'Never have I been so excited about a message on Luanna'

BE WARNED: It's LuAnna, and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you know you love it.

On this week's Luanna: The Podcast: Imo's ditched us, Lu's had a full health check up and may have been psychic, Anna's on her customer service high horse, we have an update on the update on the 20 year curry confession, an icky social media dilemma and tickling an old man's balls.

Plus: The debate on drug facilitation rooms continues, a literal shit shag and don't send Lu voicenotes.

Join us for the BIG GALENTINES NIGHT IN! - Grab your ticket NOW https://luanna.live/

Remember, if you want to get in touch you can: Email us at [e-mail] OR drop us a WhatsApp on 07745 266947

Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
This is a global playeroriginal podcast.
Be warned, it's Lou Hannah.
And this podcast containshonest upfront opinions.
Gosh, stinky ass from me.
Rants, bants, and generalexplicit content.
But, well, apparently, youknow, you love it, and.
And we love you too.
Good morning, everyone.
Welcome to Monday's Luanna.
The podcast.

(00:23):
It's bad, isn't it?
Also, the gunt is onparticular form today of me.
I mean, I'd say it's like, almost.
Small to your gun.
You're attached to it.
Yeah, I'm quite attached to it.
Yeah.
You like it?
I think I like it.
You know, well, guns and all.
Here we are.
Here we are.
Now we have started themorning strong at Champney's.
Two at the pod.

(00:43):
Pod.
Oh, Louise, what's wrong with you?
Wore those socks.
You know, when I picked mysocks today from my drawer, nearly
picked a boring pair, and Ithought, they're not gonna bring
me joy.
I'm not gonna wear those socks.
I need joy in my life.
Keep me joying.
Ramble.
I play.

(01:04):
No, I Pray.
Pray.
We have yet again come dressedas twins.
I mean, we've got to sort this out.
What's wrong with us?
Why we keep marching on down.
You know what this is?
You know what this is?
This is several years, almosta decade.
We should have, like a.
We should have, like a.
A marriage ceremony when wehit, like, an actual decade.
Shall we get married?

(01:24):
But, like, not officially.
In like a pagan.
Have a.
Yes.
Oh, we could.
Like a humanist wedding.
Marrying your work.
What is wrong with our mics?
Why can't we see each other today?
Hang on the table, I think.
No, there we go.
No, it's what happens whenwe're on our own.
Things have been moved around.
No, we're all right.
It was me.
I think I pushed the table back.
No, I'm all right now.

(01:45):
Yeah, Emo isn't here today, bythe way.
Guys, we could make just for vague.
Williams podcast so we couldmake up a massive excuse.
But she's basically.
She said we're basically morecapable than Vogue Williams of running
the show.
We'll take that.
Which is true.
We'll.
We'll take that.
Even though Vogue has like 10million podcasts, you think she'd
be able to do herself by now?
And we love Vogue, by the way.

(02:05):
Oh, yeah.
I'm not throwing shade.
No, no shade.
I am.
I need to IMs.
Friendly shade.
Friendly shade.
No.
So IMs.
She is using her prowess elsewhere.
But that's okay because, ofcourse, she has created.
In fact, she's backed herselftoday, Lou.
She's put on our little groupchat this morning, guys, this is
one of the scripts I've donein a long time and she's.

(02:26):
She's proper sad.
She's not here.
So we're looking forward to this.
So brace yourself, guys,because coming up today in Luana,
the podcast, I think we've gota bit of healthy debate and some
feedback from.
She's got no idea what'scoming up today because she's not
read the script.
I love the fact you did like a gmtv.
That did sound GMT today.
No fucking clue.
Because all you've seen isthis first page which says, hello,

(02:47):
do an intro.
Well, no, but she did.
Have you not read her message?
Yeah, she picked it up.
She picked it up.
Oh, yeah, We've got a healthy debate.
About a story we talked aboutlast week, so stay tuned.
The drug thing in the drug room.
Glasgow Space girls.
Well, can I just say.
Yes, you can.
I went.
Yes, you may.

(03:07):
Permission to speak, please.
Oh, look at the rain, Anna.
Oh, it's miserable being in England.
I need to go back to Dubainow, me.
Rain on me.
Anyway, go on.
I went to Preventicum.
Beg your pardon?
Last week's.
My health check.
Oh, my gosh, Lufanians.
I know a little bit of this,but not all of it.
So basically, so what is Preventicum?

(03:28):
Because you've now ignited theactual health anxiety.
One, one, one joke that I am.
Well, you know, Davina McCallrecently said, oh, she's got a brain
tumor, blah, blah.
What?
She did?
Yeah, she did a health scan.
So if you've got an aneurysm,you would not know unless you had
like a brain mri.
Babs, I'm booking myself in.
So, basically, I went for one.
Andrew had one too, and he waslike, I think you should do one.

(03:49):
Probably taking life insurance.
Did you?
Yeah, you know it.
Did you do it because you'dheard Davina McCool talk about, didn't
she?
No, we've been talking.
I think she was doingsomething and then someone offered
it, or.
I can't remember, I don't know.
But anyway, she did a health and.
We all know that.
Then it came out with this.
This brain cyst.
Yeah.
So, anyway, yeah, no, Andrewand I've been meaning to do one for
ages.
We're meant to do it lastyear, actually.

(04:10):
A good idea, and we didn't get time.
So, anyway, you go, yeah, it'snot cheap, to be fair, but they do
everything.
So you have a brain mri, chestmri, like stomach mri, like check
your liver.
How long does it stuff takesall day.
It's like six, seven hours.
And you go to a private hospital.
Will you go to a private clinic?
Yeah.
Which is specific.
This.
So they have doctors there,radiologists there, cardiologists.

(04:34):
So you have like radio.
Had loads of ultrasound scans,had a smear test, had a breast check,
blood test, proper body healthscan, everything.
And then you get your resultslike literally the same day.
And who.
And.
And do you have like one sortof consultant that delivers all that
or do you have consultants foreach thing that they've looked at?
Do you have one doctor overallfor the whole day?

(04:55):
But then you go to the specialist.
So I saw like the specialistradiologists, specialist cardiologist.
Yeah, well, we do like a fitness.
I mean, you.
You say it's expensive.
I mean, and it is expensive.
However, and I think this,this comes down to like we talked
about this.
You know, healthy as well.
And actually for me, I wouldhonestly like give up a family holiday
and give.

(05:15):
I would economize elsewhere inmy life in order to.
Yeah, make.
Just check my health is in good.
I want to be here for my kids.
So to the top.
Typical.
I think it's about choice in life.
Not always.
If we're.
We are fortunate enough tohave choice, you and I, let's be
fully transparent about that.
And then they like do a wholebody scan, like your muscle mass,
all of that stuff.

(05:36):
Anyway, I would like to do apublic service announcement for everyone
that always says I'm too thin.
Go on.
I am in healthy weight rangeand my BMI is healthy.
Good.
My body fat is low, but myweight is healthy.
Don't stop eating, guys.
Trust me, she's fine.
Who doesn't want low body fat, right?
Because none of my organs havefat around them.
So my liver and everything.

(05:57):
The fat around my.
So healthy.
I do have a slightly enlargedliver, which they said is very strange.
Why is that?
And my marina coil.
They've said stop.
Yeah, because I have no fataround my liver.
Like literally like barely any.
And can you reverse that?
Like reverse the enlarging ofthe liver?
They said that they're not concerned.
So they then go, literallywill consult with a liver specialist.

(06:19):
And then he was like, oh, my clients.
And is this all under thesame, like, fee you pay?
Yeah, if you need any, like,so if something flags.
No, if you do you have to payextra then to get it.
So something like that, whereit's an opinion.
No, he just asked the liverspecialist, like, is this a concern?
Right.
And the liver guy was like, noother things that flag.
Yeah, you then.

(06:39):
So, basically, anyway, I justwanted to let everyone know that
I am a healthy weight.
So can you please stop sayingI'm too thin?
It's really annoying.
And.
And if I was worried about heras well, I'd tell her.
Also, I know, like, where I'malways cold and stuff.
Got low iron, which I kind ofknew already.
So they then, like, give me aprescription for iron tablets or

(07:01):
they make.
You constipated because I hadthose after I had Enzo.
Annoying.
I might just get.
Do you remember I had an iron transfusion.
Yeah, Yeah.
I might just get another oneof those.
When you get those sachets,the iron sachets.
Yeah.
Do you remember we weresponsored by that iron company one.
I do take a lot of supplements.
I.
I'm not that good soul guard.
And this is not a massive plug.
Even though, full disclosure,I have done some work with Solga,

(07:22):
but I do absolutely love.
They're the gold.
You know, the gold.
You go in a pharmacy, you'lljust see Solga supplements.
Fantastic.
They're amazing, honestly.
Anyway, anyway, so basicallydid all blood tests and that, Then
my brain mri.
They, you know.
Do you remember when sometimesI get migraines, but not that often.

