#89: Fitness For High Performing Women with Coach Nikki

High-performing women juggle careers, families, and endless expectations, so when it comes to fitness, many set impossible standards that leave them stuck in cycles of frustration. In this episode Ben Olliver, Dr. Taylor Waters, Ryan Stevens, and guest Coach Nikki Donovan uncover the unique challenges women face in pursuit of health. Nikki brings powerful insights into the mindset and empathy needed to create real, lasting change.

Together, they break down the biggest barriers holding women back, outdated diet methods, gym intimidation, and the emotional baggage of chasing perfection.You’ll learn how to reframe goals around performance, embrace discomfort as growth, and build confidence through foundational skills. Most importantly, this conversation shows how fitness can multiply success across every area of life, helping women show up stronger at work, in the gym, and at home.

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction

(03:07) The Impossible Standards High-Performing Women Set

(08:15) Facing Gym Intimidation and Starting as a Beginner

(13:22) Rituals vs Real Work

(20:38) Why Women’s Physiology Makes Transformation Harder

(27:23) Building Rapport Between Coach and Client

(32:27) Fitness as a Multiplier for Family and Career

(42:51) Growth Through Discomfort

To learn more about Supra Human programs: ⁠https://www.suprahuman.com⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/suprahumanofficial

Interested in joining the team? We are always looking for high performers to join our mission to achieve elite level performance in fitness, nutrition and mindset. View our current career opportunities: https://www.suprahuman.com/careers

Results may vary depending on your condition, starting weight, and commitment to the program.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I've gotta go to the gym five days a week, I gotta do 15,000
steps, gotta track my food, but I've also gotta run two
companies, have a family. And then I'm like, yeah, but
you've set impossible standards with your circumstances.
I think with high performing women that is a battle in itself
because it's like unless I can do something perfectly and I'm
not gonna do it at all. Nikki was spot on there in the
sense of. What you're saying I wasn't?
No, no, you were. You with females as well.

(00:20):
I think it's a lot of unlearning, like I said, but
they only know one way to lose weight, which worked in their
20s and now they're in their 40sand they don't know what to do.
I'm Ryan Stevens. Doctor Taylor Waters, I'm Ben
Oliver. Welcome to the Superhuman show,
Yeah? What's up guys?
Welcome to the Superhuman show with your host Ben Oliver joined
with the doc Taylor Waters, RyanStevens and special guest Nikki

(00:41):
Donovan. Welcome to the show.
Thank you. So today it's perfect that
you're on this one because I think it everything is going to
sound better if it comes out of your mouth compared to ours.
But we are talking about high performing women, the barriers
that we see they face, how we approach that kind of nutrition

(01:03):
and training to just get the best results.
Any kind of trends that you see just from your experience
working with women kind of with with Supra.
What are the common things or again, already getting myself
into into whole war, like excuses, you know, that that
people will come up with and howwe how we overcome those and and

(01:26):
still get results so we can we always wanted to find something
first. So, you know, I I would class
for for the sake of this podcast, like a high performing
woman is going to be career driven, you know, very
successful in certain areas of their life.
Likely career probably has family, you know, husband, kids,
busy non-stop and now wanting toget into great shape.

(01:52):
And maybe that's like the one thing that they what, maybe it's
been put on the back burner because they've been pursuing
their career. Maybe it's been put on the back
burner because they're focusing on their kids and their family.
And now they've made the decision, right?
It's time for me to kind of focus on myself.
What are some kind of phrases orexcuses or things that these

(02:13):
women will say to you where either you agree with, empathize
with, disagree with and how do you handle those those
conversations? Because I'm going to take notes
so I don't put my foot in it with is.
Fine. I think you guys can talk about
it as well. You've got loads of female
clients. Yeah, I, I think it's like,
because we were talking about this just now, like me and
Taylor don't have kids. And so I, I think when just as a

(02:38):
coach, if you're talking to A, to a, a male or female client
that, that has kids or a family and they're in like a very
different environment to you, sometimes the relationship just
struggles because they're like, you can't possibly know what
this is like. And maybe you've worked with,
you know, for example, I could, I've in a previous company, 90%
of my roster was females. And, but even then, if I say

(03:01):
look like I've worked with tons of women that have kids and this
is the things that we recommend to do, sometimes it still falls
on deaf ears if like you don't really know.
And, and it could come from the exact, it could be the exact
same thing and come from a female coach that's got kids and
suddenly it's like the best coaching advice ever.
I, I think also, yeah, like on that end, receiving the
information on their end can be a bit more.

(03:23):
It's like, well, you're just a bloke in his 30s with no kids.
Yeah. You don't know me.
You don't know the experiences that I've gone through.
So that even though what we might be saying might be correct
at the time, they don't receive it the same potentially just
because they can't. They understand that.
They're. You know, he's saying that
because he understands it, maybebecause he's read a book.
He's not saying this because he understands it, because he's

(03:44):
lived it, because. Yeah, because he has.
I know. I know you used to call yourself
Barbara, but now that's changed so.
But. You know, I think it's like that
could be resistance as well. Like people have to be ready to
hear things as well. And whether that comes from a
male or a female, because I don't have any kids either.
And I think it's about building that relationship with them

(04:05):
early on. But also I think what we do well
in Supra is like this programme is individualised.
And it's not just like, you know, I write your initial
programme and that's it. It's like I'm going to work with
you every week based off how this programme feels and making
it work for you. And I think that does get rid of
a lot of the excuses if you like, but it's like we're gonna
drip through this into your lifeas it is now.

