June 7, 2024 • 30 mins
For flirting coach Benjamin Camras, flirting isn’t just about being charming and extroverted — it’s about genuine, thoughtful connection. Online or IRL, romantic or platonic, he lays out how to unleash your inner flirt and cultivate meaningful connections in any situation. So whether you're single and ready to mingle or happily coupled up, he has some advice for you.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Hey fam Today on the bright Side, we're talking pop
culture and later, flirt coach Ben Camrauss is here to
tell us how we can all bring more big flirt
energy into our lives. It's Flirty Friday, June seventh. I'm
Simone Boyce.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
You said that so flirty.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright side from
Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Okay, Danielle, it's Friday. We're kicking off the weekend with
big Olympics news. I am so excited about this. We
know that the Paris Olympics are fast approaching, but for
the first time ever, we will be able to watch
the Paris Games in movie theaters across the country.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
This is the coolest thing since sliced bread.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
This is the coolest thing.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Awesome.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I am so excited for this. Like clear my schedule.
You know, my family and I we do Friday night
movie nights. My oldest son is obsessed with movies, and
so we have this tradition, like we get candy and
popcorn and we all sit down and like you know,
really focus on the movie together. It's a thing we
do together. I can't wait to do this with my kids.
I'm going to bring them to the Olympics. Introduce them
(01:10):
to the Olympics this way.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
It's so cool.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I don't know who thought of this, but whoever did
is brilliant because I think it's re energizing and reinvigorating
people to a go to the movie theaters and b
watched the Olympics in a really celebratory way. Like I
remember when I was a kid watching the Olympics with
my family. It was an appointment, Like we were all
so excited to watch. We would watch in the family room.
(01:33):
I would sit on the ground and I just was
like so excited. I think this has the opportunity to
bring that excitement back. Okay, while we're on the topic
of sports, we have to talk Caitlyn Clark. In a
WNBA game on Sunday night, Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark
was followed by Chicago skyguard Kennedy Carter and it got
so many people talking. She Caitlyn Clark played at Iowa.
(01:57):
For anybody who didn't watch March Madness, was the former
University of Iowa star and she became the all time
college leading scorer last season and is one of the
reasons that the WNBA is getting so much more media coverage,
but she's not playing at.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
The same level that she did in college.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
And there's a lot of conversation about the WNBA veteran
players giving her a hard time because she came into
the league with all this hype and all this prestige
and they're trying to like take her down a notch,
which happens all the time in the NBA. Like it
happened to Lebron and Kobe, it happens to everybody.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, I mean, this story has really taken on a
life of its own. It's been the lead story on
so many cable networks, broadcast networks. Danielle, I know you
have some strong opinions on this. What's your take.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Women that have been covering the WNBA have really been
longing for mainstream coverage for the WNBA. Just to put
this into perspective, When I first started covering women's sports,
women's sports received three point two percent of the airtime.
In twenty nineteen, that doubled to six percent. But like,
do you know how many sports shows talked about every
(03:02):
second of Tom Brady's career and then glossed over Srina
Williams game winning moments.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah, it was just so icky.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
And now the WNBA is receiving a little bit more
mainstream coverage for the first time, and a lot of
these sports anchors and reporters and hosts are male, and
they don't know how to talk about it. And Jamel
Hill wrote a really great piece in The Atlantic that
came out this week, and she talks about the double
standards in sports media that men are allowed to brag
(03:30):
about how much they don't know about women's sports and
it's not considered disqualifying. Like, can you imagine if Jamel
Hill or Carrie Champion or CHRISA. Thompson or Aaron Andrews
bragged about not knowing something about the NFL or the NBA.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Oh, they would lose their jobs immediately. I mean, women
don't get the same chances that men get in that respect.
I have watched a lot of the discourse around this moment,
and something that stands out to me is to be
this protective sentiment around Caitlin Clark and people in the
(04:06):
media sports broadcasters have been really willing to jump to
her defense and protect her in light of this foul
during that game on Sunday night. But what a lot
of female sports broadcasters are pointing out, people like my
friend Monica McNutt, who's been covering basketball and women's sports
for years. They're saying, listen, this is just athleticism. This
(04:30):
is a physical sport. This is a competitive game, and
we wouldn't be having the same reaction if it were
men doing this. We don't have the same reaction, We
don't blow it out of proportion. So I think you're right.
I mean they are. Actually there's so many layers to this,
and I think that people like Monica McNutt and Carrie
Champion and Jamel Hill are right to point out the
double standards here.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
So there's like a competitive element of this that you mentioned,
which is like there's a debate about their trash talk
and their sportsmanship. And I think it's because we're used
to seeing women perform with their bodies instead of compete
with their bodies.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And it's all really exciting.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
It's making the WNBA more fun to watch, in my opinion,
and like the fans are invested in it. Male fans
are starting to become more invested in it. Male anchors
are starting to talk about it more. And I just
think that we've been waiting years for this kind of
attention and eyeballs, and now here they are. So I
(05:29):
actually think all of this is really positive. Like the
more we're talking about it, the absolute better.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Well, this summer is heating up. I mean we're only
a couple of weeks into June and we've got games,
we've got triumph, we've got even a little bit of conflict.
I think all we need now is some romance, and
that's what we're going to be talking about on today's show.
And Danielle, I have to bring up this show to
you that I started watching. It's an older show. It's
really good. It's about four girlfriends living in New York
(05:57):
City and one of them is a columnist and she
writes about her sex life and lives of other women
and their sexual encounters and it's just so entertaining. It's
called Sex and the City. Have you have you heard
of it? I'm so confused. Why are you bringing this
(06:19):
up now?
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You know that I own the box.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Set and that I've watched every episode twelve times.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Why didn't you ever tell me to watch it before?
It's so good?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Did you start watching it?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Finally? I did? I did started to watching it. I'm
getting caught up to sweet I still I'm on season three.
I have a long way to go, but I'm here
for it. I'm into it.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Land don't rush it, enjoy every moment.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
And this is perfect because after the break we're talking
to flirt Coach Ben Camras. He's here to talk to
us about the art of flirting, how to take the
pressure off, and the best ways to make a connection.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
We'll be right back. Welcome back.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
We've got another round of Catching Feelings where we dive
into all things dating and relationships, and today we're talking
about flirting.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Summer, aka the flirtiest time of year is right around
the corner, and single or not, maybe you want to
level up your flirting girl energy and bring some fun
into your relationships. So here to help us get flirty
is our newest bright Side Bestie, flirt Coach, Benjamin Cameras.
Welcome Benjamin.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Hello, Hello, I am so excited to be here and
talk about flirting today.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Okay, Benjamin Flirting Coach, a flirt coach. This is a
new title for me. How does one earn this title?
