January 30, 2025 • 25 mins
Brenda Yoho is expressing her voice. She says “Every person is valuable. Everyone has some kind of value in life and a meaning and a purpose. I can aim to make others feel good and to feel safe. Every day I do something that I know will help someone feel a little bit better and that brings value to them.”
Her book “Lead with Two Rules, Feeling Good and Feeling Safe” offers a simple and powerful framework for supporting students dealing with trauma and poverty.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Paula (00:01):
Hello, everyone, and welcome to "TesseLeads" with your host, Tesse Apeki,
and me, Paula Okonneh as the co host.
"TesseLeads" is a safe, sensitive,and supportive place and space
to share, to hear, and tell yourstories and your experiences.
(00:22):
We always get super curious about thedilemmas that shape your future and
our guest's future and even our future.
And always, we are interested inthe journeys that we all are on.
Today's guest is Brenda Yoho, andour theme is "Lead with Two Rules".
(00:47):
Brenda's Personal Lens.
A few things about Brenda.
Brenda adopts a multifacetedapproach to educational advocacy.
Her goal remains steadfast to inspirepositive change in the field of
education by empowering educators,nurturing students well being, and
(01:10):
contributing to the ongoing dialogueon effective leadership in schools.
Brenda is married to herhigh school sweetheart.
They've been together sincethey were 16 years old.
And she has three preciousgrandchildren, and
(01:30):
six.
She considers herself an overcomer, inother words, or in her own words, she
says, "I understand trauma firsthand.
My parents were uneducated.
I have Crohn's disease, whichresulted in a surgery to remove
some of my small intestines.
I have been struck by lightning, semitruck crashing into a car with Sarah.
(01:55):
I assume Sarah is her daughter.
Her best, oh, Sarah is her bestfriend, Sarah her best friend.
Brenda (02:00):
No, Sarah is my daughter.
Paula (02:01):
Okay, Sarah, her daughter, her best friend, her granddaughter, and
her, which left her with a traumaticbrain injury, as well as other injuries.
And she's also a breast cancer survivor.
She also recently experiencedanother traumatic loss.
(02:23):
And I know I've said a lot aboutBrenda, but what I haven't done
is welcome her to the show.
So welcome to "TesseLeads", Brenda.
Thanks for joining us today.
Brenda (02:34):
Thank you, Paula.
Thank you, Tesse, for having me today.
Tesse (02:38):
Brenda, I with Paula, we're so pleased that you said yes.
I remember when I came across your workthrough the "Weaving Influence Platform".
That's how I came to hear aboutyour work in the first time.
But since then, I was saying toPaula that I've seen you cropping
up on LinkedIn, in different places,you know, and I'm so pleased.
(02:59):
And I thought, why didn'tI notice this before?
You know, I'm very curious abouthow you apply the lead with two
rules, you know, to your own life?
You know, how does it livein you and through you?
Brenda (03:16):
Yeah.
You know, I apply it to my own lifewas just how I look at life in general.
Because, you know, life is precious.
And I think often we take alot of things for granted.
And when we wake up in the morning,we can decide to make a choice of
how we're going to live our day.
And I make a choice every day tolive that life, to make a difference
(03:39):
in the lives of someone else.
So I want to make sure that my life isbeing shared with others so that I can
make others feel good and to feel safe.
So every day I do something that Iknow will help someone feel a little
bit better and to bring value to them.
(04:00):
And most importantly, I dothat with my grandchildren.
My granddaughter is in high schooland we went school shopping this year
to buy school supplies and things.
And I will tell you, just likea regular teenager and you know,
she gets some help from others.
They like to tease me a lot becauseI'm like considered the Hallmark
(04:22):
person, because I'm always, you know,sending people good messages and stuff.
And also they call me the sign ladybecause I have positive signs everywhere.
So when everybody sees a sign,they'll say, oh yeah, she wants to.
They call me Moomoo.
Now that is because my lovely husbandmade sure that the grandchildren
(04:45):
would call me that "Moomoo",thinking that that was going to be
a funny joke, but you know what?
I love it because thereis no other Moomoo around.
So I am the only Moomoo.
And so I have all these beautifulsigns with positive messages.
So when my granddaughter and I wentpool shopping, I convinced her to buy
(05:07):
this little magnet of a sign that shecould put into her locker, and I told
her she could put messages on herlittle board for other people to see.
So she said, well, If I'm goingto do that, then you're going
to have to send me a message.
So every week I send her a three wordphrase of a positive message with
(05:29):
a little paragraph to encourage herand to share with others and also a
prayer to go along with the message.
So that's how I live in every dayand every week with my family.
Tesse (05:42):
Wow.
How do you spell that?
Brenda (05:45):
Just like M O O.
I mean capital M O O.
Tesse (05:49):
I was thinking that too.
My God, it's beautiful.
It's so funny.
I can't stop smiling.
I just cannot.
And you're the only one?
Brenda (05:57):
I, that's I am the only one I've ever heard of.
Moo Moo.
