Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
A few weeks ago on the Happy Families podcast, Missus
Happy Families had an entire podcast to talk about one book,
rather than doing the usual book club thing where we
try to cram about forty books into one episode, we
just talked about Kylie's review of The Let Them Theory,
Mel Robbin's international best seller that is available everywhere, all
(00:26):
over the place and people can't stop talking about it. Well,
I've had to read as well. And today on the
Happy Families Podcast two books I'm going to chat about
the Let Them Theory and also another one that has
rocked my world called Careless People Today and welcome to
the Happy Families Podcast. Real Parenting Solutions every Day on
Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast, where Justin and Kylie Colson
(00:50):
and if you like books, this is one to I
think have a quick listen to Kylie. For those who
missed your review of The Let Them Theory, remind what
did you think of it?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I think the way that Mel writes is provocative and
she's a straight shooter. She just says it how it is.
There is no Maudy coddling going on there. So if
you are looking for someone to make you feel good
about yourself. She's not the person.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, do you remember what you rated it out of five?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I didn't give it a rating. Huh at the time
when we talked about.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
It, and maybe you just told people that it was
a good book to I.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Would read it again.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Well, really, you'd read it twice? Yeah, well, what would
you give it out of five? Then?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Probably a four?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Hm?
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Asked me what I thought? Do you want to know
what I thought?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I don't really care what you thought about the book?
Speaker 1 (01:41):
All that hurts?
Speaker 4 (01:43):
No?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Are you practicing a bit of mel robins? Let them
write here? Let justin feel however he feels about the book.
I'm glad with how I'm happy with how I felt
about it. Is that, yeah, a.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Little bit not doing a particularly good job of it.
But I already know that you did not do it as.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Much as I did.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
How do you know, pray tell.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
You told me you didn't even finish it.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
That's I checked it back on the floor on your
side of the bed and said.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
You put it away, And you said to you, you
won't even let me put it into your.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Bookshelfs right, you said, I guess we're not putting it on
your bookshelf. Then I've got I've got all the books
that are worth keeping on my bookshelf. I just good,
all right, So let's we won't have a podcast if
I don't talk about it. I'll keep it quick, may
I Are you okay with that? If I just give
it a quick I'm not trying to undo all the
good work that you've done. And I'm also not denigrating
(02:36):
the way that you viewed the book, because clearly this
book is resonating with a lot of people. For me,
as someone with a background in psychology, I found that
it was about two I think two hundred and thirty
two hundred and forty pages something like that that could
have been done in five or ten. There's so much
science that could support what she's talking about.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I just but she's not a scientist, nor is she
a psychologist. She's sharing her personal experience and how that
has transformed the way she does things. She's not trying
to be somebody else.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I guess the other thing that I found a bit
challenging was that most of the decisions where she shared stories,
where she quote unquote let them so that she could
then let me let herself do her thing. I would
summarize it as what other people think of you is
none of your business.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
And if other people want to live their lives a
way that you're not comfortable with, that's fine. It's actually
their life, and so long as they're not causing harm
to other people or to property, just let them. Let
them have their attitudes, let them have their opinions. This
comes from psychology around acceptance, the idea that when you
accept where other people are, there's no longer any resistance
(03:46):
and everyone just gets along. Like the theory itself or
the principle itself is really sound, it's really good for
well being. I just felt like she glossed over the
really heavy stuff, kept it very very.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Light, and just she wasn't writing it for you.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Didn't work for men, it didn't work.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
For me, for the average people. Please are out there
for the average person who feels like they need to
control everyone in every situation. This is a must read.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, it's so funny the way we see things so differently,
isn't it? And yet we're still crazy about each other?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Maybe not after this?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
All right, So I want to talk about a book
that really really did do it for me.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah, I haven't read that one.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
No, no, so this book I'm going to do it
I looks boring. After the Break, I'm going to share
with you a book that is called Careless People, a
cautionary tale of power, greed and lost idealism.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yeah, if you're a careless person, you really need to
read the Let Them Fairy as well.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
This is a memoir. I'm going to give Let Them
two out of five. So I was going to do
one and a half, but I'm feeling guilty because of
the way that you've come at me for it. So
I'm going to let you feel a little bit better
about it by giving it a two out of five.
The book that I'm going to talk about is just
it has really captured me. I couldn't put it down.
It's a memoir. I love reading a good memoir. Going
(05:09):
to talk to you about Careless People right after the Break.
Sarah Winn Williams wrote a memoir Careless People, and in
doing so, I think that she has put herself in
the crosshairs of some of the most powerful people in
(05:31):
the world. Careless People is a cautionary tale of power, greed,
and lost idealism. Sarah Winn Williams is a former New
Zealand diplomat and international lawyer. She joined Facebook after pitching
a job that did not exist, convincing them that they
had to hire her despite the fact that they didn't
believe that it was going to be useful, and ultimately
(05:53):
became the Facebook Director of Global Public Policy. After she
left the company to work in tech, working on policy
and Ai Kylie. The book starts with a quote. The
epigraph comes from f. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. They
were careless people, Tom and Daisy. They smashed up things
(06:16):
and creatures and then retreated back into their money or
their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them
together and let other people clean up the mess they
had made. And that gives you a sense of what
the book's about. Essentially. Williams steps into Facebook after convincing
them to hire her and discovers that these people they've
(06:39):
got a motto, move fast and break things, and they
don't care what they break. The absolute I want to say, pride, hubris.
