March 6, 2025 • 20 mins
Hey Marvelous Mom,
Raising kind, compassionate kids in a culture that fuels entitlement feels like an 🧗♂️ uphill battle—especially when you're already stretched thin as a Christian working mom.
🎙In this episode, we unpack what entitlement looks like, how it sneaks into our parenting, and how we can raise kids who truly care for others.
🛠️ You'll be encouraged and equipped to make small but powerful changes in your home through biblical wisdom and real-life strategies.
The good news? You don’t have to do it perfectly to make a difference.
One thing to try this week: Be intentional about celebrating kindness in your home. 🎉🥳🎊🎁
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
.6666666667My oldest son, Philip, bless his heart. 2 00:00:03,416.6666666667 --> 00:00:06,166.6666666667 He had a hard time of it growing up. 3 00:00:06,276.6666666667 --> 00:00:11,646.665666667 He had three women in his life who were constantly telling him what to do. 4 00:00:12,66.665666667 --> 00:00:20,556.665666667 His mom and two sisters, his younger brother, Jacob, had the same experience, but well, he was the baby of the family. 5 00:00:20,556.665666667 --> 00:00:22,366.665666667 So it was a little different. 6 00:00:22,563.332333333 --> 00:00:27,486.665666667 I remember one particular day when we were heading to the store as we approached.
(00:27):
The door automatically slid open and Phillip, like any rambunctious young boy, ran right in.
But, his older sister Morgan stopped outside the door and just stood there. 9 00:00:41,14.999 --> 00:00:51,453.333333333 After Phillip was in, he turned around and looked and he said, Why aren't you coming? She looked at him just matter of factly and said, It's polite to let women go in first, you know.
(00:51):
You should hold the door open for me.
And bless his heart, he actually stepped back out and let her go in first. 12 00:00:59,683.333333333 --> 00:01:10,663.333333333 Small acts like these, holding doors, offering a seat to someone older, waiting to eat until everyone is seated, were tiny lessons in kindness.
That I tried to instill in, in my home. 14 00:01:14,71.666666667 --> 00:01:20,821.665666667 There were little ways that we could push back against the cultural norm of entitlement.
(01:21):
.999Now, I may be old fashioned.
I may even be over the hill as Billy Joel sings, but chivalry, it's not dead to me.
My husband still opens my car door.
He walks on the outside of the sidewalk and helps me on and off with my coat.
.66666667Every time he does these things, I feel honored, cared for, and seen. 20 00:01:45,51.66566667 --> 00:01:49,391.66566667 And the thing is, these aren't big, grandiose gestures. 21 00:01:49,721.66566667 --> 00:01:53,811.66666667 They're small, intentional acts that send a message. 22 00:01:54,61.66666667 --> 00:01:54,991.66666667 You matter.
(01:55):
I see you.
I choose kindness. 25 00:02:04,556.86666667 --> 00:02:05,376.86666667 Mom2Mom Mentoring. 26 00:02:05,986.86666667 --> 00:02:14,986.86666667 This is the podcast for kingdom minded moms who want to live, lead, and love from an overflowing heart of joy and peace. 27 00:02:15,566.86666667 --> 00:02:22,526.86566667 I'm Misty, your gratitude guide, mom mentor, celebration coach, and I am your dream champion. 28 00:02:22,886.86566667 --> 00:02:28,976.86566667 And today, we're talking about something that's probably crossed your mind at least once. 29 00:02:29,456.86566667 --> 00:02:39,591.86566667 Am I raising an entitled kid? And more importantly, if so, what can I do about it? Now, listen, I know you're busy. 30 00:02:39,881.86566667 --> 00:02:47,201.86466667 You probably have at least one kid asking for a snack right now or trying to find his other sock. 31 00:02:47,631.86566667 --> 00:02:59,951.86466667 If your house is anything like mine was, then snack requests come Just minutes after a full meal kids apparently believe that refrigerators are Magical portals of never ending food. 32 00:03:00,391.86566667 --> 00:03:09,171.86566667 So if you're multitasking, no worries Just don't put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the pantry Ask me how I know. 33 00:03:09,281.86566667 --> 00:03:25,71.86666667 Today, we're going to unpack what entitlement really looks like, how it sneaks into our parenting without us even realizing it, and most importantly, how we can raise kids who are truly kind, not just polite. 34 00:03:25,303.53233333 --> 00:03:29,183.53233333 But, before we dive in, I have a special invitation for you. 35 00:03:29,653.53233333 --> 00:03:45,868.53233333 If this episode speaks to your heart and you're ready to take a deeper dive into aligning your life with what matters most, then I want to invite you to my upcoming free Masterclass, Align Your Life With What Matters Most. 36 00:03:46,258.53233333 --> 00:04:03,318.53233333 This masterclass will help you identify your core values, recognize where you're living out of alignment and in alignment with those values, and will help you create a vision for raising kids who shine with kindness and integrity. 37 00:04:03,758.53233333 --> 00:04:13,188.53233333 Plus, It's free, so you have zero excuses unless you just really love feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. 38 00:04:13,748.53133333 --> 00:04:19,138.53133333 I'll share more about that later, but for now, let's get into today's conversation. 39 00:04:22,845.11319805 --> 00:04:32,25.11319805 So just so we're all on the same page, I'd like to dive into the definition of the word entitlement. 40 00:04:32,715.11219805 --> 00:04:46,968.44453139 The Cambridge English Dictionary defines entitlement as feeling that you have the right to do or have what you want without having to work for it or deserve it just because of who you are. 41 00:04:47,125.11219805 --> 00:04:58,275.11119805 Entitlement is a mentality rooted in the false belief that I deserve or have the right to do and have whatever I want without working for it. 42 00:04:58,371.77786472 --> 00:05:10,236.77786472 Entitlement isn't just about kids demanding the latest and greatest gadget or expecting dessert without eating their It's a mindset. 