April 3, 2025 • 30 mins
Ok Mom,
🤔💭 Imagine if your brain were a web browser, except instead of having a few neatly organized tabs open, you've got 137 tabs running.
🎶 Five of them are playing music you can't find, ◌♾️ One is stuck buffering ☕ᝰ.ᐟ While you are just trying to figure out where you left your coffee.
That, my friends, is often the experience of a mom with ADHD. ADHD in adults, particularly moms, is a real and often misunderstood challenge.
It's not just about being scatterbrained or losing your keys for the 10th time today. It's about how executive dysfunction makes managing a household feel like juggling flaming swords while blindfolded.
The mental load of schedules, laundry, meal planning, and keeping tiny humans alive can be overwhelming for any mom.
But for those with ADHD it's like trying to organize a closet while a 🌪️tornado (or a toddler) keeps pulling everything back out.
The good news.
ADHD also comes with some incredible strengths,
💪🏽 creativity, 💪🏽 💪🏽 hyperfocus, 💪🏽 💪🏽 💪🏽 ability to problem solve, 💪🏽 💪🏽 💪🏽 💪🏽 an empathetic heart, and so much MORE.
But how do you move from barely surviving to actually thriving?
Well, that's exactly what we're diving into today with my guest, Audra Queen, the powerhouse behind Thriving Queen Coaching
In this episode of Mom2Mom Mentoring, we’re diving deep into the reality of ADHD and autism in motherhood with Audra. We unpack executive dysfunction, sensory sensitivities, and the grief and empowerment that come with a late diagnosis.
🦸🏻♀️ Audra shares her journey to self-acceptance, how she’s learned to embrace her neurodivergence as a superpower, and why most of the world is actually neurodivergent—but society just isn’t built for us.
“Most of the world is neurodivergent. The problem isn’t us—it’s that the world wasn’t built for us.” – Audra Queen
✨ Download the Chaos to Calm Chore Chart—the exact system Katie Welch developed to bring peace to her home as a mom of six. She shares it freely with the families she supports through Foster Light. Want to hear more about her journey? Listen to Episode 45!
💡 Book a Clarity Call with me to start designing a home life that works for YOU. Let’s Discover, Define, and Develop the right system and strategy to bring peace into your home. Because when you Live Powerfully, Lead with Purpose, and Love with Passion, everything changes.
CONNECT WITH AUDRA QUEEN
Join the free Thriving Queen Community on Facebook, to receive support in personal development and ADHD.
Email Audra: info@thrivingqueencoaching.com
🔗 CONNECT WITH MISTY
✅ JOIN the FaceBook Group | Mom 2 Mom Mentoring
✅ FOLLOW ME on Instagram | LeadHer_Coaching
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
.604719407have you ever walked into a room and completely forgotten why you're there, or found yourself putting the milk in the pantry, in the cereal in the fridge? While blindfolded, the mental load of schedules, laundry, meal planning and keeping tiny humans alive can be overwhelming for any mom. 2 00:00:20,640.604719407 --> 00:00:30,600.604719407 But for those with a DHD, it's like trying to organize a closet while a tornado or a toddler keeps pulling everything back out. 3 00:00:31,110.604719406 --> 00:00:34,830.604719406 A DHD isn't just something kids struggle with. 4 00:00:35,130.604719407 --> 00:00:42,753.658426545 It's a real challenge for adults too, especially for moms who are juggling 57 different things before breakfast. 5 00:00:42,847.102767317 --> 00:00:53,994.517931039 Research shows that women with A DHD are often Misdiagnosed or overlooked because we're masters at masking our struggles. 6 00:00:54,59.062810784 --> 00:01:04,392.483364247 But behind the scenes, the constant overwhelm, the forgotten appointments, the half finished projects can make every day feel like a never ending circus. 7 00:01:04,527.099605918 --> 00:01:05,397.099605918 The good news. 8 00:01:05,847.099605918 --> 00:01:17,437.099605918 A DHD also comes with some incredible strengths, creativity, hyperfocus, and an empathetic heart that often makes these moms incredible problem solvers. 9 00:01:17,857.099605918 --> 00:01:26,453.797988995 But how do you move from barely surviving to actually thriving? Well, That's where today's guest comes in. 10 00:01:27,778.037092617 --> 00:01:28,948.037092617 I am Misty. 11 00:01:29,8.037092617 --> 00:01:48,614.70375928 Your gratitude guide, mom, mentor, celebration, coach, and your dream champion your listening to mom to mom mentoring the podcast where busy Christian moms learn how to live powerfully lead with purpose and love with intention, all while keeping their sanity intact. 12 00:01:48,914.70375928 --> 00:01:50,264.70375928 And speaking of sanity. 13 00:01:50,368.03709262 --> 00:01:56,668.03709262 If your home feels more like chaos than calm, I'm gonna share an incredible resource with you. 14 00:01:56,824.70375928 --> 00:02:11,194.70375928 The Chaos to Calm chore chart was developed by Katie Welch, first as a tool to help bring peace and structure to her own home as a mom of six, and now she shares it openly with the families. 15 00:02:11,429.70375928 --> 00:02:19,229.70375928 She supports through Foster Light, and she's sharing it with the listeners of Mom to Mom mentoring as well. 16 00:02:19,366.37042595 --> 00:02:31,43.03709262 If you'd like to hear more about Katie's personal journey from chaos to calm, be sure to check out episode 45 where she shares her own story and the heart behind this powerful tool. 17 00:02:31,93.03709262 --> 00:02:39,519.70375928 If you're feeling stuck and need help building a system that actually fits your life, I'd love to chat, book a clarity call with me. 18 00:02:39,674.70375928 --> 00:02:44,594.70375928 At Mom to Mom mentoring.com/call. 19 00:02:44,894.70375928 --> 00:02:52,925.70375928 And together we'll discover, define and develop the right system and strategy to bring peace into your home. 20 00:02:53,306.37042595 --> 00:03:00,146.37042595 Now I am excited to introduce you to another marvelous mom who gets it. 21 00:03:00,273.03709262 --> 00:03:05,913.03709262 My guest today Audra Queen founder of Thriving Queen Coaching. 22 00:03:05,968.03709262 --> 00:03:23,471.37042595 Audra was diagnosed with a DHD and autism as an adult, and she's on a mission to help women like her embrace their unique minds, create systems that actually work for them and stop feeling like they're constantly failing at a game. 23 00:03:23,591.37042595 --> 00:03:25,631.37042595 They were never given the rule book for. 24 00:03:25,681.37042595 --> 00:03:36,751.37042595 Through her coaching courses and resources like her self-care routine blueprint, she empowers women to prioritize themselves and truly thrive. 25 00:03:36,851.37042595 --> 00:03:43,721.37042595 Audra is here with us today to unpack what A DHD looks like in a busy mom's. 26 00:03:43,731.37042595 --> 00:03:44,511.37042595 Life. 27 00:03:44,601.37042595 --> 00:03:50,751.37042595 She's gonna share practical tips and maybe even help you stop losing your phone while you're on it. 28 00:03:50,814.70375928 --> 00:03:58,14.70375928 So grab your coffee or the cup that you've reheated three times, but never drank, and let's dive in. 29 00:04:05,121.37042595 --> 00:04:08,451.37042595 Audra, welcome to Mom to Mom mentoring. 30 00:04:08,811.37042595 --> 00:04:23,21.37042595 We are so glad to have you with us today so we all can learn more about what it means to live life as a busy Christian mother with an A DHD diagnosis. 31 00:04:24,41.37042595 --> 00:04:31,781.37042595 The first question I would like to come out of the gate with is you seem to be highly successful. 32 00:04:32,291.37042595 --> 00:04:34,691.37042595 I would love to know your superpower. 33 00:04:34,822.03709262 --> 00:04:39,392.03709262 Um, well, I think mine is my unique mind. 34 00:04:40,222.03709262 --> 00:04:43,112.03709262 I have adult diagnosed ADHD and autism. 35 00:04:43,132.03609262 --> 00:04:44,782.03709262 I didn't know I had this my entire life. 36 00:04:45,52.03609262 --> 00:04:48,282.03709262 I did always know I was unique, but I didn't understand to what capacity. 37 00:04:48,292.03709262 --> 00:04:53,662.03709262 And I honestly do believe that now that I've learned about it, worked through the painful trauma. 38 00:04:53,847.03709262 --> 00:04:57,47.03709262 from not knowing about it throughout my life and embracing it. 39 00:04:57,517.03709262 --> 00:05:12,897.13659262 I really do feel like my ADHD and my autism are my superpower because I fully feel comfortably confident in myself now that I have that understanding and I'm able to utilize my unique strengths to my advantage instead of thinking they're a hindrance, Audra. 40 00:05:12,897.13659262 --> 00:05:18,567.13659262 It's so powerful to hear you say that you feel confident in yourself now for the first time in your life. 41 00:05:18,867.13659262 --> 00:05:19,977.13659262 That's huge. 42 00:05:20,307.13659262 --> 00:05:23,787.13659262 But I imagine the road to getting here wasn't easy. 43 00:05:24,117.13659262 --> 00:05:36,823.80325928 When you first received your diagnosis, what was that moment like for you? How did you feel and how did you begin to shift your understanding of yourself? I found out actually about my ADHD three years ago. 44 00:05:37,143.80325928 --> 00:05:41,693.80325928 I am turning 40 in a few months, so it's in my, just past my mid 30s. 45 00:05:42,103.80325928 --> 00:05:44,673.80225928 And at that point, I was still a single mom. 46 00:05:44,683.80325928 --> 00:05:46,813.80325928 I had started dating my now husband. 47 00:05:47,263.80325928 --> 00:05:54,163.80325928 And I had just gone through a very difficult season of having to decide to sell my home and hand my children over to their dad. 48 00:05:54,163.80325928 --> 00:05:59,443.80325928 for six months full time so I could go live with my parents rent free to get on my feet again financially. 49 00:05:59,493.80325928 --> 00:06:02,553.80325928 it was a very difficult, hard choice in my life. 50 00:06:03,23.80225928 --> 00:06:25,898.80225928 I went to my parents house And for the first time in years I had a space where I could just Feel safe because I had just been in survival mode for multiple years all of a sudden the first time to actually like focus on me versus just trying to take care of everything and that's when Everything just kind of started flooded in like I've been kind of thinking about this on the back burner, but let's really focus on this and I just started to educate myself more about it Dr. 51 00:06:25,898.80225928 --> 00:06:33,88.80325928 Ammon, he came out with a study back, in 2013, specifically studying the different types of ADHD. 52 00:06:33,128.80225928 --> 00:06:38,138.80325928 And most people think there's just, inattentive and attentive ADHD, and actually there's seven types. 53 00:06:39,253.80325928 --> 00:06:48,983.80275928 I was just connecting the dots, looking back through my life, through the lens of having ADHD and it explained so many challenges I had remembering my mom said, go downstairs and grab a can of beans that go down the stairs. 54 00:06:48,983.80275928 --> 00:06:57,703.80325928 Like, wait, what am I getting? Like all the time, struggling with short term memory, there's just so many things that were just explaining my brain through the lens of ADHD. 55 00:06:58,218.80325928 --> 00:07:03,658.80325928 And I talked to my doctor and I said, I am struggling with these things. 56 00:07:03,728.80325928 --> 00:07:05,978.80325928 This is what I believe I have. 57 00:07:06,288.80325928 --> 00:07:20,78.80275928 and she Asked is it hindering your ability to function on a daily basis currently? And I was like, yes, I didn't realize that I'm always constantly in freeze mode and I don't get anything done because I'm so overwhelmed with all that I had to do that I didn't do anything. 