Tesse (06:03):
So a guiding principle, because for me, what is occurring is these are
guiding principles, safety, goodness,you know, anchors for something.
Environments, conditions for success,conditions for flourishing and thriving.
You know, what shifts have youseen as guiding principles for
(06:24):
others who you connect with throughthe lens of these two rules?
What have you seen change for them?
Brenda (06:31):
Well, you know, I've been implementing the
two rules for decades now.
So I can give you some examplesof some of the things that
I have seen and that I know.
One of my former students, hestruggled to come to school, okay.
He was in elementary when he would cryand didn't want to come and his mom and
(06:53):
dad would have to miss part of theirwork to try to carry him into school,
and this went on and on, and I'll speedthat up with, we made some interventions.
We did some things, so we startedmaking him feel good and feel safe.
And then he transitioned withme to the middle school and
then he went on to high school.
I just went to his wedding, and I willjust tell you that he is the youngest
(07:19):
member that has been voted in tosit on the city council in his town,
and he did that as soon as it would.
So he just did that when he graduated fromhigh school, because he knows, because
we did community projects all the time inschool and I've always said homeschooling
community needs to work together and wewere always doing things with community.
(07:42):
And so he has done that and he'salso created and has done a big
fundraiser for breast cancer awareness.
Tesse (07:52):
Wow.
Brenda (07:52):
Because he has an aunt that had breast cancer, so he is a go getter in
regards to doing something for others.
So he's a big service leader.
Another one of my studentsis in Washington, D.
C.
And he has taken off with, he workedon a couple of different campaigns for
the people who are working on beingthe president of the United States.
(08:16):
And then now he is the president ofthe, I don't know if I'm going to say
this right, "The Black ConservativeRepublicans", I think is what
his, he's the president of that.
So you see him with pictures of allthese, I mean, the former president and
all these different people that are, youknow, not anybody can get a picture with.
Paula (08:38):
Wow.
Brenda (08:39):
And he's doing really well.
And he'll message me, I'm always quotingyou on the things that you've said
to me and the things that you say.
So he's spreading that message.
So they always make me happy thatI can see that they're doing that.
And then I can go to the grocery storeand I can see former students and they've
got little ones and they're quoting backto me the stuff that I've said to them.
(09:02):
And it's great.
I went to visit one of my friends who'san administrator and went into her school,
and here comes some of my students.
Now, they're from two different schooldistricts that I worked in, okay?
One is her secretary, andone's one of her teachers.
And they are just so excited to see meand the one said, I've got to call my mom.
(09:24):
My mom will be so excited to talk to you.
So she's calling her mom.
Tesse (09:30):
Oh my goodness.
Brenda (09:31):
And her mom says, okay, Mrs.
Yoho, are you part of theproblem or part of the solution?
Tesse (09:40):
Oh, you must be so proud.
Brenda (09:44):
Oh, I'm so proud of all of them.
Yes.
It's so exciting to see all ofthem and be part of their lives
after they're finished with school.
And remember, I was, you know,elementary and middle school, so I
didn't get to go with them any further.
That's a long time, you know, theypass that they can still remember me.
(10:06):
And that's so much fun.
That is so much fun.
Tesse (10:09):
Gorgeous.
Absolutely gorgeous.
Wow.
Paula.
Paula (10:13):
That's such good news.
Such good news.
And to see you smiling, you know, andit makes me think about, you know, as I
read your bio and to hear that you wereinvolved in an accident with not just you,
but your daughter, your granddaughter,your best friend, and which left you
a traumatic brain injury and otherinjuries and your breast cancer survivor.
(10:36):
So my question is, how do younavigate all these turbulences and
still be such a dynamic leader?
Brenda (10:44):
Well, you know, I believe, I have a strong faith, and I
believe that things happen inlife because they're supposed to.
And there's supposed to be a message anda learning from those things that happen.
And so what you do in lifewhen things happen to you, you
either react or you respond.
(11:06):
And you react with the emotion oryou can respond with thinking and
doing something to bring value toothers and to help others to feel
safe and feel good, because theycould be going through the same thing.
So when I have the traumatic brain injury,that I will have to say that was the
most devastating time for me because thattook a long time for my brain to heal.
(11:29):
But even though I was injured and Iwas airlifted from the scene, I don't
remember a lot, but my husband wasable to tell me that people were saying
that I was killed, that I had died.
So my fear was, is that my studentsthought I had died, and I knew
(11:51):
that I needed to get back to them.
And I wanted to get back to them.
Because when you become a trustedadult in the lives of some individuals,
children, especially who have alreadybeen through trauma, when they build
a trusting relationship with you,you can't let that be broken because
that's more traumatic for them.
I needed them to see me because I wantedthem to know I was coming back to them.
(12:14):
So I convinced somebody to drive meto school so I could see the kids.
Now, I looked a hot mess, I will tellyou, because I had, I think, about
50 stitches in my head, going downclose to, you know, top of my head
down to the corner of my eye, and Iwas missing the majority of my teeth.
But here's where the lessons comein, I was able to stand in front of
(12:39):
them, and I was able to say to them.