(04:27):
Yeah, that's one of the key things because I'll often hear
from like female clients, like, well, I don't have time because
I've got kids, high performing family, but it's because they
set impossible standards for their current circumstances.
So like when I have a conversation with a female
client, say, yeah, well I've gotto go to the gym five days a
week, I've got to do 15,000 steps, got to track my food, but
I've also got to run two companies, have a family.
And then I'm like, yeah, but you've set impossible standards

(04:49):
with your circumstances. And like what Nikki said, we
meet you where you are and figure out what you can do.
Because if someone says over my lifestyle, you've got to train
five days a week, I think no time to do.
That a lot of times and I've, I've, I see, I see it with guys
as well, because I, I don't wantthis to be an episode of like,
we're just going to single out female clients because there is
a lot of similarities between 2:00.

(05:10):
I've seen it more on the female side where maybe they've had
coaches in the past that are just, yes, people where it, it's
almost like they're looking for confirmation that their excuses
are valid. Whereas I always view a good
coach as someone, their job is to challenge your perceptions,
your beliefs, your habits, your behaviours to get you out of

(05:30):
your own way to doing something that's more productive, to get
you towards what you believe your goal is.
And so if someone says, like, I just don't have time, it's my
job as a coach to say, talk me through your day, you know,
because I'm, I'm going to look at it and see if I can find some
time and then questioned you on that.
And, you know, if they say, you know, I put my family first,

(05:50):
then I would say, OK, you know, to what end?
You know, like, like we spoke about what happens if your
health takes a downward turn andyou're not able to provide for
your family. Would you then think that being
selfish is a good thing so you can be a, a better parent and be
more active with your kids and do these things?
And it's, it's our job to present a different perspective,

(06:11):
to just try and get people to think a little bit differently.
And I think sometimes it's met with resistance because people
aren't willing to give up their beliefs and they, they, they
believe so fully with what they're doing or they're,
they're just reluctant to face the, the truth, like the
objective truth because it sucks.

(06:31):
Like sometimes it really sucks where if someone has been doing
this thing and they, they believe themselves that it's
working. And then you, you show them and
you're like, this thing hasn't worked for years.
It's like, you know, when we, we've spoke about it in the past
where you get clients that say this, this diet works really
well for me. I don't respond well to carbs,
blah, blah, blah. And it's like 250 lbs.
Like from my understanding, you have no idea what works for you

(06:54):
because if you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
So before we even talk about what we're going to do as a
plan, are you willing to listen to me and take my advice?
Because we can clearly see that what you've been doing hasn't
been working. And if they go no, then there's
no point even going further. And, and I've, I've seen that
with a lot of female clients that I've worked with where they

(07:17):
will just hold on to something so tightly.
And I, and it almost comes down to like, if you're not going to
let this thing go, like you're not going to make progress.
And so now we have to decide, like, are you happy just
remaining the same and just holding onto this thing, or are
you going to finally, like, let it go?
On our onboarding call, like we'll often see like when a
client will say, well, I want toachieve this thing, but then
they'll list all the excuses, almost like, well, you were

(07:39):
giving them so much power, almost like it can't be changed.
Whereas like the ones who are open to change, they're like,
well, I want to achieve this thing and these are the things I
struggle with. So it's almost like they're open
to overcoming these obstacles. It's the and instead of the but.
Yeah, that's exactly it. So it's like, Oh well, I have a
family, I have kids, I travel a lot, whatever it may be.
And it's like, OK, cool. Like you said, let's put up your
diary. Let's see where we can find like

(08:00):
three days a week to train or two days, you know?
And then what I said earlier about like, they have standards,
which is just so unreasonable from whatever reason, looking on
social media, that is like, yeah, there's no way you're
going to do that in your currentcircumstances.
But you don't need to do that. Like, all we need to do is, I
don't know, 5000 steps instead of 15 for whatever.
So you recalibrate their expectations like, Oh no, it

(08:23):
actually seems way more feasible, yeah.
I think with high performing women, it's like that is a
battle in itself because it's like unless I can do something
perfectly and I'm not going to do it at all, or it's just like
maybe because you know, they areso successful, it's like an
industry or an area where they just don't have any confidence.
Even just going to the gym, it'slike I feel a bit embarrassed

(08:43):
that they're in, you know, 40s. Most of my clients are, but
they've just never been to the gym.
So it's just like really sort ofhaving to do the deep work with
them, not just being like, oh, I'll just go to the gym.
It's just like, there's so much more to it than that.
And it's such a learnt behaviourover time.
It's like you have to do the yeah, the deep work that goes
with it. Not just you could write the
best program ever, but if they're not, if they're not
going to stick. To it it's, I mean even when I,

(09:05):
when I first started going to the gym when I was like 15, I
was an overweight 15 year old. And then you go into a gym and
there's obviously people that know what they're doing.
You don't know anyone there. Like I would literally hide in
the corner on like 2 machines and hope that no one looks at
me. And so when people say like I'm
really shy going to the gym I completely get it.
I remember. Walking in and thinking everyone
just like turned yeah, looked and you're like, Oh my God, you

(09:27):
know. Guys experience it as well like
it is it's nerve wracking when you first go and my, my advice
is always like find the like thebiggest meathead in there that
you really don't want to talk toand go and talk to them.
And I guarantee they're the friendliest person in there
because they just love training and they'll they'll talk to
anyone about it. But equally everyone is thinking
the exact same thing. They're so self-conscious of

(09:49):
themselves. They're not worried about you.
But it's, but even me saying that you're still going to feel
nervous and uncomfortable going,but it's just like go for 10
minutes, you know, then go, maybe go for 15 minutes and just
build, build up over time. Don't go from zero to 5.
And that's the best way to do it.
Like, rather than running away from that fear is like, you face
your head on in, like, small increments.