58 00:07:20,78.80275928 --> 00:07:21,448.80325928 Not understanding that's literally it. 59 00:07:21,673.80325928 --> 00:07:23,743.80325928 a symptom of executive dysfunction. 60 00:07:24,213.80325928 --> 00:07:27,653.80325928 And it was actually hindering my ability to work, make money, support my kids. 61 00:07:27,653.80325928 --> 00:07:28,733.80325928 Part of the reason why I had to sell my house. 62 00:07:30,53.80225928 --> 00:07:33,323.80225928 So, um, she's like, well, it's not like waiting months to get tested. 63 00:07:33,323.80325928 --> 00:07:39,63.80375928 we're going to go ahead and start some medication through to support you on this journey and see if it helps night and day, literally 24 hours. 64 00:07:39,63.80375928 --> 00:07:52,248.80375928 And all of a sudden I was able to start like, Um, but then after that, a medical professional said, Hey, yes, I agree with this and had to be like, Oh, This is real. 65 00:07:53,38.80375928 --> 00:07:57,668.80375928 And the very first thing I dealt with, it turns out that the grief journey is normal. 66 00:07:58,328.80375928 --> 00:08:02,278.80475928 I had to grieve the version of me that I ended up not being my entire life. 67 00:08:02,423.80475928 --> 00:08:03,693.80475928 Because that wasn't who I was. 68 00:08:03,693.80475928 --> 00:08:10,243.80475928 I didn't know I'm actually this person with ADHD and autism, and I was surviving through other versions of me trying to survive with masking. 69 00:08:10,563.80475928 --> 00:08:16,183.80425928 I had spent my life with so many different masks to, to fit in socially. 70 00:08:16,183.80425928 --> 00:08:23,433.80475928 And I had created different versions of me that weren't really me, but ways that were socially accepted I didn't ever really know who I was my entire life. 71 00:08:23,533.80475928 --> 00:08:33,783.80475928 The loss of, essentially, 35 years of what I thought was me all of a sudden wasn't me there's just so many layers and anger and frustration it's normal to go through a grief journey. 72 00:08:33,783.80675928 --> 00:08:34,323.80475928 And I did that. 73 00:08:34,353.80575928 --> 00:08:35,403.80575928 It took multiple months. 74 00:08:35,763.80575928 --> 00:08:37,813.80575928 I was going through the stigma of like, I'm broken. 75 00:08:37,813.80575928 --> 00:08:38,873.80575928 My brain doesn't work. 76 00:08:38,873.80575928 --> 00:08:40,463.80575928 You know, it's considered a disability. 77 00:08:40,644.92998951 --> 00:08:49,899.93098951 And so I had to go through that loss as well as The stigma, all of a sudden I have a label on me yeah, there was a lot of layers there. 78 00:08:50,19.93098951 --> 00:08:57,979.93098951 I'm curious, about the grieving process is I have an adult daughter who does have a diagnosis of ADHD. 79 00:08:58,509.93098951 --> 00:09:21,289.93098951 we've talked about it and we're both like, Oh my gosh, everything makes sense now, but we haven't talked about the grieving process, as a loving mom of a wonderful human being, it's something I want to be sensitive to with her as well and give her that opportunity to share more of her process. 80 00:09:21,569.93098951 --> 00:09:36,829.93198951 I have told her many times when you were young and I decided to homeschool, there were so many times that I said or thought if you were in the public school, you'd be diagnosed with ADHD. 81 00:09:37,279.93198951 --> 00:09:40,549.93198951 Now, when she was growing up, it was not. 82 00:09:40,944.93198951 --> 00:09:42,304.93198951 a good thing. 83 00:09:42,304.93198951 --> 00:09:42,564.93198951 Right. 84 00:09:42,574.93198951 --> 00:09:44,24.93198951 The stigma wasn't very rough. 85 00:09:44,114.93198951 --> 00:09:45,734.93098951 especially in Christian circles. 86 00:09:46,104.93198951 --> 00:09:47,844.93198951 now it's, it's different. 87 00:09:47,844.93198951 --> 00:09:59,649.93198951 So how do you help others mm-hmm Through that, place of, getting over the stigma I help them feel that they are allowed to have all the emotions they're having about it. 88 00:10:00,899.93198951 --> 00:10:07,269.93198951 And, you just shared the cultural side of it, right? it's hereditary, my parents didn't know because again it wasn't a cultural normal thing. 89 00:10:07,269.93198951 --> 00:10:10,999.93198951 So we had a very rough upbringing in the sense that we loved each other. 90 00:10:10,999.93198951 --> 00:10:18,239.93098951 But all of us were like in trauma mode all the time trying to survive with these unknown, very severe diagnoses. 91 00:10:18,799.93098951 --> 00:10:25,609.93098951 so there is a lot of grief attached to why didn't my parents take care of me? Like and they didn't know either, there just wasn't the information that we have now. 92 00:10:25,659.93098951 --> 00:10:49,74.04302655 So like I had to go through the anger at my parents and then let that go and understand through their lens it's a process with my coaching, I do, Timeline Therapy specifically, which is a branch of NLP therapy, really helps hone in on releasing the emotional connections to the trauma, I hear many people say, oh, it's my A DHD brain as if in passing. 93 00:10:49,554.04302655 --> 00:10:59,334.04302655 But understanding how this brain functions is an important part of ensuring that you're operating from your superpower, not making excuses. 94 00:10:59,664.04302655 --> 00:11:12,230.99580433 So if a woman thinks she might really have a DHD or neurodiversity, what should she do? Um, I first want to say that you don't have to be formally medically diagnosed. 95 00:11:12,230.99580433 --> 00:11:17,250.99480433 If you suspect and you do the research and you're like, yes, this is me, you can be self diagnosed. 96 00:11:17,300.99480433 --> 00:11:20,510.99580433 That is absolutely accepted in the neurodivergent community. 97 00:11:20,885.99580433 --> 00:11:30,445.99480433 The only challenges you might face if you are in like a traditional nine to five job or something and you're looking for accommodations, but you don't have the formal diagnosis, they don't technically have to work with you. 98 00:11:31,15.99480433 --> 00:11:35,495.99530433 Um, most likely you're struggling in those typical job structures anyways, because they're not set up for your brain. 99 00:11:35,555.99530433 --> 00:11:41,205.99530433 Turns out that most entrepreneurs are neurodivergent and find unique ways to work with their brains anyways. 100 00:11:41,745.99530433 --> 00:11:44,775.99530433 If someone comes to me and says, I suspect this, I'm, I'm open to that. 101 00:11:44,775.99530433 --> 00:11:48,855.99530433 I'm happy to give them more information or resources for them to learn more for themselves. 102 00:11:48,925.99530433 --> 00:11:49,935.99530433 I'm not going to diagnose. 103 00:11:49,955.99530433 --> 00:11:52,125.99530433 I'm not qualified to formally diagnose. 104 00:11:52,175.99530433 --> 00:12:06,4.32863766 Audra, so many moms feel like they're constantly dropping the ball, whether it's forgetting appointments, struggling to get started on tasks or feeling overwhelmed by the simplest to-dos and for moms with a DHD. 105 00:12:06,434.32863766 --> 00:12:10,844.32863766 This isn't just about being busy, it's something deeper. 106 00:12:11,264.32863766 --> 00:12:20,534.32863766 I've heard the term executive dysfunction thrown around a lot when talking about A DHD, but many moms don't realize what it actually means. 107 00:12:20,834.32863766 --> 00:12:36,943.99580433 Can you break it down for us? What's really happening in the A DHD brain when everyday tasks feel so impossible to manage? executive function, is like the ability to, to start to be motivated to start to achieve tasks in different capacities. 108 00:12:37,343.99580433 --> 00:12:39,163.99580433 I say executive dysfunction because we. 109 00:12:39,464.09580433 --> 00:12:48,93.99480433 If people with ADHD are naturally wired to be, have executive dysfunction, and you're not ever going to naturally have executive function. 110 00:12:48,403.99580433 --> 00:12:56,703.99480433 And a way to know that you have executive dysfunction is that everything you do is a task you have to actively tell yourself to do. 111 00:12:56,713.99580433 --> 00:13:02,793.99580433 your brain is not wired to literally do things on repeat in routine fashion, and that's one core way. 112 00:13:03,173.99580433 --> 00:13:05,533.99480433 Another is, you really struggle. 113 00:13:05,943.99480433 --> 00:13:06,843.99480433 to start tasks. 114 00:13:07,43.99480433 --> 00:13:08,963.99480433 Like task initiation is huge. 115 00:13:09,13.99480433 --> 00:13:10,823.99480433 Like you just really struggle to get going. 116 00:13:10,823.99480433 --> 00:13:12,383.99480433 You get overwhelmed with all the things. 117 00:13:12,383.99480433 --> 00:13:16,213.99480433 You can't really picture the step by step process to get to the end result. 118 00:13:16,933.99480433 --> 00:13:18,243.99480433 Those are really big ones. 119 00:13:18,273.99380433 --> 00:13:21,523.99480433 other core things is that you really struggle to remember. 120 00:13:21,594.09480433 --> 00:13:28,773.61601645 I'm going to be talking about things in the last like five minutes, like a five minute window of memory, like short term memory is a big common challenge. 121 00:13:28,773.61601645 --> 00:13:38,273.89480433 Um, another way to think about it is called time blindness, where we just do not have an understanding of the proper length of time, and we think everything takes five minutes. 122 00:13:39,153.99480433 --> 00:13:41,673.99480433 like, it's almost time to go, like, yeah, I'll be ready, I'll be ready in five minutes. 123 00:13:41,673.99480433 --> 00:13:43,953.99480433 And really the thing you had to do takes you two hours. 124 00:13:43,983.99480433 --> 00:13:45,503.99430433 And you just can't comprehend that. 125 00:13:45,503.99430433 --> 00:13:47,743.99480433 Your brain just does not have a concept of time. 126 00:13:47,793.99480433 --> 00:13:51,393.99480433 Or you might find that every three months or so you have a new interest. 127 00:13:51,688.99480433 --> 00:14:01,768.99480433 Or hobby you want to pursue and you might go like all in that's a very common thing too to cycle through different hobbies and interests every three months another big one is sensory processing challenges. 128 00:14:03,58.99480434 --> 00:14:12,708.99380434 So like sensory processing disorder, so it could be anything from taste, to sight, to sound, I mean, touch, anything, you might not have recognized that's actually what you're experiencing, but it turns out you are. 129 00:14:13,128.99480434 --> 00:14:25,288.99580434 A common one for moms is sound, you cannot figure out why, but all of a sudden, you can't think straight because there's all this noise in the background, you get super angry all of a sudden, that can be an auditory processing challenge. 130 00:14:25,978.99580434 --> 00:14:27,298.99580434 I say that from personal experience. 131 00:14:28,138.99580434 --> 00:14:28,768.99580434 Audra. 132 00:14:28,948.99580434 --> 00:14:38,968.99580434 I know many women, especially moms, go through life feeling like something just doesn't quite add up when it comes to how they experience the world. 133 00:14:39,195.66247101 --> 00:14:46,965.66247101 For some an A DHD diagnosis explains a lot, but for others it seems there's still a missing piece. 134 00:14:47,108.99580434 --> 00:14:52,568.99580434 You later discovered that in addition to A DHD, you are also autistic. 135 00:14:52,732.32913767 --> 00:15:05,116.89580434 What led you to that realization and how did it change the way you understand yourself? So I found out about my ADHD and I was very open about it. 136 00:15:05,166.89580434 --> 00:15:11,136.89480434 I just was sharing, partially it was just for me for processing, verbal external processing, which can be an ADHD trait. 137 00:15:11,136.89480434 --> 00:15:12,236.89430434 shared it with my community. 