Help Others Find What They Don't Know What Their Needs Are
Join me on A New Direction as I sit down with Bill Shander, author of Stakeholder Whispering: Uncover What People Need Before Doing What They Ask. Bill’s premise is bold and true: most customers, clients, and bosses don’t actually know what they need; they only know what feels familiar enough to ask for. Our job isn’t to take the order—it’s to uncover the real needs with empathy, curiosity, and skill. That’s the heart of Stakeholder Whispering, and that’s exactly where we’re going.
Bill and I will dig into the mechanism behind the magic—how to slow the conversation down just enough to surface intent before you sprint into execution. We’ll explore practical moves like clarifying the decision your work will enable, mapping the real stakeholder chain (who wins, who loses, who decides), and challenging assumptions that quietly steer requests toward the wrong solution. Expect concrete tactics leaders can use in the room—silence that invites better thinking, questions that reframe the task, and small tests that prove what actually matters.
If you’ve ever delivered exactly what was asked and still missed the mark, you know the emotional punch of this topic. It’s frustrating, it’s deflating, and it erodes trust. We’ll talk about the human side—how fear, constraints, and “what we’ve always done” hide beneath the ask—and how a calm, curious presence earns permission to go deeper. When people feel understood, they stop defending their request and start partnering in the outcome. That’s when influence grows and results compound.
You’ll leave with five field-tested questions to put in play immediately: What decision will this help you make? If this worked perfectly, what changes? Who else is impacted, positively or negatively? What risk are we avoiding—or accepting—by doing it this way? What would we try if there were no constraints? Bring these to your next meeting and watch the conversation shift from “build the thing” to “solve the right problem.” This one is about leading with courage, listening with intention, and delivering what truly moves the needle. Needs.
To contact Bill go to his website: www.billshander.com
Or connect on Linkedin: Bill Shander
Bill Shander's book, "Stakeholder Whispering: Uncover What People Need Before Doing What They Ask" is a fun, insightful, and powerful read. This book is literally for everyone in any career, and in any stage of their career. And personally so valuable that it will help every relationships and every interaction that you will have.
Bill Shander explains very clearly through research that as human beings we are hopelessly flawed. And that means all of us. We really don't know what we want or what we need and the reality is we need someone to draw it out of us. Bill Shander's Stakeholder Whispering does just that.
We get a good sense of who are as humans. Our thinking is faulty. And the more knowledge we get doesn't actually make us smarter, it only creates more biases that make it more difficult for us to change.
So how do we deal with ourselves and others to help navigate our relationships in business. Ahhh...that's the secret of "whispering". Bill takes down the trail of well researched and demonstrated technique of asking different questions that draw out of the other person the very thing they really need.
Is it therapy? Well, yes, it is based on Psychologist Carl Rogers methodology, but the fact is, it works. And when done correctly, it does not put people on the defensive. There is no convincing. No persuading. No manipulation. Just simply asking the right questions that help people come to the answers they always had in themselves. And that's the brilliance of the book!
Filled with all sorts of great stories, research and some funny personal anecdotes. I highly recommend Stakeholder Whispering.
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