Now we've talked before about how do youlook at something and how do you see?
Now you see me now not looking thesame way, but does it change who I am?
No, I am still here for you.
(12:59):
I am going to be away for a littlebit because I do have to do a little
bit of healing, but I will be back andI'll still have some healing to do.
But I want to tell you this, you know,we have all those rules that we think
about feeling good and feeling safe.
And we talk about all of you ridingthose buses to go home, and you
(13:19):
are passing semi trucks sometimesand big things on the road.
I want you to know that my accidenthappened less than five minutes from my
house and a big farming truck hit our car.
And because we were safely in ourcar with our seatbelt we lived.
(13:44):
That's why it's so important for youto be in your seats and following
the safety rules of traveling on thebus, because your life will be safe.
So that's how I live everyday when something I face,
I want to share a message.
So my breast cancer came.
(14:05):
I was always doing the check.
We got it detected very early.
Breast cancer came when I was writing thebook, and I went through my treatments,
my radiation treatments with the book.
I didn't let my grandchildrenknow that I had breast cancer.
I got the diagnosis threedays before Christmas.
So we had Christmas and it was thebest Christmas they've ever had.
(14:27):
They never knew I had breast cancer.
I went and did my treatments and theynever knew anything was different.
Moo Moo was just fine, in their eyes.
Paula (14:37):
Awesome.
You had, as you said so beforeyou said "Moo Moo was just fine",
what went through my mind wasthat you are an excellent Moo Moo.
I mean, you put yourselfsecond, you put them first.
You made sure that they were good.
Brenda (14:53):
Yeah, kids always should be first.
People should always put kids first.
Tesse (14:57):
Yeah.
Brenda (14:58):
Always.
Kids first.
Tesse (15:00):
You know, Brenda, as I listen to your stories and some we've shared
in, and we're sharing now, and somewe've shared when we're not recording.
I see you as someone who hasbeen through so many storms.
You've navigated so much turbulence.
What helps you to makechoices in those moments?
What helps you in your approach tothese situations, which aren't easy?
Brenda (15:25):
No, they're not easy.
But you know Tesse, when you gothrough so many storms and you have
such a strong faith, you realize thatother people have traveled those same
storms, maybe a little bit different,but they've traveled those storms too.
And so you have to pause andyou have to think, what am I
thankful for in this storm?
(15:46):
Cause I have my husband, we'vebeen married for almost 40 years.
We've been together since we were 16.
And we've traveled together and we'vewent through these storms together.
So I am so thankful that we'vehad that strong relationship.
I'm so thankful for my daughter, Sarah.
She's a special education teacher,and she's just as strong because
(16:10):
of the storms we have went through.
And she loves kids more than I do.
It's hard to even say that, but she does.
I can't imagine anybody lovingkids more than me, but she does.
She puts her heart and soulinto the kids that she has.
And she serves, and thefamilies that she serves.
Because she knows that parents trusther with their most precious gift.
(16:35):
And she does not take that lightly.
And our three grandchildren are amazing.
My son in law, I told him, I prayedfor him and he is the best gift
God could have given our family.
He is amazing.
He is the best father, the best husband.
And he served the country as in thearmy and now he is at a prison and
(16:59):
he's serving people in the prisonand giving them opportunities to
exercise and enjoy companionship andto see that life, they made some poor
choices, but they can turn it aroundand he is the best person for that job.
Tesse (17:18):
Oh, what I'm hearing is the place of gratitude and attitude of gratitude.
Brenda (17:23):
Lots of gratitude.
You know, because each day we're givena gift, and it's how we unwrap it.
I unwrap my gift every day, andI cherish every minute of it.
Tesse (17:36):
I love that as a practice, Paula, what do you think?
I mean, unwrap the gift every day.
You know, look at thechoices, be intentional.
And if it's every day as a microhabit, wow, what becomes possible?
Wow,
Paula (17:51):
I'm soaking it all in.
As I mentioned, when we were off camerathat my mom always said, it's a choice.
How you live life is a choice, youcan be happy, or you can be sad.
You could be in the palace, she used tosay and be so sad, or you could be not
in the palace and be the happiest person.
So just make it a choice.
So yeah, I love that saying that,you know, every day is a gift.
(18:15):
What did you say you, unwrap?
Brenda (18:16):
Unwrap it.
Paula (18:17):
Unwrap it.
Yeah.
I mean, for me, as I have livedmy life of one of looking for
little things to be happy about,little things to rejoice over.
Oh, I'm going to be, I love grapes.
Oh, I'm going to get grapes today.
Woohoo.
Oh, I'm going to see thisperson later on in the day.
I'm looking forward to that.
You know, there's so many otherthings to be unhappy about.
(18:37):
But life is a gift, and so.
Brenda (18:41):
Yeah, you're right, Paula.
You're right.
You're so right.
Tesse (18:46):
I'm going to do a little postcard.
I love cards, and life is a giftto unwrap each day, because as an
intentional practice, what an affirmation.
What an affirmation.
