September 2, 2024 • 37 mins
Calling all parts! This episode we finally get to introduce you to one of the foundational pillars of the in the BecomeOne house. Over a decade ago, during a yoga class, Jody encountered IFS, which resonated deeply with her past of complex traumas. Join us as Jody recounts her path to self-discovery and healing, highlighting the compassionate 'capital S Self' that guided her journey.
Throughout this episode, Jody breaks down the principles of IFS therapy, underscoring the importance of forging relationships with all parts of oneself. We navigate through the complex web of proactive managers and reactive firefighters within our internal systems. Jody eloquently shares how these survival mechanisms are not personal failings but essential parts of our psyche. By integrating IFS and yoga, she demonstrates how acknowledging and conversing with our emotions can lead to profound relief and understanding.
In our conversation, we delve into the broader themes of self-acceptance and the necessity of professional guidance in this journey. Jody touches on the interplay between spirituality, religion, and self-awareness, drawing wisdom from sources like the Bhagavad Gita and Buddhism. She emphasizes the need to move beyond shame and guilt to live a more inspired life. With insights from thought leaders like Dick Schwartz, this episode offers a compassionate and intricate approach to understanding and integrating our inner parts for a more mindful and enlightened existence.
This episode does discuss eating disorders. If you struggle with this, please skip this one for now. If you'd like to know more about IFS without listening, please reach out to us.
We would love to hear from you! Email us at becomeoneliving@gmail.com or reach out to us on Instagram at BecomeOne Living.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Okay, welcome back to Become One Living.
My name is Dan Boisets.
I'm sitting here with my wife,jodi Dahmerstad-Boisets.
Today we're going to talk alittle bit about IFS, another
piece of work and education Jodihas found by way of her
personal journey, anchored inyoga.
(00:34):
And IFS, I believe, is like aBuddhist-influenced parts work,
a psychological piecepsychological piece.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I'm going to speak about IFS through my lens,
meaning the way I've experiencedit, what I've learned about it,
how I do it and where it weavesthrough in my life.
I found IFS 10 years ago 13?
, 10?
, I don't even remember, but itwas at least 10 years ago and it
(01:10):
was introduced in a yoga classwhere this yoga teacher, Sarah
Powers, was talking about parts.
You have this part, you havethat part.
There's a part and it strucksuch a chord with me because
when I was in treatment I had anaddiction.
(01:32):
I was bulimic, had bulimic food, alcohol.
I have an addictive part.
That's what we would say in IFS.
In my 20s I was in treatment fora couple months and at
(01:55):
treatment they wanted me to sayI had a disease and I was never
going to be healed, and it didnot feel right, you didn't buy
it.
Then no, I said I stood up andI was.
I got punished a lot of timesin treatment because I would
argue this point that I don'thave a disease, a dis-ease, I
don't know how to deal with life.
(02:15):
I eat a lot to not feel, Idrink to not feel.
I used TV to numb, I usedover-exercising to run away.
So I was really aware when Iwas younger that I did things to
not feel or to keep me going.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
But IFS really appealed to you versus.
You did try some of the othermodalities like anonymous
programs.
Yes, and that didn't reallyresonate with you.
You finally came acrosssomething that supported you in
terms of your approach to lifeor your life, of your
understanding of yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yes, what drew me to get trained in IFS and study IFS
was I would behave in ways thatblew my mind and, yes, I had a
brain tumor.
So later on in life some ofthose behaviors were from the
brain tumor but others were mine.
(03:20):
I had a rageful part when I wasyounger.
I would fight anyone.
I had a depressed part, ascared part, and what we mean by
parts are, when somethinghappens and you can't regulate
it, similar to stress and trauma.
A part comes in to take over,comes in to take over.
(03:51):
And this part becomes what wecall burdened with a job to try
and keep you safe.
I have if you listen to thepodcast you may hear it once or
twice a very intellectual part.
That part kept me safe.
So when I was in treatment Iwas told you better get dumb
quick because you hide behindbooks and quotes.
(04:11):
So an intellectual part that Ilove reading and learning that
could cover up a deep wound offeeling stupid or unlovable.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Right, okay, so you embark on this journey, you go
through training.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I went through training and I use it in yoga.
What I love as we settle intothis conversation and my parts
back out a little, that's what Ilove about this.
It has a lot to do with yogaand being present.
The goal of IFS is eventuallyto sit in capital S self and
(05:00):
self is compassionate.
Self has attributes Compassion,clarity, connection, confidence
, courage.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Capital S self would be like a truer self or a truer
nature Jodi self versus alowercase self that might be
more considered like ego.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yes, if we were talking yoga.
Yes, and that ego would be apart.
If a part comes in, that'slower self, that is manipulating
the situation so that I feelsafe.
And what does that mean?
Feel safe?
So I never have to feelhumiliated again, so I never
(05:48):
have to feel exiled again.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Shamed.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yes, shame.
So there's two different typesof parts.
I had a lot of firefighters.
Firefighters were reactive.
They're reactive, they come in,they get it done and they leave
, and they don't care whatdamage occurred.
So addiction is a firefighter,so drinking.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
That's really cool to know, boy.
I'm trying to unpack that.
It's like a part of them.
It's just a part, but notearning it a part of them, but
not earning it.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
When you were thinking for amoment, I came to this.
When me and Dan get into anargument or a disagreement
because we don't really argue,but when we disagree I will say
my part's upset, like part of mefeels upset, part of me feels
(06:46):
unheard, part of me is confused,not all of me.
That's what I loved about partswork, because when we say I
hate you or I can't stand you oryou always do this, no, they
don't always do that Like areyou sure they always do that?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Is that really the truth?
And without this understandingand breaking it down, if you say
those words to somebody, I hateyou.
It feels pretty comprehensiveand pretty much end of game.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yes, and it's what we call.
Another word we use is blended.
You become the hatred and itrises, and this is where
spirituality and neurosciencecomes in.
So stay with me when you'reblended, you're no longer
witnessing in the prefrontalcortex what's happening.
You're limbic and you'rebecoming it.
(07:38):
So I would become the hulk andI want to smash things.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
That's blended.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
So the rage, I feel it.
So you can't really thinkcoherently or presently, or
mindful.
You're not being mindful whenyou're blended.
No, you can.
