Ben and Ashley lead a confessional for some of our favorite guys and girls from Bachelor Nation!
Hear “what could’ve been” from Michelle and Rachel with the guys from their season, and you get a front row seat to all the drama when they’re reunited with Clayton!
Plus, Clayton opens up about life since his break-up.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with IHR Radio. This is a very special episode of
the Almost Famous podcast. We are in Karmo by the Sea.
We are here thanks to Hyunday, the Hunday Tucson Hybrid
plug in ev. There's an incredible vehicle that's been with
us all weekend through this journey, and Hunday has been
(00:22):
with us for a lot of this year as we've
had some great experiences. Ashley, I want to quickly say
and tell a little story, if that's okay. So this
weekend last week and I was in at Indiana University.
I brought Jessica to my alma mater for a basketball game.
Kill Royce is our college bar there. It's a very
popular bar. It was packed a lot of just interaction
(00:45):
with some incredible people, some incredible Hoosiers. I want to
give a special shout out to michaela, Lexei Sydney and Jayden.
They came up to me, fans of the Almost Famous
podcast since the beginning, and they come up to me
they're like, Ben, we really love you, we love the podcast.
I was like, thank you, it's so nice of you,
and they say, but we really love Ashley. It's like
really love Ashley, like obsessed with Ashley. And I said, okay,
(01:09):
that's great. Ashley needs to hear this, I do. She
needs to hear that she is so loved and that
people are coming up to me telling her how awesome
she is. So we FaceTime Ashley Ashley answers. It was
like eleven o'clock on a Saturday and Dawson was in bed.
Ben was calling me. I was like, what could this be?
You know, call from Ben? It's always something he's not
calling the chat, which is totally fine, Like we don't.
(01:31):
I just never call people in chat. And Ben doesn't
call me a chat either, which is I like, I
like that yeah voices, Yeah, yeah, you know he would
chatting the podcast. Yeah. So this girl came on the
line and she was like screaming and telling me how
much she's like loving me from the beginning, particularly in
the Badlands. And I'm like, this girl's in college. That
(01:53):
means like pretty much she's twenty two or below. Yeah,
And I'm like, are you twelve during that episode? Close
to it? Probably? But that really did make my day. No,
and they loved you. The enthusiasm was unmatched and it's nice.
I love fangirls, you know, because I am a fan girl,
so it just makes me feel really cool. Well, and
(02:15):
just the fact that they've listened to the podcast, you know,
we it's a podcast as a unique medium where there
is a lot of separation between us and people listening.
We don't get a lot of contact with the listeners
because we sit on a microphone. It's not like we're
doing a live show or we're on stage or whatever.
And so anytime you get listeners coming up and saying
I listened to your show, I love your show, it's
(02:37):
really meaningful because we put a lot of time into
the show, and as a co host of yours, it's
incredible for me to hear you like them come and
say I love Ashley Like well, people come up and
tell me about you being that favorite bachelor all the
time as well. Yeah, but they're not saying I love
him as a person, like he was just a good bachelor. Oh,
you know, they're talking about him as a person. He
(02:59):
was decent on tv UM. But it was awesome, so
special special set out to the four of them and
all the others at Indiana University. UM. It was a
really special weekend. We had a great time, got a
tour of the facilities. My buddy Brandon, Um, who is
somebody I talked about a lot who has als. You
can follow him at Condy cause in his story he's
(03:19):
a massive EU fan, so he was able to get
the tour with his wife. Is that where you met who? Brandon?
I know we're in high school, same high school. But
we went back to Indiana all together, had a lot
of fun. Um again, we have a big weekend in
front of us thanks to Hundai. Uh. The Tucson is
an incredible vehicle, spacious. You love the heated seats. I
(03:42):
also loved the roof. It opens all the way. Yeah
that in the version that we have this week. Yeah,
that's a nice one. Um. So anyways, great weekend, great vehicle,
great times all together again. By the way, the heated
seats are in the back. Guys, they're back too. I
mean that's a luxury, come luxury. Yeah, we have our
first friend here for the weekend. It's Dean and Kaylyn.
We're gonna sit down with him together. Then Ashley, I'm
(04:04):
gonna talk to Bob and Clayton kind of a boy's chat,
catch up with them. And then you're gonna sit with
the girls and have a talk with all of them.
All right. Dean and Kaylyn are with us right now.
(04:24):
They are two of our favorite people in the world.
Dean is just always glowing, like he always looks like
he is like just a happy guy. His eyes always bright. Yeah,
our favorite golden retriever. Yeah. I ran ten miles this morning.
You guys, Dean, you look like you've been hit by
a truck. What's going on, buddy, Well, I wanted to
(04:49):
blame you for this. We were at the bar at
the hotel last night and you just kept making me
drink more drinks. This is a hangover. Rwasen right now. Yes,
I wasn't sure whether or not I was worried about
your dog. Is that how you remember? I was making drinks.
I woke up thinking I was the problem, but Rachel
texted me saying Ben Higgins is the problem. Goodness great.
(05:11):
Ben Higgins can be a little he can be a
bad influence. He seems like an angel. But it's great.
So I've got some reinforcements on my side. Oh oh,
feeling the story is not true. I think I met you, guys.
I think you were already there when I got there
last night, you had drinks already in front of you
before I even got to the hotel. No, this is correct. No,
(05:33):
so let's just blame me. It feels like the easy
out and I can take it. I can handle it. Uh.
I would say that the amount of tired you are
and um and how you're feeling is the sign that
you had a lot of fun yesterday, Klin. I know
you went to the spa. Yeah, I had a great
spa day, great girls day. And can I have another
(05:54):
great day? We're gonna go shopping. Just it's a lot
of girl time, which I love. I feel like we
don't get that a lot. We we're not like away
from our spouses and significant others. And it's so true. Yeah,
it was like when we went to Tahoe. We had
a great time. And you know sometimes I need like
the mommy break. You know, I don't think I need
it though in the moment, Well, yes I do, Yes,
I don't. Whatever. That's another topic. I'm more concerned about
Dean right now. He looks like he's going to just
(06:17):
I don't know what we should do with you. Well, um,
there's a couple of things to catch up with you
two about um her ring is on her finger. Actually,
I have a bone to pick with both of you guys.
Both of you guys didn't show up at our engagement.
Oh my god, they're doing it on air. I literally
just talking about it. I want to worry about it.
And she was like, it's all fine, Oh, it's a
(06:39):
podcast bit guys. Oh no, my wife went. And I
feel like when you get married, you're a unit. And
Jessica left love Yeah, okay, Ashley, what's your excuse? Well,
we already told you about we have a child and
it would have been a long three plus days without Yeah,
I get it. Next more important, I know it was
(07:00):
a certain it was a certain thing, you know, the
thing you know. I'm totally kidding. It's actually really nice
for us because it frees up some spots at the wedding. Now,
Jessica did go to your engagement party. She said it
was spectacular. She got to meet a couple of your friends. Um,
she's really happy that she made it out. So you
(07:22):
did have your engagement party? Yeah, um, and she is
wearing her engagement ring. So how did you find it?
Not the one? This is not the one you said,
it's a what moist most fake one, but guess what
they look real and can't tell. I am all down
for these Moistonites. Let me ask you why that I
spent so much money on a real one on you
can just get a fake that was the thing before
(07:44):
the other one. I didn't know this was the thing
until like two months ago, and now I've been seeing
them everywhere and I'm like, oh, I would have totally
rather say bigger and less money. I mean, not that
we had to pay for mine, but you know the question,
thank you? Yeah, yeah, that's special ashes, But real quick
before he gets upset, he got a truck out of this,
so you're okay, I got a great truck. Yeah yeah, okay. Anyways,
(08:07):
so are you done looking for the other ring? Have
we given up? Hope? There's one more spot. I think
it might be. Yeah, it might be in the filter
of the laundry machine. You know, there's like a catchall
on the laundry machine. I think it might be in
there cleaner that you haven't cleaned out recently. I haven't
touched it since it was into the house. I just
found out we were like under it, but like not
the actual point that all the time, like the vent
(08:28):
underneath you think it might be in there? Yeah, okay, okay,
but what leads you to that believe? Um? Just I
think it might have been like one of my pockets
or something and Kyl want to wash it or you
don't remember taking it out of the drawer and then
putting into a pocket and then losing it. No, why
would you put it in your pocket that day? I
was gonna go get it mounted because it was just
the jam, right, And yeah, we just to clarify again,
(08:48):
we've been missing the stone, not the actual setting, right,
which is obviously the most expensive part. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but that's okay, It's okay, it'll turn up. Hey, Kaylin,
why don't you stay around and we'll bring with show
and Rachel and we'll just do a little girl chat. Great.
I love the girl time girls chat, just like the
just the show. Do you guys are get your mics?
(09:10):
Do you guys remember when you first heard what a
girl chat was. You're like, what's that? And then you're like, oh,
it's traumatized. You reveal yourself, reveal your feelings about the
same man to each other. Okay, So I actually so
because I came in late rite so like you know
that learning that all the girls go through together after
the first night and you kind of like figure out
what reality TV looks like behind the scenes. Yeah, I
(09:32):
came in, They're like, we all need to go for
girl chat, and I remember being like, what the hell
is that? I must have been sucking for you. You
weren't able to like learn together? Best guys are so beautiful?
I was like, why would we do that? I always
thought when I watched it that those were like organic
conversations that people just had with each other. Yeah, absolutely not,
(09:54):
absolutely not. Did you talk to your girlfriend zone in
the house about that stuff in a non orchestrated ways?
I did, because I was really close with Cassie, and
I would be like, I think I like him. She's
like I think I like him, and you know, yeah,
but then we can't say that on camera. We're like,
I definitely like him, you know, yeah, what about you guys?
(10:14):
I yes, definitely, once we got used to it, and
there are times where we'd sit down on a girl
chat and you'd actually have reflections that you would go
through sometimes, but they definitely happen more organically off the
camera or like off the couches. Let me just say,
off the couches. Yeah, and then you're whispering and you're
being really honest. But I think I only whispered good things.
