Clause and Effect

Clause and Effect

NOW BEING HOSTED ON YOUTUBE, FREE FROM SOUNDCLOUD SUBSCRIPTION JAIL: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXNOXWxxAOTjxyVUoCxiMfRyMya12-m2m Have you ever wished that Christmas could last all year? Well, it may not be every day, but for these three buffoons, Christmas comes once a week in the form of Tim Allen's "The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause". Join John, Jacob, and Theodore as they descend into a wintry madness that only could come from plumbing the depths of a Disney threequel. Special mentions and thanks to The Worst Idea of All Time, the podcast that invented this format, and who have publicly said they're fine with others continuing it now that their journey has come to an end.

Episodes

Clause and Effect (52 and a half/52): The Fifty-twoth Watch

December 25, 2018 • 92 mins
The final Christmas bonus, wrapped up nicely and tucked underneath the tree. This track is meant to be played alongside the movie, as is the other bonus for our first watch. You don't have to listen to both right away and honestly you really shouldn't, so just choose whichever suits your fancy. This is it. The last time the three of us will watch this movie together. Come join us as we cheer for the last reindeer fart, laugh at ...
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Clause and Effect (0/52): The First Watch

December 25, 2018 • 87 mins
Cobbled together from scraps of barely usable audio comes our first ever watch of the Santa Clause 3. This was meant to be watched alongside the movie, as is the bonus for our 52nd watch. Pick your poison, I guess. I wouldn't expect you to want to watch this movie twice in a row. Hear us groan at reindeer farts, laugh at jokes about Canada, and gasp in awe at the Santa plane for the very first time. Oh, how stupid we were.
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Clause and Effect (53/52): Taking Up the Santle

December 25, 2018 • 67 mins
Just in time for Christmas, as promised. This week we didn't watch The Santa Clause 3. That's cause for celebration in and of itself, but that's not all. Instead, we watched both the first and second movies in the trilogy, and we were pleasantly surprised. Join us in our unpacking of the complex themes of the original Santa Clause, including child rebellion, brainwashing, and elves (with attitude). Furthermore, we tackle the sligh...
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Clause and Effect (Finale/52): The Last Reindeer Fart

December 17, 2018 • 39 mins
We have slain the movie, though we are the ones who were really defeated. It doesn't take long to shift into after-party mode as John and Jacob discuss their memories of the podcast while Ted searches for an obscure piece of lost media for almost 15 minutes! Other topics of the night include Tim Allen green-screened into footage of the movie 2012, as well as prophetic dreams of Jerry Seinfeld. Your final homework: -Help Ted find ...
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Clause and Effect (51/52): Non-Descript Non-Toxic Mint Substance

December 11, 2018 • 44 mins
Not even the director knows what it is. Yes, that's right. We watched with the director's commentary track this time. A lot of our theories were proven, and a lot of others were disproven. Also, we learn a lot about the production of the film itself, some of which we'd really rather not have learned. Homework this week: -Write Google and force them to add "disproven" to their auto-correct dictionary. -Keep an eye out for any snow...
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Clause and Effect (50/52): The North Pole Emu War

December 4, 2018 • 35 mins
Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. With only three weeks left until their freedom, the gang uses Christmas as an excuse to talk about the human condition. Again. Also, we devise a Santa Clause themed racer in which you can play as an affront to God and compare Jack Frost's hyper-capitalist society to a game of Mario Party. Homework this week: -Learn about the Emu War in preparation for our 86th anniversa...
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Clause and Effect (49/52): Reindeer, I Guess

November 26, 2018 • 38 mins
Real men eat mammoth, however. It's Ted's turn to blow the lid off the movie this week, and blow he does. Also, things get a little dark with the discovery of an article that tells us a little more about the production of the first movie, as well as a discussion about the butterfly effect and how invoking the Escape Clause may prove fatal. Homework this week: -Import a wooly mammoth. You can probably find one on eBay. -Recut the ...
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Clause and Effect (48/52): How It's Made: Elves

November 20, 2018 • 35 mins
Please do not contact Adam Sandler. Some slight audio issues this episode with Jacob's mic, but that won't stop us from once again delving into the manufacturing process of elves, as well as puzzling over the identity of an elf who is named but not ever seen. Also, we amuse ourselves with imagining a version of the movie in which Curtis is removed. Forcibly. Jacob's """""weekly""""" shitpost: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U868E...
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Clause and Effect (47/52): Don't Call Me Shirley

November 13, 2018 • 48 mins
You may, however, call a doctor. I don't feel so good. This week we watched Airplane! Time to make the least fair comparison between two movies that has probably ever been made. Mostly, we just use the comedic successes of one movie to describe the failings of the other. Also, we discuss the business policies of Bad Future Scott Calvin and blow the lid off the biggest conspiracy yet. Homework for this week: -Design Jack Frost's i...
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Clause and Effect (46/52): Chair Sleep Rank - S

