The Save The Marriage Podcast
Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.
Episodes
April 23, 2025 • 23 mins
Let me say it here, in writing: I am NOT opposed to marital therapy. I am quite concerned, however, on how marital therapy happens now. I am concerned about the effectiveness of marital therapy. And I am concerned for people who blindly seek out marital therapy, expecting it to help.
If you don't know it, my training and background is as a marriage and family therapist. I spent years, and several degrees, preparing to be a ma...
Mark as Played
April 16, 2025 • 18 mins
Many times, I watch couples caught in a spiral of accusations, each convinced of maliciousness on the part of their spouse. But I don't think that is actually it.
In fact, many times, both people in front of me seem to be hurting, but not malicious.
Which is why it seems so clear to me that maliciousness is not (usually) the issue.
I have that "usually" in there, because there are abusive relationships... in which case, someone...
Mark as Played
April 9, 2025 • 14 mins
Just to be clear, I am ALL FOR forgiveness. I have talked about on the Save The Marriage Podcast and on my Thriveology Podcast.
And in a marriage, there are ample opportunities to practice forgiving. "Every-day forgiving" and big-time forgiving. In such an intimate relationship, you are going to step on toes, hurt each other's feelings, make bad decisions -- and still have to figure out how to move forward. You do that by forg...
Mark as Played
April 2, 2025 • 21 mins
I used to notice how often an engaged couple would become so focused on getting married -- the wedding -- that they had a hard time focusing on what the process of being married would be.
The reason this concerned me is because I know what happens next. And unless they make a shift, their marriage will hit a disconnect event, a moment of hurt.
At the other end... when a marriage is hurting and in trouble, I watch as people once ...
Mark as Played
March 27, 2025 • 15 mins
There are lots of mistakes people make in their efforts to save their marriage. This particular mistake is what I consider to be the 3rd biggest. I hear it in the questions people send me every single week.
In fact, I hear this mistake probably 3 or more times each day. And here is the sad thing: the mistake is made with all the best of intentions. . . and all the worst of results.
Like all mistakes, it is avoidable. (If so...
Mark as Played
March 19, 2025 • 22 mins
Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it. Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game. Or even a trick for a better pancake. A hint for a better pushup.
But hints and tricks won’t work for saving a marriage.
Which is what I try to explain when I get the daily emails and voicemails, just asking for a hint or trick. Nothing wrong with asking. But the answer is, “you need more than a hint or trick. You need an approach...
Mark as Played
March 12, 2025 • 23 mins
I know it hurts. And I know that the pain, the anger, and the frustration can get you to act in ways that are not helpful.
Lots of people are not sure about what TO do (which is why I created the Save The Marriage System). But they may be less clear on what they should STOP doing.
In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I tell you about 5 very common, very unhelpful, things I see people do when they are trying to save ...
Mark as Played
March 5, 2025 • 28 mins
So, what DO you do when apathy strikes? It might be YOUR apathy. But more likely, it will be your spouse's apathy. (And it might be both of you!) It just seems there is no emotion, no care, no concern.
What IS apathy?
What does it mean?
Why does it happen?
And most importantly, what can you do about it?
This week, we explore dealing with YOUR apathy, then dealing with YOUR SPOUSE'S apathy.
RELATED RESOURCES
You Are The Best...
Mark as Played
February 26, 2025 • 15 mins
Have you ever been sucked into a situation or argument, then realized your actions were not what you wanted?
There is that split second, that pause, where you get to choose your response.
Many people miss that split second, telling themselves, "I had no choice. I was just reacting."
But deep down, we know that is not the case. We have a choice on how to respond. If you miss that choice, you will regret the reaction.
How do y...
Mark as Played
February 19, 2025 • 30 mins
“It’s your choice,” I reassured her. It was a call I picked up between sessions. The person told me she had been following my System, but wasn’t sure if she could keep it up. She wasn’t sure if it mattered, so she was thinking about quitting. She wanted to know what I thought….