It's a red zone.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yes, blended think limbic system, and we've spoken
about this in other podcasts.
But the limbic system, or thesympathetic nervous system, is
fight or flight.
So if I'm in fight or flight,you ain't going to talk me down.
You know, when someone saysjust calm down, just calm down,
(08:15):
that person's blended, theycan't calm down, they're in the
sympathetic nervous system,which means its job is reacting.
Its job is not to calm down, soto unblend.
if you simply say wow, part ofme feels hatred, right now you
(08:40):
now move to the prefrontalcortex, where compassion
actually exists and logic andreasoning, and you become
unblended.
You get space from those parts.
It changed my life in offeringmyself compassion.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
And to others that you're interacting with too,
because if you say, a part of meis really hating you right now,
it's so much different than Ihate you.
Yeah, there's a part of me, andthen that helps me begin to get
even clearer.
It's like a part of me, isn'tit?
(09:27):
Maybe it's not hating.
A part of me is disappointed inwhat just happened five minutes
ago, and maybe we can figurethis out, as opposed to I hate
you yes and look at theownership.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
To pause one moment, I'm only sharing beginning
introductory attributes,concepts of this.
We're going to do multiplepodcasts with a deeper
discussion.
I want to invite you to do thisAfter you listen to this
podcast for the next week or so.
(10:01):
Speak in parts.
Speak in parts In our teachertrainings.
I have speak in parts.
Speak in parts In our teachertrainings.
I have people speak in partsand sometimes someone says a
part of me is really mad at you,jodi, and I say okay, let's
talk Instead of.
I've had some people getaggressive with me and I would
not know how to handle it beforeIFS and now with IFS, I say I
(10:26):
see a part of you is upset rightnow and they can now use their
words and say, yeah, part of meis really angry at you, I want
to punch you.
I've had someone tell me that Iwant to punch you and I'm not
reactive because they're sayingit's part of them and I know
it's not me that that part thatwants to hit me is reacting to a
(10:50):
vulnerable part.
It's protecting them.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Wow.
So you're beginning to unpackwith the parts, you're beginning
to soften the intensity.
Yes, it's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Wow, when I would get triggered by someone, I get
triggered, I back out and I askwhat part is here?
That's yoga?
Yoga in the yamas and theniyamas is inquiry.
I inquire, inquiring.
Is prefrontal cortex, theneocortex In that part of the
(11:29):
brain is where theparasympathetic nervous system,
the calming down, can happen,and I get to see multiple
possibilities and I get to seewith clarity that I am being
triggered and these parts arecoming to defend and protect me
(11:49):
from feeling vulnerable and sadand pain that I felt, which
usually starts in childhood.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, immediately.
I'm feeling the need to sharebecause my journey with you I've
heard this a few times come up,where I think it's important to
note to audience that, if thisis appealing to you, that Jodi
(12:22):
has entered a whole, not otherpiece of world, it's a whole
world, right?
So to co-opt or start to blameother people or ask other people
about, well, that's your partand this is my part and part,
like that's just the very tip ofthe iceberg of this very
beautifully woven tapestry andagain, a complex breakdown of a
(12:47):
psychology of somebody, right?
So it's nothing to like playwith, it's, it's, it's, it's.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
This is serious, yeah dick schwartz created ifs and
there was a man who passed namedderrick scott and he offered a
beautiful YouTube video aboutpeople taking this practice and
forcing people to an exile.
(13:13):
Now, what's an exile?
An exile is a part of you thatis deeply, deeply protected for
a very important reason, whichcould be one that was abused,
one that was neglected, one thatwas hurt so badly.
It's exiled and it's hiding,but it's protected by your
(13:34):
system.
And what's happening and thisis neurological also Also in IFS
(13:57):
in yoga, in potty work, ineverything.
Dan and I do we're not trying toget to something bypass
everything else to fix you soyou can go living the same life
you've lived and the samelifestyle.
The goal of IFS is to build arelationship with yourself and
all your parts, and you have toget permission from certain
parts to actually get to theother parts.
You can't bypass or your systemcould be re-triggered.
(14:20):
And people have come back andsaid well, I drank more and I
ate more.
If you force yourself in thispractice, it could be harming,
it could be very harming, and welearned that so much that IFS
is really 80% of me managing myparts and 20% of supporting you
(14:44):
in the session.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
I'm managing my parts On the practitioner's behalf.
Right, yes, right, right yeah,wow.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
And even when I, just before I shared this, I checked
in like what part is here?
I have an excited part, if youcan all hear that.
It's like I want to share.
I want to share and I have tosay, hey, joe, we know you're
really excited about this, butlet's take a breath, ask
excitement to just sit with meso I can slow down and let self
(15:14):
connect to you, dan, and thelisteners to share that.
That's why this is spiritual,in the sense of it's looking to
bring you back to wholeness.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Back to capital S self.
Yeah, which spirituality in itspurest form is about that?
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah, IFS allowed me to feel okay with me.
I had so much shame about beingbulimic, about lying, about
overeating, about.
I used to throw up on the sideof the road and in garbage bags
(16:00):
when I was sick or drink abottle of wine and go teach yoga
.
I was blended and I was usingthese things.
I had such a shame.
And then I had other situationsthat happened that brought
shame and trauma andpost-traumatic stress, and even
after brain surgery I wasashamed that I was going to be
(16:22):
at a mental deficit.
I was so afraid that I wasn'tgoing to be able to function.
And what IFS did?
It allowed me to understandthat my system is just trying to
survive.
I'm not a bad person.
You're not a bad person Ifyou're listening to this and you
(16:43):
drink or you use drugs or youyell at people.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Anything overlie anything.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
You're not bad.
That part is trying to keep youalive.
It's a survival mechanism in us.
And IFS allowed me to say youknow what Bulimia was my best
friend, it kept me alive.
Learning look at what learningdid for me.
(17:12):
That was an addiction.
I learned things, I studiedthings.
I was so intense.
But all that education look atwhere I am now these things just
try to help you survive.
And when I work with people,what the gift is, when I look at
them and they share thesethings and I say it's just a
(17:33):
part of you.
That's it.
It's only a part.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Immediately, you give them some relief.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
And not I can't minimize what they feel.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
But I could share with them that, hey, we're
connected and if you're human,you will misbehave, or I like to
say misalign.