(07:42):
Do you remember when we meantto record that podcast of Lad Baby
and Lab Baby Mum?
And then I fell asleep becauseI had a migraine.
Everyone was like.
We were all sitting on it andI was ringing around half of Bl Start
for Children.
I was in, like, Dixie's bed asleep.
Anyway, so I've got like thiswhite dot on my brain.
And he was like, that's like white.
White brain matter or something.
But he said, do you get migraines?

(08:03):
And I was like, yeah.
He was like, we can see fromthis, like, white dot.
He said, it's nothing to beworried about, but there's nothing
you can really do for it.
But I haven't got an aneurysm.
Anyway, go on.
You know, if you're a kind ofOG Luthanian listener, you will know
that we kind of had thisrunning sick joke that I had throat
cancer when.
I was a running.
When I.

(08:23):
Sick joke when I kept losingmy voice and I went to see an ENT
and we had nodules.
Nodules, blah, blah.
Anyway, the ENT did, like, atthe time, which was probably about
four or five years ago now,put like a camera up my nose without
me thinking that was going tohappen that day.
I looked at my throat, it wasall fine.
Anyway, on the ultrasound, Ihave got nodules on my right thyroid

(08:46):
and they rate them from one to five.
One being one is like fine.
Two, fine.
Four, suspected cancer.
Five, definite cancer.
I am a three, so I mightactually have throat cancer.
Okay.
I mean, let's, you know, let's.
Okay.
I'm just saying.
I am always psychic.
Well, don't be.

(09:07):
Stop this nonsense.
No, no, we've talked about it.
I'm not that stressed about it.
I think it's going to be fine.
Because she's already told me this.
3.
That's why she doesn't sound shocked.
3.
Yeah, because I got all mystress out.
And then she did.
She was like, I'm freaking out.
She was like, what about the kids?
I'm gonna die.
I was gonna die.
And I was like, just calm down.
This is normally me.
That is the.
And I was.
And then my mate as well.

(09:27):
She.
She also got nodules.
She's.
She's quite common.
She says it's very common.
And.
And.
And apparently lots of peoplehave them and don't know they've
had them.
And.
And yeah, and even if she was told.
And this is not medicalopinion, this is just what I've been
told secondhand.
She was told that even if itwas something really bad, apparently
it's a real slow grower andsomeone else will see you off before

(09:50):
that would.
Anyway, is what she.
Probably horse ridingaccident, so.
Well, there we go.
Now.
Now that's.
Anyway, not concerned,obviously, but good.
So referred me to this guy.
I've got an appointment end ofthe week, so I'll see him, find out.
They said they'll just biopsy it.
Biopsy?
Yeah.
Sounds a bit grim, the wholebiopsy thing.
Yeah.
Because they numb your whole.
Yeah.
Oh, bless you.
And then they like go in.

(10:10):
In which?
The mouth or through the neck?
No, through the neck with a needle.
You'll be fine.
They apparently do loads of stabs.
If you'll be numbed.
Yeah, I'll be numbed.
It actually doesn't overlybother me anyway, so I had a better
nose.
We must.
Guys.
You must do it.
Go on.
Yeah.
Didn't realize they were gonnago up my fanny, did I?
Cool.
You should have.
So I wasn't that prep.

(10:31):
Well, I've had laser, so I'mnever that hairy.
Had you washed?
Yeah, that was the Hoffman Ihad washed.
Obviously I had to wash that morning.
No waft going on there.
Like, I was like, oh, like,bit unprepared for this.
So there I am.
Take the pants off behind the Curtain.
Have a little look of whitematter in there.
So I'm all right.
Spitting on my hand, trying to.

(10:51):
Trying to rub it a bit before.
Get the white bit.
I like to call that the smudge.
It's the vag smudge.
Do you know what I mean?
It's a bit pasty.
It's sort of week two of.
Week two of.
Of your ovulation process.
And I was trying to do itreally quickly so that, like, they
didn't think, what is shedoing back there?
I find.

(11:12):
Rub it.
Trying to get all the little bits.
When Mia from Aquatox does mylaser and I take my pants off, I
do something.
They give you like baby wipes first?
Well, yeah, but sometimes Iget really worried that Mia's gonna
see the smudge in my pants.
So I sort of try to kick themunder the table or put them in my
bag.
No, but mine was like a littlebit of whitey around the innie.
Oh, she would.

(11:33):
All right.
Okay.
So it wasn't great anyway.
And I had washed that morning.
Judgment babes like nervous secretion.
Nervous secretion it was.
So basically, then some crustaround the old smear.
Yeah, I haven't got theresults of that yet.
When was the last time you hada smear?
Two years ago.
Oh, fine.
So you're.
Yeah, yeah, I had my smear recently.
Did my boobs.

(11:53):
But I'm, you know, I am quitean awkward person sometimes.
So they had to get a chaperonein because that's their rules.
Sure, that's everywhere.
Lovely young girl comes in.
She only 24.
And I was like, oh, don't tell me.
She was a new funny.
And.
No, she.
Or she wouldn't have said.
She didn't say what she was.
No.
And then there I am, my tits out.
It's feeling the tits.
And I was like, oh, hope Ihaven't got hairy nipples.

(12:15):
Like, why do I say these things?
I mean.
I mean, why did I say that?
And then there's like thisawkward laughter from everyone and
me just feeling like, why,Louisa, why?
And then like, he's therebetween my legs and I went off not
prepared for this.
Or my legs are a bit crusty.
They're not very shaven.
You know, like when you getall dry legs and they look like scaly
skin.
I just kept on playing things.

(12:37):
It's filling.
It's filling the awkwardsilence with the prattle.
It's just even more awkward.
I do exactly the same thing.
Awkward when I had.
When.
Especially when someone hastheir hand up your vag.
Yeah.
I mean we are a bit more usedto it since having babies.
But even still, when Irecently had my smear and had me
old cyst, the V cyst checkedand they stuck that wand up, you
know the wand ultrasound thing again.

(12:59):
You just find yourself justprattling absolute.
I know you know about your vag.
Well, I've got a sister on my ovary.
This is.
That's nothing to worry about.
Okay, well that's fine.
So very informative.
I mean you could see thebulges are still in my back and bulge
in my neck and I knew that cuzmy neck's been hurting.
So.
So other than just gettingthis little, little nodule cyst checked

(13:20):
out, we are a full bill of health.
I'm full bit of health.
That's it, baby.
So there you go.
Okay, well we look forward to.
Also good, good eyes.
They check your eyes.
Hearing test.
Very good hearing.
I knew I had good hearing.
I hear everything.
I can hear like if I'm in arestaurant, I hear everybody else's

(13:41):
conversations.
I'd make a good spy whoactually would.
Although I'm quite obvious person.
So maybe not quite obvious andyou'd probably be quite confrontational.
Anyway, so that, that's mynews of the week.
I have got, well, big news.
I have got nodules which wehave suspected for six years.
And so basically now I'm likea doctor.

(14:01):
I mean and a psychic, I would say.
I say you may as well just goand get that, that little hat they
stick on you.
And the doctorate and thescroll now, babes.
Well listen, I want one of those.
Do you think that we could black.
I really want a degree because I.
Never want an honorary degreein services to psychotherapy.
I want an honorary honorarydegree in anything.
I actually don't care what itis, anything.

(14:21):
I just want to have one.
Be nice, wouldn't it?
Maybe that could be.
We've got some uni person thatlistens to this.
Yeah.
How can we get an honorary degree?
Yeah, I mean I'm always seeingcelebs getting some honorary degree
from somewhere for doing something.
What have they done?
Not a lot.
I mean they might haveprobably done quite a lot but.
Well, listen, as always withLuana, you know, we like to bring

(14:42):
our, our issues to you.
I mean, I'd be vag sis gotthat checked.
We are fine.
We're now going to get thatone checked.
So this is a little reminderto everybody.
Don't let your health go.
You've got to prioritize.
I'll be able to Update on thenext pod because very quickly it
happens.
And I want to just get bookedin for these.
I want to get.
Honestly.

(15:03):
So I know the cardiologistthere, so I did get a 15.
Did you?
Yeah, I honestly, I said thisfor you.
You and I should both go.
Aneurysm or something.
You don't know.
That's how young people drop down.
And, and also, you know, itsounds really morbid but, you know,
there are in both sides of ourfamilies, you know, premature deaths
that have gone on, you know,due to certain, you know, things.

(15:23):
And I think it's important toknow and you know, if you can afford
it.
Obviously it's a lot of money,but I'm a big believer in, you know,
robbing Peter to pay Paul, youknow, and if it means we economize.
She's a pauper, guys.
Loaded.
She always keeps saying this.
Honestly, she's never seen mybank account.
No, but.
No, but I'm.
I feel quite strongly about that.
My parents have always said,no, you should go.