Is it appointed to you? Is it a self proclaimed title?
Speaker 4 (07:54):
It is definitely self proclaimed. Embracing my true identity who
I really am, which is to help the world flirt.
That's why I'm here, and ultimately to help the world
just make more connections. And I had a whole career
before this where I was a city planner, commuting to
my office job every day and just knew It's not
like there was necessarily something better or more out there
(08:15):
for me, but something different. I knew I wasn't on
the right path. And even when I was a planner,
I was so interested in exploring connections and how we
design our cities and our built environments in such a
way as to maybe inspire connections or not. Something that's
been so important in my own life as just the shy,
(08:36):
introverted person like something I really struggled with, And so
I just love helping people put themselves out there and flirt.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
I am so interested to hear that you were shy
and introverted, because when you think flirt coach, I almost
think of like a meme of someone batting their eyes
and being really extroverted and over the top. But yeah,
you have these really interesting ways of teaching people how
to flirt in a way that works for them. How
did you personally learn how to flirt.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
I see now, it's something that has come naturally to me.
I didn't know it was flirting growing up or when
I was a kid, but always looking to make those
intentional connections, being a really good listener and just really
looking to bring a smile to someone's face, being able
to share energy. Right when I leave an interaction, I
just want to make an impression, so to speak, just
be like, Wow, we had a really good conversation, had
(09:25):
a moment, And that's so much of what the flirt
is about. It's just about having a connection. And so
coming into it when I was very shy and introverted
and socially anxious all the things, and still am. So
even this is challenging. It's definitely outside of my comfort zone.
But I hope to be a source of inspiration for
people that may have been helding themselves back or perhaps
(09:46):
putting a lot of pressure on themselves that the flirt
has to be a performance of sorts. No, let's dispel
all of that. And I love just breaking it down
and giving people practical tools they can use to make connections. Yeah,
I I come at it in so many different ways.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
It takes me back to college because we used to
go out three nights a week, and I would go
to these bars with my friends, and I didn't like
to go out. I didn't like to drink, and I
would end up in a corner sitting with one person
for three or four hours, and I'd look over at
my friends and they'd be laughing at me, like, what
is she doing? Why is she with this one person
the whole night? She's over there with her listening face.
(10:22):
And they always felt like I was flirting with them
and I wasn't. Why do you think listening can come
off as flirting?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
It's so important because so much about flirting and about
listening is about consideration. One of my big things is
going into the flirt with no expectations. You're not going
into the flirt necessarily, especially if this is someone you've
never seen before, to just immediately compliment, compliment, get the
number right, first date kind of thing. No, taking all
the pressure off of yourself in that way, and just
(10:50):
looking to make that connection and consider where is this
person coming from, where are we meeting, what is the
energy like, and so just bringing it down to really
the baseline and making it always about connection. I just
feel like it's so important as we are out there
dating and looking to enter into relationships, and certainly when
we're in relationships too, I think the flirt is just
(11:11):
as important.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
So flirting is a skill. Some people have it, others
might need to just work on that skill a little
bit more. And I have to tell you, I thought
I was a good flirt until I started hanging out
with this one girlfriend of mine and I watched her
work and I was just in awe. I was like, Damn,
she's so good at this. She sealed the deal, like
she's just a master at it. So what is it
(11:33):
that separates the great flirts, the professionals from the amateurs.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Truly, everyone has that entner flirt that they can unleash
it any time. It definitely can come with practice, it
can be a learned skill. But one of the things
that I find is in the flirt it's about the
sharing of energy, so being able to give it and
then also be able to receive it back. I know
that was one of the hardest parts for me, is
(11:58):
say you're looking to make it. Can you're sharing a
compliment something like that, expressing interest in some way. Well,
then when it gets turned around on you and you
get some of that interest and attention back. That might
be the part that's scarier when you start to freeze
up a little bit. So playing with that intention and
receptivity in the flirt, that giving and sharing of energy
and attention and really being okay with receiving it back,
(12:21):
that's something that is going to make a really really
good flirt.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I feel like we're using broad terms giving receiving, Like,
I want to know how you think we need to flirt.
You have these five sort of dimensions. Can you break
them down for us?
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Yeah, the five d's. The five dimensions of the flirt
are the energetic dimension. You've got the intellectual, the spiritual,
the emotional, and the physical. And so why I developed
this is to really help people understand perhaps how they
like to flirt, what maybe some of their natural flirt
skills or tendencies are, and then also how they're being
flirted with. So a classic example is say you're out
(13:00):
in public, you're at a bar, a cafe, something like that,
and someone comes over, taps you on the shoulder maybe
and is just like immediately interested in you, physically complimenting
your attractiveness. Something like that. Well, we've got a one
dimensional flirt. We've got a one d flirt there that's
only flirting in the physical dimension, and I want to
see all five these. I want to see it layered.
(13:20):
I really designed this in many ways to help answer
one of the top questions I get, which is how
do I know if someone is flirting or being nice?
Kind of the classic question. Well, let's break it down.
How many dimensions of the flirt do you see present?
If it's just one dimension, well, we kind of know
what that person's intentions are, or at least where they're at,
(13:41):
where they're flirting from.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
So how many dimensions do you need for it to
be a flirt?
Speaker 4 (13:44):
I mean, I want to see at least three. I
want to see some maybe the physical dimension paired with
some emotional and energetic Right, So we're asking some questions,
We're expressing interest beyond just appearance. We're getting into sort
of who are you kind of thing, ask some of
those deeper questions, exploring some meaning, exploring a connection, and
sharing that energy all the while.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
As a journalist and someone who has studied communication now
for many years, I see so many overlapping qualities between
good communication and what you're describing as flirting, like, first
of all, listening genuine curiosity.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I have to tell you from my personal experience, men
will think I'm flirting with them and I'm not. I'm
just being a journalist. How do you disengage the energy
when you don't want to receive the flirt?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
What do you think of a lite way is to disengage?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
I hear this sometimes, and it's just about asserting that
boundary when and if you need to and being totlly
okay with you know what. I'm just not in the
mood for this flirt. I'm not really feeling the energy
or attention. And it's all good, right. You got to just, yeah,
exit the flirt if and when you feel like you
need to.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
You have to flee the flirt.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Yes, flee the flir.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What are some of the most common mistakes people make
when flirting?
Speaker 4 (15:03):
They go into it sometimes too hot and fast, like
way too strong. Like let's just say you're at a
coffee shop or something and you see someone that you
perhaps find attractive they sort of caught your eye kind
of thing, instead of like walking right over to them,
tapping them on the shoulder, perhaps catching them off guard.