43 00:05:10,406.77786472 --> 00:05:16,426.77686472 It's a belief that they deserve special treatment without effort or gratitude. 44 00:05:16,483.44453139 --> 00:05:21,363.44453139 Entitlement carries the message that I deserve something. 45 00:05:21,643.44353139 --> 00:05:23,733.44453139 That I have a right to it. 46 00:05:23,839.77624744 --> 00:05:27,909.77624744 And living in opposition to entitlement. 47 00:05:28,45.26652204 --> 00:05:29,435.26652204 is countercultural. 48 00:05:29,567.4566455 --> 00:05:32,437.4566455 We're told that we deserve an easy life. 49 00:05:32,543.55170723 --> 00:05:41,693.55170723 I've talked to countless women who feel very deserving of a night out or getting their nails done. 50 00:05:41,963.55170723 --> 00:05:47,588.55170723 Now, Mom, I'm not saying that any of that is wrong by no means. 51 00:05:47,918.55170723 --> 00:05:51,148.55170723 We do need to care for our soul. 52 00:05:51,478.55170723 --> 00:06:01,50.2183739 But what I'm saying is when we begin to step over that line into I deserve this, it opens the door to entitlement. 53 00:06:01,146.71388383 --> 00:06:04,246.71388383 Entitlement can show up in a number of ways. 54 00:06:04,306.71288383 --> 00:06:13,820.89935696 It might involve complaining about chores instead of seeing them as a responsibility and a privilege for being a part of the family. 55 00:06:13,880.89935696 --> 00:06:23,350.89935696 Entitlement can be expecting rewards for basic behaviors like finishing the homework or being polite or finishing dinner. 56 00:06:23,467.56602363 --> 00:06:30,348.76287309 it could look like disrespecting teachers, coaches, even parents when someone doesn't get their way. 57 00:06:30,418.76287309 --> 00:06:37,278.76287309 It could also be the assumption that others should accommodate them without question. 58 00:06:37,422.09620643 --> 00:06:46,723.29205589 the Word of God, gives us a powerful example of what entitlement can actually cost us and our children in Luke 15. 59 00:06:46,853.29105589 --> 00:06:59,126.62338923 the story of the prodigal son, The younger son's entitlement cost him his inheritance, his security, His dignity, relationships, even his sense of home. 60 00:06:59,256.62338923 --> 00:07:01,326.62338923 Then there was the older son. 61 00:07:01,403.29005589 --> 00:07:03,573.29005589 His entitlement cost him too. 62 00:07:03,683.29005589 --> 00:07:07,599.95672256 It cost him his joy, his ability to be grateful. 63 00:07:07,653.28905589 --> 00:07:15,223.29005589 It cost him his relationship with his father and it cost him the ability to celebrate his brother's return. 64 00:07:15,309.95672256 --> 00:07:17,819.95672256 Beloved entitlement is costly. 65 00:07:18,209.95672256 --> 00:07:21,829.95672256 And the only way to combat it is through gratitude. 66 00:07:22,59.95672256 --> 00:07:23,699.95672256 and humility. 67 00:07:23,779.95672256 --> 00:07:30,269.95672256 There are some keys to raising kind kids, but let's talk about what gets in the way. 68 00:07:30,436.62238923 --> 00:07:39,746.62238923 Kristen Welch, in her book Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World, says, Entitlement didn't start with my kids. 69 00:07:39,914.95572256 --> 00:07:41,224.95572256 It began with me. 70 00:07:41,338.28905589 --> 00:07:44,891.62238923 I entitled them because I was entitled. 71 00:07:45,51.62238923 --> 00:07:50,651.62238923 We have to model kindness and compassion first and foremost. 72 00:07:50,883.11537451 --> 00:07:51,473.11537451 Dr. 73 00:07:51,473.11537451 --> 00:08:14,778.2440445 Richard Weisbaum of the Harvard Graduate School of Education and his team surveyed over 50, 000 middle and high school students and asked them What's more important to you? Caring for other people, achieving in school, or being happy? Mama, you guessed it, caring comes in last. 74 00:08:14,864.91071117 --> 00:08:39,684.97278314 they go on to ask students, are your parents prouder of you when you get good grades or if you are a good community member at school? Students were two to three times more likely to say that their parents would be prouder if they got good grades However, parents indicated that the most important thing to them was that their children care for others. 75 00:08:39,764.97278314 --> 00:08:42,651.63944981 Clearly, There's a reality gap. 76 00:08:42,981.63944981 --> 00:08:52,328.30611647 There's a difference between what we as parents are saying and what our children are actually hearing and absorbing. 77 00:08:52,441.63844981 --> 00:09:02,161.63844981 Parents who don't prioritize their children caring for others can deprive them of the chance to develop fundamental relationship skills. 78 00:09:02,401.63844981 --> 00:09:08,1.63844981 Studies show that caring for others is paramount to happiness and success. 79 00:09:08,198.30511648 --> 00:09:13,928.30411648 over the years, I've asked a lot of moms what they want for their kids I've said it. 80 00:09:14,298.30411647 --> 00:09:15,918.30311647 I'm sure you've said it. 81 00:09:16,278.30411648 --> 00:09:36,755.18068849 I just want my child to be happy But did you know that studies actually show when we focus on their happiness over interpersonal skills like compassion, kindness, empathy, we are actually setting our kids up for lives of searching for that ever elusive happiness. 82 00:09:37,15.18168849 --> 00:09:43,15.18068849 when happiness is your goal, you are creating an environment for entitlement. 83 00:09:43,189.81402182 --> 00:09:47,866.48068849 But, when you teach your children, Kindness and compassion. 84 00:09:47,956.48068849 --> 00:09:49,266.48068849 True gratitude. 85 00:09:49,626.48068849 --> 00:09:53,406.48068849 You are literally opening the door to happiness for them. 86 00:09:53,516.48068849 --> 00:10:01,73.14735516 Prioritizing happiness over character is another way that entitlement infiltrates our parenting. 