(10:39):
I don't reell. You know. What I talked about with
my girls was just the other girls. I don't think
I talked about Chris Souls so much. Did you guys
talk more gossip or like actually about your lead? Oh? God,
like off the you know, I have two Batchelrettes here,
so I mean when you were part of the Bachelor,
I feel like for mine, I would always talk about
(11:00):
how I like felt more like obviously there's gossip, like
you're always talking about everything. But I was super invested,
and I feel like I was talking to women who
were also super invested. And it was so weird because
I remember feeling like we were talking about different people.
It was always like, you know, you're talking about the
same person, but you're so delusional at that point in
that journey that you're like, it doesn't feel good stuff.
(11:26):
Thanks for letting us know that I am delusional though. No,
But I think that's the only way that you can
like be friends with you know, as close as you
are with the girls, you have to be like you're
dating someone else. You just have to like put that
in your mind, you know. Well, especially with you and
Cassie being you know first and then fourth, you guys
must have like really been in a weird spot because
you knew he was taking you both so seriously. And
(11:48):
then I guess Rachel you too, Yeah, like with your
three girls, Yeah, yeah, we would always all talk. I
don't know, It's just I don't know, I just so
different way. So it's not no, it's I'm not okay,
I'm not cringing at It's it's just I had such
(12:11):
an abnormal experience as you came in late, because honestly, okay,
so to kind of paint a quick picture, right, you
come in late, this's gonna natural barrier, barrier right off
the bat. I come in late, I get the one
on one okay, so right away, Yet that target right
instantly instilled as I'm seen as this like B squad
(12:32):
of a group that really was supposed to be a
part of the A squad. We were there since night one.
Lee just was very overwhelmed, and so it had that
natural barrier. I was so close with Ryan Clay to
her who I came in with, but then she was
sent home a few weeks later. Eventually down the road,
I did. I became close with Briefe Springs, but then
remember our season finale, it was all about this race scandal.
(12:55):
So it's like the people that you become close with.
It was just a really weird situation where there's all
these intense barriers that I'm close with them now. But
as far as like opening up during the entire season,
I really really was guarded because I I've felt that
(13:16):
target from night one and it really didn't let up.
The only time it let up is when shit hit
the fan and Matt found out that people were saying
some really nasty things across the board about everybody, and
that's when people kind of like reeled it in quite
a bit. But it's so funny because it's like the
camaraderie and that people talk about, I, guy, you didn't have,
(13:37):
it wasn't there. It wasn't there, and the people who
really did. And it was there with Ryan, it was
there with Briefe Springs, but it was very much turned
into like a nasty girl fight kind of concept, and
then moving forward, once it was checked, then it was
all about race and screen time and all these like
major major issues, diversity issues that as it was, you know,
(14:00):
we bonded, but we bonded over different things than the
typical season. That's well, like sad about that when you
hear other people's stories. Um, honest, I can't change it.
So no, I have to accept what it is like
you're you're given the cards that you're given, and so
I can sit here and feel upset and yeah, I
get salty about not being able to travel the world.
(14:21):
But but other than that, that's the one thing, that's
the one thing that I will joke about I'm salty about,
but really essentially like I can't change any of it.
So if I sit here and feel bad and sorry
for myself, it's like I'm only hurting myself. I'm wasting
my energy. Nothing I could do. Really, like you just
kind of handle it as you go. I forgot, But
it's just weird. I mean, Chris was, Yeah, Chris was
(14:43):
that whole thing with Chris and Lindsay or Chris sorry,
Chris and Rachel Lindsay that all took place like my yeah,
I'm talking about your atte You were a bubble season.
I was a bubble season. I was the one person
me and Katie Thurston, which okay, but where you know,
(15:03):
oh give us you know where the two people who
didn't travel Staa travel as a contestant Formicolon in Minnesota
and Mexico. Baby redo for Michelle, I'm calling you, no,
I'll travel, Michelle. I'm so why am I drawing a blank?
(15:25):
Where did they take your season? Place? Your own season?
I was in Palm Springs was one hundred and ten degree.
It was the craziest shit I've ever felt in my
life out there. I was out there for tatious statious
for like five days. I've never felt anything like that before.
In the summer in August. Oh my yeah. And then
they brought me back to Minnesota. Oh that's right, that's it. Said.
(15:47):
Mexico is where I got engaged. Yeah, but you had
a couple of spots, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mexico. Did you
go to Salalia? You went to like where Paradix and
I love this. I'm not bitter. I'm not bitter. It's
just like it is okay for me to acknowledge that
it's unfortunate, you know, because it's like, shit, I didn't
come up with a relationship. No, it's not. I don't
want to use it's like I laugh about it. Rachel
(16:10):
and I laugh about it. No relationships, no stamps in
the passport, like, hey, I'm seeing myself. I did try,
but I was on a boat and I didn't really
get to get off that book. That cruise looked awesome
because I'm a huge cruiser, but like, oh really, it
(16:30):
wouldn't have been cool. I don't think it would have
been cool for your first one. See. I think of
cruises where I would be like in my early twenties
and have cruise boyfriends for a week, and I like
pretend to be Jock and Rose. Basically we would just
run rampid and like it would be like such a
worldwood romance. And just knowing that it was going to
end at the end of the week kind of like
made it even more romantic. But you you thought it
(16:51):
would last. But then they never text after and hopefully
you both make it out alive exactly watch the sun
rise as we pull into final ports and you make
promises about facetiming each other. Oh my god. Then you
realize that they have a girlfriend back at home. Well,
that also happens on the show too, So that's so true. Okay,
(17:14):
but like what was that experience like being on the
ship did you like? Yeah? Was it just didn't feel
like if you're about a hotel. Um. It was just
different because like we did get to travel on Clayton's season,
so we would go to these amazing places and have
rose ceremonies in these historical buildings by the water, and
for being in the boat, which it was amazing. It
was awesome that we didn't have to go through the airport,
(17:35):
but we didn't really get to see as much because
we're so far away from these cities, so we really,
I feel like, only got to explore Paris because we
did stay in Paris, but then we got on the
boat there and then it was kind of more centralized
on the Virgin Voyages. Valiant lady, listen, guys, you both
have like made me think this and I'm dying to
(17:57):
have an answer. Why am I? Why am I scared?
Right now? I'm like I was scared. We're joking now
about how you guys ended up with no one and
you didn't travel enough and all that. Do you look
back at your cast and ever wonder what if with
someone come on please, yes, okay, yeah, absolutely for me?
(18:23):
Hell no, now am I going back to you? Tell me?
Who am I going back to pull up the rasta?
Who am I going back to? Okay? I'm sorry you
are you now that you weren't down for you were
upset with the cast? I? No, I wasn't. No, I
truly I wasn't upset with the cast. I had a
lot of wonderful guys on my season. I truly truly did.
But I figure out. I definitely figure out whether someone
(18:48):
is my person or not so quickly, or whether they're
if they're just not flat out not my person. You know,
you can go on a first date with somebody and
you instutely know in the first ten minutes sitting down. Yeah, right,
Like by the time I got to the end of it,
I knew the relationship I wanted to pursue. And all
the other ones. It's like all doors are closed on
those ones. It's not like I would go backed Like,
(19:10):
how did you pretend? No, it took me a minute.
It did take me a minute to figure I didn't
pretend necessarily, but I it took me. I kept everything open.
But like when I shut the door, like when I
really did accept that proposal from Nate. All other doors
were closed, and I'm not at a I don't ever
see any of the other door was opening. I guess
what I'm saying. Okay, but I had a No, I
(19:31):
had an awesome, awesome nice guys and everything like that.
But yeah, no, I get it, like you could tell
immediately like no, no, yeah, yeah immediately, but like you're good. Yeah,
once the door was closed, door was torn. I was
very torn, and it was like a very hard like
(19:52):
I mean, it's a hard decision for everyone, but I
remember looking back like there were so many different avenues
in different lifes that you could have with each person.
And obviously you look back and you think that, but
I also think it might be different because like you
and Nate obviously did have a relationship after the show,
My relationship was over very quickly before my show was
even over, So of course you're watching these relationships back
(20:14):
and thinking like what would my life be with each
you know, different person because I really did have some great,
amazing men of my season two so obviously don't regret anything.
But what happened was even after you guys had that
moment on after the final Rose I know everyone always
asked that we just were friends, and it really was
coming from a place I think of him just wanting
to be there and support me and will always support
(20:38):
each other. But I mean, as far as relationships go,
I think this show is already starting off on pretty
rocky ground. So to start off already kind of on
the foot you're on, I think will always just be friends.
So did you have hopes at all that you would
be more in that moment or did you kind of
know as a stage moment. I don't think it was
(21:00):
a stage moment, Like I mean, I think a lot
of people want to say that, and I don't know.
I think it was him just wanting to be there
and support me, and honestly, like I would have, like
I always said, I would have ran off that stage
with Jesse Palmer, with anyone I really wanted to get
off that stage. It was just a probably hard moment.
So to have him there it was it was really
really nice. Did you feel any guilt in that moment
(21:21):
for Tina, because I feel like a lot of us
out there just maybe not guilt. Did you like have
empathy for him in that moment because I think a
lot of us just didn't like the way, not you,
but the show handled that. Yes, I think all around
it was what I just want to believe is a miscommunication.
But like what I've always said is I had absolutely
(21:41):
no idea that even was even there, because that was
a week after I spoke to him. All I knew
that day was that I was talking to Tino and
I was getting off the stage. The way they went
about it, I don't think was right. I don't think
anyone should ever be in a position where they exactly
and I think coming off of that, a lot of
people put that blame on An and me, and it
was it would I don't know who you could blame
(22:04):
at the end of the day, but it was no
one's intent to ever make him feel like that. And
I know even now, even Antino, I've seen that they're
they're friends again. So I think there's no bad bud
hopefully across the board. Yeah, I don't even think Tino
thought that way. I think that a lot of the
viewers also have enough blinders off to know that that
was like a production move and not anything on your
(22:24):
part or even well, you would be surprised, but I know, yeah,
it was like they really thought me and even just
had this plan. I didn't even know he was there
and just saw him out of the corner of my
eye and I was just like whoa, Like what is happening.