(10:10):
Yeah, no, go for 10 minutes, Go for 5 minutes.
Take someone with you who's confident in the gym if you've
got like a friend until eventually you're able to go on
your own. I think Nicki was spot on there.
In the sense of what? Are you saying I wasn't?
No, no, you were. You were like Sammy, right?
Nicki was spot on. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I will leave. In the sense that it's like

(10:30):
these women, like they've becomeso successful in like business,
for example, it's because like at one point in their life they
went all in on business. That started to get momentum.
They kept that going. Now they're really good at it.
So it's like I do lots of this thing that I'm really good at
and they're confident. They might being like the
boardroom meetings, they might be calling the shots and they're

(10:51):
just like the alpha female in that field.
Then like they've been a mother for 10 years, they're
successful, they're in a good financial position, they're a
great mum. And then it's like, oh, do you
want to go spend some time now doing this thing that you
haven't done since like the lasttime you did this, you were in
school, Complete beginner, a complete novice.
And it's like, not really, no. Do you also want to pay someone

(11:12):
to make you do it as well? Not really, no.
And takes you. Up if you haven't done it.
Yeah, exactly. It must be so hard to once
you've been so good, you've like, you've created a world
whereby you're just like unbeatable, Like I'm so good in
everything that I do. And now I've got to step out of
that world and back into the beginner world where I'm a
complete novice. And it's just so daunting when

(11:35):
like when you're when you're like 1516, you suck at loads of
stuff and everyone around you sucks at stuff as well.
So you're just like, hey, let's just give it a go.
But when you're at that point inyour life when you haven't done
something you suck at for 20 years, that then it's, do I
really want to go back to doing something that I'm not very good
at? And there's all these other
women now who are maybe I'm putting myself in their world
where you're not the alpha anymore.

(11:57):
You're in the gym and you're actually the beta now.
And it's like, oh, I'm, it's, I can see how that's really tough,
especially for those women who are super successful.
It's important as well though, like the people who's calling
shots in like the boardroom and stuff, they wasn't always doing
that. So it's really important.
Like when you first started, yousucked, you did all these things
to eventually be a CEO or whatever it may be.
And like look at where you are now.
So you have to remember the journey there and it's like you

(12:18):
would just start a new journey to get the outcome that you say
you want. Drop 100 lbs wherever it may be.
So it's like you are going to suck, but the only way to get
better and get what you say you want is to improve on it and
give be intentional with it. The other thing I see is exactly
what you said, Taylor, where they're very successful and just
a champion at all these other things.
And the, the word I would use like advanced.

(12:39):
But then they assume that because they're advanced and
everything else, they're advanced in this as well.
And they need this crazy fancy plan.
And I, I need this and I need that.
And, and you look at it and it'slike you're a complete beginner.
You don't need any of this stuff.
Like we just need to go walk for30 minutes right now.
And it's, it's humbling and it, it knocks the ego a little bit
where it's, I know you're an expert at these things, but

(13:02):
it's, it's like someone that's never looked at their finances
going, I need like the most elaborate financial plan to make
me wealthy in 10 years. When really it's like, you need
to stop buying shoes. Like that's like step one.
Like we need to just pay off debt.
Like that's the first thing we need to do.
Like we're not going to go in investing in crypto just yet.
But it's because you're, you're advanced in other areas.

(13:23):
You, you think that. And then I, I think the other
thing, which I've seen so much of now, and this, this affects
the, the male side as well, is because of, of social media and
all these things. We're, we're in the, we're in
the era of kind of fads, gimmicks, biohacking, all of
this stuff. And I feel like on, you know, I,

(13:43):
I, if I had to put like a ratio,I would say like 6040 female to
men because it affects the men as well.
But they get so entrenched in these rituals, routines, whether
it's breath work, meditation, ice baths, affirmations, sort of
like infrared sauna, that they, they already have explained to

(14:06):
me how busy they are and how little time they have.
And then I'm like, so you're doing a 2 hour morning routine,
which involves like reading a bit of a book, doing some
journaling, maybe doing some breath work and all this stuff.
And I'm like, but is it really helping you?
Like, I'm sure it has some benefits, like, but like, can we
just give up an hour of that andmaybe go for a walk or do some
lifting or, or, or something? Because it will get to a point

(14:28):
that it's like something has to give.
And like, if you're spending twohours in the morning in a
gratitude journal, then it's like, well, rather than writing
down what you're thankful for, fucking show it.
And, you know, treat your body with some respect and do
something. And, but I, I find trying to
have that conversation is quite like combative and it can almost

(14:51):
offend people when you like your, your morning routine is
nonsense. Have you had to speak with any
clients about that stuff, Nicky?Like where you're looking
through that day and like their schedule and you're like,
there's so much wasted time where they think they're being
productive, but it's not actually taking them towards
their goal. And then how do you have that
conversation without, you know, getting told to F off,

(15:12):
basically? I think you're right is like
levelling with them with regardsto shortening it and like even
trying to understand what value they see in it and like where
it's sort of coming from. Because so again, I can't speak
for males, but like diet cultureas a female is like lots of
people have got lots of unlearning to do as well as
learning. And it can be quite sort of a
male dominant sort of area in the gym and things like that.