87 00:10:01,623.14835516 --> 00:10:08,843.14735516 We want happy kids, but if we shied them away from disappointment or Always ensure that they get their way. 88 00:10:09,183.14735516 --> 00:10:30,586.48068849 We weaken their ability to handle life's challenges Entitlement is sneaky, because it can come disguised as confidence or ambition, but when you allow entitlement to grow unchecked, you are robbing your children of resilience, gratitude, and a heart for others. 89 00:10:30,686.47968849 --> 00:10:37,146.48068849 You know, even the best intentioned parents can unknowingly encourage entitlement. 90 00:10:37,146.48068849 --> 00:10:44,163.14885516 Prioritizing happiness over character is a way that entitlement infiltrates our parenting. 91 00:10:44,273.87044359 --> 00:10:50,693.87044359 Another way that you can create a culture of entitlement is Overpraising without effort. 92 00:10:50,820.53711026 --> 00:10:58,127.20377693 When, you tell your kids how amazing they are at everything, without acknowledging the hard work. 93 00:10:58,437.20377693 --> 00:11:01,837.20277693 Yes, you want your kids to feel confident. 94 00:11:02,177.20277693 --> 00:11:08,860.53611026 But, If this is an ongoing habit your child could start to expect praise without effort. 95 00:11:08,993.86944359 --> 00:11:17,563.86694359 Another way that entitlement can infiltrate parenting is when you rescue your children instead of letting them struggle. 96 00:11:17,622.20127693 --> 00:11:27,258.86694359 If you're always there to solve their problems, like forgotten homework, a missing soccer cleat, they never learn responsibility. 97 00:11:27,768.86794359 --> 00:11:50,962.23737003 are there ways that you have developed a habit of bailing your kids out? How does it feel for you to consider saying no? Might I suggest if it feels anxiety producing or like it could could be a potential place of conflict, you might have created a breeding ground for entitlement. 98 00:11:51,48.9040367 --> 00:12:10,65.57020337 In episode 41 Jodi Silverman, gives some really great ways and insight that can help you begin the process of letting your children grow up, releasing the title of Fix It Mom, If your go to title is The Rescuer, you might want to take a listen. 99 00:12:12,583.9035367 --> 00:12:20,253.9035367 Another way that you can create a culture of entitlement is when you give in to avoid conflict. 100 00:12:20,357.23687003 --> 00:12:28,887.23687003 It's easier to say yes to another treat or extra screen time than to deal with the whining or the fighting. 101 00:12:29,327.23687003 --> 00:12:34,97.23687003 But unfortunately, this reinforces entitlement. 102 00:12:34,333.57020337 --> 00:12:39,3.57020337 I am guilty of this one, especially with child number four. 103 00:12:39,106.9035367 --> 00:12:44,816.9035367 As I shared before, mealtimes and healthy eating habits were a priority for me. 104 00:12:44,926.9025367 --> 00:12:51,46.9025367 I wanted my kids to develop good eating habits, so we didn't keep chips or pop in the house. 105 00:12:51,130.23587003 --> 00:13:00,180.23587003 Unfortunately, my youngest son had different taste buds, and most of his meals consisted of ramen noodles and Vienna sausage. 106 00:13:00,520.23687003 --> 00:13:02,670.23587003 Look them up next time you're in the store. 107 00:13:02,730.23587003 --> 00:13:04,830.23587003 There is nothing good in them. 108 00:13:05,104.51669213 --> 00:13:06,844.51669213 I tried to quit buying them. 109 00:13:07,31.1925651 --> 00:13:13,151.1925651 But mealtimes became this chaotic catastrophe when they weren't a part of the menu. 110 00:13:13,641.1925651 --> 00:13:15,521.1925651 I just didn't have the energy. 111 00:13:15,831.1925651 --> 00:13:20,971.1925651 And you know what? At the age of 29, he still doesn't eat his veggies. 112 00:13:21,124.36534485 --> 00:13:21,684.36534485 I know. 113 00:13:21,994.36534485 --> 00:13:38,734.36534485 After a long day of work, running kids to their after school activities, thinking about what's on the menu for dinner, and who has to complete what project for tomorrow, not to mention the church committee and that hunk a hunk a hubby that wants some of your attention. 114 00:13:38,859.36534485 --> 00:13:52,259.36434485 Who cares about a meaningful conversation or if the kids have put away their clean laundry from the weekend? It's just easier to say, yes, you can play another 30 minutes on that game. 115 00:13:52,509.36534485 --> 00:13:53,849.36534485 I get it. 116 00:13:53,849.36534485 --> 00:14:05,722.69867818 our weariness and our inability to hold the line leads to Unhealthy character traits for our children, such as entitlement. 117 00:14:05,722.69867818 --> 00:14:20,782.69767818 Okay, so we've talked about how entitlement can sneak into our parenting, over praising, rescuing, giving in to avoid conflict, and prioritizing happiness over character. 118 00:14:21,122.69867818 --> 00:14:24,612.69867818 I'd like to invite you to ask yourself this question. 119 00:14:25,242.69867818 --> 00:14:45,401.03101152 Does God owe you anything? If so, what does he owe you? In Deuteronomy 30, God, the father tells his children, which I'm one of them, Oh, that you would choose life so that you and your descendants, children and grandchildren might live. 120 00:14:45,471.03001152 --> 00:14:50,196.03101152 You can make this choice by Loving the Lord your God. 121 00:14:50,876.03101152 --> 00:14:51,446.03101152 Check. 122 00:14:52,336.03101152 --> 00:14:53,666.03101152 Obeying Him. 123 00:14:54,626.03101152 --> 00:14:56,726.03101152 Okay, I obey pretty well. 124 00:14:57,336.03101152 --> 00:15:00,26.03101152 And committing yourself firmly to Him. 125 00:15:00,851.03101152 --> 00:15:02,411.03101152 I'm committed, God. 126 00:15:03,331.03101152 --> 00:15:14,117.69767818 Now then, let's turn the pages of time a few thousand years and see what Jesus, the only begotten Son, says about entitlement. 127 00:15:14,207.69767818 --> 00:15:16,727.69767818 Jesus confronts the spirit of entitlement. 128 00:15:16,794.36434485 --> 00:15:20,861.03101152 In Luke 17, here it is from the Passion Translation. 