In yoga we become misaligned,but those misalignments and
these parts, they're there.
So you never have to feel whatyou felt when you felt so alone,
(18:08):
maybe crying in your crib.
You just wanted your diaperchanged.
And I'm not going back and I'mnot a person who looks for blame
.
I'm not blaming parents, I'mnot blaming teachers, I'm not
blaming ex-boyfriends.
I'm saying that when we'reyoung, this is where our parts
(18:33):
manifest, because we don't havelogic and skill sets to think
otherwise.
And what happens is when wedon't get our needs met, we
blame ourselves.
If our parent behaves a certainway, we blame ourselves.
We can't blame them, becausethen who would take care of us?
Right?
You can't bite the hand thatfeeds you.
(18:54):
So a lot of these parts startyounger.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, I wish that I could remember when you took me
there.
My resistance was down, we weregoing to bed and you started to
ask me questions about mychildhood and you took me right
into there so easily because Iwasn't well.
First of all, I wasn'texpecting it, I didn't know what
you were doing, right, but itwas such a great method because
(19:22):
all of a sudden, I was beginningto understand some operational
faults or shortcomings that Ihave that are driven by parts
from when I was younger than 10years old.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yeah, A manager and a protector.
So managers are more proactive.
So you have protectors andthere's two categories Managers
they're proactive, like peoplepleasers.
They don't want anyone upset orcaretakers.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
They're managers.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Firefighters are reactive they come in, they take
it out.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Knock down the door.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, and they leave a mess and they don't care.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I love that, because that's what I would do.
I would go in name for it.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah, I'd hit it hard right and don't care how I felt
after right didn't care what Ilooked like, didn't care who I
destroyed, I just didn't want tofeel that pain.
Yeah, and this fits well withthe yoga therapy that I teach
and dialoguing.
How I dialogue is who's herenow?
(20:35):
What part is here now?
And I don't dialogue to getsomewhere.
That's important.
Please hear that when I inviteyou to be curious, it's not to
get somewhere, it's to be withwhat's here.
What's here, what is here rightnow, who is here right now?
(20:55):
And I shared I share this withmy teacher trainees that if I'm
nervous and I'm driving to work,I sit in the car for a moment
and I talk to nervousness and Isay, hey, what's going on, you
(21:17):
know.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
So this mode feels like exclusively the mental
piece.
There's not a body connectionas far as I can tell.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yes, it is considered there is somatic IFS, and what
I do is pretty much somatic.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
IFS.
An added branch, yes, okay.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Some say IFS is somatic, which means
body-related in nature, becausepain can be a part, pain is a
part.
So, if anyone is feelingchronic pain, that's a part that
is expressing through pain.
So we would want to talk tothat part and we feel parts
(22:03):
embodied in our bodies.
That's also somatic.
So we would say, oh well, youfeel what's here.
Now I have belly pain, oh okay,Well, does this belly pain?
What's going on?
Oh, I want to back up andtalking about unconditional
positive regard or compassion.
(22:25):
Regard or compassion if youdon't authentically have your
heart open towards a part, youcan't release its burden.
So I work with people.
I worked with someone for ayear and I would say how do you
(22:45):
feel towards this part?
I have compassion, havecompassion.
Now, my parts detectors arelike I don't think you do.
I'm like hmm, I'm pretty sureyou don't.
And that's just because partsdetectors, that's my job to be
able to kind of sniff that out.
And it took this person a wholeyear to realize she was lying.
Because we don't want to again,quick fixes.
(23:10):
Oh, I read no Bad Parts, whichis Dick Schwartz book.
It's amazing, get it, no BadParts.
I read Dick's book and I do IFSon myself and I'm like, wow,
you're good, because I stillhave a practitioner that I work
with.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And then they think they know it and they use their
own brain to work through it.
But your brain is going to tryto protect you from meeting the
pain and if you don't have acapacity or what we call
self-energy, enoughself-consciousness, compassion
(23:48):
consciousness you can't reallyhold the pain, you can't really
meet a part.
So it takes a long time forsome people to build a
self-to-part relationship yeah,it's, I'm feeling one of those
(24:11):
pulls Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
No, it's just one of your yoga teachers at some point
in time I can't remember whichone it was, but it was like what
was said was there is no spacefor shame or guilt on a
spiritual journey, right?
So, coming back to IFS, it'slike if you are cleansing, if
(24:34):
you are purifying, if there issomething that speaks to you,
that's greater than you, whichdoesn't necessarily have to be,
I'm just saying this is ourworld, is that this is a great
modality to get with the partsthat feel shame, get with the
parts that feel guilty, so thatyou can work with them and I
(24:56):
hate to overuse this word butmanage, so that you can step
forward and beyond beinganchored into shame and guilt,
and be a truer self and so aclearer conduit and a more
inspirational, and live a moreinspired life, just being, just
(25:17):
being.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Mic drop.
Should I drop the mic?
Yes, yes, all of that.
Why, when people say, well, youdo so much.
No, I don't, I do yoga, okay,the yamas and the niyamas,
that's ifs, that's internalfamily systems, because all I'm
(25:41):
doing is asking myself questionsand and then I'm building a
capacity in my body with mybreath, my energy, and I'm being
with the horrible person that Iwas.
Do you understand, I'm sittingwith my ugliness, I am sitting
with death and destruction.
(26:01):
I'm sitting with vomit.
Excuse me not to be gross.
I'm trying to make a point thatwe live in a world that wants
to transcend what is here andthinking heaven is better,
heaven is on earth, but it'sthrough understanding yourself
(26:22):
and your relationship toeverything that you get to know
who you are.
So the more I hate myself, theinner critic we work with all
the time.
I'm not good enough.
The perfectionist is a manager.
It has to be perfect Doing thispodcast that Jackie and David
are producing.
(26:42):
Thank them so much.
We love you.
Indeed, we're blessed, but wejust started.
If we waited for this to beperfect, it wouldn't happen.
That's the manager.
It keeps you from feelingrejected or humiliated, and I
don't care if you like this ornot.
I'm sorry, I don't.
(27:02):
Part of me doesn't.
