Cussler Hustlers

BREAKING! A once-in-a-century weather event happened again, making recording this week logistically impossible. So, to tide everyone over, here is the REMIXED AND REMASTERED Season 1 of Cussler Hustlers, The Mediterranean Caper in its entirety! Well, not COMPLETELY in its entirety... the biggest digressions, wanderings, meanderings, off-topic diatribes and pet noises have been removed. But the sound quality has been dramatically im...

At last, the Promise of the Premise had arrived! Major characters arrive in the desert, but unfortunately they miss out on all the searing hot cannibal-on-cannibal action. Our nominal heroes successfully complete A Science, and are immediately ensnared by the unfortunately competent military forces of a corrupt West African warlord. Pitt takes his ball and goes home. Giordino tries to add a blonde to his collection. Rudi utilizes h...

Our saga continues with... meetings! Dinner dates! Evil conferences! Sweaty detente! Political palaver! It's... it's... ok, it's kind of a lot of exposition, but we paused right before West Africa explodes into nightmarish violence absolutely not instigated by a couple of white men who don't know how to ask politely. Dirk refuses the call to action. Giordino gets black pilled. Eva is concerned about her lower GI tract. Sandecker is...

IT BEGINS! Sahara, the long-awaited start to the Modern Pitt Era. Not one, not two, but THREE prologues set the stage for a mystery that seems... well, not that mysterious, to be honest. They basically tell us directly who the bad guy is, and what the evil plot is, but there's so many unanswered questions floating around and it's clear Clive is having a blast. Marvel at the competent story structure! Gasp in awe at the nearly-respe...

A much delayed Pitt Stop this week! Nancy was originally going to host a How It's Made about adhesives, but she got pulled down a new hyperfixation during her research, so MOST of this week's episode is about Diseases That Present As Madness! Get ready to get bummed out about rare diseases, and HOPEFULLY excited for all the great advancements being made in the medical world! In an episode that's apparently all tangents, we also ram...

This week we take a distracted detour through the land of parallel fiction and meet Cussler Hustler's iconic new action hero! Fitzroy Scott is the scion of a billionaire tech magnate, he's the sexy man all the ladies want... and he works at the post office! When a random parcel from 200 years ago sets off his radiation detector, Fitzy is pulled into a world of tropical intrigue, deadly oligarchs and imperialist revolution! Can he t...

Although we start the episode discussing how best to shave your hog, this REALLY IS the explosive climax of our tenth Dirk Pitt Adventure! Just like how there's no rule that says a dog can't play basketball, there's no rules against Peace Crimes, and that conceit gets stretched to its absolute limit. Multiple nukes are detonated, and the only lasting fallout is some early retirement with benefits from some Japanese officials who mi...

Grab your Soup Helmets, everyone, and buckle in for some high-flying, robot-zapping, Toshie-squeezing high-octane excitement! Bombs go off, but nothing gets damaged. Dirk dogfights the Japanese military, but no-one gets hurt. And finally, the villainous villains at the heart of our story drop the hammer and NUKE AMERICA... destroying one farmer and his horse. Honestly, it's probably a good thing Dirk gets to go back underwater at t...

The caper has been foiled, people! Everyone has been captured, all of America's plans were for naught, and now Dirk is going to be hunted for sport. But first... Welcome To The Great Kaiten Bake-Off! Your hosts, Topper and Nancy, are here to be your guides through the unnecessarily detailed world of Japanese haute cuisine and supervillain monologues.

Twitter: ⁠https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHustlers⁠ Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagr...

We've finally got a caper, people! High-tech hijinks! The US government decides to send the COMPETENT spies into Ajima Island and Project Kaiten (after some... questionable plastic surgery), and our plucky heroes Al and Dirk are press-ganged into being a distraction, something they're uniquely qualified for. Artificial intelligence proves that it's a sound investment. Toshie proves that she's a sound investment. Dirk blows up a bun...

And suddenly... a FAX arrives! Terrible, horrible, no-good very-bad fates await most of the secondary characters in this episode, which I feel is a nice way to cull the chaff and keep Dirk focused! In the middle of it, though, Dirk has to fly to West Germany and relieve a former Nazi tank-driving farmer of his accidental Nazi loot. And maybe a fighter jet. And a painting. Really, it all seems a little convenient. How many more epis...

Dirk and Al start recruiting their Avengers Super Team. The Pitt family tree expands to include one of the men who helped create the atomic bomb. What's better, sushi or sausage pizza? Who's the real sidepiece, Dirk or Loren? How many classic cars does it take to make every woman on the planet horny? And perhaps most importantly, the final essential piece of the Cussler Formula has finally appeared... Cussler Himself! We hit the br...

Longer episode time! Dirk finally allows himself to feel emotion, then decides to make it his whole personality. A woman dares to have a secret, and must be punished accordingly. Japanese far-right ultra-nationalists decide to try American-style diplomacy. Clive predicts the Department of Homeland Security, except in his utopia they're understaffed and underfunded. Also, check out Nancy on Dork Forest with Jackie Kashian this week!

Short episode this week, folks! Nancy caught the plague, and following the plot of a Cussler novel was too physically and mentally taxing (we've all been there, right?) Dirk Pitt goes for a leisurely Sunday drive at the bottom of the ocean. Giordino rages at the heavens and rends his clothes asunder. Flandecker eats a cigar. The full might of the US Government manages to figure out which country tried to nuke them (the choices bein...

It's Hot Dirk Summer as we dive into a new book! We dive into the extreme action with not one, but TWO different atomic weapons (though to be fair, only one of them goes off). Submarine disasters? You bet! Secret underwater lairs? And how! Prolonged digressions into the quantum existence of the female protagonist's breasts? I mean, it wouldn't be a Cussler book without it! Dirk faces death with a stoic grin, while Giordino rends hi...

International Terrorism: It's everywhere you want to be! It's certainly anywhere DIRK goes! Seriously, they should have a global travel warning permanently attached to Dirk Pitt, like he's Vash the Stampede or something. America speedruns the false flag attacks, the migrant caravans, the extrajudicial killings, and the anti-democratic foreign meddling, because that's what heroes do. Oh, and Dirk has creaky old man sex. ¡Qué padre!

...

VIOLENCE! Oh baby, the promise of the premise is finally paying off! Dirk gets blown up by a grenade, but fortunately he was near a filing cabinet, so he's fine. Everybody gets shot, but our heroes are wearing bullet-attracting vests. Rudi gets sent on an important mission, and manages to succeed by being racist. And Ammar... well... I don't think I'm allowed to say what happens to him in this description. It might get the episode ...

More terrorists! More special forces! And finally, VIOLENCE! ...almost! We're so, so close to the violence, everyone. Please don't go. Dirk schools the best of the best of the best about icebergs. Hala makes some terrible, terrible relationship choices. Yazid and Topiltzin are betrayed by their 23 And Me results. Ultra-high-altitude covert reconnaissance flights are the ideal location for self-love. Will Ammar get away with it, or ...

The Lady Flamborough pulls a David Copperfield out of Uruguay and flees to the Antarctic! You don't need to be suspicious of anyone with a gun as a political conference, because clearly they're SUPPOSED to be there! Dirk has some off-screen couch loving while his dad's being press-ganged into an elite terrorist organization! Mexico prepares to invade the United States! This book is BONKERS... and yet, it all still just feels like s...