Everyone was just really shocked. So yeah, all right, well, girls,
Ben is going to take over with the guys and
(22:44):
they're going to talk about some serious stuff. One of
my favorite things that we ever get to do is
get together in person, and we're doing it right now
and Carmo by the Sea. Thanks to Hyunday, I got
(23:07):
Bob Guinney, I got Clayton with me here. We played
a little golf yesterday. We take the Hyundai Tucson plug
In Hybrid e V to the golf course. Yes, I mean, Bob,
I want to talk to you first, and I want
to talk to you about Clayton. Okay, Okay, let's not
just right next to you. So, uh, this is the
first time I've ever been with Clayton in person. We
(23:28):
did take the car to the golf course. Um, Clayton
is a massive human, a big man, and I mean
did that vehicle give him enough space? So here's what's
really interesting. Clayton and I are in the back seat
together we're both tall. I'm six three. I want to
say you're about six six. I gotta be honest, now, yeah, yeah,
(23:49):
it's a little bit of so with the hair left. Yes, yes,
I swear we both had tons of legroom. And by
the way, all of our clubs were in the back.
The trunk space was unbelievable. Yeah, and outside of the
VA cool, which was an incredible experience when we got there. Clayton,
your golf swing okay, yeah, beautiful. We were watching you
on the range. You've got muscles in your back. I
think Bob might have them. No, I do not. I've
(24:11):
never seen those Bob. Bob does have, but bottles. He
has all a ton of charisma. It's just a beautiful thing.
And he brought the muscles out like I was flexing
extra hard just to I did see you kind of yeah,
because I'm like, I gotta matsu up to this guy somehow.
But your muscles in your back, Clayton, I believe are
restrictive for the golf swing. In fact, I like to
stay limber, loose and have, you know, lack of muscles.
(24:32):
That's how so that yeah, so that we can really
get that club back with full full extension. Yeah, I
would actually say your muscles are restricting you from getting
that golf club. Yeah, okay, what kind of interview is this?
I want to say this to Clayton showed up here.
I mean, it's fifty four degrees yesterday, not what you
would expect in California, comes out to play golf. He's
got on okay shorts and a short sleeve shirt. Yes.
(24:54):
I loaned him some of my apparel because yeah, yeah, yeah,
my stuff has never looked some good. Honestly, God, I
was like, I almost didn't even want to take it
back because Clayton's like, here you go here, it is bad.
I'm like, no, I don't think I should wear that
anymore because you've now been seeing in it, and clearly
I don't make it look like that, Like the arms
on me when I put that that jacket on it, Yeah,
it looks like there's tons of room. Yeah, you save
(25:16):
that story. You say that. I really thought you're gonna
say it was my lack of judgment coming out here
with no. Oh, not at all. I mean you just
saw your going to California. I hear. You didn't realize
that California is pretty much north to south when it
comes to the west side of the United States. But
we're pretty north. Yeah, and I listened. I was when
I was coming to San Francisco. Not even close. Yeah,
(25:36):
So man from the Midwest, I'm just gonna go ahead
and claim that. You know, it's twenty years of my
life in Missouri. Now I'm getting shown new things, wearing
Bob's sweaters. It's a beautiful day. Yeah, we will never
look the same, Clayton Um. You know, obviously you are
a very recent Bachelor. We can't call you the current
Bachelor any longer because Zack's season has started to air.
(25:58):
Over the last year of being the Obviously, you have
Bob here, who is a good mentor a good friend
to many who have been leads, including myself. But you probably,
I'm assuming, haven't been able to be around a lot
of other Bachelor people in the last year, maybe especially
for a whole weekend like this. Now I haven't. I haven't.
(26:19):
Like now I'm starting to get kind of hooked into
all these different groups of individuals that I mean, I
kind of have a little fallout because I hear a
lot of stories happening and I'm like, oh, what is that?
And You're like, no, you'll you'll pick it up eventually,
you know. So yeah, it's like, yeah, I'm the rookie, right,
I'm the new guy. No, no real hazing besides not
yet at least I guess I still haven't no twenty
four hours. I think what's interesting about Clayton you and
(26:40):
I mean this isn't a complimentary way. You have no
ego about things, which I think if I if I
had some of your experiences. I mean, you played in
the NFL. You you know, you've done a lot of
I'd probably have a lot more. I might be more
standoffish to people than you are. You are, so you're like,
I've never really played golf, but here we go and
crushed it. He has some moments yesterday when we did
the scram format that we actually use his shot and
(27:02):
the guys played three times in his life. Yeah, it's
a really good athlete. No, I would agree that you've
been around longer than I have, but you know, at
this point, I've been around a while in this world too.
Ego is it feels like a familiar characteristic of a
lot of people that come off the show big egos,
a little bit standoffish, expect to be given things, right,
(27:24):
Clayton hasn't shown that at all. Very gracious. So for you, Clayton,
how has it been now being around I mean, Rachel's here.
Obviously you did know Rachel, but a lot of people
you haven't been around here with in person or probably
ever met. How has it been being around these other
contestants just hanging out having fun. There's no there's nothing
that you need to do here other than enjoy yourself. Yeah, well,
(27:46):
I think this is something that we all can attest to.
And often you see people on TV and I had
seen a lot of you guys on TV prior or
heard of you, and maybe I saw an hour or
two of who I thought you were, and coming out
here it shows me, I want to say, a completely
different picture. But there's just so much more to us, right.
We're multi faceted individuals and it's been really cool and
(28:09):
everything that I thought maybe people might have been has
been challenged when I sit down with them. There's a
lot of great individuals that are kind hearted, have sacrificed
to ego. I think we all have had in situations
where we've come to that place where yeah, people put
us up on pedestals, and then we realize that, you know,
sometimes when you're on a large stage like these, insecurities,
(28:32):
weaknesses can come out and you learn a lot about yourself.
And I feel that everybody I've met here has kind
of went through that journey where they've struggled, then they
found theirselves, and now they're in this place where they're
just very confident in their own abilities. And it's really
refreshing to see that. As the new guy that's just
on the other side of it, I see that, you know,
years ahead, and I go, okay, like it's gonna be okay,
I'm gonna I'm gonna be fined. These individuals have found
(28:54):
their way and I will too. So it's been really
cool to see that. Yeah, Bob and I can do it.
You can do it too. Oh yeah, you know, Bob.
We had a great conversation on the way to golf
course yesterday. I'd love for you to speak to it.
We talk about a lot within the Bachelor world, and
I think weekends like this have always been healthy for
me because you'd get to humanize and see people for
(29:15):
who they are and maybe what they're about, and maybe
not what you've heard or what you've maybe seen on
social media, but with this world, or with even going
to high school today, in middle school today, comparison is
such a prevalent thing. Right, You're comparing yourself to everybody else,
and if you're any type of critic, you're going to
be your harshest critic and you're going to compare yourself
and say, they're doing so much greater things than I
(29:36):
ever will do or have done. We talked about in
the way to the course yesterday because everybody in that car, yeah, yourself, myself, Clayton, Blake,
Dean Wells have all felt this way before. Right. He
has a great advice. So you know when you look
at somebody like Clayton who's just new to this, what
would you tell somebody like him who's comparing himself to
all these people? Yeah? Well, I think the biggest thing
(29:59):
the way to talked about too, is that you know,
social media is everybody's best part of their day, right,
Like you don't ever genuinely see people posting things like man,
I'm having a rough time today, Right, They're always like
this happened, and it's always the highlight reel of what
they're doing. And sometimes the perception of what comes with
that highlight reel can make you feel inferior, you know.
(30:20):
And we were talking about it yesterday. We're like, you know,
it's not what you think. It's not what you've heard.
It's not the stories that you've heard about this person
and this person doing this and this and this. Not
exactly how it went. But you know, it takes a
lot more energy to go around and try and correct everybody.
So you just let the positive stuff flow and you know,
hope for the best. But it's really about being being
comfortable with yourself, staying focused on what which you are
(30:41):
already doing, by the way, focusing on something that you
know makes you special and different, you know, with with
your talk about mental health and your passion for that,
and your passion for your fitness, and building your fan
base and your following based off of those things, and
you know, creating your own niche and then just really
growing within that, and you know, I think you're going
to do great with it. I mean, we talked about
it yes today, and we've all kind of got things
(31:01):
that make us a little bit different. The common threat
of course being the Bachelor, right, which gave us a
platform and gave us an opportunity to talk about stuff.
But the stuff you're passionate about is going to be
different than some of the things that I might be
passionate about, or Dean or whatever. But you know, the
way you talk about it, the way you embrace it,
in the way that you take the community that you've
sort of been placed into. Now it's on you, right,
and whatever you do with it as your own. And
(31:23):
I think I mean, from what we talked about yesterday,
everyone in that car, I was very impressed with. None
of us were, you know, keeping up with the Jones
type mentalities. We're all I'm like, no, find your own place,
grow and you know you'll you'll get there. You know,
just whatever you want to do, and you got a voice,
use it, you know, yeah, and you're doing it. Yeah.
And I think it was really refreshing to have everyone
just kind of shoot straight, because I think when you
(31:45):
try to keep up with the Jones, then like that
individual walks out of that or leaves that car and
they think, okay, here we go. Like now I just
heard all this new information and now I'm going to
analyze it. And social media has been interesting. I just
want to share my story because I kind of I
want to show individuals from one side to the other.
You know, prior to the show, I had thousand followers
or whatever to get maybe twenty likes on a post,
and if I got to eighty, I was like, oh,
(32:05):
that's really cool. Now it's like I started to post
mental health stuff. It wasn't getting the same response as
when I was posting with my now X, and I thought,
no one wants to see this, And I was upset
because I went from getting sixty thousand likes down to
the three thousand. And it's all about perspective, though, And
that's what I think you guys have instilled in me,
and I've started to realize is you know, if you
get three thousand likes on a mental health post, that's
three thousand individuals lives that you're impacting, plus whoever else
(32:28):
just saw it didn't click like And so it's just
been about reframing and shifting that narrative. And unfortunately for
a lot of us, compared to culture is rampant. We
can see people across the world now. Used to be
you could just see people in your own town. Now
it's like over the entire world. And so every day
you click online and you go down this rabbit hole,
and the algorithm knows how to show you similar things.