138 00:15:12,286.89430434 --> 00:15:15,546.89430434 all the symptoms I was learning about explained, like. 139 00:15:15,613.12119088 --> 00:15:25,545.5960534 85 percent of me, and I couldn't figure out why there was still a part of me that didn't feel like it was being explained and all the work I was doing to help reduce these symptoms that were challenging me, part of me still wasn't being addressed. 140 00:15:25,575.5970534 --> 00:15:29,135.5970534 I didn't know what it was yet, I could just tell that it wasn't checking all the boxes. 141 00:15:29,845.5970534 --> 00:15:36,775.5965534 And then I started to suspect, about autism for women, and I was like, Maybe I, but I did not like that was like a stronger stigma. 142 00:15:36,775.5965534 --> 00:15:39,85.5965534 I just did not want to deal with that. 143 00:15:39,85.5965534 --> 00:15:46,885.5955534 But so it was a year and a half after my ADHD confirming with my doctor that I once again found myself in a situation where I had some downtime. 144 00:15:46,935.5965534 --> 00:15:52,425.5955534 I went to a coaching conference and literally like the first morning sat down day one. 145 00:15:52,785.5965534 --> 00:15:54,955.5965534 I literally feel my body like, okay, I'm here. 146 00:15:54,955.5965534 --> 00:15:57,785.5965534 I can let go of like worrying about the kids and all the things I'm present. 147 00:15:57,785.5965534 --> 00:16:24,95.5955534 And immediately I had this really strong thought and I know it's from God was like, You've been suspecting this I want you to consider it more sincerely and I'm literally like Okay, so I googled we're like still waiting for everything to start I literally googled symptoms of autism in women and like I checked everything It's like, uh What is this? Oh, this is a social side that I've always struggled with that wasn't computing and being explained with my ADHD. 148 00:16:25,255.5955534 --> 00:16:29,745.5955534 And like later that day I told my friend who I had gone with and I was like, I think it might be autistic. 149 00:16:30,910.5955534 --> 00:16:31,760.5955534 That makes sense. 150 00:16:32,60.5955534 --> 00:16:34,730.5955534 And I was like so hurt because I didn't want that validate. 151 00:16:34,730.5955534 --> 00:16:35,730.5960534 I had to process. 152 00:16:36,40.5960534 --> 00:16:42,290.5960534 And it was a much harder thing to process because the stigma was bigger, right? Because most people think of Forrest Gump. 153 00:16:42,630.5960534 --> 00:16:54,680.5945534 it took more emotional work and I had actually worked with a coach for a period of time to work through more of the emotional journey to really release the trauma that I realized was even more intense through all my social interactions my masking was even more heavy from all that. 154 00:16:54,680.5945534 --> 00:16:59,300.5955534 It explained all these things I thought was ADHD and a good chunk of it was actually my autism. 155 00:16:59,670.5955534 --> 00:17:18,920.5955534 it was bigger than me, like I couldn't just do this myself, like there's no amount of research was going to solve what I needed to release from the trauma I had experienced, all the micro traumas my entire life, which is normal when you're living in a neurotypical world, and especially if you don't know these challenges you have, and it's not set up to support you that even unintentionally, you just experience micro traumas your entire life. 156 00:17:19,710.5955534 --> 00:17:25,600.5955534 And that's very common for neurodivergent people, people with disabilities of any kind or challenges, right? It's not set up for you. 157 00:17:25,610.5955534 --> 00:17:27,730.5955534 You're going to experience trauma, whether it's intentional or not. 158 00:17:28,880.5955534 --> 00:17:30,720.5955534 So I'm validating all those right now who are thinking this. 159 00:17:30,720.5955534 --> 00:17:31,960.5955534 I'm like, I'm validating you. 160 00:17:31,960.5955534 --> 00:17:36,980.5955534 If you're like, I've had really, it is very much okay to think you've experienced traumas your entire life. 161 00:17:37,90.5955534 --> 00:17:38,810.5945534 I'm just putting that out there for the listeners. 162 00:17:39,910.5955534 --> 00:17:40,970.5955534 Um, cause it's true. 163 00:17:41,550.5945534 --> 00:17:49,170.5945534 I was at the conference for multiple days and I was like a safe space to like, try out this part of me. 164 00:17:49,170.5945534 --> 00:17:55,570.5945534 And so I introduced myself as autistic to people and it was so interesting because it's a safe space. 165 00:17:55,570.5945534 --> 00:18:00,470.5935534 I didn't know these people, right? So I could like kind of see how it went to like the different kind of responses. 166 00:18:00,530.5945534 --> 00:18:05,610.5945534 I immediately got like, you don't look autistic or wow, I wouldn't have known based on how and just those kinds of things. 167 00:18:05,660.5945534 --> 00:18:16,500.5945534 And then I was, went home and started with that with my husband to his credit, which is normal response, he, I didn't want to take on that label without an official diagnosis, again, because of the stigma. 168 00:18:16,560.5945534 --> 00:18:20,550.5935534 And I don't blame him because everyone has a much stronger stigma with this than ADHD. 169 00:18:21,310.5935534 --> 00:18:24,510.5935534 So, I also, but then I took it personally, like, wait a second. 170 00:18:25,180.5935534 --> 00:18:27,650.5945534 You don't think that they, right, so it's a little bit of a rough patch. 171 00:18:27,900.5945534 --> 00:18:29,0.5935534 It's not like he loved me any less. 172 00:18:29,0.5935534 --> 00:18:31,490.5935534 It's just both of us trying to process what this means. 173 00:18:32,190.5945534 --> 00:18:40,810.5945534 Um, I did have to work with a coach for about four or five months Um, it's the most, the key things that have helped is the education. 174 00:18:40,810.5945534 --> 00:18:47,574.7529519 it's been very interesting to learn that a massive wave of women, once COVID hit, we went into lockdown. 175 00:18:48,9.7539519 --> 00:18:52,119.7539519 were diagnosed with ADHD because that was the first time in years that they had to be in their own environment. 176 00:18:52,709.7539519 --> 00:19:04,539.7529519 ADHD then all these symptoms that they had been pushing down were magnified because of the environment they were in consistently So a ton of women have been diagnosed with ADHD since COVID. 177 00:19:05,639.7539519 --> 00:19:10,269.7549519 Since then, a very large amount of those same women have been also diagnosed with autism. 178 00:19:10,319.7549519 --> 00:19:14,769.7554519 it's confusing because There's so many symptoms that overlap The fact that I have both is totally normal. 179 00:19:14,939.7554519 --> 00:19:15,379.7554519 Okay. 180 00:19:15,389.7544519 --> 00:19:15,819.7544519 Yeah. 181 00:19:15,899.7554519 --> 00:19:20,909.7554519 And it turns out my other two sisters also have ADHD and are autistic. 182 00:19:21,219.7554519 --> 00:19:28,59.7554519 And all three of my brothers Our ADHD, and two of my brothers are autistic, and no one talked about it. 183 00:19:28,139.7554519 --> 00:19:31,289.7554519 I was the first one to mention it, and almost all of them knew that about themselves. 184 00:19:31,299.7554519 --> 00:19:39,209.7549519 But no one ever said anything to the rest of the family, because the stigmas, then they didn't understand and know the science that like, it's hereditary, now my family's like more open about it for the first time as adults. 185 00:19:39,779.7549519 --> 00:19:42,629.7549519 But it turns out all of us have all had it our entire lives. 186 00:19:42,826.4216186 --> 00:19:58,6.4216186 I think so many of us can relate to feeling overstimulated, like when the kids are talking at the same time, the TV is blaring and suddenly someone starts playing with a loud toy right next to your ear. 187 00:19:58,516.4216186 --> 00:20:03,261.4216186 But for moms with a DHD, that sensory overload isn't just annoying. 188 00:20:03,841.4216186 --> 00:20:06,256.4216186 It can be completely overwhelming. 189 00:20:06,386.4216186 --> 00:20:18,26.4216186 I've heard that a DHD brains process sounds differently and that things like background noise or too much stimulation can feel, ugh, almost unbearable. 190 00:20:18,416.4216186 --> 00:20:25,501.0882852 Can you explain what happens and what that looks like for you? One of my core things is my sensory processing disorder. 191 00:20:25,581.0872852 --> 00:20:31,231.0882852 And mine is very much audio, huge sensory overwhelm to specific sounds. 192 00:20:31,271.0892852 --> 00:20:34,61.0892852 when those sounds happen, I've always been super triggered and overwhelmed. 193 00:20:34,61.0892852 --> 00:20:35,981.0892852 it's overstimulation that occurs. 194 00:20:35,981.0892852 --> 00:20:37,521.0892852 then my brain can't function anymore. 195 00:20:37,521.0892852 --> 00:20:42,836.0892852 And I'm just out of it, which can turn into fight responses, anger, cause your brain's like, wait, I'm not safe. 196 00:20:42,836.0892852 --> 00:20:43,776.0892852 I can't function normally. 197 00:20:43,776.0892852 --> 00:20:44,956.0892852 I need to take care of myself. 198 00:20:44,956.0892852 --> 00:20:48,176.0892852 So I'll fight the AK yell at my kids if they're making too much noise. 199 00:20:48,686.0892852 --> 00:20:50,36.0892852 I'm responsible for that. 200 00:20:50,36.0892852 --> 00:20:52,756.0897852 I know that's me now, not my kids being noisy. 201 00:20:52,806.0897852 --> 00:20:55,576.0902852 I'm the one who knows I have a hypersensitivity to that. 202 00:20:55,576.0902852 --> 00:20:58,586.0897852 And it's my job to see how I can manage that versus making other people miserable. 203 00:20:58,596.0897852 --> 00:21:00,116.0887852 So there's certain tools that I've. 204 00:21:00,561.0897852 --> 00:21:11,831.0902852 Acquired like earplugs, but they actually have a little hole in them and they have different levels to where they can reduce the decibels coming in I've tried them out over a year ago and I love them anytime I leave my house, they're in my ears. 205 00:21:12,791.0902852 --> 00:21:14,331.0902852 It's not even an option anymore. 206 00:21:14,431.0902852 --> 00:21:24,971.0887852 I do want to add in that people who are autistic or people who have sensory processing disorder, the information that comes into your brain is the overstimulation is so common because we're receiving. 207 00:21:25,231.0897852 --> 00:21:26,41.0897852 Everything. 208 00:21:26,51.0897852 --> 00:21:27,781.0897852 And our brain doesn't filter it for us. 209 00:21:28,151.0897852 --> 00:21:38,71.0897852 So sound, I don't just hear a person talking to me, I hear a person talking to me and five other conversations and the electrical running in the wall and the chef yelling at the person in the back kitchen. 210 00:21:38,71.0897852 --> 00:21:43,601.0907852 So like going on a date night with my husband, I can't even hear my husband cause my brain is literally hearing everyone's conversations. 211 00:21:44,81.0907852 --> 00:21:46,531.0907852 So the tool I use, literally helps. 212 00:21:46,676.0907852 --> 00:21:47,826.0907852 Reduce that. 213 00:21:47,886.0907852 --> 00:21:51,756.0907852 And I still hear, but it's super muffled and I literally can focus and receive. 214 00:21:51,756.0907852 --> 00:21:55,906.0907852 I understand that I need that level of support in order to function at my best. 215 00:21:56,116.0907852 --> 00:21:58,756.0917852 my home is set up to support me, not the opposite. 216 00:21:59,166.0917852 --> 00:22:08,456.0917852 making those choices that support me reducing challenging symptoms and enhancing the parts of me that are doing great is the most ideal thing I can do in what I try to teach. 217 00:22:08,756.0917852 --> 00:22:11,766.0917852 Those I support to do as well on their individual cases. 218 00:22:12,306.0917852 --> 00:22:19,716.0917852 Audra, one of the things I absolutely love about your story is how you've embraced both the A DHD and the autism. 