(15:45):
It'd be really good for your.
But it would be really goodfor my hypochondria.
But I think if you can.
I mean, I appreciate, youknow, people are having a penny pinch
a lot nowadays, but you know,if you can.
I think it's always important.
Well, listen, I've had a great week.
Last week I was away, I wasdoing a little, A little event that
I always do.
I want to just quick shout outto a lot of Luffanians that I met

(16:08):
who, who were absolutelyhilarious and actually every time
I walked up to them, theywould actually go like.
And it was, I mean, verysweet, very sweet.
And they kept over apologizingfor, you know, being fans of this,
of the show.
We love it.
We bloody love it.
So hello to Nick, Nicole,Louise, Claire.
Hello there.

(16:28):
There were loads of man fansthat were coming up to me, Andy.
There were loads, loads ofwonderful people.
We love that.
Honestly, it was.
It was really great to seeeveryone also.
Also a little bit.
I've just had to quickly checkbecause I wanted to do a little a
thank you to Emily from Bracknell.
Okay.
A couple of weeks ago she wason our.
Luana totally obviously is on Thursdays.
Guys, don't forget you canlisten to all the back catalog of

(16:51):
Luana.
Listen to all the episodes if you.
Want to after this when youmiss us.
Yes, go back and listen.
Go back and listen to it.
And don't forget we are comingto YouTube.
Oh, YouTube.
YouTube.
YouTube.
Guys, big announcements.
We there are like we haveexperimented very mildly with YouTube
over the years.
So make sure you follow thatyou subscribe to the correct YouTube

(17:12):
channel.
It's got about 10, 000subscribers at the minute.
And the link is in our bioabout Instagram, which is at everything
underscore Luana.
So please go, because you'vekept asking now for years and years.
We're actually going to redoour studio.
We're investing.
She's stressing out about curtains.
Curtains.
Stressing the wrong side.
But you're now going to see usand watch us as well as listen to

(17:33):
us.
Lots of people are excitedabout that.
So, as Lou says, go to thelink in our bio in our Instagrams
and.
And please do subscribe nowand sign up because you don't want
to miss it.
Subscribe now.
Subscribe now.
Subscribe now.
Subscribe squad now.
Also.
So, yeah, Emily fromBrackenock in Totally Extra the other
week, she talked about beingfed up with rude people.

(17:54):
It was the checkout person,you know, when they.
When they just ignore you.
And.
And actually she inspired methis week because we like to do.
And I just wanted to say thankyou for this.
When a rant inspires.
Because I went to going.
But we like to do family teaon a Friday or a Saturday night,
whatever.
Bonding.
Bonding with the fudge.

(18:15):
Have a game of Uno over teaand all that.
And we like to.
Alex, like, let's go to Turkish.
We're like a Turkish.
Because kids enjoy it.
Yeah.
And the kids enjoy Turkish as well.
Brilliant.
So there's a couple near wherewe live.
Yeah.
So I'll ring one of them up,pick up.
Guy picks up the phone.
Yeah.
This is the conversation.
Baited breath.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

(18:36):
He answers.
Yeah, that's him.
What?
And I was like, oh, hello.
Is that blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
Oh, and then he's got there.
Then I thought my.
My heels sort of dug in.
Did you think, I don't want toorder from you now?
Yeah.
Well, this is it.
So then I went.
And I went, can I please booka table for, you know, dinner?

(18:59):
Yeah.
Oh.
So I waited.
And he went, I'm listening.
He said.
So I then was like, okay, it'sfor four of us.
Name, you know, 4, 30.
Yep.
Okay.
And then put the phone down.
Five minutes later, I thought,no, no.
Oh, you've taken a standagainst me.
I've taken a set about Emilyfrom Bracknell.

(19:20):
I called him straight back up again.
Obviously checked with theother Turkish.
They had room.
So rang up the other Turkish.
Very Nice.
Booked us a table.
I'm not giving, I'm not givingyou our pennies and our pounds service.
No, you've lost us, mate.
Mate.
So I thought again, I am goingto always judge myself by my own
standards.
I could have just ghosted themand not bothered bringing back together.
I didn't because that's notwho I am.

(19:40):
No, you wanted to tell him hewas a rude.
Basically, yeah.
But also, you know, I'm goingto live by my own standards and values.
So I rang him back up and Isaid, I just booked a table five
minutes ago, I'd actually liketo cancel it.
He was like, all right.
And I said, I'm not going totell you why.
Oh.
I said, because you wereincredibly rude, incredibly unwelcoming.
Yeah.
Frankly, it's a lot of moneyto take your family out for tea.

(20:01):
Yeah.
Like, you're dropping 100 quidby the time you've all had, you know,
starters drinks and all that,that's what you're doing.
And I went, I'm taking mymoney elsewhere.
So I'm afraid you have lost acustomer every Saturday for life.
And what did he say?
Not a lot.
All right.
Right.
So anyway, thank you, Emily,because you reminded me we don't
need to tolerate Rudy.
No, we don't.
You need to vote with yourfeet and go, I'm taking my business

(20:22):
elsewhere.
So there we are, talking about voting.
Trump's in.
I know.
God.
I mean, him doing that dancingof the ymca, I didn't see that job.
I mean, I mean, I'm sort ofweirdly here for all the novishes.
The novishness.
Like, I'm not here for him,but I'm here for the novishness.
But there's something abouthis personality that I kind of like.
I, I, I don't.

(20:44):
But I just find him hilarious.
Look, he is.
No, Boris, let's be honest,it's just.
Alan Partridge all over.
Everything he does is just ameme, as you say.
And then you've got all thesepeople, then, like, these die hard.
Oh, my God.
He's like, jesus, he's gottasave the world.
And I'm like, all right, Sandyfrom Wisconsin, you go, girl.

(21:07):
He's gotta say.
He's like, jesus has got in.
We've got the Savior.
And I'm like, go.
And then Elon Musk with hisold salute.
I mean, it's all going on.
That, that was a bit like, whywould you do that?
Even if you're.
Did you see Elon Musk's Nazi salute.
No, sorry.
Have you not seen this?
No.
When did he do that?
I have to show you.

(21:27):
Oh, give me that.
Oh, my gosh, if that isn't.
No, I mean, that's.
No, you don't.
I mean, that is canceled, surely.
Well, it's.
Can I just say once.
I remember once doing that asa joke in front of my grandma.
Did she go.
She went nuts.
I.
We were learning about it atschool and I went and did a Nazi
slew when Harl Hitler.
And she literally nearly,like, slapped me around the face.

(21:47):
And she was like, yourgranddad nearly died in the war.
I remember thinking, geez, Ididn't understand.
I didn't understand thepolitical landscape back then when
I was nine.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
So when you see that.
So she showed me a picture ofElon Musk doing a proper, like, yeah,

(22:09):
fascist salute.
So when you see that, that's bad.
But can I put it into context?
So people are seeing this onInstagram that are so bad.
By the way, I'm not an ElonMusk fan.
I actually don't really give a.
About him either way.
But he was like, I give you my heart.
Oh, is that what it is?
So he's taken his heart and,like, thrown it out.
And that was scream, grant,scream, grab.
Scream, grab.

(22:29):
That was how he said it.
He was like, thank you, thank you.
I give you my heart.
I give you my heart.
So it's like grabbing hisheart and throwing it out to the
audience, like in this giving heart.
And people are now screengrabbed the whole boom, boom.
And cut what he said before.
So it looks like he's doing aNazi slit now then the, like, you
know, not glitterati.

(22:52):
What's it called?
Literati.
No, Illuminati.
Illuminati.
They're all like, oh, this is like.
He is, like, doing the Nazisalute and this is the.
The end and blah, blah.
So there's all these differing opinions.
There's been so much goingaround, whirling around.
Elon, was he just throwing hisheart out?
Was it a Nazi?
Or was it like, oh, wow, it'sall kicked off.

(23:13):
But America is giving us a lotof memes at the minute and.
And I am kind of here for it,but I am sorry for Americans.
Some.
Some.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, o.
Come on, though.
Biden was about to die.
He had no brain left.
I mean.
Nah, he was a bit of a weirdo, too.
I was watching one about withBaron Trump also.
They wish to be rude.

(23:33):
This is not me being rude.
Trump's kid, the 18 year oldboy, he looks like grew from despicable.
Me four.
I actually know who I thoughtthey are.
He literally looks like.
Because I saw this weirdlooking kid.
Like he looks like gruff from Despicable.
Now you know I've said it right.
You can't unsee it, can you?
You can't, can you see, youheard it here first.

(23:55):
It is.
I know.
Is that Melania's son then?
Yeah.
She looks pretty good to be fair.
Yeah, we need her surgeon.
Add her to the list.
I mean, Melania is looking good.
Sienna Miller, have you seenher recently?
Yes.
Oh, I mean there's some,there's some good.
There's some good work going on.
Allegedly.
They might do.
We don't know if they do.
These women a gatekeeping fromus normal peasants.

