TV Games Shows - I'll Take Paul Lynde in the Center Square

Game shows in the 70s and 80s were a cocktail of boozed up hosts and celebrities guiding contestants down the road to a brand new washer and dryer or cold, hard cash.  We played the Feud, pressed our luck, made a deal and banged a gong from the comfort of our living rooms. 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I'm Tony. I'm Eric. We are the sons of San Fernando.But we've been friends for over 40 years. And
grew up together in the San Fernando Valley.These are the stories of our experiences as
adventurous Gen X latchkey slackers from backin the day. And don't forget to hit the follow
or subscribe button so you don't miss an episode.

(00:29):
Rollin' rollin' ride Rainin' windin' weatherWishing my gal was by my side My heart's calculating
I don't hear it. I don't hear the whole fuckingsong. You can just stop right now Otherwise,
we're just gonna go hide Yeah, right Yeah, okayAll I can see is John Belushi with a whip Well,

(01:02):
those are the kinds of dreams you have Can Itell you something when I had to stay home
from school? being sick. was like a joy, waslike I was thrilled to be sick. Dude, you know,
one of the main things that I watched when Iwas sick, staying home, was actually The Twilight
Zone. Twilight Zone? I think I've seen everyepisode ever of The Twilight, and that's a

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lot of, and it wasn't pleasant early on becauseI would have fucking nightmares and my mom's
like, you're not gonna watch fucking TwilightZone anymore. Right, it was great. But. By
the way, that's the way Seale said it, she'slike, you're not gonna fucking watch fucking
Twilight Zone anymore. Again, not picturingthat happening coming out of her mouth. You're
right. Twilight Zone? I love Lucy, which I loved,also on When We Were Homesick. Then of course

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the soap operas, which I would just run screamingfrom. Oh no, I couldn't watch soap operas.
But that was what was on, right? And like, youknow, all those daytime nonsense. But then
there was of course. Game shows. Game shows.You could go back to back to back to back to
back. With game shows, did you have a fave gameshow? Do you have a fave? I did, one comes

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to mind for sure, but I'm wondering what yourswas. When I was younger? Yeah, yeah, no, when
we were kids. When we were little. Yes, tictac toe.
I love Tic Tac Dough. I don't know why. Okay,you're gonna have to re-explain Tic Tac Dough.
I know why. Well, Tic Tac Dough. Dough referringto money. Money, D-O-U-G-H. Not Doug and not

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bread dough. You were paying Tic Tac. Toe ordough? What was the game? I don't remember
it at all. You had to answer. This was yourfavorite really? Or are you just saying that
because it's stupid? No, no, no. I loved WinkMartindale's hair. It was his look. Wink. There
was nothing but wink. And his name was Wink.Yeah, okay, go ahead. I don't, it was an easy,
it was easy. It was like, I don't know. I think,I'm trying to remember, I think people answered

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questions and you were, if you answered a question,you got your X or your O. Yeah. and that's
how you would win a game. This is just, I kindawanna stop talking about it already. Although
wasn't that, wasn't that Hollywood Squares?Which was so much better. Dude. So much better.
I got two words for you. I'm talking about body.I got two words for you. Romance-y. Yeah, for

(03:15):
Paul Lind. In the center motherfucking square,dude. I knew that's what you were gonna say.
By the way, do yourself- Paul Lind was genius.Do yourself a favor, because we were kids watching
this and- It was like so much stuff flew overour heads. Oh, it was all raunch city. It was
so super raunchy. And now if you go back andyou and you listen to any answer Paul Lynn

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gave. Oh, they were just naughty sex. So nasty.Naughty sex. It was it was really. And the
way he delivered it with the tongue in the mouth.I love Paul Lynn. He was great. It was of course
he was he was cousin, uncle, whatever. on Bewitched.Oh, brilliant. And he was so great, so funny.
But wait a second, who was the host of the HollywoodSquares? I can picture him. He had the big

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glasses. His name was... Later, it was JohnDavidson, but early on it was... Oh yeah, it
was John Davidson. No, that was later. Wait,wasn't John Davidson one of the hosts on Real
People? I had forgotten about real people untilwe just started talking right now until you
said John Davidson, Skip Stevenson. And SarahPurcell? Oh my God! Oh my God, Sarah Purcell.