129 00:15:20,954.36434485 --> 00:15:29,14.36334485 After a servant has finished his work in the field or with the livestock, he doesn't immediately sit down and relax and eat. 130 00:15:29,324.36434485 --> 00:15:39,504.36434485 No, a true servant prepares the food for his master and makes sure his master is served the meal before he sits down to eat. 131 00:15:40,174.36434485 --> 00:16:05,834.36434485 Does a true servant expect to be thanked for doing what is required of him? So, learn this lesson after doing all that is commanded of you, AKA obeying, simply say, we are mere servants, undeserving of special praise, for we are just doing what is expected of us and fulfilling our duties. 132 00:16:06,854.36434485 --> 00:16:08,104.36434485 And God shared. 133 00:16:08,539.36534485 --> 00:16:12,29.36534485 In the Deuteronomy passage that our duty is to obey. 134 00:16:12,39.36534485 --> 00:16:19,459.36534485 In fact, he said it is one of the key ways to find life for ourselves and our children. 135 00:16:19,556.03101152 --> 00:16:27,486.03201152 There's a chorus by Justin Rizzo that became popular in my early years of following hard after Jesus. 136 00:16:27,876.03201152 --> 00:16:30,426.03201152 I sang this over and over. 137 00:16:30,976.03201152 --> 00:16:35,276.03201152 It's just a simple phrase that says, you owe me nothing. 138 00:16:35,354.36534485 --> 00:16:36,834.36534485 I deserve hell. 139 00:16:36,917.69867818 --> 00:16:40,457.6986782 You owe me nothing, but you've given me mercy. 140 00:16:41,27.6986782 --> 00:16:46,207.6986782 Beloved, you are owed nothing by your heavenly father. 141 00:16:46,897.6986782 --> 00:16:53,27.6986782 You and I deserve hell and our entitlement is affecting our kids. 142 00:16:53,307.6976782 --> 00:16:55,257.6986782 It is affecting our happiness. 143 00:16:55,487.6986782 --> 00:17:01,677.6986782 It is affecting the happiness and well being of our children and our children's children. 144 00:17:01,827.6986782 --> 00:17:07,577.6986782 Remember, every good and perfect gift is a gift from the Father of Lights. 145 00:17:07,731.0320115 --> 00:17:21,35.9320115 If you are seeing evidence of entitlement in your children, perhaps the apple isn't falling far from the tree, and it's God's invitation for you to turn the mirror back against you. 146 00:17:21,186.0320115 --> 00:17:38,666.0320115 Into your own soul and let his spotlight shine in the areas where you might be hiding a spirit of entitlement Teaching our kids how to be grateful over entitlement is one of the best gifts that you can do for their future. 147 00:17:38,764.3663448 --> 00:18:01,274.3653448 if your child sees you cutting off people in traffic, snapping at the cashier, grumbling or complaining because someone doesn't move their trash back inside after three days, or rolling your eyes when Aunt Martha calls or the neighbor knocks on the door, They're going to assume that that's normal behavior. 148 00:18:01,543.8339066 --> 00:18:11,683.8329066 you can become more mindful of your own heart and behavior and begin to make changes that you want to see emulated in your children. 149 00:18:12,114.1036169 --> 00:18:16,794.1036169 You can also begin to celebrate kindness, like you celebrate achievements. 150 00:18:16,980.3670172 --> 00:18:21,630.3670172 It's easy to make a big deal when your kids do well in school or sports. 151 00:18:21,890.3670172 --> 00:18:24,290.3670172 We used to reward our son with a pizza. 152 00:18:24,500.3670172 --> 00:18:41,470.3670172 Every time he made a goal in soccer, perhaps your kids get money for good grades or doing their chores, but do you celebrate kindness in the same way? It can be as simple as saying, I saw that, I'm so proud of you. 153 00:18:42,190.3670172 --> 00:18:46,360.3670172 Those kinds of things reinforce the value of kindness. 154 00:18:47,40.3670172 --> 00:18:52,900.3670172 You can teach your children the truth about entitlement Get in the habit of asking questions. 155 00:18:53,425.3670172 --> 00:19:04,2.8941532 A great question to ask your young person what do you think is most important to me in raising you? Lean in and listen to what they think. 156 00:19:04,176.2264865 --> 00:19:12,209.5618199 What are your actions telling them? It's a wonderful basis for conversation and a terrific way to hold each other accountable. 157 00:19:12,357.5618199 --> 00:19:19,794.2274865 If kindness and caring for other people are really your priorities, you can have thoughtful discussions about that. 158 00:19:19,922.5618199 --> 00:19:30,545.8951532 In episode number 40 Lauren Wittig, shares how during prayer time, conversations gravitate towards helping others. 159 00:19:30,663.7443014 --> 00:19:40,673.7443014 Lauren is putting an example before her young daughters by having her business support 12 charitable organizations each year. 160 00:19:40,755.5245483 --> 00:19:41,585.5245483 That's a lot. 161 00:19:41,702.8801038 --> 00:19:47,232.8801038 Her kids see their mom involved in the community and they're doing the same. 162 00:19:47,412.8801038 --> 00:19:59,462.8791038 So, What's the one thing that you can take away from today's episode? This week, I would like to challenge you to be intentional about celebrating an act of kindness in your home. 163 00:20:00,112.8791038 --> 00:20:10,776.2134372 Whether it's your child sharing a toy, holding a door, or simply taking the time to say thank you without being prompted, make a big deal about it. 164 00:20:11,76.2134372 --> 00:20:15,686.2134372 Reinforce that kindness is just as important as achievements. 165 00:20:16,82.5171409 --> 00:20:22,702.5171409 If you found this episode helpful, check out my free workshop, Align Your Life With What Matters Most. 166 00:20:23,32.5171409 --> 00:20:39,289.1838075 We will talk more about the things that you value and how to live a life in alignment with those things also, I invite you to take a moment to share this episode and leave a five star review because when moms support moms, we all win. 167 00:20:39,375.8504742 --> 00:20:44,759.1838075 Mama, keep living boldly, leading confidently, and loving intentionally. 168 00:20:44,829.1838075 --> 00:20:47,899.1838075 Until next time, keep shining bright.
