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February 20, 2025 12 mins

For this week's bonus, you've Martin, you've Gordon, and you've got more nonsense, from diddling to what you'd do with your last moments before an asteroid hits.

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(00:02):
This is a global playeroriginal podcast.
Phil Kaming.
This is your Friday bonus ballof the Restless Natives podcast.
Just a little extra 10 minutesto see you through the weekend.

(00:22):
If this week wasn't enoughalready, thank you very much as always
for listening.
Martin Compston's still inVegas as we record this.
I am in London town, sittingin the newsagent studio, dumbing
things down a little bitbecause it's all a bit too high,
bro.
And I think we're gonna getone of them on though, aren't we?
Well, yeah, you and LewisGoodall got locked in debate about
the Constitution, at whichpoint I went upstairs and spoke to

(00:42):
Owen Thiel.
It's always funny, though,See, when you get locked in debates
and you're like, oh, dear,this is a clever fucking.
He's good.
Yeah.
You're giving him the fuckingBraveheart debate.
And he's like, well, actually,what you'll find in the European
Union and the way it was setup at the Maastricht Treaty in 1991,
it's not actually within yourmandate to make that decision.
And I'm like, you've gotCompston now.
He's fucked.
Yeah.
Right, this is the bonus ball,your correspondence.

(01:05):
Thanks as always for gettingin touch, Martin.
We had a brilliant Welsh gueston Gethin Jones.
Yes.
And we should say, happybirthday, gethin.
He's now 48 and if you're onHinge, he is no longer on Hinge.
So for all the girls, thatmessage, the rest of Snakes podcast
with interesting offers.
If he's still not.
That's a money making idea, bythe way.

(01:26):
We should start a dating appand just put Gethin on it.
Oh, you and me, we're gonnapimp them out.
Just put Gethin on it and thenopen up to everybody else.
Because the amount of messagesI've been getting for like, on hanging,
you've been.
Getting it as well.
I just said, Bob and I goingGethiron Gethin on so like on our
Insta.
So I.
We should start an app andjust put Gethin on it.
Have you the amount ofinterest Gethin's had with his Hinge

(01:48):
revelation?
Has it made you consider asecret double life?
Mate, the key to monogamy ismarrying somebody a lot hotter than
you.
So I'm kind of sticking by that.
I think you said that to a manwho's been married 25 years.
Knows it.
Knows it very well.
Right, we've got a messagehere, Martin, from Sarah.
And this is off the back ofGethin, where He revealed that his

(02:09):
main ambition in life was tobe a fireman.
So Sarah says, fireman Sam.
That wee dick Norman Price.
I hated that wee arsehole.
I'm sure his mum had an affairwith the bus driver.
I had a flashback of fearRemembering my now 15 year old daughter
shaking her cot every morningfor three months straight shouting
fireman Sam with Sam.
Fireman Sam.
Anyway, thank you very muchfor making me giggle this morning.

(02:30):
Keep up the banter, boys andwe appreciate that message.
I don't know why nobody'sclapped that we Dick every week.
It's him.
It does something wrong.
Yeah.
It's one of my great impressions.
No man Price.
No man Price.
Like that.
Do you remember that?
I would have said if he didn'tlead with.
It's one of my great impressions.
One of my greats.
I've got lots.
Have you?

(02:50):
You've got some good ones.
But see when you're selfgradual like that then it just leads
to you.
Well, I have to listen to youdoing it.
Deliveroo.
That's my new voice.
Just.
It's just deep car.
I mean all that, isn't it?
It's just this.
So.
So six McNuggets delivered toyour door.

(03:12):
We've got some messages from.
Tell you TikTok.
Ruth's made a bit of a.
A resurgence mainly to abuse you.
Which I thoroughly enjoyed recently.
And it's mainly to share moreMartin Compston lookalike as well
before.
Well done.
Understand this, mate.
I never.
Can somebody send me thatQueen of the south footage with Martin?
I'd love to see that.
Yeah.

(03:32):
It was sent, I'm sure.
I thought you said you watched it.
No, I don't have Facebook.
Ah.
So I can't see it.
I kind of.
I think so if I just want tosee the link.
Because that was.
If.
I mean you think that was 25years ago nearly.
So I don't think that footagewould have been there.
So I would love to see that.
I don't know how we get you.

(03:52):
Whoever said that.
And thanks very much.
Yeah.
I'm not sure how we get thatlink but we'll try and make that
happen for you.
Or you could just joinFacebook again, Martin.
Oh man.
Honestly, Facebook is the one.
It's like you start to listento people you stop speaking to in
second year going after nut.
Yeah.
Do you know the one that getsme is.
And it happens on Instagramquite a lot.