It's just to discuss and be.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
But and this is our canvas and this is our spiritual
journey and one of the authorsthat I read and actually speaks
to me so well, david Hawkins,reminds me there's a sentence in
one of his books that saysreligions were created out of
the ingenuity of mankind, andwhat that said to me was like no
(27:31):
matter what religion you drawup, it's a man taking
spirituality and creating a lifeof their own.
When we went to Yogaville,there was a big sign right down
in Birmingham, virginia.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yogaville.
Yogaville, virginia, was a bigsign right down in Birmingham,
virginia, yogaville, yogaville,virginia I don't know what the
name is.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
So the first time we went there, somebody gave us a
tour and they showed us thisbanner.
That was the entryway into thecampus and there was, you know,
the symbol for Judaism and allof the religions, so many of the
religions, and what pierced myheart was the man pointing to
(28:13):
the symbol and saying and thatis for the religions that have
yet to come.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Oh, yeah, the one one yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Right Now, my family would probably be like you're
nuts, what the hell are youtalking about?
They would burn it Right, belike you're nuts.
What the hell are you talkingabout?
They would burn it right.
But to have the open mind andthis, this, this coming back to
the ifs is is it's, it's thespirit journey.
Is you, you, you, you, youcan't forego any of these pieces
.
You, you can't not do thatintrospection, that self-study,
(28:43):
and say you're spiritual and toget, sometimes, to get to that
mindful, that heady place,sometimes you actually need to
shake your body out, shake outthe whole physical body, to get
clear and allow what's to riseto your mind, rather than trying
(29:04):
to make up a story as to what'sconcerning you.
When you shake your body outand your defense mechanism of
the brain goes away, then youcan say like, hey, this
happening, that happened to meyears ago, that's what's
speaking to me right now.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
One of my clients and they know I'm sharing.
I ask certain clients if I canshare certain things we do, no
names.
I don't want to talk about myclients if they don't know it or
say and what this one client inparticular does with me is
moves, and does IFS with me?
That's it moves.
And what are the moves?
Are they yogic?
(29:38):
Sometimes they're a poser too,but they may be wavering,
weighing side to side, you know,jostling a little, and by the
end of the hour they're likewhoa, I don't know what just
happened.
I feel amazing and I give themhomework and they come back and
they share oh, this part.
I was aware of this part and Iwas able to be with this part.
(30:00):
I was able to speak throughparts and Dan brought this up
earlier.
When I started to look at this,I had so much more compassion
for other people because I had apart that hated people for so
many reasons.
This person's annoying, I hatethis person and I hated that
(30:22):
part that hated everybody andthat judged everybody and I
thought, wow, what is this part?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
What is going on here , right, and another idea that
David Hawkins puts out there isthat this whole world, this
entire world that you'reperceiving it's not real.
You're making it up so you cannavigate through your.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Through your stories that you create Exactly Our
parts long to stay in role.
So if my part feels I wasbetrayed, I have a betrayal part
, that part that experiencesthat, if it craves to feel that
betrayal, so that it can exist,so I will unconsciously seek
(31:16):
people out to betray me, so thatpart can stay alive and say, oh
, dan betrayed me, see, so thatif I didn't feel betrayal, stay
with me, stay with me here.
If I didn't feel betrayal andmy nervous system would start to
come down, then I would feelbrokenhearted from all the pain
(31:37):
that I felt.
So I stay in betrayal.
I stay angry.
This goes back why I love IFS.
It's rooted in the nervoussystem right when you're in self
, you're parasympathetic you'recalm, you're resting, you're
digesting, you see god, divine,um energy, you see source.
(31:58):
You feel like dude, me and dan,we're one and the same.
Like I see you, you vibe.
That's where we want to get.
That's the, the witnessing.
Like, okay, you're acting likea punk, you know, or you're
acting like a butthead right now.
Yeah, okay, that's part of them.
So the question to ask them isare you okay?
Are you okay?
(32:19):
What's going on?
Right now I do that to this guy, dan, my husband, when he's
either really quiet or he sees10 people a day.
I'm like where are you going towork?
You've been working from six tolike one in the morning.
I'm exaggerating a little, butI'm like are you okay?
And that's when the answer isit says no, I'm not.
(32:43):
So when you see someone behavingin a weird way or a reactive
way, instead of judging ortrying to figure out, get you
have a part coming in,psychological, like I know what
they're going through.
You don't know anything.
You don't know, don't assume.
Ask are you okay?
(33:04):
What's going on?
That's why I loved IFS.
It offered me tenderness andvulnerability and I have built
in the past 10 or whatever yearsdoing this, such a capacity to
(33:25):
be with my parts without askingthem to change.
That's really important.
Hear that again.
You want to build a capacity inyoga, in meditation, in IFS, in
life, to be with a partner andnot ask them to change.
(33:45):
That's why, if you want toteach trauma-informed yoga or
yoga for the nervous system, yougot to slow it down, my friends
.
It can't be vinyasa.
It's too quick Because peopleneed at some point, some time to
marinate with self, to be withself, to stay there and just
(34:06):
radiate whatever is here, to behere with and settle in to the
moment.
So we're not trying to.
I just want to say this onemore time we want to be with
self, to be with self Right Tonot change self Right, just like
change self.
(34:27):
Right, it's just like, hey, man,I'm here, Let it go.
I mean, let go.
What Cry Someone's like?
If I cry, I won't stop.
Good, I'm here with you.
Let it roll, let it rip.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, this is requires again, requires courage
In our current day.
It requires resources.
As you were completing that,Joe, I was thinking about all of
the teachers, and now I'madding to the images that I have
(35:03):
in my mind of Dick Schwartz andyour other teachers is that
they're really present, they'rereally anchored, they're really
secure in their knowing andthat's inspirational.
But that's kind of like, ifyou're doing this work, that's
where you're headed, to beingokay with this present moment
(35:25):
and the present you and yourcomplete capital S self, your
truest nature.
That's the journey, what allthis is about.
That's what it's about.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
Being present to the moment to self, whether we like
it or not, in neutrality.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Without judgment.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, that's even the Gita, the Bhagavad Gita, the
Yoga Sutras.
All of this comes back, evenBuddhism.
The idea is, how do I stayneutral, not numb neutral, even
though I'm feeling all thesefeels, and not judge and try to
stop it, fix it or change it?
It's life's unfolding.
(36:04):
How do I be with that?