I didn’t need to convince her either way. It really was her choice. Should she walk away or should she keep working on it? Only she could answer.
M...
Mark as Played
February 12, 2025 • 24 mins
I wish this only happened every now and then.
Imagine, for a second, that someone is working on saving their marriage. In this case, they have chosen to use my System. And they are making progress! (Yay!)
Then... they decide to do something else... add something on... try to "spice up" their approach. And suddenly, their efforts fall apart.
The other day, I was talking with someone who falls into this approach. Making great...
Mark as Played
February 5, 2025 • 18 mins
One more argument. One more struggle. They sat on my couch, facing each other down as opponents in some contest to... win... well, to be honest, I don't know what they were trying to win. Because they were not winning at marriage!
I stopped them, looked at them and said, "You do know you are on the same team..." and they stared blankly at me, so I continued, "... right??"
They certainly were not working like a team. They were...
Mark as Played
January 29, 2025 • 17 mins
Fears. They can certainly derail us humans!
But what about relationship fears? Just those basic fears and insecurities that we all carry with us in relationships?
Yep, we all have them. 2 basic fears. And those 2 fears? They pull against each other. One can trigger the other in couples. We all have both, but tend to have a tendency to one fear or the other. And when that fear is triggered, it often triggers the opposite fe...
Mark as Played
January 22, 2025 • 15 mins
Games should be fun. But the games we are talking about today are NOT fun.
These are patterns of interaction and communication.
The design is to get a need met. But behind it is a dysfunction. It may be a lack of clarity in what someone wants or expects. It may be an unwillingness to say what a person wants or needs. It may be a false expectation of how things should be. But somewhere is a false belief.
And that false beli...
Mark as Played
January 15, 2025 • 27 mins
Is your marriage crisis marked by heated arguments or cold distance? Hot or cold?
Are they really that different? Or is it all a part of the same process? And how does it affect your attempts to save your marriage?
During back-to-back coaching sessions with two couples, I had a case of each. In the first, both were practically red-faced with anger, talking over each other and refusing to listen.
In the second session, the co...
Mark as Played
January 8, 2025 • 21 mins
Maybe your spouse has been saying, "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" Or maybe it is just you... wondering... torturing yourself... about whether this marriage crisis is your fault. Are you the problem?
Let me reassure you that you are not the first person to wonder that. People search about that on my blog. People write me to ask that same question. Many people start our coaching sessions with the same question.
So, what is the trut...
Mark as Played
December 18, 2024 • 31 mins
Miranda asked me, “What do I do? My spouse is hopeless that we can save our marriage. I’m losing hope, too."
A while back, I did a training for members of my VIP Program, noting three barriers in the way of a spouse working on the marriage… along with how to respond. One of those barriers is hopelessness.
But if a spouse is hopeless… how can you hold onto hope?
There is an equation of hope: hope = goal + pathways to goal + ac...
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December 11, 2024 • 16 mins
When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy. When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especially when all the commercials and movies push the “merry and bright” of a mythic holiday.
And here we are, on the cusp of the Holiday season! It cuts across nations and beliefs. The season is here.
A client recently told me, “I just want to crawl into bed and get up on January 2nd."
Wh...
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December 4, 2024 • 24 mins
"In our very first session, our therapist told me that we were divorcing and I need to accept it," Claire wrote.
I invited people to submit questions. And Claire did. (You can, too, by EMAILING HERE.)
Here is what happened: Claire wanted to save her marriage. Her husband thought it was over. Claire convinced him to go to therapy. But then, near the end of the first session (and as it turns out, the only session), the therapis...
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November 20, 2024 • 15 mins
I know. It's tempting. Your marriage is having troubles and you want to talk about it. Maybe your friends would be good to tell. Or maybe your family can listen. Or perhaps you should contact your in-laws to "talk some sense" into your spouse.
Don't. Stop. Think again before you share.
Those words that feel so good right now may come back to haunt you can cause other problems when things turn around.
You may be thinking t...
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