They the way that they treat people. They know, they
know that they can influence elections, They know that they
can influence what's going on with the well being of
our young people. They know that they can walk away
(07:01):
and nobody can touch them because of the way that
things are structured. I could not put this book down.
And if I didn't like the people in charge of
Meta once upon a time, my disdain, my disregard, my
absolute frustration that these people is worse than it has
ever ever been. Oh my goodness, blew me away. Let
(07:25):
me share an excerpt from the book. This is from
chapter forty four, emotional targeting. In April twenty seventeen, a
confidential document is leaked that reveals Facebook is offering advertisers
the opportunity to target thirteen to seventeen year olds across
its platforms, including Instagram during moments of psychological vulnerability, when
(07:47):
they feel worthless, insecure, stressed, defeated, anxious, stupid, useless, and
like a failure. They're all in inverted commas because they're
quotes direct from what Facebook is doing, or they can
target them when they're worried about their bodies and thinking
of losing weight, basically when a team is in a
(08:08):
fragile emotional state. Facebook's advertising team had made this presentation
for an Australian client that explains that Instagram and Facebook
monitor teenager's posts, photos, interactions, conversations with friends, visual communications,
and Internet activity on and off Facebook's platforms, and use
(08:28):
this data to target young people when they're vulnerable. In
addition to the moments of vulnerability listed, Facebook finds moments
when teenagers are concerned with body confidence and working out
and losing weight. She goes on to explain what's actually
going on here, She says. A statement is quickly drafted,
and the response team debates whether Facebook can include the
(08:51):
line we take this very seriously and are taking every
effort to remedy the situation, since in fact, this is
apparently just normal business practice. A comm's staffer points out
what should be obvious that we can't say we're taking
efforts to remedy it if we're not. This prompts other
team members to confirm his take, revealing other examples they
(09:12):
know of. Facebook targets young mothers based on their emotional states.
Facebook does work for a beauty product company, tracking when
thirteen to seventeen year old girls delete selfies so it
can serve a beauty ad to them at that moment.
We don't know what happens to young teen girls. When
they're targeted with beauty advertisements after deleting a selfie nothing good.
(09:34):
There's a reason why you erase something from existence, why
a teen girl feels that it can't be shared, and
surely Facebook shouldn't then be using that moment to bombard
them with extreme weight loss ads or beauty industry ads
or whatever else they push on teens feeling vulnerable. The
weird thing is that the rest of our Facebook coworkers
seem unbothered about this. I mean, this stuff's just crazy.
(09:57):
Have listened to what Sarah Whin Williams, the the author
of Careless People, had to say on the Honestly podcast
with Barry Weiss.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
When any other government, including the US government, would say, hey,
how does facial recognition work? Or how does photo tagging work?
You know, I would have these conversations with other governments
would say, look, sorry, we can't tell you that. That's
that's information that's only for us, Like we're not going
to sit you down and explain to you how Facebook
Live works or how photo tagging works. And yet for
(10:27):
the CCP, there were these detailed briefings showing how the
technology worked, testing of it to make sure it met
like their censorship specifications, and beyond that, there was sort
of general briefings on AI or infrastructure, you know, the
sort of things that would never be provided to any
other government.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Are you suggesting that the CCP could sort of use
these tools on non Facebook products or simply that Facebook
was sort of being very open kimono with the Chinese government.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
They were explaining exactly how this technology worked, which was
being built in a white glove service for the CCP.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
GOB's making blown Away. Such a great book, such a
great conversation. In fact, we will link to the Honestly
podcast and this specific interview because it's just such a
compelling conversation. But the book, oh my goodness, the whole
book is just story after story after story of these
careless people who in one breath stand before Congress in
(11:33):
the United States and say we're doing everything we can
to protect young people, and then in the next breath
sell secrets to advertisers so that they can prey on
the vulnerabilities of our young people. This book was just brilliant,
just brilliant, careless people, a cautionary tale of power, greed,
and lost idealism.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
So how does a book like that help the individual.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
What it does is it well, I guess as a parent,
it reinforces for us why we need to have really
clear boundaries around what's going on. And it also helps
us to understand the kinds of people who are literally
ruling the world. Like politicians won't stand up to them,
and you know why, because they can tweak the algorithm
so that the politician's opponents end up with the power
(12:20):
rather than the politician themselves. And there's evidence of that.
There's actual evidence that she describes in the book of
Facebook employees at the highest levels doing that. So reading
it helps you understand who these people are and what
they're doing. Apart from that, it's just an incredible story.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
So would you give it out of five?
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Well, I would give it a five out of five.
It's not going to appeal to everybody. It is going
to appeal to people who want to be across what
is going on in the tech sector, or what's happening
with kids and these platforms that they're so compelled to use,
and people who are just interested in policy and technology
and all that kind of thing. It's also just an
incredible memoir. Starts with a story where she's attacked by
(13:02):
a shark as a child, and literally the doctor sews
her back up and her dad says, well, you'll be
right now, and she almost dies because the doctor doesn't
do it properly and her dad's still saying no, no, no,
you'll be right, and mums are like, I think we
probably should take her to the hospital, Like there are
so many compelling stories outside of the Facebook thing as
well as she's lived an extraordinary life and I loved
it careless people will link to it in the show
(13:24):
notes and I reckon if you're looking for a great
read over the easter break, this is one that you
definitely want to take a look at. The Happy Family's
podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. If
you are looking for more ways that you can support
your family and help them to be happier to flourish.
For more information and resources, visit us at Happy families
(13:44):
dot com dot a you