(15:36):
And from that sense, it's like doing the deep work because I
think they think they're doing that through the things they're
doing. So you're trying to get them to
actually see that that's not thework they need to be doing.
And then my clients probably getsick of me saying this, but I
always tell them that growth is uncomfortable.
And I'm like, you know, I think even though it seems like you're
doing the hard work with a journal in the things, sometimes

(15:58):
that's more of a comfort zone than, as we're saying, stepping
into the gym. Whereas it's like, I think
people romanticize this and the before and afters.
Obviously it is an amazing experience and you do come out
the other side a different person, but in order to do that,
you have to go through the uncomfortable parts and and that
is growth. And I think people just
romanticize growth. There's like this amazing thing
that's going to feel fantastic. It's like it's actually going to

(16:18):
be really hard day-to-day and you're going to have to do a lot
of stuff that might feel alien to you and comfortable.
And they think, and they have tried it all in some ways or
they think they've tried it all,but it's just getting them out
of that mentality. It's like, well, I'm only asking
you to do XY and Z and get them to buy into that really.
And then slowly over time, you see that shift and it's like,
it's like I was actually working.

(16:39):
Yeah, it almost becomes like these things become like an
avoidance of like, doing like the real work.
Yeah. They almost try and make
themselves sound busy and, like,make themselves seem productive.
It's like you're washing your clothes by hand.
You can just put them in the washing machine.
You know, they're almost trying to fill time with stuff to avoid
doing the stuff that actually gets the results.
Yeah. It's like you can you can
meditate for 20 minutes instead of two hours and then use the

(17:00):
other time to go and do the realwork.
And that's where where you was talking about like the
uncomfortable conversations whenyou start offering those
suggestions, like, tell me why you don't want to do that.
Yeah, you know, ask them why they don't want to do it.
And he's like, they have to facethat then and be like, oh.
God, it's a it's a really funny clip I saw.
If I don't know if you guys haveseen it, the show Super Nanny
and it's a it's an English nannyand she goes to American

(17:21):
families because she had a, she had a show in the UK and then it
was like super Nanny abroad. And then but she basically goes
into families where the kids just wreak havoc on the place.
The parents have got no control.She comes in and shows them how
to discipline the kids correctly, get them to kind of
follow, you know, rules, make sure they're helping around the
house, this kind of stuff. And there's, there was one clip
where she sat around the table with the mum and the dad and she

(17:45):
talks to the dad and she's like,you know, talk me through your
day. And he works like 16 hours a
day. And he's like, I, I leave at
4:00 AM. I'm on like a construction site
or whatever. I come back at like 8:00 PM, put
the kids to bed, like wash my hands, have some food, go to
bed. And then she looks at the wife
and goes like, and you know, when, when does your like work
day start? And then and she's like, oh, it,

(18:06):
it never ends. And then she went, really?
Because all I've seen you do is walk to and from these rooms all
day doing nothing. And it's like you're not doing
anything with the kids, you're not doing any of the chores.
You're, you make yourself feel like you're doing this stuff.
But all I've seen you on all of the cameras all day is you
Potter upstairs, you twiddle your fingers, you walk back
downstairs, you go to the livingroom, you go to the dining room,

(18:27):
you go back and forth, you make a cup of coffee.
You don't do anything. And it was like you could see
the look on our face of like, I've finally been caught and
someone is like, put the mirror in front of me And it's like I'm
just completely procrastinated all day.
And I've, I've tricked myself tothinking I'm busy.
You've done fuck all, like you've got nothing to show for
it. And it's, it's such a hard
conversation to have with peoplebecause it's again, it's like

(18:49):
you feel like they're calling you out and almost calling you
like a fraud. And it, it, your immediate
reaction is to always be defensive, but until you have
that conversation and kind of like, really look at it and be
like, you're right. Like I'm not actually doing
anything. I'm procrastinating.
Like online coaching is the same.
The amount of online coaches I know.
And they're like, Oh my God, I'mjust flat out.
And it's like, you've been on Instagram for an hour, like
you've not done any work for thelast hour.

(19:10):
You're just sat in front of yourlaptop.
But it's, you'll, you'll trick yourself being like flat out
today. And it's like your, your screen
time's 10 hours on your phone because you're just browsing.
And so I, I think a lot of timespeople will do that with these
routines and stuff. And it's like, Oh, I just, I
don't stop on the self work. And it's like, but it's not
working like you're doing all these things exactly what you

(19:31):
said, where that you convince yourself that you're doing the
hard work and the deep work. And, you know, words like trauma
come up and you know, like all, all of these things.
And it's like, I'm doing, I'm doing all the hard deep work,
but it's like you've got nothingto show for it.
And if if you were, if the work was working, you wouldn't be
doing it three years later, likeexactly the same like you'd

(19:52):
maybe be on maintenance at this point.
But it's it's just, you know, the deep work is actually seeing
a therapist once a week and doing what they recommend versus
trying to fix yourself when you're not qualified.
But then also. Getting the harsh reality of
like, what you're doing isn't actually helping you, and all
we're trying to do is help. It's a bit like instant
gratification, like you read yourself out, but you feel good

(20:14):
for like a moment and then it's like, oh, nothing.
But you haven't helped. Yourself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like you're saying with
having the hard conversations, it's like not that we're trying
to one up our clients, but I'm like, you're here for a reason
and we need to delve into that. And maybe the systems that
you've got in place aren't working, so they do need change.
And it's like, it's just gettingthat across them, really.
Yeah. I think one of the one of the
key barriers that we've spoken about with us too and obviously

(20:37):
Nick, I'm sure you can chime in on this as well, is like from a
physiological standpoint it is harder.
For women, 100%. Like it is like they're
generally smaller, they generally have less muscle mass,
their metabolic rate is generally slower.
And then you put them in the world where the environment now
drives weight gain through. So like, like, social norms are

(20:58):
like going out for food, having your coffees and Cheesecake
Factory. Oh, that's a chicken Caesar
salad is like 1600 counts. It's insane.
OK, so that's 300 calories more than you need for your day.
Yeah. And but then equally, you've got
a husband that can get away withit.
Yeah. And it's like, well, I think I'm
being good eating salad. And it's like, the game is
rigged. Like, it's like it's rigged for

