March 26, 2025 • 16 mins
The Netflix series Adolescence isn’t just gripping television—it’s a wake-up call about the hidden struggles of modern boyhood. In this episode, we unpack the toxic pressures shaping boys today, from social media’s influence to the outdated expectations of masculinity. How do we protect our sons from a system that fails them? What can parents do to guide them toward healthy manhood? Let’s explore the hard truths and actionable steps every parent needs to know.
KEY POINTS:
-
Adolescence forces us to ask not who committed the crime, but why?
-
The "Man Box" and "Boy Code" are shaping boys in ways many parents don’t realize.
-
Social media is accelerating boys’ exposure to toxic masculinity.
-
Boys like Jamie aren’t born violent—this ecosystem shapes them.
-
Schools, parents, and tech companies all play a role in this crisis.
PERSONAL STORIES SHARED:
-
How watching Adolescence made me rewrite parts of my book on raising boys.
-
My conversation with Rebecca Sparrow after losing my nephew to suicide.
-
The moment in the show that left me heartbroken as a parent.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"Boys believe their eyes more than their ears. If we don’t like the versions of masculinity on offer, it’s up to us to fix that." — Richard Reeves
KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:
-
Our boys are absorbing toxic messages about masculinity online every day.
-
Shame, social rejection, and fragile identity can lead to devastating consequences.
-
We must actively shape a healthier vision of masculinity for our sons.
-
Prevention starts at home—monitor, guide, and connect with your boys.
RESOURCES:
-
Adolescence (Netflix series)
-
Richard Reeves’ insights on masculinity
- The Bringing Up Boys Summit (half price!)
- Review of Adolescence [Article]
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
- Monitor your child's online activity and social influences.
- Have regular conversations about emotions, identity, and self-worth.
- Limit screen time and encourage real-world friendships.
- Foster strong adult mentorship in your child's life.
- Make sure your son hears these three words often: No matter what.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
The Netflix series Adolescence has absolutely taken the world by storm.
It's important and we're going to discuss it today. Welcome
to the Happy Families podcast Real Parenting Solutions every day
on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and
Kylie Coulson, and we sat down. Didn't really want to
(00:28):
watch this show, I think would that be a fair
a fair way to say it. We knew it was
going to be heavy, we knew it was going to
be serious, and we wanted something light. But nevertheless, on
our wedding anniversary it was not fine, we said, and
we watched two episodes and then the next day we
finished it off, and we need to talk about Adolescence.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Bye, I haven't done anything.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Here's the plotline. Here's the synopsis. Adolescence opens with a jolt.
You and I looked at each other, couldn't believe what
was going on. Police officers shattered the dawn and the
front door of a suburban home to arrest a thirteen
year old boy, Jamie Miller, for the murder of Katie Leonard,
a schoolmate just a couple of years older than him.
This is not a who done it? We know the perpetrated.
(01:19):
From the beginning, he pleads and pleads and pleads that
he's innocent. You want to believe him, don't you want
to believe This is a terrible mistake. But instead of
being a murder mystery, the rest of the series is
very much about confronting I think a far more unsettling question,
and that is why, why did this happen? It's shattering,
it's just devastating. And as soon as all of this occurred,
(01:42):
we looked at each other and said something along the
lines of what is going on here? Like, what does
the system do this for? Why are we breaking down
doors of thirteen year old boys? What is going on here?
