Navigating the Pain of Being Single

Could you discuss the challenges of being a frum single woman in an Orthodox Jewish community? Family holds an incredibly significant place in our lives, and it’s often seen as the ultimate ideal. To illustrate this, your Inner Circle content currently features six series, two of which focus on marriage and parenting.

It is excruciatingly painful to be single, not just experiencing moments of loneliness like everyone does, but living life alone day after day, perhaps forever. It’s terrifying to think that some people are blessed with marriage and children while others are not—and that it’s possible marriage might not be in G-d’s plan for me.

From a young age, girls are raised to prepare for marriage, with the understanding that it’s the ultimate goal. So much of our lives revolve around “One day, when you’re a wife/mother…” It’s heartbreaking to witness others receive the beauty of a family, and even more painful when you’re one of those who does not.

I want to believe that G-d is kind, but then I look at my married friends, giving and receiving love, raising children, and I can’t help but feel a deep longing, at times bordering on jealousy. Marriage and family are so central to our lives, and it’s incredibly hard to accept that not everyone will receive this blessing.

On top of all this, dealing with the pain of being perceived as "less than" or immature because of being single makes this challenge feel even more isolating.

Can you share your perspective on how I can approach this in a Torah-true way—without assuming blame for my singleness or allowing bitterness to take root, so that I don’t grow to resent G-d?

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