(21:18):
you to fail, as sad as it is. So like you're both living the.
Family life, your husband's walking around pretty lean,
pretty normal. You're living the family life
and you're 20 lbs overweight. And it's like, hold on, I'm
living the same life as he's living.
Like a way is how, how is this different for us?
So it is. And again, like, you know, from
a muscle building standpoint, they don't build muscle as fast

(21:39):
either. So it's like, so you get fatter
more easy. It takes you longer to build
muscle. You haven't done any significant
physical activity since school. And now you've, you've had three
kids and now you're looking, nowwe're looking to solve that
problem. And it's, it's going to be a
long road. And then I think again, taking

(22:01):
the first few steps on a really,really long road, it's just
like, oh God, it can seem so daunting.
So again, it is, it is from a physiological standpoint.
And then when you factor in societal norms these days, it's,
it's definitely a, a, a tricky task to approach.
Whereas like, you know, how, howcommon is it where you have a
guy who come into the program and he's lifted weights most of

(22:24):
his life. He's just, he's just been a bit
of a pig. He's got a bit overweight.
You like diet him down like 30 lbs and he's like, he works on
like, you know, he's super active with his job.
He he likes going out for a bikeride with the boys.
And the next thing you know, you're like, oh, £30 down two
months end up awesome. It's like that's I found that
it's a lot more common when I coach men that it is when I

(22:48):
coach women. When I coach women, it's more of
a longer Rd. where this is goingto be like 3 years minimum of
consistent work to build like some really strong foundations
and to get to where you want to get where those like 4 month
wicked transformations. I haven't.
I don't get that that common with with with females.

(23:09):
Basically you guys got it easy. Yeah, but this.
But this is the thing though. It's like it's, it's where you
might get women say like it's not fair and you say it's not,
it's not fair. Like there's a lot of stuff in
life that isn't fair. Here are your options moan about
it not being fair and do nothingor work with what you've got.
And that's like, that's it, it sucks to say, but it's like,

(23:32):
we're hearing like just what we were saying in a, in a, another
podcast. It's like, well, what's the
alternative? And you know, if people say,
well, I, I can't lose weight because of my metabolism or my
lifestyle. And if you go, yeah, you're
absolutely right, like you, you're never going to lose
weight. Then they go, well, I can, I, I,
I can lose weight. And so you just told me you
can't do it. And so it's like, you know, you
can, but it's, again, it's, it'sall belief and perception and

(23:55):
it's, it's, it's definitely moreuncomfortable for women to drop
body fat because I think just from a hormonal standpoint, from
a lifestyle standpoint, like women generally weren't created
to be super lean because you, you, you're trying to be in the
optimal body fat to bear children.
And so it's like your, your, your body is rigged, you know,

(24:16):
for reproduction. And so trying to get a six pack
is a lot harder than a guy trying to get a six pack from,
from testosterone and estrogen and all these, all these
different things. Doesn't mean you can't do it,
but like it is a lot harder and it's it's no different than a
510 white guy trying to play in the NBA.
You can do it. There are guys that have done it
really fucking hard to do it. That's why it's.

(24:37):
Disheartening as well sometimes.Exactly, and it's.
So what what do you think if youbring in, if you take on one of
our like, you know, a stereotypical super client from
a female standpoint. So again, working or you know,
successful businesswoman kids, what are you looking to do to
avoid or to overcome some of these barriers that we're

(24:57):
running through? Set clear expectations from the
GET. Go the, the, yeah, I mean like
the very first thing that like for, for, I don't want to say
for female clients in general because everyone's different,
but I focus a lot more on understanding like their thought
processes, their beliefs, makingsure that I, I, I am truly

(25:19):
empathizing with their situationand build as much rapport on
like the emotional side as possible.
Because without that, I can't have any of the conversations
that I want to have with some guys.
You, you know, you don't need tobe best friends and you can
just, you know, call them out and they'll go yeah.
And I understand. Got it.
I, I think on the female side, that relationship is really,

(25:40):
really important, like work, working with, with candy, like
my long term client, the first conversation we had, I was like,
the only way this works is if webecome best friends.
Like, so we're not even going totalk about nutrition.
We're just going to get to know each other.
And it's because if we can't talk frequently and be frank
with each other, we ain't losinganything.
And and that's what we spent thefirst couple weeks is just like

(26:01):
getting to know each other. And then I could, you know, call
her out on things. She'd be like, yeah, and she'll
take it on board and not get upset.
But I think if you go straight into that without the
relationship, it's immediately butt heads.
I don't want to work with this person.
They don't understand me. I feel dismissed.
All of these things. I'm not in my safe space.
Oh God I I hate that. That's why one of our values is
like rapport before results, because it allows you to have

(26:24):
hard conversations and it'd be well received, rather than being
like, oh, he doesn't like me. Yeah, well, they've got to know
that you want it for them as well.
And yeah, you've got their best interests at heart.
And with females as well, I think it's a lot of unlearning,
like I said. But they only know one way to
lose weight, which worked in their 20s, and now they're in
their 40s and they don't know what to do.
Yeah, but sometimes they're still resistant or they just

(26:45):
don't have the belief that it's going to work for them.
So it's just like just getting them started on that momentum
and letting go of, you know, theweight they used to weigh that
they want to get to. And like you're saying with a
six pack, we had this conversation the other day where
I was like, I'm as lean as I canbe for the lifestyle that I
want. And it's like that's really
important to me more than being leaner.