Let's work into it a little bit. So establishing the
flirt nonverbally first can be so much fun. You're catching
(15:26):
eye contact, you're sort of smiling and grinning a little bit.
Are you sort of playing with a piece of jewelry
or maybe your hair, a piece of clothing, playing with
that intention and receptivity of interest first and getting that
permission and consent to then all right, let's go have
a conversation, and then starting at it from just even hello,
(15:47):
my name is right, how are you? It's you don't
have to necessarily reinvent the wheel with some extravagant, over
the top pickup line. It's because you're just looking to
make that connection first and foremost, is this someone that
wants to have a conversation back.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
You brought up consent and permission, and I think that
that's so important even with flirting, because flirting can make
some women or just people in general feel unsafe.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yes, that's something I'm definitely really aware of and I
always want to be mindful of, just knowing how I
navigate the flirt as a gay man and flirting with
other gay men primarily, but the flirt is not created
equal in that way, and so I want to be
very aware and mindful of just how we're giving and
receiving flirts, knowing we navigate it differently and have different
experiences just based on who we are in many.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Ways, you know, so much of the flirt happens online nowadays.
I love emphasizing the real life flirt. How do we
put this into practical terms? So if I'm in a
grocery store and I see someone cute, what.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Should I do?
Speaker 4 (16:45):
One thing I love is just making an observation. So
if you're sort of in your head thinking about, oh,
I don't know what to say, or you're already psyching
yourself out like they're going to reject me kind of thing,
they won't be interested. No, we're not going there yet.
We're not approaching them and looking to flirt with the
specific intention or purpose of I have to get their number. Remember,
no expectations. It just comes back to the connection. And
(17:08):
so if you're unsure what to say, making it an observation.
So what do they have in their cart? What does
it look like they may be making for dinner that evening?
Or perhaps did you see something interesting the cult your
eye or do you have did you grab a similar item,
or where you are you in the store, what music
is playing in the store. So just making an observation,
and that is already going to give you a point
of connection because you have something in common. You're both
(17:30):
in the same place, you're both grocery shopping, and then
see how the flirt evolves from there.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
You actually have a lot of grocery store flirting experience
because as you're building this incredibly engaged online community around flirting,
you also work at Trader Joe's and have I would
imagine that you've learned a lot about interpersonal dynamics through
that job, right, and like learn how to make those
(17:55):
observations and look for details, because let's just get it
out there. Where Trader Joe's clerks are flirts. Okay, I
don't know what it is. They put flirting in the
background check process, the resume process. Y'all be flirting with
me all the time. We do have that reputation.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
We are known for being people people. Yes, at Trader
Joe's and where I am a crew member and it's
so much fun.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
What have you learned from being a crew member there
that you are able to apply to flirting expertise?
Speaker 4 (18:26):
It's something you mentioned earlier that stands out, and that
is to be curious, because you just never know where
someone is at what they're going through on any given day.
And that's one of the things I just I always
try and be helpful. I'm always looking to make those
points of connection. And right you come in my line,
I'm going to ask you some questions, just get to
know you a little bit. I'm hoping to put a
(18:46):
smile on your face as you're leaving the store, like
I just want to be a part of the reason
that you had a better day, and so to be curious,
to go into it always with the beginner's mind and
just dropping the expectations, dropping the assumptions, and just looking
to make that connection.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
We need to take a quick break, but we'll be
right back. Stay with us.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
And we're back.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
What are the best nonverbal ways you can flirt with someone?
And what if you can't tell if someone is flirting
back or not.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Definitely it's going to be body language. One of the
things that can stand out is just with the way
you're orienting your overall bodies, so like your feet and
your shoulders, if you're sort of turned to the side
or a little bit crossed or have that closed body
position that might signal that you're not super open, But
just being a little bit open and expressive can help.
(19:43):
Playing with the eye contact where I call it the
flirt double take, but it's where you make that point
of eye contact and then take it away. Maybe you
look somewhere else. You're tilting your head a little bit.
But when it comes to is this a flirt or not?
I don't want you in your head over analyzing. Oh
my god, I just they just said this thing, or
(20:04):
oh what should I say next?
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
Do they like me? Are they interested? That is going
to completely take you out of the flirt. You're totally
thinking your way through the flirt now, and I would
much rather someone get out of your head and into
the flirt. I know it's a really hard transition to make.
We live our lives from our head, but if we
can start to live our loves more from the place
of our heart, I just I love it. I love
(20:27):
the flirt so much. That's what I have to say.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Okay, but how about the opposite of this. Is there
a way to come in too hot? Because when you're
telling me about some of this body language. I'm like,
oh my god, I could never do that.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
You can come into hot if this is someone right
you don't know, you've never seen before, depending on where
you're meeting, and tapping them on the back of the
shoulder or something like that, and you haven't even made
eye contact, they're not even aware that you're there, or
you're coming in and you're immediately like, oh, I think
you're just so hot. I think you're so pretty. Can
I get your number?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
What? What?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Like?
Speaker 4 (20:58):
No, that is not that's a question. That's not a flirt.
So if you're coming in with an explicit expectation that
the flirt has to end with a specific result or outcome,
that's when you're coming in too hot, really, regardless of
what actions play out in the flirt.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
And flirting can also be used even when you're in
a long term relationship, right Like so for people like
me who've been married for over a decade, now, how
do we sharpen our flirting skills even in the context
of long term relationships?
Speaker 4 (21:29):
So much of the flirt, like for me, I often
describe it as a warm, tingly feeling, Like when you're
in the flirt and you start smiling, you get sort
of that giddy gren like you maybe even get a
little bit warm feeling. It's just exciting. Well, that's your energy,
that's your vibration being raised in real time. That's the
experience that you're feeling in that moment. So if you
(21:51):
perhaps are kind of in a routine, things are somewhat consistent,
breaking it up. One of the examples I love and
this comes from my mom and my stepdad and this
is so much fun. So they got just this pack
of action figures from probably the Dollar store something like that,
and they will hide them all over the house. You'll
find them very randomly. Sometimes you may find a bunch
(22:12):
in one day. Sometimes if it was a good hiding space,
it may be a week. But then on that action
figure it'll say something like I love you, or date
night tonight, or we're watching our favorite show tonight, let's
like catch up on episodes or something like that. And
so it's just bringing a little bit of excitement, anticipation,
(22:32):
some momentum, perhaps breaking up a day to day routine
sort of what life may look like consistently and bringing
in just a little bit of flirt energy. Big flirt energy, Yes,
big flirt energy.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
You know, speaking of that, how do you determine what
somebody else's flirt language is?