(24:17):
I wanna live like common.
How is, how is living like acommon person?
Gangly after last week, it'sgoing well.
Yeah, that's the common thing.
You've done this.
Well, your kids are going tothe supermarket today, so well done.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
So not with me.
Their big outing of the week.
Yeah, they're going.
Hello, children.
Come and see how common folk live.
No, Dixie's going tosupermarket with her friends because
she's having a little weekend.

(24:38):
They'll need a pound.
She's coming, she's having astaycation with her friends and they're
going to live in the cottagefor the weekend so they're allowed
to go to Tesco and get some snacks.
Give her a pound for the trolley.
Yeah, you'll need that.
No, not in our Tesco.
Oh, no, it's a posture.
Don't charge you.
You know when you're somewhererough, when you get charged for the
trolleys, don't you?

(24:59):
You do know that's how you.
You can class the supermarketby whether you have to bring your
little trolley.
Token and whether they lock upmeat behind fridge, behind padlocks.
Now, it's a big thing now,shoplifting, lock up meat and alcohol.
I mean, that's quite.
I suppose alcohol.
Yeah, that's always happened.
No, some, some high baby formula.

(25:22):
Big, big, big issue with shoplifting.
Big, big issue.
Well, there's a big issuebecause they can't do anything.
They have their security andthey're actually not allowed to touch
people.
Well, I think we touched onthis the other way.
They've pretty much decriminalized.
Yeah, shoplifting now.
Anyway, we have.
Anyway, listen, I say let'sstick with us at Luana and we'll
bring the jazz.

(25:42):
Right?
I don't Know why she's put massage.
Okay, so let's just carry.
We'll move on.
I know because of my weirdmassage in Dubai, but we'll talk
about that another time.
Okay, Fine.
Yes.
Remember that.
I do.
Right.
Do you want.
We'll.
We'll keep people hanging onfor that.
We'll keep you hanging.
We'll keep hanging for that.
And I tried to get you to goand have fun, and then you didn't.
You should have done that wasout of order.

(26:03):
You put me through that ordeal.
I'll let you down.
Oh, I've got an update on it.
Okay.
I'm gonna tell you next week.
Okay.
Tell next week.
Anyway, it's time for.
Did you know without him.
Could I just say.
We didn't rehearse that.
This is how in sync we arenow, Lou.
Like I am.
I'm freaking myself out.
Alinor as well.
We just.
Is there a double act like us?

(26:24):
No.
No, there really isn't.
We dress the same.
We sound the same.
We've got the same socks.
We don't have the same gunt.
Mine is called size of Myhusband's A dog.
A dog.
We swap sperm.
I've given you my husband'ssperm in your coffee this morning.
Oh, don't.
That made me sick.
Right?
Elephants weigh less than thetongue of a blue whale.

(26:48):
Good Lord.
And a blue whale's heart isthe size of a car.
I mean, that's huge.
That's a lot of love.
A lot of love from a whale.
Oh, that is a lot of love.
Blue whales are the largestcreatures to ever roam the Earth.
Do you want a whale?
Yeah, you do.
You are our very own Veruca Salt.
Do you want a whale?

(27:08):
Whale?
Pop a little whale in the lake.
No, it wouldn't fit, would it?
Probably wouldn't fit, babes.
No.
It'll be too shallow.
Big.
Big.
You know when you see.
Sometimes I like an animalfat, you know?
Yeah.
You know, like on reels whereyou see, like, I get really freaked
out when I see, like, youknow, paddle borders and then.
Yeah.
Massive way.
I know.
I'm like.
I would actually die of apanic attack.

(27:29):
I would.
I would.
For real.
Because I don't really likethe sea.
I hate the sea.
Yeah.
I'm a land mammal.
Yeah.
I can't do that.
And I like doing lamb mammal things.
I can't even go on donuts anymore.
You know, like when you go, oh.
I can go on that.
Remember when I can water ski?
You know, we went when we got.
A yacht this year.
Oh, by the way, guys, we're going.
On a yacht again.
Yeah, we said that.
Well, are you gonna do the.

(27:50):
Are you gonna do the.
The jet?
That's a big slide on this.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I'll do that.
And also, you know, when wedid like last time, you got those
little rocket things you holdon to, then they like buzz you around.
I don't mind if I keep movingin the water.
Yeah, because then you' It's.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm fine if I'm doing that.
Otherwise then I freak out.
Maybe we should do a podcastLive from the yacht.

(28:12):
That would be quite fun.
We've got Lucy there.
Lucy Cave from Lorraine.
She could be our heat man, our producer.
Yeah, well, we could do likesome kind of live stream thing for
our YouTube.
Let's do that live.
Not live.
Let's do that.
That would be really fun.
We should do a little drunk 21questions with.
We've done that before.
Guys.
We're also really excitedtoday because we've got a Luana announcement.

(28:36):
You may have seen it as we just.
Just cunningly dropped it overthe weekend, but we have listened
to you, loads of you, enjoyedthe big festive night in and we've
got Valentine's coming up in acouple of weeks.
You know what we thought.
You know what?
Love is in the air.
Luanna is in the air.
We're all about friendship.
So we are exclusively hostingthe big Galentine's night in.

(28:58):
It's going to be on Thursday13th February, 8pm Fully interactive.
Lots of fun, lots of games.
Got a few surprises in store.
So many of you loved it.
We love doing it for you as well.
So listen, no need to be sadand single this Valentine's.
Just embrace your mates,embrace us, and if you want to get
your tickets to come and joinus, please get them right now.
All you have to do is go toeverythingluana.com or Luanna Live

(29:22):
and we'll see you there.
Right, we've got a messagefrom Anonymous.
I called you, Pat.
Curry Sauce confession fromthe Secret Santa.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
This is the update of theupdate that we've all been waiting
for.
Guys.
My God.
Guys.
Okay.
This is the update of theupdate of the Curry sauce woman that

(29:46):
went viral.
You need to listen to the restof this episode.
Basically a little bit of history.
We had a thing in Viro from Viro.
Message from a lady that went viral.
She makes.
Been making this curry for herfamily for 20 years.
They think it's Amazing.
It's actually a shop boughtcurry sauce.
And she's of Indian heritage,so it's a really big deal.

(30:06):
Really big deal.
Yeah.
So then for Christmas, theirfamily had a secret Santa and she
got a jar of the exact currysauce which from her sister in law.
She then wrote into us and waslike, think I've been rumbled.
This is now.
She didn't know it was this.
She suspected it was becauseit was Secret Santa.
She didn't know who it was.

(30:28):
For real.
Right, here we.
Here we go.
The update.
To the update.
To the update.
Hi, ladies.
Oh my God.
Where do I start?
I've been forced to email inas I'm scared.
What?
Marcia?
It was actually Miriam, butMarcia is catchy.
The curry lady will do next.

(30:49):
Our next family curry night ison Friday 31st January.
So I hope my sister in lawhears this before then and it's just
happened.
Her technology skills are asgood as her cooking skills.
Oh, it's happening this week.
It's happening this week.
Shit.
So I don't think I will berumbling an extravagant reveal as

(31:11):
I type this.
The Taylor Swift song.
Look what you made me do isplaying round and around in my head.
Marcia, look what you made me do.
I'm really sorry and we loveyou, but you outed yourself.
Here we go.
Okay, deep breath, breath.
Here's the thing.
What?
Yes, yes, it was me who gaveyou the curry sauce at Christmas.

(31:35):
I was intrigued if you wouldspill then.
Especially after I sent youthe podcast episode.
And I have to say, you liedlike a pro.
The thing is.
This is so good.
My God, this is so good.
The thing is, it's much, muchworse than you lying to my brother
for 20 years.
Oh my God.
Here we go.
Here goes.

(31:56):
And please don't hate me.
Rewind back to May 2004.
I remember the date as it'salso your official anniversary.
Go on.
My brother was really excitedto go to your flat as you were cooking
him dinner.
He called me the next day toask for advice.
He said the evening wentreally well and you had made a curry.

(32:17):
The dilemma he had was when hewent to take the empty wine bottle
to the bin, he noticed.
Oh, my empty glass, jar ofcurry sauce at the bottom.
He didn't know why, but helifted it out of the bin and had
a sniff.
Yep, it was the same smellthat he'd just eaten.
Stop it.
Thinking how funny it was andassumed that you would fess up.