(32:48):
So you click, one person shows you ten more, and
you end up finding yourself not being happy because you're like,
I want to look like that. So it's it's been
an experience. But I think talking about it helps us
understand that, like, we're not alone, and you guys have
went through this to some capacity, and and and much
of you guys to a greater capacity with them out
of followers, and so I think it's just the more
(33:08):
we talk about it, the more we're able to make
sense of it. And then it's just you don't feel
like you're the only one going through it. It's a
weird switch. I was given some really great advice a
few years ago, because you're right. You know, when you
come off the show, you are very popular. Your social
media is blowing up. You know, you get to invited
(33:29):
to a lot of appearances, and then when that starts
to fade away, you start to maybe at that point,
like you are focused on things that you really care about. Okay,
what do I want to do with this platform that's
been handed to me for no reason other than the
fact that I went on a dating show. I have
this amazing gift. Now what am I going to do
with it? And everybody who's done it, well, I think
chooses a lane, like Bob was saying, you know, that
(33:50):
might not be the most popular lane, that might not
be the lane that's going to get you on television
or get you paid the most, but it's a lane.
So you choose your lane, and that lane's typically a
little more niche, and the likes and the fall words
aren't growing at the same rate. They maybe one step.
And I was struggling with that. I was having really
hard time with it because I was feeling like what
I cared about nobody else cared about. And they only
(34:11):
cared about me because of my time on the show
and because of my ability to date poorly. And and
somebody sat me down, a mentor from the show, and
they said, I hear all this, and it's true. Not
as many people are interested in liking your picture or
inviting you this because of these niche you've chosen. But Ben,
(34:34):
why are you doing it? I said, Well, because I
care about people. I want to sell coffee and give
it back because I really love people, and I love
being a part of their stories. And I think in
forty years from now, what I want to tell my
grandkids is not that I was on a dating show.
It's that I was involved in this story and this project.
And he said, Okay, Ben, you care about people. If
one person, if one person in his life is better
(34:56):
because of the work that you did, if one of
those likes is one human that says I hear Ben,
I see been and now I feel less alone. It's
all been worth it. That's how valuable that platform is.
And so for you, Clayton, you're doing this because you
care about the mental health of others and yourself and
the physical fitness of others and yourself. And if one
person on there likes that picture because their life has
been better because of the story you told, it's all
(35:17):
worth it. Yeah. That's the biggest amount of fame you
could ever get, that you change somebody's life in a
positive way. Yeah, and yeah, and I'm seeing that. I
think it's just it's just being able to well ultimately
find that self love and that self belief that that
I don't doesn't matter how many followers I have. It's
just because I have a fraction of the followers of
somebody else doesn't mean that my message is less important.
(35:39):
It can be even more. It can be just as impactful.
And we're in different categories, and I don't have to
be this individual, and I would post it first for
what I thought people wanted. I didn't have that satisfaction
when I started posting what I enjoyed and what I
thought would be helpful, and I got those one or
two messages. That's what kept me moving. So but it's
just yeah, I mean, I think you have to set
those parameters in place where if if you feel that
(36:01):
looking at a certain account as negative, then okay, maybe
I can block this. I mean, we have the ability
to like hide certain people's profiles, but be more mindful
of what it is you're in taking because what's coming
across our screens every day is impacting us, whether we're
you know, consiously aware of it or not. So I've
had to take measures where I said, okay, hey, like
limit the screen time, don't look at certain accounts. You're
not that person, but you don't need to be that person.
(36:23):
You're never going to be that person. You should just
stay in your own lane and be yourself. But that
you know that just takes time. I think it's it's
you go. You put yourself in a foreign environment and
you're just trying to figure out first how this game's played,
Like how how does I didn't know anything about social
media I got I got an Instagram just because all
my friends finally got off Facebook. So I'm like, Okay,
I guess I'm like one of the last ones here.
I need to like snoop. Now I got to create
(36:44):
an account on Instagram. So I created that and that
was all I knew, and then all a sudden, all
these analytics came with it, and You're just like, what
is this? And it's a beast. Well, I would guess too.
I mean, being so fresh off the show, you're you're
probably still very sensitive to critique, and you know, things
people say who have no clue who you are, you know,
(37:06):
And I think I said it yesterday and I don't
know if I said it in in front of them, but
I was like I was one time told and I
mean it was the best advice I ever got about
that stuff because I was late to social media. It
wasn't even around when I was the Bachelor, of course,
but it was like, um, someone basically said to me,
you know, you're living your life and everyone else is
going to comment on you living your life, right, So
(37:26):
what does that say? You know? It says that they're
paying attention to how you're living your life, but they
don't know you, so they're something they don't like that
you do. Like maybe you you know, you found a
puppy today and you were you know, maybe maybe they're
cat people, so they think you suck because you like puppies,
you know. I mean, it can be that it's not
that far off, because people comment on everything. And I
will tell you, with time comes perspective, right, And obviously
(37:48):
I've got a lot of time in between the time
I was on the show and now, and I think
that you'll you'll find that, you know, because I think
we talked about this too. I'd see like two twenty
nice things. I wouldn't even it would go in one
he or not the other. I'd see one negative thing
and it would stick with me for days and it
would literally drive me crazy, like a like a like
a thorn in my shoe or something I'd like, oh
(38:08):
my god, you know, a fello my shoe. And you'll
get to the point as you grow further away from
the show where it won't bother you as much, because
I don't know if it's if it means we're and
desensitized to it or why Yeah, I mean that's you're right.
I don't want to say you become callous because I
think callous means hard hearted, and I don't think that's
a place you want to get. But there's a period
where your probably feel that way, but you just get perspective.
(38:30):
You start understanding your own intentions more like why did
I care about this thing? Well? I want to bring
in somebody now who is also a part of the
Bachelor world, my wonderful co host, Ashley Um. We've had
a great little guy's talk here with Clayton and Bob.
Ashley is joining us. Um and Ashley, I mean, you know,
(38:55):
we want a little time down here with the boys.
We want to bring Ashley in now, Um, because this
is a weekend thanks to Hunday with the Almost Famous podcast,
we've had an incredible weekend, the guys and the girls
spending time together. Ashley. We're just talking about mental health
and criticism and I want to bring you in, but
I also before I do want to ask Clayton, you know,
(39:16):
when did this become the pursuit that you wanted to have.
I mean, I'm really interested because we saw you as
the bachelor. You obviously went through a public breakup that's
not fun, not ideal, but everybody in the streams had one. Yeah,
you're not alone there. So when did it hit for
you that this next lane, this lane was the one
that you're going to jump into and really focus on. Yeah.
(39:40):
So for me, I've I've been pretty open talking about
my struggles offline. I started doing that in college, talking
about body dysmorphia to my friends and we were just
having these these mature conversations and I felt very comfortable
doing so. And so when I went on this show,
I was open to the women about it was well received.
And then when everything happened in the ending occurred and
(40:03):
I was in a really bad spot, I at first
was very defensive any criticism that came my way, even
if it was constructive, I wasn't willing to listen. And
I was just thinking, like, as we were meeting in person,
I'm like, remember the last conversation we had. It was
tense for me because I was on the defense and
I heard gaslighting and that term just like I was like,
(40:24):
worst connotation, yeah, and I'll never forget. As as I
was thinking about, Okay, we're gonna be, you know, having
this talk again, and I realized I just wasn't in
a position to be able to set my ego aside.
I was so defensive and I just wanted to raid
myself of any negative commentary, and so I was in
defense mode. But because I was defending myself, I wasn't
(40:46):
allowing myself to accept impact for what I had done.
And I started kind of going through after the show
where I was just becoming really reflective, and I said, Okay,
maybe there is some constructiveness amongst the criticism that I
can take and find my insecurities and weaknesses. Because people
are saying things about me, not all of them have
to be true, but maybe there are some things that are.
(41:07):
And I found out that yeah, like a lot of
my insecurities were rooted on being a people pleaser since
being a kid when I was bullied and I'd buy
dysmorphia and I was trying to please individuals. I didn't
like the way I looked physically, so I was like,
if I don't like the way I look, why would
people like me for who I am? So I attacked
my physicalness and then I started to attack the emotional
side of it. But there were things that I lacked
(41:27):
that were online that I saw and unknowingly I was doing.
I wasn't purposely trying to be malicious. I wasn't purposely
trying to hurt people, but I did. And so as
I became started to accept all of this, I found
this sense of peace swash over me. And I wasn't
looking at first. I was waiting for people to apologize
for me instead of just forgiving myself for what I
had done. And I started to feel this growth and
(41:48):
this just like anger be released. I'm like, I no
longer have to wait for someone to apologize. I will
forgive myself for that interaction. And it just started bringing
this happiness to me. And so I thought, well, Okay,
I can just share my journey as I'm going through
it with others, and if they see how I was
able to get out of this situation and I'm happier
after everything that I went through, than maybe others can
(42:10):
go Okay, if he can do that, I as well can. Similarly,
what you guys said earlier. That's great, and I just
I'm like, why not just share it, you know, document it,
show it to other people, and hopefully it'll get individuals
to have the conversation. Yeah, and that's what it's all about.
More people talk about it, the more they can relate.
I think the more that people, the less they feel alone,
the more connected they feel, and the more likely they're
(42:30):
able to better manage their mental health as they build
that support system. I think everybody's got insecurities too, right,
and sometimes when you're put in this situation, you don't
people don't think that you would have them right because
oh he's the best, you're guy, he did this or whatever.
So being that vulnerable, I think is a great thing
to do. Yeah. Well, we're excited about your pursuit. Be
(42:51):
encouraging you in your pursuit. Great things, You're up to
a lot of cool things ahead. Well, Clayton things. We're
sitting with us, Bob obviously part of the almost famous family. Um,
you're a great co host, great friend. Keep listening. I mean,
just two of my favorite bosses I've ever Yeah, we
just forced discipline and that's what makes us great. Um. Well,
(43:14):
with that, this has been the Almost Famous podcast I've
Been Been, I've Been Ashley. We'll talk to you very soon.