.6666666667My oldest son, Philip, bless his heart. 2 00:00:03,416.6666666667 --> 00:00:06,166.6666666667 He had a hard time of it growing up. 3 00:00:06,276.6666666667 --> 00:00:11,646.665666667 He had three women in his life who were constantly telling him what to do. 4 00:00:12,66.665666667 --> 00:00:20,556.665666667 His mom and two sisters, his younger brother, Jacob, had the same experience, but well, he was the baby of the family. 5 00:00:20,556.665666667 --> 00:00:22,366.665666667 So it was a little different. 6 00:00:22,563.332333333 --> 00:00:27,486.665666667 I remember one particular day when we were heading to the store as we approached.
(00:27):
The door automatically slid open and Phillip, like any rambunctious young boy, ran right in.
But, his older sister Morgan stopped outside the door and just stood there. 9 00:00:41,14.999 --> 00:00:51,453.333333333 After Phillip was in, he turned around and looked and he said, Why aren't you coming? She looked at him just matter of factly and said, It's polite to let women go in first, you know.
(00:51):
You should hold the door open for me.
And bless his heart, he actually stepped back out and let her go in first. 12 00:00:59,683.333333333 --> 00:01:10,663.333333333 Small acts like these, holding doors, offering a seat to someone older, waiting to eat until everyone is seated, were tiny lessons in kindness.
That I tried to instill in, in my home. 14 00:01:14,71.666666667 --> 00:01:20,821.665666667 There were little ways that we could push back against the cultural norm of entitlement.
(01:21):
.999Now, I may be old fashioned.
I may even be over the hill as Billy Joel sings, but chivalry, it's not dead to me.
My husband still opens my car door.
He walks on the outside of the sidewalk and helps me on and off with my coat.
.66666667Every time he does these things, I feel honored, cared for, and seen. 20 00:01:45,51.66566667 --> 00:01:49,391.66566667 And the thing is, these aren't big, grandiose gestures. 21 00:01:49,721.66566667 --> 00:01:53,811.66666667 They're small, intentional acts that send a message. 22 00:01:54,61.66666667 --> 00:01:54,991.66666667 You matter.
(01:55):
I see you.
I choose kindness. 25 00:02:04,556.86666667 --> 00:02:05,376.86666667 Mom2Mom Mentoring. 26 00:02:05,986.86666667 --> 00:02:14,986.86666667 This is the podcast for kingdom minded moms who want to live, lead, and love from an overflowing heart of joy and peace. 27 00:02:15,566.86666667 --> 00:02:22,526.86566667 I'm Misty, your gratitude guide, mom mentor, celebration coach, and I am your dream champion. 28 00:02:22,886.86566667 --> 00:02:28,976.86566667 And today, we're talking about something that's probably crossed your mind at least once. 29 00:02:29,456.86566667 --> 00:02:39,591.86566667 Am I raising an entitled kid? And more importantly, if so, what can I do about it? Now, listen, I know you're busy. 30 00:02:39,881.86566667 --> 00:02:47,201.86466667 You probably have at least one kid asking for a snack right now or trying to find his other sock. 31 00:02:47,631.86566667 --> 00:02:59,951.86466667 If your house is anything like mine was, then snack requests come Just minutes after a full meal kids apparently believe that refrigerators are Magical portals of never ending food. 32 00:03:00,391.86566667 --> 00:03:09,171.86566667 So if you're multitasking, no worries Just don't put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the pantry Ask me how I know. 33 00:03:09,281.86566667 --> 00:03:25,71.86666667 Today, we're going to unpack what entitlement really looks like, how it sneaks into our parenting without us even realizing it, and most importantly, how we can raise kids who are truly kind, not just polite. 34 00:03:25,303.53233333 --> 00:03:29,183.53233333 But, before we dive in, I have a special invitation for you. 35 00:03:29,653.53233333 --> 00:03:45,868.53233333 If this episode speaks to your heart and you're ready to take a deeper dive into aligning your life with what matters most, then I want to invite you to my upcoming free Masterclass, Align Your Life With What Matters Most. 36 00:03:46,258.53233333 --> 00:04:03,318.53233333 This masterclass will help you identify your core values, recognize where you're living out of alignment and in alignment with those values, and will help you create a vision for raising kids who shine with kindness and integrity. 37 00:04:03,758.53233333 --> 00:04:13,188.53233333 Plus, It's free, so you have zero excuses unless you just really love feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. 38 00:04:13,748.53133333 --> 00:04:19,138.53133333 I'll share more about that later, but for now, let's get into today's conversation. 39 00:04:22,845.11319805 --> 00:04:32,25.11319805 So just so we're all on the same page, I'd like to dive into the definition of the word entitlement. 40 00:04:32,715.11219805 --> 00:04:46,968.44453139 The Cambridge English Dictionary defines entitlement as feeling that you have the right to do or have what you want without having to work for it or deserve it just because of who you are. 41 00:04:47,125.11219805 --> 00:04:58,275.11119805 Entitlement is a mentality rooted in the false belief that I deserve or have the right to do and have whatever I want without working for it. 42 00:04:58,371.77786472 --> 00:05:10,236.77786472 Entitlement isn't just about kids demanding the latest and greatest gadget or expecting dessert without eating their It's a mindset. 43 00:05:10,406.77786472 --> 00:05:16,426.77686472 It's a belief that they deserve special treatment without effort or gratitude. 44 00:05:16,483.44453139 --> 00:05:21,363.44453139 Entitlement carries the message that I deserve something. 45 00:05:21,643.44353139 --> 00:05:23,733.44453139 That I have a right to it. 46 00:05:23,839.77624744 --> 00:05:27,909.77624744 And living in opposition to entitlement. 47 00:05:28,45.26652204 --> 00:05:29,435.26652204 is countercultural. 