It was tragic from the outset.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
That's it, Oh me, it's a cuge. He hasn't been
found guilty, been accused. Can you do not do anything
to Bardi's I'm sorry, they're entitled to.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
There's a lot of talk at the moment about people
pathologizing their difficult events in life and then calling it trauma.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Everything's traumatic yet, But.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
When I watch this experience unfold from the outset, for
the parents, for his sister, for him, in spite of
his guilt, it is traumatic. The system just creates so
much trauma.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
So let's talk about a couple of things that we
just need to get clear at the outset. First thing,
nothing can, nothing should diminish the shattering reality that Katie's
life was violently taken. It's devastating. It's how do you
find words. I don't know, words really important. I've written
about this before, but how do you find words to
describe the landscape of grief that her family now has
to navigate.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I mean, just but it's not just her family. There's
a whole community that is now having to cope, deal
with confront the reality that she's not there.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Definitely, maybe maybe I can put it this way. They're
the primary casualties of this catastrophe.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
But then there's also his parents.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
That's right, So this is not it's.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Not there's just not one victim in this.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
And the show makes that really clear. I don't want
to take away from the fact that a young girl's
life was taken, that that's the that's the primary concern here,
But the show then shifts to it and says why,
and then you see the ripple effect. You see the
ramifications in the lives of the parents in the lives
of the big sister, the utter, utter devastation that occurs
(03:39):
in everyone's life who is touched by this awful tragedy.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
But I do you sometimes think we should have stopped it.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Seeing it and stopped it.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
We can't do later then what she said, it's an
awful I can't blame ourself, but we made them.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
So I'm writing my book about raising boys. In fact,
I'm in the process of finishing the conclusion. This TV
show made me have to rewrite a whole lot of
stuff in my book, which I was so grateful for.
And here's our challenge with Jamie. We've got this kid
who's been raised in a home with loving parents. Were
they perfect, not even close, but they are loving parents,
(04:24):
and they've done their best to give him a good education.
He's a smart kid, but he has been transformed, I
would say, methodically, by a toxic ecosystem that most parents
fail to comprehend. And I think that's why the show
has dropped like a bomb across our entire Western society,
(04:44):
because parents simply aren't aware of what's going on. Eight
percent of women are attracted to twenty percent of men.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
You must trick them because you'll never get them in
a normal way.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Do you think, though, that parents are watching this and
just it as a really far fetched storyline that would
never occur to them, Like, does this hit home that
this is actually someone's reality and it could be mine
if I don't take precautions to pre arm my child
(05:16):
and my family in general. Do you really think that
this is seeping in and the messages getting out to
people that it actually it takes a village, an entire village.
It's not just about mum and dad doing their job.
It's about the school system doing their job. It's about
law enforcement doing their like, it's about the community at
(05:37):
large taking responsibility for the system that we are either
part of creating or part of indulging.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Okay, so let me respond to the first part of
your question, and that is, do you think that it's
something that parents are really going to absorb Because there's
a murder that's taken place, Let's pretend that that didn't happen.
Let's just have a look at what's happening daily in
the lives of our children. A couple of weeks ago,
on my Facebook page, we had a week of NonStop
conversation and content around the misogynistic, horrendous threats that primarily
(06:11):
boys are making towards girls in schools. Parents unfortunately don't
get it, and our kids hide it from us completely
in every way. So this has real world implications for
every single family. The likelihood that anyone who's listened to
this right now is going to have a son who's
going to go and commit this kind of heinous and
treacherous crime very very very unlikely. But the likelihood that
(06:35):
anyone who's listened to this right now is going to
have a child who will either be a perpetrator or
a victim of some kind of misogynistic or abusive behavior
almost almost guaranteed. And so the conversation really, I mean,
this is a podcast with real parenting solutions. The conversation
has to be brought back to what's going on with
the system. Jamie wasn't born violence in his veins. Jamie
(06:56):
and countless boys like him are. Actually I'm going to
turn the perpetrator into a victim for a moment, because
he is now. He's not a victim like the murder victim.
He's not a victim like the girls who are on
the receiving end of all of these vile messages. But
he is a victim of a toxic ecosystem that is
not allowing him to build an identity and navigate puberty
(07:19):
in a healthy and safe way. The system feeds on
our children's vulnerability with predator. I can't say the word
predatory efficiency. It is exquisitely built by the best brains
in the world for one reason and one reason only.