November 6, 2018 • 24 mins
Whatever the opposite of ASMR is, this episode has it. This week we discuss the automatic targeting systems inherent to sleep deities and elves with hammers, as well as the Christmas Creep. No, not that type of creep. Also, Ted proposes the idea of writing more fan fiction, much to the dismay of John. All the while, Jacob clicks his god damned pen into the microphone as a replacement for actual conversation and I'm leaving it all ...
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Clause and Effect (45/52): There's A Plane Outside

October 29, 2018 • 29 mins
See you in Helf. Every so often we have one of those episodes where none of us can think of anything to talk about. This is not one of those times, yet a certain someone managed to be so distracted by the plane outside his window that it inevitably distracted all three of us. Not naming any names, but he knows what he did. Other topics of conversation include a nihilistic view of Santa's future workloads and declaring Scott Calvin...
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Clause and Effect (44/52): The Hell That Is Living As Mr. Bean

October 23, 2018 • 39 mins
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. This week, the gang is pretty low-energy. This, of course, means that the usual happens and that by the end John is practically screaming at Jacob while Ted can't stop laughing. In between, be sure not to miss our discussion of this movie as a biblical allegory, followed by a deep dive into the miserable lives of Santa's in-laws. It's sure to be a fun time for all involved! Homework for this w...
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Clause and Effect (43/52): Roll To Dodge Hippo

October 16, 2018 • 47 mins
Alternate titles for this week's episode include: The Pilot is the Hippo 5 Seconds until the Hippo Impacts the Plane "It Follows" but it's a Hippo The Hippo Annihilates Tim Allen In case it wasn't obvious, we didn't make good on our promise to watch Airplane, nor do we make good on our promise to actually stay on topic for once. This episode does, however, serve as a handy guide for all the reasons to never ever approach a hippop...
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Clause and Effect (42/52): Mr. Frost's Wild Slide

October 9, 2018 • 36 mins
I want to get off. Simultaneously the shortest episode and also the longest stinger we've ever had, this week's episode weighs heavy on us. Despite our boredom with the bland attempts at """humor""" present in the movie, we still find ways to entertain ourselves with discussions of airplanes and human whack-a-mole machines. Homework this week: -Watch Airplane, the superior comedy.
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Clause and Effect (41/52): Butt-like Doors, Inc.

October 2, 2018 • 40 mins
"We didn't like the old one, so it's not real anymore." -line from the commentary track for The Santa Clause 3ε. We gave Santa the Griswald treatment, placing him in situations that would break a mortal man. Also, we give the part of Jack Frost to a rodent. All this, and more, on tonight's Clause & Effect. Homework this week: -Make a silent movie out of scenes from The Santa Clause 3 -Write the script to The Santa Clause 3ε and s...
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Clause and Effect (40/52): Tim Allen ga Taosenai

September 25, 2018 • 32 mins
Translator's Note: Taosenai means "plan". We watched the movie in Japanese this time around, and we played the official video game. After we're done sharing our thoughts on that, we attempt to make a Mega Man game. Somehow, this is one of our shortest episodes to date. Homework for this week: -Translate whatever it is Curtis said -Re-animate the entire movie to make it look like an anime. Actually, don't.
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Clause and Effect (39/52): The Last Cardboardbender

September 18, 2018 • 50 mins
Santa is in the eye of the beholder. We're officially 3/4 of the way there, so to celebrate we threw Santa Claus into Dark Souls. Again. Also, we discuss the combat potential of 270 cardboard cut-outs of Jack Frost, as well as the importance of Santa's public image in a hypothetical capitalist dystopia. Homework this week is to catch the Big Santa Race this Saturday, September 22nd (start time to be decided) and to follow @Clause...
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Clause and Effect (38/52): I Will Become A Mop

September 11, 2018 • 33 mins
It's like Animorphs. But for mops. It's a brief, yet focused episode this week, as the three of us start by discussing the state of Tim Allen, the human, the person. Afterwards, a discussion about a mystery horse gets almost completely dropped in favor of something far, far more stupid. This is our life. This is the work of the Santa Clause 3. Homework for this week: - Sign this petition; https://www.change.org/p/tim-allen-remove...
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Clause and Effect (37/52): Phase 25 is Zombies

September 4, 2018 • 34 mins
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. It's a late recording for the three of us, so we're all in the mindset of wanting to end things quickly. What this leads to is, of course, a rapid descent into various tangents including a Santa-borne Christmas Apocalypse scenario. Listen in wonder as we ponder such questions as "What if Scott Calvin was a time ghost?", or "Can the North Pole ac...
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Clause and Effect (36/52): Bud's Awakening

August 27, 2018 • 43 mins
Keep on dreaming, dreamer. What starts out as a discussion of John's simple, yet terrifying method of watching the movie this week, turns to places we could not have even imagined. Join us as we discuss the nature of reality within the universe of The Santa Clause, and even how it might be related to our own. Oh, and we talk about Jack Frost's singing at some point. Homework for this week: Think of silly Christmas-related song pa...
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