The Tenacious Mama: Confessions of An Adoptive Mother

Confession: Lane is exposed to vapes, cigarettes, and weed on a daily basis at school.  My current expectation (after Lane has been struggling with all of these substances throughout this school year) is this: you might take hits off of friends during the school day, but you will not have it on your person or in our home.  If I find it, the established consequences will be enforced.

Included in this episode:

*a funny Christmas story

*...

Confession: My son first tried vaping in 4th grade with a friend at school. In 5th grade, I caught him smoking a cigarette he’d found on the street in our garage. He’s vaped off and on ever since, and now at 16, he’s addicted to nicotine and has no interest in quitting. I’ve had all the talks, tried consequences, bribery—even bought him Nicorette gum to help him quit. And honestly? I’m exhausted, and it’s starting to feel futile.  ...

Confession: The last two weeks have been a fabulous reminder that I can only do so much to set my son up for success, that he’s also got to put some effort in, and most of it is out of my control.  Radical acceptance, baby!

Included in this episode:

*updates on Lane's lifeguarding written test

*updates on diving on a high school team

*Lane is starting to see himself in new ways

*finding ways to focus on what I can control and letti...

Confession: I sometimes catch myself falling into the bad habit of letting the weekly issues with Lane prevent me from seeing the bigger picture with him.  Can’t see the forest for the trees, type of thing.  However, when I create space to reflect and celebrate his wins, it keeps it in better perspective. Spoiler alert for this episode: things are going REALLY well for Lane. 

Included in this episode:

*some of the reasons I slipped i...

Confession: I am currently climbing out of an almost three month-long deep depression that really threw me for a loop. As the clouds are finally beginning to part, and I’m feeling more myself, I’m ready to get back into creating content for this podcast and I’d like to share what depression looks like for me.  

Included in this episode:

*why my two month hiatus from this podcast dragged on into 6 months

*why I've had to start tal...

Confession: It is sometimes hard for me to allow Lane to express himself through his appearance, whether it’s coloring his hair, wearing goofy earrings, or sagging his pants.  However, I realize if I stifle this important teen outlet of creativity, the risk of rebelling increases exponentially.  I have no research or data to back this up.  It’s just my opinion. 

Included in this episode:

*summer activities for a 15 year old

*executive...

Confession: I secretly judge parents and caregivers who do not expect their child or teen to help out around the house with regular chores.  I don’t know how many of them are out there, but I certainly know a few personally.  I don’t typically judge others, however, I’m gonna get on my soapbox about this one.

Also included in this episode:

*my shift in perspective from the dreaded teen years to parenting a teen is fun!

*Lane's sp...

Confession: I recently learned in a family therapy session that one cannot be angry and twerk at the same time. Fun fact! 

Also included in this episode:

*more valuable content from Daniel Siegel's book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain

*the handy model of the brain

*why the ages of 12-24 are the most dangerous of our lives

*the importance of keeping open lines of communication with your teen and how to work to...

Confession: I have started referring to myself as Lane’s bumpers on a bowling lane.  I can guide and provide for him, keeping him out of the gutters in adolescence, while at the same time understanding he has free will.  I need to trust in his ability to make good choices in the teen years.  Lane needs to trust that I will be there for him, even when he doesn’t.

Also included in this episode:

*the sad reality of school lockdown drill...

Confession: I used to think that the teenage years were something I had to suffer through before Lane grew up to be an adult.  But I just found a book that changed all that.  I now understand the massive changes the teen brain is undergoing and I look forward to helping Lane harness the power of his powerful new brain so he can thrive in his adolescence.

Included in this episode:

*my Mother's Day surprise!

*Overview of the book B...

Confession: I have to let go of what I thought high school would be like for Lane and accept the fact that he needs more specialized and individualized attention that simply is not available in a traditional high school.  Luckily, there are lots of options out there for kids like mine.  The trick is figuring out which one will be the best for Lane.

SHOWNOTES:

What We Carry: A Memoir By Maya Shanbhag Lang

The Sixteenth of June By ...

Confession: My best friend of over 30 years ghosted me two years ago.  Believe it or not, she shut me out of her life not once, not twice, but a total of three times over the course of our friendship.

Also included:

*how and when we met

*how we stayed close, despite the 1000s of miles between us

*our roadtrip to attend the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta

*a helpful article that helped me understand

*details about the first two times she dumped ...

Confession: I am constantly reminded that the more I learn, the less I know.  This week that lesson came in the form of videos on vestibular and proprioceptive systems.   What I learned in these videos was super informative and I wish I had learned about it when Lane was young.  I also reflect on the the joys and frustrations of my motherhood journey.  

Included in this episode:

*a sweet read aloud from Lane's adoption day

*Lane ...

Confession: Before I was introduced to TBRI, I once had an epic meltdown, which included throwing all of my shoes on the floor of my bedroom in a rage.  I threw every single pair of my shoes as hard as I could onto the hardwood floor while screaming at the top of my lungs.  Not my finest moment, but I did apologize to Lane about it afterwards and we had a powerful heart-to-heart.

Included in this episode:

*why I believe anyone who wo...

Confession: I wish I had found TBRI Trust Based Relational Interventions when Lane was in Kindergarten instead of 8th grade.  In my humble opinion, it is THE SINGLE MOST POWERFUL intervention program foster and adoptive families need to be trained in. 

Included in this episode:

*more on my high-functioning depression

*powerful activities from my IOP two years ago

*being authentic and vulnerable with friends and family

*grieving the moth...

Confession: Reliving Lane’s Kindergarten year has been much more difficult than I imagined it would be.  Luckily, it didn’t seem to have any lasting impact on Lane.  In fact, he doesn’t remember any of it! 

Included in this episode:

*another funny story from my childhood

*blog entry written on 8/23/15: Lane is making great gains

*disastrous meeting with his Kinder teacher at the end of the school year

*hired a SpEd advocate to get Lane ...

Confession: Rereading my blog entries about Lane’s adoption day makes me a bit sad.  I was so optimistic and naive.  I never would have imagined ending up where we are now.  I share two blog entries written right before and immediately after Lane's adoption day in addition to more horror stories of Lane's Kindergarten teacher.  

Included in this episode:

*blog entry written on 7/11/12: Tomorrow we stand before a judge

*manda...

Confession: I used to be proud of my career in elementary education…until I had a child who didn’t fit the mold and only then realized how the kids on the ends of the bell curve were not thriving.  And in many cases, kids like mine are made to feel like a bad kid or stupid because they do not get the attention and supports they need to experience success.  I take a trip down memory lane, detailing how Kindergarten was the start of ...

Confession: I used to be my own worst enemy with negative self-talk that I wasn’t even aware I was engaging in.  Now that I know, I’m working to becoming my own best friend with self-compassion, self-love, and positive self-talk.  I'll share how gratitude is my superpower (when I practice it consistently), my new favorite gratitude journal, and a trick to turn your inner critic into your compassionate witness.  

Included in thi...