(32:41):
He came back to the table andask you more questions to see if.
You would complain it's likean ITV who done its psychological
drama, but instead.
You gave an Oscar performanceabout the history of this.
About the history of this recipe.
And the evening ended with youinviting my brother's family over

(33:05):
to try your family's secretrecipe passed down by generations
of women.
Oh, my God.
The joke's on her.
It's been on her.
She's been.
Keep going, Lou.
Never have I been so excitedabout a message on Luanna.
He was asking me advice whatto do as he was really quite concerned

(33:25):
about how much detail you gaveabout the curry and that it was this
secret family recipe.
He felt awkward, so he wentalong with it as he really liked
you.
He didn't want to cause youany upset in your new relationship
at the time.
I advised him to go along withit as I'm sure once you got to know
each other better, you would confess.
I'm not sure how the currynight became a regular thing and

(33:46):
my brother and I went alongwith the story to our parents who
still don't know about therecipe being passed down for generations.
They don't know, but they know.
They know they know and shedoesn't know that they know.
They know and they've knownthe whole time.
They've all been.
He knew before the lie.
They've all been playing thisout for 20 years.

(34:07):
This is brilliant.
Over the years, we've wonderedif either of you would tell or if
we would tell you that we knew.
The biggest giveaway is weknow you can't cook.
Please imagine what I writenext is like the tick tock suspect

(34:27):
on the right, which we did onour Suspect made a roast chicken
dinner and didn't take thechicken out of the plastic packaging
whilst cooking it.
Suspect insisted that thebottom tray of the Viennetta ice
cream was chocolate and spentfar too long trying to slice through
it until accepted it wasplastic, not chocolate.

(34:47):
Suspect should have shares intoaster companies as she has set
on fire at least five toastersin the last five years.
Suspect attempts to makehomemade bread.
It was like a brick.
And was even rejected by thebirds and the pigeons who eat anything.
So my brother and I decided along time ago to just never say anything

(35:09):
as at least the shop broughtcurry sauce was edible.
Some are very nice.
Yeah.
Although can you please stop putting.
Oh, that is so tricky.
Savage.
Can you please stop puttingbloody bananas in it?
And when we first read thisstory, Anna, we were like, oh.

(35:31):
Oh.
She was really proud of the bananas.
It's the one thing she put inof a Patak sauce or whatever she
uses.
They don't like the bananas.
They don't like the bananas, babes.
Right.
So your sister in law goes onto say.
We promise not to tell my mumand dad your dirty little secret.

(35:52):
You dirty pig.
Dirty.
If you also forgive us for enabling.
You're over.
This is just so good.
Enabling.
Your over exaggeratingpreparation of your curry for 20
years.
Now you will have so much timeon your hands.
Do us all a favour and sign upfor a cooking class.

(36:14):
Perhaps that will be nextyear's Christmas present.
This is a great family.
Please keep me anon and callme Pat.
Yes.
After the infamous Pataks curry.
That's what it was all along.
Can I just say.
Can I put this out there?
Yeah.
Can we get Mrs.
Patak or some other kind ofIndian cooking influencer to come

(36:37):
to Luana hq?
I want to invite this woman.
Yes.
And I want her to do it forour YouTube cook.
Him.
Do you know what?
I can't remember her name.
There's a very lovely ladythat I did a cooking course.
Indian Chef.
See, we're gonna.
We'll put this out there.
No.
The MasterChef.
And she cooked at my friendEtti's dinner party.
She's a.
She's a Luana.
And I'm really sorry I can'tremember your name.

(36:58):
And I've met you and you'vecooked for me.
I'm pretty sure it was MasterChef.
You're on.
And I know that you listen toLuanna if you do and you're willing
to come to my house and do acooking lesson for.
We don't know where this ladyis in the country.
But we'll make this happen.
We're gonna make this happenfor our YouTube.
Yeah, we would.
What?
Who are you?
What should I.
Who are you?
What's your name?
Please write into IMO or sendme a DM'd.
Each other.

(37:18):
Yes.
We want to get you and we wantto do a cooking.
And we' the sister in law too.
With a proper Indian chef thatcan help you cook an actual proper
curry from scratch.
We then need to blend togetherthe initial viral story with the
second one with this one withthe cooking and make it into a whole
episode.
This is basically of indieIndian fashions.

(37:39):
Yeah.
Indian Confessions from aIndian Family.
This is probably like this isyour life.
And you know what?
We want to see this throughright until the end.
You sound like a great family.
The fact that you can have that.
This great.
There is nothing better thanan Indian family.
When I lived in Derby, all ourneighbors were Indian and we had
the best crack with all theseIndian neighbors.

(38:01):
I've got an idea.
Sorry, I've just realized Idon't know her personally but my
friend, you'll know who is as well.
Dr.
Amir Khan.
Who is the doctor on the telly.
Does you know all the morning shows.
But he always goes on aboutMama Khan and I know Amy.
I could even text Amir if you want.
Now, Mama Khan, his.
His mom is quite famous on hisInstagram for being.
She's just like a really traditional.
She's a trading.

(38:21):
We need a trad Indian.
So if we could.
If I can ask Dr.
Amir if maybe we can borrowMama Khan and she can do like a proper
curry for.
We need to this family bag.
I'm gonna.
I'm genuinely gonna ask orunless if you're the lady that you
met from after Chef.
Right.
We're gonna make this happen.
I'll be able to find out her name.
Quite.
Can I just say, never in thehistory of Luana have I been more

(38:44):
invested in a family story andthe fact that we are the gatekeepers.
Lou of this dialogue.
So good.
It's so good.
That's just made my day.
No wonder Remo was pissed offshe was missing today's episode.
Emo, you've got fomo, man.
Well up, man.
Yeah, well to fairly.
She's read it all already soshe knows.
Message from Anonymous.

(39:05):
So, Jemima.
Hi, girls.
I wish I would have called oneof my kids that.
I mean, I think you just needeight more kids, Lou, because you
do.
Like a lot of names.
Hi, guys.
Me and my boyfriend have beentogether for 11 years and have two
kids in a house.
Pardon me.
We get on amazingly.
He's like my best friend and Ican't imagine not being with him.
Amazing.
My dilemma is he has had Xformerly Twitter for years and I've

(39:27):
never been following him.
Can I just say that name?
It hasn't called.
It hasn't.
Cool.
It's basically everyone hascalled eggs.
Yeah.
So we might as well go back tojust Twitter.
Exactly.
I've never been following himon there as I never felt the need.
He's always said he just usesit for news and it's never bothered
me until a few nights ago.
I hate X.
I find it so toxic.
I find it very.

(39:48):
I came off that.
I used to use it all the time.
No, I don't use it.
Don't use it at all now.
Such a negative place.
It's so neggy.
We were just sitting togetherwatching TV and he was on his phone
on X Twitter.
I said to him, let me know,let me add you on X.
And he replied, no.
Now to me that was a red flag.
I agree, mate.
So I tried to search you onthe site and nothing came up with
his name.

(40:08):
When I asked him why Icouldn't find him, he said, I can't
have anything for myself.
You always want to know everything.
Yeah, this made me really wantto know what he was up to on there.
So I told him if he hadnothing to hide, then he should follow
me on the site so I could see.
He did follow me to shut me upand I requested to follow him back.
But he left me hanging for a day.
And when he did finally acceptme, he had cleared his whole page

(40:30):
so it was completely emptyexcept for a post he accidentally
left saying, can't DM you.
Oh, his account name hadnothing to do with his real name
and was so, so private, likehe didn't want it to be found.
When I asked him why he hadcleared his whole page before he
accepted my request, he saidbecause some weird bots followed
him and he thought I would go mad.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry, butplease, your instinct is correct.

(40:54):
Come on.
I didn't buy the story.
And when I told him that Ididn't believe him, he went absolutely
mad and told me I wassmothering him and not to talk to
him.
Oh.
I mean, can I just say, thatis the classic reaction of someone
that is lying.
Dodgeball.
I felt like this was adeflection to turn it around on me.
Yeah, spot on, my darling.
When we did speak, he denied,tried everything for a few days and

(41:15):
then out of the blue said, doyou know what I was doing on X?
I was trying to message.
Oh, I was trying to message atranssexual for one of my mates in
work to set him up, but Ididn't want to tell you in case you
didn't believe me.
Okay, I absolutely do notbelieve him.
I think he was using the siteto message people behind my back.
When I asked him, why wouldyou do that?
He said, if you don't believeme, just leave me and you don't stay

(41:38):
with me.
Don't talk about it againbecause I can't be asked with it
all.
So make your decision.
Oh, again, I feel he's deflecting.
Correct.
That is exactly what he is doing.
He's deflecting his text, hisactual textbook.
Well, yeah, it is, but it'swhat he's been caught out cheating
babes cheating through.
Through messaging.
Classic example.
Could I just say of someonethat is basically a big caught out

(42:00):
when they just throw the babyout with the bath water and go, your
problem.
Leave me then if you don'tbelieve me.
Yeah, because it puts theproblem on.
You don't want to leave exactly.
Over something that you don't know.
It puts them back in aposition of control.
This is classic.
I really don't know what to do.
Should I leave him?
Has he been cheating on me?
Do you think there is more?
I don't know.
It's eating me up inside as Ihave been faithful our whole relationship

(42:22):
and would never think ofhurting him in any way.
We have a mortgage and kidsand financially I cannot afford everything
without him.
He earns a substantial amountmore than I do as I took a step back
so he could have a bettercareer and I have been there for
our children.
I do love him so much but nowI don't trust him and it hurts me
how he can do this to me.
Me.
I thought we were in such agood place in our relationship.
My mum has not long passedaway and he has been an amazing support

(42:44):
through it and he's told mehow we should get married next year.
Also, side note, he did cheaton me a year into our relationship,
which I always had a gutfeeling about, but he only admitted
it to me last year and criedsaying he'd never do it again.
Please help.
Any advice is appreciated.
I feel like he might be doingit again.
Look, what I would say is ittakes a lifetime to build trust and
a second to break it andthat's exactly what he's done.