Wow.
Brenda.
Paula (19:00):
I'm sitting here.
I'm sure Tesse, you are too,soaking in all what Brenda has
shared with us today, you know.
She said, in spite of the lossesand the tough times, she's
just told us life is a gift.
Every day is a gift unwrap it.
Brenda, are there any other partingthoughts that you can share with us?
Brenda (19:21):
You know, when you go through a storm and you find yourself on
the other side, I think we forgetto reflect and go back and look
what got us through the storm.
Because if we don't appreciate thecomponent of what helped us to get
through the storm, we'll find ourselvesrepeating things that could have got us
(19:44):
into situations that caused the storm.
So I'm thinking about likeif we made a poor choice.
If we did something thatin those situations.
In my situation, I want to say this,I held on to this fact that I thought
caused this accident that I wentthrough, until I started to reflect back.
(20:08):
So we have a driveway and you canturn left or you can turn right.
And I can remember, I think, thatmy daughter asked me if we should
turn left or we should turn right?
And I said, I think we should goright, even though it's longer,
because left is a rougher road, andit'll cause the little monitor that my
(20:34):
granddaughter was watching to bounce,and I wanted her to not experience that.
And I blame myself thinking if Iwould have said, "it's okay, go
ahead and turn left", we wouldhave not been in the accident.
We would have missed it.
And then I would have preventedmy daughter from having to
go through all that pain.
Because you see, when I hear her talkabout the story of that accident and
(20:57):
I hear my husband talk about the storyof that accident, it's heartbreaking,
because my daughter was trapped inthat car, and her daughter wasn't
saying or doing anything and I wasn'tsaying or doing anything and all she
could see was blood and all she couldthink was that we were both dead and
there was nothing that she could do.
(21:18):
And that was horrible for her.
I can't imagine the pain thatshe went through all that time,
not knowing if we were alive.
And then my husband got to the accident.
There was a helicopter.
There were two ambulances, andsomebody said to him, your daughter and
granddaughter are going to the hospitalin Danville, but your wife is being
(21:42):
flown in the helicopter to Champaign.
And he said, "that's my whole life.
I don't know what to do.
Where do I go"?
He didn't know what theconditions were of anybody.
And then he received a phone call,"I'm sorry for your loss", and my
husband said, I said to the personon the other end of the phone
"who died"?And they said, Brenda.
(22:03):
He says, "no, I'm with her".
So I just don't know about the other two.
So I can't imagine what he went through.
So when you reflect back, and I thinkit didn't matter if we turned left or if
we turned right, we needed to go throughthat because we are stronger together
as a family than we ever have been.
We go on a vacation together every year.
(22:26):
We talk.
We're together.
We're stronger becausewe went through that.
Our love is untouchable.
Paula (22:32):
I'm crying.
I'm crying because I hear in yougratitude in the midst of that storm.
And what you're basically saying isbecause we were almost lost, we now
appreciate each other even more.
Brenda (22:51):
Yes.
My granddaughter had not a scratch on her.
Not a scratch.
Not a scratch, I was laying across her.
Tesse (23:01):
You know, there are lots of people that would be encouraged by
what you have just shared, particularlywhen there's traumatic loss.
When there are car accidents andall kinds of incidences and things.
There's a lot of blame, youknow, if I had, if we hadn't.
You know, I survived, shedidn't, all these things.
And yet what you're saying is heartening.
(23:24):
You know, that in spite of whathappens, we can be stronger together.
You know, and also to think about peoplewho see what we don't see for different
reasons, and they are traumatized as well.
So thank you, Brenda, for sharingthis compassionate, empathetic,
caring, and loving message.
(23:45):
Because lots of people today and tomorrow,their lives and their vision will be
different because they've heard it.
Thank you.
Brenda (23:52):
Thank you, Tesse, for letting me share it.
Because it's so important.
Because every person is valuableand has some kind of value in
life and a meaning and a purpose.
And when our lives are done,it's because God has chosen for
it to be our time to be done.
But when our time is done, there'salways a lesson to be found in
(24:13):
our passing, because he sendsa message for us to carry on.
So we just always have to remember that wehave a message and a purpose to carry on.
We always have to be the light forsomeone else to find the strength to
be strong, to be able to encouragethe next person to know that even if
you're in a storm today, tomorow,there'll be a better day shining bright.
Tesse (24:37):
Thank you.
Paula (24:37):
Amen to that.
Tesse (24:39):
Yeah.
Paula (24:40):
And that's why we do "TesseLeads".
Because stories matter.
And stories and lives matter.
And so we always ask our guestson "TesseLeads" to share them
with us because we in turn sharethem with the world as a podcast.
In this "TesseLeads", people aresupported, encouraged, and nurtured,
(25:02):
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And if you found "TesseLeads" helpful,please let us know in your reviews.
(25:23):
Again, we encourage you to reachout to us if you have any questions
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And if you'd like to be a guest on thisshow, "TesseLeads", please head over to
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com" and apply there.
This has been awesome.
Thank you
Tesse (25:43):
Definitely life changing.