48 00:05:29,567.4566455 --> 00:05:32,437.4566455 We're told that we deserve an easy life. 49 00:05:32,543.55170723 --> 00:05:41,693.55170723 I've talked to countless women who feel very deserving of a night out or getting their nails done. 50 00:05:41,963.55170723 --> 00:05:47,588.55170723 Now, Mom, I'm not saying that any of that is wrong by no means. 51 00:05:47,918.55170723 --> 00:05:51,148.55170723 We do need to care for our soul. 52 00:05:51,478.55170723 --> 00:06:01,50.2183739 But what I'm saying is when we begin to step over that line into I deserve this, it opens the door to entitlement. 53 00:06:01,146.71388383 --> 00:06:04,246.71388383 Entitlement can show up in a number of ways. 54 00:06:04,306.71288383 --> 00:06:13,820.89935696 It might involve complaining about chores instead of seeing them as a responsibility and a privilege for being a part of the family. 55 00:06:13,880.89935696 --> 00:06:23,350.89935696 Entitlement can be expecting rewards for basic behaviors like finishing the homework or being polite or finishing dinner. 56 00:06:23,467.56602363 --> 00:06:30,348.76287309 it could look like disrespecting teachers, coaches, even parents when someone doesn't get their way. 57 00:06:30,418.76287309 --> 00:06:37,278.76287309 It could also be the assumption that others should accommodate them without question. 58 00:06:37,422.09620643 --> 00:06:46,723.29205589 the Word of God, gives us a powerful example of what entitlement can actually cost us and our children in Luke 15. 59 00:06:46,853.29105589 --> 00:06:59,126.62338923 the story of the prodigal son, The younger son's entitlement cost him his inheritance, his security, His dignity, relationships, even his sense of home. 60 00:06:59,256.62338923 --> 00:07:01,326.62338923 Then there was the older son. 61 00:07:01,403.29005589 --> 00:07:03,573.29005589 His entitlement cost him too. 62 00:07:03,683.29005589 --> 00:07:07,599.95672256 It cost him his joy, his ability to be grateful. 63 00:07:07,653.28905589 --> 00:07:15,223.29005589 It cost him his relationship with his father and it cost him the ability to celebrate his brother's return. 64 00:07:15,309.95672256 --> 00:07:17,819.95672256 Beloved entitlement is costly. 65 00:07:18,209.95672256 --> 00:07:21,829.95672256 And the only way to combat it is through gratitude. 66 00:07:22,59.95672256 --> 00:07:23,699.95672256 and humility. 67 00:07:23,779.95672256 --> 00:07:30,269.95672256 There are some keys to raising kind kids, but let's talk about what gets in the way. 68 00:07:30,436.62238923 --> 00:07:39,746.62238923 Kristen Welch, in her book Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World, says, Entitlement didn't start with my kids. 69 00:07:39,914.95572256 --> 00:07:41,224.95572256 It began with me. 70 00:07:41,338.28905589 --> 00:07:44,891.62238923 I entitled them because I was entitled. 71 00:07:45,51.62238923 --> 00:07:50,651.62238923 We have to model kindness and compassion first and foremost. 72 00:07:50,883.11537451 --> 00:07:51,473.11537451 Dr. 73 00:07:51,473.11537451 --> 00:08:14,778.2440445 Richard Weisbaum of the Harvard Graduate School of Education and his team surveyed over 50, 000 middle and high school students and asked them What's more important to you? Caring for other people, achieving in school, or being happy? Mama, you guessed it, caring comes in last. 74 00:08:14,864.91071117 --> 00:08:39,684.97278314 they go on to ask students, are your parents prouder of you when you get good grades or if you are a good community member at school? Students were two to three times more likely to say that their parents would be prouder if they got good grades However, parents indicated that the most important thing to them was that their children care for others. 75 00:08:39,764.97278314 --> 00:08:42,651.63944981 Clearly, There's a reality gap. 76 00:08:42,981.63944981 --> 00:08:52,328.30611647 There's a difference between what we as parents are saying and what our children are actually hearing and absorbing. 77 00:08:52,441.63844981 --> 00:09:02,161.63844981 Parents who don't prioritize their children caring for others can deprive them of the chance to develop fundamental relationship skills. 78 00:09:02,401.63844981 --> 00:09:08,1.63844981 Studies show that caring for others is paramount to happiness and success. 79 00:09:08,198.30511648 --> 00:09:13,928.30411648 over the years, I've asked a lot of moms what they want for their kids I've said it. 80 00:09:14,298.30411647 --> 00:09:15,918.30311647 I'm sure you've said it. 81 00:09:16,278.30411648 --> 00:09:36,755.18068849 I just want my child to be happy But did you know that studies actually show when we focus on their happiness over interpersonal skills like compassion, kindness, empathy, we are actually setting our kids up for lives of searching for that ever elusive happiness. 82 00:09:37,15.18168849 --> 00:09:43,15.18068849 when happiness is your goal, you are creating an environment for entitlement. 83 00:09:43,189.81402182 --> 00:09:47,866.48068849 But, when you teach your children, Kindness and compassion. 84 00:09:47,956.48068849 --> 00:09:49,266.48068849 True gratitude. 85 00:09:49,626.48068849 --> 00:09:53,406.48068849 You are literally opening the door to happiness for them. 86 00:09:53,516.48068849 --> 00:10:01,73.14735516 Prioritizing happiness over character is another way that entitlement infiltrates our parenting. 87 00:10:01,623.14835516 --> 00:10:08,843.14735516 We want happy kids, but if we shied them away from disappointment or Always ensure that they get their way. 88 00:10:09,183.14735516 --> 00:10:30,586.48068849 We weaken their ability to handle life's challenges Entitlement is sneaky, because it can come disguised as confidence or ambition, but when you allow entitlement to grow unchecked, you are robbing your children of resilience, gratitude, and a heart for others. 