(27:05):
So it's just like really sort ofmanaging their expectations.
But there's so much more to it because I remember even having a
conversation where like we're saying with, you know, even what
you're wearing suits and things to work, it's just like some of
my clients didn't have any active wear.
And there's a minefield now people are in like all these
matching sets and stuff is really intimidating.
They're having to go out when they don't feel good about

(27:28):
themselves, buying new clothes to even go to a gym where they
don't want to go to. And it's just like you, you have
to actually be able to think about these things as a coach
and be able to empathize becauseit is really difficult.
And then I've got some on the other side of it where they're
£40 down and then just, you know, going off grid.
And then we're having a conversation about it and
they're like, I just feel like I'm being really vain and I

(27:48):
don't deserve it. And it's just like so much of
that emotional baggage with it. And, you know, I'm, am I being
selfish? What about my kids?
So. It's even from when you talk
about the emotional side. You can even have it where, you
know, if you're a male coach working with a, with a female
client, if you communicate with them, that maybe reminds them of

(28:10):
a formal relationship where someone was trying to tell them
what to do and they kind of rebelled against it.
They'll always rebel against youbecause it's like, it's bringing
up this feeling of like, Oh, someone tried to control me and
get me to eat these things and do these things.
And it feels like the same. And you're like, fucking hell, I
had no idea. And so it's, it's really
important to kind of just have those conversations like how,
how is the best way for me to communicate with you?

(28:32):
And let's come to a, maybe it's a compromise because there's
going to have to be some shift. Otherwise they're just going to
keep doing what they're doing. But you get their input as well.
Like, you know, if, if there is something that I need to bring
to your attention, which, you know, maybe is uncomfortable,
how would you like me to approach that with you?
And we do the same thing with the male clients.
I think it's just their tolerance is probably a little

(28:53):
bit higher. But I think all of that stuff,
and it's so funny because this whole conversation, we've not
once mentioned calories, proteinsupplements.
It's because all of that stuff is secondary to the coach client
relationship and if that's not there, then it doesn't work.
I'll tell you so when I asked that conversation, like when

(29:13):
there's awkward conversations, like how would you best like me
to communicate with you? Like the females will be honest.
Most men will go, oh, I like to just be told what to do.
They don't like you do it and it's like they get offended.
They get really upset. Yeah, yeah.
So is it right? Let's re calibrate our
expectations. Yeah, but this is where like,
and because we, we, you know, wetalk to all of our coaches about
this, the soft skills of like even the tone in your voice when

(29:35):
you ask a conversation, like it's the difference of me
talking to a female client and go in what's going on versus
what's what's going on. And it's like just that, like
one, they've now done this and they don't want to talk to me.
And the other one they start crying and start offloading
everything. And it's, it's little things
like that that I think is so keyto being a, a great coach is you

(29:58):
have to know language, the righttone, the right time to use them
because there's times to do both.
And yeah, it's one of those things that like, you really
can't teach. You just have to experience over
and over and make the mistakes and be like, right Note to self,
don't do that next time. How do you say what you're going
to say? Plays a massive role, yeah, but
sometimes even if I need to. Text one of my clients, I'll
just voice note instead because I'm like, this is just going to

(30:19):
set like I don't want them to misconstrue what I'm saying.
Yes, yeah. Yeah, throw a couple of emojis
in. There that yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's my favorite. Yeah, I think there's there's. 1
Well, there's a few things that pop to mind and the first one is
trying to shift from the aesthetic mindset to a more
performance mindset. Because as we said, sometimes

(30:40):
you're so far from where you want to be aesthetically time
wise. That is, if you're just
prioritising the aesthetics, it's going to take a long, long,
long time to get there. And, and then you might be a
year in and you'll shoot a year of good productive work and
you're still nowhere near where you want to be.
And that can be demoralising. Whereas if you start switch, I'm

(31:02):
not saying aesthetics aren't important because that is the
end goal as well. But if you can look at like you
look at CrossFit people for example, the shift is on
performance. And I think that's an area where
some women can force or they don't train very hard.
And if you don't train very hard, it ain't going to take you
three years. It's going to take you well, 20
years and you're still not therebecause you just you don't train

(31:22):
hard enough. But if you do something like
CrossFit, where the priority becomes performance, what
happens is you're chasing those performance goals.
Therefore you are actually training hard.
And as a byproduct, then you're actually building muscle and
aesthetically, you're getting better.
And then within three years you're like, oh, I haven't even
been worrying about my aesthetics that much.
You know, I do pay attention, but I'm actually now seeing way

(31:46):
more benefits just because I'm, well, one, I'm enjoying the
process more and two, I'm actually getting even better
aesthetic results because I'm not just going in the gym and
like doing these half assed fluffy workouts.
I'm actually pushing myself hardbecause I'm against the clock or
I'm chasing numbers or I'm competing against someone else.
So I think that's where obviously you don't have to do

(32:07):
CrossFit to do that, but it's you do see a lot with girls who
are into CrossFit, they do builda lot more muscle and a lot more
strength than girls who just go and do like standard
bodybuilding style workouts. And then Nikki said about, you
know, feeling guilty that it's taken away from business and
family life, but then also teaching them about the benefits

(32:32):
that being fit does have on their family life.
Like if if your kids see you exercise, the chances of them
growing up and exercising and being healthy is so much higher.
So by like, I don't maybe havinga home gym in the house and
exercising in front of your kids, Look what that then does
for your kids. If you eat well and have a good
diet and provide good dinners, the chances are that your kids

(32:55):
are going to take on those healthy behaviours.
So now it's like all this fitness stuff is actually for my
kids. So you told me you want to be a
good mother and you want to do stuff for your kids.
Well, here we go. We've got a full bucket of stuff
that is going to benefit your kids.
So now it's like, oh, actually this thing is not just for me.
It's not selfish. There's way more to it.
That very same client. Is now doing pull ups and she

(33:17):
sent me a video and her kids like, whoa, that's so cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw one my again, this is a a
male, but he doesn't work out from home and he sent me a a
video and his kids in the gym like he's kid in the like
pyjamas. He's got like like Lion King
pyjamas on. He's got these two little
dumbbells. Let's lift them.
But it's like, and that's what Iwas saying to him.
I was like, look, your kids are paying attention.