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Well, I have a flirt styles quiz. The four main
flirt styles are physical, playful, sincere, and traditional, and they're
going to in many ways a lot with the five
dimensions of the flirt too. And so what does it
seem like someone is doing when they're flirting. Are they
sort of always going to what they can see, expressing
(23:11):
interest and attraction around appearance something like that, or do
they bring a lot of humor? Are they really playful?
Do they seem like they have a lot like they
want to have a lot of fun in the flirt.
They may even roast you a little bit, right, there
may kind of be a back and forth. Well, that
is going to be more of the playful flirt, which
is my dominant flirt style. The sincere flirt is going
(23:32):
to be more about exploring those meaningful connections through questions
and storytelling and really getting to know people in that way.
And then you've got the traditional flirt, which is generally
based around sort of traditional courtship rituals kind of things.
So in terms of like pacing, you may opt for
more phone calls and as opposed to text messages or
(23:53):
something like that. So that's going to more so play
out in terms of how you may date. But those
are the forming flit styles.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
I actually have a follow up on that.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Do you think it's always better to get to the
point or better to be playful.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Like when you're asking questions.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
When you're flirting.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
I love being playful with it. And so when you're
able to layer it with some fun and some humor,
and everybody can do it right. Everyone has their own
sense of humor. And then you bring in some sincerity
through storytelling and questions, and then maybe you do want
to express some interests you find them attractive, and so
now we're giving some compliments. We're giving and sharing that energy.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
What's the best way you've been flirted with for me?
Speaker 4 (24:35):
When someone is asking questions? Ultimately I'm with you on that,
as opposed to someone coming in and just immediately like,
you know, compliment number kind of thing, and so being
really direct in that way and more so exploring getting
to know me a little bit, Like that's what I
ultimately love when someone can be an active listener back,
when they can seem like they can hold the space
(24:56):
when they're expressing interest beyond just what they're seeing or
beyond what they want. When I can see that those
expectations aren't there and I'm able to let my guard
down and just be me, it's such a beautiful experience.
Our God is up a lot of the time, and
when you can let that down and be vulnerable and
really just express yourself and what's on your mind, that's
(25:18):
I mean, I feel in my heart right now. That's
a flirt for me. That is the best way I've
been flirted with. It doesn't happen all the time, but
I love when it does.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Simon, how does Michael flirt with you?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
That's a good question. I think physical touch. I think
he will start like kind of like giving me a
massage or like a foot massage. Your girl loves a
good foot rub. I mean, who doesn't, So I think
it's physical touch. Yeah. How about you, Danielle, how do
you prefer to be flirted with?
Speaker 3 (25:43):
I've been thinking about that this whole interview. I like questions,
but I like an observant person. You know, people in
LA don't really ask me out, but if I'm in
New York, I get more random people like talking to
me on the street or in a bar, and in
Chicago too. I think people are just like more apt
(26:04):
to talk to you, and I like when they notice
something or if you can start with humor, I'm in
love with you, it's over for me. We can just
get married tomorrow. So like a really great corny pickup line. No,
it's all of that. I think what Benjamin said about
an observation over an action that makes me feel safe
(26:27):
because I think women are taken off guard a lot.
If someone's like, hey, you're beautiful, I want to go out,
it's like, oh.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah, we'll talk about being on guard all the time.
I mean, you have to be on guard when you're
walking through the streets. Like cat calling is like for
some reason some men think that that's flirting. It's not.
But that's just one of the things that just puts
us on edge. So I think you're right, like a
really thoughtful observation can kind of take the edge off.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
If you are attracted to the person that comes up
to you, it doesn't really matter, like you're just gonna
be like, you're gonna go with it, and if you're
not interested, you're gonna be annoyed and put away. It
feels like you just have to have like the hutspu
to say the first thing, just make the first move, right.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
I agree, making the first move, and then right once
we work into the conversation, into the flirt a little bit,
then you might bring in some of that physical dimension
of the flirt and start to layer it a little
bit more because now you've opened it up with some storytelling.
I hope if you're still in it right, feeling more
comfortable getting to know each other, and then we can
start to explore some other points of interest.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I think people aka myself would really love to hear
what you think a good digital first flirt is, how
do you connect with somebody online?
Speaker 4 (27:38):
You can layer the flirt in many ways, in many
of the same ways you would in person too, So
following each other first and foremost, that's like baseline first layer.
So they're at least going to get that notification probably
of oh so and so followed me, and then start
to leave a little bit of that digital trail. So
we're liking a post, we're watching a story, we're reacting
(27:58):
to a story, start to convey a little bit of interest,
like hey, I'm here, I see what you're posting, and
then we can start commenting if perhaps you wanted to
do it publicly, or if you don't want to do that,
sending them their own post or asking them a question
on their story, so it creates now a DM. I
think that's one of the best ways if you're looking
(28:20):
to slide into the DMS is comment on a story
something they've already posted. It's not as public as a
feed post, but it's going to get you into the DMS,
and then we can play with Okay, are they just reacting?
Are they just liking it? Harding it? Do they have
something to say back? Now we're in the DMS and
we can play a little bit there. So I think
(28:40):
the general progression and how to layer the flirt online
is to get into the DMS.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
If that's the case, then Danielle and I have flirt
all the time. Benjamin, thank you so much. It's been
so fun flirting with you today.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Thanks y'all so much for having me on the bright
side to talk about flirting. This was really really wonderful.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Thanks Benjamin.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Ben Jamin Cameras is a flirt coach and influencer. For
more flirty feels, follow him on social Media at Benjamin Cameras.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
That's it for today's show. On Monday, we'll be starting
off the week with financial feminist Tory Dunlap. She's giving
us all the ways to get more bang for your buck.
Listen and follow The bright Side on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
The bright Side is a production of Hello Sunshine and
iHeart Podcasts and is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Production by Arcana Audio. Courtney Gilbert is our associate producer.
Our producers are Steph Brown, Jessica Wank, and Olivia Briley.
Our engineer is PJ. Shahamatt, and our senior producers are
Izzy Keithaniya, Jennie Yamoka and Amy Padula.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Arcana's executive producers are Francis Harlowe and Abby Ruzika. Arcana's
head of production is Matt Schultz.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Natalie Tulluck and Maureen Polo are the executive producers for
Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Julia Weaver is the supervising producer, and Ali Perry is
the executive producer for iHeart Podcasts. Tim Palazzola is our showrunner.
This week's episodes were recorded by Graham Gibson, Carl Catl,
Jessica Crinchitch, Bahith Fraser.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Our theme song is by Anna Stump and Hamilton lighthauser.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Special thanks to Connell Byrne and Will Pearson.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I'm Simone Boyce. You can find me at Simone Boyce
on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
And I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok. That's ro
o b A.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Y see you, Monday fam. Keep looking on the bright side.
Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Hey fam Today on the bright Side, we're talking pop
culture and later, flirt coach Ben Camrauss is here to
tell us how we can all bring more big flirt
energy into our lives. It's Flirty Friday, June seventh. I'm
Simone Boyce.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
You said that so flirty.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright side from
Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Okay, Danielle, it's Friday. We're kicking off the weekend with
big Olympics news. I am so excited about this. We
know that the Paris Olympics are fast approaching, but for
the first time ever, we will be able to watch
the Paris Games in movie theaters across the country.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
This is the coolest thing since sliced bread.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
This is the coolest thing.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Awesome.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I am so excited for this. Like clear my schedule.
You know, my family and I we do Friday night
movie nights. My oldest son is obsessed with movies, and
so we have this tradition, like we get candy and
popcorn and we all sit down and like you know,
really focus on the movie together. It's a thing we
do together. I can't wait to do this with my kids.
I'm going to bring them to the Olympics. Introduce them
(01:10):
to the Olympics this way.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
It's so cool.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I don't know who thought of this, but whoever did
is brilliant because I think it's re energizing and reinvigorating
people to a go to the movie theaters and b
watched the Olympics in a really celebratory way. Like I
remember when I was a kid watching the Olympics with
my family. It was an appointment, Like we were all
so excited to watch. We would watch in the family room.
(01:33):
I would sit on the ground and I just was
like so excited. I think this has the opportunity to
bring that excitement back. Okay, while we're on the topic
of sports, we have to talk Caitlyn Clark. In a
WNBA game on Sunday night, Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark
was followed by Chicago skyguard Kennedy Carter and it got
so many people talking. She Caitlyn Clark played at Iowa.
(01:57):
For anybody who didn't watch March Madness, was the former
University of Iowa star and she became the all time
college leading scorer last season and is one of the
reasons that the WNBA is getting so much more media coverage,
but she's not playing at.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
The same level that she did in college.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
And there's a lot of conversation about the WNBA veteran
players giving her a hard time because she came into
the league with all this hype and all this prestige
and they're trying to like take her down a notch,
which happens all the time in the NBA. Like it
happened to Lebron and Kobe, it happens to everybody.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, I mean, this story has really taken on a
life of its own. It's been the lead story on
so many cable networks, broadcast networks. Danielle, I know you
have some strong opinions on this. What's your take.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Women that have been covering the WNBA have really been
longing for mainstream coverage for the WNBA. Just to put
this into perspective, When I first started covering women's sports,
women's sports received three point two percent of the airtime.
In twenty nineteen, that doubled to six percent. But like,
do you know how many sports shows talked about every
(03:02):
second of Tom Brady's career and then glossed over Srina
Williams game winning moments.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah, it was just so icky.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
And now the WNBA is receiving a little bit more
mainstream coverage for the first time, and a lot of
these sports anchors and reporters and hosts are male, and
they don't know how to talk about it. And Jamel
Hill wrote a really great piece in The Atlantic that
came out this week, and she talks about the double
standards in sports media that men are allowed to brag
(03:30):
about how much they don't know about women's sports and
it's not considered disqualifying. Like, can you imagine if Jamel
Hill or Carrie Champion or CHRISA. Thompson or Aaron Andrews
bragged about not knowing something about the NFL or the NBA.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Oh, they would lose their jobs immediately. I mean, women
don't get the same chances that men get in that respect.
I have watched a lot of the discourse around this moment,
and something that stands out to me is to be
this protective sentiment around Caitlin Clark and people in the
(04:06):
media sports broadcasters have been really willing to jump to
her defense and protect her in light of this foul
during that game on Sunday night. But what a lot
of female sports broadcasters are pointing out, people like my
friend Monica McNutt, who's been covering basketball and women's sports
for years. They're saying, listen, this is just athleticism. This
(04:30):
is a physical sport. This is a competitive game, and
we wouldn't be having the same reaction if it were
men doing this. We don't have the same reaction, We
don't blow it out of proportion. So I think you're right.
I mean they are. Actually there's so many layers to this,
and I think that people like Monica McNutt and Carrie
Champion and Jamel Hill are right to point out the
double standards here.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
So there's like a competitive element of this that you mentioned,
which is like there's a debate about their trash talk
and their sportsmanship. And I think it's because we're used
to seeing women perform with their bodies instead of compete
with their bodies.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And it's all really exciting.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
It's making the WNBA more fun to watch, in my opinion,
and like the fans are invested in it. Male fans
are starting to become more invested in it. Male anchors
are starting to talk about it more. And I just
think that we've been waiting years for this kind of
attention and eyeballs, and now here they are. So I
(05:29):
actually think all of this is really positive. Like the
more we're talking about it, the absolute better.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Well, this summer is heating up. I mean we're only
a couple of weeks into June and we've got games,
we've got triumph, we've got even a little bit of conflict.
I think all we need now is some romance, and
that's what we're going to be talking about on today's show.
And Danielle, I have to bring up this show to
you that I started watching. It's an older show. It's
really good. It's about four girlfriends living in New York
(05:57):
City and one of them is a columnist and she
writes about her sex life and lives of other women
and their sexual encounters and it's just so entertaining. It's
called Sex and the City. Have you have you heard
of it? I'm so confused. Why are you bringing this
(06:19):
up now?
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You know that I own the box.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Set and that I've watched every episode twelve times.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Why didn't you ever tell me to watch it before?
It's so good?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Did you start watching it?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Finally? I did? I did started to watching it. I'm
getting caught up to sweet I still I'm on season three.
I have a long way to go, but I'm here
for it. I'm into it.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Land don't rush it, enjoy every moment.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
And this is perfect because after the break we're talking
to flirt Coach Ben Camras. He's here to talk to
us about the art of flirting, how to take the
pressure off, and the best ways to make a connection.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
We'll be right back. Welcome back.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
We've got another round of Catching Feelings where we dive
into all things dating and relationships, and today we're talking
about flirting.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Summer, aka the flirtiest time of year is right around
the corner, and single or not, maybe you want to
level up your flirting girl energy and bring some fun
into your relationships. So here to help us get flirty
is our newest bright Side Bestie, flirt Coach, Benjamin Cameras.
Welcome Benjamin.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Hello, Hello, I am so excited to be here and
talk about flirting today.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Okay, Benjamin Flirting Coach, a flirt coach. This is a
new title for me. How does one earn this title?
Is it appointed to you? Is it a self proclaimed title?
Speaker 4 (07:54):
It is definitely self proclaimed. Embracing my true identity who
I really am, which is to help the world flirt.