(43:06):
You found out he's cheated inthe past.
So we're with, you know, withthis is, this is, you know, for him
and just, just laying out on,on the table here.
Of course you don't trust himand he has to accept and appreciate
of why you would not trust himgiven the past and then given the
shadiness of what he's doing.
You know, my advice is Iwouldn't completely check out of
your relationship now, but Ido think you need to have some very

(43:27):
strong discussions overhonesty and trust can be rebuilt.
But he has got to play balland he has fully, fully got to be
transparent.
I would actually say to himpersonally, well, I do this with,
I do marriage, marriagecounseling, couples counseling.
You can, you can get arelationship back on track but you
have to be completely transparent.
Even the that you're scared tosay, you just have to say it.

(43:48):
If he is prepared to just tellyou everything and you are able to
perhaps deal with that,process it, and there is a chance
for you guys, then you can do it.
But if he won't be transparentwith you, then please don't get into
a relationship where the trustis fractured.
Definitely don't get bloody marriage.
I think you need to just saythis to him.
Look, I don't believe you.
You have an opportunity to be truthful.

(44:10):
If you don't, well, then Imight have to reconsider our relationship.
The thing is, he doesn't wantyou to know the truth because he
thinks it'll end the relationship.
But if he has an opportunityto know that if he really does tell
you the truth, you are morelikely to give it a chance.
He's already given it.
It's already cheated one.
Well, exactly.
He has to be very, very.
He has to be very open.
And I would encourage you tobe quite clear on that boundary what

(44:33):
you need in order to stay.
But what will happen if thatdoesn't happen and what the alternative
will be.
And if you do end up leavingthat relationship, trust me, there
will be a way through that as well.
Good luck.
We've got another message fromAnons who've called you.
Thomasina.
Hey, I have a story for your podcast.
So I started my new job as acare assistant and after about four

(44:53):
months I was doing an evening call.
So I asked the elderlygentleman to walk with his frame
to the bathroom.
I put my gloves on and pulledhis trousers and pull up pad down.
As I did this, I said, oh,you've been to the proper toilet.
He replied, no, I haven't.
I said, yes, you have.
So I pulled the two lumps ofhard poo out.

(45:15):
Oh, bless carers, they're sogood, aren't they?
And pulled the two lumps ofhard poo out from under his bottom.
But they wouldn't budge.
I pulled a little more and theelderly man said, what are you doing?

(45:37):
Oh my God.
The elderly man said, what areyou doing?
I decose to look and realizedI was pulling on his balls.
I then said, oh, it's nothing,you're very clean.
You can pull up now and goback to the lounge to watch tv.
Tugging his nose, thinking itwas a chug nut.

(46:00):
Oh my God, stop.
And then she just sort of,sort of ghosted the the situation
and just sent him on his way.
Here you go, Pat.
Pat.
What are you doing?
Tug, tug, tug, tug.
Oh, God, that's a classic.
Classic.
Oh, remember, if you Want toget in touch?

(46:21):
You can email usLuana@everyTHING moana.com or drop
us a WhatsApp on 07452 double 6947.
Right, okay.
We've had some listenerfeedback on this, guys.
So we talked about this lastweek, the first drug consumption
room in Glasgow.

(46:42):
We were talking about it andwe were so like all over the place
with our thoughts on it.
And the user figures have been revealed.
So the UK's first drugconsumption clinic.
It's been used more than 130times since it opened last week.
Wait, let me work out how manytimes in a day.
Okay, so 130 times over seven days.
What do you think?
130 divided by seven is.

(47:03):
Anna Williamson 18.5.
There you go.
I was gonna say that the saferdrugs consumption facility in Glasgow.
So it opened 13th of Jan andit let people.
If you listened to the episodelast week, you'll know the story.
Let people take substancesunder supervision.
The counselor for the citysaid it had been an intense first
week for staff and the servicebeing used 131 times.

(47:25):
There were no medicalemergencies resulting from drug use
within the facility known asthe Thistle in the first week.
Now the 131 figure includespeople who have used the service
on more than one occasion.
Now it's hoped that thisclinic can reduce fatal and non fatal
overdoses by providing a safeand clean place for people to use
drugs, but also giving peoplefurther support to cope with their

(47:46):
addiction.
As well as safer injectingfacilities, users were provided with
wound care, clean injectingequipment and naloxone as required.
Wonder what an allotment?
Not too sure.
A spokesman for the facilitysaid that some users had already
engaged with housing and drugtreatment support.
Well, that's really possiblebecause that was, that was our concern.
They were saying that therewasn't any financial support.

(48:07):
Yeah.
So listen, it's made apromising start.
It has.
They're delighted that peoplehave been using it.
It's kind of a safe hygienic place.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
And I think this is importantbecause this, this goes on from what
we were saying, Lou.
They've said, you know, weknow this is not a silver bullet,
but having a facility that issafe and hygienic and medically supervised

(48:27):
will go a long way towardsreducing drug related overdoses,
injection related wounds,infections, and the negative impact
that injecting outdoors has onlocal communities, which we fully
were on board with.
We were so like open about all this.
Well, this has been Debatedfor a long time.
It was first, first proposedin 2016, so years and years.
So.
But, but it's very expensive.

(48:49):
So the running costs, justover three years are expected to
reach nearly £7 million.
That's very exciting when youthink it's been used, okay, it's
only the first week, but it's.
It's been used 131 times inthe first week, so about 18 times
a day.
But that hasn't been 131people because it's been used by
the same people multiple times.

(49:10):
It's a lot of money to spendon not that many people, isn't it?
And I still think that itcould be that 7 million, you know.
Well, let's see.
Well, well, we asked for yourinput and it says in here in the
script and a lot of you wrotein, so.
And as always, guys, we likethis to be really good, healthy debate
where we can all share ouropinions in a really safe and non

(49:31):
judgmental way.
So here we go.
It says, a note to listeners,IMO has had to cut down the emails
as there was a lot of great stuff.
Stuff, but we just haven't gottime to include all of it.
So thanks to everyone who didmessage in.
What's the first one we got?
Lulu.
So, Mr.
Person says hello.
Someone who lives in Glasgowhere, putting in my two pence per
the new Thistle drug project.

(49:51):
Right.
I'm a normal, functioningmember of society.
I run my own business, have anice comfy life.
And also my mother is arecovered heroin addict.
Okay, I think the vital partof information you're missing here
is context.
Glasgow city center is a dump.
The entire town, I thought wasquite nice when we went on tour.

(50:11):
Yeah, the entire town, fromthe center to the Tron gate, which
is about a 15 minute walk, islittered with garbage, needles, tinfoil
and drug addicts.
They are everywhere.
Wow.
You can walk for five minutesand see multiple people who have
lost their legs due to drug abuse.
Wow, that's really bad.
And this is someone whosemother is.

(50:33):
Recovering heroin addicts andthey actively live.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they live.
But why aren't they spendingthe money on cleaning the.
Cleaning the road?
Well, let's see.
There is an alley in Glasgowwhere drug addicts scrape dust from
a brick wall to sell to otherdrug addicts because it looks quite
like heroin.
The drug problem here isabsolutely terrifying.

(50:56):
The purpose of the room is simple.
The addicts won't die on theirown in the street, which by the way
is also a common sight.
Personally, in the last Coupleof years I've called ambulances on
men who had overdosed and Iknow friends who have done the same.
The underfunding is the issue.
People can be referred to n aNarcotics Anonymous, but if the structure

(51:17):
isn't there to support them,the chances of recovery are.
Of course, of course, of course.
Personally, I think if theycan be cared for in a warm space
with clean needles, medicalstaff and any help, then it's worth
it.
Surely if one person's life is saved.
Then that's enough great feedback.
I do great.
But I still think thatspending 7 million pounds to potentially

(51:40):
save one person's life is alittle bit extravagant.
When you look at.
I don't know, I'm gonna, I'mgonna like.
Well, I just think what thosepeople contribute to society is that,
is it worth 7 million?
I guess that's the question.
And, and, but then who are weto say whether whose life is worth.
Absolutely.
A life is a lie.
Worth more.