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How did I get Skip Stevenson? What I guess yourper se is that right? Can I just I think I
think so right here's my question What the hellwas real people? What did they do? It was like
real people who did weird things I think soI think somebody like me who could bend their
thumb backwards would come on and be like lookI get my thumb back except that is not very
interesting I can say any word and I'll sayit backwards That was what yeah, I can I can

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speak at the speed of sound and they had thatguy who talked quickly in the 70s who had the
mustache. Remember that guy you needed? No,don't care at all. Yeah, he was on as well.
That was real people. The, but the real like,Game show, game show, daytime game, because
that was a nighttime show. Okay, wait, I havemy favorite, but I'm gonna tell you who the

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game show host was. You're gonna tell me whatthe show was. Okay, easy. Gene Rayburn. Oh,
Match Game. Love the Match Game. And you knowwhat, and you know what? You're talking about
raunchy naughty. You know why Match Game is,was probably, no, not probably. best game show
of all time. Because they were drinking. Theywere all fucking hammered, dude. Gene Rayburn.
They were lit. Had that long pencil mic withthat tiny. Mushroom microphone. That tiny little

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mushroom. What is that? Why would you give aman a microphone where he has to hold his hands
at his knee to be able to speak through themushroom top of the microphone? Not to mention
the. If Betty, Betty so-and-so was walking downthe street and she tripped on the stairs and

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fell into a blank. Right, exactly. It was thedumbest show. And the answers were all like
so raunchy. But it was not about that it wasclever, it was a clever show. No, it was all
about how hammered Fanny Flagg was. Right. Yeah,who else was on that one? Gary Bergoff from
MASH. Yeah, Gary Bergoff from a nice pull. Totally,totally, what was his name on MASH? Brett Summers.

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What was his name on MASH? Brett Summers wasthe, Brett Summers was always like 8,000 years
old since the first day she was on there. Wait,hold on, oh, Radar. That was his name on MASH.
Radar, yeah, yeah. I couldn't get Radar, itwas stuck in my, yes. But yeah, they were just,
they were hammered on that show all the time.They were ripped. Did you imagine how much
fun filming that show would have been? No, butby the way, this is gonna be the most brilliant
set. You're gonna, you're gonna, be so proudof me for making this segment. Let's see it

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happen first before I profess pride. You knowwho was the most hammered and the funniest
on that show? Who was also- Nipsey Russell.He was on that show and surely hammered. But
the most hammered on that show and also on anothershow, he was the host and equally if not more

(07:08):
so hammered. What's his name who started hostingFamily Feud? He was, when he started, he hosted...
He hosted Family Feud. Richard Dawson! RichardDawson! I knew it! Richard Dawson sat... I
can't believe I got him, but I couldn't gethis name. He sat on the bottom row of Match
Game. Just... shit drunk, dude. Yeah, he probablyjust stunk. Alcohol and whiskey and that place.

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But then, dude, you go back and you... FamilyFeud is still on, to this day. That's a terrifying
show. Because he, like, basically made out withall the women. Richard Dawson would make out
with all the women. And it didn't matter whetherit was the wife... or the daughter he would
like make out with all of them. Okay, here'sa quick trivia question. I could smell his

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whiskey breath through the TV. Absolutely, quicktrivia question. What was the show in which
he had a starring role that was on regular primetime TV for a long time? Richard Dawson. Yes.
I do not remember. Hogan's Heroes. Oh, I didn'twatch much. Richard Darson. Darson? Richard
Darson got his start on Hogan's Heroes. Thatguy made a lifetime career at a game shows,

(08:11):
either hosting or drinking. And making out withchildren, underage children. And wearing sweet
suits. That dude, I wanna... My goal in lifeis to be Richard Dawson. I just don't know
if I can achieve that. Not mine, not mine. Iknow. No, no, Gene Rayburn in the freaking
match game and Richard Dawson in the front row.Yeah, it's an amazing show. I still, you could
watch those today. And laugh your ass off. Becausethey had such amazing answers to some of those

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questions, like the final round. And they wereso dumb. It was just such a dumb. Speaking
of which. Some of the craziest answers cameout of games like the dating game and the newlywed
game. Dating game and the newlywed game, ohmy God. Who's the guy with the big hair who
did the newlywed game? And the big teeth, it'smore the teeth than the hair. Bob, Bob. Eubanks!
Eubanks, thank you, Bob Eubanks, yes. Yes, BobEubanks. There are so many bloopers that are.

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racist, sexist, and otherwise of Bobby Banks.Well, one of the most famous being where is
the weirdest place you've ever had you've donemade Whoopi and it'd be in the butt, Bob. Did
that actually happen or is that just urban legend?No, no, it's, no, yeah. Yeah. She said in the
butt? Yes, yes, it's an absolute, and he justlost his mind. It was amazing. Wait, that's

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real? Yeah, that's real. I always thought itwas an urban legend. No, no, they just put
it on air, but you can find it on YouTube. Youcan go and find that right now. Oh my God,
yeah, Bobby Banks. The aviator glasses. andThe T. Okay, let me tell you, would you like
to ask me what my favorite game show of alltime was? One of my earliest ones was Tic Tac
Doe. Tic Tac Doe is so dumb, you gotta redeemyourself. All right, I will. I'm about to.