Thank you, Brenda.
Definitely life changing.
Brenda (25:48):
Thank you.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to "TesseLeads" with your host, Tesse Apeki,
and me, Paula Okonneh as the co host.
"TesseLeads" is a safe, sensitive,and supportive place and space
to share, to hear, and tell yourstories and your experiences.
(00:22):
We always get super curious about thedilemmas that shape your future and
our guest's future and even our future.
And always, we are interested inthe journeys that we all are on.
Today's guest is Brenda Yoho, andour theme is "Lead with Two Rules".
(00:47):
Brenda's Personal Lens.
A few things about Brenda.
Brenda adopts a multifacetedapproach to educational advocacy.
Her goal remains steadfast to inspirepositive change in the field of
education by empowering educators,nurturing students well being, and
(01:10):
contributing to the ongoing dialogueon effective leadership in schools.
Brenda is married to herhigh school sweetheart.
They've been together sincethey were 16 years old.
And she has three preciousgrandchildren, and
(01:30):
six.
She considers herself an overcomer, inother words, or in her own words, she
says, "I understand trauma firsthand.
My parents were uneducated.
I have Crohn's disease, whichresulted in a surgery to remove
some of my small intestines.
I have been struck by lightning, semitruck crashing into a car with Sarah.
(01:55):
I assume Sarah is her daughter.
Her best, oh, Sarah is her bestfriend, Sarah her best friend.
Brenda (02:00):
No, Sarah is my daughter.
Paula (02:01):
Okay, Sarah, her daughter, her best friend, her granddaughter, and
her, which left her with a traumaticbrain injury, as well as other injuries.
And she's also a breast cancer survivor.
She also recently experiencedanother traumatic loss.
(02:23):
And I know I've said a lot aboutBrenda, but what I haven't done
is welcome her to the show.
So welcome to "TesseLeads", Brenda.
Thanks for joining us today.
Brenda (02:34):
Thank you, Paula.
Thank you, Tesse, for having me today.
Tesse (02:38):
Brenda, I with Paula, we're so pleased that you said yes.
I remember when I came across your workthrough the "Weaving Influence Platform".
That's how I came to hear aboutyour work in the first time.
But since then, I was saying toPaula that I've seen you cropping
up on LinkedIn, in different places,you know, and I'm so pleased.
(02:59):
And I thought, why didn'tI notice this before?
You know, I'm very curious abouthow you apply the lead with two
rules, you know, to your own life?
You know, how does it livein you and through you?
Brenda (03:16):
Yeah.
You know, I apply it to my own lifewas just how I look at life in general.
Because, you know, life is precious.
And I think often we take alot of things for granted.
And when we wake up in the morning,we can decide to make a choice of
how we're going to live our day.
And I make a choice every day tolive that life, to make a difference
(03:39):
in the lives of someone else.
So I want to make sure that my life isbeing shared with others so that I can
make others feel good and to feel safe.
So every day I do something that Iknow will help someone feel a little
bit better and to bring value to them.
(04:00):
And most importantly, I dothat with my grandchildren.
My granddaughter is in high schooland we went school shopping this year
to buy school supplies and things.
And I will tell you, just likea regular teenager and you know,
she gets some help from others.
They like to tease me a lot becauseI'm like considered the Hallmark
(04:22):
person, because I'm always, you know,sending people good messages and stuff.
And also they call me the sign ladybecause I have positive signs everywhere.
So when everybody sees a sign,they'll say, oh yeah, she wants to.
They call me Moomoo.
Now that is because my lovely husbandmade sure that the grandchildren
(04:45):
would call me that "Moomoo",thinking that that was going to be
a funny joke, but you know what?
I love it because thereis no other Moomoo around.
So I am the only Moomoo.
And so I have all these beautifulsigns with positive messages.
So when my granddaughter and I wentpool shopping, I convinced her to buy
(05:07):
this little magnet of a sign that shecould put into her locker, and I told
her she could put messages on herlittle board for other people to see.
So she said, well, If I'm goingto do that, then you're going
to have to send me a message.
So every week I send her a three wordphrase of a positive message with
(05:29):
a little paragraph to encourage herand to share with others and also a
prayer to go along with the message.
So that's how I live in every dayand every week with my family.
Tesse (05:42):
Wow.
How do you spell that?
Brenda (05:45):
Just like M O O.
I mean capital M O O.
Tesse (05:49):
I was thinking that too.
My God, it's beautiful.
It's so funny.
I can't stop smiling.
I just cannot.
And you're the only one?
Brenda (05:57):
I, that's I am the only one I've ever heard of.
Moo Moo.
Tesse (06:03):
So a guiding principle, because for me, what is occurring is these are
guiding principles, safety, goodness,you know, anchors for something.
Environments, conditions for success,conditions for flourishing and thriving.
You know, what shifts have youseen as guiding principles for
(06:24):
others who you connect with throughthe lens of these two rules?
What have you seen change for them?
Brenda (06:31):
Well, you know, I've been implementing the
two rules for decades now.
