Grieving What Was—and What Wasn't: Finding Meaning in Loss (Episode 68)

 

🎙️ The Human Intimacy Podcast:

Grieving What Was—and What Wasn't: Finding Meaning in Loss

📝 Episode Summary:

In this deeply moving episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the often-unspoken grief that arises not only from death but from lost experiences, missed relationships, betrayal, and the life we thought we would have. Together, they discuss how grief shows up in unexpected ways—through sadness, anxiety, depression, and even numbness—and why it's essential to give it language, space, and presence.

From betrayal trauma to the ache of unmet childhood needs, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn reflect on how grief is not something we simply get over, but something that transforms us. They invite listeners to “buffalo up,” facing the emotional storms head-on to lessen their long-term impact and discover the healing that can come from being seen, supported, and present with our pain.

This episode affirms that grief is both individual and shared—and through empathy, ritual, and support, we can move from suffering to strength. Whether you're mourning a loved one, a lost relationship, or simply the life you didn’t get to live, this conversation offers tools, language, and hope.

📚 Resources & References Discussed:

• Dr. Edith Eger – The Choice

  • Grieving for what happened and for what didn’t happen.

• Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross – Five Stages of Grief

  • Originally developed for death-related grief, but elements show up in all forms of loss.

• "Buffalo vs. Cow" Metaphor – Facing emotional storms head-on instead of running from them to shorten their impact.

• Ted Wiard – Burbles of Emotion (from grief training at Willow House)

  • Describes grief as emotional bubbles that unexpectedly surface.

• Grief Rituals – Writing, symbolic goodbyes, or creating new experiences to process loss.

• Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.): 📞 988 – For anyone in crisis or supporting someone in distress.

💬 Key Takeaways:

• We grieve both what happened and what never did—and both types deserve space.

• Grief often shows up disguised as anxiety, depression, or numbness.

• Healing begins by naming our losses and making space to feel them.

• Support from others—through presence, not solutions—is essential in the grieving process.

• Transformation and post-traumatic growth are possible. Grief changes us, and often, it refines us.