That's why I'm here, and ultimately to help the world
just make more connections. And I had a whole career
before this where I was a city planner, commuting to
my office job every day and just knew It's not
like there was necessarily something better or more out there
(08:15):
for me, but something different. I knew I wasn't on
the right path. And even when I was a planner,
I was so interested in exploring connections and how we
design our cities and our built environments in such a
way as to maybe inspire connections or not. Something that's
been so important in my own life as just the shy,
(08:36):
introverted person like something I really struggled with, And so
I just love helping people put themselves out there and flirt.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
I am so interested to hear that you were shy
and introverted, because when you think flirt coach, I almost
think of like a meme of someone batting their eyes
and being really extroverted and over the top. But yeah,
you have these really interesting ways of teaching people how
to flirt in a way that works for them. How
did you personally learn how to flirt.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
I see now, it's something that has come naturally to me.
I didn't know it was flirting growing up or when
I was a kid, but always looking to make those
intentional connections, being a really good listener and just really
looking to bring a smile to someone's face, being able
to share energy. Right when I leave an interaction, I
just want to make an impression, so to speak, just
be like, Wow, we had a really good conversation, had
(09:25):
a moment, And that's so much of what the flirt
is about. It's just about having a connection. And so
coming into it when I was very shy and introverted
and socially anxious all the things, and still am. So
even this is challenging. It's definitely outside of my comfort zone.
But I hope to be a source of inspiration for
people that may have been helding themselves back or perhaps
(09:46):
putting a lot of pressure on themselves that the flirt
has to be a performance of sorts. No, let's dispel
all of that. And I love just breaking it down
and giving people practical tools they can use to make connections. Yeah,
I I come at it in so many different ways.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
It takes me back to college because we used to
go out three nights a week, and I would go
to these bars with my friends, and I didn't like
to go out. I didn't like to drink, and I
would end up in a corner sitting with one person
for three or four hours, and I'd look over at
my friends and they'd be laughing at me, like, what
is she doing? Why is she with this one person
the whole night? She's over there with her listening face.
(10:22):
And they always felt like I was flirting with them
and I wasn't. Why do you think listening can come
off as flirting?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
It's so important because so much about flirting and about
listening is about consideration. One of my big things is
going into the flirt with no expectations. You're not going
into the flirt necessarily, especially if this is someone you've
never seen before, to just immediately compliment, compliment, get the
number right, first date kind of thing. No, taking all
the pressure off of yourself in that way, and just
(10:50):
looking to make that connection and consider where is this
person coming from, where are we meeting, what is the
energy like, and so just bringing it down to really
the baseline and making it always about connection. I just
feel like it's so important as we are out there
dating and looking to enter into relationships, and certainly when
we're in relationships too, I think the flirt is just
(11:11):
as important.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
So flirting is a skill. Some people have it, others
might need to just work on that skill a little
bit more. And I have to tell you, I thought
I was a good flirt until I started hanging out
with this one girlfriend of mine and I watched her
work and I was just in awe. I was like, Damn,
she's so good at this. She sealed the deal, like
she's just a master at it. So what is it
(11:33):
that separates the great flirts, the professionals from the amateurs.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Truly, everyone has that entner flirt that they can unleash
it any time. It definitely can come with practice, it
can be a learned skill. But one of the things
that I find is in the flirt it's about the
sharing of energy, so being able to give it and
then also be able to receive it back. I know
that was one of the hardest parts for me, is
(11:58):
say you're looking to make it. Can you're sharing a
compliment something like that, expressing interest in some way. Well,
then when it gets turned around on you and you
get some of that interest and attention back. That might
be the part that's scarier when you start to freeze
up a little bit. So playing with that intention and
receptivity in the flirt, that giving and sharing of energy
and attention and really being okay with receiving it back,
(12:21):
that's something that is going to make a really really
good flirt.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I feel like we're using broad terms giving receiving, Like,
I want to know how you think we need to flirt.
You have these five sort of dimensions. Can you break
them down for us?
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Yeah, the five d's. The five dimensions of the flirt
are the energetic dimension. You've got the intellectual, the spiritual,
the emotional, and the physical. And so why I developed
this is to really help people understand perhaps how they
like to flirt, what maybe some of their natural flirt
skills or tendencies are, and then also how they're being
flirted with. So a classic example is say you're out
(13:00):
in public, you're at a bar, a cafe, something like that,
and someone comes over, taps you on the shoulder maybe
and is just like immediately interested in you, physically complimenting
your attractiveness. Something like that. Well, we've got a one
dimensional flirt. We've got a one d flirt there that's
only flirting in the physical dimension, and I want to
see all five these. I want to see it layered.
(13:20):
I really designed this in many ways to help answer
one of the top questions I get, which is how
do I know if someone is flirting or being nice?
Kind of the classic question. Well, let's break it down.
How many dimensions of the flirt do you see present?
If it's just one dimension, well, we kind of know
what that person's intentions are, or at least where they're at,
(13:41):
where they're flirting from.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
So how many dimensions do you need for it to
be a flirt?
Speaker 4 (13:44):
I mean, I want to see at least three. I
want to see some maybe the physical dimension paired with
some emotional and energetic Right, So we're asking some questions,
We're expressing interest beyond just appearance. We're getting into sort
of who are you kind of thing, ask some of
those deeper questions, exploring some meaning, exploring a connection, and
sharing that energy all the while.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
As a journalist and someone who has studied communication now
for many years, I see so many overlapping qualities between
good communication and what you're describing as flirting, like, first
of all, listening genuine curiosity.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I have to tell you from my personal experience, men
will think I'm flirting with them and I'm not. I'm
just being a journalist. How do you disengage the energy
when you don't want to receive the flirt?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
What do you think of a lite way is to disengage?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
I hear this sometimes, and it's just about asserting that
boundary when and if you need to and being totlly
okay with you know what. I'm just not in the
mood for this flirt. I'm not really feeling the energy
or attention. And it's all good, right. You got to just, yeah,
exit the flirt if and when you feel like you
need to.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
You have to flee the flirt.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Yes, flee the flir.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What are some of the most common mistakes people make
when flirting?
Speaker 4 (15:03):
They go into it sometimes too hot and fast, like
way too strong. Like let's just say you're at a
coffee shop or something and you see someone that you
perhaps find attractive they sort of caught your eye kind
of thing, instead of like walking right over to them,
tapping them on the shoulder, perhaps catching them off guard.
Let's work into it a little bit. So establishing the
flirt nonverbally first can be so much fun. You're catching
(15:26):
eye contact, you're sort of smiling and grinning a little bit.