Addiction pull people in regardless of the cost.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Well, it's not addiction, it's money, right.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Well, addiction gives them, gives them money, that's right. The
system's designed. The incentives are all I get money the
more addicted you are to discord or to Instagram or
to whatever. And this is the other thing. It doesn't
happen in the dark corners of the dark web. It's
happening in full view of everybody on the bigger platform
on the planet. It's happening on Instagram.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
So I've kind of went on a bit of a
tangent because of your question. But I'm writing a book
about it, my book in the first part, I can't
wait for this book to come out. It's going to
be out about a year now, because there's a lot
to go into the publishing of the book. But I
unpack this thing called the boy code. I talk about
the man box, and I have a look at research
that investigates something called precarious masculinity. These are the main
(08:27):
feeders into this toxic ecosystem that is amplified and absolutely
blown up by the social media landscape. So here we've
got this thing called the in cell community. I don't
know if you're familiar with in cells previously. In cell
means being involuntarily celibate. And I just can't get past
the fact that this kid is thirteen years old and
he's being mocked by his peers because he's celibate involuntarily.
(08:50):
He's thirteen, he's thirteen, He's supposed to be celibate. It's
just astonishing.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
It's not even a word for a thirteen year old.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Goodness, oh my goodness, it's just devastating. So after the break,
my take and what we can do, all right, Kylie,
here's my take. Adolescence is not just television. It's a
spotlight that illuminates a reality that I think most parents
(09:20):
are unaware of or are unwilling or reluctant to acknowledge.
As parents, I think that we actually collude in our
own ignorance. It's like we smear vasily and across the
lens of our perception when it comes to our children
and their digital lives, and we just can't do that.
We just cannot do it. Everyone bears responsibility. The tech
companies are accumulating the greatest fortunes ever built in the
(09:42):
history of the world, while denying responsibility for the toxic
spaces that they've created. You said it at the outset
of the podcast. Our justice system is processing damaging children
through machinery that's been designed for adults. Most educational institutions
have failed to create cold Is that nurture emotional intelligence
or emotional safety at school? Oh? This blew me away,
(10:07):
and they did it so well. The brutal, casual lack
of empathy that the school kids displayed at the death
of one of their classmates, with one exception, her best friend.
The kids were morbidly enthusiastically fascinated by it, telling jokes
(10:27):
about it, egging people on like it was atrocious. This
is why you and I. I mean this has been
a recurring theme on the podcast for a while now.
This is why you and I keep on saying it's
not good to have a whole bunch of kids hanging
out with limited supervision over an extended period of time. Yeah,
let kids spend time together, but they need good people
in their lives monitoring and supervising and being a role
(10:48):
model and showing them what to do. And the schools
just have no control over these kids at all. Terrible.
This is a hard thing for me to say. I
don't like throwing shade at parents, but parents and not
doing the job when it comes to kids and screens
and in the case of the show, in general boundaries.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
So this is going to take you off track a
little bit. But my question is how do parents safeguard
their children against a monster they don't even understand? Like
I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. I
don't want to know what's out there, Like I don't
want to fill my life, my mind, my heart, my
soul with the just depravity of content that's available. And
(11:33):
yet if I'm not across it, how do I talk
to my children in ways that actually speaks to them?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
So if they just look at us, we're dummies, right,
that's right, we see that in the show.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
We don't have a clue what's going on with.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Kids I wouldn't understand right in front of you and
you can't see it. Yeah, yeah, you're making yourself look
dumb dad.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Yeah. And I loved that scene specifically where the cops
son pulls them aside and goes, you're missing it. It's
a looking right in front of you and you're missing
it because there is a whole another language that you
don't understand.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
So two things. First of all, the Internet has spawned
a whole lot of articles for parents who want to
understand what all the emojis mean and what's really going on.
So that's one thing, and it does pay to be
across it. However, I'm going to argue that you don't
need to be across everything. It's impossible to be across everything,
and it's not necessarily productive. What's productive is having consistent
interaction with and closeness with your children, knowing what's going
(12:28):
on in their lives, talking to them about it. I mean,
we've got to talk about the parenting in this show.
First off, we discovered that dad doesn't know how to
relate to his son. His son loves drawing, his son
loves a bunch of stuff that Dad doesn't understand. Dad
wants him to play soccer for football, and he wants
him to get into boxing, and both of those things
the Jamie just fails and Dad is embarrassed by his
(12:50):
son's ineptitude. From a physicality point of view, well, he's
not a man notions of masculinity absolutely, So Jamie feels
like a failure. But Dad's doing long hours. Mum and
Dad are kind of removed, but Jamie's out walking the
streets with his buddies. He's in his room on his devices,
and there's a general lack of supervision. His parents are
not in his lives. They love him deeply, they care
(13:13):
for him in profound appropriate ways, but they don't know
how to be in his life in the ways that
he needs them. And this is the critical thing to
answer your question. Really, you don't have to be across it.