(33:37):
Like when you were sat down stuffing Twinkies before bed,
your kids were paying attention.Now you're in the gym and you're
lifting weights. They're still paying attention.
So it's like those things that those habits that you built
before, you're now like if you kept doing them, your kids were
likely going to fall into the same sort of trap.
Whereas now you're not only doing it for yourself, but the
people around you. Like how many times do you have

(33:59):
clients like, oh, I've lost 440 lbs.
My wife's not even on the program.
She's down 15. Oh, my mate from work, he's also
copying me and he's down 20. And he's like, oh, you know,
it's the people around you startto see what you're doing and
imitate it or it motivates them because they've seen someone
similar. Like if you live with if, if you
live with someone who's made loads of progress with their

(34:21):
fitness, well, you're like, oh, well, I've got a really similar
life to them. Like I live in the same house.
We've got the same kids. Like we both have jobs.
Like surely if she can do it, I can do it as well.
Or if he can do it, then I can. So it's like it, there's so much
more benefits to be had. And then like from an energy
standpoint in work, it's like, I'm always tired from work.
Well, the fitter you are, the easier your day gets.
So, and that's obviously you're trashing yourself like I do, but

(34:44):
it's like, but it's so like there's so much other benefits.
So once once they're aware of the benefits that come with
living a fitter, healthier lifestyle, now it's like maybe
this time investment is not justvain, it's not just selfish
because there's so much more to it.
It's. Like originally, like a big
mindset shift is that they feel that this stuff takes away from

(35:05):
all the other stuff. Whereas the might, why I try and
speak to my clients is it's a multiplier.
It adds to it in the ways that you've just described.
But we've had clients in the program say like my sex life is
better because I'm down like 40 lbs.
Like there's so many benefits. It's the.
I think I. Think it's?
Don't get out of breath. But.
That's the thing as well. It's like.
Initially it can take away because like if you're trying to

(35:28):
improve your, your strength, what happens after you train,
you're sore and it's like in it like no different with fitness.
You're going to feel more tired in the day because you've
exerted yourself more and your body's got to adapt to this new
level of fitness. But it's it like it compounds
over time. So it's like, yeah, like maybe
for that first two weeks you're like, man, I'm exhausted.

(35:49):
But then your body levels up andyou can now handle that
workload. And then you feel bad during the
day. So it's like the, the initial
kind of, you know, you're dropping your calories and doing
more. You've got this kind of like
energy dip whilst your body is kind of like, what the hell is
going on? And then you get used to it.
And then when you drop 10 lbs, you're like, oh, it's so much
easier. I'm using less energy to do what

(36:09):
I used to have to do. And so it's, I think it's that
delayed gratification and just playing the long game of like
it's, it may feel, it may feel worse before it gets better, but
it does get better. So don't quit in that kind of
like those initial couple of weeks when it is hard, like,
yeah, you're changing your food,you're going to the gym, you're
doing more steps, your legs are tired, you're sore when you get

(36:32):
up out of bed in the morning. But it does go.
And the, the best example was itwas AUS weightlifter coach John
Bros, where he, he's talked about training as athletes and
he was like, we Max out every day and the guys feel like they
just want to quit and he goes, but we Max out every day.
But he said if you got a job as a like a garbage man and he goes

(36:55):
the first day that you're picking up trash, he's like your
shoulders hurt, your elbows hurt, your back hurts, like your
feet are blistered from your boots.
And he goes within a month, you're tossing trash in there
like you've done it your whole life.
You don't get sore. Your body's got used to it.
And he goes. That's the same with pretty much
everything. It's like it you feel like shit
and then you feel you feel good.But most people will quit a
weekend being like, I'm just notcut out for this.

(37:17):
But it's like you haven't given yourself time to adapt.
I have this conversation a lot as.
Well, because going back to likegrowth and things, it's like you
have to do the uncomfortable part.
And also that's the beauty of itbecause no one else is doing it.
And that's what's going to change your identity is like,
yes, you've got the before and after, but it's the person that
you'll be coming during the times that is really difficult.
And it's like that can actually be really exciting.

(37:37):
It's just a reminder like if if it was easy than everyone would
do it. And I think John says this a
lot. It's like, you know, having the
different kind of respect when you're going into the boardroom
and going into those environments, and especially as
a female, it's the most empowering thing I've done for
myself is to get strong. And it's like no one can ever
take that away from you either. So no one knows how much work it
actually takes. And I think that's quite

(37:58):
disheartening at the start because it's like, actually this
is going to be quite hard or take quite a lot of effort.
Yeah, but it's not anything thatanyone can ever take away from
you. You almost become like more.
Useful in like real life as well.
And I often say to clients, especially with kids because
something I've noticed is that just simple things like you can
play with the kids. You take a kid to a play centre,
right, look around 99.9% of parents are sat at the table

(38:19):
like shouting at the kids in theplayroom.
You'll see like the 1% often just myself like up there with
them playing and stuff. Yeah.
It's like you make more quality members because I asked my kids
what do you want to do? They just want to play.
Yeah. It's like, but I'm tired yeah.
It's like though coming home from school, I'm tired.
All right, I'll carry you. Yeah.
Where it's like them alone because you can't pick them up.
Like you don't see those parrying their bike because
they're. Board of riding their bike
enables you to be a better. Parent.