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Go ahead. With the greatest of all time. What?The Gong Show. Oh, right. Technically a game
show. Gene, the dancing machine. Oh my God.Dude. Because people were, I mean, because
people, there were... The claps. There werecontestants, I mean... There were contestants.
I don't know, maybe... Again, I'm sure theywere all hammered. Okay, but here's the thing.

(10:06):
What's the name of the host? No, because...Chuck Barris. Chuck Barris! But here's the
thing, no, maybe that was a... Okay, I don't...You just died. Was that a game show? Yeah.
It's a full-on game show, because if you gotgonged, they would give you numbers, they would
give you points. And that's true. Yeah, yeah,that's right. Because it was If you got gone,
you're out. That's right. Because the celebritieslike JP Morgan JP Morgan and Jamie Farr. Oh,

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all the guys. JP Morgan and Jamie Farr. It wasalways the two of them. Yeah, JP Morgan. They
were the ones who... JP Morgan Chase. Why isher name the name of a financial? But that
was... And talk about, okay, Richard Dawsonused to watch the Gong show and go, man...
Chuck Barris is fucked up. Yeah, Chuck Barriswas lit. He had a hat that covered his face,

(10:53):
so you couldn't see him. He would clap and theaudience would clap with him like a drinking
game. Clap along with him? Oh my God. He wasjust the- And the shit that came out on that
show. Some of the best stuff ever seen on television.That's wild. The unknown comic. Oh, with the
bag on it, or the lunch bag on his head, thebrown bag on his head, yeah. The Gong Show,
right? The unknown comic was, but he wasn'ta contestant, he was like, interact filler.

(11:16):
Like Gene Gene, the dancing machine. Yeah, theywere the interact filler. Do you remember this
Gene Gene, the dancing machine song? Dun, dun,
and then we just start throwing shit from theside of the stage out. Oh my God. That was,
that was the game show at his. Best okay nowyou fast forward a little bit to still being

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homesick and you were talking about this oneearlier Which one was it? I don't remember
No whammies. Oh, yeah, no whammies. What wasthat one called press your luck? So basically
big money no whammies big money Get a studioaudience and the thing would go around you
had like a presser that was like button thatstopped it and it was like a slot machine and

(12:02):
you had the animated whammies would like comeand I I was it was stressful. It was very that
was a very stressful. It was the way we couldhave come up with money. Yeah. Now then there
were the classics that were on at the same time.Price is right. Fortune Price is right. Dude,
Bob or Bob Barker molesting all of his Diane.And and the other one, Holly and Holly and

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Diane. Holly, let's show him what he's won.You've won a brand new car. There was always
the good it was always washers and dryers, washers,dry. The car was the thing you want. Oh. Oh!
And you get a Pinto. Dude, do you know whereyou want a good washer and dryer or a nice...
Amanda Radar range. Amanda Radar, that was onMonty Hall. Amanda, not Amanda. On the Amanda

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Radar range. Amanda Radar range. You got iton Monty Hall's Let's Make a Deal. Oh, let's
make a deal. How do you go to school and youtake an aptitude test for what you're supposed
to be when you grow up and one of them comesout to be game show host? What is a game show
host? What are the qualifications of a gameshow host? Drunk. That's it. Just drunk. Okay,

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so drunk is the only qualification you need?You don't have to be quippy? No. Clever? Nope.
What's the other word that I'm looking for rightnow? Boozed. Schnackered. You gotta... Schmackled.
Yes. Okay, they were all drunk. Inebriated.We know they were all drunk, but I think that
if you... I feel like I'm missing a good one.Are there good game shows on today? No. Well,

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then it morphed into Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.It was all the nighttime game shows. Yeah,
okay, yeah. Where they started giving away alot of money, and you know what's interesting?
That's right. Who Wants to Be a Millionairewas big because it was big money. Yeah, but
you know what else is a game show that becamethe new modern game show way of doing shit?
Was Survivor. That is also a game show. Thereality game show, right. You're winning, right.