(52:00):
But.
Right, right.
And I also, I also thinkexcellent context as you say, because
we don't know, we don't knowGlasgow and thank you for that message
because yeah, we don't seewhat's going on.
The next message in.
Hi Luana.
A friend recently listened tolatest episode and knowing my background,
asked me to write in and sharemy views on drug consumption rooms.
So here I am.
I'm loving all this people.

(52:20):
Yeah, thanks guys.
First of all, I want toclarify that calling these spaces
drug facilitation rooms can be misleading.
Reading the term might suggestthat we are encouraging or facilitating
drug use, but that is not theintention at all.
These are harm reductionspaces designed to ensure that people
who use drugs do so as safelyas possible, minimizing the risk
of overdose, diseasetransmission and antisocial behavior.

(52:42):
That is a very key pointactually, which we hadn't previously
discussed.
It's about meeting peoplewhere they are at, not forcing them
to change their behaviorovernight, but ensuring that they
are supported in the safestway possible.
These consumption rooms arenot new.
In fact, they have beensuccessfully implemented many countries
across, across Europe wheredrug policies tend to be more progressive

(53:02):
and evidence based.
These countries are far aheadof us in addressing addiction and
substance use in morecompassionate, non judgmental ways.
Fair.
They recognize that the war ondrugs has failed and that criminalization
only harms individuals and communities.
These rooms save lives.
By providing a controlled,sterile environment, we can drastically
reduce the number of drugrelated deaths as well as the transmission

(53:24):
of diseases like hiv.
Additionally, they reduce theburden on the NHS by preventing overdoses
and minimizing the need foremergency intervention.
Well, that's what I was sayingto you about our local Annie which
is very, very overrun with.
With.
With addicts that are in therea lot recently.
When I've been as someone whoworks in an alcohol and drug service
specializing in supportingindividuals with opioid dependency,

(53:47):
I see firsthand how people'scircumstances can lead them.
Yeah, that's fair.
To.
To use substances as a coping mechanism.
Fair?
I don't judge that to be fair.
I don't.
I don't either because I'veseen that firsthand.
Some people are in terriblestates knock through their own fault.
Society often judges peoplewho use drugs but many of them are
dealing with trauma, adversechildhood experiences, a ACE and

(54:10):
systemic issues that we havefailed to address.
Additionally, it's importantto recognize how socioeconomic factors
are contributing to these issues.
Yeah, that is important.
Understanding that people whouse drugs often have deep rooted
emotional pain and unmet needscould change the way we view addiction
as a whole.
Whole.
Those individuals are oftenthe most judged and unsupported in
our society, yet theygenerally cause no harm to others

(54:31):
beyond their own struggles.
Still, it is very, very true.
Still we expend so much energypolicing and stigmatizing them instead
of offering support and understanding.
Yeah, I think that's a fair point.
Finally, harm reduction isn'tabout seeing if these approaches
work.
The evidence already exists.
Supported by decades ofresearch and global success stories.
Countries like Holland andthose in Scandinavia have led the

(54:54):
way in harm reductionstrategies with significantly lower
rates of drug related crime,death and higher measures of quality
of life compared to the uk.
I mean that can only be a good thing.
These countries demonstratethe long term benefits of prioritizing
compassion and evidence basedpolicies over criminalization.
There's so much we can learnfrom other countries that have embraced

(55:14):
harm reduction and seentransformative results.
Results.
Many thanks.
A substance misuse specialist nurse.
I love my job but it's.
Gosh, I bet it is hard.
Fantastic piece of context there.
And I wonder why though whenyou go to countries like say Dubai
for instance, there's no.
There's no.
You just don't see that there.

(55:34):
But do we know there's not oris it just that we only see it?
I mean maybe you know moreabout Dubai than I do, but is it
because we're not.
We don't.
We only see what we want to see.
And often we go to thesecountries more as, as a holiday.
You know, we don't typicallyproblem there.
Like it is here.
They don't have a crimeproblem there like it is here.
So why do we have all these problems?
But then I.
I agree with you.

(55:55):
But then I would.
But then I would also say I'vegot no idea how other countries in
Europe truly are operating.
I mean, I know, for example,and all I've seen in Sicily, for
example, where Alex comes from.
Yeah.
You know, when we've been intothe capital, Palermo, I mean, we,
I mean, there's some absoluteproper degradation, you know, going
on there now, you know, andyou don't hear that reported.

(56:15):
And it's only when you livethere and you hear, you go, Christ,
you know, there's a real issuearound certain, you know, issues,
socioeconomic issues.
So I guess unless you'rereally in those countries, you don't,
you don't see it.
We only see what we see.
Well, thank you.
Message.
You've got another message now.
Hey, ladies.
I just wanted to put a messageacross from the Monday's pod about
the drug rooms.
I'm a previous class A user,on and off from 16 years old until

(56:38):
21.
That's so young, isn't it?
It's so sad.
Now I've been clean for nine years.
Well done.
Well done.
It's not hard to stay cleanwhen you've got that, when you've
had that as well and whenyou've got that addictive trait.
I mean, I wouldn't know.
I mean, I guess it's differentfor each individual, but well done.
I hope that didn't soundpatronizing, me saying well done,

(56:58):
but genuinely well done.
My personal opinion is Igenuinely don't think these rooms
will work.
I don't think there'll beenough trust for a drug user to not
be reported for having anillegal substance.
I also don't think.
Yeah, that's true.
Because as long as, if you'renot dealing though.
Yeah, but then they might belike, well, where have you bought
it from?
And then I don't know.

(57:20):
I don't think they ask,they're asking questions like that
though.
I also don't think unlessthese rooms are on every other street,
they will not get used.
Well, that's what I think.
But they are being used.
Well, we got by many people.
I'd say 131 people in a week.
It's not 131 people.
Oh, oh, that's what it says.
It's 131 times it's been used for.
So it's 18 times a day.

(57:41):
Yeah, it could have 18 peopleusing it 10 times.
Yeah.
True.
So it's not.
Which I think's right, becauseas soon as you get your smack, you
want it in you.
So I also don't think unlessthese rooms are on every other street,
they will not get used.
As a previous user and knowingusers, you would not buy drugs.
This is what I just said.
Then walk, bike or drive,drive so many miles or minutes more

(58:05):
to then get your fix.
They don't.
They want, they get it andthey get it in straight on.
You want to do your drugs.
Yeah.
The minute they're in your hand.
I think the funding needs togo into support and help for people
who genuinely want to get clean.
There is just no support foranyone who is trying to better themselves.
Right.
This is the issue.
All you're doing is stickingplaster, is facilitating the same.

(58:28):
And what we're hearingunanimously from all these messages
from very different vantagepoints is the importance, importance
of that actual compassion.
They would have been betteroff, you know, kitting out a few
little mini buses, strippingthe mini bus out and having mobile
rooms and a driver and anurse, a driver and a nurse in a
little mobile minivan, having10 of those that were driving around

(58:49):
the city and it's always atthis point, at that time, at that
point, at that.
And then they could then go inthe van and do it safely.
That would have been better.
It's the long term support itsounds like, doesn't it?
Anyway, so it says.
But also like you ladies havesaid, said you can't help someone
who doesn't genuinely want the help.
You have to be 100 ready.
And Lou and I both know thisfrom having people close to us to

(59:10):
know that you have to be inthat headspace.
I have been approached tobecome a drug worker, but in all
honesty, I don't think I coulddeal with the user's, quite frankly.
Most users will attendappointments, tell the drug worker
what they want here to be ableto get the next prescription of methadone
and be on their way to score again.
Yeah, I'm, I'm with youbecause of my experience.
It's just, you know, drugaddicts are the worst liars you've

(59:35):
ever come across.
The manipulation is unreal.
Just so.
Yes, I believe the money inthose drug rooms would be much more
beneficial to helping usersand putting information to youngsters
too.
Prevention is the key.
Right.
I'd love to out my personalstory across.
I'd love to put my personalstory across to show people about

(59:55):
how there is a life to belived on the other side of drugs
and it's really worth it.
I no longer have to wake upand immediately think of how I'm
going to earn a tenor so I cango and score.
I wake up pain free with awonderful family and a business owner.
Good for you.
If anyone listening to the PODhas any kind of addiction, please
make that first step and speakto somebody as your life is worth

(01:00:16):
it.
That's the best flipping great message.
Thank you for sharing that.
That is so powerful.
Thank you.
I am agree with you and andwell done.
Right, we've got anothermessage, last one.
So read the reader.
Thistle it's hard to helppeople engage in change if they'
engaging with services.
A lot of people aren't due tothe fear of criminalization, hopelessness