219 00:22:20,76.0917852 --> 00:22:24,366.0917852 Not just privately, but as part of how you introduce yourself to the world. 220 00:22:24,666.0917852 --> 00:22:36,156.0917852 So many women struggle with feeling like they have to hide their differences or mask to fit in, but you've found freedom in being seen for who you truly are. 221 00:22:36,307.5584519 --> 00:22:43,597.5584519 what has that shift meant for you and how has it changed the way that you interact with others? I. 222 00:22:43,840.8917852 --> 00:22:48,350.8922852 I love that I have the capacity to be more aware of opportunities to serve others. 223 00:22:49,150.8922852 --> 00:22:50,120.8922852 I Also love that. 224 00:22:50,120.8922852 --> 00:23:07,90.8932852 I'm so comfortable with who I am That I openly actually introduce myself as autistic with ADHD when I meet new people to allow for the space for me to show up fully instead of me trying to show up how they would expect me to show up neurotypically, I don't have the capacity to mask anymore. 225 00:23:07,490.8932852 --> 00:23:08,590.8932852 That was survival mode for so long. 226 00:23:08,590.8932852 --> 00:23:13,380.8922852 They can't see my brain and they are expecting me to show up a certain way socially based on social etiquette. 227 00:23:13,700.8922852 --> 00:23:31,835.8922852 And I'm just like, Here I am, I can also recognize now, when I go the route that's not neurotypical, I can actually call it out on myself, like, oh yeah, I know I just went really kind of funky and said things that aren't maybe socially acceptable, and we all have a good laugh, and I'm not embarrassed, because I'm like, my brain just did that, versus there's embarrassment there and shame and awkwardness. 228 00:23:31,845.8922852 --> 00:23:35,265.8922852 Like I'm able to just own it and I'm fine with it because that's who I am. 229 00:23:35,265.8922852 --> 00:23:45,365.8922852 And this is how I was made and how I meant to be and how I can show up and be an example for others to be themselves and be comfortable with it and help them to embrace how they're wired instead of trying to do something that they're not. 230 00:23:45,534.9589519 --> 00:23:51,624.9589519 Audrey, so many moms feel like they're constantly trying to fit into a system that just wasn't built for them. 231 00:23:52,104.9589519 --> 00:24:01,824.9589519 And the more I learn about Neurodivergence, the more I realize it's not that something is wrong with individuals, it's that the world. 232 00:24:02,169.9589519 --> 00:24:06,399.9589519 Isn't really set up to support different ways of thinking and functioning. 233 00:24:06,909.9589519 --> 00:24:25,814.9589519 how can understanding this shift our perspective? And what role does self-compassion play in learning to thrive within a system that often feels like it's working against us? the majority of the world is neurodivergent, not neurotypical, and we have it backwards as far as how our societies are set up. 234 00:24:25,946.6256186 --> 00:24:30,756.6256186 be compassionate with yourself because most likely you've been very hard on yourself your entire life. 235 00:24:30,756.6256186 --> 00:24:43,536.6256186 just trying to not stand out or, you know, try to fit in better because you recognize there are things about you that are struggles and you're like, why is this harder for me than someone else? And you're probably put yourself down or whatever that negative self talk unfortunately came in. 236 00:24:44,236.6246186 --> 00:24:48,446.6256186 And to start with that is just to start caring for yourself with love. 237 00:24:48,606.6256186 --> 00:24:57,646.6256186 just to start loving yourself and recognizing I have been doing the best I can Audra, I wanna take a moment to acknowledge the incredible work you're doing. 238 00:24:58,96.6256186 --> 00:25:07,996.6256186 Not only have you navigated your own journey with a DHD and autism, but you've also created a space where other women can feel seen. 239 00:25:08,376.6256186 --> 00:25:10,566.6256186 Understood and empowered. 240 00:25:10,986.6256186 --> 00:25:14,706.6256186 That takes so much courage, wisdom, and heart. 241 00:25:14,976.6256186 --> 00:25:22,716.6256186 And I know that even the strongest, most purpose-driven women still face challenges right now in this season. 242 00:25:23,16.6256186 --> 00:25:33,773.2922852 What's the biggest challenge that you're working through and how are you navigating it? My consistent biggest challenge is the autistic side with the need for a routine. 243 00:25:34,303.2912852 --> 00:25:53,998.2912852 So every two weeks, I leave my home that I've set up entirely to support all of my needs, and I go to my husband's home and stay there for two weeks, and his home is set up for how he and his kids like it, and it's very much the opposite of how I function, I'm very much thrown off, and it's really hard to adapt, and I have to put more effort into being productive and getting things done. 244 00:25:53,998.2912852 --> 00:25:57,368.2922852 And it's not, they're not trying to help, but I'm not asking them to change everything for me. 245 00:25:57,368.2922852 --> 00:25:59,888.2922852 I'm trying to figure out what that middle ground is to adapt. 246 00:26:00,358.2922852 --> 00:26:05,468.2922852 my consistent challenge is every two weeks my routine changes and my autistic self does not like that. 247 00:26:05,588.2922852 --> 00:26:20,678.2922852 we recognized that in order for it to be successful for our kids not being forced into anything else, That we would be the ones who would do the sacrifice of transitioning back and forth, so they can continue to live as normal within their already rotating two households as it is between their parents. 248 00:26:21,148.2922852 --> 00:26:27,858.2922852 We really love each other and we want our kids to see that there's so many different ways it's possible to have a healthy, happy life in relationships. 249 00:26:27,978.2912852 --> 00:26:47,474.6020622 So As a woman who has been there, done that in the midst of doing that, what's One little gem that you would like to leave with, moms? Um, I want to help people reframe, when we hear we need to take care of ourselves first, but we're given the example of the air masks dropping from airplanes in crisis situations only. 250 00:26:47,874.6010622 --> 00:27:02,64.6020622 I want to replace that with the concept of being a tall vase in that you pour into yourself, which is the vase and you fill yourself up so much that you overflow into the others around you without tipping over and sacrificing yourself. 251 00:27:02,204.6020622 --> 00:27:11,804.6020622 And that to me has been the game changer and showing up in my life and feeling like I'm thriving even with all that I have going on because I take care of myself on a daily basis now. 252 00:27:12,364.6020622 --> 00:27:14,114.6020622 without sacrificing those I love. 253 00:27:14,314.6020622 --> 00:27:23,134.6020622 Audrey, you've shared so much wisdom today about A DHD autism and creating a life that actually works for a neurodivergent mom. 254 00:27:23,524.6020622 --> 00:27:28,954.6020622 I know you also have an amazing free resource that can help moms take the next step. 255 00:27:29,314.6020622 --> 00:27:43,868.6020622 Can you tell us about it and how they can get their hands on it? Regardless if you identify with anything I said about being ADHD or not, just a person who needs to take care of themselves, I do have a free resource called The Thriving Queen Self Care Routine Blueprint. 256 00:27:43,878.6020622 --> 00:27:53,108.6030622 And it helps you learn a lot of different ways to holistically take care of yourself, but instead of it being cookie cutter, it helps you figure out, different ways to apply trying a little thing, that make sense to help you start. 257 00:27:53,348.6030622 --> 00:28:10,868.7025622 Pouring into yourself a little bit every single day not only the importance of but how to do it in a sustainable way And you can get that for free at my website thriving queen coaching comm slash self care routine all one long word you can actually like print it off and use it It has all the things to help support you. 258 00:28:10,868.7025622 --> 00:28:12,728.7030622 So to go anywhere else for that information. 259 00:28:12,938.7020622 --> 00:28:18,428.7020622 I will share the link to that self-care routine blueprint in the show notes as well. 260 00:28:18,848.7020622 --> 00:28:23,198.7020622 Just so you know, this is a reoccurring theme for young moms. 261 00:28:23,468.7020622 --> 00:28:34,448.7020622 The last two interviews I hosted with moms, both have worked hard to figure out their own self-care routine and what works for them and their lifestyle and personality. 262 00:28:34,532.0353955 --> 00:28:42,422.0353955 Those are episodes 41 with Lauren Wittig and 45 with Katie Welch. 263 00:28:42,752.0353955 --> 00:28:51,632.0353955 If you'd like to listen and hear how other moms are actually making it happen, Audra, I've learned a ton from our conversation today. 264 00:28:51,684.7020622 --> 00:29:06,284.7020622 I have become very aware of some things and feel more educated and empowered to, do the research and find the resources that I need to show up as a better me. 265 00:29:06,294.7020622 --> 00:29:09,624.7020622 So thank you, so much for being with us. 266 00:29:09,674.7020622 --> 00:29:17,78.210302 What if somebody wants to get in touch with you you can go to my website, thrivingqueencoaching. 267 00:29:17,88.209302 --> 00:29:17,508.209302 com. 268 00:29:17,518.211302 --> 00:29:18,348.211302 I also. 269 00:29:18,438.211302 --> 00:29:23,928.211302 Um, live on Instagram, you can DM me directly, at thriving queen coaching on Instagram. 270 00:29:24,138.211302 --> 00:29:27,88.211302 Or you can email me at info at thriving queen coaching. 271 00:29:27,268.211302 --> 00:29:32,998.210302 com even if I'm not working together, I can still support you on your journey and point you towards some resources to help you start with where you're at. 272 00:29:33,51.5446353 --> 00:29:36,171.5446353 Wow, what an incredible conversation. 273 00:29:36,324.8779687 --> 00:29:43,458.211302 audra, thanks so much for sharing your story and wisdom today, this has been so helpful. 274 00:29:43,698.211302 --> 00:29:53,598.211302 I know so many moms who are walking away today with practical steps to manage their minds, their homes, and their lives better. 275 00:29:53,724.8779687 --> 00:29:56,724.8779687 Ladies, if you've loved this conversation. 276 00:29:56,858.211302 --> 00:29:59,648.211302 Share this episode with a mom friend who needs it. 277 00:29:59,978.211302 --> 00:30:01,658.211302 Let's spread the encouragement. 278 00:30:01,928.211302 --> 00:30:14,327.3001909 And don't forget, if you want to bring more order and peace to your home, grab your copy of the Chaos to Calm chore chart Just go to Mom to mom mentoring.com. 279 00:30:15,882.3001909 --> 00:30:16,752.3001909 Chores. 280 00:30:16,812.3001909 --> 00:30:17,672.3001909 and mom. 281 00:30:17,702.3001909 --> 00:30:26,562.3001909 You don't have to do this alone if you're ready for a personalized strategy that fits your strengths and your values, book a clarity call with me. 282 00:30:26,678.9668576 --> 00:30:34,28.9668576 Let's discover, define and develop the right system and strategy that will bring peace into your home. 283 00:30:34,148.9668576 --> 00:30:53,412.3001909 In our call, we can explore your values, your strengths, and what's keeping you stuck so you can begin to build a system that doesn't just look good on paper, But actually works for you, Let's live powerfully lead with purpose and love with intention without the burnout. 284 00:30:53,572.3001909 --> 00:30:54,682.3001909 take a deep breath. 285 00:30:54,778.9668576 --> 00:30:56,278.9668576 You've got this. 286 00:30:56,435.6335242 --> 00:30:58,908.9668576 Until next time, keep shining.
