitude to each and every one of you.
Your support means the worldto me, and I'm thrilled to
be on this journey with you.
Remember, anchored dreams becomegoals, anchored goals become results.
Until next time, dreambig and stay anchored.
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