The Tenacious Mama: Confessions of An Adoptive Mother

Confession: I recently learned in a family therapy session that one cannot be angry and twerk at the same time. Fun fact! 

Also included in this episode:

*more valuable content from Daniel Siegel's book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain

*the handy model of the brain

*why the ages of 12-24 are the most dangerous of our lives

*the importance of keeping open lines of communication with your teen and how to work to...

Confession: I have started referring to myself as Lane’s bumpers on a bowling lane.  I can guide and provide for him, keeping him out of the gutters in adolescence, while at the same time understanding he has free will.  I need to trust in his ability to make good choices in the teen years.  Lane needs to trust that I will be there for him, even when he doesn’t.

Also included in this episode:

*the sad reality of school lockdown drill...

Confession: I used to think that the teenage years were something I had to suffer through before Lane grew up to be an adult.  But I just found a book that changed all that.  I now understand the massive changes the teen brain is undergoing and I look forward to helping Lane harness the power of his powerful new brain so he can thrive in his adolescence.

Included in this episode:

*my Mother's Day surprise!

*Overview of the book B...

Confession: I have to let go of what I thought high school would be like for Lane and accept the fact that he needs more specialized and individualized attention that simply is not available in a traditional high school.  Luckily, there are lots of options out there for kids like mine.  The trick is figuring out which one will be the best for Lane.

SHOWNOTES:

What We Carry: A Memoir By Maya Shanbhag Lang

The Sixteenth of June By ...

Confession: My best friend of over 30 years ghosted me two years ago.  Believe it or not, she shut me out of her life not once, not twice, but a total of three times over the course of our friendship.

Also included:

*how and when we met

*how we stayed close, despite the 1000s of miles between us

*our roadtrip to attend the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta

*a helpful article that helped me understand

*details about the first two times she dumped ...

Confession: I am constantly reminded that the more I learn, the less I know.  This week that lesson came in the form of videos on vestibular and proprioceptive systems.   What I learned in these videos was super informative and I wish I had learned about it when Lane was young.  I also reflect on the the joys and frustrations of my motherhood journey.  

Included in this episode:

*a sweet read aloud from Lane's adoption day

*Lane ...

Confession: Before I was introduced to TBRI, I once had an epic meltdown, which included throwing all of my shoes on the floor of my bedroom in a rage.  I threw every single pair of my shoes as hard as I could onto the hardwood floor while screaming at the top of my lungs.  Not my finest moment, but I did apologize to Lane about it afterwards and we had a powerful heart-to-heart.

Included in this episode:

*why I believe anyone who wo...

Confession: I wish I had found TBRI Trust Based Relational Interventions when Lane was in Kindergarten instead of 8th grade.  In my humble opinion, it is THE SINGLE MOST POWERFUL intervention program foster and adoptive families need to be trained in. 

Included in this episode:

*more on my high-functioning depression

*powerful activities from my IOP two years ago

*being authentic and vulnerable with friends and family

*grieving the moth...

Confession: Reliving Lane’s Kindergarten year has been much more difficult than I imagined it would be.  Luckily, it didn’t seem to have any lasting impact on Lane.  In fact, he doesn’t remember any of it! 

Included in this episode:

*another funny story from my childhood

*blog entry written on 8/23/15: Lane is making great gains

*disastrous meeting with his Kinder teacher at the end of the school year

*hired a SpEd advocate to get Lane ...

Confession: Rereading my blog entries about Lane’s adoption day makes me a bit sad.  I was so optimistic and naive.  I never would have imagined ending up where we are now.  I share two blog entries written right before and immediately after Lane's adoption day in addition to more horror stories of Lane's Kindergarten teacher.  

Included in this episode:

*blog entry written on 7/11/12: Tomorrow we stand before a judge

*manda...

Confession: I used to be proud of my career in elementary education…until I had a child who didn’t fit the mold and only then realized how the kids on the ends of the bell curve were not thriving.  And in many cases, kids like mine are made to feel like a bad kid or stupid because they do not get the attention and supports they need to experience success.  I take a trip down memory lane, detailing how Kindergarten was the start of ...

Confession: I used to be my own worst enemy with negative self-talk that I wasn’t even aware I was engaging in.  Now that I know, I’m working to becoming my own best friend with self-compassion, self-love, and positive self-talk.  I'll share how gratitude is my superpower (when I practice it consistently), my new favorite gratitude journal, and a trick to turn your inner critic into your compassionate witness.  

Included in thi...

Confession: I swear a lot.  Well, maybe not a lot, but I definitely swear.  Some believe that it’s healthy for you to get it out, but, like all things, only in moderation.  Also included: stories from my childhood, more about the How We Feel app, the 5 lies depression tells you, and funny stories about swearing! Oh, and how the Let Them Theory is helping me reclaim my peace.

Included in this episode:

*a funny story from my childhood

*...

Confession: I didn’t learn how to process my emotions until my mental health crisis when Lane was in 7th grade. To those of you who are emotionally healthy, that may sound crazy.  But it’s true.  I share how music therapy helped me process emotions, as well as a helpful analogy to understand why processing your feelings is so important.  You'll also hear about Lane's first concert experiences and extracurricular activitie...

Confession: I suffer from depression: major depressive disorder.  But because I am high-functioning and an extrovert, very few people in my life know this about me- even many close friends and family members.   I reflect on why my depression seems to hide in plain sight as well as explain some of my most troublesome symptoms of depression.  I also share more fun stories of Lane dancing through the years!

Included in this episode:

*La...

Confession: Despite my extensive background working with children as an educator, I was woefully underprepared to parent a child with developmental trauma.   Also included are stories of Lane's dancing abilities and how they showed themselves at a very young age!

Included in this episode:

*Lane's dancing at a wedding

*the terms "wounded children" and "kids from hard places"

*developmental trauma

*Lane'...

Confession: In those early years, I often looked at other families and thought, “It must be nice to have a kid who…” (dot, dot, dot, fill in the blank).  I still catch myself doing it sometimes, even now.  But comparison is the thief of joy.  I’m learning to let that shit go!

I share how comparisons with other families caused me suffering,  as well as the ways I learned to combat that with strategies to keep me grounded in joy and g...

Confession: I can’t imagine what it would have been like to parent my son without the help of medication to manage his symptoms of ADHD and ODD.  I explain that although I am no expert and I believe this is a decision not to be taken lightly, medication certainly helped Lane.  I don't judge families who don't medicate their child; I ask that you not judge those of us who do.  

In this episode:

*medications help me with my d...

Confession: When Lane was little, not having a daddy was much harder on him than being adopted was.  As a single adoptive mama, this was not something I was prepared for.  I also provide an update on my parents as they start to rebuild their lives in their temporary housing after losing everything in the Palisades fire of January 7, 2025.  

Included in this. episode:

*update on my parents' living situation 

*my first visit to LA ...