.604719407have you ever walked into a room and completely forgotten why you're there, or found yourself putting the milk in the pantry, in the cereal in the fridge? While blindfolded, the mental load of schedules, laundry, meal planning and keeping tiny humans alive can be overwhelming for any mom. 2 00:00:20,640.604719407 --> 00:00:30,600.604719407 But for those with a DHD, it's like trying to organize a closet while a tornado or a toddler keeps pulling everything back out. 3 00:00:31,110.604719406 --> 00:00:34,830.604719406 A DHD isn't just something kids struggle with. 4 00:00:35,130.604719407 --> 00:00:42,753.658426545 It's a real challenge for adults too, especially for moms who are juggling 57 different things before breakfast. 5 00:00:42,847.102767317 --> 00:00:53,994.517931039 Research shows that women with A DHD are often Misdiagnosed or overlooked because we're masters at masking our struggles. 6 00:00:54,59.062810784 --> 00:01:04,392.483364247 But behind the scenes, the constant overwhelm, the forgotten appointments, the half finished projects can make every day feel like a never ending circus. 7 00:01:04,527.099605918 --> 00:01:05,397.099605918 The good news. 8 00:01:05,847.099605918 --> 00:01:17,437.099605918 A DHD also comes with some incredible strengths, creativity, hyperfocus, and an empathetic heart that often makes these moms incredible problem solvers. 9 00:01:17,857.099605918 --> 00:01:26,453.797988995 But how do you move from barely surviving to actually thriving? Well, That's where today's guest comes in. 10 00:01:27,778.037092617 --> 00:01:28,948.037092617 I am Misty. 11 00:01:29,8.037092617 --> 00:01:48,614.70375928 Your gratitude guide, mom, mentor, celebration, coach, and your dream champion your listening to mom to mom mentoring the podcast where busy Christian moms learn how to live powerfully lead with purpose and love with intention, all while keeping their sanity intact. 12 00:01:48,914.70375928 --> 00:01:50,264.70375928 And speaking of sanity. 13 00:01:50,368.03709262 --> 00:01:56,668.03709262 If your home feels more like chaos than calm, I'm gonna share an incredible resource with you. 14 00:01:56,824.70375928 --> 00:02:11,194.70375928 The Chaos to Calm chore chart was developed by Katie Welch, first as a tool to help bring peace and structure to her own home as a mom of six, and now she shares it openly with the families. 15 00:02:11,429.70375928 --> 00:02:19,229.70375928 She supports through Foster Light, and she's sharing it with the listeners of Mom to Mom mentoring as well. 16 00:02:19,366.37042595 --> 00:02:31,43.03709262 If you'd like to hear more about Katie's personal journey from chaos to calm, be sure to check out episode 45 where she shares her own story and the heart behind this powerful tool. 17 00:02:31,93.03709262 --> 00:02:39,519.70375928 If you're feeling stuck and need help building a system that actually fits your life, I'd love to chat, book a clarity call with me. 18 00:02:39,674.70375928 --> 00:02:44,594.70375928 At Mom to Mom mentoring.com/call. 19 00:02:44,894.70375928 --> 00:02:52,925.70375928 And together we'll discover, define and develop the right system and strategy to bring peace into your home. 20 00:02:53,306.37042595 --> 00:03:00,146.37042595 Now I am excited to introduce you to another marvelous mom who gets it. 21 00:03:00,273.03709262 --> 00:03:05,913.03709262 My guest today Audra Queen founder of Thriving Queen Coaching. 22 00:03:05,968.03709262 --> 00:03:23,471.37042595 Audra was diagnosed with a DHD and autism as an adult, and she's on a mission to help women like her embrace their unique minds, create systems that actually work for them and stop feeling like they're constantly failing at a game. 23 00:03:23,591.37042595 --> 00:03:25,631.37042595 They were never given the rule book for. 24 00:03:25,681.37042595 --> 00:03:36,751.37042595 Through her coaching courses and resources like her self-care routine blueprint, she empowers women to prioritize themselves and truly thrive. 25 00:03:36,851.37042595 --> 00:03:43,721.37042595 Audra is here with us today to unpack what A DHD looks like in a busy mom's. 26 00:03:43,731.37042595 --> 00:03:44,511.37042595 Life. 27 00:03:44,601.37042595 --> 00:03:50,751.37042595 She's gonna share practical tips and maybe even help you stop losing your phone while you're on it. 28 00:03:50,814.70375928 --> 00:03:58,14.70375928 So grab your coffee or the cup that you've reheated three times, but never drank, and let's dive in. 29 00:04:05,121.37042595 --> 00:04:08,451.37042595 Audra, welcome to Mom to Mom mentoring. 30 00:04:08,811.37042595 --> 00:04:23,21.37042595 We are so glad to have you with us today so we all can learn more about what it means to live life as a busy Christian mother with an A DHD diagnosis. 31 00:04:24,41.37042595 --> 00:04:31,781.37042595 The first question I would like to come out of the gate with is you seem to be highly successful. 32 00:04:32,291.37042595 --> 00:04:34,691.37042595 I would love to know your superpower. 33 00:04:34,822.03709262 --> 00:04:39,392.03709262 Um, well, I think mine is my unique mind. 34 00:04:40,222.03709262 --> 00:04:43,112.03709262 I have adult diagnosed ADHD and autism. 35 00:04:43,132.03609262 --> 00:04:44,782.03709262 I didn't know I had this my entire life. 36 00:04:45,52.03609262 --> 00:04:48,282.03709262 I did always know I was unique, but I didn't understand to what capacity. 37 00:04:48,292.03709262 --> 00:04:53,662.03709262 And I honestly do believe that now that I've learned about it, worked through the painful trauma. 38 00:04:53,847.03709262 --> 00:04:57,47.03709262 from not knowing about it throughout my life and embracing it. 39 00:04:57,517.03709262 --> 00:05:12,897.13659262 I really do feel like my ADHD and my autism are my superpower because I fully feel comfortably confident in myself now that I have that understanding and I'm able to utilize my unique strengths to my advantage instead of thinking they're a hindrance, Audra. 40 00:05:12,897.13659262 --> 00:05:18,567.13659262 It's so powerful to hear you say that you feel confident in yourself now for the first time in your life. 41 00:05:18,867.13659262 --> 00:05:19,977.13659262 That's huge. 42 00:05:20,307.13659262 --> 00:05:23,787.13659262 But I imagine the road to getting here wasn't easy. 43 00:05:24,117.13659262 --> 00:05:36,823.80325928 When you first received your diagnosis, what was that moment like for you? How did you feel and how did you begin to shift your understanding of yourself? I found out actually about my ADHD three years ago. 44 00:05:37,143.80325928 --> 00:05:41,693.80325928 I am turning 40 in a few months, so it's in my, just past my mid 30s. 45 00:05:42,103.80325928 --> 00:05:44,673.80225928 And at that point, I was still a single mom. 46 00:05:44,683.80325928 --> 00:05:46,813.80325928 I had started dating my now husband. 47 00:05:47,263.80325928 --> 00:05:54,163.80325928 And I had just gone through a very difficult season of having to decide to sell my home and hand my children over to their dad. 48 00:05:54,163.80325928 --> 00:05:59,443.80325928 for six months full time so I could go live with my parents rent free to get on my feet again financially. 49 00:05:59,493.80325928 --> 00:06:02,553.80325928 it was a very difficult, hard choice in my life. 50 00:06:03,23.80225928 --> 00:06:25,898.80225928 I went to my parents house And for the first time in years I had a space where I could just Feel safe because I had just been in survival mode for multiple years all of a sudden the first time to actually like focus on me versus just trying to take care of everything and that's when Everything just kind of started flooded in like I've been kind of thinking about this on the back burner, but let's really focus on this and I just started to educate myself more about it Dr. 51 00:06:25,898.80225928 --> 00:06:33,88.80325928 Ammon, he came out with a study back, in 2013, specifically studying the different types of ADHD. 52 00:06:33,128.80225928 --> 00:06:38,138.80325928 And most people think there's just, inattentive and attentive ADHD, and actually there's seven types. 53 00:06:39,253.80325928 --> 00:06:48,983.80275928 I was just connecting the dots, looking back through my life, through the lens of having ADHD and it explained so many challenges I had remembering my mom said, go downstairs and grab a can of beans that go down the stairs. 54 00:06:48,983.80275928 --> 00:06:57,703.80325928 Like, wait, what am I getting? Like all the time, struggling with short term memory, there's just so many things that were just explaining my brain through the lens of ADHD. 55 00:06:58,218.80325928 --> 00:07:03,658.80325928 And I talked to my doctor and I said, I am struggling with these things. 56 00:07:03,728.80325928 --> 00:07:05,978.80325928 This is what I believe I have. 57 00:07:06,288.80325928 --> 00:07:20,78.80275928 and she Asked is it hindering your ability to function on a daily basis currently? And I was like, yes, I didn't realize that I'm always constantly in freeze mode and I don't get anything done because I'm so overwhelmed with all that I had to do that I didn't do anything. 58 00:07:20,78.80275928 --> 00:07:21,448.80325928 Not understanding that's literally it. 59 00:07:21,673.80325928 --> 00:07:23,743.80325928 a symptom of executive dysfunction. 60 00:07:24,213.80325928 --> 00:07:27,653.80325928 And it was actually hindering my ability to work, make money, support my kids. 61 00:07:27,653.80325928 --> 00:07:28,733.80325928 Part of the reason why I had to sell my house. 62 00:07:30,53.80225928 --> 00:07:33,323.80225928 So, um, she's like, well, it's not like waiting months to get tested. 63 00:07:33,323.80325928 --> 00:07:39,63.80375928 we're going to go ahead and start some medication through to support you on this journey and see if it helps night and day, literally 24 hours. 64 00:07:39,63.80375928 --> 00:07:52,248.80375928 And all of a sudden I was able to start like, Um, but then after that, a medical professional said, Hey, yes, I agree with this and had to be like, Oh, This is real. 65 00:07:53,38.80375928 --> 00:07:57,668.80375928 And the very first thing I dealt with, it turns out that the grief journey is normal. 66 00:07:58,328.80375928 --> 00:08:02,278.80475928 I had to grieve the version of me that I ended up not being my entire life. 67 00:08:02,423.80475928 --> 00:08:03,693.80475928 Because that wasn't who I was. 68 00:08:03,693.80475928 --> 00:08:10,243.80475928 I didn't know I'm actually this person with ADHD and autism, and I was surviving through other versions of me trying to survive with masking. 69 00:08:10,563.80475928 --> 00:08:16,183.80425928 I had spent my life with so many different masks to, to fit in socially. 70 00:08:16,183.80425928 --> 00:08:23,433.80475928 And I had created different versions of me that weren't really me, but ways that were socially accepted I didn't ever really know who I was my entire life. 71 00:08:23,533.80475928 --> 00:08:33,783.80475928 The loss of, essentially, 35 years of what I thought was me all of a sudden wasn't me there's just so many layers and anger and frustration it's normal to go through a grief journey. 72 00:08:33,783.80675928 --> 00:08:34,323.80475928 And I did that. 73 00:08:34,353.80575928 --> 00:08:35,403.80575928 It took multiple months. 