We have some great content coming your way, so hey,
keep downloading. Follow the Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous
podcasts on iHeartRadio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts
This is the Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with IHR Radio. This is a very special episode of
the Almost Famous podcast. We are in Karmo by the Sea.
We are here thanks to Hyunday, the Hunday Tucson Hybrid
plug in ev. There's an incredible vehicle that's been with
us all weekend through this journey, and Hunday has been
(00:22):
with us for a lot of this year as we've
had some great experiences. Ashley, I want to quickly say
and tell a little story, if that's okay. So this
weekend last week and I was in at Indiana University.
I brought Jessica to my alma mater for a basketball game.
Kill Royce is our college bar there. It's a very
popular bar. It was packed a lot of just interaction
(00:45):
with some incredible people, some incredible Hoosiers. I want to
give a special shout out to michaela, Lexei Sydney and Jayden.
They came up to me, fans of the Almost Famous
podcast since the beginning, and they come up to me
they're like, Ben, we really love you, we love the podcast.
I was like, thank you, it's so nice of you,
and they say, but we really love Ashley. It's like
really love Ashley, like obsessed with Ashley. And I said, okay,
(01:09):
that's great. Ashley needs to hear this, I do. She
needs to hear that she is so loved and that
people are coming up to me telling her how awesome
she is. So we FaceTime Ashley Ashley answers. It was
like eleven o'clock on a Saturday and Dawson was in bed.
Ben was calling me. I was like, what could this be?
You know, call from Ben? It's always something he's not
calling the chat, which is totally fine, Like we don't.
(01:31):
I just never call people in chat. And Ben doesn't
call me a chat either, which is I like, I
like that yeah voices, Yeah, yeah, you know he would
chatting the podcast. Yeah. So this girl came on the
line and she was like screaming and telling me how
much she's like loving me from the beginning, particularly in
the Badlands. And I'm like, this girl's in college. That
(01:53):
means like pretty much she's twenty two or below. Yeah,
And I'm like, are you twelve during that episode? Close
to it? Probably? But that really did make my day. No,
and they loved you. The enthusiasm was unmatched and it's nice.
I love fangirls, you know, because I am a fan girl,
so it just makes me feel really cool. Well, and
(02:15):
just the fact that they've listened to the podcast, you know,
we it's a podcast as a unique medium where there
is a lot of separation between us and people listening.
We don't get a lot of contact with the listeners
because we sit on a microphone. It's not like we're
doing a live show or we're on stage or whatever.
And so anytime you get listeners coming up and saying
I listened to your show, I love your show, it's
(02:37):
really meaningful because we put a lot of time into
the show, and as a co host of yours, it's
incredible for me to hear you like them come and
say I love Ashley Like well, people come up and
tell me about you being that favorite bachelor all the
time as well. Yeah, but they're not saying I love
him as a person, like he was just a good bachelor. Oh,
you know, they're talking about him as a person. He
(02:59):
was decent on tv UM. But it was awesome, so
special special set out to the four of them and
all the others at Indiana University. UM. It was a
really special weekend. We had a great time, got a
tour of the facilities. My buddy Brandon, Um, who is
somebody I talked about a lot who has als. You
can follow him at Condy cause in his story he's
(03:19):
a massive EU fan, so he was able to get
the tour with his wife. Is that where you met who? Brandon?
I know we're in high school, same high school. But
we went back to Indiana all together, had a lot
of fun. Um again, we have a big weekend in
front of us thanks to Hundai. Uh. The Tucson is
an incredible vehicle, spacious. You love the heated seats. I
(03:42):
also loved the roof. It opens all the way. Yeah
that in the version that we have this week. Yeah,
that's a nice one. Um. So anyways, great weekend, great vehicle,
great times all together again. By the way, the heated
seats are in the back. Guys, they're back too. I
mean that's a luxury, come luxury. Yeah, we have our
first friend here for the weekend. It's Dean and Kaylyn.
We're gonna sit down with him together. Then Ashley, I'm
(04:04):
gonna talk to Bob and Clayton kind of a boy's chat,
catch up with them. And then you're gonna sit with
the girls and have a talk with all of them.
All right. Dean and Kaylyn are with us right now.
(04:24):
They are two of our favorite people in the world.
Dean is just always glowing, like he always looks like
he is like just a happy guy. His eyes always bright. Yeah,
our favorite golden retriever. Yeah. I ran ten miles this morning.
You guys, Dean, you look like you've been hit by
a truck. What's going on, buddy, Well, I wanted to
(04:49):
blame you for this. We were at the bar at
the hotel last night and you just kept making me
drink more drinks. This is a hangover. Rwasen right now. Yes,
I wasn't sure whether or not I was worried about
your dog. Is that how you remember? I was making drinks.
I woke up thinking I was the problem, but Rachel
texted me saying Ben Higgins is the problem. Goodness great.
(05:11):
Ben Higgins can be a little he can be a
bad influence. He seems like an angel. But it's great.
So I've got some reinforcements on my side. Oh oh,
feeling the story is not true. I think I met you, guys.
I think you were already there when I got there
last night, you had drinks already in front of you
before I even got to the hotel. No, this is correct. No,
(05:33):
so let's just blame me. It feels like the easy
out and I can take it. I can handle it. Uh.
I would say that the amount of tired you are
and um and how you're feeling is the sign that
you had a lot of fun yesterday, Klin. I know
you went to the spa. Yeah, I had a great
spa day, great girls day. And can I have another
(05:54):
great day? We're gonna go shopping. Just it's a lot
of girl time, which I love. I feel like we
don't get that a lot. We we're not like away
from our spouses and significant others. And it's so true. Yeah,
it was like when we went to Tahoe. We had
a great time. And you know sometimes I need like
the mommy break. You know, I don't think I need
it though in the moment, Well, yes I do, Yes,
I don't. Whatever. That's another topic. I'm more concerned about
Dean right now. He looks like he's going to just
(06:17):
I don't know what we should do with you. Well, um,
there's a couple of things to catch up with you
two about um her ring is on her finger. Actually,
I have a bone to pick with both of you guys.
Both of you guys didn't show up at our engagement.
Oh my god, they're doing it on air. I literally
just talking about it. I want to worry about it.
And she was like, it's all fine, Oh, it's a
(06:39):
podcast bit guys. Oh no, my wife went. And I
feel like when you get married, you're a unit. And
Jessica left love Yeah, okay, Ashley, what's your excuse? Well,
we already told you about we have a child and
it would have been a long three plus days without Yeah,
I get it. Next more important, I know it was
(07:00):
a certain it was a certain thing, you know, the
thing you know. I'm totally kidding. It's actually really nice
for us because it frees up some spots at the wedding. Now,
Jessica did go to your engagement party. She said it
was spectacular. She got to meet a couple of your friends. Um,
she's really happy that she made it out. So you
(07:22):
did have your engagement party? Yeah, um, and she is
wearing her engagement ring. So how did you find it?
Not the one? This is not the one you said,
it's a what moist most fake one, but guess what
they look real and can't tell. I am all down
for these Moistonites. Let me ask you why that I
spent so much money on a real one on you
can just get a fake that was the thing before
(07:44):
the other one. I didn't know this was the thing
until like two months ago, and now I've been seeing
them everywhere and I'm like, oh, I would have totally
rather say bigger and less money. I mean, not that
we had to pay for mine, but you know the question,
thank you? Yeah, yeah, that's special ashes, But real quick
before he gets upset, he got a truck out of this,
so you're okay, I got a great truck. Yeah yeah, okay. Anyways,
(08:07):
so are you done looking for the other ring? Have
we given up? Hope? There's one more spot. I think
it might be. Yeah, it might be in the filter
of the laundry machine. You know, there's like a catchall
on the laundry machine. I think it might be in
there cleaner that you haven't cleaned out recently. I haven't
touched it since it was into the house. I just
found out we were like under it, but like not
the actual point that all the time, like the vent
(08:28):
underneath you think it might be in there? Yeah, okay, okay,
but what leads you to that believe? Um? Just I
think it might have been like one of my pockets
or something and Kyl want to wash it or you
don't remember taking it out of the drawer and then
putting into a pocket and then losing it. No, why
would you put it in your pocket that day? I
was gonna go get it mounted because it was just
the jam, right, And yeah, we just to clarify again,
(08:48):
we've been missing the stone, not the actual setting, right,
which is obviously the most expensive part. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but that's okay, It's okay, it'll turn up. Hey, Kaylin,
why don't you stay around and we'll bring with show
and Rachel and we'll just do a little girl chat. Great.
I love the girl time girls chat, just like the
just the show. Do you guys are get your mics?
(09:10):
Do you guys remember when you first heard what a
girl chat was. You're like, what's that? And then you're like, oh,
it's traumatized. You reveal yourself, reveal your feelings about the
same man to each other. Okay, So I actually so
because I came in late rite so like you know
that learning that all the girls go through together after
the first night and you kind of like figure out
what reality TV looks like behind the scenes. Yeah, I
(09:32):
came in, They're like, we all need to go for
girl chat, and I remember being like, what the hell
is that? I must have been sucking for you. You
weren't able to like learn together? Best guys are so beautiful?
I was like, why would we do that? I always
thought when I watched it that those were like organic
conversations that people just had with each other. Yeah, absolutely not,
(09:54):
absolutely not. Did you talk to your girlfriend zone in
the house about that stuff in a non orchestrated ways?
I did, because I was really close with Cassie, and
I would be like, I think I like him. She's
like I think I like him, and you know, yeah,
but then we can't say that on camera. We're like,
I definitely like him, you know, yeah, what about you guys?
(10:14):
I yes, definitely, once we got used to it, and
there are times where we'd sit down on a girl
chat and you'd actually have reflections that you would go
through sometimes, but they definitely happen more organically off the
camera or like off the couches. Let me just say,
off the couches. Yeah, and then you're whispering and you're
being really honest. But I think I only whispered good things.