(04:12):
People open what they'resaying in any video by saying I'm
just jumping on here.
So you're I'm just jumping onhere to say that I'm going to be
running six marathons in six days.
Jumping on here.
It's.
I mean, it's.
No, the one that really getsme is.
And it's big in America.
I see people talking on theirspeakerphone, like, so you've got

(04:36):
to hear their conversation.
It drives me up the wall.
See that?
And people playing.
I've told you that.
People play music off thephone, but see people sitting, having
to talk.
Like, I was a guy the otherday, I had to pull him up in McDonald's
because he was on aspeakerphone, because I was sitting
with the Wayne and the Godson,and what the other person said was
just, like, utter filth downthe phone.

(04:57):
There was kids there and.
Yeah, so, see, I don't get whyyou can't just hold a phone to your
ear or put earphones.
Why has everybody else got tohear your conversation?
You do quite a lot ofFaceTime, though.
But that's always kind of in private.
Yeah, but you got yourearphones in so you don't hear the
other person.
I see.
That winds me up a wee bit.
What?
Actually feels like there's athird wall, you know, when people
are on their phone having avideo conversation and you're in

(05:18):
the room, it's like, I feeluncomfortable with that.
So nobody can speak on theirphone ever?
No, but.
No, with the video going as well.
I don't mind a phone call, butit's when it's like there's a separate.
There's somebody in the roomthat's not in the room, if you know
what I mean.
On screen.
Well, no, because that'sactually what's happening.
All right, okay, fair enough.
I can't be annoyed by anything.

(05:40):
Well, you can be annoyed byme, obviously.
No, it's.
I just find it odd because,you know, if there's.
I don't like taking phonecalls in front of people, generally.
Yeah, just a phone call.
But I just think, you know, ithappens all the time on the train
at the moment.
People on their phone withtheir headphones in.
Like, with somebody there.
Like, everybody else is in theroom, and you're like, all right,

(06:01):
I get what you're saying.
You shouldn't have otherpeople on.
It's the same thing, isn't it?
If you're on the same thing,you know, you see, if I'm ever on
FaceTime, I leave the room.
Yeah, you do, actually, to be fair.
Yeah, you do.
Because I don't want people tohear what I'm talking about either.
Of course you don't.
No, of course you don't.
There's been quite a lot oflookalikeys recently, Martin.
I didn't understand.
Any person in the UK who has.
A beard has a beard and isunder 35 looks like Martin Constant.

(06:23):
But the one.
There's one that is you thatwe'll share.
The one in the.
You look like you're in the.
Wait, is this the chef's One kitchen?
Yeah.
What is that?
I genuinely thought that was me.
Is it not me?
It is you.
I think it is you.
I think it could be.
Like, I need more contextbecause I'd like to be fair.
I don't recognize that costume.
But do you think it's a catfish?
I think it could be becauseI'm like that.

(06:43):
I think that's me, but I don't recognize.
I've never worn, like, a redchef's jacket.
So if.
Maybe we'll put it up andthink, see if anybody can find out
when it was.
But I genuinely.
Does it say who it is under it?
Yeah, it just says somethingabout, I've got it here in front
of me.
It says, boy, chosen as one offive culinary hopes.
And as you wear it, like, itlooks like your head has been AI'd

(07:07):
onto, like, a chef's.
It's like a blue chef's tunic.
Aye.
So unless it was Monica theGlen days, which I don't think it
was, then I've not really worea chef's jacket.
Right, so TikTok Ruth has a question.

(07:29):
Right?
And for those of youlistening, TikTok Ruth does tend
to get a bit worried aboutstuff from time to time, for no reason.
Mainly when she's been out onthe pitch for three days, she starts
to worry about stuff.
So you can imagine whenheadlines like this appear on TikTok
Ruth's phone, she goes into a meltdown.
So, asteroid headed towardsEarth might smash into the moon,

(07:51):
scientists say, right, so Ruthcaught herself in a panic about this,
thinking, are we all going todie in the.
You know, in the destructionof the moon around the Earth?
And she said, why don't youask Martin Constant what he would
do with 24 hours to go beforethe world exploded?