You just have to be in your kids' lives to
a point where they trust you. Trust means I believe
you'll act in my best interests. And Jamie doesn't feel
(13:33):
connected to his parents, doesn't feel like they're going to
act in his best interests because they don't understand each other.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
She is a model, I think because if we accept
it that maybe we should doeth was to think.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
That that, to me is the big message. There's more,
but in the interest of time, that's that's where I
want to sort of wrap that up. We need to
be in our kids' lives. Let's move to a conclusion,
because we could talk for days about this. Here's what
I write on Facebook, and I'll just get your take
on it and some last thoughts. Here's the uncomfortable truth.
At this moment, thousands of boys are hunched over screens,
(14:17):
absorbing the same poisonous narratives that transformed Jamie from a
confused adolescent into a killer. They're being gradually radicalized while
we attend to daily routines, often unaware of the transformation
occurring under our roofs. Our boys are being robbed of
the opportunity to develop into men, unburdened by these destructive
(14:38):
conceptions of masculinity. Their childhoods aren't gently transitioning. They're being
compressed and corrupted by digital influences, while adults remain largely
oblivious to the damage. The technology companies won't intervene, educational
systems are overwhelmed, the justice system is ill equipped, and
our boys continue to fall through widening cracks, emerging either
(14:59):
broken by these pre or breaking others. In response, Adolescence
offers no simple solutions. It simply holds up a mirror
to a collective failure and asks what kind of society
permits its children to be corrupted in digital spaces until
they either implode or explode? Katie is dead, Jamie is shattered,
and the machinery that created this tragedy continues to operate
(15:22):
indifferent to the human cost. I reckon, I write some
good stuff, but let's not talk about my writing at
the end of the series, And as you reflect on it,
what would you want parents to know?
Speaker 3 (15:35):
For me, it's that you can't underestimate the influence that
you can have in your child's life by taking the
time to be with them, by taking the time to
understand them, by taking the time to allow them the
care free childhood that they deserve.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I just wish our kids could have the childhood he
had before screens. Oh my goodness, adolescence. If you haven't
watched it, buckled in, It's not going to be an
easy shot of you. But I would suggest the following.
Allocate four hours, get some snacks, go to the bathroom,
because once you stop, you're not going to want to
turn it off, and once those credits roll at the
(16:20):
end of the fourth episode, you will sit there for
an extended period of time trying to comprehend what you've
just seen. Such an important show. I really hope that
they get a second series because it is It's a
conversation starter. Hold those kids close. Thanks so much for
listening to the Happy Families podcast, which is produced by
Justin Roland from Bridge Media. If you would like more
(16:42):
information and more resources to make your family happier and
protect your kids, we've got them. They're at happy families
dot com dot au.
The Netflix series Adolescence has absolutely taken the world by storm.
It's important and we're going to discuss it today. Welcome
to the Happy Families podcast Real Parenting Solutions every day
on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and
Kylie Coulson, and we sat down. Didn't really want to
(00:28):
watch this show, I think would that be a fair
a fair way to say it. We knew it was
going to be heavy, we knew it was going to
be serious, and we wanted something light. But nevertheless, on
our wedding anniversary it was not fine, we said, and
we watched two episodes and then the next day we
finished it off, and we need to talk about Adolescence.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Bye, I haven't done anything.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Here's the plotline. Here's the synopsis. Adolescence opens with a jolt.
You and I looked at each other, couldn't believe what
was going on. Police officers shattered the dawn and the
front door of a suburban home to arrest a thirteen
year old boy, Jamie Miller, for the murder of Katie Leonard,
a schoolmate just a couple of years older than him.
This is not a who done it? We know the perpetrated.