(10:39):
I don't reell. You know. What I talked about with
my girls was just the other girls. I don't think
I talked about Chris Souls so much. Did you guys
talk more gossip or like actually about your lead? Oh? God,
like off the you know, I have two Batchelrettes here,
so I mean when you were part of the Bachelor,
I feel like for mine, I would always talk about
(11:00):
how I like felt more like obviously there's gossip, like
you're always talking about everything. But I was super invested,
and I feel like I was talking to women who
were also super invested. And it was so weird because
I remember feeling like we were talking about different people.
It was always like, you know, you're talking about the
same person, but you're so delusional at that point in
that journey that you're like, it doesn't feel good stuff.
(11:26):
Thanks for letting us know that I am delusional though. No,
But I think that's the only way that you can
like be friends with you know, as close as you
are with the girls, you have to be like you're
dating someone else. You just have to like put that
in your mind, you know. Well, especially with you and
Cassie being you know first and then fourth, you guys
must have like really been in a weird spot because
you knew he was taking you both so seriously. And
(11:48):
then I guess Rachel you too, Yeah, like with your
three girls, Yeah, yeah, we would always all talk. I
don't know, It's just I don't know, I just so
different way. So it's not no, it's I'm not okay,
I'm not cringing at It's it's just I had such
(12:11):
an abnormal experience as you came in late, because honestly, okay,
so to kind of paint a quick picture, right, you
come in late, this's gonna natural barrier, barrier right off
the bat. I come in late, I get the one
on one okay, so right away, Yet that target right
instantly instilled as I'm seen as this like B squad
(12:32):
of a group that really was supposed to be a
part of the A squad. We were there since night one.
Lee just was very overwhelmed, and so it had that
natural barrier. I was so close with Ryan Clay to
her who I came in with, but then she was
sent home a few weeks later. Eventually down the road,
I did. I became close with Briefe Springs, but then
remember our season finale, it was all about this race scandal.
(12:55):
So it's like the people that you become close with.
It was just a really weird situation where there's all
these intense barriers that I'm close with them now. But
as far as like opening up during the entire season,
I really really was guarded because I I've felt that
(13:16):
target from night one and it really didn't let up.
The only time it let up is when shit hit
the fan and Matt found out that people were saying
some really nasty things across the board about everybody, and
that's when people kind of like reeled it in quite
a bit. But it's so funny because it's like the
camaraderie and that people talk about, I, guy, you didn't have,
(13:37):
it wasn't there. It wasn't there, and the people who
really did. And it was there with Ryan, it was
there with Briefe Springs, but it was very much turned
into like a nasty girl fight kind of concept, and
then moving forward, once it was checked, then it was
all about race and screen time and all these like
major major issues, diversity issues that as it was, you know,
(14:00):
we bonded, but we bonded over different things than the
typical season. That's well, like sad about that when you
hear other people's stories. Um, honest, I can't change it.
So no, I have to accept what it is like
you're you're given the cards that you're given, and so
I can sit here and feel upset and yeah, I
get salty about not being able to travel the world.
(14:21):
But but other than that, that's the one thing, that's
the one thing that I will joke about I'm salty about,
but really essentially like I can't change any of it.
So if I sit here and feel bad and sorry
for myself, it's like I'm only hurting myself. I'm wasting
my energy. Nothing I could do. Really, like you just
kind of handle it as you go. I forgot, But
it's just weird. I mean, Chris was, Yeah, Chris was
(14:43):
that whole thing with Chris and Lindsay or Chris sorry,
Chris and Rachel Lindsay that all took place like my yeah,
I'm talking about your atte You were a bubble season.
I was a bubble season. I was the one person
me and Katie Thurston, which okay, but where you know,
(15:03):
oh give us you know where the two people who
didn't travel Staa travel as a contestant Formicolon in Minnesota
and Mexico. Baby redo for Michelle, I'm calling you, no,
I'll travel, Michelle. I'm so why am I drawing a blank?
(15:25):
Where did they take your season? Place? Your own season?
I was in Palm Springs was one hundred and ten degree.
It was the craziest shit I've ever felt in my
life out there. I was out there for tatious statious
for like five days. I've never felt anything like that before.
In the summer in August. Oh my yeah. And then
they brought me back to Minnesota. Oh that's right, that's it. Said.
(15:47):
Mexico is where I got engaged. Yeah, but you had
a couple of spots, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mexico. Did you
go to Salalia? You went to like where Paradix and
I love this. I'm not bitter. I'm not bitter. It's
just like it is okay for me to acknowledge that
it's unfortunate, you know, because it's like, shit, I didn't
come up with a relationship. No, it's not. I don't
want to use it's like I laugh about it. Rachel
(16:10):
and I laugh about it. No relationships, no stamps in
the passport, like, hey, I'm seeing myself. I did try,
but I was on a boat and I didn't really
get to get off that book. That cruise looked awesome
because I'm a huge cruiser, but like, oh really, it
(16:30):
wouldn't have been cool. I don't think it would have
been cool for your first one. See. I think of
cruises where I would be like in my early twenties
and have cruise boyfriends for a week, and I like
pretend to be Jock and Rose. Basically we would just
run rampid and like it would be like such a
worldwood romance. And just knowing that it was going to
end at the end of the week kind of like
made it even more romantic. But you you thought it
(16:51):
would last. But then they never text after and hopefully
you both make it out alive exactly watch the sun
rise as we pull into final ports and you make
promises about facetiming each other. Oh my god. Then you
realize that they have a girlfriend back at home. Well,
that also happens on the show too, So that's so true. Okay,
(17:14):
but like what was that experience like being on the
ship did you like? Yeah? Was it just didn't feel
like if you're about a hotel. Um. It was just
different because like we did get to travel on Clayton's season,
so we would go to these amazing places and have
rose ceremonies in these historical buildings by the water, and
for being in the boat, which it was amazing. It
was awesome that we didn't have to go through the airport,
(17:35):
but we didn't really get to see as much because
we're so far away from these cities, so we really,
I feel like, only got to explore Paris because we
did stay in Paris, but then we got on the
boat there and then it was kind of more centralized
on the Virgin Voyages. Valiant lady, listen, guys, you both
have like made me think this and I'm dying to
(17:57):
have an answer. Why am I? Why am I scared?
Right now? I'm like I was scared. We're joking now
about how you guys ended up with no one and
you didn't travel enough and all that. Do you look
back at your cast and ever wonder what if with
someone come on please, yes, okay, yeah, absolutely for me?
(18:23):
Hell no, now am I going back to you? Tell me?
Who am I going back to pull up the rasta?
Who am I going back to? Okay? I'm sorry you
are you now that you weren't down for you were
upset with the cast? I? No, I wasn't. No, I
truly I wasn't upset with the cast. I had a
lot of wonderful guys on my season. I truly truly did.
But I figure out. I definitely figure out whether someone
(18:48):
is my person or not so quickly, or whether they're
if they're just not flat out not my person. You know,
you can go on a first date with somebody and
you instutely know in the first ten minutes sitting down. Yeah, right,
Like by the time I got to the end of it,
I knew the relationship I wanted to pursue. And all
the other ones. It's like all doors are closed on
those ones. It's not like I would go backed Like,
(19:10):
how did you pretend? No, it took me a minute.
It did take me a minute to figure I didn't
pretend necessarily, but I it took me. I kept everything open.
But like when I shut the door, like when I
really did accept that proposal from Nate. All other doors
were closed, and I'm not at a I don't ever
see any of the other door was opening. I guess
what I'm saying. Okay, but I had a No, I
(19:31):
had an awesome, awesome nice guys and everything like that.
But yeah, no, I get it, like you could tell
immediately like no, no, yeah, yeah immediately, but like you're good. Yeah,
once the door was closed, door was torn. I was
very torn, and it was like a very hard like
(19:52):
I mean, it's a hard decision for everyone, but I
remember looking back like there were so many different avenues
in different lifes that you could have with each person.
And obviously you look back and you think that, but
I also think it might be different because like you
and Nate obviously did have a relationship after the show,
My relationship was over very quickly before my show was
even over, So of course you're watching these relationships back
(20:14):
and thinking like what would my life be with each
you know, different person because I really did have some great,
amazing men of my season two so obviously don't regret anything.
But what happened was even after you guys had that
moment on after the final Rose I know everyone always
asked that we just were friends, and it really was
coming from a place I think of him just wanting
to be there and support me and will always support
(20:38):
each other. But I mean, as far as relationships go,
I think this show is already starting off on pretty
rocky ground. So to start off already kind of on
the foot you're on, I think will always just be friends.
So did you have hopes at all that you would
be more in that moment or did you kind of
know as a stage moment. I don't think it was
(21:00):
a stage moment, Like I mean, I think a lot
of people want to say that, and I don't know.
I think it was him just wanting to be there
and support me, and honestly, like I would have, like
I always said, I would have ran off that stage
with Jesse Palmer, with anyone I really wanted to get
off that stage. It was just a probably hard moment.
So to have him there it was it was really
really nice. Did you feel any guilt in that moment
(21:21):
for Tina, because I feel like a lot of us
out there just maybe not guilt. Did you like have
empathy for him in that moment because I think a
lot of us just didn't like the way, not you,
but the show handled that. Yes, I think all around
it was what I just want to believe is a miscommunication.
But like what I've always said is I had absolutely
(21:41):
no idea that even was even there, because that was
a week after I spoke to him. All I knew
that day was that I was talking to Tino and
I was getting off the stage. The way they went
about it, I don't think was right. I don't think
anyone should ever be in a position where they exactly
and I think coming off of that, a lot of
people put that blame on An and me, and it
was it would I don't know who you could blame
(22:04):
at the end of the day, but it was no
one's intent to ever make him feel like that. And
I know even now, even Antino, I've seen that they're
they're friends again. So I think there's no bad bud
hopefully across the board. Yeah, I don't even think Tino
thought that way. I think that a lot of the
viewers also have enough blinders off to know that that
was like a production move and not anything on your
(22:24):
part or even well, you would be surprised, but I know, yeah,
it was like they really thought me and even just
had this plan. I didn't even know he was there
and just saw him out of the corner of my
eye and I was just like whoa, Like what is happening.