(38:39):
Yeah, you don't see those. Benefits until like the moment
comes, it's like come and play with me, dad.
It's like, oh God, come and get off the surface.
Like yeah, I'll come play. And I think people are.
Trying to provide for their family long term or give their
kids the best life as they grow up financially.
But imagine you can teach them all that or give them their
appreciation over that for when they get older because it's,
again, it's just life changing. Yeah, I think the.

(39:00):
Like the, the, I know we kind ofspoke about kind of self talk
and affirmation and stuff and how it can waste time.
But like, I think the, the, a little bit of self talk is good
because like you mentioned, likewhere it's like no one else is
doing this stuff. And I always kind of do it to
myself. Like if I'm, you know, if I'm in
my garage doing cardio at like 11 at night and I'm like, I
don't see anyone else in that garage kind of doing this.

(39:21):
And it's really funny because I would like when I was, you know,
maybe getting up early to do my steps or something.
I'll be walking out. No one's out.
And I'm in my head. I'm like, yeah, no one, no one
else is. Doing their steps.
And then I'll be walking and then I'll see a 75 year old
woman up walking and I'm like. But it's but it's like that.
Kind of stuff. It's like it doesn't mean
anything. It's like it like I don't view

(39:41):
myself as a better person because I'm getting up early and
walking, but in the moment because I don't want to get up
at six and do steps. But if I can do that and then
look around and be like everyoneelse is in bed, like pat on the
back bed and like, good job. And it's those little things
where you know, if if you're a woman and you go into the gym
and there's no other women in there, you're like, I'm the only

(40:01):
woman that's willing to put myself in this uncomfortable
situation. Like good job.
Like you're almost celebrating the small.
Win there. It's like positive reinforcement
is there. Yeah.
And you do. Have to because it's a.
Long journey 100%. Yeah, well.
We were just speaking about. It when we they said almost like
those milestones, if someone wants to lose 100 lbs, don't
just celebrate 100 lbs, you're going to be really annoyed.
Celebrate want the 99. So yeah, you know.

(40:22):
Yeah. Yeah, I.
Think again, we spoke about thatbarrier in terms of just going
to the gym, like I guess it can be very male dominant and I
think going somewhere where you're not useful is is it can
be rough. So I one of the best pieces of
advice I give is just if you don't know what to do in the
gym, just get a coach, Get a coach.

(40:44):
Let them show you the basics because at least if you know how
to squat, leg press, lunge, chest press, shoulder press row,
once you've got that done, you're fine.
Now you can go to any gym wherever you want and feel fine.
But when you walk into a gym, you don't really know what
you're doing. That's when you're like, Oh my
God, I feel like an idiot in here.

(41:04):
Then you don't enjoy it because you feel like an idiot.
So like, let's just get that done and you can learn that in a
month. Just get a coach to take you
there twice a week. Don't say like teach me sessions
like you're not there to work out, you're there to learn.
Learn those basics routine, yes,and then you can get programming
and stuff done for you and you can do whatever you want then,

(41:24):
but just learn how to do the basic movement so you don't feel
like an ass when you go in a gym.
Because if you never learn, you're going to feel like an ass
in six months as well because you still don't know you're just
you're just trying to go in and wing it.
So like, but once you've mastered the basics, that
feeling of like of anxiety as you walk into a gym be gone, you
won't even notice. You'll just be oh, well, you go
in and you feel comfortable again.

(41:45):
But it's like, you can fast track that so easy just by
getting someone to show you or train with someone who doesn't
know what they're doing. Yeah.
So you can go in and go, oh, they can show you.
It's so much easier. Like don't just not your
husband. They're.
Annoying. Yeah, Yeah.
Yeah, me and Jess have, but there's quite a few times in
this talk. So yeah, but like the the.
Accountability partner, like going with a friend or something
that that wants to do it as wellis huge.

(42:07):
The community aspect of like superhuman, you know, is, is
huge where you can talk to otherpeople that are in similar
situations and get advice from from them as well if they found
something that's worked. Like, I think I think that part
is huge because it, it can feel sometimes like you're alone
doing it when there are loads ofother women doing it as well

(42:27):
just scattered around the place.And I think super is great to
kind of just have that communityaspect together where, you know,
you can make new friends throughthe program and and, you know,
build relationships and maybe meet up and train and, and that
kind of stuff. Like I think that's a huge one
as well. I think men, men need that as
well. But at the same time, we can
work kind of in solitude quite well, whereas I think women

(42:51):
really do thrive in that community, kind of just just the
environment. And I think, you know, Kate,
Katie Fleece, you know who who heads our superwoman department
does a phenomenal job there. But yeah, I mean, I think we've
covered a lot of really good, good points, But I, I think the
main ones are going to be, you know, get out of your own way,

(43:15):
you know, I think, and be willing to just listen, listen
to to your coach, I think over communicate and build the
relationship. I think that's that's huge.
I think accepting the, if it's not fair and it's probably going
to require more work than you would like to put in or what you
think is required. And then what what you said
Nikki, like growth is uncomfortable.

(43:37):
And I think the, the sooner you get comfortable being
uncomfortable, the easier anything is.
But I, I think if you always runaway from discomfort, like
you'll, you'll get really, really frustrated.
And then I would just say what'smore uncomfortable, being
frustrated everyday or the the slight discomfort that you
experience being a little bit hungry, but knowing you're still

(43:59):
going to get towards you, your goals.
Perfect. Well, thank you as always guys
for tuning in. Be sure to like and subscribe on
iTunes, Spotify and YouTube. And we'll see you next time if
you love this show. Please like, share and leave us
a five star review so that we can help more people.
I'm John Matson, reminding you to always go get what's.
Yours.