So I can give you some examplesof some of the things that
I have seen and that I know.
One of my former students, hestruggled to come to school, okay.
He was in elementary when he would cryand didn't want to come and his mom and
(06:53):
dad would have to miss part of theirwork to try to carry him into school,
and this went on and on, and I'll speedthat up with, we made some interventions.
We did some things, so we startedmaking him feel good and feel safe.
And then he transitioned withme to the middle school and
then he went on to high school.
I just went to his wedding, and I willjust tell you that he is the youngest
(07:19):
member that has been voted in tosit on the city council in his town,
and he did that as soon as it would.
So he just did that when he graduated fromhigh school, because he knows, because
we did community projects all the time inschool and I've always said homeschooling
community needs to work together and wewere always doing things with community.
(07:42):
And so he has done that and he'salso created and has done a big
fundraiser for breast cancer awareness.
Tesse (07:52):
Wow.
Brenda (07:52):
Because he has an aunt that had breast cancer, so he is a go getter in
regards to doing something for others.
So he's a big service leader.
Another one of my studentsis in Washington, D.
C.
And he has taken off with, he workedon a couple of different campaigns for
the people who are working on beingthe president of the United States.
(08:16):
And then now he is the president ofthe, I don't know if I'm going to say
this right, "The Black ConservativeRepublicans", I think is what
his, he's the president of that.
So you see him with pictures of allthese, I mean, the former president and
all these different people that are, youknow, not anybody can get a picture with.
Paula (08:38):
Wow.
Brenda (08:39):
And he's doing really well.
And he'll message me, I'm always quotingyou on the things that you've said
to me and the things that you say.
So he's spreading that message.
So they always make me happy thatI can see that they're doing that.
And then I can go to the grocery storeand I can see former students and they've
got little ones and they're quoting backto me the stuff that I've said to them.
(09:02):
And it's great.
I went to visit one of my friends who'san administrator and went into her school,
and here comes some of my students.
Now, they're from two different schooldistricts that I worked in, okay?
One is her secretary, andone's one of her teachers.
And they are just so excited to see meand the one said, I've got to call my mom.
(09:24):
My mom will be so excited to talk to you.
So she's calling her mom.
Tesse (09:30):
Oh my goodness.
Brenda (09:31):
And her mom says, okay, Mrs.
Yoho, are you part of theproblem or part of the solution?
Tesse (09:40):
Oh, you must be so proud.
Brenda (09:44):
Oh, I'm so proud of all of them.
Yes.
It's so exciting to see all ofthem and be part of their lives
after they're finished with school.
And remember, I was, you know,elementary and middle school, so I
didn't get to go with them any further.
That's a long time, you know, theypass that they can still remember me.
(10:06):
And that's so much fun.
That is so much fun.
Tesse (10:09):
Gorgeous.
Absolutely gorgeous.
Wow.
Paula.
Paula (10:13):
That's such good news.
Such good news.
And to see you smiling, you know, andit makes me think about, you know, as I
read your bio and to hear that you wereinvolved in an accident with not just you,
but your daughter, your granddaughter,your best friend, and which left you
a traumatic brain injury and otherinjuries and your breast cancer survivor.
(10:36):
So my question is, how do younavigate all these turbulences and
still be such a dynamic leader?
Brenda (10:44):
Well, you know, I believe, I have a strong faith, and I
believe that things happen inlife because they're supposed to.
And there's supposed to be a message anda learning from those things that happen.
And so what you do in lifewhen things happen to you, you
either react or you respond.
(11:06):
And you react with the emotion oryou can respond with thinking and
doing something to bring value toothers and to help others to feel
safe and feel good, because theycould be going through the same thing.
So when I have the traumatic brain injury,that I will have to say that was the
most devastating time for me because thattook a long time for my brain to heal.
(11:29):
But even though I was injured and Iwas airlifted from the scene, I don't
remember a lot, but my husband wasable to tell me that people were saying
that I was killed, that I had died.
So my fear was, is that my studentsthought I had died, and I knew
(11:51):
that I needed to get back to them.
And I wanted to get back to them.
Because when you become a trustedadult in the lives of some individuals,
children, especially who have alreadybeen through trauma, when they build
a trusting relationship with you,you can't let that be broken because
that's more traumatic for them.
I needed them to see me because I wantedthem to know I was coming back to them.
(12:14):
So I convinced somebody to drive meto school so I could see the kids.
Now, I looked a hot mess, I will tellyou, because I had, I think, about
50 stitches in my head, going downclose to, you know, top of my head
down to the corner of my eye, and Iwas missing the majority of my teeth.
But here's where the lessons comein, I was able to stand in front of
(12:39):
them, and I was able to say to them.
Now we've talked before about how do youlook at something and how do you see?
Now you see me now not looking thesame way, but does it change who I am?
No, I am still here for you.
(12:59):
I am going to be away for a littlebit because I do have to do a little
bit of healing, but I will be back andI'll still have some healing to do.
But I want to tell you this, you know,we have all those rules that we think
about feeling good and feeling safe.