And last piece, to wrap upwe're an organism.
We can't remove ourselves fromnature.
The only thing constant ischange, and so IFS, to me, is a
beautiful way that addscompassion, complexity, because
(36:26):
the mind loves thinking right,so you get to think about the
parts and then we teach you notto think about them but to feel
the parts, and brings you backto wholeness in another way, and
we'll talk more about this indepth.
Of course, we will.
Thank you and questions again.
You want to know more about IFS.
(36:46):
I know IFS therapists.
I'm a practitioner.
I do sessions with people.
I know other people that dothem too.
If you need support, reach outor go on the website IFS
Institute, find a therapist or apractitioner there and email us
if you have any questions orcomments.
Becomeoneliving at gmailcom.
Okay, welcome back to Become One Living.
My name is Dan Boisets.
I'm sitting here with my wife,jodi Dahmerstad-Boisets.
Today we're going to talk alittle bit about IFS, another
piece of work and education Jodihas found by way of her
personal journey, anchored inyoga.
(00:34):
And IFS, I believe, is like aBuddhist-influenced parts work,
a psychological piecepsychological piece.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I'm going to speak about IFS through my lens,
meaning the way I've experiencedit, what I've learned about it,
how I do it and where it weavesthrough in my life.
I found IFS 10 years ago 13?
, 10?
, I don't even remember, but itwas at least 10 years ago and it
(01:10):
was introduced in a yoga classwhere this yoga teacher, Sarah
Powers, was talking about parts.
You have this part, you havethat part.
There's a part and it strucksuch a chord with me because
when I was in treatment I had anaddiction.
(01:32):
I was bulimic, had bulimic food, alcohol.
I have an addictive part.
That's what we would say in IFS.
In my 20s I was in treatment fora couple months and at
(01:55):
treatment they wanted me to sayI had a disease and I was never
going to be healed, and it didnot feel right, you didn't buy
it.
Then no, I said I stood up andI was.
I got punished a lot of timesin treatment because I would
argue this point that I don'thave a disease, a dis-ease, I
don't know how to deal with life.
(02:15):
I eat a lot to not feel, Idrink to not feel.
I used TV to numb, I usedover-exercising to run away.
So I was really aware when Iwas younger that I did things to
not feel or to keep me going.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
But IFS really appealed to you versus.
You did try some of the othermodalities like anonymous
programs.
Yes, and that didn't reallyresonate with you.
You finally came acrosssomething that supported you in
terms of your approach to lifeor your life, of your
understanding of yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yes, what drew me to get trained in IFS and study IFS
was I would behave in ways thatblew my mind and, yes, I had a
brain tumor.
So later on in life some ofthose behaviors were from the
brain tumor but others were mine.
(03:20):
I had a rageful part when I wasyounger.
I would fight anyone.
I had a depressed part, ascared part, and what we mean by
parts are, when somethinghappens and you can't regulate
it, similar to stress and trauma.
A part comes in to take over,comes in to take over.
(03:51):
And this part becomes what wecall burdened with a job to try
and keep you safe.
I have if you listen to thepodcast you may hear it once or
twice a very intellectual part.
That part kept me safe.
So when I was in treatment Iwas told you better get dumb
quick because you hide behindbooks and quotes.
(04:11):
So an intellectual part that Ilove reading and learning that
could cover up a deep wound offeeling stupid or unlovable.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Right, okay, so you embark on this journey, you go
through training.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I went through training and I use it in yoga.
What I love as we settle intothis conversation and my parts
back out a little, that's what Ilove about this.
It has a lot to do with yogaand being present.
The goal of IFS is eventuallyto sit in capital S self and
(05:00):
self is compassionate.
Self has attributes Compassion,clarity, connection, confidence
, courage.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Capital S self would be like a truer self or a truer
nature Jodi self versus alowercase self that might be
more considered like ego.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yes, if we were talking yoga.
Yes, and that ego would be apart.
If a part comes in, that'slower self, that is manipulating
the situation so that I feelsafe.
And what does that mean?
Feel safe?
So I never have to feelhumiliated again, so I never
(05:48):
have to feel exiled again.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Shamed.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yes, shame.
So there's two different typesof parts.
I had a lot of firefighters.
Firefighters were reactive.
They're reactive, they come in,they get it done and they leave
, and they don't care whatdamage occurred.
So addiction is a firefighter,so drinking.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
That's really cool to know, boy.
I'm trying to unpack that.
It's like a part of them.
It's just a part, but notearning it a part of them, but
not earning it.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
When you were thinking for amoment, I came to this.
When me and Dan get into anargument or a disagreement
because we don't really argue,but when we disagree I will say
my part's upset, like part of mefeels upset, part of me feels
(06:46):
unheard, part of me is confused,not all of me.
That's what I loved about partswork, because when we say I
hate you or I can't stand you oryou always do this, no, they
don't always do that Like areyou sure they always do that?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Is that really the truth?
And without this understandingand breaking it down, if you say
those words to somebody, I hateyou.
It feels pretty comprehensiveand pretty much end of game.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yes, and it's what we call.
Another word we use is blended.
You become the hatred and itrises, and this is where
spirituality and neurosciencecomes in.
So stay with me when you'reblended, you're no longer
witnessing in the prefrontalcortex what's happening.
You're limbic and you'rebecoming it.
(07:38):
So I would become the hulk andI want to smash things.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
That's blended.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
So the rage, I feel it.
So you can't really thinkcoherently or presently, or
mindful.
You're not being mindful whenyou're blended.
No, you can.
It's a red zone.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yes, blended think limbic system, and we've spoken
about this in other podcasts.
But the limbic system, or thesympathetic nervous system, is
fight or flight.
So if I'm in fight or flight,you ain't going to talk me down.
You know, when someone saysjust calm down, just calm down,
(08:15):
that person's blended, theycan't calm down, they're in the
sympathetic nervous system,which means its job is reacting.
Its job is not to calm down, soto unblend.
if you simply say wow, part ofme feels hatred, right now you
(08:40):
now move to the prefrontalcortex, where compassion
actually exists and logic andreasoning, and you become
unblended.
You get space from those parts.
It changed my life in offeringmyself compassion.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
And to others that you're interacting with too,
because if you say, a part of meis really hating you right now,
it's so much different than Ihate you.