(01:19):
From the beginning, he pleads and pleads and pleads that
he's innocent. You want to believe him, don't you want
to believe This is a terrible mistake. But instead of
being a murder mystery, the rest of the series is
very much about confronting I think a far more unsettling question,
and that is why, why did this happen? It's shattering,
it's just devastating. And as soon as all of this occurred,
(01:42):
we looked at each other and said something along the
lines of what is going on here? Like, what does
the system do this for? Why are we breaking down
doors of thirteen year old boys? What is going on here?
It was tragic from the outset.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
That's it, Oh me, it's a cuge. He hasn't been
found guilty, been accused. Can you do not do anything
to Bardi's I'm sorry, they're entitled to.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
There's a lot of talk at the moment about people
pathologizing their difficult events in life and then calling it trauma.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Everything's traumatic yet, But.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
When I watch this experience unfold from the outset, for
the parents, for his sister, for him, in spite of
his guilt, it is traumatic. The system just creates so
much trauma.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
So let's talk about a couple of things that we
just need to get clear at the outset. First thing,
nothing can, nothing should diminish the shattering reality that Katie's
life was violently taken. It's devastating. It's how do you
find words. I don't know, words really important. I've written
about this before, but how do you find words to
describe the landscape of grief that her family now has
to navigate.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I mean, just but it's not just her family. There's
a whole community that is now having to cope, deal
with confront the reality that she's not there.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Definitely, maybe maybe I can put it this way. They're
the primary casualties of this catastrophe.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
But then there's also his parents.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
That's right, So this is not it's.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Not there's just not one victim in this.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
And the show makes that really clear. I don't want
to take away from the fact that a young girl's
life was taken, that that's the that's the primary concern here,
But the show then shifts to it and says why,
and then you see the ripple effect. You see the
ramifications in the lives of the parents in the lives
of the big sister, the utter, utter devastation that occurs
(03:39):
in everyone's life who is touched by this awful tragedy.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
But I do you sometimes think we should have stopped it.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Seeing it and stopped it.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
We can't do later then what she said, it's an
awful I can't blame ourself, but we made them.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
So I'm writing my book about raising boys. In fact,
I'm in the process of finishing the conclusion. This TV
show made me have to rewrite a whole lot of
stuff in my book, which I was so grateful for.
And here's our challenge with Jamie. We've got this kid
who's been raised in a home with loving parents. Were
they perfect, not even close, but they are loving parents,
(04:24):
and they've done their best to give him a good education.
He's a smart kid, but he has been transformed, I
would say, methodically, by a toxic ecosystem that most parents
fail to comprehend. And I think that's why the show
has dropped like a bomb across our entire Western society,
(04:44):
because parents simply aren't aware of what's going on. Eight
percent of women are attracted to twenty percent of men.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
You must trick them because you'll never get them in
a normal way.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Do you think, though, that parents are watching this and
just it as a really far fetched storyline that would
never occur to them, Like, does this hit home that
this is actually someone's reality and it could be mine
if I don't take precautions to pre arm my child
(05:16):
and my family in general. Do you really think that
this is seeping in and the messages getting out to
people that it actually it takes a village, an entire village.
It's not just about mum and dad doing their job.
It's about the school system doing their job. It's about
law enforcement doing their like, it's about the community at
(05:37):
large taking responsibility for the system that we are either
part of creating or part of indulging.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Okay, so let me respond to the first part of
your question, and that is, do you think that it's
something that parents are really going to absorb Because there's
a murder that's taken place, Let's pretend that that didn't happen.
Let's just have a look at what's happening daily in
the lives of our children. A couple of weeks ago,
on my Facebook page, we had a week of NonStop
conversation and content around the misogynistic, horrendous threats that primarily
(06:11):
boys are making towards girls in schools. Parents unfortunately don't
get it, and our kids hide it from us completely
in every way. So this has real world implications for
every single family. The likelihood that anyone who's listened to
this right now is going to have a son who's
going to go and commit this kind of heinous and
treacherous crime very very very unlikely. But the likelihood that
(06:35):
anyone who's listened to this right now is going to
have a child who will either be a perpetrator or
a victim of some kind of misogynistic or abusive behavior
almost almost guaranteed. And so the conversation really, I mean,
this is a podcast with real parenting solutions. The conversation
has to be brought back to what's going on with
the system. Jamie wasn't born violence in his veins. Jamie
(06:56):
and countless boys like him are. Actually I'm going to
turn the perpetrator into a victim for a moment, because
he is now. He's not a victim like the murder victim.