And we talk about all of you ridingthose buses to go home, and you
(13:19):
are passing semi trucks sometimesand big things on the road.
I want you to know that my accidenthappened less than five minutes from my
house and a big farming truck hit our car.
And because we were safely in ourcar with our seatbelt we lived.
(13:44):
That's why it's so important for youto be in your seats and following
the safety rules of traveling on thebus, because your life will be safe.
So that's how I live everyday when something I face,
I want to share a message.
So my breast cancer came.
(14:05):
I was always doing the check.
We got it detected very early.
Breast cancer came when I was writing thebook, and I went through my treatments,
my radiation treatments with the book.
I didn't let my grandchildrenknow that I had breast cancer.
I got the diagnosis threedays before Christmas.
So we had Christmas and it was thebest Christmas they've ever had.
(14:27):
They never knew I had breast cancer.
I went and did my treatments and theynever knew anything was different.
Moo Moo was just fine, in their eyes.
Paula (14:37):
Awesome.
You had, as you said so beforeyou said "Moo Moo was just fine",
what went through my mind wasthat you are an excellent Moo Moo.
I mean, you put yourselfsecond, you put them first.
You made sure that they were good.
Brenda (14:53):
Yeah, kids always should be first.
People should always put kids first.
Tesse (14:57):
Yeah.
Brenda (14:58):
Always.
Kids first.
Tesse (15:00):
You know, Brenda, as I listen to your stories and some we've shared
in, and we're sharing now, and somewe've shared when we're not recording.
I see you as someone who hasbeen through so many storms.
You've navigated so much turbulence.
What helps you to makechoices in those moments?
What helps you in your approach tothese situations, which aren't easy?
Brenda (15:25):
No, they're not easy.
But you know Tesse, when you gothrough so many storms and you have
such a strong faith, you realize thatother people have traveled those same
storms, maybe a little bit different,but they've traveled those storms too.
And so you have to pause andyou have to think, what am I
thankful for in this storm?
(15:46):
Cause I have my husband, we'vebeen married for almost 40 years.
We've been together since we were 16.
And we've traveled together and we'vewent through these storms together.
So I am so thankful that we'vehad that strong relationship.
I'm so thankful for my daughter, Sarah.
She's a special education teacher,and she's just as strong because
(16:10):
of the storms we have went through.
And she loves kids more than I do.
It's hard to even say that, but she does.
I can't imagine anybody lovingkids more than me, but she does.
She puts her heart and soulinto the kids that she has.
And she serves, and thefamilies that she serves.
Because she knows that parents trusther with their most precious gift.
(16:35):
And she does not take that lightly.
And our three grandchildren are amazing.
My son in law, I told him, I prayedfor him and he is the best gift
God could have given our family.
He is amazing.
He is the best father, the best husband.
And he served the country as in thearmy and now he is at a prison and
(16:59):
he's serving people in the prisonand giving them opportunities to
exercise and enjoy companionship andto see that life, they made some poor
choices, but they can turn it aroundand he is the best person for that job.
Tesse (17:18):
Oh, what I'm hearing is the place of gratitude and attitude of gratitude.
Brenda (17:23):
Lots of gratitude.
You know, because each day we're givena gift, and it's how we unwrap it.
I unwrap my gift every day, andI cherish every minute of it.
Tesse (17:36):
I love that as a practice, Paula, what do you think?
I mean, unwrap the gift every day.
You know, look at thechoices, be intentional.
And if it's every day as a microhabit, wow, what becomes possible?
Wow,
Paula (17:51):
I'm soaking it all in.
As I mentioned, when we were off camerathat my mom always said, it's a choice.
How you live life is a choice, youcan be happy, or you can be sad.
You could be in the palace, she used tosay and be so sad, or you could be not
in the palace and be the happiest person.
So just make it a choice.
So yeah, I love that saying that,you know, every day is a gift.
(18:15):
What did you say you, unwrap?
Brenda (18:16):
Unwrap it.
Paula (18:17):
Unwrap it.
Yeah.
I mean, for me, as I have livedmy life of one of looking for
little things to be happy about,little things to rejoice over.
Oh, I'm going to be, I love grapes.
Oh, I'm going to get grapes today.
Woohoo.
Oh, I'm going to see thisperson later on in the day.
I'm looking forward to that.
You know, there's so many otherthings to be unhappy about.
(18:37):
But life is a gift, and so.
Brenda (18:41):
Yeah, you're right, Paula.
You're right.
You're so right.
Tesse (18:46):
I'm going to do a little postcard.
I love cards, and life is a giftto unwrap each day, because as an
intentional practice, what an affirmation.
What an affirmation.
Wow.
Brenda.
Paula (19:00):
I'm sitting here.
I'm sure Tesse, you are too,soaking in all what Brenda has
shared with us today, you know.
She said, in spite of the lossesand the tough times, she's
just told us life is a gift.
Every day is a gift unwrap it.
Brenda, are there any other partingthoughts that you can share with us?
