A Life, Folded

When you decide it is time to divorce your narcissistic spouse, prepare for the battle of your life. Yes, the narcissist is going to make it nasty and miserable. Yes, they are probably going to drag it out and fight everything reasonable you ask for. But there are tools to help you stay strong, get what you are legally entitled to, and keep your forward momentum forward toward peace. 

#divorcinganarcissist #alifefolded #postdivorce...

Narcissists and Cluster B personality-disordered individuals are infamous for using money to control, manipulate, and abuse. Expect behaviors from them that don't make sense, particularly if you are divorcing them. In general, narcissists are irresponsible with money, because their lives are all about looking good, even if that is only a surface view. It's important to guard and take the time to be thorough in protecting yourselves...

Are you experiencing a sense of dread with fall rolling around, knowing that soon you will have to face the holidays alone? This is completely normal for anyone who has lived through betrayal trauma and is navigating the holidays as a single individual, for perhaps the first time in their lives. Acknowledge that this is hard. Cry if you need to, but perhaps also consider ways of building small moments of joy for yourself during thi...

Social media is a fantastic tool to help us stay connected and engaged with friends and acquaintances. It also can be a trap where we envy people's carefully curated posts and photos and begin the comparison game. It is easy to feel like you're less than when comparing your messy insides to a limited, and selected, snapshot glimpse of another's life. And, if you are moving on from a narcissist, they are going to splash their "wonde...

Have you ever felt like your healing and ability to move on is hinging on the person who has wronged you giving you closure? That the explanation of their "why" is mission-critical for you to be able to find peace? Is their apology and explanation truly necessary in order for you to regain direction and clarity as well as an ability to reclaim your life? No. By their actions, people often give us the closure we need, even if we don...

This episode further debunks the porn myths that "it doesn't hurt anyone" or "it's normal" or "everyone does it" with a hard look at the porn industry's direct ties to the human trafficking trade. Let's educate ourselves about the truth and speak out about human enslavement and objectivation. And let's hold porn users accountable for their personal contribution to sexual slavery.

Do you ever feel like you are an other? That the only people in the world who are truly happy are married individuals? Statistics show that in the United States there are equal numbers of married and single people. So why do we feel different? Pain and trauma play a factor. As do movies, books, and tv. "Helpful" friends and family members actually don't help when they say they just want you to be happy...and that means in a relatio...

There are an estimated one billion narcissists and Cluster B personality-disordered individuals on our planet right  now. Why do they seem to relish ruining important events? Birthday parties, graduations, family gatherings, vacations, nothing is sacred or immune to their pouting, anger, and outright rage. Even, and sometimes especially, big milestone events in their own children's lives. But if we have knowledge, expect these beha...

Whether we are actively dating or not, it behooves every single person to draw up a list of non-negotiables for a potential future partner. This list may include things like values, attractiveness, success, intellect, and spirituality. However, let's not forget about the most important part of those non-negotiables: you! You may have spent a lifetime where you felt you had to earn love or prove yourself to be lovable. But this is s...

We often extol boundaries in the context of who gets to communicate with you, who is allowed to spend time with you, and how you rest and practice self-care. But, what about listening boundaries? Listening boundaries can be a real boon to individual, in particular, who are sensitive souls, are people pleasers, or who have survived a narcissist's smear campaign. Listening boundaries, when practiced, allow you to hear what people say...

Have you ever noticed how the narcissist has to work so hard to convince the world that his or her life is *awesome*?! Is it really? No, it's not. When your life truly is blessed and wonderful, you don't have to go around convincing yourself and others about how great everything is. Understand this behavior for what it is: pure grandstanding. You, recovering from pain and sorrow, are the one with an awesome life. Because you love, ...

How do we forgive "70 times 7"? Is it even humanly possible; do we have the capacity? Sometimes, when we are trying to be too goal-oriented toward forgiveness, we make it less likely to ultimately feel satisfied by our efforts. Especially if dealing with a partner who continues to abuse and hurt. Often, we are looking to forgive the wrong person. When we work on forgiving ourselves, and giving ourselves the gifts of time and space,...

After living through betrayal trauma and perhaps a narcissistic discard, how do you know when you are ready to date again? Or, if you will ever be ready to date again? Take the time for healing, learning about yourself, and reflection before jumping back into the dating pool. Dating is best when it is intentional and out of the desire to get to know someone, not because they may fulfill a need. Love and attachment can be "near enem...

Have you ever wondered, "Where are you God?" Have you felt like you have endured more than your fair share of grief and pain? That you have tried to live a good life, yet trials keep coming your way? Have you ever said, "It's enough?!" or, "What did I do to deserve this?"  We all feel this way at times, yet it is not commonly spoken about. This leads to feelings of isolation and even shame, but none of that is the truth. We all str...

It's common for a narcissistic partner to drag out the divorce process as long as they possibly can. Why? Why would they do this when they have already moved on? Why when sometimes they are actually hurting themselves with their stubborn refusal to let you move forward in your life? It's about control. It's about wreaking as much havoc as is humanly possible for the good people who have had the misfortune to love them. 

#alifefolde...

You are not alone if you feel that you are succumbing to despair after betrayal trauma, a narcissistic discard, or both. This is a common reaction as a result of such unbearable and unbelievable pain. But, your life matters. There are reasons to go on. The world needs you and your unique gifts and talents. Please, find spaces of hope and live even if just for the next moment...the next hour. The darkness will lessen with time and y...

A  key motto in my healing journey is: go no contact and live again. We can argue, prod, and beg toxic people in our lives to give us closure, but they can't. And, even if they could, they wouldn't. Gray Rock is a communication methodology where we cease to provide narcissistic fuel to unhealthy partners through over-sharing and reactive behaviors. And, it's a game changer as you strive to find peace in your healing journey.

#alife...

Boundaries are one of the most difficult concepts for serial people-pleasers as well as victims of betrayal trauma and narcissistic gaslighting. It seems counter-intuitive that taking care of yourself first is a common practice of the most giving and healthy individuals. Boundaries are actually loving, assuring that your needs are met so that you can show up in the world present and with a true desire to serve. 

#alifefolded #selfc...