Are you sort of playing with a piece of jewelry
or maybe your hair, a piece of clothing, playing with
that intention and receptivity of interest first and getting that
permission and consent to then all right, let's go have
a conversation, and then starting at it from just even hello,
(15:47):
my name is right, how are you? It's you don't
have to necessarily reinvent the wheel with some extravagant, over
the top pickup line. It's because you're just looking to
make that connection first and foremost, is this someone that
wants to have a conversation back.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
You brought up consent and permission, and I think that
that's so important even with flirting, because flirting can make
some women or just people in general feel unsafe.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yes, that's something I'm definitely really aware of and I
always want to be mindful of, just knowing how I
navigate the flirt as a gay man and flirting with
other gay men primarily, but the flirt is not created
equal in that way, and so I want to be
very aware and mindful of just how we're giving and
receiving flirts, knowing we navigate it differently and have different
experiences just based on who we are in many.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Ways, you know, so much of the flirt happens online nowadays.
I love emphasizing the real life flirt. How do we
put this into practical terms? So if I'm in a
grocery store and I see someone cute, what.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Should I do?
Speaker 4 (16:45):
One thing I love is just making an observation. So
if you're sort of in your head thinking about, oh,
I don't know what to say, or you're already psyching
yourself out like they're going to reject me kind of thing,
they won't be interested. No, we're not going there yet.
We're not approaching them and looking to flirt with the
specific intention or purpose of I have to get their number. Remember,
no expectations. It just comes back to the connection. And
(17:08):
so if you're unsure what to say, making it an observation.
So what do they have in their cart? What does
it look like they may be making for dinner that evening?
Or perhaps did you see something interesting the cult your
eye or do you have did you grab a similar item,
or where you are you in the store, what music
is playing in the store. So just making an observation,
and that is already going to give you a point
of connection because you have something in common. You're both
(17:30):
in the same place, you're both grocery shopping, and then
see how the flirt evolves from there.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
You actually have a lot of grocery store flirting experience
because as you're building this incredibly engaged online community around flirting,
you also work at Trader Joe's and have I would
imagine that you've learned a lot about interpersonal dynamics through
that job, right, and like learn how to make those
(17:55):
observations and look for details, because let's just get it
out there. Where Trader Joe's clerks are flirts. Okay, I
don't know what it is. They put flirting in the
background check process, the resume process. Y'all be flirting with
me all the time. We do have that reputation.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
We are known for being people people. Yes, at Trader
Joe's and where I am a crew member and it's
so much fun.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
What have you learned from being a crew member there
that you are able to apply to flirting expertise?
Speaker 4 (18:26):
It's something you mentioned earlier that stands out, and that
is to be curious, because you just never know where
someone is at what they're going through on any given day.
And that's one of the things I just I always
try and be helpful. I'm always looking to make those
points of connection. And right you come in my line,
I'm going to ask you some questions, just get to
know you a little bit. I'm hoping to put a
(18:46):
smile on your face as you're leaving the store, like
I just want to be a part of the reason
that you had a better day, and so to be curious,
to go into it always with the beginner's mind and
just dropping the expectations, dropping the assumptions, and just looking
to make that connection.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
We need to take a quick break, but we'll be
right back. Stay with us.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
And we're back.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
What are the best nonverbal ways you can flirt with someone?
And what if you can't tell if someone is flirting
back or not.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Definitely it's going to be body language. One of the
things that can stand out is just with the way
you're orienting your overall bodies, so like your feet and
your shoulders, if you're sort of turned to the side
or a little bit crossed or have that closed body
position that might signal that you're not super open, But
just being a little bit open and expressive can help.
(19:43):
Playing with the eye contact where I call it the
flirt double take, but it's where you make that point
of eye contact and then take it away. Maybe you
look somewhere else. You're tilting your head a little bit.
But when it comes to is this a flirt or not?
I don't want you in your head over analyzing. Oh
my god, I just they just said this thing, or
(20:04):
oh what should I say next?
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
Do they like me? Are they interested? That is going
to completely take you out of the flirt. You're totally
thinking your way through the flirt now, and I would
much rather someone get out of your head and into
the flirt. I know it's a really hard transition to make.
We live our lives from our head, but if we
can start to live our loves more from the place
of our heart, I just I love it. I love
(20:27):
the flirt so much. That's what I have to say.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Okay, but how about the opposite of this. Is there
a way to come in too hot? Because when you're
telling me about some of this body language. I'm like,
oh my god, I could never do that.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
You can come into hot if this is someone right
you don't know, you've never seen before, depending on where
you're meeting, and tapping them on the back of the
shoulder or something like that, and you haven't even made
eye contact, they're not even aware that you're there, or
you're coming in and you're immediately like, oh, I think
you're just so hot. I think you're so pretty. Can
I get your number?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
What? What?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Like?
Speaker 4 (20:58):
No, that is not that's a question. That's not a flirt.
So if you're coming in with an explicit expectation that
the flirt has to end with a specific result or outcome,
that's when you're coming in too hot, really, regardless of
what actions play out in the flirt.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
And flirting can also be used even when you're in
a long term relationship, right Like so for people like
me who've been married for over a decade, now, how
do we sharpen our flirting skills even in the context
of long term relationships?
Speaker 4 (21:29):
So much of the flirt, like for me, I often
describe it as a warm, tingly feeling, Like when you're
in the flirt and you start smiling, you get sort
of that giddy gren like you maybe even get a
little bit warm feeling. It's just exciting. Well, that's your energy,
that's your vibration being raised in real time. That's the
experience that you're feeling in that moment. So if you
(21:51):
perhaps are kind of in a routine, things are somewhat consistent,
breaking it up. One of the examples I love and
this comes from my mom and my stepdad and this
is so much fun. So they got just this pack
of action figures from probably the Dollar store something like that,
and they will hide them all over the house. You'll
find them very randomly. Sometimes you may find a bunch
(22:12):
in one day. Sometimes if it was a good hiding space,
it may be a week. But then on that action
figure it'll say something like I love you, or date
night tonight, or we're watching our favorite show tonight, let's
like catch up on episodes or something like that. And
so it's just bringing a little bit of excitement, anticipation,
(22:32):
some momentum, perhaps breaking up a day to day routine
sort of what life may look like consistently and bringing
in just a little bit of flirt energy. Big flirt energy, Yes,
big flirt energy.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
You know, speaking of that, how do you determine what
somebody else's flirt language is?
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Well, I have a flirt styles quiz. The four main
flirt styles are physical, playful, sincere, and traditional, and they're
going to in many ways a lot with the five
dimensions of the flirt too. And so what does it
seem like someone is doing when they're flirting. Are they
sort of always going to what they can see, expressing
(23:11):
interest and attraction around appearance something like that, or do
they bring a lot of humor? Are they really playful?