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Winning based off of- What's the one where they,it's the scavenger hunt around the world that
always wins the Emmy for- Oh, the Amazing Race.Amazing Race. Or a squid game. Yeah. Oh wait,
well okay, well. Well that's where you get killed.But like now, that would be interesting if
they really did that. But that's really those,I mean even The Bachelor and all those, ultimately
they're game shows. They're reality shows, butthey're game shows. Yeah. You're winning a

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person. You're winning a person in marriage.I have a theory. You're winning, yeah. Yes.
Yeah. God forbid. But the real game shows arethe ones you won money or prizes. Okay, but
listen, Survivor was a real game show. You wona million dollars. And it was the first time
where you won a prize that big. The dating gamewas a game show and you won a date. You won
a date. But you won a date that like they paidfor you to go to like Sizzler and then maybe

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it's better than that. Let me tell you, I havea theory that Survivor was... is the beginning
of the end of civilization as we know it. Andhere's why. In the first season of, I mean,
I know you're not asking, but I'm gonna tellyou. In the first season of Survivor, which
I think was like 2000 or 1999. Never watchedit, don't know. Yeah. And I was intrigued because

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I was like, oh, this is an interesting idea,right? And we didn't know then that everything
was set up. Yeah. And the producers are scriptingeverything. And we didn't know that then, right?
So, but the thing that was interesting was RichardHatch. I don't know, you didn't watch any of
it, right? So Richard Hatch, But I know whohe is. He was an evil MFer, right? And he ended

(15:21):
up winning the show. But what was interestingwas he got a lot of props for winning that
show. And people were like, hey, whatever youhave to do. Like what? To win. A coat or a
tree. People respected the ruthlessness withwhich he played the game. And it reminded me
of one that was actually Clean game show, butyou wanna talk about one that had, this, it

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just reminded me of Stress Factor. Oh, I rememberthat. For game shows. I don't remember that.
Here is, I'm gonna give you, and tell me ifI'm wrong, the ultimate Stress Factor game
show. Oh, okay. $25,000 pyramid. Oh, yeah, thatwas a good show. When you got to that round
where it was the celebrity giving you, and they'relike, two seconds left and you get that last

(16:07):
one, and. Yeah. You got that last credit andthey fucking lost their money. It was big fucking
money, man. Right, that's true. And then, butwait, hold on. I gotta, I'm gonna, I know we're
jumping back and forth, but I'm gonna go backto what happened after Survivor. There were
other game shows like Fear Factor. This becamekind of the- Fear Factor, I have a- That was
as bad as it says. Richard Hatch makes all ofthese shows happen. And by the way, Joe Rogan.

(16:32):
He's now one of the most well-paid people onthe planet. I have beef. Not a B. Not a B.
I have a hang with the young generation. I havea beef Yes with fear factor. I watched a lot
of it and I thought it was interesting and youhad those you had they had a couple's Fear
factor. They always had the one guy was a totaldick. Yeah, exactly. They were playing that

(16:53):
Yeah, but here is the problem that I have thatfucking game shows. It's what what's it? Right?
It was disgusting No, but here's the thing.What's the title of the show fear factor? you
could get knocked out of fear factor becauseyou couldn't keep down a arachnid, a glass
full of maggots. Yeah, which is sounds lovelyto me. It sounds like a nice midday snack.

(17:19):
Yeah. With like a little creme fraiche. Brioche.Whatever you want to pair with it. But. There's
the fear factor of like hanging off of a fuckinghelicopter and like falling into a lake into
a fucking whatever. But it was one thing whenthey put like the... Snakes in a fish bowl.

(17:42):
Yeah, or the tarantulas in a box on your head.The fear factor. But it was the one where they
had to eat nasty stuff and if they couldn'tkeep it down, that's not a fear. That's a gag
reflex. That has nothing to do with being afraid.Can I tell you something? Why did they have
that aspect of the game? It's so dumb. is nota hill you need to die on. I know, I... I really,

(18:05):
I'm gonna tell you, If you're planning on goingback to school for a PhD, don't write your
thesis on this. It pissed me off to no end becausepeople would lose a game that wasn't, they
weren't fearful, they could have hung in there,they just didn't have the stomach for it. That's
bullshit. I'm feeling like there's somethingpersonal happening here. Yeah, yeah! I feel

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like you know what I'm hearing and what I knowI'm hearing this like I could have been on
fear factor in one But I wouldn't have beenable to stomach the glass And it's all about
that whoo, and if you need to discuss this I'mhere for you by the way what? Did anybody really
want to see you eat like people don't want tosee me do anything Yeah, but is it somebody

(18:50):
want to see you eat sheep's intestines I mean,there might be a couple people who are interested
in that. I'd take a poll. But, look, maybe you'reright.
Thanks for listening to the Sons of San Fernando.Don't forget to hit that subscribe or follow
button in your favorite podcast app so you don'tmiss an episode. Drop us a review, we'd love

(19:13):
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