He's not a victim like the girls who are on
the receiving end of all of these vile messages. But
he is a victim of a toxic ecosystem that is
not allowing him to build an identity and navigate puberty
(07:19):
in a healthy and safe way. The system feeds on
our children's vulnerability with predator. I can't say the word
predatory efficiency. It is exquisitely built by the best brains
in the world for one reason and one reason only.
Addiction pull people in regardless of the cost.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Well, it's not addiction, it's money, right.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Well, addiction gives them, gives them money, that's right. The
system's designed. The incentives are all I get money the
more addicted you are to discord or to Instagram or
to whatever. And this is the other thing. It doesn't
happen in the dark corners of the dark web. It's
happening in full view of everybody on the bigger platform
on the planet. It's happening on Instagram.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
So I've kind of went on a bit of a
tangent because of your question. But I'm writing a book
about it, my book in the first part, I can't
wait for this book to come out. It's going to
be out about a year now, because there's a lot
to go into the publishing of the book. But I
unpack this thing called the boy code. I talk about
the man box, and I have a look at research
that investigates something called precarious masculinity. These are the main
(08:27):
feeders into this toxic ecosystem that is amplified and absolutely
blown up by the social media landscape. So here we've
got this thing called the in cell community. I don't
know if you're familiar with in cells previously. In cell
means being involuntarily celibate. And I just can't get past
the fact that this kid is thirteen years old and
he's being mocked by his peers because he's celibate involuntarily.
(08:50):
He's thirteen, he's thirteen, He's supposed to be celibate. It's
just astonishing.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
It's not even a word for a thirteen year old.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Goodness, oh my goodness, it's just devastating. So after the break,
my take and what we can do, all right, Kylie,
here's my take. Adolescence is not just television. It's a
spotlight that illuminates a reality that I think most parents
(09:20):
are unaware of or are unwilling or reluctant to acknowledge.
As parents, I think that we actually collude in our
own ignorance. It's like we smear vasily and across the
lens of our perception when it comes to our children
and their digital lives, and we just can't do that.
We just cannot do it. Everyone bears responsibility. The tech
companies are accumulating the greatest fortunes ever built in the
(09:42):
history of the world, while denying responsibility for the toxic
spaces that they've created. You said it at the outset
of the podcast. Our justice system is processing damaging children
through machinery that's been designed for adults. Most educational institutions
have failed to create cold Is that nurture emotional intelligence
or emotional safety at school? Oh? This blew me away,
(10:07):
and they did it so well. The brutal, casual lack
of empathy that the school kids displayed at the death
of one of their classmates, with one exception, her best friend.
The kids were morbidly enthusiastically fascinated by it, telling jokes
(10:27):
about it, egging people on like it was atrocious. This
is why you and I. I mean this has been
a recurring theme on the podcast for a while now.
This is why you and I keep on saying it's
not good to have a whole bunch of kids hanging
out with limited supervision over an extended period of time. Yeah,
let kids spend time together, but they need good people
in their lives monitoring and supervising and being a role
(10:48):
model and showing them what to do. And the schools
just have no control over these kids at all. Terrible.
This is a hard thing for me to say. I
don't like throwing shade at parents, but parents and not
doing the job when it comes to kids and screens
and in the case of the show, in general boundaries.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
So this is going to take you off track a
little bit. But my question is how do parents safeguard
their children against a monster they don't even understand? Like
I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. I
don't want to know what's out there, Like I don't
want to fill my life, my mind, my heart, my
soul with the just depravity of content that's available. And
(11:33):
yet if I'm not across it, how do I talk
to my children in ways that actually speaks to them?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
So if they just look at us, we're dummies, right,
that's right, we see that in the show.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
We don't have a clue what's going on with.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Kids I wouldn't understand right in front of you and
you can't see it. Yeah, yeah, you're making yourself look
dumb dad.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Yeah. And I loved that scene specifically where the cops
son pulls them aside and goes, you're missing it. It's
a looking right in front of you and you're missing
it because there is a whole another language that you
don't understand.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
So two things. First of all, the Internet has spawned
a whole lot of articles for parents who want to
understand what all the emojis mean and what's really going on.