74 00:08:35,763.80575928 --> 00:08:37,813.80575928 I was going through the stigma of like, I'm broken. 75 00:08:37,813.80575928 --> 00:08:38,873.80575928 My brain doesn't work. 76 00:08:38,873.80575928 --> 00:08:40,463.80575928 You know, it's considered a disability. 77 00:08:40,644.92998951 --> 00:08:49,899.93098951 And so I had to go through that loss as well as The stigma, all of a sudden I have a label on me yeah, there was a lot of layers there. 78 00:08:50,19.93098951 --> 00:08:57,979.93098951 I'm curious, about the grieving process is I have an adult daughter who does have a diagnosis of ADHD. 79 00:08:58,509.93098951 --> 00:09:21,289.93098951 we've talked about it and we're both like, Oh my gosh, everything makes sense now, but we haven't talked about the grieving process, as a loving mom of a wonderful human being, it's something I want to be sensitive to with her as well and give her that opportunity to share more of her process. 80 00:09:21,569.93098951 --> 00:09:36,829.93198951 I have told her many times when you were young and I decided to homeschool, there were so many times that I said or thought if you were in the public school, you'd be diagnosed with ADHD. 81 00:09:37,279.93198951 --> 00:09:40,549.93198951 Now, when she was growing up, it was not. 82 00:09:40,944.93198951 --> 00:09:42,304.93198951 a good thing. 83 00:09:42,304.93198951 --> 00:09:42,564.93198951 Right. 84 00:09:42,574.93198951 --> 00:09:44,24.93198951 The stigma wasn't very rough. 85 00:09:44,114.93198951 --> 00:09:45,734.93098951 especially in Christian circles. 86 00:09:46,104.93198951 --> 00:09:47,844.93198951 now it's, it's different. 87 00:09:47,844.93198951 --> 00:09:59,649.93198951 So how do you help others mm-hmm Through that, place of, getting over the stigma I help them feel that they are allowed to have all the emotions they're having about it. 88 00:10:00,899.93198951 --> 00:10:07,269.93198951 And, you just shared the cultural side of it, right? it's hereditary, my parents didn't know because again it wasn't a cultural normal thing. 89 00:10:07,269.93198951 --> 00:10:10,999.93198951 So we had a very rough upbringing in the sense that we loved each other. 90 00:10:10,999.93198951 --> 00:10:18,239.93098951 But all of us were like in trauma mode all the time trying to survive with these unknown, very severe diagnoses. 91 00:10:18,799.93098951 --> 00:10:25,609.93098951 so there is a lot of grief attached to why didn't my parents take care of me? Like and they didn't know either, there just wasn't the information that we have now. 92 00:10:25,659.93098951 --> 00:10:49,74.04302655 So like I had to go through the anger at my parents and then let that go and understand through their lens it's a process with my coaching, I do, Timeline Therapy specifically, which is a branch of NLP therapy, really helps hone in on releasing the emotional connections to the trauma, I hear many people say, oh, it's my A DHD brain as if in passing. 93 00:10:49,554.04302655 --> 00:10:59,334.04302655 But understanding how this brain functions is an important part of ensuring that you're operating from your superpower, not making excuses. 94 00:10:59,664.04302655 --> 00:11:12,230.99580433 So if a woman thinks she might really have a DHD or neurodiversity, what should she do? Um, I first want to say that you don't have to be formally medically diagnosed. 95 00:11:12,230.99580433 --> 00:11:17,250.99480433 If you suspect and you do the research and you're like, yes, this is me, you can be self diagnosed. 96 00:11:17,300.99480433 --> 00:11:20,510.99580433 That is absolutely accepted in the neurodivergent community. 97 00:11:20,885.99580433 --> 00:11:30,445.99480433 The only challenges you might face if you are in like a traditional nine to five job or something and you're looking for accommodations, but you don't have the formal diagnosis, they don't technically have to work with you. 98 00:11:31,15.99480433 --> 00:11:35,495.99530433 Um, most likely you're struggling in those typical job structures anyways, because they're not set up for your brain. 99 00:11:35,555.99530433 --> 00:11:41,205.99530433 Turns out that most entrepreneurs are neurodivergent and find unique ways to work with their brains anyways. 100 00:11:41,745.99530433 --> 00:11:44,775.99530433 If someone comes to me and says, I suspect this, I'm, I'm open to that. 101 00:11:44,775.99530433 --> 00:11:48,855.99530433 I'm happy to give them more information or resources for them to learn more for themselves. 102 00:11:48,925.99530433 --> 00:11:49,935.99530433 I'm not going to diagnose. 103 00:11:49,955.99530433 --> 00:11:52,125.99530433 I'm not qualified to formally diagnose. 104 00:11:52,175.99530433 --> 00:12:06,4.32863766 Audra, so many moms feel like they're constantly dropping the ball, whether it's forgetting appointments, struggling to get started on tasks or feeling overwhelmed by the simplest to-dos and for moms with a DHD. 105 00:12:06,434.32863766 --> 00:12:10,844.32863766 This isn't just about being busy, it's something deeper. 106 00:12:11,264.32863766 --> 00:12:20,534.32863766 I've heard the term executive dysfunction thrown around a lot when talking about A DHD, but many moms don't realize what it actually means. 107 00:12:20,834.32863766 --> 00:12:36,943.99580433 Can you break it down for us? What's really happening in the A DHD brain when everyday tasks feel so impossible to manage? executive function, is like the ability to, to start to be motivated to start to achieve tasks in different capacities. 108 00:12:37,343.99580433 --> 00:12:39,163.99580433 I say executive dysfunction because we. 109 00:12:39,464.09580433 --> 00:12:48,93.99480433 If people with ADHD are naturally wired to be, have executive dysfunction, and you're not ever going to naturally have executive function. 110 00:12:48,403.99580433 --> 00:12:56,703.99480433 And a way to know that you have executive dysfunction is that everything you do is a task you have to actively tell yourself to do. 111 00:12:56,713.99580433 --> 00:13:02,793.99580433 your brain is not wired to literally do things on repeat in routine fashion, and that's one core way. 112 00:13:03,173.99580433 --> 00:13:05,533.99480433 Another is, you really struggle. 113 00:13:05,943.99480433 --> 00:13:06,843.99480433 to start tasks. 114 00:13:07,43.99480433 --> 00:13:08,963.99480433 Like task initiation is huge. 115 00:13:09,13.99480433 --> 00:13:10,823.99480433 Like you just really struggle to get going. 116 00:13:10,823.99480433 --> 00:13:12,383.99480433 You get overwhelmed with all the things. 117 00:13:12,383.99480433 --> 00:13:16,213.99480433 You can't really picture the step by step process to get to the end result. 118 00:13:16,933.99480433 --> 00:13:18,243.99480433 Those are really big ones. 119 00:13:18,273.99380433 --> 00:13:21,523.99480433 other core things is that you really struggle to remember. 120 00:13:21,594.09480433 --> 00:13:28,773.61601645 I'm going to be talking about things in the last like five minutes, like a five minute window of memory, like short term memory is a big common challenge. 121 00:13:28,773.61601645 --> 00:13:38,273.89480433 Um, another way to think about it is called time blindness, where we just do not have an understanding of the proper length of time, and we think everything takes five minutes. 122 00:13:39,153.99480433 --> 00:13:41,673.99480433 like, it's almost time to go, like, yeah, I'll be ready, I'll be ready in five minutes. 123 00:13:41,673.99480433 --> 00:13:43,953.99480433 And really the thing you had to do takes you two hours. 124 00:13:43,983.99480433 --> 00:13:45,503.99430433 And you just can't comprehend that. 125 00:13:45,503.99430433 --> 00:13:47,743.99480433 Your brain just does not have a concept of time. 126 00:13:47,793.99480433 --> 00:13:51,393.99480433 Or you might find that every three months or so you have a new interest. 127 00:13:51,688.99480433 --> 00:14:01,768.99480433 Or hobby you want to pursue and you might go like all in that's a very common thing too to cycle through different hobbies and interests every three months another big one is sensory processing challenges. 128 00:14:03,58.99480434 --> 00:14:12,708.99380434 So like sensory processing disorder, so it could be anything from taste, to sight, to sound, I mean, touch, anything, you might not have recognized that's actually what you're experiencing, but it turns out you are. 129 00:14:13,128.99480434 --> 00:14:25,288.99580434 A common one for moms is sound, you cannot figure out why, but all of a sudden, you can't think straight because there's all this noise in the background, you get super angry all of a sudden, that can be an auditory processing challenge. 130 00:14:25,978.99580434 --> 00:14:27,298.99580434 I say that from personal experience. 131 00:14:28,138.99580434 --> 00:14:28,768.99580434 Audra. 132 00:14:28,948.99580434 --> 00:14:38,968.99580434 I know many women, especially moms, go through life feeling like something just doesn't quite add up when it comes to how they experience the world. 133 00:14:39,195.66247101 --> 00:14:46,965.66247101 For some an A DHD diagnosis explains a lot, but for others it seems there's still a missing piece. 134 00:14:47,108.99580434 --> 00:14:52,568.99580434 You later discovered that in addition to A DHD, you are also autistic. 135 00:14:52,732.32913767 --> 00:15:05,116.89580434 What led you to that realization and how did it change the way you understand yourself? So I found out about my ADHD and I was very open about it. 136 00:15:05,166.89580434 --> 00:15:11,136.89480434 I just was sharing, partially it was just for me for processing, verbal external processing, which can be an ADHD trait. 137 00:15:11,136.89480434 --> 00:15:12,236.89430434 shared it with my community. 138 00:15:12,286.89430434 --> 00:15:15,546.89430434 all the symptoms I was learning about explained, like. 139 00:15:15,613.12119088 --> 00:15:25,545.5960534 85 percent of me, and I couldn't figure out why there was still a part of me that didn't feel like it was being explained and all the work I was doing to help reduce these symptoms that were challenging me, part of me still wasn't being addressed. 140 00:15:25,575.5970534 --> 00:15:29,135.5970534 I didn't know what it was yet, I could just tell that it wasn't checking all the boxes. 141 00:15:29,845.5970534 --> 00:15:36,775.5965534 And then I started to suspect, about autism for women, and I was like, Maybe I, but I did not like that was like a stronger stigma. 142 00:15:36,775.5965534 --> 00:15:39,85.5965534 I just did not want to deal with that. 143 00:15:39,85.5965534 --> 00:15:46,885.5955534 But so it was a year and a half after my ADHD confirming with my doctor that I once again found myself in a situation where I had some downtime. 144 00:15:46,935.5965534 --> 00:15:52,425.5955534 I went to a coaching conference and literally like the first morning sat down day one. 145 00:15:52,785.5965534 --> 00:15:54,955.5965534 I literally feel my body like, okay, I'm here. 146 00:15:54,955.5965534 --> 00:15:57,785.5965534 I can let go of like worrying about the kids and all the things I'm present. 