89 00:10:30,686.47968849 --> 00:10:37,146.48068849 You know, even the best intentioned parents can unknowingly encourage entitlement. 90 00:10:37,146.48068849 --> 00:10:44,163.14885516 Prioritizing happiness over character is a way that entitlement infiltrates our parenting. 91 00:10:44,273.87044359 --> 00:10:50,693.87044359 Another way that you can create a culture of entitlement is Overpraising without effort. 92 00:10:50,820.53711026 --> 00:10:58,127.20377693 When, you tell your kids how amazing they are at everything, without acknowledging the hard work. 93 00:10:58,437.20377693 --> 00:11:01,837.20277693 Yes, you want your kids to feel confident. 94 00:11:02,177.20277693 --> 00:11:08,860.53611026 But, If this is an ongoing habit your child could start to expect praise without effort. 95 00:11:08,993.86944359 --> 00:11:17,563.86694359 Another way that entitlement can infiltrate parenting is when you rescue your children instead of letting them struggle. 96 00:11:17,622.20127693 --> 00:11:27,258.86694359 If you're always there to solve their problems, like forgotten homework, a missing soccer cleat, they never learn responsibility. 97 00:11:27,768.86794359 --> 00:11:50,962.23737003 are there ways that you have developed a habit of bailing your kids out? How does it feel for you to consider saying no? Might I suggest if it feels anxiety producing or like it could could be a potential place of conflict, you might have created a breeding ground for entitlement. 98 00:11:51,48.9040367 --> 00:12:10,65.57020337 In episode 41 Jodi Silverman, gives some really great ways and insight that can help you begin the process of letting your children grow up, releasing the title of Fix It Mom, If your go to title is The Rescuer, you might want to take a listen. 99 00:12:12,583.9035367 --> 00:12:20,253.9035367 Another way that you can create a culture of entitlement is when you give in to avoid conflict. 100 00:12:20,357.23687003 --> 00:12:28,887.23687003 It's easier to say yes to another treat or extra screen time than to deal with the whining or the fighting. 101 00:12:29,327.23687003 --> 00:12:34,97.23687003 But unfortunately, this reinforces entitlement. 102 00:12:34,333.57020337 --> 00:12:39,3.57020337 I am guilty of this one, especially with child number four. 103 00:12:39,106.9035367 --> 00:12:44,816.9035367 As I shared before, mealtimes and healthy eating habits were a priority for me. 104 00:12:44,926.9025367 --> 00:12:51,46.9025367 I wanted my kids to develop good eating habits, so we didn't keep chips or pop in the house. 105 00:12:51,130.23587003 --> 00:13:00,180.23587003 Unfortunately, my youngest son had different taste buds, and most of his meals consisted of ramen noodles and Vienna sausage. 106 00:13:00,520.23687003 --> 00:13:02,670.23587003 Look them up next time you're in the store. 107 00:13:02,730.23587003 --> 00:13:04,830.23587003 There is nothing good in them. 108 00:13:05,104.51669213 --> 00:13:06,844.51669213 I tried to quit buying them. 109 00:13:07,31.1925651 --> 00:13:13,151.1925651 But mealtimes became this chaotic catastrophe when they weren't a part of the menu. 110 00:13:13,641.1925651 --> 00:13:15,521.1925651 I just didn't have the energy. 111 00:13:15,831.1925651 --> 00:13:20,971.1925651 And you know what? At the age of 29, he still doesn't eat his veggies. 112 00:13:21,124.36534485 --> 00:13:21,684.36534485 I know. 113 00:13:21,994.36534485 --> 00:13:38,734.36534485 After a long day of work, running kids to their after school activities, thinking about what's on the menu for dinner, and who has to complete what project for tomorrow, not to mention the church committee and that hunk a hunk a hubby that wants some of your attention. 114 00:13:38,859.36534485 --> 00:13:52,259.36434485 Who cares about a meaningful conversation or if the kids have put away their clean laundry from the weekend? It's just easier to say, yes, you can play another 30 minutes on that game. 115 00:13:52,509.36534485 --> 00:13:53,849.36534485 I get it. 116 00:13:53,849.36534485 --> 00:14:05,722.69867818 our weariness and our inability to hold the line leads to Unhealthy character traits for our children, such as entitlement. 117 00:14:05,722.69867818 --> 00:14:20,782.69767818 Okay, so we've talked about how entitlement can sneak into our parenting, over praising, rescuing, giving in to avoid conflict, and prioritizing happiness over character. 118 00:14:21,122.69867818 --> 00:14:24,612.69867818 I'd like to invite you to ask yourself this question. 119 00:14:25,242.69867818 --> 00:14:45,401.03101152 Does God owe you anything? If so, what does he owe you? In Deuteronomy 30, God, the father tells his children, which I'm one of them, Oh, that you would choose life so that you and your descendants, children and grandchildren might live. 120 00:14:45,471.03001152 --> 00:14:50,196.03101152 You can make this choice by Loving the Lord your God. 121 00:14:50,876.03101152 --> 00:14:51,446.03101152 Check. 122 00:14:52,336.03101152 --> 00:14:53,666.03101152 Obeying Him. 123 00:14:54,626.03101152 --> 00:14:56,726.03101152 Okay, I obey pretty well. 124 00:14:57,336.03101152 --> 00:15:00,26.03101152 And committing yourself firmly to Him. 125 00:15:00,851.03101152 --> 00:15:02,411.03101152 I'm committed, God. 126 00:15:03,331.03101152 --> 00:15:14,117.69767818 Now then, let's turn the pages of time a few thousand years and see what Jesus, the only begotten Son, says about entitlement. 127 00:15:14,207.69767818 --> 00:15:16,727.69767818 Jesus confronts the spirit of entitlement. 128 00:15:16,794.36434485 --> 00:15:20,861.03101152 In Luke 17, here it is from the Passion Translation. 