Everyone was just really shocked. So yeah, all right, well, girls,
Ben is going to take over with the guys and
(22:44):
they're going to talk about some serious stuff. One of
my favorite things that we ever get to do is
get together in person, and we're doing it right now
and Carmo by the Sea. Thanks to Hyunday, I got
(23:07):
Bob Guinney, I got Clayton with me here. We played
a little golf yesterday. We take the Hyundai Tucson plug
In Hybrid e V to the golf course. Yes, I mean, Bob,
I want to talk to you first, and I want
to talk to you about Clayton. Okay, Okay, let's not
just right next to you. So, uh, this is the
first time I've ever been with Clayton in person. We
(23:28):
did take the car to the golf course. Um, Clayton
is a massive human, a big man, and I mean
did that vehicle give him enough space? So here's what's
really interesting. Clayton and I are in the back seat
together we're both tall. I'm six three. I want to
say you're about six six. I gotta be honest, now, yeah, yeah,
(23:49):
it's a little bit of so with the hair left. Yes, yes,
I swear we both had tons of legroom. And by
the way, all of our clubs were in the back.
The trunk space was unbelievable. Yeah, and outside of the
VA cool, which was an incredible experience when we got there. Clayton,
your golf swing okay, yeah, beautiful. We were watching you
on the range. You've got muscles in your back. I
think Bob might have them. No, I do not. I've
(24:11):
never seen those Bob. Bob does have, but bottles. He
has all a ton of charisma. It's just a beautiful thing.
And he brought the muscles out like I was flexing
extra hard just to I did see you kind of yeah,
because I'm like, I gotta matsu up to this guy somehow.
But your muscles in your back, Clayton, I believe are
restrictive for the golf swing. In fact, I like to
stay limber, loose and have, you know, lack of muscles.
(24:32):
That's how so that yeah, so that we can really
get that club back with full full extension. Yeah, I
would actually say your muscles are restricting you from getting
that golf club. Yeah, okay, what kind of interview is this?
I want to say this to Clayton showed up here.
I mean, it's fifty four degrees yesterday, not what you
would expect in California, comes out to play golf. He's
got on okay shorts and a short sleeve shirt. Yes.
(24:54):
I loaned him some of my apparel because yeah, yeah, yeah,
my stuff has never looked some good. Honestly, God, I
was like, I almost didn't even want to take it
back because Clayton's like, here you go here, it is bad.
I'm like, no, I don't think I should wear that
anymore because you've now been seeing in it, and clearly
I don't make it look like that, Like the arms
on me when I put that that jacket on it, Yeah,
it looks like there's tons of room. Yeah, you save
(25:16):
that story. You say that. I really thought you're gonna
say it was my lack of judgment coming out here
with no. Oh, not at all. I mean you just
saw your going to California. I hear. You didn't realize
that California is pretty much north to south when it
comes to the west side of the United States. But
we're pretty north. Yeah, and I listened. I was when
I was coming to San Francisco. Not even close. Yeah,
(25:36):
So man from the Midwest, I'm just gonna go ahead
and claim that. You know, it's twenty years of my
life in Missouri. Now I'm getting shown new things, wearing
Bob's sweaters. It's a beautiful day. Yeah, we will never
look the same, Clayton Um. You know, obviously you are
a very recent Bachelor. We can't call you the current
Bachelor any longer because Zack's season has started to air.
(25:58):
Over the last year of being the Obviously, you have
Bob here, who is a good mentor a good friend
to many who have been leads, including myself. But you probably,
I'm assuming, haven't been able to be around a lot
of other Bachelor people in the last year, maybe especially
for a whole weekend like this. Now I haven't. I haven't.
(26:19):
Like now I'm starting to get kind of hooked into
all these different groups of individuals that I mean, I
kind of have a little fallout because I hear a
lot of stories happening and I'm like, oh, what is that?
And You're like, no, you'll you'll pick it up eventually,
you know. So yeah, it's like, yeah, I'm the rookie, right,
I'm the new guy. No, no real hazing besides not
yet at least I guess I still haven't no twenty
four hours. I think what's interesting about Clayton you and
(26:40):
I mean this isn't a complimentary way. You have no
ego about things, which I think if I if I
had some of your experiences. I mean, you played in
the NFL. You you know, you've done a lot of
I'd probably have a lot more. I might be more
standoffish to people than you are. You are, so you're like,
I've never really played golf, but here we go and
crushed it. He has some moments yesterday when we did
the scram format that we actually use his shot and
(27:02):
the guys played three times in his life. Yeah, it's
a really good athlete. No, I would agree that you've
been around longer than I have, but you know, at
this point, I've been around a while in this world too.
Ego is it feels like a familiar characteristic of a
lot of people that come off the show big egos,
a little bit standoffish, expect to be given things, right,
(27:24):
Clayton hasn't shown that at all. Very gracious. So for you, Clayton,
how has it been now being around I mean, Rachel's here.
Obviously you did know Rachel, but a lot of people
you haven't been around here with in person or probably
ever met. How has it been being around these other
contestants just hanging out having fun. There's no there's nothing
that you need to do here other than enjoy yourself. Yeah, well,
(27:46):
I think this is something that we all can attest to.
And often you see people on TV and I had
seen a lot of you guys on TV prior or
heard of you, and maybe I saw an hour or
two of who I thought you were, and coming out
here it shows me, I want to say, a completely
different picture. But there's just so much more to us, right.
We're multi faceted individuals and it's been really cool and
(28:09):
everything that I thought maybe people might have been has
been challenged when I sit down with them. There's a
lot of great individuals that are kind hearted, have sacrificed
to ego. I think we all have had in situations
where we've come to that place where yeah, people put
us up on pedestals, and then we realize that, you know,
sometimes when you're on a large stage like these, insecurities,
(28:32):
weaknesses can come out and you learn a lot about yourself.
And I feel that everybody I've met here has kind
of went through that journey where they've struggled, then they
found theirselves, and now they're in this place where they're
just very confident in their own abilities. And it's really
refreshing to see that. As the new guy that's just
on the other side of it, I see that, you know,
years ahead, and I go, okay, like it's gonna be okay,
I'm gonna I'm gonna be fined. These individuals have found
(28:54):
their way and I will too. So it's been really
cool to see that. Yeah, Bob and I can do it.
You can do it too. Oh yeah, you know, Bob.
We had a great conversation on the way to golf
course yesterday. I'd love for you to speak to it.
We talk about a lot within the Bachelor world, and
I think weekends like this have always been healthy for
me because you'd get to humanize and see people for
(29:15):
who they are and maybe what they're about, and maybe
not what you've heard or what you've maybe seen on
social media, but with this world, or with even going
to high school today, in middle school today, comparison is
such a prevalent thing. Right, You're comparing yourself to everybody else,
and if you're any type of critic, you're going to
be your harshest critic and you're going to compare yourself
and say, they're doing so much greater things than I
(29:36):
ever will do or have done. We talked about in
the way to the course yesterday because everybody in that car, yeah, yourself, myself, Clayton, Blake,
Dean Wells have all felt this way before. Right. He
has a great advice. So you know when you look
at somebody like Clayton who's just new to this, what
would you tell somebody like him who's comparing himself to
all these people? Yeah? Well, I think the biggest thing
(29:59):
the way to talked about too, is that you know,
social media is everybody's best part of their day, right,
Like you don't ever genuinely see people posting things like man,
I'm having a rough time today, Right, They're always like
this happened, and it's always the highlight reel of what
they're doing. And sometimes the perception of what comes with
that highlight reel can make you feel inferior, you know.
(30:20):
And we were talking about it yesterday. We're like, you know,
it's not what you think. It's not what you've heard.
It's not the stories that you've heard about this person
and this person doing this and this and this. Not
exactly how it went. But you know, it takes a
lot more energy to go around and try and correct everybody.
So you just let the positive stuff flow and you know,
hope for the best. But it's really about being being
comfortable with yourself, staying focused on what which you are
(30:41):
already doing, by the way, focusing on something that you
know makes you special and different, you know, with with
your talk about mental health and your passion for that,
and your passion for your fitness, and building your fan
base and your following based off of those things, and
you know, creating your own niche and then just really
growing within that, and you know, I think you're going
to do great with it. I mean, we talked about
it yes today, and we've all kind of got things
(31:01):
that make us a little bit different. The common threat
of course being the Bachelor, right, which gave us a
platform and gave us an opportunity to talk about stuff.
But the stuff you're passionate about is going to be
different than some of the things that I might be
passionate about, or Dean or whatever. But you know, the
way you talk about it, the way you embrace it,
in the way that you take the community that you've
sort of been placed into. Now it's on you, right,
and whatever you do with it as your own. And
(31:23):
I think I mean, from what we talked about yesterday,
everyone in that car, I was very impressed with. None
of us were, you know, keeping up with the Jones
type mentalities. We're all I'm like, no, find your own place,
grow and you know you'll you'll get there. You know,
just whatever you want to do, and you got a voice,
use it, you know, yeah, and you're doing it. Yeah.
And I think it was really refreshing to have everyone
just kind of shoot straight, because I think when you
(31:45):
try to keep up with the Jones, then like that
individual walks out of that or leaves that car and
they think, okay, here we go. Like now I just
heard all this new information and now I'm going to
analyze it. And social media has been interesting. I just
want to share my story because I kind of I
want to show individuals from one side to the other.
You know, prior to the show, I had thousand followers
or whatever to get maybe twenty likes on a post,
and if I got to eighty, I was like, oh,
(32:05):
that's really cool. Now it's like I started to post
mental health stuff. It wasn't getting the same response as
when I was posting with my now X, and I thought,
no one wants to see this, And I was upset
because I went from getting sixty thousand likes down to
the three thousand. And it's all about perspective, though, And
that's what I think you guys have instilled in me,
and I've started to realize is you know, if you
get three thousand likes on a mental health post, that's
three thousand individuals lives that you're impacting, plus whoever else
(32:28):
just saw it didn't click like And so it's just
been about reframing and shifting that narrative. And unfortunately for
a lot of us, compared to culture is rampant. We
can see people across the world now. Used to be
you could just see people in your own town. Now
it's like over the entire world. And so every day
you click online and you go down this rabbit hole,
and the algorithm knows how to show you similar things.
