Pirates: Totalus Rankium

Pirates: Totalus Rankium

Lighthearted history podcast ranking all of the Golden Age Pirates. Brought to you by the same people who created Roman Emperors Totalus Rankium and American President Totalus Rankium

Episodes

February 11, 2026 76 mins

George Lowther may not be the biggest names in pirate history, but he made his mark. He got a chapter in the General History. So let's find out why! 

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Here is the live speech we gave at last year's Intelligent Speech Conference. All about how you have been deceived about pirates! 

We are keynote speakers this year - tickets are out now! It's on the 28th of Feb, and if you go to intelligentspeechonline.com you can get your tickets. Use the code Rankium to get a discount!

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January 28, 2026 87 mins

We cover the rest of the story of Black Bart. The 3rd pirate to get the nickname of "black" in the series. but does he live up to it?

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December 17, 2025 70 mins

We come to another pirate with a cool nick name. Two episodes on him, but why? is the pirate we have all been waiting for?

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November 26, 2025 53 mins

It's not a long episode. And his name is not Christopher Condent. But don't let that disturb you - maybe he is great! Maybe?  

Mark as Played
November 12, 2025 72 mins

This week we look into the life of an Irish pirate called England! We have come across him a couple of times already, but lets see what his story is all about.

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October 29, 2025 50 mins

We go to the friend of Ann this week. What, if anything, makes her stand out from her partner in crime? Does she have a new and equally probably made up back story? Find out!

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October 15, 2025 69 mins

We get to one of the most interesting pirates of the age - Ann Bonny. The pirate world was not kind to women, so how did Ann navigate the tumultuous waters of being a pirate and a woman? Find out! (Oh, and there is a load of fun nonsense from the General History too) 

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October 15, 2025 3 mins

Jamie and I will be keynote speakers at next year's Intelligent Speech conference! It is always a great time. 

Intelligent Speech Online is happening February 28th, 2026.

·         The theme is Companions and Rivals

·         Tickets are on sale at intelligentspeechonline.com

·         Earlybird pricing is available on tickets until December 31st, 2025.

·         Use discount code Rankium to get a discount!

·         Your ticket in...

Mark as Played
October 1, 2025 89 mins

At the end of Vane's episode he was overtaken by his quartermaster. But who was that man? Why was he wearing these clothes, and why are the turtle hunters so buff? Find out!

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September 17, 2025 99 mins

Last time we saw what he got up to under Henry Jennings. But now he is on his own leading a pirate faction against all the leading pirates. Oh, and Woods Rogers is on his way!

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September 3, 2025 81 mins

In a change to the schedule, we are looking at one of the most notorious pirates this week: Charles Vane! In part one we look at his life under one of the father's of golden age piracy - Captain Jennings. 

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August 20, 2025 87 mins

Howel Davies is here. He may not be a popular as Bonnet or Blackbeard, but he has a story! Join us as we review the con man of the seas.

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August 6, 2025 41 mins

After the heights of Blackbeard and Bonnet we have the story of Whorley. Will he go down as one of the greats? No. Did we have fun talking about him? Yep!

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July 24, 2025 94 mins

We have met Blackbeard - the most notorious pirate in history. But now let's meet the man behind the man. The gentleman in a dressing gown and bunny rabbit slippers. It's time to look at Stede Bonnet!

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July 9, 2025 108 mins

Last time we covered the life of Blackbeard before he was famous. This time? Well, it's time to understand why he is the most famous pirate of all time!

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June 25, 2025 83 mins

It's the big one! Or at least the first half of the big one! Find out just why Blackbeard is the only pirate Jamie has heard of. We cover his early career under the notorious Captain Hornigold!

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June 11, 2025 78 mins

We are still in the Golden age! So does that mean more Sam Bellamy level antics? ... well, no. But we cover the history of Nassau. so that's good. 

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May 29, 2025 106 mins

Oh, we have hit the Golden Golden age now! This is what we signed up for. Black Flags, Skull and cross bones, parrots! Levels of nudity that would ensure HBO would have to make the TV version! Black Sam has it all. 

Mark as Played
May 14, 2025 71 mins

This week we go off script. We are not coving a pirate from the General History - but instead we are coving a man who will be popping up a lot in the future: None other than the pirate hunter Woods Rogers! And we try and answer the simple question: Woods Rogers?

Mark as Played

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