So that's one thing, and it does pay to be
across it. However, I'm going to argue that you don't
need to be across everything. It's impossible to be across everything,
and it's not necessarily productive. What's productive is having consistent
interaction with and closeness with your children, knowing what's going
(12:28):
on in their lives, talking to them about it. I mean,
we've got to talk about the parenting in this show.
First off, we discovered that dad doesn't know how to
relate to his son. His son loves drawing, his son
loves a bunch of stuff that Dad doesn't understand. Dad
wants him to play soccer for football, and he wants
him to get into boxing, and both of those things
the Jamie just fails and Dad is embarrassed by his
(12:50):
son's ineptitude. From a physicality point of view, well, he's
not a man notions of masculinity absolutely, So Jamie feels
like a failure. But Dad's doing long hours. Mum and
Dad are kind of removed, but Jamie's out walking the
streets with his buddies. He's in his room on his devices,
and there's a general lack of supervision. His parents are
not in his lives. They love him deeply, they care
(13:13):
for him in profound appropriate ways, but they don't know
how to be in his life in the ways that
he needs them. And this is the critical thing to
answer your question. Really, you don't have to be across it.
You just have to be in your kids' lives to
a point where they trust you. Trust means I believe
you'll act in my best interests. And Jamie doesn't feel
(13:33):
connected to his parents, doesn't feel like they're going to
act in his best interests because they don't understand each other.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
She is a model, I think because if we accept
it that maybe we should doeth was to think.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
That that, to me is the big message. There's more,
but in the interest of time, that's that's where I
want to sort of wrap that up. We need to
be in our kids' lives. Let's move to a conclusion,
because we could talk for days about this. Here's what
I write on Facebook, and I'll just get your take
on it and some last thoughts. Here's the uncomfortable truth.
At this moment, thousands of boys are hunched over screens,
(14:17):
absorbing the same poisonous narratives that transformed Jamie from a
confused adolescent into a killer. They're being gradually radicalized while
we attend to daily routines, often unaware of the transformation
occurring under our roofs. Our boys are being robbed of
the opportunity to develop into men, unburdened by these destructive
(14:38):
conceptions of masculinity. Their childhoods aren't gently transitioning. They're being
compressed and corrupted by digital influences, while adults remain largely
oblivious to the damage. The technology companies won't intervene, educational
systems are overwhelmed, the justice system is ill equipped, and
our boys continue to fall through widening cracks, emerging either
(14:59):
broken by these pre or breaking others. In response, Adolescence
offers no simple solutions. It simply holds up a mirror
to a collective failure and asks what kind of society
permits its children to be corrupted in digital spaces until
they either implode or explode? Katie is dead, Jamie is shattered,
and the machinery that created this tragedy continues to operate
(15:22):
indifferent to the human cost. I reckon, I write some
good stuff, but let's not talk about my writing at
the end of the series, And as you reflect on it,
what would you want parents to know?
Speaker 3 (15:35):
For me, it's that you can't underestimate the influence that
you can have in your child's life by taking the
time to be with them, by taking the time to
understand them, by taking the time to allow them the
care free childhood that they deserve.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I just wish our kids could have the childhood he
had before screens. Oh my goodness, adolescence. If you haven't
watched it, buckled in, It's not going to be an
easy shot of you. But I would suggest the following.
Allocate four hours, get some snacks, go to the bathroom,
because once you stop, you're not going to want to
turn it off, and once those credits roll at the
(16:20):
end of the fourth episode, you will sit there for
an extended period of time trying to comprehend what you've
just seen. Such an important show. I really hope that
they get a second series because it is It's a
conversation starter. Hold those kids close. Thanks so much for
listening to the Happy Families podcast, which is produced by
Justin Roland from Bridge Media. If you would like more
(16:42):
information and more resources to make your family happier and
protect your kids, we've got them. They're at happy families
dot com dot au.
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