(08:11):
And that's a question forrestless natives, punters as well,
Right?
The asteroids heading, theasteroids heading.
It's going to hit the moon andit's all over.
You've got 24 hours.
My biggest fear about that is,what if you were away from your family?
Like.
Like, say, if I'm in Londonand the family's in Vegas.
Like, would you try to spendhalf your time on a plane?
On the wear.
And I'm pretty sure NE's.

(08:32):
None of the BA stewards areworking that day.
They're having a day off.
They're not fancy and.
All right, I'm gonna cater foryou guys.
I'm really stressed here.
Can you make sure I have twoglasses of champagne?
You could have my meeting earlier.
I'm gonna try and get my headdown so I'm fresh when I get there.
Off you, me dick.

(08:53):
I don't know, because whatwould you do?
Would you just.
I don't know you.
I don't know what?
Hank.
I.
Bite me Hanks.
I'd want to go mental and goout in a place of glory.
But you need to just spendtime with the family.
Wouldn't you just.
Well, that.
That is the.
The podcast answer of a manwho's worried about clickbait.
No, but.

(09:13):
So what would you.
What would you do?
Do you know what?
This is the.
Here's the other thought, right?
What if, through some quirk offate, the asteroid didn't collide
with the moon and you had doneunexpable things for 14 hours?
And then you're like, oh,actually, it's going to be all right.
But then.
But then you probably say,this is the way to live.

(09:33):
Imagine that somebody saidthat recently they were on a flight
and things were looking a bit ropey.
You know, bad things happened.
And there was a conversationbetween two people traveling for
work that got really, really fruity.
And then, of course, the planewas absolutely fine, but then there
was sort of an awkward silencein the seats around them.
Would you rather be.
This is quite a fucking grim.

(09:54):
Like, the same way hangoversdon't respect fame.
A mountain doesn't respectwhat class you're in in a plane.
That's true.
Where would you rather be?
That's true.
How do you mean?
In the plane?
Yeah, because you'd be.
If you're up front, you'd bein your.
You'd be on your Todd.
Really?
In your.

(10:14):
If you've got more chance.
It's not our chance.
You're all going to die.
It's flying into your mouth 100%.
Well, have you seen a live.
Did you watch that?
No.
About the Argentinian rugbyteam crashed in the Andes.
Aye, Aye.
I mean, that's the other one,isn't it?
Which part of the body.
Remember they're having thedebate about which part they eat
first.
That's wild.
You've got quite a chunky ass.
I'd be straight in there.

(10:36):
You've got quite a chunky ass.
Well, we've seen your stunt double.
And he's double arse.
I sent you.
Have you had time, by the way,just for the bonus ball to watch
the.
The real clip of BrigadoonKinross 1974.
Have you had a chance to watchit yet?
It was the World Diddling Champions.
Wait, is this.
But I.
I saw it.
But is this pipe music?

(10:56):
But sang?
No.
Do you not know what diddling is?
I.
But I think that's pipe music.
But you sing it, is it not?
No, I wouldn't say it was pipe music.
It's just.
That's pipe music.
But it's you.
It's the notes.
You sing it.
Cuz Phil.
You see, a Phil singer.
Honestly, mate, is one of themost hilarious things I've ever seen.
But that's pipe music.

(11:17):
But that's the notes sang.
Have you been diddling Phil McHugh?
Always, mate.
It's a good diddle.
Why not have date before?
And it's wild.
Yeah.
There is a dum dee de lumdly.
All that carry on.
I know.
1974, Kinross held the WorldDiddling Championships and I thought
Compston will have a field daywith this.

(11:39):
He's like, look at you,Brigadoon boy with the World Diddling
Championships.
You've got to watch it becauseI think you could be a really successful
diddler.
I think you could be a reallygood diddler.
I'll definitely watch it.
But no, I've seen it before.
I've seen Phil.
I'm sure that's how you singpipe music.
The diddles.
Ah, it's priceless.
Watch it anyway.
It's Ken Ross, 1974.
We'll post it.

(11:59):
Ruth's cutting it all up toput it on social media because it
is the most Brigadoon thingyou'll ever see.
Right, Martin, that's us.
You're gonna get yourself offto do amazing things.
There's no traveling to rugbyfor you.
It's fucking the mostexpensive cocktails filming.
If ever you want a job swap,you're welcome for professional present.
Yeah.
Right, mate.
Have a good.
Safe travels as well.

(12:20):
All right, pal.
See you said.
Right.
All that remains to say is it's.
Oh, the gas board.
Honestly, he's dialing it in today.
The gas board.
The gas board.
See you later.
All right.

(12:46):
This is a Global Playeroriginal podcast.
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