Yeah, there's a part of me, andthen that helps me begin to get
even clearer.
It's like a part of me, isn'tit?
(09:27):
Maybe it's not hating.
A part of me is disappointed inwhat just happened five minutes
ago, and maybe we can figurethis out, as opposed to I hate
you yes and look at theownership.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
To pause one moment, I'm only sharing beginning
introductory attributes,concepts of this.
We're going to do multiplepodcasts with a deeper
discussion.
I want to invite you to do thisAfter you listen to this
podcast for the next week or so.
(10:01):
Speak in parts.
Speak in parts In our teachertrainings.
I have speak in parts.
Speak in parts In our teachertrainings.
I have people speak in partsand sometimes someone says a
part of me is really mad at you,jodi, and I say okay, let's
talk Instead of.
I've had some people getaggressive with me and I would
not know how to handle it beforeIFS and now with IFS, I say I
(10:26):
see a part of you is upset rightnow and they can now use their
words and say, yeah, part of meis really angry at you, I want
to punch you.
I've had someone tell me that Iwant to punch you and I'm not
reactive because they're sayingit's part of them and I know
it's not me that that part thatwants to hit me is reacting to a
(10:50):
vulnerable part.
It's protecting them.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Wow.
So you're beginning to unpackwith the parts, you're beginning
to soften the intensity.
Yes, it's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Wow, when I would get triggered by someone, I get
triggered, I back out and I askwhat part is here?
That's yoga?
Yoga in the yamas and theniyamas is inquiry.
I inquire, inquiring.
Is prefrontal cortex, theneocortex In that part of the
(11:29):
brain is where theparasympathetic nervous system,
the calming down, can happen,and I get to see multiple
possibilities and I get to seewith clarity that I am being
triggered and these parts arecoming to defend and protect me
(11:49):
from feeling vulnerable and sadand pain that I felt, which
usually starts in childhood.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, immediately.
I'm feeling the need to sharebecause my journey with you I've
heard this a few times come up,where I think it's important to
note to audience that, if thisis appealing to you, that Jodi
(12:22):
has entered a whole, not otherpiece of world, it's a whole
world, right?
So to co-opt or start to blameother people or ask other people
about, well, that's your partand this is my part and part,
like that's just the very tip ofthe iceberg of this very
beautifully woven tapestry andagain, a complex breakdown of a
(12:47):
psychology of somebody, right?
So it's nothing to like playwith, it's, it's, it's, it's.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
This is serious, yeah dick schwartz created ifs and
there was a man who passed namedderrick scott and he offered a
beautiful YouTube video aboutpeople taking this practice and
forcing people to an exile.
(13:13):
Now, what's an exile?
An exile is a part of you thatis deeply, deeply protected for
a very important reason, whichcould be one that was abused,
one that was neglected, one thatwas hurt so badly.
It's exiled and it's hiding,but it's protected by your
(13:34):
system.
And what's happening and thisis neurological also Also in IFS
(13:57):
in yoga, in potty work, ineverything.
Dan and I do we're not trying toget to something bypass
everything else to fix you soyou can go living the same life
you've lived and the samelifestyle.
The goal of IFS is to build arelationship with yourself and
all your parts, and you have toget permission from certain
parts to actually get to theother parts.
You can't bypass or your systemcould be re-triggered.
(14:20):
And people have come back andsaid well, I drank more and I
ate more.
If you force yourself in thispractice, it could be harming,
it could be very harming, and welearned that so much that IFS
is really 80% of me managing myparts and 20% of supporting you
(14:44):
in the session.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
I'm managing my parts On the practitioner's behalf.
Right, yes, right, right yeah,wow.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
And even when I, just before I shared this, I checked
in like what part is here?
I have an excited part, if youcan all hear that.
It's like I want to share.
I want to share and I have tosay, hey, joe, we know you're
really excited about this, butlet's take a breath, ask
excitement to just sit with meso I can slow down and let self
(15:14):
connect to you, dan, and thelisteners to share that.
That's why this is spiritual,in the sense of it's looking to
bring you back to wholeness.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Back to capital S self.
Yeah, which spirituality in itspurest form is about that?
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah, IFS allowed me to feel okay with me.
I had so much shame about beingbulimic, about lying, about
overeating, about.
I used to throw up on the sideof the road and in garbage bags
(16:00):
when I was sick or drink abottle of wine and go teach yoga
.
I was blended and I was usingthese things.
I had such a shame.
And then I had other situationsthat happened that brought
shame and trauma andpost-traumatic stress, and even
after brain surgery I wasashamed that I was going to be
(16:22):
at a mental deficit.
I was so afraid that I wasn'tgoing to be able to function.
And what IFS did?
It allowed me to understandthat my system is just trying to
survive.
I'm not a bad person.
You're not a bad person Ifyou're listening to this and you
(16:43):
drink or you use drugs or youyell at people.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Anything overlie anything.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
You're not bad.
That part is trying to keep youalive.
It's a survival mechanism in us.
And IFS allowed me to say youknow what Bulimia was my best
friend, it kept me alive.
Learning look at what learningdid for me.
(17:12):
That was an addiction.
I learned things, I studiedthings.
I was so intense.
But all that education look atwhere I am now these things just
try to help you survive.
And when I work with people,what the gift is, when I look at
them and they share thesethings and I say it's just a
(17:33):
part of you.
That's it.
It's only a part.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Immediately, you give them some relief.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
And not I can't minimize what they feel.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
But I could share with them that, hey, we're
connected and if you're human,you will misbehave, or I like to
say misalign.
In yoga we become misaligned,but those misalignments and
these parts, they're there.
So you never have to feel whatyou felt when you felt so alone,
(18:08):
maybe crying in your crib.
You just wanted your diaperchanged.
And I'm not going back and I'mnot a person who looks for blame
.
I'm not blaming parents, I'mnot blaming teachers, I'm not
blaming ex-boyfriends.
I'm saying that when we'reyoung, this is where our parts
(18:33):
manifest, because we don't havelogic and skill sets to think
otherwise.
And what happens is when wedon't get our needs met, we
blame ourselves.
If our parent behaves a certainway, we blame ourselves.
We can't blame them, becausethen who would take care of us?
Right?