(01:00:36):
and various countless otherfactors and any opportunity to engage
them is a win.
This being one of them.
Sometimes that window to getsomeone to engage in change is very
small and we're more likely toget them if they're alive and not
dead from an overdose due todecriminal, due to criminalization
and in the end dead from an overdose.
The Thistle would also betesting people's drugs to make sure

(01:00:57):
it's what they think it is toreduce risk too.
Do we need to help peoplewhere they are first in order to
help them move towards andbuild motivation to change?
Remember, these people arecriminalized and don't feel worthy
of help.
Often I don't work insubstance services but in mental
health with other lifethreatening behavior from Anonymous.
Thank you.
Yeah, another very interestingpoint and I think overall, you know,

(01:01:20):
thank you everyone.
That time will tell.
Yeah, time will tell andeveryone really felt quite passionately
about this as we did too.
The feedback was amazing andwe love a good home.
Healthy debate on Nirana.
So if we ever do talk about astory that you want to get involved
in, please do send your emailsin because we do read them and we
love to get and this is.
What'S so important actuallyabout what we do because yeah, often

(01:01:41):
we're on all kinds of sides ofthe fence and and that really helps
us to understand.
So thanks everybody and yeah,we'll see how it all plays out.
Right, let's move on.
It's time for it's the Widowof the Week.
Right Brogan.
Hi Luana.
Am I the weirdo of the week?
I'm 31, live with my partnerand about to be married, but if I

(01:02:02):
ever stay over at my mum'shouse, when I get up in the morning,
I will climb into bed with her.
Oh, okay.
My stepdad will Even bring usup drinks, breakfast and we can chill
in bed for a few hours, chatting.
So lovely.
Scrolling.
Or this week we plan separate holidays.
My honeymoon and her Christmas.
I don't know anyone else whowould do this at my age, but she's
my, like my best friend andit's one of my favorite things.

(01:02:23):
Things.
No need to keep me anonymous.
I'm Brogan from Nottingham.
I don't think that's weird.
I think that is so lovely andso special and memories you will
cherish forever.
And I do this.
Do you?
Yeah.
I mean, I don't get into my.
If I go away with my mum, ifwe do a Japanese night or something,
we often will share a bed.
Yeah.
And I will in the morning,scooch up to my mum, have a little
snuggle and a cuddle.

(01:02:43):
We'll have a little cup of teawhilst we're watching.
I'm not a cuddly person.
No, you're not.
No.
Actually my mum isn't funenough, but I force her to have.
I think it's lovely.
And I have a little snugglewith my mum and it's really lovely.
I think that's.
And I'm 43, so.
There you go.
Right, we've got Shelly andDan in next.
We're not sure if your namesare real or not.
Is this weird?
I'm totally in love with myboyfriend and think he's absolutely

(01:03:04):
gorgeous, ripped and couldjust squidge him anytime and kiss
his face off.
The other day I watched himget out of bed and walk naked to
the en suite, lookinggorgeous, which aroused me.
I heard him take a wee, so Iapproached him also naked and feeling
hot, pressed myself againsthim from behind as he stood finishing
his Wii and reached reachedround to do the customary man shake

(01:03:27):
after a P to remove any dripsfor him.
As I shook him sensually, hisbeautiful member grew in my hand,
swelling to the this like anovel, like Jilly Cooper, swelling
to the thickness and length I desired.
And so I thought, game on.
So I spun him round, craftilylowering the toilet seat for him

(01:03:48):
to sit on and then straddledhim, taking him inside my lasting
pussy.
It's a porno.
She's used a P word.
I don't know.
I don't feel very comfortablewith that of a morning.
We then started to writherhythmically, going for the full
on sex in the toilet.
It was hot and totallygorgeous as we snogged and we rocked.

(01:04:08):
Suddenly I heard a.
What?
What?
No.
Suddenly I heard a splash andan aroma Arose of the night before

(01:04:30):
curry, a complete air buffet.
He had taken a shit.
So the toilet seat was up andhe was on the actual pan.
His toilet seat was up and hewas on the.
She then put the toilet seatdown and sat on him.
She says, I put the toiletseat down.
I thought she meant the liddown, but no, no, she's just put
the sitting bit down.

(01:04:51):
The sitting bit down on the hole.
She's on him writhing around.
He's had a mid shag.
Yeah, he's a shagger.
How can you have a boner anddo a shit at the same time?
So many questions, she said.
I was horrified but too nearmy big orgasm to stop completely.

(01:05:14):
We continued to fruition onthe shit smell and the.
Oh, this is like.
What's his name?
Francesco from last week.
What was his name?
We continued to fruition forthe remaining few seconds as he emptied
his man gravy and I also orgasmed.
I then kissed him, dismounted,flushed and went back to the bedroom.

(01:05:34):
Not a word was said and it hasnever been discussed.
But sex on the toilet, firstthing is now a regular thing.
Is it weird?
What do you think?
Think I think it's weird.
How is it?
Well, it's weird they didn'tsay anything.
He just did a mid shag andthen they both came.
She just flushed and went,that's it for me.

(01:05:55):
No, no.
It's a no from me.
That's weird.
But listen, I would just sayyou do you, honey, it's clearly working
for you.
Clearly.
If I copped a whiff, I want toknow of a post curry when you're
at any point.
No, that that big eye befizzling out.
Oh, there's no big O, mate.
Well, there you go.
Big elbow.

(01:06:16):
This episode has been gold, bythe way.
Can I just say, gold limo youdid you over delivered today.
This has been absolute gold.
Oh dear.
Right, normally at this timeof the week you either have a rant
or a happy moment.
No ranting today.
I'm not got a run.
I mean, may I say, the happymoment is just.

(01:06:36):
Just the quality Lufanians whodelivered today.
You guys are bringing it.
Bringing it, bringing it.
There's no rant.
She wants a whale in her lake.
I want a whale in my leg.
I do have a little bit of arun and I, you know about this because
I did it.
I kind of had a little bit ofa moan on our Luana group the other
day of WhatsApp about voice notes.

(01:06:57):
Oh yeah, you don't like avoice note?
I don't like voice notes.
I'm busy.
I'm not going to listen toyour voice notes when I'm around
people because quite frankly,it's rude and I never know what someone's
going to say when they send mea voice.
Voice note and I don't want todo that.
It's rude.
I'm normally around people, soI just don't want voice notes anymore.
Stop sending them.

(01:07:18):
Looking at you, Anna.
Looking at your agent Sam.
But then I sent Agent Sam avoice note this morning and she replied
and put, sorry, I'm notlistening to that voice.
No.
And I was like, yes, Sam, thatwas well deserved.
I would, I, I hear you.
But sometimes you know what?
Hate them.
Well, but then you do.
I don't listen.
So you're not consistent.
Consistent, no.

(01:07:38):
So if you were consistent, I'm not.
Going to do voice notesanymore and I don't want anyone to
send me any.
Fine, if you're consistent,we'll be consistent.
Okay, don't send me voice notes.
Fine.
Done.
You haven't done it recently.
I'd never do voice notes.
Yeah, I'm not a voice note to.
Not normally.
I find them, I don't know as avoice notor.
Yeah, I don't listen to them.
Well, there you go, becauseI'm busy.
Just, I just want to read those.

(01:07:59):
In glass houses this month.
Well, it was this morning.
Well, I did like Agent Sam'sclap back at me.
Me.
Yeah, I love a clap back onthe girl.
Go on.
A girl.
You see, we got a clap back atthe Zis when she's dishing it out
and we do, we put her back inher place.
So we'll be sending you voice.
You do know you've now, nowyou've now now ignited a flurry of
voice.
Notes because it's a waste ofyour breath and energy.

(01:08:20):
It could be something juicy.
Well, I'm not listening to itand see.
Well, I'm not going to waitand see because I'm not going to
listen to it.
Well, okay.
So don't waste your breath.
Okay, fine.
Done.
That is it, guys.
We'll be back on Monday, butof course you don't have to wait
until then because onThursday, Thursday we have Luana
totally extra.
But for that though, we doneed you Lufanians so we would love

(01:08:41):
you, adore you, in fact, tosend your email to [e-mail]
Our WhatsApp number to send avoice note.
Just not Louisa.
We like voice notes on the pod.
Yeah, she's just talking aboutlife in general.
It's my life.
It's just she's up and down so.
It'S always a load of that.
Like doesn't even need to be said.

(01:09:01):
Well, I'll, I'll, I'll remindyou of that when you next time.
I'm not gonna ever send avoice out to you ever again.
There it is.
The number is 07452 Double 6947.
Now there's a lot ofhousekeeping here, guys, because
we need you to subscribe toour podcast, please.
We would love you to tellsomeone else about us.
We'd love them to listen.
We would adore a five starreview as well.

(01:09:22):
If you get a few moments, please.
And don't forget we are comingofficially to YouTube.
YouTube.
Subscribe now.
The link is in our bio on ourgram and tick tock.
Thanking you for a belting episode.
Adios.
Over and out.