129 00:15:20,954.36434485 --> 00:15:29,14.36334485 After a servant has finished his work in the field or with the livestock, he doesn't immediately sit down and relax and eat. 130 00:15:29,324.36434485 --> 00:15:39,504.36434485 No, a true servant prepares the food for his master and makes sure his master is served the meal before he sits down to eat. 131 00:15:40,174.36434485 --> 00:16:05,834.36434485 Does a true servant expect to be thanked for doing what is required of him? So, learn this lesson after doing all that is commanded of you, AKA obeying, simply say, we are mere servants, undeserving of special praise, for we are just doing what is expected of us and fulfilling our duties. 132 00:16:06,854.36434485 --> 00:16:08,104.36434485 And God shared. 133 00:16:08,539.36534485 --> 00:16:12,29.36534485 In the Deuteronomy passage that our duty is to obey. 134 00:16:12,39.36534485 --> 00:16:19,459.36534485 In fact, he said it is one of the key ways to find life for ourselves and our children. 135 00:16:19,556.03101152 --> 00:16:27,486.03201152 There's a chorus by Justin Rizzo that became popular in my early years of following hard after Jesus. 136 00:16:27,876.03201152 --> 00:16:30,426.03201152 I sang this over and over. 137 00:16:30,976.03201152 --> 00:16:35,276.03201152 It's just a simple phrase that says, you owe me nothing. 138 00:16:35,354.36534485 --> 00:16:36,834.36534485 I deserve hell. 139 00:16:36,917.69867818 --> 00:16:40,457.6986782 You owe me nothing, but you've given me mercy. 140 00:16:41,27.6986782 --> 00:16:46,207.6986782 Beloved, you are owed nothing by your heavenly father. 141 00:16:46,897.6986782 --> 00:16:53,27.6986782 You and I deserve hell and our entitlement is affecting our kids. 142 00:16:53,307.6976782 --> 00:16:55,257.6986782 It is affecting our happiness. 143 00:16:55,487.6986782 --> 00:17:01,677.6986782 It is affecting the happiness and well being of our children and our children's children. 144 00:17:01,827.6986782 --> 00:17:07,577.6986782 Remember, every good and perfect gift is a gift from the Father of Lights. 145 00:17:07,731.0320115 --> 00:17:21,35.9320115 If you are seeing evidence of entitlement in your children, perhaps the apple isn't falling far from the tree, and it's God's invitation for you to turn the mirror back against you. 146 00:17:21,186.0320115 --> 00:17:38,666.0320115 Into your own soul and let his spotlight shine in the areas where you might be hiding a spirit of entitlement Teaching our kids how to be grateful over entitlement is one of the best gifts that you can do for their future. 147 00:17:38,764.3663448 --> 00:18:01,274.3653448 if your child sees you cutting off people in traffic, snapping at the cashier, grumbling or complaining because someone doesn't move their trash back inside after three days, or rolling your eyes when Aunt Martha calls or the neighbor knocks on the door, They're going to assume that that's normal behavior. 148 00:18:01,543.8339066 --> 00:18:11,683.8329066 you can become more mindful of your own heart and behavior and begin to make changes that you want to see emulated in your children. 149 00:18:12,114.1036169 --> 00:18:16,794.1036169 You can also begin to celebrate kindness, like you celebrate achievements. 150 00:18:16,980.3670172 --> 00:18:21,630.3670172 It's easy to make a big deal when your kids do well in school or sports. 151 00:18:21,890.3670172 --> 00:18:24,290.3670172 We used to reward our son with a pizza. 152 00:18:24,500.3670172 --> 00:18:41,470.3670172 Every time he made a goal in soccer, perhaps your kids get money for good grades or doing their chores, but do you celebrate kindness in the same way? It can be as simple as saying, I saw that, I'm so proud of you. 153 00:18:42,190.3670172 --> 00:18:46,360.3670172 Those kinds of things reinforce the value of kindness. 154 00:18:47,40.3670172 --> 00:18:52,900.3670172 You can teach your children the truth about entitlement Get in the habit of asking questions. 155 00:18:53,425.3670172 --> 00:19:04,2.8941532 A great question to ask your young person what do you think is most important to me in raising you? Lean in and listen to what they think. 156 00:19:04,176.2264865 --> 00:19:12,209.5618199 What are your actions telling them? It's a wonderful basis for conversation and a terrific way to hold each other accountable. 157 00:19:12,357.5618199 --> 00:19:19,794.2274865 If kindness and caring for other people are really your priorities, you can have thoughtful discussions about that. 158 00:19:19,922.5618199 --> 00:19:30,545.8951532 In episode number 40 Lauren Wittig, shares how during prayer time, conversations gravitate towards helping others. 159 00:19:30,663.7443014 --> 00:19:40,673.7443014 Lauren is putting an example before her young daughters by having her business support 12 charitable organizations each year. 160 00:19:40,755.5245483 --> 00:19:41,585.5245483 That's a lot. 161 00:19:41,702.8801038 --> 00:19:47,232.8801038 Her kids see their mom involved in the community and they're doing the same. 162 00:19:47,412.8801038 --> 00:19:59,462.8791038 So, What's the one thing that you can take away from today's episode? This week, I would like to challenge you to be intentional about celebrating an act of kindness in your home. 163 00:20:00,112.8791038 --> 00:20:10,776.2134372 Whether it's your child sharing a toy, holding a door, or simply taking the time to say thank you without being prompted, make a big deal about it. 164 00:20:11,76.2134372 --> 00:20:15,686.2134372 Reinforce that kindness is just as important as achievements. 165 00:20:16,82.5171409 --> 00:20:22,702.5171409 If you found this episode helpful, check out my free workshop, Align Your Life With What Matters Most. 166 00:20:23,32.5171409 --> 00:20:39,289.1838075 We will talk more about the things that you value and how to live a life in alignment with those things also, I invite you to take a moment to share this episode and leave a five star review because when moms support moms, we all win. 167 00:20:39,375.8504742 --> 00:20:44,759.1838075 Mama, keep living boldly, leading confidently, and loving intentionally. 168 00:20:44,829.1838075 --> 00:20:47,899.1838075 Until next time, keep shining bright.
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