Do they seem like they have a lot like they
want to have a lot of fun in the flirt.
They may even roast you a little bit, right, there
may kind of be a back and forth. Well, that
is going to be more of the playful flirt, which
is my dominant flirt style. The sincere flirt is going
(23:32):
to be more about exploring those meaningful connections through questions
and storytelling and really getting to know people in that way.
And then you've got the traditional flirt, which is generally
based around sort of traditional courtship rituals kind of things.
So in terms of like pacing, you may opt for
more phone calls and as opposed to text messages or
(23:53):
something like that. So that's going to more so play
out in terms of how you may date. But those
are the forming flit styles.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
I actually have a follow up on that.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Do you think it's always better to get to the
point or better to be playful.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Like when you're asking questions.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
When you're flirting.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
I love being playful with it. And so when you're
able to layer it with some fun and some humor,
and everybody can do it right. Everyone has their own
sense of humor. And then you bring in some sincerity
through storytelling and questions, and then maybe you do want
to express some interests you find them attractive, and so
now we're giving some compliments. We're giving and sharing that energy.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
What's the best way you've been flirted with for me?
Speaker 4 (24:35):
When someone is asking questions? Ultimately I'm with you on that,
as opposed to someone coming in and just immediately like,
you know, compliment number kind of thing, and so being
really direct in that way and more so exploring getting
to know me a little bit, Like that's what I
ultimately love when someone can be an active listener back,
when they can seem like they can hold the space
(24:56):
when they're expressing interest beyond just what they're seeing or
beyond what they want. When I can see that those
expectations aren't there and I'm able to let my guard
down and just be me, it's such a beautiful experience.
Our God is up a lot of the time, and
when you can let that down and be vulnerable and
really just express yourself and what's on your mind, that's
(25:18):
I mean, I feel in my heart right now. That's
a flirt for me. That is the best way I've
been flirted with. It doesn't happen all the time, but
I love when it does.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Simon, how does Michael flirt with you?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
That's a good question. I think physical touch. I think
he will start like kind of like giving me a
massage or like a foot massage. Your girl loves a
good foot rub. I mean, who doesn't, So I think
it's physical touch. Yeah. How about you, Danielle, how do
you prefer to be flirted with?
Speaker 3 (25:43):
I've been thinking about that this whole interview. I like questions,
but I like an observant person. You know, people in
LA don't really ask me out, but if I'm in
New York, I get more random people like talking to
me on the street or in a bar, and in
Chicago too. I think people are just like more apt
(26:04):
to talk to you, and I like when they notice
something or if you can start with humor, I'm in
love with you, it's over for me. We can just
get married tomorrow. So like a really great corny pickup line. No,
it's all of that. I think what Benjamin said about
an observation over an action that makes me feel safe
(26:27):
because I think women are taken off guard a lot.
If someone's like, hey, you're beautiful, I want to go out,
it's like, oh.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah, we'll talk about being on guard all the time.
I mean, you have to be on guard when you're
walking through the streets. Like cat calling is like for
some reason some men think that that's flirting. It's not.
But that's just one of the things that just puts
us on edge. So I think you're right, like a
really thoughtful observation can kind of take the edge off.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
If you are attracted to the person that comes up
to you, it doesn't really matter, like you're just gonna
be like, you're gonna go with it, and if you're
not interested, you're gonna be annoyed and put away. It
feels like you just have to have like the hutspu
to say the first thing, just make the first move, right.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
I agree, making the first move, and then right once
we work into the conversation, into the flirt a little bit,
then you might bring in some of that physical dimension
of the flirt and start to layer it a little
bit more because now you've opened it up with some storytelling.
I hope if you're still in it right, feeling more
comfortable getting to know each other, and then we can
start to explore some other points of interest.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I think people aka myself would really love to hear
what you think a good digital first flirt is, how
do you connect with somebody online?
Speaker 4 (27:38):
You can layer the flirt in many ways, in many
of the same ways you would in person too, So
following each other first and foremost, that's like baseline first layer.
So they're at least going to get that notification probably
of oh so and so followed me, and then start
to leave a little bit of that digital trail. So
we're liking a post, we're watching a story, we're reacting
(27:58):
to a story, start to convey a little bit of interest,
like hey, I'm here, I see what you're posting, and
then we can start commenting if perhaps you wanted to
do it publicly, or if you don't want to do that,
sending them their own post or asking them a question
on their story, so it creates now a DM. I
think that's one of the best ways if you're looking
(28:20):
to slide into the DMS is comment on a story
something they've already posted. It's not as public as a
feed post, but it's going to get you into the DMS,
and then we can play with Okay, are they just reacting?
Are they just liking it? Harding it? Do they have
something to say back? Now we're in the DMS and
we can play a little bit there. So I think
(28:40):
the general progression and how to layer the flirt online
is to get into the DMS.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
If that's the case, then Danielle and I have flirt
all the time. Benjamin, thank you so much. It's been
so fun flirting with you today.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Thanks y'all so much for having me on the bright
side to talk about flirting. This was really really wonderful.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Thanks Benjamin.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Ben Jamin Cameras is a flirt coach and influencer. For
more flirty feels, follow him on social Media at Benjamin Cameras.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
That's it for today's show. On Monday, we'll be starting
off the week with financial feminist Tory Dunlap. She's giving
us all the ways to get more bang for your buck.
Listen and follow The bright Side on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
The bright Side is a production of Hello Sunshine and
iHeart Podcasts and is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Production by Arcana Audio. Courtney Gilbert is our associate producer.
Our producers are Steph Brown, Jessica Wank, and Olivia Briley.
Our engineer is PJ. Shahamatt, and our senior producers are
Izzy Keithaniya, Jennie Yamoka and Amy Padula.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Arcana's executive producers are Francis Harlowe and Abby Ruzika. Arcana's
head of production is Matt Schultz.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Natalie Tulluck and Maureen Polo are the executive producers for
Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Julia Weaver is the supervising producer, and Ali Perry is
the executive producer for iHeart Podcasts. Tim Palazzola is our showrunner.
This week's episodes were recorded by Graham Gibson, Carl Catl,
Jessica Crinchitch, Bahith Fraser.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Our theme song is by Anna Stump and Hamilton lighthauser.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Special thanks to Connell Byrne and Will Pearson.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I'm Simone Boyce. You can find me at Simone Boyce
on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
And I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok. That's ro
o b A.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Y see you, Monday fam. Keep looking on the bright side.
Hosts And Creators
Simone Boyce
Danielle Robay
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