Brenda (19:21):
You know, when you go through a storm and you find yourself on
the other side, I think we forgetto reflect and go back and look
what got us through the storm.
Because if we don't appreciate thecomponent of what helped us to get
through the storm, we'll find ourselvesrepeating things that could have got us
(19:44):
into situations that caused the storm.
So I'm thinking about likeif we made a poor choice.
If we did something thatin those situations.
In my situation, I want to say this,I held on to this fact that I thought
caused this accident that I wentthrough, until I started to reflect back.
(20:08):
So we have a driveway and you canturn left or you can turn right.
And I can remember, I think, thatmy daughter asked me if we should
turn left or we should turn right?
And I said, I think we should goright, even though it's longer,
because left is a rougher road, andit'll cause the little monitor that my
(20:34):
granddaughter was watching to bounce,and I wanted her to not experience that.
And I blame myself thinking if Iwould have said, "it's okay, go
ahead and turn left", we wouldhave not been in the accident.
We would have missed it.
And then I would have preventedmy daughter from having to
go through all that pain.
Because you see, when I hear her talkabout the story of that accident and
(20:57):
I hear my husband talk about the storyof that accident, it's heartbreaking,
because my daughter was trapped inthat car, and her daughter wasn't
saying or doing anything and I wasn'tsaying or doing anything and all she
could see was blood and all she couldthink was that we were both dead and
there was nothing that she could do.
(21:18):
And that was horrible for her.
I can't imagine the pain thatshe went through all that time,
not knowing if we were alive.
And then my husband got to the accident.
There was a helicopter.
There were two ambulances, andsomebody said to him, your daughter and
granddaughter are going to the hospitalin Danville, but your wife is being
(21:42):
flown in the helicopter to Champaign.
And he said, "that's my whole life.
I don't know what to do.
Where do I go"?
He didn't know what theconditions were of anybody.
And then he received a phone call,"I'm sorry for your loss", and my
husband said, I said to the personon the other end of the phone
"who died"?And they said, Brenda.
(22:03):
He says, "no, I'm with her".
So I just don't know about the other two.
So I can't imagine what he went through.
So when you reflect back, and I thinkit didn't matter if we turned left or if
we turned right, we needed to go throughthat because we are stronger together
as a family than we ever have been.
We go on a vacation together every year.
(22:26):
We talk.
We're together.
We're stronger becausewe went through that.
Our love is untouchable.
Paula (22:32):
I'm crying.
I'm crying because I hear in yougratitude in the midst of that storm.
And what you're basically saying isbecause we were almost lost, we now
appreciate each other even more.
Brenda (22:51):
Yes.
My granddaughter had not a scratch on her.
Not a scratch.
Not a scratch, I was laying across her.
Tesse (23:01):
You know, there are lots of people that would be encouraged by
what you have just shared, particularlywhen there's traumatic loss.
When there are car accidents andall kinds of incidences and things.
There's a lot of blame, youknow, if I had, if we hadn't.
You know, I survived, shedidn't, all these things.
And yet what you're saying is heartening.
(23:24):
You know, that in spite of whathappens, we can be stronger together.
You know, and also to think about peoplewho see what we don't see for different
reasons, and they are traumatized as well.
So thank you, Brenda, for sharingthis compassionate, empathetic,
caring, and loving message.
(23:45):
Because lots of people today and tomorrow,their lives and their vision will be
different because they've heard it.
Thank you.
Brenda (23:52):
Thank you, Tesse, for letting me share it.
Because it's so important.
Because every person is valuableand has some kind of value in
life and a meaning and a purpose.
And when our lives are done,it's because God has chosen for
it to be our time to be done.
But when our time is done, there'salways a lesson to be found in
(24:13):
our passing, because he sendsa message for us to carry on.
So we just always have to remember that wehave a message and a purpose to carry on.
We always have to be the light forsomeone else to find the strength to
be strong, to be able to encouragethe next person to know that even if
you're in a storm today, tomorow,there'll be a better day shining bright.
Tesse (24:37):
Thank you.
Paula (24:37):
Amen to that.
Tesse (24:39):
Yeah.
Paula (24:40):
And that's why we do "TesseLeads".
Because stories matter.
And stories and lives matter.
And so we always ask our guestson "TesseLeads" to share them
with us because we in turn sharethem with the world as a podcast.
In this "TesseLeads", people aresupported, encouraged, and nurtured,
(25:02):
because we do this podcasting and letthem know that they're never alone.
So we ask our listeners again to headover to "Apple Podcasts", "YouTube",
"Spotify", anywhere you listento a podcast and click subscribe.
And if you found "TesseLeads" helpful,please let us know in your reviews.
(25:23):
Again, we encourage you to reachout to us if you have any questions
or topics you'd like us to cover.
And if you'd like to be a guest on thisshow, "TesseLeads", please head over to
the website, which is "www.tesseleads.
com" and apply there.
This has been awesome.
Thank you
Tesse (25:43):
Definitely life changing.
Thank you, Brenda.
Definitely life changing.
Brenda (25:48):
Thank you.
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