(32:48):
So you click, one person shows you ten more, and
you end up finding yourself not being happy because you're like,
I want to look like that. So it's it's been
an experience. But I think talking about it helps us
understand that, like, we're not alone, and you guys have
went through this to some capacity, and and and much
of you guys to a greater capacity with them out
of followers, and so I think it's just the more
(33:08):
we talk about it, the more we're able to make
sense of it. And then it's just you don't feel
like you're the only one going through it. It's a
weird switch. I was given some really great advice a
few years ago, because you're right. You know, when you
come off the show, you are very popular. Your social
media is blowing up. You know, you get to invited
(33:29):
to a lot of appearances, and then when that starts
to fade away, you start to maybe at that point,
like you are focused on things that you really care about. Okay,
what do I want to do with this platform that's
been handed to me for no reason other than the
fact that I went on a dating show. I have
this amazing gift. Now what am I going to do
with it? And everybody who's done it, well, I think
chooses a lane, like Bob was saying, you know, that
(33:50):
might not be the most popular lane, that might not
be the lane that's going to get you on television
or get you paid the most, but it's a lane.
So you choose your lane, and that lane's typically a
little more niche, and the likes and the fall words
aren't growing at the same rate. They maybe one step.
And I was struggling with that. I was having really
hard time with it because I was feeling like what
I cared about nobody else cared about. And they only
(34:11):
cared about me because of my time on the show
and because of my ability to date poorly. And and
somebody sat me down, a mentor from the show, and
they said, I hear all this, and it's true. Not
as many people are interested in liking your picture or
inviting you this because of these niche you've chosen. But Ben,
(34:34):
why are you doing it? I said, Well, because I
care about people. I want to sell coffee and give
it back because I really love people, and I love
being a part of their stories. And I think in
forty years from now, what I want to tell my
grandkids is not that I was on a dating show.
It's that I was involved in this story and this project.
And he said, Okay, Ben, you care about people. If
one person, if one person in his life is better
(34:56):
because of the work that you did, if one of
those likes is one human that says I hear Ben,
I see been and now I feel less alone. It's
all been worth it. That's how valuable that platform is.
And so for you, Clayton, you're doing this because you
care about the mental health of others and yourself and
the physical fitness of others and yourself. And if one
person on there likes that picture because their life has
been better because of the story you told, it's all
(35:17):
worth it. Yeah. That's the biggest amount of fame you
could ever get, that you change somebody's life in a
positive way. Yeah, and yeah, and I'm seeing that. I
think it's just it's just being able to well ultimately
find that self love and that self belief that that
I don't doesn't matter how many followers I have. It's
just because I have a fraction of the followers of
somebody else doesn't mean that my message is less important.
(35:39):
It can be even more. It can be just as impactful.
And we're in different categories, and I don't have to
be this individual, and I would post it first for
what I thought people wanted. I didn't have that satisfaction
when I started posting what I enjoyed and what I
thought would be helpful, and I got those one or
two messages. That's what kept me moving. So but it's
just yeah, I mean, I think you have to set
those parameters in place where if if you feel that
(36:01):
looking at a certain account as negative, then okay, maybe
I can block this. I mean, we have the ability
to like hide certain people's profiles, but be more mindful
of what it is you're in taking because what's coming
across our screens every day is impacting us, whether we're
you know, consiously aware of it or not. So I've
had to take measures where I said, okay, hey, like
limit the screen time, don't look at certain accounts. You're
not that person, but you don't need to be that person.
(36:23):
You're never going to be that person. You should just
stay in your own lane and be yourself. But that
you know that just takes time. I think it's it's
you go. You put yourself in a foreign environment and
you're just trying to figure out first how this game's played,
Like how how does I didn't know anything about social
media I got I got an Instagram just because all
my friends finally got off Facebook. So I'm like, Okay,
I guess I'm like one of the last ones here.
I need to like snoop. Now I got to create
(36:44):
an account on Instagram. So I created that and that
was all I knew, and then all a sudden, all
these analytics came with it, and You're just like, what
is this? And it's a beast. Well, I would guess too.
I mean, being so fresh off the show, you're you're
probably still very sensitive to critique, and you know, things
people say who have no clue who you are, you know,
(37:06):
And I think I said it yesterday and I don't
know if I said it in in front of them, but
I was like I was one time told and I
mean it was the best advice I ever got about
that stuff because I was late to social media. It
wasn't even around when I was the Bachelor, of course,
but it was like, um, someone basically said to me,
you know, you're living your life and everyone else is
going to comment on you living your life, right, So
(37:26):
what does that say? You know? It says that they're
paying attention to how you're living your life, but they
don't know you, so they're something they don't like that
you do. Like maybe you you know, you found a
puppy today and you were you know, maybe maybe they're
cat people, so they think you suck because you like puppies,
you know. I mean, it can be that it's not
that far off, because people comment on everything. And I
will tell you, with time comes perspective, right, And obviously
(37:48):
I've got a lot of time in between the time
I was on the show and now, and I think
that you'll you'll find that, you know, because I think
we talked about this too. I'd see like two twenty
nice things. I wouldn't even it would go in one
he or not the other. I'd see one negative thing
and it would stick with me for days and it
would literally drive me crazy, like a like a like
a thorn in my shoe or something I'd like, oh
(38:08):
my god, you know, a fello my shoe. And you'll
get to the point as you grow further away from
the show where it won't bother you as much, because
I don't know if it's if it means we're and
desensitized to it or why Yeah, I mean that's you're right.
I don't want to say you become callous because I
think callous means hard hearted, and I don't think that's
a place you want to get. But there's a period
where your probably feel that way, but you just get perspective.
(38:30):
You start understanding your own intentions more like why did
I care about this thing? Well? I want to bring
in somebody now who is also a part of the
Bachelor world, my wonderful co host, Ashley Um. We've had
a great little guy's talk here with Clayton and Bob.
Ashley is joining us. Um and Ashley, I mean, you know,
(38:55):
we want a little time down here with the boys.
We want to bring Ashley in now, Um, because this
is a weekend thanks to Hunday with the Almost Famous podcast,
we've had an incredible weekend, the guys and the girls
spending time together. Ashley. We're just talking about mental health
and criticism and I want to bring you in, but
I also before I do want to ask Clayton, you know,
(39:16):
when did this become the pursuit that you wanted to have.
I mean, I'm really interested because we saw you as
the bachelor. You obviously went through a public breakup that's
not fun, not ideal, but everybody in the streams had one. Yeah,
you're not alone there. So when did it hit for
you that this next lane, this lane was the one
that you're going to jump into and really focus on. Yeah.
(39:40):
So for me, I've I've been pretty open talking about
my struggles offline. I started doing that in college, talking
about body dysmorphia to my friends and we were just
having these these mature conversations and I felt very comfortable
doing so. And so when I went on this show,
I was open to the women about it was well received.
And then when everything happened in the ending occurred and
(40:03):
I was in a really bad spot, I at first
was very defensive any criticism that came my way, even
if it was constructive, I wasn't willing to listen. And
I was just thinking, like, as we were meeting in person,
I'm like, remember the last conversation we had. It was
tense for me because I was on the defense and
I heard gaslighting and that term just like I was like,
(40:24):
worst connotation, yeah, and I'll never forget. As as I
was thinking about, Okay, we're gonna be, you know, having
this talk again, and I realized I just wasn't in
a position to be able to set my ego aside.
I was so defensive and I just wanted to raid
myself of any negative commentary, and so I was in
defense mode. But because I was defending myself, I wasn't
(40:46):
allowing myself to accept impact for what I had done.
And I started kind of going through after the show
where I was just becoming really reflective, and I said, Okay,
maybe there is some constructiveness amongst the criticism that I
can take and find my insecurities and weaknesses. Because people
are saying things about me, not all of them have
to be true, but maybe there are some things that are.
(41:07):
And I found out that yeah, like a lot of
my insecurities were rooted on being a people pleaser since
being a kid when I was bullied and I'd buy
dysmorphia and I was trying to please individuals. I didn't
like the way I looked physically, so I was like,
if I don't like the way I look, why would
people like me for who I am? So I attacked
my physicalness and then I started to attack the emotional
side of it. But there were things that I lacked
(41:27):
that were online that I saw and unknowingly I was doing.
I wasn't purposely trying to be malicious. I wasn't purposely
trying to hurt people, but I did. And so as
I became started to accept all of this, I found
this sense of peace swash over me. And I wasn't
looking at first. I was waiting for people to apologize
for me instead of just forgiving myself for what I
had done. And I started to feel this growth and
(41:48):
this just like anger be released. I'm like, I no
longer have to wait for someone to apologize. I will
forgive myself for that interaction. And it just started bringing
this happiness to me. And so I thought, well, Okay,
I can just share my journey as I'm going through
it with others, and if they see how I was
able to get out of this situation and I'm happier
after everything that I went through, than maybe others can
(42:10):
go Okay, if he can do that, I as well can. Similarly,
what you guys said earlier. That's great, and I just
I'm like, why not just share it, you know, document it,
show it to other people, and hopefully it'll get individuals
to have the conversation. Yeah, and that's what it's all about.
More people talk about it, the more they can relate.
I think the more that people, the less they feel alone,
the more connected they feel, and the more likely they're
(42:30):
able to better manage their mental health as they build
that support system. I think everybody's got insecurities too, right,
and sometimes when you're put in this situation, you don't
people don't think that you would have them right because
oh he's the best, you're guy, he did this or whatever.
So being that vulnerable, I think is a great thing
to do. Yeah. Well, we're excited about your pursuit. Be
(42:51):
encouraging you in your pursuit. Great things, You're up to
a lot of cool things ahead. Well, Clayton things. We're
sitting with us, Bob obviously part of the almost famous family. Um,
you're a great co host, great friend. Keep listening. I mean,
just two of my favorite bosses I've ever Yeah, we
just forced discipline and that's what makes us great. Um. Well,
(43:14):
with that, this has been the Almost Famous podcast I've
Been Been, I've Been Ashley. We'll talk to you very soon.
We have some great content coming your way, so hey,
keep downloading. Follow the Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous
podcasts on iHeartRadio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts
Hosts And Creators
Ben Higgins
Ashley Iaconetti
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