You can't bite the hand thatfeeds you.
(18:54):
So a lot of these parts startyounger.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, I wish that I could remember when you took me
there.
My resistance was down, we weregoing to bed and you started to
ask me questions about mychildhood and you took me right
into there so easily because Iwasn't well.
First of all, I wasn'texpecting it, I didn't know what
you were doing, right, but itwas such a great method because
(19:22):
all of a sudden, I was beginningto understand some operational
faults or shortcomings that Ihave that are driven by parts
from when I was younger than 10years old.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yeah, A manager and a protector.
So managers are more proactive.
So you have protectors andthere's two categories Managers
they're proactive, like peoplepleasers.
They don't want anyone upset orcaretakers.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
They're managers.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Firefighters are reactive they come in, they take
it out.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Knock down the door.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, and they leave a mess and they don't care.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I love that, because that's what I would do.
I would go in name for it.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah, I'd hit it hard right and don't care how I felt
after right didn't care what Ilooked like, didn't care who I
destroyed, I just didn't want tofeel that pain.
Yeah, and this fits well withthe yoga therapy that I teach
and dialoguing.
How I dialogue is who's herenow?
(20:35):
What part is here now?
And I don't dialogue to getsomewhere.
That's important.
Please hear that when I inviteyou to be curious, it's not to
get somewhere, it's to be withwhat's here.
What's here, what is here rightnow, who is here right now?
(20:55):
And I shared I share this withmy teacher trainees that if I'm
nervous and I'm driving to work,I sit in the car for a moment
and I talk to nervousness and Isay, hey, what's going on, you
(21:17):
know.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
So this mode feels like exclusively the mental
piece.
There's not a body connectionas far as I can tell.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yes, it is considered there is somatic IFS, and what
I do is pretty much somatic.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
IFS.
An added branch, yes, okay.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Some say IFS is somatic, which means
body-related in nature, becausepain can be a part, pain is a
part.
So, if anyone is feelingchronic pain, that's a part that
is expressing through pain.
So we would want to talk tothat part and we feel parts
(22:03):
embodied in our bodies.
That's also somatic.
So we would say, oh well, youfeel what's here.
Now I have belly pain, oh okay,Well, does this belly pain?
What's going on?
Oh, I want to back up andtalking about unconditional
positive regard or compassion.
(22:25):
Regard or compassion if youdon't authentically have your
heart open towards a part, youcan't release its burden.
So I work with people.
I worked with someone for ayear and I would say how do you
(22:45):
feel towards this part?
I have compassion, havecompassion.
Now, my parts detectors arelike I don't think you do.
I'm like hmm, I'm pretty sureyou don't.
And that's just because partsdetectors, that's my job to be
able to kind of sniff that out.
And it took this person a wholeyear to realize she was lying.
Because we don't want to again,quick fixes.
(23:10):
Oh, I read no Bad Parts, whichis Dick Schwartz book.
It's amazing, get it, no BadParts.
I read Dick's book and I do IFSon myself and I'm like, wow,
you're good, because I stillhave a practitioner that I work
with.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And then they think they know it and they use their
own brain to work through it.
But your brain is going to tryto protect you from meeting the
pain and if you don't have acapacity or what we call
self-energy, enoughself-consciousness, compassion
(23:48):
consciousness you can't reallyhold the pain, you can't really
meet a part.
So it takes a long time forsome people to build a
self-to-part relationship yeah,it's, I'm feeling one of those
(24:11):
pulls Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
No, it's just one of your yoga teachers at some point
in time I can't remember whichone it was, but it was like what
was said was there is no spacefor shame or guilt on a
spiritual journey, right?
So, coming back to IFS, it'slike if you are cleansing, if
(24:34):
you are purifying, if there issomething that speaks to you,
that's greater than you, whichdoesn't necessarily have to be,
I'm just saying this is ourworld, is that this is a great
modality to get with the partsthat feel shame, get with the
parts that feel guilty, so thatyou can work with them and I
(24:56):
hate to overuse this word butmanage, so that you can step
forward and beyond beinganchored into shame and guilt,
and be a truer self and so aclearer conduit and a more
inspirational, and live a moreinspired life, just being, just
(25:17):
being.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Mic drop.
Should I drop the mic?
Yes, yes, all of that.
Why, when people say, well, youdo so much.
No, I don't, I do yoga, okay,the yamas and the niyamas,
that's ifs, that's internalfamily systems, because all I'm
(25:41):
doing is asking myself questionsand and then I'm building a
capacity in my body with mybreath, my energy, and I'm being
with the horrible person that Iwas.
Do you understand, I'm sittingwith my ugliness, I am sitting
with death and destruction.
(26:01):
I'm sitting with vomit.
Excuse me not to be gross.
I'm trying to make a point thatwe live in a world that wants
to transcend what is here andthinking heaven is better,
heaven is on earth, but it'sthrough understanding yourself
(26:22):
and your relationship toeverything that you get to know
who you are.
So the more I hate myself, theinner critic we work with all
the time.
I'm not good enough.
The perfectionist is a manager.
It has to be perfect Doing thispodcast that Jackie and David
are producing.
(26:42):
Thank them so much.
We love you.
Indeed, we're blessed, but wejust started.
If we waited for this to beperfect, it wouldn't happen.
That's the manager.
It keeps you from feelingrejected or humiliated, and I
don't care if you like this ornot.
I'm sorry, I don't.
(27:02):
Part of me doesn't.
It's just to discuss and be.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
But and this is our canvas and this is our spiritual
journey and one of the authorsthat I read and actually speaks
to me so well, david Hawkins,reminds me there's a sentence in
one of his books that saysreligions were created out of
the ingenuity of mankind, andwhat that said to me was like no
(27:31):
matter what religion you drawup, it's a man taking
spirituality and creating a lifeof their own.
When we went to Yogaville,there was a big sign right down
in Birmingham, virginia.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yogaville.
Yogaville, virginia, was a bigsign right down in Birmingham,
virginia, yogaville, yogaville,virginia I don't know what the
name is.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
So the first time we went there, somebody gave us a
tour and they showed us thisbanner.
That was the entryway into thecampus and there was, you know,
the symbol for Judaism and allof the religions, so many of the
religions, and what pierced myheart was the man pointing to
(28:13):
the symbol and saying and thatis for the religions that have
yet to come.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Oh, yeah, the one one yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Right Now, my family would probably be like you're
nuts, what the hell are youtalking about?