147 00:15:57,785.5965534 --> 00:16:24,95.5955534 And immediately I had this really strong thought and I know it's from God was like, You've been suspecting this I want you to consider it more sincerely and I'm literally like Okay, so I googled we're like still waiting for everything to start I literally googled symptoms of autism in women and like I checked everything It's like, uh What is this? Oh, this is a social side that I've always struggled with that wasn't computing and being explained with my ADHD. 148 00:16:25,255.5955534 --> 00:16:29,745.5955534 And like later that day I told my friend who I had gone with and I was like, I think it might be autistic. 149 00:16:30,910.5955534 --> 00:16:31,760.5955534 That makes sense. 150 00:16:32,60.5955534 --> 00:16:34,730.5955534 And I was like so hurt because I didn't want that validate. 151 00:16:34,730.5955534 --> 00:16:35,730.5960534 I had to process. 152 00:16:36,40.5960534 --> 00:16:42,290.5960534 And it was a much harder thing to process because the stigma was bigger, right? Because most people think of Forrest Gump. 153 00:16:42,630.5960534 --> 00:16:54,680.5945534 it took more emotional work and I had actually worked with a coach for a period of time to work through more of the emotional journey to really release the trauma that I realized was even more intense through all my social interactions my masking was even more heavy from all that. 154 00:16:54,680.5945534 --> 00:16:59,300.5955534 It explained all these things I thought was ADHD and a good chunk of it was actually my autism. 155 00:16:59,670.5955534 --> 00:17:18,920.5955534 it was bigger than me, like I couldn't just do this myself, like there's no amount of research was going to solve what I needed to release from the trauma I had experienced, all the micro traumas my entire life, which is normal when you're living in a neurotypical world, and especially if you don't know these challenges you have, and it's not set up to support you that even unintentionally, you just experience micro traumas your entire life. 156 00:17:19,710.5955534 --> 00:17:25,600.5955534 And that's very common for neurodivergent people, people with disabilities of any kind or challenges, right? It's not set up for you. 157 00:17:25,610.5955534 --> 00:17:27,730.5955534 You're going to experience trauma, whether it's intentional or not. 158 00:17:28,880.5955534 --> 00:17:30,720.5955534 So I'm validating all those right now who are thinking this. 159 00:17:30,720.5955534 --> 00:17:31,960.5955534 I'm like, I'm validating you. 160 00:17:31,960.5955534 --> 00:17:36,980.5955534 If you're like, I've had really, it is very much okay to think you've experienced traumas your entire life. 161 00:17:37,90.5955534 --> 00:17:38,810.5945534 I'm just putting that out there for the listeners. 162 00:17:39,910.5955534 --> 00:17:40,970.5955534 Um, cause it's true. 163 00:17:41,550.5945534 --> 00:17:49,170.5945534 I was at the conference for multiple days and I was like a safe space to like, try out this part of me. 164 00:17:49,170.5945534 --> 00:17:55,570.5945534 And so I introduced myself as autistic to people and it was so interesting because it's a safe space. 165 00:17:55,570.5945534 --> 00:18:00,470.5935534 I didn't know these people, right? So I could like kind of see how it went to like the different kind of responses. 166 00:18:00,530.5945534 --> 00:18:05,610.5945534 I immediately got like, you don't look autistic or wow, I wouldn't have known based on how and just those kinds of things. 167 00:18:05,660.5945534 --> 00:18:16,500.5945534 And then I was, went home and started with that with my husband to his credit, which is normal response, he, I didn't want to take on that label without an official diagnosis, again, because of the stigma. 168 00:18:16,560.5945534 --> 00:18:20,550.5935534 And I don't blame him because everyone has a much stronger stigma with this than ADHD. 169 00:18:21,310.5935534 --> 00:18:24,510.5935534 So, I also, but then I took it personally, like, wait a second. 170 00:18:25,180.5935534 --> 00:18:27,650.5945534 You don't think that they, right, so it's a little bit of a rough patch. 171 00:18:27,900.5945534 --> 00:18:29,0.5935534 It's not like he loved me any less. 172 00:18:29,0.5935534 --> 00:18:31,490.5935534 It's just both of us trying to process what this means. 173 00:18:32,190.5945534 --> 00:18:40,810.5945534 Um, I did have to work with a coach for about four or five months Um, it's the most, the key things that have helped is the education. 174 00:18:40,810.5945534 --> 00:18:47,574.7529519 it's been very interesting to learn that a massive wave of women, once COVID hit, we went into lockdown. 175 00:18:48,9.7539519 --> 00:18:52,119.7539519 were diagnosed with ADHD because that was the first time in years that they had to be in their own environment. 176 00:18:52,709.7539519 --> 00:19:04,539.7529519 ADHD then all these symptoms that they had been pushing down were magnified because of the environment they were in consistently So a ton of women have been diagnosed with ADHD since COVID. 177 00:19:05,639.7539519 --> 00:19:10,269.7549519 Since then, a very large amount of those same women have been also diagnosed with autism. 178 00:19:10,319.7549519 --> 00:19:14,769.7554519 it's confusing because There's so many symptoms that overlap The fact that I have both is totally normal. 179 00:19:14,939.7554519 --> 00:19:15,379.7554519 Okay. 180 00:19:15,389.7544519 --> 00:19:15,819.7544519 Yeah. 181 00:19:15,899.7554519 --> 00:19:20,909.7554519 And it turns out my other two sisters also have ADHD and are autistic. 182 00:19:21,219.7554519 --> 00:19:28,59.7554519 And all three of my brothers Our ADHD, and two of my brothers are autistic, and no one talked about it. 183 00:19:28,139.7554519 --> 00:19:31,289.7554519 I was the first one to mention it, and almost all of them knew that about themselves. 184 00:19:31,299.7554519 --> 00:19:39,209.7549519 But no one ever said anything to the rest of the family, because the stigmas, then they didn't understand and know the science that like, it's hereditary, now my family's like more open about it for the first time as adults. 185 00:19:39,779.7549519 --> 00:19:42,629.7549519 But it turns out all of us have all had it our entire lives. 186 00:19:42,826.4216186 --> 00:19:58,6.4216186 I think so many of us can relate to feeling overstimulated, like when the kids are talking at the same time, the TV is blaring and suddenly someone starts playing with a loud toy right next to your ear. 187 00:19:58,516.4216186 --> 00:20:03,261.4216186 But for moms with a DHD, that sensory overload isn't just annoying. 188 00:20:03,841.4216186 --> 00:20:06,256.4216186 It can be completely overwhelming. 189 00:20:06,386.4216186 --> 00:20:18,26.4216186 I've heard that a DHD brains process sounds differently and that things like background noise or too much stimulation can feel, ugh, almost unbearable. 190 00:20:18,416.4216186 --> 00:20:25,501.0882852 Can you explain what happens and what that looks like for you? One of my core things is my sensory processing disorder. 191 00:20:25,581.0872852 --> 00:20:31,231.0882852 And mine is very much audio, huge sensory overwhelm to specific sounds. 192 00:20:31,271.0892852 --> 00:20:34,61.0892852 when those sounds happen, I've always been super triggered and overwhelmed. 193 00:20:34,61.0892852 --> 00:20:35,981.0892852 it's overstimulation that occurs. 194 00:20:35,981.0892852 --> 00:20:37,521.0892852 then my brain can't function anymore. 195 00:20:37,521.0892852 --> 00:20:42,836.0892852 And I'm just out of it, which can turn into fight responses, anger, cause your brain's like, wait, I'm not safe. 196 00:20:42,836.0892852 --> 00:20:43,776.0892852 I can't function normally. 197 00:20:43,776.0892852 --> 00:20:44,956.0892852 I need to take care of myself. 198 00:20:44,956.0892852 --> 00:20:48,176.0892852 So I'll fight the AK yell at my kids if they're making too much noise. 199 00:20:48,686.0892852 --> 00:20:50,36.0892852 I'm responsible for that. 200 00:20:50,36.0892852 --> 00:20:52,756.0897852 I know that's me now, not my kids being noisy. 201 00:20:52,806.0897852 --> 00:20:55,576.0902852 I'm the one who knows I have a hypersensitivity to that. 202 00:20:55,576.0902852 --> 00:20:58,586.0897852 And it's my job to see how I can manage that versus making other people miserable. 203 00:20:58,596.0897852 --> 00:21:00,116.0887852 So there's certain tools that I've. 204 00:21:00,561.0897852 --> 00:21:11,831.0902852 Acquired like earplugs, but they actually have a little hole in them and they have different levels to where they can reduce the decibels coming in I've tried them out over a year ago and I love them anytime I leave my house, they're in my ears. 205 00:21:12,791.0902852 --> 00:21:14,331.0902852 It's not even an option anymore. 206 00:21:14,431.0902852 --> 00:21:24,971.0887852 I do want to add in that people who are autistic or people who have sensory processing disorder, the information that comes into your brain is the overstimulation is so common because we're receiving. 207 00:21:25,231.0897852 --> 00:21:26,41.0897852 Everything. 208 00:21:26,51.0897852 --> 00:21:27,781.0897852 And our brain doesn't filter it for us. 209 00:21:28,151.0897852 --> 00:21:38,71.0897852 So sound, I don't just hear a person talking to me, I hear a person talking to me and five other conversations and the electrical running in the wall and the chef yelling at the person in the back kitchen. 210 00:21:38,71.0897852 --> 00:21:43,601.0907852 So like going on a date night with my husband, I can't even hear my husband cause my brain is literally hearing everyone's conversations. 211 00:21:44,81.0907852 --> 00:21:46,531.0907852 So the tool I use, literally helps. 212 00:21:46,676.0907852 --> 00:21:47,826.0907852 Reduce that. 213 00:21:47,886.0907852 --> 00:21:51,756.0907852 And I still hear, but it's super muffled and I literally can focus and receive. 214 00:21:51,756.0907852 --> 00:21:55,906.0907852 I understand that I need that level of support in order to function at my best. 215 00:21:56,116.0907852 --> 00:21:58,756.0917852 my home is set up to support me, not the opposite. 216 00:21:59,166.0917852 --> 00:22:08,456.0917852 making those choices that support me reducing challenging symptoms and enhancing the parts of me that are doing great is the most ideal thing I can do in what I try to teach. 217 00:22:08,756.0917852 --> 00:22:11,766.0917852 Those I support to do as well on their individual cases. 218 00:22:12,306.0917852 --> 00:22:19,716.0917852 Audra, one of the things I absolutely love about your story is how you've embraced both the A DHD and the autism. 219 00:22:20,76.0917852 --> 00:22:24,366.0917852 Not just privately, but as part of how you introduce yourself to the world. 220 00:22:24,666.0917852 --> 00:22:36,156.0917852 So many women struggle with feeling like they have to hide their differences or mask to fit in, but you've found freedom in being seen for who you truly are. 221 00:22:36,307.5584519 --> 00:22:43,597.5584519 what has that shift meant for you and how has it changed the way that you interact with others? I. 222 00:22:43,840.8917852 --> 00:22:48,350.8922852 I love that I have the capacity to be more aware of opportunities to serve others. 223 00:22:49,150.8922852 --> 00:22:50,120.8922852 I Also love that. 224 00:22:50,120.8922852 --> 00:23:07,90.8932852 I'm so comfortable with who I am That I openly actually introduce myself as autistic with ADHD when I meet new people to allow for the space for me to show up fully instead of me trying to show up how they would expect me to show up neurotypically, I don't have the capacity to mask anymore. 225 00:23:07,490.8932852 --> 00:23:08,590.8932852 That was survival mode for so long. 226 00:23:08,590.8932852 --> 00:23:13,380.8922852 They can't see my brain and they are expecting me to show up a certain way socially based on social etiquette. 227 00:23:13,700.8922852 --> 00:23:31,835.8922852 And I'm just like, Here I am, I can also recognize now, when I go the route that's not neurotypical, I can actually call it out on myself, like, oh yeah, I know I just went really kind of funky and said things that aren't maybe socially acceptable, and we all have a good laugh, and I'm not embarrassed, because I'm like, my brain just did that, versus there's embarrassment there and shame and awkwardness. 228 00:23:31,845.8922852 --> 00:23:35,265.8922852 Like I'm able to just own it and I'm fine with it because that's who I am. 229 00:23:35,265.8922852 --> 00:23:45,365.8922852 And this is how I was made and how I meant to be and how I can show up and be an example for others to be themselves and be comfortable with it and help them to embrace how they're wired instead of trying to do something that they're not. 230 00:23:45,534.9589519 --> 00:23:51,624.9589519 Audrey, so many moms feel like they're constantly trying to fit into a system that just wasn't built for them. 231 00:23:52,104.9589519 --> 00:24:01,824.9589519 And the more I learn about Neurodivergence, the more I realize it's not that something is wrong with individuals, it's that the world. 232 00:24:02,169.9589519 --> 00:24:06,399.9589519 Isn't really set up to support different ways of thinking and functioning. 233 00:24:06,909.9589519 --> 00:24:25,814.9589519 how can understanding this shift our perspective? And what role does self-compassion play in learning to thrive within a system that often feels like it's working against us? the majority of the world is neurodivergent, not neurotypical, and we have it backwards as far as how our societies are set up. 234 00:24:25,946.6256186 --> 00:24:30,756.6256186 be compassionate with yourself because most likely you've been very hard on yourself your entire life. 235 00:24:30,756.6256186 --> 00:24:43,536.6256186 just trying to not stand out or, you know, try to fit in better because you recognize there are things about you that are struggles and you're like, why is this harder for me than someone else? And you're probably put yourself down or whatever that negative self talk unfortunately came in. 236 00:24:44,236.6246186 --> 00:24:48,446.6256186 And to start with that is just to start caring for yourself with love. 237 00:24:48,606.6256186 --> 00:24:57,646.6256186 just to start loving yourself and recognizing I have been doing the best I can Audra, I wanna take a moment to acknowledge the incredible work you're doing. 238 00:24:58,96.6256186 --> 00:25:07,996.6256186 Not only have you navigated your own journey with a DHD and autism, but you've also created a space where other women can feel seen. 239 00:25:08,376.6256186 --> 00:25:10,566.6256186 Understood and empowered. 240 00:25:10,986.6256186 --> 00:25:14,706.6256186 That takes so much courage, wisdom, and heart. 241 00:25:14,976.6256186 --> 00:25:22,716.6256186 And I know that even the strongest, most purpose-driven women still face challenges right now in this season. 242 00:25:23,16.6256186 --> 00:25:33,773.2922852 What's the biggest challenge that you're working through and how are you navigating it? My consistent biggest challenge is the autistic side with the need for a routine. 243 00:25:34,303.2912852 --> 00:25:53,998.2912852 So every two weeks, I leave my home that I've set up entirely to support all of my needs, and I go to my husband's home and stay there for two weeks, and his home is set up for how he and his kids like it, and it's very much the opposite of how I function, I'm very much thrown off, and it's really hard to adapt, and I have to put more effort into being productive and getting things done. 244 00:25:53,998.2912852 --> 00:25:57,368.2922852 And it's not, they're not trying to help, but I'm not asking them to change everything for me. 245 00:25:57,368.2922852 --> 00:25:59,888.2922852 I'm trying to figure out what that middle ground is to adapt. 246 00:26:00,358.2922852 --> 00:26:05,468.2922852 my consistent challenge is every two weeks my routine changes and my autistic self does not like that. 247 00:26:05,588.2922852 --> 00:26:20,678.2922852 we recognized that in order for it to be successful for our kids not being forced into anything else, That we would be the ones who would do the sacrifice of transitioning back and forth, so they can continue to live as normal within their already rotating two households as it is between their parents. 248 00:26:21,148.2922852 --> 00:26:27,858.2922852 We really love each other and we want our kids to see that there's so many different ways it's possible to have a healthy, happy life in relationships. 249 00:26:27,978.2912852 --> 00:26:47,474.6020622 So As a woman who has been there, done that in the midst of doing that, what's One little gem that you would like to leave with, moms? Um, I want to help people reframe, when we hear we need to take care of ourselves first, but we're given the example of the air masks dropping from airplanes in crisis situations only. 250 00:26:47,874.6010622 --> 00:27:02,64.6020622 I want to replace that with the concept of being a tall vase in that you pour into yourself, which is the vase and you fill yourself up so much that you overflow into the others around you without tipping over and sacrificing yourself. 251 00:27:02,204.6020622 --> 00:27:11,804.6020622 And that to me has been the game changer and showing up in my life and feeling like I'm thriving even with all that I have going on because I take care of myself on a daily basis now. 252 00:27:12,364.6020622 --> 00:27:14,114.6020622 without sacrificing those I love. 253 00:27:14,314.6020622 --> 00:27:23,134.6020622 Audrey, you've shared so much wisdom today about A DHD autism and creating a life that actually works for a neurodivergent mom. 254 00:27:23,524.6020622 --> 00:27:28,954.6020622 I know you also have an amazing free resource that can help moms take the next step. 255 00:27:29,314.6020622 --> 00:27:43,868.6020622 Can you tell us about it and how they can get their hands on it? Regardless if you identify with anything I said about being ADHD or not, just a person who needs to take care of themselves, I do have a free resource called The Thriving Queen Self Care Routine Blueprint. 256 00:27:43,878.6020622 --> 00:27:53,108.6030622 And it helps you learn a lot of different ways to holistically take care of yourself, but instead of it being cookie cutter, it helps you figure out, different ways to apply trying a little thing, that make sense to help you start. 257 00:27:53,348.6030622 --> 00:28:10,868.7025622 Pouring into yourself a little bit every single day not only the importance of but how to do it in a sustainable way And you can get that for free at my website thriving queen coaching comm slash self care routine all one long word you can actually like print it off and use it It has all the things to help support you. 258 00:28:10,868.7025622 --> 00:28:12,728.7030622 So to go anywhere else for that information. 259 00:28:12,938.7020622 --> 00:28:18,428.7020622 I will share the link to that self-care routine blueprint in the show notes as well. 260 00:28:18,848.7020622 --> 00:28:23,198.7020622 Just so you know, this is a reoccurring theme for young moms. 261 00:28:23,468.7020622 --> 00:28:34,448.7020622 The last two interviews I hosted with moms, both have worked hard to figure out their own self-care routine and what works for them and their lifestyle and personality. 262 00:28:34,532.0353955 --> 00:28:42,422.0353955 Those are episodes 41 with Lauren Wittig and 45 with Katie Welch. 263 00:28:42,752.0353955 --> 00:28:51,632.0353955 If you'd like to listen and hear how other moms are actually making it happen, Audra, I've learned a ton from our conversation today. 264 00:28:51,684.7020622 --> 00:29:06,284.7020622 I have become very aware of some things and feel more educated and empowered to, do the research and find the resources that I need to show up as a better me. 265 00:29:06,294.7020622 --> 00:29:09,624.7020622 So thank you, so much for being with us. 266 00:29:09,674.7020622 --> 00:29:17,78.210302 What if somebody wants to get in touch with you you can go to my website, thrivingqueencoaching. 267 00:29:17,88.209302 --> 00:29:17,508.209302 com. 268 00:29:17,518.211302 --> 00:29:18,348.211302 I also. 269 00:29:18,438.211302 --> 00:29:23,928.211302 Um, live on Instagram, you can DM me directly, at thriving queen coaching on Instagram. 270 00:29:24,138.211302 --> 00:29:27,88.211302 Or you can email me at info at thriving queen coaching. 271 00:29:27,268.211302 --> 00:29:32,998.210302 com even if I'm not working together, I can still support you on your journey and point you towards some resources to help you start with where you're at. 272 00:29:33,51.5446353 --> 00:29:36,171.5446353 Wow, what an incredible conversation. 273 00:29:36,324.8779687 --> 00:29:43,458.211302 audra, thanks so much for sharing your story and wisdom today, this has been so helpful. 274 00:29:43,698.211302 --> 00:29:53,598.211302 I know so many moms who are walking away today with practical steps to manage their minds, their homes, and their lives better. 275 00:29:53,724.8779687 --> 00:29:56,724.8779687 Ladies, if you've loved this conversation. 276 00:29:56,858.211302 --> 00:29:59,648.211302 Share this episode with a mom friend who needs it. 277 00:29:59,978.211302 --> 00:30:01,658.211302 Let's spread the encouragement. 278 00:30:01,928.211302 --> 00:30:14,327.3001909 And don't forget, if you want to bring more order and peace to your home, grab your copy of the Chaos to Calm chore chart Just go to Mom to mom mentoring.com. 279 00:30:15,882.3001909 --> 00:30:16,752.3001909 Chores. 280 00:30:16,812.3001909 --> 00:30:17,672.3001909 and mom. 281 00:30:17,702.3001909 --> 00:30:26,562.3001909 You don't have to do this alone if you're ready for a personalized strategy that fits your strengths and your values, book a clarity call with me. 282 00:30:26,678.9668576 --> 00:30:34,28.9668576 Let's discover, define and develop the right system and strategy that will bring peace into your home. 283 00:30:34,148.9668576 --> 00:30:53,412.3001909 In our call, we can explore your values, your strengths, and what's keeping you stuck so you can begin to build a system that doesn't just look good on paper, But actually works for you, Let's live powerfully lead with purpose and love with intention without the burnout. 284 00:30:53,572.3001909 --> 00:30:54,682.3001909 take a deep breath. 285 00:30:54,778.9668576 --> 00:30:56,278.9668576 You've got this. 286 00:30:56,435.6335242 --> 00:30:58,908.9668576 Until next time, keep shining.
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