They would burn it Right, belike you're nuts.
What the hell are you talkingabout?
They would burn it right.
But to have the open mind andthis, this, this coming back to
the ifs is is it's, it's thespirit journey.
Is you, you, you, you, youcan't forego any of these pieces
.
You, you can't not do thatintrospection, that self-study,
(28:43):
and say you're spiritual and toget, sometimes, to get to that
mindful, that heady place,sometimes you actually need to
shake your body out, shake outthe whole physical body, to get
clear and allow what's to riseto your mind, rather than trying
(29:04):
to make up a story as to what'sconcerning you.
When you shake your body outand your defense mechanism of
the brain goes away, then youcan say like, hey, this
happening, that happened to meyears ago, that's what's
speaking to me right now.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
One of my clients and they know I'm sharing.
I ask certain clients if I canshare certain things we do, no
names.
I don't want to talk about myclients if they don't know it or
say and what this one client inparticular does with me is
moves, and does IFS with me?
That's it moves.
And what are the moves?
Are they yogic?
(29:38):
Sometimes they're a poser too,but they may be wavering,
weighing side to side, you know,jostling a little, and by the
end of the hour they're likewhoa, I don't know what just
happened.
I feel amazing and I give themhomework and they come back and
they share oh, this part.
I was aware of this part and Iwas able to be with this part.
(30:00):
I was able to speak throughparts and Dan brought this up
earlier.
When I started to look at this,I had so much more compassion
for other people because I had apart that hated people for so
many reasons.
This person's annoying, I hatethis person and I hated that
(30:22):
part that hated everybody andthat judged everybody and I
thought, wow, what is this part?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
What is going on here , right, and another idea that
David Hawkins puts out there isthat this whole world, this
entire world that you'reperceiving it's not real.
You're making it up so you cannavigate through your.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Through your stories that you create Exactly Our
parts long to stay in role.
So if my part feels I wasbetrayed, I have a betrayal part
, that part that experiencesthat, if it craves to feel that
betrayal, so that it can exist,so I will unconsciously seek
(31:16):
people out to betray me, so thatpart can stay alive and say, oh
, dan betrayed me, see, so thatif I didn't feel betrayal, stay
with me, stay with me here.
If I didn't feel betrayal andmy nervous system would start to
come down, then I would feelbrokenhearted from all the pain
(31:37):
that I felt.
So I stay in betrayal.
I stay angry.
This goes back why I love IFS.
It's rooted in the nervoussystem right when you're in self
, you're parasympathetic you'recalm, you're resting, you're
digesting, you see god, divine,um energy, you see source.
(31:58):
You feel like dude, me and dan,we're one and the same.
Like I see you, you vibe.
That's where we want to get.
That's the, the witnessing.
Like, okay, you're acting likea punk, you know, or you're
acting like a butthead right now.
Yeah, okay, that's part of them.
So the question to ask them isare you okay?
Are you okay?
(32:19):
What's going on?
Right now I do that to this guy, dan, my husband, when he's
either really quiet or he sees10 people a day.
I'm like where are you going towork?
You've been working from six tolike one in the morning.
I'm exaggerating a little, butI'm like are you okay?
And that's when the answer isit says no, I'm not.
(32:43):
So when you see someone behavingin a weird way or a reactive
way, instead of judging ortrying to figure out, get you
have a part coming in,psychological, like I know what
they're going through.
You don't know anything.
You don't know, don't assume.
Ask are you okay?
(33:04):
What's going on?
That's why I loved IFS.
It offered me tenderness andvulnerability and I have built
in the past 10 or whatever yearsdoing this, such a capacity to
(33:25):
be with my parts without askingthem to change.
That's really important.
Hear that again.
You want to build a capacity inyoga, in meditation, in IFS, in
life, to be with a partner andnot ask them to change.
(33:45):
That's why, if you want toteach trauma-informed yoga or
yoga for the nervous system, yougot to slow it down, my friends
.
It can't be vinyasa.
It's too quick Because peopleneed at some point, some time to
marinate with self, to be withself, to stay there and just
(34:06):
radiate whatever is here, to behere with and settle in to the
moment.
So we're not trying to.
I just want to say this onemore time we want to be with
self, to be with self Right Tonot change self Right, just like
change self.
(34:27):
Right, it's just like, hey, man,I'm here, Let it go.
I mean, let go.
What Cry Someone's like?
If I cry, I won't stop.
Good, I'm here with you.
Let it roll, let it rip.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, this is requires again, requires courage
In our current day.
It requires resources.
As you were completing that,Joe, I was thinking about all of
the teachers, and now I'madding to the images that I have
(35:03):
in my mind of Dick Schwartz andyour other teachers is that
they're really present, they'rereally anchored, they're really
secure in their knowing andthat's inspirational.
But that's kind of like, ifyou're doing this work, that's
where you're headed, to beingokay with this present moment
(35:25):
and the present you and yourcomplete capital S self, your
truest nature.
That's the journey, what allthis is about.
That's what it's about.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
Being present to the moment to self, whether we like
it or not, in neutrality.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Without judgment.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, that's even the Gita, the Bhagavad Gita, the
Yoga Sutras.
All of this comes back, evenBuddhism.
The idea is, how do I stayneutral, not numb neutral, even
though I'm feeling all thesefeels, and not judge and try to
stop it, fix it or change it?
It's life's unfolding.
(36:04):
How do I be with that?
And last piece, to wrap upwe're an organism.
We can't remove ourselves fromnature.
The only thing constant ischange, and so IFS, to me, is a
beautiful way that addscompassion, complexity, because
(36:26):
the mind loves thinking right,so you get to think about the
parts and then we teach you notto think about them but to feel
the parts, and brings you backto wholeness in another way, and
we'll talk more about this indepth.
Of course, we will.
Thank you and questions again.
You want to know more about IFS.
(36:46):
I know IFS therapists.
I'm a practitioner.
I do sessions with people.
I know other people that dothem too.
If you need support, reach outor go on the website IFS
Institute, find a therapist or apractitioner there and email us
if you have any questions orcomments.
Becomeoneliving at gmailcom.
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